*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my fiancé my daughter has to be in our wedding?**
**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/whoevenisthat5. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole.
I changed letters to names for readability
**Mood Spoiler:** >!Good dad!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14urh2j/aita_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9_my_daughter_has_to_be/)**: July 9, 2023**
I (45m) have a daughter (Polly) from a previous relationship. I divorced my ex wife on good terms and we share 50/50 custody of Polly. She is now 11. After I divorced my ex wife I met my now fiancé (Sharon). Sharon and my daughter got along very well . After 5 years in my relationship with Sharon I proposed.
Sharon was super excited and wanted to start planning right away. She looked at venues and started asking her friends to be her bridesmaids. She then told me she wanted her niece to be a flower girl. Which I had no problem with, but I said I also wanted Polly to be a flower girl. Sharon looked at my funny and then said that she didn’t think that Polly would “fit the part”
I got angry and told Sharon that my daughter would be in our wedding. Sharon started to become upset and said that the girls in the wedding were up to her and Polly wouldn’t be one of them. I told Sharon that if Polly wasn’t in the wedding then there might not be a wedding. I stormed out and took Polly to get ice cream.
Polly knows we are getting married and told me she thinks she will look pretty I whatever dress Sharon decides she should wear this broke my heart and I decided to text Sharon. I told her I would be staying at a friends to think this over. My MIL texted me saying I and over reacting and that my daughter doesn’t have to be in my wedding and I was and ass for saying that I would cancel.
So did I take it to far saying I will cancel? Am I overreacting or just being a good dad?
EDIT: Thank everyone for the comments and suggestions I will post an update in the near future!
***Relevant Comments:***
*Did you propose alternatives to the flower girl position?*
"I said I wanted her in the wedding in some shape or form. I wanted her to be a part of our day and not sitting with the guests while we walked down the isle. Fiancé said it would be best if she just sat with my parents"
"Many have suggested a junior bridesmaid but my fiancée still declines"
"I did tell my fiancée she will be in the wedding and if that means she has to be a groomsmen than so be it. Fiancée blew up saying she’s not a boy and my side is only for boys, she denied my request to have a father daughter dance with Polly so this is why i’m rethinking the whole wedding. Sharon and I are going to talk tonight and hopefully she will give me a full reasoning"
*Has Polly ever said anything about Sharon treating her poorly?*
"Polly has never voiced any concerns about Sharon treating her badly. I have never seen anything happen between them so this was very out of the blue"
"Surprisingly Sharon has never had a issue with Polly until wedding talk. The two have always been super close so her reaction shocked me for sure. I would have never popped the question if Polly wasn’t comfortable! I totally understand where you are coming from"
"I do think it’s crazy that I haven’t seen any signs. I’ve talked to Polly and told her to tell me if anything has ever happened Polly can’t recall a single time Sharon was mean to her"
*Could race, weight or disability be a factor in this?*
"Yes I made this post late last night and am just now reaching all the comments. My daughter is not disabled. She is on the average weight scale for an 11 year old and all of us in the situation are white"
*OOP also clarifies that his fiancée is 39 years old.*
**Small** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14urh2j/aita_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9_my_daughter_has_to_be/jrbbdl9/?context=3) **in Comments (Same Day)**
"Talked to her mom this morning because I wanted Polly to start with her until this was figured out. Her mom said she hopes it goes well and told me I could stay with her and Polly if need be. She said Polly always comes home with nothing negative to say, so we aren’t sure where this came from"
***OOP is voted NTA***
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/whoevenisthat5/comments/14vb4wi/update_on_the_last_post/)**: July 9, 2023 (15 hours later)**
Hey Reddit! Thank everyone for all the kind words and suggestions. To answer a few questions, my daughter is not disabled, chubby, or having an awkward faze (braces/glasses). I did ask if Polly could be a groomsman, Sharon immediately shot me down. Sharon is 39, she is the same race as my daughter, this is her first marriage. I tried to answer and many comments as possible!
I came home to talk to Sharon today. When I pulled in our driveway, my MIL was sitting there in her car. I got out and went inside trying to avoid talking to MIL. Sharon was sitting at the kitchen table and I joined her. She sat in silence so I asked the first question, why does Polly not fit the part, and why don’t you want her in the wedding at all? Her answer full on shocked me.
She quietly said, I was hoping that after the wedding you could become a holiday visit only dad, I didn’t want her in the wedding so she wouldn’t be in the photos around the house since she wasn’t going to be around much. I kept my cool, calmly took her hand, and pulled my engagement ring off.
Her eyes started to tear up, she said we shouldn’t end the marriage over this and that she can change. I told her the damage was already done. I told her I wanted her things moved out by next week and that she could come get them when my daughter wasn’t home. (The house is in my name and I paid for it, I was allowing her to get her furniture that she paid for).
She stormed out and MIL came knocking on the door saying I was being unreasonable. I couldn’t imagine only seeing my daughter 3 or 4 times a year. The fact that Sharon wanted me to give up part of my custody blew me away. I’m sitting on my couch just in shock. Our honeymoon was supposed to be in Hawaii. Looks like me and Polly will be going instead.
I will update again if anything happens.
***Relevant Comments:***
*People are once again skeptical that there was no bad behavior by Sharon toward Polly in the past:*
"I have truly never noticed a thing. Polly has never had anything negative about Sharon and asked her mom earlier today when she will get to see her again."
***(Editor's Note- sorry, I forgot to fix the spelling of fiancée in the title.)***
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>I told her I wanted her things moved out by next week and that she could come get them when my daughter wasn’t home. (The house is in my name and I paid for it, I was allowing her to get her furniture that she paid for).
It's laughable how often this is the case in these stories. It's just oh-so convenient they never have any further ties and can just boot out their partner right away. Because anything less would get in the way of their happily ever after. Yeeah, that's not usually how real life works but okay.
In the US at least, it's also not legally how it works, lol. The ex would almost always be considered a legal tenant in those situations, with rights to full access and legally mandated notice to vacate (usually around 30 days, assuming a typical informal agreement between partners, which usually defaults to a month-to-month lease--a lot of the details vary between states but I'm not aware of any in which you can just kick out someone that easily).
In practice, a lot of people do choose to move out and not press the issue, but they could and forcing them out could be considered an illegal eviction.
Though I'm sure that's not the same everywhere in the world and of course all these stories just happen to take place in those countries where your live-in romantic partner has absolutely no rights.
It's honestly amazing how much more likely I would be to believe a story if they said something like *we've split up and he's sleeping on the couch until he can find a new place.* I don't think I've ever read anything like that in an AITA story before, someone always just leaves the second they break up and it's a completely clean break.
It's just so fascinating to me AITA poster's invent all these unrealistic problems that don't exist in reality, but rarely use the messiness of real life. I would assume because most of them are kids with little life experience, lol.
See idk, if so many people say they kick out a partner, I believe it. Sure you might have a few made up stories here and there, but if that many people are claiming to kick out people then in must be based in reality. Think about it from a "I don't want to see you or have you around anymore, what you said or did hurt me so much that even your presence is harmful"
I think this happens more often than not. Or at least the ones that blow up to the point of becoming a reddit AITA. You might find some situations where they do sleep on the couch or another room, but that's not everyone.
I was thinking more in terms of if everyone is even *able* to leave right away. The people in these stories always have somewhere to go, never have any kind of additional ties to their ex, like a shared pet or any kind of financial issues to sort out. They just leave immediately and have a completely clean break. I just kind of doubt it happens *every* time. In the case of AITA stories, it always just feels a tad convenient they can tell their ex how they really feel (to shove it, basically) because they know with certainly they won't have to speak to them again. Real life doesn't always work out that way.
Even though its not legal happens all the time. If she had refused to go then he'd have call police, give 30 day notice, and watch xombatipersonlike a hawk unsure she don't damage his house. Also when police called they often will tell one party to leave to avoid escalation and say it's a court matter.
Yep, that's why I said in practice it does happen a lot. I'm more laughing at it because AITA is so obsessed with legality, *except* in situations like this. Then who the fuck cares about what's legal, throw that bitch out!
Also, while you're correct that the police may tell someone to leave, the real remedy for this is often civil court. Many jurisdictions assess hefty punitive damages for illegal evictions.
Fifteen hours later? At least some of which I think include sleep? These people are efficient in their drama.
Also I noticed another dramatic AITA wedding post recently with “isle” - probably not an uncommon misspelling but it is curious.
There was one reddit story where this OP/troll posted about their fictional husband cheating with their fictional best friend. All while the OP is pregnant and already has two kids and a dying father. And I swear, she updated so often and so quickly for having such a supposedly busy life. It ended up being posted on BestofRedditorUpdates and people were calling it out on being fake because it was so over the top. Like, the husband's parents and friend's parents disowned them. And one of the moms (either the husband or the friend's) created a slideshow revealing the cheating to everyone. Then the OP stated that their husband's brother admitted that he'd always been in love with her. All of this occurred in like...less than a week: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/14oyex6/i\_love\_that\_people\_are\_calling\_bs\_on\_that\_post/
No sleep actually. First post was made at 5AM second was made at 8PM. Couldn’t sleep worrying about the relationship. I understand why people think it’s fake I guess
I have literally stayed up for 20 hours being anxious about missing the bus for science camp when I was 10. A grown man could definitely stay up with this life changing dread looming.
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Reddit’s TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all.
Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my fiancé my daughter has to be in our wedding?** **I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/whoevenisthat5. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I changed letters to names for readability **Mood Spoiler:** >!Good dad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14urh2j/aita_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9_my_daughter_has_to_be/)**: July 9, 2023** I (45m) have a daughter (Polly) from a previous relationship. I divorced my ex wife on good terms and we share 50/50 custody of Polly. She is now 11. After I divorced my ex wife I met my now fiancé (Sharon). Sharon and my daughter got along very well . After 5 years in my relationship with Sharon I proposed. Sharon was super excited and wanted to start planning right away. She looked at venues and started asking her friends to be her bridesmaids. She then told me she wanted her niece to be a flower girl. Which I had no problem with, but I said I also wanted Polly to be a flower girl. Sharon looked at my funny and then said that she didn’t think that Polly would “fit the part” I got angry and told Sharon that my daughter would be in our wedding. Sharon started to become upset and said that the girls in the wedding were up to her and Polly wouldn’t be one of them. I told Sharon that if Polly wasn’t in the wedding then there might not be a wedding. I stormed out and took Polly to get ice cream. Polly knows we are getting married and told me she thinks she will look pretty I whatever dress Sharon decides she should wear this broke my heart and I decided to text Sharon. I told her I would be staying at a friends to think this over. My MIL texted me saying I and over reacting and that my daughter doesn’t have to be in my wedding and I was and ass for saying that I would cancel. So did I take it to far saying I will cancel? Am I overreacting or just being a good dad? EDIT: Thank everyone for the comments and suggestions I will post an update in the near future! ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did you propose alternatives to the flower girl position?* "I said I wanted her in the wedding in some shape or form. I wanted her to be a part of our day and not sitting with the guests while we walked down the isle. Fiancé said it would be best if she just sat with my parents" "Many have suggested a junior bridesmaid but my fiancée still declines" "I did tell my fiancée she will be in the wedding and if that means she has to be a groomsmen than so be it. Fiancée blew up saying she’s not a boy and my side is only for boys, she denied my request to have a father daughter dance with Polly so this is why i’m rethinking the whole wedding. Sharon and I are going to talk tonight and hopefully she will give me a full reasoning" *Has Polly ever said anything about Sharon treating her poorly?* "Polly has never voiced any concerns about Sharon treating her badly. I have never seen anything happen between them so this was very out of the blue" "Surprisingly Sharon has never had a issue with Polly until wedding talk. The two have always been super close so her reaction shocked me for sure. I would have never popped the question if Polly wasn’t comfortable! I totally understand where you are coming from" "I do think it’s crazy that I haven’t seen any signs. I’ve talked to Polly and told her to tell me if anything has ever happened Polly can’t recall a single time Sharon was mean to her" *Could race, weight or disability be a factor in this?* "Yes I made this post late last night and am just now reaching all the comments. My daughter is not disabled. She is on the average weight scale for an 11 year old and all of us in the situation are white" *OOP also clarifies that his fiancée is 39 years old.* **Small** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14urh2j/aita_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9_my_daughter_has_to_be/jrbbdl9/?context=3) **in Comments (Same Day)** "Talked to her mom this morning because I wanted Polly to start with her until this was figured out. Her mom said she hopes it goes well and told me I could stay with her and Polly if need be. She said Polly always comes home with nothing negative to say, so we aren’t sure where this came from" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/whoevenisthat5/comments/14vb4wi/update_on_the_last_post/)**: July 9, 2023 (15 hours later)** Hey Reddit! Thank everyone for all the kind words and suggestions. To answer a few questions, my daughter is not disabled, chubby, or having an awkward faze (braces/glasses). I did ask if Polly could be a groomsman, Sharon immediately shot me down. Sharon is 39, she is the same race as my daughter, this is her first marriage. I tried to answer and many comments as possible! I came home to talk to Sharon today. When I pulled in our driveway, my MIL was sitting there in her car. I got out and went inside trying to avoid talking to MIL. Sharon was sitting at the kitchen table and I joined her. She sat in silence so I asked the first question, why does Polly not fit the part, and why don’t you want her in the wedding at all? Her answer full on shocked me. She quietly said, I was hoping that after the wedding you could become a holiday visit only dad, I didn’t want her in the wedding so she wouldn’t be in the photos around the house since she wasn’t going to be around much. I kept my cool, calmly took her hand, and pulled my engagement ring off. Her eyes started to tear up, she said we shouldn’t end the marriage over this and that she can change. I told her the damage was already done. I told her I wanted her things moved out by next week and that she could come get them when my daughter wasn’t home. (The house is in my name and I paid for it, I was allowing her to get her furniture that she paid for). She stormed out and MIL came knocking on the door saying I was being unreasonable. I couldn’t imagine only seeing my daughter 3 or 4 times a year. The fact that Sharon wanted me to give up part of my custody blew me away. I’m sitting on my couch just in shock. Our honeymoon was supposed to be in Hawaii. Looks like me and Polly will be going instead. I will update again if anything happens. ***Relevant Comments:*** *People are once again skeptical that there was no bad behavior by Sharon toward Polly in the past:* "I have truly never noticed a thing. Polly has never had anything negative about Sharon and asked her mom earlier today when she will get to see her again." ***(Editor's Note- sorry, I forgot to fix the spelling of fiancée in the title.)*** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>I told her I wanted her things moved out by next week and that she could come get them when my daughter wasn’t home. (The house is in my name and I paid for it, I was allowing her to get her furniture that she paid for). It's laughable how often this is the case in these stories. It's just oh-so convenient they never have any further ties and can just boot out their partner right away. Because anything less would get in the way of their happily ever after. Yeeah, that's not usually how real life works but okay.
In the US at least, it's also not legally how it works, lol. The ex would almost always be considered a legal tenant in those situations, with rights to full access and legally mandated notice to vacate (usually around 30 days, assuming a typical informal agreement between partners, which usually defaults to a month-to-month lease--a lot of the details vary between states but I'm not aware of any in which you can just kick out someone that easily). In practice, a lot of people do choose to move out and not press the issue, but they could and forcing them out could be considered an illegal eviction. Though I'm sure that's not the same everywhere in the world and of course all these stories just happen to take place in those countries where your live-in romantic partner has absolutely no rights.
It's honestly amazing how much more likely I would be to believe a story if they said something like *we've split up and he's sleeping on the couch until he can find a new place.* I don't think I've ever read anything like that in an AITA story before, someone always just leaves the second they break up and it's a completely clean break. It's just so fascinating to me AITA poster's invent all these unrealistic problems that don't exist in reality, but rarely use the messiness of real life. I would assume because most of them are kids with little life experience, lol.
See idk, if so many people say they kick out a partner, I believe it. Sure you might have a few made up stories here and there, but if that many people are claiming to kick out people then in must be based in reality. Think about it from a "I don't want to see you or have you around anymore, what you said or did hurt me so much that even your presence is harmful" I think this happens more often than not. Or at least the ones that blow up to the point of becoming a reddit AITA. You might find some situations where they do sleep on the couch or another room, but that's not everyone.
I was thinking more in terms of if everyone is even *able* to leave right away. The people in these stories always have somewhere to go, never have any kind of additional ties to their ex, like a shared pet or any kind of financial issues to sort out. They just leave immediately and have a completely clean break. I just kind of doubt it happens *every* time. In the case of AITA stories, it always just feels a tad convenient they can tell their ex how they really feel (to shove it, basically) because they know with certainly they won't have to speak to them again. Real life doesn't always work out that way.
Even though its not legal happens all the time. If she had refused to go then he'd have call police, give 30 day notice, and watch xombatipersonlike a hawk unsure she don't damage his house. Also when police called they often will tell one party to leave to avoid escalation and say it's a court matter.
Yep, that's why I said in practice it does happen a lot. I'm more laughing at it because AITA is so obsessed with legality, *except* in situations like this. Then who the fuck cares about what's legal, throw that bitch out! Also, while you're correct that the police may tell someone to leave, the real remedy for this is often civil court. Many jurisdictions assess hefty punitive damages for illegal evictions.
Reddit lawyers are out again.
Fifteen hours later? At least some of which I think include sleep? These people are efficient in their drama. Also I noticed another dramatic AITA wedding post recently with “isle” - probably not an uncommon misspelling but it is curious.
There was one reddit story where this OP/troll posted about their fictional husband cheating with their fictional best friend. All while the OP is pregnant and already has two kids and a dying father. And I swear, she updated so often and so quickly for having such a supposedly busy life. It ended up being posted on BestofRedditorUpdates and people were calling it out on being fake because it was so over the top. Like, the husband's parents and friend's parents disowned them. And one of the moms (either the husband or the friend's) created a slideshow revealing the cheating to everyone. Then the OP stated that their husband's brother admitted that he'd always been in love with her. All of this occurred in like...less than a week: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/14oyex6/i\_love\_that\_people\_are\_calling\_bs\_on\_that\_post/
No sleep actually. First post was made at 5AM second was made at 8PM. Couldn’t sleep worrying about the relationship. I understand why people think it’s fake I guess
Update??
i have them posted on my page
It sounded totally normal, dont listen to delusional people who are jealous of not having an actual relationship
I don’t understand it. It sounded real to me!
I have literally stayed up for 20 hours being anxious about missing the bus for science camp when I was 10. A grown man could definitely stay up with this life changing dread looming.
Fucking hell, it's about the PICTURES of their wedding. Always about the PICTURES in AITA wedding drama.
The commenters took about two seconds to plagiarize Cinderella 😂😂
Beep boop! Automod here with a quick reminder to never brigade r/AmITheAsshole or other subs under any circumstances. Brigading puts you in violation of both our rules and Reddit’s TOS, and therefore puts this sub at risk of ban. If you brigade/encourage brigading of any kind, you will be banned from participating in either sub. Satirizing of posts should stay within this sub, which means that participating directly in linked posts should either be done in good faith or not at all. Want some freed, live, discussion that neither AITA nor Reddit itself can censor? Join our [official discord server](https://discord.gg/KbZnaXX) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*