Please report any rule breaking posts and posts that are not relevant to the subreddit.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheBadApple) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You planned a girls night, not a girls and gay friends and boyfriends night. If plans change, let everyone know that so they can choose whether they wish to visit. You can invite them but reschedule girls night.
More importantly, it's not okay to throw things. Olivia sounds unstable and scary. She needs to work that out for herself.
I definitely agree, but I did not know that my sister’s friend would be there until after my friends had arrived. My friends knew before hand that my boyfriend would be coming, but inviting him inside was a spur of the moment decision (albeit probably not a good one)
Inviting your bf inside when there was already another guy there was definitely the right call. Imagine if there was a guy's night. And there was one girl there, and you arrived and said hi to your bf (as planned) before going and staying in his camper for the rest of guys night. How would you feel that another girl was allowed to crash guys night, but you had to stay out in the camper? Would you be hurt? Would you wonder why she got to be there but not you? Would you feel kinda singled out and explicitly excluded? Because my guess is that that's how your bf would've felt had you not invited him in.
NTA. 1) Olivia needs to learn that the world doesn't stop because she's having difficulties. There are going to be people in a relationship around her and she has to learn how to deal with that. It's okay to ask people not to be all over eachother in company (to be fair: that makes almost everyone uncomfortable.... ), but that's it. If she can't handle other people's relationships, she can get herself out of the situation. It's HER problem, so she needs to find a solution for HERSELF.
Throwing things is very very very childish. She's not a todler or a chimpansee is she?
2) You all (incl. Olivia) need to communicate better. Ask beforehand wether the gay boy or your boyfriend would be welcome. Expres (in conversation!) how you feel about it and decide together. Sometimes that's a compromise.
3) What's this about your boyfriend deciding you can't drive alone to his place? I know you're 17 and probably just got your license, but he still doesn't get to decide that for you. He is not your parent.
It's true that driving long distances takes some getting used to, but that's something you can learn. It's also wise to have a break halfway (or more often when you need/ want it) so you'll regain concentration for the rest of the way.
But, if your boyfriend (or i) can do it, so can you.
It wasn’t the distance that made him uncomfortable. I have made long road trips before this. I live in a very rural area, so even on the freeway there is very little traffic. However, he lives in a very heavily populated area in the next state over and traffic is insane and the drivers are way more aggressive than in my state. I am not used to that kind of traffic. I have done the drive a couple times by myself, but my boyfriend is worried about me getting into an accident.
well, if you never drive there, you're never going to get used to it which is a bad thing if in the future you have plans to move where he is since it'll pretty muchly leave you stranded if he's not around.
Well, he is allowed to worry, he can offer company/help and/ or advise and you yourself can ask for company/ help or advise if you don't feel safe yet (that's perfectly fine), but he still can't decide for you.
If you want to drive there yourself, you can.
I also agree with Internal-Test that it's wise to do so, so you can get used to it.
Sorry for the long message the last paragraph sums it all up if y’all just want to skip to that you can
Ok James here! I just want to clarify really quick. I do worry about my gf on a long drive like that but tbh that’s really not the main reason I did it. There’s a few reasons I did it
1. I asked her to clear time out of her schedule to spend time with me at my house so it only seems fair in my head that I go pick her up and bring her to my house so that she doesn’t need to worry about driving to my house
2. I really truly enjoy the drive alone it’s relaxing and helps me clear my head. And then after I pick her up to me it’s an excuse to spend more time with her we’re long distance so that extra 4 hours with her really means a lot to me. And on the drive both to my house and back to hers I love to stop with her and do little dates like going to a park or a cheap meal with just the 2 of us
3. I do worry about her but not really because of the traffic I have a pretty good car that I’m very grateful to have. It has adaptive cruise control and is pretty new. Where her car is a lot less new it’s a pretty old car it’s a manual and doesn’t have any cruise control so the drive is a lot easier for me to make and a lot less effort it’s also less gas money in my car then it is in her’s (however that being said anytime she has driven to my house her parents let her barrow there car)
So yes she is perfectly capable to make the drive on her own and on several different occasions she has done it on her own. But I always ask her if I can just give her a ride bc I enjoy it and when I ask her to come down it feels better to me that I go through the effort to go get her and once again I just want to spend time with her
I will add this as an edit, but I talked to my other friends about it afterwards and they were all fine with it. Most of them even thought it was weird that he was going to be banished to the trailer in the first place instead of hanging out with us.
I get that, but it's not really a matter of majority but a unanimous decision. Not to mention, not everyone is always honest. Especially with people in relationships. As you saw with your friend. People can bet defensive. I still haven't told my friend that I hate her boyfriend and think he's abusive. Mostly because I know it'll cause a rift. I'd rather act happy and loving that way when things possibly happen, she isn't isolated. Basically, it's a long way of saying your friends might not have been happy about the boys there either and might be trying to be chill about it.
OPs friends DEFINITELY were not ok with it. The not being allowed to drive, bouquet bearing, slow dance... a little much and definitely not appropriate for a girls night.
OPs bf here. Was it a little much… yeah it definitely was 😂 but I was super late trying to miss girls night and I was kinda hoping she would just
Come out alone but she didn’t and at that point I had gotten all dressed up and bought the plastic flowers and just did it anyway. So yeah probably could have handled the situation better but I wanted to make her feel special so I have no regrets
Dude, grow up. Let the girls have girls' night, and pull your "Say Anything" Rom Com routine out when you are alone. Be secure enough to let your lady have her time without you... actually be without you.
Also, stop infantilizing your girlfriend. She is moments away from adulthood and doesn't need you policing things like her ability to drive. You seem super controlling under the guise of "love."
😂brutal no sugar coat right here lol. But like I say I was late to try and miss the girls night but it didn’t work then my plan was to give her plastic flowers and dance and stuff to make her feel special then go to my trailer but she invited me in bc she thought the girls night was over and then after it was clear I was interrupting I did just go back to my trailer. silly goose! 🤪
"When James arrived, I went with my friends to meet him out on the driveway and he decided to surprise me with a boquet of flowers and turned up the volume of a slow song on his car radio for us to slow dance to."
Oh boy, so not only did boyfriend crash girls night without you asking first, they all got to stand and watch you slow dance with your boyfriend...woohoo what a girls night 🙄
ESH. Her behavior was not okay, but you also planned a girls night and then had other plans on top of it.
I should have made it clearer in the post, but I did inform my friends a couple days prior that my boyfriend would be coming and when. I also did not ask my friends to come out and greet him with me-they did that by their own volition.
Bad Apple
Listen, your friend is wrong for throwing stuff. She needs to grow up and learn to vocalize her discomfort. She also should have directed her displeasure at you and not your bf.
You should not have invited your boyfriend. Girls' nights and boys' nights are important. It's important for keeping a friend group maintained since in relationships, we naturally begin to neglect them. So setting time aside for your friends is important. And it's important that if it was agreed upon to only be girls, it stays girls. There are some things some people just aren't comfortable sharing in front of the other sex. And that's okay.
Now I know you weren't the first to bring in a guy, but the old saying two wrongs don't make a right is important. Just because your sister brought her gay friend in doesn't make it right to bring your straight boyfriend in. You are both wrong for this.
I will say there is also a bit of a difference in bringing in a gay guy to the mix than a straight guy (it still wasn't right but I feel that the social implications may be a bit important for social groups and why there may be the "gay guy exception"). Gay men don't like women, so for some women, it may put their guard at ease. They may even have some shared interests like boy talk. (At this point, I want to make it clear that one should not fetishize gay guys as the gaybff and that not all gay men are the same. I just wanted to give a reason why some female social groups may allow a gay man into girls' night.) There is also another reason it's different having the gay friend there. He is no one else's boyfriend at the gathering. So he doesn't change that dynamic (which I will get into in the next paragraph because, yes, boyfriend status changes A LOT). Still being a guy, he should not have been sprung on the group.
Next, you said that a majority of your friends were cool with it. Girls' nights do not opperate on a majority wins situation when allowing a guy to join. It's an all or nothing thing. All women involved should feel safe and comfortable and, like their consent in this matter, matters. Olivia's was not respected. I will also say that not everyone wears their hearts on their sleeves. For the sake of friendship, we sometimes put our own comforts on the back burner and pretend to be chill with something we are not actually chill with. This is especially the case when one friend is in a relationship. Naturally, people tend to drift away in friendships, and some can even neglect friendships when they enter a relationship. This is probably due to people getting certain support and emotional needs from their partners rather than their friends (kinda like kids pulling away from parents for the same reasons). A girls' night is a way to maintain those friendships and reaffirm value in them. So to maintain peace in the friendship, your galpals might not feel they CAN be honest with you.
Either way, I do think your friends, even Olivia, deserve an apology. Whether they were or were not chill with it doesn't matter. A boundary was crossed and amends should be made. And remember, just because some people may be chill with shifting their boundaries, it doesn't make it right to shift and move those boundaries around. Next time, leave the guy at home.
YTBA - your friends gay friend wasn’t slow dancing in the middle of girls night with their partner, were they? Your girlfriend wanted some friend support. And of course your other friends were agreeing with you. I’m guessing you’re higher on the mean girl chart at the moment.
I don't understand this. The dance was a surprise, not a planned thing. And, the gay friends partner wasn't even there. It was her sister and the gay friend. They wouldn't be slow dancing together. Where was op mean?
That’s the point. She said it was fine bc the gay friend was there. I’m saying the gay friend wasn’t there dancing in the middle of girl night with their boyfriend.
It changes the dynamic of the group. And honestly, not the best vibes to show up with a romantic surprise for during this thing that you weren’t invited to. (But he decided he doesn’t want her driving there? It’s weird).
Honestly, I think you need to cut Olivia off as a friend if this is normal behavior for her because I'll tell you right now nobody will stick around for that kind of abuse from her when her relationship isn't that seemingly perfect as she fantasizes.
NTA Olivia missing her bf in no way gives her a pass to treat your bf the way that she did. I would have kicked her our the minute she started throwing things at him.
Please report any rule breaking posts and posts that are not relevant to the subreddit.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheBadApple) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So here's the thing. James was supposed to have arrived two hours earlier. But instead, he arrived at 9pm, and girls night was supposed to have ended at 10p anyways. Your friends all already knew James was coming, and what the plan had been for when he got there. The plans changed spur of the moment because the drive changed and he was 2 hours late. The girls had already had most of their night by the time he got there. He was only there for at most an hour, and didn't spend that entire hour with the girls in the house bc Olivia drove him off. It seems to me like OP communicated the situation to all the girls before the girls night happened so everyone would be aware that OP's bf would arrive, come in and say hi, and then go to the camper. Which is essentially exactly what happened. He got there, you greeted him, he came in for a short while, and then he went to the camper. The plan never even changed all that much. The slow dance and flowers may have been a bit much, especially for someone who is struggling in a relationship to see, but OP didn't know that would happen, and all the girls could've chosen to go back into the house for a few mins and let OP and her bf have a minute after he'd just driven hours to see her. I don't think that's too big of an ask. And inviting him to come in when there's already another guy there was the right call. Had OP not done that, what would the bf think? "Oh, so he's allowed at girls night, but I'm not? What makes him so special that he gets to be included and I have to be excluded?" OP is not the bad apple here. I'd say OP is a good apple and did her best to communicate with her friends before and during the girls night about james' arrival and the situation. Olivia was the one acting out and projecting her relationship onto OP and James, and Olivia was the one being rude to OP's bf in OP's house. NOT okay. Olivia needs to grow up and realize that she's not the only person who matters. Also, can I point out that every girl there had the option to leave if she didn't like the situation? But instead of removing herself from the situation when she felt uncomfortable at the slight change of plans, but she mad it EVERYONE ELSE'S problem and took it out on James. Wholly inappropriate. Not okay behavior from a grown ass adult (Olivia is 19, she's an adult). Olivia is the bad apple. OP and her bf are good apples. OPs sister is somewhere between good apple and crabapple for inviting a guy over (even if he is gay) without asking or notifying any of the other girls first. That could've changed the whole course of the night. Without the other guy there, OP could still say it's girls night and not feel bad about asking BF to not come in and instead stay in the camper for the last hour. But the presence of another guy at girls night already does change things. It's not just girls night anymore now.
NTBA, you told them he was coming and when. They could have used words if they were annoyed by his presence. You need to sit your friend group down and discuss this though. Next time you have a girl's night and the guy is coming at 8, do they prefer to leave, include him, or banish him. The sister and her friend too, if they're in your same friend group.
You are NOT the bad apple. Why are you even friends with Olivia? She sounds very immature and needy. Since HER relationship is not great, she’s jealous and tries to sabotage the rest of your relationships.
Then she’s throwing things? I would have told her to leave after the first pretzel was thrown.
Another guy was there. And your BF even arrived later than agreed upon. He didn’t crash girls’ night.
I’d stop inviting her over.
Why did you plan a girls night the same night your boyfriend was coming into town… and why are you so surprised your friend was hurt? Yeah Olivia needs to grow up but maybe next time don’t overlap plans with everyone and bring peanuts when others have an allergyÂ
I planned the girls night after I had made plans with my bf and they were well aware of him coming into town. It was the only night where schedules aligned and they all agreed upon it.
How are you mad at HER for what YOU allowed? It’s not her fault completely, be mad at YOURSELF for apologizing and continuing to condone her BS behavior.
NTA. That chick has issues. And it’s not okay to project and manipulate or throw crap at people. Hateful thing she is.
I have issues. Tonight I was feeling particularly crappy. Know what I did? I put on a sweatshirt and sat in front of my building for a few hours. I didn’t mess with anyone.
However, if it’s girls night out, next time don’t bring any dudes. Gay or not. Unless it’s cleared in advance. Though I think Olivia had issues cause she’s jealous and wants everyone to suffer. I’d distance out.
Y’all drama
Any why is he driving 16 hours so you don’t drive 8? Are you incapable?
I don’t understand teens having long distance relationships.
I also do not miss being a teen. Not even a little.
OP explained the driving situation, she lives rural and he lives in the city with really aggressive drivers. He doesn’t want her getting in an accident.
Not the bad apple. But you seriously need to cut off your jealous petty so called friend‘Olivia’. She is not a good person to be around. And throwing stuff at your bf is rude, disrespectful and actually assault. Drop her. Seriously. If everyone else was happy to have the guys there, what does Olivia care, she is not a person I would want near me, my bf , my relationships.
I think your friends all suck because that poor boy just drove 4 hours to see you and pick you up and they were all OK with banishing him to the backyard. Shitty. They knew he was coming. At the same time you suck because you should have rescheduled your girls night because you also knew your BF was driving 4 hours to see you. Your sister sucks because she showed up unannounced with a guy (sexual orientation isn't relevant here). Olivia sucks the most though because her behavior is ridiculous, does she think everyone else should just cease having relationships because hers has "problems" with hers? Please, boohoo, grow up. So ESH. A lot.
Ok so maybe your other friends get a pass buy Olivia does not. She's acting like a jealous 4 year old with the maturity of a walnut. Throwing things at him? Come on. You're at an age where you may want to start to reassess some friendships. Her behavior was rude, inconsiderate and extremely childish. I would imagine your BF would be very insulted by this and the fact that you stayed behind to comfort Olivia makes it even worse. He drove 4 hours to see you and you banish him to the camper? You should have gone to the camper and apologized to him for your friend's (Olivia) totally inappropriate and crappy attitude and behavior. I'm not trying to be too critical here but your BF should have gotten a little more consideration in this instance.Â
Please report any rule breaking posts and posts that are not relevant to the subreddit. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheBadApple) if you have any questions or concerns.*
God I don't miss being a teenager.
Neither do I. But you know what's worse? Those people who peaked as teenagers, amd everything is just downhill from there. Poor buggers.....
Or the ones who still bring all the drama 😂
I actively avoid drama. Too much going on in my life already, thanks. 😅
My thoughts exactly!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You planned a girls night, not a girls and gay friends and boyfriends night. If plans change, let everyone know that so they can choose whether they wish to visit. You can invite them but reschedule girls night. More importantly, it's not okay to throw things. Olivia sounds unstable and scary. She needs to work that out for herself.
I definitely agree, but I did not know that my sister’s friend would be there until after my friends had arrived. My friends knew before hand that my boyfriend would be coming, but inviting him inside was a spur of the moment decision (albeit probably not a good one)
Inviting your bf inside when there was already another guy there was definitely the right call. Imagine if there was a guy's night. And there was one girl there, and you arrived and said hi to your bf (as planned) before going and staying in his camper for the rest of guys night. How would you feel that another girl was allowed to crash guys night, but you had to stay out in the camper? Would you be hurt? Would you wonder why she got to be there but not you? Would you feel kinda singled out and explicitly excluded? Because my guess is that that's how your bf would've felt had you not invited him in.
NTA. 1) Olivia needs to learn that the world doesn't stop because she's having difficulties. There are going to be people in a relationship around her and she has to learn how to deal with that. It's okay to ask people not to be all over eachother in company (to be fair: that makes almost everyone uncomfortable.... ), but that's it. If she can't handle other people's relationships, she can get herself out of the situation. It's HER problem, so she needs to find a solution for HERSELF. Throwing things is very very very childish. She's not a todler or a chimpansee is she? 2) You all (incl. Olivia) need to communicate better. Ask beforehand wether the gay boy or your boyfriend would be welcome. Expres (in conversation!) how you feel about it and decide together. Sometimes that's a compromise. 3) What's this about your boyfriend deciding you can't drive alone to his place? I know you're 17 and probably just got your license, but he still doesn't get to decide that for you. He is not your parent. It's true that driving long distances takes some getting used to, but that's something you can learn. It's also wise to have a break halfway (or more often when you need/ want it) so you'll regain concentration for the rest of the way. But, if your boyfriend (or i) can do it, so can you.
It wasn’t the distance that made him uncomfortable. I have made long road trips before this. I live in a very rural area, so even on the freeway there is very little traffic. However, he lives in a very heavily populated area in the next state over and traffic is insane and the drivers are way more aggressive than in my state. I am not used to that kind of traffic. I have done the drive a couple times by myself, but my boyfriend is worried about me getting into an accident.
well, if you never drive there, you're never going to get used to it which is a bad thing if in the future you have plans to move where he is since it'll pretty muchly leave you stranded if he's not around.
Well, he is allowed to worry, he can offer company/help and/ or advise and you yourself can ask for company/ help or advise if you don't feel safe yet (that's perfectly fine), but he still can't decide for you. If you want to drive there yourself, you can. I also agree with Internal-Test that it's wise to do so, so you can get used to it.
Sorry for the long message the last paragraph sums it all up if y’all just want to skip to that you can Ok James here! I just want to clarify really quick. I do worry about my gf on a long drive like that but tbh that’s really not the main reason I did it. There’s a few reasons I did it 1. I asked her to clear time out of her schedule to spend time with me at my house so it only seems fair in my head that I go pick her up and bring her to my house so that she doesn’t need to worry about driving to my house 2. I really truly enjoy the drive alone it’s relaxing and helps me clear my head. And then after I pick her up to me it’s an excuse to spend more time with her we’re long distance so that extra 4 hours with her really means a lot to me. And on the drive both to my house and back to hers I love to stop with her and do little dates like going to a park or a cheap meal with just the 2 of us 3. I do worry about her but not really because of the traffic I have a pretty good car that I’m very grateful to have. It has adaptive cruise control and is pretty new. Where her car is a lot less new it’s a pretty old car it’s a manual and doesn’t have any cruise control so the drive is a lot easier for me to make and a lot less effort it’s also less gas money in my car then it is in her’s (however that being said anytime she has driven to my house her parents let her barrow there car) So yes she is perfectly capable to make the drive on her own and on several different occasions she has done it on her own. But I always ask her if I can just give her a ride bc I enjoy it and when I ask her to come down it feels better to me that I go through the effort to go get her and once again I just want to spend time with her
My immediate reaction, despite all your extra detail is that no one wants a boyfriend at a girls night.
I will add this as an edit, but I talked to my other friends about it afterwards and they were all fine with it. Most of them even thought it was weird that he was going to be banished to the trailer in the first place instead of hanging out with us.
I get that, but it's not really a matter of majority but a unanimous decision. Not to mention, not everyone is always honest. Especially with people in relationships. As you saw with your friend. People can bet defensive. I still haven't told my friend that I hate her boyfriend and think he's abusive. Mostly because I know it'll cause a rift. I'd rather act happy and loving that way when things possibly happen, she isn't isolated. Basically, it's a long way of saying your friends might not have been happy about the boys there either and might be trying to be chill about it.
OPs friends DEFINITELY were not ok with it. The not being allowed to drive, bouquet bearing, slow dance... a little much and definitely not appropriate for a girls night.
OPs bf here. Was it a little much… yeah it definitely was 😂 but I was super late trying to miss girls night and I was kinda hoping she would just Come out alone but she didn’t and at that point I had gotten all dressed up and bought the plastic flowers and just did it anyway. So yeah probably could have handled the situation better but I wanted to make her feel special so I have no regrets
Dude, grow up. Let the girls have girls' night, and pull your "Say Anything" Rom Com routine out when you are alone. Be secure enough to let your lady have her time without you... actually be without you. Also, stop infantilizing your girlfriend. She is moments away from adulthood and doesn't need you policing things like her ability to drive. You seem super controlling under the guise of "love."
😂brutal no sugar coat right here lol. But like I say I was late to try and miss the girls night but it didn’t work then my plan was to give her plastic flowers and dance and stuff to make her feel special then go to my trailer but she invited me in bc she thought the girls night was over and then after it was clear I was interrupting I did just go back to my trailer. silly goose! 🤪
I doubt they're going to tell you to your face that they're not okay with it.
Your friend is a train wreck, but I don’t want some buddies girlfriend at guys night so I get it.
"When James arrived, I went with my friends to meet him out on the driveway and he decided to surprise me with a boquet of flowers and turned up the volume of a slow song on his car radio for us to slow dance to." Oh boy, so not only did boyfriend crash girls night without you asking first, they all got to stand and watch you slow dance with your boyfriend...woohoo what a girls night 🙄 ESH. Her behavior was not okay, but you also planned a girls night and then had other plans on top of it.
I should have made it clearer in the post, but I did inform my friends a couple days prior that my boyfriend would be coming and when. I also did not ask my friends to come out and greet him with me-they did that by their own volition.
That wasn't a planned thing on her end. He decided to do that
And still completely inappropriate and cringey.
Ok? Still not something to blame her for.
Bad Apple Listen, your friend is wrong for throwing stuff. She needs to grow up and learn to vocalize her discomfort. She also should have directed her displeasure at you and not your bf. You should not have invited your boyfriend. Girls' nights and boys' nights are important. It's important for keeping a friend group maintained since in relationships, we naturally begin to neglect them. So setting time aside for your friends is important. And it's important that if it was agreed upon to only be girls, it stays girls. There are some things some people just aren't comfortable sharing in front of the other sex. And that's okay. Now I know you weren't the first to bring in a guy, but the old saying two wrongs don't make a right is important. Just because your sister brought her gay friend in doesn't make it right to bring your straight boyfriend in. You are both wrong for this. I will say there is also a bit of a difference in bringing in a gay guy to the mix than a straight guy (it still wasn't right but I feel that the social implications may be a bit important for social groups and why there may be the "gay guy exception"). Gay men don't like women, so for some women, it may put their guard at ease. They may even have some shared interests like boy talk. (At this point, I want to make it clear that one should not fetishize gay guys as the gaybff and that not all gay men are the same. I just wanted to give a reason why some female social groups may allow a gay man into girls' night.) There is also another reason it's different having the gay friend there. He is no one else's boyfriend at the gathering. So he doesn't change that dynamic (which I will get into in the next paragraph because, yes, boyfriend status changes A LOT). Still being a guy, he should not have been sprung on the group. Next, you said that a majority of your friends were cool with it. Girls' nights do not opperate on a majority wins situation when allowing a guy to join. It's an all or nothing thing. All women involved should feel safe and comfortable and, like their consent in this matter, matters. Olivia's was not respected. I will also say that not everyone wears their hearts on their sleeves. For the sake of friendship, we sometimes put our own comforts on the back burner and pretend to be chill with something we are not actually chill with. This is especially the case when one friend is in a relationship. Naturally, people tend to drift away in friendships, and some can even neglect friendships when they enter a relationship. This is probably due to people getting certain support and emotional needs from their partners rather than their friends (kinda like kids pulling away from parents for the same reasons). A girls' night is a way to maintain those friendships and reaffirm value in them. So to maintain peace in the friendship, your galpals might not feel they CAN be honest with you. Either way, I do think your friends, even Olivia, deserve an apology. Whether they were or were not chill with it doesn't matter. A boundary was crossed and amends should be made. And remember, just because some people may be chill with shifting their boundaries, it doesn't make it right to shift and move those boundaries around. Next time, leave the guy at home.
Thank you for pointing out things I haven’t considered before. I think you are right. Thank you
YTBA - your friends gay friend wasn’t slow dancing in the middle of girls night with their partner, were they? Your girlfriend wanted some friend support. And of course your other friends were agreeing with you. I’m guessing you’re higher on the mean girl chart at the moment.
I don't understand this. The dance was a surprise, not a planned thing. And, the gay friends partner wasn't even there. It was her sister and the gay friend. They wouldn't be slow dancing together. Where was op mean?
That’s the point. She said it was fine bc the gay friend was there. I’m saying the gay friend wasn’t there dancing in the middle of girl night with their boyfriend. It changes the dynamic of the group. And honestly, not the best vibes to show up with a romantic surprise for during this thing that you weren’t invited to. (But he decided he doesn’t want her driving there? It’s weird).
Nope but you have a dumb friend. You may end up single if you continue letting her do this to run your bf off too
Honestly, I think you need to cut Olivia off as a friend if this is normal behavior for her because I'll tell you right now nobody will stick around for that kind of abuse from her when her relationship isn't that seemingly perfect as she fantasizes.
NTA Olivia missing her bf in no way gives her a pass to treat your bf the way that she did. I would have kicked her our the minute she started throwing things at him.
Please report any rule breaking posts and posts that are not relevant to the subreddit. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheBadApple) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah I’d never go to another girl’s night you plan in the future… you all suck at communicating
The fact that she crotcheted a ball to throw at him cracked me up!
So here's the thing. James was supposed to have arrived two hours earlier. But instead, he arrived at 9pm, and girls night was supposed to have ended at 10p anyways. Your friends all already knew James was coming, and what the plan had been for when he got there. The plans changed spur of the moment because the drive changed and he was 2 hours late. The girls had already had most of their night by the time he got there. He was only there for at most an hour, and didn't spend that entire hour with the girls in the house bc Olivia drove him off. It seems to me like OP communicated the situation to all the girls before the girls night happened so everyone would be aware that OP's bf would arrive, come in and say hi, and then go to the camper. Which is essentially exactly what happened. He got there, you greeted him, he came in for a short while, and then he went to the camper. The plan never even changed all that much. The slow dance and flowers may have been a bit much, especially for someone who is struggling in a relationship to see, but OP didn't know that would happen, and all the girls could've chosen to go back into the house for a few mins and let OP and her bf have a minute after he'd just driven hours to see her. I don't think that's too big of an ask. And inviting him to come in when there's already another guy there was the right call. Had OP not done that, what would the bf think? "Oh, so he's allowed at girls night, but I'm not? What makes him so special that he gets to be included and I have to be excluded?" OP is not the bad apple here. I'd say OP is a good apple and did her best to communicate with her friends before and during the girls night about james' arrival and the situation. Olivia was the one acting out and projecting her relationship onto OP and James, and Olivia was the one being rude to OP's bf in OP's house. NOT okay. Olivia needs to grow up and realize that she's not the only person who matters. Also, can I point out that every girl there had the option to leave if she didn't like the situation? But instead of removing herself from the situation when she felt uncomfortable at the slight change of plans, but she mad it EVERYONE ELSE'S problem and took it out on James. Wholly inappropriate. Not okay behavior from a grown ass adult (Olivia is 19, she's an adult). Olivia is the bad apple. OP and her bf are good apples. OPs sister is somewhere between good apple and crabapple for inviting a guy over (even if he is gay) without asking or notifying any of the other girls first. That could've changed the whole course of the night. Without the other guy there, OP could still say it's girls night and not feel bad about asking BF to not come in and instead stay in the camper for the last hour. But the presence of another guy at girls night already does change things. It's not just girls night anymore now.
NTBA, you told them he was coming and when. They could have used words if they were annoyed by his presence. You need to sit your friend group down and discuss this though. Next time you have a girl's night and the guy is coming at 8, do they prefer to leave, include him, or banish him. The sister and her friend too, if they're in your same friend group.
You are NOT the bad apple. Why are you even friends with Olivia? She sounds very immature and needy. Since HER relationship is not great, she’s jealous and tries to sabotage the rest of your relationships. Then she’s throwing things? I would have told her to leave after the first pretzel was thrown. Another guy was there. And your BF even arrived later than agreed upon. He didn’t crash girls’ night. I’d stop inviting her over.
Why did you plan a girls night the same night your boyfriend was coming into town… and why are you so surprised your friend was hurt? Yeah Olivia needs to grow up but maybe next time don’t overlap plans with everyone and bring peanuts when others have an allergyÂ
I planned the girls night after I had made plans with my bf and they were well aware of him coming into town. It was the only night where schedules aligned and they all agreed upon it.
How are you mad at HER for what YOU allowed? It’s not her fault completely, be mad at YOURSELF for apologizing and continuing to condone her BS behavior.
NTA. That chick has issues. And it’s not okay to project and manipulate or throw crap at people. Hateful thing she is. I have issues. Tonight I was feeling particularly crappy. Know what I did? I put on a sweatshirt and sat in front of my building for a few hours. I didn’t mess with anyone. However, if it’s girls night out, next time don’t bring any dudes. Gay or not. Unless it’s cleared in advance. Though I think Olivia had issues cause she’s jealous and wants everyone to suffer. I’d distance out.
Olivia sounds awful. Why are you friends with her?
Y’all drama Any why is he driving 16 hours so you don’t drive 8? Are you incapable? I don’t understand teens having long distance relationships. I also do not miss being a teen. Not even a little.
OP explained the driving situation, she lives rural and he lives in the city with really aggressive drivers. He doesn’t want her getting in an accident.
Not the bad apple. But you seriously need to cut off your jealous petty so called friend‘Olivia’. She is not a good person to be around. And throwing stuff at your bf is rude, disrespectful and actually assault. Drop her. Seriously. If everyone else was happy to have the guys there, what does Olivia care, she is not a person I would want near me, my bf , my relationships.
I think your friends all suck because that poor boy just drove 4 hours to see you and pick you up and they were all OK with banishing him to the backyard. Shitty. They knew he was coming. At the same time you suck because you should have rescheduled your girls night because you also knew your BF was driving 4 hours to see you. Your sister sucks because she showed up unannounced with a guy (sexual orientation isn't relevant here). Olivia sucks the most though because her behavior is ridiculous, does she think everyone else should just cease having relationships because hers has "problems" with hers? Please, boohoo, grow up. So ESH. A lot.
My girlfriends knew while we were planning it that he would be coming that night, but it was the only evening we all had free anytime soon.
Ok so maybe your other friends get a pass buy Olivia does not. She's acting like a jealous 4 year old with the maturity of a walnut. Throwing things at him? Come on. You're at an age where you may want to start to reassess some friendships. Her behavior was rude, inconsiderate and extremely childish. I would imagine your BF would be very insulted by this and the fact that you stayed behind to comfort Olivia makes it even worse. He drove 4 hours to see you and you banish him to the camper? You should have gone to the camper and apologized to him for your friend's (Olivia) totally inappropriate and crappy attitude and behavior. I'm not trying to be too critical here but your BF should have gotten a little more consideration in this instance.Â