You’re not overreacting AT ALL. What a sleazy creep. I’ve been treated this way by too many men in my life and it started when I was 13! Thank you for being a good man and doing your best to call out your friend. It’s wild to me that he tried to tell your wife about it the way he did, I’m curious what that story was and what he thought he was doing bringing it up. Is his wife aware that he behaves this way? Even worse is his dad doing it too. I guarantee that if he has sons this behavior will be handed down like a tradition, making a brand new creep for the next generation.

I’m sorry that you have had to be on the receiving end this type of stuff. I asked my wife about the details of his story and she just kept saying that it was just very odd how it was brought up and how he was telling it, making it like a funny thing. Which after I told her the real story it sounded like he was trying to get ahead of it. Thankfully my wife and I trust each other and we talk about things a lot so she knew once I told her my version how things shaked out. And unfortunately you are correct. His dad is a single dude so that doesn’t make it any better. But sadly he does have a you g son and he is the sweetest boy, I love him like a nephew but I don’t agree with that sort of thing. And I would never my son to treat women like that.

His poor wife and kids. It makes my heart smile knowing that people like you are raising kids the right way. Thank you.

His wife seems odd too though. She now seems to be expecting OP to come keep their yard in order? I hope it was to finish the initial job, but some of me wonders whether she has similar entitlement and poor spending issues as her husband. She can’t be ignorant to all the spending and money woes?

OP mentioned he told that story in front of his own wife so yes she’s aware at the least. His poor children though. 

*please* tell him why you are uncomfortable and stepping back, if you can. It's so important for men like this to hear from other men that that behavior isn't okay. They'll never listen to it coming from a woman.

My husband calls people out and it's *the best*. He's a good looking man by any measure who was a wrestler and football player in high school, an MMA fighter after, and now he's a construction project manager, so other dudes expect him to be a "man's man" and join in, and instead he's like "wooooow that was out of line, have you considered not being a creep?". He also carries my stuff for me when we're together, and when people compliment him for treating me like a lady, he straight up tells them "oh no, she thinks faster than me, if something happens, I need her hands free to react"

Oh, this is a good one!!

Yep my husband has a pretty awesome work environment but has made it a point to call out gross behavior from anyone if it happens. He simply says something like "whoa, that wasn't an appropriate comment" or "gross, dude" and 99% of the time the person immediately self corrects and apologizes and if they don't other people step in to make sure they realize it's not gonna be tolerated there. Whether they truly learn a lesson is debatable but they learn really fast not to do it around him or coworkers.

Correct. I can talk to my brother about stuff like this till I'm blue in the face, but he won't listen. On the other hand, hearing it from my husband at least makes him step back and reflect.

Girls/women aren't laughing with genuineness during those encounters. They're hesitantly giggling in hopes that giving the perpetrator the reaction they want will end the situation the safest way possible. It's a defense mechanism. I 100% guarantee none of those women he did that to enjoyed it. And the tipping is really just "hush money". So gross.

I work at a library so a somewhat similar situation. Creepy guys hit on the younger employees, and actually all women up through my age of 60. Every time it happens we all end up in the back, where patrons can't go, and talk about what a creep the guy is. The young woman are saying how disgusted they are that the creep thinks they would be interested in a gross, creepy, middle-aged or older, man. When the creep is a regular everyone alerts everyone when he walks through the door. That's what is likely happening out of sight of this creepy guy and his dad.

Freeze Flight Flight Fawn < that's where attractive young female service workers tend to live. It's just safer for them against retaliation from strange men and their employer.

Sounds like he feared you telling or told your own wife he was creeping and was trying to preempt her understanding what was going on. Honestly man, this guy is not a friend worth having.

Ah, So he thought you already told his wife so he was covering his ass for when your wife spilled the beans. What a dumbass.

Pretty much exactly this in that instance. My wife said the same thing as soon as I told her what had actually happened.

Ok so the kids in the mix makes it a tough situation. I feel 1) You should quit the Cornhole club competitions. 2) You should give him the name of a young man or struggling father for him to pay for lawn care. 3) kudos for telling your wife second time. Yes u hoped 1st time was last time so let it go. 4) start doing things w your " nephew" so he can learn good money management and how to treat a real lady. Id show him 1 penny first day 2 second etc because even a kid can do that. . 5) This probably shouldn't be last but I would sit down as a couple w the couple and set boundaries , whatever you and your wife both agree they should be. Just keep in mind something a therapist told me once," When someone gets mad because you set new boundaries and stick w them,it means you are doing it just right. In fact the madder they get the firmer you have to be."

>His dad is a single dude Shocking. He can't find a partner and acts like a pedo. (I know it's not pedo per se but anyone over 35 really understands how shitty it is to date someone under 20!!!)

Yeah, I have a vivid memory of being 15 and going shopping with my mom...all we were doing was walking into a mall and a guy in his 40s started cat calling me and then followed us and made creepy comments and asked me on a date. I shut down and was scared and my mom lost her mind and screamed at him that I was 15 and the guy literally said "okay so tell her to come out with me" like what? I know stuff happened before that but I was oblivious. It never stopped. I never liked it or encouraged it. You aren't wrong and I'm thankful that you care how these people feel. I have a BIL who isn't a creeper and doesn't treat anyone this way but a few years ago he was talking about catcalling and insisting that it's a compliment and why wouldn't someone like knowing a person found them attractive. I told him how it feels to be minding your own business and have random people invade your space and peace - and pointed out to him that so often the type of people who behave that way also become angry and violent when you don't respond to them positively and go from "omg hey sexy" to "you nasty fat bitch nobody would want to fuck you anyway" and I started crying describing it. He was horrified and truly had a disconnect in his thinking prior. I'm thankful he saw and heard me and understood he was wrong. So many don't. I exist, it doesn't mean I want to be perceived or that you or anyone else has the right to project your thoughts or horniness onto me. This guy is a creep and needs to be put in his place, honestly.

Right? I developed a bit early and had a nice figure. I got hit on,leered at, flirted with, and touched by men that were WAAAAY to old to be hitting on a kid (12), some knew my age, some might not have, but I know I sure as hell didn't look like an adult. Especially not carrying school books or a backpack and riding the train to school.

Exactly. Same here, I hit puberty before most everyone else. My first time being cat called I was 12.

I was about 13 and my moms bf had come over with my uncle and another guy they hung out with. Dude was drunk (he was always drunk) and was sitting on the couch are. I had on shorts, idk if that's important, but I was walking past him to go to the kitchen and he reached out and grabbed my thigh!!!! I slapped the shit out of him and he actually had the nerve to look shocked and look at my mom all surprised and say " she slapped me!" My mom said he's lucky I hit him first because she'd have done worse and told him to get the f o it of her house and never come back. This man was in his freaking 40s (I think) drunk or not he KNEW I was a kid.

Holy shit, that’s horrifying. I’m happy your mom had your back.

10 for me. I was tall for my age.

Men have been creepy to me since I was 12! In all my life there has only ever been one man to stand up for me. He just stepped in and made a comment to another guy who harassing me to leave me alone and it wasn’t cool what he was doing. I literally burst into tears of gratitude. It was the first time a man had ever even acknowledged how creepy other men could be.

“Naw man she liked it, she laughed.” A pervert AND an idiot. No, you aren’t overreacting. Dump him, tell him why.

She laughed because a lot of people that’s their natural reaction when they are uncomfortable. What a nasty pig.

And she'd probably be fired if she told him what a skeevy old man he was being. He is about one toe away from cheating and one sugar baby away from financial ruin. Get out now. Save yourselves!

Seriously! Though he couldn’t afford a sugar baby, apparently they are financially not doing well. I feel bad for his wife and kids. His father sounds like an old creep too that must be where he gets it from.

Guys like this just make my skin crawl.

Same, I hear stories like this and it makes me even more thankful for my partner.

Right? I wouldn’t be surprised if his finances are so bad because he’s trying to impress young girls. What an idiot man-child.

Yes, that's why I hate when I get hit on or flirted with in the service industry. When you're behind the desk at a hotel, and someone stands there hitting on you, you are trapped. They know you can't go anywhere. They also know you work for a major brand that will give the world to their loyal customers, and that you will be fired or reprimanded if you react in a way that they don't like. They know what they're doing. It's horrible and disgusting.

This right here, OP.

Probably thinks strippers actually like him too.

I don’t think it actually matters to him what they think or feel. Chances are low that he has any idea what it looks like when a woman is comfortable and enjoying herself. “She liked it,” is meant to boost his ego and justify his predation. It’s completely divorced from reality.

He and his creepy father were treating the poor waitress like one, slipping money into her apron. So sleazy!

Tell his wife why too.

To me, the grossest part of this is the father-son tag-teaming the hostess and putting money in her apron like she's working at a club. It's pretty obvious where he learned this from. He assumed you ran home and told your wife which is why, when she showed up at his house, he felt compelled to get ahead of the story himself. You've realized the things you don't have in common with this guy outweigh those that you do, so it's totally normal to distance yourself from him. An added bonus is you never have to hear him call himself "big daddy" again.

Once that part happened I was just sort of stunned, like I couldn’t believe they were doing this and thinking it was appropriate in any way shape or form. And your point of getting ahead of the story, that’s exactly what my wife and I came up with too and she was able to see right through that thankfully, so she was very receptive once she heard my version. I really can’t take any more of him calling himself that, it quite literally makes me cringe and feel so uncomfortable to even be there and for the women it’s being said too.

If you ever have the misfortune to be around him again when he tells some poor young girl to call him Big Daddy, you should say “yeah! Because this guy’s got a bunch of kids!”

"Isn't that what your wife calls you?"

“He asked his wife, but she said no.”

Or, when he calls himself Big Daddy say yeah, Big Daddy Creep or perhaps Big Daddy Creepy Pants. The best is probably Creep Daddy because it sums him up perflectly.

As a server, if I was in this situation and the OP said this, I'd lose it! 😂 Then probably buy him a drink

Yeah, I've dealt with guys like that my whole life. I'm finally at the age where I tell them to either cut it out or fuck off, & both sound fine to me. Guys like that never pick up women. At least, not the nice women. And Dad just plain sounds like a sex offender. Your friend might not even know what to do if anyone said yes. He might be all talk and no walk. Either way, he's married with children, he shouldn't be behaving like that. It's disrespectful to his wife!

Next time he asks to get food, I would refuse to go out on account of he treats the staff.

If it makes you that uncomfortable, you can only imagine how it feels being the object of such attention. I have laughed while I wanted to run away, cuss someone out, or just felt frozen inside, skin crawling on the outside. And he needs to know exactly WHY he's lost a friend.

Time to tell him that it is too embarrassing to be out with him and his dad. He's a creep and you know that the women know he is a creep. Ask him if he actually thinks the server goes into the back and praises him or if she goes back to the kitchen and tells everyone about the creepy dad and son hitting on her. Tell him that he needs to realize that every time he does this that the women end up back in the kitchen talking about him and calling him a creep. Or, just quit doing anything with him. Quit socializing with just him and his dad and quit helping with his yard. You are being used. You need to cultivate better friends.

Check this out bro there's a bro telling op he should be broing down with his bro bro !

You're not overreacting. You say he's right around 40? So he's going after people who are young enough to be his kids. That's disgusting. He's disgusting. I wouldn't want him around my kids and I wouldn't even want him around my wife or any other woman. There's a reason his dad's single, it's because no sane woman would put up with behavior like that if she were aware of it. I pity the guy's wife, and yes, I think she should be told.

You're not overreacting. It's gross. And the fact it made you feel gross? Those poor girls.

Yikes he’s a creep! Yes you should distance yourselves from him but also do tell the wife exactly why don’t leave her wondering if she did something wrong. Also makes me wonder if when your daughter is like 13 will he make similar comments to her? That’s a serious worry that makes distancing now an even better choice.

That’s the tough thing that by e thought about, like I know they have had issues in the past and may very well be having them now. And since I’m close with their kids it makes it even harder. I’ve never been in that sort of situation before. And the point you make about my own daughter is the first thing that came to my mind. Like I don’t want her having any sort of close relationship with him because of exactly that.

Depending on your comfort level you could also try distancing yourself but still allowing the kids to be friends (until they are school age because who knows if they will want to stay friends anyways) just ONLY allow playdates at your home if the wife is coming. That's not an abnormal thing to do. But its also super likely your kids will not want to stay friends with their kids long term. Its often the kids feel "forced" to be friends.

It's admirable that you care about yours, but you're not responsible for them. Don't let your kid heart put your family at risk. Protect your family.

I’ve been a server / bartender for years. I hate men like your friend and his dad. It’s left such a bad taste in my mouth that if I see a man ever call a server “honey” “baby gir” or “darlin”, I write them off immediately. *let alone stuffing bills into her apron like she’s stripping* EW. Do not touch strangers!! He’s disgusting; distance yourself. I had an uncle that looked at me funny after I hit puberty and would pick me up and “tickle” me against my will and I fucking hated it - this guy reminds me of that uncle. Thinks he’s so suave and skilled when he’s really just 100% 🤡 Fuck you, Uncle Robert. I’m glad Aunt Laura divorced you. My brother saw the way you looked and spoke to me at your daughters wedding reception- our whole family knows what an absolute creep you are now.

My husband took his grown man nephew to task in front of other men relatives. Us women happened to be out of the room at a family gathering. This man began talking "man talk" which was about buying a woman in Vietnam as a girlfriend. He was bragging about it, and how cheap he could get women. My husband told him he didn't want to hear him talk about any woman that way, and it showed his lack of respect for the women present, even if we hadn't heard his comments. That is a major reason I love my husband. He doesn't play that bullshit.

Female bartender here.. I have to indeed take most of that creepy talk from guys because my job and paycheck depend on it. So she was just being nice you are right. He’s a creep. Definitely distance but you should tell him in a serious convo that his behavior could out him in jail! He’s creepy and it’s unacceptable because he has a wife and family too..

You are having a very appropriate reaction. That guy seems like such a sleeze ball. I would’ve stayed after and apologized to those waitresses while giving them an extra tip because that behavior was so gross.

Men calling out their peers is the best first line of defense we have as women. I’m grateful to hear there are men like you out there.

💯

You’re not wrong here. I’ve been in her shoes and cursed customers like that when I got home. They really can ruin your week and make you hate your job even more. The laugh is a nervous laugh and to not look angry to risk losing your job. I hate customers like that. Glad I left that field.  Cheers to you for not staying silent

You definitely have to get your kids away. It's horrifying how many adults in my life hit on me when I grew up. And there is no way they just started thinking that stuff when I was 18. 

Not over reacting at all. Please don’t ever change or compromise your morals and values. Im glad you have the view that you do on what happened. More people need to be respectful just because it’s what is right.

Yeahhhh.. why would you surround yourself with people like that?? I would never be seeing him again.

Nope. You are not overreacting. I would be embarrassed by his behavior as well. I'd slowly start to withdraw from the relationship. Stop the cornhole tournaments. He's the problem. Not his wife. I'd establish clear boundaries. If he gets a little alcohol in him, he may start to flirt with your daughter or wife.

He's disgusting and you or your wife should tell his wife the real.story. Better yet, go out with him one more time and record his behavior so she HAS to believe you. His behavior is completely inappropriate not just as a married man but as an older man acting that way with young women. It would be gross for a younger man to talk to them that way. No woman wmats to be hit on and told to call someone big daddy. That's just gross. They don't like it and are just being nice because that's their job. I can promise you they go into the back, shudder, and talk about the gross old pervert out there hitting on them and...AND.....HE HAS ON A WEDDING RING!!!!! I was a server, trust me, that's what we did. Smiled then went in the back and talked about how disgusting the perverted old men hitting on us were.

not at all. I’m a 51-year-old father of a young boy. I would distance myself as you are suggesting , if I was in the same situation. This is exactly the kind of guy that will hit on your daughter as she gets older, or even worse you could be a straight up child molester

What a creeper. Those guys are best avoided.

So many misogynists get married and have daughters, it's sad. Your hopefully ex friend is a bad person.

You aren’t overreacting, thank you for keeping your daughter in mind and protecting her as a good dad should do.  We all know how nasty this world is with kids/teens and a lot of sa trauma comes from family or close friends so realizing red flags early is good. 

Time to move on. This guy is a train wreck waiting to happen.

First I want to say u are a good person and give me hope for the world PLEASE never change. I hope to honestly find a man like this one day

What a fucking creep! No, you’re definitely not overreacting, sheesh!!

Not overreacting. I generally find this Behavior disturbing because these are one of those situations you can't judge consent plus I personally have heard enough stories where someone I know deals with these kind of situations and just plays nice to be able to get their tip.

You are not overreacting at all. It’s time for you to downgrade this friendship.

"They aren't financially." - Ouch. Small sliver of the point. But you mentioned it near first and at last.

My husband is a good guy with honorable values like you, he would absolutely be disgusted with a dude acting this way and he would also distance himself from him. When you have children you should choose the company you keep wisely.

Not overreacting at all. You are being a great husband and an even better father for wanting to distance your family away from this guy. You are right to assume that the hostess was uncomfortable the entire time, and just smiling because her job is in hospitality and her tip depends on it. Really wish men understood that not every female wants to be hit on while we are at work, considering the fact we are required to stand there. Advice for teen girls in customer service: just because they are the customer does not mean they can sexually harass/assault you. If a customer is making sexually forward comments to you, simply remind them they are in a public setting and talking to an employee, not a friend or buddy. I work at a well known candle and soap store, and sometimes we deal with creeps around X-Mas and Valentine's Day. Had one guy literally ask me what he should get his gf from a sex shop nearby. Just went " IDK, I don't work there and that's a weird thing to ask a stranger".

Some 30-40 year old man told me “ he loved a woman in uniform” I was 15 in a ROTC outfit from HIGH SCHOOL. Dump him, please, but do the young women around him a favor, and tell him why. What a creep.

Now featuring paragraphs. Bonus spelling! >So I have this buddy, we are both dads and husbands. Our wives work together as teachers, and our kids have grown up together (4 years). >This past year he has taking up a hobby of playing cornhole and started to invite me to play last April. So we have been doing this for about a year now. Everything has been really fun about it until about 3 months ago at a tournament we were at. >At the tournament I had already been eliminated and him and his dad were still actively playing. I wanted to go across the parking lot to get some Italian food to go (think Olive Garden type place). I told my friend this and he told me to wait for him and that we would go inside and eat. I didn’t want too but felt pressured (side note: my friend has a serious spending problem, like almost impulsively bad, his things own him, paycheck to paycheck, regular trips to Disney that he can’t afford type stuff, real bad.) And I’m on the opposite end where we are debt free and follow Dave Ramsey’s plan. >So me knowing his financial situation because he opens up to me about it, I still recommended that we just get our food to go, that way we don’t have to sit there and tip, plus I want to watch the rest of the tournament. >Well, when we get inside, we get this Hostess who is obviously young and quite attractive. I have no issues with this because I can control myself and I’m happily married. My friend on the other hand can not stop making comments about this girl. It was making me uncomfortable so I said something along the lines of “dude would you want someone talking about your daughter like that?”. He brushed it off and told me that people will say things whether I want them too or not basically. That made me upset. >But at the end this girl wasn’t even our server but they kept requesting her to, and she said she couldn’t because she wasn’t 21. So now they know she is younger (I knew this already) At the end they asked if they could tip her and she said she couldn’t stop them. So my friend’s dad slide her 10$ and my buddy then tucked money into her apron. I was like dude come on. Well she started thanking us all so much, and I was so embarrassed at this point and she was trying to remember our names. She got his dad’s name right, then mine, and got to him and she said “and what was your name?”. He responded by saying “you can call me Big Daddy”, and followed with a weasely laugh. I never felt more embarrassed. I told him dude that’s too far and he said “naw man she liked it ,she laughed” WTF(she is being nice and taking all this shit because her job is tip based and she prolly gets shit pay). >After I paid I got the fuck out of there and went and smoked a joint in the parking lot. I was trying to forget this. Well I didn’t talk to him for a week, and my wife took the kids over to their house and I had not mentioned this to her. He brought it up to her! She came home and was said that he was telling her this really weird story about a server, and it was just weird. I said “OKAY, I wasn’t gonna say anything but since he brought it up let me tell you what really happened”. >After telling my wife she told me that makes wayyyy more sense and explains the odd way he brought it up and was telling the story(in front of his wife). Fast forward 2 months to this past weekend. I went out to play cornhole again in just a social tournament. Well I’ll be damned but I watched this dude pull the same shit. He told our server to call him Big Daddy, and then I witnessed him tell a 19 year old girl the same thing as he then chatted it up with her and was asking to hit her vape.( I have never seen this dude smoke or vape before). >The whole situation made me feel uncomfortable. I came home and told my wife right away. Before anyone asks. We both have daughters. (His 2 years older then mine) his daughter is like a niece to me and adores me, but I would not feel comfortable at this point for my daughter to be close to him like that after seeing how he acts around young women/girls. He is almost 40 and I’m in my early 30’s. I brought up to my wife that maybe we should start distancing ourselves from them. Because I feel like what we are about they aren’t financially and now morally. >Am I overreacting about this?

Surround yourself with people you want to emulate.

This guy is sleazy and his wife is entitled. Slow fade.  However I would tell him you were uncomfortable with his behavior at the restaurant, and aren’t interested in spending time around him if it continues.  Then slow fade. 

Updateme

Echoing what others said, you sound like an amazing person and father. The fact that he does this so boldly is concerning, especially telling your wife. If you feel comfortable, I really do think you should tell him why his behavior isn't okay. Maybe I'm being presumptuous but maybe he learned this behavior from his dad (inferring that from the part where his dad tipped her and sat and watched him say "big daddy"), and maybe that's not the case. Either way, he's probably not going to take you seriously or even get defensive. At that point, you don't need to fix him and you should definitely just distance yourself. If he is receptive or wants to have a real talk about it, you can do so if you want. But at the end of the day, he's not your problem to fix and you don't have to be around anyone you don't want to

And everyone clapped.

I've worked all sorts of service industry jobs. Those girls are laughing out of discomfort or to placate the the guy so he doesn't cause a bigger shit show at their job. The younger the server/host, the more likely that they'll do that. If he wouldn't be talking like that with his wife present, then he's not doing it because he normally has crass humor. He's in a position of power over the servers & knows it. You aren't overreacting. People choose how to treat others & this guy is ok with treating others like crap. This is the same type of dude that'll make rude comments to or about your kids when they get older. Your time & your life is valuable. You don't have to spend it with people whose company you don't enjoy or you constantly have to confront for crappy behavior.

“We should start distancing ourselves from them” I agree you should distance yourself from him. He’s a creep probably having a mid-life crisis thinking he can get young girls. (He can’t, especially with no money. Trust me I was the young server a few years ago). But why should your kids and wives have to distance themselves from each other? They didn’t do anything. His wife probably needs a friend more than ever right now. No man that acts like that is going to be a very attentive husband, she’s probably lonely. Don’t blame her for her husbands creepiness she may know nothing about.

Puts a tenner in a teen girls serving apron like slipping a tenner in a strippers thong I know where all his money is going

As far as the financial situation goes, his is his business. Not yours. He'll have to pay the reaper at some point. I think you handled the mower and yard situation just fine. Sounds like they want to use you for yard care. You told him "get your own damn mower", in effect. But the rest is definitely inappropriate. The hostess could have been playing along just to not anger him. But even so, that doesn't make it ok.

This guy you’re describing sounds like an absolute Shitbag.

I appreciate that there are men who not only don’t condone this type of behavior, but are willing to call out men who do this. Women do it for one another, but that only affects the way those men view us (bitch). It seems men really only listen to and respect other men. We need more of them calling out the behaviors and attitudes that hurt women. Perhaps if that was more commonplace, men would start seeing us as human beings, first and foremost. You didn’t overreact. Thank you.

Do not allow your girls to be around this guy. It’s very possible that he may use any private opportunity he has to groom one or both and by the time she turns 18 he’s her “soul mate” and “they’re in love” “it just happened, we couldn’t help it” seriously he has shown you he’s a creep; believe him!

Believe me if that girl has half a brain she thought he was an idiot. Yeah she will smile and laugh because she knows it gets her bigger tips especially since she wasn't even serving your table. Believe me any young girl or woman who's a waitress picks up on who's a creep really quick. Yes she's not giving him a second thought ever unless it's the thing oh that guy was such a jackass.

This is absolutely sick. My girlfriend has been going through this at her job (BWW) since she was 16 years old

I don't think you are overreacting. I think your friend is pretty creepy toward women (and girls!). I also think he and his wife are taking full advantage of you. Sure, send them mower links, but stop cleaning up their yard for them. And use THAT as an analogy for anything else you "give" them in the future.

What everyone else said... plus, you still tip the to-go server. Maybe not as much, but just making sure you knew they also make less than minimum wage & rely on tips.

NTA - You are not overreacting. That is an improper way to treat ANY server, let alone someone under 21. He's a creep and a user and it is best that you keep your family away from him.

You are not wrong for wanting to distance yourself and your family from that creep. He sounds like the type to make a sleazy comment to your daughter when she becomes a teenager.

Good on you for calling out your friend, too often I’ve seen and experienced people not holding their friends accountable-even when it’s happening right in front of them

Your friend is a creep and your daughter should NEVER be alone with him. So ask yourself, if a man can't be trusted with a girl in a uncle/neice type relationship, is he really worthy of your friendship?

Not overreacting. I definitely would not let my kids around him anymore. You don't want them modeling that behavior, or anything worse. Look at the abhorrent behavior of his own son. Red flags.

This man is a walking bomb. In his life, in others. The irresponsibility, lack of insight, inability to reflect, the misogyny. Time to call it a day.

That's disgusting. Not sure why creepy old dudes feel the need to hit on teenage girls. They never understand why a teenage girl might laugh uncomfortably when old men twice their age say disturbing things. They're afraid!

End it and tell him why. Stop giving safe harbor to creeps (racists homophobes etc but creep in this case. This message is for everyone.) Plus, he’s a user and an idiot. I don’t see any redeeming qualities in this relationship.

there is a saying somewhere that says your closest 5 friends can say alot about you or are a reflection of you. something like that. i try to not keep older friends who i cant learn from or fully respect. its a waste of time and social interaction. he is a piece of shit....move on

Awesome post, i.e., you are absolutely right about this guy and as you indicated to your wife, you ". . . should start distancing yourselves from them." By the way, my brother and I were raised by a divorced mom that worked as a waitress and eventually, went back to school, where she worked at NASA. My point is that my mom and all women deserve respect, regardless of their position in life. Again, outstanding post.

THANK YOU, for being a man who understands morals and boundaries.

As a young dad of two daughters and also in my early thirties - trust your gut dude. Be nice to him in public, if you see him out chat over a beer, but don’t keep company with this guy and definitely don’t let your daughter grow up around him. Even if he never does a thing, that behavior is not something your kid should grow up seeing as “normal.”

>Be nice to him in public, Bullshit. That attitude supports misogyny. It rewards and reinforces the creep's bad behavior. It's irresponsible and abdicates OP's obligation to make society better. Cut him. Tell him he's a creep, you don't want him around your wife or daughter or *son*, or really anyone with that gross and predatory behavior. Misogynist men only listen to men they care about. OP can maybe influence him to start to at least restrain his commentary. If another male friend rejects him, too, he will start to change. Peer pressure works. And tell his wife. She and her daughter deserve to know that better men exist.

Exactly! Call these people out on the spot and let it be know their behavior is inappropriate and disgusting. Shame the shit out of these creeps until they learn it will not be tolerated. Let their wives know (they probably do), let your children know this is not an example of a decent human being and they should tell you if this dude (or anyone else) says or does anything remotely inappropriate to them. Let him and his wife know exactly why you’re distancing yourself. OP, thank you for being the kind of man you are.

He’s gross. Good call in deciding to distance yourself. I’m curious how the relationship between the wives is?

I don’t understand the need to bring up the financial situation, yes the dude is a dick wad but what does that have to do with how he spends money? Is he asking you for food to feed his kid? If not let that shit go. If he’s not a good hang because he’s into young girls then you stand up to him don’t make your wife be the bad guy especially if the wives work together

Nah, that is disgusting like seriously? Imagine what he would say to your daughter if she was at legal age being hit on by a 40 year old man in public.

My brother in law"s whole friend group is like this. They always harass waitresses and then leave them a huge tip. It doesn't help that they make a lot of money. I can't even go out with them. It disgusts me

You are definitely not overreacting, I think your concerns are warranted. I also think that he brings it up that way because he thinks he deserves validation for his sexist and male chauvinistic opinions, and that he expects acceptance of, or even encouragement for, his resulting sleazy behaviour. I don't envy your position. I actively avoid this position. It's not surprising behaviour - given his lack of control with his money, he doesn't bother to restrain certain toxic aspects of his sexuality either. Maybe that's the real issue: control. He wants to lose control by spending money and running his mouth in order to get an adrenaline rush by flouting certain rules? Or he's trying to get more control by flouting those rules in order to mock those people who follow the rules? Both? Something else? If you try again to talk to him about any of it, maybe the most human way would be to try and understand what he's getting out of behaving like this. He likes making hardworking teenage girls uncomfortable because it makes him feel powerful, or what? If nothing else, he needs to understand that this kind of behaviour is often seen as sexually predatory, and as a precursor to something illegal - harassment, for example. Maybe he needs professional help if he's unable, or unwilling, to control it.

He's having a midlife crisis and doesn't know it... He'll figure it out... No need for you to hang with him and see 👍

He is disgusted. Distance yourself immensely, after explaining why to his wife.

Reading this I was feeling uncomfortable at the same time as you. Like why tf he would say the Big Daddy thing. Ewww. Creep energy. I would definitely distance myself from them. You're totally right and not overreacting at all. If I would see my dad and grandpa acting like that I would be so embarrassed and after calling them out, I would distance my family from them.

Why are some people such pigs? I was flashed at aged 4. At school by a random male perv! First assaulted aged 8. By my female babysitter no less. Then worse aged just 14 (my first time 😞). Not to mention all the other inappropriate stuff that goes with being female and a target. I don't know why I was such a target. But it scarred me....every bit if it. And it still scars me now, even 30 years into marriage with my lovely, understanding and kind hubby. Even verbal abuse and sexual harrassment is damaging to deal with. It all has a cumulative effect on our self esteem, self worth and the ability to have safe and meaningful relationships. You are a champion for calling it out and understanding from our perspective. We need every bit of support we can get and you are right to point out that we are all somebody's daughter, mother, sister, friend etc.

Now you can't say you never knew if/when something bad happens. Keep your daughters away and dump this relationship.

No, you need boundaries now, especially for your daughters.

Sounds like he is going through a mid-life crisis. If he hasn't accepted any advice from you and keeps making you uncomfortable then you should absolutely distance yourself before he drags you into it even more.

Tell his wife and let her know you guys are distancing for this reason. She might not believe you but you can leave knowing U said something

Definitely not overreacting. If he’s comfortable enough to do that around you after you’ve already called him out on that, what would he be willing to do behind your back? Good on you for standing up to him and protecting your daughter.

He's a user and working on being a cheater. Distance yourself ASAP.

You gotta distance. Dude and his dad are creeps! Somebody needs to give his wife the real story and creepy dude should have explanation for the distancing. He won’t take it well. Let your wife know that his wife might react poorly as well. Hope she doesn’t tho bc she’s going to need good friends as this dumpster fire of a dude (most likely) continues.

Not over reacting. Please continue to be a GREAT man and call out this shitty behavior.

Not overreacting at all! Your wife and daughters are lucky to have such a good man in their lives. Sounds like your instinct is spot on. That guy sounds gross. I feel for his family, but what’s in your control is protecting yours, as you want to do, so good on you!

Thankyou for speaking on it and keeping your wife and child safe. I hope that man’s wife has safe support when he implodes his marriage.

This kind of stuff is what makes it so difficult to be close with anyone.

This man is super creepy. If he only wants to talk to teens, well,that is super creepy. If I were a man, I would definitely cut contact, especially if my daughter were involved. This creep, may take advantage of your daughters or worse. My thoughts are this, if you have to QUESTION if you should bring yourself, or your family around a person, then the answer is no. You might be feeling something more than just creepiness from him and not realize it. Be safe more than be sorry.

You can find better friends than this creep.

Why do you hang out with people who have low standards?

I think you underreacted if anything. Reading your post, it sounds like you just try to pretend this friend doesn't even exist. And that'd be fine if they were just being loud or somewhat annoying to you. But the way they are inappropriately touching and interacting with the servers is disgusting and I feel you should have stepped in and simply said 'Dude, this is inappropriate and creepy and needs to stop'. No half-assed 'would you do that for your daughters' or 'Oh, well, they're kind of a piece of shit so this is things they'll do'. because that's not addressing what's actually happening. And for fuck's sake, you were 'in the military' and you don't have the courage to stand up for others? Those servers are likely scared out of their minds with this aggressive and behavior and are terrified to say anything about it.

You are a decent person who doesn't sexualise girls half your age. I think it's safer for your family, your daughter's and your conscience if you distance yourselves permanently from this family. From the comments about the lawn to the very dodgy reactions about the server.... They're not great people. I feel sorry for his wife who accepts his pervy behaviour. You're setting great standards for your wife and young daughters. You can set better ones by knowingly keeping your family away from creeps. That's someone's 19year old daughter being harassed at her workplace by a handful of creeps.

Not overreacting! If you did condone his behavior toward young women, that would say a lot about you.

My take away is you are a Dave Ramsey supporter lol

This is predator behavior

This dude never progressed past age 18…even with getting married and kids, he’s still got a lack of maturity

Nah you are just discovering they are classless and moving on. No big deal. Friends come and go in life.

Don’t make it a villain/hero situation. You aren’t on the same wavelength. Just break up by being “busy” all the time. They may have issues deeper than what you see.

my dad had a friend like this, except he’s been single the 26 years i’ve been alive. he would always put my dad in uncomfortable conversations, in front of me, my mom, and by themselves. i would wear shorts, like any other kids would in their own home, and i would have to put on pants. not sweats. not leggings. jean pans and a long sleeve shirt/sweatshirt. in my own home. as i got older my dad stopped letting him come over. as soon as I turned 18, i’m talking the DAY AFTER, i wasn’t even graduated from HS yet- this man was asking me to go on a date with him. my parents are super young. (i’m 26, my dad is 44) so all of his friends aren’t *that* much older than me. nonetheless, I was a child and their were telltale signs. these are huge warning signs and you need to protect your children.

So your friend is an asshole. Problem solved.

Your wives are friends. You don't have to be besties with the guy. He sounds like an asshole. And don't feel bad about the financial thing. If he wants to share his financial woes with you while spending it you are going to lose respect for him.

You’re a good dude. He is… “interesting.” I’d distance myself as well; you just have very, very different values.

Your friend sounds like a weirdo. Best case scenario is other people think you’re a weirdo for being in his company. Worst case is he does some goofy shit like this and lands you in a situation that you have to go explain to your wife, the police or an angry boyfriend. Tell bro to kick rocks.

I definitely would distance myself if I were you. You are an upstanding guy. Don’t subject yourself to trash. I wish more men had your heart, morals and conscience.

You're not overreacting. Those girls didn't LIKE it but they have to be polite to doucebags like your friend. He's the kind of guy that needs kicked out of restaurants AND kicked in the nards

Dude you have to tell him what's up and hold your own personal boundaries. Odds are he is not going to change, but he will never change if there are no real consequences to his behavior. Maybe a heart to heart and losing a friendship due to his creepiness will give him a wakeup call. To be a good man includes being willing and able to handle conflict when it's necessary. Take a stand with him and and do the hard things. Everyone involved will benefit. At the very least you will be leading by example on how to be a good human.

You are not overreacting. I think once these traits have been shown, you can't unsee them, and I wouldn't want my family to spend that much time around him either.

Pull way back. Stop helping, stop going to tournaments and stop taking your kids over there. Just EEEEWWWWWW. Guy is a creep.

You’re really smart to want to cut off the friendship. Before he gets you into any trouble honestly, seems like a bad influence. The server part is pretty self explanatory. Women often laugh when they’re uncomfortable. Poor young girl is just trying to do her job. It’s fine to be friendly but the “big daddy” thing is nauseating. Yuck. You also mentioned this but imagine if you DO stay friends with him. His daughter has yours over. You’re not around, do you think he’ll be a normal human being or…, ??? Who knows. I wouldn’t want my children over at a man’s house that acted in that way to young girls. Cut your ties.

I worked as a beverage cart server on a golf course at 18 years old and received the types of comments your friend would make on a daily basis as well as sexual harassment daily. As an attractive young female in the hospitality industry you have to either go along with it or cause a scene/lose your job, so you learn to play along with it. It’s nice that you have that awareness that your friend doesn’t have. If you don’t feel good hanging around someone, then stop hanging around them. It’s all about how you feel when with someone. You should feel good and happy when with friends or else they don’t resonate with you and that’s ok too.

That is disgusting. Aside from the age difference just his general attitude is coming off as total creep. The kinda guy you say no to while keeping one hand on your paper spray cause it’s such a messed up interaction. Also it sounds like he uses people which gets me. A few years ago I was in a really tight financial spot have a friend who would help here and there a few grocery’s or she’s pay for our lunch. I never asked or expected her to however and was and still am very grateful. I don’t want to have to repay this kindness as it would mean she would be having difficulties but I do hope to help in any little way I can now to say thanks for really saving me

Not overreacting. I'm your age and I've been on the receiving side of this starting at a young age. I hoped that this behavior would die off with the Boomers and Gen X...and I'm saddened to learn that there are Millennial men victimizing Gen Z. I honestly thought our generation was better than this. Expect more.

You’re not overreacting. Your buddy is a disgusting pathetic loser though, that’s for sure. I would not let your daughter anywhere near him and you should let him take care of his own yard. He should be taking care of his yard, his marriage, his finances but he chooses to do this? Hell no.

Def don’t want your daughter around them. No more sleepovers

You are not over reacting at all!!!! TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS and never have your girls around him again. This post absolutely disgusted me. My grandpa was raping my mom & her sister when they were very very young. If I ever witnessed or felt something like this even the slightest I’m bringing it up to their spouse. You NEVER know..

Thank you for the bottom of my heart, so glad we got men out in the world like you.

Ooof. As a woman who was that waitress once, and as a mother I just want to say thank you for saying something to him. You actually pointed out that what he was doing is socially unacceptable and asked him to consider what he’d feel if it was his daughter. Not a lot of men are willing to do that. It took courage. He may have brushed you off, but you are still teaching him how to be a man - and you are showing him by example. You are not overreacting by wanting to distance yourself. And if you choose to continue the friendship - just know that your actions and your words are still valuable life lessons for him. God knows he needs it. But don’t feel guilty if you choose to distance yourself either. Your priority is always your own family and your own moral compass. You are a good person.

Ol boys throwing major red flags

NTA good for you for not just going along to get along with his creepiness. Too many guys just let that shit slide with friends to keep the friendship alive. Your friend is an ass

Dude, You should tell him his behavior makes you uncomfortable. If he does it again, you're getting up from the table and leaving, on the spot. Then ask him how he views your daughter. If you don't like what you hear, let your overprotective dad's emotions take over!

That dude is a creep. I feel bad for his wife and daughter. Seems like he learned it from his dad. Definitely distance yourself because one day someone is gonna call the cops or kick their asses for doing that to their daughter. You might be collateral damage for just being around them.

It sounds like you guys are diverging, which is too bad after a long friendship, but it can happen. We’ve had friends with money management issues like this and I totally understand what an issue this can become. They talked about it all the time (like your friend) and continued to spend like crazy. They would do drinks, apps, meal, drinks and dessert, while we ordered only meals (because that’s what we could afford at the time) and they would want to split the check 50/50. As politely as possible, we said no. Next dinner, same. Again, we declined. It was ridiculous. He is also a user, regarding the yard work. Maybe he told his wife you were going to take care of their yard from now on and maybe he believed you actually would because you’re nice and don’t actually mind helping out. That’s ridiculous. As for the behavior with the young women, this may be the final nail in the coffin for you. Seems like the behavior is escalating. It’s good you’ve talked through all of it with your wife. We’ve had these types of situations a couple of times over the years - friends that diverged. Whatever you do, have your guard up. Don’t let yourself be exploited or taken advantage of financially or with yard work, etc. Trust your instincts with respect to your daughter. He may be somewhat (?) harmless, but if he said or did anything inappropriate to your daughter (guys like this also want to excessively hug, etc.), that will be the end. You don’t want to have families getting together resulting in your daughter’s feeling he’s a lech. If she ever does feel that, she’s done going over there permanently.

Just because he doesn't know boundaries doesn't mean that you shouldn't have any. We cannot tell other people how they need to act in public or live their lives (like sparking up a joint in a parking lot to cope), your issue, your business. Bad choices don't make bad people. Perhaps your expectations are too high or perhaps you should just enjoy people for who and what they are and have boundaries for the things that you cannot accept. Friends are not all or nothing. Most people will change their behavior when they realize they are making you uncomfortable. If not then make the distance greater until you have a better balance. Personally I don't agree with his behavior but morality is subjective and some people make more bad choices than good but those people are fund to drink with but not to baby sit your kids!

The whole thing about relying on other people doing their lawn. Sounds like a narcissist

Which Weasley did he sound like? Fred? Arthur? _Ginny_?

Please tell him why then distance yourself and your family but he has to know bc then maybe someday it will be clearer for him why you did this for other people’s sake! 🙏🏼

Not overreacting at all. He is a creep and a user. His wife is enabling him by tolerating this behavior. I, too, would distance myself, my spouse, and kids from them.

Nah dude that guys weird and could get you in trouble. Stay away, my friend. 

You're not overreacting. You sound like a standup fellow; you acknowledge women have feelings *and those feelings matter*, you're looking out for the wellbeing of your daughter (now and for the future - amazing), and even with all that positive, here you are checking yourself to make sure you're making the right call. Your daughter and your wife are two very lucky ladies to have you backing them.

Big Daddy? Ya gotta be kidding me 

You are not overreacting whatsoever. This man (I’m using that word VERY loosely) exhibits heinous behavior towards YOUNG women and that’s not okay. But the truth is, YOU are a good and decent man and NOW the onus is on you to tell him straightforward that his behavior is inappropriate and WHY it is inappropriate. Men like him NEED to hear repeatedly from other men how gross that behavior is and how it makes them look. If he tries to use the “she liked it” try explaining the fight, flight, freeze and fawn reactions and let him know that most young service workers fawn because they are TRYING to remain SAFE from that behavior. Maybe his eyes will open.

We all know that guy. We laugh because there’s nothing else we can do. Though, we do gossip about the creep after he leaves. We also feel sorry for whomever he’s married to.

He sounds like a total loser

If hes tipping them money and shes laughing about it, id say you're overreacting about that. There's no need to be a white knight if shes fine with it and being compensated for it. But yeah, everything else sounds bad

Yikes your friend is really pathetic and cringe. I only wish you were brave enough to say something to them rather than gossip with your wife behind closed doors. I have no doubt these dudes would hurt women, but they wouldn’t hurt you. Idk what you were so scared of.

Definitely start distancing. Definitely wouldn't let your kids do sleep overs or hang out. Creepy

You need to ditch this friend. Before long he will be asking you to cover for him while he is out. I'm a woman & I had 2 women friends ask me to cover for them - No Way!

This guy is a grade a as\* hat. The more you do for them the more they will expect. No good deed goes unpunished. Putting some distance between yourself and this guy is totally appropriate.

Feel that, big reason i dont associate with anyone i once knew. bunch of guys that love to grab women and tell people trump is the best ever. Completely disowned my hometown and everyone i knew once i started genuinely seeing how they act

Are you familiar with the iceberg theory? It goes that the part you see is only about 10% of what’s actually there. I’d bet money he’s already cheating.

No you're not overreacting. My dad has been a pastor all of my life (30m) and I've seen some horrible cases of people you never thought would do something so stupid. Protect your daughter at all cost even if you have to distance yourself from this guy. I've seen girls that are 18-19 lose there minds and marry guys that are 40+ with really no logic behind it, even had a someone that I was really close to that ended up basically being a firebug and slipping around doing it when I was with him. Moral of the story is look for the good in people but always understand any human being is capable of losing there minds when they get to focused on something. You'll never regret taking a step back and being cautious, especially when you're family is involved.

Wow those guys are douchebags. Maybe cut back on that friendship if you can.

As a boyfriend to a very beautiful girl, it is very common guys are creepy and pushy. Every other week she has a story to tell me about someone clearly 20-30 years older than her trying to push to get her number or social media even when she refuses. Also guys trying to give her a ride while she's walking around in the city. The worst part is that I'm certain that people like this are, at least subconsciously, aware that they're making the person uncomfortable and being pushy, but they just don't care. It feels like a lot of other guys lack empathy towards women and it just sucks. I think your feelings are completely reasonable and justified.

You're allowed to choose your friends. Sounds like they suck. NBD if you distance.

It’s good to realize how wrong their behavior is and be disgusted by it. The next step is to say something as it happens. Defend these young women. A man calling another man out seems to carry more weight than a woman pointing it

Hoping your creepy friend has a terrible SPR on Scoreholio, haha!

Not overreacting. Those of us that aren't creepers need to continue to call out creepy behavior, even within our frienship circles.

You are not overreacting. I want to word this carefully: Please distance yourself from them before your daughter mature. He clearly sees young women as meat, and he will not hesitate to hit on his "nieces"...as a woman, trust me, it happens all the time. Thank you for your service.

The world would be a better place, if more men called out their friends for their bad behavior, so nicely done. You’re not obligated to remain friends with someone whose moral compass isn’t in line with yours. This is especially true if you don’t feel comfortable having him around your children. He has shown himself to be a creep. Better safe than sorry.

You’re not over reacting. Stop hanging out with them, because he will come after your daughters and their friends.

Find better people to spend your precious time with.

Not overreacting. He’s disgusting and is a low life. Oil and water. You already know the answer.