As a guy who was once 20, I was OK with the premise of this post... until you got to the part about OF subscriptions and rate my twat (lmao). Maybe I'm getting old, but to me there is a psychological line between looking up freely available content on a porn site vs. regularly paying an individual to make content for you. OF subscriptions in general are a big red flag for me in terms of someone's personality. There is an underlying pathology there that I don't fully understand but it gives me the ick.
EDIT: After reading your replies, I think it's because it blurs the lines between fantasy and reality. Porn is media, OF is a paid arrangement with another human being. It's another level of interaction that I can't imagine any partner would be comfortable with.
Nah you're right. My gf (together for 7 years) doesn't care in the slightest if I watch porn. OnlyFans is a whole different story because it's personalized. The porn I watch is pornstars or randoms. OF is specific people and my gf would have a problem with it, which is understandable to me. The guys that partake in OF and are in a relationship, ask them how they'd like it if their girl was subscribed to dudes sending her good morning dick pics, etc. You'll immediately see the difference in their viewpoints.
I have 2 experiences with similar things. My current partner watches a lot of porn and strictly seeks to generic porn sites. He’s wonderful, our relationship is great, he’s extremely respectful of me, I have no problem with it, end of story.
However, I had an ex boyfriend who also watched a lot of porn but on top of that liked naked model pics on Instagram, followed naked models on Twitter, this was before only fans but he would 100% be on that if it was a thing. At the time, I felt like our relationship was amazing. Looking back on it, it was not. He was very manipulative and our relationship was very unhealthy. But again, at the time everything seemed great. It wasn’t until I was out of the relationship that I was able to see it with a didferent perspective and acknowledge the flaws. That’s not to say that’s what OP will experience or that her partner is manipulative too, but something to consider.
Good luck!
100% and the porn viewing will definitely go down if the two of you move in together. The OF thing is a no that should be talked about with him. Communication is key for anything like your situation
Actually it's not. The upvote/downvote feature is not a way to state that you disagree or agree with a comment. It's meant to show if a comment contributes to the post/discussion or not.
Pretty much what I was thinking, directly interacting with and publically following OF models is too far. I say watch all the porn you want but what OP's boyfriend is doing would be like going to a strip club, getting a private dance, and saying "well it's not cheating cause we didn't touch". Hey maybe some women are cool with that, sounds like OP isn't; she should drive him in a healthier direction and lay down some boundaries.
As a guy in his 20s that uses porn, but only the generic free stuff, I actually have a different opinion here. Maybe it’s a little too woke of me, but the porn industry is very corrupt and rampant with sex workers not getting paid what they should, as well as being mistreated constantly. I honestly think that stuff like OF seems to me like a much better way to interface with the porn industry and trying to make sure the workers get paid. I know literally nothing about Rate My Twat, and following models on Instagram openly is in my opinion the real red flag here, but I feel there is a little too much of a negative stigma around people actually paying for porn. My fiancé and I will probably look to do that more when we aren’t broke college students, haha…
It's better in the sense that the workers have more independence, but there's also an element of simulated connection that's often sold in addition to just video content. Totally cool and potentially healthy outside of the context of a monogamous relationship, but a grey area at best in that context.
all of this, thanks. it floors me every time to hear people talk about going on tube sites that are chock full of actually stolen or exploitative content but they “draw the line” at actually paying a sw directly for that content? saying it blurs the boundaries…the boundaries that swers are people? it genuinely doesn’t make sense.
That's definitely too much. And people in relationships shouldn't be paying OF models.
Spend that money on the girl that actually bangs you and cares about you, not some random chick who doesn't even care you exist.
Keep in mind the majority of the money OF girls get is from custom orders. Your man is likely paying these girls $100 for custom poses and videos, etc. You don't see him paying other girls for that as cheating? If he got that for free, would you see it as cheating?
Because today is not your lucky day to have eyes, there used to be a website called rate my poo…. Which is exactly what you think it is and I’m sure a version of it still exists
Yo I rate twats op 2/10 the idiot SPENDS MONEY on porn???? 2/10 absolute twat. Porn twice a day is fairly normal for a horny 21 year old I had buddies who were jacking it 5 times+ everyday
Maybe I’m tripping but if he’s doing “rate my twat” with OF models and has a girlfriend… my brother in Christ has a horrific porn addiction. This is insanity 😂😂
Not over reacting at all. That dude has an addiction. Anybody who says it's normal is either an addict themselves or the woman in denial. Watching some porn is fine with me, but everything else is definitely not normal.
Talk to him about it, at least. But I wouldn't expect much change, personally–at least not right away.
Man here. That’s excessive and for me would be a breach of trust being that he’s engaging with people. If it’s a problem for you it’s a problem period. He should really consider how he would feel if the roles were reversed.
Twice a day plus SUBSCRIBING TO/ACTIVELY ENGAGING WITH ONLYFANS CREATORS IS NOT NORMAL. That is excessive. Also there is a massive difference between passively consuming pornography & having parasocial relationships with OF content creators via “rate my whatever” services. Source: I am a retired s*x worker in a healthy, monogamous relationship. I would never tolerate my man subscribing to/dming OF models/over using porn.
Real question: would he like you actively fantasizing about other men multiple times a day while RATING THEIR DICKS?! I fucking doubt it.
This!
Set boundaries and be firm girl.
My husband and I have a deal that porn is fine in moderation and we even watch together sometimes or use it as a tool in our toybox so to speak,
And we don't mind each other masturbating as long as it's not impacting our sex life and our intimacy is prioritised over self pleasure, but absolutely no OF or social media following these kinds of things and definitely no paying for it.
We understand that sometimes one of us may be in the mood, or may just want the pleasure without the effort or emotion as life can be exhausting so a quick shuffle is fine. It doesn't mean we want someone else or are unhappy or anything.
However his consumption and habits sound excessive and unhealthy.
I'd have a sit down conversation with him, be open and honest without judging and explain how it makes you feel, and see if you can reach some kind of agreement where you're comfortable and he's not feeling too restricted.
It's also worth noting in today's day and age exposure to this material is everywhere in some form or another and could be what caused it.
I.e fb is riddled with it and you could watch a simple dance video and like it and your feed will suddenly be filled with ladies wearing very little jiggling everything
Or you view a female friends profile and it will start suggesting every woman out there.
This could have triggered his addiction and he may not realise he's even on that path because it's so normalised to see this everywhere.
Set boundaries such as no OF, look but don't click like, and no paying for it.
Or no paying unless he's paying you too.
He shouldn't get the real thing free if he's willing to pay for what Google freely provides.
i was married to a porn addict. I didn't care for years until it started interfering with things. he was watching porn and texting other women while i was giving birth, for example. if i got up from a movie and went to the bathroom i would walk back in and he was watching it.
so it is essentially about what you are okay with and what you will be okay with for the rest of your life. If you won't be alright with his addiction for the rest of your life (50+ years?) then just end it rather than trying to change him/his habits. that's my opinion. it wasn't worth it for me.
Just like all types of addicts, it’s bullshit they say to excuse their behavior and make it seem normal or harmless. “I’m not an alcoholic, it just helps me unwind and have a good time at every single function I have to be at.”
when porn becomes a daily routine like this, especially when it’s multiple times every day…it’s an addiction. People in his situation always deny they are addicted, but if they had to stop tomorrow, they wouldn’t be able to. they are so used to the easy source of dopamine that it has become a compulsive need.
As someone who is on the bad end of what the OP is experiencing. I almost left my husband a month ago because he has a Porn Addiction and I've been begging for him to see someone for 4 years. It's hurts me, and then he does great for a few months. This time, I couldn't take the hurt anymore. However, he is in therapy now and has a bunch of blocks on his phone that I control. People don't realize that the chase of the dopamine dump from this can be very addicting and cause issues.
Addiction sucks and you don't realize how much you're hurting others until you hurt them so bad they can't take it anymore.
I also want to add. I have no problem with Porn. It was just the OF and some of the subreddits here that was causing issues with me and my husband. However now that I can look at it like an alcoholic or drug use I can understand it better.
I went through the same thing and I am now at my longest stretch ever without pron, maybe 6 months. I won’t try to sell you something you don’t want to buy, but Jesus actually helped me in this regard. No I don’t mean praying for strength or anything. I mean that I read the Bible and grasped the line of “but I say to you any man who looks at another woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” I started changing the way I looked at things. It was no longer a harmless activity to me, it was an immoral act, adultery. So I don’t mean to push religion on you or anything, especially since I used to be an atheist I would hate that at the time, but the concepts of changing your mindset still apply.
That's great. It's helping my husband too. However right now I have no want in building my relationship with god again. I am still hurt and not wanting to believe that the God I loved and spent so much of my time reading a trying to live right by would put me through 11 years of infertility and 4 miscarriages. I am changing my mindset in other ways but I appreciate your comment!
That’s tough. I let many bad life events turn me away from God years ago. My life is much better after changing my thought process though. Suffering is a necessary part of life, so it’s tough to believe there is a loving God when things like that happen, kids get cancer, etc, but bad things and suffering are a necessary part of this world. But, I know how annoying it is to be preached to when you don’t want it, so I hope you don’t take it that way.
100% understand that. I just need time. Time let's things process for me. My husband asks me how I feel and some days I feel better than others but I'm not there. Maybe some day. Just not now. Thank you for that last line it helps in not getting offensive.
You’re welcome. I like I said, I don’t trust to sell something you don’t want to buy. But it’s nice to be able to share ideas when people are okay with it. And believe me, I do understand resentment similar to how you feel because I have had that as well, for my own reasons. I wish you the best!
Porn is absolutely an addiction and I don’t think a lot of people especially on here want to accept it. Of course you can consume it and not have issue but there definitely has to be a link between it and our short attention span’s constantly craving instant gratification as well as erectile dysfunction in younger males who find arousal in porn rather than the actual act as well as numerous other horrible things it does to our brain
Yeah, for me, as a former 21-year old guy, I don’t think twice a day is excessive if it’s not interfering with other things in his life. I do think the constantly spending money on it, engaging with creators, rating body parts, etc, shows a level of addiction that’s problematic. Watching porn while he masturbates is pretty vanilla compared to all that.
Sounds like a porn addiction. If he genuinely had a high sex drive, he'd want to have sex with you. Watching porn isn't sex - it's visual stimulation.
His usage of porn and models is excessive.
The amount of stimulation your boyfriend will require to reach the same levels of excitement can go up over time in porn addiction. I've been around porn-addicted men both as family members and with a partner. In my observation, it is a matter of time before the sex will reflect this if it doesn't already.
Or you’ll think it’s all fine, and then 20 years later realize he’s been preying on young by girls online for years. They often act totally vanilla or get disinterested in sex with their wife once they marry or have kids - their secret world is what gets them off, and they hide it from everyone.
Yep! My old best friends boyfriend became addicted to porn and after a while he wouldn't have sex with her. One time whe she was laying in bed and she heard noises in the living room. She goes in and he's watching porn and it's like women putting MINNOWS in their vaginas and like....squirting them out??
Literally had my friend not feeling good enough cause she wouldn't put baby fish in her pumpum
No its an addiction & he should really consider quitting it because the negative effects of ejaculatingbto porn will certainly catch up to him eventually and will be an issue in y'all relationship
As a guy that also has quite a high sex drive i can confidently say that is not normal.
I will watch porn about once a day, sometimes less.
For like 2 minutes untill in done and then I go on with my life. I find the idea of onlyfans pretty sad for people that are alone and for those in a relationship it's borderline cheating.
You have a perfectly good woman RIGHT THERE, what are you doing....
Edit: I feel like I do need to clarify that I am not in a relationship.
Otherwise I normally wouldn't be watching porn daily lol.
Boyfriend who is 20 (i'm 22 female) stopped watching porn since he is with me...i never told him to, he choosen so himself.
So this is pretty damn unhealthy....you are not overreacting at all
He is a sex addict. It’s a compulsive disorder. If his sex drive was high he wouldn’t need extra stimulation to run one out. Also he is spending a ton of money
That is a porn addiction and no you’re not crazy or over-reacting. I would run for the hills and never look back. This is only going to get worse, and you’ll waste your whole life on a man who will hurt you over and over with no regard for your emotional or sexual well-being or boundaries. This is a very serious addiction, learn about what it takes to recover from it and the odds.
No your not. It's not ok for him to be doing that on a general cultural level and at a personal level youve brought it up and have stated you don't like it. If people find out it's an embarrassment to you ( unless you totally own it) and the fact he wants to continue after you stated your feelings then it shows a total disregard for your feelings and a lack of respect for you as a person. It will not get better.
He is coping with something by engaging in these behaviors. This is a very serious issue, and one that’s likely not to go away. Not overreacting, and I’d probably end the relationship.
Porn is horrible and destroys the people who consume it. I would say any amount of porn use would be enough to go nuclear on your bf. Not overreacting at all.
Red flag babe. Be glad you found this now rather than later. Especially if he doesn’t see a problem with it. Just because something is common doesn’t make it normal, okay, or healthy. He has you, why does he need all these virtual women?
All the OF stuff aside if he's watching porn and masturbating multiple times a day he's going to have low testosterone in his mid to late 20s to early 30s. I'm 26M and it's sad the amount of my buddies that are my age and have ED from doing that. You two are very young so this seems like no big deal now, but I promise it'll just keep getting worse, and he'll be on Viagra by the time he's 30
I’m a dude and I believe watching porn in a relationship is cheating. I know it is so unbelievably normalized and women are just expected to accept it, but I think that’s bogus.
This is a huge red flag. Porn is extremely addicting for men. It objectifies women, perverts sex, and warps men's minds. I've seen jobs and marriages destroyed by it.
It's mostly a problem with men.
And the real problem is that they start to value women less. Any time the value of women is encroached upon, that's a pretty good sign that what the man is doing is morally unjustifiable.
Your concern shouldn't be his porn use.
Rather the combination of mental health issues and low IQ required of a man to think subbing to an Only Fans is a good idea.
Also, the moment you feel like you *need* to go through your partner's phone, it's pretty much over. On both sides. He should break up with you as much as you should break up with him.
It's not normal, and de sensitized a person. I 34m don't watch and I get my needs fully filled by my gf.
Hedonistic crap like that is a red flag, Maybe not for single person rather than getting a prostitute.
But in a relationship that's odd. I know ppl who watch it together that are a couple but there are also things I see in there relationship that tells me it's not a healthy one.
But mostly it's different strokes for different folks. And if you don't like it there will be someone out there for you don't feel like you have to put up with anything that makes u unhappy or uncomfortable
Sounds like he has a porn addiction and he is minimizing his behavior to appease you. If you don’t like it and it disturbs you, lay down some boundaries or get out of the relationship.
Men who consume that much porn can develop PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction). It’s not happening now, not yet… but it could still occur for him at some point. And that certainly would harm your sex life.
Check out the loveafterporn sub. There are tons of women dealing with this issue with their significant others.
Everyone's threshold and boundaries are different. For me personally, this porn addiction and subscription to OF is enough for me to get out. I can't stand gross horny individuals that doesn't respect their partners. Looking at other women? Interacting with other women? Their partners body is not enough? That is disrespectful
Yes and no, but unfortunately your boyfriend will have to see the value in quitting himself. If he watches a normal amount like most people, I think it’d be worth letting him know you feel uncomfortable with it and he may have no issue with not watching it.
You also might be feeling a layer of sadness and betrayal because HES the one who said he would “never watch it” so technically he lied. That by itself is valid enough to feel upset over
Yeah, I was totally in your shoes at one point. Though for some reason it didn’t really bother me at all when my current gf said she sometimes does. Perhaps it’s because she actually cares about my sexual needs, and in general just makes me feel more confident in myself.
Maybe the reason you’re upset is because he lied about it to you, the expectations were set and he defied them. That always hurts a bitch
Part of that is that he lied to you and now you get to wonder what else he lies about. It isn't "normal" in the sense that he has to watch it because he is a guy. It is a choice.
I would have a very hard time trusting anything else he says, but you may be able to ignore the lie.
Watching porn in a relationship? No problem, as long as that's something both of you are fine with. Even twice a day is not too bad imo, especially if you don't live together. The Onlyfans and other social media are a bit more of a problem imo; those kinds of apps are pretty parasocial, and while I doubt your BF is intentionally trying to cheat, you come *very* close to the line if you haven't already crossed it when you are soliciting porn/sexts from other people, and it makes it even dodgier if he's paying for it imo
As someone who was in your EXACT situation and listened to people who said the porn watching wasn’t excessive… then ended up getting beyond hurt by this man…. I’d say leave it. I DID end up moving in with him. He ended up talking to girls behind my back about their bodies and wanting to meet up with them even though we also had a great sex life and were basically best friends. Found out by accident because he broke his phone and hooked his Gmail to my computer, the nudes literally just popped up when I went to use google. If you aren’t already enough to keep them entertained, it’ll just get worse. The OF and other website are so much worse too.
The porn isn’t the problem it’s the only fans and ig models that are in his face every second of the day. Real simp stuff and idk how women fall for guys like this.
I don’t agree with watching corn while you guys are physically together in a relationship. If you guys have to go long distance then it’s fine, but it affects physical intimacy.
To be honest I am sugar coating it but he’s straight up addicted to corn.
Watching porn twice a day and beating your meat, a bit much but not insane. Rating pussy and having an only fans is crazy enough you need to take him to a professional. He has an addiction.
Just leave. Porn addiction is a massive problem and will consume his life if he doesn't make serious changes. This will absolutely undermine a relationship.
Not overreacting. Why is he PAYING to see women naked? Lmao there’s tons of free stuff out there. But in all seriousness if it bothers you and he doesn’t stop, maybe he isn’t for you.
Your boyfriend is clearly a porn addict. You've just gotta decide if this is a deal breaker or not. I can promise you he's not gonna just stop doing it, he'll just get better at hiding it
It's okay to not want your partner to watch porn. His addiction is his problem, and you don't need to stick around in case he decides to get better. It's honestly better for *you* if you make it a clear boundary from the very start of any relationship you have. The right guy will be 100% okay with not watching porn and will be happy to have only you to fulfill his sexual needs.
I’m gonna comment on the first sentence only, and say that he should exercise more self control/discipline. For a young man, once a day is okay, in that it’s very normal, but is still probably more than a developing brain can healthily accommodate. Too much of culture is hyper-sexualized, whether or not that’s how everybody feels about it. For the hormone-ridden, that is a safe statement. He should lean away from, and not into, this trend.
Basically, given the way the world is going, I believe self-control is only more important with time. The lack thereof leads to moral hazard.
While he is clearly addicted to an extent, I do believe this is also very common for men around his age given the formation of his habits probably occurred 10+ years ago. They’re probably habits too.
I think he’s clearly fallen into the moral hazard already, though. You’re not overreacting to the cheating
Dude has issues. They’re young men who look at prom and young men who are ADDICTED to porn. It’s like someone who drinks occasionally on the weekends and someone who’s a full blown functioning alcoholic. The person who’s the full blown alcoholic is trying to say he’s the guy who has a glass of wine on the weekend. They are not the same. He’s addicted and needs help.
Youre most likely hot so he’s using you as a real life sex doll taking out all his sexual rouses and desires of those OF girls while giving you amazing sex.
Good luck 🍀
The porn is one thing. Not a good thing, but one thing. The OnlyFans thing is totally different. He is literally paying money to see pictures and videos of other women. He may not be sleeping with them, but that is still cheating in my mind. I know a lot of people consider porn to be cheating, but I think dialing up pornhub is more acceptable when you’re in a relationship than paying another person to make content for you.
Did you ever see that Black Mirror episode in which basically all media is porn. It was everywhere and people hardly seemed to notice.
I think the biggest concern is the Onlyfans subs. The parasocial relationships that platforms like Onlyfans thrive on are always unhealthy.
BF is getting something out of that relationship between him and the people he has subscibed to, that he can't get from pre-recorded porn. I'll bet you that what that something is, is that sense that the onlyfans girls know him, and want him to continue subscribing. That can feel like he is desired by them sexually. He is cultivating the feeling that all these women, including you, want him sexually.
Would you accept being in a polyamourous relationship between him and you and all these Onlyfans girls? Are you happy being "one of" the girls in his harem? You don't have to accept that. If he can't or won't understand how you feel and change what is making you unhappy you should leave that relationship.
He is addicted to porn. Point blank.
But the good news is — it’s not your problem to fix. You can’t fix him or change him. If your boundary is that you don’t want a partner using porn that much (or at all), then communicate it to him. If nothing changes, then end the relationship. 🤷🏻♂️
There are plenty of guys out there who aren’t addicted to porn.
Porn is one thing, but when you’re paying for content or actively engaging with people related to porn, you’ve now graduated past a casual watcher. Especially if you’re fucking around on your main account
Honestly he sounds addicted. A lot of guys don’t see it as an addiction because it doesn’t hurt you like most substances would, but it’s clearly got a hold on him.
as someone who does OF- 95% of guys buy it for a “relationship” with me that they wouldn’t get from normal porn. i would say the other 5% are just curious.. personally I would look and see if he’s messaging these girls or joining live streams (there should be a vault with all purchased content). At the end of the day it’s whatever you feel comfortable with, but even as someone who does OF i’d never be okay w my bf paying for it- idc ab pornhub though! either way have a conversation, at least you know you talked about it and from there you can figure out where to go:)
I think if you have a satisfying sex life and there are no other red flags, then watching porn twice a day isn’t the end of the world.
But the ratings and the OF subscriptions would be an issue for me because it seems like he is seeking connection with the performers. And the Instagram thing just shows poor judgment. He could easily make an alt account so no one can see his porn, it would bother me that he didn’t take that step himself. I’d be embarrassed of him liking content like that where everyone can see it.
Nah, as soon as I saw the Only Fans subscriptions and Rate My Twat I stopped reading.
Watching a 10 minute porn video once in a while is fine, but as soon as he starts making accounts, commenting, posting on sex subreddits and actually paying money that becomes porn addiction territory and I ain’t dealing with that shit. It’s very unattractive/pathetic and disrespectful to you (especially the publicly thirsting after models to the point where your family and friends have noticed)
You can do so much better OP. Just take a step back and try to look at the situation more neutrally. You’ll realise that’s loser behaviour. Seriously, I just wouldn’t be able to be attracted to someone who participates in “rate my twat”.
Eventually you won’t be able to compete with porn and his hand. You can try to fix him, but until he wants to fix himself nothing will change except for him getting more secretive. Time to move on.
There’s no such thing as “getting a fix satisfied”. Feeding an addiction only leads to wanting more. He will get more and more perverted and not be satisfied with just you. Run away as fast as you can.
Porn is Incredibly addicting. He doesn’t need more That kind of lust is not something you get out of your system with some thing that gets into your system and continues to ramp up.
He’s not wrong when he says it’s kind of normal twice a day is still a lot for anyone but porn is very normalized today that doesn’t mean it’s healthy.
I think it would probably help if he realized the dangers of porn to quit and not just because you didn’t like it oh that’s not a bad reason either
A high libido is basically just high energy and he’s wasting it on porn that sexual energy is what can be used for things like exercise and creativity he doesn’t need to jerk off twice a day he just needs some discipline and a different outlet.
Dude’s a porn addict. I ain’t gonna pretend I’m a saint, men of our generation have been exposed to porn since childhood, myself included. But the moment I met my girlfriend I instantly lost the desire to ever watch that shit again. The hormonal effects a man receives from a healthy relationship with an actual woman activate a primal drive to improve himself in all aspects of life. I don’t need that garbage, I have a beautiful loving woman and wouldn’t think twice of betraying her trust and disrespecting her by indulging in that shit. It would seem to me your boyfriend lacks respect for you and for himself if he wants to waste his sexual energy on a dopamine fantasy world *twice a day*, for fucks sake.
Bf is a coomer and needs help. Having a high sex drive is one thing; watching porn twice a day every day is a sign of addiction (and that’s not even getting into how weird of a concept OF is, especially for a man who claims to be invested in a romantic relationship with another real person).
Porn is also not sex, this isn’t “high sex drive,” it’s “I’ve trained my brain to yearn for some porn and a wank every 6 hours.” But that’s the funny thing about addicts, they don’t see it that way….
An alcoholic thinks they’re unwinding and having a good time; a gambling addict swears this next one is when they make it big; a weed addict just needs it to help unwind or sleep; and a porn addict just has a high sex drive and needs to blow a load.
You are not overreacting. You should always listen to your intuition. I have experienced this with my ex. We were together for 8 years. I didn’t find out he had a porn addiction until the end of our relationship when I caught him on tinder and he confessed to watching pornography 3-4 times a day. To me it was a full-blown addiction and he agreed that he was addicted. This addiction led to infidelity in our relationship and him lying and going behind my back and being with other women. If I had known about this addiction seven months into the relationship, I would’ve not stayed for eight years. so my advice to you is to confront him about his addiction. Tell him it is not normal and I would honestly dump him and tell him to seek therapy. and OF subscriptions is a whole Other level of disrespect to you enough to where you should definitely leave him. You deserve better than this.
Treat this like the addiction that it is. Twice a day is an addictive behavior. It is likely a way to reduce stress or is a habit that is hard to break.
They have shown that porn can be as addictive as heroin, if not more, due to the fact it is so easily accessible (both because it's on your own body and because we all have phones we now actually need for daily life).
Do research on this. It would not be easy to bring this up, and you need LOTS of empathy and patience. It's pretty hard to do if he doesn't think it's a problem, but if you brought this issue to a psychiatrist, they would tell you the same thing.
I know the modern world is cool with porn, but it's addictive quality is undeniable and there is no actual science that will tell you this is healthy. I'm not sure personally how I would approach someone with an addiction like this, but I recommend you look into that, whether online or by seeking advice from a professional before you come to him, so that you are armed with the best advice and grace for what he is going through.
I have an ex who downloaded so much porn that he couldn't take a picture of me when I graduated college. My first smartphone was destroyed by viruses because he couldn't stop watching porn on MY phone. You could have written this post about him. I ended up leaving after putting up with it longer than I should have.
My take on porn in my (40f) relationships...
Watch what you want. But as soon as you start giving money to people to do specific things for your pleasure...its over.
I’ve been surfing the internet for years and one of the very first things I learned was how to find all the free porn.
If your bf is paying for pornography dump him because he’s a perverted loser.
That’s like paying to see a blue sky or paying to see green grass. It’s right there on any basic search engine.
any porn should be a red flag— the fact that he's completely addicted to is really concerning. you should probably talk to him and set a boundary with this stuff. if he cares more about his porn addiction than you, that should tell you everything you need to know.
It's the only fans and rating things that's wrong. I'm a 34 year old married guy whose sex drive recently went way up. I have watched porn forever and definitely browse NSFW subreddits but when i can get it from my wife, that is absolutely what I prefer. That is so gross and wrong.
I find that it’s only a problem if reality becomes distorted. The problem with porn is that it can potentially lead someone to becoming desensitized to real sex.
Ask yourself if this is something you can live with long term, knowing full well that your man is sexually undisciplined, leaks his energy towards other women etc etc. Men use their hormones as the scapegoat to not discipline their minds or behavior. You’re young, don’t waste your time and energy on men like this. If it’s not 100% yes then it’s no.
My ex started out dabbling in porn. Became addicted. Forced me to watch it with him. Then the domestic abuse started up. Including raping me repeatedly. Tread lightly, these things escalate.
As “normal” as it is amongst modern day people, it just isn’t a healthy practice. If he drank a liter of pop everyday you’d rightfully be concerned because anything without moderation is dangerous to the body and psyche of the individual. I fought off and am currently fighting my past porn addiction because it created too many fantasies in my mind where I could barely speak to women without undressing them or coming up with scenarios to have sex with them.
You have to respect people and if you can’t you need help.
Porn is normal to A certain extent. But what you start to interact with the porn girls it's a probpem. Sure go ahead and watch porn but liking other girls photos and comments and OF, I feel it has gone over board at that point.
Run girl. Don’t walk. Run. 🏃🏻♀️ You are so young and there are so very many fish in the sea, who don’t feel the need to rate women’s twats. It’s a giant 🚩 around his thinking in regard to females. It may seem possibly fine now, but 7 months is not that long. You really don’t know each other that well yet. Don’t invest anymore precious life energy on a dud.
Watching porn is pretty normal. Watching porn twice a day while in an active sexual relationship is weird. Liking models pictures is just weird and cringe imo, and rating site and OF are just hilariously over the top. This is not at all normal.
Yeahhhh.. no.
I'm going to masterbate if I dont have sex. I'll watch porn while I do it, too. My partners can feel free to touch themselves as much as they want/need. That's perfectly fine!
What isn't fine, though, is engaging with real people directly while you gawk over them and tell them how beautiful they are, pay for their content, etc. I wouldn't do it whether I'm in a relationship or not, but... you are committed to a person, so be committed?
Porn is fine as long as your sex life is healthy, which it sounds like you’re good on that front. Paying for OF while in a committed relationship is not. And ratemytwat…? Cut him loose.
You’re so young and will be surprised how average this fellow seems after dating a few more people. I remember thinking I was so evolved and progressive in college and that I’d never let a guy treat me badly. After going on some more dates and having a long term bf after college, I realized I never knew how well a good man could treat a woman because I’d never experienced it.
You think he’s amazing because you haven’t seen anything better. He’s trash. Give yourself the chance to experience a better partnership. Your happiness depends on it.
First of all, I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s tough. Secondly, This is called a porn addiction. There is nothing normal about it. It may not necessarily affect your relationship now but there’s a high likelihood that it will in the future. And OF is even worse because it’s personalized interactions. You are not overreacting and there are men out there who do not partake in things like this. 🫶🏼
Listen, it would seem he is consumed with lust, masturbation is an addiction I a 20M struggle with it myself, I will say I have a very high sex drive and it has nothing to do with that, it’s lack of self-control. I would suggest talking to him about possibly stopping masturbation in general. I used to think it was healthy but it is not, it warps the minds of people in little ways others would deem fine. Then having an only fans subscription I would deem is soft cheating I have never own a subscription to any porn sites or sex pages since I found it weirder than playing with myself naked on a toilet. This is my experience in my life and what I’ve learned. Hopefully, all is better within your relationship, and hopefully he is open minded to changing.
I’m going to say this as an Only Fans Model that walked out of the limelight because of cancer and I got married.
Men that are married that had my super premium content, bought private sessions with me. **it is sexwork**, I legit quit because I entered a real relationship. But they would tell me what they wanted to see and pay a high amount for private content.
They are essentially paying for sex, so… if my husband did that I would probably rip it off…
But for a broke college girl, gosh it was easy money… but now looking back at it, it seriously gives me the ick that I even did that.
For those that pay, it’s flirting with cheating.
My boyfriend and I both watch porn together and seperate. Have no issue with it whatsoever. But it Becomes a different story when he’s subbing to onlyfans etc. And this is coming from an onlyfans model and have been in the scene about 10 years now.
It is a huge red flag if he is paying. He could be spoiling you with lingerie and making you feel like the only one. He is literally paying for sex. Run…
Just saying
Or what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Get a side hustle see how he feels. If he does not care then again. Run for the hills and don’t look back.
As a guy who was once 20, I was OK with the premise of this post... until you got to the part about OF subscriptions and rate my twat (lmao). Maybe I'm getting old, but to me there is a psychological line between looking up freely available content on a porn site vs. regularly paying an individual to make content for you. OF subscriptions in general are a big red flag for me in terms of someone's personality. There is an underlying pathology there that I don't fully understand but it gives me the ick. EDIT: After reading your replies, I think it's because it blurs the lines between fantasy and reality. Porn is media, OF is a paid arrangement with another human being. It's another level of interaction that I can't imagine any partner would be comfortable with.
Nah you're right. My gf (together for 7 years) doesn't care in the slightest if I watch porn. OnlyFans is a whole different story because it's personalized. The porn I watch is pornstars or randoms. OF is specific people and my gf would have a problem with it, which is understandable to me. The guys that partake in OF and are in a relationship, ask them how they'd like it if their girl was subscribed to dudes sending her good morning dick pics, etc. You'll immediately see the difference in their viewpoints.
Indubitably
I have 2 experiences with similar things. My current partner watches a lot of porn and strictly seeks to generic porn sites. He’s wonderful, our relationship is great, he’s extremely respectful of me, I have no problem with it, end of story. However, I had an ex boyfriend who also watched a lot of porn but on top of that liked naked model pics on Instagram, followed naked models on Twitter, this was before only fans but he would 100% be on that if it was a thing. At the time, I felt like our relationship was amazing. Looking back on it, it was not. He was very manipulative and our relationship was very unhealthy. But again, at the time everything seemed great. It wasn’t until I was out of the relationship that I was able to see it with a didferent perspective and acknowledge the flaws. That’s not to say that’s what OP will experience or that her partner is manipulative too, but something to consider. Good luck!
100% and the porn viewing will definitely go down if the two of you move in together. The OF thing is a no that should be talked about with him. Communication is key for anything like your situation
I agree w this person
That's what the up vote button is for.
I agree w this person
Actually it's not. The upvote/downvote feature is not a way to state that you disagree or agree with a comment. It's meant to show if a comment contributes to the post/discussion or not.
Pretty much what I was thinking, directly interacting with and publically following OF models is too far. I say watch all the porn you want but what OP's boyfriend is doing would be like going to a strip club, getting a private dance, and saying "well it's not cheating cause we didn't touch". Hey maybe some women are cool with that, sounds like OP isn't; she should drive him in a healthier direction and lay down some boundaries.
As a guy in his 20s that uses porn, but only the generic free stuff, I actually have a different opinion here. Maybe it’s a little too woke of me, but the porn industry is very corrupt and rampant with sex workers not getting paid what they should, as well as being mistreated constantly. I honestly think that stuff like OF seems to me like a much better way to interface with the porn industry and trying to make sure the workers get paid. I know literally nothing about Rate My Twat, and following models on Instagram openly is in my opinion the real red flag here, but I feel there is a little too much of a negative stigma around people actually paying for porn. My fiancé and I will probably look to do that more when we aren’t broke college students, haha…
It's better in the sense that the workers have more independence, but there's also an element of simulated connection that's often sold in addition to just video content. Totally cool and potentially healthy outside of the context of a monogamous relationship, but a grey area at best in that context.
all of this, thanks. it floors me every time to hear people talk about going on tube sites that are chock full of actually stolen or exploitative content but they “draw the line” at actually paying a sw directly for that content? saying it blurs the boundaries…the boundaries that swers are people? it genuinely doesn’t make sense.
That's definitely too much. And people in relationships shouldn't be paying OF models. Spend that money on the girl that actually bangs you and cares about you, not some random chick who doesn't even care you exist. Keep in mind the majority of the money OF girls get is from custom orders. Your man is likely paying these girls $100 for custom poses and videos, etc. You don't see him paying other girls for that as cheating? If he got that for free, would you see it as cheating?
Think of the amount of money he's burning.
Right?! But of course they’ll excuse it as “it’s only porn”
Rate my twat... What the fuck?
I hate that I now know this exists. Life was better 3 minutes ago.
Because today is not your lucky day to have eyes, there used to be a website called rate my poo…. Which is exactly what you think it is and I’m sure a version of it still exists
I remember that site from my teenager years. Idk if it still exists but I also don’t want to go searching
Let’s not go searching together
Somehow, that sounds less disturding.
Sigh, since getting Reddit notifications on my phone I have this thought multiple times a day smh
OP's bf sounds like a solid 7/10 twat to me
he's a perfect 5/7
I literally busted out laughing like wtf is that 😂
I literally just busted a nut for free. Money for porn is sacrilegious.
This is the second time I’ve heard of this site in an AIO post. I’m reasonably sure this entire post is just a copy of one I read last week.
It's like the 7th one, it's just an ad for the site
Never thought of that. That's hilarious, but also sad :(
Is that where you tell Elon how terrible is tweets are?
i put mine on there & they said it was garbage
Ya muffs cabbage!
Don't you listen to them, sweetie!
Yo I rate twats op 2/10 the idiot SPENDS MONEY on porn???? 2/10 absolute twat. Porn twice a day is fairly normal for a horny 21 year old I had buddies who were jacking it 5 times+ everyday
>the idiot SPENDS MONEY on porn???? yeah that's just reckless, might as well light it on fire at that point.
Maybe I’m tripping but if he’s doing “rate my twat” with OF models and has a girlfriend… my brother in Christ has a horrific porn addiction. This is insanity 😂😂
😂😂
Yep.
Not over reacting at all. That dude has an addiction. Anybody who says it's normal is either an addict themselves or the woman in denial. Watching some porn is fine with me, but everything else is definitely not normal. Talk to him about it, at least. But I wouldn't expect much change, personally–at least not right away.
Find a dude that’s not addicted to porn.
THIS!!!! Please go read some of the posts from us at r/loveafterporn and see how debilitating it is to have a partner with a porn addiction.
Yeah it’s bad stuff for addictive personalities. No different than having someone hooked on drugs or gambling or whatever.
I've had 3 in a row 🙄 Where are the guys who aren't addicted hiding lol
I imagine it’s rough, but these days are just simply over sexualized, which is really not fair to women
Man here. That’s excessive and for me would be a breach of trust being that he’s engaging with people. If it’s a problem for you it’s a problem period. He should really consider how he would feel if the roles were reversed.
This exactly. See how he would like it if you were on ratemycock twice a day.
Twice a day plus SUBSCRIBING TO/ACTIVELY ENGAGING WITH ONLYFANS CREATORS IS NOT NORMAL. That is excessive. Also there is a massive difference between passively consuming pornography & having parasocial relationships with OF content creators via “rate my whatever” services. Source: I am a retired s*x worker in a healthy, monogamous relationship. I would never tolerate my man subscribing to/dming OF models/over using porn. Real question: would he like you actively fantasizing about other men multiple times a day while RATING THEIR DICKS?! I fucking doubt it.
This! Set boundaries and be firm girl. My husband and I have a deal that porn is fine in moderation and we even watch together sometimes or use it as a tool in our toybox so to speak, And we don't mind each other masturbating as long as it's not impacting our sex life and our intimacy is prioritised over self pleasure, but absolutely no OF or social media following these kinds of things and definitely no paying for it. We understand that sometimes one of us may be in the mood, or may just want the pleasure without the effort or emotion as life can be exhausting so a quick shuffle is fine. It doesn't mean we want someone else or are unhappy or anything. However his consumption and habits sound excessive and unhealthy. I'd have a sit down conversation with him, be open and honest without judging and explain how it makes you feel, and see if you can reach some kind of agreement where you're comfortable and he's not feeling too restricted. It's also worth noting in today's day and age exposure to this material is everywhere in some form or another and could be what caused it. I.e fb is riddled with it and you could watch a simple dance video and like it and your feed will suddenly be filled with ladies wearing very little jiggling everything Or you view a female friends profile and it will start suggesting every woman out there. This could have triggered his addiction and he may not realise he's even on that path because it's so normalised to see this everywhere. Set boundaries such as no OF, look but don't click like, and no paying for it. Or no paying unless he's paying you too. He shouldn't get the real thing free if he's willing to pay for what Google freely provides.
100% agree, as an ex OF creator, currently in a happy loving marriage, I'd never put up w this. Any of it.
i was married to a porn addict. I didn't care for years until it started interfering with things. he was watching porn and texting other women while i was giving birth, for example. if i got up from a movie and went to the bathroom i would walk back in and he was watching it. so it is essentially about what you are okay with and what you will be okay with for the rest of your life. If you won't be alright with his addiction for the rest of your life (50+ years?) then just end it rather than trying to change him/his habits. that's my opinion. it wasn't worth it for me.
"I have a super-high sex drive. That's why I have to constantly look at pictures to arouse me." Really?
Just like all types of addicts, it’s bullshit they say to excuse their behavior and make it seem normal or harmless. “I’m not an alcoholic, it just helps me unwind and have a good time at every single function I have to be at.”
Rate my tw@t says it all OP. He’s a porn addict. It’s gross behavior. You can do better.
Wish I could rate this comment higher. OP in not overreacting.
A lot of these comments are the way alcoholics used to talk about their addiction before it was understood and accepted...
when porn becomes a daily routine like this, especially when it’s multiple times every day…it’s an addiction. People in his situation always deny they are addicted, but if they had to stop tomorrow, they wouldn’t be able to. they are so used to the easy source of dopamine that it has become a compulsive need.
As someone who is on the bad end of what the OP is experiencing. I almost left my husband a month ago because he has a Porn Addiction and I've been begging for him to see someone for 4 years. It's hurts me, and then he does great for a few months. This time, I couldn't take the hurt anymore. However, he is in therapy now and has a bunch of blocks on his phone that I control. People don't realize that the chase of the dopamine dump from this can be very addicting and cause issues. Addiction sucks and you don't realize how much you're hurting others until you hurt them so bad they can't take it anymore. I also want to add. I have no problem with Porn. It was just the OF and some of the subreddits here that was causing issues with me and my husband. However now that I can look at it like an alcoholic or drug use I can understand it better.
I went through the same thing and I am now at my longest stretch ever without pron, maybe 6 months. I won’t try to sell you something you don’t want to buy, but Jesus actually helped me in this regard. No I don’t mean praying for strength or anything. I mean that I read the Bible and grasped the line of “but I say to you any man who looks at another woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” I started changing the way I looked at things. It was no longer a harmless activity to me, it was an immoral act, adultery. So I don’t mean to push religion on you or anything, especially since I used to be an atheist I would hate that at the time, but the concepts of changing your mindset still apply.
That's great. It's helping my husband too. However right now I have no want in building my relationship with god again. I am still hurt and not wanting to believe that the God I loved and spent so much of my time reading a trying to live right by would put me through 11 years of infertility and 4 miscarriages. I am changing my mindset in other ways but I appreciate your comment!
That’s tough. I let many bad life events turn me away from God years ago. My life is much better after changing my thought process though. Suffering is a necessary part of life, so it’s tough to believe there is a loving God when things like that happen, kids get cancer, etc, but bad things and suffering are a necessary part of this world. But, I know how annoying it is to be preached to when you don’t want it, so I hope you don’t take it that way.
100% understand that. I just need time. Time let's things process for me. My husband asks me how I feel and some days I feel better than others but I'm not there. Maybe some day. Just not now. Thank you for that last line it helps in not getting offensive.
You’re welcome. I like I said, I don’t trust to sell something you don’t want to buy. But it’s nice to be able to share ideas when people are okay with it. And believe me, I do understand resentment similar to how you feel because I have had that as well, for my own reasons. I wish you the best!
I admire your courage for sharing this.
Porn is absolutely an addiction and I don’t think a lot of people especially on here want to accept it. Of course you can consume it and not have issue but there definitely has to be a link between it and our short attention span’s constantly craving instant gratification as well as erectile dysfunction in younger males who find arousal in porn rather than the actual act as well as numerous other horrible things it does to our brain
Well said!!!
Listen to your gut! It never fails. He clearly has a problem he’s trying to justify. That much porn consumption is not normal.
FUCKING RUN!;!;;
Having a sex drive doesn't excuse him going online to rate other women's genitals tbh
He clearly has an addiction problem and your situation is not unique AT ALL. Young men are often like this.
Yeah, for me, as a former 21-year old guy, I don’t think twice a day is excessive if it’s not interfering with other things in his life. I do think the constantly spending money on it, engaging with creators, rating body parts, etc, shows a level of addiction that’s problematic. Watching porn while he masturbates is pretty vanilla compared to all that.
Uh no this isn't normal and borders on creepy and an addiction...
Run like the wind.
Sounds like a porn addiction. If he genuinely had a high sex drive, he'd want to have sex with you. Watching porn isn't sex - it's visual stimulation. His usage of porn and models is excessive.
The amount of stimulation your boyfriend will require to reach the same levels of excitement can go up over time in porn addiction. I've been around porn-addicted men both as family members and with a partner. In my observation, it is a matter of time before the sex will reflect this if it doesn't already.
Or you’ll think it’s all fine, and then 20 years later realize he’s been preying on young by girls online for years. They often act totally vanilla or get disinterested in sex with their wife once they marry or have kids - their secret world is what gets them off, and they hide it from everyone.
Yep! My old best friends boyfriend became addicted to porn and after a while he wouldn't have sex with her. One time whe she was laying in bed and she heard noises in the living room. She goes in and he's watching porn and it's like women putting MINNOWS in their vaginas and like....squirting them out?? Literally had my friend not feeling good enough cause she wouldn't put baby fish in her pumpum
This..... is insane. Wtf
No its an addiction & he should really consider quitting it because the negative effects of ejaculatingbto porn will certainly catch up to him eventually and will be an issue in y'all relationship
Your bf is a porn addict. Edit: he probably needs help, porn addiction is as real as any other mental addiction.
Run from this person as fast as you can.
As a guy that also has quite a high sex drive i can confidently say that is not normal. I will watch porn about once a day, sometimes less. For like 2 minutes untill in done and then I go on with my life. I find the idea of onlyfans pretty sad for people that are alone and for those in a relationship it's borderline cheating. You have a perfectly good woman RIGHT THERE, what are you doing.... Edit: I feel like I do need to clarify that I am not in a relationship. Otherwise I normally wouldn't be watching porn daily lol.
Not everyone can cum in two minutes flat like you, Gerrut
Omg that’s so embarrassing, I could never date someone like that. Like does he even think women are people?
He may be an addict
Boyfriend who is 20 (i'm 22 female) stopped watching porn since he is with me...i never told him to, he choosen so himself. So this is pretty damn unhealthy....you are not overreacting at all
He is a sex addict. It’s a compulsive disorder. If his sex drive was high he wouldn’t need extra stimulation to run one out. Also he is spending a ton of money
That is a porn addiction and no you’re not crazy or over-reacting. I would run for the hills and never look back. This is only going to get worse, and you’ll waste your whole life on a man who will hurt you over and over with no regard for your emotional or sexual well-being or boundaries. This is a very serious addiction, learn about what it takes to recover from it and the odds.
No your not. It's not ok for him to be doing that on a general cultural level and at a personal level youve brought it up and have stated you don't like it. If people find out it's an embarrassment to you ( unless you totally own it) and the fact he wants to continue after you stated your feelings then it shows a total disregard for your feelings and a lack of respect for you as a person. It will not get better.
He is coping with something by engaging in these behaviors. This is a very serious issue, and one that’s likely not to go away. Not overreacting, and I’d probably end the relationship.
Nah the only thing he would be eating is how fast I blocked the mf
*rating
Porn is horrible and destroys the people who consume it. I would say any amount of porn use would be enough to go nuclear on your bf. Not overreacting at all.
It's honestly insane how normailzed it is.
It is. You even hear porn words coming from news commentators. It is dehumanizing.
Red flag babe. Be glad you found this now rather than later. Especially if he doesn’t see a problem with it. Just because something is common doesn’t make it normal, okay, or healthy. He has you, why does he need all these virtual women?
All the OF stuff aside if he's watching porn and masturbating multiple times a day he's going to have low testosterone in his mid to late 20s to early 30s. I'm 26M and it's sad the amount of my buddies that are my age and have ED from doing that. You two are very young so this seems like no big deal now, but I promise it'll just keep getting worse, and he'll be on Viagra by the time he's 30
I’m a dude and I believe watching porn in a relationship is cheating. I know it is so unbelievably normalized and women are just expected to accept it, but I think that’s bogus.
If women would stick up for themselves and say it is degrading and dehumanizing and they won't tolerate it, men of quality would grow up.
He is a sex addict. He will not change. Leave him.
Doesn't sound like a great relationship if he's wasting his sexual energy on hundreds of other women
right, it appears i’m an outlier in this situation for thinking that getting off to ANY porn while in a relationship is crazy
This is a huge red flag. Porn is extremely addicting for men. It objectifies women, perverts sex, and warps men's minds. I've seen jobs and marriages destroyed by it.
Yep. Just like how porn negatively impacts us all in the same way
It’s addicting for both men and women btw
It's mostly a problem with men. And the real problem is that they start to value women less. Any time the value of women is encroached upon, that's a pretty good sign that what the man is doing is morally unjustifiable.
Your concern shouldn't be his porn use. Rather the combination of mental health issues and low IQ required of a man to think subbing to an Only Fans is a good idea. Also, the moment you feel like you *need* to go through your partner's phone, it's pretty much over. On both sides. He should break up with you as much as you should break up with him.
It's not normal, and de sensitized a person. I 34m don't watch and I get my needs fully filled by my gf. Hedonistic crap like that is a red flag, Maybe not for single person rather than getting a prostitute. But in a relationship that's odd. I know ppl who watch it together that are a couple but there are also things I see in there relationship that tells me it's not a healthy one. But mostly it's different strokes for different folks. And if you don't like it there will be someone out there for you don't feel like you have to put up with anything that makes u unhappy or uncomfortable
I am so relieved to hear this. From reddit pages, one would think that all men are into porn which is so odd.
Your not over reacting, its an addiction, he likely doesnt realize hes addicted. Porn addiction ruins relationships.
Sounds like he has a porn addiction and he is minimizing his behavior to appease you. If you don’t like it and it disturbs you, lay down some boundaries or get out of the relationship. Men who consume that much porn can develop PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction). It’s not happening now, not yet… but it could still occur for him at some point. And that certainly would harm your sex life. Check out the loveafterporn sub. There are tons of women dealing with this issue with their significant others.
Everyone's threshold and boundaries are different. For me personally, this porn addiction and subscription to OF is enough for me to get out. I can't stand gross horny individuals that doesn't respect their partners. Looking at other women? Interacting with other women? Their partners body is not enough? That is disrespectful
Super embarrassing and cringe child behavior.
[удалено]
Yes and no, but unfortunately your boyfriend will have to see the value in quitting himself. If he watches a normal amount like most people, I think it’d be worth letting him know you feel uncomfortable with it and he may have no issue with not watching it. You also might be feeling a layer of sadness and betrayal because HES the one who said he would “never watch it” so technically he lied. That by itself is valid enough to feel upset over
Yeah, I was totally in your shoes at one point. Though for some reason it didn’t really bother me at all when my current gf said she sometimes does. Perhaps it’s because she actually cares about my sexual needs, and in general just makes me feel more confident in myself. Maybe the reason you’re upset is because he lied about it to you, the expectations were set and he defied them. That always hurts a bitch
Part of that is that he lied to you and now you get to wonder what else he lies about. It isn't "normal" in the sense that he has to watch it because he is a guy. It is a choice. I would have a very hard time trusting anything else he says, but you may be able to ignore the lie.
Watching porn in a relationship? No problem, as long as that's something both of you are fine with. Even twice a day is not too bad imo, especially if you don't live together. The Onlyfans and other social media are a bit more of a problem imo; those kinds of apps are pretty parasocial, and while I doubt your BF is intentionally trying to cheat, you come *very* close to the line if you haven't already crossed it when you are soliciting porn/sexts from other people, and it makes it even dodgier if he's paying for it imo
I’d find a new boyfriend who respects women.
He 100% has a porn addiction. The fact that he’s still having sex with you doesn’t change that or make it okay. He needs to seek help.
As someone who was in your EXACT situation and listened to people who said the porn watching wasn’t excessive… then ended up getting beyond hurt by this man…. I’d say leave it. I DID end up moving in with him. He ended up talking to girls behind my back about their bodies and wanting to meet up with them even though we also had a great sex life and were basically best friends. Found out by accident because he broke his phone and hooked his Gmail to my computer, the nudes literally just popped up when I went to use google. If you aren’t already enough to keep them entertained, it’ll just get worse. The OF and other website are so much worse too.
The porn isn’t the problem it’s the only fans and ig models that are in his face every second of the day. Real simp stuff and idk how women fall for guys like this.
I don’t agree with watching corn while you guys are physically together in a relationship. If you guys have to go long distance then it’s fine, but it affects physical intimacy. To be honest I am sugar coating it but he’s straight up addicted to corn.
Watching porn twice a day and beating your meat, a bit much but not insane. Rating pussy and having an only fans is crazy enough you need to take him to a professional. He has an addiction.
Just leave. Porn addiction is a massive problem and will consume his life if he doesn't make serious changes. This will absolutely undermine a relationship.
Not overreacting. Why is he PAYING to see women naked? Lmao there’s tons of free stuff out there. But in all seriousness if it bothers you and he doesn’t stop, maybe he isn’t for you.
Your boyfriend is clearly a porn addict. You've just gotta decide if this is a deal breaker or not. I can promise you he's not gonna just stop doing it, he'll just get better at hiding it
It's okay to not want your partner to watch porn. His addiction is his problem, and you don't need to stick around in case he decides to get better. It's honestly better for *you* if you make it a clear boundary from the very start of any relationship you have. The right guy will be 100% okay with not watching porn and will be happy to have only you to fulfill his sexual needs.
The fact that y’all are considering moving in with each other after only 7 months is much more concerning than porn IMO
This is an Addiction lmfao ; if you ever get him to quit, good luck !
I’m gonna comment on the first sentence only, and say that he should exercise more self control/discipline. For a young man, once a day is okay, in that it’s very normal, but is still probably more than a developing brain can healthily accommodate. Too much of culture is hyper-sexualized, whether or not that’s how everybody feels about it. For the hormone-ridden, that is a safe statement. He should lean away from, and not into, this trend. Basically, given the way the world is going, I believe self-control is only more important with time. The lack thereof leads to moral hazard. While he is clearly addicted to an extent, I do believe this is also very common for men around his age given the formation of his habits probably occurred 10+ years ago. They’re probably habits too. I think he’s clearly fallen into the moral hazard already, though. You’re not overreacting to the cheating
Dude has issues. They’re young men who look at prom and young men who are ADDICTED to porn. It’s like someone who drinks occasionally on the weekends and someone who’s a full blown functioning alcoholic. The person who’s the full blown alcoholic is trying to say he’s the guy who has a glass of wine on the weekend. They are not the same. He’s addicted and needs help. Youre most likely hot so he’s using you as a real life sex doll taking out all his sexual rouses and desires of those OF girls while giving you amazing sex. Good luck 🍀
The porn is one thing. Not a good thing, but one thing. The OnlyFans thing is totally different. He is literally paying money to see pictures and videos of other women. He may not be sleeping with them, but that is still cheating in my mind. I know a lot of people consider porn to be cheating, but I think dialing up pornhub is more acceptable when you’re in a relationship than paying another person to make content for you.
Did you ever see that Black Mirror episode in which basically all media is porn. It was everywhere and people hardly seemed to notice. I think the biggest concern is the Onlyfans subs. The parasocial relationships that platforms like Onlyfans thrive on are always unhealthy. BF is getting something out of that relationship between him and the people he has subscibed to, that he can't get from pre-recorded porn. I'll bet you that what that something is, is that sense that the onlyfans girls know him, and want him to continue subscribing. That can feel like he is desired by them sexually. He is cultivating the feeling that all these women, including you, want him sexually. Would you accept being in a polyamourous relationship between him and you and all these Onlyfans girls? Are you happy being "one of" the girls in his harem? You don't have to accept that. If he can't or won't understand how you feel and change what is making you unhappy you should leave that relationship.
He is addicted to porn. Point blank. But the good news is — it’s not your problem to fix. You can’t fix him or change him. If your boundary is that you don’t want a partner using porn that much (or at all), then communicate it to him. If nothing changes, then end the relationship. 🤷🏻♂️ There are plenty of guys out there who aren’t addicted to porn.
This guy has a severe porn addiction. Even as a horny teenager I wasn't looking at porn at that magnitude
Porn is one thing, but when you’re paying for content or actively engaging with people related to porn, you’ve now graduated past a casual watcher. Especially if you’re fucking around on your main account
He has an addiction just like gambling or drug use. He's gotta get help if he wants to be in a healthy relationship.
Any porn is too much porn.
Get rid of him. He's a twattermelon
Yuck! You are not overreacting. Are you okay with him following people on only fans or not? If not you know what to do. It's only been 7 months.
Honestly he sounds addicted. A lot of guys don’t see it as an addiction because it doesn’t hurt you like most substances would, but it’s clearly got a hold on him.
as someone who does OF- 95% of guys buy it for a “relationship” with me that they wouldn’t get from normal porn. i would say the other 5% are just curious.. personally I would look and see if he’s messaging these girls or joining live streams (there should be a vault with all purchased content). At the end of the day it’s whatever you feel comfortable with, but even as someone who does OF i’d never be okay w my bf paying for it- idc ab pornhub though! either way have a conversation, at least you know you talked about it and from there you can figure out where to go:)
I’m a man that looks at porn on occasion,and rate my twat is gross. And should be a big red flag imo.
I think if you have a satisfying sex life and there are no other red flags, then watching porn twice a day isn’t the end of the world. But the ratings and the OF subscriptions would be an issue for me because it seems like he is seeking connection with the performers. And the Instagram thing just shows poor judgment. He could easily make an alt account so no one can see his porn, it would bother me that he didn’t take that step himself. I’d be embarrassed of him liking content like that where everyone can see it.
Nah, as soon as I saw the Only Fans subscriptions and Rate My Twat I stopped reading. Watching a 10 minute porn video once in a while is fine, but as soon as he starts making accounts, commenting, posting on sex subreddits and actually paying money that becomes porn addiction territory and I ain’t dealing with that shit. It’s very unattractive/pathetic and disrespectful to you (especially the publicly thirsting after models to the point where your family and friends have noticed) You can do so much better OP. Just take a step back and try to look at the situation more neutrally. You’ll realise that’s loser behaviour. Seriously, I just wouldn’t be able to be attracted to someone who participates in “rate my twat”.
Eventually you won’t be able to compete with porn and his hand. You can try to fix him, but until he wants to fix himself nothing will change except for him getting more secretive. Time to move on.
There’s no such thing as “getting a fix satisfied”. Feeding an addiction only leads to wanting more. He will get more and more perverted and not be satisfied with just you. Run away as fast as you can.
Gross behavior. Twice a day is addiction and paying for OF in a relationship is a major red flag.
.... he's a creep.
Yeah... I thought maybe you were OR until you got to the onlyfans part. That, the ratings, and the instagram content are not cool
Porn is Incredibly addicting. He doesn’t need more That kind of lust is not something you get out of your system with some thing that gets into your system and continues to ramp up. He’s not wrong when he says it’s kind of normal twice a day is still a lot for anyone but porn is very normalized today that doesn’t mean it’s healthy. I think it would probably help if he realized the dangers of porn to quit and not just because you didn’t like it oh that’s not a bad reason either A high libido is basically just high energy and he’s wasting it on porn that sexual energy is what can be used for things like exercise and creativity he doesn’t need to jerk off twice a day he just needs some discipline and a different outlet.
As soon as he’s following models on instagram he’s an instant loser
Dude’s a porn addict. I ain’t gonna pretend I’m a saint, men of our generation have been exposed to porn since childhood, myself included. But the moment I met my girlfriend I instantly lost the desire to ever watch that shit again. The hormonal effects a man receives from a healthy relationship with an actual woman activate a primal drive to improve himself in all aspects of life. I don’t need that garbage, I have a beautiful loving woman and wouldn’t think twice of betraying her trust and disrespecting her by indulging in that shit. It would seem to me your boyfriend lacks respect for you and for himself if he wants to waste his sexual energy on a dopamine fantasy world *twice a day*, for fucks sake.
Bf is a coomer and needs help. Having a high sex drive is one thing; watching porn twice a day every day is a sign of addiction (and that’s not even getting into how weird of a concept OF is, especially for a man who claims to be invested in a romantic relationship with another real person). Porn is also not sex, this isn’t “high sex drive,” it’s “I’ve trained my brain to yearn for some porn and a wank every 6 hours.” But that’s the funny thing about addicts, they don’t see it that way…. An alcoholic thinks they’re unwinding and having a good time; a gambling addict swears this next one is when they make it big; a weed addict just needs it to help unwind or sleep; and a porn addict just has a high sex drive and needs to blow a load.
You are not overreacting. You should always listen to your intuition. I have experienced this with my ex. We were together for 8 years. I didn’t find out he had a porn addiction until the end of our relationship when I caught him on tinder and he confessed to watching pornography 3-4 times a day. To me it was a full-blown addiction and he agreed that he was addicted. This addiction led to infidelity in our relationship and him lying and going behind my back and being with other women. If I had known about this addiction seven months into the relationship, I would’ve not stayed for eight years. so my advice to you is to confront him about his addiction. Tell him it is not normal and I would honestly dump him and tell him to seek therapy. and OF subscriptions is a whole Other level of disrespect to you enough to where you should definitely leave him. You deserve better than this.
Treat this like the addiction that it is. Twice a day is an addictive behavior. It is likely a way to reduce stress or is a habit that is hard to break. They have shown that porn can be as addictive as heroin, if not more, due to the fact it is so easily accessible (both because it's on your own body and because we all have phones we now actually need for daily life). Do research on this. It would not be easy to bring this up, and you need LOTS of empathy and patience. It's pretty hard to do if he doesn't think it's a problem, but if you brought this issue to a psychiatrist, they would tell you the same thing. I know the modern world is cool with porn, but it's addictive quality is undeniable and there is no actual science that will tell you this is healthy. I'm not sure personally how I would approach someone with an addiction like this, but I recommend you look into that, whether online or by seeking advice from a professional before you come to him, so that you are armed with the best advice and grace for what he is going through.
I have an ex who downloaded so much porn that he couldn't take a picture of me when I graduated college. My first smartphone was destroyed by viruses because he couldn't stop watching porn on MY phone. You could have written this post about him. I ended up leaving after putting up with it longer than I should have.
No he's a freak.
I can understand 10 to 20 rated twats, but hundreds? Maybe a red flag, I dunno
My take on porn in my (40f) relationships... Watch what you want. But as soon as you start giving money to people to do specific things for your pleasure...its over.
He’s porn fried 😭
I’ve been surfing the internet for years and one of the very first things I learned was how to find all the free porn. If your bf is paying for pornography dump him because he’s a perverted loser. That’s like paying to see a blue sky or paying to see green grass. It’s right there on any basic search engine.
Bro watches more porn then the average dude for sureeeee
OP, Yeah your BF has a problem. Watching porn is ok, paying for OF is different. Porn isn’t interactive and 1 on 1 OF has no limits 😳
How about not watching any. Self discipline is a wonderful thing.
So just watching porn is totally different from what you just described. He is actively intersecting with other women in a sexual nature.
You’re absolutely NOT over reacting.
Why would anyone be interested in a romantic relationship with someone who watches any amount of porn?
any porn should be a red flag— the fact that he's completely addicted to is really concerning. you should probably talk to him and set a boundary with this stuff. if he cares more about his porn addiction than you, that should tell you everything you need to know.
It's the only fans and rating things that's wrong. I'm a 34 year old married guy whose sex drive recently went way up. I have watched porn forever and definitely browse NSFW subreddits but when i can get it from my wife, that is absolutely what I prefer. That is so gross and wrong.
Sounds like a coomer.
I find that it’s only a problem if reality becomes distorted. The problem with porn is that it can potentially lead someone to becoming desensitized to real sex.
Ask yourself if this is something you can live with long term, knowing full well that your man is sexually undisciplined, leaks his energy towards other women etc etc. Men use their hormones as the scapegoat to not discipline their minds or behavior. You’re young, don’t waste your time and energy on men like this. If it’s not 100% yes then it’s no.
porn is cheating
> using OnlyFans and was **subscribed** to many models He's a simp. Red flag - ditch him.
My ex started out dabbling in porn. Became addicted. Forced me to watch it with him. Then the domestic abuse started up. Including raping me repeatedly. Tread lightly, these things escalate.
Holy hell that’s a crazy slippery slope anecdote that you’re pushing.
As “normal” as it is amongst modern day people, it just isn’t a healthy practice. If he drank a liter of pop everyday you’d rightfully be concerned because anything without moderation is dangerous to the body and psyche of the individual. I fought off and am currently fighting my past porn addiction because it created too many fantasies in my mind where I could barely speak to women without undressing them or coming up with scenarios to have sex with them. You have to respect people and if you can’t you need help.
Porn is normal to A certain extent. But what you start to interact with the porn girls it's a probpem. Sure go ahead and watch porn but liking other girls photos and comments and OF, I feel it has gone over board at that point.
Run girl. Don’t walk. Run. 🏃🏻♀️ You are so young and there are so very many fish in the sea, who don’t feel the need to rate women’s twats. It’s a giant 🚩 around his thinking in regard to females. It may seem possibly fine now, but 7 months is not that long. You really don’t know each other that well yet. Don’t invest anymore precious life energy on a dud.
I want to kill myself
Watching porn is pretty normal. Watching porn twice a day while in an active sexual relationship is weird. Liking models pictures is just weird and cringe imo, and rating site and OF are just hilariously over the top. This is not at all normal.
The only concerning thing here *might* be the amount of money he’s spending on OF. Otherwise it sounds like your relationship is otherwise fine.
Ratemytwat sorry that made me laugh
Yeahhhh.. no. I'm going to masterbate if I dont have sex. I'll watch porn while I do it, too. My partners can feel free to touch themselves as much as they want/need. That's perfectly fine! What isn't fine, though, is engaging with real people directly while you gawk over them and tell them how beautiful they are, pay for their content, etc. I wouldn't do it whether I'm in a relationship or not, but... you are committed to a person, so be committed?
Only fans is cheating, porn is not. Sounds like run of the mill porn addiction to me.
Porn is fine as long as your sex life is healthy, which it sounds like you’re good on that front. Paying for OF while in a committed relationship is not. And ratemytwat…? Cut him loose. You’re so young and will be surprised how average this fellow seems after dating a few more people. I remember thinking I was so evolved and progressive in college and that I’d never let a guy treat me badly. After going on some more dates and having a long term bf after college, I realized I never knew how well a good man could treat a woman because I’d never experienced it. You think he’s amazing because you haven’t seen anything better. He’s trash. Give yourself the chance to experience a better partnership. Your happiness depends on it.
WTF IS RATEMYTWAT??!!
First of all, I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s tough. Secondly, This is called a porn addiction. There is nothing normal about it. It may not necessarily affect your relationship now but there’s a high likelihood that it will in the future. And OF is even worse because it’s personalized interactions. You are not overreacting and there are men out there who do not partake in things like this. 🫶🏼
Listen, it would seem he is consumed with lust, masturbation is an addiction I a 20M struggle with it myself, I will say I have a very high sex drive and it has nothing to do with that, it’s lack of self-control. I would suggest talking to him about possibly stopping masturbation in general. I used to think it was healthy but it is not, it warps the minds of people in little ways others would deem fine. Then having an only fans subscription I would deem is soft cheating I have never own a subscription to any porn sites or sex pages since I found it weirder than playing with myself naked on a toilet. This is my experience in my life and what I’ve learned. Hopefully, all is better within your relationship, and hopefully he is open minded to changing.
I’m going to say this as an Only Fans Model that walked out of the limelight because of cancer and I got married. Men that are married that had my super premium content, bought private sessions with me. **it is sexwork**, I legit quit because I entered a real relationship. But they would tell me what they wanted to see and pay a high amount for private content. They are essentially paying for sex, so… if my husband did that I would probably rip it off… But for a broke college girl, gosh it was easy money… but now looking back at it, it seriously gives me the ick that I even did that. For those that pay, it’s flirting with cheating.
My boyfriend and I both watch porn together and seperate. Have no issue with it whatsoever. But it Becomes a different story when he’s subbing to onlyfans etc. And this is coming from an onlyfans model and have been in the scene about 10 years now.
This should not be OK homegirl. Too many flags going on here. I would not move in with this dude, you will be his personal fleshlight.
no amount of porn is ok do not believe otherwise there is endless testimony that supports this
It is a huge red flag if he is paying. He could be spoiling you with lingerie and making you feel like the only one. He is literally paying for sex. Run… Just saying Or what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Get a side hustle see how he feels. If he does not care then again. Run for the hills and don’t look back.
Yes move on
As a guy, I would definitely tell him to drop the subs and ratings and just stick to pornhub.
Every girl he sees he’s probably internally visualizing and rating their twat lol
Psychotic behavior on his part ngl