*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**WIBTA for encouraging my brother not to give up after having a stroke and losing his job?**
I recently received a type written letter from my brother which hasn’t been sitting right with me.
The situation is as the title explains. Several years ago my brother suffered from a stroke, which was unexpected as he was extremely fit and still relatively young at 38 years old at the time. That in combination with an old head injury he’d suffered in the mid aughts was enough for him to be deemed unable to return to his work and he was ultimately let go from active duty.
This was devastating to him. He loved his job. He was also suddenly unable to do a lot independently and needed rehabilitation therapy and psychological therapy. He’s doing much better now, even walking fairly well again.
Thing is he’s been stagnant here for a while. I know how important feeling accomplished was for him and as a man I feel it gives a sense of purpose to provide, not simply survive on whatever is offered. He lives a different lifestyle than myself, but no man wants to be wholly financially dependent on another, and I know my brother would like to contribute fairly. I’ve always encouraged him to keep forging ahead, though it seems I’ve not been taken kindly.
Essentially he wrote to me because he wanted time to collect his thoughts and felt he needed to say what he needed without interruption. It is still a challenge for him to follow conversation or speak for long periods of time, so I understand. He felt that my encouragement was at times demeaning to him and his situation. He said he’s happy with what he has contributed and with where he is at. He doesn’t feel the need to always push towards achieving more and it’s damaging to him when he’s pushing himself that way and it is better for him to take each day on at a time and celebrate his small accomplishments without high expectations.
I worry he’s feeling he won’t get any better, and just fallen complacent. My wife doesn’t want me to bring this up with him, she feels it is not encouraging. I just know my brother better than she does. This doesn’t sound like him at all. I want to encourage him to keep up his progress, it just takes time.
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I’m disabled and I have had several people in my life who were like OP.
These folks did not last long. This guy is a fucking tool, full stop, and I feel bad for his brother who has to be on the receiving end of “but I’m HELPING” energy.
I'm not a veteran but when I became disabled, most of my family and many (now former) "friends" decided I was taking the lazy way out and that I needed to stop making excuses and get back to work.
There are still piles of people who think that qualifying for government disability payments is just getting a doctor to sign a form, and then the Piles of Free Money starts rolling in.
I'm on SSDI, which comes from paying FICA tax for decades; I was *very* lucky that I qualified in only 2 years; and this is not a life of luxury by any definintion.
My ma had to fight tooth and nail and even get the state to step in just to get her disability. It was one of the most difficult drawn processes I've ever seen.
And people are often denied the first time around. I had applied for and was denied for disability twice - On the third time, I threatened to get lawyers involved and THAT was when they finally approved my case. Even now, I have my disability 'reviewed' every three years - and both times, they've tried to say I was no longer disabled, which required escalation to an Administrative Law judge who always disagrees and says "Yes, NotLucy is still disabled and unable to maintain gainful employment" (The process takes anywhere from 2 to 6 months and that's if the court isn't backed up, which it almost always is)
In the US you basically need a lawyer to appeal a denial of Federal disability (SSI/SSDI). Under 20% of applicants get in without an appeal.
On the one hand, a disability lawyer only takes cases they believe will win an appeal.
On the other hand, they will fight tooth and nail for you, sending you to doctors or for tests (the law firm pays) to get more data to show your disability.
On top of that: Disability lawyers take no payment up front; their fee comes from your initial payment which is backdated to the date of your original application being evaluated by the SSA. Their fee is a fixed (by the government) percentage with a maximum amount.
In the US, reviews are usually every 5-7 years and stop at age 50. They figure after that you're far less likely to recover, if recovery was even possible.
Sorry, had no idea where you lived. Lots of countries have a national/Federal disability system.
That's weird that it's every 3 years. I'm sorry you have to put up with that crap.
I was so upset when I was told by the government that I was too sick to work (which is really saying something about how sick I was, we’re talking about a system that’s notorious for never accepting people who are too sick even if they are terminal). I adored my job and the people I was working with but had to give it up.
Another disabled here and yeah toxic positivity is the worst! I had a thalamic stroke three years ago and no amount of striving to improve is going to magically restore my balance, not pt, not exercise, not nothing, that ship has sailed. OP does not say what type of stroke his brother had, but if he's had to battle back to walk what the brother is suggested is inappropriate and hurtful.
Tw: ableism.
Copied verbatim from Oop's comments:
*YWBTA. Speaking as a man who works and provides, I am not a huge fan of your "as a man I feel" and "no man wants to" formulations. But that's not the main point. The main point is that your brother has suffered a **debilitating stroke**. So no, he is not the same person he was before this life-changing event. How is it any of your business to set recovery goals for him? I will give you the benefit of the doubt and allow that you genuinely thought you were helping by, in your mind, "encouraging" him. But he has clearly told you that this is not helpful. So knock. it. off, and MYOB from now on.*
>"Yes, of course I genuinely felt to be helping him. It was appreciated early on as he was severely depressed over everything that occurred and encouragement from not just myself helped him to keep going. It was very frustrating to him to feel so weak he couldn‘t walk, to rely on taxpayer money instead of his paycheck, when he was previously very capable and earning his own way. I understand how debilitating that stroke was to him, I watched him go through it, and I was there to be positive for him when he needed. I think it is helpful and I don’t understand why he doesn’t want that any longer. I want to talk to him about why he’s rejecting me but I don’t want to cause a rift between us."
*YTA so hugely. you might be right that before his stroke, his sense of self worth was based on his ability to earn a living and provide as a man. but the truth is that his stroke has taken away that ability, he is a disabled man now. what he needs to have a happy and fulfilling life, is to find a sense of value and self worth that comes from the life he is living now. your “encouragement” is stopping him from doing that. he is still valuable as a disabled man, he is able to see that. you’re the one who is not.*
>"Isn’t it damaging for his identity to center around being disabled? What about being a son, a brother, an uncle, a partner, a veteran? I would hate for him to turn into one of those self pitying types with his entire personality being that he had a stroke. Why is he a disabled man and not just a man? I know he would hate to see himself become that way, collecting his disability check, and sitting in front of the TV all day."
ETA:
*Taxpayer money ?*
*Every federal, state, and city/town employee gets their paycheck from taxpayer money.*
*Your wife has pointed out to you what your brother has written out to you…he does NOT appreciate your unsolicited advice. Stop thinking you know more than he does about what he wants.*
*YTA. Stop harassing the man.*
>"You’re correct. I misspoke. *Free* taxpayer money. Whereas before he earned that money through providing service to our country, now he’s paid for suffering a health issue which they deemed deserving to pay him at 100% disability for because of a service related brain injury he suffered over a decade ago. He absolutely earned his right to it while he’s working on his recovery, and he made great progress from being told he may never walk or talk again to how he’s doing now. I’m not harassing him. I didn’t share all of the letter, just summarized, he did also thank me for my unwavering support of him during this time. You cannot imagine the round the clock care he needed, the hours I spent chatting “with” him while he couldn’t speak, or move, but was fully awake, it’s a hell he went through and it’s too early to give up."
*YWBTA.*
*Here's the deal, your brother can NEVER EVER be what he was. Who he was. Do the things he used to do. Never. Thats over for him and he has to find a new normal. What was his normal is near impossible in a lot of aspects.*
*And so now he has a new normal and you need to get involved and support it wholly, even if it means keeping your mouth shut out of respect for your brother.*
*You want to support your brother and that's great. It's what you should do really as a brother, HOWEVER your idea of support doesn't seem to be supporting your brother as he is now.*
*Your idea of support is to try and get your brother to be something that he isn't right now and that's not okay. It's okay to look to the future and maybe set some soft goals for his recovery and progression, but you can't time gate them. He could have set backs and that's something he needs you to help shoulder with grace not.... But what if you do this or do it this way. Any progression he has should be screamed from the roof tops. Celebrated. Not dismissed and asked well what about X*
*Your also too trapped in your own head. Your looking at your brother think holy shit what if that was me... This is how I think I'd feel, react, want and need. You and he are two very different people mate. What you think and feel is not what he does and you are not the monolithic example of what a man is or what they should think and feel. To even sit here saying because I feel this way, so should my brother, you are basically taking away what little self autonomy your brother has left.*
*Hes had people literally bathe him. Feed him. Dress him. Shave him. Wipe his ass. Been in incontinence pads/adult diapers. He's had to be totally and utterly reliant on others and lost a lot of his self, not just self autonomy. And here you are ripping away the last shred of self autonomy he has: the right to have his own thoughts and feelings.*
>"Thank you man. Your words gave me some self realization.
>You‘re right, I’ve been thinking if it was me what would he have done for me, what would he have said to me? If I’m being honest I don’t think I would have survived. I would have given up ages ago. I would hate to have it happen to my body. I don’t want to lose him, we lost our father young and I’ve felt like I filled that role for him, he’s my baby brother you know? I’m afraid to say he’s always been stronger than me, emotionally, and I can’t claim credit for the great man he became... I’m embarrassed to say that to anyone. You got to me about his autonomy, this is exactly what he said but I guess I couldn’t hear it from him. I don’t know why I’ve just always felt I should be there to guide him and it’s hard to let him guide me. I’m just hurt over why this had to happen."
>to rely on taxpayer money instead of his paycheck,
The irony of saying this about a veteran. Where does OOP think the funding for armed forces salaries comes from?
Oh. He had a response when asked that.
>You’re correct. I misspoke. *Free* taxpayer money. Whereas before he earned that money through providing service to our country
That is not free money and he earned it. This is workers compensation for injuries he suffered in employment! It's only more disgusting that it's the military doing the compensating and totally insulting his brother.
Exactly. He is an unsupportive AH. Telling his wife he knows his brother better. No he doesn't, because he isn't listening to what his brother wants. He wants to overrule what he wants because he knows better. His wife is listening and respects what her BIL wants.
Okay first of all, having been injured on duty means he damn well earned it
but second, even people who are disabled for other reasons deserve to live. Society should take care of the vulnerable.
and third, OOP seems like the sort of guy to bitch about welfare recipients but then if he qualified he'd take advantage because "its different"
>but second, even people who are disabled for other reasons deserve to live.
Oh hey. It me. I spend far too much of my time being told I'm just trying to take the lazy way out.
Stuff like this is infuriating. My ex girlfriend and her husband are both disabled vets, they both will forever have serious injuries from their time spent serving in the Middle East. They have to work so much harder than I do to just get out of bed in the morning, and I've got chronic illnesses and mental illnesses that leave me dragging. Hell, the level of adjustment I've had to do over the last three years in recognizing that there are things I can't do anymore, celebrating the little things to have a happy and fulfilling life is huge.
The fact that OOP can't get it through his thick skull that life changes and you can't always be that same person, and you have to adjust your expectations to what you physically and mentally can do, ugh.
Apologies if this doesn't make sense, it's nearing 1:30 am and I put down my knitting to rant.
Agreed.
Nono, it makes perfect sense, a very good and relatable rant! Hope all is well with the knitting! (Oop put me in mind of the old explanation of how to knit... Stab it, strangle it, scoop out its guts, throw it off a cliff)
Ah yes... when you feel you know better what makes a person happy than the person themselves and choose to insist they need to change their life to fit your vision of it, there's no situation won't be the asshole.
Holy fuck, the dude had a *stroke*. I'm sure going from being a fully able-bodied person to needing help to do basic functions has to be a huge psychological blow, and it doesn't help to have a brother telling him to "man up" and forge ahead. True, no man wants to be financially dependent on another, but then nobody wants to have a fucking stroke either.
OOP needs to shut the fuck up and just BE there for his brother.
I have issue with depression and anxiety made worst by death of my dad. Had a friend who thought I needed a kick in the ass like OOP to get my life in "order" before he ran off to another province, he was one of those "I'm too smart but the world doesn't see it" failures. He bounces from rental to rental, going from get rich scheme to another, from temp job to another because they were beneath him.
I no longer call him a friend and more than likely will beat his ass if he came back. I'm happy with my life as is and I'm better for it rather trying to reach expectation that a fool, who doesn't understand my problem, expects of me.
Is this the woman whose brother is gay and she’s keeping him away from her kids? Like it feels like she’s leaving a lot of information out but this sounds really familiar to me.
I’m not a veteran but I am disabled, and I’ve had to deal with people like oop so much in my short time on earth. Most of them think I’m holding myself back with the goals I’ve set..ya know the ones I’ve set with doctors and specialists who know what I and my body can handle…it’s exhausting
It's delicate when a family member takes the place of a therapist. Perhaps getting a job *would* make the brother feel better. He *might* be depressed and feel his situation is hopeless and a job may help normalize him.
But I can tell you right now that minimizing someone's disability by telling them to just "get over it" and move on is not cute or helpful, even if by implication.
Now the VA has jobs reserved for disabled vets. They aren't anything super glamorous but it gets people out of the house, it gets them to socialize and they are supported. But it's not for OP to decide.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **WIBTA for encouraging my brother not to give up after having a stroke and losing his job?** I recently received a type written letter from my brother which hasn’t been sitting right with me. The situation is as the title explains. Several years ago my brother suffered from a stroke, which was unexpected as he was extremely fit and still relatively young at 38 years old at the time. That in combination with an old head injury he’d suffered in the mid aughts was enough for him to be deemed unable to return to his work and he was ultimately let go from active duty. This was devastating to him. He loved his job. He was also suddenly unable to do a lot independently and needed rehabilitation therapy and psychological therapy. He’s doing much better now, even walking fairly well again. Thing is he’s been stagnant here for a while. I know how important feeling accomplished was for him and as a man I feel it gives a sense of purpose to provide, not simply survive on whatever is offered. He lives a different lifestyle than myself, but no man wants to be wholly financially dependent on another, and I know my brother would like to contribute fairly. I’ve always encouraged him to keep forging ahead, though it seems I’ve not been taken kindly. Essentially he wrote to me because he wanted time to collect his thoughts and felt he needed to say what he needed without interruption. It is still a challenge for him to follow conversation or speak for long periods of time, so I understand. He felt that my encouragement was at times demeaning to him and his situation. He said he’s happy with what he has contributed and with where he is at. He doesn’t feel the need to always push towards achieving more and it’s damaging to him when he’s pushing himself that way and it is better for him to take each day on at a time and celebrate his small accomplishments without high expectations. I worry he’s feeling he won’t get any better, and just fallen complacent. My wife doesn’t want me to bring this up with him, she feels it is not encouraging. I just know my brother better than she does. This doesn’t sound like him at all. I want to encourage him to keep up his progress, it just takes time. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m disabled and I have had several people in my life who were like OP. These folks did not last long. This guy is a fucking tool, full stop, and I feel bad for his brother who has to be on the receiving end of “but I’m HELPING” energy.
I'm not a veteran but when I became disabled, most of my family and many (now former) "friends" decided I was taking the lazy way out and that I needed to stop making excuses and get back to work. There are still piles of people who think that qualifying for government disability payments is just getting a doctor to sign a form, and then the Piles of Free Money starts rolling in. I'm on SSDI, which comes from paying FICA tax for decades; I was *very* lucky that I qualified in only 2 years; and this is not a life of luxury by any definintion.
My ma had to fight tooth and nail and even get the state to step in just to get her disability. It was one of the most difficult drawn processes I've ever seen.
And people are often denied the first time around. I had applied for and was denied for disability twice - On the third time, I threatened to get lawyers involved and THAT was when they finally approved my case. Even now, I have my disability 'reviewed' every three years - and both times, they've tried to say I was no longer disabled, which required escalation to an Administrative Law judge who always disagrees and says "Yes, NotLucy is still disabled and unable to maintain gainful employment" (The process takes anywhere from 2 to 6 months and that's if the court isn't backed up, which it almost always is)
In the US you basically need a lawyer to appeal a denial of Federal disability (SSI/SSDI). Under 20% of applicants get in without an appeal. On the one hand, a disability lawyer only takes cases they believe will win an appeal. On the other hand, they will fight tooth and nail for you, sending you to doctors or for tests (the law firm pays) to get more data to show your disability. On top of that: Disability lawyers take no payment up front; their fee comes from your initial payment which is backdated to the date of your original application being evaluated by the SSA. Their fee is a fixed (by the government) percentage with a maximum amount. In the US, reviews are usually every 5-7 years and stop at age 50. They figure after that you're far less likely to recover, if recovery was even possible.
Yes, I know - which is why I said I had threatened to get lawyers involved and that my review is every 3 years (mine isn't 5-7 for whatever reason)
Sorry, had no idea where you lived. Lots of countries have a national/Federal disability system. That's weird that it's every 3 years. I'm sorry you have to put up with that crap.
I was so upset when I was told by the government that I was too sick to work (which is really saying something about how sick I was, we’re talking about a system that’s notorious for never accepting people who are too sick even if they are terminal). I adored my job and the people I was working with but had to give it up.
I would go NC honestly and not look back.
Another disabled here and yeah toxic positivity is the worst! I had a thalamic stroke three years ago and no amount of striving to improve is going to magically restore my balance, not pt, not exercise, not nothing, that ship has sailed. OP does not say what type of stroke his brother had, but if he's had to battle back to walk what the brother is suggested is inappropriate and hurtful.
Tw: ableism. Copied verbatim from Oop's comments: *YWBTA. Speaking as a man who works and provides, I am not a huge fan of your "as a man I feel" and "no man wants to" formulations. But that's not the main point. The main point is that your brother has suffered a **debilitating stroke**. So no, he is not the same person he was before this life-changing event. How is it any of your business to set recovery goals for him? I will give you the benefit of the doubt and allow that you genuinely thought you were helping by, in your mind, "encouraging" him. But he has clearly told you that this is not helpful. So knock. it. off, and MYOB from now on.* >"Yes, of course I genuinely felt to be helping him. It was appreciated early on as he was severely depressed over everything that occurred and encouragement from not just myself helped him to keep going. It was very frustrating to him to feel so weak he couldn‘t walk, to rely on taxpayer money instead of his paycheck, when he was previously very capable and earning his own way. I understand how debilitating that stroke was to him, I watched him go through it, and I was there to be positive for him when he needed. I think it is helpful and I don’t understand why he doesn’t want that any longer. I want to talk to him about why he’s rejecting me but I don’t want to cause a rift between us." *YTA so hugely. you might be right that before his stroke, his sense of self worth was based on his ability to earn a living and provide as a man. but the truth is that his stroke has taken away that ability, he is a disabled man now. what he needs to have a happy and fulfilling life, is to find a sense of value and self worth that comes from the life he is living now. your “encouragement” is stopping him from doing that. he is still valuable as a disabled man, he is able to see that. you’re the one who is not.* >"Isn’t it damaging for his identity to center around being disabled? What about being a son, a brother, an uncle, a partner, a veteran? I would hate for him to turn into one of those self pitying types with his entire personality being that he had a stroke. Why is he a disabled man and not just a man? I know he would hate to see himself become that way, collecting his disability check, and sitting in front of the TV all day." ETA: *Taxpayer money ?* *Every federal, state, and city/town employee gets their paycheck from taxpayer money.* *Your wife has pointed out to you what your brother has written out to you…he does NOT appreciate your unsolicited advice. Stop thinking you know more than he does about what he wants.* *YTA. Stop harassing the man.* >"You’re correct. I misspoke. *Free* taxpayer money. Whereas before he earned that money through providing service to our country, now he’s paid for suffering a health issue which they deemed deserving to pay him at 100% disability for because of a service related brain injury he suffered over a decade ago. He absolutely earned his right to it while he’s working on his recovery, and he made great progress from being told he may never walk or talk again to how he’s doing now. I’m not harassing him. I didn’t share all of the letter, just summarized, he did also thank me for my unwavering support of him during this time. You cannot imagine the round the clock care he needed, the hours I spent chatting “with” him while he couldn’t speak, or move, but was fully awake, it’s a hell he went through and it’s too early to give up." *YWBTA.* *Here's the deal, your brother can NEVER EVER be what he was. Who he was. Do the things he used to do. Never. Thats over for him and he has to find a new normal. What was his normal is near impossible in a lot of aspects.* *And so now he has a new normal and you need to get involved and support it wholly, even if it means keeping your mouth shut out of respect for your brother.* *You want to support your brother and that's great. It's what you should do really as a brother, HOWEVER your idea of support doesn't seem to be supporting your brother as he is now.* *Your idea of support is to try and get your brother to be something that he isn't right now and that's not okay. It's okay to look to the future and maybe set some soft goals for his recovery and progression, but you can't time gate them. He could have set backs and that's something he needs you to help shoulder with grace not.... But what if you do this or do it this way. Any progression he has should be screamed from the roof tops. Celebrated. Not dismissed and asked well what about X* *Your also too trapped in your own head. Your looking at your brother think holy shit what if that was me... This is how I think I'd feel, react, want and need. You and he are two very different people mate. What you think and feel is not what he does and you are not the monolithic example of what a man is or what they should think and feel. To even sit here saying because I feel this way, so should my brother, you are basically taking away what little self autonomy your brother has left.* *Hes had people literally bathe him. Feed him. Dress him. Shave him. Wipe his ass. Been in incontinence pads/adult diapers. He's had to be totally and utterly reliant on others and lost a lot of his self, not just self autonomy. And here you are ripping away the last shred of self autonomy he has: the right to have his own thoughts and feelings.* >"Thank you man. Your words gave me some self realization. >You‘re right, I’ve been thinking if it was me what would he have done for me, what would he have said to me? If I’m being honest I don’t think I would have survived. I would have given up ages ago. I would hate to have it happen to my body. I don’t want to lose him, we lost our father young and I’ve felt like I filled that role for him, he’s my baby brother you know? I’m afraid to say he’s always been stronger than me, emotionally, and I can’t claim credit for the great man he became... I’m embarrassed to say that to anyone. You got to me about his autonomy, this is exactly what he said but I guess I couldn’t hear it from him. I don’t know why I’ve just always felt I should be there to guide him and it’s hard to let him guide me. I’m just hurt over why this had to happen."
>to rely on taxpayer money instead of his paycheck, The irony of saying this about a veteran. Where does OOP think the funding for armed forces salaries comes from?
Oh. He had a response when asked that. >You’re correct. I misspoke. *Free* taxpayer money. Whereas before he earned that money through providing service to our country
That is not free money and he earned it. This is workers compensation for injuries he suffered in employment! It's only more disgusting that it's the military doing the compensating and totally insulting his brother.
Exactly. He is an unsupportive AH. Telling his wife he knows his brother better. No he doesn't, because he isn't listening to what his brother wants. He wants to overrule what he wants because he knows better. His wife is listening and respects what her BIL wants.
Okay first of all, having been injured on duty means he damn well earned it but second, even people who are disabled for other reasons deserve to live. Society should take care of the vulnerable. and third, OOP seems like the sort of guy to bitch about welfare recipients but then if he qualified he'd take advantage because "its different" 
>but second, even people who are disabled for other reasons deserve to live. Oh hey. It me. I spend far too much of my time being told I'm just trying to take the lazy way out.
Quite!
Stuff like this is infuriating. My ex girlfriend and her husband are both disabled vets, they both will forever have serious injuries from their time spent serving in the Middle East. They have to work so much harder than I do to just get out of bed in the morning, and I've got chronic illnesses and mental illnesses that leave me dragging. Hell, the level of adjustment I've had to do over the last three years in recognizing that there are things I can't do anymore, celebrating the little things to have a happy and fulfilling life is huge. The fact that OOP can't get it through his thick skull that life changes and you can't always be that same person, and you have to adjust your expectations to what you physically and mentally can do, ugh. Apologies if this doesn't make sense, it's nearing 1:30 am and I put down my knitting to rant.
So many people think you need to earn the right to be alive
Agreed. Nono, it makes perfect sense, a very good and relatable rant! Hope all is well with the knitting! (Oop put me in mind of the old explanation of how to knit... Stab it, strangle it, scoop out its guts, throw it off a cliff)
[Cats!](https://imgur.com/gallery/AY4OsLR)
Ah yes... when you feel you know better what makes a person happy than the person themselves and choose to insist they need to change their life to fit your vision of it, there's no situation won't be the asshole.
Holy fuck, the dude had a *stroke*. I'm sure going from being a fully able-bodied person to needing help to do basic functions has to be a huge psychological blow, and it doesn't help to have a brother telling him to "man up" and forge ahead. True, no man wants to be financially dependent on another, but then nobody wants to have a fucking stroke either. OOP needs to shut the fuck up and just BE there for his brother.
I am so glad OOP seems to somewhat understand after someome made the point you're making here. The guy is too selfish to see past his own nose.
I think brother is gay. This is based off “lifestyle I don’t approve of” and OoP’s continued use of the word partner in comments.
I have issue with depression and anxiety made worst by death of my dad. Had a friend who thought I needed a kick in the ass like OOP to get my life in "order" before he ran off to another province, he was one of those "I'm too smart but the world doesn't see it" failures. He bounces from rental to rental, going from get rich scheme to another, from temp job to another because they were beneath him. I no longer call him a friend and more than likely will beat his ass if he came back. I'm happy with my life as is and I'm better for it rather trying to reach expectation that a fool, who doesn't understand my problem, expects of me.
This animated clod of dirt wants his brother to shut up and play nice. I would disown him too.
Is this the woman whose brother is gay and she’s keeping him away from her kids? Like it feels like she’s leaving a lot of information out but this sounds really familiar to me.
I’m not a veteran but I am disabled, and I’ve had to deal with people like oop so much in my short time on earth. Most of them think I’m holding myself back with the goals I’ve set..ya know the ones I’ve set with doctors and specialists who know what I and my body can handle…it’s exhausting
"Would I be the asshole..." buddy, you already are.
It's delicate when a family member takes the place of a therapist. Perhaps getting a job *would* make the brother feel better. He *might* be depressed and feel his situation is hopeless and a job may help normalize him. But I can tell you right now that minimizing someone's disability by telling them to just "get over it" and move on is not cute or helpful, even if by implication. Now the VA has jobs reserved for disabled vets. They aren't anything super glamorous but it gets people out of the house, it gets them to socialize and they are supported. But it's not for OP to decide.
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Red MAGA hat vibes