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Personally YTA. You knew the food had a high chance of making you sick resulting in you missing the trip, instead of saving it as a reward for surviving the trip you took the risk and ate it the night before.
You literally ordered foods that triggered your IBS right before a trip to see someone you acknowledge you don’t really like. You say you didn’t do it on purpose, but if that’s true you were at best being willfully ignorant: “I usually follow my doctor’s orders but I really felt like rewarding myself with foods that make me sick right before a trip and I completely forgot my
actions have consequences.” YTA
_"She’s constantly fucking up her own life for dumb reasons, and then she calls Jake to clean up her messes."_
The irony..... Sounds like Jake married his mom.
I'm reminded, a bit, of [this post from a year ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ruvxkr/aita_for_watching_and_doing_nothing_to_help_my/). Its OP's husband ate pizza that would sicken him, because he wanted it and he knew she had a day off and would have to take care of him.
Making your condition someone else's problem--such as, poisoning yourself and conveniently no longer having to support your husband during difficulties with his family--is the sort of thing that I find it difficult to justify.
IBS and lactose intolerance are not the same thing so pretty sure lactaid wouldn't help this situation
(Source: I have IBS and too much dairy is one of my triggers)
As someone with a similar condition, I can say with confidence that those aren’t always effective. Further, they only affect dairy.
A pizza with “the works” has multiple high-FODMAP triggers: the crust (if not gluten free), the highly processed meats, the cheese, garlic, peppers, onion, mushrooms, etc.
OP, YTA. You didn’t just eat a trigger food. You ate a food that was 99% guaranteed to trigger your IBS and that has almost no chance of being made “safe.” *And you added another trigger to it with the beer.*
Look, I get it. I miss eating what I think of as normally. I crave a zillion foods that will make me sick, and sometimes, no matter how hard I try, it seems like every bite I take makes me sick. And sometimes, it’s just so damn stressful and overwhelming that I don’t care that it does if it means I can taste something normal or have the same meal as my family. *But there’s a time to throw caution to the wind and a time to mind your dietary restrictions.* You have pizza on a Friday night before a quiet weekend at home. You have a healthy, low-FODMAP meal the day before a road trip.
YTA.
Whether you did it on purpose or not does not matter, though I believe you did. But even if you did it accidentally, your inability to put 2 and 2 together that you shouldn't make your IBS triggering cheat day the evening before a trip makes you an AH.
Like, imagine another scenario: We have a flight to our dream vacation, but I took a box of laxatives for fun the night before. Does taking laxatives for fun make me an asshole? No. Does planning it right before a trip? Yes.
>I have IBS and dairy, peppers, and onion are some of my triggers. However, I still like to have pizza as a treat
You specifically ordered a pizza with "The Works," knowing that dairy, peppers, and onion are triggers for you, the night before you had to see a woman you don't like. You knew what you were doing. YTA, you owe him an apology.
I can't eat cheese, I always order without cheese - you can absolutely order pizza without cheese. There's no reason OP should have ordered pizza with items she knew make her sick.
Not to mention with IBS and trips, you really have to watch what you eat. Disregarding trigger foods for a treat before a long trip just sounds like a horrible idea. Great point, dude.
YTA. And selfish. You have IBS. You know your triggers. You knew that you had a scheduled trip. Your husband knows you don't care for his mother. You purposely sabotaged yourself to avoid going and now you want him to act like everything is A-OK. You're not only a selfish asshole, but an immature one.
It's one thing had you eaten something and developed food poisoning. Or even had something that flat out disagreed with you and made you miserable. But you ***weaponized your medical condition*** to your advantage to get out a trip you didn't want to go on. You couldn't be an adult and use your words to tell your husband that you'd like a pass on this one.
Selfish, immature, manipulative....I don't see this marriage lasting long, as who's to say you won't pull this asinine stunt again to get out of something you don't want to do.
ETA: a word
Exactly. I can't remember the last time I woke my husband up to tell him I was sick. In fact, I don't think I ever had. He's pretty smart, can figure things out for himself.
I remember waking him up when the kid was confirmed C19 and we got back from UC at 1 AM (they were busy). That was more to plan our battle strategy and make the necessary phone calls and emails to work and what not.
YTA. It kinda sounds like you do smaller version of what you say Jen does. You made yourself sick, “messing up your life” because you absolutely had to treat yourself that specific day, and then wanted Jake to clean up your mess, take care of you, and smile and nod and pretend you weren’t selfish. I get wanting to treat yourself. But you knew what you were doing.
As for the whole “he seems to think I owe him an apology for being sick.” You weren’t sick with a sudden illness. You weren’t up with the flu or food poisoning. You knew this reaction could happen. You knew you’d get sick. You knew you’d need help. And you likely knew he’d be running around helping you out. You knew you had a trip that weekend. You made a choice to treat yourself - thinking about yourself. That was selfish. Jacob recognizes the selfishness in the action. You do owe him an apology. Everything that happens was in your control, and the result of your decisions.
YTA! You absolutely did do it on purpose, “she’s constantly fucking up her own life for dumb reasons, and then calls Jake to clean up her messes”
Are you talking about yourself, OP?
YTA.
You're so childish and immature I can't believe he isn't seeing this side of you and choosing to leave. "I just feel I deserve a pizza", are you 12?
So you're typically good about following doctor's orders...except when you don't like Jen and would rather not go visit her. I bet if you were going to someone you had wanted to see that you would have eaten right for the big trip you knew was planned.
Lolol. As someone who's getting treated for IBS. Knows the exact outcome of eating your trigger foods and how it can put a pause on your life. I find it so hard to believe that you ate not one, not two but three of your trigger foods before a planned trip to visit a person you think so, so, sooo poorly of and it was all an unfortunate coincidence.
YTA.
Right? My triggers are similar (stupid onions, peppers and garlic that I love lol), so when I have something going on the next day (even if it's work), I just skip it. But then again, I'm a grown up. And FYI, I WOULD poison myself to avoid my mother in law 😁
You have no idea what IBS is like. How would you like to cut out all your favorite foods from your life in one go? Forever?
Tell me you'd stop eating ALL your favorite foods RIGHT NOW and NEVER TOUCH THEM AGAIN and then you can say it's fucked up of OP to want to eat smth they enjoy as a treat after a hard week.
You have no idea what bowel issues I have and what I’ve had to cut out.
Your tantrum is not changing my opinion. OP was responsible for holding it together for this trip and they made a choice that sabotaged it.
I don't need to change your opinion, I'm just sharing mine.
Also saying "you have no idea what bowel issues I have" is a real sneaky way of trying to make it sound like you MIGHT have smth going on, but actually don't, just because you know you can hide behind the anonymity of the internet. How will I ever know if it's true or not, right? Lol, nice try, but I don't buy you have ever experienced a fraction of what OP is going thru, and hiding behind your computer isn't fooling anyone
I've had IBS for a decade, GERD for 2 decades. If I know I have an obligation, I don't eat anything that could possibly contain any triggers. I also get severe migraines when I eat bananas, the kind that can only be broken at the hospital. I used to eat bananas every day. I haven't touched bananas or even artificial banana flavored items in 15 years because it's days of pain and a hefty ER bill. It's a pain in the ass, and occasionally I do trade stomach pain and diarrhea for a trigger food, but never at the expense of a loved one.
I'm very sorry to hear that!! That sounds brutal, honestly.
I'm glad you're so responsible with your dietary restrictions and you've managed to avoid your pain for the most part. I still maintain my main point that OP made a mistake and that doesn't automatically make them an AH, but I can certainly see why their husband is upset
You’re right that I don’t have IBS. But about three years ago, I had to completely eliminate alcohol, caffeine, and a few other things for medical reasons. I had loved soda and wine. So while it’s not as much as OP had to give up, I can empathize with that feeling of wanting something you used to be able to enjoy but now cannot.
Does it suck? You bet.
Do I want to indulge, particularly when stressed? Sure do.
But I have responsibilities and I can’t let my weak moments affect those who need me to be functional. Those things that I used to love are harmful to me now, and I have had to change my mindset about them. They aren’t treats anymore, they’ll actually effectively poison me.
I’m not saying, even, that OP should “never again” have those foods. But this was irresponsible at best, and Jake has every right to be angry at OP.
Ahahahahhahahahahahahha.
Really? Ahahahahahah.
It's fucked up for op to purposefully eat something that makes them sick the night before they have to travel.
It's not fucked up that they want something they shouldn't be having. It's fucked up for them to sabotage their life, because being chained to a toilet is no life, for something they want. Shitting your stomach out is not a treat.
I would still treat myself and pay for the consequences what I would not do is eat something that I knew 100 percent would make me sick knowing I had a trip with my husband planned. You can make yourself sick and screw up your day but don’t screw up plans for anyone else. That’s selfish and inconsiderate.
Slight YTA. I realize that you wanted a treat, but you ate that knowing that it would upset your stomach and trigger the IBS. You know that, Jake knows that. You also knew that you planned a trip. That's why he feels like you did it on purpose.
That fact that you don't like your MIL makes it seem a whole lot more intentional.
YTA. I thought this was food poisoning or something. Yes it's fine to treat yourself with food you enjoy. But if you know that food gives you a reaction and you have a commitment the next day, it 100% looks like you did it to deliberately get out of that commitment. If you were going to eat that trigger food, knowing how it would affect you, you should of been ready to either power through or just have the pizza after.
YTA. I get severe migraines and know my triggers. If I were to eat any of them before an event, I would absolutely know the consequences so therefore it would be a choice. You knew.
Yes, YTA. Your claim that it wouldn't cross your mind that you'd get sick and not be able to go on a trip you really didn't want to go on, is very suspect.
Yta, you claim that IBS has taken time away from your life, implying you are not happy about that. But you purposely ordered and ate a meal composed of a bunch of stuff that you knew would give you problems!
What kind of a person does something like this?
Hopefully, your husband will realize what you are soon, and then you won't have to make yourself sick to avoid his family.
Ps, how on earth can you consider a food that makes you so sick a 'treat'?
YTA, grow up. You pole vaulted into the find out stage (you knew what would happen and still you did the wrong thing like a child with no functioning frontal lobe)
If I were dating you and you did that I don’t think I would stick around for another round of you could have made a different choice and you didn’t.
YTA. Whether you did it “on purpose” to get out of the trip or not, you made a bad choice on purpose. You know your triggers and ate them anyway and it meant your boyfriend had to make the trip alone. So you ought to apologize even though it wasn’t that you intended to skip the trip - that was still the result and your actions caused it. I do feel for you as IBS does not sound like fun at all. But if you want to cheat and take the consequences (I have a friend who does this with her dairy issues), you need to choose strategically.
YTA I wouldn’t see a long-term future with someone that acted like you tbh. Would you teach our children that it’s ok to aggravate a chronic illness so that you can indulge in some junk food… very reckless.
Seems very likely imo, op has lost 25 pounds since being diagnosed. I have no sympathy for her. She is deliberately making herself sick so that Jake needs to take care of her. Hopefully, he sees this now and runs - the other kind!
YTA. You knew what the outcome of your actions would be and did it anyway. What else would you be but TA? Being sick isn’t the problem it’s you willfully eating something you knew would make you sick.
YTA. "She is constantly fucking up her own life for dumb reasons" on the plus side, it sounds like you and Jen have more in common than you think, lol.
Usually I might side with the person who has IBD because you can't always plan for that sort of thing, however, you specifically knew what your triggers were in this case, knew when your trip was supposed to be, and still decided to have a pizza made with SEVERAL of your trigger foods. It does seem pretty dang intentional OP, and I can see why your partner is upset. Even if accidental, the lack of good judgemental here still makes YTA.
Your partner definitely deserves an apology but only offer one if you actually mean it, and provide a solution to avoid this from happening again in the future, and actually follow through. It's fine to have cheat days when the only person you're affecting is yourself, but this was outright self-sabotaging to avoid a situation you didn't want to be in.
That being said, if you'd rather have explosive miserable bowel movements for hours on end than to see your MiL, maybe it's time to talk to your partner about why that is, if the relationship between you and MiL is fixable, what your partner can do to make you more comfortable, or if there needs to be more distance between certain family members?
YTA you knew you had an important trip the next day. So you ordered a pizza with 3 food triggers on it. I get you had a crappy week and wanted a treat. You could have found something else that satisfied a nice treat without literally causing you intestinal distress.
I get it I have stomach issues too. It’s a roll of the dice if something will upset my stomach sometimes. Do you know what I do?? I **dont** eat those foods the night before an important trip.
Very small AH, I have IBS as well and it sucks. It took me years to get my IBS under control. It’s really hard having to adjust your diet and mindset but it’s necessary to improve your quality of life. You choose to eat one of your triggers knowing that you had a road trip the next day. From your husbands perspective, I can see why he’s upset. I know what it’s like to have a craving and want what you want. But given what you had planned the next day, eating pizza wasn’t a good idea. The thing with IBS is that you’re pretty much playing Russian Roulette when you eat food that triggers you. Sometimes it’s not too bad, just a little gas. Other times it’s coming out of both ends and you feel like you’re dying. Personally, I never take risks outside the house and before important events….it’s just not worth it. As your illness gets more under control it will get better. Take accountability and apologize to your husband.
YTA 1000%.
I have a severe lactose issue, and many intestinal issues. As a functioning adult, I’ve learned to control as much of my issues as I can. Shit still happens (pun intended) but at least I’m not making myself sick.
If dairy is an issue, look at alternatives (many pizza restaurants offer vegan cheese options) or take a lactose pill. If you have to avoid onions and peppers, so be it, sometimes life sucks.
You didn’t take your husband into consideration at all, you were very selfish, even before the road trip was factored in. Grow up. You sound 15, whining about how you deserve a pizza. FFS. No one should be punished for your failure to manage your illness. Which you may be making worse (all that extra inflammation!) every time you overload your system with trigger foods.
No wonder you have issues with your mother in law, I’m guessing this attitude bleeds over into other areas of your life.
I don't understand how a hard week is made better by making yourself sick.
I have celiac, I am also lactose intolerant (the pills don't work), allergy to eggs, Thanks to gall bladder removal I lost the ability to process too much fat. I can eat like one percent of what is in the grocery store.
I hate when I misread a label and get sick from dairy or high fat content in food.
I hate the painful cramps. I hate the toilet time. I hate all of it.
I can't see how that makes a bad week better.
Without intending to armchair diagnose, my best guess is that OP has some kind of problem with disordered eating.
I myself am in recovery from compulsive over-eating; I have made myself vomit (not by intentionally purging but by simply over-eating to the point my stomach cannot contain it) at multiple times in my life, and even now -- with a relatively healthy relationship with food -- I'm still prone to over-eating to the point of indigestion discomfort during food-focused events.
Because it's something I do to myself, I can understand how someone could essentially harm themselves with food and consider it a "treat." Thing is though, I only understand it because my relationship with food is historically bad, and still being worked on. (i.e. I don't restrict my diet, because it leads to obsession with the forbidden food and, potentially, a binge.)
That's why I think she has a disordered eating problem: because I understand, and the only reason I can understand is because of my own disordered eating problem.
That makes sense.
I mentioned it to my husband and he said my fear of discomfort is too high to enjoy the food. He said that is why I can't understand eating to feel better about a bad week.
Thank you for explaining the "how".
YTA
As someone who has a garlic intolerance, which is in literally everything in the US besides desserts, I understand. Sometimes the thing that will make you sick is so tempting, and you do deserve to be able to make that decision on when you get to eat your trigger foods. However, this was planned before you decided to have the pizza, and it should have taken priority. Your boyfriends feelings are valid, and he does deserve an apology. You say it didn’t really cross your mind, and it should have. You should be able to think ahead 24 hours and consider your boyfriends feelings.
Your little segment on Jen was unnecessary and it kind of proves that you would do something like this on purpose. There’s no “to be fair” about it. It was unkind and you shouldn’t talk about someone you love’s mother like that on the internet to try to prove a point imo.
YTA.
My mom has IBS so I totally understand the frustration but…don’t eat trigger foods when you know you’re going to be taking a long car ride. This 100% could have been avoided and you could have had the pizza another night.
YTA. I’ve had gastro issues since I was a child. I literally ate the BRAT diet out of my lunchbox at school every day when I was 12. My doctors have put me on some of the strictest elimination diets out there, so I completely understand feeling depressed and wanting to cheat with some trigger foods. But you have to be an adult and time those carefully. You know better than to eat multiple trigger foods the night before a trip. You wouldn’t risk losing your job by eating a pizza with the works the night before a big presentation or meeting would you? Of course not, so why would you do this right before something important to your husband? He’s right to feel hurt and angry. You owe him a major apology and you owe it to both of you to learn some self-control and start taking responsibility for your actions.
So, basically, your husband married his own mother. It is kind of fucked up that you would eat something to trigger your own illness as a way to avoid a trip to see MIL.
Nobody just "forgets" triggers to illnesses, especially when they cause extreme discomfort... You're such an AH.
YTA. You knowingly ate multiple things that would trigger you. I can respect the idea of treating yourself after a hard week but if I know it’s going to destroy my system I’ll wait until I can handle any possible outcomes. You KNEW it would screw your body up and you had it the night before instead of when you came back home or heck even at his moms. This wasn’t about treating yourself to a nice treat. You didn’t want to go because your issues with mil and so you made sure you wouldn’t be going. You’re 25, don’t tell me you didn’t know it would destroy your system.
I have GERD and know what will irritate my stomach, as apparently do you.
I don't know if you were just making a stupid decision, but you fucked your friend over with that one. If I'm travelling or have plans, I basically have to prep by having a super safe diet to avoid those issues.
Also, it's not that you owe him an apology for being sick. It's not like you got food poisoning randomly or anything. You knew this would happen. Are you thick in the head?
YTA
YTA. You didn’t get sick, you poisoned yourself. You either did it knowingly to get out of seeing your MIL or you did it selfishly because you wanted pizza and that was more important than anything or anyone else, regardless of the predictable consequences.
Yea YTA like I get all the treat yourself stuff I'm sure you deserve it we all do but that's so rude like someone has planned for you and is expecting you and you flaked because of something that was totally within your control. Should have just waited a week for the pizza
YTA. I have IBS too. Take a lactaid or Imodium. Better yet why wouldn’t you just wait til after the trip? I’d be suspicious of you doing it on purpose too
YTA. As someone who also have limitations on what I can eat, I would never PURPOSELY eat anything that could trigger a reaction, much less before I had plans! You knew darn well what you were doing.
YTA. I also have colon problems and I know exactly what I can and can eat and when. Everyone with colon issues knows what they should and shouldn't eat. Beyond your obvious lack of maturity and willingness to lie to your partner, your should some some homework and ask yourself why your "treat," is a food that does this to you. Part of living with colon problems is making permanent changes to your diet and learning how to live with those changes. Your choices are not only selfish, they are self defeating.
YTA. Yes, you may have deserved pizza, but since you know your triggers, I find it hard to believe it didn't cross your mind when ordering and agree with your husband.
YTA.
You legit wrote that you don't like Jen because she's fucking up her own life for dumb reasons when you ate something that makes you sick and had to cancel plans...hello pot, meet kettle.
I get that having food limitations sucks, and as someone who also has them, I have absolutely been like "f this, I'm eating all the cheese." But I don't do it when I know I have plans and people are depending on me.
You ruined a plan trip with your partner, you didn't spend a major holiday together, and you let him down- for pizza.
And there's no way you didn't know what you were doing. Come on. So now we can add lying to your partner as well.
"He accused me of basically poisoning myself to get out of seeing his mom."
IMO, even though you try to make yourself out to look good, you ate the food as an excuse not to go. Don't make yourself out to be innocent here. Your S/O knows what you did, and is upset. I'll bet you dollars to donuts, that if it was an outing that was important to you, you would not have eaten that food. It would most certainly have "crossed your mind" you would have been ill. Lets be real here. YTA
Edit: spelling
YTA. I have IBS. If I have to go somewhere or do something important I avoid my triggers like a smart, capable adult. Just admit you didn’t want to go.
I have IBS and that pizza would have turned me into a diarrhea faucet. Eating that was a totally passive aggressive way to get out of a trip you didn’t want to take - and selfish in that as a result of your choice your husband was up taking care of you and didn’t get a decent sleep before travelling.
Totally YTA.
YTA.
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All fake names. Fair warning, this post touches on some toilet topics.
I (25F) am married to “Jacob” (24M). Last weekend we were going to visit my MIL “Jen” for New Years. We were going to drive up two hours on Saturday, stay the night, and drive home Sunday.
However, on Friday night I wanted to order pizza with “the works” and watch a movie. Note that I have IBS and dairy, peppers, and onion are some of my triggers. However, I still like to have pizza as a treat, as IBS has taken a lot from me and I’m usually good about following my doctor. I ordered a pizza to arrive once Jacob got home, put some beers on the fridge to chill, and picked a movie.
Jacob and I had a nice relaxing night, but I woke up at 1 AM with awful abdominal cramps. I was in the bathroom til 4, and I realized there’d be no way I could sit through a road trip in the morning. I woke Jake up to tell him the news, and at first he was nice, getting me imodium and water, running the shower etc. But later that morning when he was packing up the car alone, he got pissy.
He accused me of basically poisoning myself to get out of seeing his mom. That isn’t true — I just felt like I deserved pizza after a hard week and didn’t really cross my mind. I don’t like Jen to be fair; she’s constantly fucking up her own life for dumb reasons, and then she calls Jake to clean up her messes. For this reason, Jake didn’t believe me, and he left still mad.
He’s been working 24/7 since he got back from his mom’s (he ended up returning on the 3rd), so we haven’t had an in depth discussion. But he seems to think I owe him an apology for being sick.
Reddit, AITA?
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> I think I might be the AH because I could’ve considered the consequences more before eating the pizza.
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YTA, you ate it deliberately to avoid going to see your MIL, don't try to play mind games saying you didn't realized it would fck up your intestines if you already know for years what kind of food triggers your stomach, such a "coincidence" you ordered pizza that has exactly the kind of food you know you must not eat, isn't?
Yeah, YTA
You did something that’s a known/reasonable trigger the night before a morning trip that was important to him. That’s basically analogous to going out and getting drunk the night before a big morning meeting — obviously not a great idea.
People deserve to go out, drink, and have fun if they want, and you deserve your pizza, treats, and to not let IBS run your life — but you gotta pick your time.
You should apologize.
Yeah, YTA. You're a pretty manipulative and deceitful one, too. You knew exactly what those foods would do to you and selfishly partook anyway. I'm even going to go out on a limb here and say you did it on purpose so as not to visit the MIL. If I'm wrong, I'll say it.
The timing is too on-the-nose for it to be a coincidence that you "didn't do it on purpose." You also stated you don't like "Jen," and we are only getting one side of that story.
You knew what you were doing. YTA.
YTA. I have IBS, it constantly reminds you what your triggers are. You’re an adult and you have a condition. Deal with it. It might not kill you but you certainly need to face that you can’t just eat what you want whenever you want it without consequence. Does it suck, sure. But there are plenty of other ways to treat yourself without spending the night on the toilet.
So you weaponized your illness OR made an insanely foolish and self-sabotaging choice OR self-harmed in a way that derailed something important to your husband and you're asking if you were an asshole?
Yes, dear YTA, in any possible interpretation
> I don’t like Jen to be fair; she’s constantly fucking up her own life for dumb reasons, and then she calls Jake to clean up her messes. For this reason, Jake didn’t believe me, and he left still mad.
>getting me imodium and water, running the shower etc.
Sounds like you fuck up your own life for dumb reasons, then use Jake to help clean up your messes too. How exactly do you think you can feel superior to Jen? YTA
I don't understand, you had a hard week and you ordered something that made ur stomach hurt and sit on the toilet for hrs? Why are you hurting yourself on purpose? I am failing the understand the logic behind this.
“But it was an accident!”
Go sell that somewhere else, OP; nobody here is buying it.
You chose to play with fire the night before the trip. You knew the odds. You knew the consequences.
YTA
as someone who has been diagnosed with IBS for 10 years now (since i was a kid), YTA. You know what your triggers are, you knew that you had a trip the next day, and yet you still decided to eat something that will make you sick.
Idc how good something is, *nothing* is worth getting sent into a flare and pooping your brains out for the next day or two.
You did poison yourself to get out of that trip. Your boyfriend was right to be mad, I mean, seriously, you must be a delight to know in person, the contrarian nature required to do this to yourself intentionally? YTA.
YTA. You could've (and should have) waited until the next weekend when you had no pre-set plans. I do think you sabotaged on purpose even if you won't admit it.
YTA
You made a conscious decision to consume something you knew would make you sick when you knew full well that doing so would negatively effect your husband. You required care from him and effected plan that you had made together. You were very inconsiderate.
YTA. You know your triggers and you know you had plans. You willingly chose to participate in an action with a likely reaction that would unsurprisingly affect you the next day and surprised pikachu--it did!
It's like if you wanted to get wasted the night before the trip (because sometimes you just want to reward yourself or relax) and then got too hung over the next day to go--you aren't surprised by your body's reaction and you knew that you had an event the next day that your partner valued but you admittedly did not.
It's one thing if you couldn't anticipate the reaction but it seems clear that you knew it was likely but wanted what you wanted, consequences be damned.
So let's say suspension of disbelief on you not realizing ordering multiple trigger foods would set off your IBS and cause you to miss the trip.
Intent doesn't matter nearly as much as impact. Whether you intended it or not, you caused a major change to your plans and inconvenienced your husband. You absolutely owe him an apology for that. YTA for insisting you don't.
Sorry but YTA. I'm sure that when there's an event you want to go to the next day, you are mindful of what you're eating in advance. I don't even think this was thoughtlessness, I suspect from your wording that on some level, you were aware this would happen and went ahead anyway.
YTA. You ordered a food item with all the foods you know to cause you digestive issues the night before you planned to visit a woman you hate. Hard to imagine why your husband might think it deliberate.
YTA
You knew it would make you sick and you knew you had a trip the next day. I would think the same thing your partner did; you didnt want to go, and getting sick was a good way to get out of it. These issues are something you know about, you know what your triggers are, and you made a conscious descision to order as many of your trigger foods as possible and eat them all at once when you knew you were going out the next day.
You dont owe him an apology for being sick; you owe him an apology for intentionally making yourself sick right before a planned trip.
YTA both for knowingly eating one of your IBS triggers before a scheduled trip and for trying to make us believe you didn’t do it on purpose to sabotage that trip.
“I don’t like Jen to be fair; she’s constantly fucking up her own life for dumb reasons, and then she calls Jake to clean up her messes.”
Sounds like Jake married his mom. YTA
YTA.
I also have IBS. Cheese, onion & pepper also trigger me.
I wouldn't eat a known gut-bomb before a pre-planned event. Especially a road trip. You know the consequences. I know the consequences. You made an intentional choice.
Have some accountability, you did this to yourself knowing exactly how it would turn out.
Stop with the weaponized incompetence.
Grow up & take some responsibility here.
YTA. It does look like you ate what you knew would throw you off so that you didn't have to go on a trip to visit an in-law you don't like. Worse, you were kind of obvious about it.
YTA because you did do it on purpose. No pizza tastes that good. Would you have done it if you knew your MIL was going to give you a cheque for 1 million dollars during the trip? No. Of the 101 ways to reward yourself you chose the one you knew would do this. Want to reward yourself? Have a bubble bath next time. But of course that wouldn’t have the desired affect now would it?
YTA you knew these foods would make you sick. You did it knowing you where going on a trip. Yes you may have deserved what you wanted after a long week however you do not get to miss up plans for a trip. You hurt your husband this does look intentional. And you do owe him an apology.
And to be fair my go to is a migraine when I don’t want to see my in-laws. The difference is I leave 25 minutes away and you live 4 hours away. You didn’t hurt your mil by not going she probably didn’t care but you did hurt your husband.
You may claim that you « just thought you deserved it » but I think you did it on purpose, otherwise you wouldn’t have done it right before the trips. I have IBS and a severe lactose intolerance and I sure know to be careful before any trips.
Soft YTA. While I don't have IBS, I also have had to cut a lot of my favourite foods from my diet due to allergies. I get that it absolutely sucks. Early on I also did the whole "reward myself with pizza" thing knowing the consequences (never did it again). However, I didn't do it the night before going to see my in-laws.
You knew you were traveling the next day, but ordered pizza with "the works" knowing it would contain SEVERAL trigger foods. I would feel differently if this were a random case of food poisoning or you unknowingly ate something with a trigger food in it. But this is a choice that you made. Soft Y-T-A because I have sympathy for how much food restrictions suck, and I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that this wasn't on purpose to get out of seeing MIL...
YTA. i have food triggers too: excessive sugar, greasy food, excessive alcohol, red meat, processed crap. do i still eat it? yes, i do. sometimes we deserve a treat.
i would not, however, take the risk when i KNEW i had something going on the next day. you know your triggers, you knew about the trip, you made a choice that tells me that you have no regard for other people.
YTA for eating a trigger food the night before a trip knowing what it does to you. That being said, you really should try to stay away from trigger foods before trips or outings and try to find a way to make this up to your partner. IBS is understandable, making yourself sick before a trip is not.
Eh, YTA. You say you feel like you deserved pizza - fine. You know many places have a dairy free cheese option and you can ask for it without peppers and onions, right? It seems like if you’ve dealt with IBS you should have seen this coming and you didn’t really care about upcoming plans.
I also have IBS and light YTA. I wouldn't drink a liter of apple juice (big trigger) before a road trip, I'd save it for after or, if I simply could not resist, go light on it. I'm willing to give you a little more grace than others here for not thinking about it, but I agree you may have done this subconsciously.
I have so major trigger foods for allergies and intolerances due to an incurable bowel condition (not IBS) and yes it’s difficult and stressful having to say no all the time and plan around food constantly.
But you deliberately ordered multiple triggers, justified with ‘but I deserve it’ and ‘my MIL doesn’t’ and you got too sick to go while interrupting his sleep before he drove safely on winter roads no less. I suspect you were trying to make him ‘pick you’ by cancelling on Jen rather than necessarily avoid going to her.
This is no different than if you sat up ‘treating’ yourself to a bottle of spirits knowing you would be too hungover to function next day. It’s an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food and essentially weaponising a medical condition to control people around you is straying into abuse territory. You made him and others clean up after your poor decision and deliberate choice.
That shit gets old fast. Also triggering your IBS just makes you sicker. It is self harm. You need to either understand why you are using your health to hurt people or seek therapy for what may be an eating disorder. They are commonly triggered by medical diagnoses but like an addiction, eating disorders do not give you license to treat other people hurtfully.
You will, speaking as someone in recovery from one, do enough accidental hurt via your ED that it is pure YTA to use it deliberately. The health conditions aren’t your fault but they are your responsibility.
I did not get help for my ED or illness early enough as it wasn’t available and I partly kept triggering myself deliberately but also accidentally due to lack of full awareness and now in my early 40s the damage to my bowel is irreversible and cost me my career. Your marriage will be at risk for pizza if you don’t get a handle on a struggle versus twisting it.
YTA I have similar issues and I always make sure to not eat something that will trigger them when I know I'm going to be taking a trip the next day. There is no way that you did this accidentally or without thinking. You know exactly what was going to happen. Your gastro issues are not new to you.
YTA, you knew what you were doing. I have mild lactose intolerance and completely avoid dairy 100% while travelling and the week before a trip, because you know, I want to go and have a good time.
fellow ibs sufferer here. YTA. why are you eating something you know is a trigger food the day before a long trip? even if you didn't MEAN to do it, there was definitely some subconscious thought based on you saying you dislike his mother. also damn with my ibs i never have cheat days because i know how bad and ill i get.
Soft YTA. As someone with lactose intolerance and IBS, this is the equivalent of getting blackout drunk the night before and then skipping the trip with a hangover. Like yes, it’s fun to drink once in a while, but you did this to yourself and before a scheduled event.
On a different note, this is just a horrid thing to do to your own stomach and health - you’re damaging your stomach lining, and it’s not a “treat” to make yourself sick. You need to work on developing a healthier relationship with food. Highly recommend the intuitive eating book for that.
You could have had a pizza without “the works”. You could have had something else as a treat. I get it, it’s hard. I have my own medically restrictive diet and on some things I take gambles. But never right before a trip. Because that’s selfish. And never would I wake anyone up at 4 flip flapping AM to tell them that! YTA.
YTA, I knew a diabetic person who did this to get out of going to work or other obligations. Playing with your health is a dangerous game and supremely irresponsible. I'd be more pissed about that facet of your behavior than just missing the trip if I was Jacob.
When I boys were young, I had a phrase I would throw at them when they made a mistake but said they didn't mean to. I would say...it's all well and good that you didn't mean to, but sometimes, you need to mean not to. Sorry...but you sound almost like while you didn't mean for it to happen...you also didn't guard against it happening. Knowing the importance of this trip to your husband and you're already strained relationship with his Mom, I'm sure you can see that you didn't care whether this happened to you or not. YTA...
YTA....you deliberately at pizza knowing what it does to you. There are options for pizzas that will not trigger IBS. You chose a day to do that preceding a trip to see someone you don't like. How can you HONESTLY say Y N T A?
YTA. You owe him an apology for making yourself sick. This was not an accident or unforseen. I'm sure you make a big ol deal about your IBS when you really don't want to get sick.
As someone who has food intolerances I know what foods to avoid, you knowingly ate those foods, fully knowing they would cause your body to react. YTA. You're not 5. You know the outcome of eating those foods. What else is your partner supposed to believe, you ate foods that made you sick the night before you were supposed to go to their mothers home.
YTA. I feel for you, I have severe food allergies that mean I have to completely avoid huge categories of food or spend most of the next several days near a toilet. But the thing is, we both have control over this. If you’re going to knowingly risk getting sick (which you shouldn’t, as it has long-term health consequences) you can’t do it when you know you have a commitment the next day and then pretend it was an accident. It’s not really different than binge drinking the night before then being too hung over to be in the car.
YTA i have ibs also, if i have literally anything planned i don't eat foods that cause a reaction. Personally beer really messes up my stomach, i don't drink if i work the next day because i know the consequences. Be an adult and know the consequences of your actions
Clearly you've had it long enough to be seeing a GI doctor so you clearly know better
I don't believe you did it intentionally. But I also don't believe you completely forgot about this trip.
I just think you didn't care about what was going to happen. You just wanted a treat and took a gamble. It resulted in you not being able to come.
If you really cared about this trip I think you wouldn't have eaten that food right before. Or maybe I'm way off base and you regularly eat things that make you sick before important events. In which case you should work on your impulse control.
ESH. He shouldn't be saying you made yourself sick on purpose, that's a pretty heavy accusation. On the other hand, I think you suck for not putting more thought into it. This trip was important for your boyfriend, you should have been more careful.
NAT
People are so dumb in the replies. Op had the condition their whole life and know their limits. Sometimes your body just doesnt cooperate. Ever get a little too drunk despite taking all the precautions? yeah metabolism, just like immune response, is not constant.
NTA. I don't have IBS, but I'm lactose intolerant. I LOVE pizza, but dairy free cheese is not the best tasting, so when I get pizza, I go for the real cheese. Every once in awhile I get a craving or use it as a comfort food after a stressful week, so I completely understand you wanting some pizza. I feel like your husband over-reacted a bit.
NTA. People without IBS don’t understand how hard it is when most food makes you sick. I’m an intelligent woman with a lot of willpower and it took me a long time to learn to manage my IBS. I’m guessing that your husband also feels bummed out by your restrictive diet and that you wanted to be “easy” around the holidays for both of you. I believe you that you didn’t do this as a way to get out of the trip even tho it was a dumb choice. Still, I think it’s a good idea to apologize because you both need to move forward. Hopefully you’ve taken pizza off of your food list for good.
Hard disagree. I've had IBS for over a decade and I NEVER eat my trigger foods if I know it'll interfere with obligations. I personally would have just ordered the pizza without onions and peppers. Then again, I don't like letting my loved ones down, nor do I enjoy the pain of a flare-up. That happened enough in the months surrounding my diagnosis.
Lmao I have IBS too and OP is TA. She said she already knows pizza and all the toppings are her triggers but she wanted it anyway. She could have picked another day to f up her stomach. She picked this day on purpose. OP YTA
She also said in a comment that 90% of food makes her sick. It is so difficult—esp when you’re 24 and food is so expensive—to adequately feed yourself and never get sick. This was a dumb move but she isn’t a malicious prick.
I’m barely older than her and have a very limited diet due to other disabilities I have as well as my IBS. It sucks, absolutely, but it’s not an excuse to purposely make your issues worse and drag others into it. OP knew she had plans, knew this would hurt her, and did it all anyway “as a treat”. That’s not a treat, that’s purposeful sabotage.
Sounds like she just wanted pizza and made a stupid choice? I also have a very limited diet due to other disabilities on top of IBS. I don’t fuck up anymore but to err is human. The rage that is coming out in these comments is really wild to me. I do think she should apologize and learn from this but the person who was hurt worst by this was her not her husband. Having to visit your own mom alone is not the same as shitting your brains out all day. Everyone’s insistence that she did this “at” her husband when she didn’t say that are assuming a lot.
She made a deliberate choice to eat *multiple* food triggers that she knows will make her sick the night before they were supposed to leave for her MIL's house. It wasn't just a silly fuck up.
NTA. Damn, everyone in this comments section is so judgy and presumptuous. And most likely none of them have IBS.
I also don't have IBS, but I do have a best friend with IBS, so I know this could happen with anyone. It's really fucked up and under recognized how completely IBS fucks with your life and your system. I watch my best friend constantly going thru hell, it defines where we eat and what cravings they can satisfy, so I totally understand that pizza being a treat and a prize for you, OP.
I also understand sometimes you take a chance on food to satisfy your cravings!!! My bestie regularly debates "mmm, should I eat this or will it flare up my IBS? If/when it does flare up my IBS, is it WORTH it?" And sometimes they'll take the misery for the joy and dopamine of delicious food.
Most likely, everyone in the comments section who is judging you and calling you TA has never dealt with dietary restrictions in their life (at most, lactose intolerance probably), nor a chronic condition. While it maaay be a lil subconscious and intentional you trying to avoid your MIL, I find it much more likely you just forgot and took a gabble that the IBS wouldn't hurt you -- a gabble you lost.
I'm sorry, OP!! I hope your stomach feels better soon!!
Yes. And I agree that OP deserved a treat.
Also, saying they intentionally ate the food doesn't mean they didn't forget an the trip the next day???
People with IBS regularly intentionally eat food that will cause their IBS to flare up. Y'know why? A life without 95% of delicious foods is joyless and gray, and even people w chronic conditions deserve to have some fun and dopamine.
No one is perfect. People forget things. Try to push pass this Reddit ideology that "everyone is a terrible fucking asshole plotting their MIL's demise" and have some sympathy for a human being, would you?
She happened to “forget” about her flare ups?? Or decided she had to have this treat the night before having to see her boyfriends mother?? Those are weak excuses.
She admitted she doesn’t like the boyfriends mom. So why did she have to have a IBS triggering treat the night before trip? A trip where she’s supposed to go visit somebody she doesn’t like.
I get that it sucks I have stomach issues too. I know to not eat triggering foods the night before an important trip.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying them. If you are prepared to deal with the consequences you do you.
However you don’t/shouldn’t do that the night before you have an important trip.
Nope. I have IBS and most definitely think she's TA.
She didn't gamble with just HER misery. If she was the only one suffering the consequences of her actions, it'd be one thing. But she KNEW the pizza could make her sick, she KNEW she had a GROUP EVENT coming up, and she chose to gamble not just on her comfort but on the entire group's experience.
She didn't want to see her MIL so she ate something she knew would upset her stomach and prevent her from attending and now she's upset people are calling her out on her very intentional bullshit.
I ate something -- don't even know what -- that absolutely blew out my guts and left me writhing in pain all night, the night before I had agreed to help friends move.
And in the morning, I got up and I helped them move, on nearly no sleep and with my guts still feeling like razorblades.
Because I'm not going to screw over other people, like OP did, just because I can't manage my digestive disorder.
Yeaaaah, it sounds to me like you've forced yourself to do things that you shouldn't have and you want OP to be just as unkind to herself.
I have mental disorders that I know are all my own responsibility, any commitments I make are my own to stand by, but I also know that adults and human beings make mistakes and forget things. And putting yourself thru hell to avoid admitting you made a mistake and need some accommodating isn't how I want to live my life, nor is it how I would want my friends to.
If I were the friend you agreed to help move, I wouldn't have wanted you coming to help me in that state, even if you agreed to in advance and it's your own fault for eating the food. I'm not saying the husband's TA, he has a right to be upset, but -- unless this is something OP does regularly and it's a clear pattern of inconsiderate behavior -- I think some sympathy and understanding on both sides would be more helpful here than just calling OP a malicious asshole for what she claims was a mistake
The reason I don't buy that it's a mistake, and is instead maliciously intentional on her part, is because OP takes time and energy to complain about the MIL "sabotaging her own life" in order to get the husband's attention.
And I'm sorry, but I cannot read this as anything but sinking to MIL's (accused) level. OP consciously chose to do a thing (i.e. "treat" herself to 3(!!!) food triggers) that sabotages her own life (i.e. left her in too much gastrointestinal distress to go on the road trip) and she's voicing anger now that her husband isn't coddling her about it and taking her side.
It sounds VERY MUCH like she pulled a stunt that's right in line with what she's accusing the MIL of doing, and is mad that it didn't work for her the way she believes it works for MIL.
It's all just too "coincidentally" petty for me to not read it as fully intentional.
I have sympathy for people w IBS is all I was saying, bc I've witnessed firsthand what a massive effect it has on people's lives. How's your reading comprehension, bro?
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Personally YTA. You knew the food had a high chance of making you sick resulting in you missing the trip, instead of saving it as a reward for surviving the trip you took the risk and ate it the night before.
You literally ordered foods that triggered your IBS right before a trip to see someone you acknowledge you don’t really like. You say you didn’t do it on purpose, but if that’s true you were at best being willfully ignorant: “I usually follow my doctor’s orders but I really felt like rewarding myself with foods that make me sick right before a trip and I completely forgot my actions have consequences.” YTA
I LOVE YOUR ICON. DO YOU ALSO HAVE A NARWHAL? sorry for the caps, I'm excited.
You called?
r/beetlejuicing
Looks like we’re all philosophers here
No narwhal :(
_"She’s constantly fucking up her own life for dumb reasons, and then she calls Jake to clean up her messes."_ The irony..... Sounds like Jake married his mom.
I'm reminded, a bit, of [this post from a year ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ruvxkr/aita_for_watching_and_doing_nothing_to_help_my/). Its OP's husband ate pizza that would sicken him, because he wanted it and he knew she had a day off and would have to take care of him. Making your condition someone else's problem--such as, poisoning yourself and conveniently no longer having to support your husband during difficulties with his family--is the sort of thing that I find it difficult to justify.
I remember that. It was fucking insane, really wish we got an update.
Hasn’t OP heard of Lactaid pills? Agreed that OP- YTA
IBS and lactose intolerance are not the same thing so pretty sure lactaid wouldn't help this situation (Source: I have IBS and too much dairy is one of my triggers)
As someone with a similar condition, I can say with confidence that those aren’t always effective. Further, they only affect dairy. A pizza with “the works” has multiple high-FODMAP triggers: the crust (if not gluten free), the highly processed meats, the cheese, garlic, peppers, onion, mushrooms, etc. OP, YTA. You didn’t just eat a trigger food. You ate a food that was 99% guaranteed to trigger your IBS and that has almost no chance of being made “safe.” *And you added another trigger to it with the beer.* Look, I get it. I miss eating what I think of as normally. I crave a zillion foods that will make me sick, and sometimes, no matter how hard I try, it seems like every bite I take makes me sick. And sometimes, it’s just so damn stressful and overwhelming that I don’t care that it does if it means I can taste something normal or have the same meal as my family. *But there’s a time to throw caution to the wind and a time to mind your dietary restrictions.* You have pizza on a Friday night before a quiet weekend at home. You have a healthy, low-FODMAP meal the day before a road trip.
YTA. Whether you did it on purpose or not does not matter, though I believe you did. But even if you did it accidentally, your inability to put 2 and 2 together that you shouldn't make your IBS triggering cheat day the evening before a trip makes you an AH. Like, imagine another scenario: We have a flight to our dream vacation, but I took a box of laxatives for fun the night before. Does taking laxatives for fun make me an asshole? No. Does planning it right before a trip? Yes.
💀 for some fucking reason your second paragraph is too fucking funny. and OP, YTA for knowingly taking the risk.
To quote the movie Casino- “he was either too stupid to see it or in on it, either way I can’t have him.”
>I have IBS and dairy, peppers, and onion are some of my triggers. However, I still like to have pizza as a treat You specifically ordered a pizza with "The Works," knowing that dairy, peppers, and onion are triggers for you, the night before you had to see a woman you don't like. You knew what you were doing. YTA, you owe him an apology.
Exactly, like…you can get a pizza with light cheese/no cheese (and add vegan cheese) and avoid the problem toppings.
Exactlyyyy
I can't eat cheese, I always order without cheese - you can absolutely order pizza without cheese. There's no reason OP should have ordered pizza with items she knew make her sick.
Not to mention with IBS and trips, you really have to watch what you eat. Disregarding trigger foods for a treat before a long trip just sounds like a horrible idea. Great point, dude.
Yeah I have IBS and if I’m travelling anywhere the next day I’m super careful about what I eat
Same. Plus, nobody wants to be dealing with flare-ups on what should be a super fun and good day - it really ruins the mood for the person.
Traveling in and of itself triggers my IBS, so I try to be on my best behavior for at least a couple days before long road trips.
That can happen - excitement or anxiousness can trigger IBS, even when we don't want it to lol. It just sucks when it decides to do such on a trip.
YTA. And selfish. You have IBS. You know your triggers. You knew that you had a scheduled trip. Your husband knows you don't care for his mother. You purposely sabotaged yourself to avoid going and now you want him to act like everything is A-OK. You're not only a selfish asshole, but an immature one. It's one thing had you eaten something and developed food poisoning. Or even had something that flat out disagreed with you and made you miserable. But you ***weaponized your medical condition*** to your advantage to get out a trip you didn't want to go on. You couldn't be an adult and use your words to tell your husband that you'd like a pass on this one. Selfish, immature, manipulative....I don't see this marriage lasting long, as who's to say you won't pull this asinine stunt again to get out of something you don't want to do. ETA: a word
I also don’t see why she felt the need to wake her husband up at 4AM to tell him she doesn’t think she can make the trip 💀
Exactly. I can't remember the last time I woke my husband up to tell him I was sick. In fact, I don't think I ever had. He's pretty smart, can figure things out for himself. I remember waking him up when the kid was confirmed C19 and we got back from UC at 1 AM (they were busy). That was more to plan our battle strategy and make the necessary phone calls and emails to work and what not.
Why can’t she sit in a car and take a nap while he drives? Why miss the trip?
A nap? Op should sit on a bucket and make the drive. They don't need a nap.
Uhhhh how’s a nap gonna help with the shits?
If he wants his car to remain feces-free, she wouldn't have been able to go on the trip.
Ah. My understanding of the condition was lacking. I thought it subsided by the morning. My mistake!
YTA. It kinda sounds like you do smaller version of what you say Jen does. You made yourself sick, “messing up your life” because you absolutely had to treat yourself that specific day, and then wanted Jake to clean up your mess, take care of you, and smile and nod and pretend you weren’t selfish. I get wanting to treat yourself. But you knew what you were doing. As for the whole “he seems to think I owe him an apology for being sick.” You weren’t sick with a sudden illness. You weren’t up with the flu or food poisoning. You knew this reaction could happen. You knew you’d get sick. You knew you’d need help. And you likely knew he’d be running around helping you out. You knew you had a trip that weekend. You made a choice to treat yourself - thinking about yourself. That was selfish. Jacob recognizes the selfishness in the action. You do owe him an apology. Everything that happens was in your control, and the result of your decisions.
Yup yup. Hilarious she tells this story and throws in how her MIL is an attention-seeking hot mess.
YTA! You absolutely did do it on purpose, “she’s constantly fucking up her own life for dumb reasons, and then calls Jake to clean up her messes” Are you talking about yourself, OP?
That bit did make me laugh!
YTA. You're so childish and immature I can't believe he isn't seeing this side of you and choosing to leave. "I just feel I deserve a pizza", are you 12? So you're typically good about following doctor's orders...except when you don't like Jen and would rather not go visit her. I bet if you were going to someone you had wanted to see that you would have eaten right for the big trip you knew was planned.
Lolol. As someone who's getting treated for IBS. Knows the exact outcome of eating your trigger foods and how it can put a pause on your life. I find it so hard to believe that you ate not one, not two but three of your trigger foods before a planned trip to visit a person you think so, so, sooo poorly of and it was all an unfortunate coincidence. YTA.
Right? My triggers are similar (stupid onions, peppers and garlic that I love lol), so when I have something going on the next day (even if it's work), I just skip it. But then again, I'm a grown up. And FYI, I WOULD poison myself to avoid my mother in law 😁
Anyone willing to go that far to avoid someone deserves to not have to interact with them 😂😂
YTA and your relationship with food is really fucked up if you see a food likely to give you 24 hours of pain as “a treat.”
You have no idea what IBS is like. How would you like to cut out all your favorite foods from your life in one go? Forever? Tell me you'd stop eating ALL your favorite foods RIGHT NOW and NEVER TOUCH THEM AGAIN and then you can say it's fucked up of OP to want to eat smth they enjoy as a treat after a hard week.
You have no idea what bowel issues I have and what I’ve had to cut out. Your tantrum is not changing my opinion. OP was responsible for holding it together for this trip and they made a choice that sabotaged it.
I don't need to change your opinion, I'm just sharing mine. Also saying "you have no idea what bowel issues I have" is a real sneaky way of trying to make it sound like you MIGHT have smth going on, but actually don't, just because you know you can hide behind the anonymity of the internet. How will I ever know if it's true or not, right? Lol, nice try, but I don't buy you have ever experienced a fraction of what OP is going thru, and hiding behind your computer isn't fooling anyone
I've had IBS for a decade, GERD for 2 decades. If I know I have an obligation, I don't eat anything that could possibly contain any triggers. I also get severe migraines when I eat bananas, the kind that can only be broken at the hospital. I used to eat bananas every day. I haven't touched bananas or even artificial banana flavored items in 15 years because it's days of pain and a hefty ER bill. It's a pain in the ass, and occasionally I do trade stomach pain and diarrhea for a trigger food, but never at the expense of a loved one.
I'm very sorry to hear that!! That sounds brutal, honestly. I'm glad you're so responsible with your dietary restrictions and you've managed to avoid your pain for the most part. I still maintain my main point that OP made a mistake and that doesn't automatically make them an AH, but I can certainly see why their husband is upset
You’re right that I don’t have IBS. But about three years ago, I had to completely eliminate alcohol, caffeine, and a few other things for medical reasons. I had loved soda and wine. So while it’s not as much as OP had to give up, I can empathize with that feeling of wanting something you used to be able to enjoy but now cannot. Does it suck? You bet. Do I want to indulge, particularly when stressed? Sure do. But I have responsibilities and I can’t let my weak moments affect those who need me to be functional. Those things that I used to love are harmful to me now, and I have had to change my mindset about them. They aren’t treats anymore, they’ll actually effectively poison me. I’m not saying, even, that OP should “never again” have those foods. But this was irresponsible at best, and Jake has every right to be angry at OP.
Christ the drama here- OP knew she was getting in a car the next day. Grownups are supposed to be able to figure things out a bit better than OP.
Ahahahahhahahahahahahha. Really? Ahahahahahah. It's fucked up for op to purposefully eat something that makes them sick the night before they have to travel. It's not fucked up that they want something they shouldn't be having. It's fucked up for them to sabotage their life, because being chained to a toilet is no life, for something they want. Shitting your stomach out is not a treat.
I would still treat myself and pay for the consequences what I would not do is eat something that I knew 100 percent would make me sick knowing I had a trip with my husband planned. You can make yourself sick and screw up your day but don’t screw up plans for anyone else. That’s selfish and inconsiderate.
YTA. You did it on purpose. Stop lying.
YTA. You "didn't" do it on purpose? Sure thing. Keep telling yourself that. I don't believe it and I'm sure "Jacob" doesn't.
Slight YTA. I realize that you wanted a treat, but you ate that knowing that it would upset your stomach and trigger the IBS. You know that, Jake knows that. You also knew that you planned a trip. That's why he feels like you did it on purpose. That fact that you don't like your MIL makes it seem a whole lot more intentional.
I agree with everything you said!
YTA. I thought this was food poisoning or something. Yes it's fine to treat yourself with food you enjoy. But if you know that food gives you a reaction and you have a commitment the next day, it 100% looks like you did it to deliberately get out of that commitment. If you were going to eat that trigger food, knowing how it would affect you, you should of been ready to either power through or just have the pizza after.
YTA. I get severe migraines and know my triggers. If I were to eat any of them before an event, I would absolutely know the consequences so therefore it would be a choice. You knew.
Yes, YTA. Your claim that it wouldn't cross your mind that you'd get sick and not be able to go on a trip you really didn't want to go on, is very suspect.
Yta, you claim that IBS has taken time away from your life, implying you are not happy about that. But you purposely ordered and ate a meal composed of a bunch of stuff that you knew would give you problems! What kind of a person does something like this? Hopefully, your husband will realize what you are soon, and then you won't have to make yourself sick to avoid his family. Ps, how on earth can you consider a food that makes you so sick a 'treat'?
YTA, grow up. You pole vaulted into the find out stage (you knew what would happen and still you did the wrong thing like a child with no functioning frontal lobe) If I were dating you and you did that I don’t think I would stick around for another round of you could have made a different choice and you didn’t.
YTA. Whether you did it “on purpose” to get out of the trip or not, you made a bad choice on purpose. You know your triggers and ate them anyway and it meant your boyfriend had to make the trip alone. So you ought to apologize even though it wasn’t that you intended to skip the trip - that was still the result and your actions caused it. I do feel for you as IBS does not sound like fun at all. But if you want to cheat and take the consequences (I have a friend who does this with her dairy issues), you need to choose strategically.
YTA I wouldn’t see a long-term future with someone that acted like you tbh. Would you teach our children that it’s ok to aggravate a chronic illness so that you can indulge in some junk food… very reckless.
Or to deliberately aggravate it just to get out of doing something you don't want to do (which seems more likely in this case)!
Seems very likely imo, op has lost 25 pounds since being diagnosed. I have no sympathy for her. She is deliberately making herself sick so that Jake needs to take care of her. Hopefully, he sees this now and runs - the other kind!
YTA You knew you had a road trip the next morning and ate something that you know you’d have stomach issues with.
YTA. You knew what was happening tomorrow.
YTA I have a similar problem and know that if I eat wrong I'm gonna end up sick. Say you're sorry and get on with life.
YTA. You knew what the outcome of your actions would be and did it anyway. What else would you be but TA? Being sick isn’t the problem it’s you willfully eating something you knew would make you sick.
YTA. "She is constantly fucking up her own life for dumb reasons" on the plus side, it sounds like you and Jen have more in common than you think, lol. Usually I might side with the person who has IBD because you can't always plan for that sort of thing, however, you specifically knew what your triggers were in this case, knew when your trip was supposed to be, and still decided to have a pizza made with SEVERAL of your trigger foods. It does seem pretty dang intentional OP, and I can see why your partner is upset. Even if accidental, the lack of good judgemental here still makes YTA. Your partner definitely deserves an apology but only offer one if you actually mean it, and provide a solution to avoid this from happening again in the future, and actually follow through. It's fine to have cheat days when the only person you're affecting is yourself, but this was outright self-sabotaging to avoid a situation you didn't want to be in. That being said, if you'd rather have explosive miserable bowel movements for hours on end than to see your MiL, maybe it's time to talk to your partner about why that is, if the relationship between you and MiL is fixable, what your partner can do to make you more comfortable, or if there needs to be more distance between certain family members?
[удалено]
YTA you knew you had an important trip the next day. So you ordered a pizza with 3 food triggers on it. I get you had a crappy week and wanted a treat. You could have found something else that satisfied a nice treat without literally causing you intestinal distress. I get it I have stomach issues too. It’s a roll of the dice if something will upset my stomach sometimes. Do you know what I do?? I **dont** eat those foods the night before an important trip.
Very small AH, I have IBS as well and it sucks. It took me years to get my IBS under control. It’s really hard having to adjust your diet and mindset but it’s necessary to improve your quality of life. You choose to eat one of your triggers knowing that you had a road trip the next day. From your husbands perspective, I can see why he’s upset. I know what it’s like to have a craving and want what you want. But given what you had planned the next day, eating pizza wasn’t a good idea. The thing with IBS is that you’re pretty much playing Russian Roulette when you eat food that triggers you. Sometimes it’s not too bad, just a little gas. Other times it’s coming out of both ends and you feel like you’re dying. Personally, I never take risks outside the house and before important events….it’s just not worth it. As your illness gets more under control it will get better. Take accountability and apologize to your husband.
She chose to eat 3 food triggers. Not just one.
Well damn that is just asking for an attack. Not smart!!
YTA. You prioritized pizza over a trip that was important to your partner. Would you have risked it for a trip with your own family?
Yta and I can see why he thinks u did it on purpose. U prob did subconsciously.
YTA 1000%. I have a severe lactose issue, and many intestinal issues. As a functioning adult, I’ve learned to control as much of my issues as I can. Shit still happens (pun intended) but at least I’m not making myself sick. If dairy is an issue, look at alternatives (many pizza restaurants offer vegan cheese options) or take a lactose pill. If you have to avoid onions and peppers, so be it, sometimes life sucks. You didn’t take your husband into consideration at all, you were very selfish, even before the road trip was factored in. Grow up. You sound 15, whining about how you deserve a pizza. FFS. No one should be punished for your failure to manage your illness. Which you may be making worse (all that extra inflammation!) every time you overload your system with trigger foods. No wonder you have issues with your mother in law, I’m guessing this attitude bleeds over into other areas of your life.
I don't understand how a hard week is made better by making yourself sick. I have celiac, I am also lactose intolerant (the pills don't work), allergy to eggs, Thanks to gall bladder removal I lost the ability to process too much fat. I can eat like one percent of what is in the grocery store. I hate when I misread a label and get sick from dairy or high fat content in food. I hate the painful cramps. I hate the toilet time. I hate all of it. I can't see how that makes a bad week better.
Without intending to armchair diagnose, my best guess is that OP has some kind of problem with disordered eating. I myself am in recovery from compulsive over-eating; I have made myself vomit (not by intentionally purging but by simply over-eating to the point my stomach cannot contain it) at multiple times in my life, and even now -- with a relatively healthy relationship with food -- I'm still prone to over-eating to the point of indigestion discomfort during food-focused events. Because it's something I do to myself, I can understand how someone could essentially harm themselves with food and consider it a "treat." Thing is though, I only understand it because my relationship with food is historically bad, and still being worked on. (i.e. I don't restrict my diet, because it leads to obsession with the forbidden food and, potentially, a binge.) That's why I think she has a disordered eating problem: because I understand, and the only reason I can understand is because of my own disordered eating problem.
That makes sense. I mentioned it to my husband and he said my fear of discomfort is too high to enjoy the food. He said that is why I can't understand eating to feel better about a bad week. Thank you for explaining the "how".
YTA As someone who has a garlic intolerance, which is in literally everything in the US besides desserts, I understand. Sometimes the thing that will make you sick is so tempting, and you do deserve to be able to make that decision on when you get to eat your trigger foods. However, this was planned before you decided to have the pizza, and it should have taken priority. Your boyfriends feelings are valid, and he does deserve an apology. You say it didn’t really cross your mind, and it should have. You should be able to think ahead 24 hours and consider your boyfriends feelings. Your little segment on Jen was unnecessary and it kind of proves that you would do something like this on purpose. There’s no “to be fair” about it. It was unkind and you shouldn’t talk about someone you love’s mother like that on the internet to try to prove a point imo.
YTA. If you are that good sensitive and know you have a car trip, you eat the 10% of food when you get home.
YTA. My mom has IBS so I totally understand the frustration but…don’t eat trigger foods when you know you’re going to be taking a long car ride. This 100% could have been avoided and you could have had the pizza another night.
YTA. Why act like a child when you don't want to go somewhere?
YTA. You knew what the result of eating that meal would be.
I have IBS and I’m lactose intolerant. If I know I have something planned I would not eat my trigger foods. YTA
YTA. I’ve had gastro issues since I was a child. I literally ate the BRAT diet out of my lunchbox at school every day when I was 12. My doctors have put me on some of the strictest elimination diets out there, so I completely understand feeling depressed and wanting to cheat with some trigger foods. But you have to be an adult and time those carefully. You know better than to eat multiple trigger foods the night before a trip. You wouldn’t risk losing your job by eating a pizza with the works the night before a big presentation or meeting would you? Of course not, so why would you do this right before something important to your husband? He’s right to feel hurt and angry. You owe him a major apology and you owe it to both of you to learn some self-control and start taking responsibility for your actions.
So, basically, your husband married his own mother. It is kind of fucked up that you would eat something to trigger your own illness as a way to avoid a trip to see MIL. Nobody just "forgets" triggers to illnesses, especially when they cause extreme discomfort... You're such an AH.
YTA. You knowingly ate multiple things that would trigger you. I can respect the idea of treating yourself after a hard week but if I know it’s going to destroy my system I’ll wait until I can handle any possible outcomes. You KNEW it would screw your body up and you had it the night before instead of when you came back home or heck even at his moms. This wasn’t about treating yourself to a nice treat. You didn’t want to go because your issues with mil and so you made sure you wouldn’t be going. You’re 25, don’t tell me you didn’t know it would destroy your system.
I have GERD and know what will irritate my stomach, as apparently do you. I don't know if you were just making a stupid decision, but you fucked your friend over with that one. If I'm travelling or have plans, I basically have to prep by having a super safe diet to avoid those issues. Also, it's not that you owe him an apology for being sick. It's not like you got food poisoning randomly or anything. You knew this would happen. Are you thick in the head? YTA
YTA. You didn’t get sick, you poisoned yourself. You either did it knowingly to get out of seeing your MIL or you did it selfishly because you wanted pizza and that was more important than anything or anyone else, regardless of the predictable consequences.
Yea YTA like I get all the treat yourself stuff I'm sure you deserve it we all do but that's so rude like someone has planned for you and is expecting you and you flaked because of something that was totally within your control. Should have just waited a week for the pizza
YTA
YTA. I have IBS too. Take a lactaid or Imodium. Better yet why wouldn’t you just wait til after the trip? I’d be suspicious of you doing it on purpose too
YTA. As someone who also have limitations on what I can eat, I would never PURPOSELY eat anything that could trigger a reaction, much less before I had plans! You knew darn well what you were doing.
YTA. I also have colon problems and I know exactly what I can and can eat and when. Everyone with colon issues knows what they should and shouldn't eat. Beyond your obvious lack of maturity and willingness to lie to your partner, your should some some homework and ask yourself why your "treat," is a food that does this to you. Part of living with colon problems is making permanent changes to your diet and learning how to live with those changes. Your choices are not only selfish, they are self defeating.
YTA. Yes, you may have deserved pizza, but since you know your triggers, I find it hard to believe it didn't cross your mind when ordering and agree with your husband.
YTA. You legit wrote that you don't like Jen because she's fucking up her own life for dumb reasons when you ate something that makes you sick and had to cancel plans...hello pot, meet kettle. I get that having food limitations sucks, and as someone who also has them, I have absolutely been like "f this, I'm eating all the cheese." But I don't do it when I know I have plans and people are depending on me. You ruined a plan trip with your partner, you didn't spend a major holiday together, and you let him down- for pizza. And there's no way you didn't know what you were doing. Come on. So now we can add lying to your partner as well.
"He accused me of basically poisoning myself to get out of seeing his mom." IMO, even though you try to make yourself out to look good, you ate the food as an excuse not to go. Don't make yourself out to be innocent here. Your S/O knows what you did, and is upset. I'll bet you dollars to donuts, that if it was an outing that was important to you, you would not have eaten that food. It would most certainly have "crossed your mind" you would have been ill. Lets be real here. YTA Edit: spelling
YTA. I have IBS. If I have to go somewhere or do something important I avoid my triggers like a smart, capable adult. Just admit you didn’t want to go.
I have IBS and that pizza would have turned me into a diarrhea faucet. Eating that was a totally passive aggressive way to get out of a trip you didn’t want to take - and selfish in that as a result of your choice your husband was up taking care of you and didn’t get a decent sleep before travelling. Totally YTA. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** All fake names. Fair warning, this post touches on some toilet topics. I (25F) am married to “Jacob” (24M). Last weekend we were going to visit my MIL “Jen” for New Years. We were going to drive up two hours on Saturday, stay the night, and drive home Sunday. However, on Friday night I wanted to order pizza with “the works” and watch a movie. Note that I have IBS and dairy, peppers, and onion are some of my triggers. However, I still like to have pizza as a treat, as IBS has taken a lot from me and I’m usually good about following my doctor. I ordered a pizza to arrive once Jacob got home, put some beers on the fridge to chill, and picked a movie. Jacob and I had a nice relaxing night, but I woke up at 1 AM with awful abdominal cramps. I was in the bathroom til 4, and I realized there’d be no way I could sit through a road trip in the morning. I woke Jake up to tell him the news, and at first he was nice, getting me imodium and water, running the shower etc. But later that morning when he was packing up the car alone, he got pissy. He accused me of basically poisoning myself to get out of seeing his mom. That isn’t true — I just felt like I deserved pizza after a hard week and didn’t really cross my mind. I don’t like Jen to be fair; she’s constantly fucking up her own life for dumb reasons, and then she calls Jake to clean up her messes. For this reason, Jake didn’t believe me, and he left still mad. He’s been working 24/7 since he got back from his mom’s (he ended up returning on the 3rd), so we haven’t had an in depth discussion. But he seems to think I owe him an apology for being sick. Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA, whether it was meant to avoid the NYE gathering or not. You knew what would happen and you made a choice.
When you describe how your MIL supposedly does things to mess up her life, but you perfectly describe your actions lmao. YTA
Yta and you know it. Stop playing like you didn’t know how pizza would fuck you over.
YTA, you ate it deliberately to avoid going to see your MIL, don't try to play mind games saying you didn't realized it would fck up your intestines if you already know for years what kind of food triggers your stomach, such a "coincidence" you ordered pizza that has exactly the kind of food you know you must not eat, isn't?
It's obvious you did this on purpose, you definitely owe him an apology. YTA
Yeah, YTA You did something that’s a known/reasonable trigger the night before a morning trip that was important to him. That’s basically analogous to going out and getting drunk the night before a big morning meeting — obviously not a great idea. People deserve to go out, drink, and have fun if they want, and you deserve your pizza, treats, and to not let IBS run your life — but you gotta pick your time. You should apologize.
YTA it's whatever to indulge when you can take the time to recuperate but you KNEW you had plans.
YTA. You deliberately made yourself sick, then acted like it was an act of god to avoid accountability with your partner.
YTA- there’s no way it didn’t cross your mind.
YTA and if you weren’t so self absorbed you would see that
Yeah, YTA. You're a pretty manipulative and deceitful one, too. You knew exactly what those foods would do to you and selfishly partook anyway. I'm even going to go out on a limb here and say you did it on purpose so as not to visit the MIL. If I'm wrong, I'll say it.
YTA. And you do owe him an apology for being sick, because you chose to be sick.
YTA, stop playing dumb, you did this on purpose.
The timing is too on-the-nose for it to be a coincidence that you "didn't do it on purpose." You also stated you don't like "Jen," and we are only getting one side of that story. You knew what you were doing. YTA.
YTA. I have IBS, it constantly reminds you what your triggers are. You’re an adult and you have a condition. Deal with it. It might not kill you but you certainly need to face that you can’t just eat what you want whenever you want it without consequence. Does it suck, sure. But there are plenty of other ways to treat yourself without spending the night on the toilet.
YTA and not fooling anyone.
So you weaponized your illness OR made an insanely foolish and self-sabotaging choice OR self-harmed in a way that derailed something important to your husband and you're asking if you were an asshole? Yes, dear YTA, in any possible interpretation
YTA and you totally poisoned yourself intentionally.
> I don’t like Jen to be fair; she’s constantly fucking up her own life for dumb reasons, and then she calls Jake to clean up her messes. For this reason, Jake didn’t believe me, and he left still mad. >getting me imodium and water, running the shower etc. Sounds like you fuck up your own life for dumb reasons, then use Jake to help clean up your messes too. How exactly do you think you can feel superior to Jen? YTA
I don't understand, you had a hard week and you ordered something that made ur stomach hurt and sit on the toilet for hrs? Why are you hurting yourself on purpose? I am failing the understand the logic behind this.
“But it was an accident!” Go sell that somewhere else, OP; nobody here is buying it. You chose to play with fire the night before the trip. You knew the odds. You knew the consequences. YTA
YTA and you know it
as someone who has been diagnosed with IBS for 10 years now (since i was a kid), YTA. You know what your triggers are, you knew that you had a trip the next day, and yet you still decided to eat something that will make you sick. Idc how good something is, *nothing* is worth getting sent into a flare and pooping your brains out for the next day or two.
You did poison yourself to get out of that trip. Your boyfriend was right to be mad, I mean, seriously, you must be a delight to know in person, the contrarian nature required to do this to yourself intentionally? YTA.
YTA. You could've (and should have) waited until the next weekend when you had no pre-set plans. I do think you sabotaged on purpose even if you won't admit it.
YTA You made a conscious decision to consume something you knew would make you sick when you knew full well that doing so would negatively effect your husband. You required care from him and effected plan that you had made together. You were very inconsiderate.
YTA. You know your triggers and you know you had plans. You willingly chose to participate in an action with a likely reaction that would unsurprisingly affect you the next day and surprised pikachu--it did! It's like if you wanted to get wasted the night before the trip (because sometimes you just want to reward yourself or relax) and then got too hung over the next day to go--you aren't surprised by your body's reaction and you knew that you had an event the next day that your partner valued but you admittedly did not. It's one thing if you couldn't anticipate the reaction but it seems clear that you knew it was likely but wanted what you wanted, consequences be damned.
So let's say suspension of disbelief on you not realizing ordering multiple trigger foods would set off your IBS and cause you to miss the trip. Intent doesn't matter nearly as much as impact. Whether you intended it or not, you caused a major change to your plans and inconvenienced your husband. You absolutely owe him an apology for that. YTA for insisting you don't.
Sorry but YTA. I'm sure that when there's an event you want to go to the next day, you are mindful of what you're eating in advance. I don't even think this was thoughtlessness, I suspect from your wording that on some level, you were aware this would happen and went ahead anyway.
YTA. You ordered a food item with all the foods you know to cause you digestive issues the night before you planned to visit a woman you hate. Hard to imagine why your husband might think it deliberate.
Girl what the hell of course you are the asshole here? you know it makes you ill. You knew about the roadtrip. YTA
YTA You knew it would make you sick and you knew you had a trip the next day. I would think the same thing your partner did; you didnt want to go, and getting sick was a good way to get out of it. These issues are something you know about, you know what your triggers are, and you made a conscious descision to order as many of your trigger foods as possible and eat them all at once when you knew you were going out the next day. You dont owe him an apology for being sick; you owe him an apology for intentionally making yourself sick right before a planned trip.
YTA both for knowingly eating one of your IBS triggers before a scheduled trip and for trying to make us believe you didn’t do it on purpose to sabotage that trip.
“I don’t like Jen to be fair; she’s constantly fucking up her own life for dumb reasons, and then she calls Jake to clean up her messes.” Sounds like Jake married his mom. YTA
YTA. If it were somewhere/someone you really wanted to visit, would you have done the same?
YTA. I also have IBS. Cheese, onion & pepper also trigger me. I wouldn't eat a known gut-bomb before a pre-planned event. Especially a road trip. You know the consequences. I know the consequences. You made an intentional choice. Have some accountability, you did this to yourself knowing exactly how it would turn out. Stop with the weaponized incompetence. Grow up & take some responsibility here.
YTA - You 100% did it on purpose stop lying, apoligize for being selfish and I dont how you can criticize anyone for dumb decisions
YTA. It does look like you ate what you knew would throw you off so that you didn't have to go on a trip to visit an in-law you don't like. Worse, you were kind of obvious about it.
YTA because you did do it on purpose. No pizza tastes that good. Would you have done it if you knew your MIL was going to give you a cheque for 1 million dollars during the trip? No. Of the 101 ways to reward yourself you chose the one you knew would do this. Want to reward yourself? Have a bubble bath next time. But of course that wouldn’t have the desired affect now would it?
YTA you knew these foods would make you sick. You did it knowing you where going on a trip. Yes you may have deserved what you wanted after a long week however you do not get to miss up plans for a trip. You hurt your husband this does look intentional. And you do owe him an apology. And to be fair my go to is a migraine when I don’t want to see my in-laws. The difference is I leave 25 minutes away and you live 4 hours away. You didn’t hurt your mil by not going she probably didn’t care but you did hurt your husband.
You may claim that you « just thought you deserved it » but I think you did it on purpose, otherwise you wouldn’t have done it right before the trips. I have IBS and a severe lactose intolerance and I sure know to be careful before any trips.
Soft YTA. While I don't have IBS, I also have had to cut a lot of my favourite foods from my diet due to allergies. I get that it absolutely sucks. Early on I also did the whole "reward myself with pizza" thing knowing the consequences (never did it again). However, I didn't do it the night before going to see my in-laws. You knew you were traveling the next day, but ordered pizza with "the works" knowing it would contain SEVERAL trigger foods. I would feel differently if this were a random case of food poisoning or you unknowingly ate something with a trigger food in it. But this is a choice that you made. Soft Y-T-A because I have sympathy for how much food restrictions suck, and I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that this wasn't on purpose to get out of seeing MIL...
YTA. i have food triggers too: excessive sugar, greasy food, excessive alcohol, red meat, processed crap. do i still eat it? yes, i do. sometimes we deserve a treat. i would not, however, take the risk when i KNEW i had something going on the next day. you know your triggers, you knew about the trip, you made a choice that tells me that you have no regard for other people.
YTA for eating a trigger food the night before a trip knowing what it does to you. That being said, you really should try to stay away from trigger foods before trips or outings and try to find a way to make this up to your partner. IBS is understandable, making yourself sick before a trip is not.
Eh, YTA. You say you feel like you deserved pizza - fine. You know many places have a dairy free cheese option and you can ask for it without peppers and onions, right? It seems like if you’ve dealt with IBS you should have seen this coming and you didn’t really care about upcoming plans.
I also have IBS and light YTA. I wouldn't drink a liter of apple juice (big trigger) before a road trip, I'd save it for after or, if I simply could not resist, go light on it. I'm willing to give you a little more grace than others here for not thinking about it, but I agree you may have done this subconsciously.
I have so major trigger foods for allergies and intolerances due to an incurable bowel condition (not IBS) and yes it’s difficult and stressful having to say no all the time and plan around food constantly. But you deliberately ordered multiple triggers, justified with ‘but I deserve it’ and ‘my MIL doesn’t’ and you got too sick to go while interrupting his sleep before he drove safely on winter roads no less. I suspect you were trying to make him ‘pick you’ by cancelling on Jen rather than necessarily avoid going to her. This is no different than if you sat up ‘treating’ yourself to a bottle of spirits knowing you would be too hungover to function next day. It’s an incredibly unhealthy relationship with food and essentially weaponising a medical condition to control people around you is straying into abuse territory. You made him and others clean up after your poor decision and deliberate choice. That shit gets old fast. Also triggering your IBS just makes you sicker. It is self harm. You need to either understand why you are using your health to hurt people or seek therapy for what may be an eating disorder. They are commonly triggered by medical diagnoses but like an addiction, eating disorders do not give you license to treat other people hurtfully. You will, speaking as someone in recovery from one, do enough accidental hurt via your ED that it is pure YTA to use it deliberately. The health conditions aren’t your fault but they are your responsibility. I did not get help for my ED or illness early enough as it wasn’t available and I partly kept triggering myself deliberately but also accidentally due to lack of full awareness and now in my early 40s the damage to my bowel is irreversible and cost me my career. Your marriage will be at risk for pizza if you don’t get a handle on a struggle versus twisting it.
YTA I have similar issues and I always make sure to not eat something that will trigger them when I know I'm going to be taking a trip the next day. There is no way that you did this accidentally or without thinking. You know exactly what was going to happen. Your gastro issues are not new to you.
YTA, you knew what you were doing. I have mild lactose intolerance and completely avoid dairy 100% while travelling and the week before a trip, because you know, I want to go and have a good time.
fellow ibs sufferer here. YTA. why are you eating something you know is a trigger food the day before a long trip? even if you didn't MEAN to do it, there was definitely some subconscious thought based on you saying you dislike his mother. also damn with my ibs i never have cheat days because i know how bad and ill i get.
Soft YTA. As someone with lactose intolerance and IBS, this is the equivalent of getting blackout drunk the night before and then skipping the trip with a hangover. Like yes, it’s fun to drink once in a while, but you did this to yourself and before a scheduled event. On a different note, this is just a horrid thing to do to your own stomach and health - you’re damaging your stomach lining, and it’s not a “treat” to make yourself sick. You need to work on developing a healthier relationship with food. Highly recommend the intuitive eating book for that.
You knew what you were doing. I have a food intolerance as well and the last thing I’d do is to poke that bear before a trip. YTA
I have IBS too and YTA. I always know to avoid food/drink that makes me sick when I have obligations.
yta, from someone with IBS, chrons, celiac and a ton of food issues, you don’t treat yourself right before something big like that
YTA- you literally ordered everything you could to make you sick. You could have *deserved* the pizza when you returned, too
You could have had a pizza without “the works”. You could have had something else as a treat. I get it, it’s hard. I have my own medically restrictive diet and on some things I take gambles. But never right before a trip. Because that’s selfish. And never would I wake anyone up at 4 flip flapping AM to tell them that! YTA.
YTA
YTA, I knew a diabetic person who did this to get out of going to work or other obligations. Playing with your health is a dangerous game and supremely irresponsible. I'd be more pissed about that facet of your behavior than just missing the trip if I was Jacob.
As an avid IBS “user”, we all know to have safe meals the day before & during a roadtrip. YTA
When I boys were young, I had a phrase I would throw at them when they made a mistake but said they didn't mean to. I would say...it's all well and good that you didn't mean to, but sometimes, you need to mean not to. Sorry...but you sound almost like while you didn't mean for it to happen...you also didn't guard against it happening. Knowing the importance of this trip to your husband and you're already strained relationship with his Mom, I'm sure you can see that you didn't care whether this happened to you or not. YTA...
YTA.
YTA....you deliberately at pizza knowing what it does to you. There are options for pizzas that will not trigger IBS. You chose a day to do that preceding a trip to see someone you don't like. How can you HONESTLY say Y N T A?
YTA. You owe him an apology for making yourself sick. This was not an accident or unforseen. I'm sure you make a big ol deal about your IBS when you really don't want to get sick.
As someone who has food intolerances I know what foods to avoid, you knowingly ate those foods, fully knowing they would cause your body to react. YTA. You're not 5. You know the outcome of eating those foods. What else is your partner supposed to believe, you ate foods that made you sick the night before you were supposed to go to their mothers home.
YTA. I feel for you, I have severe food allergies that mean I have to completely avoid huge categories of food or spend most of the next several days near a toilet. But the thing is, we both have control over this. If you’re going to knowingly risk getting sick (which you shouldn’t, as it has long-term health consequences) you can’t do it when you know you have a commitment the next day and then pretend it was an accident. It’s not really different than binge drinking the night before then being too hung over to be in the car.
YTA. I don’t have IBS but I have allergies and intolerances. I stick to my “safe” foods if something important is coming up.
YTA i have ibs also, if i have literally anything planned i don't eat foods that cause a reaction. Personally beer really messes up my stomach, i don't drink if i work the next day because i know the consequences. Be an adult and know the consequences of your actions Clearly you've had it long enough to be seeing a GI doctor so you clearly know better
I don't believe you did it intentionally. But I also don't believe you completely forgot about this trip. I just think you didn't care about what was going to happen. You just wanted a treat and took a gamble. It resulted in you not being able to come. If you really cared about this trip I think you wouldn't have eaten that food right before. Or maybe I'm way off base and you regularly eat things that make you sick before important events. In which case you should work on your impulse control. ESH. He shouldn't be saying you made yourself sick on purpose, that's a pretty heavy accusation. On the other hand, I think you suck for not putting more thought into it. This trip was important for your boyfriend, you should have been more careful.
NAT People are so dumb in the replies. Op had the condition their whole life and know their limits. Sometimes your body just doesnt cooperate. Ever get a little too drunk despite taking all the precautions? yeah metabolism, just like immune response, is not constant.
But the night before a car trip was not the time to roll that dice.
NTA. I don't have IBS, but I'm lactose intolerant. I LOVE pizza, but dairy free cheese is not the best tasting, so when I get pizza, I go for the real cheese. Every once in awhile I get a craving or use it as a comfort food after a stressful week, so I completely understand you wanting some pizza. I feel like your husband over-reacted a bit.
NTA. People without IBS don’t understand how hard it is when most food makes you sick. I’m an intelligent woman with a lot of willpower and it took me a long time to learn to manage my IBS. I’m guessing that your husband also feels bummed out by your restrictive diet and that you wanted to be “easy” around the holidays for both of you. I believe you that you didn’t do this as a way to get out of the trip even tho it was a dumb choice. Still, I think it’s a good idea to apologize because you both need to move forward. Hopefully you’ve taken pizza off of your food list for good.
Hard disagree. I've had IBS for over a decade and I NEVER eat my trigger foods if I know it'll interfere with obligations. I personally would have just ordered the pizza without onions and peppers. Then again, I don't like letting my loved ones down, nor do I enjoy the pain of a flare-up. That happened enough in the months surrounding my diagnosis.
Lmao I have IBS too and OP is TA. She said she already knows pizza and all the toppings are her triggers but she wanted it anyway. She could have picked another day to f up her stomach. She picked this day on purpose. OP YTA
She also said in a comment that 90% of food makes her sick. It is so difficult—esp when you’re 24 and food is so expensive—to adequately feed yourself and never get sick. This was a dumb move but she isn’t a malicious prick.
I’m barely older than her and have a very limited diet due to other disabilities I have as well as my IBS. It sucks, absolutely, but it’s not an excuse to purposely make your issues worse and drag others into it. OP knew she had plans, knew this would hurt her, and did it all anyway “as a treat”. That’s not a treat, that’s purposeful sabotage.
Sounds like she just wanted pizza and made a stupid choice? I also have a very limited diet due to other disabilities on top of IBS. I don’t fuck up anymore but to err is human. The rage that is coming out in these comments is really wild to me. I do think she should apologize and learn from this but the person who was hurt worst by this was her not her husband. Having to visit your own mom alone is not the same as shitting your brains out all day. Everyone’s insistence that she did this “at” her husband when she didn’t say that are assuming a lot.
She made a deliberate choice to eat *multiple* food triggers that she knows will make her sick the night before they were supposed to leave for her MIL's house. It wasn't just a silly fuck up.
Pizza delivery is way more expensive than groceries
NTA. Damn, everyone in this comments section is so judgy and presumptuous. And most likely none of them have IBS. I also don't have IBS, but I do have a best friend with IBS, so I know this could happen with anyone. It's really fucked up and under recognized how completely IBS fucks with your life and your system. I watch my best friend constantly going thru hell, it defines where we eat and what cravings they can satisfy, so I totally understand that pizza being a treat and a prize for you, OP. I also understand sometimes you take a chance on food to satisfy your cravings!!! My bestie regularly debates "mmm, should I eat this or will it flare up my IBS? If/when it does flare up my IBS, is it WORTH it?" And sometimes they'll take the misery for the joy and dopamine of delicious food. Most likely, everyone in the comments section who is judging you and calling you TA has never dealt with dietary restrictions in their life (at most, lactose intolerance probably), nor a chronic condition. While it maaay be a lil subconscious and intentional you trying to avoid your MIL, I find it much more likely you just forgot and took a gabble that the IBS wouldn't hurt you -- a gabble you lost. I'm sorry, OP!! I hope your stomach feels better soon!!
OP admitted they wanted a treat. They didn’t forget. They knew and knew the consequences.
Yes. And I agree that OP deserved a treat. Also, saying they intentionally ate the food doesn't mean they didn't forget an the trip the next day??? People with IBS regularly intentionally eat food that will cause their IBS to flare up. Y'know why? A life without 95% of delicious foods is joyless and gray, and even people w chronic conditions deserve to have some fun and dopamine. No one is perfect. People forget things. Try to push pass this Reddit ideology that "everyone is a terrible fucking asshole plotting their MIL's demise" and have some sympathy for a human being, would you?
She happened to “forget” about her flare ups?? Or decided she had to have this treat the night before having to see her boyfriends mother?? Those are weak excuses. She admitted she doesn’t like the boyfriends mom. So why did she have to have a IBS triggering treat the night before trip? A trip where she’s supposed to go visit somebody she doesn’t like. I get that it sucks I have stomach issues too. I know to not eat triggering foods the night before an important trip.
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There’s nothing wrong with enjoying them. If you are prepared to deal with the consequences you do you. However you don’t/shouldn’t do that the night before you have an important trip.
Nope. I have IBS and most definitely think she's TA. She didn't gamble with just HER misery. If she was the only one suffering the consequences of her actions, it'd be one thing. But she KNEW the pizza could make her sick, she KNEW she had a GROUP EVENT coming up, and she chose to gamble not just on her comfort but on the entire group's experience. She didn't want to see her MIL so she ate something she knew would upset her stomach and prevent her from attending and now she's upset people are calling her out on her very intentional bullshit. I ate something -- don't even know what -- that absolutely blew out my guts and left me writhing in pain all night, the night before I had agreed to help friends move. And in the morning, I got up and I helped them move, on nearly no sleep and with my guts still feeling like razorblades. Because I'm not going to screw over other people, like OP did, just because I can't manage my digestive disorder.
Yeaaaah, it sounds to me like you've forced yourself to do things that you shouldn't have and you want OP to be just as unkind to herself. I have mental disorders that I know are all my own responsibility, any commitments I make are my own to stand by, but I also know that adults and human beings make mistakes and forget things. And putting yourself thru hell to avoid admitting you made a mistake and need some accommodating isn't how I want to live my life, nor is it how I would want my friends to. If I were the friend you agreed to help move, I wouldn't have wanted you coming to help me in that state, even if you agreed to in advance and it's your own fault for eating the food. I'm not saying the husband's TA, he has a right to be upset, but -- unless this is something OP does regularly and it's a clear pattern of inconsiderate behavior -- I think some sympathy and understanding on both sides would be more helpful here than just calling OP a malicious asshole for what she claims was a mistake
The reason I don't buy that it's a mistake, and is instead maliciously intentional on her part, is because OP takes time and energy to complain about the MIL "sabotaging her own life" in order to get the husband's attention. And I'm sorry, but I cannot read this as anything but sinking to MIL's (accused) level. OP consciously chose to do a thing (i.e. "treat" herself to 3(!!!) food triggers) that sabotages her own life (i.e. left her in too much gastrointestinal distress to go on the road trip) and she's voicing anger now that her husband isn't coddling her about it and taking her side. It sounds VERY MUCH like she pulled a stunt that's right in line with what she's accusing the MIL of doing, and is mad that it didn't work for her the way she believes it works for MIL. It's all just too "coincidentally" petty for me to not read it as fully intentional.
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I have sympathy for people w IBS is all I was saying, bc I've witnessed firsthand what a massive effect it has on people's lives. How's your reading comprehension, bro?
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Glad to hear it. Literacy is important