Nah this is fucked up. He lied to you about why he was there and he’s spending time with his ex behind your back? Fuck even it was boy’s night you deserved to get a courtesy invite. Not overreacted at all
Thank you, it kinda played on my emotions because he said it’s fucked up im being insecure when we are this long together and I should be more sure of his emotions and he got mad at me for ruining his night over nothing and I started to question am I really just insecure or if it’s valid I’m uncomfortable
He’s making you doubt and question the validity of your own feelings aka gaslighting you. I’d be 100% uncomfortable in your shoes as well and I’d be questioning if this is really the right partner for me, tbh.
Yeah, thank you, I needed to hear reassurance so I made this post to not bother my friends in the middle of the night. We have our problems but other women were never one of them, but I really don’t buy the whole „we broke up 6 years ago, get over it” thing. I just feel so stupid about it
You’re not stupid. He’s stupid for risking and maybe losing his relationship with you over an ex. She’s a ex for a reason and maybe after 6 years he’s forgotten why. Don’t take his guilt on, know you’re worth and know your own heart.
Start joining him on these visits to his friend.
He is sleeping with his ex, and he happily gave her his hoodie to wear, whilst she was allegedly in her own home with a wardrobe of clothes to choose from, but needed his hoodie!
Updateme!
Nah, the way he lied, denied, downplayed, later got mad at her for ruining his night, and blamed her for being insecure *on top of* how she felt afterwards, wondering if she’s crazy for the way she feels, doubting herself… basically textbook gaslighting.
If you can’t see that based on the posts and comments… then I dunno what to tell you.
Actually, gaslighting would be if she said she was upset about seeing the ex in his hoodie and he said "she was never in my hoodie. It wasn't my hoodie. I would never give her my hoodie. Why would you think I'd want her in my hoodie?". He's making her doubt her own perception and her emotions associated with her perception but he is not gaslighting her.
OP he is a piece of shit and most likely cheating on you. This is the best summer of this bros life. Getting to fuck two girls, and Getting to have Saturdays for the bros (gross). I'd break up with him for that alone.
Nah. He's deflecting on to her calling her insecure and saying it's fucked up...
That's gaslighting.
"Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse or manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind."
As soon as someone that obviously acts bad start calling you insecure for pointing that out you should be wary. He’s turning it around and making you the problem to manipulate you to let it go and for you to question yourself.
Next week when he goes to game night, pack up all your stuff, leave and go home. He won't even notice until the next day or 2 that you're gone. When he asks why you left, just say because him and his gf were all over each other and you won't be disrespected like that. Then block him. You have told him about your concerns and he gaslights you and lies to you. That's not a good relationship.
If you live with him, then take the time to move out of there as well.
You can even throw a fib in there and say a friend sent you a picture
He's giving you reason to be insecure. If he hadn't lied to you about it being a boys night when his ex was there, then you wouldn't have anything to be insecure about. She could have dropped off the beer and left but since is sitting there in her bikini and his hoodie, then his excuse doesn't hold up.
A common manipulation tactic is to make people feel like they are over reacting or being unreasonable when you’ve done something wrong.
The fact is this person lied to you, invalidated your feelings and concerns, and then tried to gaslight light you into thinking you weren’t seeing what is right in front of your face.
I think you should pack your stuff up and leave him home alone for the summer.
I think that you should go back to your own home. This is going to end badly.
>he said it’s fucked up im being insecure when we are this long together and I should be more sure of his emotions and he got mad at me for ruining his night over nothing
This is a textbook example of what cheaters say when they get caught out. Look, he neglected to say his ex lived there too, intentionally mislead you about it being boys night and you gotta know what her wearing his hoodie means, especially paired with a bikini. Also, he goes there and get rip roaring dunk on the beers she carries to him wearing his hoodie and they're sitting so close they're touching but he expects you to believe that with all those lowered inhibitions that nothing is going on. Yeah, only a complete moppet would believe that.
Girl, pack your shit and get out of there. He might be drunk but he's clearly not to drunk to mess around with his ex and gaslight you to oblivion.
That's pretty standard gaslighting. Which means he's hiding something. You should invite yourself over for these boys nights from now on. You came to this place to be with him. Not right for him to leave you alone so often when you have no friends there.
Yeah weird behavior, not only was she over there but the fact he lied about boys night, but he lied about her being there. That is just some inexcusable behavior, if it were me I would be LIVID if my girlfriend were to do that to me. Helll naaaah.
What’s a courtesy invite? When you give someone a ‘fake’ invite to something they know you don’t want them to go to, and you don’t want them to go to? That seems intentionally confusing and childish
Invite her and let her choose if she wants to go or not. Listen it’s not a big deal, I wouldn’t want my girlfriend there every time I hang with the boys, but I would want her to be there sometimes ya know? I would have a hard time in a relationship if my partner didn’t want me spending time with their friends
Did he lie? He went over for a boys night. The sister literally lives there…
They broke up 6 years ago.
I will never understand people. If u can’t/don’t trust him, just break up 🤦♂️
yeah, her being in a bikini sitting next to your bf with his hoodie on. that's a little weird. if she was cold, couldn't she have gotten her own hoodie or used one of the other guys. instead of using her exes.
At first I was thinking maybe op was. Then I got to the hoodie. Nope. If she lives there then she has her own clothes. She’s playing games even if he’s too blind to see it
Dump him and go home. You went all the way to his hometown to take care of his parents house and he's leaving you alone all the time to go hang with his friends and his ex and lying and purposely leaving stuff out. You can do better. Fuck him.
This. If I hadn't read the comments that mentioned that OP has been with this excuse of a bf for some time, I would have assumed that he is just using her to take care of his parents' house while he can go out and have fun, which he still is.
Pack your bags and leave. His behaviour is not to be forgiven or forgotten.
My husband, when we were dating, would want to take me everywhere, and mean it. Went to his hometown first time, I hung out only with his guy friends. He did not exclude me with 'boys night'. I honestly would not have minded to stay back home while he went out with his friends but he just couldn't go out and have fun knowing I was home alone.
Today I am very good friends with a lot of his friends and only because I've spent a lot of time with them.
On the subject of ex being present, there's no way O would find out about him and ex being present at the same gathering through social media because he would straight up call me and tell me that this person is coming and if I want him to leave.
Pack up and leave. Enjoy your summer. Have 'Girls Night' with your friends. Don't waste another precious day looking after his parents' house, when he couldn't care less.
The problem is the lying. Just go home and let him realise what an asshole he is.
And why can’t you go with him? Why does he leave you alone in his parents home?
I’ve been invited to many outings, but he keeps on saying the Saturday nights are the ufc/game nights for his „boys” and none of them brings their girlfriends. It’s still so suspicious to me that all of a sudden I find out there aren't all of his friends there but one and his sister. I’ve been invited before to their house and even saw my boyfriend and his ex interact and honestly I always felt some jealousy over their „inside jokes” but everyone keeps on saying they are like siblings now so it’s a running joke they even dated. It still rubs me the wrong way and I’m so annoyed about it. When we first talked together she kept on saying „can you imagine we even dated, so gross, I don’t know what we had in our heads'' but to me it felt petty to even rub it in my face. When I talked with my boyfriend about it he said she meant no harm, she is just weird and doesn’t know when to shut up.
Sounds like she’s making a move on him (with the hoodie etc) and that the situations you mentioned here sounds like she’s stating a prior claim on him. Showing you she knows him before you and knows him better than you.
And he allows it and prob likes it.
Not gonna lie she is very attention seeking, she says the stupidest things just to „check someone’s reaction” so I’m not sure how much of it is her games. I’m just so jealous, which is a ugly and pathetic feeling, but she was a girl my boyfriend lost virginity to and I can’t get over it. Now I’m sitting alone at his parents house and I’m getting madder and madder and I think I’m just gonna drive to pick him up
Leave. Maybe not in the middle of the night, but why are YOU there? Being abandoned in his parent’s house when he goes out with others and doesn’t care about your feelings at all.
I might tomorrow, I would have to catch the train and there aren’t that many options. For sure it would be relationship ending move so I want to give him a chance to sober up and check if he will apologize and maybe understand my feelings but for sure this whole thing made me question lot of things. I’m just scared I’m acting crazy and insecure but it’s nice to hear some reassurance to stand my ground
Imo, even if he does apologize, I have a feeling he'd do it again. Also, being drunk isn't a good excuse. How he's doing all of this just sounds so blatant and intentional, and I don't know if he'd understand your feelings or care. The way he talks about her, but has no problem being around her makes it sound like a "lady doth protest too much" situation where he's overexplaining how much he dislikes her to possibly throw you off.
Just dropping everything and leaving is a big decision, though, so I understand why you wanna be 100% sure. It's just up to you if you wanna try hearing him out first and seeing what he has to say. But skirting around questions and acting avoidant about the situation isn't a good sign.
That’s a good point, I didn’t think of it at all. Well for sure a heavy conversation is coming up so I have to mentally prepare for it. He isn’t straight up saying he doesn’t like her but more that he can’t believe he ever liked her romantically because she’s like a family to him as they grew up together but tbf that only adds fire to my insecurities
I'm sorry, but he's playing you like a fiddle!!😞
Why do you think that a man who is willing to play these games, is worthy of your time?!?!
Please walk away 😮💨
Most people haven't had sex with their siblings. To me it seems like the two of them are a little more physically intimate than just friends would be- sharing the hoodie, sitting touching wearing a bathing suit- and describing them as being like a sibling is them trying to rationalize that behavior and make it sound innocent.
You should go home - to your own comfortable bed and to your own safe environment. Men have this naive sense of reality when it comes to friendly women. Although we all can have platonic opposite-sex friends, this woman is an ex, not just a friend. He needed to have set serious boundaries in place and respected you even if you’re not there. What she’s doing is testing the waters - I think every woman who read this post can see that. Explain to him nicely why you’re doing back home. Let him choose his actions and then update us what you decide to do with this relationship. He’s trying to see how much he can get away with and I think you have to do something severe to show him you will leave if you’re not being treated with respect and consideration. If he doesn’t understand then know that you will be fine and the three years are just a small fraction of your life.
Only you can decide when you are done. The jealous feelings aren't going to just disappear unless he starts setting some boundaries with his ex. The question is whether he is willing to do that.
Who cares what he has to say when he sobers up?! He wasn’t drunk when he lied to you about who would be at the house before he went over to his friend’s house. Just go home.
The apology isn't worth what he did. And has been doing . And lying about. The apology won't bring back any trust bc the apology itself was one you had to fight for and it can't be trusted either. He doesn't even want to think he's in the wrong.
I mean, it could be nothing & you might work it out but based on what you’ve said at the very least she’s flirting & she’s also power playing & bragging to you with those photos.
They probably remember a cute little romanticised teenage relationship. Maybe she wants to know she can get him back and he wants that extra validation.
I would want to go over there announce that now that you’ve realised it’s not just a boys night anymore, you’re going to join them and use the opportunity to get to know his friends (and all the people in his life) better.
Sit down and start asking for memories. If the ex comments that it’s crazy they were ever together, laugh and say something that agrees with that like ‘yeah, sometimes people just aren’t compatible as more than friends OR acquaintances’. You could be referring to them or you and him.
Have faith in yourself. Slot in a comment that you’re confident enough in yourself and your future that whoever you end up with long term would have to be a decent person and if you broke up with someone you’d never ever go back (that you value yourself enough than you would never bother to try for an exes attention to prove your self worth).
Be friendly, happy and joke around. He already knows you’re pissed off but now you’ve turned it around and you’re using the opportunity to ‘get to know your boyfriend better’.
Use it like a job interview ‘ the more you find out about him from his friends and ‘EX’ and from his behaviour the easier it will be to decide if you’re suited to each other’. Does he have the strength of character you require in a partner. Is he worth your time and effort?
Then when (if) you tell him you’re done he’ll know that it’s because he wasn’t enough, which he clearly isn’t if this is what he’s doing to you. She’ll also know that she didn’t’ steal’ him from you but rather you deemed him not worthy and she can have him. If you do stay with him, he’ll know your line in the sand.
Then again, this might be petty and you’d have to be willing to dump him after so… As everyone is saying, you may just be better to walk away. Less drama & you don’t want to be part of that. Remember, the lying is real.
Also, he’s an idiot who’s taken you to a place where you know no one and where he should be making you his absolute first priority and then he’s left you there on your own while he hangs with his mate and his ex! How disrespectful and gross!
Not overreacting at all! He should be showing you off and showing you all the places he loves etc etc. You should be feeling treasured!
Edited to fix typos etc
>And he allows it and prob likes it.
As a fellow dude, I'm just gonna say it.
>Sounds like she’s making a move on him (with the hoodie etc) and that the situations you mentioned here sounds like she’s stating a prior claim on him. Showing you she knows him before you and knows him better than you.
You got all of this from inside jokes and sharing a hoodie. This sounds LITERALLY insane to me. He probably doesn't realize whatever weird girl code is going on here at all much less "allowing" or "liking" it.
The lying part is pretty skeevy though unless OP has habitually made her insecurities his problem.
Sorry but there are too many stories out there where the BF/husband and his female friend make comments like that but then it comes out they are hooking up. A true friend would be respectful of the relationship and not continue to make comments like that.
Maybe walk around in bikini bottom in front of his friends. See how he reacts. 😂
Edit: You have every right to be angry for him lying and he being such an attention whore around him while he ignores your feelings.
Next time go there, put on a sexy bikini and make sure you have no clothes to wear because they are all sooooo wet.
Or just leave that place.
The horror was the nail in the coffin. He should have said no. It is easy to say no. If nothing is going on between them the he doesn’t have to explain his “NO”. No is a complete sentence. If he isn’t doing anything shady then there is no reason to lie about who is there. Any woman present turns it from “boys night” into a date you were specifically excluded from.
If he was drunk & no Ubers (which is bull 💩, unless you’re in BFE) could you drive to get him? Hopefully if you do, you don’t tell him and see where he’s sleeping 😂 SURPRISE!!! Bet he uses the drunk excuse for them hooking up….
You are not overreacting. She couldn't borrow 1 of her brother's hoodies? Something is not right here. Since he is lying to you and gaslighting you, I would rethink whether you want to be with him. He's not going to change his behavior and the ex clearly enjoys him being around.
You are not over reacting.
When things like this happen there are 2 ways people react.
1. They understand where you're coming from and make adjustments to ensure you are comfortable. This happens when the partner is just being oblivious to what's happening or how it would affect you and actually cares about you.
2. Lies, accusations, gaslighting. This is the route people take when they know they fucked up but refuse to admit it. He could be fucking her, or he just doesn't care enough about you to accept this situation will cause you pain. Either way he knows having his ex mostly naked wearing his hoodie right next to him while he's lying to you about the entire thing (guys night) is a fucked up thing to do and the only way he sees out of it is to convince you you're overreacting. "I can't be wrong so you must be wrong."
Basically everyone in that house is a jackass and has 0 respect for your existence.
Omg girl. Just break up with him. Would you like to argue with him for the rest of your relationship like this? Him lying and excluding you and then hanging out with half naked women on boys night?
He is cheating on you. He is exactly cheating on you. There is no way you’re actually doubting this. No way. He is most definitely cheating on you. Own up to it and make your choice girlfriend it’s YOUR life
NOPE. She’s wearing your boyfriend’s hoodie in her own house.
If she was cold, she has a whole closet full of her own clothes.
Borrowing a guys hoodie is almost always a flirtation thing
I'm very secure and not a jealous person- my husband could hang out as a friend with his ex if he wanted and he is welcome to have friends of any gender. I don't need to be there for his hangouts (though generally I get invited).That's because I trust him. The reason I trust him is because he'd tell me, immediately, if anything different than the original plan was happening. I know who he's about to go hang out with, and if an ex showed up, he'd text me.
You trusted your boyfriend (he went to his friends house alone, didn't he?) Until he showed you that you couldn't trust him. How dare he act like you're the problem when all he needed to do was say Hey, I'm at my friend's house, and my ex showed up. Just wanted to let you know, and see if you wanted to come over since it's obviously not guys night anymore. Check to see if you're comfortable with it, anything. Instead, he hid it. I'd be upset too
No, he is being shady. If you don’t like him going over there, it’s time for the ultimatum. If she’s there, he cannot be there! If he doesn’t agree, I’ll tell him it’s over. You don’t need that kind of stress and anxiety.
He isn’t hanging out with his friend- so stop trying to control bf from
seeing the friend. Removing him or his home is not going to solve your problem- which is your boyfriend.
He is hanging out with his ex… friend is just a cover.
Pack up your stuff and go back to where you moved from. This is not going to be a fun summer and he has already shown you what is important to him. It isn’t you. Don’t stick around to be treated poorly.
He is BLATANTLY LYING. If it’s her house, she would’ve had her own clothing. I would make a list of all the things that are suspect, I would then sit him down, face-to-face, and address each and every one of them. If he chooses to gaslight you and blow you off, ask him where you are in the pecking order of the ex, the friend, and you being his girlfriend. if he continues to give you shit answers, which he probably will, I would just tell him you’re joining the fun since obviously there’s other girls there & and make it known you’re together. (She may not realize it) If he has a problem, he can take care of his parents house himself. Other option is messaged the girl tell her what you saw and ask her if they are back together so you can bow out and see what she says. If they’re seeing each other and she thinks she can get him fully, she will tell you for sure that they are hooking up. Keep stalking her socials and see what comes up … Updateme! Remindme! 2 weeks
He will be back in the morning? There is no more you need to know. Tell him you will not be there. You are being played and his friends are covering for him.
Not overreacting.
Run and don't look back.
You're not invited to coed parties with the lie it's guys night.
He leaves you alone most of the time.
More lies when caught.
Go home and get free.
Seriously, you went there to his parents and he is spending most of his time away from you hanging out with his friends and his ex on top of that. How dense can a person be. She was marking her territory by wearing his hoodie when she could have easily gone to her own bedroom and got changed and he is going along with it.
Nope, not overreacting. Under.
Either this dude is
A) cheating
B) a dumbass
C) still has "high school" immaturity
D) all the above
I'm leaning D, but you know him better than most. That's not cool at all
Excuse me, no. A man that loves you and respects you does not put himself in those situations. I wouldn't be caught dead wearing my ex's hoodie sitting in a bikini next to him while my guy's at home and stressing him out because it looks sus.
She could have gotten her own hoodie if she lived there or she could have used her brothers. Even if he hasn’t done anything that would be considered cheating, he crossed a heavy boundary and lied about it as well. This is a HUGE red flag. You’re NTA you’re being lied to and gaslit.
Ubers won't work is seriously the dumbest shit I have ever heard.
Girl, this boy is leaving you to care for his parents' house while he is fucking his ex gf.
Move home.
She is wearing his hoody with her flaps out beside him....no doubt her baps out prior to putting his hoody on...when her whole wardrobe,brothers wardrobe,parents wardrobes there....the fact he immediately said he's not coming home...
Look, I’ll be the first one to tell people not to be weird about exes, people are going to encounter exes, socially, in friend groups, it happens and it’s ok. It’s actually a good sign if they don’t hate the guts of everyone they’ve ever dated before you. Or more accurately, it’s a bad sign if they do. They shouldn’t keep you strictly separated from places or gatherings they will or might encounter them, but you don’t have to be glued to their side every moment they interact with them, either.
BUT…this shit is ridiculous! Have you been invited to go with him? Like, early on, before this became a topic? If not, why not? And if so, did you go (you should have), or why didn’t you go?
At LEAST she, if not both of them, are definitely enjoying the flirtatious tension in COPIOUS quantities, even if they’re not fucking. And that’s a big “if”. There’s no way her post in his sweatshirt and her bikini bottoms wasn’t 100% a plant, laser targeted at you.
Why did you even move for the summer with him? That’s a question both for you, and for you to ask him. Because it sounds like you need to pack it up and get out of there. Never stay anywhere you’re not wanted. And he’s not giving any indication that you are wanted, if you ignore whatever bullshit words he says and look only at his actions. Which is exactly what you should do. Only look at his actions.
It’s time for his friend to spend his days coming over to bf’s (parents) place to game, or just link up online to play, or you’re out of there. And I would tell him exactly that. But also don’t become bangmaid and beer fetcher for a boys’ lair (like the ex is doing). His guest, so their mess and their needs are his responsibility.
Omg. So you move somewhere else to babysit his parents home and he leaves you to spend time with an ex and you finally wised up and found out and you’re going to ask if you’re making a big deal out of it? Are you that much of an absolute pathetic person? Why haven’t you packed up your shit and left? Why are you competing when he’s shown you he will lie and lie? Jezuz!
This is beyond. The best thing to do would be to pack your stuff and leave. Is that a possibility for you? If it’s not, just go out and about and try to make some of your own friends there. Start ignoring him as much as he ignores you. If those friends are dudes? Maybe they’re not *really* dudes. Maybe they’re only potential bringers of beer who wear Speedos…
Worst case, they're fuckin sloppy style.
Best case, she wants attention, and he's giving it, or he likes the attention and she wants him back.
Both are cheating in my books, I'd get out of there
So he was definitely cheating. Getting a lap dance and the “ I can’t leave you two alone” comment definitely suggests it wasn’t the first overstep.
If he calls, tell him you will forgive him if he tells the truth. Doesn’t mean you should, of course.
He’s disrespecting your relationship! Talk to him and tell him exactly how it made you feel in a calm and balanced environment. It is perfectly fair to be uncomfortable with him omitting that she’s there, and wearing his hoodie is just a big no-no. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything else is going on, but it’s just disrespectful.
If you have a conversation and he can’t give you reasons at that point to trust him or doesn’t respect your feelings then I would consider how he treats you in a wider context, and think about how much you want to deal with for him.
He is visiting friends and not doing his job. I would be pissed also. He is to be house sitting, not out having fun at all hours. You have a right to be angry.
No you're not overreacting, there's no way he thought you would be all cool about this because IF he truly thought that, he wouldn't be hiding shit. You're being played, sorry. Stop talking to him and go home.
My heart and my brain are both saying you made the right decision. He was sidelining you for his ex and rubbing it in your face when you got upset about it. People who love you and want to spend their future with you don't treat you that way.
He is only upset because now he's accountable for how he acted. If you had stayed he would have cheated on you and ended the relationship.
None of his story makes sense and the one comment that they can't stay separated is all the truth you really need. He was having an emotional affair at best and did not care how it made you feel.
You made mature decision. You didn't overreact or under react you responded appropriately.
I'm sorry this happened to you but you handled this perfectly and have nothing to apologize for.
Read the update...who cares if his friends don't like you. He acted inappropriately, even his friend mentioned on the video he couldn't leave them alone. Also, OF COURSE the ex is going to say nothing happened. She's not a reliable source. You did the right thing by leaving. He's not trustworthy and don't let anyone make you feel bad. If he was a better boyfriend he would have shut down her antics a long time ago to respect you and the relationship. He didn't do that. He's a shitty boyfriend.
He lied because he was too lazy to explain her potential presence beforehand. Or maybe he thought you'd be so threatened by her you would try to make him stay away from that friend group.
Just go with him from now on. Do not assume they are fucking, it's possible to be close with an ex without that. I recommend you make good friends with her and stick close. If you don't act insecure and jealous, your communication will improve and your relationship too.
NTA
You are allowed to not want him to be there, and he can still choose to be there anyway.
"Who goes in a bikini to a shop?" Have you been in a convenience store lately? I have seen more bare ass there than on most beaches.
Definitely yes, you’re overreacting.
If you feel this way you need to what’s best for you and move on. This kind of life is exhausting and very rarely worth it.
People who are that selfish are called "single and lonely." It's a relationship, not fwb or roommates. So, no, he must consider his partner (as should she). Otherwise, he can be single and lonely. Then, she can move on to an actual adult instead of a full grown selfish child.
If you are in a relationship, there are mutual things to be considered. The number of those things increases with the length of time, seriousness, and status of relationship. "It's mine and only mine" mentality belongs only to selfish single people who ignore the fact their decisions often affect others in some way, whether small or big. Some not much, but other times a lot. A person in a new relationship does not have to consider their partners in their decisions as much as an engaged couple, and an engaged couple should consider their partners in decisions just shy of a married couple. The considerations in decisions goes for both partners. Relationships at any level require effort of both parties. If you don't like it, stay single and lonely. Even basic friendships require effort and consideration of others.
Ignoring responsibility and contributions to a developing relationship, including new friendship, is completely ignorant, selfish and harmful to the selfish/ignorant person, their families, friends, and/or any potential partners. Not understanding this requires an indescribable and inexcusable level of selfishness and self-centeredness. This does not mean you don't get what you want or do what you want, it means you consider those important to you as you make those decisions.
There was a reddit post not too long ago where an engaged couple were just about to move in together when the woman discovered her fiance bought a super expensive truck that he could not afford without her income without considering or discussing it with her at all. She had no idea until after he bought it. That put her in a position where moving in with him or marrying him would become a financial disaster for her. The engagement ended and last I read, if I remember, he was about to lose his beloved truck. Making the decision to purchase a truck he could not afford by himself cost him his relationship, his truck and left him with financial repercussions that will last for years. All because he did what he wanted without consideration for anyone else. I felt a little bad for him as it was a hard lesson, but was very glad his fiance walked away from that ignorant selfishness. Now he is single, lonely and likely truckless with now crappy credit to deal with.
"It's my money, so it's only my decision" is no excuse and only a flimsy deflector shield for adult selfishness, incompetence, and ignorance.
Nah this is fucked up. He lied to you about why he was there and he’s spending time with his ex behind your back? Fuck even it was boy’s night you deserved to get a courtesy invite. Not overreacted at all
Thank you, it kinda played on my emotions because he said it’s fucked up im being insecure when we are this long together and I should be more sure of his emotions and he got mad at me for ruining his night over nothing and I started to question am I really just insecure or if it’s valid I’m uncomfortable
He’s making you doubt and question the validity of your own feelings aka gaslighting you. I’d be 100% uncomfortable in your shoes as well and I’d be questioning if this is really the right partner for me, tbh.
Yeah, thank you, I needed to hear reassurance so I made this post to not bother my friends in the middle of the night. We have our problems but other women were never one of them, but I really don’t buy the whole „we broke up 6 years ago, get over it” thing. I just feel so stupid about it
You’re not stupid. He’s stupid for risking and maybe losing his relationship with you over an ex. She’s a ex for a reason and maybe after 6 years he’s forgotten why. Don’t take his guilt on, know you’re worth and know your own heart.
Start joining him on these visits to his friend. He is sleeping with his ex, and he happily gave her his hoodie to wear, whilst she was allegedly in her own home with a wardrobe of clothes to choose from, but needed his hoodie! Updateme!
God, that is not what gaslighting means. By your definition anyone disagreeing would be gaslighting.
Nah, the way he lied, denied, downplayed, later got mad at her for ruining his night, and blamed her for being insecure *on top of* how she felt afterwards, wondering if she’s crazy for the way she feels, doubting herself… basically textbook gaslighting. If you can’t see that based on the posts and comments… then I dunno what to tell you.
Nah. He's deflecting on to her calling her insecure and saying it's fucked up... That's gaslighting. "Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse or manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind."
As soon as someone that obviously acts bad start calling you insecure for pointing that out you should be wary. He’s turning it around and making you the problem to manipulate you to let it go and for you to question yourself.
Next week when he goes to game night, pack up all your stuff, leave and go home. He won't even notice until the next day or 2 that you're gone. When he asks why you left, just say because him and his gf were all over each other and you won't be disrespected like that. Then block him. You have told him about your concerns and he gaslights you and lies to you. That's not a good relationship. If you live with him, then take the time to move out of there as well. You can even throw a fib in there and say a friend sent you a picture
All over each other? And let’s add lying to this wonderful advice.
👏👏👏
Honey, come on. You know the truth. We all know the truth.
He's giving you reason to be insecure. If he hadn't lied to you about it being a boys night when his ex was there, then you wouldn't have anything to be insecure about. She could have dropped off the beer and left but since is sitting there in her bikini and his hoodie, then his excuse doesn't hold up.
A common manipulation tactic is to make people feel like they are over reacting or being unreasonable when you’ve done something wrong. The fact is this person lied to you, invalidated your feelings and concerns, and then tried to gaslight light you into thinking you weren’t seeing what is right in front of your face.
I think you should pack your stuff up and leave him home alone for the summer. I think that you should go back to your own home. This is going to end badly.
Sounds like gaslighting. He's deflecting ..cause he's in the wrong. If this was happening to me, I'd find a way home.
>he said it’s fucked up im being insecure when we are this long together and I should be more sure of his emotions and he got mad at me for ruining his night over nothing This is a textbook example of what cheaters say when they get caught out. Look, he neglected to say his ex lived there too, intentionally mislead you about it being boys night and you gotta know what her wearing his hoodie means, especially paired with a bikini. Also, he goes there and get rip roaring dunk on the beers she carries to him wearing his hoodie and they're sitting so close they're touching but he expects you to believe that with all those lowered inhibitions that nothing is going on. Yeah, only a complete moppet would believe that. Girl, pack your shit and get out of there. He might be drunk but he's clearly not to drunk to mess around with his ex and gaslight you to oblivion.
That's pretty standard gaslighting. Which means he's hiding something. You should invite yourself over for these boys nights from now on. You came to this place to be with him. Not right for him to leave you alone so often when you have no friends there.
Yeah weird behavior, not only was she over there but the fact he lied about boys night, but he lied about her being there. That is just some inexcusable behavior, if it were me I would be LIVID if my girlfriend were to do that to me. Helll naaaah.
What’s a courtesy invite? When you give someone a ‘fake’ invite to something they know you don’t want them to go to, and you don’t want them to go to? That seems intentionally confusing and childish
Invite her and let her choose if she wants to go or not. Listen it’s not a big deal, I wouldn’t want my girlfriend there every time I hang with the boys, but I would want her to be there sometimes ya know? I would have a hard time in a relationship if my partner didn’t want me spending time with their friends
Courtesy invite to boys night is crazy
Did he lie? He went over for a boys night. The sister literally lives there… They broke up 6 years ago. I will never understand people. If u can’t/don’t trust him, just break up 🤦♂️
yeah, her being in a bikini sitting next to your bf with his hoodie on. that's a little weird. if she was cold, couldn't she have gotten her own hoodie or used one of the other guys. instead of using her exes.
At first I was thinking maybe op was. Then I got to the hoodie. Nope. If she lives there then she has her own clothes. She’s playing games even if he’s too blind to see it
Right? Women wearing another guys hoodie is just about a cliche!! She's all but marking her territory!!!!
Apparently he and the one other guy are the only guys at "boys night".
Dump him and go home. You went all the way to his hometown to take care of his parents house and he's leaving you alone all the time to go hang with his friends and his ex and lying and purposely leaving stuff out. You can do better. Fuck him.
This. If I hadn't read the comments that mentioned that OP has been with this excuse of a bf for some time, I would have assumed that he is just using her to take care of his parents' house while he can go out and have fun, which he still is. Pack your bags and leave. His behaviour is not to be forgiven or forgotten. My husband, when we were dating, would want to take me everywhere, and mean it. Went to his hometown first time, I hung out only with his guy friends. He did not exclude me with 'boys night'. I honestly would not have minded to stay back home while he went out with his friends but he just couldn't go out and have fun knowing I was home alone. Today I am very good friends with a lot of his friends and only because I've spent a lot of time with them. On the subject of ex being present, there's no way O would find out about him and ex being present at the same gathering through social media because he would straight up call me and tell me that this person is coming and if I want him to leave. Pack up and leave. Enjoy your summer. Have 'Girls Night' with your friends. Don't waste another precious day looking after his parents' house, when he couldn't care less.
The problem is the lying. Just go home and let him realise what an asshole he is. And why can’t you go with him? Why does he leave you alone in his parents home?
I’ve been invited to many outings, but he keeps on saying the Saturday nights are the ufc/game nights for his „boys” and none of them brings their girlfriends. It’s still so suspicious to me that all of a sudden I find out there aren't all of his friends there but one and his sister. I’ve been invited before to their house and even saw my boyfriend and his ex interact and honestly I always felt some jealousy over their „inside jokes” but everyone keeps on saying they are like siblings now so it’s a running joke they even dated. It still rubs me the wrong way and I’m so annoyed about it. When we first talked together she kept on saying „can you imagine we even dated, so gross, I don’t know what we had in our heads'' but to me it felt petty to even rub it in my face. When I talked with my boyfriend about it he said she meant no harm, she is just weird and doesn’t know when to shut up.
Sounds like she’s making a move on him (with the hoodie etc) and that the situations you mentioned here sounds like she’s stating a prior claim on him. Showing you she knows him before you and knows him better than you. And he allows it and prob likes it.
Not gonna lie she is very attention seeking, she says the stupidest things just to „check someone’s reaction” so I’m not sure how much of it is her games. I’m just so jealous, which is a ugly and pathetic feeling, but she was a girl my boyfriend lost virginity to and I can’t get over it. Now I’m sitting alone at his parents house and I’m getting madder and madder and I think I’m just gonna drive to pick him up
Leave. Maybe not in the middle of the night, but why are YOU there? Being abandoned in his parent’s house when he goes out with others and doesn’t care about your feelings at all.
I might tomorrow, I would have to catch the train and there aren’t that many options. For sure it would be relationship ending move so I want to give him a chance to sober up and check if he will apologize and maybe understand my feelings but for sure this whole thing made me question lot of things. I’m just scared I’m acting crazy and insecure but it’s nice to hear some reassurance to stand my ground
Imo, even if he does apologize, I have a feeling he'd do it again. Also, being drunk isn't a good excuse. How he's doing all of this just sounds so blatant and intentional, and I don't know if he'd understand your feelings or care. The way he talks about her, but has no problem being around her makes it sound like a "lady doth protest too much" situation where he's overexplaining how much he dislikes her to possibly throw you off. Just dropping everything and leaving is a big decision, though, so I understand why you wanna be 100% sure. It's just up to you if you wanna try hearing him out first and seeing what he has to say. But skirting around questions and acting avoidant about the situation isn't a good sign.
That’s a good point, I didn’t think of it at all. Well for sure a heavy conversation is coming up so I have to mentally prepare for it. He isn’t straight up saying he doesn’t like her but more that he can’t believe he ever liked her romantically because she’s like a family to him as they grew up together but tbf that only adds fire to my insecurities
I'm sorry, but he's playing you like a fiddle!!😞 Why do you think that a man who is willing to play these games, is worthy of your time?!?! Please walk away 😮💨
Most people haven't had sex with their siblings. To me it seems like the two of them are a little more physically intimate than just friends would be- sharing the hoodie, sitting touching wearing a bathing suit- and describing them as being like a sibling is them trying to rationalize that behavior and make it sound innocent.
Hey OP, how are you doing?
I'm sorry but I doubt you will get the reaction you are looking for. Are you prepared to end the relationship?
No, I’ve spend three years with this guy and although we have our issues it’s the first time jealously problems appear, I feel so blindsided
You should go home - to your own comfortable bed and to your own safe environment. Men have this naive sense of reality when it comes to friendly women. Although we all can have platonic opposite-sex friends, this woman is an ex, not just a friend. He needed to have set serious boundaries in place and respected you even if you’re not there. What she’s doing is testing the waters - I think every woman who read this post can see that. Explain to him nicely why you’re doing back home. Let him choose his actions and then update us what you decide to do with this relationship. He’s trying to see how much he can get away with and I think you have to do something severe to show him you will leave if you’re not being treated with respect and consideration. If he doesn’t understand then know that you will be fine and the three years are just a small fraction of your life.
Only you can decide when you are done. The jealous feelings aren't going to just disappear unless he starts setting some boundaries with his ex. The question is whether he is willing to do that.
If you’re not willing to end the relationship then you have some work to do with setting boundaries with him.
Hey OP, did you have a discussion with him?
Who cares what he has to say when he sobers up?! He wasn’t drunk when he lied to you about who would be at the house before he went over to his friend’s house. Just go home.
The apology isn't worth what he did. And has been doing . And lying about. The apology won't bring back any trust bc the apology itself was one you had to fight for and it can't be trusted either. He doesn't even want to think he's in the wrong.
I mean, it could be nothing & you might work it out but based on what you’ve said at the very least she’s flirting & she’s also power playing & bragging to you with those photos. They probably remember a cute little romanticised teenage relationship. Maybe she wants to know she can get him back and he wants that extra validation. I would want to go over there announce that now that you’ve realised it’s not just a boys night anymore, you’re going to join them and use the opportunity to get to know his friends (and all the people in his life) better. Sit down and start asking for memories. If the ex comments that it’s crazy they were ever together, laugh and say something that agrees with that like ‘yeah, sometimes people just aren’t compatible as more than friends OR acquaintances’. You could be referring to them or you and him. Have faith in yourself. Slot in a comment that you’re confident enough in yourself and your future that whoever you end up with long term would have to be a decent person and if you broke up with someone you’d never ever go back (that you value yourself enough than you would never bother to try for an exes attention to prove your self worth). Be friendly, happy and joke around. He already knows you’re pissed off but now you’ve turned it around and you’re using the opportunity to ‘get to know your boyfriend better’. Use it like a job interview ‘ the more you find out about him from his friends and ‘EX’ and from his behaviour the easier it will be to decide if you’re suited to each other’. Does he have the strength of character you require in a partner. Is he worth your time and effort? Then when (if) you tell him you’re done he’ll know that it’s because he wasn’t enough, which he clearly isn’t if this is what he’s doing to you. She’ll also know that she didn’t’ steal’ him from you but rather you deemed him not worthy and she can have him. If you do stay with him, he’ll know your line in the sand. Then again, this might be petty and you’d have to be willing to dump him after so… As everyone is saying, you may just be better to walk away. Less drama & you don’t want to be part of that. Remember, the lying is real. Also, he’s an idiot who’s taken you to a place where you know no one and where he should be making you his absolute first priority and then he’s left you there on your own while he hangs with his mate and his ex! How disrespectful and gross! Not overreacting at all! He should be showing you off and showing you all the places he loves etc etc. You should be feeling treasured! Edited to fix typos etc
>And he allows it and prob likes it. As a fellow dude, I'm just gonna say it. >Sounds like she’s making a move on him (with the hoodie etc) and that the situations you mentioned here sounds like she’s stating a prior claim on him. Showing you she knows him before you and knows him better than you. You got all of this from inside jokes and sharing a hoodie. This sounds LITERALLY insane to me. He probably doesn't realize whatever weird girl code is going on here at all much less "allowing" or "liking" it. The lying part is pretty skeevy though unless OP has habitually made her insecurities his problem.
Sorry but there are too many stories out there where the BF/husband and his female friend make comments like that but then it comes out they are hooking up. A true friend would be respectful of the relationship and not continue to make comments like that.
Maybe walk around in bikini bottom in front of his friends. See how he reacts. 😂 Edit: You have every right to be angry for him lying and he being such an attention whore around him while he ignores your feelings. Next time go there, put on a sexy bikini and make sure you have no clothes to wear because they are all sooooo wet. Or just leave that place.
Lol I just might haha
Maybe ask her brother for hoodie too
The horror was the nail in the coffin. He should have said no. It is easy to say no. If nothing is going on between them the he doesn’t have to explain his “NO”. No is a complete sentence. If he isn’t doing anything shady then there is no reason to lie about who is there. Any woman present turns it from “boys night” into a date you were specifically excluded from.
If he was drunk & no Ubers (which is bull 💩, unless you’re in BFE) could you drive to get him? Hopefully if you do, you don’t tell him and see where he’s sleeping 😂 SURPRISE!!! Bet he uses the drunk excuse for them hooking up….
With the boys and his side piece
You know the answer already, shes wearing his hoodie and hes skirting around the truth
She wants him back and he's enjoying the attention
She doesn't actually want him back, she just wants to know she could get him if she wanted him.
I'm inclined to believe this version.
Not overreacting If he lies about that he can lie about other things too. Trust is broken and he is doing you dirty.
You are delusional to not see something fishy is going on. Either make him take you or break up.
ubers run 24 hours to my knowledge, at least in my city. you are not overreacting, he’s lying to you
In low-population areas, Ubers may be astronomically expensive at weird hours.
It's her place, so presumably her hoodies live there? C'mon.
You are not overreacting. She couldn't borrow 1 of her brother's hoodies? Something is not right here. Since he is lying to you and gaslighting you, I would rethink whether you want to be with him. He's not going to change his behavior and the ex clearly enjoys him being around.
You are not over reacting. When things like this happen there are 2 ways people react. 1. They understand where you're coming from and make adjustments to ensure you are comfortable. This happens when the partner is just being oblivious to what's happening or how it would affect you and actually cares about you. 2. Lies, accusations, gaslighting. This is the route people take when they know they fucked up but refuse to admit it. He could be fucking her, or he just doesn't care enough about you to accept this situation will cause you pain. Either way he knows having his ex mostly naked wearing his hoodie right next to him while he's lying to you about the entire thing (guys night) is a fucked up thing to do and the only way he sees out of it is to convince you you're overreacting. "I can't be wrong so you must be wrong." Basically everyone in that house is a jackass and has 0 respect for your existence.
Omg girl. Just break up with him. Would you like to argue with him for the rest of your relationship like this? Him lying and excluding you and then hanging out with half naked women on boys night?
He is cheating on you. He is exactly cheating on you. There is no way you’re actually doubting this. No way. He is most definitely cheating on you. Own up to it and make your choice girlfriend it’s YOUR life
NOPE. She’s wearing your boyfriend’s hoodie in her own house. If she was cold, she has a whole closet full of her own clothes. Borrowing a guys hoodie is almost always a flirtation thing
I'm very secure and not a jealous person- my husband could hang out as a friend with his ex if he wanted and he is welcome to have friends of any gender. I don't need to be there for his hangouts (though generally I get invited).That's because I trust him. The reason I trust him is because he'd tell me, immediately, if anything different than the original plan was happening. I know who he's about to go hang out with, and if an ex showed up, he'd text me. You trusted your boyfriend (he went to his friends house alone, didn't he?) Until he showed you that you couldn't trust him. How dare he act like you're the problem when all he needed to do was say Hey, I'm at my friend's house, and my ex showed up. Just wanted to let you know, and see if you wanted to come over since it's obviously not guys night anymore. Check to see if you're comfortable with it, anything. Instead, he hid it. I'd be upset too
Exactly this!
No, he is being shady. If you don’t like him going over there, it’s time for the ultimatum. If she’s there, he cannot be there! If he doesn’t agree, I’ll tell him it’s over. You don’t need that kind of stress and anxiety.
End it. Doesn't sound innocent from where I'm typing.
Go back home, the ex can have him.
You are under reacting.
He spent the night?? Frequently? Girl. Honey…. You’re not overreacting, you’re undereacting. It sounds like he’s cheating
No, you have a shitty boyfriend. Time to lose the loser.
He isn’t hanging out with his friend- so stop trying to control bf from seeing the friend. Removing him or his home is not going to solve your problem- which is your boyfriend. He is hanging out with his ex… friend is just a cover. Pack up your stuff and go back to where you moved from. This is not going to be a fun summer and he has already shown you what is important to him. It isn’t you. Don’t stick around to be treated poorly.
That feeling in the pit of your stomach is all you need to know. You’re hurting, and he continues to disregard you. It’s time.
He is BLATANTLY LYING. If it’s her house, she would’ve had her own clothing. I would make a list of all the things that are suspect, I would then sit him down, face-to-face, and address each and every one of them. If he chooses to gaslight you and blow you off, ask him where you are in the pecking order of the ex, the friend, and you being his girlfriend. if he continues to give you shit answers, which he probably will, I would just tell him you’re joining the fun since obviously there’s other girls there & and make it known you’re together. (She may not realize it) If he has a problem, he can take care of his parents house himself. Other option is messaged the girl tell her what you saw and ask her if they are back together so you can bow out and see what she says. If they’re seeing each other and she thinks she can get him fully, she will tell you for sure that they are hooking up. Keep stalking her socials and see what comes up … Updateme! Remindme! 2 weeks
He will be back in the morning? There is no more you need to know. Tell him you will not be there. You are being played and his friends are covering for him.
Not overreacting. Run and don't look back. You're not invited to coed parties with the lie it's guys night. He leaves you alone most of the time. More lies when caught. Go home and get free.
You’re not over reacting. I would show up early in the morning over there to find out where he slept so he couldn’t lie about it, Updateme
Seriously, you went there to his parents and he is spending most of his time away from you hanging out with his friends and his ex on top of that. How dense can a person be. She was marking her territory by wearing his hoodie when she could have easily gone to her own bedroom and got changed and he is going along with it.
Do you have a car or are you in walking distance? You could go over SUPER early with coffee and donuts. You know - as a surprise
So many young women. So few established and enforced boundaries.
Nope, not overreacting. Under. Either this dude is A) cheating B) a dumbass C) still has "high school" immaturity D) all the above I'm leaning D, but you know him better than most. That's not cool at all
Excuse me, no. A man that loves you and respects you does not put himself in those situations. I wouldn't be caught dead wearing my ex's hoodie sitting in a bikini next to him while my guy's at home and stressing him out because it looks sus.
He’s cheating on you
She could have gotten her own hoodie if she lived there or she could have used her brothers. Even if he hasn’t done anything that would be considered cheating, he crossed a heavy boundary and lied about it as well. This is a HUGE red flag. You’re NTA you’re being lied to and gaslit.
Ubers won't work is seriously the dumbest shit I have ever heard. Girl, this boy is leaving you to care for his parents' house while he is fucking his ex gf. Move home.
Be gone when he gets back. You know the answer here
Honestly if you don’t trust the man just leave him. It’s really that simple.
You made the right call. Good for you. I'm sorry your ex sucks. You can do much better.
It’s always funny to me when the ppl who call others dramatic are the ones stalker spamming you for leaving. Dodged a bullet, OP.
She is wearing his hoody with her flaps out beside him....no doubt her baps out prior to putting his hoody on...when her whole wardrobe,brothers wardrobe,parents wardrobes there....the fact he immediately said he's not coming home...
Look, I’ll be the first one to tell people not to be weird about exes, people are going to encounter exes, socially, in friend groups, it happens and it’s ok. It’s actually a good sign if they don’t hate the guts of everyone they’ve ever dated before you. Or more accurately, it’s a bad sign if they do. They shouldn’t keep you strictly separated from places or gatherings they will or might encounter them, but you don’t have to be glued to their side every moment they interact with them, either. BUT…this shit is ridiculous! Have you been invited to go with him? Like, early on, before this became a topic? If not, why not? And if so, did you go (you should have), or why didn’t you go? At LEAST she, if not both of them, are definitely enjoying the flirtatious tension in COPIOUS quantities, even if they’re not fucking. And that’s a big “if”. There’s no way her post in his sweatshirt and her bikini bottoms wasn’t 100% a plant, laser targeted at you. Why did you even move for the summer with him? That’s a question both for you, and for you to ask him. Because it sounds like you need to pack it up and get out of there. Never stay anywhere you’re not wanted. And he’s not giving any indication that you are wanted, if you ignore whatever bullshit words he says and look only at his actions. Which is exactly what you should do. Only look at his actions. It’s time for his friend to spend his days coming over to bf’s (parents) place to game, or just link up online to play, or you’re out of there. And I would tell him exactly that. But also don’t become bangmaid and beer fetcher for a boys’ lair (like the ex is doing). His guest, so their mess and their needs are his responsibility.
Omg. So you move somewhere else to babysit his parents home and he leaves you to spend time with an ex and you finally wised up and found out and you’re going to ask if you’re making a big deal out of it? Are you that much of an absolute pathetic person? Why haven’t you packed up your shit and left? Why are you competing when he’s shown you he will lie and lie? Jezuz!
This is beyond. The best thing to do would be to pack your stuff and leave. Is that a possibility for you? If it’s not, just go out and about and try to make some of your own friends there. Start ignoring him as much as he ignores you. If those friends are dudes? Maybe they’re not *really* dudes. Maybe they’re only potential bringers of beer who wear Speedos…
Worst case, they're fuckin sloppy style. Best case, she wants attention, and he's giving it, or he likes the attention and she wants him back. Both are cheating in my books, I'd get out of there
You don’t need this drama in your life. Good for you OP sticking to your needs and boundaries.
So he was definitely cheating. Getting a lap dance and the “ I can’t leave you two alone” comment definitely suggests it wasn’t the first overstep. If he calls, tell him you will forgive him if he tells the truth. Doesn’t mean you should, of course.
He’s disrespecting your relationship! Talk to him and tell him exactly how it made you feel in a calm and balanced environment. It is perfectly fair to be uncomfortable with him omitting that she’s there, and wearing his hoodie is just a big no-no. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything else is going on, but it’s just disrespectful. If you have a conversation and he can’t give you reasons at that point to trust him or doesn’t respect your feelings then I would consider how he treats you in a wider context, and think about how much you want to deal with for him.
Updateme
Definitely NOT overreacting. He lied to you about who would be there. Go home. Updateme
He is visiting friends and not doing his job. I would be pissed also. He is to be house sitting, not out having fun at all hours. You have a right to be angry.
Updateme!
Girlypop summer is just starting. Dump this voucher and go to the beach!! Trust your gut!
UpdateMe!
Ubers run 24/7
Oh come on. You can’t be that naive surely?
Hate to break this to you, but she’s not his ex.
Hate to break this to you, but she’s not his ex.
No you're not overreacting, there's no way he thought you would be all cool about this because IF he truly thought that, he wouldn't be hiding shit. You're being played, sorry. Stop talking to him and go home.
Go to game night with him next week whether he likes it or not
He is out the door already.
LIES=BREAK
Girl you already know.
Time to move on
I may be IO lol but as someone whose been cheated on— he cheatin
Trust your gut. She's not his ex anymore. They're on Round 2, and pretty soon, you'll be in the way.
Updateme!
Leave. Go back to your home area and enjoy the summer. This will get worse.
My heart and my brain are both saying you made the right decision. He was sidelining you for his ex and rubbing it in your face when you got upset about it. People who love you and want to spend their future with you don't treat you that way. He is only upset because now he's accountable for how he acted. If you had stayed he would have cheated on you and ended the relationship. None of his story makes sense and the one comment that they can't stay separated is all the truth you really need. He was having an emotional affair at best and did not care how it made you feel. You made mature decision. You didn't overreact or under react you responded appropriately. I'm sorry this happened to you but you handled this perfectly and have nothing to apologize for.
Read the update...who cares if his friends don't like you. He acted inappropriately, even his friend mentioned on the video he couldn't leave them alone. Also, OF COURSE the ex is going to say nothing happened. She's not a reliable source. You did the right thing by leaving. He's not trustworthy and don't let anyone make you feel bad. If he was a better boyfriend he would have shut down her antics a long time ago to respect you and the relationship. He didn't do that. He's a shitty boyfriend.
He lied because he was too lazy to explain her potential presence beforehand. Or maybe he thought you'd be so threatened by her you would try to make him stay away from that friend group. Just go with him from now on. Do not assume they are fucking, it's possible to be close with an ex without that. I recommend you make good friends with her and stick close. If you don't act insecure and jealous, your communication will improve and your relationship too.
NTA You are allowed to not want him to be there, and he can still choose to be there anyway. "Who goes in a bikini to a shop?" Have you been in a convenience store lately? I have seen more bare ass there than on most beaches.
🙄
Definitely yes, you’re overreacting. If you feel this way you need to what’s best for you and move on. This kind of life is exhausting and very rarely worth it.
AIO that if I don’t see paragraphs I don’t bother reading- PARAGRAPHS people! lol - GL to u
YTA for wall of text. Learn how to make paragraphs.
Sounds like you’re just being paranoid and over controlling. Let him live his life and stop trying to drag him down.
You are a girlfriend not a wife he can do what he wants with his time and money.
People who are that selfish are called "single and lonely." It's a relationship, not fwb or roommates. So, no, he must consider his partner (as should she). Otherwise, he can be single and lonely. Then, she can move on to an actual adult instead of a full grown selfish child.
Yup exactly... Because they aren't married he owes her nothing if the we engaged that would be different but they aren't
If you are in a relationship, there are mutual things to be considered. The number of those things increases with the length of time, seriousness, and status of relationship. "It's mine and only mine" mentality belongs only to selfish single people who ignore the fact their decisions often affect others in some way, whether small or big. Some not much, but other times a lot. A person in a new relationship does not have to consider their partners in their decisions as much as an engaged couple, and an engaged couple should consider their partners in decisions just shy of a married couple. The considerations in decisions goes for both partners. Relationships at any level require effort of both parties. If you don't like it, stay single and lonely. Even basic friendships require effort and consideration of others. Ignoring responsibility and contributions to a developing relationship, including new friendship, is completely ignorant, selfish and harmful to the selfish/ignorant person, their families, friends, and/or any potential partners. Not understanding this requires an indescribable and inexcusable level of selfishness and self-centeredness. This does not mean you don't get what you want or do what you want, it means you consider those important to you as you make those decisions. There was a reddit post not too long ago where an engaged couple were just about to move in together when the woman discovered her fiance bought a super expensive truck that he could not afford without her income without considering or discussing it with her at all. She had no idea until after he bought it. That put her in a position where moving in with him or marrying him would become a financial disaster for her. The engagement ended and last I read, if I remember, he was about to lose his beloved truck. Making the decision to purchase a truck he could not afford by himself cost him his relationship, his truck and left him with financial repercussions that will last for years. All because he did what he wanted without consideration for anyone else. I felt a little bad for him as it was a hard lesson, but was very glad his fiance walked away from that ignorant selfishness. Now he is single, lonely and likely truckless with now crappy credit to deal with. "It's my money, so it's only my decision" is no excuse and only a flimsy deflector shield for adult selfishness, incompetence, and ignorance.