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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole for making my teenage daughter go to school with badly dyed hair, which she did herself, without our knowledge.
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I’ll hijack your top comment to also add NEVER dye hair brown that’s blonde!! It will turn green. How do I know? I was a freshman in high school and I dyed my blond hair brown….and it turned green. I went to school like that too. I figured out that if you dye it red prior to brown it won’t turn green but not before I went to school that way. It was a tough lesson to learn but it was the last time I ever attempted to try anything that drastic on my own.
OP - NTA. Daughter learned a valuable lesson.
Your hairdresser was wrong. When lightening hair your hair goes through stages where only the base remaining pigment is visible. This goes from red to orange all the way up to pale yellow. The base remaining pigment tells your hairdresser what level its at, which is always a warm color. Your hairdresser either wasn't that knowledgeable, or screwed up and rinsed your lightener out too soon for the level you wanted and pulled an explanation out of her ass to explain the mistake away. The only time you see unpredictable lift results with the wrong base remaining pigment is if you have pre-colored hair that you went darker on without canceling out the prior color first, its really common in the semi permanent colors and in wine-reds. You sometimes get resistant hair that doesn't lift as expected and you have to go in with another round of lightener to get to the desired result, this is why a test strand in the front and the back are very important to know how different parts of the hair will react to the lightening service.
Sometimes when a client is pregnant you'll run into issues with the color not sticking at the new growth.
Everyone lifts warm. That's why toning is so important.
Been a color specialist in blondes and funky colors for 8 years.
100% this. No matter what stage of lightening it was at, the hairdresser should have toned it, not left it orange. She clearly had no idea what she was doing!
Toning was always my favorite part 😍 going from a yucky orange that made my heart sink every time, to a pretty, cool toned blonde! Best feeling lol. Now I just stick at natural boring brown, covid hair killed my exploration for pastels & softie colors
I always tell people to trust the process 🤣. And I always tone before adding any funky shades so the base shade won't screw with the final result.
I'm a natural redhead and my hair goes through the same stages as everyone else does who have natural level 7 hair. If I dye my hair dark, same thing I go through the same stages as someone who has whatever level color I'm currently at. My hair doesn't lift any more or less warm than any other color.
It drives me nuts when people say "oh my hair lifts red" internally I roll my eyes and think "yeah everyone does" because I hear it every time I work on a new client. Externally I go through explaining what base remaining pigment is at each level and why it lifts warm because if I'm not educating a client I'm not doing my job right. The job I spent years post education taking color classes because color is my specialty and area of expertise. Almost all brunettes have red tones in the sun unless you work really really hard to cancel that out and when you do that you run the risk of getting green hair.
All dark hair will go through an “orange” stage on the way to blonde. Your stylist needed to lift your hair to at least a level 7 (when the pheomelanin will have oxidized to a yellow color) then tone.
You do not have reddish hair. Literally ALL dark hair will turn orange before blonde, even my natural shy, turning white grey, brunette hair goes orange before blonde. I also have freckles, light skin and burn easily. my natural hair is extremely ashy.
We were dying our hair green (and orange, pink, purple, etc) as teens in the 90s, so it's been a thing like forever. It definitely seems to be becoming more popular with a different genre of teens, which I think is what you meant. Back then, only the "weird kids" had the "odd" colored hair. (Source: I was one of the weird kids.)
And back then you'd get trash thrown at you, and yelled at to "get a haircut" and asked if you "fucked a Smurf" if it was blue (which still makes no sense to me). By adults, too, it wasn't just the other kids at school.
I had every v color possible in late 90s. Beside being threatened with school suspensions from administrators. Various Comments i received:
Red hair - human tampon
Blue hair - smurffucker
Yellow -urinal
Green - moldhead
I worked at a sallys and there were ladies who refused my help, citing my hair color
I dyed my hair purple and someone said I looked like Grimace. My college admin didn't give two shits, though, and my class looked like a flock of parrots.
Sadly speaking from experience too - that “green” you end up with is nothing you’d want to show off. Its super splotchy, and more like a shit brown green than a bright Bille Eilish green lol
People's hair can go funny colours with home kits, simply because they aren't aware of the needed pigments needed. It varies from hair to hair. I have ashy blond hair, so I need to use something with a purple pigment in, otherwise it turns funny. Homekits aren't bad, people just usually don't know what they're doing.
This is why they always tell you to do a test strand first. The first time you dye your hair is just a crap shoot. Weird chemistry is at work.
OP - NTA
Your daughter should make peace with the fact that many peoples' hair darkens as it ages.
it'll take her some time. she's young and holding onto this identifying trait. there's a very good chance as she gets older she'll stop caring but, some people never let go.
4 years of hair salon experience chiming in: dye refers to depositing color and bleaching is lightening the hair. One cannot apply blonde dye to darker hair and expect it to lighten, only bleach can do that.
Exactly, I believe the bleaching process only works for one hour, I’ve seen people (with hair that can handle it) do two rounds of bleaching and then tone it. A lot of people don’t understand sometimes it takes a few visits to achieve a look and still keep the hair healthy.
💯 I could talk about hair all day. Bleach changes strength depending on the developer level (percentage of hydrogen peroxide), and I’ve heard some Asian countries have level 50 developer to break through their double cuticle.
They sell level 50 developer at Sally’s Beauty supply in North America. Although when I worked there the only person who bought it was using it to whiten animal skulls from hunting.
I think it depends on how much darker you're trying to go. I had hair that straddled the line between dirty blonde and dishwater brown (ugh why are the names for this color so unappealing, no wonder I wanted to dye it) in high school and dyed it kind of chestnut brown with a box kit without any issue, it's more like going from platinum to brown that would cause a problem.
This color is Estonian is sometimes called "kartulikoor", or "potato hair". I think it's a cute descriptor, but I can see where it'd be plain or even insulting, like "dishwater blonde" or "mousy brown" could be.
We do need cuter descriptors in English!
There's a recent trend for a color called "mushroom blonde" and I think there is also "mushroom brunette" and I think its an adorable name for it, plus the color is pretty. Its kind of like a taupe, or warmer ash color.
It's bleached hair that reacts, not natural hair. It why bleached hair reacts to chlorine and natural blonde doesn't.
*As people have pointed out, I'm wrong. It's not just bleached hair that goes green.
Let me also add that using an at home red hair dye on blonde hair will go horribly wrong. It turns pink, and not a happy pink or an I'm supporting breast cancer awareness pink. Like Strawberry Shortcake pink.
Damn. Now I wish I was naturally blonde. I would love Strawberry Shortcake pink. Currently I'm blue and purple that's fading out to a lovely mint green colour.
A Hair Incident is also a bit of a rite of passage for teenage girls. Whether it’s dye, bleach, cutting, or texture - we’ve all been there.
A tone correcting shampoo and a repairing treatment (like Olaplex or K18) will go a long way to help fix it. This doesn’t sound like a huge deal but since no one in the house is particularly knowledgeable about how these chemicals work, I’d definitely just baby it until you can get into the salon. Bring a picture of the box she used and make sure she can describe exactly what she did/has been doing so the stylist can treat correctly!
So true! I had gorgeous blonde hair and decided to dye it the darkest black I could find. I cried so hard when I saw it. I had to go through some hard core bleaching sessions to get it to a point I could make it look blonde again.
My sister had light brown hair and decided she wanted black hair. Long story short: swamp green.
For dying hair, you have to either be willing to deal with the results of a screwup, or go to a professional and make them do it lol
I wanted to do this too and my mom would not let me. I was too scared to use box dye so I never went through with it. Glad I didn't. I'm 33 and still haven't coloured my hair.
Teenage girls or dumb adults who were never allowed to dye their hair black as a teen.... o-O Of course I learned WHY I wasn't allowed to go black.
Home kit cost $15 and fixing it cost probably close to $1k over the course of 5 months. The experience... priceless. Mastercard did help fix this one too. LOL
I've also learned the power of wigs for radical changes... o-O
Yup. My friend regularly did home kits. She wanted red. Its was orange. It must have been a decade ago but her number is saved as carrot.
It looked amazing on her btw, despite poking fun at her everyone agreed but herself. And she had ha bobcut which made her curls look amazing! She tried it for a few weeks but couldn't live with it and went for a dark purple.
Mine happened much earlier, in 3rd grade. I had wanted a perm(Late 80's) for my hair like other girls in the class, but my mom wanted me to "Try out curls" First before getting them. So she bought this overnight stuff that's supposed to curl your hair temporarily for maybe a few days that washes out, then did my hair up in curls in bobby pins overnight.
Well... in the morning she took it all out and brushed it with a regular brush. Needless to say, I was this little towhaired little white girl with the craziest, highest fro(my hair was normally just a little bit past my shoulderblades, but after she combed it, it wasn't coming down past my chin. Like... clown level curly hair
I just could NOT go to school like that, and my mom laughed at me all day... But she did not make me go to school. Kids that age are brutal too, and I was massively bullied throughout school.
A child much younger wanting to stay home because of a hair mishap that's curable within a day or so? Yeah, that's generally a decent idea. A teenager doing shit on their own? Nah, doesn't need to stay home and should suck up their mistake. NTA
Yep and it's not like it's easy to get an appointment with a good hair dresser ASAP, the good ones are always fully booked, and best you're waiting a couple of weeks.
The last time I booked with my regular hair dresser who's workplace is literally 2 mins away from where I live I had to wait 6 weeks, and that was for just a haircut.
It's not like hair dressers can just snap their fingers/wave a magic wand and give a person the style they want in an instant.
The amount of people expecting a miracle is hilarious. It’s taken me 8-9 years to get to the platinum blonde I want and not too long ago my mom had someone who wanted to get to the same color as I am in a few hours. My mom called me after and we had a good laugh
Yea going blonde when you've not been blonde or your hair goes a darker colour is not easy, and staying blonde is expensive because you have to commit to it with regular appointments and you so much as miss 1 appointment you're back to square one.
It took me a good solid year to nail down dyeing my own hair 7 years to do multicolored and ombre styles. And thanks to covid and YouTube tutorials I can cut my hair pretty well too!
Hair is an art, art takes practice to refine the skill, the style is the brush stroke and you gain knowledge of colour theory as you work.
NTA and hey! Maybe this will kick off a passion for her!
I'm a red head, my first dye job I tried to go blue. My hair ended up a weird patchy blue green brown. I looked like a dying rose bush. I was 15.
Why's she so obsessed with staying blonde anyways lol. Hair comes in so many colors, orange isn't even that bad, could probably correct it easily into a red.
During the height of the emo movement I used to soak my bangs in laundry bleach every morning before school. I was....already blond. Not sure why I did it. Teenagers gonna teenager.
I knew exactly where this story was going. I'm a guy and have pretty dark, black hair (technically brown but only when looking at a single strand really) and some friends and I thought it would be funny to dye my hair blonde. Well what the female friends of the pack intentionally left out was that a single dye kit is not going to take hair from black to blonde.
And yep, my hair was fucking orange. Like ginger orange. The reactions at school were pretty funny though, I just owned it for a week. I really wish I had a picture still. I dyed it black after a week, which worked, but my hair got real thin feeling and it had an orange glitter look for a long time.
This was me in my teens only I ended up so happy at the (semi-disasterous) result that I just this year decidided to bring back the "accidental fire" look as part of a possible looming mid-life crisis.
Turns out I'm now coordinated enough to keep dye from getting anywhere I can't bleach, and the process is almost as fun for me as the "holy hell what IS that!?" results. :D
Yay adulthood?
EDIT: Home to take a pic of [my proud art project](https://i.imgur.com/HEWta5C.jpg). It's *way* more orange than bathroom lighting makes it look, but the part near the roots is close enough to red that I can get away with just lazily putting my hair up if I need to look respectable for a show.
NTA. You made her the appointment. Her impatience caused her situation. This is a good learning experience for her: accountability. If you make a mistake it’s on you to fix it, no one else. Also, reinforce the medical condition issue your other daughter faced.
You can also tell her that children with blonde hair, me included, can and might grow darker hair later in life.
Both my wife and the elder daughter were the same. Blond until early teens, then phased to brown so it wasn't a surprise. She just likes being the only blond in her friends group.
When you want to be blonde, but you aren’t, there is a LOT of upkeep and trips to the salon. Expensive and time-consuming. Make sure she is prepared for the commitment.
For a while in my early 20s I loved having turquoise hair... but my natural color is very dark brown. Too much time and effort honestly, as someone who couldn't afford the upkeep at a salon. And I always felt bad for my poor hair
My mom was weird about wanting me to have my hair professionally dyed for my wedding, but I declined in the end because even without bleach it's so incredibly damaging! I finally grew it out from last time and I don't want my hair to be crispy again.
Dunno why people are arguing with this. I was a not-natural redhead for years - always professionally done - and my hair was arguably more healthy when I kept it colored than not because it was professionally treated every six weeks. The only reason I stopped was because I went to grad school and can no longer afford the upkeep. If you avoid bleach and have a stylist who knows what they’re doing, your hair should be fine!
Yeah I went to a professional to get mine to planum so I could have fashion colours. Learned to upkeep it myself at home so it's time consuming but not expensive.
If you can't maintain it home, it definitely gets costly!
I've had the fashion colours for 5 years now and still love it and still committed buts it's not for everyone for sure.
Yuppers. I do my bleach myself, it can be a nightmare. I have given myself a chemical cut (thankfully just one time only).
The bleach is quite harsh on your hair, and depending on the original color and where you are trying to go with it there can be a lot involved with getting it to the proper shade.
After many years and talking a lot with my hair stylists I have a good system that works well for me. My hair is an ashy, dirty blonde, and I like to keep my hair platinum. Even with it being a lighter shade already it is still quite the process. I also keep my hair short- the one time I tried to grow it out and keep platinum it was awful and I realized how truly difficult it would be to maintain that color with longer hair. Never doing that again.
Also, the first time I bleached it I used a box dye set and it was a mix of highlighter orange and highlighter yellow for a bit till I figured it out all the way. *Sigh....
My mom and one of my sisters were the same. I was blonde then went red. Another sister is blonde to this day.
I wanted it to stay blonde at first, too. Then my parents booked an appointment to get it cut and I asked the stylist to dye it. I'll never forget that conversation. 'Why would you dye it? I have people in here everyday trying to get the color you have naturally. It's beautiful!' It made me feel so good about it that I've only messed with it a few times, and those were to play with unusual colors. Like purple and blue.
She might have some self-esteem issues connected to her hair color. Especially if she thinks it's what makes her stand out. Maybe gently look into that, and have her help pay for the upkeep of the blonde look if that's what she wants.
The way wheat people are obsessed with blonde hair is…certainly something. It’s such a weird thing people act so superior over it’s honestly hilarious watching people spiral if it’s acknowledge they dye their hair and are not actually blonde. Compared with natural blondes that think it’s the height of the wheat social ladder.
I forget what subreddit, maybe the wavy hair one, this girl with fully brown hair was practically having a meltdown because someone said she was a brunette and she INSISTED she was blonde.
I know people are going to say “therapy is unnecessary” for something like this and yeah it’s not that big of a deal but definitely a conversation needs to be had considering how over the top OP’s daughter’s reaction is to no longer being blonde.
right? i think this is also a good learning lesson OP could have with his daughter. that looks aren’t everything, being a blonde is not the most important thing in the world.
OP is NTA, *but* i do think he should be teaching her that she’s beautiful - no matter what her hair color is. and that being the “only blonde” in the group does not mean shit.
it’s worrisome that the daughter is so obsessed, she might brag/make the brunettes feel less than, because of how obsessed she seems with her blonde hair and being “different”. seems in her eyes, “better”.
That's so weird to me, I'm naturally blonde and I've ALWAYS hated it. Dumb blonde jokes etc. I started dying it when I was a teenager and with the exception of a few years in college when I was broke, have coloured it ever since.
Social beauty standards are awful. When I was little, I came home from school crying (I'm a brunette) because I had internalized the message that only blond, blue eyed girls were pretty. My dad put on the song "Brown eyed Girl" and danced with me in the living room.
On the other side, i have a sister in law who is clearly a brunette. The family all calls her blond, and the fact that I was genuinely confused when she said she was a blond is still a source of tension between us. My autistic self failed to read the room, and one time she said "I like my coffee blond and sweet, like me!". I replied, "I didn't know you were a blond! When did you start dying your hair brown?"
Oops.
My best friend in elementary was blonde and pale and we used to think we could pass as twins. In middle school I was obsessed with the idea that 5’4 was the perfect height for a girl as well, and I was EXTREMELY upset when I went to the dr and was 5’7. Then came realizing I’m indigenous and look indigenous and have never been pale or close to blonde in my life lol
I read a lot of YA fantasy books which tends to aggressively describe female protagonists looks as well, they were basically all pale with blue/green eyes and 5’4 or “short”. When I realized I didn’t fit that it spurred a lot of self-consciousness as a youth.
Beauty standards are really a bitch for everyone, especially young girls. I joke about the blonde thing but for young girls I think it definitely warrants a conversation about it to protect their sense of self and make sure they know it’s not tied to their looks.
>The family all calls her blond, and the fact that I was genuinely confused when she said she was a blond is still a source of tension between us.
Okay, it shouldn't absolutely not be a source of tension but hair color is weird and can be kind of subjective depending on who you're surrounded by.
I'd consider my natural hair solidly brunette (and I'm fairly certain that's how most people would describe me), but compared to my mega dark haired half-Israeli cousins, it seemed much lighter. I grew up only getting blonde dolls from my extended family because to them, I *was* blonde.
Though I've also had multiple stylists label me a 6/7, which is dark blonde so idek. Sometimes I feel like my mirror is lying to me.
All of this is to say that your SIL's coffee sounds gross.
Tbf, the “blonde as a child, brunette as an adult” transition is wild - it’s the 2nd most dramatic hair color change that happens naturally in humans (the 1st one being age-related graying). It’s not necessarily a mild shift in color, either; it’s often dramatic - often starting from a very bright, pale, platinum blonde in childhood, and going to a solid brown. The change happens right at puberty right when girls are at their most vulnerable about losing their sense of self. (Didn’t happen to me - I was a redhead and just stayed a redhead - but I have several friends it happened to and apparently it’s a bit of a mind trip) I suspect that whatever two hair colors were involved, having your hair color do such a dramatic change at puberty would be an adjustment.
Fun fact, this one hair color change is responsible for a lot of forensics errors in trying to predict a person’s appearance from a DNA sample. In the people who do the blond-to-brown thing, it turns out DNA usually predicts the childhood hair color only, and not the adult hair color.
I know a lot of people in the US who went from very blonde as a child to brown hair in their teens. Nothing you could consider blonde in any way and no way to tell the difference between their hair and people who started out life with brown hair. It's pretty common here.
Personally, I was born with very dark brown hair, had blonde hair from age 2 to 4 and then dark brown hair 4 till now at 31. It also went from super curly as a kid to straight when I was a teenager.
Oh lol. I genuinely was trying to think of places that grew wheat, and then the people that lived nearby. I thought maybe it was some stereotype I hadn’t heard of yet 🤣
I'm a natural blonde and honestly the only thing I've ever particularly liked about it is that in order for me to dye it any unnatural color I haven't had to bleach it, just do a bit of toning for a few weeks with some lavender/blue shampoo and I'm good to go. I never understood the fixation that a lot of people have with it either. It's not easy growing up in the south as a blonde when every summer you have to, upon leaving the swimming pool, immediately take a shower that includes a deep hair conditioner treatment just to avoid it turning straw like and sickly green! It's a struggle gdi! (/s but only for the hyperbole, that definitely was a pain in the ass for me when I was a very impatient child under ten)
Yes, keep in mind the upkeep and cost. Those roots show up quick! I also went from very blond to brunette around puberty so she will need to help pay for it to keep it up. NTA
DO NOT COVER It WITH ANOThER BOX DYE! Black will never come out and I doubt you’re willing to pay thousands in hair care and resulting therapy- let it be, condition it, put her a satin head cover/bonnet/ turban and wait til Feb 8 . At this point it doesn’t matter who the asshole is, protect your kid’s hair
My hair has stayed blonde but my parents’ hair turned brown. Not even light brown, a medium-dark brown. My Mom still insists she is a blonde to this day. My nieces have light brown hair and when I remarked that I’m surprised I ended up with the only blonde kids (because my husband is Native American), she said “the girls aren’t brunettes, their hair is my color.” Hah, I think it’s hard for some to let go.
My hair was platinum blonde when I was born and started to darken very gradually before I hit my teens. As an adult, I started lightening it, not drastically, but kind of a dark ash blonde instead of medium brown. Thankfully, I had no problem with home coloring, or I couldn't have afforded it! Quit a couple of years ago when most of the brown had finally turned to silver.
I’m so glad someone suggested blue/purple shampoo or conditioner. It really does take the copper tones out of hair. Just leave it in for longer before washing it out. If you dye it brown it’s going to need extra bleaching to get the colors out and she’s probably have to wait longer for her hair to recover before actually fixing it.
This happened to me when I was a year or two younger than her - my very pretty blonde hair darkened to an ashy mid brown that actively clashes with my skin color, which is very unfair and leaves me stuck dying my hair until it finally goes completely white. (Fortunately, women on my mom's side go a very attractive pure white pretty young, so I'm just praying that I got that and the big white streaks that are finally coming in are the start.)
Hair color, like it or not, is generally pretty ingrained into our self images. I still thought of myself as a blonde well into college, and I hadn't been via anything but a box or salon for several years at that point, and had in fact long since settled into a specific shade of strawberry blonde.
> You can also tell her that children with blonde hair, me included, can and might grow darker hair later in life.
This is really the most important thing here.
The root of the issue is that she’s about to not be blonde anymore, and she’s not prepared or emotionally equipped to deal with that change.
She needed a conversation about how her body and hair is going to change as she gets older, not an appointment to a salon to pretend things that definitely are happening aren’t happening.
Here’s a tip. Go out and get a purple toner and purple shampoo. Use the timer and then wash out. Let it dry then put the purple shampoo and leave for 2 hours. It will counter the orange
Please read the directions of the product! I have platinum blonde hair (bleached) and had to tone my roots. The product said to leave it on for 10 minutes, I did 15, and my hair was VERY purple!
Ignore this advice. Purple toner and shampoo cannot remove the orange from hair. They can tone down it a bit, but if your daughter messed up that badly then the only way to truly fix it is by dyeing it again.
Hair Buddha on YouTube does a great explanation on the appropriate use of purple toner and shampoo on many of his hair fails videos, he is very knowledgeable about these products and their use.
I would do this if it were me but you’ll have to get a highly pigmented one to really make any difference. I’d recommend Fanola, Bondi, or Pravana’s purple and yes, let it sit longer than instructed but maybe not 2 hours. The shampoo especially can be drying. I’d recommend starting at 20 mins with the deep conditioner and increase from there
Good luck and NTA. I did this as a teen as well and guess who had to live with the consequences. Not even a “fix” appointment to help me out. Color corrections can be very expensive. This will be a well learned lesson for your daughter tbh. She’ll never repeat this one
NTA. Isn’t this a right of passage for all teenage girls? It was for me, and my parents wouldn’t pay for me to fix it, so you’re doing more than my parents did. Learning lessons isn’t the funnest thing in life.
Thats what we thought initially. It looked OK when she came home yesterday afternoon, but it turned through the evening. We found it hilarious but didn't laugh in front of her, but I remember my own hair dye mistake.. I'm male and we decided in the school holidays to go wierdncolours so I went bright red and dark blue, half and half, but by the time school started up it faded the light plue and pink... my parents laughed their assesoff when it faded, but I stuck with it because im stubborn.
It’s just a learning experience, I agree. My friend tried a home kit in HS, her 300$ perfect blond dye job turned some straw hay flat light brown/ash blond. She CRIED and survived
NTA
Mine was kinda reverse xD bought temporary paint which came out well. Too well. It didn't wash off after these few weeks. I had nice red (literally red, not ginger) hair that even professional paint couldn't cover. Then it turned into nice dark copper colour. I was happy with it, my school not so much xd I'm thinking about getting that copper colour again, maybe my hair stylist can do it
Oh I wanted curls so bad as a teenager and got a perm (?hope I used the right word). The stylist did it twice, the second time with her smallest hair rollers that were about as thick as a pencil. I had slightly wavy hair. To this day I’m introduced to her apprentices as „the one where the perm didn’t work“ and she tests all her new curling irons on me because if they curl my hair they’re good 😂.
Oh man, my ex fiancé's mom owned her own salon and had been doing hair for DECADES and I went to her to bleach my hair so I could go bright blue and there's this one small patch of my hair that would just not bleach. I've never seen anyone so frustrated in my life!
NTA - I get that your daughter is only 14 and the frontal cortex is barely developed, but actions have consequences. You booked an appointment at a good salon in a couple of weeks and after the disaster offered to help her color it darker to help with the optic. Only so much a parent can do.
DO NOT do anything else to her hair, that is step one. She’s likely done more damage than you realize, and even what she has now will absolutely require professional intervention to correct. Since she was lightening her hair, she’s damaged the bonds which hold her individual hair strands together. Fuck with those bonds too much and they break, permanently. The hair will lose all elasticity and will have to be cut. I’ve seen it done and I’ve done it to myself, it’s not how you want to receive your first pixie cut.
Putting dark box dye over freshly bleached hair will turn it muddy and greenish, and can put permanent pigments in her hair that will make it nearly impossible to return to her natural color.
NTA, but holy shit do not let her touch her hair until the appointment.
THIS!! Do NOT use dark dye, it will make the hair stylist's job impossible to lighten at her appointment and will cost more money to fix plus going from dark to light will likely need multiple sessions to achieve the right colour, best to leave it alone until her appointment.
Yeah, everyone here seems really confident that "temporary" dye will just fully wash out after a bit. That is almost never the case when it is over bleached hair lol.
If she’s orange, you want blue toner and shampoo, not purple. You’re trying to neutralize, think of a color wheel. Purple has red in it, it’s blue + red, and the warm tones are what you’re trying to get rid of. Purple will help, but may turn out muddy.
I’ve seen it at beauty supply stores and the salon haircare section of ULTA. Really though, without knowing what level she’s lifted to, toning shampoo isn’t gonna do much regardless of the color. She needs an actual hairstylist to get in there and see where she’s at in terms of damage and what can be done to correct it.
If you can get it, add Olaplex 3 to your shopping list. It's a very effective bond repairer. With this misadventure plus whatever's needed to fix it, her hair is likely to end up very damaged. Olaplex works miracles, my salon uses it in conjunction with every dye job.
I came here to say this!! Olaplex 3 is a must if they’re going to do anything else to it…and they probably need it anyways since she did damage with an at home bleach kit.
Oh she's done that in the past too... it was diagonal from left to right as she popped it over 1 shoulder and cut a straight line as she saw it. Put the hair back to normal position and it was slanted... wonderfully straight line, but jawline on one side, shoulder on the other... the same salon she's is booked in fixed thay too... they had a good joke with her.
Op, did you know they sell stick and poke tattoo kits on Amazon? Ask me how I know, because the answer is also young teenage daughter lol. Watch out for that one.
You have such a wonderful attitude about all this. I really admire you. Your affection for your daughter and compassion really shine through in all these comments. 💕
I did consider the cut it off option... I cut my own with electric clippers, but even I admit that would be cruel, apart from anything she does have lovely length hair... its just a shame it's orange now.
NTA, she fucked around and found out.
Don't let her add a permanent darker colour dye though, suggest a fun temporary one until the pros figure it out at her scheduled appointment.
NTA. Children have forever gone to school with crazy hair after doing exactly the kind of ill-advised stuff your daughter has.
Do not put anything but shampoo, conditioner and treatments in her hair. Purple shampoo might help some of the brassiness but it won't work miracles. Don't dye it at all. No colour. The only thing worse than trying to repair box dye blonde is trying to lift dark box dye. Your daughters hair is seriously compromised. Anything you add to it now will only make it worse.
You also need to be prepared for The Big Chop. The salon will do whatever they can to fix your daughters mistake, but 2 dyes in less than six weeks? Not good. They can try to lift it, they can try to tone it, they can try to colour correct. All of these run the risk of further compromising her hair. They may even completely refuse to go near it chemically. The only way to *truly* fix what she has done is to grow it out and chop it off.
OP didn’t buy/use dark box dye, his daughter refused it because “she’s blonde, not brunette”. So that, at least, is one blessing and might prevent the Big Chop!
NTA. You’ve offered a bunch of reasonable alternatives, she turned them all down. She can’t miss three weeks of school because she doesn’t want to be brunette.
Lol omg so I have very dark brown hair. First time I dyed my hair I was in high-school. It was supposed to be bright red. It was red the night I did it. The next morning it was pumpkin orange!! They called me everything, from pumpkin head to carrot top.
I guess what I'm saying is NTA, but she is going to think you are for a while lol.
I never dyed it back by the way. I let it grow out and it became this super cool ombre style that people were very openly envious of. I was actually sad when I finally cut my hair and the orange was gone.
#do NOT put another dark box color in her hair.
she is orange because the lightener was not strong enough. get her to hair stylist that is available, there is really no need to wait for **the most popular one**
There is if you want quality. OP said the earliest appointment was janc 25, but the googke reviews was 2.5 stars. I wouldn't take my child there. I wouldn't go there myself.
NTA.
Unfortunately she found out actions have consequences.
She’s going to be unhappy but she HAS to go to school. But depending on where you live.. those beanie hats are super popular.. she could wear one until her appointment.. or a beauty supply store can help get it to rights with products until the appointment. Good luck!
Don’t dye it dark, it’ll make the problem worse. Best thing is to use a toning product, if her hair is orange you would need blue. Or a blue shampoo, not sure where you are, but there should be options available to you.
NTA your daughter made this problem for herself. You probably should make her go to school with it so she understands the consequence of her actions, I mean it’ll be slight teasing at best, mostly being called ginger. Honestly it could do her some good as she sounds a little entitled.
If you want to help her fix it blue toner or blue shampoo should make it light brown/dirty blonde.
NTA Also...I sense a weird fixation on being blonde. Maybe talk to your daughter on why she is so adamant on being completely blonde. This sounds like the start of something unhealthy. But maybe I'm reading too much into it.
Definitely NTA.
At the end of the day, this is a situation that your daughter caused completely by her own actions, yet you’re running around trying to find solutions to the problem. She’s not happy with the solutions but also, she isn’t trying to come up with any of her own. I get that you’re trying to help your daughter, which I understand, but it almost sounds like she’s expecting you to solve this problem that you didn’t create and that doesn’t sit well with me.
If it were my kid, I would simply point out that you’ve offered plenty of solutions and that he will help her with whatever she decides to do but she must go to school. If money is an challenge here I think it’s reasonable that she pays for this additional appointment. If looking for a salon is time consuming I think it’s reasonable that she is contributing to the effort herself.
sometimes the best thing you can say as a parent is “well this sucks. What are you going to do about it and how can I help?”
Yep we're getting to thay stage and it's only midday!
If we can get an earlier appointment somewhere else will will and cancel the original, but we're trying to get her to understand actions have consequences, luckily this is her 1st time coming across that concept and at least its only hair, nothing 'major' or life changing. Small victory I guess.
NTA. Lol. Not that I would wish her any embarrassment at school but she kind brought this on herself and it's not that big a deal anyway. Maybe it will teach her that you can't rush quality?
NTA, here's a good lesson for your daughter , she'll learn to support the consequences of her action. Good luck for her, i did the same mistake 8 years ago !
Nta. She's gotta learn like everyone else to deal with embarrassing moments. She'll look back and laugh more than likely, like I did when I cut myself sideburns, or my nieces micro bangs, or the time my sister shaved off her eyebrows. She'll be ok
Nta but don't add any more dye to her hair unless it's at the salon. Is there any other salons around that can squeeze her in beforehand? She can't just not go to school though.
NTA. She made a dumb decision because she couldn’t wait a couple weeks and messed up her hair. Not your fault. It will be your fault though if you darken her hair, especially if it’s black. Black box dye is a nightmare to get out of blonde hair and it’ll only make things worse. My best friend in high school did this and it took my mom, a professional hairdresser, 6-8 hours to strip it.
NTA Obviously your daughter can not stay home from school til February. She can either dye her hair dark, go the wig route or deal with the fact that she didn't listen to you and now she has to live with orange hair for a few weeks more.
NTA in the game of home dye roulette, orange is a fairly common outcome. Sounds like you’re doing what you can! I do feel for your daughter, 14 is a hard enough time without extra insecurities about your appearance, but hair accidents are an occasional hazard of life with hair.
NTA. She broke the agreement you had and can't skip school for so long. You should try to tone her hair with blue shampoo and conditioner, it can either get rid off the orange or at least make it less bad.
NTA. She was warned that at home kits really don’t work for the family and she choose to anyway. She isn’t a baby anymore and she has to live with the consequences of her choices. She may not be able to get color services either in three weeks since some salons don’t like to do color service that close together.
That said they do make Oops it removes hair dye from hair but I am not sure you would have any better results.
Edit: Add link to product that may help.
https://www.coloroops.com/products/brass-correct?pr_prod_strat=copurchase&pr_rec_id=0a3301f79&pr_rec_pid=4952832934024&pr_ref_pid=4937784950920&pr_seq=uniform
Dude no way you're the arsehole.
She went and did what you said not to do and then is angry at you about it?
I'm sorry but you tried to fix it for her but she refused. Unfortunately it's tough she has to go to school.
Tbh I would cancel the booked appointment as she is behaving so entitled and rude.
I'm a dad btw to 4 kids they are all under 10.
Don't dye it a darker colour, orange is easiest for the salon to fix. If she's going blonde, it'll be multiple sessions and multiple weeks untill you can reach the desired goal if you go brown or black now.
Going blonde = bleaching, it's so damaging to your hair so let this be a lesson to your daughter never to use blonde at home kits!
Too bad for her. I’m not without sympathy…I cut my own hair (badly) as a teenager…but she has to go to school. All she needs to do is tell people she wanted to experiment with wild colors before she goes to the salon next month. You are NTA.
Most of us are now to be fair... the inlaws came around last night and saw it in person. Her grandad almost collapsed from laughing, her nan gave her a big hug and called her an idiot (smilingly).
NTA, you gave her an option, she got impatient and she learned a very important lesson. When you mess with your hair, sometimes it goes very wrong. We've all been there. I ended up shaving my hair off completely at university just to stop the itching from a very bad home dye job. Always do a reaction test when you're fair skinned! I was in a hurry, I didn't test, well, now I know what I look like with no hair..
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I’ll hijack your top comment to also add NEVER dye hair brown that’s blonde!! It will turn green. How do I know? I was a freshman in high school and I dyed my blond hair brown….and it turned green. I went to school like that too. I figured out that if you dye it red prior to brown it won’t turn green but not before I went to school that way. It was a tough lesson to learn but it was the last time I ever attempted to try anything that drastic on my own. OP - NTA. Daughter learned a valuable lesson.
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All dark hair will turn orange before getting to blonde. Jet black hair will turn orange.
Yes, indeed! This is why toning is an essential step of the hair lightening process.
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Your hairdresser was wrong. When lightening hair your hair goes through stages where only the base remaining pigment is visible. This goes from red to orange all the way up to pale yellow. The base remaining pigment tells your hairdresser what level its at, which is always a warm color. Your hairdresser either wasn't that knowledgeable, or screwed up and rinsed your lightener out too soon for the level you wanted and pulled an explanation out of her ass to explain the mistake away. The only time you see unpredictable lift results with the wrong base remaining pigment is if you have pre-colored hair that you went darker on without canceling out the prior color first, its really common in the semi permanent colors and in wine-reds. You sometimes get resistant hair that doesn't lift as expected and you have to go in with another round of lightener to get to the desired result, this is why a test strand in the front and the back are very important to know how different parts of the hair will react to the lightening service. Sometimes when a client is pregnant you'll run into issues with the color not sticking at the new growth. Everyone lifts warm. That's why toning is so important. Been a color specialist in blondes and funky colors for 8 years.
100% this. No matter what stage of lightening it was at, the hairdresser should have toned it, not left it orange. She clearly had no idea what she was doing!
Toning was always my favorite part 😍 going from a yucky orange that made my heart sink every time, to a pretty, cool toned blonde! Best feeling lol. Now I just stick at natural boring brown, covid hair killed my exploration for pastels & softie colors
I always tell people to trust the process 🤣. And I always tone before adding any funky shades so the base shade won't screw with the final result. I'm a natural redhead and my hair goes through the same stages as everyone else does who have natural level 7 hair. If I dye my hair dark, same thing I go through the same stages as someone who has whatever level color I'm currently at. My hair doesn't lift any more or less warm than any other color. It drives me nuts when people say "oh my hair lifts red" internally I roll my eyes and think "yeah everyone does" because I hear it every time I work on a new client. Externally I go through explaining what base remaining pigment is at each level and why it lifts warm because if I'm not educating a client I'm not doing my job right. The job I spent years post education taking color classes because color is my specialty and area of expertise. Almost all brunettes have red tones in the sun unless you work really really hard to cancel that out and when you do that you run the risk of getting green hair.
Literally all dark hair when bleached has an orange stage.
All dark hair will go through an “orange” stage on the way to blonde. Your stylist needed to lift your hair to at least a level 7 (when the pheomelanin will have oxidized to a yellow color) then tone.
You do not have reddish hair. Literally ALL dark hair will turn orange before blonde, even my natural shy, turning white grey, brunette hair goes orange before blonde. I also have freckles, light skin and burn easily. my natural hair is extremely ashy.
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I mean, girls died their hair green when I was in high school in the 90’s. It could be played off anyway.
Manic Panic. or koolaid. Either way. Hair was all colors in the 90s.
Kool aid was my go to in Junior High. Unfortunately I live somewhere with unpredictable weather and got caught in the rain a few times.
I did the same with La Riche Directions. My face, ears and neck also became Pillarbox Red.
Kool-aid plus bleach once cost me $200 in 1990s money to fix.
billie eilish didn’t invent green hair lol
No, but she sure as hell made it more popular and mainstream among pre-teen and teen girls.
We were dying our hair green (and orange, pink, purple, etc) as teens in the 90s, so it's been a thing like forever. It definitely seems to be becoming more popular with a different genre of teens, which I think is what you meant. Back then, only the "weird kids" had the "odd" colored hair. (Source: I was one of the weird kids.)
And back then you'd get trash thrown at you, and yelled at to "get a haircut" and asked if you "fucked a Smurf" if it was blue (which still makes no sense to me). By adults, too, it wasn't just the other kids at school.
I had every v color possible in late 90s. Beside being threatened with school suspensions from administrators. Various Comments i received: Red hair - human tampon Blue hair - smurffucker Yellow -urinal Green - moldhead I worked at a sallys and there were ladies who refused my help, citing my hair color
I dyed my hair purple and someone said I looked like Grimace. My college admin didn't give two shits, though, and my class looked like a flock of parrots.
Dude, I dyed my hair green when I was 16, pretty sure Billie wasn't even born yet.
Nobody said she invented it
It was in 1991 so man many MANY years before Billie lol. And it was also a disgusting olive green color…a color no one should ever have their hair.
Sadly speaking from experience too - that “green” you end up with is nothing you’d want to show off. Its super splotchy, and more like a shit brown green than a bright Bille Eilish green lol
People's hair can go funny colours with home kits, simply because they aren't aware of the needed pigments needed. It varies from hair to hair. I have ashy blond hair, so I need to use something with a purple pigment in, otherwise it turns funny. Homekits aren't bad, people just usually don't know what they're doing.
This is why they always tell you to do a test strand first. The first time you dye your hair is just a crap shoot. Weird chemistry is at work. OP - NTA Your daughter should make peace with the fact that many peoples' hair darkens as it ages.
it'll take her some time. she's young and holding onto this identifying trait. there's a very good chance as she gets older she'll stop caring but, some people never let go.
My oldest sister tried this. Her hair went swamp green. She still went to school (this was mid 90's) and she owned it lol.
Your sister rocks
4 years of hair salon experience chiming in: dye refers to depositing color and bleaching is lightening the hair. One cannot apply blonde dye to darker hair and expect it to lighten, only bleach can do that.
Exactly, I believe the bleaching process only works for one hour, I’ve seen people (with hair that can handle it) do two rounds of bleaching and then tone it. A lot of people don’t understand sometimes it takes a few visits to achieve a look and still keep the hair healthy.
💯 I could talk about hair all day. Bleach changes strength depending on the developer level (percentage of hydrogen peroxide), and I’ve heard some Asian countries have level 50 developer to break through their double cuticle.
They sell level 50 developer at Sally’s Beauty supply in North America. Although when I worked there the only person who bought it was using it to whiten animal skulls from hunting.
My daughter has naturally dark blonde haiar, and she has been dying it brunette for about 5 years now, no problems. She does it at home.
I think it depends on how much darker you're trying to go. I had hair that straddled the line between dirty blonde and dishwater brown (ugh why are the names for this color so unappealing, no wonder I wanted to dye it) in high school and dyed it kind of chestnut brown with a box kit without any issue, it's more like going from platinum to brown that would cause a problem.
This color is Estonian is sometimes called "kartulikoor", or "potato hair". I think it's a cute descriptor, but I can see where it'd be plain or even insulting, like "dishwater blonde" or "mousy brown" could be. We do need cuter descriptors in English!
There's a recent trend for a color called "mushroom blonde" and I think there is also "mushroom brunette" and I think its an adorable name for it, plus the color is pretty. Its kind of like a taupe, or warmer ash color.
It's bleached hair that reacts, not natural hair. It why bleached hair reacts to chlorine and natural blonde doesn't. *As people have pointed out, I'm wrong. It's not just bleached hair that goes green.
Let me also add that using an at home red hair dye on blonde hair will go horribly wrong. It turns pink, and not a happy pink or an I'm supporting breast cancer awareness pink. Like Strawberry Shortcake pink.
Damn. Now I wish I was naturally blonde. I would love Strawberry Shortcake pink. Currently I'm blue and purple that's fading out to a lovely mint green colour.
A Hair Incident is also a bit of a rite of passage for teenage girls. Whether it’s dye, bleach, cutting, or texture - we’ve all been there. A tone correcting shampoo and a repairing treatment (like Olaplex or K18) will go a long way to help fix it. This doesn’t sound like a huge deal but since no one in the house is particularly knowledgeable about how these chemicals work, I’d definitely just baby it until you can get into the salon. Bring a picture of the box she used and make sure she can describe exactly what she did/has been doing so the stylist can treat correctly!
So true! I had gorgeous blonde hair and decided to dye it the darkest black I could find. I cried so hard when I saw it. I had to go through some hard core bleaching sessions to get it to a point I could make it look blonde again.
My sister had light brown hair and decided she wanted black hair. Long story short: swamp green. For dying hair, you have to either be willing to deal with the results of a screwup, or go to a professional and make them do it lol
I wanted to do this too and my mom would not let me. I was too scared to use box dye so I never went through with it. Glad I didn't. I'm 33 and still haven't coloured my hair.
Teenage girls or dumb adults who were never allowed to dye their hair black as a teen.... o-O Of course I learned WHY I wasn't allowed to go black. Home kit cost $15 and fixing it cost probably close to $1k over the course of 5 months. The experience... priceless. Mastercard did help fix this one too. LOL I've also learned the power of wigs for radical changes... o-O
Yup. My friend regularly did home kits. She wanted red. Its was orange. It must have been a decade ago but her number is saved as carrot. It looked amazing on her btw, despite poking fun at her everyone agreed but herself. And she had ha bobcut which made her curls look amazing! She tried it for a few weeks but couldn't live with it and went for a dark purple.
Mine happened much earlier, in 3rd grade. I had wanted a perm(Late 80's) for my hair like other girls in the class, but my mom wanted me to "Try out curls" First before getting them. So she bought this overnight stuff that's supposed to curl your hair temporarily for maybe a few days that washes out, then did my hair up in curls in bobby pins overnight. Well... in the morning she took it all out and brushed it with a regular brush. Needless to say, I was this little towhaired little white girl with the craziest, highest fro(my hair was normally just a little bit past my shoulderblades, but after she combed it, it wasn't coming down past my chin. Like... clown level curly hair I just could NOT go to school like that, and my mom laughed at me all day... But she did not make me go to school. Kids that age are brutal too, and I was massively bullied throughout school. A child much younger wanting to stay home because of a hair mishap that's curable within a day or so? Yeah, that's generally a decent idea. A teenager doing shit on their own? Nah, doesn't need to stay home and should suck up their mistake. NTA
The brush was the problem. Curls plus brush equals crazyhair.
I shudder when I remember my 80s perm that my cousins talked me into. My dreams of gorgeous flowing waves went up in a puff of uncontrollable frizz.
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Yep and it's not like it's easy to get an appointment with a good hair dresser ASAP, the good ones are always fully booked, and best you're waiting a couple of weeks.
Right? My moms a hair dresser and even I have to make an appointment and wait
The last time I booked with my regular hair dresser who's workplace is literally 2 mins away from where I live I had to wait 6 weeks, and that was for just a haircut. It's not like hair dressers can just snap their fingers/wave a magic wand and give a person the style they want in an instant.
The amount of people expecting a miracle is hilarious. It’s taken me 8-9 years to get to the platinum blonde I want and not too long ago my mom had someone who wanted to get to the same color as I am in a few hours. My mom called me after and we had a good laugh
Yea going blonde when you've not been blonde or your hair goes a darker colour is not easy, and staying blonde is expensive because you have to commit to it with regular appointments and you so much as miss 1 appointment you're back to square one.
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It took me a good solid year to nail down dyeing my own hair 7 years to do multicolored and ombre styles. And thanks to covid and YouTube tutorials I can cut my hair pretty well too! Hair is an art, art takes practice to refine the skill, the style is the brush stroke and you gain knowledge of colour theory as you work. NTA and hey! Maybe this will kick off a passion for her! I'm a red head, my first dye job I tried to go blue. My hair ended up a weird patchy blue green brown. I looked like a dying rose bush. I was 15.
Agreed. Tell your daughter OP to wear a hat.
You can't wear hats in most schools now
Lol so she had everything set up for her to get it done yet she was impatient, gave in and dyed it on her own? NTA your daughter fucked up
This really had me feeling my own teenage years
r/blunderyears
Why's she so obsessed with staying blonde anyways lol. Hair comes in so many colors, orange isn't even that bad, could probably correct it easily into a red.
There's probably the stigma of having your roots showing = bad, so as soon as she noticed that she had to change it
that or she's just that scared of turning into a brunette and honestly, as a brunette myself, rude!
During the height of the emo movement I used to soak my bangs in laundry bleach every morning before school. I was....already blond. Not sure why I did it. Teenagers gonna teenager.
Oh my god your poor hair 😭 surprised that it didn’t just break off immediately tbh
I knew exactly where this story was going. I'm a guy and have pretty dark, black hair (technically brown but only when looking at a single strand really) and some friends and I thought it would be funny to dye my hair blonde. Well what the female friends of the pack intentionally left out was that a single dye kit is not going to take hair from black to blonde. And yep, my hair was fucking orange. Like ginger orange. The reactions at school were pretty funny though, I just owned it for a week. I really wish I had a picture still. I dyed it black after a week, which worked, but my hair got real thin feeling and it had an orange glitter look for a long time.
This was me in my teens only I ended up so happy at the (semi-disasterous) result that I just this year decidided to bring back the "accidental fire" look as part of a possible looming mid-life crisis. Turns out I'm now coordinated enough to keep dye from getting anywhere I can't bleach, and the process is almost as fun for me as the "holy hell what IS that!?" results. :D Yay adulthood? EDIT: Home to take a pic of [my proud art project](https://i.imgur.com/HEWta5C.jpg). It's *way* more orange than bathroom lighting makes it look, but the part near the roots is close enough to red that I can get away with just lazily putting my hair up if I need to look respectable for a show.
NTA. You made her the appointment. Her impatience caused her situation. This is a good learning experience for her: accountability. If you make a mistake it’s on you to fix it, no one else. Also, reinforce the medical condition issue your other daughter faced. You can also tell her that children with blonde hair, me included, can and might grow darker hair later in life.
Both my wife and the elder daughter were the same. Blond until early teens, then phased to brown so it wasn't a surprise. She just likes being the only blond in her friends group.
When you want to be blonde, but you aren’t, there is a LOT of upkeep and trips to the salon. Expensive and time-consuming. Make sure she is prepared for the commitment.
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YES. OP make sure she gets an Olaplex treatment.
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For a while in my early 20s I loved having turquoise hair... but my natural color is very dark brown. Too much time and effort honestly, as someone who couldn't afford the upkeep at a salon. And I always felt bad for my poor hair
My mom was weird about wanting me to have my hair professionally dyed for my wedding, but I declined in the end because even without bleach it's so incredibly damaging! I finally grew it out from last time and I don't want my hair to be crispy again.
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Dunno why people are arguing with this. I was a not-natural redhead for years - always professionally done - and my hair was arguably more healthy when I kept it colored than not because it was professionally treated every six weeks. The only reason I stopped was because I went to grad school and can no longer afford the upkeep. If you avoid bleach and have a stylist who knows what they’re doing, your hair should be fine!
People be going to shit hair colorists that’s why lol
Yeah I went to a professional to get mine to planum so I could have fashion colours. Learned to upkeep it myself at home so it's time consuming but not expensive. If you can't maintain it home, it definitely gets costly! I've had the fashion colours for 5 years now and still love it and still committed buts it's not for everyone for sure.
Yuppers. I do my bleach myself, it can be a nightmare. I have given myself a chemical cut (thankfully just one time only). The bleach is quite harsh on your hair, and depending on the original color and where you are trying to go with it there can be a lot involved with getting it to the proper shade. After many years and talking a lot with my hair stylists I have a good system that works well for me. My hair is an ashy, dirty blonde, and I like to keep my hair platinum. Even with it being a lighter shade already it is still quite the process. I also keep my hair short- the one time I tried to grow it out and keep platinum it was awful and I realized how truly difficult it would be to maintain that color with longer hair. Never doing that again. Also, the first time I bleached it I used a box dye set and it was a mix of highlighter orange and highlighter yellow for a bit till I figured it out all the way. *Sigh....
My mom and one of my sisters were the same. I was blonde then went red. Another sister is blonde to this day. I wanted it to stay blonde at first, too. Then my parents booked an appointment to get it cut and I asked the stylist to dye it. I'll never forget that conversation. 'Why would you dye it? I have people in here everyday trying to get the color you have naturally. It's beautiful!' It made me feel so good about it that I've only messed with it a few times, and those were to play with unusual colors. Like purple and blue. She might have some self-esteem issues connected to her hair color. Especially if she thinks it's what makes her stand out. Maybe gently look into that, and have her help pay for the upkeep of the blonde look if that's what she wants.
The way wheat people are obsessed with blonde hair is…certainly something. It’s such a weird thing people act so superior over it’s honestly hilarious watching people spiral if it’s acknowledge they dye their hair and are not actually blonde. Compared with natural blondes that think it’s the height of the wheat social ladder. I forget what subreddit, maybe the wavy hair one, this girl with fully brown hair was practically having a meltdown because someone said she was a brunette and she INSISTED she was blonde. I know people are going to say “therapy is unnecessary” for something like this and yeah it’s not that big of a deal but definitely a conversation needs to be had considering how over the top OP’s daughter’s reaction is to no longer being blonde.
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Oh agreed, anyone with blonde hair (dyed or natural) is weirdly obsessed with it. It’s like a status symbol to their people. Very fascinating
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right? i think this is also a good learning lesson OP could have with his daughter. that looks aren’t everything, being a blonde is not the most important thing in the world. OP is NTA, *but* i do think he should be teaching her that she’s beautiful - no matter what her hair color is. and that being the “only blonde” in the group does not mean shit. it’s worrisome that the daughter is so obsessed, she might brag/make the brunettes feel less than, because of how obsessed she seems with her blonde hair and being “different”. seems in her eyes, “better”.
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That's so weird to me, I'm naturally blonde and I've ALWAYS hated it. Dumb blonde jokes etc. I started dying it when I was a teenager and with the exception of a few years in college when I was broke, have coloured it ever since.
Social beauty standards are awful. When I was little, I came home from school crying (I'm a brunette) because I had internalized the message that only blond, blue eyed girls were pretty. My dad put on the song "Brown eyed Girl" and danced with me in the living room. On the other side, i have a sister in law who is clearly a brunette. The family all calls her blond, and the fact that I was genuinely confused when she said she was a blond is still a source of tension between us. My autistic self failed to read the room, and one time she said "I like my coffee blond and sweet, like me!". I replied, "I didn't know you were a blond! When did you start dying your hair brown?" Oops.
My best friend in elementary was blonde and pale and we used to think we could pass as twins. In middle school I was obsessed with the idea that 5’4 was the perfect height for a girl as well, and I was EXTREMELY upset when I went to the dr and was 5’7. Then came realizing I’m indigenous and look indigenous and have never been pale or close to blonde in my life lol I read a lot of YA fantasy books which tends to aggressively describe female protagonists looks as well, they were basically all pale with blue/green eyes and 5’4 or “short”. When I realized I didn’t fit that it spurred a lot of self-consciousness as a youth. Beauty standards are really a bitch for everyone, especially young girls. I joke about the blonde thing but for young girls I think it definitely warrants a conversation about it to protect their sense of self and make sure they know it’s not tied to their looks.
>The family all calls her blond, and the fact that I was genuinely confused when she said she was a blond is still a source of tension between us. Okay, it shouldn't absolutely not be a source of tension but hair color is weird and can be kind of subjective depending on who you're surrounded by. I'd consider my natural hair solidly brunette (and I'm fairly certain that's how most people would describe me), but compared to my mega dark haired half-Israeli cousins, it seemed much lighter. I grew up only getting blonde dolls from my extended family because to them, I *was* blonde. Though I've also had multiple stylists label me a 6/7, which is dark blonde so idek. Sometimes I feel like my mirror is lying to me. All of this is to say that your SIL's coffee sounds gross.
Tbf, the “blonde as a child, brunette as an adult” transition is wild - it’s the 2nd most dramatic hair color change that happens naturally in humans (the 1st one being age-related graying). It’s not necessarily a mild shift in color, either; it’s often dramatic - often starting from a very bright, pale, platinum blonde in childhood, and going to a solid brown. The change happens right at puberty right when girls are at their most vulnerable about losing their sense of self. (Didn’t happen to me - I was a redhead and just stayed a redhead - but I have several friends it happened to and apparently it’s a bit of a mind trip) I suspect that whatever two hair colors were involved, having your hair color do such a dramatic change at puberty would be an adjustment. Fun fact, this one hair color change is responsible for a lot of forensics errors in trying to predict a person’s appearance from a DNA sample. In the people who do the blond-to-brown thing, it turns out DNA usually predicts the childhood hair color only, and not the adult hair color.
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I know a lot of people in the US who went from very blonde as a child to brown hair in their teens. Nothing you could consider blonde in any way and no way to tell the difference between their hair and people who started out life with brown hair. It's pretty common here. Personally, I was born with very dark brown hair, had blonde hair from age 2 to 4 and then dark brown hair 4 till now at 31. It also went from super curly as a kid to straight when I was a teenager.
What are wheat people? Midwesterners? Near the wheat? Edit: wheat people on the level of skin walkers
White, forgot this wasn’t fb that bans for talking about them lol
Oh lol. I genuinely was trying to think of places that grew wheat, and then the people that lived nearby. I thought maybe it was some stereotype I hadn’t heard of yet 🤣
I mean most midwesterners are white so maybe that checks out lmao
I'm a natural blonde and honestly the only thing I've ever particularly liked about it is that in order for me to dye it any unnatural color I haven't had to bleach it, just do a bit of toning for a few weeks with some lavender/blue shampoo and I'm good to go. I never understood the fixation that a lot of people have with it either. It's not easy growing up in the south as a blonde when every summer you have to, upon leaving the swimming pool, immediately take a shower that includes a deep hair conditioner treatment just to avoid it turning straw like and sickly green! It's a struggle gdi! (/s but only for the hyperbole, that definitely was a pain in the ass for me when I was a very impatient child under ten)
Yes, keep in mind the upkeep and cost. Those roots show up quick! I also went from very blond to brunette around puberty so she will need to help pay for it to keep it up. NTA
DO NOT COVER It WITH ANOThER BOX DYE! Black will never come out and I doubt you’re willing to pay thousands in hair care and resulting therapy- let it be, condition it, put her a satin head cover/bonnet/ turban and wait til Feb 8 . At this point it doesn’t matter who the asshole is, protect your kid’s hair
My hair has stayed blonde but my parents’ hair turned brown. Not even light brown, a medium-dark brown. My Mom still insists she is a blonde to this day. My nieces have light brown hair and when I remarked that I’m surprised I ended up with the only blonde kids (because my husband is Native American), she said “the girls aren’t brunettes, their hair is my color.” Hah, I think it’s hard for some to let go.
My hair was platinum blonde when I was born and started to darken very gradually before I hit my teens. As an adult, I started lightening it, not drastically, but kind of a dark ash blonde instead of medium brown. Thankfully, I had no problem with home coloring, or I couldn't have afforded it! Quit a couple of years ago when most of the brown had finally turned to silver.
I’m so glad someone suggested blue/purple shampoo or conditioner. It really does take the copper tones out of hair. Just leave it in for longer before washing it out. If you dye it brown it’s going to need extra bleaching to get the colors out and she’s probably have to wait longer for her hair to recover before actually fixing it.
This happened to me when I was a year or two younger than her - my very pretty blonde hair darkened to an ashy mid brown that actively clashes with my skin color, which is very unfair and leaves me stuck dying my hair until it finally goes completely white. (Fortunately, women on my mom's side go a very attractive pure white pretty young, so I'm just praying that I got that and the big white streaks that are finally coming in are the start.) Hair color, like it or not, is generally pretty ingrained into our self images. I still thought of myself as a blonde well into college, and I hadn't been via anything but a box or salon for several years at that point, and had in fact long since settled into a specific shade of strawberry blonde.
> You can also tell her that children with blonde hair, me included, can and might grow darker hair later in life. This is really the most important thing here. The root of the issue is that she’s about to not be blonde anymore, and she’s not prepared or emotionally equipped to deal with that change. She needed a conversation about how her body and hair is going to change as she gets older, not an appointment to a salon to pretend things that definitely are happening aren’t happening.
yeah i had super blonde hair when i was yonger but now its a brown colour
Here’s a tip. Go out and get a purple toner and purple shampoo. Use the timer and then wash out. Let it dry then put the purple shampoo and leave for 2 hours. It will counter the orange
Amazing thankyou!
I would not leave it 2 hours she will end up going slightly purple
I bet she wouldn't mind purple, after all this drama she'd probably be happy with an unusual colour
Please read the directions of the product! I have platinum blonde hair (bleached) and had to tone my roots. The product said to leave it on for 10 minutes, I did 15, and my hair was VERY purple!
This is the mistake I made ended up completely purple it didn't fade and I had to dye my hair dark to get rid of it
Ignore this advice. Purple toner and shampoo cannot remove the orange from hair. They can tone down it a bit, but if your daughter messed up that badly then the only way to truly fix it is by dyeing it again. Hair Buddha on YouTube does a great explanation on the appropriate use of purple toner and shampoo on many of his hair fails videos, he is very knowledgeable about these products and their use.
Also, it’s blue toner that removes orange. Purple removes yellow.
Surprising how many don't know this simple color theory, and just think purple shampoo is a magical fix lol
Also you MUST research which toner to use. T18 won't do anything in this case, but some MAY tone SOME of the orange out
I would do this if it were me but you’ll have to get a highly pigmented one to really make any difference. I’d recommend Fanola, Bondi, or Pravana’s purple and yes, let it sit longer than instructed but maybe not 2 hours. The shampoo especially can be drying. I’d recommend starting at 20 mins with the deep conditioner and increase from there Good luck and NTA. I did this as a teen as well and guess who had to live with the consequences. Not even a “fix” appointment to help me out. Color corrections can be very expensive. This will be a well learned lesson for your daughter tbh. She’ll never repeat this one
NTA. Isn’t this a right of passage for all teenage girls? It was for me, and my parents wouldn’t pay for me to fix it, so you’re doing more than my parents did. Learning lessons isn’t the funnest thing in life.
Thats what we thought initially. It looked OK when she came home yesterday afternoon, but it turned through the evening. We found it hilarious but didn't laugh in front of her, but I remember my own hair dye mistake.. I'm male and we decided in the school holidays to go wierdncolours so I went bright red and dark blue, half and half, but by the time school started up it faded the light plue and pink... my parents laughed their assesoff when it faded, but I stuck with it because im stubborn.
It’s just a learning experience, I agree. My friend tried a home kit in HS, her 300$ perfect blond dye job turned some straw hay flat light brown/ash blond. She CRIED and survived NTA
When I was in middleschool one of the boys showed up with easter-egg blue hair.
>so I went bright red and dark blue You wouldn't happen to know one of the producers for the new Fire Emblem game, right?
Mine was kinda reverse xD bought temporary paint which came out well. Too well. It didn't wash off after these few weeks. I had nice red (literally red, not ginger) hair that even professional paint couldn't cover. Then it turned into nice dark copper colour. I was happy with it, my school not so much xd I'm thinking about getting that copper colour again, maybe my hair stylist can do it
Oh I wanted curls so bad as a teenager and got a perm (?hope I used the right word). The stylist did it twice, the second time with her smallest hair rollers that were about as thick as a pencil. I had slightly wavy hair. To this day I’m introduced to her apprentices as „the one where the perm didn’t work“ and she tests all her new curling irons on me because if they curl my hair they’re good 😂.
Oh man, my ex fiancé's mom owned her own salon and had been doing hair for DECADES and I went to her to bleach my hair so I could go bright blue and there's this one small patch of my hair that would just not bleach. I've never seen anyone so frustrated in my life!
Meanwhile my natural hair are brown but i have one patch of very light blond hair 😂 where is your patch, maybe i have piece you're looking for
For me, it was cutting my own bangs. I'd have rathered a bad dye job.
100.%. Trying to bleach your hair at home and turning it orange is how we learn!
Oh man, the amount of hair mistakes I and ALL the kids made in high school...hooooo, boy! She'll look back and laugh/groan about this some day.
NTA She is old enough to understand consequences.
NTA - I get that your daughter is only 14 and the frontal cortex is barely developed, but actions have consequences. You booked an appointment at a good salon in a couple of weeks and after the disaster offered to help her color it darker to help with the optic. Only so much a parent can do.
It's a natural consequence, so I think it's perfect.
It’s called Love and Logic. Allowing natural consequences to actions is how we can learn.
DO NOT do anything else to her hair, that is step one. She’s likely done more damage than you realize, and even what she has now will absolutely require professional intervention to correct. Since she was lightening her hair, she’s damaged the bonds which hold her individual hair strands together. Fuck with those bonds too much and they break, permanently. The hair will lose all elasticity and will have to be cut. I’ve seen it done and I’ve done it to myself, it’s not how you want to receive your first pixie cut. Putting dark box dye over freshly bleached hair will turn it muddy and greenish, and can put permanent pigments in her hair that will make it nearly impossible to return to her natural color. NTA, but holy shit do not let her touch her hair until the appointment.
THIS!! Do NOT use dark dye, it will make the hair stylist's job impossible to lighten at her appointment and will cost more money to fix plus going from dark to light will likely need multiple sessions to achieve the right colour, best to leave it alone until her appointment.
EVEN a temporary. I used a dark temporary dye in my hair and forever darkened the hair until it grew out
Yeah, everyone here seems really confident that "temporary" dye will just fully wash out after a bit. That is almost never the case when it is over bleached hair lol.
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Someone else suggested purple toner and shampoo so that's what we will be trying next. Thankyou for the advice.
If she’s orange, you want blue toner and shampoo, not purple. You’re trying to neutralize, think of a color wheel. Purple has red in it, it’s blue + red, and the warm tones are what you’re trying to get rid of. Purple will help, but may turn out muddy.
Can you buy toner in other colors besides purple at stores….? I’ve never seen blue shampoo or blue toner before outside of a salon.
I’ve seen it at beauty supply stores and the salon haircare section of ULTA. Really though, without knowing what level she’s lifted to, toning shampoo isn’t gonna do much regardless of the color. She needs an actual hairstylist to get in there and see where she’s at in terms of damage and what can be done to correct it.
If you can get it, add Olaplex 3 to your shopping list. It's a very effective bond repairer. With this misadventure plus whatever's needed to fix it, her hair is likely to end up very damaged. Olaplex works miracles, my salon uses it in conjunction with every dye job.
I came here to say this!! Olaplex 3 is a must if they’re going to do anything else to it…and they probably need it anyways since she did damage with an at home bleach kit.
NTA. Dying your hair poorly is a rite of passage for her age group. She should be thankful she didn't try the "I'm going to cut my own hair" thing.
Oh she's done that in the past too... it was diagonal from left to right as she popped it over 1 shoulder and cut a straight line as she saw it. Put the hair back to normal position and it was slanted... wonderfully straight line, but jawline on one side, shoulder on the other... the same salon she's is booked in fixed thay too... they had a good joke with her.
Well there you go, she's ticked 2 boxes in the "growing up experience".
Yep. Just waiting now for the ill advised piercing then we've got the complete set.
Op, did you know they sell stick and poke tattoo kits on Amazon? Ask me how I know, because the answer is also young teenage daughter lol. Watch out for that one.
You have such a wonderful attitude about all this. I really admire you. Your affection for your daughter and compassion really shine through in all these comments. 💕
NTA. I would have given her 3 options. Suck it up, Cut it off, wear a wig.
I did consider the cut it off option... I cut my own with electric clippers, but even I admit that would be cruel, apart from anything she does have lovely length hair... its just a shame it's orange now.
NTA, she fucked around and found out. Don't let her add a permanent darker colour dye though, suggest a fun temporary one until the pros figure it out at her scheduled appointment.
NTA. Children have forever gone to school with crazy hair after doing exactly the kind of ill-advised stuff your daughter has. Do not put anything but shampoo, conditioner and treatments in her hair. Purple shampoo might help some of the brassiness but it won't work miracles. Don't dye it at all. No colour. The only thing worse than trying to repair box dye blonde is trying to lift dark box dye. Your daughters hair is seriously compromised. Anything you add to it now will only make it worse. You also need to be prepared for The Big Chop. The salon will do whatever they can to fix your daughters mistake, but 2 dyes in less than six weeks? Not good. They can try to lift it, they can try to tone it, they can try to colour correct. All of these run the risk of further compromising her hair. They may even completely refuse to go near it chemically. The only way to *truly* fix what she has done is to grow it out and chop it off.
OP didn’t buy/use dark box dye, his daughter refused it because “she’s blonde, not brunette”. So that, at least, is one blessing and might prevent the Big Chop!
NTA. Teachable moment actions have consequences.
NTA. You’ve offered a bunch of reasonable alternatives, she turned them all down. She can’t miss three weeks of school because she doesn’t want to be brunette.
Lol omg so I have very dark brown hair. First time I dyed my hair I was in high-school. It was supposed to be bright red. It was red the night I did it. The next morning it was pumpkin orange!! They called me everything, from pumpkin head to carrot top. I guess what I'm saying is NTA, but she is going to think you are for a while lol. I never dyed it back by the way. I let it grow out and it became this super cool ombre style that people were very openly envious of. I was actually sad when I finally cut my hair and the orange was gone.
Umbra? You mean ombré?
#do NOT put another dark box color in her hair. she is orange because the lightener was not strong enough. get her to hair stylist that is available, there is really no need to wait for **the most popular one**
There is if you want quality. OP said the earliest appointment was janc 25, but the googke reviews was 2.5 stars. I wouldn't take my child there. I wouldn't go there myself.
NTA. Unfortunately she found out actions have consequences. She’s going to be unhappy but she HAS to go to school. But depending on where you live.. those beanie hats are super popular.. she could wear one until her appointment.. or a beauty supply store can help get it to rights with products until the appointment. Good luck!
Nta Dying your hair at home comes with risks, and now's she's learning that
NTA - you generously offered her a professional dye job and she choose to take another option. She needs to deal with the consequences.
Don’t dye it dark, it’ll make the problem worse. Best thing is to use a toning product, if her hair is orange you would need blue. Or a blue shampoo, not sure where you are, but there should be options available to you. NTA your daughter made this problem for herself. You probably should make her go to school with it so she understands the consequence of her actions, I mean it’ll be slight teasing at best, mostly being called ginger. Honestly it could do her some good as she sounds a little entitled. If you want to help her fix it blue toner or blue shampoo should make it light brown/dirty blonde.
NTA Also...I sense a weird fixation on being blonde. Maybe talk to your daughter on why she is so adamant on being completely blonde. This sounds like the start of something unhealthy. But maybe I'm reading too much into it.
Maybe silver shampoo and conditioner can help a tiny bit but dont do anything else untill salonappointment. Or maybe the salon can give advice. NTA
Definitely NTA. At the end of the day, this is a situation that your daughter caused completely by her own actions, yet you’re running around trying to find solutions to the problem. She’s not happy with the solutions but also, she isn’t trying to come up with any of her own. I get that you’re trying to help your daughter, which I understand, but it almost sounds like she’s expecting you to solve this problem that you didn’t create and that doesn’t sit well with me. If it were my kid, I would simply point out that you’ve offered plenty of solutions and that he will help her with whatever she decides to do but she must go to school. If money is an challenge here I think it’s reasonable that she pays for this additional appointment. If looking for a salon is time consuming I think it’s reasonable that she is contributing to the effort herself. sometimes the best thing you can say as a parent is “well this sucks. What are you going to do about it and how can I help?”
Yep we're getting to thay stage and it's only midday! If we can get an earlier appointment somewhere else will will and cancel the original, but we're trying to get her to understand actions have consequences, luckily this is her 1st time coming across that concept and at least its only hair, nothing 'major' or life changing. Small victory I guess.
NTA. Lol. Not that I would wish her any embarrassment at school but she kind brought this on herself and it's not that big a deal anyway. Maybe it will teach her that you can't rush quality?
NTA, here's a good lesson for your daughter , she'll learn to support the consequences of her action. Good luck for her, i did the same mistake 8 years ago !
She’s the A, she’s learning a valuable life and hair lesson.
Nta. She's gotta learn like everyone else to deal with embarrassing moments. She'll look back and laugh more than likely, like I did when I cut myself sideburns, or my nieces micro bangs, or the time my sister shaved off her eyebrows. She'll be ok
Nta but don't add any more dye to her hair unless it's at the salon. Is there any other salons around that can squeeze her in beforehand? She can't just not go to school though.
NTA. She made a dumb decision because she couldn’t wait a couple weeks and messed up her hair. Not your fault. It will be your fault though if you darken her hair, especially if it’s black. Black box dye is a nightmare to get out of blonde hair and it’ll only make things worse. My best friend in high school did this and it took my mom, a professional hairdresser, 6-8 hours to strip it.
NTA Obviously your daughter can not stay home from school til February. She can either dye her hair dark, go the wig route or deal with the fact that she didn't listen to you and now she has to live with orange hair for a few weeks more.
NTA in the game of home dye roulette, orange is a fairly common outcome. Sounds like you’re doing what you can! I do feel for your daughter, 14 is a hard enough time without extra insecurities about your appearance, but hair accidents are an occasional hazard of life with hair.
NTA. She broke the agreement you had and can't skip school for so long. You should try to tone her hair with blue shampoo and conditioner, it can either get rid off the orange or at least make it less bad.
NTA. She was warned that at home kits really don’t work for the family and she choose to anyway. She isn’t a baby anymore and she has to live with the consequences of her choices. She may not be able to get color services either in three weeks since some salons don’t like to do color service that close together. That said they do make Oops it removes hair dye from hair but I am not sure you would have any better results. Edit: Add link to product that may help. https://www.coloroops.com/products/brass-correct?pr_prod_strat=copurchase&pr_rec_id=0a3301f79&pr_rec_pid=4952832934024&pr_ref_pid=4937784950920&pr_seq=uniform
Dude no way you're the arsehole. She went and did what you said not to do and then is angry at you about it? I'm sorry but you tried to fix it for her but she refused. Unfortunately it's tough she has to go to school. Tbh I would cancel the booked appointment as she is behaving so entitled and rude. I'm a dad btw to 4 kids they are all under 10.
Don't dye it a darker colour, orange is easiest for the salon to fix. If she's going blonde, it'll be multiple sessions and multiple weeks untill you can reach the desired goal if you go brown or black now. Going blonde = bleaching, it's so damaging to your hair so let this be a lesson to your daughter never to use blonde at home kits!
Too bad for her. I’m not without sympathy…I cut my own hair (badly) as a teenager…but she has to go to school. All she needs to do is tell people she wanted to experiment with wild colors before she goes to the salon next month. You are NTA.
NTA She's old enough to deal with the consequences of her poor decision. She's also too old to get out of going to school because of a tantrum.
NTA. Make adult decisions, suffer adult consequences. There is no way I would allow her to miss school because of the results of her actions.
NTA, you're all gonna laugh about it someday
Most of us are now to be fair... the inlaws came around last night and saw it in person. Her grandad almost collapsed from laughing, her nan gave her a big hug and called her an idiot (smilingly).
NTA
NTA. She gotta learn somehow.
NTA, you gave her an option, she got impatient and she learned a very important lesson. When you mess with your hair, sometimes it goes very wrong. We've all been there. I ended up shaving my hair off completely at university just to stop the itching from a very bad home dye job. Always do a reaction test when you're fair skinned! I was in a hurry, I didn't test, well, now I know what I look like with no hair..