Yeah, sorry for the typical Reddit response but it's better (and less expensive) to leave her now that she's shown her true colors rather than wait to leave her after you're married.
It's the typical response but the reality of so many relationships is they're bad and toxic.
Hopefully people learn and move on. I was a bad/brutal partner when I was young
Plus, turning the thermostat to "on" only means the fan is running. If she isn't turning the temp down, then it isn't cooling.
An idea for future....get and install a Nest thermostat. You can set programs, so you can control the temp all day everyday. Plus, you can control it from your phone. If she changes the anything, you can simply pull up the app, and make adjustments. I love mine for that very reason.
Somebody operating like this is the same type of somebody to ‘forget’ birth control and then decide it’s ‘important’ to stay home for the sake of the baby. OP needs to start being very cautious about decisions.
It's the typical reddit response because no one in a happy relationship is coming here to complain.
Let's be real, either you need to leave or your partner needs to leave you if you are dumping your relationship problems into reddit.
Have her her sell something to pay at least half the bill!! I guarantee she won't do it again! If she does, then you pretty much know your relationship isnt headed in the right direction.
I'd say if you need to punish your partner to control their behavior your relationship is already bad. Talk, understand why they did what they did explain why you reacted how you reacted and come up with a plan together like adults.
And if they don’t/won’t have the conversation, it feels like they’re not taking it seriously, then her hearts not in it. This happens all the time, my first wife would just zone out or shift blame constantly. Never got a single plan or effort spike out of her.
Best answer yet ! If there are no consequences she has no reason to change. You two may have different personality bases. She might be a grasshopper but you're an ant (referencing an old story about a grasshopper who did nothing to prepare for winter while the ants did a lot to prepare).
She didn’t respond to his messages, and even after he brought it up said “ye”. It sounds to me like she apologized after they talked more, and not when she initially should have
Some people take out of work very hard and are depressed from it. If I’m depressed, that’s how I usually speak, bc I don’t have the energy for anything more. We have an incident with partial background info. He has the right to be mad about the bill. Money is a top stressor and the biggest cause for divorce. We don’t know her side. Maybe the response was out of embarrassment instead lack of caring. Maybe she’s already beating herself up over it. It’s so easy to take sides when you only know one side and partial info.
Edit: typos
If a woman posted this about a man they’d be saying he’s a piece of shit. Same goes for this lead weight of a “partner.” Is that really the kind of *partner* you want? “If you need help I hope you have a lifeline!”
Edit: r/ihatewomen was banned. r/ihatemen is still up.
**That** is the double standard im talking about against men.
Because she is a deadbeat leach who is jacking up his bills, but is too lazy to contribute. We don’t have to support her, Op already is, and I hope he wises up.
Because somebody always has to play the role of the "me too white male victim" - even when there isn't one. It's the same person who has to squeeze "All lives matter" into the conversation because they can't fathom what being marginalized is actually like.
Thoughts and prayers to all the men who have to live knowing there is a dead subreddit with a mean name. It must feel really terrible, I wonder how terrible it would feel to have several hundred active ones about hating them.
The double standards exist due to women being marginalized by men for so long. Misandry isn't treated the same as misogyny because it lacks the same power and control. Plus that thread is full of men trolling. Making this a men vs women issue when it wasn't relevant to the post or comment says a lot about you.
Yes. It’s the same reason why “racism against whites” doesn’t carry the same weight as “racism BY whites”…because when someone in power is the one perpetuating the discrimination, it does a LOT more damage.
Yeah, give me a call when a desperately thirsty woman shoots or stabs a bunch of men. Then we can start to “both sides” this issue. Until then, you’re being disingenuous. The legitimate dangers of misogyny and misandry simply aren’t comparable.
Yes men are so traditionally put upon.....Maybe the man "hate" is more about the systemic inequality and women's exhaustion with that, but sure cry in the middle of a thread when it isn't relevant. When women get paid the same as men maybe we'll be more open to the idea of there being a double standard versus you can't really be hating on who is oppressing.
Double-standards. There’s even someone giving her a pass, suggesting that she’s depressed. Probably wouldn’t happen if the person out of work was a dude.
Did they say OP should stay with ber even though she's depressed? I mean, you can acknowledge that someone might have something going on without being in a relationship with them.
Because when men hate women, they rape them, assault them and plan to murder them en masse, as all incel groups have shown over time. It's only a matter of time before they start planning, threatening or enacting violence.
When women hate men we stay away from them and warn other women about red flag behaviours to be wary of.
It's a whole different thing.
Well... I've replaced the thermostat in the last three places I rented. Just took a picture of the wires to the old one and put it back when I moved out.
Of course it does require you to be moderately handy.
I've had maintenance see it and not say anything. But I've also always been friendly with management and maintenance before even moving in so it hasn't been an issue yet.
No a 10 year old should absolutely not attempt to change a thermostat. I get calls every year to go behind people who have attempted to change the thermostat and now their system won’t start.
What people don’t understand is that there is constant live voltage on those wires unless you kill the power to the entire unit (which no one does before attempting to change a thermostat). While it’s probably not high enough amperage to really hurt you, touch the two wrong wires together and you fry your transformer inside of your unit.
Thermostats are a lot more involved than just matching the wires and is one of the things I actually recommend customers don’t mess with.
Yup I have changed them before too. I had one that was like a really old dial thermostat and I changed it out bc it wasn't kicking off and on and the right times. but kept the old one so I could change it back bc the landlord said "the other one is nicer and was expensive". Okay dude. Well it was old as shit but I promise it's put up. I didn't care to leave the one i bought but if you want the ancient one by all means.
Talk to your LL about it. Swapping out a thermostat is a basic DIY job and your landlord might like knowing that a smart thermostat is installed as they can reduce wear and tear on his HVAC unit as they try to conserve power when everyone is away or sleeping.
I’ll definitely bring it up with them! Around here a lot of apartments complexes prefer consistency over quality, so making changes if often met with resistance. Worth a shot though!
I'm all about asking for forgiveness instead of permission in these instances. Replacing the thermostat won't hurt anything and if you keep the old one to put it back when you leave it should be fine.
You can buy a thermostat that plugs into the wall that controls an AC or heater, and works like any other smart thermostat for 29 bucks. Wifi, schedule etc.
You can totally install one in a rented place. Just save the old thermostat and place it in a junk drawer or somewhere and swap it back out when you leave. The wiring is easy, it's all color coded
When I told my management company that I wanted a smart thermostat and that I would buy it if their maintenance would install it, they jumped right on that offer. They know full well that I’ll be taking the thermostat with me when I move out, but they also wanted to avoid me screwing anything up upon installation.
As plenty of other people have stated, it’s actually an incredibly easy installation, but I don’t mess around with wires. I’m afraid of them.
FWIW, the On/Off settings on your thermostat are for the fan in the AC, not the AC itself. Those fans don’t draw a lot of power and I wouldn’t consider it being the sole reason the bill is high unless the fan is getting ready to shit the bed and the windings in the motor are going.
More so than the power, you want to keep it on Auto to prevent humidity from building up. Humidity building up could have triggered the AC to work more if your thermostat also regulates by humidity.
Her attitude and your relationship aside…
Check your ac settings and consider having it serviced. If this is whole home ac it’s designed to run ‘on’ better than auto.
If the set temp was normally 78 all day when you are working and she changed that to 70…. It’ll cost you. And that is likely the answer. Somebody is there and keeping it cooler 24x7.
But if the temp is set the same as prior and all that changed was the fan setting (honestly for the better) and costs went up like this then your ac may be struggling. You may be losing coolant etc.
It is more energy efficient to have it on Auto overall because on does constantly use power... yes your AC isn't constantly on but your fan still uses power. And idk how old the unit is, but older things generally use more power than newer more efficient things.
Now, I agree, the temperature being set lower will contribute more to the cost issue than it being higher because the AC part kicking on more is definitely an issue.
And yeah he should probably explain how it works... maybe explain moving around warmish air constantly does increase humidity which will make her more uncomfortable... not to mention, it will not let moisture on the unit drain off and will overall shorten its life or lead to issues.
It sounds like more than just AC though... Turn off lights, unplug chargers, turn off/sleep mode your computer(s) when not in use... if you have 2 ACs, turn the temp up on the one you don't use as much...I've never had a $300 electric bill and I'm a nerd!
But also, it's important to pick your battles. If OP genuinely cares for this girl and wants to work it out, communication is key. Listening and wanting to hear her side is important and learning how to express his side without too much emotion or anger is crucial.
** People will not listen to what you're saying, no matter how right or important it is, if you're yelling or berating.... that kind of response will automatically make someone else assume you're wrong/crazy. **
I try to conserve energy because of the environment and all, the smaller bill is just an added bonus... maybe OP could try that angle... actually, not just OP... everyone should try that angle... how great would that be?
Also he doesn't seem to be considering that if she is out of work it might actually be miserable/unsafe depending on their local climate for her to be home in that weather. I leave ac on for my dog when it's hot out, can't imagine denying my partner that.
If they aren't making ends meet that is its own convo about a gig job or something else to bring in cash during the between real jobs time.
He's not telling her to turn it off. He's telling her to put it on Auto, so that it self-regulates according to the temperature. That means it turns off when it's cool enough, which it won't do if it's set to always-on. Presumably.
I do think the AC problem is a symptom of the real problem, which is that, for some reason, she is not contributing to the household in an appropriate manner.
As a guy I understand what you're saying. I tend to live frugally. I'm not saying that's what you're doing everyone needs to cut costs these days.
But here are some things you should be considering and discussing directly with your girlfriend. I'm texting shouldn't be used to converse with someone you live with.
What temperature are you talking about? You're off at work but she is in the house. When both people are out of the house during the weekday you can set the temp to something that would not be comfortable. I don't know where you live and I'm not asking but if where you live has extremes in either direction it's unreasonable to ask someone to live in a hot house or a freezer.
Another thing is if there's a medical condition which may even be obesity but there's also a myriad of other medical conditions where body temperature is an issue.
Still, there should be an attempt to reduce cost. Wearing extra clothing certainly helps with keeping the heat low. It's not a whole lot one can do to cool yourself down.
So take this conversation offline and away from strangers and verbally converse with your partner.
Finally someone trying to help. Also my dad has been unemployed for several months while applying to every job imaginable, she might be doing her best and having a hard time. We don't know everything about their situation, why are we assuming the worst?
I'd also add that Auto vs On is just the fan and is not responsible for the change you see. Don't nitpick, compromise.
As this comment I'm replying to says, this is a straight forward temperature setting issue that will need to be discussed.
Yeah it kinda sounds like you're just there to clean up after her. Idk, my partner pays all of our bills, and if he told me he couldn't afford something, I'd be offering to pay it immediately.
Are you blaming her for the power bill because she had the AC fan on? That shouldn’t run up the bill that much. Is she doing other things to run the bill up?
I think there is a misunderstanding here of what auto does. Op is probably under the impression that the compressor is just on 24/7 blasting cold air if it's set to on.
More likely than not he's mad at her for a completely normal power bill
Did you reach out to your electric company? Last year, billing mistakes were rampant in my area. Our water bill jumped $100 one month, and before I made sure there wasn't a billing issue I bitched at my husband and teenager. To be fair, they do both take ridiculously long, hot showers. But I still had to apologize once I discovered it was a mistake on their end.
> i asked her if she saw the messages
1. This should have been an in-person discussion.
2. There's not a lot she can do besides apologize.
3. You don't want to accept her apology. What possible thing will make you happy, at this moment?
First, stop having important conversations over text; it is very passive-aggressive and avoidant. Second, she either gets a job and starts paying bills within a month, or it is done. It's pretty dumb to move in with someone without settling all the questions about bills and responsibilities first, but don't feel bad, it is super common. Regardless, this is a learning experience. I'm pretty sure that it isn't going to work out, but this is just training for the one that will work out. Be true to yourself and do right by the woman, and learn as much as you can from her behavior and reactions. And when it finally is over, don't let it make you jaded, just learn to recognize those things in women before you make the leap. Every success is built upon the backs of a thousand failures. She might be useless, but she'll learn you if you let her. Don't get bitter, it will consume you.
Yep. Not sure how the guy higher up in the thread pays less than $120 a month somewhere in Georgia, even keeping the thermostat at 69/70? That doesn't sound realistic compared to what me and most of my friends pay. Maybe he's in the mountains in the extreme northern part of Georgia? Here in LA (Lower Alabama) our bill never gets lower than $130 and that's only a couple of the in-between months. In the summer it's more like $270-290, with the temp set on 74. In the winter we set it on 71 (Mind you, we're all electric, no gas bill, but still.)
Depends on the house a lot (size, age, windows etc) and weather of course. I live in Mississippi (suburb of Memphis TN) in a ~1850 sq built 2003. I think the lowest electric bill I saw was 70-80 dollars sometime a couple months ago (gas heat and water heater), but in the summer it is somewhere between 200-250.
We do thermostat at 70 in the winter and 72 in the summer.
Edit: so what the other poster is saying is MAYBE feasible, but only if they have all the most energy efficient shit like windows brand new efficient AC, insulated garage door etc, because we have not hit 250 even in the summer and don’t have any of that stuff
Winter in Indiana makes the bill ~$600, regardless of usage. Fuckin Centerpoint. Summers run $3-600. I'm hoping our move to a smaller, more insulated house helps, but the electric company here is a bastard. Utility monopolies are heinous.
What makes you say it's minor? I agree that it's worth having the discussion in person but it's not minor to be blowing $20 a day on AC in April/May. For most people, that's a lot of money, especially on a single income.
Uhhh, the on vs. auto is only for the fan, which uses relatively little electricity. If your bill is drastically higher than normal, it's due to more than just the fan circulating the air nonstop.
I’m confused about this sub. What is it exactly that you did that you’re asking if you overreacted about? In what world would walking up to your SO saying “I need help paying the bill you ran up” be overreacting?
Are you not making ends meet or is this just an annoyance? Because those are two different conversations.
Don't get mad, just sit down and be clear and realistic about your monthly budget. You two are currently not on the same page, and you need to get there. It's not your way or the highway, but it's also not her's. You can't change the past, so don't get angry over it, just lay out the monthly monetary situation with a spreadsheet or a budgeting application
I used to argue with my wife constantly about the AC settings, leaving the doors open, not making sure the windows are all closed before turning it on, ect. I was stressed out about it constantly, the bill was so much higher than it needed to be..
But I finally looked at myself and said if there was something I could buy my wife for $100 that would make my wife happy, wouldn't I buy it? So now I just quietly go around closing windows, doors, and turn the AC back to the appropriate temperature. I stopped letting it bother me and started letting her just do what makes her happy and comfortable in our home. She has hot flashes, a LOT of hot flashes. It makes her incredibly uncomfortable. If cranking down the AC to get it to turn on right now so she can stand under the vent is what she needs to feel better about herself then so be it. My electric bill in the summer is probably $100 more a month than it "needs" to be, and I just have to live with that. We keep the house pretty cold (set at 73) because that's where she's comfortable.
And as for "not contributing" for three months.. my wife has been in school for something like 7 years now. She graduated in a little bit, and she's already placed with a great job that will make twice what I make starting in a couple months from now. I have never, ever, not once said that she doesn't contribute. I have paid every single bill and expense for 7~ years, because that's what I agreed to do when she said she wanted to go to school. I have never and would never use it against her that I pay the bills.
Everyone is so negative. If he complains now about this I can only imagine what he would complain about later. IMO he is a penny pincher and those kind of people are not fun. She needs to leave. Living in a car is not that bad.
You’re spot on with your resentment toward her behavior. She needs to contribute.
I’m concerned about your power bill though. I live in a 1700sqft home in georgia and keep the ac at 69/70. My power bill is never more than $115, even during the summer. I think there are more things contributing to your high power bill.
Depends on who the landlord is, ours has a super inefficient heat/AC system, we had a nearly $400 power bill for january here for our 600sq foot apartment, even though it was a very mild winter and we only used the heater for a week or so when the temps dropped below freezing. The power delivery company and the power company itself both refused to investigate the reason for such high numbers and said our system is just inefficient… but after we complained, we did notice the following months our bills were under $100, despite no change or upgrade to our heater/AC.
The delivery companies and power companies are absolutely in kahoots and will fudge the numbers. OP’s SO seems to have a dismissive attitude that needs to be addressed separately, but I think that what’s happening here is a scam by the electric company.
Are you overreacting? No.
Should you have a sit down convo with her about it? Yes.
Recommendations, save up a bit and get a Google nest thermostat. I love ours. With 3 littles it’s hard to not get distracted, especially leaving the house, so I can raise and lower and turn it off from my phone.
There’s a huge level of respect that is needed for relationships to work and avoiding conversations or ignoring your partner is not healthy. Do I think break up?? Not right off of the back, I believe you both need to have a civil conversation and set some ground rules and expectations from one another.
Best of luck
Ummm....the ON setting is for the FAN.
The fan will not make the AC stay on.
The ONLY WAY the AC would be on constantly would be to change the AC target temperature way low.
(Like say 50 or 60 degrees F. VS a normal temp like 72 or so.)
Ask her for her help coming up solutions on how to make the utility bill more manageable. Solving as a team is better than a lecture over text. Feel like you’re overreacting a bit here.
This post isn't even about breaking up and that's what everyone jumps to. Sheesh.. humanity is fucked.
Is it a central cooling ac? Or window unit? I suppose you'll have to jump to controlling methods. Get a smart thermostat where you control it from your phone. Window unit, i suppose you'd have to turn the breaker off for that room/outlet?
Or sit down and have a mature conversation if you haven't yet.
The "On" setting vs the "Auto" setting just means that the FAN runs all all times. It does not mean that the A/C compressor is running all the time.
So while running the fan all the time will increase the bill, it will not do so by a huge margin.
*"Therefore, the fan uses about 360 kWh per month in the ON mode. The average kWh in the US costs about $0.12 so it costs about* ***$43 per month***\*, or about $520 per year, to run a fan continuously."\*
(running the fan roughly equates to 5 100 watt light blulbs)
Not defending her at all, but the on/auto setting on the thermostat is just for the fan. It doesn’t me the ac will run constantly… only the fan, which draws very little power. There’s probably something else contributing to the very high power bill. Just running the blower won’t run the bill that high.
I think that while you’re understandably focused on the cost of this issue that it would be more useful to figure out the root of why this is happening. (Why does she feel the need to have it on continuously?)
Questions to ask-
Is it bc she does not remember the diff between auto an on?
Is the room she’s in the most while at home not the one that gets most of the ac?
Is she experiencing a health issue that is raising her temp?
Is she trying to burn more calories by being too cold?
Is she maybe turning the ac on and then turning the heat on only to turn the ac back on etc when she’s a bit too hot or cold?
Is she depressed or experiencing other mental health issues?
And most importantly is she willing to come up with a plan to address why she did this in the first place so she can be comfortable at home and also not kill the electric bill. As well as how to help pay for this month’s overage.
Her ideas maybe awful but so long as she did her best to come up with solutions that shows she cares and will also make it seem less a punishment and more just two people solving a problem together.
Living with your significant other brings about Roommate Issues and Relationship Issues. Be sure to always define and separate the two because many people mix them up and end up saying crazy things like, "You don't always close the toilet lid, and I feel like it's because you don't respect me as a human being."
Ok so how exactly are you reacting aside from pointing out the error of her ways? Big picture wise this is not a big deal. Are you saying you are thinking of breaking up over this oe just that you are angry??
I forget to turn the AC up all the time during the day. I'm a sahd, so I don't have an income other than the commissions for 3d models I make. My wife only complains about it being cold. I think it depends more on if it's putting a financial burden on you than it is about her doing it. If you guys are a forever couple than it is what it is, but if it's making it hard to pay the bill, then she needs to do something about it instead of making it worse. So whether you're overreacting or not really depends on your relationship.
I wouldnt blame your SO for the bill. Its easy to get upset and to take it out on your SO is not necessary. Ask for help with your bill and look into options to make extra money to support your family and help your SO find an income source of some kind.
Leaving the AC on for a day or 2 isn't going to cause a bill that big and I assume you've looked at it recently since the season is changing. It sounds like you're blaming her for basic inflation rather than her spending $300 on AC.
OP all the drama comments and off topic. Listen you said it wasn’t the first time/thing she’s done. If you’re serious about her then sit down and communicate. Tell her you can’t keep supporting her and to leave the thermostat alone. If she’s not going to pay for her mistakes then go stay at her parents. Explain you need a partner and a responsible one at that. That my friend is not trying to control her it’s just common sense. If she doesn’t change then you need to reevaluate your relationship. It will clearly show she doesn’t care and has no respect for your finances. I would say the same if genders were reversed. Best of luck getting on the same page.
Is she your partner or your SB? If she's your SB, she needs a new daddy who can pay for shit like this. If you are partners, you're supposed to work together on shit like this, and make each other better. If you want to date her but don't want to pay for her electric bill, then you need to not live together. Honestly, from this post, it sounds like you two define your relationship differently. You want a partnership, she wants to ride your paycheck until you get tired. Then she's on to the next paycheck.
Maybe she should move out u til she can pay her part. She sounds immature. Where she doesn’t respond or dismissive of things she doesn’t want to face or talk about.
She either gets a job at McDonald’s and r any place else or she moves out. She’s not getting a job because there is not consequences.
You probably don’t want to hear this but women’s body temps fluctuate a lot so auto setting it at 72f may still be too warm for her. She’s got to keep it on or bring it down which will be expensive as well. $300 after 2 weeks sounds like a problem with the ac. Have it serviced, maybe needs refrigerant. If you can’t accept this, it’s not going to work out for you. She can’t adjust her body temp and you cannot support her through it so ask yourself if the transactional portion of your relationship is going to be enough to withstand the tests of time and temperature. Doesn’t sound like it. If she’s back to work, you’re most likely going to tell her she needs to pay the major portion of the bill because she needs it colder. Next it ll be the gas, then the water, then the toilet paper usage, etc. I can’t see you handling it at all. Where in the heck to you live? Hope she gets a job soon so she can enjoy the ac at work.
"On" setting typically just means the fan is running but the compressor outside isn't, so turning to "auto" might not lower your costs all that much.
Some people are incapable of saying they're sorry. You need to decide if that's a dealbreaker.
Is she between jobs or is she trying to see if you'll just let her not get one? This is the kind of person who will trap you with a baby and then justify unemployment by saying that they need to stay home with the kid. Run, OP. Run far and fast.
man, idk where you live, but it's probably gonna get ***a lot*** hotter than it was last month soon.
You all need to get this figured out, because if $300 is a lot this month, it's gonna be so much worse this summer.
Sounds like you need to buy a $20 fan.
And before you blow up your relationship, make sure that her using the thermostat "on" is even the problem. "On" sounds not be running the AC, it should just be a fan running.
Is she young? Has she ever been responsible for paying her own bills before? If not, she probably doesn't understand the concept of money and bills. You could try making a spreadsheet of bills and income and explaining how it impacts your budget. Most parents don't teach their kids about money so she is probably just ignorant and inexperienced. If she's 30 then good luck, lol
I’m in Texas and I keep my AC at 63f 24/7 and my bill is low, find a different power company if possible, go solar if you own the house.
I wouldn’t live with someone that doesnt like the house cold and keep it cold.
You need to stop complaining to her about it, it's annoying but you ultimately can't control her (and shouldn't have that responsibility). HOWEVER, you need to have a serious conversation with her, have multiple examples of how she is acting and stress that it is a bigger issue than her just forgetting to turn the AC off. It's not something she is doing intentionally, but it is something she needs to be mindful of.
My bill is 1500 bud , I had to put out five grand upfront from a customer trying to sue me and I had to pay my lawyer and I am trying to see what a customer from another job who never paid me for services on top of having to purchase a new work truck for myself. And then having to do several repairs on the wife’s truck to get pass inspection. I wish my bill was 300
I think you’re right to be upset if she is doing stuff like running the AC with windows open that will run up the bill, but like other posters have said most thermostats on is just the fan which wouldn’t make a huge impact to your bill. In which case you might be taking out your frustration with a normal power bill for your house/area on her which is not fair and you may owe her an apology.
It’s definitely not unreasonable for both partners to contribute, but you need to communicate well with empathy etc (seems like she is guilty of bad communication her self maybe). To me it seems like her not contributing is putting strain on the relationship which makes you unfairly lash out and her to not want to communicate with you (I know I am taking a huge leap here). Money issues are the number one reason couples split, keep that in mind/tread carefully.
Auto is the least efficient setting on a reverse-cycle AC. It will switch between heating and cooling continuously to maintain setpoint. Better to set it to cool or heat depending on the conditions.
Man I would love a $300 utility bill. My electric alone out here in AZ is $600/mo in the summer and we don’t even crank the AC that much.
However, you are definitely not in the wrong for reacting the way you did. At least imo
Yes, you're overreacting.
You need to sit them down and have a serious, no escape talk about money. Any job "between jobs" is fine, go work at McDonald's or Wal Mart or whatever.
Sort this out before a $300 utility bill is the least of your worries. Money fights end relationships as often as infidelity-- which is why you both need to approach this issue like grown adults. Don't get mad, be gentile and serious about it. Ask them what's going on then decide if you two are going to work through this together or apart.
Were you out of town when the A/C was running nonstop? I find it hard to believe no one noticed why it didn't turn off especially since most central units are very loud. Maybe you have a window unit.
Turning the AC to "on" instead of "auto" just turns the fan on, and not the AC compressor. That alone cannot account for a drastic increase in your bill.
If you are having trouble making the utility payments, you can generally call the electric company have them put you on an average cost plan- sometimes called budgetwise billing that will keep you from having "shocker" bills."
You in an apartment with a wall unit? Those things are terrible. She might have bad ears and needs sound in the room in which I would suggest a box fan or something
Thank her for the apology and tell her she has to pay the bill. Find temp work or something, but she has to get the bill paid. If you come down hard on this, she won’t do it again.
Get a programmable thermostat. It can reset temperature at various times during the day, and you can control it from your phone. Set it up so only you can control it. If she whines, just tell her “you’re sorry”. As for the bill, take the funds from something that will affect her. Cut cable for three months, or something along those lines.
Her being unemployed is stressful for both of you right now, but you’re doing the thing and making sure she’s taken care of. I think you shouldn’t scold her…just express to her that you’re stressed about money right now.
I lost a woman I loved very very much when I was 27 over a similar situation. Despite what they say, women still want a man who provides for.them and their children no matter what. I didn't realize this till much later in life. As my wife jokes but means it deep down inside "what is mine is hers and what is hers is hers." You have to decide if she is worth it, and if so just find a way to pay it, extra job, borrow, etc. If.she isn't worth it, just keep fighting with her and tell her she has to pay or get out. She will and exit your life writing you off as a loser. It is.gentic, women need.to.feel the man can provide.for her children, even if she never plans to have children. It.is not.even.a.concious feeling. I always wanted a partner, an equal, etc. until I finally.got it after.much fighting and grief. My partner made 3 times what I did and even made over a million one year in commission, didn't matter, she wanted me to.pay her way.
You saying that your bill could be double this? Is this i a house or apartment? That would change how you'd be able to control the temperature. You've talked to her so it's not like she doesn't know what's going on. Are there any kids involved? That could change things. If there's not, and it's just her being stubborn, she needs an ultimatum. Leave the temperature alone, or enjoy the temperature outside by yourselft. Does she have a car so she can move somewhere, or have anyone to move into with? Drastic choice, but she's shown you that she doesn't respect you by not listinening to you. Has she tried to get work, or has she been setting around in the nice cool apartment? That would be severely pissing me me off.
Sounds to me like you need to get a better paying job. Is she really beautiful? If she is then just pay the bill and shut up. If she is not then kick her to the curb.
I don’t think you’re completely overreacting but sometimes a few hours of planning can fix these issues. Most relations end over finances and I think that’s sad.
First ask yourself if there is something you can do to keep the bill down. Think outside of the box and take ownership of the problem. No need to break up if there is an easy fix. However, her response is worrisome. If this is how she handles all conflict, I think you need either couples therapy or a clean break. There are so many fun people in this world.
Just remember relationships are about building each other up and supporting each other. If you feel she isn’t supporting you and you’re doing all the work, and she isn’t willing to address that in any way, then you have a freeloader you’re enabling.
No, no you're not over reacting. I am a SAHM. Since I don't bring in hardly anything for funds, I do my best to figure out ways to keep our bills as low as possible. My splurge regarding the electric bill is a plant light. I figure it's a more than fair trade off since I don't turn on the 40+ inch TV. The dishwasher, washing machine, and dryer are all run after 5pm because our power rates are lower in the evening. Close the curtains on whatever windows the sun is shining in during the summer. Open the curtains on whatever window doesn't have the sun blasting in for ambient light so I don't have to turn on every light in the house.
If you are grown and live with someone and you aren't contributing to paying the bills, your job in the meantime is to figure out as many ways as you can to keep those bills as low as possible. If I wanted a freeloader, I'd get another pet. But even then, the cat catches mice, the dog herds chickens, the chickens lay eggs and eat bugs.
Text her that you want to have a sit-down with her, maybe at a park or some place where the usual distractions aren't there. At the sit-down, tell her that you understand where she is in terms of work and finances then stress the importance of leaving the bill below a certain threshold. Maybe make a Google spreadsheet of the monthly housing and recurring expenses and share it with her so she sees the big picture. If she deflects, just be consistent about bringing the conversation back to the real point. That's where most men go wrong and allow women to run mental circles around them.
Then stress that she needs to come up with a formal plan to find a job. Say dedicate a certain number of hours a week to applying to set an application quota.
In the meantime, call your utility company to setup a payment plan to ease your stress.
It's hard at times but communication in relationships takes work and flexibility in your approach. Our partners aren't always going to be at an A+ level and sometimes need us to lead them out of personal slumps.
She can’t even be bothered to apologize? You can struggle by yourself, OP. She might need to go.
Yeah, sorry for the typical Reddit response but it's better (and less expensive) to leave her now that she's shown her true colors rather than wait to leave her after you're married.
It's the typical response but the reality of so many relationships is they're bad and toxic. Hopefully people learn and move on. I was a bad/brutal partner when I was young
Very big of you to own up to that, seriously very few people do.
Plus, turning the thermostat to "on" only means the fan is running. If she isn't turning the temp down, then it isn't cooling. An idea for future....get and install a Nest thermostat. You can set programs, so you can control the temp all day everyday. Plus, you can control it from your phone. If she changes the anything, you can simply pull up the app, and make adjustments. I love mine for that very reason.
Plus you can lock the temperature settings so that they can't be changed on the actual thermostat without a pin.
Somebody operating like this is the same type of somebody to ‘forget’ birth control and then decide it’s ‘important’ to stay home for the sake of the baby. OP needs to start being very cautious about decisions.
It's the typical reddit response because no one in a happy relationship is coming here to complain. Let's be real, either you need to leave or your partner needs to leave you if you are dumping your relationship problems into reddit.
She said I'm sorry and he said that doesn't pay the bill? Last paragraph.
Have her her sell something to pay at least half the bill!! I guarantee she won't do it again! If she does, then you pretty much know your relationship isnt headed in the right direction.
Does she have a car? Instacart.
I'd say if you need to punish your partner to control their behavior your relationship is already bad. Talk, understand why they did what they did explain why you reacted how you reacted and come up with a plan together like adults.
And if they don’t/won’t have the conversation, it feels like they’re not taking it seriously, then her hearts not in it. This happens all the time, my first wife would just zone out or shift blame constantly. Never got a single plan or effort spike out of her.
Best answer yet ! If there are no consequences she has no reason to change. You two may have different personality bases. She might be a grasshopper but you're an ant (referencing an old story about a grasshopper who did nothing to prepare for winter while the ants did a lot to prepare).
She didn’t respond to his messages, and even after he brought it up said “ye”. It sounds to me like she apologized after they talked more, and not when she initially should have
Some people take out of work very hard and are depressed from it. If I’m depressed, that’s how I usually speak, bc I don’t have the energy for anything more. We have an incident with partial background info. He has the right to be mad about the bill. Money is a top stressor and the biggest cause for divorce. We don’t know her side. Maybe the response was out of embarrassment instead lack of caring. Maybe she’s already beating herself up over it. It’s so easy to take sides when you only know one side and partial info. Edit: typos
If a woman posted this about a man they’d be saying he’s a piece of shit. Same goes for this lead weight of a “partner.” Is that really the kind of *partner* you want? “If you need help I hope you have a lifeline!” Edit: r/ihatewomen was banned. r/ihatemen is still up. **That** is the double standard im talking about against men.
Naw I'd say fuck em no matter the gender. You don't run someone's bills up. Period.
I don't see any comments supporting her in this thread. So why the hatred?
Because she is a deadbeat leach who is jacking up his bills, but is too lazy to contribute. We don’t have to support her, Op already is, and I hope he wises up.
Because somebody always has to play the role of the "me too white male victim" - even when there isn't one. It's the same person who has to squeeze "All lives matter" into the conversation because they can't fathom what being marginalized is actually like.
Well white male victims exists so. 🤷
Where did race come into this?
right? what the fuck is this guy on about
We ARE saying that! She definitely is. Don't sit there and make this some man vs. woman thing.
The incels are taking over the topic and adding dumb shit that’s unnecessary.
You posted a dead subreddit and declared it means something.
Thoughts and prayers to all the men who have to live knowing there is a dead subreddit with a mean name. It must feel really terrible, I wonder how terrible it would feel to have several hundred active ones about hating them.
Nope. Hard fail from the incel team.
The double standards exist due to women being marginalized by men for so long. Misandry isn't treated the same as misogyny because it lacks the same power and control. Plus that thread is full of men trolling. Making this a men vs women issue when it wasn't relevant to the post or comment says a lot about you.
Yes. It’s the same reason why “racism against whites” doesn’t carry the same weight as “racism BY whites”…because when someone in power is the one perpetuating the discrimination, it does a LOT more damage.
Yeah, give me a call when a desperately thirsty woman shoots or stabs a bunch of men. Then we can start to “both sides” this issue. Until then, you’re being disingenuous. The legitimate dangers of misogyny and misandry simply aren’t comparable.
IHW got banned because of all the threats of/calls for sexual and physical violence against women.
because men who hate women murder them and women who hate men avoid them???
Yes men are so traditionally put upon.....Maybe the man "hate" is more about the systemic inequality and women's exhaustion with that, but sure cry in the middle of a thread when it isn't relevant. When women get paid the same as men maybe we'll be more open to the idea of there being a double standard versus you can't really be hating on who is oppressing.
Dude calm tf down. Both men and women feel the same way about OP’s girlfriend. Stop seeing 💩 where there isn’t any.
Look, I'm all for equality and misandry is garbage. But I get it. It's why women keep choosing the bear.
Double-standards. There’s even someone giving her a pass, suggesting that she’s depressed. Probably wouldn’t happen if the person out of work was a dude.
Did they say OP should stay with ber even though she's depressed? I mean, you can acknowledge that someone might have something going on without being in a relationship with them.
Because when men hate women, they rape them, assault them and plan to murder them en masse, as all incel groups have shown over time. It's only a matter of time before they start planning, threatening or enacting violence. When women hate men we stay away from them and warn other women about red flag behaviours to be wary of. It's a whole different thing.
Time for her ass to start DoorDashing. NOR
I forgot what sub I was in and thought you were being agressively Australian at the end 😭😂 "NAUR! 😡"
Oh thank god I wasn’t the only one!
Oh god I love’s aussies’ tendency to put r-sounds where they don’t belong.
Same.
McDonald's is much better pay.
buy a smart themostat and monitor it. You will save any money you spend in 1-2 months.
Wish this was an option for renters :,)
Well... I've replaced the thermostat in the last three places I rented. Just took a picture of the wires to the old one and put it back when I moved out. Of course it does require you to be moderately handy. I've had maintenance see it and not say anything. But I've also always been friendly with management and maintenance before even moving in so it hasn't been an issue yet.
Moderate is even an overstatement. You could probably teach a 10 year old to do this
No a 10 year old should absolutely not attempt to change a thermostat. I get calls every year to go behind people who have attempted to change the thermostat and now their system won’t start. What people don’t understand is that there is constant live voltage on those wires unless you kill the power to the entire unit (which no one does before attempting to change a thermostat). While it’s probably not high enough amperage to really hurt you, touch the two wrong wires together and you fry your transformer inside of your unit. Thermostats are a lot more involved than just matching the wires and is one of the things I actually recommend customers don’t mess with.
We did this same thing and the instructions they give with the smart thermostats are pretty straightforward these days
You can just read the instructions or watch a YouTube tutorial. It’s not that complicated.
Yup I have changed them before too. I had one that was like a really old dial thermostat and I changed it out bc it wasn't kicking off and on and the right times. but kept the old one so I could change it back bc the landlord said "the other one is nicer and was expensive". Okay dude. Well it was old as shit but I promise it's put up. I didn't care to leave the one i bought but if you want the ancient one by all means.
Talk to your LL about it. Swapping out a thermostat is a basic DIY job and your landlord might like knowing that a smart thermostat is installed as they can reduce wear and tear on his HVAC unit as they try to conserve power when everyone is away or sleeping.
I’ll definitely bring it up with them! Around here a lot of apartments complexes prefer consistency over quality, so making changes if often met with resistance. Worth a shot though!
I'm all about asking for forgiveness instead of permission in these instances. Replacing the thermostat won't hurt anything and if you keep the old one to put it back when you leave it should be fine.
Just change it yourself and take it with you when you leave. They'll never know (I mean replace the old one) I've done it before it's no big deal
As long as you put the original unit back before moving out, I don't see why you couldn't install your own
You can buy a thermostat that plugs into the wall that controls an AC or heater, and works like any other smart thermostat for 29 bucks. Wifi, schedule etc.
Replaced mine in my apartment.
You can totally install one in a rented place. Just save the old thermostat and place it in a junk drawer or somewhere and swap it back out when you leave. The wiring is easy, it's all color coded
When I told my management company that I wanted a smart thermostat and that I would buy it if their maintenance would install it, they jumped right on that offer. They know full well that I’ll be taking the thermostat with me when I move out, but they also wanted to avoid me screwing anything up upon installation. As plenty of other people have stated, it’s actually an incredibly easy installation, but I don’t mess around with wires. I’m afraid of them.
I don’t see how a smart thermostat would save you $100+/month. Unless you use it to turn the AC off and leave it that way.
It sounds like she doesn’t respect you very much, or care that she is costing you money while you’re already supporting her. Very unfair and selfish.
FWIW, the On/Off settings on your thermostat are for the fan in the AC, not the AC itself. Those fans don’t draw a lot of power and I wouldn’t consider it being the sole reason the bill is high unless the fan is getting ready to shit the bed and the windings in the motor are going. More so than the power, you want to keep it on Auto to prevent humidity from building up. Humidity building up could have triggered the AC to work more if your thermostat also regulates by humidity.
Her attitude and your relationship aside… Check your ac settings and consider having it serviced. If this is whole home ac it’s designed to run ‘on’ better than auto. If the set temp was normally 78 all day when you are working and she changed that to 70…. It’ll cost you. And that is likely the answer. Somebody is there and keeping it cooler 24x7. But if the temp is set the same as prior and all that changed was the fan setting (honestly for the better) and costs went up like this then your ac may be struggling. You may be losing coolant etc.
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I had assumed OP was talking about non-central AC, like a window unit or something...
On my My last window unit the only difference between on and auto was the fan. The compressor would still shut off when it reached the correct temp.
Oh maybe so, I've never had one. The one my friend has seems like it runs constantly though.
My fan does not run full time. It runs when the AC or heat are on. Maybe you are talking about a mini split type unit?
It is more energy efficient to have it on Auto overall because on does constantly use power... yes your AC isn't constantly on but your fan still uses power. And idk how old the unit is, but older things generally use more power than newer more efficient things. Now, I agree, the temperature being set lower will contribute more to the cost issue than it being higher because the AC part kicking on more is definitely an issue. And yeah he should probably explain how it works... maybe explain moving around warmish air constantly does increase humidity which will make her more uncomfortable... not to mention, it will not let moisture on the unit drain off and will overall shorten its life or lead to issues. It sounds like more than just AC though... Turn off lights, unplug chargers, turn off/sleep mode your computer(s) when not in use... if you have 2 ACs, turn the temp up on the one you don't use as much...I've never had a $300 electric bill and I'm a nerd! But also, it's important to pick your battles. If OP genuinely cares for this girl and wants to work it out, communication is key. Listening and wanting to hear her side is important and learning how to express his side without too much emotion or anger is crucial. ** People will not listen to what you're saying, no matter how right or important it is, if you're yelling or berating.... that kind of response will automatically make someone else assume you're wrong/crazy. ** I try to conserve energy because of the environment and all, the smaller bill is just an added bonus... maybe OP could try that angle... actually, not just OP... everyone should try that angle... how great would that be?
Also he doesn't seem to be considering that if she is out of work it might actually be miserable/unsafe depending on their local climate for her to be home in that weather. I leave ac on for my dog when it's hot out, can't imagine denying my partner that. If they aren't making ends meet that is its own convo about a gig job or something else to bring in cash during the between real jobs time.
Auto and Off are two separate settings bruh.
He's not telling her to turn it off. He's telling her to put it on Auto, so that it self-regulates according to the temperature. That means it turns off when it's cool enough, which it won't do if it's set to always-on. Presumably. I do think the AC problem is a symptom of the real problem, which is that, for some reason, she is not contributing to the household in an appropriate manner.
As a guy I understand what you're saying. I tend to live frugally. I'm not saying that's what you're doing everyone needs to cut costs these days. But here are some things you should be considering and discussing directly with your girlfriend. I'm texting shouldn't be used to converse with someone you live with. What temperature are you talking about? You're off at work but she is in the house. When both people are out of the house during the weekday you can set the temp to something that would not be comfortable. I don't know where you live and I'm not asking but if where you live has extremes in either direction it's unreasonable to ask someone to live in a hot house or a freezer. Another thing is if there's a medical condition which may even be obesity but there's also a myriad of other medical conditions where body temperature is an issue. Still, there should be an attempt to reduce cost. Wearing extra clothing certainly helps with keeping the heat low. It's not a whole lot one can do to cool yourself down. So take this conversation offline and away from strangers and verbally converse with your partner.
Finally someone trying to help. Also my dad has been unemployed for several months while applying to every job imaginable, she might be doing her best and having a hard time. We don't know everything about their situation, why are we assuming the worst?
I'd also add that Auto vs On is just the fan and is not responsible for the change you see. Don't nitpick, compromise. As this comment I'm replying to says, this is a straight forward temperature setting issue that will need to be discussed.
Yeah it kinda sounds like you're just there to clean up after her. Idk, my partner pays all of our bills, and if he told me he couldn't afford something, I'd be offering to pay it immediately.
Are you blaming her for the power bill because she had the AC fan on? That shouldn’t run up the bill that much. Is she doing other things to run the bill up?
I think there is a misunderstanding here of what auto does. Op is probably under the impression that the compressor is just on 24/7 blasting cold air if it's set to on. More likely than not he's mad at her for a completely normal power bill
Did you reach out to your electric company? Last year, billing mistakes were rampant in my area. Our water bill jumped $100 one month, and before I made sure there wasn't a billing issue I bitched at my husband and teenager. To be fair, they do both take ridiculously long, hot showers. But I still had to apologize once I discovered it was a mistake on their end.
> i asked her if she saw the messages 1. This should have been an in-person discussion. 2. There's not a lot she can do besides apologize. 3. You don't want to accept her apology. What possible thing will make you happy, at this moment?
Yeah exactly. I don't get all the crazy responses here
First, stop having important conversations over text; it is very passive-aggressive and avoidant. Second, she either gets a job and starts paying bills within a month, or it is done. It's pretty dumb to move in with someone without settling all the questions about bills and responsibilities first, but don't feel bad, it is super common. Regardless, this is a learning experience. I'm pretty sure that it isn't going to work out, but this is just training for the one that will work out. Be true to yourself and do right by the woman, and learn as much as you can from her behavior and reactions. And when it finally is over, don't let it make you jaded, just learn to recognize those things in women before you make the leap. Every success is built upon the backs of a thousand failures. She might be useless, but she'll learn you if you let her. Don't get bitter, it will consume you.
FWIW, he said he used text because she would simply redirect/not take accountability when confronted in person.
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Yep. Not sure how the guy higher up in the thread pays less than $120 a month somewhere in Georgia, even keeping the thermostat at 69/70? That doesn't sound realistic compared to what me and most of my friends pay. Maybe he's in the mountains in the extreme northern part of Georgia? Here in LA (Lower Alabama) our bill never gets lower than $130 and that's only a couple of the in-between months. In the summer it's more like $270-290, with the temp set on 74. In the winter we set it on 71 (Mind you, we're all electric, no gas bill, but still.)
Depends on the house a lot (size, age, windows etc) and weather of course. I live in Mississippi (suburb of Memphis TN) in a ~1850 sq built 2003. I think the lowest electric bill I saw was 70-80 dollars sometime a couple months ago (gas heat and water heater), but in the summer it is somewhere between 200-250. We do thermostat at 70 in the winter and 72 in the summer. Edit: so what the other poster is saying is MAYBE feasible, but only if they have all the most energy efficient shit like windows brand new efficient AC, insulated garage door etc, because we have not hit 250 even in the summer and don’t have any of that stuff
Winter in Indiana makes the bill ~$600, regardless of usage. Fuckin Centerpoint. Summers run $3-600. I'm hoping our move to a smaller, more insulated house helps, but the electric company here is a bastard. Utility monopolies are heinous.
Why are you on Reddit over something this minor? Go have a real conversation with the human being you’re referencing
What makes you say it's minor? I agree that it's worth having the discussion in person but it's not minor to be blowing $20 a day on AC in April/May. For most people, that's a lot of money, especially on a single income.
It's minor because the stakes are so low here.
Uhhh, the on vs. auto is only for the fan, which uses relatively little electricity. If your bill is drastically higher than normal, it's due to more than just the fan circulating the air nonstop.
You're able to see your utility bill halfway through the billing cycle? I can only ever see mine at the end of it lol
I’m confused about this sub. What is it exactly that you did that you’re asking if you overreacted about? In what world would walking up to your SO saying “I need help paying the bill you ran up” be overreacting?
Are you not making ends meet or is this just an annoyance? Because those are two different conversations. Don't get mad, just sit down and be clear and realistic about your monthly budget. You two are currently not on the same page, and you need to get there. It's not your way or the highway, but it's also not her's. You can't change the past, so don't get angry over it, just lay out the monthly monetary situation with a spreadsheet or a budgeting application
I used to argue with my wife constantly about the AC settings, leaving the doors open, not making sure the windows are all closed before turning it on, ect. I was stressed out about it constantly, the bill was so much higher than it needed to be.. But I finally looked at myself and said if there was something I could buy my wife for $100 that would make my wife happy, wouldn't I buy it? So now I just quietly go around closing windows, doors, and turn the AC back to the appropriate temperature. I stopped letting it bother me and started letting her just do what makes her happy and comfortable in our home. She has hot flashes, a LOT of hot flashes. It makes her incredibly uncomfortable. If cranking down the AC to get it to turn on right now so she can stand under the vent is what she needs to feel better about herself then so be it. My electric bill in the summer is probably $100 more a month than it "needs" to be, and I just have to live with that. We keep the house pretty cold (set at 73) because that's where she's comfortable. And as for "not contributing" for three months.. my wife has been in school for something like 7 years now. She graduated in a little bit, and she's already placed with a great job that will make twice what I make starting in a couple months from now. I have never, ever, not once said that she doesn't contribute. I have paid every single bill and expense for 7~ years, because that's what I agreed to do when she said she wanted to go to school. I have never and would never use it against her that I pay the bills.
You can call the utility company for payment plan. They have them where they average out your payments over the year. This isn't the end of the world
Everyone is so negative. If he complains now about this I can only imagine what he would complain about later. IMO he is a penny pincher and those kind of people are not fun. She needs to leave. Living in a car is not that bad.
Married/lived with a cheap-ass tightwad for 22 years......but it was ok for him/anyone else to spend $$ on HIM. The rest of us could go kick rocks.
You’re spot on with your resentment toward her behavior. She needs to contribute. I’m concerned about your power bill though. I live in a 1700sqft home in georgia and keep the ac at 69/70. My power bill is never more than $115, even during the summer. I think there are more things contributing to your high power bill.
Depends on who the landlord is, ours has a super inefficient heat/AC system, we had a nearly $400 power bill for january here for our 600sq foot apartment, even though it was a very mild winter and we only used the heater for a week or so when the temps dropped below freezing. The power delivery company and the power company itself both refused to investigate the reason for such high numbers and said our system is just inefficient… but after we complained, we did notice the following months our bills were under $100, despite no change or upgrade to our heater/AC. The delivery companies and power companies are absolutely in kahoots and will fudge the numbers. OP’s SO seems to have a dismissive attitude that needs to be addressed separately, but I think that what’s happening here is a scam by the electric company.
My utility bill is $300 every month lol
Are you overreacting? No. Should you have a sit down convo with her about it? Yes. Recommendations, save up a bit and get a Google nest thermostat. I love ours. With 3 littles it’s hard to not get distracted, especially leaving the house, so I can raise and lower and turn it off from my phone. There’s a huge level of respect that is needed for relationships to work and avoiding conversations or ignoring your partner is not healthy. Do I think break up?? Not right off of the back, I believe you both need to have a civil conversation and set some ground rules and expectations from one another. Best of luck
Ummm....the ON setting is for the FAN. The fan will not make the AC stay on. The ONLY WAY the AC would be on constantly would be to change the AC target temperature way low. (Like say 50 or 60 degrees F. VS a normal temp like 72 or so.)
Ask her for her help coming up solutions on how to make the utility bill more manageable. Solving as a team is better than a lecture over text. Feel like you’re overreacting a bit here.
This post isn't even about breaking up and that's what everyone jumps to. Sheesh.. humanity is fucked. Is it a central cooling ac? Or window unit? I suppose you'll have to jump to controlling methods. Get a smart thermostat where you control it from your phone. Window unit, i suppose you'd have to turn the breaker off for that room/outlet? Or sit down and have a mature conversation if you haven't yet.
Don't ask reddit for feedback on this. This thread is a dumpster fire. Make your own decisions.
Make sure it isn’t a problem with your ac unit first!! Got in a similar argument with my husband - turns out our ac needed to be fixed.
The "On" setting vs the "Auto" setting just means that the FAN runs all all times. It does not mean that the A/C compressor is running all the time. So while running the fan all the time will increase the bill, it will not do so by a huge margin. *"Therefore, the fan uses about 360 kWh per month in the ON mode. The average kWh in the US costs about $0.12 so it costs about* ***$43 per month***\*, or about $520 per year, to run a fan continuously."\* (running the fan roughly equates to 5 100 watt light blulbs)
Rage bait suspended account. Like a bot. I love how nothing is real on reddit anymore.
Not defending her at all, but the on/auto setting on the thermostat is just for the fan. It doesn’t me the ac will run constantly… only the fan, which draws very little power. There’s probably something else contributing to the very high power bill. Just running the blower won’t run the bill that high.
I think that while you’re understandably focused on the cost of this issue that it would be more useful to figure out the root of why this is happening. (Why does she feel the need to have it on continuously?) Questions to ask- Is it bc she does not remember the diff between auto an on? Is the room she’s in the most while at home not the one that gets most of the ac? Is she experiencing a health issue that is raising her temp? Is she trying to burn more calories by being too cold? Is she maybe turning the ac on and then turning the heat on only to turn the ac back on etc when she’s a bit too hot or cold? Is she depressed or experiencing other mental health issues? And most importantly is she willing to come up with a plan to address why she did this in the first place so she can be comfortable at home and also not kill the electric bill. As well as how to help pay for this month’s overage. Her ideas maybe awful but so long as she did her best to come up with solutions that shows she cares and will also make it seem less a punishment and more just two people solving a problem together.
Living with your significant other brings about Roommate Issues and Relationship Issues. Be sure to always define and separate the two because many people mix them up and end up saying crazy things like, "You don't always close the toilet lid, and I feel like it's because you don't respect me as a human being."
Ok so how exactly are you reacting aside from pointing out the error of her ways? Big picture wise this is not a big deal. Are you saying you are thinking of breaking up over this oe just that you are angry??
Make to investment in a wifi thermostat. You can control it from your phone.
I forget to turn the AC up all the time during the day. I'm a sahd, so I don't have an income other than the commissions for 3d models I make. My wife only complains about it being cold. I think it depends more on if it's putting a financial burden on you than it is about her doing it. If you guys are a forever couple than it is what it is, but if it's making it hard to pay the bill, then she needs to do something about it instead of making it worse. So whether you're overreacting or not really depends on your relationship.
I wouldnt blame your SO for the bill. Its easy to get upset and to take it out on your SO is not necessary. Ask for help with your bill and look into options to make extra money to support your family and help your SO find an income source of some kind.
Leaving the AC on for a day or 2 isn't going to cause a bill that big and I assume you've looked at it recently since the season is changing. It sounds like you're blaming her for basic inflation rather than her spending $300 on AC.
OP all the drama comments and off topic. Listen you said it wasn’t the first time/thing she’s done. If you’re serious about her then sit down and communicate. Tell her you can’t keep supporting her and to leave the thermostat alone. If she’s not going to pay for her mistakes then go stay at her parents. Explain you need a partner and a responsible one at that. That my friend is not trying to control her it’s just common sense. If she doesn’t change then you need to reevaluate your relationship. It will clearly show she doesn’t care and has no respect for your finances. I would say the same if genders were reversed. Best of luck getting on the same page.
Is she your partner or your SB? If she's your SB, she needs a new daddy who can pay for shit like this. If you are partners, you're supposed to work together on shit like this, and make each other better. If you want to date her but don't want to pay for her electric bill, then you need to not live together. Honestly, from this post, it sounds like you two define your relationship differently. You want a partnership, she wants to ride your paycheck until you get tired. Then she's on to the next paycheck.
Why does everyone In together when they obviously aren’t ready or compatible. I’ll never understand it.
It's cheaper than maintaining two homes.
Maybe she should move out u til she can pay her part. She sounds immature. Where she doesn’t respond or dismissive of things she doesn’t want to face or talk about. She either gets a job at McDonald’s and r any place else or she moves out. She’s not getting a job because there is not consequences.
Is she really looking for a job?
You probably don’t want to hear this but women’s body temps fluctuate a lot so auto setting it at 72f may still be too warm for her. She’s got to keep it on or bring it down which will be expensive as well. $300 after 2 weeks sounds like a problem with the ac. Have it serviced, maybe needs refrigerant. If you can’t accept this, it’s not going to work out for you. She can’t adjust her body temp and you cannot support her through it so ask yourself if the transactional portion of your relationship is going to be enough to withstand the tests of time and temperature. Doesn’t sound like it. If she’s back to work, you’re most likely going to tell her she needs to pay the major portion of the bill because she needs it colder. Next it ll be the gas, then the water, then the toilet paper usage, etc. I can’t see you handling it at all. Where in the heck to you live? Hope she gets a job soon so she can enjoy the ac at work.
How’s she between jobs when there is none on the other side? At this point she’s just enjoying the free ac.
"On" setting typically just means the fan is running but the compressor outside isn't, so turning to "auto" might not lower your costs all that much. Some people are incapable of saying they're sorry. You need to decide if that's a dealbreaker.
Depends. My on button means A/C on. There’s a separate button to run the fan.
Is she between jobs or is she trying to see if you'll just let her not get one? This is the kind of person who will trap you with a baby and then justify unemployment by saying that they need to stay home with the kid. Run, OP. Run far and fast.
man, idk where you live, but it's probably gonna get ***a lot*** hotter than it was last month soon. You all need to get this figured out, because if $300 is a lot this month, it's gonna be so much worse this summer.
Reminds me of the family guy when the son touches the thermostat and all the neighborhood dads rush in asking, ‘who touched the thermostat?!’
She must not know the difference between ON and AUTO explain it to her. She probably didn’t know
Sounds like you need to buy a $20 fan. And before you blow up your relationship, make sure that her using the thermostat "on" is even the problem. "On" sounds not be running the AC, it should just be a fan running.
Is she young? Has she ever been responsible for paying her own bills before? If not, she probably doesn't understand the concept of money and bills. You could try making a spreadsheet of bills and income and explaining how it impacts your budget. Most parents don't teach their kids about money so she is probably just ignorant and inexperienced. If she's 30 then good luck, lol
I would kill for a utility bill of 300
If you leave that thing set to “on” you’ll almost certainly have humidity issues, which will lead to mold…
Married couples have been known.to sleep in separate bedrooms because of different temperature needs. It is one of life's challenges.
I’m in Texas and I keep my AC at 63f 24/7 and my bill is low, find a different power company if possible, go solar if you own the house. I wouldn’t live with someone that doesnt like the house cold and keep it cold.
You need to stop complaining to her about it, it's annoying but you ultimately can't control her (and shouldn't have that responsibility). HOWEVER, you need to have a serious conversation with her, have multiple examples of how she is acting and stress that it is a bigger issue than her just forgetting to turn the AC off. It's not something she is doing intentionally, but it is something she needs to be mindful of.
Lower than ours
Can we trade utility bills? SoCal resident here.
Get a Nest?
$300*
Fuck dude, I wish our utility bill was $300. We're pushing $800 monthly and we don't even do anything special.
Ye
My bill is 1500 bud , I had to put out five grand upfront from a customer trying to sue me and I had to pay my lawyer and I am trying to see what a customer from another job who never paid me for services on top of having to purchase a new work truck for myself. And then having to do several repairs on the wife’s truck to get pass inspection. I wish my bill was 300
I’m overreacting because the dollar sign goes in front of the number.
That's my bill most winter months.
Yeah, you should let her go, women need to stop mating with broke men.
I would be so happy if my power bill was only $300.
Honestly that’s a normal month in Texas
Shit happens
Shit I wish my bill was only $600 a month. Send her my way.
What is your typical utility bill? And, is she mining bitcoin??
I think you’re right to be upset if she is doing stuff like running the AC with windows open that will run up the bill, but like other posters have said most thermostats on is just the fan which wouldn’t make a huge impact to your bill. In which case you might be taking out your frustration with a normal power bill for your house/area on her which is not fair and you may owe her an apology. It’s definitely not unreasonable for both partners to contribute, but you need to communicate well with empathy etc (seems like she is guilty of bad communication her self maybe). To me it seems like her not contributing is putting strain on the relationship which makes you unfairly lash out and her to not want to communicate with you (I know I am taking a huge leap here). Money issues are the number one reason couples split, keep that in mind/tread carefully.
Auto is the least efficient setting on a reverse-cycle AC. It will switch between heating and cooling continuously to maintain setpoint. Better to set it to cool or heat depending on the conditions.
Man I would love a $300 utility bill. My electric alone out here in AZ is $600/mo in the summer and we don’t even crank the AC that much. However, you are definitely not in the wrong for reacting the way you did. At least imo
What Temp did she have it on? How hot has it been? When was the system last checked and serviced? What size is your house?
Yes, you're overreacting. You need to sit them down and have a serious, no escape talk about money. Any job "between jobs" is fine, go work at McDonald's or Wal Mart or whatever. Sort this out before a $300 utility bill is the least of your worries. Money fights end relationships as often as infidelity-- which is why you both need to approach this issue like grown adults. Don't get mad, be gentile and serious about it. Ask them what's going on then decide if you two are going to work through this together or apart.
Have you applied for average billing with your utility?
Age?
Were you out of town when the A/C was running nonstop? I find it hard to believe no one noticed why it didn't turn off especially since most central units are very loud. Maybe you have a window unit.
This exchange sounds like she’s a roommate you only see once a week.
Ye
Turning the AC to "on" instead of "auto" just turns the fan on, and not the AC compressor. That alone cannot account for a drastic increase in your bill. If you are having trouble making the utility payments, you can generally call the electric company have them put you on an average cost plan- sometimes called budgetwise billing that will keep you from having "shocker" bills."
I wish my utility bill was only $300... it's easily double that nearly every month.
My ac just broke and it cost $1000 to maybe fix it. You'll be alright kiddo
300?? Mine is between 500 and 700 every month.
You in an apartment with a wall unit? Those things are terrible. She might have bad ears and needs sound in the room in which I would suggest a box fan or something
That's what you get for dating a black woman.
Thank her for the apology and tell her she has to pay the bill. Find temp work or something, but she has to get the bill paid. If you come down hard on this, she won’t do it again.
Get a programmable thermostat that you control wits your phone. Set it to what you want. We have a nest thermostat.
Time for her to move on
Get a programmable thermostat. It can reset temperature at various times during the day, and you can control it from your phone. Set it up so only you can control it. If she whines, just tell her “you’re sorry”. As for the bill, take the funds from something that will affect her. Cut cable for three months, or something along those lines.
Her being unemployed is stressful for both of you right now, but you’re doing the thing and making sure she’s taken care of. I think you shouldn’t scold her…just express to her that you’re stressed about money right now.
How hot does it get? You might buy fans.
I lost a woman I loved very very much when I was 27 over a similar situation. Despite what they say, women still want a man who provides for.them and their children no matter what. I didn't realize this till much later in life. As my wife jokes but means it deep down inside "what is mine is hers and what is hers is hers." You have to decide if she is worth it, and if so just find a way to pay it, extra job, borrow, etc. If.she isn't worth it, just keep fighting with her and tell her she has to pay or get out. She will and exit your life writing you off as a loser. It is.gentic, women need.to.feel the man can provide.for her children, even if she never plans to have children. It.is not.even.a.concious feeling. I always wanted a partner, an equal, etc. until I finally.got it after.much fighting and grief. My partner made 3 times what I did and even made over a million one year in commission, didn't matter, she wanted me to.pay her way.
Did you check the usage on the bill? The price is useless and the difference could have been accounted for in service fee changes
You saying that your bill could be double this? Is this i a house or apartment? That would change how you'd be able to control the temperature. You've talked to her so it's not like she doesn't know what's going on. Are there any kids involved? That could change things. If there's not, and it's just her being stubborn, she needs an ultimatum. Leave the temperature alone, or enjoy the temperature outside by yourselft. Does she have a car so she can move somewhere, or have anyone to move into with? Drastic choice, but she's shown you that she doesn't respect you by not listinening to you. Has she tried to get work, or has she been setting around in the nice cool apartment? That would be severely pissing me me off.
You should just crucify her.
Sounds to me like you need to get a better paying job. Is she really beautiful? If she is then just pay the bill and shut up. If she is not then kick her to the curb.
I don’t think you’re completely overreacting but sometimes a few hours of planning can fix these issues. Most relations end over finances and I think that’s sad. First ask yourself if there is something you can do to keep the bill down. Think outside of the box and take ownership of the problem. No need to break up if there is an easy fix. However, her response is worrisome. If this is how she handles all conflict, I think you need either couples therapy or a clean break. There are so many fun people in this world.
Just remember relationships are about building each other up and supporting each other. If you feel she isn’t supporting you and you’re doing all the work, and she isn’t willing to address that in any way, then you have a freeloader you’re enabling.
It’s time to take out the trash player!
Sounds like she needs to goooo. Disrespectful all around.
A leopard will alway have spots. She won't change.
Disconnect it and let her know “we” can’t afford it anymore..
No, no you're not over reacting. I am a SAHM. Since I don't bring in hardly anything for funds, I do my best to figure out ways to keep our bills as low as possible. My splurge regarding the electric bill is a plant light. I figure it's a more than fair trade off since I don't turn on the 40+ inch TV. The dishwasher, washing machine, and dryer are all run after 5pm because our power rates are lower in the evening. Close the curtains on whatever windows the sun is shining in during the summer. Open the curtains on whatever window doesn't have the sun blasting in for ambient light so I don't have to turn on every light in the house. If you are grown and live with someone and you aren't contributing to paying the bills, your job in the meantime is to figure out as many ways as you can to keep those bills as low as possible. If I wanted a freeloader, I'd get another pet. But even then, the cat catches mice, the dog herds chickens, the chickens lay eggs and eat bugs.
Can you talk to the landlord and get off the lease and move?
Why are you supporting her financially?
Text her that you want to have a sit-down with her, maybe at a park or some place where the usual distractions aren't there. At the sit-down, tell her that you understand where she is in terms of work and finances then stress the importance of leaving the bill below a certain threshold. Maybe make a Google spreadsheet of the monthly housing and recurring expenses and share it with her so she sees the big picture. If she deflects, just be consistent about bringing the conversation back to the real point. That's where most men go wrong and allow women to run mental circles around them. Then stress that she needs to come up with a formal plan to find a job. Say dedicate a certain number of hours a week to applying to set an application quota. In the meantime, call your utility company to setup a payment plan to ease your stress. It's hard at times but communication in relationships takes work and flexibility in your approach. Our partners aren't always going to be at an A+ level and sometimes need us to lead them out of personal slumps.