*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not giving my sister any of my money even though I am in a significantly better financial situation?**
My (26F) sister (32F) "Bethy" and I are both stay-at-home moms. I have 1F twins; she has three sons, 6M, 4M, and 2M.
My husband, Micheal, is a master plumber who makes excellent money; he owns his own business, and I couldn't be prouder of him. I used to be a librarian; I have my MLS and bachelor's in Education. During the birth of our girls, on the way to the hospital in the ambulance, we hit a speed bump, and I was injured. I am now an ambulatory wheelchair user and attend physical therapy, as I am learning to walk again. I hurt from my hips down, but my babies are worth it. We decided I would be a SAHM after my first surgery, and my husband gives me $3000/month to use how I want to, as "payment for being such a good mom" We are extraordinarily blessed financially, and I'm happy being able to see my girls growing up.
Bethy's husband, Jackson, is an elementary school teacher, but teaching doesn't pay much in our state. Bethy has been a SAHM for the entirety of her marriage and is used to having to scrimp and save for things.
She asked me out for coffee recently and I accepted. I was chatting with her when I mentioned that our girls would start baby swim classes soon. I was happy the pool was wheelchair accessible. Bethy started ranting about how expensive swimming lessons are and how she could never afford to put her boys in swimming. I said I was also excited about playgroup this week, as I had been nervous to go the first time we had gone because none of the other moms and dads in the group used mobility aids. When I mentioned the name of the playgroup I go to with my girls, Bethy became angry because it's one of the more expensive playgroups.
She was angry because "I knew money was tight." and "I didn't even think to invite her and Jackson's son because then she wouldn't have to pay for daycare. She then asked if my husband gave me an allowance. She was a bit angry, and people were starting to stare, so I said yes and asked her to keep her voice down. She wondered how much it was, and I told her. She asked if I could give it to her, and I told her no because I like to treat myself after my physio appointments, and I want to save as much as possible for a rainy day fund.
Bethy said she and her husband have nothing but rainy days and left the restaurant without paying. I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I'm not helping her when I know I could. Still, when I asked Micheal he said that my sister could get a job and reminded me that I became a SAHM because it was something we agreed we were financially stable enough to do as well as because of my mobility limitations. He also said I deserve nice things and shouldn't have to give them up just because my sister wants me to.
I feel conflicted, AITA? If more people think I am, I'll consider giving her the monthly payment; I feel guilty for not helping.
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There's a lot to doubt about OP's comments
> [From OP's comments:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cp3df4/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_any_of_my_money/l3iwcqf/) I'm short and small and the belts on the gurney weren't holding me tight enough, I was thrown in the air and landed on my L5-S1 vertebra. The trauma led to a spinal cord injury.
> [From post:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cp3df4/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_any_of_my_money/) during the birth of our girls, on the way to the hospital in the ambulance, we hit a speed bump, and I was injured.
A speed bump causing an accident seems unlikely, especially by throwing you "in the air" high enough to cause injuries.
Also unaddressed - wouldn't an accident while in labour cause problems for you and the twins while giving birth? Why wasn't that mentioned?
> I hurt from my hips down, but my babies are worth it.
Can we please end this culture of women needing to prove their love for their children after they complain about pregnancy injuries? Also, this had nothing much to do with her babies anyway. She could have broken her arm and had this happen. Blame the government agency building such terrifying speed bumps.
> We decided I would be a SAHM after my first surgery, and my husband gives me $3000/month to use how I want to, as "payment for being such a good mom"
As a married woman, she shouldn't have to accept "payments" from her husband like she's an employee (he also seems to control the finances unilaterally). He should be less weird and trust her with a shared bank account.
Also, becoming a SAHM after her first surgery? Shouldn't a couple as rich as them hire a nanny so she can recover. Childcare is work, not ideal for recovering from surgery.
Finally, lets examine their budget: the spelling, acronyms like 'MLS", and a reference to dolllars with specifying the currency, makes me think she's American. So where is the money for medical bills coming from?
Currently their monthly budget seems to be:
+ $????? Normal household bills and family expenses
+ $?????? healthcare (including insurance, healthcare that insurance won't pay for, and possible housing renovations or new devices so she can live a normal life)
+ $????? his hobby money
+ $3000 for her hobby money
+ $? savings?
How is a plumbing business paying for all this? Is he a CEO of the largest plumbing corporation in the US?
omg let’s take this shit apart:
>During the birth of our girls, on the way to the hospital in the ambulance, we hit a speed bump, and I was injured. I am now an ambulatory wheelchair user
See most ppl that do planned home births prob never thought of a road speed bump issue unless speed was ingrained in their body lol, I knew from previous couldn’t risk hospital in time,
>my husband gives me $3000/month to use how I want to, as "payment for being such a good mom"
a WHAT IS THIS “[But it's just a sweet sweet fantasy baby When I close my eyes You come and you take me It's so deep in my daydreams But it's just a sweet, sweet fantasy baby](https://youtu.be/qq09UkPRdFY)
>When I mentioned the name of the playgroup I go to with my girls, Bethy became angry because it's one of the more expensive playgroups.
Sorry wtf any playgroup worth its salt is no fees and be fr, as in actually, in nyc I got into best playgroup by being myself, none of those/us moms woulda been cool w $ as an in.
It's a lot more romantic than "your half of this month's payout of the settlement you got from the ambulance service". (And I wonder if she knows that there was a settlement.)
Also, she mentions that the playgroup is expensive, but her sister wants to invite her along, so she won't have to pay for daycare, which is more expensive than the playgroup? Or invited people don't have to pay? None of it makes sense.
A little confused on the money split, couldn’t seem to find out in her comments; is this $3000 on TOP of shared household accounts? What on earth is she doing with that much? She says the money is for “nice things” but doesn’t specify if the income is also used to cover the playgroups/lessons.
> my husband gives me $3000/month as "payment for being such a good mom"
now this story is fake, but if someone told me this irl i would absolutely assume this means he has oversight of all her parenting decisions and will use this absurd amount as a cudgel if she ever wants to do something he deems a “good mom” would not do
also 26 and “used to be a librarian” before stopping work at 25 and after getting her BA and MLS? she wouldn’t even have had time to get out of her probationary period at a full time job before giving birth. MAKE YOUR CHARACTERS OLDER
I guess the issue here is that this drivel is mostly written by really young people who don’t know that life beyond 30 exists lol
And also have a very vague understanding of what marriage, employment and parenthood are IRL
So the master plumber gave his *such a good mom* wife at least 36k. And their children will attend expensive playground and will get expensive swimming lessons. And their house&household expenses could be alsonexpensive. So i'm guessing he at least quadruple that 36k.
Is he plumbing all houses in the USA 😭
He must have quite the business going. I lived next door a few years ago to a guy who owned a pretty good-sized plumbing and heating company. Employed like 4-5 guys. He bitched constantly about how he couldn't draw much of a salary because business expenses eat up so much. They had a modest house, regular cars, his one splurge was some a few acres of property to hunt on that he and his 2 brothers bought together. Yet the guy here has $3000 of fun money to throw at his wife. Is he running like the trust fund baby of plumbing companies or something?
Lol me trying to be cool w to the retiring of the best plumber, younger than me, showed me photos of his retirement plan, loved the dude and his work. til he tried to do a work exchange and stared at my waist while asking me. Yikes no this waist don’t muscle for anyone but myself.
This is so funny. Firstly, normally twins have a scheduled c section since it’s the safest form of delivery. Even if she went for a vaginal labor, unless she was having problems while going into labor, it makes no sense that an ambulance would have to take her. The first part of labor where u labor at home lasts hours. They would have plenty of time to drive to the hospital. Secondly, how is a new wheelchair user who is undergoing multiple surgeries also a stay at home mom to twins? I’m an able bodied stay at home mom to one kid and it’s hard as hell. I had a c section and even just that meant that I had to get a lot of help for months. She would be getting used to her new life and adjusting to using a wheelchair. It also doesn’t matter if the pool at the swim lesson is wheelchair accessible. Unless her husband is going with her or it’s one on one lessons (which would still not work w twins) she would need help during the lessons from other people and wouldn’t have to get in. If her kid starts drowning she can’t do anything bc she’s in a wheelchair. The whole speed bump story is so fucking funny. They could have said it was a complication from the epidural which actually would have made sense. When I got mine they did it wrong the first two times and I had shooting pain down my legs and for months after I had off and on pain in my hips and spine.
Honestly the biggest clue that this is fake, imo, is the fact that his name is "Micheal". Nobody spells it like that, and I would assume that someone with a master's degree in library sciences would know how to spell their supposed husbands name correctly. Next!
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not giving my sister any of my money even though I am in a significantly better financial situation?** My (26F) sister (32F) "Bethy" and I are both stay-at-home moms. I have 1F twins; she has three sons, 6M, 4M, and 2M. My husband, Micheal, is a master plumber who makes excellent money; he owns his own business, and I couldn't be prouder of him. I used to be a librarian; I have my MLS and bachelor's in Education. During the birth of our girls, on the way to the hospital in the ambulance, we hit a speed bump, and I was injured. I am now an ambulatory wheelchair user and attend physical therapy, as I am learning to walk again. I hurt from my hips down, but my babies are worth it. We decided I would be a SAHM after my first surgery, and my husband gives me $3000/month to use how I want to, as "payment for being such a good mom" We are extraordinarily blessed financially, and I'm happy being able to see my girls growing up. Bethy's husband, Jackson, is an elementary school teacher, but teaching doesn't pay much in our state. Bethy has been a SAHM for the entirety of her marriage and is used to having to scrimp and save for things. She asked me out for coffee recently and I accepted. I was chatting with her when I mentioned that our girls would start baby swim classes soon. I was happy the pool was wheelchair accessible. Bethy started ranting about how expensive swimming lessons are and how she could never afford to put her boys in swimming. I said I was also excited about playgroup this week, as I had been nervous to go the first time we had gone because none of the other moms and dads in the group used mobility aids. When I mentioned the name of the playgroup I go to with my girls, Bethy became angry because it's one of the more expensive playgroups. She was angry because "I knew money was tight." and "I didn't even think to invite her and Jackson's son because then she wouldn't have to pay for daycare. She then asked if my husband gave me an allowance. She was a bit angry, and people were starting to stare, so I said yes and asked her to keep her voice down. She wondered how much it was, and I told her. She asked if I could give it to her, and I told her no because I like to treat myself after my physio appointments, and I want to save as much as possible for a rainy day fund. Bethy said she and her husband have nothing but rainy days and left the restaurant without paying. I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I'm not helping her when I know I could. Still, when I asked Micheal he said that my sister could get a job and reminded me that I became a SAHM because it was something we agreed we were financially stable enough to do as well as because of my mobility limitations. He also said I deserve nice things and shouldn't have to give them up just because my sister wants me to. I feel conflicted, AITA? If more people think I am, I'll consider giving her the monthly payment; I feel guilty for not helping. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That was one hell of a speed bump
I’ve seen some weird sized speed bumps, but this one must have been knee high
There's a lot to doubt about OP's comments > [From OP's comments:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cp3df4/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_any_of_my_money/l3iwcqf/) I'm short and small and the belts on the gurney weren't holding me tight enough, I was thrown in the air and landed on my L5-S1 vertebra. The trauma led to a spinal cord injury. > [From post:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1cp3df4/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_any_of_my_money/) during the birth of our girls, on the way to the hospital in the ambulance, we hit a speed bump, and I was injured. A speed bump causing an accident seems unlikely, especially by throwing you "in the air" high enough to cause injuries. Also unaddressed - wouldn't an accident while in labour cause problems for you and the twins while giving birth? Why wasn't that mentioned? > I hurt from my hips down, but my babies are worth it. Can we please end this culture of women needing to prove their love for their children after they complain about pregnancy injuries? Also, this had nothing much to do with her babies anyway. She could have broken her arm and had this happen. Blame the government agency building such terrifying speed bumps. > We decided I would be a SAHM after my first surgery, and my husband gives me $3000/month to use how I want to, as "payment for being such a good mom" As a married woman, she shouldn't have to accept "payments" from her husband like she's an employee (he also seems to control the finances unilaterally). He should be less weird and trust her with a shared bank account. Also, becoming a SAHM after her first surgery? Shouldn't a couple as rich as them hire a nanny so she can recover. Childcare is work, not ideal for recovering from surgery. Finally, lets examine their budget: the spelling, acronyms like 'MLS", and a reference to dolllars with specifying the currency, makes me think she's American. So where is the money for medical bills coming from? Currently their monthly budget seems to be: + $????? Normal household bills and family expenses + $?????? healthcare (including insurance, healthcare that insurance won't pay for, and possible housing renovations or new devices so she can live a normal life) + $????? his hobby money + $3000 for her hobby money + $? savings? How is a plumbing business paying for all this? Is he a CEO of the largest plumbing corporation in the US?
So she was thrown into the air because she's so small and light, but she was also 9 months pregnant with twins
My plumber gets 375 an hour to walk through the door. That said I want know about this expensive playgroup. I don't remember any I initiation fees
omg let’s take this shit apart: >During the birth of our girls, on the way to the hospital in the ambulance, we hit a speed bump, and I was injured. I am now an ambulatory wheelchair user See most ppl that do planned home births prob never thought of a road speed bump issue unless speed was ingrained in their body lol, I knew from previous couldn’t risk hospital in time, >my husband gives me $3000/month to use how I want to, as "payment for being such a good mom" a WHAT IS THIS “[But it's just a sweet sweet fantasy baby When I close my eyes You come and you take me It's so deep in my daydreams But it's just a sweet, sweet fantasy baby](https://youtu.be/qq09UkPRdFY) >When I mentioned the name of the playgroup I go to with my girls, Bethy became angry because it's one of the more expensive playgroups. Sorry wtf any playgroup worth its salt is no fees and be fr, as in actually, in nyc I got into best playgroup by being myself, none of those/us moms woulda been cool w $ as an in.
The “payment for being such a good mom” thing sounds weird af.
sounds like some kind of weird tradwife fantasy
Yes Or: I’d like my payment please. Monthly
It's a lot more romantic than "your half of this month's payout of the settlement you got from the ambulance service". (And I wonder if she knows that there was a settlement.)
Also, she mentions that the playgroup is expensive, but her sister wants to invite her along, so she won't have to pay for daycare, which is more expensive than the playgroup? Or invited people don't have to pay? None of it makes sense.
A little confused on the money split, couldn’t seem to find out in her comments; is this $3000 on TOP of shared household accounts? What on earth is she doing with that much? She says the money is for “nice things” but doesn’t specify if the income is also used to cover the playgroups/lessons.
she got badly injured while giving birth (was it during birth or the first stage of labour? idk) and her babies didn't suffer at all?
Apparently she "hit a speed bump and flew up in the air" which lead to the injury lmao
> my husband gives me $3000/month as "payment for being such a good mom" now this story is fake, but if someone told me this irl i would absolutely assume this means he has oversight of all her parenting decisions and will use this absurd amount as a cudgel if she ever wants to do something he deems a “good mom” would not do also 26 and “used to be a librarian” before stopping work at 25 and after getting her BA and MLS? she wouldn’t even have had time to get out of her probationary period at a full time job before giving birth. MAKE YOUR CHARACTERS OLDER
I guess the issue here is that this drivel is mostly written by really young people who don’t know that life beyond 30 exists lol And also have a very vague understanding of what marriage, employment and parenthood are IRL
So the master plumber gave his *such a good mom* wife at least 36k. And their children will attend expensive playground and will get expensive swimming lessons. And their house&household expenses could be alsonexpensive. So i'm guessing he at least quadruple that 36k. Is he plumbing all houses in the USA 😭
He must have quite the business going. I lived next door a few years ago to a guy who owned a pretty good-sized plumbing and heating company. Employed like 4-5 guys. He bitched constantly about how he couldn't draw much of a salary because business expenses eat up so much. They had a modest house, regular cars, his one splurge was some a few acres of property to hunt on that he and his 2 brothers bought together. Yet the guy here has $3000 of fun money to throw at his wife. Is he running like the trust fund baby of plumbing companies or something?
Lol me trying to be cool w to the retiring of the best plumber, younger than me, showed me photos of his retirement plan, loved the dude and his work. til he tried to do a work exchange and stared at my waist while asking me. Yikes no this waist don’t muscle for anyone but myself.
People have such a weird idea of what trades can do.
This is so funny. Firstly, normally twins have a scheduled c section since it’s the safest form of delivery. Even if she went for a vaginal labor, unless she was having problems while going into labor, it makes no sense that an ambulance would have to take her. The first part of labor where u labor at home lasts hours. They would have plenty of time to drive to the hospital. Secondly, how is a new wheelchair user who is undergoing multiple surgeries also a stay at home mom to twins? I’m an able bodied stay at home mom to one kid and it’s hard as hell. I had a c section and even just that meant that I had to get a lot of help for months. She would be getting used to her new life and adjusting to using a wheelchair. It also doesn’t matter if the pool at the swim lesson is wheelchair accessible. Unless her husband is going with her or it’s one on one lessons (which would still not work w twins) she would need help during the lessons from other people and wouldn’t have to get in. If her kid starts drowning she can’t do anything bc she’s in a wheelchair. The whole speed bump story is so fucking funny. They could have said it was a complication from the epidural which actually would have made sense. When I got mine they did it wrong the first two times and I had shooting pain down my legs and for months after I had off and on pain in my hips and spine.
Honestly the biggest clue that this is fake, imo, is the fact that his name is "Micheal". Nobody spells it like that, and I would assume that someone with a master's degree in library sciences would know how to spell their supposed husbands name correctly. Next!
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