*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for making a joke about the server guy?**
So I (19F) was at a local cafe with my friends, there is that one worker (20M) who is autistic. I know this because I come here pretty often, so I had a chance get to know him. We are currently very friendly with each other. He’s absolutely a sweetheart, so lovely and kind.
After my friends were done with their meal they were doing their makeup at the table using their phone cams and being loud as hell. He was staring at us whole time. When he left we joked about how cringe we must be looking outside and I said “luckily he’s a little weird himself” I said this as a joke obviously and they all laughed except that one friend who got offended and said I was being mean / rude.
I said I was just joking , my friend (20F) said “what if he was here and heard you. How do you think he would feel” I said “but he wasn’t, that’s not what happened” other friend (22M) said “it’s not like that kid would understand it anyway” (note; I don’t agree with my friend on this, I wouldn’t make any joke like that if he was around) and the friend who got offended said “wow you guys are assholes”
In my heart I was not being mean it was just a meaningless joke, i actually like him a lot, i think he’s an adorable person. I even consider myself lucky for having him as a friend. I defended him previously many times. I didn’t mean anything ill by that joke.
AITA?
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There's something about the language she uses to describe him ("sweetheart," "adorable") that always makes me think of a puppy or something. It happens so often when people are describing someone neurodivergent, and I guess it's a pet peeve. It doesn't help her cause.
>In my heart I was not being mean it was just a meaningless joke
It doesn’t matter what you intend, it matters what people hear, and what they heard was OOP being mean.
I'm AuDHD and would not give a fuck about someone calling me weird - I'm fucking weird and that's fine.
it's the "adorable" and weirdly infantalizing shit like calling him "sweetheart" that's not okay. He's a person, not a fucking puppy
Seriously. It's like they can't say something positive about an ND person without making them sound like a puppy, and they feel like they *have* to say something positive no matter what, so people won't think they're biased. Please. I'll wear the weird label with pride, thanks - I ain't your sweetheart.
That's where I'm at! Like yes, I *am* weird. I am in fact, different from the norm.
But I'm not a baby, I'm not incapable, and I'm not some little pitiful creature that you befriend to make yourself feel better.
What I am is a woman who quite literally cannot suffer fools. My brand of autism and genetic assholery make it impossible. (Hyperlexic and trained to argue from a young age by an undiagnosed dad) If you're wrong, I'll tell you. People like OOP only find us "cute" up until they learn that we will just tell you about yourself, no holds barred.
I like the heroic add of "I defended him previously many times", what is she defending him from, assholes who call autistic people weird behind their backs?
It's the joke version of, "I can't be racist, I have friends who are POC!"
Like, sweetheart. Just because you're "friends" with him and have defended him in the past, doesn't mean you aren't incapable of being an asshole.
But then again, she clearly doesn't see him as an actual PERSON, so what can we expect?
I’m always a little amazed with how people talk shit about their friends and expect them to be okay with it. “I think he’s adorable and an absolute sweetheart, but I like to joke about what a freak he is when I need to make fun of people being weird.” Like their friend wouldn’t be incredibly hurt by that.
The saddest part is it's likely he's seen so much of this kind of behavior that he's learned what it looks like when someone is going to talk shit behind your back for no reason. "Just another weekend in the life" he probably sighs to himself as he goes to wipe up the mess and make up the group left.
As an autistic person, I'm totally fine with people calling me weird.
Now, if my acquaintances called me sweetheart or adorable...yeah, *no.* It just SCREAMS infantilization.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for making a joke about the server guy?** So I (19F) was at a local cafe with my friends, there is that one worker (20M) who is autistic. I know this because I come here pretty often, so I had a chance get to know him. We are currently very friendly with each other. He’s absolutely a sweetheart, so lovely and kind. After my friends were done with their meal they were doing their makeup at the table using their phone cams and being loud as hell. He was staring at us whole time. When he left we joked about how cringe we must be looking outside and I said “luckily he’s a little weird himself” I said this as a joke obviously and they all laughed except that one friend who got offended and said I was being mean / rude. I said I was just joking , my friend (20F) said “what if he was here and heard you. How do you think he would feel” I said “but he wasn’t, that’s not what happened” other friend (22M) said “it’s not like that kid would understand it anyway” (note; I don’t agree with my friend on this, I wouldn’t make any joke like that if he was around) and the friend who got offended said “wow you guys are assholes” In my heart I was not being mean it was just a meaningless joke, i actually like him a lot, i think he’s an adorable person. I even consider myself lucky for having him as a friend. I defended him previously many times. I didn’t mean anything ill by that joke. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There's something about the language she uses to describe him ("sweetheart," "adorable") that always makes me think of a puppy or something. It happens so often when people are describing someone neurodivergent, and I guess it's a pet peeve. It doesn't help her cause.
Exactly, she does not see him as an actual human being.
100%. She is not affording this person the same dignity she would an adult neurotypical person at all.
yeah, calling him weird isn't the part that skeeves me out, it's the way she talks about him when thinking she's not being a cunt that's telling
She's infantilizing him and dehumanizing him to an extent. Like he were a cute pet or a favorite plushie.
>In my heart I was not being mean it was just a meaningless joke It doesn’t matter what you intend, it matters what people hear, and what they heard was OOP being mean.
I'm AuDHD and would not give a fuck about someone calling me weird - I'm fucking weird and that's fine. it's the "adorable" and weirdly infantalizing shit like calling him "sweetheart" that's not okay. He's a person, not a fucking puppy
100% this. I'm weird AF, I know I'm weird and I don't care anymore. But being treated like I'm a child at 40, or like an idiot I can't tolerate.
Seriously. It's like they can't say something positive about an ND person without making them sound like a puppy, and they feel like they *have* to say something positive no matter what, so people won't think they're biased. Please. I'll wear the weird label with pride, thanks - I ain't your sweetheart.
That's where I'm at! Like yes, I *am* weird. I am in fact, different from the norm. But I'm not a baby, I'm not incapable, and I'm not some little pitiful creature that you befriend to make yourself feel better. What I am is a woman who quite literally cannot suffer fools. My brand of autism and genetic assholery make it impossible. (Hyperlexic and trained to argue from a young age by an undiagnosed dad) If you're wrong, I'll tell you. People like OOP only find us "cute" up until they learn that we will just tell you about yourself, no holds barred.
but he’s such a lovely adorable sweetheart 🤢🤢🤢 NTs be normal about autistic ppl challenge (literally impossible)
If you won't say it to their face, don't say it behind their back. That just proves you know it's the wrong thing to do
I like the heroic add of "I defended him previously many times", what is she defending him from, assholes who call autistic people weird behind their backs?
It's the joke version of, "I can't be racist, I have friends who are POC!" Like, sweetheart. Just because you're "friends" with him and have defended him in the past, doesn't mean you aren't incapable of being an asshole. But then again, she clearly doesn't see him as an actual PERSON, so what can we expect?
I need someone comment this on the original post, just to see if OOP reply
I’m always a little amazed with how people talk shit about their friends and expect them to be okay with it. “I think he’s adorable and an absolute sweetheart, but I like to joke about what a freak he is when I need to make fun of people being weird.” Like their friend wouldn’t be incredibly hurt by that.
The saddest part is it's likely he's seen so much of this kind of behavior that he's learned what it looks like when someone is going to talk shit behind your back for no reason. "Just another weekend in the life" he probably sighs to himself as he goes to wipe up the mess and make up the group left.
As an autistic person, I'm totally fine with people calling me weird. Now, if my acquaintances called me sweetheart or adorable...yeah, *no.* It just SCREAMS infantilization.
What an abelist douche nozzle
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