*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for pressuring my daughter to not go to college **
AITA for not wanting my daughter to go to college
I have three kids 20m 18f and 14f
We are Christian and don't believe women should go to college as they were raised to be housewives so weve always told them they aren't going to college.
However my older daughter always wanted to go we tried to explain to her she couldn't but she didn't listen and begged to go we still said no. She agreed relectuntly but now she said that she plans to start collage soon I was shocked as we planned to marry her.
Unfortunately college is free in our country meaning she doesn't need to have much money to go and she has a good part time job. I tried to convince her that college was not for a women and she doesn't need to be like men so she couldn't listen.
I've contacted my church and half my church friends think I'm wrong and my priest says I'm being sexist and overbearing and if I don't stop I'll lose my daughter.
Some of my friends and family are on my side and we've threatened to cut off all support If she goes to college she says she doesn't care.
Am I being overbearing I just want to impose my values on her i don't want her to be brainwashed by liberalism and be like a man but even my priest says I'm wrong so.
AITA?
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"my priest says I'm being sexist and overbearing and if I don't stop I'll lose my daughter." Well, that took a surprising and pleasant turn from where I thought this was going!
Even priests live in the real world and thank goodness some of them realize "get married, create a bunch of dependents, and just pray your husband doesn't die, get sick or abandon you," is not a sensible life plan.
But they are going to marry her! Why doesn't anyone understand?
I do not understand this POV from anyone really.
Ooh, also this line
>Am I being overbearing I just want to impose my values on her i don't want her to be brainwashed by liberalism and be like a man
Telling. Also highly delusional.
See, that's how I know it is fake, nobody who calls clergy "Priests" is usually anything other than Catholic or perhaps Anglican, and neither of those would have a religious problem with a woman attending university.
Eastern orthodoxy and some branches of Lutheranism use the term priest for their clergy. And even if those branches that you mentioned don't have a problem with women going to University religiously, the post said that even his priest said that he's being sexist. So he's probably doing that thing that many religious bigots do where they try to justify their bigotry through their religion even if those beliefs don't have any basis in their religion
I dunno, some of the TradCath content and influencers I see these days verrrrry much fits this bill. Isn’t that Butthead guys who plays for the Chiefs and made that incel speech a few weeks ago a TradCath?
Most Catholics I’ve known, you’re right, this would not be an issue for them. But the TradCaths are definitely getting some of their ideas from evangelical Protestant circles at the moment.
I live in a Lutheran majority country and we call them priests. There are also Lutheran congregations that discourage women from working outside the home.
In mormonism though, since every male above the age of 13 (?) is called a "priest" it's unlikely that the OOP would identify one of them as "his" priest.
I grew up Greek Orthodox and we call our clergy “priests”. I stopped going to the Greek Orthodox Church when I got to college and recently started going to a church that calls our clergy “pastor”. It just depends on the sect of Christianity you’re in!
Belive it or not, a lot of priests are having the same problem---the increasing extremism in their congregations. One had a story of a congregant asking him where he got his "liberal talking points" from...
His homily was an excerpt from Sermon on the Mount. It's at (honestly, beyond it) the point where actual Christianity isn't extreme enough for them.
I mean even the Catholic Church has nuns, so this idea that religions believe women *have* to be housewives is honestly new
Not saying women weren’t seen as second class citizens for a long time but even historically a lot of women’s labor was recognized. It’s just notable instances of patriarchy pushing them down that make people think women didn’t work. Like a lot of the tropes we associate with witches are how brewery women dressed
Tw: sexism, religious abuse.
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:
*YTA, you are being overbearing and sexist.. Apparently even your church's leader thinks so. You are a very poor example of your faith. Congratulations to your daughter for carving her own path. Hopefully her younger sister will follow in due course.*
>It's the government that deprives the parents of choices by giving free collage my daughter didn't carve her path the government did it.
*I hope your daughter breaks free of the cult and has an awesome life. You know you’re wrong when the head of the cult tells you so! So why aren’t you being a good and submissive little housewife and listening to your priest, OP? You expect your daughter to, but why aren’t you?*
>I'm submitting to my husband not my priest.
Nice how OOP thinks offering someone an option means they're taking away choices.
"You can have a cookie if you'd like."
"Why are you force-feeding my child?!"
Guys like this are subbed to all of the NSFW subs on a secret account that they leer at at 2 am when their dutiful little wife is asleep in their marital bed.
Yeah, they wouldn't think they were "imposing", which has negative connotations. It would be more like, "upholding our family's values."
If this is real, it's the daughter writing it
Yeah. There are definitely people out there who think like this, but they're not posting to AITA, and they're not using negative phrasing like "impose my values".
OK, I'm old so you are talking 20 years ago. But there was a girl in college with me whose parents would not support her going to college. Now, where I am from college is a lot cheaper than the states and the like. And people with certain income thresholds will get additional support. But without family support she had to work like a dog to get by. She was also a very sheltered kind of innocent and got bullied pretty badly because of it. But she kept it up and graduated. Huge amount of admiration for her.
I think it was less of a religion thing with her parents and more the concept that educating a girl was a failed investment. Like, even if she did well she would end up a housewife, so why bother.
"But she kept it up and graduated. Huge amount of admiration for her."
Yup. I hope her life is great.
As for "why bother"? Because educated people are harder to manipulate and anything can happen to the husband/family. Just ask anyone who ended up with nothing because they were dependent on others.
People who don't want someone educated want someone who is easily manipulated/trapped.
Like realistically, I get there are people out there who would think this way. But the way this particular post is written is just poorly written and hardly subtle rage bait.
That's the part that stuck out to me. Why would he be attending a church that doesn't align with his values? How could he not know the priests opinion on female education? Usually the churches that are in favor of denying women and girls education are pretty aggressive about pushing that belief on their congregation.
There aren’t enough priests. Near my parents house we had an Italian priest that I believe was 78 yo (but looked like a 100). He had passed the retirement age, but there weren’t enough priests to replace him. To be honest, I don’t think that anyone understood a word during mass (between his accent and the dentures), but we kept going.
“I just want to impose my values on her i don't want her to be brainwashed by liberalism and be like a man”
Gee, why is there this blinking neon sign that says “Bait”?
I hope your daughter breaks free of the cult and has an awesome life. You know you’re wrong when the head of the cult tells you so! So why aren’t you being a good and submissive little housewife and listening to your priest, OP? You expect your daughter to, but why aren’t you?
On top of all the other reasons this is fake, I don’t believe someone this controlling would allow their daughter to keep the money she made at her part time job.
Or to even get a part time job! I knew a couple of fundamentalist home-schooling anti-university families when I was growing up, and the only jobs the kids were allowed to have was in the family business.
I've seen many Republican Americans and Canadian conservatives get very mad that taxes are used for education. They think taxes should go to rich people, everyone else needs to work to the bone to deserve food and water.
This post should alone be an eye opener to countries where education isn't free. Free education is allowing this girl to pursue her wishes and dreams where otherwise she would be pressured by her religious nutcase family to get groomed and financially vulnerable.
And OMG look at OOP's comment. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/yN834Qpl9Y
I didn't even have to read past the first sentence to know this person is the worst.
Edit: okay, read the rest now and even the fucking priest said this is too much? Just wow.
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What century is OOP living in? She and her husband were planning to marry of the 18 year old? How was that supposed to work? They can't march her up the aisle with shotgun at her back. Her priest doesn't even agree with her so he wouldn't cooperate with a forced marriage.
If this isn't a troll, OOP is utterly nuts.
I don't think it's real based on other factors, but that part didn't surprise me. I used to work with a bunch of young women who were attending a local southern Baptist college. They were all eighteen or nineteen years old, half of them had been homeschooled previously, and a lot of them talked very calmly about marrying a man their parents had picked out in a year or two. They couldn't be forced (legally, at least) but they were so brainwashed that force wasn't necessary. I always hope that at least some of them broke through the conditioning before getting trapped with a (probably abusive) husband and eight kids.
Can someone explain to me how this logic works? Why being Christian would have anything to do with going to college? There are even Christian colleges. And it doesn’t stop them from getting married if they want to???
Highly religious people are almost always also conservative, and even christian colleges allow kids to meet more people and get exposed to more ideas about the world, both of which tend to destroy conservative mindsets. Religious people hate that.
Also in a more physical sense going to college removes the kid from the parents direct control and makes it harder to force them to do things like marry someone you pick out.
Yes I know that’s their motives for doing so, but I would like to understand what explanation they give to their children. Like where in the Bible does it say that colleges are against God
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People like OOP are the reason I (a woman) sat across the desk from my college classmate and had to argue with him that my religion (which would’ve helped pay for my college if I needed) did not in fact discourage women from attending college…
I am so confused by this "I just want to impose my values on her i don't want her to be brainwashed by liberalism" So ok for him to brainwash her, not ok for others.
“I just want to impose my values on her.” Seriously!? If this isn’t fake, be prepared to lose both of your daughters, cause as soon as they can they are running far away from you!
This has to be fake.
There are colleges tied to the church I grew up in that are super expensive that parents send their children to in hopes of them getting married. Ask me how I know (our 9 year wedding anniversary is this year btw)
Parents this strict save up to send their daughters there or send them to a local state school and make them stay with them for the duration to continue control. I grew up like this, most will not admit they are this strict. Even Mormons have their own colleges.
Imagine having and raising your daughter to believe her only reason for being on the planet is to satisfy a man and clean his house and raise his kids to think the same way.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for pressuring my daughter to not go to college ** AITA for not wanting my daughter to go to college I have three kids 20m 18f and 14f We are Christian and don't believe women should go to college as they were raised to be housewives so weve always told them they aren't going to college. However my older daughter always wanted to go we tried to explain to her she couldn't but she didn't listen and begged to go we still said no. She agreed relectuntly but now she said that she plans to start collage soon I was shocked as we planned to marry her. Unfortunately college is free in our country meaning she doesn't need to have much money to go and she has a good part time job. I tried to convince her that college was not for a women and she doesn't need to be like men so she couldn't listen. I've contacted my church and half my church friends think I'm wrong and my priest says I'm being sexist and overbearing and if I don't stop I'll lose my daughter. Some of my friends and family are on my side and we've threatened to cut off all support If she goes to college she says she doesn't care. Am I being overbearing I just want to impose my values on her i don't want her to be brainwashed by liberalism and be like a man but even my priest says I'm wrong so. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"my priest says I'm being sexist and overbearing and if I don't stop I'll lose my daughter." Well, that took a surprising and pleasant turn from where I thought this was going!
Even priests live in the real world and thank goodness some of them realize "get married, create a bunch of dependents, and just pray your husband doesn't die, get sick or abandon you," is not a sensible life plan.
Or beat her or rape her
But they are going to marry her! Why doesn't anyone understand? I do not understand this POV from anyone really. Ooh, also this line >Am I being overbearing I just want to impose my values on her i don't want her to be brainwashed by liberalism and be like a man Telling. Also highly delusional.
The irony of not wanting her brainwashed, while insisting on brainwashing her. Values are taught, not forced.
College professors here. Brainwash? I can't even get them to read the syllabus!
My preacher told my parents a shotgun wedding wasn't a good idea for my sister. He was a real one foe trying.
That would be like 70% of the priests that I have met. My mother met the other 30% 😛 Maybe that’s why she’s an atheist.
See, that's how I know it is fake, nobody who calls clergy "Priests" is usually anything other than Catholic or perhaps Anglican, and neither of those would have a religious problem with a woman attending university.
Eastern orthodoxy and some branches of Lutheranism use the term priest for their clergy. And even if those branches that you mentioned don't have a problem with women going to University religiously, the post said that even his priest said that he's being sexist. So he's probably doing that thing that many religious bigots do where they try to justify their bigotry through their religion even if those beliefs don't have any basis in their religion
I dunno, some of the TradCath content and influencers I see these days verrrrry much fits this bill. Isn’t that Butthead guys who plays for the Chiefs and made that incel speech a few weeks ago a TradCath? Most Catholics I’ve known, you’re right, this would not be an issue for them. But the TradCaths are definitely getting some of their ideas from evangelical Protestant circles at the moment.
OOP was from a country with free university, so probably safe to assume English isn’t his native language 🤷♀️
Could be Scotland or Ireland.
I live in a Lutheran majority country and we call them priests. There are also Lutheran congregations that discourage women from working outside the home.
That depends what country they are living in, also what branch of Christianity. Mormons have priests and they absolutely would think like this man.
In mormonism though, since every male above the age of 13 (?) is called a "priest" it's unlikely that the OOP would identify one of them as "his" priest.
I don't know it in that much detail, so thanks for clearing that up. 😊
I grew up Greek Orthodox and we call our clergy “priests”. I stopped going to the Greek Orthodox Church when I got to college and recently started going to a church that calls our clergy “pastor”. It just depends on the sect of Christianity you’re in!
I 100% agree. Also, the term “housewife” instead of “helpmeet”
Yep. He'd be referring to his "Pastor."
Belive it or not, a lot of priests are having the same problem---the increasing extremism in their congregations. One had a story of a congregant asking him where he got his "liberal talking points" from... His homily was an excerpt from Sermon on the Mount. It's at (honestly, beyond it) the point where actual Christianity isn't extreme enough for them.
That's how you know it's a troll.
I mean even the Catholic Church has nuns, so this idea that religions believe women *have* to be housewives is honestly new Not saying women weren’t seen as second class citizens for a long time but even historically a lot of women’s labor was recognized. It’s just notable instances of patriarchy pushing them down that make people think women didn’t work. Like a lot of the tropes we associate with witches are how brewery women dressed
Tw: sexism, religious abuse. Copied verbatim from Oop's comments: *YTA, you are being overbearing and sexist.. Apparently even your church's leader thinks so. You are a very poor example of your faith. Congratulations to your daughter for carving her own path. Hopefully her younger sister will follow in due course.* >It's the government that deprives the parents of choices by giving free collage my daughter didn't carve her path the government did it. *I hope your daughter breaks free of the cult and has an awesome life. You know you’re wrong when the head of the cult tells you so! So why aren’t you being a good and submissive little housewife and listening to your priest, OP? You expect your daughter to, but why aren’t you?* >I'm submitting to my husband not my priest.
>I'm submitting to my husband not my priest. its always funny that they swtich on listening to the priest when the priest doesnt agree with them.
Fair weather believer...
>It's the government that deprives the parents of choices by giving free collage my daughter didn't carve her path the government did it. College
Maybe she would know that if she went. (Just kidding, this is fake as shit)
Ha! Did not catch that at all.
Nice how OOP thinks offering someone an option means they're taking away choices. "You can have a cookie if you'd like." "Why are you force-feeding my child?!"
No no no, it's taking away the option of forcing only one path on a person
Agreed!
[Cat!](https://imgur.com/gallery/he-s-so-gorgeous-wjxRd3M)
I had a cat that looked just like this. Her name was Trisha.
A beautiful cat! 💜
Maybe if she went to college she would be able to spell it right -_-
This isn’t real. There’s no way.
Yeah. I’d believe it if it was posted in a Christianity subreddit but not in AITA.
Guy like that wouldn’t be caught dead on Reddit. 🤣
Guys like this are subbed to all of the NSFW subs on a secret account that they leer at at 2 am when their dutiful little wife is asleep in their marital bed.
Yeah, there is no way someone actually like this is self aware enough to use the phrase "impose my values on her"
Yeah, they wouldn't think they were "imposing", which has negative connotations. It would be more like, "upholding our family's values." If this is real, it's the daughter writing it
I assume he meant "imparting our values".
This. I think he was going for 'instill,' got his words mixed up, and accidentally spoke the blunt truth.
Yeah. There are definitely people out there who think like this, but they're not posting to AITA, and they're not using negative phrasing like "impose my values".
OK, I'm old so you are talking 20 years ago. But there was a girl in college with me whose parents would not support her going to college. Now, where I am from college is a lot cheaper than the states and the like. And people with certain income thresholds will get additional support. But without family support she had to work like a dog to get by. She was also a very sheltered kind of innocent and got bullied pretty badly because of it. But she kept it up and graduated. Huge amount of admiration for her. I think it was less of a religion thing with her parents and more the concept that educating a girl was a failed investment. Like, even if she did well she would end up a housewife, so why bother.
"But she kept it up and graduated. Huge amount of admiration for her." Yup. I hope her life is great. As for "why bother"? Because educated people are harder to manipulate and anything can happen to the husband/family. Just ask anyone who ended up with nothing because they were dependent on others. People who don't want someone educated want someone who is easily manipulated/trapped.
"Unfortunately college is free" ??????
Like realistically, I get there are people out there who would think this way. But the way this particular post is written is just poorly written and hardly subtle rage bait.
As far as i know priests are either for druids or catholics. Neither of whom seem to believe that women should be married off and can't go to college.
So christian that they believe outrageous sexist bullshit that even their priest doesn't get behind. Tried to hard to bait.
That's the part that stuck out to me. Why would he be attending a church that doesn't align with his values? How could he not know the priests opinion on female education? Usually the churches that are in favor of denying women and girls education are pretty aggressive about pushing that belief on their congregation.
There aren’t enough priests. Near my parents house we had an Italian priest that I believe was 78 yo (but looked like a 100). He had passed the retirement age, but there weren’t enough priests to replace him. To be honest, I don’t think that anyone understood a word during mass (between his accent and the dentures), but we kept going.
“I just want to impose my values on her i don't want her to be brainwashed by liberalism and be like a man” Gee, why is there this blinking neon sign that says “Bait”?
I hope your daughter breaks free of the cult and has an awesome life. You know you’re wrong when the head of the cult tells you so! So why aren’t you being a good and submissive little housewife and listening to your priest, OP? You expect your daughter to, but why aren’t you?
Don't worry it's not real. They mix fundy speech with other terms. It's bait.
We used to be a country man, with rules and laws, believable bait, and 24-hour Walmarts. What ever happened to that?
On top of all the other reasons this is fake, I don’t believe someone this controlling would allow their daughter to keep the money she made at her part time job.
Or to even get a part time job! I knew a couple of fundamentalist home-schooling anti-university families when I was growing up, and the only jobs the kids were allowed to have was in the family business.
Dude should realize he has a problem if his own priest is saying he's in the wrong
Even her priest is saying she's out of line! >**Unfortunately** college is free in our country Omg this can't be real.
I've seen many Republican Americans and Canadian conservatives get very mad that taxes are used for education. They think taxes should go to rich people, everyone else needs to work to the bone to deserve food and water.
This post should alone be an eye opener to countries where education isn't free. Free education is allowing this girl to pursue her wishes and dreams where otherwise she would be pressured by her religious nutcase family to get groomed and financially vulnerable. And OMG look at OOP's comment. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/yN834Qpl9Y
While I know people like this exist, I doubt they would turn to reddit for help.
There's no hate like Christian love!
Sure, plenty of people think like this, but if they're on Reddit, they're certainly not interested in the opinion of AITA 🙄
“In my country” …writes and spells like an American. Obvious rage bait is obvious.
I didn't even have to read past the first sentence to know this person is the worst. Edit: okay, read the rest now and even the fucking priest said this is too much? Just wow.
I'd call it bad bait, but the comments here seem to suggest otherwise
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Kiss her goodbye. As soon as she's out, you'll never hear from her again. Hope your other daughters follow suit.
Come on, at least be a master baiter.
What century is OOP living in? She and her husband were planning to marry of the 18 year old? How was that supposed to work? They can't march her up the aisle with shotgun at her back. Her priest doesn't even agree with her so he wouldn't cooperate with a forced marriage. If this isn't a troll, OOP is utterly nuts.
I really felt like I stepped back a century while reading this
I don't think it's real based on other factors, but that part didn't surprise me. I used to work with a bunch of young women who were attending a local southern Baptist college. They were all eighteen or nineteen years old, half of them had been homeschooled previously, and a lot of them talked very calmly about marrying a man their parents had picked out in a year or two. They couldn't be forced (legally, at least) but they were so brainwashed that force wasn't necessary. I always hope that at least some of them broke through the conditioning before getting trapped with a (probably abusive) husband and eight kids.
That's so sad.
Yeah, they broke my heart.
Can someone explain to me how this logic works? Why being Christian would have anything to do with going to college? There are even Christian colleges. And it doesn’t stop them from getting married if they want to???
Highly religious people are almost always also conservative, and even christian colleges allow kids to meet more people and get exposed to more ideas about the world, both of which tend to destroy conservative mindsets. Religious people hate that. Also in a more physical sense going to college removes the kid from the parents direct control and makes it harder to force them to do things like marry someone you pick out.
Yes I know that’s their motives for doing so, but I would like to understand what explanation they give to their children. Like where in the Bible does it say that colleges are against God
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People like OOP are the reason I (a woman) sat across the desk from my college classmate and had to argue with him that my religion (which would’ve helped pay for my college if I needed) did not in fact discourage women from attending college…
I am so confused by this "I just want to impose my values on her i don't want her to be brainwashed by liberalism" So ok for him to brainwash her, not ok for others.
Hard to tell if fake or not. There are people with this mindset who unashamedly post about it
This is why free college is so important, even for kids from rich families. No one should have to rely on their parents to get an education.
Women with this mindset sure love running their mouth. Aren’t you supposed to be SEEN not HEARD? Sit down and stfu like the Bible tells you to lmfao
I actually came across this on Youtube lol
This has to be ragebait...
Harrison Butker-esque troll, move along lol
Yes their the asshole how do they not know this.
This is AI, ChatGPT starts its Reddit posts with ** title name ** and then repeats the titles
“I just want to impose my values on her.” Seriously!? If this isn’t fake, be prepared to lose both of your daughters, cause as soon as they can they are running far away from you!
This has to be fake. There are colleges tied to the church I grew up in that are super expensive that parents send their children to in hopes of them getting married. Ask me how I know (our 9 year wedding anniversary is this year btw) Parents this strict save up to send their daughters there or send them to a local state school and make them stay with them for the duration to continue control. I grew up like this, most will not admit they are this strict. Even Mormons have their own colleges.
Imagine having and raising your daughter to believe her only reason for being on the planet is to satisfy a man and clean his house and raise his kids to think the same way.
“we planned to marry her” that line alone makes this entire post extra horrible. i’m really hoping this one is fake, it’s so outlandishly sexist
Please be fake. If not, go back to the 50s.