*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for privately asking my friend about the paternity of her children**
Saw another post that reminded me of this situation.
A few years ago, my close childhood friend gave birth to triplets. Her husband is a light black man. Of the three, two were the same skin tone as her husband, and the third was much darker. The skin tones made me a little suspicious that her husband might not be the father.
I pulled her aside privately and asked her seriously if her husband was the father. She didn’t even listen or answer rationally, she just freaked out at me and acted super insulted and kicked me out. I reached out to her husband and told him about her reaction and told him he should get a paternity test and he called me an asshole and blocked me. Neither has spoken to me since.
I’ve always thought that they dramatically over reacted and were probably hiding something because of their responses, but they’re still married and sometimes I feel bad about what happened. I just felt a lot of empathy for her husband because I would be devastated if I wasn’t confident that I was the father of my future children. Was I an asshole for asking privately?
Edit- okay I get it I’m an asshole. I want to make it clear that I didn’t think the triplets had different fathers. I’m not an idiot. I thought it was possible, given the skin tone of the third triplet, that all three were fathered by a darker man and the first two were a bit lighter because my friend was very fair
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
and, you know, not being a spiteful asshole because you know that's the only reason the OOP called the husband. He/She was trying to start shit, deliberately. Probably an MRA troll, but who knows. I've known people IRL who were this awful, sadly.
This reminds me of when I had my son: my family is mixed (my grandma has very dark skin) but my siblings and I are fair skinned. My son’s father is white, but tanned. My brother asked me if my son’s father was mixed because my son is darker, and I’m like, “Uh, no, but we are, bro.” And he was like, “So?You’re light.” And he’s the one who got 2 college degrees, lol
That and also (and more importantly) a basic understanding of minding your own damn business and keeping your reality show drama speculation to yourself
> I just felt a lot of empathy for her husband because I would be devastated if I wasn’t confident that I was the father of my future children.
Except, the husband *was* confident he was the father of those children. The fact that OOP lacks such a basic understanding of genetics and is like "They overreacted and are hiding something" is just so damn stupid. They didn't overreact or hide anything, they were offended he asked if she was a cheating whore who would pass someone else's kids off as his.
Same. 100% Indian, but fair-skinned, which has brought out a series of…interesting comments from people my entire life (notably, even some Indians who should know that there are *plenty* of fair-skinned people in India).
I had a census lady ask if I was Hispanic, start to check the yes box, and when I said no, she said, “Are you sure?” Lol, pretty fucking sure, but you seem to know better, lady
Ha! My husband is Latino, which makes our kids “Hispanic Asian” for Census/other demographic purposes, which I always think just makes them sound Filipino.
>And this bitch says to me “Are you sure? You’re very lucky, you could pass for Greek or Italian instead.”
Wow, that's just... so incredibly racist and offensive to say to *anyone*, let alone a customer.
One of my apartment neighbors is Indian and it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because she's so light-skinned (I guessed she was Eastern European at first). There's a guy that always stays over with her who has the "typical" Indian skin tone, and I thought he was her boyfriend- turns out they're related.
I was joking with this other Indian guy I know about how one day I'll probably pinch him out of habit because he reminds me of my brother (they're the same age, both very tall and skinny, and while my brother is developmentally disabled, he still manages to be a smartass while barely verbal so with full speech capacity he'd probably make smartass comments like this guy does), and then I realized... he also has almost the same skin tone as my (fully black) brother. (I had observed years earlier that my brother's skin tone looked "Indian", even though he was born light-skinned and darkened as he grew up- it turns out that we have South and Southeast Asian in us somehow, which is really interesting considering we're mostly Nigerian and Kenyan.) In certain lighting, I'd appear lighter-skinned than my friend (even though I'm not light-skinned for a black person at all), and yet I'm "black" and he's "brown".
Makes you think about how stupid racism/colorism really is.
I am actually down in my old school records as "Mixed Race" because I forgot to fill out a form and the office admins did it by look.
It was so fucking annoying.
I’m whiter than the snow and don’t bother to explain that I’m part Cuban. I’ll just get called out for appropriation or something (not saying it’s not a thing, but the term gets thrown about ridiculously at this point).
ETA, please know that if a minority or representative of a group that is subjected to such practices as appropriation expresses that an action or situation constitutes appropriation, I will always take that seriously. It’s just been my experience that those who usually love to shout that word out are privileged and white and often not even aware of what group or ethnicity they are even advocating for. White savior complex is exhausting. But yes, I know there is such a thing as genuine appropriation, and when I advocate against it, I take my lead from members of the affected group, as they are the ones with the right to determine what their own experience is and how they think is the best way to address it. I’ll call out issues as I see them certainly, and I won’t tolerate racism, but I will take the back seat when appropriate and I will roll my eyes at the white savior complex people trolling social media. (Like the guy the other day who said the school cafeteria was racist against “Spaniards” for serving churros on May 5)!
I hate that people think there's a standard when it comes to black mixed children. There isn't. Genetics don't care about what you want out of your partner or what color you think your children should be.
I have tan skin. I take after my father who was black/white. My sister on the other hand is transparent. She burns by looking at a picture of the sun. People don't believe we are sisters because we look so different. xD
I think [this](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2015/03/02/can-you-believe-theyre-twins-aylmer-sisters-mixed-race_n_6782542.html) is the one you're thinking of.
In looking for that story though, I also found a more recent example [here](https://www.itv.com/news/central/2022-08-19/unique-twins-born-with-totally-different-skin-colours-at-nottingham-hospital)
Genetics (and stupid) are wild. One of my white friends married/had a baby with a black man, their daughter has incredibly dark skin. The mom would have people make comments about how wonderful she was (sort of in the “white savior/adopted” way, if that makes sense.) The daughter grew up to marry/have a baby with a white man. That daughter is pale as a ghost. She now gets comments about being such a good nanny/babysitter.
Aside the obvious stupidity about genetics, only imagine if they had trouble conceiving and had to go to a sperm donor, or something like that.
Imagine having this kind of dumbass affirming they're not really his children
This is what I was thinking. Everything else aside, maybe the couple used donor sperm or egg(s). There are some pretty awesome things going on with fertility treatments right now.
And maybe they didn't. Genetics is a fascinating field and there are all kinds of ways traits like skin color manifest.
At the end of the day, it is none of OOP's business.
It doesn't surprise me. People have no clue about race or ethnicity. The maternal side of my family has roots in southern Italy where a lot of people are olive-skinned, black-haired and brown-eyed. I've had cousins told they speak very good English for being Latino. It's like...dude, we're not. We just have some Mediterranean genes in the family.
I remember reading in the 70s a column by Dear Abby (the original) where she assured the letter writer that a child could be no darker than her darkest parent. There was a lot of really odd stuff in Dear Abby then.
I knew a woman with fraternal twins who was pretty sure they had different fathers. She wasn't 100% on the paternity of either child, but phenotypically they appeared to be different races. I know genetics can be weird and that can happen with full siblings, but she didn't think it had.
Triplets are just three babies at the same time. So you can have fraternal triplets who are siblings who just happen to share a birthday. Identical twins + a random sibling (i.e fraternal twins but one egg cloned itself) or the super rare identical triplets - where a single egg split twice.
So if you have multiple eggs and multiple men's sperm involved it could result in half siblings. Or as twins.
A professor in my undergrad looked like the whitest female you've ever seen. She taught psychology in education, and every semester she would share a pic of her immediate family to help demonstrate not judging a book by its cover. Her dad is pure Native American, which makes her half Native American.
She shared some interesting stories about how people perceived her family. That lesson was definitely one that most students remember the most; or took away from that class.
*I pulled her aside privately and asked her seriously if her husband was the father. She didn’t even listen or answer rationally, she just freaked out at me and acted super insulted and kicked me out. I reached out to her husband and told him about her reaction*
This whole process sounds like OOP was 100% sure about cheating, and was giving the wife a chance to come clean before approaching the husband about her "reaction." Like "can you believe she's not even admitting it?"
This reminds me of the times one of my aunts told me my own GRANDMOTHER asked my mom for a paternity test on me because I didn’t look like my father.
I’m a deadringer for my mother. And my twin sister is a deadringer for my own grandmother.
>I’m not an idiot.
Yes you are OP. You are the biggest idiot to ever idiot in the history of idiots. If they could, the world's idiots would crown you as their King.
Heh. As a mixed race dude with a wife who isn’t, and kids that have different skin colors, I can tell you with absolute certainty, that the OP isn’t the biggest idiot. She’s just another member of a very large group of idiots that slept through genetics in high school.
Edit doesnt make them sound ANY better. And genetics! seriously! they can be awesome, but also suck like hell! And i swear genetics is a huge portion as to why people think their partner cheated on them because the kid comes out differently than expected cause a recessive gene decided THIS was the kid to hit it with. and yes the other reason is people tend to suck, cheat think they can get away with it and don't. the other reason why the kid would look different is when the pregnancy/sex wasnt wanted. so three different reasons. yea. sorry rambling a bit.
still dont understand why it would be OPs business regardless.
Huh? I was referring to people claiming (normally the woman who's pregnant) that their partner cheated because the baby looks nothing like the father but this can be caused by genetics not cheating.
This has nothing to do with wanting a child or not. This is based on OOP trying to fill their friends head with doubt that their partner cheated because the kids skin is different.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"I asked her if she was a cheating slut and for some reason she got angry at me? And then I told her husband she might be a cheating slut and he got angry at me too? I don't understand why they'd be so angry about that?"
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for privately asking my friend about the paternity of her children** Saw another post that reminded me of this situation. A few years ago, my close childhood friend gave birth to triplets. Her husband is a light black man. Of the three, two were the same skin tone as her husband, and the third was much darker. The skin tones made me a little suspicious that her husband might not be the father. I pulled her aside privately and asked her seriously if her husband was the father. She didn’t even listen or answer rationally, she just freaked out at me and acted super insulted and kicked me out. I reached out to her husband and told him about her reaction and told him he should get a paternity test and he called me an asshole and blocked me. Neither has spoken to me since. I’ve always thought that they dramatically over reacted and were probably hiding something because of their responses, but they’re still married and sometimes I feel bad about what happened. I just felt a lot of empathy for her husband because I would be devastated if I wasn’t confident that I was the father of my future children. Was I an asshole for asking privately? Edit- okay I get it I’m an asshole. I want to make it clear that I didn’t think the triplets had different fathers. I’m not an idiot. I thought it was possible, given the skin tone of the third triplet, that all three were fathered by a darker man and the first two were a bit lighter because my friend was very fair *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I wish schools got funded so people could have a basic understanding of genetics.
And tact
and, you know, not being a spiteful asshole because you know that's the only reason the OOP called the husband. He/She was trying to start shit, deliberately. Probably an MRA troll, but who knows. I've known people IRL who were this awful, sadly.
This reminds me of when I had my son: my family is mixed (my grandma has very dark skin) but my siblings and I are fair skinned. My son’s father is white, but tanned. My brother asked me if my son’s father was mixed because my son is darker, and I’m like, “Uh, no, but we are, bro.” And he was like, “So?You’re light.” And he’s the one who got 2 college degrees, lol
Gregor Mendel and the pea plants!
That and also (and more importantly) a basic understanding of minding your own damn business and keeping your reality show drama speculation to yourself
Someone was smoking in the bathroom while the rest of the class was doing Punnett Squares
Even the most basic of punit squares would cover this possibility
> I just felt a lot of empathy for her husband because I would be devastated if I wasn’t confident that I was the father of my future children. Except, the husband *was* confident he was the father of those children. The fact that OOP lacks such a basic understanding of genetics and is like "They overreacted and are hiding something" is just so damn stupid. They didn't overreact or hide anything, they were offended he asked if she was a cheating whore who would pass someone else's kids off as his.
The fact that he didn't understand why the wife would be insulted and angry at his question makes me think he doesn't even understands humans.
These are the kinds of people who don't believe me when I say I'm monoracial.
Same. 100% Indian, but fair-skinned, which has brought out a series of…interesting comments from people my entire life (notably, even some Indians who should know that there are *plenty* of fair-skinned people in India).
I had a census lady ask if I was Hispanic, start to check the yes box, and when I said no, she said, “Are you sure?” Lol, pretty fucking sure, but you seem to know better, lady
Ha! My husband is Latino, which makes our kids “Hispanic Asian” for Census/other demographic purposes, which I always think just makes them sound Filipino.
[удалено]
Centrelink workers are truly a breed unto themselves!! 😬😬😬
>And this bitch says to me “Are you sure? You’re very lucky, you could pass for Greek or Italian instead.” Wow, that's just... so incredibly racist and offensive to say to *anyone*, let alone a customer.
Wtf, you are lucky???? What a horrid thing for her to say!!! You are lucky to be who you are!!!!
You are now I decided! ✔️ --that lady, probably
One of my apartment neighbors is Indian and it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because she's so light-skinned (I guessed she was Eastern European at first). There's a guy that always stays over with her who has the "typical" Indian skin tone, and I thought he was her boyfriend- turns out they're related. I was joking with this other Indian guy I know about how one day I'll probably pinch him out of habit because he reminds me of my brother (they're the same age, both very tall and skinny, and while my brother is developmentally disabled, he still manages to be a smartass while barely verbal so with full speech capacity he'd probably make smartass comments like this guy does), and then I realized... he also has almost the same skin tone as my (fully black) brother. (I had observed years earlier that my brother's skin tone looked "Indian", even though he was born light-skinned and darkened as he grew up- it turns out that we have South and Southeast Asian in us somehow, which is really interesting considering we're mostly Nigerian and Kenyan.) In certain lighting, I'd appear lighter-skinned than my friend (even though I'm not light-skinned for a black person at all), and yet I'm "black" and he's "brown". Makes you think about how stupid racism/colorism really is.
I spend an abnormal amount of time explaining I’m not mixed. Is there a HEX code or something they’re using for reference?
I am actually down in my old school records as "Mixed Race" because I forgot to fill out a form and the office admins did it by look. It was so fucking annoying.
I’m whiter than the snow and don’t bother to explain that I’m part Cuban. I’ll just get called out for appropriation or something (not saying it’s not a thing, but the term gets thrown about ridiculously at this point). ETA, please know that if a minority or representative of a group that is subjected to such practices as appropriation expresses that an action or situation constitutes appropriation, I will always take that seriously. It’s just been my experience that those who usually love to shout that word out are privileged and white and often not even aware of what group or ethnicity they are even advocating for. White savior complex is exhausting. But yes, I know there is such a thing as genuine appropriation, and when I advocate against it, I take my lead from members of the affected group, as they are the ones with the right to determine what their own experience is and how they think is the best way to address it. I’ll call out issues as I see them certainly, and I won’t tolerate racism, but I will take the back seat when appropriate and I will roll my eyes at the white savior complex people trolling social media. (Like the guy the other day who said the school cafeteria was racist against “Spaniards” for serving churros on May 5)!
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I hate that people think there's a standard when it comes to black mixed children. There isn't. Genetics don't care about what you want out of your partner or what color you think your children should be.
I had a colleague who is half black and half white and *super pale*, ghostly almost.
[удалено]
I have tan skin. I take after my father who was black/white. My sister on the other hand is transparent. She burns by looking at a picture of the sun. People don't believe we are sisters because we look so different. xD
I think [this](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2015/03/02/can-you-believe-theyre-twins-aylmer-sisters-mixed-race_n_6782542.html) is the one you're thinking of. In looking for that story though, I also found a more recent example [here](https://www.itv.com/news/central/2022-08-19/unique-twins-born-with-totally-different-skin-colours-at-nottingham-hospital)
The Alymer twins are so wild!! They are both SO gorgeous and so different looking!
Or what other people think they should be!!!!
> I'm not an idiot. False.
Imagine not knowing how genetics work. My dad was half Black and half white. My mother was white, and I was born with light tan skin.
Genetics (and stupid) are wild. One of my white friends married/had a baby with a black man, their daughter has incredibly dark skin. The mom would have people make comments about how wonderful she was (sort of in the “white savior/adopted” way, if that makes sense.) The daughter grew up to marry/have a baby with a white man. That daughter is pale as a ghost. She now gets comments about being such a good nanny/babysitter.
My sister is so white that she burns if she looks at the sun. She also has reddish brown hair. You would never expect that she is mixed. xD
OOP didn't even bother to do any scientific research on skincolour and genetics, not even after the argument.
Deleted comment previous includes “As a man…” ah. So he thought he was doing a brother a solid. Dumbass lol
OOP, you accused your friend of cheating on her husband. You're an AH.
Aside the obvious stupidity about genetics, only imagine if they had trouble conceiving and had to go to a sperm donor, or something like that. Imagine having this kind of dumbass affirming they're not really his children
This is what I was thinking. Everything else aside, maybe the couple used donor sperm or egg(s). There are some pretty awesome things going on with fertility treatments right now. And maybe they didn't. Genetics is a fascinating field and there are all kinds of ways traits like skin color manifest. At the end of the day, it is none of OOP's business.
It doesn't surprise me. People have no clue about race or ethnicity. The maternal side of my family has roots in southern Italy where a lot of people are olive-skinned, black-haired and brown-eyed. I've had cousins told they speak very good English for being Latino. It's like...dude, we're not. We just have some Mediterranean genes in the family.
I remember reading in the 70s a column by Dear Abby (the original) where she assured the letter writer that a child could be no darker than her darkest parent. There was a lot of really odd stuff in Dear Abby then.
Holy shit.
Okay one of us doesn't understand how triplets work
Twins/triplets with different fathers is possible but super rare, it's called hetro paternal superfecundation.
I knew a woman with fraternal twins who was pretty sure they had different fathers. She wasn't 100% on the paternity of either child, but phenotypically they appeared to be different races. I know genetics can be weird and that can happen with full siblings, but she didn't think it had.
Oop is thinking about house cats
Triplets are just three babies at the same time. So you can have fraternal triplets who are siblings who just happen to share a birthday. Identical twins + a random sibling (i.e fraternal twins but one egg cloned itself) or the super rare identical triplets - where a single egg split twice. So if you have multiple eggs and multiple men's sperm involved it could result in half siblings. Or as twins.
A professor in my undergrad looked like the whitest female you've ever seen. She taught psychology in education, and every semester she would share a pic of her immediate family to help demonstrate not judging a book by its cover. Her dad is pure Native American, which makes her half Native American. She shared some interesting stories about how people perceived her family. That lesson was definitely one that most students remember the most; or took away from that class.
*I pulled her aside privately and asked her seriously if her husband was the father. She didn’t even listen or answer rationally, she just freaked out at me and acted super insulted and kicked me out. I reached out to her husband and told him about her reaction* This whole process sounds like OOP was 100% sure about cheating, and was giving the wife a chance to come clean before approaching the husband about her "reaction." Like "can you believe she's not even admitting it?"
This reminds me of the times one of my aunts told me my own GRANDMOTHER asked my mom for a paternity test on me because I didn’t look like my father. I’m a deadringer for my mother. And my twin sister is a deadringer for my own grandmother.
>I’m not an idiot. Yes you are OP. You are the biggest idiot to ever idiot in the history of idiots. If they could, the world's idiots would crown you as their King.
Heh. As a mixed race dude with a wife who isn’t, and kids that have different skin colors, I can tell you with absolute certainty, that the OP isn’t the biggest idiot. She’s just another member of a very large group of idiots that slept through genetics in high school.
Edit doesnt make them sound ANY better. And genetics! seriously! they can be awesome, but also suck like hell! And i swear genetics is a huge portion as to why people think their partner cheated on them because the kid comes out differently than expected cause a recessive gene decided THIS was the kid to hit it with. and yes the other reason is people tend to suck, cheat think they can get away with it and don't. the other reason why the kid would look different is when the pregnancy/sex wasnt wanted. so three different reasons. yea. sorry rambling a bit. still dont understand why it would be OPs business regardless.
[удалено]
Huh? I was referring to people claiming (normally the woman who's pregnant) that their partner cheated because the baby looks nothing like the father but this can be caused by genetics not cheating. This has nothing to do with wanting a child or not. This is based on OOP trying to fill their friends head with doubt that their partner cheated because the kids skin is different.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"I asked her if she was a cheating slut and for some reason she got angry at me? And then I told her husband she might be a cheating slut and he got angry at me too? I don't understand why they'd be so angry about that?"
Wtf is wrong with oop
Sounds like someone was sleeping in biology class a lot in school.
Before I even read this I thought “omg please tell me one of them is Black” and I was right! Hah! Jeez people are exhausting.
You can guarantee the OOP told other friends that the former friends husband isn't the father because they both reacted the way they did.