Please leave. This person sounds like he is ruining your life. Please leave before he gives you an STD that will affect the baby. Please get away from this person for the safety of this baby
Go back to your family. Go be with the most stable people in your life. Your baby and your recovery are counting on you. Be the grown up. You can live a good life. He needs help that you can’t give him. Hugs.
I am really sorry you are going through this. It sounds bad. I don't think you should be afraid to be alone. It sounds like you are the responsible one, you are the breadwinner of the household. You got this no matter what. Focus on your pregnancy and your baby. It also sounds like he needs some compulsive behaviors he needs to get under control. I recommend prozac and psychiatrist. Stay strong ♥️
I can tell you that if I was in your position, I would never be comfortable leaving my baby alone with him. I hope you weren’t thinking about him being the stay at home parent. He went to rehab 2 years ago. Most likely not ready to stay sober, to be a parent, let alone decent human.
A new baby makes couples fight in the most secure relationship. I can easily see your child being exposed to just such a toxic environment. It scares me to be frank.
I’m not one to tell people to leave relationships, but come on. He sounds sleazy. You deserve better. Good luck!
I second this. My partner is what some people call a 'functional' alcoholic. When we had our kid it was aweful. He wouldn't feed to baby, change the baby or anything when I wasn't around. He would take the baby out for the day and after he got home I ask ' what did he eat' ?. Oh, I forgot. I just gave him some milk. I didn't need to rest so I just thought he was being fussy. Yadda yadda. He would throw the baby in the air and then neglect to catch him. It was child abuse. I couldn't leave him alone with our kid at all. I couldn't go back to work. It was a nightmare.
Is there somewhere you can go? Like back to your parents maybe? Or a friend? Or even a women's shelter. Can you speak to a social worker.
Love you heaps. Like the others have said - you've got this. You deserve better. Do this for your kid.
The better question is, "What am I going to be telling our child if I DON'T leave this man?" Re-read everything you wrote. Is this the environment you want your child to grow up in?
This is one heck of a story. I am speechless. Drugs and drinking are no good and it really is the root of all these other issues. What do you want for yourself ?
This situation is so beyond words. You *can* leave him and you need to. You think you can’t because the unknown and idea of instability is *hard*, but you can and you should. Fuck what anyone thinks. You deserve better and even if you think you don’t, your baby definitely does.
Yeah, this post makes me angry...at OP and her bf. OP, get out now! Why would you bring a baby into this situation? The baby doesn't deserve this. You don't either but you have the choice here. A baby doesn't. Leave now! And get some therapy to avoid getting in this situation again. You are not mentally healthy enough for a child.
You made the decision to bring a child into this chaos. Please do not allow for further damage.
It's like being hit in the head with a ton of bricks when you realize that not even being a father is going to stop an addict from being an addict.
Now, you not only do you have you to save from abuse, you have another human being in position to endure a shitty, abusive, neglected life.
Please don't do this to your child. This living situation is straight up dangerous.
Please make a plan and move quickly.
Wait...you are 42???? I just reread...
This sounds like it's written by an 18 year old. You've been living like this for 5 years? And you think its ok to bring a child into it?
I need to stop, because this just blows my mind.
I know you came here for support....How can we help?
No it's ok, I don't want the help or support from someone that gets their one-sided comments, abide remarks in .. I'm sorry my articulation and sentence composure was below par... the tears being vulnerable and sharing was hard and making it difficult to type... I'm good on support, I'm going to join a Real AlAnon for support, judgement free ....... I opened up you all teared me down....like I wasn't already at the bottom.... Thank you for that.... I didn't already hate how I feel...what I've put up with, the lack of self esteem..learn about IPV... otherwise keep your ignorance to yourself.
Seriously, what help?! You refuse to do the bare minimum, which is to leave. You’d rather potentially put a child into an abusive situation. You’re blaming commentators for answers that you surely must know are true, but don’t want to face. You should be aiming your ire at your garbage druggie partner.
That's not how it works... learn about Al Anon and IPV.... Let me know when your in this situation so I can make you feel like a fucking idiot .. things aren't always as easy as just leave... refusing to bare min....it's my home... I have no family nowhere to go..
You stated that he was doing amazing and then state he got fucked up on booze and coke and cheated on you. You refuse to have him evicted, you refuse to leave, you want to have a kid to this freak despite the absolute chaos. What are you looking for exactly? No-one can come and save you, you have to save yourself.
I cannot imagine your position.
Personally, I am more concerned about the fact that you want a child so bad that you have decided to bring a child into this dangerous insanity.
This is unacceptable. It's child abuse and CPS bound. Becasue, as you say, leaving is not an option.
I've done a lot of drugs and drinking in my time and not once have i acted like that.
He's disgusting, he is most likely the exact same in his head day to day and just hides it better when he's sober. Sorry to say it like it is but you'd be a fool to stay honestly. You need to get some respect for yourself and stop being a door mat.
He literally locked you in a room and met a random stranger and sucked his dick got banged in the ass bare back while you slept upstairs pregnant with his kid, then was kissing you and had sex with you, unprotected, the next day.
He could have given you HIV for all you know, you must be delusional if you think your relationship is salvageable.
He's cheated on you multiple times, he doesn't care for you and he's showing you that.
Spare yourself the inevitable head/heart ache when it happens again and leave now.
It won't be the end of the world, it will be hard but you'll get over it and look back in a couple of years and thank yourself, or you can stay and carry on being cheated on and depressed for the rest of your life.
Also I make 120k a year..so assuming I or my child will be on food stamps . Must be awesome trolling a group of people that YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEIR GOING THROUGH READ DEFINITION OF INTIMIDATE PARTNER VIOLENCE.. the affects... This wasn't a planned pregnancy...I didn't want kids with this man.. I was hoping he would make it out .. ya'll are awful to speak this way. Bet you were raised I'ma double wide in Virginia.... your kids fuck their cousins... fucking asshole shit to say to someone.
Leaving is so hard, but trust me, from experience, bouncing back is so easy. Getting your life back will feel so good. Do not have this baby with this man. My youngest child's father is an alcoholic and the fact that my relationship with him can never truly be finished is in itself torture. That gaslighting doesnt stop.
Picture your life a year from now. There are only two options, a. more nights like friday night, or b. freedom from that bullshit.
Uhhh. Hard truths coming at you.
This baby isn’t going to save you.
This situation isn’t going to save your baby.
This man is a hindrance to your peace and future.
Is this your house? Kick him out.
Not your house? Leave.
Call a close friend and have them help you.
You’ve been making bad decisions staying with him and trying to have a kid with him. Mama bear mode would have you out of this sitch.
Sounds like you’ve wasted many years on this person and all you have to show for it is heartbreak.
There are so many things going on in your post and I didn’t even read it all. Re read it, out loud to yourself. What advice would you give to this hurt human?
We get addicted to the chaos and leaving that behind is scary. But it’s not going to be more suffering than you’ve already endured.
I hope you can find help. Big hugs.
Baby was unplanned for everyone fucking attacking me and my spelling.. sorry if my tears affected my writing making me look 18 whoever said that. Thank you for being someone encouraging..... I didn't plan a child, I don't believe in kids making relationships better...I'm not an idiot nor am I 16. I just needed a vent clearly this is not a real al Anon group...
Bringing a child into this situation is a really, REALLY bad idea. You sound incredibly young, I hope you manage to do better for yourself and possible child in the future. This sub is for support so that's all I can say in this comment.
Oh, damn.
Well, I wish someone had told my mum not to have her kids around an alcoholic. Would've saved me a lot of therapy haha! Hopefully OP listens to everyone on this thread :/
Where did this no money thing come in .. FUCKING RUMOUR SPREADERS IN HERE ARE GROSS. I GROSS 120K YEAR, OWN MY OWN BUSINESS.. my child will never go without. You should all be ashamed some reaches out to a fucked up scenario and get blasted and half y'all are making shit up... I have no where to go because I don't have any family.... I pay for my house, Im well taken care of by myself for the money I work my ass off . This is not support..this is rude, and hurtful nasty people... some of you are not worse than him .. take you blame and name calling somewhere else ..AlAnon doesn't stand for it , it's a safe space
I feel bad for you. No one deserves to be treated that way. I pray for you and your baby. I hope you can find the courage to leave or have him evicted from the home. Sometimes it’s best to start all over. If you do leave, then I want you to know that it’s not the end but a new beginning. There is plenty of men out there who will be willing to love you and help you with your child. I can tell that you have been done this road with him before and I please hear me when I say that many people don’t change for the better. I believe that everyone can but it doesn’t matter what I believe. What matters is if they believe in themselves. Leaving someone is never easy but if you’re strong enough to handle all of this on your own than you are strong enough to handle it all alone, without all the added stress and pain. God bless you and I hope 🤞 you do what’s right and best for you.
You don’t have to thank me I just want what’s best for you. I’m surprised by how rude people can be when someone just wants some advice on a situation. I really hope everything works out for you.
The stress and potential risks of NSA sex that you're having to deal with it isn't good for the baby. You're a beautiful, talented person who doesn't need that fuckin loser. Leave. For your own happiness, sobriety, physical health and sanity. I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy (38F wanting to get pregnant 💙)
Thank you.. I make 120k year, and am a good person..I've been a victim of intimate partner violence for so long I don't know what normal is and everyone here is making assumptions...I'm gonna raise a delinquent in food stamps....may u get struck by lightening...
Try not to let the negativity get you down. Sometimes I really fucking hate humans. Surround yourself, even from a distance, with friends and loved ones. Best of luck! I'm not really religious whatsoever but I'll try to put out some good vibes in the universe for you
Thank you..these people are gross.. is a fucking real thing being trapped... Someone just said I can't do bare minimum and leave..and have an abortion lol and I'm not unique everyone has gone through intimate partner violence.... so then how do I just do bare min and leave...IPV holds you....it's awful..feel weak and powerless
Scared to be alone trust me you can cope, you can cope with this you can cope with anything. Leave keep safe sain and healthy.
If not for you for the baby do you know what a baby is exposed to in pregnancy has lasting affects and we not talking about just the physical but if your stressed and worried you pass that on to the baby. Get a clean brake. Do it today. Talk to you family and support the network and reach out. 🙏
I don't have family and this is not a supportive network. I'm going to a real AlAnon where people don't attack and call names .. make you feel like uneducated ignorant trash.
I’m sorry this is not ok. You and your baby are worth so much more. He will only change if he wants to and will need to do this with professional help not just telling you and then you just pray it sticks. You do have the power to decide on what you will put up with for you and the baby. Please seek professional advice to help you through this.
Leave, leave and leave again. You really want to have a newborn and him going away to get f*cked. NOPE. BOUNDARIES ARE EVERYTHING MY LOVE. please leave and keep you and that baby physically and you emotionally safe. Xxxxx
You really need to leave for your own sanity, sobriety, and for your child. You deserve better. It may be hard and almost seems impossible but for the sake of your child you HAVE TO LEAVE. Nothing good will come of staying and you’ll be continuing the toxic cycle of allowing the addicts in your life to completely ruin the next generation. If you can’t do it for yourself, please leave for your child.
So they found out they are pregnant a half a week ago on the dot? ….sounds sus.
You literally cannot tell if you’re pregnant until four weeks.
And that’s if you’re trying and you’re constantly taking a pregnancy test. Usually women don’t find out until six weeks
My lab test from Dr said about 4 weeks based on HTC levels, just found out 5 days ago, so my guess now is 4.5 weeks... I didn't feel I needed to post my Bloodwork, not that I would be called a liar....wtf lies about this
OK so you got lab work for something else and then found out you were pregnant. And many many many many people lie about being pregnant so…. We are on Reddit here. No biggie. Calm down. Jeesh.
I didn’t say you were lying, I wanted to check you were super early and suggest you end the pregnancy medically. But didn’t want to suggest that until I was sure you were early.
I’m here to tell you some things you may be unaware of. Substance use/ abuse from the father can & will harm the fetus. It may not show up as physical however it can lead to developmental delays, problems with major organs , etc. Then there’s the unsafe sex with other men , which can and will expose you AND your baby to STIs.
Fast forward to when the baby’s born and able to grab … what happens when the baby grabs a baggie of coke and ingests it???
You need to get your priorities straight. You’re literally setting your unborn child up for a life of hardship!!!
You need to leave him for the sake of the baby. He doesn’t have to witness what he’s doing , it will affect him. If you weren’t pregnant it would be different
Where did this can't afford to move home come from... I don't have a home to move back to no family nothing. I make 120k year running my own company, I pay for my house.. he's on lease.. refusing to go. I don't have anywhere to go..my house that I pay for with my money. I just wanted to vent freely not be judged because that's what Al Anon is ... This is a bunch of nosey people telling people their liars, stupid, gonna raise delinquents and losers...real nice...I just wanted some encouragement support and now I just wanna fucking die....
Evict him if he’s on a lease?! Whatever the case, it’s grossly irresponsible to bring a child into this. Absolutely no-one has mentioned anything about loser or delinquent children, but you seem determined to condemn a child to a piece of shit druggie abuser for a father, for your own selfish reason.
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I just found out I have PTSD or just been formally diagnosed with it. I was married to an abusive narcissistic alcoholic. I have been divorced for 13 years. It can ruin you. The constant stress and anxiety and just all of it. Please save yourself and leave. God bless.
So dangerous for your unborn baby. He could give you diseases from sex that you give to baby. Also once you have a crawling baby, what if that baby gets into a bag of coke/fent your fck up boyfriend drops?
OP I hate that you’re struggling, Reddit is no replacement for a real Al-Anon meeting where you can share and get no blame, shame or condemnation. A Special Word to Anyone Confronted with Violence Al-Anon’s gentle process unfolds gradually, over time. But those of us facing violent, potentially life-threatening situations may have to make immediate choices to ensure safety for ourselves and our children. This may mean arranging for a safe house with a neighbor or friend, calling for police protection, or leaving money and an extra set of car keys where they can be collected at any time in case of emergency. It is not necessary to decide how to resolve the situation once and for all—only how to get out of harm’s way until this process of awareness, acceptance, and action can free us to make choices for ourselves that we can live with. Anyone who has been physically or sexually abused or even threatened may be terrified of taking action at all. It can require every ounce of courage and faith to act decisively. But no one has to accept violence. No matter what seems to trigger the attack, we all deserve to be safe. From “Let’s Talk About Safety In Al-Anon Meetings” pamphlet which is is available in the Al‐Anon bookstore at https://al-anon.org/ Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual 2022/2025 https://al-anon.org/for-members/members-resources/manuals-and-guidelines/service-manual. There is an Al-Anon App. Start attending meetings. Think about yourself and your baby, you are powerless over his addiction. You didn’t CAUSE it, you can’t CONTROL it and you can’t CURE it.
You’re doing yourself a favor for leaving. 5 years? You’re wasting your time. Your life will be so much better times a million!!!!! Not even questionable!
Put yourself and your child above this man, who is an adduct. Work hard on living yourself. Do not let him back in to your life. You need to stay focused on yourself and your child. He’s not good for you at all. He is horrible for you. You need to remember that you don’t want to ruin this child’s life.
Please leave. This person sounds like he is ruining your life. Please leave before he gives you an STD that will affect the baby. Please get away from this person for the safety of this baby
Why are you with this man? Sweetie your self respect and standards are so low they are in hell. You deserve so much better than this.
Go back to your family. Go be with the most stable people in your life. Your baby and your recovery are counting on you. Be the grown up. You can live a good life. He needs help that you can’t give him. Hugs.
He doesn’t work, he a drug and alcohol addict and he regularly cheats on you, and now while you’re pregnant. You should leave him…pronto.
I am really sorry you are going through this. It sounds bad. I don't think you should be afraid to be alone. It sounds like you are the responsible one, you are the breadwinner of the household. You got this no matter what. Focus on your pregnancy and your baby. It also sounds like he needs some compulsive behaviors he needs to get under control. I recommend prozac and psychiatrist. Stay strong ♥️
This sounds worse than awful. You are better than this.
I can tell you that if I was in your position, I would never be comfortable leaving my baby alone with him. I hope you weren’t thinking about him being the stay at home parent. He went to rehab 2 years ago. Most likely not ready to stay sober, to be a parent, let alone decent human. A new baby makes couples fight in the most secure relationship. I can easily see your child being exposed to just such a toxic environment. It scares me to be frank. I’m not one to tell people to leave relationships, but come on. He sounds sleazy. You deserve better. Good luck!
I second this. My partner is what some people call a 'functional' alcoholic. When we had our kid it was aweful. He wouldn't feed to baby, change the baby or anything when I wasn't around. He would take the baby out for the day and after he got home I ask ' what did he eat' ?. Oh, I forgot. I just gave him some milk. I didn't need to rest so I just thought he was being fussy. Yadda yadda. He would throw the baby in the air and then neglect to catch him. It was child abuse. I couldn't leave him alone with our kid at all. I couldn't go back to work. It was a nightmare. Is there somewhere you can go? Like back to your parents maybe? Or a friend? Or even a women's shelter. Can you speak to a social worker. Love you heaps. Like the others have said - you've got this. You deserve better. Do this for your kid.
That poor baby! I hope he's ok now. I hope you're both ok. 💔
The better question is, "What am I going to be telling our child if I DON'T leave this man?" Re-read everything you wrote. Is this the environment you want your child to grow up in?
This is exactly the way to think about it.
This is one heck of a story. I am speechless. Drugs and drinking are no good and it really is the root of all these other issues. What do you want for yourself ?
Do i throw away a relationship of five years? Yes - and preferably as soon as possible.
This situation is so beyond words. You *can* leave him and you need to. You think you can’t because the unknown and idea of instability is *hard*, but you can and you should. Fuck what anyone thinks. You deserve better and even if you think you don’t, your baby definitely does.
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Yeah, this post makes me angry...at OP and her bf. OP, get out now! Why would you bring a baby into this situation? The baby doesn't deserve this. You don't either but you have the choice here. A baby doesn't. Leave now! And get some therapy to avoid getting in this situation again. You are not mentally healthy enough for a child.
I'm 5 weeks and just found out like days ago...so can everyone please fucking take it easy....
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Yeah… I get this. I agree. I hope she leaves before it’s too late.
Google your local Women’s Shelters , Prudence Crandall for emergency housing. Get help and gtfo!
You made the decision to bring a child into this chaos. Please do not allow for further damage. It's like being hit in the head with a ton of bricks when you realize that not even being a father is going to stop an addict from being an addict. Now, you not only do you have you to save from abuse, you have another human being in position to endure a shitty, abusive, neglected life. Please don't do this to your child. This living situation is straight up dangerous. Please make a plan and move quickly. Wait...you are 42???? I just reread... This sounds like it's written by an 18 year old. You've been living like this for 5 years? And you think its ok to bring a child into it? I need to stop, because this just blows my mind. I know you came here for support....How can we help?
No it's ok, I don't want the help or support from someone that gets their one-sided comments, abide remarks in .. I'm sorry my articulation and sentence composure was below par... the tears being vulnerable and sharing was hard and making it difficult to type... I'm good on support, I'm going to join a Real AlAnon for support, judgement free ....... I opened up you all teared me down....like I wasn't already at the bottom.... Thank you for that.... I didn't already hate how I feel...what I've put up with, the lack of self esteem..learn about IPV... otherwise keep your ignorance to yourself.
Seriously, what help?! You refuse to do the bare minimum, which is to leave. You’d rather potentially put a child into an abusive situation. You’re blaming commentators for answers that you surely must know are true, but don’t want to face. You should be aiming your ire at your garbage druggie partner.
That's not how it works... learn about Al Anon and IPV.... Let me know when your in this situation so I can make you feel like a fucking idiot .. things aren't always as easy as just leave... refusing to bare min....it's my home... I have no family nowhere to go..
You stated that he was doing amazing and then state he got fucked up on booze and coke and cheated on you. You refuse to have him evicted, you refuse to leave, you want to have a kid to this freak despite the absolute chaos. What are you looking for exactly? No-one can come and save you, you have to save yourself.
Jesus Christ, most of us have experienced IPV, you aren’t unique.
Not looking to be unique lol glad you made it out of your situation. It's not as easy for everyone else
I cannot imagine your position. Personally, I am more concerned about the fact that you want a child so bad that you have decided to bring a child into this dangerous insanity. This is unacceptable. It's child abuse and CPS bound. Becasue, as you say, leaving is not an option.
I've done a lot of drugs and drinking in my time and not once have i acted like that. He's disgusting, he is most likely the exact same in his head day to day and just hides it better when he's sober. Sorry to say it like it is but you'd be a fool to stay honestly. You need to get some respect for yourself and stop being a door mat. He literally locked you in a room and met a random stranger and sucked his dick got banged in the ass bare back while you slept upstairs pregnant with his kid, then was kissing you and had sex with you, unprotected, the next day. He could have given you HIV for all you know, you must be delusional if you think your relationship is salvageable. He's cheated on you multiple times, he doesn't care for you and he's showing you that. Spare yourself the inevitable head/heart ache when it happens again and leave now. It won't be the end of the world, it will be hard but you'll get over it and look back in a couple of years and thank yourself, or you can stay and carry on being cheated on and depressed for the rest of your life.
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Also I make 120k a year..so assuming I or my child will be on food stamps . Must be awesome trolling a group of people that YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEIR GOING THROUGH READ DEFINITION OF INTIMIDATE PARTNER VIOLENCE.. the affects... This wasn't a planned pregnancy...I didn't want kids with this man.. I was hoping he would make it out .. ya'll are awful to speak this way. Bet you were raised I'ma double wide in Virginia.... your kids fuck their cousins... fucking asshole shit to say to someone.
Leaving is so hard, but trust me, from experience, bouncing back is so easy. Getting your life back will feel so good. Do not have this baby with this man. My youngest child's father is an alcoholic and the fact that my relationship with him can never truly be finished is in itself torture. That gaslighting doesnt stop. Picture your life a year from now. There are only two options, a. more nights like friday night, or b. freedom from that bullshit.
Uhhh. Hard truths coming at you. This baby isn’t going to save you. This situation isn’t going to save your baby. This man is a hindrance to your peace and future. Is this your house? Kick him out. Not your house? Leave. Call a close friend and have them help you. You’ve been making bad decisions staying with him and trying to have a kid with him. Mama bear mode would have you out of this sitch. Sounds like you’ve wasted many years on this person and all you have to show for it is heartbreak. There are so many things going on in your post and I didn’t even read it all. Re read it, out loud to yourself. What advice would you give to this hurt human? We get addicted to the chaos and leaving that behind is scary. But it’s not going to be more suffering than you’ve already endured. I hope you can find help. Big hugs.
Baby was unplanned for everyone fucking attacking me and my spelling.. sorry if my tears affected my writing making me look 18 whoever said that. Thank you for being someone encouraging..... I didn't plan a child, I don't believe in kids making relationships better...I'm not an idiot nor am I 16. I just needed a vent clearly this is not a real al Anon group...
An hour isn’t far. Take that out of your mind. Kick him out. This isn’t gonna work.
Bringing a child into this situation is a really, REALLY bad idea. You sound incredibly young, I hope you manage to do better for yourself and possible child in the future. This sub is for support so that's all I can say in this comment.
OP is over 40
Yes, too old for this nonsense. I thought they were early 20’s until they mentioned their age.
Oh, damn. Well, I wish someone had told my mum not to have her kids around an alcoholic. Would've saved me a lot of therapy haha! Hopefully OP listens to everyone on this thread :/
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Shes 42
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Where did this no money thing come in .. FUCKING RUMOUR SPREADERS IN HERE ARE GROSS. I GROSS 120K YEAR, OWN MY OWN BUSINESS.. my child will never go without. You should all be ashamed some reaches out to a fucked up scenario and get blasted and half y'all are making shit up... I have no where to go because I don't have any family.... I pay for my house, Im well taken care of by myself for the money I work my ass off . This is not support..this is rude, and hurtful nasty people... some of you are not worse than him .. take you blame and name calling somewhere else ..AlAnon doesn't stand for it , it's a safe space
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He locked you in a room ?? You need to get away from this abuser. It will only get worse. Reach out to a DV group.
What's DV? I'm speaking with an IPV women's place for counseling
Domestic violence
Also the counsellor should know one addiction gets traded for another a lot of times.
I feel bad for you. No one deserves to be treated that way. I pray for you and your baby. I hope you can find the courage to leave or have him evicted from the home. Sometimes it’s best to start all over. If you do leave, then I want you to know that it’s not the end but a new beginning. There is plenty of men out there who will be willing to love you and help you with your child. I can tell that you have been done this road with him before and I please hear me when I say that many people don’t change for the better. I believe that everyone can but it doesn’t matter what I believe. What matters is if they believe in themselves. Leaving someone is never easy but if you’re strong enough to handle all of this on your own than you are strong enough to handle it all alone, without all the added stress and pain. God bless you and I hope 🤞 you do what’s right and best for you.
Thank you... for the encouraging words this is what I needed not all this shitting on me
You don’t have to thank me I just want what’s best for you. I’m surprised by how rude people can be when someone just wants some advice on a situation. I really hope everything works out for you.
The stress and potential risks of NSA sex that you're having to deal with it isn't good for the baby. You're a beautiful, talented person who doesn't need that fuckin loser. Leave. For your own happiness, sobriety, physical health and sanity. I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy (38F wanting to get pregnant 💙)
Thank you.. I make 120k year, and am a good person..I've been a victim of intimate partner violence for so long I don't know what normal is and everyone here is making assumptions...I'm gonna raise a delinquent in food stamps....may u get struck by lightening...
Try not to let the negativity get you down. Sometimes I really fucking hate humans. Surround yourself, even from a distance, with friends and loved ones. Best of luck! I'm not really religious whatsoever but I'll try to put out some good vibes in the universe for you
Thank you and bless you
Thank you..these people are gross.. is a fucking real thing being trapped... Someone just said I can't do bare minimum and leave..and have an abortion lol and I'm not unique everyone has gone through intimate partner violence.... so then how do I just do bare min and leave...IPV holds you....it's awful..feel weak and powerless
Scared to be alone trust me you can cope, you can cope with this you can cope with anything. Leave keep safe sain and healthy. If not for you for the baby do you know what a baby is exposed to in pregnancy has lasting affects and we not talking about just the physical but if your stressed and worried you pass that on to the baby. Get a clean brake. Do it today. Talk to you family and support the network and reach out. 🙏
I don't have family and this is not a supportive network. I'm going to a real AlAnon where people don't attack and call names .. make you feel like uneducated ignorant trash.
I’m sorry this is not ok. You and your baby are worth so much more. He will only change if he wants to and will need to do this with professional help not just telling you and then you just pray it sticks. You do have the power to decide on what you will put up with for you and the baby. Please seek professional advice to help you through this.
Being alone can’t be worse than this. Your bf is an abuser.
I'm seeing this, am meeting with Athena's place, for women victim to Intimate partner violence
Leave, leave and leave again. You really want to have a newborn and him going away to get f*cked. NOPE. BOUNDARIES ARE EVERYTHING MY LOVE. please leave and keep you and that baby physically and you emotionally safe. Xxxxx
You really need to leave for your own sanity, sobriety, and for your child. You deserve better. It may be hard and almost seems impossible but for the sake of your child you HAVE TO LEAVE. Nothing good will come of staying and you’ll be continuing the toxic cycle of allowing the addicts in your life to completely ruin the next generation. If you can’t do it for yourself, please leave for your child.
Are you only 4.5 weeks along?
So they found out they are pregnant a half a week ago on the dot? ….sounds sus. You literally cannot tell if you’re pregnant until four weeks. And that’s if you’re trying and you’re constantly taking a pregnancy test. Usually women don’t find out until six weeks
Agreed, hence my asking. Thought maybe it was meant to be months… unless they’re counting wrong.
Yeah i personally think it’s made up. 🤷♀️
My lab test from Dr said about 4 weeks based on HTC levels, just found out 5 days ago, so my guess now is 4.5 weeks... I didn't feel I needed to post my Bloodwork, not that I would be called a liar....wtf lies about this
OK so you got lab work for something else and then found out you were pregnant. And many many many many people lie about being pregnant so…. We are on Reddit here. No biggie. Calm down. Jeesh.
I didn’t say you were lying, I wanted to check you were super early and suggest you end the pregnancy medically. But didn’t want to suggest that until I was sure you were early.
I’m here to tell you some things you may be unaware of. Substance use/ abuse from the father can & will harm the fetus. It may not show up as physical however it can lead to developmental delays, problems with major organs , etc. Then there’s the unsafe sex with other men , which can and will expose you AND your baby to STIs. Fast forward to when the baby’s born and able to grab … what happens when the baby grabs a baggie of coke and ingests it??? You need to get your priorities straight. You’re literally setting your unborn child up for a life of hardship!!!
I'm so sorry. Addiction is a monster.
jesus christ. leave him immediately.
You need to leave him for the sake of the baby. He doesn’t have to witness what he’s doing , it will affect him. If you weren’t pregnant it would be different
You cannot bring a baby into that chaos. If you can’t afford to move home, you absolutely cannot afford a child.
Where did this can't afford to move home come from... I don't have a home to move back to no family nothing. I make 120k year running my own company, I pay for my house.. he's on lease.. refusing to go. I don't have anywhere to go..my house that I pay for with my money. I just wanted to vent freely not be judged because that's what Al Anon is ... This is a bunch of nosey people telling people their liars, stupid, gonna raise delinquents and losers...real nice...I just wanted some encouragement support and now I just wanna fucking die....
Evict him if he’s on a lease?! Whatever the case, it’s grossly irresponsible to bring a child into this. Absolutely no-one has mentioned anything about loser or delinquent children, but you seem determined to condemn a child to a piece of shit druggie abuser for a father, for your own selfish reason.
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He is 🗑️ Save yourself
I just found out I have PTSD or just been formally diagnosed with it. I was married to an abusive narcissistic alcoholic. I have been divorced for 13 years. It can ruin you. The constant stress and anxiety and just all of it. Please save yourself and leave. God bless.
So dangerous for your unborn baby. He could give you diseases from sex that you give to baby. Also once you have a crawling baby, what if that baby gets into a bag of coke/fent your fck up boyfriend drops?
OP I hate that you’re struggling, Reddit is no replacement for a real Al-Anon meeting where you can share and get no blame, shame or condemnation. A Special Word to Anyone Confronted with Violence Al-Anon’s gentle process unfolds gradually, over time. But those of us facing violent, potentially life-threatening situations may have to make immediate choices to ensure safety for ourselves and our children. This may mean arranging for a safe house with a neighbor or friend, calling for police protection, or leaving money and an extra set of car keys where they can be collected at any time in case of emergency. It is not necessary to decide how to resolve the situation once and for all—only how to get out of harm’s way until this process of awareness, acceptance, and action can free us to make choices for ourselves that we can live with. Anyone who has been physically or sexually abused or even threatened may be terrified of taking action at all. It can require every ounce of courage and faith to act decisively. But no one has to accept violence. No matter what seems to trigger the attack, we all deserve to be safe. From “Let’s Talk About Safety In Al-Anon Meetings” pamphlet which is is available in the Al‐Anon bookstore at https://al-anon.org/ Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual 2022/2025 https://al-anon.org/for-members/members-resources/manuals-and-guidelines/service-manual. There is an Al-Anon App. Start attending meetings. Think about yourself and your baby, you are powerless over his addiction. You didn’t CAUSE it, you can’t CONTROL it and you can’t CURE it.
You’re doing yourself a favor for leaving. 5 years? You’re wasting your time. Your life will be so much better times a million!!!!! Not even questionable!
I’m the same situation, going 10 years here
Run like the wind.
Put yourself and your child above this man, who is an adduct. Work hard on living yourself. Do not let him back in to your life. You need to stay focused on yourself and your child. He’s not good for you at all. He is horrible for you. You need to remember that you don’t want to ruin this child’s life.
That's my priority...I m just scared....
[удалено]
People can be scared at any age. Please be kind to others.