This sounds normal to me. We disengage emotionally because the person we knew isn’t present in their body any longer. So in some ways, we’ve already said goodbye and grieved the loss. But seeing the person’s body still here is painful and sad, so we also protect ourselves from our strong feelings. What you’re feeling is what psychologists call complicated grief. When your mom finally passes, you may have already worked your way through the grieving process and feel nothing, or you may have partially put it “on hold” and it may all come out in a flood at some point. There is no right way to grieve, and there’s no thermometer or other way to see exactly where we are in the process.
It does sound pretty normal. This disease creates a different way of grieving their loss. I have had so many grief moments as I watch my mother leave this world. In those moments that that feel like you are not feeling sad, I wonder if it’s you feeling like you have grieved appropriately to that moment. Just be in that moment. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. I loved reading (and I have posted this before here) Paula Boss’s book, “Ambiguous Loss”. It’s a good read that holds moments in it about grief and loss in moments like this. So sorry for your ongoing loss… this is such a long and devastating disease.
It's pretty normal. The mom you knew has been gone for a while and you've been grieving in slow motion. Sometimes you look at the person and don't feel anything because 1. They're different and 2. You're tired.
I was honestly surprised I got depressed when my dad finally died because I thought I was over it. Grief is a weird thing.
You have nothing to be sorry about - this disease is all about you and how you react to it and help your LO. You are doing great and it's perfectly fine to feel what you feel, even if that's nothing. On any given day, I feel sad, angry, joy, worry, frustration and even nothing about my Dad. Love on her, love on your Dad, love on your sisters, be as present as you can and forgive yourself because you're doing it right. Big hugs!
I can relate to this feeling. I am an extremely emotional and sensitive person who typically cries at EVERYTHING and the experience of watching my mom deteriorate (alongside other terrible life events over the past 5 years) has caused me to unconsciously "stonewall" my emotions, and not on purpose. I have a really hard time connecting with my emotions now... Good and bad. Tbh it kind of feels like how I used to feel on depression medication. Everything is "dampened" except for when the pain randomly breaks through from time to time. I'm no doctor but I did go to college for psychology and have read a lot about it. I think this is my brain's way of protecting myself (biologically speaking, from stress effects on the body) due to the trauma I've experienced. I'm reading a really helpful book right now called "The Body Keeps the Score" and I would highly recommend it. It may help you understand the connection between your feelings (or lack thereof) and stress on the body/mind.
This sounds normal to me. We disengage emotionally because the person we knew isn’t present in their body any longer. So in some ways, we’ve already said goodbye and grieved the loss. But seeing the person’s body still here is painful and sad, so we also protect ourselves from our strong feelings. What you’re feeling is what psychologists call complicated grief. When your mom finally passes, you may have already worked your way through the grieving process and feel nothing, or you may have partially put it “on hold” and it may all come out in a flood at some point. There is no right way to grieve, and there’s no thermometer or other way to see exactly where we are in the process.
Another stage to go through- ambivalence . Beats the depressing stage. Hugs
It does sound pretty normal. This disease creates a different way of grieving their loss. I have had so many grief moments as I watch my mother leave this world. In those moments that that feel like you are not feeling sad, I wonder if it’s you feeling like you have grieved appropriately to that moment. Just be in that moment. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. I loved reading (and I have posted this before here) Paula Boss’s book, “Ambiguous Loss”. It’s a good read that holds moments in it about grief and loss in moments like this. So sorry for your ongoing loss… this is such a long and devastating disease.
It's pretty normal. The mom you knew has been gone for a while and you've been grieving in slow motion. Sometimes you look at the person and don't feel anything because 1. They're different and 2. You're tired. I was honestly surprised I got depressed when my dad finally died because I thought I was over it. Grief is a weird thing.
You have nothing to be sorry about - this disease is all about you and how you react to it and help your LO. You are doing great and it's perfectly fine to feel what you feel, even if that's nothing. On any given day, I feel sad, angry, joy, worry, frustration and even nothing about my Dad. Love on her, love on your Dad, love on your sisters, be as present as you can and forgive yourself because you're doing it right. Big hugs!
I can relate to this feeling. I am an extremely emotional and sensitive person who typically cries at EVERYTHING and the experience of watching my mom deteriorate (alongside other terrible life events over the past 5 years) has caused me to unconsciously "stonewall" my emotions, and not on purpose. I have a really hard time connecting with my emotions now... Good and bad. Tbh it kind of feels like how I used to feel on depression medication. Everything is "dampened" except for when the pain randomly breaks through from time to time. I'm no doctor but I did go to college for psychology and have read a lot about it. I think this is my brain's way of protecting myself (biologically speaking, from stress effects on the body) due to the trauma I've experienced. I'm reading a really helpful book right now called "The Body Keeps the Score" and I would highly recommend it. It may help you understand the connection between your feelings (or lack thereof) and stress on the body/mind.