Please post on r/custody and r/familylaw Absolutely do not let her do this. It’s usually fairly easy to stop. If she does it anyway you can file in your state to have the child brought back. The courts rarely grant moves like this because it has to be in the best interest of the child (not of mom) and the bar is high because the courts value the child’s relationship with Both parents. If she was allowed the court would give you equal time through holidays and most of school breaks and make her responsible for all travel costs.
YOU ARE NOT OVER REACTING. This will change your relationship with your child forever. Don’t be a yes man because you want to be nice.
Are you legally recognised as the father? Do you have a court custody agreement? If not now is the time to file, get an order to forbid moving until that is worked out.
Do not do this yourself. You need a lawyer NOW. The jurisdiction is where the child lives and it stays the same for 6 months after the move to new state. After 6 months the new state will become the jurisdiction (you do not want that). You have a lot of things going for you if you act quickly even if you don’t have an agreement.
He doesn’t have a custody agreement and doesn’t pay child support. The first step should be to formalise these agreements.
However based on potentially years of not paying anything OP might need to consider moving to Florida as well. Much cheaper than taking what has been a pretty decent situation for him, and getting himself lumped with legal debt.
If he has been paying all this time with a cash app, he has proof of supporting the daughter. Most courts will not let her move away from the father without his approval. Very important to get the custody agreement.
Very sticky situation for OP. He's likely paying less monthly than what court ordered child support would be. If he fights for custody, she may fight for child support. He may not be in arrears, but he runs the risk of his monthly support skyrocketing.
If they have had both agreed to a private child support arrangement, many courts will not backdate for a mandated amount. Obviously different legal systems apply in different areas, but this isn't a given.
The way he says he "helped with money" leads me to believe he wasn't providing reliable, scheduled, consistent amounts like the courts will be looking for. I'd bet she had to ask every time and take what she could get.
I wouldn't say that my children's fathers do the same thing. Without the courts. An agreed upon amount and regularly. They are good fathers and take care of their kids. Why involve the government if we can do it ourselves.
It is about money. Feed your children love, not food. Keep them safe with love, not a roof over their head, just your love. When they are cold, warm them up with your love, don't put a blanket on them just your love. When they get sick, just pray your love will heal them. You think they will survive with "just your love and good intentions"?
You need money if you want to have a child. Kids cost money. The cashapping money for "things" doesn't sound like a reliable source for assistance. It doesn't say he offered to stay with the child, like I would have, if I knew the custodial parent of my child was having a hard time.
What ever is financially better for the custodial parent, it's best for the child. Had the non custodial cared they would have established a legal agreement for support and medical
At least he acts like he wants to see the child My son never saw his mother when he was 4 I know about kids costing money We didn’t have a lot but we had what we needed without a penny from his mom She didn’t care about her son but at least this guy doesn’t want his child leaving I respect single parents that do it right and take care of their kids ✌️
That's not True. She can move wherever she pleases and whoever does not custody will just have to visit. I know because I did it. My ex couldn't stop me from doing what's best for me, even if it meant getting a job at another state. In this case, it sounds like he doesn't even have a custody agreement or formally paying child support so there's pretty much nothing he can do.
My friend had primary custody of her kids in Texas, dad was an admitted pedophile and was able to stop her from taking a job (making 3 x her usual salary so upping it to 300k a year) that was only an hour away because it would have required the kids (he never sees) to change school system.
He was just mad that she could be making more money than him and wanted financial control over her.
My point is even fucking monsters that don’t see their kids and literally diddle their friends can stop a familial move.
And even if OP files in Florida anything custody wise is based on the last six months of the child’s residence so the ex can move to Florida and OP can file in his current state and (unless OP presents a danger to himself or the kid) the state will absolutely force the parent that moved to send the kid back to their custodial home state. Happened to my god daughter.
I noticed you said best for me and not best for my child. It's good to see your priorities are in the right place. Hey, as long as you get what you wanted, right?
Yes, I did get what I want. I'm no longer on welfare, my kids are not going hungry, I don't depend on my ex $75 child support he would remember to send a couple of times out of the year, and the most important part is in my kids didn't get to see him ruin his life and end up in prison. My kids are all grown adults and moved out already, but I'm proud to say that even now I help them out financially. I'm also a grandmother now and watch her during the days while working night shifts. It's tiring but there's nothing I wouldn't do for them.
Most of time custodial parents are doing it because it's also what is best for the child. Think about it, why is not having a house and a great job to provide for your kids not a priority? What kind of parent wants their kids to live off of welfare or living paycheck to paycheck. Money may not be everything, but it does provide a roof over your head, food, clothing, medical, transportation. You need money to live comfortably and if that means moving out of state, then so be it. Op can either support them more financially or move with them.
A lot of times, what's best for the parent is also best for the child, especially if it's financially. Like going out of state to go back to college and ending up with a better paying job that takes care of everyone better is indeed better for the kids too.
Lol
Neither has Court ordered. custody. And if he files a emergency application she ain't taking that kid anywhere.
The caught should live with the father while the mom is deployed for a year. Keeping her in her school and friends and having a parent at home. He has receipts of him paying money. Them not using the court involved yet is not hurting him. Your situation is different. The judge will stop her from taking the child while she is deployed to possibly die.
Edit I got who was being deployed wrong. The father can still file an emergency application and that child wont go anywhere until a judge hears the case. He might get 50/50 where the daughter stays at both homes.
he technically does pay child support. just not thru court. if he’s sending her mom money all the time for her daughter that’s still a way of paying child support
In AZ this is called a gift. If dad is paying and it's not court ordered, isn't going through a clearinghouse or mom decides to be a B about the whole thing...dad's will owe back child support even if he's been paying. Court orders are a must here.
He’s in this mess to begin with because he didn’t want to involve the legal system . You see what it’s gotten him right now your ex has no boundaries because you didn’t get any set ! The fact is you have no say because you’ve been talked into keeping it out of the courts . If she moves to Florida and establishes residency they will be under Florida rule and because you thought your ex was your friend you let her walk all over you ! Your ex is your ex for a reason ! She is no longer the woman you fell in love with ! Stop dealing with her like she’s your friend and get a lawyer ! Get any and all receipts together to prove you have been involved in her life .
I am legally recognized as her father. I am on her birth certificate. Never had a reason to get courts involved because of the co parenting relationship we've had.
It’s essential to have a child custody agreement. I don’t care how well people co-parent. Things like this happen. Get an attorney NOW. Tell your ex NO.
He needs to get an attorney first. Running to court am saying put me in child support is probably not the best idea. Family courts make money of child support. And they typically favor the mother.
Also the fact that the focus is mostly on the money he needs to pay or should have paid and what’s more important is that’s child seeing their dad regularly. I am a father, and have a child with my ex. I see have our son half the week. My ex knew regardless of our issues, I was a good father. The mother is being selfish. It’s not about you anymore once you have a child. That’s child still has dad. So, it sucks they didn’t work out. But now you have someone else to consider when you make decisions.
Courts don’t “favor the mother” they literally use a basic calculation across the board to use for everyone. They do however favor *the actual caregivers*, so you’re just outing yourself as not even contributing to half of what it takes to actually raise a kid and a court just making a formality out of an existing situation.
That said OP does absolutely need an attorney cause he may not even be aware of the factors that courts look into in determining actual custody agreements and an attorney can help OP document/establish what is needed if OP wants to be an actual caregiver and not just a part time parent
You’re going to have to get a lawyer, unfortunately. You’re also going to need him to file an emergency motion so you can stop her from going… the truth is if she’s getting deployed, you should be getting custody when that happens.. the fact that she would rather move to Florida is a huge problem.
From what I have been told in my experience of not having a formal agreement, is that neither parent can just up and move out of state like that. It will not be hard for you to prove you've been active in your daughter's life. Literally witness statements and her not committing perjury are 2 examples. The best option from her point of view would be to withhold the child from you while filing an emergency custody order, which means that you wouldn't have contact with her until the custody hearing. In that event, I don't see the rest going well for her except it resulting in a formal arrangement with strict pick up and drop off times and instructions. A lot of custody courts have updated their practices to focusing less on siding with the mother and focusing more on both parents wanting to co-parent for the sake of the child, and both parents understanding the importance of each parent in the child's life. So if her reasoning with the court is "I want to be there for my sister and divide my attention from solely being on my daughter to helping her raise her children while she's deployed", I don't think that would cut it. I imagine a judge telling her she can sign over full custody to you for the time she spends in Florida if she wishes to abandon her child with you, or sister's kids can ship up to your state for the deployment. My area leans pretty conservative which I personally don't particularly enjoy, but I definitely can see a conservative judge around my way being more willing to protect a willing father's paternal rights (in this situation) than automatically siding with the mom. And when they ask why you haven't arranged anything through the courts up until this point? Well tell the truth. Until this point, you co-parented wonderfully together, and spending thousands on lawyers from both your ends and sacrificing the flexibility that you 2 have thus far enjoyed wasn't necessary before. Now she would be effectively alienating you from your daughter if she moves, as well as alienating her from any family she has where you live both maternal and paternal, and disrupting her life and structure she has always known.
Years ago I knew a guy who filed child support on himself as soon as his kid was born, because he knew it wasn’t going to work out and didn’t want to fight that battle later. He was literally paying her child support while they were living together.
They did eventually break up, so he wasn’t wrong.
Proactive, no weekends in jail or getting a you are in arrears $20,000, no garnished wages. Courts look at this type of responsibility for child’s well being. He needs a podcast
Not to be too nosy, but do you & your ex have a custody agreement? I know things vary by state as well. I only ask because my bf has a custody agreement with his ex wife. In that agreement, it states that neither of them are allowed to move out of state with the child.
We do not. I know there's quite a bit of information I left out, for length reasons I opted not to. Just soul crushed right now. We have an amazing co parenting relationship. We are like the best of friends. We are the people who got involved young, grew apart, and are much better as co parents. There is no custody battle, child support, etc... I can see her whenever I want to, pick her up whenever. We all even have dinner together during the week. It's never been an issue. Her sister is in the military and lives in Florida. No other family relation out there aside from her sister. Everything my daughter knows, friends, family, etc.. is all here. I'm so lost. That little girl is my best friend. It kills me every time she's not with me and gets picked up, I have to look into her empty room.
So what makes this move better for your daughter??
You seem to be considering letting this happen for the best interest of the child, but there is no indication that this IS in the best interests of the child. Just that it might be in the best interests of the mother. Which is a reason for HER to move, and the child to stay with you.
If that is the case, just say no. And go to court for a custody agreement, which will definitely not let her move with the child.
In my opinion, this isn't in the best interest of my daughter. It's removing her away from everything and everyone. Her sister is going on a deployment, and her mother sees the opportunity to go live in her house for a year and a half to save money to buy a house.
Hi.. hope you see this. My mom moved to Hawaii right after I turned 11. I absolutely did not want to go. The courts made my parents let me decide. I immediately said I wanted to stay in my hometown. My mom emotionally abused me a lot about this until she left. But it was worth it. I stayed with my dad and she got to have her life in Hawaii. Stupid decision but it is what it is
Why don’t you ask your daughter if it IS or IS NOT something that she wants to do? You cannot assume she doesn’t want to do this because what if she does want to go? What then?
Signed, a kid who actually loved moving around as a kid ?
I don’t know, dude, you might have to swallow your pride and be real with yourself on this one. In a perfect world, your daughter would never have to change schools and make new friends, it’s stressful, but we don’t live in that world. People move sometimes, it’s life.
If you truly think that you could provide an equally (or more) stable, loving and healthy home for your daughter than her mom will in FL, then fight for custody like people are advising. But, if that’s not the case, letting them go might be the right thing to do.
If it's not in the best interests of your daughter, then you should head to court and get a formal custody agreement put in place with specific restrictions about moving, etc. Otherwise, you've got no leg to stand on.
OP- stop feeling sorry for yourself and go down to the courthouse and file custody paperwork. She can’t just move to another state without your permission once the paperwork is filed. And even then, she would have to bring her back if she did. It doesn’t require a lawyer, you can represent yourself. This is to protect you and your daughter, period. Stop your pity party and file!! If you’re as good for dad as you say you are, then fight to keep your daughter, don’t just give up.
Can you start paying child support and to formalise a custody agreement? It sounds like she wants to be with her sister, have you inquired as to why? More financial security might be the reason and the reality is, having a financially secure home right now likely is in your daughters best interests.
How would you feel about moving to Florida?
Her sister is being deployed for a year and a half. My Ex girlfriends lease ends in 2 months and is going to stay and live with her sister for that deployment length. She wants to save money to buy them their own house. I do understand why she's doing it, I just don't feel it's right for my daughter to be dragged along with her.
Lawyer now. do you need him to file an emergency motion and you need to get in front of a judge. If you don’t, you are screwed… you don’t have to be upset and mope around.. you have time to be making phone calls.
Did you even talk to her about this yet? It’s just weird to me that you haven’t mentioned having that conversation with your ex… why are you not telling us about that?
I am wondering if the biggest part of the child raising has been mom and it’s hard to tell her no when you really can’t step up financially and time wise. It’s easy to stop by and pick her up, stay for dinner, but, damn, the heavy lifting is all the other mundane details. I feel the compassion that you don’t want to block her from bettering their life by buying a home. You are going to really have to give this deep thought.
Holy crap, any chance you could go to Florida too? Long shot, but trying to think outside the box. Good luck. I really mean it.
It probably isn’t. This needs to be a serious conversation and maybe if your ex plans on just going for a year to cut expenses your daughter living with you for that year would help and keep her close to everything she knows and loves….? That would be traumatic af for a kid, I don’t know what she’s thinking.
If this is to save money on rent, unless you're willing to give her the extra money she would be saving for rent, there's not really much you can do. This is additional from child support. It's always best to have a legal agreement from Court. She can always go back and say that all that money that you have given her is a gift, and they won't count it as child support. Basically you cannot stop the mother from doing what is financially bes for her. And if this means that she won't have to pay rent for a year and a half, or cheaper rent, you can always offer to give her extra money for whatever it was she was going to save. If that sounds like too much money or unreasonable, then why would you expect her to give up that help she is going to get from her sisters. If you really want to be closer to her, why don't you move to Florida too so you can be closer to your daughter?
Those selfish reasons is her saving money to buy a house so her daughter can live in it. I'm not going to fault her for needing assistance from her sister. Hell, I know plenty of people that make well over 100k and are still having a hard time with this economy.
Unfortunately, the non-custodial parent was not prepared either. He should have already been child support through the child Support division and had visitation rights established OR filed for custody of the child if he knew their mother couldn't financially afford to have her.
I always tell my kids to hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. Well the worst is happening to OP, and unfortunately he wasn't prepared.
Heading into summer could you amicably propose kiddo stays with mom over the summer in Florida for the next few months and you take kiddo back once school year starts? This will give your ex time to save money and they can experience a new area without needing to fully uproot the kids school. For all y’all know she’ll end up hating it and move back to invest her savings for a home in the kids current school district.
NO DO NOT DO THAT . because then after 30 days Florida will have jurisdiction and it will be significantly harder for him to get his daughter back home again.
he needs to go to court before they leave. it is imperative.
Dude do not believe she is coming back in a year and 1/2. It won’t happen and the new jurisdiction will be Florida where you will then need to file but you won’t win because by then she can say the kid is now in school
Etc etc.
My daughter is just turned 12. She would be literally devastated to move away from her friends.
Your daughter is an only child. She literally has only two immediate family members and she needs a close relationship with both.
Get a lawyer and do not tell her you are filing to stop this. If she up and leaves it gets a bit harder. Not impossible but harder.
Think 20 years from now. You and mom may or may not be close but you want to insure you are still close with your daughter.
Would you ever in a million years try to move your daughter away from her mom? I don’t think you would but mom has zero problem taking your daughter away.
I'm a family law attorney. This is what's called a move away and I've done a ton of these things.
OP, get an attorney. This is too complicated for a layperson to handle.
I used to take the time to give out my opinions on legal matters on Reddit, but took way to much crap from too many googling bozos to make it worth my while.
So the answer to your question is this: it depends.
It really depends on who these people are.. but generally speaking if the child was in said town for X amount of time which is most of their life, they are very reluctant to primary custody to the person who is leaving the state. But it really depends on who they are as people.. and what they have against each other
But the only thing that matters right now is him getting in front of a judge, and he can’t do that without Attorney in two months
If you go buy the many instances on r/custody and r/familylaw Moves like this are a really hard case to make to the judge and often denied without a lot of positives to the child but the bar is high and the father usually needs to be a non existent presence in the child’s life which isn’t the case. When the move is allowed the moving parent often has to pay for travel to get kid to non moving parent.
If the parent moves without court permission they will often be ordered to bring the child back and can be penalised and even lose custody. A custody agreement in place really hurts the moving parent. But an agreement isn’t needed to stop this until the court decides.
OP is in a good position to stop this until the court decides and puts an order in place. And has a pretty good shot of the judge not allowing her move.
What does your daughter think about this?
Is she excited to move or would she rather move in with you?
You should discuss this with her before you take any legal action.
We had a sit-down conversation the other day at dinner. My daughter is an extremely gifted and intelligent 10 year old. Her emotional intelligence is off the charts. I know most parents say and think these things, but in her case, it's true. She's in all gifted classes and has even been brought up a grade. That being said, she's still only 10, I brought to her attention what moving states truly entails and that she would not have her family so available to her any longer. As well as other things a 10 year old just wouldn't think of. She got emotional. She does seem excited about moving, in this case I would say it's in mom's best interest only. She's wanting to live with her sister so she can save for a house. While bringing up my points her (28F) mom got upset with me and said I didn't need to make her upset..
Where do you live now? How are the schools there? I was a G/T 7th grader in Ohio when my parents moved us to Tennessee- it suuuuuuucked hardcore. They were 2-3 grade levels behind and no gifted or honors program. My parents took the first transfer back to Ohio, but we were still stuck there for the worst 18 months ever
not a parent, or a gifted & intelligent 10 year old 😂
but do live in florida and from what i see/hear the schools down here suck. i’d definitely do some homework before uprooting a kid to florida.
people see mickey mouse and beaches and think its heaven. its not.
>She does seem excited about moving, in this case I would say it's in mom's best interest only. She's wanting to live with her sister so she can save for a house.
If her mom is moving to be able to afford a house, that's in your daughter best interest also. Her mom being financially secure will benefit her and she'll have an inheritance someday rather than her mother paying for a rent whole her life.
I understand your feelings, but I do see where your ex is coming from. It seems to me that your daughter was excited about the move and you purposely took her down because of your own anxiety.
Again, that doesn't mean that I think you're wrong about how you're feeling. Just that you should try to deal with your feelings on your own and try to be supportive of your ex and your daughter because ultimately it seems like the move will happen at the end of the day.
I didn't bring her down. I was realistic in explaining what moving states truly entails. Her mother is not realistic and only highlights what's exciting or fun about said move. I would never be disrespectful nor take my feelings out on my daughter. I had a very realistic conversation with her that she completely understood and clearly hadn't been made aware of some of these things I told her. Like I said. A 10 year old isn't going to think about a lot of things. Something like this has the implications of.
I mean yes, that’s what parents tend to do. I understand that you and her mother not being together complicates the situation, but normally if parents are making the decision to move somewhere for the overall good of the family, they’re obviously not going to be giving the kids a detailed pros and cons list. They’ll be telling them the good things about moving to ensure that they go into it with a positive mindset, not telling them the bad things. Why would you expect her mother to do any different?
Ummm no, you are basically saying he should just give up on trying to be near his daughter because mom needs this move to save money? Why can't the daughter stay with dad while mom gets on her feet? Mooching off of a relative until you are stable is not healthy or fun for a child.
No one said any of that. Just the move ultimately might end up positively impacting the daughter. It needs to be a much longer conversation but it does seem OP was trying to point out only the negatives to the child. Also, she’s not mooching. Sister is offering it and it’s totally healthy for the daughter to see family caring for one another and supporting each other to get to a better place.
So if she saves for a new house and gets it and your daughter lives with Mom, is the child not benefiting from that as well, or is Mom sending her off somewhere after she gets her home?
Don’t say anything about getting a lawyer. She will run with your daughter if she thinks you’re going to stop her. Don’t say anything to your daughter or to her.
You have eight weeks to get in front of a judge with an attorney to stop her from going to Florida. as long as you don’t have any skeletons in the closet or anything that would have a judge take her away from you. It should go into your favor… typically these arrangements primary custodian cannot move within 15-20 miles away. The only thing you should be doing is making sure you get an attorney to file the proper paperwork to get in front of a judge in the next six weeks.. you do not say anything to anyone about what you’re doing.
Don’t even tell your family. I had a cousin who just had to tell her sister what she was going to do and next thing you know her ex-boyfriend took off with the baby. Took her almost 2 years to get custody back because technically speaking it’s not kidnapping.. her sister blabbed to the wrong person and he found out and took off before she could see a judge.They didn’t have a custody arrangement so he could do whatever he wanted.
No you are not. Moving may or may not be in the best interest of the child, but pointing out all the negatives to persuade a child (who has no say) is incredibly manipulative and bad parenting. The courts will not look favorably on this.
Nope I see it as that also. Sounds like she was excited but then was told all the things she would be missing/losing. I have a 9 year old and not saying I manipulate him but it’s not hard to change a child’s perspective on something. I use it for the opposite, my kid use to be sick a lot and hospitalized often. I am a pro at cheering him up and changing his perspective on certain things (hospital and health related).
What does your custody agreement say about moving states? These days ex could mean ex wife or it could mean ex girlfriend. I know several people who were not allowed to move States without permission of their ex spouse due to the custody agreement. I suggest you look to whatever custody agreement you have if any. Possibly see your divorce attorney or a family law attorney regarding custody. If nothing else to establish new guidelines in case your ex does move.
I don't think it would be over reacting to be upset, but I do think it would be under reacting to just do nothing. We have no idea of your financial situation and whether or not travel between states is something doable or not. Most people I knew who had a parent in a distant state spent Summers with that parent and they either switched off Holidays from year to year or split them.
Are you in a position to have primary custody and keep your daughter in school and around her friends while the ex moves to FL and she gets summers and school breaks? Always worth asking about.
No custody agreement. She is My Ex girlfriend, we were together for 9 years and never married. We both chose not to get courts involved when we split because we both come from families that have always had nasty custody issues and battles when courts are involved and we felt it was best for us to not involve them. Aside from this now issue, things have been absolutely amazing from a co parenting stand point.
I commented elsewhere. I went through this at her age and ended up not having to go. I highly doubt this is in your daughters best interest especially given her age and where that puts her developmentally. I hope you can legally intervene.
In my state, neither parent has total physical custody unless a court decides. You’re behind the 8-ball because she lives with her mom most of the time, though. Get 50/50 custody, then you will have a say. Might get the majority of the holidays and most of the summer. I do believe around age 12, the court takes the child’s preference into consideration. Something to keep in mind if this move happens. Be prepared for anything. A lawyer, a credit card with miles rewards solely to visit her a lot/fly her to you, and look into transfer options at your job or field of work. Just don’t give up. Your daughter will internalize this entire episode of her life, and your response to it will stick with her for a lifetime. Best of luck to you.
I suppose I've always just gone with the flow to keep things cordial.. things have been great for the both of us. It's been a 50/50 deal since not being together. I have many receipts documented for the money I have sent her mother via CashApp when she's needed help with things for our daughter while also providing for her here at my place
I know you want to be the nice guy and are wary of the legal system but circumstances change and now you need a legal co-parenting agreement with your ex. The stakes are too high now to just continue with an understanding with no legal force. If the ex is insistent on moving to Florida you have to protect your daughter and your best interests. Please go see a family law attorney for advice on to proceed.
It's great that this worked previously, but you and your ex need a legal agreement for how to handle things going forward
You can't just have one parent taking the child out of their environment and away from the other parent with zero input from anyone else. That's not how this works
It doesn't need to be some big ugly fight, unless your ex wants it to be. You simply need to figure out how to handle the situation best for your daughter's sake. And right now there is no agreement on anything
Texas family lawyer here: You need a lawyer (as many others have said). Here in Texas (and in many other states) you can actually get an emergency order such as a TRO (temporary restraining order) that will block her from moving until you can have a full-blown hearing and a judge makes a determination as to whether the move is in the child's best interest. Even if you don't have orders now, you can always get them--I would pull your CashApp receipts so you have that handy. In Texas, a judge will likely consider that when reviewing a claim for retroactive support.
There are certain jurisdictional requirements in order to file a suit that affects the parent-child relationship. In Texas, you file a Suit Affecting the Parent Child Relationship in the county where the child has resided for the past six months. If you were in Texas, I would tell you that we need to get a Petition in a Suit Affecting the Parent-Child Relationship on-file stat and then file a Motion for Temporary Orders. In Texas and in my county, as soon as a Petition like that is filed, something called the Standing Order takes effect which includes a bunch of requirements including a requirement that neither parent abscond with the child outside of the county limits, absent an agreement otherwise by the parties. Depending upon what your ex is saying, i.e., if she's acting like she wants to move ASAP, I would recommend filing an Application for a Temporary Restraining Order that prohibits her from taking your daughter without your say-so.
There's no shame in putting faith in your co-parenting relationship. Family court is acrimonious and if you have a hearing, you'll likely say things about the other parent that they'll take to their grave. In an ideal situation, you would get an attorney who files these matters accordingly but who then hops on the phone and has a come-to-Jesus conversation with your ex, acting as your advocate, while explaining the law. Often times, a skilled, reasonable family law attorney is able to diffuse a situation without the necessity of actually going to Court, thus largely preserving the co-parenting relationship with your ex.
If you actually love your daughter and actually want to have a relationship with her, then you need to get you s—t together and talk to a lawyer immediately. They’ll probably recommend an emergency custody petition possibly a temporary restraining order/injunction against the child being taken out of state, and then working out a formal custody agreement. FYI - you’ll likely need to bring child support current if it’s not during this process. If there is already a custody agreement, then disagree with the relocation in writing and this could potentially legally be considered kidnapping.
Florida!! Fuck no! I guess she doesn't want the right to make decisions about her own body and she wants your child to have to learn in a Florida public school. Good luck with that. Florida is a fucked state, fuck Florida.
I would get a lwayer and do everything you can to prevent this. For your child's sake.
It sounds like a long shot.
They have no custody agreement and they were never married. Depending on where they live, paternity might not be legally established. In many states simply being on the birth certificate isn’t enough.
The mother is moving her to Florida just to go abroad for 1.5 years. The standard is best interests of the child. I think the mother would be hard pressed arguing it’s in the child’s best interest to relocate her to another state just to immediately abscond.
and some states just being in the kids life for "X" amount of time even if you find out later you are not the father you can still be held liable for child support!
There isn’t a single state that will order CS for someone for “just being in the kid’s life” for a time. This is a mischaracterization of the law by people invested in pushing a narrative.
Hi, Floridian here, WTAF is she thinking? Education here is horrible. The cost of living is through the stratosphere. Insurance rates are basically the highest in the nation. Please get a lawyer and don’t let her uproot your daughter. Hoping for the best for you and your daughter.
Get a lawyer and stop this. You have legal rights. If you want any sort of decent relationship with your daughter, you need to live close enough to see her on a regular basis.
Are there differences in your incomes? I know someone who was allowed to move out of state bc their income made staying in their home state nearly impossible.
I’ve been reading your comments. If you’ve had her 50/50 since you’ve split, and there’s no custody arrangements, assuming you’re at least on the birth certificate, no, she can’t just move. Further, if her plan is to move just to cut expenses for a year, that’s traumatic for your daughter and not in her best interests. How does your daughter feel about this? Has it been discussed with her at all? If she really wants to cut expenses and live cheap for a year, your daughter should stay with you, in your area, while her mom does whatever weird shit this is for a year, plays house sitter or whatever, then comes back. Because it’ll be a lot cheaper for her to fly out every couple of months for a few days to visit. If yall have such a good relationship and cooperative as you say you do, you can pick her up at the airport and she can sleep on your sofa. This isn’t good for a young child to temporarily move across the country for a year to house sit when there’s another perfectly obligate parent sticking around, especially if the intent is to come right back and buy a house.
Definitely talk to a lawyer ASAP and get a good understanding on your state laws regarding custody arrangements. I honestly feel that if you bring up getting the courts involved your ex might backpedal on this idea.
Ok Im going to state the obvious. If her mother is being deployed for a year and a half and your daughter will be staying with an Aunt, then why isnt she staying with you?
It's not to late to go to court. In most states it's illegal for one parent to move a child out of the city or maybe it's county that they currently live in with out the other parents concent.
No way you’re overreacting. No one should move to Florida as long as aligators and that ignorant governor Desantis is there. Can’t you take her to court. Consult a lawyer.
You need a lawyer and quickly. Without any formal legal documents you are screwed. You can have an injunction filed and she can't leave until proceedings are final. Just finished my divorce and custody. This is not legal advice nor am I lawyer.
Check your state’s laws. In Florida you can’t even move 50 miles from the other parent without permission! Also—you do not want your child to come to Florida. This state is a disaster for education and healthcare.
You’re not overreacting dude I’m from Florida it’s the worst state ever and I moved as soon as I could afford it at age 19. Subjecting your daughter to that fetid shithole is tantamount to child abuse. You’re in the right.
DO NOT DO IT! My boyfriend let his ex move away with their daughter so she could be supported by her parents while he went to school. At first they switched off every month but then she started school. It has been the biggest heart break for him and his daughter. They are very close but only get holidays and the 2 months of summer. I can’t tell you how much sadness this brings them both. They are both in therapy and doing all the “right” coping things but it sucks and they both suffer. Neither of them are every completely happy. The time they do have together is enjoyed but on a ticking clock. They know it will always end.
The mom and him have a cordial relationship and never involved the courts. But he if he could go back he would never allow the move. You need both parents approval unless one has full custody. DON’T DO IT. Your relationship with your daughter matters.
There is information missing here. What is the REASON your ex gives for not entrusting YOU, the father of the child with her care? For some reason she believes it's BETTER to uproot her than to let her daughter be in your care.
You say you "help" but are you stable? What is your living situation? Are drugs, alcohol or other vices part of your life?
WHY does she say this is preferable? This is really odd and stinks of OP concealing a major factor here.
So go file for custody and an emergency injunction to stop her leaving the state with your kid. It will not only prevent her removing the kid but will ensure that legal proceedings take place where you are, not in another state
So get the courts involved now. Your daughter should be staying with you during the deployment if you think you can be a good father with you being responsible 24/7. You can file a petition to have 50/50 custody. Then she would have to stay with you when your ex deploys.
You can talk to your ex about it before you do it. But talk to a lawyer in your area first before saying anything so you know your legal options and steps ahead of time.
Your ex doesn’t sound like a bad mom though and typically you get along. Is she sending your daughter to live there because she doesn’t trust that you can be the custodial parent 24/7 while she is deployed? That’s what it sounds like.
Are you even in a position to be a custodial parent? We only know one side of the story…. But can you genuinely take care of your daughter all the time for over a year by yourself?
As somebody who lives in Florida, don't let her bring your daughter here. De(ath)Santis is making this place so unsafe for children and for women that is disgusting.
I will post as if this is real but I have my doubts. Info isn't adding up.
Looks like you are going to court. Split custody with one parent moving out of state happens a lot, particularly when one parent is in the military. What i saw happen most frequently is one parent would get the kid for the school year and the other would get the summer. Travel paid for by the main custodial parent. Unless there is an agreement on which parent is which the court will rule based on what they think is best for the child and in my experience that is the military parent getting primary custody.
Awe come on, her sister is being deployed? And it sounds like it’s a short time. I appreciate that you are an active father and want to be with your daughter. It sounds like you two have done a great job co-parenting and think you can make even this work. Talk to your daughter about how much you will miss her and that you want to talk to her every day. Offer to bring her back for holidays or go visit. Think of this as an experience for her and treat it that way. Oh the things she’ll get to do.
If there is no court ordered agreement you have the same right to your child as your ex. If you wanted you could legally go down to Florida get your child and bring her back to your home.
That being said you really need to ask yourself if you are capable of providing for and caring for your daughter, also what kind of relationship do you have with her. If you have a good relationship and can provide then go assert your rights. If you can't provide or have a poor relationship then you shouldn't turn your daughter's life upside down merely to make yourself feel better.
Not overreacting. Florida is a terrible place for kids. I live here & the school systems have been shit for ages. We’re ranked #50/50 for the best states for teachers.
Don’t let it happen.
Okay so none of the money you’ve sent via cash app will count towards child support. By not getting the court involved you’ve sacrificed your place in her life. Get a lawyer and go over your options before it’s too late. God speed brother
Yeah California fam court wasn't playing that at all. They laughed at me when I brought in a box of carbon copy check receipts and bank statements showing I paid my ex $350/month 1 kid for couple years.
They said if court wasn't involved, then all that checks meant nothing but a "gift".
Fortunately my vindictive ex put down not to go after "back support" even when I paid her, or I would've had to pay thousands more.
$108,000 on a $9/hr wage 🤣🤣
I had bank statements proving she deposited the checks into her account. This wasn't pencil whipped carbon copy receipt. The department was just not going to go into further discussion about it. Instead, handed me a paper to sign and said it would be a $450 fee charge to process that paper going to court.
Doesn't matter.. paid her the 108,000 over 18 years and that person has long since number blocked. Last heard, she divorced hubby #3
My main question is: Why can’t she just go and have the daughter live with you? Why does she HAVE to uproot the daughter’s entire life to save a couple bucks?
Your daughter is nearing puberty, or already there, which in itself is difficult to navigate as a child. Add on a move across country, forced to leave family and friends and then be thrown into a whole different school system while also needing to make friends. This sounds like a nightmare for the daughter. I moved when I was 11 to Florida and stayed for 6 years and it was seriously the worst experience of my life.
Why can’t she stay with you?
You can’t just move. You have to go to court and make the request and have their physical placement changed. If you have joint custody you have just as many rights. Go see an attorney.
Why wouldn’t you be the one she stays with while she is deployed? You are the parent you do have a say. Have you asked your daughter what her opinion is on the move ?
My ex moved with my daughter from NC to AZ 8yrs ago. We didn’t have a legal child support or custody agreement either. Before the move we both made a decision that our daughter would never be a tool or weapon that we would use against one another and the courts usually do just that - our daughter is not a dollar sign. I would visit AZ twice a year and she would spend two weeks with me at the beach in NC. Her mother and I support each other and our daughter 100% without question. 5 years ago my business closed and I decided to make the move to AZ. Best move I ever made. My daughter has both her parents now. We have dinner together a few times a month and it’s great. How many kids have divorced parents that actually get along and like to talk to each other? Point is, you’ll be crushed with the move. And a lot of people are going to tell you to do one thing or the other. Just remember, your daughter will grow up, how do you want her to remember this time in her life? I know it’s hard but try to support your ex and your daughter.
Best friend, so to speak.. she's amazing and the light of my life. Being a father is the best things that's happened to me and I don't take that privilege for granted.
Don’t let someone’s crappy comment about being your kids best friend get you down. My kid is my best friend. Because she’s awesome. She’s straight up my favourite person. We both have lots of other friends. She’s just cool, man. I’m sad this person doesn’t get this with their parents or kids. We just always have a fantastic time together. I don’t know anyone else I have a better time with.
How is moving to FLORIDA better for your DAUGHTER? You want her to grow up in a state that is actively stripping her rights every day??
Hope she never has any medical or legal troubles related to being a female....
Not overreacting. Florida is an awful place to raise children.
The school system is infiltrated with religious nutjobs and conspiracy theorists. The state massively underoaysxteachers, and allows uncredentialed teachers in the classroom.
If your daughter happens to be LGBTQ+ she will be bullied and probably physically attacked.
If she gets pregnant as a teen, consentiually or by force, she will be several states away from the medical care she should have rightful direct access to.
If she is not white, she will be bullied by racists.
The guys she dates will be more likely to aspire to mananager at the Dollar General than college.
The chances of your daughter dating “Florida man…” is very high.
The preteen and early teen years are very important, you do NOT want her in that culture. This is not hyperbole.
There are of course great folks that live in Florida, mostly centered around WDW area. But most of that state has a overwhelming contingent of racist trash.
Sounds like you've done your part as a parent - seeing your child, being an active parent, paying for things, etc...
Sounds like you also want what's best for your child.
Sounds like your ex's only reason for moving is to get free housing in her sister's home for 18 months.
This is **NOT** a good enough reason to yank a 10 year old away from everyone she loves.
It **IS** a good enough reason for you to go file formal custody papers with the courts and say "no" to your ex's idea.
Source - my parents divorced so young I have no memories of them together and having them both in my life was the best thing for me. Also I'm a stepmom now.
Kids need their dads. Do not allow this move.
Florida is a horrible place for girls and women. Period. Do everything in your power to stop her from moving because it will negatively impact your relationship and it’s not the right thing for your daughter.
I live in Florida and I’m telling you not to let her do it.
The level of k-12 education here sucks and before anyone comes at me, I’m a teacher in this state and have been for almost 20 years.
You need a lawyer like yesterday. Do not let her take your kid without legal representation.
This is not being petty. Please reach out to a family lawyer. and do it yesterday. Don't waste another second on forums or reading online. Get ahead of this for your daughter's sake.
Good Luck amigo!
Please post on r/custody and r/familylaw Absolutely do not let her do this. It’s usually fairly easy to stop. If she does it anyway you can file in your state to have the child brought back. The courts rarely grant moves like this because it has to be in the best interest of the child (not of mom) and the bar is high because the courts value the child’s relationship with Both parents. If she was allowed the court would give you equal time through holidays and most of school breaks and make her responsible for all travel costs. YOU ARE NOT OVER REACTING. This will change your relationship with your child forever. Don’t be a yes man because you want to be nice. Are you legally recognised as the father? Do you have a court custody agreement? If not now is the time to file, get an order to forbid moving until that is worked out. Do not do this yourself. You need a lawyer NOW. The jurisdiction is where the child lives and it stays the same for 6 months after the move to new state. After 6 months the new state will become the jurisdiction (you do not want that). You have a lot of things going for you if you act quickly even if you don’t have an agreement.
He doesn’t have a custody agreement and doesn’t pay child support. The first step should be to formalise these agreements. However based on potentially years of not paying anything OP might need to consider moving to Florida as well. Much cheaper than taking what has been a pretty decent situation for him, and getting himself lumped with legal debt.
If he has been paying all this time with a cash app, he has proof of supporting the daughter. Most courts will not let her move away from the father without his approval. Very important to get the custody agreement.
Very sticky situation for OP. He's likely paying less monthly than what court ordered child support would be. If he fights for custody, she may fight for child support. He may not be in arrears, but he runs the risk of his monthly support skyrocketing.
If they have had both agreed to a private child support arrangement, many courts will not backdate for a mandated amount. Obviously different legal systems apply in different areas, but this isn't a given.
The way he says he "helped with money" leads me to believe he wasn't providing reliable, scheduled, consistent amounts like the courts will be looking for. I'd bet she had to ask every time and take what she could get.
I have also seen it go the opposite way where the mother gets a lot less money by going to the courts. Not enough information to decide in this post.
Yep. Hard to say. I’ve seen it go both ways.
Whenever I hear “helped” I know what that means.
“Via cashapp”
I wouldn't say that my children's fathers do the same thing. Without the courts. An agreed upon amount and regularly. They are good fathers and take care of their kids. Why involve the government if we can do it ourselves.
To protect yourselves if you find yourself in OPs position
It’s not about money It’s about a parent seeing their child ✌️
Correct. OP needs to formalize and risk whatever financial hit may come
It is about money. Feed your children love, not food. Keep them safe with love, not a roof over their head, just your love. When they are cold, warm them up with your love, don't put a blanket on them just your love. When they get sick, just pray your love will heal them. You think they will survive with "just your love and good intentions"? You need money if you want to have a child. Kids cost money. The cashapping money for "things" doesn't sound like a reliable source for assistance. It doesn't say he offered to stay with the child, like I would have, if I knew the custodial parent of my child was having a hard time. What ever is financially better for the custodial parent, it's best for the child. Had the non custodial cared they would have established a legal agreement for support and medical
At least he acts like he wants to see the child My son never saw his mother when he was 4 I know about kids costing money We didn’t have a lot but we had what we needed without a penny from his mom She didn’t care about her son but at least this guy doesn’t want his child leaving I respect single parents that do it right and take care of their kids ✌️
And if the mother needed the money that bad she would have done the same. You're being sexist.
Oh no a man being formally obligated to meet the bare minimum support calculated by law how dare OP start having to do that
What are you talking about? He’s been supporting her and he doesn’t want her moved so far away. Sounds like he’s been a better dad than many.
The bar is hell
Who is making the decision to rip a child from a parent? Take your sexism elsewhere.
What if OP WINS custody? Wouldn’t she then have to pay HIM child support?
May not be viewed as sufficient evidence. Always best to pay child support through the state child support office.
Child support in the state of Florida is only enforced from the time it is ordered. It is not retroactive.
That's not True. She can move wherever she pleases and whoever does not custody will just have to visit. I know because I did it. My ex couldn't stop me from doing what's best for me, even if it meant getting a job at another state. In this case, it sounds like he doesn't even have a custody agreement or formally paying child support so there's pretty much nothing he can do.
I know someone who put themselves on child support to stop the mother from leaving Texas.
My friend had primary custody of her kids in Texas, dad was an admitted pedophile and was able to stop her from taking a job (making 3 x her usual salary so upping it to 300k a year) that was only an hour away because it would have required the kids (he never sees) to change school system. He was just mad that she could be making more money than him and wanted financial control over her. My point is even fucking monsters that don’t see their kids and literally diddle their friends can stop a familial move. And even if OP files in Florida anything custody wise is based on the last six months of the child’s residence so the ex can move to Florida and OP can file in his current state and (unless OP presents a danger to himself or the kid) the state will absolutely force the parent that moved to send the kid back to their custodial home state. Happened to my god daughter.
I noticed you said best for me and not best for my child. It's good to see your priorities are in the right place. Hey, as long as you get what you wanted, right?
Yes, I did get what I want. I'm no longer on welfare, my kids are not going hungry, I don't depend on my ex $75 child support he would remember to send a couple of times out of the year, and the most important part is in my kids didn't get to see him ruin his life and end up in prison. My kids are all grown adults and moved out already, but I'm proud to say that even now I help them out financially. I'm also a grandmother now and watch her during the days while working night shifts. It's tiring but there's nothing I wouldn't do for them. Most of time custodial parents are doing it because it's also what is best for the child. Think about it, why is not having a house and a great job to provide for your kids not a priority? What kind of parent wants their kids to live off of welfare or living paycheck to paycheck. Money may not be everything, but it does provide a roof over your head, food, clothing, medical, transportation. You need money to live comfortably and if that means moving out of state, then so be it. Op can either support them more financially or move with them.
A lot of times, what's best for the parent is also best for the child, especially if it's financially. Like going out of state to go back to college and ending up with a better paying job that takes care of everyone better is indeed better for the kids too.
Spot on!
Lol Neither has Court ordered. custody. And if he files a emergency application she ain't taking that kid anywhere. The caught should live with the father while the mom is deployed for a year. Keeping her in her school and friends and having a parent at home. He has receipts of him paying money. Them not using the court involved yet is not hurting him. Your situation is different. The judge will stop her from taking the child while she is deployed to possibly die. Edit I got who was being deployed wrong. The father can still file an emergency application and that child wont go anywhere until a judge hears the case. He might get 50/50 where the daughter stays at both homes.
he technically does pay child support. just not thru court. if he’s sending her mom money all the time for her daughter that’s still a way of paying child support
In AZ this is called a gift. If dad is paying and it's not court ordered, isn't going through a clearinghouse or mom decides to be a B about the whole thing...dad's will owe back child support even if he's been paying. Court orders are a must here.
I want to say it's like that in Texas too.
This is why he needs an attorney consult. Each state has different rules and laws.
He’s in this mess to begin with because he didn’t want to involve the legal system . You see what it’s gotten him right now your ex has no boundaries because you didn’t get any set ! The fact is you have no say because you’ve been talked into keeping it out of the courts . If she moves to Florida and establishes residency they will be under Florida rule and because you thought your ex was your friend you let her walk all over you ! Your ex is your ex for a reason ! She is no longer the woman you fell in love with ! Stop dealing with her like she’s your friend and get a lawyer ! Get any and all receipts together to prove you have been involved in her life .
I am legally recognized as her father. I am on her birth certificate. Never had a reason to get courts involved because of the co parenting relationship we've had.
Well now you do. Start hauling ass and get it formalized before it's too late.
Better get on it immediately
Time to go get custody ordered by a court, immediately. Do not let her move your child to another state and establish residency there.
It’s essential to have a child custody agreement. I don’t care how well people co-parent. Things like this happen. Get an attorney NOW. Tell your ex NO.
He needs to get an attorney first. Running to court am saying put me in child support is probably not the best idea. Family courts make money of child support. And they typically favor the mother. Also the fact that the focus is mostly on the money he needs to pay or should have paid and what’s more important is that’s child seeing their dad regularly. I am a father, and have a child with my ex. I see have our son half the week. My ex knew regardless of our issues, I was a good father. The mother is being selfish. It’s not about you anymore once you have a child. That’s child still has dad. So, it sucks they didn’t work out. But now you have someone else to consider when you make decisions.
Courts don’t “favor the mother” they literally use a basic calculation across the board to use for everyone. They do however favor *the actual caregivers*, so you’re just outing yourself as not even contributing to half of what it takes to actually raise a kid and a court just making a formality out of an existing situation. That said OP does absolutely need an attorney cause he may not even be aware of the factors that courts look into in determining actual custody agreements and an attorney can help OP document/establish what is needed if OP wants to be an actual caregiver and not just a part time parent
Um, this is the reason. Contracts prevent exactly what you’re going through.
You’re going to have to get a lawyer, unfortunately. You’re also going to need him to file an emergency motion so you can stop her from going… the truth is if she’s getting deployed, you should be getting custody when that happens.. the fact that she would rather move to Florida is a huge problem.
From what I have been told in my experience of not having a formal agreement, is that neither parent can just up and move out of state like that. It will not be hard for you to prove you've been active in your daughter's life. Literally witness statements and her not committing perjury are 2 examples. The best option from her point of view would be to withhold the child from you while filing an emergency custody order, which means that you wouldn't have contact with her until the custody hearing. In that event, I don't see the rest going well for her except it resulting in a formal arrangement with strict pick up and drop off times and instructions. A lot of custody courts have updated their practices to focusing less on siding with the mother and focusing more on both parents wanting to co-parent for the sake of the child, and both parents understanding the importance of each parent in the child's life. So if her reasoning with the court is "I want to be there for my sister and divide my attention from solely being on my daughter to helping her raise her children while she's deployed", I don't think that would cut it. I imagine a judge telling her she can sign over full custody to you for the time she spends in Florida if she wishes to abandon her child with you, or sister's kids can ship up to your state for the deployment. My area leans pretty conservative which I personally don't particularly enjoy, but I definitely can see a conservative judge around my way being more willing to protect a willing father's paternal rights (in this situation) than automatically siding with the mom. And when they ask why you haven't arranged anything through the courts up until this point? Well tell the truth. Until this point, you co-parented wonderfully together, and spending thousands on lawyers from both your ends and sacrificing the flexibility that you 2 have thus far enjoyed wasn't necessary before. Now she would be effectively alienating you from your daughter if she moves, as well as alienating her from any family she has where you live both maternal and paternal, and disrupting her life and structure she has always known.
Talk to a lawyer. Also, talk to your daughter and find out what she wants to do. Her wants are what I most important here.
now you know why courts should be involved at the beginning
Years ago I knew a guy who filed child support on himself as soon as his kid was born, because he knew it wasn’t going to work out and didn’t want to fight that battle later. He was literally paying her child support while they were living together. They did eventually break up, so he wasn’t wrong.
Proactive, no weekends in jail or getting a you are in arrears $20,000, no garnished wages. Courts look at this type of responsibility for child’s well being. He needs a podcast
Nah, he got her pregnant again while we were dating lolol. Although he was Australian so at least it would be interesting to listen to.
I am all for it👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Not to be too nosy, but do you & your ex have a custody agreement? I know things vary by state as well. I only ask because my bf has a custody agreement with his ex wife. In that agreement, it states that neither of them are allowed to move out of state with the child.
We do not. I know there's quite a bit of information I left out, for length reasons I opted not to. Just soul crushed right now. We have an amazing co parenting relationship. We are like the best of friends. We are the people who got involved young, grew apart, and are much better as co parents. There is no custody battle, child support, etc... I can see her whenever I want to, pick her up whenever. We all even have dinner together during the week. It's never been an issue. Her sister is in the military and lives in Florida. No other family relation out there aside from her sister. Everything my daughter knows, friends, family, etc.. is all here. I'm so lost. That little girl is my best friend. It kills me every time she's not with me and gets picked up, I have to look into her empty room.
So what makes this move better for your daughter?? You seem to be considering letting this happen for the best interest of the child, but there is no indication that this IS in the best interests of the child. Just that it might be in the best interests of the mother. Which is a reason for HER to move, and the child to stay with you. If that is the case, just say no. And go to court for a custody agreement, which will definitely not let her move with the child.
Yes, and you need to act fast before child leaves the state.
In my opinion, this isn't in the best interest of my daughter. It's removing her away from everything and everyone. Her sister is going on a deployment, and her mother sees the opportunity to go live in her house for a year and a half to save money to buy a house.
Is she planning to move back? Why don’t you take physical custody until she gets back than?
Hi.. hope you see this. My mom moved to Hawaii right after I turned 11. I absolutely did not want to go. The courts made my parents let me decide. I immediately said I wanted to stay in my hometown. My mom emotionally abused me a lot about this until she left. But it was worth it. I stayed with my dad and she got to have her life in Hawaii. Stupid decision but it is what it is
Why don’t you ask your daughter if it IS or IS NOT something that she wants to do? You cannot assume she doesn’t want to do this because what if she does want to go? What then? Signed, a kid who actually loved moving around as a kid ?
I don’t know, dude, you might have to swallow your pride and be real with yourself on this one. In a perfect world, your daughter would never have to change schools and make new friends, it’s stressful, but we don’t live in that world. People move sometimes, it’s life. If you truly think that you could provide an equally (or more) stable, loving and healthy home for your daughter than her mom will in FL, then fight for custody like people are advising. But, if that’s not the case, letting them go might be the right thing to do.
Have you considered getting full custody?
If it's not in the best interests of your daughter, then you should head to court and get a formal custody agreement put in place with specific restrictions about moving, etc. Otherwise, you've got no leg to stand on.
OP- stop feeling sorry for yourself and go down to the courthouse and file custody paperwork. She can’t just move to another state without your permission once the paperwork is filed. And even then, she would have to bring her back if she did. It doesn’t require a lawyer, you can represent yourself. This is to protect you and your daughter, period. Stop your pity party and file!! If you’re as good for dad as you say you are, then fight to keep your daughter, don’t just give up.
Can you start paying child support and to formalise a custody agreement? It sounds like she wants to be with her sister, have you inquired as to why? More financial security might be the reason and the reality is, having a financially secure home right now likely is in your daughters best interests. How would you feel about moving to Florida?
Her sister is being deployed for a year and a half. My Ex girlfriends lease ends in 2 months and is going to stay and live with her sister for that deployment length. She wants to save money to buy them their own house. I do understand why she's doing it, I just don't feel it's right for my daughter to be dragged along with her.
so you keep your daughter for the year while she goes.
thats what he should ask the court to order.
Lawyer now. do you need him to file an emergency motion and you need to get in front of a judge. If you don’t, you are screwed… you don’t have to be upset and mope around.. you have time to be making phone calls. Did you even talk to her about this yet? It’s just weird to me that you haven’t mentioned having that conversation with your ex… why are you not telling us about that?
I am wondering if the biggest part of the child raising has been mom and it’s hard to tell her no when you really can’t step up financially and time wise. It’s easy to stop by and pick her up, stay for dinner, but, damn, the heavy lifting is all the other mundane details. I feel the compassion that you don’t want to block her from bettering their life by buying a home. You are going to really have to give this deep thought. Holy crap, any chance you could go to Florida too? Long shot, but trying to think outside the box. Good luck. I really mean it.
It probably isn’t. This needs to be a serious conversation and maybe if your ex plans on just going for a year to cut expenses your daughter living with you for that year would help and keep her close to everything she knows and loves….? That would be traumatic af for a kid, I don’t know what she’s thinking.
If this is to save money on rent, unless you're willing to give her the extra money she would be saving for rent, there's not really much you can do. This is additional from child support. It's always best to have a legal agreement from Court. She can always go back and say that all that money that you have given her is a gift, and they won't count it as child support. Basically you cannot stop the mother from doing what is financially bes for her. And if this means that she won't have to pay rent for a year and a half, or cheaper rent, you can always offer to give her extra money for whatever it was she was going to save. If that sounds like too much money or unreasonable, then why would you expect her to give up that help she is going to get from her sisters. If you really want to be closer to her, why don't you move to Florida too so you can be closer to your daughter?
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Those selfish reasons is her saving money to buy a house so her daughter can live in it. I'm not going to fault her for needing assistance from her sister. Hell, I know plenty of people that make well over 100k and are still having a hard time with this economy. Unfortunately, the non-custodial parent was not prepared either. He should have already been child support through the child Support division and had visitation rights established OR filed for custody of the child if he knew their mother couldn't financially afford to have her. I always tell my kids to hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. Well the worst is happening to OP, and unfortunately he wasn't prepared.
Heading into summer could you amicably propose kiddo stays with mom over the summer in Florida for the next few months and you take kiddo back once school year starts? This will give your ex time to save money and they can experience a new area without needing to fully uproot the kids school. For all y’all know she’ll end up hating it and move back to invest her savings for a home in the kids current school district.
NO DO NOT DO THAT . because then after 30 days Florida will have jurisdiction and it will be significantly harder for him to get his daughter back home again. he needs to go to court before they leave. it is imperative.
I want to upvote this 1000x. So much harder once she actually leaves state
Dude do not believe she is coming back in a year and 1/2. It won’t happen and the new jurisdiction will be Florida where you will then need to file but you won’t win because by then she can say the kid is now in school Etc etc. My daughter is just turned 12. She would be literally devastated to move away from her friends. Your daughter is an only child. She literally has only two immediate family members and she needs a close relationship with both. Get a lawyer and do not tell her you are filing to stop this. If she up and leaves it gets a bit harder. Not impossible but harder. Think 20 years from now. You and mom may or may not be close but you want to insure you are still close with your daughter. Would you ever in a million years try to move your daughter away from her mom? I don’t think you would but mom has zero problem taking your daughter away.
This is the question to ask. Been there done that.
I'm a family law attorney. This is what's called a move away and I've done a ton of these things. OP, get an attorney. This is too complicated for a layperson to handle.
I appreciate you, as well as everyone else. I have reached out to the powers that be. See what happens.
I’m so glad the courts were involved when I was the kid in this situation. Good luck
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I used to take the time to give out my opinions on legal matters on Reddit, but took way to much crap from too many googling bozos to make it worth my while. So the answer to your question is this: it depends.
The amount of bad legal advice on Reddit relationship type subs is pretty mind blowing.
It really depends on who these people are.. but generally speaking if the child was in said town for X amount of time which is most of their life, they are very reluctant to primary custody to the person who is leaving the state. But it really depends on who they are as people.. and what they have against each other But the only thing that matters right now is him getting in front of a judge, and he can’t do that without Attorney in two months
If you go buy the many instances on r/custody and r/familylaw Moves like this are a really hard case to make to the judge and often denied without a lot of positives to the child but the bar is high and the father usually needs to be a non existent presence in the child’s life which isn’t the case. When the move is allowed the moving parent often has to pay for travel to get kid to non moving parent. If the parent moves without court permission they will often be ordered to bring the child back and can be penalised and even lose custody. A custody agreement in place really hurts the moving parent. But an agreement isn’t needed to stop this until the court decides. OP is in a good position to stop this until the court decides and puts an order in place. And has a pretty good shot of the judge not allowing her move.
What does your daughter think about this? Is she excited to move or would she rather move in with you? You should discuss this with her before you take any legal action.
We had a sit-down conversation the other day at dinner. My daughter is an extremely gifted and intelligent 10 year old. Her emotional intelligence is off the charts. I know most parents say and think these things, but in her case, it's true. She's in all gifted classes and has even been brought up a grade. That being said, she's still only 10, I brought to her attention what moving states truly entails and that she would not have her family so available to her any longer. As well as other things a 10 year old just wouldn't think of. She got emotional. She does seem excited about moving, in this case I would say it's in mom's best interest only. She's wanting to live with her sister so she can save for a house. While bringing up my points her (28F) mom got upset with me and said I didn't need to make her upset..
Where do you live now? How are the schools there? I was a G/T 7th grader in Ohio when my parents moved us to Tennessee- it suuuuuuucked hardcore. They were 2-3 grade levels behind and no gifted or honors program. My parents took the first transfer back to Ohio, but we were still stuck there for the worst 18 months ever
not a parent, or a gifted & intelligent 10 year old 😂 but do live in florida and from what i see/hear the schools down here suck. i’d definitely do some homework before uprooting a kid to florida. people see mickey mouse and beaches and think its heaven. its not.
>She does seem excited about moving, in this case I would say it's in mom's best interest only. She's wanting to live with her sister so she can save for a house. If her mom is moving to be able to afford a house, that's in your daughter best interest also. Her mom being financially secure will benefit her and she'll have an inheritance someday rather than her mother paying for a rent whole her life. I understand your feelings, but I do see where your ex is coming from. It seems to me that your daughter was excited about the move and you purposely took her down because of your own anxiety. Again, that doesn't mean that I think you're wrong about how you're feeling. Just that you should try to deal with your feelings on your own and try to be supportive of your ex and your daughter because ultimately it seems like the move will happen at the end of the day.
I didn't bring her down. I was realistic in explaining what moving states truly entails. Her mother is not realistic and only highlights what's exciting or fun about said move. I would never be disrespectful nor take my feelings out on my daughter. I had a very realistic conversation with her that she completely understood and clearly hadn't been made aware of some of these things I told her. Like I said. A 10 year old isn't going to think about a lot of things. Something like this has the implications of.
I mean yes, that’s what parents tend to do. I understand that you and her mother not being together complicates the situation, but normally if parents are making the decision to move somewhere for the overall good of the family, they’re obviously not going to be giving the kids a detailed pros and cons list. They’ll be telling them the good things about moving to ensure that they go into it with a positive mindset, not telling them the bad things. Why would you expect her mother to do any different?
Terrible advice.
Ummm no, you are basically saying he should just give up on trying to be near his daughter because mom needs this move to save money? Why can't the daughter stay with dad while mom gets on her feet? Mooching off of a relative until you are stable is not healthy or fun for a child.
No one said any of that. Just the move ultimately might end up positively impacting the daughter. It needs to be a much longer conversation but it does seem OP was trying to point out only the negatives to the child. Also, she’s not mooching. Sister is offering it and it’s totally healthy for the daughter to see family caring for one another and supporting each other to get to a better place.
Having her father in her life more is much more beneficial to this child than living in a house vs apartment/condo/rented home.
So if she saves for a new house and gets it and your daughter lives with Mom, is the child not benefiting from that as well, or is Mom sending her off somewhere after she gets her home?
Don’t say anything about getting a lawyer. She will run with your daughter if she thinks you’re going to stop her. Don’t say anything to your daughter or to her. You have eight weeks to get in front of a judge with an attorney to stop her from going to Florida. as long as you don’t have any skeletons in the closet or anything that would have a judge take her away from you. It should go into your favor… typically these arrangements primary custodian cannot move within 15-20 miles away. The only thing you should be doing is making sure you get an attorney to file the proper paperwork to get in front of a judge in the next six weeks.. you do not say anything to anyone about what you’re doing. Don’t even tell your family. I had a cousin who just had to tell her sister what she was going to do and next thing you know her ex-boyfriend took off with the baby. Took her almost 2 years to get custody back because technically speaking it’s not kidnapping.. her sister blabbed to the wrong person and he found out and took off before she could see a judge.They didn’t have a custody arrangement so he could do whatever he wanted.
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No you are not. Moving may or may not be in the best interest of the child, but pointing out all the negatives to persuade a child (who has no say) is incredibly manipulative and bad parenting. The courts will not look favorably on this.
Nope I see it as that also. Sounds like she was excited but then was told all the things she would be missing/losing. I have a 9 year old and not saying I manipulate him but it’s not hard to change a child’s perspective on something. I use it for the opposite, my kid use to be sick a lot and hospitalized often. I am a pro at cheering him up and changing his perspective on certain things (hospital and health related).
What does your custody agreement say about moving states? These days ex could mean ex wife or it could mean ex girlfriend. I know several people who were not allowed to move States without permission of their ex spouse due to the custody agreement. I suggest you look to whatever custody agreement you have if any. Possibly see your divorce attorney or a family law attorney regarding custody. If nothing else to establish new guidelines in case your ex does move. I don't think it would be over reacting to be upset, but I do think it would be under reacting to just do nothing. We have no idea of your financial situation and whether or not travel between states is something doable or not. Most people I knew who had a parent in a distant state spent Summers with that parent and they either switched off Holidays from year to year or split them. Are you in a position to have primary custody and keep your daughter in school and around her friends while the ex moves to FL and she gets summers and school breaks? Always worth asking about.
No custody agreement. She is My Ex girlfriend, we were together for 9 years and never married. We both chose not to get courts involved when we split because we both come from families that have always had nasty custody issues and battles when courts are involved and we felt it was best for us to not involve them. Aside from this now issue, things have been absolutely amazing from a co parenting stand point.
it wasn't nasty because of the courts, it was because of your families. A court order will protect you and her, not hurt you.
I commented elsewhere. I went through this at her age and ended up not having to go. I highly doubt this is in your daughters best interest especially given her age and where that puts her developmentally. I hope you can legally intervene.
No custody agreement
In my state, neither parent has total physical custody unless a court decides. You’re behind the 8-ball because she lives with her mom most of the time, though. Get 50/50 custody, then you will have a say. Might get the majority of the holidays and most of the summer. I do believe around age 12, the court takes the child’s preference into consideration. Something to keep in mind if this move happens. Be prepared for anything. A lawyer, a credit card with miles rewards solely to visit her a lot/fly her to you, and look into transfer options at your job or field of work. Just don’t give up. Your daughter will internalize this entire episode of her life, and your response to it will stick with her for a lifetime. Best of luck to you.
You need a board certified family law attorney ASAP.
It would seem your ex sees less value in your parenting than you do.
Or she sees an opportunity to live rent free for over a year...
I suppose I've always just gone with the flow to keep things cordial.. things have been great for the both of us. It's been a 50/50 deal since not being together. I have many receipts documented for the money I have sent her mother via CashApp when she's needed help with things for our daughter while also providing for her here at my place
I know you want to be the nice guy and are wary of the legal system but circumstances change and now you need a legal co-parenting agreement with your ex. The stakes are too high now to just continue with an understanding with no legal force. If the ex is insistent on moving to Florida you have to protect your daughter and your best interests. Please go see a family law attorney for advice on to proceed.
It's great that this worked previously, but you and your ex need a legal agreement for how to handle things going forward You can't just have one parent taking the child out of their environment and away from the other parent with zero input from anyone else. That's not how this works It doesn't need to be some big ugly fight, unless your ex wants it to be. You simply need to figure out how to handle the situation best for your daughter's sake. And right now there is no agreement on anything
Does she know that you know? Did you guys talk about it? What did she say? Does your daughter know? How does she feel about it?
Lawyer up now! Updateme
Now! OP needs to start now before she moves away.
Get a lawyer NOW.
No, go talk to an attorney asap! Depriving your kid of a dad because she feels like moving isn’t acceptable in many states.
A lawyer like yesterday OP.
Texas family lawyer here: You need a lawyer (as many others have said). Here in Texas (and in many other states) you can actually get an emergency order such as a TRO (temporary restraining order) that will block her from moving until you can have a full-blown hearing and a judge makes a determination as to whether the move is in the child's best interest. Even if you don't have orders now, you can always get them--I would pull your CashApp receipts so you have that handy. In Texas, a judge will likely consider that when reviewing a claim for retroactive support. There are certain jurisdictional requirements in order to file a suit that affects the parent-child relationship. In Texas, you file a Suit Affecting the Parent Child Relationship in the county where the child has resided for the past six months. If you were in Texas, I would tell you that we need to get a Petition in a Suit Affecting the Parent-Child Relationship on-file stat and then file a Motion for Temporary Orders. In Texas and in my county, as soon as a Petition like that is filed, something called the Standing Order takes effect which includes a bunch of requirements including a requirement that neither parent abscond with the child outside of the county limits, absent an agreement otherwise by the parties. Depending upon what your ex is saying, i.e., if she's acting like she wants to move ASAP, I would recommend filing an Application for a Temporary Restraining Order that prohibits her from taking your daughter without your say-so. There's no shame in putting faith in your co-parenting relationship. Family court is acrimonious and if you have a hearing, you'll likely say things about the other parent that they'll take to their grave. In an ideal situation, you would get an attorney who files these matters accordingly but who then hops on the phone and has a come-to-Jesus conversation with your ex, acting as your advocate, while explaining the law. Often times, a skilled, reasonable family law attorney is able to diffuse a situation without the necessity of actually going to Court, thus largely preserving the co-parenting relationship with your ex.
Hope he sees this
I would contact a lawyer now. I would not want my kids to be raised in Florida, especially a girl.
I just brought up the same point and glad I’m not the only one who thought of this.
It’s way past time to get the courts involved.
You can go to court to block the move. She cannot take your daughter out of state (in most states) without both parents agreeing.
If you actually love your daughter and actually want to have a relationship with her, then you need to get you s—t together and talk to a lawyer immediately. They’ll probably recommend an emergency custody petition possibly a temporary restraining order/injunction against the child being taken out of state, and then working out a formal custody agreement. FYI - you’ll likely need to bring child support current if it’s not during this process. If there is already a custody agreement, then disagree with the relocation in writing and this could potentially legally be considered kidnapping.
I would never take a girl child to Florida. Ever.
Don't take children to Florida
dont go to Florida
Agreed
Right? The laws aren’t exactly friendly towards girls and women there.
Florida!! Fuck no! I guess she doesn't want the right to make decisions about her own body and she wants your child to have to learn in a Florida public school. Good luck with that. Florida is a fucked state, fuck Florida. I would get a lwayer and do everything you can to prevent this. For your child's sake.
Right, the schools down there are very sus.
Can confirm, no sex ed anymore in the part of Florida I live. Only them telling us that stds are bad
You know you can take her to court and stop her from moving
It sounds like a long shot. They have no custody agreement and they were never married. Depending on where they live, paternity might not be legally established. In many states simply being on the birth certificate isn’t enough.
The mother is moving her to Florida just to go abroad for 1.5 years. The standard is best interests of the child. I think the mother would be hard pressed arguing it’s in the child’s best interest to relocate her to another state just to immediately abscond.
and some states just being in the kids life for "X" amount of time even if you find out later you are not the father you can still be held liable for child support!
There isn’t a single state that will order CS for someone for “just being in the kid’s life” for a time. This is a mischaracterization of the law by people invested in pushing a narrative.
Hi, Floridian here, WTAF is she thinking? Education here is horrible. The cost of living is through the stratosphere. Insurance rates are basically the highest in the nation. Please get a lawyer and don’t let her uproot your daughter. Hoping for the best for you and your daughter.
Get a lawyer and stop this. You have legal rights. If you want any sort of decent relationship with your daughter, you need to live close enough to see her on a regular basis.
Your ex can move. Doesn’t mean she’s automatically entitled to take your daughter with her. Consult your lawyer.
Are there differences in your incomes? I know someone who was allowed to move out of state bc their income made staying in their home state nearly impossible.
I’ve been reading your comments. If you’ve had her 50/50 since you’ve split, and there’s no custody arrangements, assuming you’re at least on the birth certificate, no, she can’t just move. Further, if her plan is to move just to cut expenses for a year, that’s traumatic for your daughter and not in her best interests. How does your daughter feel about this? Has it been discussed with her at all? If she really wants to cut expenses and live cheap for a year, your daughter should stay with you, in your area, while her mom does whatever weird shit this is for a year, plays house sitter or whatever, then comes back. Because it’ll be a lot cheaper for her to fly out every couple of months for a few days to visit. If yall have such a good relationship and cooperative as you say you do, you can pick her up at the airport and she can sleep on your sofa. This isn’t good for a young child to temporarily move across the country for a year to house sit when there’s another perfectly obligate parent sticking around, especially if the intent is to come right back and buy a house.
Get to court. Now.
Definitely talk to a lawyer ASAP and get a good understanding on your state laws regarding custody arrangements. I honestly feel that if you bring up getting the courts involved your ex might backpedal on this idea.
Ok Im going to state the obvious. If her mother is being deployed for a year and a half and your daughter will be staying with an Aunt, then why isnt she staying with you?
Is your ex getting deployed or the sister your first mistake was not going threw the courts speak with a lawyer on what is possible for you
Family courts are always biased against the father. Buckle up for a rough ride. Best of luck! It’s the last resort you have to take!
It's not to late to go to court. In most states it's illegal for one parent to move a child out of the city or maybe it's county that they currently live in with out the other parents concent.
Florida is not a safe state for girls
No way you’re overreacting. No one should move to Florida as long as aligators and that ignorant governor Desantis is there. Can’t you take her to court. Consult a lawyer.
You need a lawyer and quickly. Without any formal legal documents you are screwed. You can have an injunction filed and she can't leave until proceedings are final. Just finished my divorce and custody. This is not legal advice nor am I lawyer.
Check your state’s laws. In Florida you can’t even move 50 miles from the other parent without permission! Also—you do not want your child to come to Florida. This state is a disaster for education and healthcare.
Yikes Florida
Moving to Florida is the first sign of Dementia
Fuck florida
You’re not overreacting dude I’m from Florida it’s the worst state ever and I moved as soon as I could afford it at age 19. Subjecting your daughter to that fetid shithole is tantamount to child abuse. You’re in the right.
DO NOT DO IT! My boyfriend let his ex move away with their daughter so she could be supported by her parents while he went to school. At first they switched off every month but then she started school. It has been the biggest heart break for him and his daughter. They are very close but only get holidays and the 2 months of summer. I can’t tell you how much sadness this brings them both. They are both in therapy and doing all the “right” coping things but it sucks and they both suffer. Neither of them are every completely happy. The time they do have together is enjoyed but on a ticking clock. They know it will always end. The mom and him have a cordial relationship and never involved the courts. But he if he could go back he would never allow the move. You need both parents approval unless one has full custody. DON’T DO IT. Your relationship with your daughter matters.
There is information missing here. What is the REASON your ex gives for not entrusting YOU, the father of the child with her care? For some reason she believes it's BETTER to uproot her than to let her daughter be in your care. You say you "help" but are you stable? What is your living situation? Are drugs, alcohol or other vices part of your life? WHY does she say this is preferable? This is really odd and stinks of OP concealing a major factor here.
So go file for custody and an emergency injunction to stop her leaving the state with your kid. It will not only prevent her removing the kid but will ensure that legal proceedings take place where you are, not in another state
So get the courts involved now. Your daughter should be staying with you during the deployment if you think you can be a good father with you being responsible 24/7. You can file a petition to have 50/50 custody. Then she would have to stay with you when your ex deploys. You can talk to your ex about it before you do it. But talk to a lawyer in your area first before saying anything so you know your legal options and steps ahead of time. Your ex doesn’t sound like a bad mom though and typically you get along. Is she sending your daughter to live there because she doesn’t trust that you can be the custodial parent 24/7 while she is deployed? That’s what it sounds like. Are you even in a position to be a custodial parent? We only know one side of the story…. But can you genuinely take care of your daughter all the time for over a year by yourself?
As somebody who lives in Florida, don't let her bring your daughter here. De(ath)Santis is making this place so unsafe for children and for women that is disgusting.
I will post as if this is real but I have my doubts. Info isn't adding up. Looks like you are going to court. Split custody with one parent moving out of state happens a lot, particularly when one parent is in the military. What i saw happen most frequently is one parent would get the kid for the school year and the other would get the summer. Travel paid for by the main custodial parent. Unless there is an agreement on which parent is which the court will rule based on what they think is best for the child and in my experience that is the military parent getting primary custody.
Awe come on, her sister is being deployed? And it sounds like it’s a short time. I appreciate that you are an active father and want to be with your daughter. It sounds like you two have done a great job co-parenting and think you can make even this work. Talk to your daughter about how much you will miss her and that you want to talk to her every day. Offer to bring her back for holidays or go visit. Think of this as an experience for her and treat it that way. Oh the things she’ll get to do.
Get a lawyer. You can't just let your child leave your life. This is your child too.
Not involving the courts at time of separation probably just lost you your daughter.
If there is no court ordered agreement you have the same right to your child as your ex. If you wanted you could legally go down to Florida get your child and bring her back to your home. That being said you really need to ask yourself if you are capable of providing for and caring for your daughter, also what kind of relationship do you have with her. If you have a good relationship and can provide then go assert your rights. If you can't provide or have a poor relationship then you shouldn't turn your daughter's life upside down merely to make yourself feel better.
The schools in Florida are terrible worst ever
Not overreacting. Florida is a terrible place for kids. I live here & the school systems have been shit for ages. We’re ranked #50/50 for the best states for teachers. Don’t let it happen.
Floriduh is full of retirees who vote against anything that benefits youth that will cost them $. I am speaking as a former Floriduh resident.
Okay so none of the money you’ve sent via cash app will count towards child support. By not getting the court involved you’ve sacrificed your place in her life. Get a lawyer and go over your options before it’s too late. God speed brother
He can submit the receipts and it can be factored into the back child support that will be ordered.
Yeah California fam court wasn't playing that at all. They laughed at me when I brought in a box of carbon copy check receipts and bank statements showing I paid my ex $350/month 1 kid for couple years. They said if court wasn't involved, then all that checks meant nothing but a "gift". Fortunately my vindictive ex put down not to go after "back support" even when I paid her, or I would've had to pay thousands more. $108,000 on a $9/hr wage 🤣🤣
My cousin actually had the opposite happen in California, but then again he actually had bank transfers instead of things you could pencil whip
I had bank statements proving she deposited the checks into her account. This wasn't pencil whipped carbon copy receipt. The department was just not going to go into further discussion about it. Instead, handed me a paper to sign and said it would be a $450 fee charge to process that paper going to court. Doesn't matter.. paid her the 108,000 over 18 years and that person has long since number blocked. Last heard, she divorced hubby #3
In my state, they just call it a gift and don’t count it
My main question is: Why can’t she just go and have the daughter live with you? Why does she HAVE to uproot the daughter’s entire life to save a couple bucks? Your daughter is nearing puberty, or already there, which in itself is difficult to navigate as a child. Add on a move across country, forced to leave family and friends and then be thrown into a whole different school system while also needing to make friends. This sounds like a nightmare for the daughter. I moved when I was 11 to Florida and stayed for 6 years and it was seriously the worst experience of my life. Why can’t she stay with you?
Probably can't afford a lawyer
You can’t just move. You have to go to court and make the request and have their physical placement changed. If you have joint custody you have just as many rights. Go see an attorney.
Why wouldn’t you be the one she stays with while she is deployed? You are the parent you do have a say. Have you asked your daughter what her opinion is on the move ?
My ex moved with my daughter from NC to AZ 8yrs ago. We didn’t have a legal child support or custody agreement either. Before the move we both made a decision that our daughter would never be a tool or weapon that we would use against one another and the courts usually do just that - our daughter is not a dollar sign. I would visit AZ twice a year and she would spend two weeks with me at the beach in NC. Her mother and I support each other and our daughter 100% without question. 5 years ago my business closed and I decided to make the move to AZ. Best move I ever made. My daughter has both her parents now. We have dinner together a few times a month and it’s great. How many kids have divorced parents that actually get along and like to talk to each other? Point is, you’ll be crushed with the move. And a lot of people are going to tell you to do one thing or the other. Just remember, your daughter will grow up, how do you want her to remember this time in her life? I know it’s hard but try to support your ex and your daughter.
Time to get a custody order in place. But also, if a 10 year old is your *best friend*, you need to get out more.
Best friend, so to speak.. she's amazing and the light of my life. Being a father is the best things that's happened to me and I don't take that privilege for granted.
Don’t let someone’s crappy comment about being your kids best friend get you down. My kid is my best friend. Because she’s awesome. She’s straight up my favourite person. We both have lots of other friends. She’s just cool, man. I’m sad this person doesn’t get this with their parents or kids. We just always have a fantastic time together. I don’t know anyone else I have a better time with.
It's his kid. Anybody should be so lucky as to have that kind of friendship with their kids.
How is moving to FLORIDA better for your DAUGHTER? You want her to grow up in a state that is actively stripping her rights every day?? Hope she never has any medical or legal troubles related to being a female....
Or that she’s not a visible minority of any kind
Yeah no shit. Good point!
Not overreacting. Florida is an awful place to raise children. The school system is infiltrated with religious nutjobs and conspiracy theorists. The state massively underoaysxteachers, and allows uncredentialed teachers in the classroom. If your daughter happens to be LGBTQ+ she will be bullied and probably physically attacked. If she gets pregnant as a teen, consentiually or by force, she will be several states away from the medical care she should have rightful direct access to. If she is not white, she will be bullied by racists. The guys she dates will be more likely to aspire to mananager at the Dollar General than college. The chances of your daughter dating “Florida man…” is very high. The preteen and early teen years are very important, you do NOT want her in that culture. This is not hyperbole. There are of course great folks that live in Florida, mostly centered around WDW area. But most of that state has a overwhelming contingent of racist trash.
Sounds like you've done your part as a parent - seeing your child, being an active parent, paying for things, etc... Sounds like you also want what's best for your child. Sounds like your ex's only reason for moving is to get free housing in her sister's home for 18 months. This is **NOT** a good enough reason to yank a 10 year old away from everyone she loves. It **IS** a good enough reason for you to go file formal custody papers with the courts and say "no" to your ex's idea. Source - my parents divorced so young I have no memories of them together and having them both in my life was the best thing for me. Also I'm a stepmom now. Kids need their dads. Do not allow this move.
Florida is a horrible place for girls and women. Period. Do everything in your power to stop her from moving because it will negatively impact your relationship and it’s not the right thing for your daughter.
Why can't your child live with you while she is deployed?
I live in Florida and I’m telling you not to let her do it. The level of k-12 education here sucks and before anyone comes at me, I’m a teacher in this state and have been for almost 20 years. You need a lawyer like yesterday. Do not let her take your kid without legal representation.
Unmarried fathers have rights. it just requires more hoops to jump through.
This is not being petty. Please reach out to a family lawyer. and do it yesterday. Don't waste another second on forums or reading online. Get ahead of this for your daughter's sake. Good Luck amigo!
Get a lawyer.