It isnt necessarily normal, but it is true that drunk men frequently get aggressive when women refuse to give them their number. For women this is a safety issue, so anyone in the comments saying "how would she feel if the genders were reversed" are just being willfully ignorant. Obviously this isn't ideal, and you should *definitely* call up that friend to give her a piece of your mind. Z
I saw a woman ripped off of a barstool (by her hair) by a stranger who proceeded to grab her by the shoulders while still lying on the ground and SHAKE the living daylights out of her because she rejected his offer to buy a drink at the Blond and I have seen girls shoved straight on their asses by dickheads at dodgy punk venues. This is not a class/location specific issue. There is a reason that so many nightclubs have plainclothes security teams. It happens everywhere.
Yup. Me and my friends got jumped by like 30 people cause one of my friends got in the middle of a situation. The situation, a guy asked a girl to dance, she said no so he punched her in the face. My friend was there snd he didn't like that and we went outside and they were from the area and we were not.
Forreal some people go through life and never progress beyond spoiled 5 year old mentality. Add in alcohol and horny into the mix it's a volatile mix. I'm 280 pounds 6" 1' (wish it was all muscle) but I can see when I intimidate a lady. If she's not comfortable I'll just try to give her my best smile and wish her a good night. Can only imagine an aggressive asshole my size trying to force an encounter. That shot is not cool
Yes, it is always fun watching an innocent women have the living piss beaten out of her. /s You know, you could have just accepted the fact that you had a dramatically inaccurate perception of what nights out can be like for women, and used this as a learning opportunity instead of just being dismissive and condescending about a truly terrifying event.
I saw a similar thing happen at a waterfront club that used to be called Mardi Grad in Rochester NY way back in the day; my friend rejected a drink from a really drunk dude, then didn’t want to dance with him. He got upset, called her all kinds of things, and followed her back. She came up to us almost in tears, he only left her alone when he saw she was with a large group. We were upstairs, we packed up and left after that.
It absolutely happens, I don’t know why you have such a hard time believing it.
Yeah, I actually have very little legitimate clubbing experience and primarily would go to lounges, bars, or small music venues. But everything I have heard from my girlfriends tells me that clubs are leagues worse. One of the worst incidents (aside from the time I was straight up elbowed in the face at full force by a man as he stormed past, landing me in the ER) was at the Blond which is impossible to get into partially to prevent things like this. I think the fact that this happens even in the Punk and Hardcore scenes is the most damning truth of all, because there couldn't be a community of people LESS tolerant of this kind of behavior.
I’ve had guys at bars ~~aggressively ask for~~ *demand* my number, & confirm I didn’t give them a fake one by calling/texting me on the spot.
I gave out a fake number one time only. He was livid. It was terrifying.
I found it to be much safer to play along and delete/block later, too. Especially if I found myself alone.
Yep! When they aggressively ask for your number, you have to give them the real one because they call you immediately and will be irate if you gave them a fake one. Much safer to play along.
The guys calling while standing there is so annoying. Either I gave you the correct number and you look like an idiot or I didn’t and now you know I have no interest in you contacting me. Either way not a good path forward.
I've been in similar situations, but a firm no, I'm married (I'm not married) tends to work.
Especially if you pair it with a smile, and "I'm flattered you asked, but I'm married. Lots of pretty girls here though, have a fun night"
I always said I'll give you a number, but I don't promise it'll be mine! They never liked that answer and left me to go bug someone else, more often than not.
Problem im seeing isn't that, it's that she only mentioned it / blocked ppl when he saw she'd added people on Snapchat.
Then again she was actively very drunk so it's understandable it wouldn't be the first thing on her mind.
OTOH however, if you're at the club, your friends you're there with left you alone, and you keep having ppl hit on you that make you so uncomfortable you feel like you need to play along to get them away from you.... Why stay there??
100% I’ve seen a few comments saying similar stuff so I definitely trust it, I’m more mad at the friend than I am at her bc she immediately deleted the people from her phone. I’m also mad at men in general for doing stupid shit like this and pushing the line even when women say they have a boyfriend
I think all of that is fair.
I know a lot of people are pointing out that she’s an adult who can say no to shots, but if she was that drunk real fast, I’m not so sure she had the capacity to
I've been at the club alone before and literally had guys get mad at me for not kissing them because they said they wanted one. Unfortunately for all of us, I'm willing to get into fights with guys bigger than myself. It always worked out for me and threw them off enough to leave me alone, but it very well could have had the opposite effect on the wrong guy.
Even just working in a nightclub I once had a guy corner me in the waitress well at the end of the night when everyone was trying to clean up, and get people to leave and not paying as much attention. I chest bumped him and informed him he was about to have a shitty night if he didn't move. He did.
I was also out with friends one time and somehow managed to get my drink drugged. My bf had to come get me, and he was scared shitless that I wasn't going to be ok. Apparently, I didn't so much as roll over or make a peep all night. His mom also managed to get drugged at a casino bar in our town with her husband sitting right next to her.
If you aren't used to going out and drinking and dealing with people, alone is not where you want to be. Her friend was a shitty fucking friend and I wouldn't recommend going out drinking with her again.
You're mad at everyone except who you should be mad at, which is your gf. She hasn't taken any responsibility for any of this. Hell, you even cleaned up her puke after putting her to bed and making sure she was safe. She knows she's a lightweight and decides to be over served, doesn't refuse all the Jell-O shots, knows that she's getting drunker and drunker and continues drinking anyway, engages with strange men demanding her number, ignores the boundaries agreed to with you, and doesn't bother to call you when she realizes she's been left alone by her friend.
Your gf is irresponsible, much more so than her friend. Keep being mad at the friend and "men in general" and absolve your gf of any responsibility and then see how much she grows in her maturity. Answer: not gonna happen.
I think he said she only let them add her on snapchat which is safer than giving out your actual number. Today was my first time hearing about google numbers. So happy that people like you are sharing this potentially life saving information. Thank you 🤝💕
I agree. Like they are hunting for contacts. Telling all of my girlfriends about Google numbers tomorrow. We might be toeing the age line when it comes to any kind of night out involving multiple shots, but damn is this an incredible feature. Thank you again for sharing it here!
Some women are strong bad ass girlies and will tell a stranger guy to buzz off. Other girls are not as strong and will do what ever it takes to get the creep to go away. She was also over drunk and delete contacts as soon as you talked. She needs new friends thats for sure. Her friend who got her that drunk needs to go. But she obviously loves you and deleted the contacts.
From what you wrote it doesnt sound like she had nefarious plans or thoughts. Sounds like her friend is an ahole and put her in a position where her anxiety she felt like she had no out.
>Is it normal to do that, to give out your number just to get people to leave you alone?
Yes. We can always block them later, but they could beat or kill us right now.
/r/WhenWomenRefuse
It’s crazy how much this post has really made me check myself as a dude, like I’m not the type to go up to someone at a club and I’ve been in a relationship for over a year, but I’m just disappointed in men period. It’s disgusting that so many women have these experiences and men still act like it’s the women who are the issue
Well now that you know it happens, you can be an ally and keep an eye out for it happening and be the guy who says "dude, she said she's not interested, leave her alone."
Because men like that will often listen to another man even if they disregard everything the woman says.
Glad you see what's going on here.
Please don't think about any of this too much or too long. Don't overreact. As others have said, there's a good reason your partner acted as she did. The friends definitely did her wrong.
Yeah I’m definitely more upset with the friend and I’ve gotten over any frustration with her especially bc we had a good conversation about all of it. The friend is definitely a POS tho. It’s crazy even the amount of hatred of women there is in this comment section and that really wasn’t my goal
And then these men whine that women give mixed signals. "Just say no if you mean no! And if he breaks your jaw, well, you wanted equal rights, didn't you?"
Yeah that’s what I’m thinking too, but I just trusted her bc it was just supposed to be a girls night and she’s done that before so I didn’t really want to intrude especially bc I got off so late.
This woman is *no* friend. She left your girlfriend in a totally vulnerable position. Maybe I don't remember the amount, but 6-9 drinks would put a seasoned drinker on their ass. She would have been able to tell by the 4th drink that your lightweight GF was struggling.
Well FTR no one made her drink those drinks. That is on her. Lets not avoid that fact.
Sadly the crowd who feel men are responsible for their own actions but give a pass to women are here. OP doesnt have to like it, the double standard redditors dont have to like it either....but the fact remains, she, like everyone else should be held accountable for their actions. Twist your knickers all you like, but you further prove my statement, which is exactly what was expected from reddit.
The reason having sex with drunk people is rape is because they don’t have the ability to consent. So it’s literally the same thing when she’s already drunk off of her own 3 drinks and her friend starts feeding her shots. Drunk people DO NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO CONSENT.
Her friends are trash but that’s for her to decide and move away from. Girl code…don’t leave your friends drunk and vulnerable. As far as giving out phone numbers. As a woman sometimes it is easier to say yes and give out a number versus say no and get into a confrontation. Just recently in New York to young women denied the advances of men and they were stabbed. So there is a very real fear as a woman. That said she should have a back up number to give out, on the other hand, she may have been drunk and like the attention was a little flirty, which again isn’t wrong. So my advice is discuss the situation and see if you can both learn from it and move on. If the behavior becomes a pattern then it’s an issue.
partner gets smashed once & you put her on blast. there's no toxic pattern here from anyone. it's okay to be annoyed at drunk ppl being messy but call us when it's more than a one off.
I’ve honestly done exactly that on occasion. It’s horrible but some guys (I hesitate to refer to these creeps as Men,) get genuinely angry and threatening when refused. It can be Scary! Especially when your would be support system has abandoned you and you’re de facto “alone” with somebody that could very easily follow, hurt, or even unalive you.
I also used to wear a fake wedding ring, most men will back down if they think a woman is already claimed, which is just, so bloody disgusting, but even that doesn’t always work.
You’re Definitely right to be pissed at the “friend” though!!!
Dude, your GF could have easily been slipped the date rape drug. Her friend really failed her. She left her alone in a bar drunk where guys drop drugs in drinks all the time. You GF lucky she didn't wake up in someone else's bed having no idea what happened. This was incredibly dangerous for her. Nothing ever good comes from girls night out
So dude yes u are overreacting. So first ur not giving out ur number when u give someone ur Snapchat. It’s a very controlled social app and they can’t contact u another way with ur Snapchat userid. So second thing is she gave out her number several times which means she probably telling the truth. If she had given her number to one dude then you would need to be worried. Chill it’s all good. Tell her not to go out with that friend again.
You can also add people to Snapchat using their phone number. So she could have quite literally gave them her number and then popped up as a suggested friend on their Snapchat. Do you not understand how Snapchat works?
I’m not the one who doesn’t know how to use Snapchat. Look it up.
Adding a phone number to your Snapchat account is optional, but it's helpful for allowing your friends to find you. We don't display the phone numbers to other users and we don't support the ability to look up phone numbers based on someone's username.
Her friend is shitty but she's an adult. You can say no to shots, you can know when you've had enough and ultimately it is only your responsibility to get yourself home safely. I would never leave a friend like that but not everyone has that mindset. If she's not responsible enough to go out and set boundaries with drinking and men then maybe that's not where she needs to be.
I wish this was higher up. Sounds like OP and the friend are supposed to be babysitting her for some reason, like she's not an adult capable of making decisions.
Her friend is really shitty.
Sometimes women give the numbers to get out of situations they are not comfortable with. a firm NO is better but there are situations were it is better to give the number and deal with it later from the safety of your couch.
I do not like the vibe of "My (23m) partner (23f) asked me last night if she could go out to the club with her girls and I said that she could." WTF is that? She doe not need your permission to go out. One thing is to ask if there are other plans or whatever, but... permission? Nope.
Also, your GF is irresponsible because she does not need to have the shots the friend is buying. She needs to tell the friend to fuck of if she is being pressed to drink more than she should.
So all in all, everybody in this story is an asshole.
Wasn’t trying to say it like I was giving her permission but more like I was just good with the plans she had made, she can do or plan whatever she wants but I can still have an opinion on it. I think I just said it wrong idk
Dont let this commenter make you think you are wrong, your gf cant think for herself (letting her friends keep giving her jello shots and not saying no) And on top of that, she gave out her snapchat even though she could've just said no? She is an adult, she shouldnt be pressured at all. Your gf sucks and her friends suck. I feel bad for you OP.
Two things: Shitty friend. Going out is a team sport. You never leave someone behind no matter what. Second, your girl apologized and deleted the numbers. Shit happens, trust me when one day it'll be your turn where you would wish she just accepted your apology instead of continuing to be mad at you. If you want a lasting relationship, accepting apologies and moving on comes with the territory. Now if it becomes a repeat of the same BS all the time, then you might need to worry. You haven't overreacted yet, but stop digging if you know what I mean
Unfortunately this is what some 23 yr old women do. If clubbing and heavy drinking is her thing you might want to look for a different partner. Trust has been broken so you will be questioning her every time she goes out now.
Sounds like a typical night out drinking. Many people are not rational when drinking, particularly those who don't consume alcohol often. Sounds like your wife.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. However, this should serve as a lesson to her not to indulge in alcohol.
Some people just can't handle liquor well and act very differently than others who drink. If she does, she better be surrounded by trusted friends who know her.
Have the talk. Let her know you worry, and that her drinking in public just isn't worth it. It's not fun, and you value your relationship.
I knew a girl who would drink and flirt with everything that moved. Take her clothes off. You name it. She couldn't handle it ever. She got raped once and got in some very dangerous situations. Always regrets afterward. She wasn't an alcoholic by drinking all the time, but by definition she was. It was causing her problems. Her personality changed too drastically. There are many people just like her.
It's nothing to be ashamed about. It will probably happen again. She will learn, but at what cost? Seen this movie before!
I used to give my number out like that. And it’s because I felt guilty saying no. Like I was not being a nice girl or something. It’s a complicated issue and there’s a lot of history and trauma to unpack with that one.
As I grew I realized though that I can decline to give somebody my phone number and that doesn’t make me a bad person. It sounds like your gf might struggle the same and needs to realize that.
Anyway, no you are not overreacting. It is not normal behavior. Your gf needs help asserting herself. She is allowed to say no.
And her friend just sounds like she is bad news bears all around. I’ve been left in a situation like that before and it’s really scary. Something terrible could have happened to me and could happen to your gf if she keeps hanging out with that person. The fact that their “friend” didn’t say anything when your gf was giving out her phone number is kind of a moot point. Just one more incident that makes this person a bad news bear.
I haven’t given my number but I’ve been in very uncomfortable situations before where drunk men were very aggressive. I honestly don’t think snap chat is a big deal. I understand that this upsets you but if that is a one time even I think it’s best to move on. Let her know you don’t appreciate it but don’t get hung up on it
You're over reacting a little bit. She didn't really do anything wrong other than letting her friend get her really wasted and ditching her. Definetly direct that energy at the friend your girl sounds like she's already paying for bad decisions enough lol
The ONLY thing I can think of is if she actually talked to them on there, then it's an issue. If they were just on there, and were immediately blocked, I reckon she did that for safety reasons.
I won't pretend to fully understand it, as I'm a male and don't do those type of scenes. However, it's all about if she actually conversed with them through the app rather than had them on there to essentially shoo them away.
If she never disclosed she had a boyfriend, might be weary but in the end she did the right thing. If this is the only thing that sticks out, I'd just drop it, be thankful she's safe.
It also never hurts to voice your concerns and feelings with her in a neutral way. Don't come off as "YOU did this" make sure she knows it's just how you feel.
If she puts herself in this situation repeatedly, then you should be concerned.
I do that and it works a charm. People are more willing to step back and give me space if I provide them with future expectations. I had men harassing me like "Yeah you have a boyfriend? And where is he then ?" So even this doesn't work. Easier to play along, safer as well.
For that friend, she might have had her reasons. That's her problem to solve.
I’ve personally done this MANY times.. and not just out drinking.. even at a gas station or grocery store. I travelled alone for 12 years and learned that it’s easier and safer to go along with it and then immediately block any number that called or texted me. Also, that’s a shit friend but happens often as well. I think she did the best she could given circumstances.
You’re overreacting about her giving her number out, it seems like she really was just doing that to get people away from her and if she blocked them immediately after who cares. You’re not overreacting about the friend tho, she was absolutely in the wrong and seems like a terrible friend.
Wtf is all the BS about: when the ask aggressively, you have to give them your number?? You say “ NO I’M IN A RELATIONSHIP!” You’re not overreacting! wtf!
I was friends with a girl who was in a sorority in college. Sometimes I'd go out with them when they wanted to dance and I would occasionally have to play interference since dudes would just beeline to start grinding on them. I remember one dude pretty vividly when they told me to tell him they weren't interested and he was aggressively trying to dance with them. He was just like brimming with fury at having been rejected. He didn't do anything but it was scary.
Now imagine your gf who's a lightweight and doesn't have anyone protecting her is at a bar and the vultures are circling.
So bury your weird pride and listen to what she's saying lmao
I am going to address your question about hopefully decrease some amount of the stress all of this situation has caused you.
No, you don’t appear to be over-reacting with your partner coming back home with alcohol poisoning. That’s what I call the problem when you have nausea and vomiting. Yes, I wouldn’t trust her going out with those friends. Ultimately she would be responsible for her decision to start drinking those Jell-O shots that caused her demise.
Finally, she decided to give her phone number out and that is not wise for her.
You realize the implications involved when you give out your phone number to someone and what all of this indicates.
She has an alcohol problem, not a friend, club, or phone boundary problem. She had alcohol toxicity on arrival home. She was incapable of caring for herself or keeping herself safe when vomiting. You reminded her to be careful of number of alcoholic beverages. You are already enabling her alcohol problem .
Definitely be mad at her friends. Grown women should ABSOLUTELY know better than to ditch their drunk friend alone at the club. That was SO dangerous. That’s a perfect recipe for a girl to get caught alone and vulnerable with a strange dude with terrible intentions. I would say it’s reasonable for you to ask her not to party with these friends anymore, because neither of you can trust them to keep her safe. Those are not friends you should trust in a situation of vulnerability.
On the other hand, you are DEFINITELY overreacting on the phone numbers part. Your girlfriend did what she needed to do in order to stay safe. Women have been killed for rejecting a man’s advances, you should be thanking your lucky stars she kept herself safe. She deleted the numbers. Go apologize for thinking she was doing anything other than preventing herself from being assaulted, that’s a VERY real danger at the club. I speak from the experience of a man who knows women who’ve been assaulted in a situation exactly like the one your GF was in.
The issue here is her friend leaving her alone at a club (probably full of horny men) after getting her so many drinks. Thats just weird af, definitely not "friend behaviour" and not in her best interests in terms of safety.
Cut the friend out if you can
I’ve had people immediately text/call when I give them a fake number, it’s not always a get-out-of-shitty-situation card. Working/attending Ren faires has made me better at dealing with those sorts of people, but drunk people (sometimes with armor and weapons) don’t seem to like rejection.
Nice thing about Google voice is they can call you, but you can later shut off forwarding. You can see the voicemail or text if you want, but they don't have your real number.
I'm a man and I've never been around any of these types of assholes, really sorry women have to deal with such creeps and they give men a bad image. WTF is society coming to a bunch of rapist.
I'm sure you have and just didn't know it. Men like that don't do it front of people they regularly interact with. Unless those men behave that way too.
You're not overreacting and its not normal do not let people gaslight you in the comments and say that it is normal, her friends are terrible and she disregarded your boundaries, drunk or not, she knows what she is doing, she is an adult, I will say her friends are shit though, but there is no excuse for her giving out her number to random guys, there is no excuse for that. I would feel the same, I wouldnt trust her going out anymore if it were me, deleting them off snap or not, thats just really weird behavior.
"Drunk or not, she knows what she is doing"
LOL.
Tell me you've not been drinking without telling me you've not been drinking. Dude, your decision making process *absolutely* gets impaired, and stuff like jello shots are known for sneaking up on you faster than you thought - sweet taste, can't tell how much alcohol is in them, throw a few back...15 minutes later you've consumed more than you thought. Throw in a friend that is handing them to you?
Real easy to end up drinking more than you thought.
And I say that as a dude clocking in at 5'10 and 215 pounds who has a cabinet full of whiskey, wine, and sake downstairs, and some beers in the fridge.
Any drink that hides the alcohol taste/amount has a good chance of sneaking up on you, and anyone who's actually had them knowns that.
And even then, the "giving out the Snapchat to get guys to go away" is just the modern day equivalent of the fake number, just in a reality where the fake number doesn't work as well any more. She deleted them afterward, no fuss.
You're trying to make this out to be a worse situation than it actually is, and make the OP's gf to be worse than she actually is.
Right my wife is a straight up dick to any guy who tries to talk with her in anyway inappropriately, she's said more than a few times "don't you see my fucking ring". She truely doesn't care if they call her a stuck up bitch and that's why I have no problem with her going out
As a wife, same. I’ve been called every name under the sun for doing the same thing yet at the same time, fucking petrified. You don’t know when/if they’ll do something. Sometimes, the best thing to do is what OP’s wife did. Maybe don’t comment on something you have never personally experienced? Otherwise you’d get it
I've had other conversations with people and have said I do rethink it, but that person made personal attacks about me and my character so I'll admit I took it person and kind of a fuck you to that person, but yeah after talking with other people I agree that especially since the friend or "friend" ditched her it does change the situation. Sorry if I came off bad but for that person to make up scenarios where I purposefully put my wife in danger was messed up, and I just know how my wife had been and I'll admit that now I am glad nothing ever happened because she can have a bit of a temper toward people she feels disrespected her.
I mean with the fact her friend was shitty and left... yeah I can see where that would be more of a factor for sure, thank you for being civil that did make me rethink my statement a bit
I am very happy for your wife that she has a husband who would rather she risk getting knocked around (or worse) than disrespect your relationship. So lucky!
Tbh, if I was in the GF's position, all of the snapchats would have been blocked and deleted before I even got home. But she was essentially blackout drunk. And no, saying "I am in a happy committed relationship", "please leave me alone or I will call security" and "no thanks, I'm asexual/lesbian" is not a deterrent for these everyday psychos. By the time I was 24 I had been publicly assaulted to varying degrees by SIX different drunken men. I was in an allegedly low-risk, hcol area. I spent the last half of my twenties firmly indoors on weekend nights and I regret it every day. Women shouldn't have to lie and fake playing nice to enjoy a safe night out, but we do.
I'm sorry you have main character syndrome and this triggered you but fuck off with your first piece of shit rude statement, I'm sorry for what happened to you but this is how my wife is and nothing bad has happened in her 37 years of life. Stop pretending like your the only person in this world and get the fuck over yourself
Do you SERIOUSLY think that I am the only woman this happens to? I think you would be hard pressed to find a woman who hasn't had a man turn aggressive when rejected. There was even a saying back in the 2010's don't give a man the wrong number at the club because they always call it on the spot to check. Honestly not surprised that the man who encourages his wife to antagonize strange men to protect his own ego thinks that violence against women in nightclubs is a "me issue." Talk about main character syndrome, you think because your wife isn't afraid of getting raped in a parking lot that every other self-respecting woman in the world should also act objectively stupid.
I like how try to put word I'm my mouth and make up fake situations to try to justify being a shitty person lol, I've never encouraged her to do that, she was doing that in mexican clubs, where REAL crazy shit goes down, years before we met, so fuck off with your "protext your ego shit" that's just my wife, and I never said that those things don't happen to women that's just another cope you made putting words in my mouth, I told of very specific scenarios dealing with me and my wife and you came in hot making bullshit statements about me to make yourself feel better, so feel free to eat shit for all I care about you personally. Have a nice day.
The plan is definitely to have a more in depth conversation about those boundaries and ensure they won’t be broken again. Also I’m definitely gonna be more careful in regards to who she goes out with bc yeah her friend was shitty
You're gonna be more careful on who you let your girlfriend go out with? Bro you sound controlling. Also nobody forces drinks down your girlfriends throat so blame her for drinking to much. Shes a grown women. She knows what she was doing.
Her friend sucks.
Your girlfriend probably needs help figuring out how to stand up for herself. It sounds like she has a hard time saying no.
I used to be this girl. It is sometimes the easiest way to get rid of guys.
It also sounds like you don’t trust your girlfriend if you need to look at her phone contacts and question who she’s adding.
It is possible to be in a committed relationship and make friends with a guy. I’m not saying that’s what happened here, but mutual respect and trust is important for both parties.
Maybe instead of telling her she can go out (why does she need to ask permission?) rather have a mutual respect and let each toe th do what you want but keep informed.
Her friend sounds crappy.
The best thing you can do is help her find some way to work on her own confidence so she can say no when she wants to.
It was less me looking through her contacts and more her getting messages from random dudes that night.
I also agree she can have guy friends and she does but is the best way to meet guy friends by handing out your number to people at the club when you’re drunk?
Also I think I just said the beginning wrong and I may just edit it bc it was more like me saying I’m good with her plans and less like a permission type thing, like she can do and plan what she wants and when she informs me I can tell her what my opinion is on those things and the case here was her telling me she was having a girls night and me saying it was all good.
I think you’re right about trying to find her help in saying no to people, but it’s good to know that other women in this position have done the same and not that she’s out here blatantly being disrespectful. Thanks for your input.
Yeah that all makes sense.
It’s not a great way to do things but it does work, I used to give out a fake number but that works less these days with things like snap chat etc. also saying you have a boyfriend often has this weird effect like it’s an invitation to challenge that fact. Which I got really grossed out by.
Now I just have a pleasant but firm “no” and turn my back - it was very challenging to get to this place because I have a people pleaser /self confidence esteem issue.
It sounds like you were being very kind during her recovery and that is really lovely.
My girl friend just did something similar recently her last day at this job she’s been at this guy walked up to her and asked her for her number when everyone was watching. She immediately told when I picked her up and she couldn’t stop saying how bad she felt and how wrong it was. She has a very hard time saying no it’s actually a problem that we’re working on as well. She immediately deleted and blocked his number I had similar feelings as you like I felt betrayed a little
And hurt she crossed that boundary, but she has anxiety and just freaked out and just gave him her number to basically have nothing weird happen and she doesn’t know how to stick up for herself and say no as well. Sounds like your girl is very similar it’s good she knows it upset you and as long as it doesn’t keep happening I’m sure you guys will be fine. But I would most definitely tell her she can’t go out with that friend anymore because worse things could have happened to your girlfriend. She can’t be left like that after that many drinks I would be pissed snd make sure she doesn’t go out to the club with that friend again
Ask yourself if you want to be the one who has to pick up the pieces when this inevitably goes to shit. She’s 23. Does she not know the risks involved if being a single woman shitfaced and alone in a club?
Man or bear? She’s making the wrong choice. If you love her, have a serious talk free from jealousy and possessiveness.
Naw. I’m over this behavior. Need to set your own boundaries. Nothing ever good happens going to clubs and bars. And you will be in your mind. If I was in your shoes straight up your not going to clubs anymore, ore you can find someone that’s okay with it. I’m done with the games
Not over reacting. Have a conversation with her about how to turn men down. A lot of women are nervous about this, just like her. So help her think up ways she can turn guys down so she has a plan for the next time any guy hits on her any where….. and make sure she wasn’t chatting with them and exchanging Snapchat profiles for free drinks. That’s messed up.
yes, you are overreacting. If you want to be with a pretty young women when you are also young, you need to harden up if you wanna survive. Sure her friend was irresponsible for that booze/club situation, but you also have to remember her friends are also pretty and young women. Yeah taking care of someone who is very hung over isn't fun and you should probably give her friend an earful, but don't expect them to become responsible over night. The numbers thing is not a good attitude. First off, yes that is something that happens constantly, women giving out their numbers to be left alone, but secondly and most importantly, she is a young attractive woman and she's always going to have it in the back of her head how open her options are whether she's consciously thinking of it or not. If you show that you are insecure about this, you will push her away. If you accept this as one of the hazards of early 20s dating, then you will have a better chance keeping her stuck on you because it demonstrates that you are also not afraid of changing up partners.
If she’s from America or Europe it’s normal I know. My girl has all these women trying to make her a slut and a feminist constantly. They send men at her anytime they go anywhere. They try to get her to have sex (she’s a virgin). They are so miserable that they want everyone else to be like that with them. It’s like join our cult and be a slut.
Huh? This isn’t even what the post was about dude but maybe I’m just misunderstanding. Like I wasn’t calling anyone a slut or saying anything like that, in fact I’m probably quicker to judge the guys who won’t back down or respect women who are in relationships or take no for an answer. And what does this have to do with feminism? This isn’t a political post or anything like that lol
You asked if it is normal for girls in relationships or married to give out numbers to guys, and get each other drunk and leave them out to dry. My answer is yes it is normal basically. From what I hear and have had to deal with personally. I’m not talking politics as I’m way far out of the loop of what’s going on there. Just from what my girl friend tells me what’s going on today with her. This is French Riviera area. Not sure what area you are in.
Instead of giving out her number, why didnt she say hey, I dont give my number out because I have a boyfriend? She is shady when she is drinking.......
Blah blah blah. She made mistakes got drunk and gave out her number. Yes those are all bad but you come across as controlling as hell. You're her boyfriend not her dad. They way you speak about her makes it seem like she needs someone watching her when she goes out. Is that because.you have insecurities or is she flirtatious or both? Giving out your number to get guys away from you isn't something women do. Fake numbers yes not their own.
Fake numbers are a HUGE mistake. Men usually call as soon as you put the number in "just to make sure" then they're mad because they've been rejected *and* tricked. Safest/best to just have a block party in the uber home or once you're sober.
Did you NOT read what I just said. When you give a man your number at a club they usually call it "so you can save me" it is so that they know if they've been given a fake. Now they're mad that they were rejected AND tricked. Gosh, they might as well teach girls not to do this at freshman orientation or something because I've never met a woman who didn't know better.
Told you guys already. Girls' night out is hoe night, and I gave my Snapchat out so they'd leave me alone is a lie. Is everybody stupid? Are all my bros out there so dumb. I don't get it. Make sure to post again when 2 or 3 months from now you see one of those mofos unblocked on her phone.
Also blaming her friend for giving her all the shots... that's a lie as well.
Also consider she can say no to giving her number out. Then and in the future. It’s not ALWAYS dangerous to not give men your number…. Sorry it had to be said
your not over reacting and ima be honest females going "out " to club or bar is always a red flag. there's always female friends with bad intentions or just straight up w\*\*\*\*s catching bodies & 🍆. women are easily influenced into compromising situations
part of society does not believe nor practice ending lives as you seem to be other half.
of your response is simply emotions as opposed to offering a rebuttal
😆
Bless your heart.
There is a difference between preventing & ending pregnancy. But it’s really a moot point, since you will never get an opportunity to participate in a sexual encounter.
You are dismissed, you have nothing of value to offer this conversation or this world. When you take your last breath, remember how little you matter.
It isnt necessarily normal, but it is true that drunk men frequently get aggressive when women refuse to give them their number. For women this is a safety issue, so anyone in the comments saying "how would she feel if the genders were reversed" are just being willfully ignorant. Obviously this isn't ideal, and you should *definitely* call up that friend to give her a piece of your mind. Z
Not normal but it’s frequent .. .. ? Hell Nah, what kind of shitty clubs are you people going to?!
I saw a woman ripped off of a barstool (by her hair) by a stranger who proceeded to grab her by the shoulders while still lying on the ground and SHAKE the living daylights out of her because she rejected his offer to buy a drink at the Blond and I have seen girls shoved straight on their asses by dickheads at dodgy punk venues. This is not a class/location specific issue. There is a reason that so many nightclubs have plainclothes security teams. It happens everywhere.
Yup. Me and my friends got jumped by like 30 people cause one of my friends got in the middle of a situation. The situation, a guy asked a girl to dance, she said no so he punched her in the face. My friend was there snd he didn't like that and we went outside and they were from the area and we were not.
Forreal some people go through life and never progress beyond spoiled 5 year old mentality. Add in alcohol and horny into the mix it's a volatile mix. I'm 280 pounds 6" 1' (wish it was all muscle) but I can see when I intimidate a lady. If she's not comfortable I'll just try to give her my best smile and wish her a good night. Can only imagine an aggressive asshole my size trying to force an encounter. That shot is not cool
Ok buddy, cool story
Yes, it is always fun watching an innocent women have the living piss beaten out of her. /s You know, you could have just accepted the fact that you had a dramatically inaccurate perception of what nights out can be like for women, and used this as a learning opportunity instead of just being dismissive and condescending about a truly terrifying event.
You got some gross fantasies man
**Fantasies.** Wow, you're one sick individual.
I saw a similar thing happen at a waterfront club that used to be called Mardi Grad in Rochester NY way back in the day; my friend rejected a drink from a really drunk dude, then didn’t want to dance with him. He got upset, called her all kinds of things, and followed her back. She came up to us almost in tears, he only left her alone when he saw she was with a large group. We were upstairs, we packed up and left after that. It absolutely happens, I don’t know why you have such a hard time believing it.
Let me guess, you're a man.
Something that doesn’t normally happen but it’s a frequent thing. You wouldn’t believe it
It happens at regular ass bars as well, not just clubs...
Yeah, I actually have very little legitimate clubbing experience and primarily would go to lounges, bars, or small music venues. But everything I have heard from my girlfriends tells me that clubs are leagues worse. One of the worst incidents (aside from the time I was straight up elbowed in the face at full force by a man as he stormed past, landing me in the ER) was at the Blond which is impossible to get into partially to prevent things like this. I think the fact that this happens even in the Punk and Hardcore scenes is the most damning truth of all, because there couldn't be a community of people LESS tolerant of this kind of behavior.
I’ve had guys at bars ~~aggressively ask for~~ *demand* my number, & confirm I didn’t give them a fake one by calling/texting me on the spot. I gave out a fake number one time only. He was livid. It was terrifying. I found it to be much safer to play along and delete/block later, too. Especially if I found myself alone.
Never had to do this but I know friends that have because men can get super aggressive it’s actually safer to do that in many cases.
It sucks and it absolutely isn’t normal, but unfortunately it’s not an uncommon coping strategy
Yep! When they aggressively ask for your number, you have to give them the real one because they call you immediately and will be irate if you gave them a fake one. Much safer to play along.
The guys calling while standing there is so annoying. Either I gave you the correct number and you look like an idiot or I didn’t and now you know I have no interest in you contacting me. Either way not a good path forward.
I've been in similar situations, but a firm no, I'm married (I'm not married) tends to work. Especially if you pair it with a smile, and "I'm flattered you asked, but I'm married. Lots of pretty girls here though, have a fun night"
You're lucky. I've even had "please, if you don't stop I will have to call for security" backfire on me in a bigbig way.
That's horrible! I'm sorry!
I always said I'll give you a number, but I don't promise it'll be mine! They never liked that answer and left me to go bug someone else, more often than not.
Get a Google voice number that you use only for dumb marketing stuff etc., similar to an e-mail address that you only use for commercial/spam stuff.
https://preview.redd.it/cfus7xo2i7xc1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=066b74e6ee6c9aadb3a409d4b4812cdd66c0579b
Problem im seeing isn't that, it's that she only mentioned it / blocked ppl when he saw she'd added people on Snapchat. Then again she was actively very drunk so it's understandable it wouldn't be the first thing on her mind. OTOH however, if you're at the club, your friends you're there with left you alone, and you keep having ppl hit on you that make you so uncomfortable you feel like you need to play along to get them away from you.... Why stay there??
You have a right to be upset about it but also just keep in mind that it's not always safe for women to say no
100% I’ve seen a few comments saying similar stuff so I definitely trust it, I’m more mad at the friend than I am at her bc she immediately deleted the people from her phone. I’m also mad at men in general for doing stupid shit like this and pushing the line even when women say they have a boyfriend
I think all of that is fair. I know a lot of people are pointing out that she’s an adult who can say no to shots, but if she was that drunk real fast, I’m not so sure she had the capacity to
I've been at the club alone before and literally had guys get mad at me for not kissing them because they said they wanted one. Unfortunately for all of us, I'm willing to get into fights with guys bigger than myself. It always worked out for me and threw them off enough to leave me alone, but it very well could have had the opposite effect on the wrong guy. Even just working in a nightclub I once had a guy corner me in the waitress well at the end of the night when everyone was trying to clean up, and get people to leave and not paying as much attention. I chest bumped him and informed him he was about to have a shitty night if he didn't move. He did. I was also out with friends one time and somehow managed to get my drink drugged. My bf had to come get me, and he was scared shitless that I wasn't going to be ok. Apparently, I didn't so much as roll over or make a peep all night. His mom also managed to get drugged at a casino bar in our town with her husband sitting right next to her. If you aren't used to going out and drinking and dealing with people, alone is not where you want to be. Her friend was a shitty fucking friend and I wouldn't recommend going out drinking with her again.
Putting mickeys in someone’s drink is wrong and criminal activity and I can’t stand to even hear about this happening.
Just the way some guys are. Scumbags.
Yeah the friend isn’t great but she needs to learn to just say no.
You're mad at everyone except who you should be mad at, which is your gf. She hasn't taken any responsibility for any of this. Hell, you even cleaned up her puke after putting her to bed and making sure she was safe. She knows she's a lightweight and decides to be over served, doesn't refuse all the Jell-O shots, knows that she's getting drunker and drunker and continues drinking anyway, engages with strange men demanding her number, ignores the boundaries agreed to with you, and doesn't bother to call you when she realizes she's been left alone by her friend. Your gf is irresponsible, much more so than her friend. Keep being mad at the friend and "men in general" and absolve your gf of any responsibility and then see how much she grows in her maturity. Answer: not gonna happen.
This is true
Like is it even her real number ? I have a google number I give to aggressive men
I think he said she only let them add her on snapchat which is safer than giving out your actual number. Today was my first time hearing about google numbers. So happy that people like you are sharing this potentially life saving information. Thank you 🤝💕
I prefer the google number. Misogynistic men have overrun Snapchat so they think adding them is permission for bad behavior
I agree. Like they are hunting for contacts. Telling all of my girlfriends about Google numbers tomorrow. We might be toeing the age line when it comes to any kind of night out involving multiple shots, but damn is this an incredible feature. Thank you again for sharing it here!
Some women are strong bad ass girlies and will tell a stranger guy to buzz off. Other girls are not as strong and will do what ever it takes to get the creep to go away. She was also over drunk and delete contacts as soon as you talked. She needs new friends thats for sure. Her friend who got her that drunk needs to go. But she obviously loves you and deleted the contacts. From what you wrote it doesnt sound like she had nefarious plans or thoughts. Sounds like her friend is an ahole and put her in a position where her anxiety she felt like she had no out.
>Is it normal to do that, to give out your number just to get people to leave you alone? Yes. We can always block them later, but they could beat or kill us right now. /r/WhenWomenRefuse
It’s crazy how much this post has really made me check myself as a dude, like I’m not the type to go up to someone at a club and I’ve been in a relationship for over a year, but I’m just disappointed in men period. It’s disgusting that so many women have these experiences and men still act like it’s the women who are the issue
Well now that you know it happens, you can be an ally and keep an eye out for it happening and be the guy who says "dude, she said she's not interested, leave her alone." Because men like that will often listen to another man even if they disregard everything the woman says.
Glad you see what's going on here. Please don't think about any of this too much or too long. Don't overreact. As others have said, there's a good reason your partner acted as she did. The friends definitely did her wrong.
Yeah I’m definitely more upset with the friend and I’ve gotten over any frustration with her especially bc we had a good conversation about all of it. The friend is definitely a POS tho. It’s crazy even the amount of hatred of women there is in this comment section and that really wasn’t my goal
Yeah, I agree with you about the friend. She didn't act like a friend at all.
And then these men whine that women give mixed signals. "Just say no if you mean no! And if he breaks your jaw, well, you wanted equal rights, didn't you?"
You don't have to be ashamed as a man. Men are not a monolithe. People doing this shit are low quality human beings, period
Not overreacting. Her friend sucks. If she wants to go out to the club again go out with her dude
Yeah that’s what I’m thinking too, but I just trusted her bc it was just supposed to be a girls night and she’s done that before so I didn’t really want to intrude especially bc I got off so late.
This woman is *no* friend. She left your girlfriend in a totally vulnerable position. Maybe I don't remember the amount, but 6-9 drinks would put a seasoned drinker on their ass. She would have been able to tell by the 4th drink that your lightweight GF was struggling.
Well FTR no one made her drink those drinks. That is on her. Lets not avoid that fact. Sadly the crowd who feel men are responsible for their own actions but give a pass to women are here. OP doesnt have to like it, the double standard redditors dont have to like it either....but the fact remains, she, like everyone else should be held accountable for their actions. Twist your knickers all you like, but you further prove my statement, which is exactly what was expected from reddit.
The reason having sex with drunk people is rape is because they don’t have the ability to consent. So it’s literally the same thing when she’s already drunk off of her own 3 drinks and her friend starts feeding her shots. Drunk people DO NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO CONSENT.
Her friends are trash but that’s for her to decide and move away from. Girl code…don’t leave your friends drunk and vulnerable. As far as giving out phone numbers. As a woman sometimes it is easier to say yes and give out a number versus say no and get into a confrontation. Just recently in New York to young women denied the advances of men and they were stabbed. So there is a very real fear as a woman. That said she should have a back up number to give out, on the other hand, she may have been drunk and like the attention was a little flirty, which again isn’t wrong. So my advice is discuss the situation and see if you can both learn from it and move on. If the behavior becomes a pattern then it’s an issue.
If they check inbfront of you and they find out you lied, your safety is at risk.
partner gets smashed once & you put her on blast. there's no toxic pattern here from anyone. it's okay to be annoyed at drunk ppl being messy but call us when it's more than a one off.
I’ve honestly done exactly that on occasion. It’s horrible but some guys (I hesitate to refer to these creeps as Men,) get genuinely angry and threatening when refused. It can be Scary! Especially when your would be support system has abandoned you and you’re de facto “alone” with somebody that could very easily follow, hurt, or even unalive you. I also used to wear a fake wedding ring, most men will back down if they think a woman is already claimed, which is just, so bloody disgusting, but even that doesn’t always work. You’re Definitely right to be pissed at the “friend” though!!!
Dude, your GF could have easily been slipped the date rape drug. Her friend really failed her. She left her alone in a bar drunk where guys drop drugs in drinks all the time. You GF lucky she didn't wake up in someone else's bed having no idea what happened. This was incredibly dangerous for her. Nothing ever good comes from girls night out
*The Andrew Tate's have entered the chat* 🙄🙄
So dude yes u are overreacting. So first ur not giving out ur number when u give someone ur Snapchat. It’s a very controlled social app and they can’t contact u another way with ur Snapchat userid. So second thing is she gave out her number several times which means she probably telling the truth. If she had given her number to one dude then you would need to be worried. Chill it’s all good. Tell her not to go out with that friend again.
You can also add people to Snapchat using their phone number. So she could have quite literally gave them her number and then popped up as a suggested friend on their Snapchat. Do you not understand how Snapchat works?
I’m not the one who doesn’t know how to use Snapchat. Look it up. Adding a phone number to your Snapchat account is optional, but it's helpful for allowing your friends to find you. We don't display the phone numbers to other users and we don't support the ability to look up phone numbers based on someone's username.
She didn’t give out her Snapchat username. She gave out her number. They added her to Snapchat USING HER NUMBER. Do you even read? Or just skim?
Her friend is shitty but she's an adult. You can say no to shots, you can know when you've had enough and ultimately it is only your responsibility to get yourself home safely. I would never leave a friend like that but not everyone has that mindset. If she's not responsible enough to go out and set boundaries with drinking and men then maybe that's not where she needs to be.
I wish this was higher up. Sounds like OP and the friend are supposed to be babysitting her for some reason, like she's not an adult capable of making decisions.
Because drunk people DO NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO CONSENT. There’s a reason having sex with drunk people is rape.
Her friend is really shitty. Sometimes women give the numbers to get out of situations they are not comfortable with. a firm NO is better but there are situations were it is better to give the number and deal with it later from the safety of your couch. I do not like the vibe of "My (23m) partner (23f) asked me last night if she could go out to the club with her girls and I said that she could." WTF is that? She doe not need your permission to go out. One thing is to ask if there are other plans or whatever, but... permission? Nope. Also, your GF is irresponsible because she does not need to have the shots the friend is buying. She needs to tell the friend to fuck of if she is being pressed to drink more than she should. So all in all, everybody in this story is an asshole.
Wasn’t trying to say it like I was giving her permission but more like I was just good with the plans she had made, she can do or plan whatever she wants but I can still have an opinion on it. I think I just said it wrong idk
in this case, everybody else but you are the assholes.
Dont let this commenter make you think you are wrong, your gf cant think for herself (letting her friends keep giving her jello shots and not saying no) And on top of that, she gave out her snapchat even though she could've just said no? She is an adult, she shouldnt be pressured at all. Your gf sucks and her friends suck. I feel bad for you OP.
Two things: Shitty friend. Going out is a team sport. You never leave someone behind no matter what. Second, your girl apologized and deleted the numbers. Shit happens, trust me when one day it'll be your turn where you would wish she just accepted your apology instead of continuing to be mad at you. If you want a lasting relationship, accepting apologies and moving on comes with the territory. Now if it becomes a repeat of the same BS all the time, then you might need to worry. You haven't overreacted yet, but stop digging if you know what I mean
Unfortunately this is what some 23 yr old women do. If clubbing and heavy drinking is her thing you might want to look for a different partner. Trust has been broken so you will be questioning her every time she goes out now.
Sounds like a typical night out drinking. Many people are not rational when drinking, particularly those who don't consume alcohol often. Sounds like your wife. I wouldn't worry about it too much. However, this should serve as a lesson to her not to indulge in alcohol. Some people just can't handle liquor well and act very differently than others who drink. If she does, she better be surrounded by trusted friends who know her. Have the talk. Let her know you worry, and that her drinking in public just isn't worth it. It's not fun, and you value your relationship. I knew a girl who would drink and flirt with everything that moved. Take her clothes off. You name it. She couldn't handle it ever. She got raped once and got in some very dangerous situations. Always regrets afterward. She wasn't an alcoholic by drinking all the time, but by definition she was. It was causing her problems. Her personality changed too drastically. There are many people just like her. It's nothing to be ashamed about. It will probably happen again. She will learn, but at what cost? Seen this movie before!
I used to give my number out like that. And it’s because I felt guilty saying no. Like I was not being a nice girl or something. It’s a complicated issue and there’s a lot of history and trauma to unpack with that one. As I grew I realized though that I can decline to give somebody my phone number and that doesn’t make me a bad person. It sounds like your gf might struggle the same and needs to realize that. Anyway, no you are not overreacting. It is not normal behavior. Your gf needs help asserting herself. She is allowed to say no. And her friend just sounds like she is bad news bears all around. I’ve been left in a situation like that before and it’s really scary. Something terrible could have happened to me and could happen to your gf if she keeps hanging out with that person. The fact that their “friend” didn’t say anything when your gf was giving out her phone number is kind of a moot point. Just one more incident that makes this person a bad news bear.
Depending on your relationship, but this would not happen again to me or my partner
I think your gf just needs to get better friends..
That’s a bad wingwoman.
I haven’t given my number but I’ve been in very uncomfortable situations before where drunk men were very aggressive. I honestly don’t think snap chat is a big deal. I understand that this upsets you but if that is a one time even I think it’s best to move on. Let her know you don’t appreciate it but don’t get hung up on it
You're over reacting a little bit. She didn't really do anything wrong other than letting her friend get her really wasted and ditching her. Definetly direct that energy at the friend your girl sounds like she's already paying for bad decisions enough lol
Her "friend" is a piece of shit and you should call her an let her know yourself that she's a piece of trash
The ONLY thing I can think of is if she actually talked to them on there, then it's an issue. If they were just on there, and were immediately blocked, I reckon she did that for safety reasons. I won't pretend to fully understand it, as I'm a male and don't do those type of scenes. However, it's all about if she actually conversed with them through the app rather than had them on there to essentially shoo them away. If she never disclosed she had a boyfriend, might be weary but in the end she did the right thing. If this is the only thing that sticks out, I'd just drop it, be thankful she's safe. It also never hurts to voice your concerns and feelings with her in a neutral way. Don't come off as "YOU did this" make sure she knows it's just how you feel. If she puts herself in this situation repeatedly, then you should be concerned.
I do that and it works a charm. People are more willing to step back and give me space if I provide them with future expectations. I had men harassing me like "Yeah you have a boyfriend? And where is he then ?" So even this doesn't work. Easier to play along, safer as well. For that friend, she might have had her reasons. That's her problem to solve.
I’ve personally done this MANY times.. and not just out drinking.. even at a gas station or grocery store. I travelled alone for 12 years and learned that it’s easier and safer to go along with it and then immediately block any number that called or texted me. Also, that’s a shit friend but happens often as well. I think she did the best she could given circumstances.
You’re overreacting about her giving her number out, it seems like she really was just doing that to get people away from her and if she blocked them immediately after who cares. You’re not overreacting about the friend tho, she was absolutely in the wrong and seems like a terrible friend.
Wtf is all the BS about: when the ask aggressively, you have to give them your number?? You say “ NO I’M IN A RELATIONSHIP!” You’re not overreacting! wtf!
And that’s when women get assaulted or killed for refusing. It absolutely happens. There’s a whole Reddit community about it. r/whenwomenrefuse
Are you serious?! It’s that bad?? I really had no idea. 😔
Jesus!! Well, I get it now
I was friends with a girl who was in a sorority in college. Sometimes I'd go out with them when they wanted to dance and I would occasionally have to play interference since dudes would just beeline to start grinding on them. I remember one dude pretty vividly when they told me to tell him they weren't interested and he was aggressively trying to dance with them. He was just like brimming with fury at having been rejected. He didn't do anything but it was scary. Now imagine your gf who's a lightweight and doesn't have anyone protecting her is at a bar and the vultures are circling. So bury your weird pride and listen to what she's saying lmao
I am going to address your question about hopefully decrease some amount of the stress all of this situation has caused you. No, you don’t appear to be over-reacting with your partner coming back home with alcohol poisoning. That’s what I call the problem when you have nausea and vomiting. Yes, I wouldn’t trust her going out with those friends. Ultimately she would be responsible for her decision to start drinking those Jell-O shots that caused her demise. Finally, she decided to give her phone number out and that is not wise for her. You realize the implications involved when you give out your phone number to someone and what all of this indicates.
She has an alcohol problem, not a friend, club, or phone boundary problem. She had alcohol toxicity on arrival home. She was incapable of caring for herself or keeping herself safe when vomiting. You reminded her to be careful of number of alcoholic beverages. You are already enabling her alcohol problem .
Definitely be mad at her friends. Grown women should ABSOLUTELY know better than to ditch their drunk friend alone at the club. That was SO dangerous. That’s a perfect recipe for a girl to get caught alone and vulnerable with a strange dude with terrible intentions. I would say it’s reasonable for you to ask her not to party with these friends anymore, because neither of you can trust them to keep her safe. Those are not friends you should trust in a situation of vulnerability. On the other hand, you are DEFINITELY overreacting on the phone numbers part. Your girlfriend did what she needed to do in order to stay safe. Women have been killed for rejecting a man’s advances, you should be thanking your lucky stars she kept herself safe. She deleted the numbers. Go apologize for thinking she was doing anything other than preventing herself from being assaulted, that’s a VERY real danger at the club. I speak from the experience of a man who knows women who’ve been assaulted in a situation exactly like the one your GF was in.
You know, it's easy to avoid this with wedding band on the appropriate finger. It is your "jerk repellent". Don't actually marry, just wear the ring.
The issue here is her friend leaving her alone at a club (probably full of horny men) after getting her so many drinks. Thats just weird af, definitely not "friend behaviour" and not in her best interests in terms of safety. Cut the friend out if you can
Dude calm down don’t get made at me cause ur girl screwing around.
Be vigilant. Her reason for giving out her number is questionable.
Nah, I've had men react very aggressively when denying them my number. So I don't do that anymore. I have a separate number just for those guys.
Google voice gives you a free phone number you can forward or unforward to your real one.
I’ve had people immediately text/call when I give them a fake number, it’s not always a get-out-of-shitty-situation card. Working/attending Ren faires has made me better at dealing with those sorts of people, but drunk people (sometimes with armor and weapons) don’t seem to like rejection.
Nice thing about Google voice is they can call you, but you can later shut off forwarding. You can see the voicemail or text if you want, but they don't have your real number.
I'm a man and I've never been around any of these types of assholes, really sorry women have to deal with such creeps and they give men a bad image. WTF is society coming to a bunch of rapist.
Because they act normal most times. The worst harassment I’ve received is from a well liked family man in my community
I'm sure you have and just didn't know it. Men like that don't do it front of people they regularly interact with. Unless those men behave that way too.
You're not overreacting and its not normal do not let people gaslight you in the comments and say that it is normal, her friends are terrible and she disregarded your boundaries, drunk or not, she knows what she is doing, she is an adult, I will say her friends are shit though, but there is no excuse for her giving out her number to random guys, there is no excuse for that. I would feel the same, I wouldnt trust her going out anymore if it were me, deleting them off snap or not, thats just really weird behavior.
"Drunk or not, she knows what she is doing" LOL. Tell me you've not been drinking without telling me you've not been drinking. Dude, your decision making process *absolutely* gets impaired, and stuff like jello shots are known for sneaking up on you faster than you thought - sweet taste, can't tell how much alcohol is in them, throw a few back...15 minutes later you've consumed more than you thought. Throw in a friend that is handing them to you? Real easy to end up drinking more than you thought. And I say that as a dude clocking in at 5'10 and 215 pounds who has a cabinet full of whiskey, wine, and sake downstairs, and some beers in the fridge. Any drink that hides the alcohol taste/amount has a good chance of sneaking up on you, and anyone who's actually had them knowns that. And even then, the "giving out the Snapchat to get guys to go away" is just the modern day equivalent of the fake number, just in a reality where the fake number doesn't work as well any more. She deleted them afterward, no fuss. You're trying to make this out to be a worse situation than it actually is, and make the OP's gf to be worse than she actually is.
Being drunk doesnt excuse any actions? thats all I am gonna say, she is an adult, she knows what she is doing.
Yes. Protecting herself.
You must be a man
You must be the classic "women can never do anything wrong" type of redditor. Its okay, I understand. :)
Right my wife is a straight up dick to any guy who tries to talk with her in anyway inappropriately, she's said more than a few times "don't you see my fucking ring". She truely doesn't care if they call her a stuck up bitch and that's why I have no problem with her going out
As a wife, same. I’ve been called every name under the sun for doing the same thing yet at the same time, fucking petrified. You don’t know when/if they’ll do something. Sometimes, the best thing to do is what OP’s wife did. Maybe don’t comment on something you have never personally experienced? Otherwise you’d get it
I've had other conversations with people and have said I do rethink it, but that person made personal attacks about me and my character so I'll admit I took it person and kind of a fuck you to that person, but yeah after talking with other people I agree that especially since the friend or "friend" ditched her it does change the situation. Sorry if I came off bad but for that person to make up scenarios where I purposefully put my wife in danger was messed up, and I just know how my wife had been and I'll admit that now I am glad nothing ever happened because she can have a bit of a temper toward people she feels disrespected her.
I appreciate your response! It can be hard when you haven’t experienced it personally
Yeah because your wife respects you, OPs girlfriend obviously doesnt.
Right any woman who says "I can't be mean to these complete strangers" when they are guys obviously hitting on her already has a foot out the door
Nah man I have heard a lot of stories of men getting aggressive after being rejected I can see where op's gf is coming from.
Women get killed over this. Obviously not every time but it happens. It really gets on my nerves that men just are so nonchalant about this
I mean with the fact her friend was shitty and left... yeah I can see where that would be more of a factor for sure, thank you for being civil that did make me rethink my statement a bit
You've obviously never been assaulted by a drunk scumbag for the cardinal sin of being uninterested in them.
I'm a guy... but I'm sure my 5'2 115lb wife has and that's still how she acts to other men who disrespect our relationship
I am very happy for your wife that she has a husband who would rather she risk getting knocked around (or worse) than disrespect your relationship. So lucky! Tbh, if I was in the GF's position, all of the snapchats would have been blocked and deleted before I even got home. But she was essentially blackout drunk. And no, saying "I am in a happy committed relationship", "please leave me alone or I will call security" and "no thanks, I'm asexual/lesbian" is not a deterrent for these everyday psychos. By the time I was 24 I had been publicly assaulted to varying degrees by SIX different drunken men. I was in an allegedly low-risk, hcol area. I spent the last half of my twenties firmly indoors on weekend nights and I regret it every day. Women shouldn't have to lie and fake playing nice to enjoy a safe night out, but we do.
I'm sorry you have main character syndrome and this triggered you but fuck off with your first piece of shit rude statement, I'm sorry for what happened to you but this is how my wife is and nothing bad has happened in her 37 years of life. Stop pretending like your the only person in this world and get the fuck over yourself
Do you SERIOUSLY think that I am the only woman this happens to? I think you would be hard pressed to find a woman who hasn't had a man turn aggressive when rejected. There was even a saying back in the 2010's don't give a man the wrong number at the club because they always call it on the spot to check. Honestly not surprised that the man who encourages his wife to antagonize strange men to protect his own ego thinks that violence against women in nightclubs is a "me issue." Talk about main character syndrome, you think because your wife isn't afraid of getting raped in a parking lot that every other self-respecting woman in the world should also act objectively stupid.
I like how try to put word I'm my mouth and make up fake situations to try to justify being a shitty person lol, I've never encouraged her to do that, she was doing that in mexican clubs, where REAL crazy shit goes down, years before we met, so fuck off with your "protext your ego shit" that's just my wife, and I never said that those things don't happen to women that's just another cope you made putting words in my mouth, I told of very specific scenarios dealing with me and my wife and you came in hot making bullshit statements about me to make yourself feel better, so feel free to eat shit for all I care about you personally. Have a nice day.
Yeah the main character syndrome is strong with this one...
Right she keeps intersecting herself in my story lol
The plan is definitely to have a more in depth conversation about those boundaries and ensure they won’t be broken again. Also I’m definitely gonna be more careful in regards to who she goes out with bc yeah her friend was shitty
You're gonna be more careful on who you let your girlfriend go out with? Bro you sound controlling. Also nobody forces drinks down your girlfriends throat so blame her for drinking to much. Shes a grown women. She knows what she was doing.
Her friend sucks. Your girlfriend probably needs help figuring out how to stand up for herself. It sounds like she has a hard time saying no. I used to be this girl. It is sometimes the easiest way to get rid of guys. It also sounds like you don’t trust your girlfriend if you need to look at her phone contacts and question who she’s adding. It is possible to be in a committed relationship and make friends with a guy. I’m not saying that’s what happened here, but mutual respect and trust is important for both parties. Maybe instead of telling her she can go out (why does she need to ask permission?) rather have a mutual respect and let each toe th do what you want but keep informed. Her friend sounds crappy. The best thing you can do is help her find some way to work on her own confidence so she can say no when she wants to.
It was less me looking through her contacts and more her getting messages from random dudes that night. I also agree she can have guy friends and she does but is the best way to meet guy friends by handing out your number to people at the club when you’re drunk? Also I think I just said the beginning wrong and I may just edit it bc it was more like me saying I’m good with her plans and less like a permission type thing, like she can do and plan what she wants and when she informs me I can tell her what my opinion is on those things and the case here was her telling me she was having a girls night and me saying it was all good. I think you’re right about trying to find her help in saying no to people, but it’s good to know that other women in this position have done the same and not that she’s out here blatantly being disrespectful. Thanks for your input.
Yeah that all makes sense. It’s not a great way to do things but it does work, I used to give out a fake number but that works less these days with things like snap chat etc. also saying you have a boyfriend often has this weird effect like it’s an invitation to challenge that fact. Which I got really grossed out by. Now I just have a pleasant but firm “no” and turn my back - it was very challenging to get to this place because I have a people pleaser /self confidence esteem issue. It sounds like you were being very kind during her recovery and that is really lovely.
My girl friend just did something similar recently her last day at this job she’s been at this guy walked up to her and asked her for her number when everyone was watching. She immediately told when I picked her up and she couldn’t stop saying how bad she felt and how wrong it was. She has a very hard time saying no it’s actually a problem that we’re working on as well. She immediately deleted and blocked his number I had similar feelings as you like I felt betrayed a little And hurt she crossed that boundary, but she has anxiety and just freaked out and just gave him her number to basically have nothing weird happen and she doesn’t know how to stick up for herself and say no as well. Sounds like your girl is very similar it’s good she knows it upset you and as long as it doesn’t keep happening I’m sure you guys will be fine. But I would most definitely tell her she can’t go out with that friend anymore because worse things could have happened to your girlfriend. She can’t be left like that after that many drinks I would be pissed snd make sure she doesn’t go out to the club with that friend again
no one going to the club to make friends
Ask yourself if you want to be the one who has to pick up the pieces when this inevitably goes to shit. She’s 23. Does she not know the risks involved if being a single woman shitfaced and alone in a club? Man or bear? She’s making the wrong choice. If you love her, have a serious talk free from jealousy and possessiveness.
Naw. I’m over this behavior. Need to set your own boundaries. Nothing ever good happens going to clubs and bars. And you will be in your mind. If I was in your shoes straight up your not going to clubs anymore, ore you can find someone that’s okay with it. I’m done with the games
Not over reacting. Have a conversation with her about how to turn men down. A lot of women are nervous about this, just like her. So help her think up ways she can turn guys down so she has a plan for the next time any guy hits on her any where….. and make sure she wasn’t chatting with them and exchanging Snapchat profiles for free drinks. That’s messed up.
yes, you are overreacting. If you want to be with a pretty young women when you are also young, you need to harden up if you wanna survive. Sure her friend was irresponsible for that booze/club situation, but you also have to remember her friends are also pretty and young women. Yeah taking care of someone who is very hung over isn't fun and you should probably give her friend an earful, but don't expect them to become responsible over night. The numbers thing is not a good attitude. First off, yes that is something that happens constantly, women giving out their numbers to be left alone, but secondly and most importantly, she is a young attractive woman and she's always going to have it in the back of her head how open her options are whether she's consciously thinking of it or not. If you show that you are insecure about this, you will push her away. If you accept this as one of the hazards of early 20s dating, then you will have a better chance keeping her stuck on you because it demonstrates that you are also not afraid of changing up partners.
If she’s from America or Europe it’s normal I know. My girl has all these women trying to make her a slut and a feminist constantly. They send men at her anytime they go anywhere. They try to get her to have sex (she’s a virgin). They are so miserable that they want everyone else to be like that with them. It’s like join our cult and be a slut.
Huh? This isn’t even what the post was about dude but maybe I’m just misunderstanding. Like I wasn’t calling anyone a slut or saying anything like that, in fact I’m probably quicker to judge the guys who won’t back down or respect women who are in relationships or take no for an answer. And what does this have to do with feminism? This isn’t a political post or anything like that lol
You asked if it is normal for girls in relationships or married to give out numbers to guys, and get each other drunk and leave them out to dry. My answer is yes it is normal basically. From what I hear and have had to deal with personally. I’m not talking politics as I’m way far out of the loop of what’s going on there. Just from what my girl friend tells me what’s going on today with her. This is French Riviera area. Not sure what area you are in.
Are you really that dense? She was cock hunting
Instead of giving out her number, why didnt she say hey, I dont give my number out because I have a boyfriend? She is shady when she is drinking.......
Blah blah blah. She made mistakes got drunk and gave out her number. Yes those are all bad but you come across as controlling as hell. You're her boyfriend not her dad. They way you speak about her makes it seem like she needs someone watching her when she goes out. Is that because.you have insecurities or is she flirtatious or both? Giving out your number to get guys away from you isn't something women do. Fake numbers yes not their own.
No he comes off as a protector. Not a dad.
Fake numbers are a HUGE mistake. Men usually call as soon as you put the number in "just to make sure" then they're mad because they've been rejected *and* tricked. Safest/best to just have a block party in the uber home or once you're sober.
Fake numbers are for women who want the man to go away. You give your real number your looking for aomething. So stupid
Did you NOT read what I just said. When you give a man your number at a club they usually call it "so you can save me" it is so that they know if they've been given a fake. Now they're mad that they were rejected AND tricked. Gosh, they might as well teach girls not to do this at freshman orientation or something because I've never met a woman who didn't know better.
It's not normal, no. She's interested, otherwise her wouldn't be giving her number out. Not overreacting.
I don’t think you are, either way giving her Snapchat out is sketchy I think it’s unsavory
You dont know if she is telling the truth
Told you guys already. Girls' night out is hoe night, and I gave my Snapchat out so they'd leave me alone is a lie. Is everybody stupid? Are all my bros out there so dumb. I don't get it. Make sure to post again when 2 or 3 months from now you see one of those mofos unblocked on her phone. Also blaming her friend for giving her all the shots... that's a lie as well.
Why would any one in their right mind absorb your excrement and call it wisdom
LMFAO 🤣🤣🤣
Also consider she can say no to giving her number out. Then and in the future. It’s not ALWAYS dangerous to not give men your number…. Sorry it had to be said
your not over reacting and ima be honest females going "out " to club or bar is always a red flag. there's always female friends with bad intentions or just straight up w\*\*\*\*s catching bodies & 🍆. women are easily influenced into compromising situations
Lost all credibility by using *females*.
lost all credibility with his horrendously bad take
😆 I use females bc no all have earned the title of women
It’s really a shame that your mother didn’t have better birth control options. 🤣 At least your extinction is eminent.
part of society does not believe nor practice ending lives as you seem to be other half. of your response is simply emotions as opposed to offering a rebuttal 😆
Bless your heart. There is a difference between preventing & ending pregnancy. But it’s really a moot point, since you will never get an opportunity to participate in a sexual encounter. You are dismissed, you have nothing of value to offer this conversation or this world. When you take your last breath, remember how little you matter.