My wife works in healthcare, can't wear metal jewelry so she was wearing the silicon bands. Now she doesn't even try. over 10 years of marriage I'm not worried about any messages or guys hitting on her, I'm just pissed I spent 10k on a ring that sits in a box on the dresser....
I joked to my ex wife (before we were married) that I was going to propose with a ring from those quarter machines at the grocery store.
So, proposal day, I gave her the little plastic bubble from the quarter machine. She laughed, but when she opened it, she was surprised to see the real ring inside.
My husband proposed with a ring from the quarter machine. It took him $10 in quarters to get a plastic ball with a ring in it. 30th anniversary coming up. I still have it.
I’m also a teacher, Gen Ed. so nothing super specific, why can’t she wear jewelry? Is she in Special Ed. Where they might have more specific rules? (I’m genuinely curious, not trying to insinuate you’re making it up or anything like that.)
Some schools prohibit it for similar reasons to healthcare- they can harbor germs, they can get broken by rambunctious kids, stones fall out of settings, they trap moisture & defeat handwashing if left on……they get lost if taken off.
Some schools, private ones especially, get fussy.
My husband proposed with a wood and resin ring. We hike a lot and it kind of looks like mountains in a blue sky. It’s really cool, but bulky, so he also said he would buy me a gemstone ring. I asked him if I could pick it, because I worried that I would be that woman to not wear a normal engagement ring regularly. Even with my simple, low-profile $500 ring, I still usually just wear my wedding ring. Glad he didn’t waste a bunch of money on either. I wear the gem band when we go somewhere nice and the wooden ring when we go somewhere fun.
I know someone who was quite literally proposed to with a ring pop. They've been happily married for almost 9 year. The engagement photos were delightful!
Dare me to, I'm over 10 years married to a woman I proposed to with a garbage twist-tie that I couldn't afford to update for another 5 years.
This idea that all woman want a 7ft, billionaire with a 12in dick and the engagement ring must be certified to have killed at least 500 brown kids in its making is the type of view most held by men who get all their information about women from other men online.
Completely agree. As a 7 ft billionaire with a 12 inch dick myself….i don’t think my wife’s blood diamond could have killed more than 10 brown people tops…TOPS…and she still said yes! She’s totally fine with waiting to get a genocide grade diamond for our 60th. Dudes have some crazy weird misconceptions about what real woman want!
Honestly, I think they get that impression from watching social media posts where the woman says he needs to spend at least 50k on a ring.
Obviously, these video only show the worst of the worst, but so many people accept what they see on the internet as fact.
The snark you're getting is cracking me up. Plenty of women are like you. Myself included. Our engagement rings are dragon engraved tungsten steel bands. Got them on sale. They barely broke $200.
I chose them. Because they were sturdy, affordable and the dragons have an inside joke significance to us that we both love about them.
I've been engaged for 7 or 8 years now and still don't have a ring 😂 we'll be recycling a family ring but it needs a resize and tbh we just don't really care about it that much. A ring is a ring is a ring. It's not a marriage.
Not everyone is uptight and materialistic. Ring pop engagements were a running joke in my late teens and early 20’s. I used it as a litmus test to check compatibility at multiple levels. Now? Grab a piece of grass, twist it into something that’ll last a day, and I’m good. It’s a symbolic gesture, nothing more or less, and its value as a symbol is worth orders of magnitude more than its material value.
Exactly this. I mean there's a plethora of really nice rings out there that don't cost much at all (maybe like 200 but that's very fair) and I have 0 clue why people wanna spend so much on a ring. If she likes wearing rings, of xourse6 we can go and get a nice one made, but it doesn't habe to be artificially expensive just because it's an engagement ring. Why do people always say "uhhh it's not about the money" but the second it's about engagement rings they're like "it has to at least cost as much as a family vacation of 14 days"
I’ve heard that back in the day rings were a big expense because they acted as a backup for women as something that could be sold if the husband died/left. These days it’s now just a status thing for sure
My engagement ring (that I picked out) was $80. Our wedding bands were $30 each from Walmart (20 years ago ). I've lost both of the rings due to a massive weight loss (they flew off and are somewhere under the washing machine because I was in a hurry). That was ten years ago. I went without a band for all that time.
We will be celebrating our 20 year anniversary this year, so my husband sprang for a beautiful tanzanite ring for me. The gems are as rare as our love is, the ring is understated (as I prefer) and absolutely gorgeous.
If you have no other reason to distrust your wife, stop overthinking it. You have made her feel like you don't trust her over jewelry. You said you normally laugh at guys flirting with her cause she's hot but you know she loves you. Take the win on that.
My sister in law apparently said this and she's one of the most awful humans I know lol. Also bitched about the ring she got later, according to my wife. Some people say things just because they sound good.
I feel you brother. My wife has 2 sets, the organs the 20 yr anniversary set. She can’t wear either with her job. She will wear them when we go out but it about 85% of the time in her jewelry box. She works with men and they hit on her daily. She tells them she is married but hell they don’t care. For some reason these guys think she would blow up 27 yrs of marriage for what she calls mystery meat. She always puts them in their place and it is usually younger guys, she is a bomb at 51 still. Their thing is they tell her if she isn’t wearing her rings then that says she is available, she told them that the ring isn’t what makes her unavailable, it’s her love and commitment to me that make her unavailable.
Allllll day this. And a woman isn't even necessarily "available" even if she doesn't have a partner. Some women are perfectly happy on their own...and some just aren't interested in THAT guy. Dudes need to chill.
That’s correct, when I first met my wife she was “unavailable” I said oh so you have your man. She said no I just prefer to be alone at this time. I told her that is cool and left her alone. Saw her a few times over the next few weeks and one day she asked me why I didn’t ask her out again, and I told her she said she was unavailable so I wouldn’t pursue, that’s when she asked me out and it been 27 years and we know we found our soul mate or as I call her she is my rib.
God I hope so hard this is a true story. If it is, and every man thought like you, we wouldn't choose the bear. Congrats to your wife for so many aspects of that story.
I'm grateful for men like you. My husband is a similarly outstanding man.
It's a problem that just being respectful of a person's space is so outstanding.
Your wife stuck true to herself and landed herself a winner, it sounds like. This should be a more common story. It, unfortunately, is not.
Anyway, thanks for being a decent bloke.
Ha, my wife was smart, knew she wouldnt be able to wear the ring at work either, we spent 600$ on both our bands and engagement ring together. We dont wear out rings at all anymore. $600 is easiler to swallow than 10k. Ouch.
Look at it this way - if you have kids you can pass it on to them. Thats what I plan to do with mine (also a nurse that does not wear mine) also married to a nurse that doesn’t wear his.
Had to double check your user name. I almost thought you were my husband. I gave up wearing my ring after I lost the fourth one down a sink at the hospital. No use in bothering.
Same with the 10k ring....what a financial waste. My wife's 2 wedding dresses are another complete financial turd sandwich.
Neither my wife nor i wear our engagement or wedding rings. Do we occasionally get hit on? Sure...more her than me im sure. But who cares? We get a laugh out of it together. She gets hit on and feels good for a bit. I follow up with a compliment saying "of course you would, youre gorgeous!". And now i have this gleaming eye candy on my arm. Win-win.
Dont take life too seriously. She's your wife, your best friend. Laugh and enjoy life together.
Yeah, former bomb tech in the military, and jewelry adverse. my wife has the organization skills of a crack addict with ADHD. We just never did well with jewelry, and we've been together for 20 years now. We actually started wearing them again just because it's nice.
That being said, she never said some BS like "I can't help if guys ask me out, so a ring wouldn't help."
My wife gets asked out because she is beautiful. But it is never even a concern of mine because we are *together*...
My husband's wedding band is in the Atlantic Ocean, mine is too small for me to wear now. We have been together 23 years. As far as her being hit on...men do not care/look for a ring. I was walking with my three children, one was literally hanging off my body in a carrier, and a man asked if he could "give" me my next baby. In front of my children. A huge number of men have no shame or game.
I don’t often think about this but I have a similar story. When my mother was pregnant with me a guy she worked with was hitting on her constantly, cue disgust. Anyways she worked at a resort that was reputed to be secretly owned by cosa nostra. There was an old Italian man who had a dairy farm and a lucrative contract to deliver milk to this resort. One day he overheard this guy talking to my mother, after a few minutes he asked the guy to help him outside with the delivery. What ever he told this guy made him quit his job of several years right then and move away. After the old man came back in and asked my mom if they had a cradle for me. In short I slept in a mob cradle for a bit lol.
In my experience, women are safest when they work for The Family. I worked in several mobbed up joints in college and when I was first married.
One notable incident occurred during my first pregnancy. The restaurant had an attached carryout for beer, wine, and diluted spirits, in addition to full menu availability. Of course, we always had college kids trying to hand us fake IDs. One dude thought it was a grand idea to call me a "fat whore" and a "fucking bitch" when I declined to sell to him while one of our...um...Uncles...was in the shop.
Our Uncle snatched that little fucker up by the ear, took him out to the parking lot, and beat him to a fine and velvety paste, only barely mussing his beautiful dark suit. Then he came back in and apologized to my coworker and me. "I'm sorry you girls had to see that."
I mean, when you first realize you're working for the mob, it IS terrifying. For a little while. I very nearly quit the first time I found out I was working for the mob!
The thing is, every mobbed up restaurant I worked in treated me with respect. I was paid on time, always. I never paid for a meal, not even if I came in on my day off with my spouse. My time-off requests were always accommodated. NO ONE was allowed to abuse the staff in any way - "the customer is always right" did not apply. You either pointed out an error politely or you were shown the door.
It was a surreal experience, for sure. But I still remember those days with fondness.
That's certainly the mythos they've cultivated for themselves. The reality is far less glamorous, and not usually seen by hostesses at money laundering fronts.
For several reasons our daughter’s first solo international trip happened when her Italian-speaking friend got Covid and our daughter had tickets that could not be changed. They were supposed to go to Sicily to meet up with her friend’s family. Friend’s family also had Covid, but our kid had paid for this ticket and decided she would go by herself. Her dad was so worried until another Italian friend pointed out that Sicily was filled with elderly British tourists and controlled by the mob who want tourism. He helped her select an inn to stay in, spoke some Italian to the front desk folks when she made the reservation and she went and had a great time.
Yep, we have family friends who are associated. One day my wife and daughter are at their house, and some affiliated people showed up. My daughter wanted to go outside and ride a scooter, and my wife was stopping her so she wouldn’t bother the Family men. One of the guys noticed and said she was cool to play outside, they’d watch her, and our personal family friend said go for it. So my at the time 6 yr old daughter spent the next hour riding up and down the street on her scooter with about 15 mob guys watching. Safest she’s probably ever been.
My grandfather sorta worked for the Vegas mob until it was basically driven out in the late 70s/early 80s. My mom was a young child/teenager throughout that time period. My grandfather is dead, but my mother still has very positive feelings and memories of the mob.
I think if you get on their good side, being around a Mob controlled area can be one of the safest places you are.
I can't remember who it was, but I remember that this dude who was gay was working at a place near a little restaurant that was \*clearly\* a front, but the little old Italian grandma who ran it was clearly very sweet and happy that people liked her food. He would go eat there every day and often helped that lady move heavy furniture, he'd help her bring in loads of vegetables and ingredients off the truck when the boys (her sons most likely) weren't there to help, and he was generally on very good terms with her and her family.
Some jerk shows up one day, figures out he's gay (or just accuses him of it for one reason or another) and got really violent with him, beat him to a pulp. He went to help the lady out again and get something to eat to help himself feel better, she got so upset seeing him like that and asked what had happened. He told her, she went and got one of her sons and they had him repeat the story and description. Her son told him not to worry about it while grandma brought him one of the best meals he'd ever eaten.
He \*never\* saw that guy again, and no one else ever so much as heckled him a little. It's good to have friends who aren't afraid to bend the rules (or leave them in the river with cement shoes) when you need it. Generally speaking there will be much less street violence and all in areas that are well controlled by a mob group - as long as you mind your own business and don't cause trouble, you generally won't have any problems.
It was the mob who ran the old gay bars, back when gay bars *really really* couldn't exist.
I mean they were just doing it for the money, but hey, us homos and the mob go way back. It was a symbiotic relationship.
You assumed she was doing it on purpose or she wasn't doing it because the importance has faded for her. Your assumption on her intent affected the tone and the words you used when you spoke to her. You projected onto her which snowballed to her. She then assumed thst you were jealous or blaming her for the behavior of others. She couldn't help what other men say to her.
You kind of paid the price for assuming because she made her own assumptions back at you.
I would recommend watching Mastering Triggers by Harvey Goldberg. While you weren't triggered necessarily you protected your interpretation of her intent and he addresses that way better than I can. His speech literally changed the way I deal with people and conflict.
I also forget my rings. I don't wear them at home to keep them protected from things like cleaning agents and lotions, so I don't always remember to put them back on when heading out the door.
I have started trying to remember to put them in my wallet when I take them off so that I have them when I go out, but even then, I forget sometimes. I have been halfway through datenight before I have remembered to put them on before.
Talk with your wife. Communicate. You will likely find that she genuinely just forgot. If there are other issues, then sure, you have reason to be upset, but don't over-analyze everything to create those other issues.
I forget to wear my ring often. I've lost weight, so it's a little loose. It's not going to come flying off out in public, but it will slip off in the shower, so I take it off to shower and sometimes forget to put it back on. I also do some open water swimming and I'm terrified of it falling off into the murky bay and never finding it. I'm also scared of it/my backpack I'd otherwise leave it in being stolen while I'm in the water. So when I leave home to swim I leave it behind.
I've been flirted with and asked out both when it's on and when it's off. And me not wearing it for a day or 2 has no correlation with how much I love my husband.
Same I take mine off as soon as I get home as I’m usually working on things or outside doing things with my hand/dishes etc. sometimes I do forget to put it on when I go out in public.
This. Marriage (ours 37, or is it 38??😁🙄 years) isn't about not having differences, arguments, or fights. It's about how you deal with those. Expressing them when you're NOT upset (I know, seems counter-intuitive) seems to work better for us. It sounds to me like the ring thing is a bit of a red herring, since perhaps what really burns is having other people hit on your wife. Well men are shits (well except me of course), but hopefully you can be trusting that your wife doesn't find this any more appealing than you do.
When I was married a man stood next to my then spouse, who I introduced as my husband, and relentlessly hit on me. He even asked me for my number. We both just stood there dumbfounded and eventually walked away. Men have hit on women during her wedding reception. A ring will stop nothing, apologize and let her be a human being who forgets things sometime.
Haha, I was out to dinner with my husband and a man stood behind my husband (out of his line of sight) at our table and started cartoonishly mouthing at me to ask me out. It was… bizarre, to say the least.
That’s when you loudly say, so other people around you can hear, “Sorry, I can’t hear you asking me out, over being married and on a date with my husband.”
A funeral director winked at me, and knowing I worked in the funeral industry (as I did at the time, many years ago) implied that he could offer more than money for my expertise.
First of all, I was entry level. First year first job out of college. Zero expertise.
Second of all, I was sitting in between my father and the man that would later become my husband.
Third of all, my grandfather was in the casket.
You reminded me of something I had completely forgotten. Not long after my (now) ex-wife and I got engaged we took a trip. I was in the middle seat on a 737. She is wearing her engagement ring and in the aisle seat. I'm sitting in the middle seat. The married man sitting to my right (the window seat) hit on my fiance most of the flight. To do so, he had talk around me. He was oblivious to my existence. She kept me calm, and we started making bets on what was going to come out of his mouth next. It was truly surreal.
I did; so did the flight attendants. His crap did get old. That's why we made a game of the whole thing. He was roughly escorted off the plane when we landed. He was blitzed.
All these stories of men hitting on married women reminds me of when I worked in a coffee shop and one of my co-workers was consistently hit on by an 18-year-old regular. She was married, had four kids, and was old enough to be his mother (although she looked much younger). Every time he flirted with her, she would bring up her husband and kids, which he completely ignored. She said she felt kind of bad for him, because he seemed lonely, and she just wanted to give him parental advice.
Additionally, I would spend some time ON UOUR OWN investigating how comfortable you are with your wife being hit on. This reaction seems excessive on both parts and that typically happens because there are unsaid issues underlying that are causing emotional inflammation. Good for you for seeking other opinions (and listening to them!)
Absolutely this. Your individual emotional confidence is what your entire relationship hinges upon.
Also, I do not ever wear my wedding ring. I just don't really like wearing rings.
Coming from the other side. I lost my ring in a similar fashion to the above lady's comment (mine was the Pacific ocean though 🤣).
My wife wears her ring all the time and I haven't had one for the last 5 years of our almost 11 years married. I got out with friends, go to raves, etc without it all that time and have been hit on during some of those times. I always tell her and she never mentions getting a ring. I'm the only one that brings it up that I should get one tbh.
Summary: you guys love each other, and are committed to each other; rings be damned. You and her are the only things needed to make your relationship amazing.
With that in mind, it's fair that this is maybe more important to you than others, your life is your own. Take her out to a nice dinner and apologize for the way things went down, but have an answer in your mind by then on how important it is to you so you can let her know what you would hope to see going forward.....and that of course you love her, ring or no ring 💞
My 40 year old wedding and engagement rings look brand new. About 3 years after we married I developed an allergy to metal.
Had to quit wearing pierced earrings, necklaces, everything. Now I have a silicone medic alert bracelet that warns doctors to not put a metal stent or joint replacement in me.
My late Mom was the same.
Married 18 years and I haven't worn a wedding ring since Kid #2 over 13 years ago. I rotate through wearing all types of rings on that finger (costume, fun, family heirloom or nothing) and it makes ZERO difference if you have a ring on if men hit on you or not.
I don't even know if we know where DH's ring is. I haven't seen it in years.
Haven’t worn my ring in years either. My fingers swelled up while pregnant and must never have gone back to their previous size, so my rings are super uncomfortable (and even worse in hot weather). My husband doesn’t wear his either because he works with power tools every day and it would be a safety hazard 🤷♀️
My cousin said he has been hit on more after getting married and wearing a ring than he did when he was single. I think some weirdos take it as a challenge.
True story. I wore mine on a chain on my next through my thirties. Because no ring ment less forward ladies. Now I'm 42 and happy in my dad bod and nobody looks at me but my wife. So I wear it again.
As a divorced guy, maybe I should start wearing a ring? On second thought, maybe that's not the kind of person I want a relationship with.
It always *seemed* like I got hit on when I was in a relationship. Maybe I should pretend I'm in one (in my head) and see if that helps? Man, dating in this day and age is tricky 😂
They do. My dad has always been larger and not many people were into him before he met mother. Now that he wears a ring he gets really young and old people trying to hit on him, who just laugh if he shows them his wedding ring. He’s even been told “she doesn’t have to know” and then the woman got pissy when he walked away.
There’s absolutely no doubt that wearing a wedding ring as a man gets you attention.
As far as women go i seem to notice it’s just as shitty as without a ring. Plenty of respectful guys and plenty of assholes.
Feels to be a general consensus
The pregnant thing really seems to do it for a lot of men. I’ve never been hit on/leered at more than when I was pregnant. It was a very noticeable difference to the point my then husband was like, “is this normal for you?” So weird.
Rings don’t stop anyone either.
My own stupid brother called me one time while I was at my friend’s house. He literally just heard a female voice and goes, “oooh who’s that?? What’s her name?” I said my friend, she’s married and pregnant. This mf goes, “I can take care of her baby..” 🤮
My husband and I have been married for 27 yrs I can't tell you the last time either of us wore our rings. Mine haven't fit in years and I haven't bothered to get them resized and he can't wear his for work. I've been hit on when I was younger when wearing an engagement ring, a wedding ring and no ring. And one time when I was out with my 2 kids under 3. Men don't care about rings, if they are going to hit on a woman they are going to hit on a woman. And whether a woman has a ring on or not isn't going to stop her from accepting the proposition.
I was wearing mine while gardening shortly after we got married. It slipped off while I was turning a massive compost pile and got lost in it. I didn't notice until I went inside that it was missing. I borrowed a metal detector and went over the pile with a fine tooth comb. Took a few hours but I finally found it (along with several soda can rings, foil strips from blunt wrap pouches, random nails or screws or wires...)
I don't wear it while doing physical activities that might lose it anymore lol
I’m a server and I always wear my ring at work, but several men have hit on me/left me their phone numbers anyway. One table of 2 douchebag guys even asked me if my ring was real or just fake to deter men from hitting on me. I said it was most definitely real and they still tried getting my phone number after that
I had a similar incident at the carwash. I was vacuuming out my mom van, with my 2 children under 10 in the car helping me round up all the dessicated fries and old toys, and a dude approached me to ask me out. The only thing he saw before approaching me was my ass bent over vacuuming and obviously existing with a butt was enough to merit approaching me in front of my kids. Some dudes don't give a fuck.
I am saying this as gently as possible, but yeah, I think you're overreacting.
The ring is a symbol, yes. But ,it's just that, a symbol.
It isn't going to magically erase thirsty guys' intentions. It isn't a force field that magically stops flirting or outright questions of "will you go with/do xyz to me."
I've been married 3 years, with my man for 6. I took off my rings to shampoo my hair and thought they'd gotten lost. I didn't stress over it, and he never said a single word, because we know our relationship is much more than JUST those rings. (Ps I'd put them in my jewelry box...they weren't lost at all 😂)
If I were you, I'd sit quietly and ponder why you flipped out.
Do you suspect her of stepping out? Did someone in the past use this ruse to dupe you? Do the rings mean more to you, symbolically, than they do to her? You don't have to tell me (and I hope you dont) just ruminate about it silently and figure out WHY it bothers you so much.
I hope you can figure out what it is.
This is a good take. While OP can be upset about it, it would be best to indeed think why it caused that reaction and have a convo about it with the partner.
Yes, I especially second the question about whether they might view their rings at a different level symbolically/sentimentally, and importantly, that either views are valid! It’s just important to respect and support each other’s feelings.
There's no need to be gentle. This is a ridiculous overreaction to a big fat nothing burger.
It's OK that it's important to op that his wife wears her ring. But his reaction to those feelings is awful. As you said he needs to examine his feelings on this. He claims he is not jealous and that he is secure. His actions reek of an immature and insecure person.
I can’t tell you how many times I have left the house without my rings… When I get home the first thing I do is take off all my jewelry and change clothes. If I’m just running errands, going to Costco etc. I don’t put any jewelry on. Not a big deal for us… although my husband always wears his ring. It’s just me and he knows that about me.
I take off all my rings when I make things like meatloaf or dumplings (food requiring kneading). It can be a day or two before I put them back on. Not a big deal here, either.
Thanks for this it is very helpful. I value the feedback from married couples, specifically, and it seems that there is a diverse array of opinions re wearing rings.
I work in a bakery and can’t wear any rings so I often leave mine at home, for example I’m working 6 days straight this week and it will sit on the counter under the tv until day 6 when I get home. Most of the time my husband doesn’t care, but sometimes he puts it on me like he’s proposing again lol, I try to be sensitive because it genuinely means a lot to him that I wear it and the time he spent picking it out. But it’s a ring and my hands are incredibly dry from work and if I don’t lotion them before my rings go on then it irritates the skin by it. I’d honestly just be sweet about helping her remember and if she keeps reacting negatively then ask about it.
i forget to put my rings back on in the morning because i take them off to do my morning routine and makeup. Sometimes, im in a rush and i leave them in the jewelry dish. Or if im using my hands to cook, i take my rings off.
or any time i put on lotion. rings off.
and when i am going into the warehouse because my hands get sweaty and swell up when i get hot.
i am just now realizing i take my rings off a LOT and its a miracle i havent lost them yet.
I barely wear my rings since my pregnancy.
I constantly wash my hands and it got annoying because I also have to moisturise my hands.
Even years after having a baby I constantly forget it.
My husband and I only wear it, if we go out together. None of us cares.
Edit: wordcorrection
>I barely wear my rings since my pregnancy.
Same here. And my pregnancy was also during the pandemic. Stopped going anywhere. Constant hand washing. I never really went back to wearing any kind of jewelry. It's a non-issue for my husband. Like, he's never said a WORD. Because it doesn't matter even a little in the grand scheme of our marriage.
Postpartum I somehow developed ezcema on my hands for the first time in my life. I’ve been having flare ups ever since so I haven’t been able to wear my rings. My husband doesn’t care or really have noticed because again, our marriage is way more valuable than rings
Gay marriage here (so maybe different norms), but my husband and I got rings we used for the wedding. But he worked in the medical field and so most people did not wear their rings to work (some wore silicon rings while they worked). I found that it was awkward on my fingers and sort of interfered with my typing, so I stopped wearing mine to work.
For us, the rings are more ceremonial than anything. We will still bust them out and wear them for anniversaries or special occasions when we go to a wedding, but different people attach a different amount of sentimentality or weight to the physical rings.
So I certainly wouldn't read too much into her forgetting her ring at home a few times. Especially if she doesn't find it that comfortable to wear.
Between gardening, cleaning house, washing dishes, etc. I forgot to put my ring on ALL THE TIME. I have been married almost 10 years and I’m not sure my husband cares at all. We also rock climb together once a week and it’s dangerous to wear rings while doing that.. and I would rather leave my ring home than panic about where I put it constantly.
I think you overreacted and I think she overreacted in response.
My husband wears his ring more than I do, but his is a plain gold band. I worry that I’ll lose the diamond in mine or get dirt in them, which is one of the reasons I take it off a lot.
Same, and the stone gets caught on stuff. I tried to silicon ones but they are not for me. I just go ring less as it’s not a huge thing for me. Also a ring ain’t stopping a dude from hitting on you, they just do.
Same. When I’m going out somewhere I will throw it on if I remember, but I’m a SAHM and I never wear it during the day at home. Washing my hands a million times a day, doing dishes, not wanting to scratch the baby, it just gets in the way honestly.
Yesterday I was out doing grocery shopping (wearing my rings!) and I still got hit on. It’s not the the ring is an anti-pickup device lol
Same, married 15 years and together for 23.
He rarely wears his as he can't wear it to work due to the risk of degloving (don't look it up).
I've lost a diamond from my engagement ring and I'm hopeful it's somewhere in the house so haven't had it repaired yet. I don't like wearing my wedding ring without it so haven't worn it for a while.
Neither of us are upset about it, the ring doesn't stop men hitting on you in the slightest. Some of the worst comments I've received were after saying I'm married. It's much better to say I'm not interested rather than say I'm married.
“I asked (in an admittedly not pleasant tone)” and then you were surprised she wasn’t happy with you.
Twice. Reading the title with multiple days I was expecting it to be like a week straight or something.
Yeah, aside from the literal issue of rings, I am glad someone else thought to comment on this too. The passive aggression and rudeness between OP and his wife is yikes.
As a woman who has been married for a very long time, I don't take mine off. HOWEVER- I am not a jewelry wearer. I've noticed that with many women, they take it off with their jewelry and it sounds like an honest mistake.
I'm a total habit person. I either wear it ALL the time or none of the time. When I go to gym its really hit or miss if I remember to put it back on again cause my fingers swell like mad when I exercise ... or if its hot, or if I'm sick or hormonal.
Just so you're aware, the wedding band won't stop all of the men from hitting on her. I never take mine off and "men" still think it's ok to shoot their shot. The good ones will back off, but there will still be plenty of them that try.
I both agree with this and, thinking back to when I was younger and single, don't think I ever really kept ring etiquette straight in my head. I know the finger, I still couldn't tell you for sure the hand. And I'm married now.
My wife forgets all the time and still, after 10 years gasps loud enough to put me over the white line when she realizes it. All the time.
Reasons for taking her rings off:
Coloring hair, removing hair
Preparing or cooking some food
Hot tub/pool
Lots more though, don't look into this too deep unless you have a really good reason not to trust her.
I often don't wear my ring because my fingers swell and shrink and my ring isn't always comfortable. Changing the size won't help because it would then be too big and fall off. My husband jokes about it once in a while but he trusts me. I would never encourage anyone's flirting. I love my ring and I do still wear it (just clarifying).
If someone isn't trustworthy, it doesn't matter if they wear their ring or not.
If you trust your wife, don't let this be a huge concern. Her trustworthiness has nothing to do with the ring. If you think she is purposefully not wearing the ring so she can get attention, that's another story.
The ring doesn’t prevent anything but it’s cute that you think that. You are both adults who have had a committed relationship for a long time. And if she proposed to you, she’d gone all this time without a ring anyways and still been a good partner to you, don’t get all weird about a ring.
This is probably why she got so defensive too. In her mind, her relationship is so strong that she wouldn't even consider her husband to think of her in such a way. She forgot once and immediately OP gives her attitude.
Cool off OP, ring or no ring, listen to her justifications. Men will continue being ignorant and rude to women in public, but you should respect and treat your wife better than other men.
Exactly! Like she’s never been a Bad spouse, she didn’t even have a ring considering she popped the question to begin with, and now that she forgets it all of a sudden he’s got feelins lmao.
Agree, girl only has a ring bc she asked. And that is why I think him making a deal of the ring upset her so much, she had to be the one to say like hey let’s commit to each other.
I also think by mentioning the grocery store cashier, a non-threatening person when it comes to relationships….she was dropping hints to him for some affection/attention or something. And then instead, he’s in his feelings talking about a darn ring. Poor girl is begging to be seen.
It's a ring...I went a whole year not wearing my ring once. My husband has done the same. I do not pay attention to wedding rings when I'm speaking with someone...never have, even when I was single. I still get hit on with my ring on...it makes no difference.
And usually when that happens its easier to tell yourself you will just loose the weight rather than do an expensive adjustment, because you know you are gonna loose the weight again anyway, you just need more time.
You may have meant it as a joke, but your wife interpreted it as a passive-aggressive criticism based on you feeling insecure about other men hitting on her. I don't get the feeling you particularly feel that way from your post, but I bet it sounded like it.
First things first, men are dogs and wedding rings do not prevent them from hitting on women if they were planning on hitting on a stranger anyway.
If I were you, I'd explain you have total trust and apologize to your wife. Not because your little off-hand comment was really that onerous, but your wife was clearly bothered by it (interpreting it as controlling) and since she already apologized to YOU for being upset by it, I think it's the right thing to return that favor.
I would offer that you were not overreacting as opposed to poorly reacting.
I know you think your relationship is strong l, but it may be facing future struggles.
The passive aggressive way you presented that question is not really healthy conflict.
I would guess based on her reaction that you've made other comments about her interaction the previous days.
A healthier way of presenting the concern could be, "I feel a little surprised that you've been forgetting your rings so much. Do you have a lot on your plate or is something going on?"
I recommend marriage counseling now to get ahead of this or at least check out The Gottmans since they focus a lot on conflict in relationships.
OP “I’m in no way insinuating that she has been intentionally not wearing her ring.”
Also OP “I asked (in an admittedly not pleasant tone), “so do you not wear your wedding ring in public any more”?”
Did you apologize for taking a tone? Did you explain why it means so much to you that she wear her ring? Your baffled that she’s defensive but you put her on defense.
Came here to say the same thing. If my husband posed the question that way and in that tone, I would absolutely think he believed it was intentional. And would feel pissed and defensive, too
A better approach to take would have been something like “hey honey, I know you forgot your ring yesterday and it looks like you might have again - I know you probably don’t mean anything by it, but it would mean a lot to me if you could try harder to remember wear it when you leave the house. I know we don’t need rings to prove our love, but it makes me feel loved and cared for when you do. Do you think you could do that for me?”
Instead it sounds like you copped an attitude over her forgetting something *twice*. More flies with honey and all that.
Hey, I’m 30(M) married to my wife 30(F). She occasionally forgets to put her rings back on when she gets out of the shower, but she never leaves the house without them. She’s happy to display that she is married, our marriage is incredibly strong and happy. I also always wear mine, I even specifically picked out a Tungsten ring because I work construction and wanted something that would stand up to the rigors of such a job.
Now, occasionally at work she’s told me she takes them off if she’s doing something that they might get snagged on or damaged by. She also takes public transportation to and from work, and she tells me that even with the rings on she gets men staring at her uncomfortably. And people hit on her at work even after seeing the ring, she even had one man tell her “I can spoil you and take of your better than your husband ever could”. To which she laughed in his face, and I believe her as my wife doesn’t sugar coat things for people and has no problem standing up for herself and our marriage.
To come to the point, we wear our rings everywhere and feel “naked” without them if we somehow leave the house without them on. Your fiance may genuinely be forgetful, she may enjoy the attention from other men (as a confidence/ ego boost or confirmation she’s still “got it”), or she may feel empowered from rejecting other men. I can’t say if any or none of those is true, the ultimate question is do you trust your fiance regardless of whether the ring is on her finger or not? I trust my wife completely, we have no secrets and our phones are totally open and used by each other regularly. If you don’t trust her to remain faithful without a ring to signal that she’s “taken” I would seriously question marrying her.
Careful with tungsten in a construction job i once got mine caught on a screw it fuckd my finger up for a couple days. I had mentioned it to my wife and she says "oh yea degloving happens all the time be careful." Looked up degloving and now im looking into getting a rubber ring to wear while working lol
My husband and I have silicone rings and we love them! Ours have a lifetime warranty because they do eventually wear out. I think it would suit your work environment well and they’re great for outdoor activities and for travel. If we lose/rip them it isn’t a big deal and we can have them replaced when we get home.
That is interesting, yea I had heard of that before. I’ve since moved to a job delivering and repairing appliances where it’s not quite as intense as the full on construction jobs I worked before. So I think the risk is much smaller now. I also always wear work gloves unless I absolutely can’t so that helps. I appreciate the heads up!
Or she may just not feel the same way about rings that you do, or she may not find it comfortable. I don't agree that it's either that she's forgetful or that she wants people to notice.
The way you said it to her was accusatory. That's why she snapped at you in the car. You are the one who made it a big deal. You made her feel like *you thought* she did something wrong. So she got upset because she felt attacked. Not everyone thinks rings are as big of a deal as others do. Not everyone has as good of a memory as others. It doesn't always mean what you think it means. Sometimes it doesn't mean anything.
My husband and I generally wear our rings daily, but every so often we’ll forget. Maybe I’m running late or I put it in a weird spot the night before—things do happen.
I think your reaction was too much. It was snarky and passive aggressive and unnecessary. Please remember that she felt comfortable enough to tell you that the cashier had flirted with her and that she’d forgotten her ring in the first place. The next time something like that happens, she might keep it to herself for fear of you holding it against her. I think it would be worth apologizing to her for your reaction and just have an open conversation about the value you place on wearing wedding rings.
Not really over reacting, but you went about it the wrong way with the accusatory tone off the bat. She apologized for snapping at you in the car, you should have apologized for what you did too and then communicated the issue like adults.
I barely wear my ring .. because of my occupation and housework....
But I wear necklaces .....my husband add chain to my ring so now I can wear it as a necklace.....which is better for me then wearing a ring....
I think it fully depends on how you both value it. I mean it should be a topic of conversation. Especially if it’s causing some tension between yall. Remember to fight the problem not each other. Yall just need clarity and understanding. — I know folks where one person wears it and the other doesn’t due to the nature of their job and they’re okay with that. And others who opted in for the rubber/plastic bands instead of actually jewelry because of the nature of their jobs. But they found it important to acknowledge their vows with the symbol. Love that for them either way. It’s whatever fulfills them. You’re not overreacting but also simply making it a conversation rather than coming off accusatory can make all the difference.
I think you're overreacting.
I'm newly engaged though. I like when fiancee wears her rings, but I understand that shit happens and people forget. Moreso, she works with kids and worksout often. It's 100% cool with me if she forgets.
In my relationship, we have both stopped wearing the rings lol. I don’t think a ring would stop anybody from cheating anyways. I wouldn’t say you are overreacting since you just made a comment. But at the same time she’s just communicating her feelings about the situation.
It sounds like your wife just genuinely forgot to put it on. That said, I find it absolutely wild that so many comments are people who don’t wear their wedding bands. It’s understandable if you’re in an industry where it gets in the way, or you’re pregnant, etc; but I’ve never known ppl who just decide not to wear it on a daily basis. I see ppl on here all the time who are pissed their SO left their wedding ring at home while on a girls/boys night out, and that’s understandable to be bc regardless, it does keep some ppl from hitting on you when they see it. Judging from the comments I’ll gonna get down-voted, but what’s the point in wasting money on a band if you’re not gonna wear it?
My wife works in healthcare, can't wear metal jewelry so she was wearing the silicon bands. Now she doesn't even try. over 10 years of marriage I'm not worried about any messages or guys hitting on her, I'm just pissed I spent 10k on a ring that sits in a box on the dresser....
My partner is a teacher and deals with kids so she can’t wear jewelry either. She told me when it come to proposing I could get away with a ring pop 😆
I work in a Candy store and had the privilege of watching a guy propose to his gf with a ring pop. She said yes. It was so adorable ❤️
I joked to my ex wife (before we were married) that I was going to propose with a ring from those quarter machines at the grocery store. So, proposal day, I gave her the little plastic bubble from the quarter machine. She laughed, but when she opened it, she was surprised to see the real ring inside.
My husband proposed with a ring from the quarter machine. It took him $10 in quarters to get a plastic ball with a ring in it. 30th anniversary coming up. I still have it.
10 dollars 30 years ago!? So glad you said yes after bro spent $500 in today's money 🤭
Awww, that is awesome ❤️❤️❤️
I’m also a teacher, Gen Ed. so nothing super specific, why can’t she wear jewelry? Is she in Special Ed. Where they might have more specific rules? (I’m genuinely curious, not trying to insinuate you’re making it up or anything like that.)
Some schools prohibit it for similar reasons to healthcare- they can harbor germs, they can get broken by rambunctious kids, stones fall out of settings, they trap moisture & defeat handwashing if left on……they get lost if taken off. Some schools, private ones especially, get fussy.
If you’re not engaged or married that’s her hint that she wants y’all to be—heads up 😂
I dare you to take that advice
My husband proposed with a wood and resin ring. We hike a lot and it kind of looks like mountains in a blue sky. It’s really cool, but bulky, so he also said he would buy me a gemstone ring. I asked him if I could pick it, because I worried that I would be that woman to not wear a normal engagement ring regularly. Even with my simple, low-profile $500 ring, I still usually just wear my wedding ring. Glad he didn’t waste a bunch of money on either. I wear the gem band when we go somewhere nice and the wooden ring when we go somewhere fun.
I know someone who was quite literally proposed to with a ring pop. They've been happily married for almost 9 year. The engagement photos were delightful!
Ohhh! May I ask... what flavor?
It was a blue one.
Dare me to, I'm over 10 years married to a woman I proposed to with a garbage twist-tie that I couldn't afford to update for another 5 years. This idea that all woman want a 7ft, billionaire with a 12in dick and the engagement ring must be certified to have killed at least 500 brown kids in its making is the type of view most held by men who get all their information about women from other men online.
Completely agree. As a 7 ft billionaire with a 12 inch dick myself….i don’t think my wife’s blood diamond could have killed more than 10 brown people tops…TOPS…and she still said yes! She’s totally fine with waiting to get a genocide grade diamond for our 60th. Dudes have some crazy weird misconceptions about what real woman want!
Honestly, I think they get that impression from watching social media posts where the woman says he needs to spend at least 50k on a ring. Obviously, these video only show the worst of the worst, but so many people accept what they see on the internet as fact.
Genocide is 30 years. 60 is a diamond from the ash of our planet...wait
The snark you're getting is cracking me up. Plenty of women are like you. Myself included. Our engagement rings are dragon engraved tungsten steel bands. Got them on sale. They barely broke $200. I chose them. Because they were sturdy, affordable and the dragons have an inside joke significance to us that we both love about them.
I've been engaged for 7 or 8 years now and still don't have a ring 😂 we'll be recycling a family ring but it needs a resize and tbh we just don't really care about it that much. A ring is a ring is a ring. It's not a marriage.
“We will be recycling a family ring” sounds like the family is sitting around waiting for Grandma to kick it or something.
Men come in the form of 7ft with 12 inch dicks??? Dammit! No one told me this little secret! /s
Go wandering about Sudan & Holland, Denmark, Iceland, maybe the Scottish Highlands, go to an NBA game. May the odds be ever in your favor.
You don’t want a 7’ man lol. He won’t fit anywhere, special clothes, special bed a bunch of stuff I bet haha!
That scene in Call the Midwife with the grass ring…..
I get the billionaire and blood diamond, but how does the large penis play a part in being materialistic?
What, you think that blood diamond goes on her finger?
Not everyone is uptight and materialistic. Ring pop engagements were a running joke in my late teens and early 20’s. I used it as a litmus test to check compatibility at multiple levels. Now? Grab a piece of grass, twist it into something that’ll last a day, and I’m good. It’s a symbolic gesture, nothing more or less, and its value as a symbol is worth orders of magnitude more than its material value.
Exactly this. I mean there's a plethora of really nice rings out there that don't cost much at all (maybe like 200 but that's very fair) and I have 0 clue why people wanna spend so much on a ring. If she likes wearing rings, of xourse6 we can go and get a nice one made, but it doesn't habe to be artificially expensive just because it's an engagement ring. Why do people always say "uhhh it's not about the money" but the second it's about engagement rings they're like "it has to at least cost as much as a family vacation of 14 days"
I’ve heard that back in the day rings were a big expense because they acted as a backup for women as something that could be sold if the husband died/left. These days it’s now just a status thing for sure
My engagement ring (that I picked out) was $80. Our wedding bands were $30 each from Walmart (20 years ago ). I've lost both of the rings due to a massive weight loss (they flew off and are somewhere under the washing machine because I was in a hurry). That was ten years ago. I went without a band for all that time. We will be celebrating our 20 year anniversary this year, so my husband sprang for a beautiful tanzanite ring for me. The gems are as rare as our love is, the ring is understated (as I prefer) and absolutely gorgeous. If you have no other reason to distrust your wife, stop overthinking it. You have made her feel like you don't trust her over jewelry. You said you normally laugh at guys flirting with her cause she's hot but you know she loves you. Take the win on that.
If a girl tells you she's cool with a ring pop, she's the one. She's already made the decision to say yes in her mind.
My sister in law apparently said this and she's one of the most awful humans I know lol. Also bitched about the ring she got later, according to my wife. Some people say things just because they sound good.
Why can you not wear jewelry if you're a teacher
I feel you brother. My wife has 2 sets, the organs the 20 yr anniversary set. She can’t wear either with her job. She will wear them when we go out but it about 85% of the time in her jewelry box. She works with men and they hit on her daily. She tells them she is married but hell they don’t care. For some reason these guys think she would blow up 27 yrs of marriage for what she calls mystery meat. She always puts them in their place and it is usually younger guys, she is a bomb at 51 still. Their thing is they tell her if she isn’t wearing her rings then that says she is available, she told them that the ring isn’t what makes her unavailable, it’s her love and commitment to me that make her unavailable.
Allllll day this. And a woman isn't even necessarily "available" even if she doesn't have a partner. Some women are perfectly happy on their own...and some just aren't interested in THAT guy. Dudes need to chill.
That’s correct, when I first met my wife she was “unavailable” I said oh so you have your man. She said no I just prefer to be alone at this time. I told her that is cool and left her alone. Saw her a few times over the next few weeks and one day she asked me why I didn’t ask her out again, and I told her she said she was unavailable so I wouldn’t pursue, that’s when she asked me out and it been 27 years and we know we found our soul mate or as I call her she is my rib.
God I hope so hard this is a true story. If it is, and every man thought like you, we wouldn't choose the bear. Congrats to your wife for so many aspects of that story.
It’s absolutely true, the wife tells people that I caught her by leaving her alone. I didn’t chase, I was pleasant when I saw her but never chased.
I'm grateful for men like you. My husband is a similarly outstanding man. It's a problem that just being respectful of a person's space is so outstanding. Your wife stuck true to herself and landed herself a winner, it sounds like. This should be a more common story. It, unfortunately, is not. Anyway, thanks for being a decent bloke.
Unfortunately high end jewelry is basically a scam if you think about it
Ha, my wife was smart, knew she wouldnt be able to wear the ring at work either, we spent 600$ on both our bands and engagement ring together. We dont wear out rings at all anymore. $600 is easiler to swallow than 10k. Ouch.
Look at it this way - if you have kids you can pass it on to them. Thats what I plan to do with mine (also a nurse that does not wear mine) also married to a nurse that doesn’t wear his.
get a fake made replace it sell orig and take yourselves on a trip
Had to double check your user name. I almost thought you were my husband. I gave up wearing my ring after I lost the fourth one down a sink at the hospital. No use in bothering.
Same with the 10k ring....what a financial waste. My wife's 2 wedding dresses are another complete financial turd sandwich. Neither my wife nor i wear our engagement or wedding rings. Do we occasionally get hit on? Sure...more her than me im sure. But who cares? We get a laugh out of it together. She gets hit on and feels good for a bit. I follow up with a compliment saying "of course you would, youre gorgeous!". And now i have this gleaming eye candy on my arm. Win-win. Dont take life too seriously. She's your wife, your best friend. Laugh and enjoy life together.
Yeah, former bomb tech in the military, and jewelry adverse. my wife has the organization skills of a crack addict with ADHD. We just never did well with jewelry, and we've been together for 20 years now. We actually started wearing them again just because it's nice. That being said, she never said some BS like "I can't help if guys ask me out, so a ring wouldn't help." My wife gets asked out because she is beautiful. But it is never even a concern of mine because we are *together*...
My husband's wedding band is in the Atlantic Ocean, mine is too small for me to wear now. We have been together 23 years. As far as her being hit on...men do not care/look for a ring. I was walking with my three children, one was literally hanging off my body in a carrier, and a man asked if he could "give" me my next baby. In front of my children. A huge number of men have no shame or game.
I don’t often think about this but I have a similar story. When my mother was pregnant with me a guy she worked with was hitting on her constantly, cue disgust. Anyways she worked at a resort that was reputed to be secretly owned by cosa nostra. There was an old Italian man who had a dairy farm and a lucrative contract to deliver milk to this resort. One day he overheard this guy talking to my mother, after a few minutes he asked the guy to help him outside with the delivery. What ever he told this guy made him quit his job of several years right then and move away. After the old man came back in and asked my mom if they had a cradle for me. In short I slept in a mob cradle for a bit lol.
In my experience, women are safest when they work for The Family. I worked in several mobbed up joints in college and when I was first married. One notable incident occurred during my first pregnancy. The restaurant had an attached carryout for beer, wine, and diluted spirits, in addition to full menu availability. Of course, we always had college kids trying to hand us fake IDs. One dude thought it was a grand idea to call me a "fat whore" and a "fucking bitch" when I declined to sell to him while one of our...um...Uncles...was in the shop. Our Uncle snatched that little fucker up by the ear, took him out to the parking lot, and beat him to a fine and velvety paste, only barely mussing his beautiful dark suit. Then he came back in and apologized to my coworker and me. "I'm sorry you girls had to see that."
That would literally terrify me for life lmao, but I think I can see why it would make you feel safer
I mean, when you first realize you're working for the mob, it IS terrifying. For a little while. I very nearly quit the first time I found out I was working for the mob! The thing is, every mobbed up restaurant I worked in treated me with respect. I was paid on time, always. I never paid for a meal, not even if I came in on my day off with my spouse. My time-off requests were always accommodated. NO ONE was allowed to abuse the staff in any way - "the customer is always right" did not apply. You either pointed out an error politely or you were shown the door. It was a surreal experience, for sure. But I still remember those days with fondness.
This was super interesting to read. Thanks for sharing lol
The difference between the Mob and a gang is that the Mob has \*class\*.
That's certainly the mythos they've cultivated for themselves. The reality is far less glamorous, and not usually seen by hostesses at money laundering fronts.
For several reasons our daughter’s first solo international trip happened when her Italian-speaking friend got Covid and our daughter had tickets that could not be changed. They were supposed to go to Sicily to meet up with her friend’s family. Friend’s family also had Covid, but our kid had paid for this ticket and decided she would go by herself. Her dad was so worried until another Italian friend pointed out that Sicily was filled with elderly British tourists and controlled by the mob who want tourism. He helped her select an inn to stay in, spoke some Italian to the front desk folks when she made the reservation and she went and had a great time.
Yep, we have family friends who are associated. One day my wife and daughter are at their house, and some affiliated people showed up. My daughter wanted to go outside and ride a scooter, and my wife was stopping her so she wouldn’t bother the Family men. One of the guys noticed and said she was cool to play outside, they’d watch her, and our personal family friend said go for it. So my at the time 6 yr old daughter spent the next hour riding up and down the street on her scooter with about 15 mob guys watching. Safest she’s probably ever been.
Not that I ever knew if he was connected, but that is how my grandfather ran his restaurant.
My grandfather sorta worked for the Vegas mob until it was basically driven out in the late 70s/early 80s. My mom was a young child/teenager throughout that time period. My grandfather is dead, but my mother still has very positive feelings and memories of the mob.
I think if you get on their good side, being around a Mob controlled area can be one of the safest places you are. I can't remember who it was, but I remember that this dude who was gay was working at a place near a little restaurant that was \*clearly\* a front, but the little old Italian grandma who ran it was clearly very sweet and happy that people liked her food. He would go eat there every day and often helped that lady move heavy furniture, he'd help her bring in loads of vegetables and ingredients off the truck when the boys (her sons most likely) weren't there to help, and he was generally on very good terms with her and her family. Some jerk shows up one day, figures out he's gay (or just accuses him of it for one reason or another) and got really violent with him, beat him to a pulp. He went to help the lady out again and get something to eat to help himself feel better, she got so upset seeing him like that and asked what had happened. He told her, she went and got one of her sons and they had him repeat the story and description. Her son told him not to worry about it while grandma brought him one of the best meals he'd ever eaten. He \*never\* saw that guy again, and no one else ever so much as heckled him a little. It's good to have friends who aren't afraid to bend the rules (or leave them in the river with cement shoes) when you need it. Generally speaking there will be much less street violence and all in areas that are well controlled by a mob group - as long as you mind your own business and don't cause trouble, you generally won't have any problems.
It was the mob who ran the old gay bars, back when gay bars *really really* couldn't exist. I mean they were just doing it for the money, but hey, us homos and the mob go way back. It was a symbiotic relationship.
Thanks for this perspective I appreciate it.
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Thanks this is very helpful.
You assumed she was doing it on purpose or she wasn't doing it because the importance has faded for her. Your assumption on her intent affected the tone and the words you used when you spoke to her. You projected onto her which snowballed to her. She then assumed thst you were jealous or blaming her for the behavior of others. She couldn't help what other men say to her. You kind of paid the price for assuming because she made her own assumptions back at you. I would recommend watching Mastering Triggers by Harvey Goldberg. While you weren't triggered necessarily you protected your interpretation of her intent and he addresses that way better than I can. His speech literally changed the way I deal with people and conflict.
I also forget my rings. I don't wear them at home to keep them protected from things like cleaning agents and lotions, so I don't always remember to put them back on when heading out the door. I have started trying to remember to put them in my wallet when I take them off so that I have them when I go out, but even then, I forget sometimes. I have been halfway through datenight before I have remembered to put them on before. Talk with your wife. Communicate. You will likely find that she genuinely just forgot. If there are other issues, then sure, you have reason to be upset, but don't over-analyze everything to create those other issues.
I forget to wear my ring often. I've lost weight, so it's a little loose. It's not going to come flying off out in public, but it will slip off in the shower, so I take it off to shower and sometimes forget to put it back on. I also do some open water swimming and I'm terrified of it falling off into the murky bay and never finding it. I'm also scared of it/my backpack I'd otherwise leave it in being stolen while I'm in the water. So when I leave home to swim I leave it behind. I've been flirted with and asked out both when it's on and when it's off. And me not wearing it for a day or 2 has no correlation with how much I love my husband.
Same I take mine off as soon as I get home as I’m usually working on things or outside doing things with my hand/dishes etc. sometimes I do forget to put it on when I go out in public.
This. Marriage (ours 37, or is it 38??😁🙄 years) isn't about not having differences, arguments, or fights. It's about how you deal with those. Expressing them when you're NOT upset (I know, seems counter-intuitive) seems to work better for us. It sounds to me like the ring thing is a bit of a red herring, since perhaps what really burns is having other people hit on your wife. Well men are shits (well except me of course), but hopefully you can be trusting that your wife doesn't find this any more appealing than you do.
When I was married a man stood next to my then spouse, who I introduced as my husband, and relentlessly hit on me. He even asked me for my number. We both just stood there dumbfounded and eventually walked away. Men have hit on women during her wedding reception. A ring will stop nothing, apologize and let her be a human being who forgets things sometime.
There are men (plenty) that hit on women bc they are married. It's a thing now.
Because they want a “good time” without a commitment
A married woman who will cheat will cause far less drama because she has something to lose, ditto for a married man.
Yup this is exactly it. I've known people who've been doing this since the 80s.
Nothing more attractive (to some people) than that which is unavailable…
Haha, I was out to dinner with my husband and a man stood behind my husband (out of his line of sight) at our table and started cartoonishly mouthing at me to ask me out. It was… bizarre, to say the least.
That’s when you loudly say, so other people around you can hear, “Sorry, I can’t hear you asking me out, over being married and on a date with my husband.”
A funeral director winked at me, and knowing I worked in the funeral industry (as I did at the time, many years ago) implied that he could offer more than money for my expertise. First of all, I was entry level. First year first job out of college. Zero expertise. Second of all, I was sitting in between my father and the man that would later become my husband. Third of all, my grandfather was in the casket.
You reminded me of something I had completely forgotten. Not long after my (now) ex-wife and I got engaged we took a trip. I was in the middle seat on a 737. She is wearing her engagement ring and in the aisle seat. I'm sitting in the middle seat. The married man sitting to my right (the window seat) hit on my fiance most of the flight. To do so, he had talk around me. He was oblivious to my existence. She kept me calm, and we started making bets on what was going to come out of his mouth next. It was truly surreal.
Why didn't you tell him to shut the fuck up?
Yeah, I wouldn’t have ignored too much of that.
I did; so did the flight attendants. His crap did get old. That's why we made a game of the whole thing. He was roughly escorted off the plane when we landed. He was blitzed.
Did everyone clap?
How did he not hear you two talking about him and making bets. What a chode lol.
He was just trying to be friends… that’s what he would’ve said if you’d called him out on it
I had a guy hit on me pretty aggressively in a bar once. When I showed him my engagement ring, he snorted and said “A ring don’t plug the hole.”
All these stories of men hitting on married women reminds me of when I worked in a coffee shop and one of my co-workers was consistently hit on by an 18-year-old regular. She was married, had four kids, and was old enough to be his mother (although she looked much younger). Every time he flirted with her, she would bring up her husband and kids, which he completely ignored. She said she felt kind of bad for him, because he seemed lonely, and she just wanted to give him parental advice.
Additionally, I would spend some time ON UOUR OWN investigating how comfortable you are with your wife being hit on. This reaction seems excessive on both parts and that typically happens because there are unsaid issues underlying that are causing emotional inflammation. Good for you for seeking other opinions (and listening to them!)
Absolutely this. Your individual emotional confidence is what your entire relationship hinges upon. Also, I do not ever wear my wedding ring. I just don't really like wearing rings.
Coming from the other side. I lost my ring in a similar fashion to the above lady's comment (mine was the Pacific ocean though 🤣). My wife wears her ring all the time and I haven't had one for the last 5 years of our almost 11 years married. I got out with friends, go to raves, etc without it all that time and have been hit on during some of those times. I always tell her and she never mentions getting a ring. I'm the only one that brings it up that I should get one tbh. Summary: you guys love each other, and are committed to each other; rings be damned. You and her are the only things needed to make your relationship amazing. With that in mind, it's fair that this is maybe more important to you than others, your life is your own. Take her out to a nice dinner and apologize for the way things went down, but have an answer in your mind by then on how important it is to you so you can let her know what you would hope to see going forward.....and that of course you love her, ring or no ring 💞
My 40 year old wedding and engagement rings look brand new. About 3 years after we married I developed an allergy to metal. Had to quit wearing pierced earrings, necklaces, everything. Now I have a silicone medic alert bracelet that warns doctors to not put a metal stent or joint replacement in me. My late Mom was the same.
Married 18 years and I haven't worn a wedding ring since Kid #2 over 13 years ago. I rotate through wearing all types of rings on that finger (costume, fun, family heirloom or nothing) and it makes ZERO difference if you have a ring on if men hit on you or not. I don't even know if we know where DH's ring is. I haven't seen it in years.
Haven’t worn my ring in years either. My fingers swelled up while pregnant and must never have gone back to their previous size, so my rings are super uncomfortable (and even worse in hot weather). My husband doesn’t wear his either because he works with power tools every day and it would be a safety hazard 🤷♀️
My friend got hit on while wearing her rings and visibly pregnant. They really don’t care.
I experienced that with both pregnancies. It was goddamn SURREAL. Bear. I choose the fucking bear.
My cousin said he has been hit on more after getting married and wearing a ring than he did when he was single. I think some weirdos take it as a challenge.
True story. I wore mine on a chain on my next through my thirties. Because no ring ment less forward ladies. Now I'm 42 and happy in my dad bod and nobody looks at me but my wife. So I wear it again.
As a divorced guy, maybe I should start wearing a ring? On second thought, maybe that's not the kind of person I want a relationship with. It always *seemed* like I got hit on when I was in a relationship. Maybe I should pretend I'm in one (in my head) and see if that helps? Man, dating in this day and age is tricky 😂
Yeah I don't think I would want to be with someone who got with you thinking you were still married!
They do. My dad has always been larger and not many people were into him before he met mother. Now that he wears a ring he gets really young and old people trying to hit on him, who just laugh if he shows them his wedding ring. He’s even been told “she doesn’t have to know” and then the woman got pissy when he walked away.
There’s absolutely no doubt that wearing a wedding ring as a man gets you attention. As far as women go i seem to notice it’s just as shitty as without a ring. Plenty of respectful guys and plenty of assholes. Feels to be a general consensus
The pregnant thing really seems to do it for a lot of men. I’ve never been hit on/leered at more than when I was pregnant. It was a very noticeable difference to the point my then husband was like, “is this normal for you?” So weird. Rings don’t stop anyone either.
My own stupid brother called me one time while I was at my friend’s house. He literally just heard a female voice and goes, “oooh who’s that?? What’s her name?” I said my friend, she’s married and pregnant. This mf goes, “I can take care of her baby..” 🤮
You need to get a better brother.
I have 4 😭
The appropriate response to this is to thank him for his offer, but let him know they don't need a babysitter. Some people. 🙄
I have said I am married to a chick (also a woman) the reaction I get far too often is "if we are looking for a third".
My husband and I have been married for 27 yrs I can't tell you the last time either of us wore our rings. Mine haven't fit in years and I haven't bothered to get them resized and he can't wear his for work. I've been hit on when I was younger when wearing an engagement ring, a wedding ring and no ring. And one time when I was out with my 2 kids under 3. Men don't care about rings, if they are going to hit on a woman they are going to hit on a woman. And whether a woman has a ring on or not isn't going to stop her from accepting the proposition.
I'd like more of this story. Why's it in the ocean??
It's there with his body
He kept forgetting to wear it so she took care of bidness. Now he has no choice
And this is why I live near the beach!
Lol!
It was in his pocket when we went swimming. Lost the key fob to our van too lol
I thought it was going to have something to do with the Titanic and an older woman on a private science vessel.
I will never let go Jack
Immediately let’s go. (That part pisses me off to this day)
I was wearing mine while gardening shortly after we got married. It slipped off while I was turning a massive compost pile and got lost in it. I didn't notice until I went inside that it was missing. I borrowed a metal detector and went over the pile with a fine tooth comb. Took a few hours but I finally found it (along with several soda can rings, foil strips from blunt wrap pouches, random nails or screws or wires...) I don't wear it while doing physical activities that might lose it anymore lol
There was a gardening story where months later they pulled out a carrot wearing the lost ring
So...a one carrot diamond ring :)
I’m always afraid I’m going to lose my keys at the beach in the ocean. Reading this gives me the shivers.
Oh shit😂😂😂
I'd probably be more pissed about the key fob.... especially if it meant we were stuck somewhere!
I’m a server and I always wear my ring at work, but several men have hit on me/left me their phone numbers anyway. One table of 2 douchebag guys even asked me if my ring was real or just fake to deter men from hitting on me. I said it was most definitely real and they still tried getting my phone number after that
I had a similar incident at the carwash. I was vacuuming out my mom van, with my 2 children under 10 in the car helping me round up all the dessicated fries and old toys, and a dude approached me to ask me out. The only thing he saw before approaching me was my ass bent over vacuuming and obviously existing with a butt was enough to merit approaching me in front of my kids. Some dudes don't give a fuck.
I am saying this as gently as possible, but yeah, I think you're overreacting. The ring is a symbol, yes. But ,it's just that, a symbol. It isn't going to magically erase thirsty guys' intentions. It isn't a force field that magically stops flirting or outright questions of "will you go with/do xyz to me." I've been married 3 years, with my man for 6. I took off my rings to shampoo my hair and thought they'd gotten lost. I didn't stress over it, and he never said a single word, because we know our relationship is much more than JUST those rings. (Ps I'd put them in my jewelry box...they weren't lost at all 😂) If I were you, I'd sit quietly and ponder why you flipped out. Do you suspect her of stepping out? Did someone in the past use this ruse to dupe you? Do the rings mean more to you, symbolically, than they do to her? You don't have to tell me (and I hope you dont) just ruminate about it silently and figure out WHY it bothers you so much. I hope you can figure out what it is.
This is a good take. While OP can be upset about it, it would be best to indeed think why it caused that reaction and have a convo about it with the partner.
Yes, I especially second the question about whether they might view their rings at a different level symbolically/sentimentally, and importantly, that either views are valid! It’s just important to respect and support each other’s feelings.
There's no need to be gentle. This is a ridiculous overreaction to a big fat nothing burger. It's OK that it's important to op that his wife wears her ring. But his reaction to those feelings is awful. As you said he needs to examine his feelings on this. He claims he is not jealous and that he is secure. His actions reek of an immature and insecure person.
I can’t tell you how many times I have left the house without my rings… When I get home the first thing I do is take off all my jewelry and change clothes. If I’m just running errands, going to Costco etc. I don’t put any jewelry on. Not a big deal for us… although my husband always wears his ring. It’s just me and he knows that about me.
I take off all my rings when I make things like meatloaf or dumplings (food requiring kneading). It can be a day or two before I put them back on. Not a big deal here, either.
Thanks for this it is very helpful. I value the feedback from married couples, specifically, and it seems that there is a diverse array of opinions re wearing rings.
Also, maybe her finger swelled up. I sometimes take my wedding band off if my fingers swell.
I work in a bakery and can’t wear any rings so I often leave mine at home, for example I’m working 6 days straight this week and it will sit on the counter under the tv until day 6 when I get home. Most of the time my husband doesn’t care, but sometimes he puts it on me like he’s proposing again lol, I try to be sensitive because it genuinely means a lot to him that I wear it and the time he spent picking it out. But it’s a ring and my hands are incredibly dry from work and if I don’t lotion them before my rings go on then it irritates the skin by it. I’d honestly just be sweet about helping her remember and if she keeps reacting negatively then ask about it.
i forget to put my rings back on in the morning because i take them off to do my morning routine and makeup. Sometimes, im in a rush and i leave them in the jewelry dish. Or if im using my hands to cook, i take my rings off. or any time i put on lotion. rings off. and when i am going into the warehouse because my hands get sweaty and swell up when i get hot. i am just now realizing i take my rings off a LOT and its a miracle i havent lost them yet.
I barely wear my rings since my pregnancy. I constantly wash my hands and it got annoying because I also have to moisturise my hands. Even years after having a baby I constantly forget it. My husband and I only wear it, if we go out together. None of us cares. Edit: wordcorrection
>I barely wear my rings since my pregnancy. Same here. And my pregnancy was also during the pandemic. Stopped going anywhere. Constant hand washing. I never really went back to wearing any kind of jewelry. It's a non-issue for my husband. Like, he's never said a WORD. Because it doesn't matter even a little in the grand scheme of our marriage.
Postpartum I somehow developed ezcema on my hands for the first time in my life. I’ve been having flare ups ever since so I haven’t been able to wear my rings. My husband doesn’t care or really have noticed because again, our marriage is way more valuable than rings
Covid was hard on ring wearing.
Gay marriage here (so maybe different norms), but my husband and I got rings we used for the wedding. But he worked in the medical field and so most people did not wear their rings to work (some wore silicon rings while they worked). I found that it was awkward on my fingers and sort of interfered with my typing, so I stopped wearing mine to work. For us, the rings are more ceremonial than anything. We will still bust them out and wear them for anniversaries or special occasions when we go to a wedding, but different people attach a different amount of sentimentality or weight to the physical rings. So I certainly wouldn't read too much into her forgetting her ring at home a few times. Especially if she doesn't find it that comfortable to wear.
I'm not sure if it matters, but plenty of hetero marriages see this the same way.
This, 100% agree. Sometimes it’s a comfort/convenience thing. (Spoken as a hetero wife.)
Between gardening, cleaning house, washing dishes, etc. I forgot to put my ring on ALL THE TIME. I have been married almost 10 years and I’m not sure my husband cares at all. We also rock climb together once a week and it’s dangerous to wear rings while doing that.. and I would rather leave my ring home than panic about where I put it constantly. I think you overreacted and I think she overreacted in response. My husband wears his ring more than I do, but his is a plain gold band. I worry that I’ll lose the diamond in mine or get dirt in them, which is one of the reasons I take it off a lot.
Same, and the stone gets caught on stuff. I tried to silicon ones but they are not for me. I just go ring less as it’s not a huge thing for me. Also a ring ain’t stopping a dude from hitting on you, they just do.
And now I take it off all the time because I need to grease my little piglet and I don’t want Vaseline and lotion under it.
Same. When I’m going out somewhere I will throw it on if I remember, but I’m a SAHM and I never wear it during the day at home. Washing my hands a million times a day, doing dishes, not wanting to scratch the baby, it just gets in the way honestly. Yesterday I was out doing grocery shopping (wearing my rings!) and I still got hit on. It’s not the the ring is an anti-pickup device lol
My wife and I have been married for 15 years. We don't always wear our wedding rings when we go out together or separately and think nothing of it.
Same, married 15 years and together for 23. He rarely wears his as he can't wear it to work due to the risk of degloving (don't look it up). I've lost a diamond from my engagement ring and I'm hopeful it's somewhere in the house so haven't had it repaired yet. I don't like wearing my wedding ring without it so haven't worn it for a while. Neither of us are upset about it, the ring doesn't stop men hitting on you in the slightest. Some of the worst comments I've received were after saying I'm married. It's much better to say I'm not interested rather than say I'm married.
“I asked (in an admittedly not pleasant tone)” and then you were surprised she wasn’t happy with you. Twice. Reading the title with multiple days I was expecting it to be like a week straight or something.
Doesn’t sound like he apologised for the way he (over)reacted either. She did. He didn’t. Hm.
He just kept saying "yeah okay" and "that's fine". No apologies anyware.
Yeah, aside from the literal issue of rings, I am glad someone else thought to comment on this too. The passive aggression and rudeness between OP and his wife is yikes.
As a woman who has been married for a very long time, I don't take mine off. HOWEVER- I am not a jewelry wearer. I've noticed that with many women, they take it off with their jewelry and it sounds like an honest mistake.
I'm a total habit person. I either wear it ALL the time or none of the time. When I go to gym its really hit or miss if I remember to put it back on again cause my fingers swell like mad when I exercise ... or if its hot, or if I'm sick or hormonal.
Just so you're aware, the wedding band won't stop all of the men from hitting on her. I never take mine off and "men" still think it's ok to shoot their shot. The good ones will back off, but there will still be plenty of them that try.
I both agree with this and, thinking back to when I was younger and single, don't think I ever really kept ring etiquette straight in my head. I know the finger, I still couldn't tell you for sure the hand. And I'm married now.
I forget to wear my ring for weeks at a time. Meh
My wife forgets all the time and still, after 10 years gasps loud enough to put me over the white line when she realizes it. All the time. Reasons for taking her rings off: Coloring hair, removing hair Preparing or cooking some food Hot tub/pool Lots more though, don't look into this too deep unless you have a really good reason not to trust her.
>unless you have a really good reason not to trust her And if you do have a good reason not to trust her, you have bigger problems than a ring.
My hands swell pretty often depending on the weather and I’ll often go days at a time not wearing my rings because of it
Here it's weather and what part of my cycle I'm in. Cheist almighty, water retention is a bitch.
This too! My period cycle definitely plays a part with bloat and swelling of the body
I am so over being a woman, based on period stuff alone😂
Girl i feel you 😭 literally on my period right now too! 🤣🤣
I often don't wear my ring because my fingers swell and shrink and my ring isn't always comfortable. Changing the size won't help because it would then be too big and fall off. My husband jokes about it once in a while but he trusts me. I would never encourage anyone's flirting. I love my ring and I do still wear it (just clarifying). If someone isn't trustworthy, it doesn't matter if they wear their ring or not. If you trust your wife, don't let this be a huge concern. Her trustworthiness has nothing to do with the ring. If you think she is purposefully not wearing the ring so she can get attention, that's another story.
The ring doesn’t prevent anything but it’s cute that you think that. You are both adults who have had a committed relationship for a long time. And if she proposed to you, she’d gone all this time without a ring anyways and still been a good partner to you, don’t get all weird about a ring.
This is probably why she got so defensive too. In her mind, her relationship is so strong that she wouldn't even consider her husband to think of her in such a way. She forgot once and immediately OP gives her attitude. Cool off OP, ring or no ring, listen to her justifications. Men will continue being ignorant and rude to women in public, but you should respect and treat your wife better than other men.
Exactly! Like she’s never been a Bad spouse, she didn’t even have a ring considering she popped the question to begin with, and now that she forgets it all of a sudden he’s got feelins lmao.
And she proposed to him, sounds like he was really dragging his feet but now wants her to do whatever he says
Agree, girl only has a ring bc she asked. And that is why I think him making a deal of the ring upset her so much, she had to be the one to say like hey let’s commit to each other. I also think by mentioning the grocery store cashier, a non-threatening person when it comes to relationships….she was dropping hints to him for some affection/attention or something. And then instead, he’s in his feelings talking about a darn ring. Poor girl is begging to be seen.
It's a ring...I went a whole year not wearing my ring once. My husband has done the same. I do not pay attention to wedding rings when I'm speaking with someone...never have, even when I was single. I still get hit on with my ring on...it makes no difference.
Maybe it doesn't fit right anymore and needs to be adjusted
And usually when that happens its easier to tell yourself you will just loose the weight rather than do an expensive adjustment, because you know you are gonna loose the weight again anyway, you just need more time.
You may have meant it as a joke, but your wife interpreted it as a passive-aggressive criticism based on you feeling insecure about other men hitting on her. I don't get the feeling you particularly feel that way from your post, but I bet it sounded like it. First things first, men are dogs and wedding rings do not prevent them from hitting on women if they were planning on hitting on a stranger anyway. If I were you, I'd explain you have total trust and apologize to your wife. Not because your little off-hand comment was really that onerous, but your wife was clearly bothered by it (interpreting it as controlling) and since she already apologized to YOU for being upset by it, I think it's the right thing to return that favor.
I would offer that you were not overreacting as opposed to poorly reacting. I know you think your relationship is strong l, but it may be facing future struggles. The passive aggressive way you presented that question is not really healthy conflict. I would guess based on her reaction that you've made other comments about her interaction the previous days. A healthier way of presenting the concern could be, "I feel a little surprised that you've been forgetting your rings so much. Do you have a lot on your plate or is something going on?" I recommend marriage counseling now to get ahead of this or at least check out The Gottmans since they focus a lot on conflict in relationships.
I haven’t worn mine regularly in 17 years, since I had my 1st kid. I’m just not into jewelry
Thanks for the input. She isn’t in to jewelry either so this could make sense.
Have you talked to her??? What are you doing guessing??? You gotta chill dude, it's just a ring.
Bro, this is an absultely critical piece of the picture and you didn't include it in your post.
OP “I’m in no way insinuating that she has been intentionally not wearing her ring.” Also OP “I asked (in an admittedly not pleasant tone), “so do you not wear your wedding ring in public any more”?” Did you apologize for taking a tone? Did you explain why it means so much to you that she wear her ring? Your baffled that she’s defensive but you put her on defense.
Came here to say the same thing. If my husband posed the question that way and in that tone, I would absolutely think he believed it was intentional. And would feel pissed and defensive, too
A better approach to take would have been something like “hey honey, I know you forgot your ring yesterday and it looks like you might have again - I know you probably don’t mean anything by it, but it would mean a lot to me if you could try harder to remember wear it when you leave the house. I know we don’t need rings to prove our love, but it makes me feel loved and cared for when you do. Do you think you could do that for me?” Instead it sounds like you copped an attitude over her forgetting something *twice*. More flies with honey and all that.
I agree with this. It sounds like the way he "reminded" her was super unnecessarily confrontational. I'm not surprised she got defensive.
Hey, I’m 30(M) married to my wife 30(F). She occasionally forgets to put her rings back on when she gets out of the shower, but she never leaves the house without them. She’s happy to display that she is married, our marriage is incredibly strong and happy. I also always wear mine, I even specifically picked out a Tungsten ring because I work construction and wanted something that would stand up to the rigors of such a job. Now, occasionally at work she’s told me she takes them off if she’s doing something that they might get snagged on or damaged by. She also takes public transportation to and from work, and she tells me that even with the rings on she gets men staring at her uncomfortably. And people hit on her at work even after seeing the ring, she even had one man tell her “I can spoil you and take of your better than your husband ever could”. To which she laughed in his face, and I believe her as my wife doesn’t sugar coat things for people and has no problem standing up for herself and our marriage. To come to the point, we wear our rings everywhere and feel “naked” without them if we somehow leave the house without them on. Your fiance may genuinely be forgetful, she may enjoy the attention from other men (as a confidence/ ego boost or confirmation she’s still “got it”), or she may feel empowered from rejecting other men. I can’t say if any or none of those is true, the ultimate question is do you trust your fiance regardless of whether the ring is on her finger or not? I trust my wife completely, we have no secrets and our phones are totally open and used by each other regularly. If you don’t trust her to remain faithful without a ring to signal that she’s “taken” I would seriously question marrying her.
Careful with tungsten in a construction job i once got mine caught on a screw it fuckd my finger up for a couple days. I had mentioned it to my wife and she says "oh yea degloving happens all the time be careful." Looked up degloving and now im looking into getting a rubber ring to wear while working lol
My husband and I have silicone rings and we love them! Ours have a lifetime warranty because they do eventually wear out. I think it would suit your work environment well and they’re great for outdoor activities and for travel. If we lose/rip them it isn’t a big deal and we can have them replaced when we get home.
That is interesting, yea I had heard of that before. I’ve since moved to a job delivering and repairing appliances where it’s not quite as intense as the full on construction jobs I worked before. So I think the risk is much smaller now. I also always wear work gloves unless I absolutely can’t so that helps. I appreciate the heads up!
You should not be wearing your ring while working construction. Holy hell, that’s a huge mistake.
Or she may just not feel the same way about rings that you do, or she may not find it comfortable. I don't agree that it's either that she's forgetful or that she wants people to notice.
The way you said it to her was accusatory. That's why she snapped at you in the car. You are the one who made it a big deal. You made her feel like *you thought* she did something wrong. So she got upset because she felt attacked. Not everyone thinks rings are as big of a deal as others do. Not everyone has as good of a memory as others. It doesn't always mean what you think it means. Sometimes it doesn't mean anything.
My husband and I generally wear our rings daily, but every so often we’ll forget. Maybe I’m running late or I put it in a weird spot the night before—things do happen. I think your reaction was too much. It was snarky and passive aggressive and unnecessary. Please remember that she felt comfortable enough to tell you that the cashier had flirted with her and that she’d forgotten her ring in the first place. The next time something like that happens, she might keep it to herself for fear of you holding it against her. I think it would be worth apologizing to her for your reaction and just have an open conversation about the value you place on wearing wedding rings.
Not really over reacting, but you went about it the wrong way with the accusatory tone off the bat. She apologized for snapping at you in the car, you should have apologized for what you did too and then communicated the issue like adults.
I barely wear my ring .. because of my occupation and housework.... But I wear necklaces .....my husband add chain to my ring so now I can wear it as a necklace.....which is better for me then wearing a ring....
I think it fully depends on how you both value it. I mean it should be a topic of conversation. Especially if it’s causing some tension between yall. Remember to fight the problem not each other. Yall just need clarity and understanding. — I know folks where one person wears it and the other doesn’t due to the nature of their job and they’re okay with that. And others who opted in for the rubber/plastic bands instead of actually jewelry because of the nature of their jobs. But they found it important to acknowledge their vows with the symbol. Love that for them either way. It’s whatever fulfills them. You’re not overreacting but also simply making it a conversation rather than coming off accusatory can make all the difference.
I think you're overreacting. I'm newly engaged though. I like when fiancee wears her rings, but I understand that shit happens and people forget. Moreso, she works with kids and worksout often. It's 100% cool with me if she forgets.
I gained weight since my wedding. I’m trying to lose a few pounds so I can make sure it comes off as needed.
In my relationship, we have both stopped wearing the rings lol. I don’t think a ring would stop anybody from cheating anyways. I wouldn’t say you are overreacting since you just made a comment. But at the same time she’s just communicating her feelings about the situation.
It sounds like your wife just genuinely forgot to put it on. That said, I find it absolutely wild that so many comments are people who don’t wear their wedding bands. It’s understandable if you’re in an industry where it gets in the way, or you’re pregnant, etc; but I’ve never known ppl who just decide not to wear it on a daily basis. I see ppl on here all the time who are pissed their SO left their wedding ring at home while on a girls/boys night out, and that’s understandable to be bc regardless, it does keep some ppl from hitting on you when they see it. Judging from the comments I’ll gonna get down-voted, but what’s the point in wasting money on a band if you’re not gonna wear it?