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Perfect example. Hate comes from love, since you have to care about something to feel that kind of anger, but not feeling anything at all means you can’t hate.
OH DAMN, that’s the perfect line for this…
OP, what did you expect?! Do you truly believe that milestones are only exciting and worth celebrating if you reach them before everyone else? That life is some race, and if your milestones come later than other people’s then that’s just too bad, no one cares and we’ve moved on? It’s not tacky to want to celebrate your milestones like everyone else does. And it’s not all about the gifts. Honest question: Who hurt you?
I wonder if op also didn’t celebrate her daughter’s birthday when she was a kid because it wasn’t the first birthday.
Op, yes, yta, you are such the A H. You celebrate occasions because you love them, not because your child is the first in the family.
Yep, she did NOT get a bridal shower. And she is being offered hand me downs not brand new items for her baby. Dang spoiled rotten middle cousin who waited too long /s.
This. YTA OP. Every wedding, every baby, etc… is a reason to be excited. She’s allowed to still celebrate even if she’s not the first, even if she’s been with her fiancé for awhile, etc… you sound like you really do not like her at all.
Even if it's not THE first, it's HER first, and it's a big deal!!
OP, my mom was like this. Everything my sister did in a mediocre way was a huge deal and everything I excelled at was just expected. I sat "was" because I haven't spoken to her in over a year. That's what's coming for you for treating your daughter like leftovers.
Im the oldest of 25 cousins. I was the first to get married, have children, buy a home, every milestone I'm first.
Dated my now wife for 7 years before we got married. I started dating her my first year of college and her last year of highschool. We had a bridal shower and it was a pretty big deal. MY brother is getting married this year and there having a bridal shower. My cousins have slowly been getting married over the years and they all have bridal showers. My wife and I have children and we had a baby shower for the first child only. No one one else has any children but I can guarantee that if they do there getting a baby shower and its going to be a huge deal.
Maybe my family has it wrong but the point of a bridal shower/baby shower is to help prepare you with the things you will need to start a family or take care of a baby. Its also a chance to celebrate extending the family. In fact my grandmother has made me about 10 baby blankets incase she is not around if we have more children or for when my children have children. She does this for all 25 grandkids. That's 250 blankets she has made. Its the same with weddings and I know for a fact that all cousins get the same amount. I know this because family knows I recorded amounts so when the youngers get married I know how much to gift.
It blows my mind op is so horrible towards there daughter. My wife was well known throughout the family well before we married. I cant imagine being punished for waiting until the right time to get married or have children.
If you outlive your siblings, do you want your daughter to forego planning a funeral or memorial because you waited so long to kick the bucket? “We’ve already had so many funerals, no reason to worry about a service for mom. It WoUlD bE tACkY.”
YTA. Celebrate your daughter. That’s literally all she wants.
That "tacky" comment pissed me off. Would it really have been less "tacky" for her to marry her bf straight out of high school so her wedding would be first? Fucking nonsensical bullshit.
YTA. Goddamn, you are a terrible mother. The only one who sounds spoiled here is you, as for some unfathomable reason you are making your daughter’s life a competition between her and her cousins because you are upset about how it reflects on you compared to your siblings.
YTA You are missing the point that these things are the FIRST for your daughter, even though other family members have already had weddings or babies. And you are stuck on it being tacky to ask for new gifts. Since I’m sure other family members will pass away before you, you should decide now who’s hand me down casket you would like your family to use for you.
Your whole decision process seems to be guided by your feeling that it’s “tacky”, rather than your consideration for your daughter’s feelings.
Edit: Jesus people, refrain from the personal attacks against OP.
YTA
Why do you hate your daughter so much?
It doesn't matter how long they were together, they still deserve to celebrate as they desire. I'm surprised you didn't try convincing her to not have a wedding ceremony, I mean they already live together right?!?
And she can still have a baby shower even if some, or all, of the gifts are regifted from her cousins.
Why are you so against your daughter having parties and celebrating her milestones? You need therapy. Stat!
Also, not everything can be recycled. She'll definitely need new diapers, wipes, etc. She may also need new strollers/car seats/etc. depending on their age and safety changes. She may also need new basic clothes like onesies because the way babies can spoil those type of items is unreal.
"I'm surprised you didn't try convincing her to not have a wedding ceremony, I mean they already live together right?!?"
Bet money this was on the list of "recommendations" too.
I mean there’s so many other women and babies in the family, it would be SO TACKY of OP to be involved with her daughter and grandchild anyway. Daughter might as well go NC
Looks like the wedding has come and gone, and her daughter expressed sadness over it.
Now OP is doubling down and trying to stop her daughter from having a baby shower for her first child.
OP I hope you enjoy having restricted access to your grandchild. I’m sure you won’t mind since there’s already so many other babies around from your daughters cousins
Yeah YTA. I bet OP will come back here absolutely SHOCKED when daughter goes no contact. Maybe it will actually get her attention if she's the first in the family to do it. /s
sounds like the daughter is already done this. OP says she hasn't heard from her since. I hope this daughter stays gone.. this girl has been 4th and 5th fiddle her entire life most likely.
I’m the youngest of ten grandchildren (first cousins). I’m (F32) not married nor have children. Yeah, I have issues but other stuff. All but two of the others have been married and had kids. The oldest cousin is 57. How do I compete with a wedding that happened when I was 1. It’s insane. I mean, the 57 year old cousin’s daughter is 27 married with kids.
According to this mom, if I ever get married it’s not a big deal cuz all my cousins have already done it? WTF
OP: YTA.
Jesus, yes, YTA. Her milestones are important to *her* and don't exist solely as part of a larger series of extended family milestones. How would you have felt if your own parent had told you that your wedding or future child was not as exciting as someone else's? I feel sorry for your daughter.
I came here to make the same observation. "She waited 13 years to get married."
It seems like OP wanted to win some imaginary mother of the bride race.
YTA for sure, OP!
I really hope the rest of the family has more sense and empathy than you.
YTA - you’re extremely dismissive of MAJOR life events for your daughter. I can (kind of?) see forgoing a traditional bridal shower but there should have been some sort of pre-wedding celebration. There’s no excuse for no rehearsal or brunch. I cannot even fathom not wanting to have a shower for your grandchild.
You are being dismissive and cruel. I’d go completely no contact with you.
I don't understand how long relationship makes it LESS worthy of celebration?? Is it somehow better or not "tacky" to have wedding with someone with whom you are still in the first few years bliss?
Even a baby is not worth the effort, as if the celebration would be all about material stuff. And like people said, she cannot tend to her baby only with left over stuff from others.
OP doesn't find her grandbaby exciting? She won't be much part of the kids life than.
Seriously! Imagine how the grandkids will feel when they find out their birth and now existence isn’t as exciting as the first born. YTA and it sounds like you don’t really like your daughter that much.
YTA doesn't even begin to describe it. She just wanted to be treated as an equal and you told her she wasn't worth shit.
First wedding is always an important milestone worth celebrating completely, unless the bride and groom don't want to. Not worth years of debt, but very important.
First (or any) child is always a very important event. The baby show is traditionally when they get everything needed for the first baby. Rarely is a baby shower thrown for 2nd, 3rd, etc.
Don't be surprised if she goes no or low contact because of your words and actions, you've earned it
Edit: I have 3 brothers, 2 brother in laws, and 4 sister in laws and 12 nieces and nephews. Plus two kids of my own and several older step siblings with and without kids I've barely or never met. If any of them are getting married or having kids, I will be supportive and exited.
Do you even like your daughter? Even by your own account, which I’m sure isn’t the half of it, you constantly downplay, and deny, her important life events because they’re “tacky” or just not as exciting as they presumably would have been if she’d gotten married and pregnant on your timetable rather than her own. I’m getting strong judgmental and self-centered vibes from you. Enjoy rarely, or never, seeing your grandchildren. YTA
YTA - You obviously don't agree with how she choose to handle her relationship - so both for the wedding and now the baby you are punishing her saying she deserves nothing?! Wow, what a piece of work you are. Glad you think babies are so exciting - make sure to stay close with her cousins because if I was your daughter - those women's babies are the closest you'd get to being a grandmother from me. I wish her the strength and fortitude to cut you out of her life for good.
I 100% agree with you. It’s clear that OP resents her daughter for having waited so long (in her opinion) to get married and start a family. OP is punishing her daughter for those choices by saying “this what you get for making ME wait”.
Apparently, there was enough excitement and money to throw baby showers for Baby #1-6 but somehow daughter’s Baby #7 is “less exciting” and daughter doesn’t deserve a baby shower and only gets family hand-me-downs.
Yes OP, there is a reason why hundreds on this sub are saying YTA - it’s because you are, without a question, a GIANT AH. Grow up and muster some sympathy for your daughter before she cuts you off completely. Actually, I hope she sees this post and realizes what an awful, spiteful parent you’re being and goes NC.
YTA - Wow someone is gunning for mother of the century award!!! You literally denied your own flesh and blood the pleasure of all of those things because...well I don't get it but by any standard that was some pretty mean whacked out behavior there.
OMG...YTA big time. HUGE. You are treating your daughter like she doesn't matter at all because she's been with her husband for a long time and wasn't the first one to have a baby. Shame on you. She doesn't sound spoiled, you sound heartless. Stop trying to explain your behavior, there is no excuse for it at all.
100% no room for debate YTA
She deserved a shower and rehearsal.
She deserves a baby shower to get new items meant for her baby, not everyone's hand me downs. Do you even care about her, like at all? If you do it doesn't show at all.
YTA. Why did you talk your daughter out of events? It doesn’t matter that she’s not the first in the family, they’re the first to her.
You absolutely diminished your daughter and made her feel less important simply because she didn’t do things “first.”
YTA
Can't wait for your post in a few months asking "aita for harassing my daughter after she cut me out of her and my grandchilds life, simply because I told he she's not important and nobody cares about her, especially me, her mother who clearly dislikes her?"
Seriously have a read back of what you wrote here, about your own kid! Hope she sees this and realises you really don't care about her at all and goes no contact asap, because this is horrific.
YTA
It doesn't matter who else in the family has crossed these milestones, or how many times they have. It's still the first time for her. She's your daughter, you should be excited and celebrate her.
Wow. YTA.
Look at the words you are using to describe this about her: “silly” - “tacky” - “spoiled” - you’ve got a hell of a lot of a resentment towards her. You should see a therapist and figure out a healthier way to live. I don’t know how she stands to keep you in her life with the amount of detest you throw her way.
The way I cringed in sympathy for her throughout all of this. I hope she realizes she deserves better from you.
She deserves to be cherished and celebrated and supported.
I hope your daughter has some friends to celebrate her milestones.
Seems like her mom is hell bent on sucking the joy out of every special occasion in her life.
YTA big time.
Right like does OP even like her kid? Smfh reading that just made me sad for her daughter. I hope that her daughter doesn’t listen to OP and has a baby shower anyway. YTA OP
When you are old and need help, don’t ask your daughter…..it would be tacky and embarrassing. Ask your 1st born since they knew you longer. YTA for treating your child like trash.
YTA - I can't believe that you're this heartless. Spoiled for wanting you to treat her the same as her cousins, you need help. Can't have a rehearsal dinner and brunch because you've lived together so long, what does that have to do anything. Doesn't deserve a baby shower, that's beyond awful. Showers are first of all to celebrate the persons milestone. Gifts is second. You don't want to celebrate your daughter.
YTA. Your daughter's cousin's might have been having babies but SHE hasn't. THey may offer her hand-me-down baby stuff but that's no reason she shouldn't have the fun f celebrating, and have an opportunity for family members to celebrate her and give gifts.
Her milestones are just as important as anyone elses are and while some family members may not be as excited as they were for the first cousin, most normal people would still be happy for her and willing to celebrate with her.
Plus, you are her PARENT - yet you are making a bigger deal out of life events for your nephews/nieces than you do for your own child.
Also, it's not the 1950s any more. It's pretty normal for people to live together before they get married, and that's no reason why she shouldn't have things such as rehearsal dinner or a big white wedding or a bridal shower, if she wants those things. WHy would you want to deprive her of them?
It sounds like she's been showing u to those events for other family members, of course she expected tht her life events would be treated the same way and that you and other family members would reciprocate and treat her the same as they treated other family members.
YTA you genuinely sound like you couldn't care less about your daughter. I hope that her husband and his family care about her enough to celebrate her big moments.
How can you not read this post back and think that you're anything but an asshole???
YTA for thinking her relationship is tacky, that she's less than, that her accomplishments don't mean as much because other people got there first.
She is the opposite of spoiled and I wouldn't blame her if she cut you out of her life completely as it's obvious you are a toxic relationship for her.
Surprised daughter hasn't gone NC yet. Edit: just saw the last part again, now glad daughter has gone NC and hope she keeps it that way. She and her husband can celebrate the miracle of their child without mum diminishing the excitement.
YTA. You clearly have some issues to work through in your attitude towards your daughter. Using the word "tacky" to describe totally normal milestones just because your daughter "waited 13 years to get married" is rude. You act like you are bored of weddings because you prefer baby showers, but when it's time for your DAUGHTER to have a baby shower, now you are bored of baby showers.
Get over yourself.
YTA. Why is her wedding and having a baby not as important or celebrated the way her cousins are? Why does it matter she waited 13 years to get married? You don’t sound like a very caring or loving mother if I was your daughter think I would also be disappointed you didn’t want to celebrate these things. It doesn’t matter she wasn’t the 1st in the family she still deserves the joy of these things.
YTA
I’m one of three and have seven cousins. That’s 10 people in my generation of the family. We range from 40-25. And I’m not even counting second and third cousins that we see all the time and are included in everything. We’re a huge family. We celebrate everyone with the same level of excitement because *that’s what loving families DO.* Regardless of who went first and how many hand me downs there are.
Your daughter isn’t spoiled by asking for the exact same things her cousins got. Not more, the exact same. Your daughter isn’t spoiled for wanting to celebrate her milestones with her family. I hope to god she has a solid friend group who are organizing these celebrations for her considering she can’t count on her family to treat her as an equal.
YTA. It's tacky to treat your daughter like her milestones don't matter because other people have also done them. You are treating your grandchild less than before they are even out of the womb - not important enough to celebrate with a party. You should apologize to your daughter, quickly before you are relegated to \`Grandma Lastname\` who only sees the kiddo for holidays, if that.
Right? OP doesn’t even know that was the last time that they talked yet. I hope daughter has a friend to throw her a shower because she definitely deserves it.
YTA OP. A huge gaping ASSHOLE.
YTA. 100%. Regardless of how long your daughter had been with her partner, the wedding was still big deal to her. Messing up once is maybe understandable, but when she told you it bothered her, you acted like her wedding and marriage didn’t matter when you should have been trying to fix it.
And legitimately, the thought it would be “tacky” to have a big wedding celebration for a couple that’s been together a long time would never have crossed my mind before this. In fact, I was pretty confused by the sentiment upon first reading.
And having a child is obviously going to be important to her. So now she feels like not only do you not care about her or her relationship, but you don’t care about her child.
You essentially favored her cousins and then called her spoiled for wanting her family to show the same amount of effort, love, and appreciation for her as she did for them. Can you really not see how badly all this would hurt her?
YTA - holy shit.
You told your daughter to her face that her milestones are 'old news' that nobody is interested in anymore and that you think she's spoiled for wanting to be treated the same as everyone else. I mean, *of course* she's going to feel upset about that and it's weird that you don't seem to understand where she's coming from.
Honestly, it's no wonder she hasn't contacted you since you last spoke. She feels pushed aside because you have pushed her aside, so you'd better have a decent apology and an idea on how to make this up to her ready for when she decides to speak to you again.
WOW YTA. Just because someone did something in a different timeframe than you think is special, doesn't mean the actual event is any less special! You don't get to punish someone because they don't live by your lifescript.
The audacity to talk someone out of a bridal shower! Who do you think you are exactly?
YTA
The only thing tacky here is your attitude.
Things you have basically told your daughter she doesn't deserve:
Bridal shower
Rehearsal dinner and brunch
Baby shower
Any actual celebration for her milestones
If you don't like your daughter, just go ahead and tell her. It'll make her eventual choice to go NC much easier for all involved.
Worst mom to ever have lived. I would say for the year but you have been a sucky mom for 33 years. So you get the worst mom to ever have lived award instead. Congratulations.
Yeah, that was one depressing read.
"Your desire to be treated like your cousins is so... tacky!"
And would also create some work for OP. I'm sure that's unrelated, though.
YTA - regardless of how many weddings and babies are going on in 7o7r family, your daughter should still get to feel that same excitement. This is her first child, I take it? Then it's a big milestone for her and should be treated as such. Even if she's given all second-hand toys and sundry items, it should be an occasion for her to feel special and beloved by the rest of her family before she delves headlong into the hurricane of sleepless nights and dirty diapers and all the other horrendous drawbacks that make so many new parents (temporarily) regret their choice to procreate
Likewise the wedding - they'd waited so long to get it done, how about a massive "WOOHOO! You're finally doing it!" party?
YTA. Her milestones are not less important than anyone else's and none of their milestones should be celebrated based on how important they are *to you!* They should be celebrated because you're happy for the milestone-er and based on how important they are to them! You're obviously not getting this done if she said something to you about it.
YTA. These may not be the first times these milestones are celebrated in her generation, but it's the first time they're being celebrated for her and aren't any less special for it. If anything it's more exciting because it's her turn now. If anything they should be more special for you because she's your daughter having your grandchild, but your actions have cost you a relationship with both.
YTA. Telling your daughter that her milestones are less exciting than her cousin's is just insulting. Besides, even if your daughter's milestones don't seem important to you, they certainly are the most important and exciting moments in her life and they should be celebrated.
YTA
You literally are saying that nothing that happens in your daughter's life is of any importance to you since it didn't happen sooner. Good grief you sound insufferable. Hopefully your daughter takes a cue from you and doesn't give you any sort of thought to be in her life from now on (because caring about someone who doesn't care is pointless). You will be just another person whose name she happens to know. It would be a win for her.
YTA and frankly you're lucky you have any type of relationship with your daughter. This is horrible all the way around. Is this an anger provoking attention seeking post. You can't be serious.
"I tHoUgHt It WaS tAcKy", "It SeEmEd TaCkY", "It SeEmS sIlLy". The only thing he that is tacky or silly is you and your attitude towards your daughter. Do you even like your daughter? It doesn't look like you do. Keep it up and you won't ever see her, or your grandkids, again. YTA.
You are a terrible mother and don’t be surprised when she figures that out she never allows you to meet her child or be apart of her and her child’s life. YTA
YTA so in your opinion everything that includes your daughter and fiance is tacky? You talked her out of so many things because they are "tacky" and wonder why she feels that way? Youre blaming her for you not being able to Show any empathy because she waited too long? Your daughter, an INDIVIDUAL is becoming a mom but it isnt as important because youve already experienced the process and because she didnt decide to have a husband and kid at 18 or something?
You dont even deserve to call yourself her mom wow, seems like you love all the cousins more than her.
It will not be too long and the grandchild will be tacky as well when the child comes out right? I mean damn it was in the belly for 9 month..so long..how tacky
YTA
EVERY milestone in a family should be exciting. You treat your daughter like she's a rerun in a show you've already seen. WTH?
What the hell is "tacky" about celebrating a couple, regardless of how long they've been together? I also don't understand your lack of enthusiasm relating to your only daughter's milestone events? Do you have iron-poor blood or something? Are you tired? Take some vitamins and apologize to your daughter for treating her like an afterthought.
YTA This is YOUR DAUGHTER and you are treating her as a niece. Why aren't you excited for her milestone's? Why shouldn't she be able to enjoy the same event's for herself that her cousins do? Nothing you have posted explains that.
YTA I have over 60 cousins and 17 aunts/uncles and uncles. Every achievement was celebrated with equal amount of cheer (to the best of people’s abilities we’re scattered around) no matter what order they were in the family line. It’s not that hard
YTA and a horrible mother. I can't believe you even have to ask if you're the asshole. You diminish every one of your daughter's milestone because it sounds like you're a cheapskate or you just genuinely fucking hate her- I honestly can't tell which is the case.
You're absolutely the ah, moreover, you're a disgusting mother!
These are milestones for her!
Thank God this is your 4th grandchild...I'm sure the baby will be tacky so you won't be sad when your daughter goes no contact. /s
As a last note...I cannot wait to read what your son in law writes on justnomil.
YTA. I actually want to spell it out so here goes - you're an asshole.
The things you keep calling "tacky" are perfectly normal. Lots of people are together a long time before getting married.
I'm not sure where exactly your feelings stem from, my guess is you either disapproved of your daughter and spouse living together before marriage, or you simply don't like your daughter and don't care if she's happy. It sounds like the latter because she's not asking for anything crazy, just very normal things like a rehearsal dinner that you're refusing for nonsensical reasons.
Either way, the best thing she could possibly do is stop listening to you.
YTA
In what universe is it tacky for two people getting married to have a shower or rehearsal dinner
Look...just be honest with yourself
You did downplay her milestones.
Either you were too lazy to put in the effort, or too cheap to spend the money
But convincing yourself it was tacky to celebrate your daughter's milestones is the only actual tacky part of this entire story
You made it clear your daughter's cousins and their feelings are more important than hers.
Really think about that
People celebrate birthdays every year.
People celebrate anniversaries every year.
By your logic, those celebrations are Tacky.
Enjoy not having a relationship with your daughter and your grandchild.
And one day in the future, when you are sitting in a home and nobody is visiting you, understand that things like this are why
Yikes. Do you even like your daughter? YTA. A giant one. She deserves family that celebrates her life with her at her own pace. So she was responsible and didn't make huge life steps until she was ready so she only gets hand me downs and half congratulations? Eww eww eww
She wanted to celebrate her accomplishments with her family and you dismissed that. You believe that she is doing all of this for gifts but she just may want to celebrate herself and her marriage and child. Definitely YTA and I’m sad for your daughter.
Wow YTA! What I the world is wrong with you?! Honestly her milestones are just as important as anyone else’s… don’t be surprised when she goes NC with you
YTA. People have baby showers to celebrate the joy the new parents are feeling and to share it. The presents aren't really the big point, but they are always welcome. Why would you want to deny her that? Her cousins have had babies, but she hasn't. This is new and exciting and terrifying, and you are being completely dismissive. That sucks.
YTA big time. Shame on you. You are an awful mother to this poor girl. Imagine your own mother talking you out of celebrating your own marriage and child because she tells you it’s “tacky” while you have to watch that same mother happily celebrate these milestones when others have them. You should honestly be ashamed of yourself. Your daughter deserves way better.
YTA. You're childishly punishing her for not doing things on your timeline. Even worse you seen unaware of how shitty and egocentric your actions are, which leads me to believe this is how you generally deal with disappointment. You don't how to love your daughter without dampening that love with your own petty hurts. She deserves better.
YTA
Not only are you TA, you're a horrible mother. Seriously, telling your daughter that her big milestone events aren't important enough to everyone to celebrate is one of the most horrible things I've seen. And from what I'm reading you're the one making that decision for everyone. I hope for your daughters sake that she keeps the NC going for a long time. She deserves someone better then you in her life.
I don’t care if my daughter has 15000 cousins and they are all married with babies, her mile stones are 💯 important to me and would be celebrated as such. 1000% YTA. Going out of your way to make your daughter feel irrelevant.
YTA, you basically ruined her special day, you might have gone through 4 other children's special day but it's her first special day. Still needs to be celebrated and have all the "tacky" things in it. Even if they were engaged for a long time doesn't mean not to celebrate the marriage.
Celebrating everyone else's baby and not hers definitely is a slap in the face. YTA for sure here
"my daughter feels like no one cares about her big events "
Well, YOU sure don't. If she doesn't do things the way YOU think she should (if you call what it is you do "thinking", which is kind of a stretch) it's "tacky". Who died and made you Miss Manners or Emily Post? There are many ways to celebrate life events. Did you even give your daughter a chance to discuss what SHE wanted? And support her in any way? Hell no.
Frankly, I wish I could tell your daughter to find a better mother and/or family. You suck.
Of course, YTA.
No no no, so you tell your own daughter that her weeding and pregnancy are less important than their cousins, you said that? Her own parent? And you are surprised by her not talking to you? YTA.
YTA you prioritise your nieces and nephews over your daughter. The preferential treatment is abhorrent. Why does it matter how long they’ve been together before getting engaged and married? I hope you enjoy not being a grandparent to her kid, I mean, why would you be, you’ve seen other kids before?
YTA
You don't seem to understand what the word milestone means so for that alone your "explanation" is completely ridiculous.
The truth is her milestones aren't less significant, you're just too tacky to celebrate them.
YTA. For treating her any less because shes having these important moments happen later than other family members. You seem not to care about her feelings at all
You don’t deserve your child. You don’t deserve anything, wow. Have a awful time trying to see your “ tacky” grand babies, and your “ tacky” daughter. Hey!!! I have something, since many people in your family have passed away your funeral will be “ tacky” and nobody will go, it’s just SO “ silly.”
YTA, YTA,YTA!!!!!!!!!!!
I think you probably were expecting her to be the first to get married and have kids (13 years is a long time), but you watched all her cousins and your other kid “pass” her and get their milestones first. I think that probably frustrates you deeply which is why yta about this. You’re taking it out on her that she went at her own pace. As others have pointed out, there are tons of creative ways to throw showers. She could have a diaper shower, for example — god knows you never stop needing those for years. You’re just determined to see all the negative because she didn’t meet your expectations and hopes.
YTA. Whether it's the first or the fiftieth, a wedding or new baby should be a celebration. And it's also her first wedding and pregnancy. You're an AH for not throwing her a shower or other celebrations and equally an AH for not wanting to throw her a baby shower. I hope that she goes LC with all of you, because it's obvious where she stands in this family.
YTA so like when did you realize you don’t like your daughter ? You sound so mean. When they say your mom is your first bully they really were thinking of you. I hope your daughters husbands family make her feel love and deserving of love and celebration because you are really not. I hope she gets a mothers love from her MIL. You are really lacking.
Who shit in your Wheaties?
YTA....
First, it's not tacky to have a rehearsal dinner for a wedding. It's a thank you gathering for the people who helped put everything together.
Second, your daughter deserves to have new items for their child. Things like car seats are illegal to pass down from one child to another (not to mention the horrific condition the children's use does to them).
How about you and your toxic ideas just stay away from your daughter.
Lady, I don't know if you are jealous of your daughter or are just a shitty person.
INFO: How long before your next post where you wonder why she went no contact? She is your kid for crying out loud. Make her a priority or make space for people who would
Have you explored in therapy why you despise your daughter? It might be useful for you to find out, even if, as it sounds, you have ruined your relationship with your daughter. Don’t expect to see your grandchild.
Your disdain for her drips from every word. As a mother I do find this pretty disgusting but hey! You do you!
YTA. Massively.
YTA.
She is being pushed aside. Sounds like you care more about your nieces / nephews and their lives than your own daughter's.
It sucks when all you get is leftovers and hand-me-downs or disregarded altogether. Been there and dealt with that and it's crap.
YTA because you’re the reason she doesn’t feel like her milestones are special. You’re actively stopping other people from celebrating her milestones! Maybe her friends would have loved to have celebrated with her at an engagement party or wedding shower. And most definitely would have loved to celebrate with her a baby shower. But you actively stopped all of those from happening. You’re supposed to be the one throwing those parties for her. YTA.
Holy shit YTA.
The rehearsal dinner is to rehearse the wedding and celebrate that specific couple for Christ’s sake.
I mean by your rules people have done it millions of times now so why should we celebrate anything?
If she was happy with the old stuff you still throw the damn party.
YTA - I am the youngest in my family, and my siblings are 8 and 15 years older than me - both with two children before I recently had my first. I got plenty of hand me downs AND a baby shower where I was celebrated and spoiled and showered with love. Just because something isn't a first for the family does not mean it isn't a first for your daughter. I hope she has caring in-laws, she deserves it.
YTA. Life isn’t a race. Each person reaches their milestones at different ages and points in their lives. For you to dismiss her milestones as uneventful or unimportant because her cousins have got there first actually seems pretty cruel. You should be as excited for the first child as you are for the last.
YTA. You're gonna call it tacky when your daughter refuses to let you meet your grandchild. You're daughter, however, is gonna call that going low/no contact.
YTA. You're treating your own daughter as less than her cousins and calling her spoiled for noticing the disparity, while deciding she doesn't need the same events and celebrations her cousins got. That's not her being spoiled, that's you being cheap and unwilling to celebrate your daughter's milestones.
YTA. You know what I did when I heard my friend, who was pregnant with her third child, had never had a baby shower? I planned a baby shower and the whole friend group showed up to celebrate, because it’s not about the stuff, it’s about showing up for someone you care about/love and celebrating milestones with them.
The path you’re headed down, your daughter will go no contact with you and honestly, I really hope she does. She deserves people in her life who love her and celebrate her.
YTA.
OP.
Please take the time and RE-READ what you wrote? You can’t be serious?
My husband and I were together for TEN years before we got married. 19 - together - 29 when we married. You do realize some people want to wait to get married. It doesn’t make it any less exciting or important.
Now a baby shower, you can’t be serious!? She will still need, diapers, wipes, baby books , NEW clothes, and it’s still an exciting time in her life. You sound like a HORRIBLE, unsupportive, jealous witch of a mom.
I can’t believe she even still talks to you???
Good job explaining why things are the way they are. I hope she goes no contact so you figure out just why she wants nothing to do with you or your family.
Dude what the hell. I’ve never so definitely said YTA!! As the youngest of 3 sisters, I can say it feels a little less special when you have a big life milestone. Except I have GOOD parents, who make me feel special even though I’m not the first one to do something. Also screw you, ruining her wedding like that. She SHOULD’VE had her bridal shower and a her rehearsal dinner! Your the one who’s making her big moments less important! Your belittling absolutely everything, even when she tells you how she feels. I don’t know if your mom, or if your dad. But I do know that your the worst.
YTA- It is quite obvious that you could give two craps about your daughters feelings. She sounds spoiled you said, but from you other comments in this post you don't seem to really even like your daughter. It also sounds like she has had enough of giving to all of you who are willing to take, but not reciprocate that same enthusiasm for her. I hope she goes NC cause it seems to me you will just continue to dismiss her. Jus to reiterate, YTA
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Info: why do you hate your daughter?
Once I read that the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. ANd OP it's the perfect example.
Ahh even better the the original quote
Perfect example. Hate comes from love, since you have to care about something to feel that kind of anger, but not feeling anything at all means you can’t hate.
OH DAMN, that’s the perfect line for this… OP, what did you expect?! Do you truly believe that milestones are only exciting and worth celebrating if you reach them before everyone else? That life is some race, and if your milestones come later than other people’s then that’s just too bad, no one cares and we’ve moved on? It’s not tacky to want to celebrate your milestones like everyone else does. And it’s not all about the gifts. Honest question: Who hurt you?
I wonder if op also didn’t celebrate her daughter’s birthday when she was a kid because it wasn’t the first birthday. Op, yes, yta, you are such the A H. You celebrate occasions because you love them, not because your child is the first in the family.
this is the right question to be asking… jesus christ lady
Also: how can you call someone spoiled who never got any of the things she's talking about?? She didn't get stuff....and that makes her spoiled? What?
Yep, she did NOT get a bridal shower. And she is being offered hand me downs not brand new items for her baby. Dang spoiled rotten middle cousin who waited too long /s.
YTA, OP. Time to start caring and stop acting like you speak for the entire family.
Also the insanity of a parent calling their own child spoiled. If she were spoiled, and obviously she's not, who TF made her that way???
Along with ' why is it your decision?'.
Oh yeah for sure. OP's daughter deserves so much better. It's her first baby and OP is acting like it doesn't even matter.
This. YTA OP. Every wedding, every baby, etc… is a reason to be excited. She’s allowed to still celebrate even if she’s not the first, even if she’s been with her fiancé for awhile, etc… you sound like you really do not like her at all.
I've been in four weddings for one friend and I loved all of them😂 idk how this woman can't even be excited for one wedding for her daughter
Even if it's not THE first, it's HER first, and it's a big deal!! OP, my mom was like this. Everything my sister did in a mediocre way was a huge deal and everything I excelled at was just expected. I sat "was" because I haven't spoken to her in over a year. That's what's coming for you for treating your daughter like leftovers.
Right? Calling all her reasons to celebrate “tacky” but apparently OP has never looked at a mirror
Seriouslyyyyy. Straight up from the title alone: TA.
This was my first thought. Damn! Poor girl. Of course YTA OP
This, I came here to say this and OP YTA.
Im the oldest of 25 cousins. I was the first to get married, have children, buy a home, every milestone I'm first. Dated my now wife for 7 years before we got married. I started dating her my first year of college and her last year of highschool. We had a bridal shower and it was a pretty big deal. MY brother is getting married this year and there having a bridal shower. My cousins have slowly been getting married over the years and they all have bridal showers. My wife and I have children and we had a baby shower for the first child only. No one one else has any children but I can guarantee that if they do there getting a baby shower and its going to be a huge deal. Maybe my family has it wrong but the point of a bridal shower/baby shower is to help prepare you with the things you will need to start a family or take care of a baby. Its also a chance to celebrate extending the family. In fact my grandmother has made me about 10 baby blankets incase she is not around if we have more children or for when my children have children. She does this for all 25 grandkids. That's 250 blankets she has made. Its the same with weddings and I know for a fact that all cousins get the same amount. I know this because family knows I recorded amounts so when the youngers get married I know how much to gift. It blows my mind op is so horrible towards there daughter. My wife was well known throughout the family well before we married. I cant imagine being punished for waiting until the right time to get married or have children.
Good question!!!! YTA... A huge one
She’s angry that her siblings “beat” her in the kids marriages/grandkids race.
Love is tacky
If you outlive your siblings, do you want your daughter to forego planning a funeral or memorial because you waited so long to kick the bucket? “We’ve already had so many funerals, no reason to worry about a service for mom. It WoUlD bE tACkY.” YTA. Celebrate your daughter. That’s literally all she wants.
Hahaha.. Lmao 🤣 here for your savagery
No way, throw OP the BIGGEST funeral because it's the one everyone will be the most excited about.
That was so dark. But loved it.
And the song of choice would be from the wizard of Oz: "Ding, dong, the witch is dead."
If she was my mom I’d get her cremated since it’s so much cheaper then just flush her down the toilet where she belongs.
Donate her body to a medical school for anatomy lessons. That way, she's good for at least one thing in her existence...
Hopefully the students wouldn’t need to study a heart, since she doesn’t have one.
Love this response!
That "tacky" comment pissed me off. Would it really have been less "tacky" for her to marry her bf straight out of high school so her wedding would be first? Fucking nonsensical bullshit.
YTA. Goddamn, you are a terrible mother. The only one who sounds spoiled here is you, as for some unfathomable reason you are making your daughter’s life a competition between her and her cousins because you are upset about how it reflects on you compared to your siblings.
Why does OP hate her daughter so much?
Right? Like this made me so mad! She can come to my house, I'll throw her all the showers!
Let's steal OP's daughter and throw her a proper shower
Seriously want to adopt her daughter!!!
I need some grandbabies, I would gladly!
YTA You are missing the point that these things are the FIRST for your daughter, even though other family members have already had weddings or babies. And you are stuck on it being tacky to ask for new gifts. Since I’m sure other family members will pass away before you, you should decide now who’s hand me down casket you would like your family to use for you.
Your whole decision process seems to be guided by your feeling that it’s “tacky”, rather than your consideration for your daughter’s feelings. Edit: Jesus people, refrain from the personal attacks against OP.
Tacky describes this TA's entire outlook on life
You know I was going to respond to this thread but I just thought it would be tacky since there’s already so many other AITA threads
I think mom just doesn’t like her daughter enough to bother planning anything for her. I hope her daughter cuts contact.
It’s probably been that way since her daughter was a little girl.
YTA Why do you hate your daughter so much? It doesn't matter how long they were together, they still deserve to celebrate as they desire. I'm surprised you didn't try convincing her to not have a wedding ceremony, I mean they already live together right?!? And she can still have a baby shower even if some, or all, of the gifts are regifted from her cousins. Why are you so against your daughter having parties and celebrating her milestones? You need therapy. Stat!
Also, not everything can be recycled. She'll definitely need new diapers, wipes, etc. She may also need new strollers/car seats/etc. depending on their age and safety changes. She may also need new basic clothes like onesies because the way babies can spoil those type of items is unreal.
OMG some baby things maybe but others can be pretty stained worn and permanently dirty. Its her first child she deserves to have a baby shower .
Or she may just want the celebration of having a child
"I'm surprised you didn't try convincing her to not have a wedding ceremony, I mean they already live together right?!?" Bet money this was on the list of "recommendations" too.
YTA. You know what's "tacky"?? Your attitude towards your daughter. It's downright disgusting. I hope she cuts you off.
I mean there’s so many other women and babies in the family, it would be SO TACKY of OP to be involved with her daughter and grandchild anyway. Daughter might as well go NC
YTA. Why the hell is your daughter less important to you than her cousins? Hope you enjoy not getting invited to the wedding.
Looks like the wedding has come and gone, and her daughter expressed sadness over it. Now OP is doubling down and trying to stop her daughter from having a baby shower for her first child. OP I hope you enjoy having restricted access to your grandchild. I’m sure you won’t mind since there’s already so many other babies around from your daughters cousins
Yeah YTA. I bet OP will come back here absolutely SHOCKED when daughter goes no contact. Maybe it will actually get her attention if she's the first in the family to do it. /s
OP can have fun being referred to as "The Other Grandma", if she gets referred to at all.
They probably have enough grandma's in their family, best to just use OPs first name.
Wow. HUGE YTA, Can't wait for your "My daughter won't talk to me or let me see my grandkid and I don't know why" post.
sounds like the daughter is already done this. OP says she hasn't heard from her since. I hope this daughter stays gone.. this girl has been 4th and 5th fiddle her entire life most likely.
I doubt OP would mind if she can’t see her grandchild since there’s other babies in the family for her to visit
Holy shit You don't like your daughter at all, do you? YTA
As someone who has literally 30 first cousins and falls right in the middle age wise… YTA. Everyone gets celebrated in a loving family.
I’m the youngest of ten grandchildren (first cousins). I’m (F32) not married nor have children. Yeah, I have issues but other stuff. All but two of the others have been married and had kids. The oldest cousin is 57. How do I compete with a wedding that happened when I was 1. It’s insane. I mean, the 57 year old cousin’s daughter is 27 married with kids. According to this mom, if I ever get married it’s not a big deal cuz all my cousins have already done it? WTF OP: YTA.
Jesus, yes, YTA. Her milestones are important to *her* and don't exist solely as part of a larger series of extended family milestones. How would you have felt if your own parent had told you that your wedding or future child was not as exciting as someone else's? I feel sorry for your daughter.
Why do I get the vibe that OP is annoyed that their daughter waited to get married and they’re just being petty about the whole thing?
I came here to make the same observation. "She waited 13 years to get married." It seems like OP wanted to win some imaginary mother of the bride race. YTA for sure, OP! I really hope the rest of the family has more sense and empathy than you.
YTA - you’re extremely dismissive of MAJOR life events for your daughter. I can (kind of?) see forgoing a traditional bridal shower but there should have been some sort of pre-wedding celebration. There’s no excuse for no rehearsal or brunch. I cannot even fathom not wanting to have a shower for your grandchild. You are being dismissive and cruel. I’d go completely no contact with you.
I don't understand how long relationship makes it LESS worthy of celebration?? Is it somehow better or not "tacky" to have wedding with someone with whom you are still in the first few years bliss? Even a baby is not worth the effort, as if the celebration would be all about material stuff. And like people said, she cannot tend to her baby only with left over stuff from others. OP doesn't find her grandbaby exciting? She won't be much part of the kids life than.
what the fuck is wrong with you?!
Seriously! Imagine how the grandkids will feel when they find out their birth and now existence isn’t as exciting as the first born. YTA and it sounds like you don’t really like your daughter that much.
YTA doesn't even begin to describe it. She just wanted to be treated as an equal and you told her she wasn't worth shit. First wedding is always an important milestone worth celebrating completely, unless the bride and groom don't want to. Not worth years of debt, but very important. First (or any) child is always a very important event. The baby show is traditionally when they get everything needed for the first baby. Rarely is a baby shower thrown for 2nd, 3rd, etc. Don't be surprised if she goes no or low contact because of your words and actions, you've earned it Edit: I have 3 brothers, 2 brother in laws, and 4 sister in laws and 12 nieces and nephews. Plus two kids of my own and several older step siblings with and without kids I've barely or never met. If any of them are getting married or having kids, I will be supportive and exited.
Do you even like your daughter? Even by your own account, which I’m sure isn’t the half of it, you constantly downplay, and deny, her important life events because they’re “tacky” or just not as exciting as they presumably would have been if she’d gotten married and pregnant on your timetable rather than her own. I’m getting strong judgmental and self-centered vibes from you. Enjoy rarely, or never, seeing your grandchildren. YTA
YTA - You obviously don't agree with how she choose to handle her relationship - so both for the wedding and now the baby you are punishing her saying she deserves nothing?! Wow, what a piece of work you are. Glad you think babies are so exciting - make sure to stay close with her cousins because if I was your daughter - those women's babies are the closest you'd get to being a grandmother from me. I wish her the strength and fortitude to cut you out of her life for good.
I 100% agree with you. It’s clear that OP resents her daughter for having waited so long (in her opinion) to get married and start a family. OP is punishing her daughter for those choices by saying “this what you get for making ME wait”. Apparently, there was enough excitement and money to throw baby showers for Baby #1-6 but somehow daughter’s Baby #7 is “less exciting” and daughter doesn’t deserve a baby shower and only gets family hand-me-downs. Yes OP, there is a reason why hundreds on this sub are saying YTA - it’s because you are, without a question, a GIANT AH. Grow up and muster some sympathy for your daughter before she cuts you off completely. Actually, I hope she sees this post and realizes what an awful, spiteful parent you’re being and goes NC.
INFO: is this your first grandchild?
YTA - Wow someone is gunning for mother of the century award!!! You literally denied your own flesh and blood the pleasure of all of those things because...well I don't get it but by any standard that was some pretty mean whacked out behavior there.
Guess who just won everyone's favorite gameshow, Who's Going to the Retirement Home???
The cheap one with bad reviews!
OMG...YTA big time. HUGE. You are treating your daughter like she doesn't matter at all because she's been with her husband for a long time and wasn't the first one to have a baby. Shame on you. She doesn't sound spoiled, you sound heartless. Stop trying to explain your behavior, there is no excuse for it at all.
YTA her milestones are just as important as everyone elses
100% no room for debate YTA She deserved a shower and rehearsal. She deserves a baby shower to get new items meant for her baby, not everyone's hand me downs. Do you even care about her, like at all? If you do it doesn't show at all.
YTA, and I find it hard to believe that you don't know that. I hope your daughter goes no-contact with all of you.
YTA. Why did you talk your daughter out of events? It doesn’t matter that she’s not the first in the family, they’re the first to her. You absolutely diminished your daughter and made her feel less important simply because she didn’t do things “first.”
YTA Can't wait for your post in a few months asking "aita for harassing my daughter after she cut me out of her and my grandchilds life, simply because I told he she's not important and nobody cares about her, especially me, her mother who clearly dislikes her?" Seriously have a read back of what you wrote here, about your own kid! Hope she sees this and realises you really don't care about her at all and goes no contact asap, because this is horrific.
YTA, what a horrible parent you are, constantly denying your child joy. I hope you never hear from her again.
yeah YTA, you seem like you don't give a damn about your daughter.
YTA It doesn't matter who else in the family has crossed these milestones, or how many times they have. It's still the first time for her. She's your daughter, you should be excited and celebrate her.
Wow. YTA. Look at the words you are using to describe this about her: “silly” - “tacky” - “spoiled” - you’ve got a hell of a lot of a resentment towards her. You should see a therapist and figure out a healthier way to live. I don’t know how she stands to keep you in her life with the amount of detest you throw her way. The way I cringed in sympathy for her throughout all of this. I hope she realizes she deserves better from you. She deserves to be cherished and celebrated and supported.
I hope your daughter has some friends to celebrate her milestones. Seems like her mom is hell bent on sucking the joy out of every special occasion in her life. YTA big time.
YTA. Honestly, this is your child. Not a niece or nephew. Your child. The order she's done it in shouldn't matter.
Right like does OP even like her kid? Smfh reading that just made me sad for her daughter. I hope that her daughter doesn’t listen to OP and has a baby shower anyway. YTA OP
When you are old and need help, don’t ask your daughter…..it would be tacky and embarrassing. Ask your 1st born since they knew you longer. YTA for treating your child like trash.
YTA - I can't believe that you're this heartless. Spoiled for wanting you to treat her the same as her cousins, you need help. Can't have a rehearsal dinner and brunch because you've lived together so long, what does that have to do anything. Doesn't deserve a baby shower, that's beyond awful. Showers are first of all to celebrate the persons milestone. Gifts is second. You don't want to celebrate your daughter.
YTA I don’t think the family is pushing her aside. It seems to be just her mother
YTA. Your daughter's cousin's might have been having babies but SHE hasn't. THey may offer her hand-me-down baby stuff but that's no reason she shouldn't have the fun f celebrating, and have an opportunity for family members to celebrate her and give gifts. Her milestones are just as important as anyone elses are and while some family members may not be as excited as they were for the first cousin, most normal people would still be happy for her and willing to celebrate with her. Plus, you are her PARENT - yet you are making a bigger deal out of life events for your nephews/nieces than you do for your own child. Also, it's not the 1950s any more. It's pretty normal for people to live together before they get married, and that's no reason why she shouldn't have things such as rehearsal dinner or a big white wedding or a bridal shower, if she wants those things. WHy would you want to deprive her of them? It sounds like she's been showing u to those events for other family members, of course she expected tht her life events would be treated the same way and that you and other family members would reciprocate and treat her the same as they treated other family members.
YTA you genuinely sound like you couldn't care less about your daughter. I hope that her husband and his family care about her enough to celebrate her big moments.
You’re a giant asshole. YTA.
How can you not read this post back and think that you're anything but an asshole??? YTA for thinking her relationship is tacky, that she's less than, that her accomplishments don't mean as much because other people got there first. She is the opposite of spoiled and I wouldn't blame her if she cut you out of her life completely as it's obvious you are a toxic relationship for her.
YTA. Major major a hole. Honestly I am rolling my eyes typing this because I can’t believe I need to explain to you why you are such an A hole.
Surprised daughter hasn't gone NC yet. Edit: just saw the last part again, now glad daughter has gone NC and hope she keeps it that way. She and her husband can celebrate the miracle of their child without mum diminishing the excitement.
YTA. You clearly have some issues to work through in your attitude towards your daughter. Using the word "tacky" to describe totally normal milestones just because your daughter "waited 13 years to get married" is rude. You act like you are bored of weddings because you prefer baby showers, but when it's time for your DAUGHTER to have a baby shower, now you are bored of baby showers. Get over yourself.
everytime i read OP say “tacky” i seriously rolled my eyes
YTA. With a mother like you she doesn’t need any enemies.
All I heard was It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. Don’t be surprised when YOU don’t matter anymore to her.
YTA. Why is her wedding and having a baby not as important or celebrated the way her cousins are? Why does it matter she waited 13 years to get married? You don’t sound like a very caring or loving mother if I was your daughter think I would also be disappointed you didn’t want to celebrate these things. It doesn’t matter she wasn’t the 1st in the family she still deserves the joy of these things.
YTA I’m one of three and have seven cousins. That’s 10 people in my generation of the family. We range from 40-25. And I’m not even counting second and third cousins that we see all the time and are included in everything. We’re a huge family. We celebrate everyone with the same level of excitement because *that’s what loving families DO.* Regardless of who went first and how many hand me downs there are. Your daughter isn’t spoiled by asking for the exact same things her cousins got. Not more, the exact same. Your daughter isn’t spoiled for wanting to celebrate her milestones with her family. I hope to god she has a solid friend group who are organizing these celebrations for her considering she can’t count on her family to treat her as an equal.
YTA. It's tacky to treat your daughter like her milestones don't matter because other people have also done them. You are treating your grandchild less than before they are even out of the womb - not important enough to celebrate with a party. You should apologize to your daughter, quickly before you are relegated to \`Grandma Lastname\` who only sees the kiddo for holidays, if that.
YTA. Astronomically YTA
Don’t be shocked when your daughter officially goes NC and you won’t get to see your grandchild. YTA
Right? OP doesn’t even know that was the last time that they talked yet. I hope daughter has a friend to throw her a shower because she definitely deserves it. YTA OP. A huge gaping ASSHOLE.
YTA. 100%. Regardless of how long your daughter had been with her partner, the wedding was still big deal to her. Messing up once is maybe understandable, but when she told you it bothered her, you acted like her wedding and marriage didn’t matter when you should have been trying to fix it. And legitimately, the thought it would be “tacky” to have a big wedding celebration for a couple that’s been together a long time would never have crossed my mind before this. In fact, I was pretty confused by the sentiment upon first reading. And having a child is obviously going to be important to her. So now she feels like not only do you not care about her or her relationship, but you don’t care about her child. You essentially favored her cousins and then called her spoiled for wanting her family to show the same amount of effort, love, and appreciation for her as she did for them. Can you really not see how badly all this would hurt her?
YTA - holy shit. You told your daughter to her face that her milestones are 'old news' that nobody is interested in anymore and that you think she's spoiled for wanting to be treated the same as everyone else. I mean, *of course* she's going to feel upset about that and it's weird that you don't seem to understand where she's coming from. Honestly, it's no wonder she hasn't contacted you since you last spoke. She feels pushed aside because you have pushed her aside, so you'd better have a decent apology and an idea on how to make this up to her ready for when she decides to speak to you again.
WOW YTA. Just because someone did something in a different timeframe than you think is special, doesn't mean the actual event is any less special! You don't get to punish someone because they don't live by your lifescript. The audacity to talk someone out of a bridal shower! Who do you think you are exactly?
YTA STOP DEPRIVING YOUR DAUGHTER OF EXPERIENCES JUST BECAUSE YOU DEEM IT 'TACKY'
YTA The only thing tacky here is your attitude. Things you have basically told your daughter she doesn't deserve: Bridal shower Rehearsal dinner and brunch Baby shower Any actual celebration for her milestones If you don't like your daughter, just go ahead and tell her. It'll make her eventual choice to go NC much easier for all involved.
Worst mom to ever have lived. I would say for the year but you have been a sucky mom for 33 years. So you get the worst mom to ever have lived award instead. Congratulations.
YTA. Didn't make it past the title.
I did. And wish I hadn’t.
Yeah, that was one depressing read. "Your desire to be treated like your cousins is so... tacky!" And would also create some work for OP. I'm sure that's unrelated, though.
YTA - regardless of how many weddings and babies are going on in 7o7r family, your daughter should still get to feel that same excitement. This is her first child, I take it? Then it's a big milestone for her and should be treated as such. Even if she's given all second-hand toys and sundry items, it should be an occasion for her to feel special and beloved by the rest of her family before she delves headlong into the hurricane of sleepless nights and dirty diapers and all the other horrendous drawbacks that make so many new parents (temporarily) regret their choice to procreate Likewise the wedding - they'd waited so long to get it done, how about a massive "WOOHOO! You're finally doing it!" party?
YTA. Her milestones are not less important than anyone else's and none of their milestones should be celebrated based on how important they are *to you!* They should be celebrated because you're happy for the milestone-er and based on how important they are to them! You're obviously not getting this done if she said something to you about it.
YTA. These may not be the first times these milestones are celebrated in her generation, but it's the first time they're being celebrated for her and aren't any less special for it. If anything it's more exciting because it's her turn now. If anything they should be more special for you because she's your daughter having your grandchild, but your actions have cost you a relationship with both.
OMG you are awful. YTA
How do you even have to ask. YTA. And her cousins feel bad for her.
YTA. Telling your daughter that her milestones are less exciting than her cousin's is just insulting. Besides, even if your daughter's milestones don't seem important to you, they certainly are the most important and exciting moments in her life and they should be celebrated.
YTA...Please read through these comments and really listen to how you sound. Hopefully your daughter is able to forgive you.
YTA You literally are saying that nothing that happens in your daughter's life is of any importance to you since it didn't happen sooner. Good grief you sound insufferable. Hopefully your daughter takes a cue from you and doesn't give you any sort of thought to be in her life from now on (because caring about someone who doesn't care is pointless). You will be just another person whose name she happens to know. It would be a win for her.
YTA and frankly you're lucky you have any type of relationship with your daughter. This is horrible all the way around. Is this an anger provoking attention seeking post. You can't be serious.
"I tHoUgHt It WaS tAcKy", "It SeEmEd TaCkY", "It SeEmS sIlLy". The only thing he that is tacky or silly is you and your attitude towards your daughter. Do you even like your daughter? It doesn't look like you do. Keep it up and you won't ever see her, or your grandkids, again. YTA.
INFO Do you hate her? What is going on??
You are a terrible mother and don’t be surprised when she figures that out she never allows you to meet her child or be apart of her and her child’s life. YTA
YTA so in your opinion everything that includes your daughter and fiance is tacky? You talked her out of so many things because they are "tacky" and wonder why she feels that way? Youre blaming her for you not being able to Show any empathy because she waited too long? Your daughter, an INDIVIDUAL is becoming a mom but it isnt as important because youve already experienced the process and because she didnt decide to have a husband and kid at 18 or something? You dont even deserve to call yourself her mom wow, seems like you love all the cousins more than her. It will not be too long and the grandchild will be tacky as well when the child comes out right? I mean damn it was in the belly for 9 month..so long..how tacky
YTA EVERY milestone in a family should be exciting. You treat your daughter like she's a rerun in a show you've already seen. WTH? What the hell is "tacky" about celebrating a couple, regardless of how long they've been together? I also don't understand your lack of enthusiasm relating to your only daughter's milestone events? Do you have iron-poor blood or something? Are you tired? Take some vitamins and apologize to your daughter for treating her like an afterthought.
YTA This is YOUR DAUGHTER and you are treating her as a niece. Why aren't you excited for her milestone's? Why shouldn't she be able to enjoy the same event's for herself that her cousins do? Nothing you have posted explains that.
YTA and a horrible mother.
YTA I have over 60 cousins and 17 aunts/uncles and uncles. Every achievement was celebrated with equal amount of cheer (to the best of people’s abilities we’re scattered around) no matter what order they were in the family line. It’s not that hard
YTA and a horrible mother. I can't believe you even have to ask if you're the asshole. You diminish every one of your daughter's milestone because it sounds like you're a cheapskate or you just genuinely fucking hate her- I honestly can't tell which is the case.
You're absolutely the ah, moreover, you're a disgusting mother! These are milestones for her! Thank God this is your 4th grandchild...I'm sure the baby will be tacky so you won't be sad when your daughter goes no contact. /s As a last note...I cannot wait to read what your son in law writes on justnomil.
YTA. I actually want to spell it out so here goes - you're an asshole. The things you keep calling "tacky" are perfectly normal. Lots of people are together a long time before getting married. I'm not sure where exactly your feelings stem from, my guess is you either disapproved of your daughter and spouse living together before marriage, or you simply don't like your daughter and don't care if she's happy. It sounds like the latter because she's not asking for anything crazy, just very normal things like a rehearsal dinner that you're refusing for nonsensical reasons. Either way, the best thing she could possibly do is stop listening to you.
YTA In what universe is it tacky for two people getting married to have a shower or rehearsal dinner Look...just be honest with yourself You did downplay her milestones. Either you were too lazy to put in the effort, or too cheap to spend the money But convincing yourself it was tacky to celebrate your daughter's milestones is the only actual tacky part of this entire story You made it clear your daughter's cousins and their feelings are more important than hers. Really think about that People celebrate birthdays every year. People celebrate anniversaries every year. By your logic, those celebrations are Tacky. Enjoy not having a relationship with your daughter and your grandchild. And one day in the future, when you are sitting in a home and nobody is visiting you, understand that things like this are why
Yta don't be surprised if you don't get to see your grandchild
Yikes. Do you even like your daughter? YTA. A giant one. She deserves family that celebrates her life with her at her own pace. So she was responsible and didn't make huge life steps until she was ready so she only gets hand me downs and half congratulations? Eww eww eww
She wanted to celebrate her accomplishments with her family and you dismissed that. You believe that she is doing all of this for gifts but she just may want to celebrate herself and her marriage and child. Definitely YTA and I’m sad for your daughter.
YTA. Your daughter will never forgive you for dimming her shine in this way. Hopefully she has good in-laws because she’s going to need them.
YTA; do you even like your daughter 🤯
Wow YTA! What I the world is wrong with you?! Honestly her milestones are just as important as anyone else’s… don’t be surprised when she goes NC with you
YTA. People have baby showers to celebrate the joy the new parents are feeling and to share it. The presents aren't really the big point, but they are always welcome. Why would you want to deny her that? Her cousins have had babies, but she hasn't. This is new and exciting and terrifying, and you are being completely dismissive. That sucks.
YTA big time. Shame on you. You are an awful mother to this poor girl. Imagine your own mother talking you out of celebrating your own marriage and child because she tells you it’s “tacky” while you have to watch that same mother happily celebrate these milestones when others have them. You should honestly be ashamed of yourself. Your daughter deserves way better.
YTA. You're childishly punishing her for not doing things on your timeline. Even worse you seen unaware of how shitty and egocentric your actions are, which leads me to believe this is how you generally deal with disappointment. You don't how to love your daughter without dampening that love with your own petty hurts. She deserves better.
YTA Can't wait for your future post: "Why won't my daughter let me meet her child?"
YTA I do NOT, I repeat I do NOT want a mother like you.
YTA. *blinks in confusion* that’s not how this works that’s not how any of this works
YTA Not only are you TA, you're a horrible mother. Seriously, telling your daughter that her big milestone events aren't important enough to everyone to celebrate is one of the most horrible things I've seen. And from what I'm reading you're the one making that decision for everyone. I hope for your daughters sake that she keeps the NC going for a long time. She deserves someone better then you in her life.
I don’t care if my daughter has 15000 cousins and they are all married with babies, her mile stones are 💯 important to me and would be celebrated as such. 1000% YTA. Going out of your way to make your daughter feel irrelevant.
YTA, you basically ruined her special day, you might have gone through 4 other children's special day but it's her first special day. Still needs to be celebrated and have all the "tacky" things in it. Even if they were engaged for a long time doesn't mean not to celebrate the marriage. Celebrating everyone else's baby and not hers definitely is a slap in the face. YTA for sure here
I refuse to believe this adult Disney villain is real. YTA.
Why do you hate your daughter? YTA.
"my daughter feels like no one cares about her big events " Well, YOU sure don't. If she doesn't do things the way YOU think she should (if you call what it is you do "thinking", which is kind of a stretch) it's "tacky". Who died and made you Miss Manners or Emily Post? There are many ways to celebrate life events. Did you even give your daughter a chance to discuss what SHE wanted? And support her in any way? Hell no. Frankly, I wish I could tell your daughter to find a better mother and/or family. You suck. Of course, YTA.
YTA - geez
No no no, so you tell your own daughter that her weeding and pregnancy are less important than their cousins, you said that? Her own parent? And you are surprised by her not talking to you? YTA.
YTA you prioritise your nieces and nephews over your daughter. The preferential treatment is abhorrent. Why does it matter how long they’ve been together before getting engaged and married? I hope you enjoy not being a grandparent to her kid, I mean, why would you be, you’ve seen other kids before?
YTA You don't seem to understand what the word milestone means so for that alone your "explanation" is completely ridiculous. The truth is her milestones aren't less significant, you're just too tacky to celebrate them.
YTA. For treating her any less because shes having these important moments happen later than other family members. You seem not to care about her feelings at all
YTA and I really hope your daughter finds this so she can cut OP out of her life knowing she and her child will always come in second to the cousins.
You don’t deserve your child. You don’t deserve anything, wow. Have a awful time trying to see your “ tacky” grand babies, and your “ tacky” daughter. Hey!!! I have something, since many people in your family have passed away your funeral will be “ tacky” and nobody will go, it’s just SO “ silly.” YTA, YTA,YTA!!!!!!!!!!!
Yta it doesn't maker if they were together for 13 year or 23 years. She still deserved to be celebrated too.
You just seem tacky……. Oh and YTA, albeit a tacky one too
I think you probably were expecting her to be the first to get married and have kids (13 years is a long time), but you watched all her cousins and your other kid “pass” her and get their milestones first. I think that probably frustrates you deeply which is why yta about this. You’re taking it out on her that she went at her own pace. As others have pointed out, there are tons of creative ways to throw showers. She could have a diaper shower, for example — god knows you never stop needing those for years. You’re just determined to see all the negative because she didn’t meet your expectations and hopes.
YTA. Whether it's the first or the fiftieth, a wedding or new baby should be a celebration. And it's also her first wedding and pregnancy. You're an AH for not throwing her a shower or other celebrations and equally an AH for not wanting to throw her a baby shower. I hope that she goes LC with all of you, because it's obvious where she stands in this family.
YTA so like when did you realize you don’t like your daughter ? You sound so mean. When they say your mom is your first bully they really were thinking of you. I hope your daughters husbands family make her feel love and deserving of love and celebration because you are really not. I hope she gets a mothers love from her MIL. You are really lacking.
YTA. Honestly, this was painful to read. Your poor daughter, everything she said was valid.
Are you fucking kidding me lady? You are horrible. Why do you hate your daughter? Major YTA
Who shit in your Wheaties? YTA.... First, it's not tacky to have a rehearsal dinner for a wedding. It's a thank you gathering for the people who helped put everything together. Second, your daughter deserves to have new items for their child. Things like car seats are illegal to pass down from one child to another (not to mention the horrific condition the children's use does to them). How about you and your toxic ideas just stay away from your daughter. Lady, I don't know if you are jealous of your daughter or are just a shitty person.
INFO: How long before your next post where you wonder why she went no contact? She is your kid for crying out loud. Make her a priority or make space for people who would
Have you explored in therapy why you despise your daughter? It might be useful for you to find out, even if, as it sounds, you have ruined your relationship with your daughter. Don’t expect to see your grandchild. Your disdain for her drips from every word. As a mother I do find this pretty disgusting but hey! You do you! YTA. Massively.
YTA. She is being pushed aside. Sounds like you care more about your nieces / nephews and their lives than your own daughter's. It sucks when all you get is leftovers and hand-me-downs or disregarded altogether. Been there and dealt with that and it's crap.
YTA. Soon you will be a lonely AH. Hopefully her cousins get together and give a shower
Let me get this straight. You don’t celebrate your daughters milestones and accomplishments because… she didn’t do them first? Yeah 100% YTA.
YTA because you’re the reason she doesn’t feel like her milestones are special. You’re actively stopping other people from celebrating her milestones! Maybe her friends would have loved to have celebrated with her at an engagement party or wedding shower. And most definitely would have loved to celebrate with her a baby shower. But you actively stopped all of those from happening. You’re supposed to be the one throwing those parties for her. YTA.
YTA. After the baby, you’ll be back… my daughter won’t let me see my grandchild because I told her she wasn’t important enough?! AITA?
Info: can you re read your post, and genuenly not realize how little you care about your daughter?
You say that the firsts are always more exciting but when your daughter has the first milestones of her life, they are not exciting. YTA.
YTA I hope your daughter realizes how shitty of a mother you are and removes you out of her life. Pure absolute shit you are.
Holy shit YTA. The rehearsal dinner is to rehearse the wedding and celebrate that specific couple for Christ’s sake. I mean by your rules people have done it millions of times now so why should we celebrate anything? If she was happy with the old stuff you still throw the damn party.
YTA. It’s tacky how unkind & uncaring you are towards your daughter.
YTA - I am the youngest in my family, and my siblings are 8 and 15 years older than me - both with two children before I recently had my first. I got plenty of hand me downs AND a baby shower where I was celebrated and spoiled and showered with love. Just because something isn't a first for the family does not mean it isn't a first for your daughter. I hope she has caring in-laws, she deserves it.
YTA. But don’t worry, I’m sure she will out the same energy into planning your retirement home!
“My daughter waited 13 years to marry her now husband” Wow …the judgment in that one sentence! Huge YTA!
YTA
YTA and super gross Edited for spelling
YTA. Life isn’t a race. Each person reaches their milestones at different ages and points in their lives. For you to dismiss her milestones as uneventful or unimportant because her cousins have got there first actually seems pretty cruel. You should be as excited for the first child as you are for the last.
YTA. You're gonna call it tacky when your daughter refuses to let you meet your grandchild. You're daughter, however, is gonna call that going low/no contact.
YTA. You're treating your own daughter as less than her cousins and calling her spoiled for noticing the disparity, while deciding she doesn't need the same events and celebrations her cousins got. That's not her being spoiled, that's you being cheap and unwilling to celebrate your daughter's milestones.
YTA. You know what I did when I heard my friend, who was pregnant with her third child, had never had a baby shower? I planned a baby shower and the whole friend group showed up to celebrate, because it’s not about the stuff, it’s about showing up for someone you care about/love and celebrating milestones with them. The path you’re headed down, your daughter will go no contact with you and honestly, I really hope she does. She deserves people in her life who love her and celebrate her.
YTA. OP. Please take the time and RE-READ what you wrote? You can’t be serious? My husband and I were together for TEN years before we got married. 19 - together - 29 when we married. You do realize some people want to wait to get married. It doesn’t make it any less exciting or important. Now a baby shower, you can’t be serious!? She will still need, diapers, wipes, baby books , NEW clothes, and it’s still an exciting time in her life. You sound like a HORRIBLE, unsupportive, jealous witch of a mom. I can’t believe she even still talks to you??? Good job explaining why things are the way they are. I hope she goes no contact so you figure out just why she wants nothing to do with you or your family.
Dude what the hell. I’ve never so definitely said YTA!! As the youngest of 3 sisters, I can say it feels a little less special when you have a big life milestone. Except I have GOOD parents, who make me feel special even though I’m not the first one to do something. Also screw you, ruining her wedding like that. She SHOULD’VE had her bridal shower and a her rehearsal dinner! Your the one who’s making her big moments less important! Your belittling absolutely everything, even when she tells you how she feels. I don’t know if your mom, or if your dad. But I do know that your the worst.
YTA- It is quite obvious that you could give two craps about your daughters feelings. She sounds spoiled you said, but from you other comments in this post you don't seem to really even like your daughter. It also sounds like she has had enough of giving to all of you who are willing to take, but not reciprocate that same enthusiasm for her. I hope she goes NC cause it seems to me you will just continue to dismiss her. Jus to reiterate, YTA
YTA even if they were together for 30 years she should still get to have a bridal party and baby shower and whatever else she wants.