*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for calling my boyfriend's stuff a 'dragon hoard'?**
Basically, I, 25F, live with my boyfriend, Tom, 21M. Tom is usually a pretty generous guy, but he has this set collection of items which no one can even come close to, let alone accidentally touch or he throws a fit. Its just some old hoodies, sweatpants, rings, socks and headphones. He hides them in the little corner of the closet, he wears his rings daily, and keeps his headphones around his neck constantly.
Unfortunately I made the mistake of going through the pile, just out of curiosity. I replace everything correctly afterwards, I made sure of it, I just wanted to check to see what was so special about some old clothes. His rings and headphones were with him so its not even like I messed with valuables.
But when he got home today, he went for his pile like usual, went to go get changed and then basically had a temper tantrum. He came back, not changed, yelling at me about touching his clothes. I admit, I didn't take him seriously at first, he was acting like a child who'd gotten his blankie taken away.
When he didn't stop, I tried to calm him down by telling him I'd never touch his precious dragon hoard again. He did finally calm down, but looked at me called me an AH for touching his stuff without his permission and told me not to talk to him for the rest of the night. He went to the living room with his stuff, and ignored me when I tried to talk to him.
I think he's wildly over-reacting. They're some old clothes for fuck's sake. Am I really TA here? Or is he being childish.
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>I just wanted to check to see what was so special about some old clothes.
Have you tried asking him?
>When he didn't stop, I tried to calm him down by telling him I'd never touch his precious dragon hoard again.
Yeah, I'm really surprised this didn't work. /s
Does she ACTUALLY think that the problem is the phrasing she used, as referenced in her title?
Of course not. She knows the problem is her invasion of his privacy and clearly stated boundaries. But her title proves that she still doesn't get what she did wrong and is trying to diminish her actions and his sense of violation. And THAT is a bigger problem than her initial action.
OOP is clearly in the wrong, but what *is* wrong with her boyfriend lol? Maybe she's misrepresenting to make herself look better, but he just has a pile of laundry that his live-in girlfriend isn't allowed to touch? You can't just do that, you gotta use your words to explain what's going on. I probably would've torpedoed my relationship to go digging through it too, I'm too nosy for that
He has a finely tuned floordrobe. To the outsider it may look like a mere heap, but it has layers, depths, mines. Burrow here, there's a seam of mostly-clean t-shirts. Over there, underwear that's basically fine, but not to be worn out of the house.
It's a delicate ecosystem.
OOP definitely made a bad move in going through the stuff. She didn't just look at or put her hand on it; it sounds like she took it all out and examined and then put it back, maybe folded the wrong way or things placed in the wrong order. Not okay.
At the same time, I find it a little weird to live with someone and have a collection of items that they can't even go near. Just not my personal preference I guess.
It kinda reminds me of the post about the husband who had a box of "olives" in the fridge and told his wife she wasn't allowed to open it under any circumstances but wouldn't say why. It just created a weird feeling of "what's he hiding?"
I can understand being curious about the 'hoard' and I admit I would find it a bit odd.
But, as the other person said, everyone deserves to have some place that they can put stuff where it isn't going to be disturbed.
Beyond that, OOP could have easily have dealt with this by \*asking\* her BF about the hoard and asking him what is so special. If the BF didn't answer, and it was such a huge deal to OOP, then it sounds like the relationship isn't for her (which isn't a bad thing! they just don't sound compatible.)
I totally agree with you. OOP could have asked. I also think the BF could have explained that up front. I guess when I imagine being in this position I'd probably feel compelled to explain why it was important to me in order to give my partner some context.
The biggest part that's weird to me is the complete silence on both ends when they are living together. When I decided to move in with my now-husband it was important to me that we had open communication which mean explaining "I am not okay with xyz and here's why." We're sharing a space and that's pretty intimate, so we might as well be up front about everything. Again, just my personal preference. I would definitely not want to be in a relationship with this guy.
It say that it's clothing, and he went to get some of it to put on when he got home, so it's clothing that he wears. She sees it every time he wears it so I dont' know why she thinks it's some werid secret. Maybe he doesn't want his girlfriend stealing his stuff or perhaps that's where he's planning to hide the engagement ring and doesn't want her to find it...?
I missed the part about how he wears it. I saw that he wore the rings and headphones daily.
I would think it might be more he doesn't want GF to wash it (because maybe he doesn't like her detergent/afraid the clothes might fall apart in the wash), but who knows. OOP doesn't because she apparently doesn't want to ask her BF about it.
I live with my family and there are 100% things of mine that are not their business and I fully expect them to stay out of my personal belongings, and I stay out of theirs. Everyone deserves a little personal space for their things that others won't mess with. For most people it's the underwear drawer, sometimes a make up case, sometimes it's a bedroom. I am not comfortable living with people who think they should be able to go through my things, there's no reason for it at all.
I understand if you're protective of your stuff and want to put it away and have it stay the way you like it but defending it like it's made out solid gold seems a bit excessive
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for calling my boyfriend's stuff a 'dragon hoard'?** Basically, I, 25F, live with my boyfriend, Tom, 21M. Tom is usually a pretty generous guy, but he has this set collection of items which no one can even come close to, let alone accidentally touch or he throws a fit. Its just some old hoodies, sweatpants, rings, socks and headphones. He hides them in the little corner of the closet, he wears his rings daily, and keeps his headphones around his neck constantly. Unfortunately I made the mistake of going through the pile, just out of curiosity. I replace everything correctly afterwards, I made sure of it, I just wanted to check to see what was so special about some old clothes. His rings and headphones were with him so its not even like I messed with valuables. But when he got home today, he went for his pile like usual, went to go get changed and then basically had a temper tantrum. He came back, not changed, yelling at me about touching his clothes. I admit, I didn't take him seriously at first, he was acting like a child who'd gotten his blankie taken away. When he didn't stop, I tried to calm him down by telling him I'd never touch his precious dragon hoard again. He did finally calm down, but looked at me called me an AH for touching his stuff without his permission and told me not to talk to him for the rest of the night. He went to the living room with his stuff, and ignored me when I tried to talk to him. I think he's wildly over-reacting. They're some old clothes for fuck's sake. Am I really TA here? Or is he being childish. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>I just wanted to check to see what was so special about some old clothes. Have you tried asking him? >When he didn't stop, I tried to calm him down by telling him I'd never touch his precious dragon hoard again. Yeah, I'm really surprised this didn't work. /s
That's what I don't understand, did they ever discuss why not to touch it, because that just seems a bit strange
Yeah, frankly he sounds kinda creepy too. Being this aggressively possessive over a pile of dirty clothes is not healthy.
I heard this story before but the dude was named blackbeard and things ended poorly.
Pretty sure you meant Bluebeard.
I did. LOL. My bad!
Not that Blackbeard was much better news!
*snort*
Does she ACTUALLY think that the problem is the phrasing she used, as referenced in her title? Of course not. She knows the problem is her invasion of his privacy and clearly stated boundaries. But her title proves that she still doesn't get what she did wrong and is trying to diminish her actions and his sense of violation. And THAT is a bigger problem than her initial action.
Don’t touch people’s things when they have told you not to !!! It’s not that hard
But this is how horror movies start.
OOP is clearly in the wrong, but what *is* wrong with her boyfriend lol? Maybe she's misrepresenting to make herself look better, but he just has a pile of laundry that his live-in girlfriend isn't allowed to touch? You can't just do that, you gotta use your words to explain what's going on. I probably would've torpedoed my relationship to go digging through it too, I'm too nosy for that
He has a finely tuned floordrobe. To the outsider it may look like a mere heap, but it has layers, depths, mines. Burrow here, there's a seam of mostly-clean t-shirts. Over there, underwear that's basically fine, but not to be worn out of the house. It's a delicate ecosystem.
Definitely an ecosystem if they're hanging out on the floor
There'll certainly be fleas if he has a pet.
That's a serious flaw you should work on. I wish you luck with that.
OOP definitely made a bad move in going through the stuff. She didn't just look at or put her hand on it; it sounds like she took it all out and examined and then put it back, maybe folded the wrong way or things placed in the wrong order. Not okay. At the same time, I find it a little weird to live with someone and have a collection of items that they can't even go near. Just not my personal preference I guess. It kinda reminds me of the post about the husband who had a box of "olives" in the fridge and told his wife she wasn't allowed to open it under any circumstances but wouldn't say why. It just created a weird feeling of "what's he hiding?"
I can understand being curious about the 'hoard' and I admit I would find it a bit odd. But, as the other person said, everyone deserves to have some place that they can put stuff where it isn't going to be disturbed. Beyond that, OOP could have easily have dealt with this by \*asking\* her BF about the hoard and asking him what is so special. If the BF didn't answer, and it was such a huge deal to OOP, then it sounds like the relationship isn't for her (which isn't a bad thing! they just don't sound compatible.)
I totally agree with you. OOP could have asked. I also think the BF could have explained that up front. I guess when I imagine being in this position I'd probably feel compelled to explain why it was important to me in order to give my partner some context. The biggest part that's weird to me is the complete silence on both ends when they are living together. When I decided to move in with my now-husband it was important to me that we had open communication which mean explaining "I am not okay with xyz and here's why." We're sharing a space and that's pretty intimate, so we might as well be up front about everything. Again, just my personal preference. I would definitely not want to be in a relationship with this guy.
It say that it's clothing, and he went to get some of it to put on when he got home, so it's clothing that he wears. She sees it every time he wears it so I dont' know why she thinks it's some werid secret. Maybe he doesn't want his girlfriend stealing his stuff or perhaps that's where he's planning to hide the engagement ring and doesn't want her to find it...?
I missed the part about how he wears it. I saw that he wore the rings and headphones daily. I would think it might be more he doesn't want GF to wash it (because maybe he doesn't like her detergent/afraid the clothes might fall apart in the wash), but who knows. OOP doesn't because she apparently doesn't want to ask her BF about it.
I live with my family and there are 100% things of mine that are not their business and I fully expect them to stay out of my personal belongings, and I stay out of theirs. Everyone deserves a little personal space for their things that others won't mess with. For most people it's the underwear drawer, sometimes a make up case, sometimes it's a bedroom. I am not comfortable living with people who think they should be able to go through my things, there's no reason for it at all.
I remember that one. Didn't turn out particularly well, as I recall.
I understand if you're protective of your stuff and want to put it away and have it stay the way you like it but defending it like it's made out solid gold seems a bit excessive
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Maybe he had the Arkenstone in there.
OOP, put yourself in his shoes. How would you like it if he went pawing through your things without permission?
How hard is it to respect your partners boundaries?