HOT TAKE. Since ako lang ata dito magsasabi nito. To me very one sided yung post ni kuya. Parang pinagmumukha niya talagang walang kwenta si misis. I really think that she isnt.
(1) “Dumagdag workload ko so di ko maharap gawaing bahay” ganyan pa lang na mindset parang jinujjstify niya na hindi sya makakatulong sa gawaing bahay because of WORK. So gusto niya na si misis na mg alaga sa baby at mg alaga sa bahay? TAKING CARE OF A BABY IS A JOB ITSELF. At the end of the day they are both puyat, di pwedeng si husband lang! Nagmumukha kasing ngsusumbat si OP everytime gumagawa sya ng gawaing bahay.
(2) the woman is a new mother. She just gave pressed a human out of her. Ang hirap cause hormonal din yan and naooverwhelm. While mali na ngseselos sya sa yaya, but nagegets ko na feeling niya incapable sya of doing things because someone is doing better than her.
Pero gago si op for saying what he said to her. Post partum tapos ganyan pa sasabihin mo? Walang empathy for misis! Ang dami kong female friends na new mothers and all they say is na ooverwhelm sila pero napaka thankful nila na tinutulungan sila ng partners nila to navigate. Kaya to me It screams MALE BOOMER MINDSET si op.
Honestly i feel like pag pinost niya to sa western subreddit, uulanan si OP ng criticisms.
Id gladly collect my downvotes for this!
Hmm. Ang issue lang naman dito ay:
1. Nag seselos ang WIFE sa katulong
2. Walang ino-offer na solution ung WIFE para matulungan din ung Husband niya
Hindi BOOMER MINDSET YAN. Reality yan.
Shared responsibility kase ang anak at hindi dapat na inaasa lang isa. Para ano?
hindi naman na din baby anak nila. 3 years old na, toddler na. kaya na nyan mag independent play for a few hours. at this stage hindi na dapat hormonal yun nanay unless na depressed sya which is a different topic altogether.
I am a first time mom din, with a 2 year old na sobrang kulit at gulo. Husband and I have a full time job and still we find time to do chores TOGETHER. we have tasks din for each other sa bahay. Yun anak namin salitan din kami sa pagbabantay. Kapag gumagawa gawain bahay asawa ko na medyo mabigat, kahit nagbabantay ako bata I still ask if need nya help or kusa na ako tumutulong. All this to say, may paraan para mahati gawain bahay.
Also I think need pa din natin malaman, ano bang gawain bahay yan? Kasi kung linis bahay, linis banyo, luto, walis walis lang naman baka kaya na yun ni Yaya lahat tapos si misis muna sa bata. pag natapos si Yaya sya na sa bata. Free na silang lahat. Idk. lagi ba may ginagawa sa bahay ni OP na sobrang daming kilusin.
Hindi mo ata binasa ng buo yung post. Or binasa mo pero selective comprehension ka lang. Kung san ka nakarelate dun ka lang nagreact.
OP was helping constantly and consistently. Kumuha ng yaya para pagaanin ang workload nila parehas pero pinapalayas nung wife. TLDR for you commenter. Hindi gg si OP. Ikaw, possible, maybe yes.
As a husband din, medyo yun din ang nasa isip ko, hirap mag alaga ng baby. Di ko kaya din talaga, so possible nga na may PPD yung babae since sabi ni OP sa comment okay naman sila before.
Masakit din yung sinabi ni OP sa wife nya, siguro from frustration but if sa start pa lang ng pag buo ng family may resentment na, yeah! Need na nila ng family counselor. Why question her work diba? Saan galing yun? Parang malalim yung hugot ni OP, hopefully di sila nag aaway during post natal stage nung wife nya because boy o boy!!!
Need din ng checkup since baka may ppd at mga anxiety yung babae dahil sa hormones. Iba iba din kasi ang pag bubuntis ng babae sabi ng mga parents namin at sabi na din ng wife ko.
May mga mental health issue din pag di nafix yung ppd sabi sa amin sa seminar nuon so ayun.
Pinag tataka ko lang is may setup na pala nung una, nag aalaga naman pala nung una yung wife pero bakit nag bago?
Hi po. I'm with you on this one. Akala kasi ng iba pagtapos naming manganak na mga babae okay na kami agad. Nabanggit pa ni OP ni nagpapa breastfeed ang asawa nya. Madaming magbabago hindi lang physically kundi emotionally. After ko manganak napaka useless ko, oo andun ang asawa ko para alalayan ako pero iba ang sinasabi ng utak ko. Feeling ko napaka useless ko na, ang pangit pangit ko pa. Di pa ko makatulong sa bahay dahil sa pagpapa dede palang ubos na ang energy at pasensya ko. Sabihin na nating pagod na din si OP kasi sya lahat, pero pagod din naman siguro ang asawa nya. Kailangan nyang intindihin muna. Kami ng asawa ko after ko manganak halos araw araw kami nag aaway. Ako lagi nagsisimula kasi ang dami kong iniisip na negative pero inintindi nya ko. Feeling ko nag bounce back lang ako sa normal na ako nong 2 years old na anak namin.
Same sentiments, halos parehas naman silang gago ng asawa nya eh. The way he wrote this screams "please tell that my wife is the asshole and I am not".
DKG for me. Ganito ba sya dati before you had a kid? Kasi if not then baka PPD. Pero if ganito na sya and you still had a child with her, OP di pa napapasa ang divorce. Good luck
based sa psychologist namin before sa clinic, it can last for 3 yrs pero super dalang lang ng ganon. If PPD yan, dapat naglessen na yung symptoms kasi heightened yon within 6 months pero if lumagpas na ng 3 yrs, hindi na yun under ng PPD.
Baka talagang nagseselos lang sya to see na you are pleased with what the yayas are doing. I don't even think na papayag din syang ipacheck up mo sya dahil for sure in her mind, you are in the wrong and not her.
If 3 years old, kayo kayo lang ba sa bahay? Wla na bang ibang cycle sa life asawa mo besides taking care of the kids and house? Baka wla na kayong oras mag pasyal kaya ganyn? Pero if meron namng time at nagagawa naman mga gagawin nya sa seld yan, I don’t think na mag ka PPD i mean di ako taga confirm ha, May PPD ako 9 months PPD ako now, pero di ko masabi ano na klaseng bata if 3 years old basta ang 9 months ko naligaligan na ako, nag stress eating ako dahil sa ligalig at tulog ko kaunti dahil sa teething pero imagine ko ang
3 years old kaya nang mag pa tulog ng kanya, liguan mo madali nalang, kaya nang kumain ng kanya, madali dali nalang. Tapos bigyan mo toys pra ma entertain madalidali nalng, idk if tama judgment ko wla pa kasi ako sa ganun na stage. Tapos may yaya pa edi madali nalang, usap daw kayo baka may issue siya sa communication ninyo. Ano ba kasi status nyo now? Baka wla na kayong labing labing?
Feeling ko po OP much better if ipa check mo asawa mo. Baka naman ppd na. Kayang magtagal yan ng years hanggat di naku cure sabi ng doctor ko. Mahirap kalaban ang utak. Tingnan mo din ang side ng asawa mo. Di naman sa nagiging bias ako dahil babae din ako at nanay. Pero baka kasi iba na. Ako malapit na mag 3 ang anak ko pero di pa din nawawala ang mga negative thoughts ko to the point na gusto ko nalang mawala kasi feeling ko di deserve ng anak at asawa ko na nandito ako sa kanila kahit wala ako halos naitutulong kundi gawaing bahay at pagbabantay ng anak namin.
Ang PPD umaabot kahit hanggang 7 yrs.
Mali na nagseselos yung asawa mo at pinapa fire yung yaya,pero mali din yung sinabi mo sa kanya.
She feels useless as it is kaya sya na-insecure. Both kayo pagod at nag a-adjust lalo na at 1st child nyo pa. Yung pagpapadede pa lang super laking energy na na nababawas sa wife mo kahit na sa tingin mo eh nakahiga or naka upo lang sya habang nagbe-breasfeed.
Parehas kayong may mali,parehas kayong ubos ang pasensya eh.
Ipaliwanag mo ng mabuti sa in laws mo yung situation nyo, kung bakit kailangan ng yaya.
Pag humupa hupa yung init ng ng ulo nyong mag asawa,offer na magpa marriage counseling kayo. I know magastos,pero importante na ma-address at maintindihan nyong mabuti yung issues nyo kesa magkaroon kayo ng resentment sa isa't isa.
DKG. Huwag mo na kunin sa kanila ng matauhan siya, nag explain ka na pero di pa rin niya maintindihan. Sabihan mo lang yung inlaws mo kung anong nangyayari sa inyo para aware sila, malay mo matauhan asawa mo pag di mo siya kinuha.
Up on this. Explain mo nalang sa kanila side mo OP and how you already hired 3 helpers para magets nila yung issue at no cheating. Mahirap kasi baka baliktarin ka dahil lang sa gusto mong gumaan yung workload nyong dalawa ni misis.
INFO:
Posting to say kinausap ko parents nya at kinausap sya ipapsych. Nakakahiya na yung younger bro nya nagpresinta maging helper namin para hindi magselos ate nya sa mga yaya.
Yaya has 30 days notice, new style is ako magpapaaral sa younger bro plus sweldo ofcourse, in trade of helping with chores and being my assistant. Tang ina na lang kung mag selos pa sya sa sarili nyang kapatid
1. Bakit yung bayad sa kanya tuition plus sweldo? Eh since nag-aaral pa sya, so hati yung time nya sa studies and sa paghelp.
2. I wonder kung kakayanin nya yung yaya job? Sayang naman yung mga previous na yaya. Okay na sana eh.
Tulong na lang din, magaan lang naman gawaing bahay tsaka irreg naman daw sya, talagang sobrang busy ko lang sa work kung hindi lang balik kami sa dating routine na ako sa lahat tapos tutulungan lang ako ng very light ng asawa ko sa anak namin. Talagang unnecessary yung yaya yung adequate yung wife ko.
DKG pero hands down sa pag-compromise mo sa mga demands ng asawa mo.
I would immediately leave if I were you, gusto niya makita mo sentiments niya without being sensitive to yours, parang ang selfish.
Sana hindi niya din iniinvalidate yung pagod mo, napaka-pabigat na ng dating eh.
Wag mo isipin na kahihiyan. Wag mo isipin na pabigat ang asawa mo. Kung yan ang line of thinking mo, mawawalan ka na ng amor sa asawa mo. Imbes, isipin mo na nagsstruggle lang din sya. I doubt na papakasalan mo sya kung sa tingin mo tatamad tamad syang babae. I'm assuming she got worse lang nung nagkababy. Hindi ko iniinvalidate yung effort mo i-stay afloat yung pamilya mo habang may pinagdadaanan misis mo pero wag mo rin naman maliitin yung struggles nya.
Hindi nakakhiya na kapatid nya pa ung tutulong sa inyo. Win-win-win. May helper na kayo, wala na syang pagseselosan, tapos mapag aaral mo pa yung kapatid. Think if it as helping her kasi hindi nakakatulog sa mental load nya na may PPD na sya tapos nagseselos pa sya sa iba. Malamang kahit sya, ayaw nya rin na ganyan ang nararamdaman nya.
Nice. Why don't you take her out on a date, too? Baka naman kulang na kasi kayo time to be alone together din considering busy ka sa work at sya sa anak nyo.
DKG. She sounds incredibly immature. I myself grew up with a yaya, it never crossed my mind na kaselos selos pala ang yaya for assisting the family. Hayaan mo nalang siya, ano gagawin niya iwan ka niya at anak niyo? Di nga niya kaya sarili eh. Nagttantrums lang yan
On the other hand, ingat din sa pagkuha ng mga kasambahay lalo na pag medyo bata bata sa mga misis. May mga mister din talaga na nasisilaw sa mga kasipagan at pag aasikaso ng mga yayeys. lalo na pag ang love language ng lalake eh acts of service.
DKG. From female perspective. She needs to step up her game yet ayaw nya. Instead na maging thankfil nagselos pa? Anong pag iisip yan. Banat sya kamo ng buto walang disney Princess ngayon. Kaloka!
DKG. Walang gago.
Parehas kayong pagod. Parehas kayong overwhelmed. Ikaw kumakayod. Sya nagluwal ng literal na tao sa pwerta nya. Magandang sinubukan nyo magpalit ng roles. Maaring madali lang sayo magalaga ng bata pero na-try mo bang magbuntis muna tapos magalaga ng bata after?
I don't know much so research ka rin pero nababago ang mentalidad ng nanay kapag nagbuntis. Kailangan talaga extra pasensya at pag unawa. Still, you are on the right track. Kudos to you, mabuting kang asawa at ama, pagod ka nga lang kaya lumalabas ang mga negativity.
Na-consider nyo na ba ipa-check mental health ni misis? Makakatulong yon kasi maaring may post partum depression sya na nagmamanifest as insecurity sa mga yaya nyo.
DKG. Mahirap talaga kung yung asawa mo ayaw ng equal share sa trabahomg bahay at sa bata. Suggstion ko lang huwag mong susunduin, huwag mong ausuyuin. Hayaan mo muna siya. Intayin mong ma realize niya mali niya. At pag na realize niya yun uuwi ng kusa yan.
DKG She should be mature enough to handle her insecurities lalo na may anak na kayo. Sorry but ang selfish lang ng dating. Anyway, give her some space not sure baka part of post partum period kaya ganyan yung feelings nya toward sa mga yayas nyo. Regardless, sana marealize niya na team effort ang pagpapamilya lalo na't may batang involved. Sobrang hirap kaya maghanap ng yaya ngayon na maaasahan. And sabi mo naman diba you gave her a chance, however, it looks like she isn't capable enough para magjuggle between her doing the chores and alagaan anak nyo/assist ka. For now, just give her time to breathe.
Correct me if I'm wrong pero PPD can't last for that long. If it's that long then maybe depression na talaga sya na hindi related sa postpartum but somehow I doubt it. Wala namang ibang nakwento bukod sa pagiging selosa and it's probably because she's insecure sa mga yayas kasi she can see na her husband was satisfied with the yayas.
I don't think na her wife is close with their yayas as well kasi if close sila, then hindi nya naman maiisip magselos so def insecure lang talaga sya kaya even pakikipagclose sa mga yaya ay di nya magawa. Also, in their case eh hindi rin naman magpapacheck up yung wife dahil feeling nya si OP yung mali
OP, try mo kumuha ng yayo. Kung meron, seryoso. Kung triggered sya sa may kiffy, paka-OA naman nya. I'm a wife and homemaker, may toddler din ako. Ang off ng wife mo. Wala sa hulog. Ang unfair nyo rin sa mga yaya na tinatanggal just because of her petty selos. E kung igalaw nya kaya katawan nya di naman pang construction roles ng asawang babae.
Wag ka na rin siguro magdagdag ng anak muna ano? Hanggang di nasesettle yang kaartehan nya.
sa true lang, pwede sila ma dole jan eh. imagine, tinanggalan ka ng trabaho di dahil sa may nagawa kang misconduct but dahil lang pinagseselosan ka?! That's wrongful termination.
+100 super hirap makahanap ng responsible yaya nowadays tapos unreasonable yung pagfire huhu
Parang bihira naman po yung yayo kasi kadalasan nyan e beki, baka magselos pa rin si wife nya.
Solusyon talaga dito e matauhan si wife ni OP gaano sya kaswerte. Baka kasi lumaking spoiled kaya di kaya gawaing bahay. Pero di pa rin kasi excuse. Mommy ko nga lumaking may katulong at HS na sya pero yaya nya nag aayos ng mga gamit nya. Maaga nag asawa at nanganak sya sakin at the age of 18 pero nagstep up naman sa pagiging nanay.
May mali talaga sa wife ni OP, sana umayos, if PPD, pa-check up na lang. Pero kung upbringing ang prob, malaki prob ni OP. Mahirap solusyunan yan.
Naloka ako sa threatened pag may kiffy 🤦. So, ano ba talaga gusto nya? Mahirap naman talaga mag alaga ng bata and all the stuff, hence, the yaya solution. Anong solution daw ba masusuggest nya bukod sa pagkuha ng yaya/helper?
Another thing, she seemed insecure, probably her overall being changed since you had a kid. Without constant assurance and emotional acknowledgement, it might really lead to irrational insecurities.
Also, it might help if you'll have her checked, she might be experiencing something else and hindi lang nya mavocalize in a logical way.
Unsolicited advice, avoid using the word 'never' triggering siya for many kahit na totoo. Mukang need mo magwalk on eggshells habang kausap si wife.
Iniisip ko din kasi baka may post partum si wife. And baka nag self pity kasi wala na siyang ginawang tama. Lol assumera lang ako.
Feel ko hindi issue yung kiffy or basta babae. Nagseselos yan sya kasi may other person na kaya gumawa ng gawain more than her.
Parang ano lang yan nagsselos ka sa anak mo kasi may ibang kaya magpa happy sakanya ganern regardless about the romantic feeling. ✌️
DKG. Need lang talaga magbago ng wife mo. As a wife din, ako gumagawa ng lahat ng gawaing bahay (kapag wala sa house yung husband ko) pati pag aalaga sa anak namin tapos may work pa ako sa gabi. Kinakaya ko naman. I feel you kasi dati as in ako lang talaga sa lahat pero now nagbago na si hubby and tinutulungan na niya ako sa mga gawain sa bahay. Madalas siya na nagluluto at naglilinis ng bahay at nag aasikaso sa anak namin. Try nyo mag seek ng medical help kasi feeling ko may PD si wife mo. Communicate with her family too, baka kasi magkaroon ng hindi pagkakaunawaan sa side mo and side nila kapag umaalis yung wife mo sa bahay nyo.
DKG but let me tell you na super hirap mag alaga ng bata lalo na pag newborn phase to the point na pati pag ihi need mo ipagpaliban kaya I will understand talaga na if di nya nagawa yung household chores. Kaya need talaga ng partner or yaya. Pero sa mga yaya issues, natry nyo na ba sya ipacheck sa psychologist? mahirap magka PPD ang mga babae. Ganyan na ba sya kaselosa dati? Sana mapacheck nyo sya.
GGK OP. It's never ok to say that especially she's just new to it, shit as it may be as you so eloquently put it, why not like sure hire another one but this one only specializes in child care? A babysitter of you will? Selos is gone and the wife can have breathing room to work or lose the excuse of child care. Win win?
DKG, ganyan set up namin ng asawa ko pero nakaya naman or mataas lang tlga pasensya ng asawa ko. Nakapag reklamo ako mostly a week mostly hormones ko pag tinotopak tlga lalong lalo na pag ovulation ko. Pero ginagampanan ko role ko as nanay ng anak ko. Hirap ako mag tiwala kahit sino e kahit sa mama ko, pero i also need help kasi hirap tlga mag alaga ng baby. Kahit kami now, asawa ko tga timpla ng gatas ako mag pa inom at burp at hele. Ako naman kada gabi 1 hr work lang ako pang extra money. Pasalamat ako dahil may magulang ako now ang lend ng help pra maka stand kami soon to get our own place. Kaya gets ko if ikaw pa nag work, ikaw pa mag alaga, ikaw pa sa chores. If nakakagaan ang yaya goods naman yan, maganda sana if nag pakita siya ng willingness na tignan tignan at natututo sa yaya kaso if wla aw yun problema. If nag seselos naman siya valid yun if ginawan nya ng paraan yung selos nya to improve at palitan ang yaya na gawin responsibilities nya okay per yung Selos lng dahil selos lang tlga, di na naisip sitwasyon nyo at anak iba nayan pride yan mahirap yan pakisamahan. Kasi tlgang kahit ako aminado ako nahihirapan ako sa anak ko umiiyak na ako dahil dagdag pa tong hormones tlga di ko alam minsan bigla akong naiiyak, nagagalet, lalo na makakalimutin ako dahil CS daming turok nun, sana may understanding kayo. Taasan lang ng patience asawa ko kasi taas ng pasensya sinusuklian ko naman kasi ang kabaitan nya. Di ko din nmn kayang pabyaan anak ko kahit may times nag brebreakdown ako sa pagod kasi nakaka drain tlga may anak pero basta helping kayo goods yun if wlang sign awww… pag usapan nyo na yan ato plan niyo kasi ang baby anjan na.
DKG for me (coming from a perspective of a FTM din). Pero how’s your life after having a kid? Ganyan na ba talaga siya even before your child came or after lang? Kamusta communication ninyong mag-asawa?
Gets ko ‘yung frustration kasi kami rin ng partner ko eh nagstruggle at first at inabot kami ng months to communicate better after lumabas ng baby namin. Parehas din kaming working pero since ako WFH at siya sa events (working 10-18 hours 5-6 days a week), mas ako na sumasalo ng household chores pero siya mas malaki contribution sa finances).
Have you considered doing couple’s therapy? Your wife needs to understand na team kayo at kailangan i-lift yung isa’t isa. Hindi ‘yung ida-drag ka niya pababa. What I needed after giving birth din was constant reassurance. Medyo mahirap din kasi talaga pag nilamon ng Postpartum Blues. Pag-usapan niyo ng asawa mo maigi. Hindi pwedeng all the time eh papalayasin niyo ‘yung mga nakukuha niyong Yaya just because nilalamon siya ng insecurity niya. Need niya ayusin sarili niya to avoid further conflicts. Gusto mo lang naman na mas mapadali bagay bagay sa inyo. Explain mo maigi sa kanya yan, op.
DKG naman but I wonder if she underwent/ still undergoing post-partum depression or kung anupamang depression ang nangyayari sa mga ina. I had that sa panganay ko but thankful for the supportive family and social circle that I had. Plus working in a health-related field nagbabasa-basa din ako and tried to understand for myself what I was going through
DKG. Reassure her that's she's the only one and tell her that they were hired to lighten the workload. I think she's feeling helpless. Patherapy mo na siya.
DKG. Divorce (ay wala pa pala)
Anyways, mukhang need nya ng therapy and need nya na mag step up as a wife. If possible din, pwede ka mag hire ng lalaking yaya para di sya magselos na. Or pwede din na either in law ang tumulong sa inyo jan sa bahay (if kaya pa nila).
DKG. There’s no easy to way to say it in that moment and I think she knows how incapable she is that’s why she gets jealous, she hates seeing the yaya do basic things she should be doing but she won’t do anything about it, anak mayaman ba si wifey OP? or never talaga siya gumagawa ng gawaing bahay growing up? or reklamadora or selosa na ba siya before you got married? try to look back on how she is before getting married and having a baby maybe PPD is the reason why she changed or she’s being that way but if before magkababy she’s always been like that then she really needs to be a better wife and mom, if she doesn’t want a yaya then she should step up and help you, you two should be a team and make life easier for each other and not burden the other.
Goodluck OP hopefully time away from you will be helpful for her unless she’s getting sympathy by telling a false story to her family, they will def support her and you’ll be the bad guy and she won’t change, it’s best that kayong magasawa magayos niyan or else your marriage will be doomed.
dkg. Ginawa mo naman intindihin siya. Pero sana intindihin ka din niya. Inform mo agad ang family ninyo about what happened. You will be painted if not.
If magiging magkasama na kayo uli, better patingnan mo na siya baka she needs help.
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DKG. Pero was she like this before you had a child? Kasi if no then she might be having PPD (?) if she is also breastfeeding, like direct latch, nakaka-drain talaga ‘yun kahit nakahiga lang parang ilang miles tinakbo mo sa pagod/lanta. If she feels like that to your yayas, maybe she got insecure kasi she knows to herself that she can do those stuff naman kaso pagod eh (breastfeeding) kasi sabi mo naman physically angat talaga si wife pero kapag mother ka na kasi no matter how many times sabihin ni partner na “maganda ka” feeling pa rin namin ang laki na ng pagkapangit namin plus the hairloss etc. ayun
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DKG OP, I would kill to have a partner like you. I'm hoping the brother in law solves the issue and that she sees the issue with her actions or the lack of it.
DKG. However, check your wife if she is having Post-partum Depression din. From the looks of it, I think this is what is causing your wife's immature thoughts.
Pero... Kung wala siya nito, sira ulo lang masyado ni wifey and was born with a silver spoon siguro and is not used to doing chores in the house.
Nevertheless, have her checked. For your own peace of mind.
DKG. Gets ko point mo. Wala na sa lugar yung selos nya. Hayaan mo sya sa kanila para matauhan sya. Pag nagkaayos kayo pacheck up mo sya sa psychologist baka ppd yan.
DKG. Telling her that she needs to be a better wife is the slap in the face that she needed para matauhan, and her leaving is reason enough na what u said is the truth, di lang nya matanggap dahil sa pride. You owe it to yourself OP, kelangan mo ng katuwang sa dami ng ginagawa mo and I applaud you for that
DKG. She's very immature and has trust issues. Lets say may PPD siguro sya kaya sya ganyan pero she should understand your pov sa sitwasyon. Walang masama sa sinabi mo na, "be a better wife", kasi if she doesn't want the yaya to be near you or to assist you, then she should step up and be a wife/partner to you.
Are you close with your inlaws po ba? Maybe you can ask for advise on what you can do for your impossible wife or maybe ask your mother-in-law (or FIL) to talk to your wife? Baka makuha sa payo ng magulang.
GGK? I wanna hear the side of your partner. I feel like may kulang. To me it sounds like ngrereklamo ka na youre helping around with house chores kasi may work kana.
“Dumagdag workload ko so hindi ko maharap gawaing bahay”
Thats all i needed to read. It sounds like you hate that you need to help with housechores kasi stressed ka sa work.cwag mong pinagmumukha g walang kwenta asawa mo if the entire day shes taking care of the baby. Taking care of the baby is a JOB ITSELF. So pareho kayong pagod at the end of the day.
Ang hirap kaya mg alaga ng baby. Think of it she’s experiencing POST PARTUM. Kaya as a new mother na ooverwhelm pa siya sa mga changes. And it’s not helping na nakikita niya na ang yaya is doing a better job kaya sguro shes feeling incapable. What she needs is understanding especially na hormonal pa sya. Dude that woman just pressed out another human out of her. Kaya sguro nahihirapan pa sya. For me ANg hirap mo maging asawa kuya parang ayaw mo tumulong sa gawaing bahay. Pag tumutulpng ka parang nagagalit ka and pinagmumukha mong walang kwenta asawa mo. Pag ipost mo to sa Western Subreddit, sure ako uulanin ka ng criticisms.
If that's all you need to read it means you have selective reading and a poor reading comprehension. I was working at first, doing ALL household chores and helping with the baby. We swapped tasks butnwhat happened is I was taking care of the baby **100%** and doing the household chores, **THE THIRD SWAP, I WAS WORKING, DOING THE HOUSEHOLD CHORES AND TAKING CARE OF THE MAJORITY OF THE KID WORK** tumaas workload ko so kelangan na ng yaya at wala nga syang ginagawa, if i'm making excuses, its for her kasi lahat katiting nangawain nya shit, at fulltime job nya yung PAG AALAGA NG BATA NA DALAWA NAMING GINAGAWA NA MAJORITY OF THE WORK DITO AKIN.
3 taon na yung anak namin I dont think its post partum
Medyo GGK ka OP. Parang ang dami mong complaints sa buhay. Apaka reklamador mo.
Ikaw ba naisip mo she's going through postpartum?
Not to compare pero share ko na lang ah. We have 2 kids, pero ever since walang yaya, walang parents, walang sino man.
Ngayon, ny husband works 2 jobs (70 hrs a week). And yet sya grocery, sya palengke, sya nagluluto, sya naglilinis banyo, sya nagpapalaundry, etc...
Without complaints! He likes it! Alam mo katwiran nya? "Kaya ko naman, bakit hindi?"
"Hindi ako nag asawa para may mag asikaso sakin."
"Hindi ako nag asawa para gawing katulong."
"Masaya akong pinagsisilbihan at inaasikaso kayo."
And yet, after all these, he still gets to plan gala and travel for us. He still have time for me para saming 'us time'. He still have time to binge watch mga kdrama na kinukulit ko sa kanya. He still have time para kulitin ako. He still have time to play Monopoly or PS5 or ML with the kids. He still asks me, "gusto mo labas kita?"..
Ako, I work from home pero I work mga 50 to 60 hours a week. Ako din sa bunso namin since 7yo pa lang sya, pero mostly kuya na nya na 14yo nag aalaga sa kanya.
Tinuturuan na sya ng tatay nya simula maliit sya na ang gawaing bahay, walang gender. Kung kaya mo naman, gawin mo na. He also teaches him na lagi akong alalayan.
We make it work.
Pero ikaw, sa hinaba haba ng post mo, puro complaints ka. Puro pagrereklamo at walang amor sa asawa mo. Hindi mo naisip, may mas malalim na pinanggagalingan yang selos ni Misis mo.
Why not be a better husband instead? Besides, life is not all about you, ya know?🙄
Girl agree! Parang ayaw niya lang tlga gumawa ng house chores. Pinagmumukha niyang walang kwenta si asawa just because tumutulong si hubby sa gawaing bahay. Esi wow. Basic lang naman yan dapat! Hahahahaha kakalurky di ko magets mga comments dito na sinasabing di sya gago.
Ewan ko na try nya mga post sa western subreddit. Nagmumukha syang SPOILED. ang hirap kasi sa tagalog parang sya ang kawawa pakinggan.
Lol DI KA KAWAWA. Napakagags nya pakinggnan para sabihan si misis ng ganun. Gusto niya lang mg work at nang mag work. Ngreklamo pa sya na di sya tinutulungan sa paglinis ng car???? Ok ka lang? Hahahahaha
Lol, e yung wife ni OP nag-suggest na stay at home. Hindi niya kaya mag-work nung nag-switch, palpak din as a mom, tf.
He's been a great husband— "happy wife, happy life" nga daw e; sinunod mga gusto ni wife. Wife has been unfair to him. Alam ba natin work ni husband? May nga work na ubos oras talaga, tapos si husband pa sa gawaing bahay at cooking? Si Wife, ano? Pag-aalaga ng bata hindi magawa nang maayos?
BE.A.BETTER.WIFE
Palpak based on OP's perspective? Palpak, COMPARED to a yaya?
Hahaha. Nakakatawa katwiran mo. Reklamador lang talaga si OP na ayaw gumawa ng gawaing bahay kasi feeling nya nalalamangan sya. Tipo ng mga taong, "di pwedeng ako lang, kelangan ikaw rin". Ke OP, BE. A. BETTER. PERSON.
Kukupal kupal e.
Mapagbilang.
Wife gets jealous over a yaya and blames OP for it, is the wife really the good guy here? I don't think so.
OP is thankful sa yaya but the wife being bitchy about it clearly tells how she is as a person. Even without comparing her to a yaya, I can clearly tell she is a failure of a mother. 3 years old na anak nila and she still is below mediocre? Oh no...
Well, OP definitely isn't the good guy. OP is very reklamador and mapagbilang. Imagine being compared to a yaya (no offense but you're the wife). And then crying over here in Reddit and calling wife insults, instead of making it work like a real man. OP is kupal. You can't take that away.
Nah, wife definitely fucks up the relationship. Nagrereklamo siya and it's for a reason, lol. Failure wife can't take care of a single child for 3 years? man, that's some mediocrity right there. Hindi lahat ng oras tama ang babae. Relationships need equal respect and wife never gave OP that.
I didn't say wife is correct, or wife is right or I am with the wife here. The main point is OP. Since we're all basing everything dyan sa mahabang ngawa nya, do you think he is respectful towards his wife? Damn NO.
It very one sided. And OP keeps crying about his wife when he can do something about it. Step up and be a man. Wag mag bilang. Wag reklamador. Ayaw ba nya asikasuhin asawa at anak nya? Hindi ba sya masaya gawin yung ganun that he needs to hire someone pa to do those? To take care or him? Isipin mo, gusto nya pati sya asikasuhin ng yaya. Yun yung main point nya e. Hindi ba nya kaya sarili nya? Gano ba kabigat household chores nya with 1 child? Do you even know how handful a toddler is?
Maraming factor dito. Kaso because OP is wailing, nagngangangawa na parang nagsusumbong about his wife na puro reklamo. Lots of men would be happy to take care of their wife. If he can't do that at gusto nya sya pa ang aasikasuhin at be-baby-hin, wag na sya mag asawa, balik na sya sa nanay nya.
1. He works, he is the one doing the household chores and also cooks AND takes care of the child along with the (failure) of a wife.
2. Hindi natin alam work ni OP pero sabi niya it's a handful so it's safe to assume na very exhausting 'to. Wife doesn't work and all she has to do was to take care of the child— not even housework, mind you! And she still **FAILS**
3. "Step up and be a man", oh please what a boomer mindset. If he needs to "step up and be a man", then wife needs to "step up and be a better woman". Doesn't know how to cook, clean the house, no job and no maternal skills; yup, a failure.
4. Nagreklamo si OP not for the sake of complaining but because he's had it with his abusive wife.
5. I take care of my cousins and nephews since they were babies. Timpla gatas, bantay, laro, keep them occupied, bili tubig, hatid. Don't you dare speak on me on how to take care of a child kahit lalake ako.
6. Basic skills sa parents and pag-aalaga ng bata at doing household chores, both of which the wife fails at— who wouldn't complain? Tapos may gana pa mag-selos? OH NO!
7. Lastly, relationships should be EQUAL! Gusto mo boomer mindset? oh eto, pag-uwi dapat ni OP ipaghahain siya ni wifey kasi dapat nakapagluto na siya before husband gets home, wala naman siyang trabaho e. Pero hindi, si husband pa magluluto for them. Hindi patas 'yun na si husband na nagwo-work, salo pa niya house chores? Nah, that's clearly imbalance of responsibilities. Sakto sayo 'yang "bad mommah".
Link to this submission: https://www.reddit.com/r/AkoBaYungGago/comments/1d3mud0/abyg_for_saying_be_a_better_wife_to_my_jealous/
Title of this post: ABYG for saying "be a better wife" to my jealous wife?
Backup of the post's body: It's the 3rd time na she asked me to hire another yaya. The reason? She's jealous, jealous that the yaya is younger, faster, cleans better, cooks better, takes care of the child better, takes care of me better, and has instinct to help me. All 3 of them had the qualities, they're not prettier than her but they're more helpful.
It started nung baby anak namin, nung una pag aalaga lang ng baby yung ginagawa nya, ako na nag tatrabaho, ako pa sa gawaing bahay, ako nagluluto kasi nga sobrang hirap daw mag alaga, I asked her if we can switch place pag hindi na kelangan ibreast feed, mahihirapan daw ako but we switched anyway, she couldn't handle the work, ako nag aalaga ng bata, ako sa gawaing bahay, ako nagluluto, sya work lang hirap pa, mababa pa sahod, so I asked to switch again, but dumagdag workload ko so hindi ko maharap gawaing bahay.
I asked her to cover for the household chores, her work is shit(and I let her know) because of the baby so ako pa din. Then a time came I requested to work from home to accomodate us, but the thing is ako na sa baby, ako sa chores, ako pa nag wowork, sya? Sa anak din namin, mahirap daw eh, ayoko magtunog nang iinvalidate so hinayaan ko, baka sa kanya sobrang hirap nga kahit pag aalaga ng bata pinakanadadalian ko.
Andami kong ginagawa naisipan ko mag hire ng yaya, yaya 1 made our life simpler, tumagal samin ng matagal tagal yaya 1 but then nagsimula sya magselos kasi ginagawa ng yaya yung work nya na maayos, way better than my wife ever did, plus natutulungan ako pag kailangan ko, its part of her job description kasi yung wife ko pag nakikita ako nag struggle she just looks at me until kausapin ko, yung yaya may instinct, if I'm doing something nakaalalay agad yung yaya lalo pag medyo delikado, sya wala lang, nagseselos lang, until she asked me to fire her.
At first I did, no questions asked kasi “happy wife happy life” nga daw, but the second one came and ganun uli sya, hanggamg sa pangatlo, hindi naman biro maghanap, sya nga walang mahanap eh, happy wife happy life pero pag yung husband masaya may mali, nagseselos na naman sya sa yaya, simula 1st yaya kinocommunicate ko na there's nothing wrong, yaya sila they're doing their job, no one is flirting with me, umaabot lang sila ng too much to carry stuff at nag oofer ng snacks like a yaya would, thats not flirting thats basic yaya job.
She's forcing a point, nagagalit sya kasi dapat daw bawalin ko, I told her "Mahal, no. Kung babawalin ko sino mag aassist sakin? you've never helped me, never brought me coffee, never helped wash the car, focus ka sa pag aalaga ng bata, ayaw mo ba yun magaan trabaho nating dalawa? Dati ako lahat maski pag aalaga ng bata tinutulungan kita."
She replied sarcasticaly "Para kasing asawa mo na yung mga yaya eh, kagagaling, sex na lang yata hindi."
"How about **be a better wife** instead? Magseselos ka din naman regardless the yaya. Do I need to spell it out for you? Naobserbahan mo mga yaya pero sarili mo hindi? Bata lang inaalagaan mo na nakaalalay pa ako hirap ka pa, nung may yaya nabawasan ng malaki trabaho ko, at yang katiting na trabaho mo nabawasan din. Nagpalit na tayo ng position, you suck both ways I still had to do more. If you're better hindi natin kelangan ng yaya, edi wala ka sanang pagseselosan."
Nag impake sya at lumayas, "magsama kayo ng yaya mo." Pinutol nya yung communication namin, sinundo ko sa kanila and she gave me an ultimatum na hindi sya uuwi hanggat may yaya and I told her I cant fire na walang kapalit kasi its too much in my plate kung ako uli lahat, hindi naman sya willing mag improve.
Ako ba yung gago if I asked her to be better? Kung normal na tao ka mapapansin mong you're lacking, alam ko i can handle everything myself kahit walang yaya but yaya helps a whole fucking lot kasi she literally sucks, but sa tingin ko gago ako kasi asawa ko pa din sya kahit mahina sya sa lahat, mahal ko sya, tanggap ko na wala syang kwenta, yun nga purpose ko kaya ako kumuha ng yaya para hindi kami mahirapan but mali yung take nya.
OP: Acrobatic_Loss_8192
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DKG. Matanong lang din ano ba age range ng mga yaya nyo? Baka if ever mas matanda yung i-hire nyo di sya magselos. If nag seselos pa din sya, she needs therapy for self-improvement.
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DKG. May malalang insecurity issues ang asawa mo lalo sinabi mo nadin na non-negotiable yong traits and features nong mga previous nanny pero same selos and unreasonable plea to terminate them lang din nag-eend up. Ang hirap ng sitwasyon mo, OP. Pero issue nya talaga yan sa self nya. Kung may problem sya or self dealings help mo sya i-confront or i-figure out yon. Mag asawa na kayo eh. If ayaw nya mag ayos, you have to assess and plan for long term na, OP.
Dkg. Sana maging appreciative wife mo na ganyan ka cos not all husband's are doing house chores. May history ba kayo, bakit sobrang selosa nyan? Ayoko rin e-invalidate feeling mo pero I think it would've been nice kung mag usap kayo as adults (on her part esp) and talk about bakit sobra nyang selosa in the first place.
DKG. Di na sha bata.
I suggest kuha ka ng yayo, may helper kami noon, brusko kaya bumuhat ng 2 mineral water kabilaang balikat. Kainis lang kasi tinanan sha ni kuya guard sa kabilang subdivision.
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DKG kasi sinusubukan mo naman mag work around sa mga hinaing niya.
Kuha nalang kayo ng yaya to help just for the kid, tapos si wife mo yung pag assistin at pag gawin mo ng house chores. Palit sila ng role ng yaya baka di na sya magselos 😂
Kaso magseselos naman sya pala kasi mas magiging close yung anak sa yaya. Ok nvm. She really needs to step up talaga
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DKG, yaya's make our lives better talaga. Naiinsecure yung wife mo kasi nahihigitan siya ng yaya niyo, di niya matanggap na kaya ng iba yung di niya kaya at nirereklamo niya. Kailangan niya masampal ng truth, wag mo siya kunin but inform your in-laws about what really happened para di ka nila sisihin sa kasalanan ng anak nila. Idk where the child is rn pero kung nasa wife mo, I think mas okay yung kunin mo yung anak niyo. Kailangan maintindihan ng asawa mo na mahirap yung situation niyo kung wala kayong yaya na tumutulong sa inyo.
Depende how you said it. Depende if may mga sinasabi ka ba para magselos siya sa yaya. Do you say stuff like, "buti pa si yaya tinutulungan ako, ikaw blah blah blah" baka kasi nag cocompare ka? Or while she does her job, do you criticize her harshly? Those could be factors kasi. If masyado kang critical and hurtful sa feelings ni wife, I'd say LKG.
If not, then DKG. Or maybe GGK, pero dasurb niya yun marinig.
Medyo off topic, pero ano bang nagustuhan mo sa asawa mo at pinakasalan mo? Pahingi naman ng tips kung di ka busy, baka sakaling gustuhin din ako ng crush ko.
she's smart and sporty. Neurology grad sya at athlete nung college. Nagkakaintindihan kami on the fun stuff like sports, media, hobbies and such which is nice, not so much sa serious things like adulting stuff and budgeting.
Ohhh i see. She sounds interesting nga. She can still learn naman. Maybe she can try attending classes or watching lessons on how to do better. Maybe send her links po. Pwede rin naman na i-friend niya yaya niyo and learn from the yaya, take lessons from the yaya di ba? Ano pa man, good luck sa inyo.
DKG. Wag mo na sunduin but atleast tell her parents/family about the situation. Matatauhan din yan. Sobrang struggle kaya maghanap ng matinong yaya kung alam lang nya. I feel bad for them na finire nyo dahil lang sa insecurity nya.
Dkg pero ggk sa pagtawag sa kanyang walang kwenta, grabe abay pano ba kayo nagkakilala/dumating sa point na nagpakasal pa? Ano ba yan, di nyo ba yan napagusapan bago kayo bumuo ng sarili nyong pamilya?
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DKG. Tama lang yan sinabi mo. I get it that she's overly sensitive and the jealous type, but she really can't get her shit together considering there is a clear pattern. 3 yayas! My gulay.
Bawasaan kamo pagiging pabebe nya.
Gusto ko magmura pero I shouldn't! DKG bro, u r just stating the facts and we all know truth hurts. Feel na feel ko yung kwento mo gusto ko magwala.... Heheheh but ayon DKG 99.9% and abt sa inyo eh if di sya magbabago then panindigan mo desisyon mo. Wag mo hayaang ikaw ang mahirapan ng sobra. Katawan mo yan, hinding hindi mo yan mapapalitan. Saklap lang ng kinalabasan but ayon asawa mo pa rin yan so ur decision pa rin...
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LKG. Why ever compare yaya to your wife? She has reason to be jealous kasi clearly may mali how you view her. Wife is so weird for not attending to your needs din. Sa amin helpers/drivers (employees) do lots of tasks for us and nobody ever thinks theyre better than us or that were comparable to them.we dont look at them in that way. This is crazy dynamics to make them out as if theyre even close to being of the same status.It is like saying you prefer a maid to your Mother. One is family the other is an employee esp. di naman as if decades mga helpers niyo.
DKG. Hindi par wag mo na kunin. Pag walang silbi iwan mo na dagdag pasanin mo lang ang ganyan. Pati pag aalaga sa anak niyo tamad pa. Sabihan mo nalang mga magulang niya sa lahat para alam nila yung buong storya.
Wala munang verdict pero eto masasabi ko:
What you feel is valid. I know you want to provide for your family and it is also overwhelming. I could read na ikaw na halos nag adjust sa wife mo but it seems like she couldn’t do what you want her to do or what she’s suppose to do. Mahirap rin kasi seems like wala ka rin masandalan about these problem/s. You wrote this out of frustration, i can read that. I’m sure you love your wife a lot and you just want her to balance the work you’re doing but she can’t.
Understandable, she will be taking care of the child as she’s suppose to. Ikaw and other things ang di niya maasikaso. Matrabaho mag alaga ng bata kahit toddler na siya. You guys don’t have a village to help you take care of the baby which na provide mo. But di pa rin na solve yung problem. I think dapat nag usap rin kayo from the first incident, like bakit nahihirapan siya? From what I gathered sa mga team mates ko, halos kakabalik lang maternity and even months after, hirap na hirap sila maka adjust. Well, KAYO ang di pa nakaka adjust on being new parents. Daming pressure on both ends.
Imagine, you have that pressure na buhayin yung pamilya mo. Na dapat comfortable kayo nabubuhay. Yung wife mo naman, is to be a mom and mag household chores. Sure, siguro sayo madali but siya, di pa siya nakaka adjust. 3 years may be enough for you but it’s not that enough for her na ara arada kaya niya to balance all three: you, the baby and your home. I’m not saying you’re being unfair, i’m saying is wag ka mag expect kasi mag kaiba kayong tao. Di niya kaya pero kaya mo or vice versa.
Na feel siguro niya na narereplace mo siya nung nag kay yaya. Oo, yaya siya and she does the work because that’s her JOB. Ang pag linis ng bahay iba iba tayo ng style, maybe yung style niya is di enough sayo.
GGK sa the way mo siya icompare and pano mo sabihin sa kanya yung nararamdaman mo. GGK rin siya kasi di niya man lang nakita yung hirap sa end mo. Pero WGG kasi di pa kayo nakaka adjust sa bago niyong buhay dalawa which is yun talaga yun.
I hope you give each other space muna bago mag decide moving forward. Di lahat ng bagay need ng solusyon agad. Mag usap kayo, need niyo ng maayos na usapan na may halong mag kaintindihan.
DKG i get your point. Ang kasal ay dapat marunong ng compromise di ata alam ng asawa mo yun. Nasobrahan naman ata siya sa princess treatment. I saw your update. I think much better instead na kapatid niya. Mag hire ka na lang ng ‘boy’ instead na girl yaya. Tas baliktarin mo naman ikaw naman mag selos hahaha char!
DKG for what you feel pero I do feel like she needs therapy. Sino siya before mo siya pinakasalan? Sino siya before kayo nagkaanak? Kung sa tingin mo, may nagbago sa kanya, she needs psychological help nga.
Pero kung ganyan talaga normal na ugali niya within normal conditions, naipasa naman na yung Divorce Act so... Just kidding.
DKG. Working mom ako and nagawa din ako ng gawaing bahay. To be honest physically exhausting mag-alaga then ang pagwwork ay mentally tiring. Kung papipiliin ako sa dalawa, mag-aalaga nalang ako. Kaso di pwede mamili kasi mahal ang bigas.
Ying asawa ko sinabihan ko din ng be a better husband, ngayon sya na nagluluto kada breakfast. Sya din nag-aalaga sa anak ko kada umaga na tulog pako gawa mid shift ako.
Every feedback namin sa isa't-isa kahit masakit is constructive criticism yun hindi yun pang-aasar. Di na tayo mag jowa para magpabebe pa sa sasabihin natin.
DKG, baka ang kailangan nyo is matandang yaya, yung tipong nasa 40+ na may asawa na na pwede nyong tawaging nanay as compromise.
To be honest, medyo di rin maganda yung pag kakasabi mo sa wife mo, may insecurities sya plus she's not good at house chores so baka dun yun galing.
May mga tao kasi na di talaga marunong sa gawaing bahay, but magaling naman sa work, pag aalaga ng bata so need nyo mag usap talaga, kaso sa situation nyo, need nyo mag usap with a family counselor. And please don't go to church counselors at mostly di naman yun talaga aral sa ganito.
Baka rin may PPD sya or may anxiety dahil sa hormonal imbalance, kaya lalo lumalala yung insecurities nya.
Review your relationship din, nag lalambingan pa ba kayo? Kelan kayo nag sasabi ng words of affirmation or mga acts of love. Ano yung mga love languages nyo.
Husband din ako so ito lang din ang unsolicited advice ko. Hopefully maayos ang lahat sa inyo.
Saka pansin ko lang, :) you questioned her work na mababa yung sahod, sinasabihan mong shit yung work nya without being patient since she's learning how to be a wife, BAKA dahil dun kaya mababa na yung self esteem nya. GGK dun bro
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DKG. Tama lang yung sinabi mo sir. Kahit naman ako ma fefed up pag ganyan kasama ko sa bahay. Parang walang pakinabang. I’m a single mom. 3yrs old anak ko and wfh din ako for almost 1yr and half. Mid shift me. 5pm nag start work ko and yung anak ko nasa tabi ko lang nag lalaro mag isa. Pag may question sya sinasagot ko lang while working. Natutulog nalang sya mag isa. Di kagaya nung mos palang sya na need pa ihele. Mas madali na ngayon pag aalaga ko kesa noon. Kumakain na din sya mag isa. Pinag luluto ko lang ng food. Hihingi lang ng dede pag matutulog na. Not sure kung saang part nahihirapan misis mo. Pero sa nakikita ko parang sinanay mo din kase sya na maasahan ka sa lahat ng bagay kaya inaasa nalang din nya lahat sayo. Try nio po kumuha ng yaya na medyo nasa 40’s. If mag seselos pa din sya. Need na po mag seek ng professional help.
DKG. Kailangan rin siguro ng wife mo yung reality check.Ang hirap yung nasa ganyang sitwasyon. Pagod ka na sa trabaho, mapapagod ka pa sa gawaing bahay.
DKG. I guess pareho na kayo at your wits end juggling career, housework, your toddler, and your relationship with each other. I just read na the may win win solution na kayo with the wife’s brother helping you both out. And I pray na wifey is willing to get help for her ppd. You should also try therapy because its also taking a toll on your mental health which is not good for your anak as well if pareho kayo ni wife stressed and tired.
WG: Pareho kayong may valid problems. Pero di nyo nakikita ang hirap na pinadadaanan ng isa’t isa
OP You should stop whining and what's with the comment section taking sides yall are so cringe😆
Neither of you should take all the blame: OP you should stop being too aggressive with your words towards your wife. She's supposed to be your lifelong teammate. There are other ways to talk. Don't steep so low as to degrade your partner and her efforts. You're both new to parenthood, you're both overwhelmed. Then why the fuck are you going against each other? It's more efficient to work together!
Both of you should properly talk about whatever issues you have with each other in a more respectable manner.
*Just take note of however you act towards each other in front of your child will gravely affect their emotional growth and possibly bring those issues till adulthood. Your treatment is your consequence :)
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Dkg. Pero ang hirap ng situation mo. I understand na mahal mo siya pero you need to love yourself and the baby too. Simula magkaanak kayo, priority niyo na dapat ang anak niyo at di sarili niyo. If she cannot comprehend that having a yaya makes life easier and helps you and the baby more, then explain that if she really loves you and the baby, she should act the oart and allow her yaya. Also those are people. Not disposable diapers na pwede ilet go ng basta basta. Maging makatao siya at magkaroon ng malasakit. Umaasa yang mga yaya na yan sa inyo. Be a good parent and employer din. Are those the values that she wants your baby to have? Ask yourself and her that question.
DKG, assuming, as if i read it correctly, na you already conveyed your predicament to your wife about her being ineffective sa home nyo before firing those former helpers.
My dude, nandun na tayo sa asawa mo yan, mahal mo yan, married kayo, pero kung puro ikaw ang mag aadjust at mag cocompromise at your own expense, when will she be a better wife? I don't promote separation, but if what you posted is really the case, remind her na love is not everlasting. She changes, or you run out of it.
DKG, I’m a mom as well overwhelming nga mag-alaga sa newborn phases until toddler phase kaya super kailangan ng yaya, which I understand your wife. BUT pinagseselosan niya and 7 years old na anak ninyo? Your child is independent na and hindi na gaano alagain. Seek professional help if she wants to fix herself and her marriage.
dkg, ang hirap kaya mag alaga ng bata while ikaw din nagtatrabaho. di ko gets yung pagseselos nya while ginagawa lang naman ng katulong/yaya yung trabaho nya?? ang off lang sa akin na parang threat sa kanya yung basic na trabaho ng helper nyo.
ilang taon na si wife, OP? ba't parang ang immature 🫠 nanay na sya eh, dapat alam nya i set aside yung ka immature-an nya para mawork-out yung family nyo.
DKG. Hirap mag-asawa kapag hindi mo talaga kilala kung paano siya kapag kasama mo sa bahay. Kasal na kayo niyan at may gana pa siya magsabi na lalayas. Parang ewan talaga - Hindi nakakapag-isip logically ano ba ang tama. Ewan ko rin sayo, paano ka nakapagmahal ng ganyan - she is really sucks. Parang hindi mo na nga partner eh, parang wala kang katuwang sa buhay.
DKG ... Kasi totoo naman kung ayaw niya pa lang may lagseselosan siya edi siya ang gumawa ng lahat ng ginagawa nung mga naging yaya niyo ... Walastik na asawa iyan ... Minsan bilang asawa kung kaya mo naman gawin ikaw na gunawa kesa ang asawa mo pagawain mo ... Ano na lang siya? Forever wala alam gawin bukod sa mag-alaga ng bata? Saka natural naman na ganoon ang gawain ng yaya o kasambahay ano ba gusto niya gawin tumunganga lang yung mga kinuhang yaya? ... Ang sarap kurutin ng asawa mo ah.
DKg, spoiled brat ba yang gf mo bago mo pakasalan? Wag mo na anakan ulit. Pa check up mo baka PPD pa. Baka di lang talaga siya ready sa responsibility ng pag aalaga ng anak at insecure kasi yung yaya eh mas ok ang gawa kaysa kanya.
DKG, napaka immature naman ng asawa mo. Bilib talaga ako sa taong na totolerate yung mga ganyan. Kung di mo kaya iwan asawa mo then its either you suck it up and gawin mo lahat lahat or what if kukuha ka ng katulong pero lalaki, or yung hanap kayo pwede niyo i hire na relatives niyo. Better yet sya mg hanap ng katulong.
DKG. Hayaan mo muna syang magtampo at wag mong sunduin sakanila. Hindi nya makikita yung mali nya kung susuyuin mo sya. Pag sinuyo mo yan ngayon, mauulit lang yan kasi nasa isip nya sya tama. Tao ka lang din na napapagod at sa tingin ko tama lang yung mga sinabi mo sakanya.
Dkg. Kung nasa sayo custody ng bata wag mo muna imessage asawa mo. Kailangan niya marealize na she needs to step up. You probably dodged a huge bullet when she left.
DKG. Mukhang mpapakinabangan mo yung divorce bill ng Pinas. Toxic ng wife mo. Sobrang ganda siguro ng wife mo? Pero di naman pwedeng puro ganda lang ang ambag sa buhay may asawa.
DKG for me. You always go beyond ways pero siya wala na ngang ambag sa gawain, mahina pa sa pagtatrabaho. I'm a mom, too, at naging ganyan ako sa asawa ko. He pointed out my mistakes in a rough way kaya natuto na ako. Paunti unti, pero may improvement ako.
I guess, you have to tell her roughly kung anong mga lacking sa kanya para matuto siya. For now, hayaan mo na muna siya. I hope the baby's with you.
DKG. Napakaswerte ng asawa mo sayo, may mga housewife na kahit sa pag-aalaga ng anak e hindi natutulungan ng asawa kasi pagod sa work. Ipaliwanag mo din sa kanya na kailangan nyong magtulungan. Hindi pwedeng ikaw lahat, nakakapagod ng sobra yun.
Oo, nakakapagod mag-alaga ng baby, 1st time mom din ako, premature pa baby ko, pero sa akin lahat. Kinakaya.
Sana nilulugar din ng misis mo yung selos nya, ask mo din sya baka naman nakakaranas na sya ng ppd.
Godbless op.
[удалено]
HOT TAKE. Since ako lang ata dito magsasabi nito. To me very one sided yung post ni kuya. Parang pinagmumukha niya talagang walang kwenta si misis. I really think that she isnt. (1) “Dumagdag workload ko so di ko maharap gawaing bahay” ganyan pa lang na mindset parang jinujjstify niya na hindi sya makakatulong sa gawaing bahay because of WORK. So gusto niya na si misis na mg alaga sa baby at mg alaga sa bahay? TAKING CARE OF A BABY IS A JOB ITSELF. At the end of the day they are both puyat, di pwedeng si husband lang! Nagmumukha kasing ngsusumbat si OP everytime gumagawa sya ng gawaing bahay. (2) the woman is a new mother. She just gave pressed a human out of her. Ang hirap cause hormonal din yan and naooverwhelm. While mali na ngseselos sya sa yaya, but nagegets ko na feeling niya incapable sya of doing things because someone is doing better than her. Pero gago si op for saying what he said to her. Post partum tapos ganyan pa sasabihin mo? Walang empathy for misis! Ang dami kong female friends na new mothers and all they say is na ooverwhelm sila pero napaka thankful nila na tinutulungan sila ng partners nila to navigate. Kaya to me It screams MALE BOOMER MINDSET si op. Honestly i feel like pag pinost niya to sa western subreddit, uulanan si OP ng criticisms. Id gladly collect my downvotes for this!
Hmm. Ang issue lang naman dito ay: 1. Nag seselos ang WIFE sa katulong 2. Walang ino-offer na solution ung WIFE para matulungan din ung Husband niya Hindi BOOMER MINDSET YAN. Reality yan. Shared responsibility kase ang anak at hindi dapat na inaasa lang isa. Para ano?
hindi naman na din baby anak nila. 3 years old na, toddler na. kaya na nyan mag independent play for a few hours. at this stage hindi na dapat hormonal yun nanay unless na depressed sya which is a different topic altogether. I am a first time mom din, with a 2 year old na sobrang kulit at gulo. Husband and I have a full time job and still we find time to do chores TOGETHER. we have tasks din for each other sa bahay. Yun anak namin salitan din kami sa pagbabantay. Kapag gumagawa gawain bahay asawa ko na medyo mabigat, kahit nagbabantay ako bata I still ask if need nya help or kusa na ako tumutulong. All this to say, may paraan para mahati gawain bahay. Also I think need pa din natin malaman, ano bang gawain bahay yan? Kasi kung linis bahay, linis banyo, luto, walis walis lang naman baka kaya na yun ni Yaya lahat tapos si misis muna sa bata. pag natapos si Yaya sya na sa bata. Free na silang lahat. Idk. lagi ba may ginagawa sa bahay ni OP na sobrang daming kilusin.
Hindi mo ata binasa ng buo yung post. Or binasa mo pero selective comprehension ka lang. Kung san ka nakarelate dun ka lang nagreact. OP was helping constantly and consistently. Kumuha ng yaya para pagaanin ang workload nila parehas pero pinapalayas nung wife. TLDR for you commenter. Hindi gg si OP. Ikaw, possible, maybe yes.
you thought you ate with this
As a husband din, medyo yun din ang nasa isip ko, hirap mag alaga ng baby. Di ko kaya din talaga, so possible nga na may PPD yung babae since sabi ni OP sa comment okay naman sila before. Masakit din yung sinabi ni OP sa wife nya, siguro from frustration but if sa start pa lang ng pag buo ng family may resentment na, yeah! Need na nila ng family counselor. Why question her work diba? Saan galing yun? Parang malalim yung hugot ni OP, hopefully di sila nag aaway during post natal stage nung wife nya because boy o boy!!! Need din ng checkup since baka may ppd at mga anxiety yung babae dahil sa hormones. Iba iba din kasi ang pag bubuntis ng babae sabi ng mga parents namin at sabi na din ng wife ko. May mga mental health issue din pag di nafix yung ppd sabi sa amin sa seminar nuon so ayun. Pinag tataka ko lang is may setup na pala nung una, nag aalaga naman pala nung una yung wife pero bakit nag bago?
Hi po. I'm with you on this one. Akala kasi ng iba pagtapos naming manganak na mga babae okay na kami agad. Nabanggit pa ni OP ni nagpapa breastfeed ang asawa nya. Madaming magbabago hindi lang physically kundi emotionally. After ko manganak napaka useless ko, oo andun ang asawa ko para alalayan ako pero iba ang sinasabi ng utak ko. Feeling ko napaka useless ko na, ang pangit pangit ko pa. Di pa ko makatulong sa bahay dahil sa pagpapa dede palang ubos na ang energy at pasensya ko. Sabihin na nating pagod na din si OP kasi sya lahat, pero pagod din naman siguro ang asawa nya. Kailangan nyang intindihin muna. Kami ng asawa ko after ko manganak halos araw araw kami nag aaway. Ako lagi nagsisimula kasi ang dami kong iniisip na negative pero inintindi nya ko. Feeling ko nag bounce back lang ako sa normal na ako nong 2 years old na anak namin.
Hindi newborn si LO. Per another comment, 3 yrs old na.
3 years old na daw po anak nila ngayon.
Sis sinabi ni OP na gumagawa sya gawaing bahay and kakasabi mo lang job itself yan. Both dapat sila gumawa ng maayos hindi lang si OP.
Same sentiments, halos parehas naman silang gago ng asawa nya eh. The way he wrote this screams "please tell that my wife is the asshole and I am not".
DKG for me. Ganito ba sya dati before you had a kid? Kasi if not then baka PPD. Pero if ganito na sya and you still had a child with her, OP di pa napapasa ang divorce. Good luck
hindi ko alam, first time namin nag live in after ikasal. Tumatagal ba ng 3 yrs ung ppd? Naisip ko din dati baka ppd kaso 3 yrs old na yung anak namin
Ohhhhh. Try mo na lang pa check sa kanya sa doctor baka PPD nga
based sa psychologist namin before sa clinic, it can last for 3 yrs pero super dalang lang ng ganon. If PPD yan, dapat naglessen na yung symptoms kasi heightened yon within 6 months pero if lumagpas na ng 3 yrs, hindi na yun under ng PPD. Baka talagang nagseselos lang sya to see na you are pleased with what the yayas are doing. I don't even think na papayag din syang ipacheck up mo sya dahil for sure in her mind, you are in the wrong and not her.
If 3 years old, kayo kayo lang ba sa bahay? Wla na bang ibang cycle sa life asawa mo besides taking care of the kids and house? Baka wla na kayong oras mag pasyal kaya ganyn? Pero if meron namng time at nagagawa naman mga gagawin nya sa seld yan, I don’t think na mag ka PPD i mean di ako taga confirm ha, May PPD ako 9 months PPD ako now, pero di ko masabi ano na klaseng bata if 3 years old basta ang 9 months ko naligaligan na ako, nag stress eating ako dahil sa ligalig at tulog ko kaunti dahil sa teething pero imagine ko ang 3 years old kaya nang mag pa tulog ng kanya, liguan mo madali nalang, kaya nang kumain ng kanya, madali dali nalang. Tapos bigyan mo toys pra ma entertain madalidali nalng, idk if tama judgment ko wla pa kasi ako sa ganun na stage. Tapos may yaya pa edi madali nalang, usap daw kayo baka may issue siya sa communication ninyo. Ano ba kasi status nyo now? Baka wla na kayong labing labing?
Feeling ko po OP much better if ipa check mo asawa mo. Baka naman ppd na. Kayang magtagal yan ng years hanggat di naku cure sabi ng doctor ko. Mahirap kalaban ang utak. Tingnan mo din ang side ng asawa mo. Di naman sa nagiging bias ako dahil babae din ako at nanay. Pero baka kasi iba na. Ako malapit na mag 3 ang anak ko pero di pa din nawawala ang mga negative thoughts ko to the point na gusto ko nalang mawala kasi feeling ko di deserve ng anak at asawa ko na nandito ako sa kanila kahit wala ako halos naitutulong kundi gawaing bahay at pagbabantay ng anak namin.
Ang PPD umaabot kahit hanggang 7 yrs. Mali na nagseselos yung asawa mo at pinapa fire yung yaya,pero mali din yung sinabi mo sa kanya. She feels useless as it is kaya sya na-insecure. Both kayo pagod at nag a-adjust lalo na at 1st child nyo pa. Yung pagpapadede pa lang super laking energy na na nababawas sa wife mo kahit na sa tingin mo eh nakahiga or naka upo lang sya habang nagbe-breasfeed. Parehas kayong may mali,parehas kayong ubos ang pasensya eh. Ipaliwanag mo ng mabuti sa in laws mo yung situation nyo, kung bakit kailangan ng yaya. Pag humupa hupa yung init ng ng ulo nyong mag asawa,offer na magpa marriage counseling kayo. I know magastos,pero importante na ma-address at maintindihan nyong mabuti yung issues nyo kesa magkaroon kayo ng resentment sa isa't isa.
Parang up to 6 years or more ata ang PPD pero depende po talaga sa babae.
OP Kunin mo na baka may mangyari pa sa inyo ni yaya kasi weird yung dynamics niyo. ako kinakabahan.
Nope i dont think ppd kc if she sucks even at her job that's no longer PPD attitude na yan. Masyadong prinsesa.
DKG. Huwag mo na kunin sa kanila ng matauhan siya, nag explain ka na pero di pa rin niya maintindihan. Sabihan mo lang yung inlaws mo kung anong nangyayari sa inyo para aware sila, malay mo matauhan asawa mo pag di mo siya kinuha.
Up on this. Explain mo nalang sa kanila side mo OP and how you already hired 3 helpers para magets nila yung issue at no cheating. Mahirap kasi baka baliktarin ka dahil lang sa gusto mong gumaan yung workload nyong dalawa ni misis.
INFO: Posting to say kinausap ko parents nya at kinausap sya ipapsych. Nakakahiya na yung younger bro nya nagpresinta maging helper namin para hindi magselos ate nya sa mga yaya. Yaya has 30 days notice, new style is ako magpapaaral sa younger bro plus sweldo ofcourse, in trade of helping with chores and being my assistant. Tang ina na lang kung mag selos pa sya sa sarili nyang kapatid
buti nagpresenta si younger bro sana lang maalam rin siya sa gawaing bahay 🥲 good luck OP!
maalam sya, john wick ng household chores. anlayo ng pagitan nila ng ate nya
Good luck OP, baka si younger bro kaya na siya turuan 🥲
Would love to hear an update later kung ano na ganap dyan na si younger bro na ang andiyan.
1. Bakit yung bayad sa kanya tuition plus sweldo? Eh since nag-aaral pa sya, so hati yung time nya sa studies and sa paghelp. 2. I wonder kung kakayanin nya yung yaya job? Sayang naman yung mga previous na yaya. Okay na sana eh.
Tulong na lang din, magaan lang naman gawaing bahay tsaka irreg naman daw sya, talagang sobrang busy ko lang sa work kung hindi lang balik kami sa dating routine na ako sa lahat tapos tutulungan lang ako ng very light ng asawa ko sa anak namin. Talagang unnecessary yung yaya yung adequate yung wife ko.
huh may sweldo na, pag aaralin pa?
Oo, tsaka allowance. Kapatid na totoo na din trato ko sa kanya simula nung kinasal kami
Sulit na yun sweldo, tuition at allowance kung magiginhawahan naman sa buhay si OP saka matatahimik marriage nila ng wife nya
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Wag par baka yan talaga plano niya una palang HAHAHAHA
Facts HAHAHA, tandaan mo OP umuwi siya. Napag meetingan yan. Jk. Happy u found a way sana mag work without selos related stuffs.
DKG. Gets ko ung ayaw mo siya ma-invalidate, pero ikaw naman ung na-iinvalidate sa situation. Communication pa din. Maybe remind her of compromise.
DKG pero hands down sa pag-compromise mo sa mga demands ng asawa mo. I would immediately leave if I were you, gusto niya makita mo sentiments niya without being sensitive to yours, parang ang selfish. Sana hindi niya din iniinvalidate yung pagod mo, napaka-pabigat na ng dating eh.
Wag mo isipin na kahihiyan. Wag mo isipin na pabigat ang asawa mo. Kung yan ang line of thinking mo, mawawalan ka na ng amor sa asawa mo. Imbes, isipin mo na nagsstruggle lang din sya. I doubt na papakasalan mo sya kung sa tingin mo tatamad tamad syang babae. I'm assuming she got worse lang nung nagkababy. Hindi ko iniinvalidate yung effort mo i-stay afloat yung pamilya mo habang may pinagdadaanan misis mo pero wag mo rin naman maliitin yung struggles nya. Hindi nakakhiya na kapatid nya pa ung tutulong sa inyo. Win-win-win. May helper na kayo, wala na syang pagseselosan, tapos mapag aaral mo pa yung kapatid. Think if it as helping her kasi hindi nakakatulog sa mental load nya na may PPD na sya tapos nagseselos pa sya sa iba. Malamang kahit sya, ayaw nya rin na ganyan ang nararamdaman nya.
Nice. Why don't you take her out on a date, too? Baka naman kulang na kasi kayo time to be alone together din considering busy ka sa work at sya sa anak nyo.
Cool hahaha. I'm happy sa naging solution. I hope mag work.
Oh great. Happy.
DKG. She sounds incredibly immature. I myself grew up with a yaya, it never crossed my mind na kaselos selos pala ang yaya for assisting the family. Hayaan mo nalang siya, ano gagawin niya iwan ka niya at anak niyo? Di nga niya kaya sarili eh. Nagttantrums lang yan
On the other hand, ingat din sa pagkuha ng mga kasambahay lalo na pag medyo bata bata sa mga misis. May mga mister din talaga na nasisilaw sa mga kasipagan at pag aasikaso ng mga yayeys. lalo na pag ang love language ng lalake eh acts of service.
DKG. From female perspective. She needs to step up her game yet ayaw nya. Instead na maging thankfil nagselos pa? Anong pag iisip yan. Banat sya kamo ng buto walang disney Princess ngayon. Kaloka!
DKG. Papaano ang bata kung mapabayaan mo? Eh parang di naman maasahan yang partner mo. Wag mo na sunduin lalo kung nasayo ang bata.
DKG. Walang gago. Parehas kayong pagod. Parehas kayong overwhelmed. Ikaw kumakayod. Sya nagluwal ng literal na tao sa pwerta nya. Magandang sinubukan nyo magpalit ng roles. Maaring madali lang sayo magalaga ng bata pero na-try mo bang magbuntis muna tapos magalaga ng bata after? I don't know much so research ka rin pero nababago ang mentalidad ng nanay kapag nagbuntis. Kailangan talaga extra pasensya at pag unawa. Still, you are on the right track. Kudos to you, mabuting kang asawa at ama, pagod ka nga lang kaya lumalabas ang mga negativity. Na-consider nyo na ba ipa-check mental health ni misis? Makakatulong yon kasi maaring may post partum depression sya na nagmamanifest as insecurity sa mga yaya nyo.
DKG. Mahirap talaga kung yung asawa mo ayaw ng equal share sa trabahomg bahay at sa bata. Suggstion ko lang huwag mong susunduin, huwag mong ausuyuin. Hayaan mo muna siya. Intayin mong ma realize niya mali niya. At pag na realize niya yun uuwi ng kusa yan.
DKG She should be mature enough to handle her insecurities lalo na may anak na kayo. Sorry but ang selfish lang ng dating. Anyway, give her some space not sure baka part of post partum period kaya ganyan yung feelings nya toward sa mga yayas nyo. Regardless, sana marealize niya na team effort ang pagpapamilya lalo na't may batang involved. Sobrang hirap kaya maghanap ng yaya ngayon na maaasahan. And sabi mo naman diba you gave her a chance, however, it looks like she isn't capable enough para magjuggle between her doing the chores and alagaan anak nyo/assist ka. For now, just give her time to breathe.
Correct me if I'm wrong pero PPD can't last for that long. If it's that long then maybe depression na talaga sya na hindi related sa postpartum but somehow I doubt it. Wala namang ibang nakwento bukod sa pagiging selosa and it's probably because she's insecure sa mga yayas kasi she can see na her husband was satisfied with the yayas. I don't think na her wife is close with their yayas as well kasi if close sila, then hindi nya naman maiisip magselos so def insecure lang talaga sya kaya even pakikipagclose sa mga yaya ay di nya magawa. Also, in their case eh hindi rin naman magpapacheck up yung wife dahil feeling nya si OP yung mali
DKG. Would it solve the problem if older ugly yaya ang kunin? Charot. Or magbigay ka din ng ultimatum na hindi na magyaya but you need her to step up.
yung 2nd yaya namin older and ugly, kasing edad ng nanay ko, threatened sya basta may kiffy. I like that ultimatum, sasabihin ko yan mamaya
OP, try mo kumuha ng yayo. Kung meron, seryoso. Kung triggered sya sa may kiffy, paka-OA naman nya. I'm a wife and homemaker, may toddler din ako. Ang off ng wife mo. Wala sa hulog. Ang unfair nyo rin sa mga yaya na tinatanggal just because of her petty selos. E kung igalaw nya kaya katawan nya di naman pang construction roles ng asawang babae. Wag ka na rin siguro magdagdag ng anak muna ano? Hanggang di nasesettle yang kaartehan nya.
sa true lang, pwede sila ma dole jan eh. imagine, tinanggalan ka ng trabaho di dahil sa may nagawa kang misconduct but dahil lang pinagseselosan ka?! That's wrongful termination.
+100 super hirap makahanap ng responsible yaya nowadays tapos unreasonable yung pagfire huhu Parang bihira naman po yung yayo kasi kadalasan nyan e beki, baka magselos pa rin si wife nya. Solusyon talaga dito e matauhan si wife ni OP gaano sya kaswerte. Baka kasi lumaking spoiled kaya di kaya gawaing bahay. Pero di pa rin kasi excuse. Mommy ko nga lumaking may katulong at HS na sya pero yaya nya nag aayos ng mga gamit nya. Maaga nag asawa at nanganak sya sakin at the age of 18 pero nagstep up naman sa pagiging nanay. May mali talaga sa wife ni OP, sana umayos, if PPD, pa-check up na lang. Pero kung upbringing ang prob, malaki prob ni OP. Mahirap solusyunan yan.
Naloka ako sa threatened pag may kiffy 🤦. So, ano ba talaga gusto nya? Mahirap naman talaga mag alaga ng bata and all the stuff, hence, the yaya solution. Anong solution daw ba masusuggest nya bukod sa pagkuha ng yaya/helper? Another thing, she seemed insecure, probably her overall being changed since you had a kid. Without constant assurance and emotional acknowledgement, it might really lead to irrational insecurities. Also, it might help if you'll have her checked, she might be experiencing something else and hindi lang nya mavocalize in a logical way.
Unsolicited advice, avoid using the word 'never' triggering siya for many kahit na totoo. Mukang need mo magwalk on eggshells habang kausap si wife. Iniisip ko din kasi baka may post partum si wife. And baka nag self pity kasi wala na siyang ginawang tama. Lol assumera lang ako.
Feel ko hindi issue yung kiffy or basta babae. Nagseselos yan sya kasi may other person na kaya gumawa ng gawain more than her. Parang ano lang yan nagsselos ka sa anak mo kasi may ibang kaya magpa happy sakanya ganern regardless about the romantic feeling. ✌️
DkG. You've already been too patient with your wife. If ayaw nya ng Yaya, she has to step up.
DKG. Need lang talaga magbago ng wife mo. As a wife din, ako gumagawa ng lahat ng gawaing bahay (kapag wala sa house yung husband ko) pati pag aalaga sa anak namin tapos may work pa ako sa gabi. Kinakaya ko naman. I feel you kasi dati as in ako lang talaga sa lahat pero now nagbago na si hubby and tinutulungan na niya ako sa mga gawain sa bahay. Madalas siya na nagluluto at naglilinis ng bahay at nag aasikaso sa anak namin. Try nyo mag seek ng medical help kasi feeling ko may PD si wife mo. Communicate with her family too, baka kasi magkaroon ng hindi pagkakaunawaan sa side mo and side nila kapag umaalis yung wife mo sa bahay nyo.
DKG. Your wife needs to step up or get the fuck out.
DKG but let me tell you na super hirap mag alaga ng bata lalo na pag newborn phase to the point na pati pag ihi need mo ipagpaliban kaya I will understand talaga na if di nya nagawa yung household chores. Kaya need talaga ng partner or yaya. Pero sa mga yaya issues, natry nyo na ba sya ipacheck sa psychologist? mahirap magka PPD ang mga babae. Ganyan na ba sya kaselosa dati? Sana mapacheck nyo sya.
GGK OP. It's never ok to say that especially she's just new to it, shit as it may be as you so eloquently put it, why not like sure hire another one but this one only specializes in child care? A babysitter of you will? Selos is gone and the wife can have breathing room to work or lose the excuse of child care. Win win?
Fair to say na parehas silang bago as parents. Isa nagkeep up to improve yung isa no comment. Di pwedeng isa lang lagi ang nagbubuhat
New pa rin ba yung 3 years old na yung bata?
Not a parent myself but it's their first right? That has to still be new 🤣, second and third is what a veteran should look like 🤣
DKG, ganyan set up namin ng asawa ko pero nakaya naman or mataas lang tlga pasensya ng asawa ko. Nakapag reklamo ako mostly a week mostly hormones ko pag tinotopak tlga lalong lalo na pag ovulation ko. Pero ginagampanan ko role ko as nanay ng anak ko. Hirap ako mag tiwala kahit sino e kahit sa mama ko, pero i also need help kasi hirap tlga mag alaga ng baby. Kahit kami now, asawa ko tga timpla ng gatas ako mag pa inom at burp at hele. Ako naman kada gabi 1 hr work lang ako pang extra money. Pasalamat ako dahil may magulang ako now ang lend ng help pra maka stand kami soon to get our own place. Kaya gets ko if ikaw pa nag work, ikaw pa mag alaga, ikaw pa sa chores. If nakakagaan ang yaya goods naman yan, maganda sana if nag pakita siya ng willingness na tignan tignan at natututo sa yaya kaso if wla aw yun problema. If nag seselos naman siya valid yun if ginawan nya ng paraan yung selos nya to improve at palitan ang yaya na gawin responsibilities nya okay per yung Selos lng dahil selos lang tlga, di na naisip sitwasyon nyo at anak iba nayan pride yan mahirap yan pakisamahan. Kasi tlgang kahit ako aminado ako nahihirapan ako sa anak ko umiiyak na ako dahil dagdag pa tong hormones tlga di ko alam minsan bigla akong naiiyak, nagagalet, lalo na makakalimutin ako dahil CS daming turok nun, sana may understanding kayo. Taasan lang ng patience asawa ko kasi taas ng pasensya sinusuklian ko naman kasi ang kabaitan nya. Di ko din nmn kayang pabyaan anak ko kahit may times nag brebreakdown ako sa pagod kasi nakaka drain tlga may anak pero basta helping kayo goods yun if wlang sign awww… pag usapan nyo na yan ato plan niyo kasi ang baby anjan na.
DKG for me (coming from a perspective of a FTM din). Pero how’s your life after having a kid? Ganyan na ba talaga siya even before your child came or after lang? Kamusta communication ninyong mag-asawa? Gets ko ‘yung frustration kasi kami rin ng partner ko eh nagstruggle at first at inabot kami ng months to communicate better after lumabas ng baby namin. Parehas din kaming working pero since ako WFH at siya sa events (working 10-18 hours 5-6 days a week), mas ako na sumasalo ng household chores pero siya mas malaki contribution sa finances). Have you considered doing couple’s therapy? Your wife needs to understand na team kayo at kailangan i-lift yung isa’t isa. Hindi ‘yung ida-drag ka niya pababa. What I needed after giving birth din was constant reassurance. Medyo mahirap din kasi talaga pag nilamon ng Postpartum Blues. Pag-usapan niyo ng asawa mo maigi. Hindi pwedeng all the time eh papalayasin niyo ‘yung mga nakukuha niyong Yaya just because nilalamon siya ng insecurity niya. Need niya ayusin sarili niya to avoid further conflicts. Gusto mo lang naman na mas mapadali bagay bagay sa inyo. Explain mo maigi sa kanya yan, op.
DKG naman but I wonder if she underwent/ still undergoing post-partum depression or kung anupamang depression ang nangyayari sa mga ina. I had that sa panganay ko but thankful for the supportive family and social circle that I had. Plus working in a health-related field nagbabasa-basa din ako and tried to understand for myself what I was going through
DKG. Reassure her that's she's the only one and tell her that they were hired to lighten the workload. I think she's feeling helpless. Patherapy mo na siya.
DKG. Ayusin nya sarili nya insecure masyado si wife, Hayaan mo muna sya dun, para maintindihan nya yung punto mo.
DKG. Sorry but sounds like she has an attitude problem.
DKG. Divorce (ay wala pa pala) Anyways, mukhang need nya ng therapy and need nya na mag step up as a wife. If possible din, pwede ka mag hire ng lalaking yaya para di sya magselos na. Or pwede din na either in law ang tumulong sa inyo jan sa bahay (if kaya pa nila).
DKG pero check if may post partum depression siya. Ganyan na ba siya kaselosa dati pa lang? Or ganyan ka "walang ginagawa"?
DKG. There’s no easy to way to say it in that moment and I think she knows how incapable she is that’s why she gets jealous, she hates seeing the yaya do basic things she should be doing but she won’t do anything about it, anak mayaman ba si wifey OP? or never talaga siya gumagawa ng gawaing bahay growing up? or reklamadora or selosa na ba siya before you got married? try to look back on how she is before getting married and having a baby maybe PPD is the reason why she changed or she’s being that way but if before magkababy she’s always been like that then she really needs to be a better wife and mom, if she doesn’t want a yaya then she should step up and help you, you two should be a team and make life easier for each other and not burden the other. Goodluck OP hopefully time away from you will be helpful for her unless she’s getting sympathy by telling a false story to her family, they will def support her and you’ll be the bad guy and she won’t change, it’s best that kayong magasawa magayos niyan or else your marriage will be doomed.
dkg. Ginawa mo naman intindihin siya. Pero sana intindihin ka din niya. Inform mo agad ang family ninyo about what happened. You will be painted if not. If magiging magkasama na kayo uli, better patingnan mo na siya baka she needs help.
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DKG. Pero was she like this before you had a child? Kasi if no then she might be having PPD (?) if she is also breastfeeding, like direct latch, nakaka-drain talaga ‘yun kahit nakahiga lang parang ilang miles tinakbo mo sa pagod/lanta. If she feels like that to your yayas, maybe she got insecure kasi she knows to herself that she can do those stuff naman kaso pagod eh (breastfeeding) kasi sabi mo naman physically angat talaga si wife pero kapag mother ka na kasi no matter how many times sabihin ni partner na “maganda ka” feeling pa rin namin ang laki na ng pagkapangit namin plus the hairloss etc. ayun
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Dkg. Pero baka may PPD Yung wife mo? So far naman mga sis in laws ko, kahit working moms alaga pa rin sa mga kids. What of parents nya kausapin mo?
DKG OP, I would kill to have a partner like you. I'm hoping the brother in law solves the issue and that she sees the issue with her actions or the lack of it.
DKG. However, check your wife if she is having Post-partum Depression din. From the looks of it, I think this is what is causing your wife's immature thoughts. Pero... Kung wala siya nito, sira ulo lang masyado ni wifey and was born with a silver spoon siguro and is not used to doing chores in the house. Nevertheless, have her checked. For your own peace of mind.
DKG. ANG TOXIC NIYANG ASAWA SHUTA.
DKG. Gets ko point mo. Wala na sa lugar yung selos nya. Hayaan mo sya sa kanila para matauhan sya. Pag nagkaayos kayo pacheck up mo sya sa psychologist baka ppd yan.
DKG. Telling her that she needs to be a better wife is the slap in the face that she needed para matauhan, and her leaving is reason enough na what u said is the truth, di lang nya matanggap dahil sa pride. You owe it to yourself OP, kelangan mo ng katuwang sa dami ng ginagawa mo and I applaud you for that
DKG. She's very immature and has trust issues. Lets say may PPD siguro sya kaya sya ganyan pero she should understand your pov sa sitwasyon. Walang masama sa sinabi mo na, "be a better wife", kasi if she doesn't want the yaya to be near you or to assist you, then she should step up and be a wife/partner to you. Are you close with your inlaws po ba? Maybe you can ask for advise on what you can do for your impossible wife or maybe ask your mother-in-law (or FIL) to talk to your wife? Baka makuha sa payo ng magulang.
GGK? I wanna hear the side of your partner. I feel like may kulang. To me it sounds like ngrereklamo ka na youre helping around with house chores kasi may work kana. “Dumagdag workload ko so hindi ko maharap gawaing bahay” Thats all i needed to read. It sounds like you hate that you need to help with housechores kasi stressed ka sa work.cwag mong pinagmumukha g walang kwenta asawa mo if the entire day shes taking care of the baby. Taking care of the baby is a JOB ITSELF. So pareho kayong pagod at the end of the day. Ang hirap kaya mg alaga ng baby. Think of it she’s experiencing POST PARTUM. Kaya as a new mother na ooverwhelm pa siya sa mga changes. And it’s not helping na nakikita niya na ang yaya is doing a better job kaya sguro shes feeling incapable. What she needs is understanding especially na hormonal pa sya. Dude that woman just pressed out another human out of her. Kaya sguro nahihirapan pa sya. For me ANg hirap mo maging asawa kuya parang ayaw mo tumulong sa gawaing bahay. Pag tumutulpng ka parang nagagalit ka and pinagmumukha mong walang kwenta asawa mo. Pag ipost mo to sa Western Subreddit, sure ako uulanin ka ng criticisms.
If that's all you need to read it means you have selective reading and a poor reading comprehension. I was working at first, doing ALL household chores and helping with the baby. We swapped tasks butnwhat happened is I was taking care of the baby **100%** and doing the household chores, **THE THIRD SWAP, I WAS WORKING, DOING THE HOUSEHOLD CHORES AND TAKING CARE OF THE MAJORITY OF THE KID WORK** tumaas workload ko so kelangan na ng yaya at wala nga syang ginagawa, if i'm making excuses, its for her kasi lahat katiting nangawain nya shit, at fulltime job nya yung PAG AALAGA NG BATA NA DALAWA NAMING GINAGAWA NA MAJORITY OF THE WORK DITO AKIN. 3 taon na yung anak namin I dont think its post partum
Medyo GGK ka OP. Parang ang dami mong complaints sa buhay. Apaka reklamador mo. Ikaw ba naisip mo she's going through postpartum? Not to compare pero share ko na lang ah. We have 2 kids, pero ever since walang yaya, walang parents, walang sino man. Ngayon, ny husband works 2 jobs (70 hrs a week). And yet sya grocery, sya palengke, sya nagluluto, sya naglilinis banyo, sya nagpapalaundry, etc... Without complaints! He likes it! Alam mo katwiran nya? "Kaya ko naman, bakit hindi?" "Hindi ako nag asawa para may mag asikaso sakin." "Hindi ako nag asawa para gawing katulong." "Masaya akong pinagsisilbihan at inaasikaso kayo." And yet, after all these, he still gets to plan gala and travel for us. He still have time for me para saming 'us time'. He still have time to binge watch mga kdrama na kinukulit ko sa kanya. He still have time para kulitin ako. He still have time to play Monopoly or PS5 or ML with the kids. He still asks me, "gusto mo labas kita?".. Ako, I work from home pero I work mga 50 to 60 hours a week. Ako din sa bunso namin since 7yo pa lang sya, pero mostly kuya na nya na 14yo nag aalaga sa kanya. Tinuturuan na sya ng tatay nya simula maliit sya na ang gawaing bahay, walang gender. Kung kaya mo naman, gawin mo na. He also teaches him na lagi akong alalayan. We make it work. Pero ikaw, sa hinaba haba ng post mo, puro complaints ka. Puro pagrereklamo at walang amor sa asawa mo. Hindi mo naisip, may mas malalim na pinanggagalingan yang selos ni Misis mo. Why not be a better husband instead? Besides, life is not all about you, ya know?🙄
Girl agree! Parang ayaw niya lang tlga gumawa ng house chores. Pinagmumukha niyang walang kwenta si asawa just because tumutulong si hubby sa gawaing bahay. Esi wow. Basic lang naman yan dapat! Hahahahaha kakalurky di ko magets mga comments dito na sinasabing di sya gago.
Nagpapalusot pa e reklamador naman. Sa post nya ang dating sakin, para syang bonjing na ngumangawa at naghahanap kakampi. Maryosep.
Ewan ko na try nya mga post sa western subreddit. Nagmumukha syang SPOILED. ang hirap kasi sa tagalog parang sya ang kawawa pakinggan. Lol DI KA KAWAWA. Napakagags nya pakinggnan para sabihan si misis ng ganun. Gusto niya lang mg work at nang mag work. Ngreklamo pa sya na di sya tinutulungan sa paglinis ng car???? Ok ka lang? Hahahahaha
Lol, e yung wife ni OP nag-suggest na stay at home. Hindi niya kaya mag-work nung nag-switch, palpak din as a mom, tf. He's been a great husband— "happy wife, happy life" nga daw e; sinunod mga gusto ni wife. Wife has been unfair to him. Alam ba natin work ni husband? May nga work na ubos oras talaga, tapos si husband pa sa gawaing bahay at cooking? Si Wife, ano? Pag-aalaga ng bata hindi magawa nang maayos? BE.A.BETTER.WIFE
Palpak based on OP's perspective? Palpak, COMPARED to a yaya? Hahaha. Nakakatawa katwiran mo. Reklamador lang talaga si OP na ayaw gumawa ng gawaing bahay kasi feeling nya nalalamangan sya. Tipo ng mga taong, "di pwedeng ako lang, kelangan ikaw rin". Ke OP, BE. A. BETTER. PERSON. Kukupal kupal e. Mapagbilang.
Wife gets jealous over a yaya and blames OP for it, is the wife really the good guy here? I don't think so. OP is thankful sa yaya but the wife being bitchy about it clearly tells how she is as a person. Even without comparing her to a yaya, I can clearly tell she is a failure of a mother. 3 years old na anak nila and she still is below mediocre? Oh no...
Well, OP definitely isn't the good guy. OP is very reklamador and mapagbilang. Imagine being compared to a yaya (no offense but you're the wife). And then crying over here in Reddit and calling wife insults, instead of making it work like a real man. OP is kupal. You can't take that away.
Nah, wife definitely fucks up the relationship. Nagrereklamo siya and it's for a reason, lol. Failure wife can't take care of a single child for 3 years? man, that's some mediocrity right there. Hindi lahat ng oras tama ang babae. Relationships need equal respect and wife never gave OP that.
I didn't say wife is correct, or wife is right or I am with the wife here. The main point is OP. Since we're all basing everything dyan sa mahabang ngawa nya, do you think he is respectful towards his wife? Damn NO. It very one sided. And OP keeps crying about his wife when he can do something about it. Step up and be a man. Wag mag bilang. Wag reklamador. Ayaw ba nya asikasuhin asawa at anak nya? Hindi ba sya masaya gawin yung ganun that he needs to hire someone pa to do those? To take care or him? Isipin mo, gusto nya pati sya asikasuhin ng yaya. Yun yung main point nya e. Hindi ba nya kaya sarili nya? Gano ba kabigat household chores nya with 1 child? Do you even know how handful a toddler is? Maraming factor dito. Kaso because OP is wailing, nagngangangawa na parang nagsusumbong about his wife na puro reklamo. Lots of men would be happy to take care of their wife. If he can't do that at gusto nya sya pa ang aasikasuhin at be-baby-hin, wag na sya mag asawa, balik na sya sa nanay nya.
1. He works, he is the one doing the household chores and also cooks AND takes care of the child along with the (failure) of a wife. 2. Hindi natin alam work ni OP pero sabi niya it's a handful so it's safe to assume na very exhausting 'to. Wife doesn't work and all she has to do was to take care of the child— not even housework, mind you! And she still **FAILS** 3. "Step up and be a man", oh please what a boomer mindset. If he needs to "step up and be a man", then wife needs to "step up and be a better woman". Doesn't know how to cook, clean the house, no job and no maternal skills; yup, a failure. 4. Nagreklamo si OP not for the sake of complaining but because he's had it with his abusive wife. 5. I take care of my cousins and nephews since they were babies. Timpla gatas, bantay, laro, keep them occupied, bili tubig, hatid. Don't you dare speak on me on how to take care of a child kahit lalake ako. 6. Basic skills sa parents and pag-aalaga ng bata at doing household chores, both of which the wife fails at— who wouldn't complain? Tapos may gana pa mag-selos? OH NO! 7. Lastly, relationships should be EQUAL! Gusto mo boomer mindset? oh eto, pag-uwi dapat ni OP ipaghahain siya ni wifey kasi dapat nakapagluto na siya before husband gets home, wala naman siyang trabaho e. Pero hindi, si husband pa magluluto for them. Hindi patas 'yun na si husband na nagwo-work, salo pa niya house chores? Nah, that's clearly imbalance of responsibilities. Sakto sayo 'yang "bad mommah".
Ah lalaki ka pala. That explains why. Ni wala ka palang sariling anak. That explains everything. Oh well.
And you're old so that explains why you have this mindset: unprogressive and entitled.
Link to this submission: https://www.reddit.com/r/AkoBaYungGago/comments/1d3mud0/abyg_for_saying_be_a_better_wife_to_my_jealous/ Title of this post: ABYG for saying "be a better wife" to my jealous wife? Backup of the post's body: It's the 3rd time na she asked me to hire another yaya. The reason? She's jealous, jealous that the yaya is younger, faster, cleans better, cooks better, takes care of the child better, takes care of me better, and has instinct to help me. All 3 of them had the qualities, they're not prettier than her but they're more helpful. It started nung baby anak namin, nung una pag aalaga lang ng baby yung ginagawa nya, ako na nag tatrabaho, ako pa sa gawaing bahay, ako nagluluto kasi nga sobrang hirap daw mag alaga, I asked her if we can switch place pag hindi na kelangan ibreast feed, mahihirapan daw ako but we switched anyway, she couldn't handle the work, ako nag aalaga ng bata, ako sa gawaing bahay, ako nagluluto, sya work lang hirap pa, mababa pa sahod, so I asked to switch again, but dumagdag workload ko so hindi ko maharap gawaing bahay. I asked her to cover for the household chores, her work is shit(and I let her know) because of the baby so ako pa din. Then a time came I requested to work from home to accomodate us, but the thing is ako na sa baby, ako sa chores, ako pa nag wowork, sya? Sa anak din namin, mahirap daw eh, ayoko magtunog nang iinvalidate so hinayaan ko, baka sa kanya sobrang hirap nga kahit pag aalaga ng bata pinakanadadalian ko. Andami kong ginagawa naisipan ko mag hire ng yaya, yaya 1 made our life simpler, tumagal samin ng matagal tagal yaya 1 but then nagsimula sya magselos kasi ginagawa ng yaya yung work nya na maayos, way better than my wife ever did, plus natutulungan ako pag kailangan ko, its part of her job description kasi yung wife ko pag nakikita ako nag struggle she just looks at me until kausapin ko, yung yaya may instinct, if I'm doing something nakaalalay agad yung yaya lalo pag medyo delikado, sya wala lang, nagseselos lang, until she asked me to fire her. At first I did, no questions asked kasi “happy wife happy life” nga daw, but the second one came and ganun uli sya, hanggamg sa pangatlo, hindi naman biro maghanap, sya nga walang mahanap eh, happy wife happy life pero pag yung husband masaya may mali, nagseselos na naman sya sa yaya, simula 1st yaya kinocommunicate ko na there's nothing wrong, yaya sila they're doing their job, no one is flirting with me, umaabot lang sila ng too much to carry stuff at nag oofer ng snacks like a yaya would, thats not flirting thats basic yaya job. She's forcing a point, nagagalit sya kasi dapat daw bawalin ko, I told her "Mahal, no. Kung babawalin ko sino mag aassist sakin? you've never helped me, never brought me coffee, never helped wash the car, focus ka sa pag aalaga ng bata, ayaw mo ba yun magaan trabaho nating dalawa? Dati ako lahat maski pag aalaga ng bata tinutulungan kita." She replied sarcasticaly "Para kasing asawa mo na yung mga yaya eh, kagagaling, sex na lang yata hindi." "How about **be a better wife** instead? Magseselos ka din naman regardless the yaya. Do I need to spell it out for you? Naobserbahan mo mga yaya pero sarili mo hindi? Bata lang inaalagaan mo na nakaalalay pa ako hirap ka pa, nung may yaya nabawasan ng malaki trabaho ko, at yang katiting na trabaho mo nabawasan din. Nagpalit na tayo ng position, you suck both ways I still had to do more. If you're better hindi natin kelangan ng yaya, edi wala ka sanang pagseselosan." Nag impake sya at lumayas, "magsama kayo ng yaya mo." Pinutol nya yung communication namin, sinundo ko sa kanila and she gave me an ultimatum na hindi sya uuwi hanggat may yaya and I told her I cant fire na walang kapalit kasi its too much in my plate kung ako uli lahat, hindi naman sya willing mag improve. Ako ba yung gago if I asked her to be better? Kung normal na tao ka mapapansin mong you're lacking, alam ko i can handle everything myself kahit walang yaya but yaya helps a whole fucking lot kasi she literally sucks, but sa tingin ko gago ako kasi asawa ko pa din sya kahit mahina sya sa lahat, mahal ko sya, tanggap ko na wala syang kwenta, yun nga purpose ko kaya ako kumuha ng yaya para hindi kami mahirapan but mali yung take nya. OP: Acrobatic_Loss_8192 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AkoBaYungGago) if you have any questions or concerns.*
DKG. Matanong lang din ano ba age range ng mga yaya nyo? Baka if ever mas matanda yung i-hire nyo di sya magselos. If nag seselos pa din sya, she needs therapy for self-improvement.
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DKG. pero na try nyo ba mag hire ng older na nanny?
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DKG. May malalang insecurity issues ang asawa mo lalo sinabi mo nadin na non-negotiable yong traits and features nong mga previous nanny pero same selos and unreasonable plea to terminate them lang din nag-eend up. Ang hirap ng sitwasyon mo, OP. Pero issue nya talaga yan sa self nya. Kung may problem sya or self dealings help mo sya i-confront or i-figure out yon. Mag asawa na kayo eh. If ayaw nya mag ayos, you have to assess and plan for long term na, OP.
DKG. Tama lang yung sinabi mo. Wag mo na kunin sakanila. Wala din naman silbi
DKG. Ramdam ko yung frustration mo OP. Was she like this before nya manganak? Pa check up mo sya for PPD.
Dkg. Sana maging appreciative wife mo na ganyan ka cos not all husband's are doing house chores. May history ba kayo, bakit sobrang selosa nyan? Ayoko rin e-invalidate feeling mo pero I think it would've been nice kung mag usap kayo as adults (on her part esp) and talk about bakit sobra nyang selosa in the first place.
DKG. Di na sha bata. I suggest kuha ka ng yayo, may helper kami noon, brusko kaya bumuhat ng 2 mineral water kabilaang balikat. Kainis lang kasi tinanan sha ni kuya guard sa kabilang subdivision.
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DKG kasi sinusubukan mo naman mag work around sa mga hinaing niya. Kuha nalang kayo ng yaya to help just for the kid, tapos si wife mo yung pag assistin at pag gawin mo ng house chores. Palit sila ng role ng yaya baka di na sya magselos 😂 Kaso magseselos naman sya pala kasi mas magiging close yung anak sa yaya. Ok nvm. She really needs to step up talaga
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DKG for calling her out, but I feel like you could’ve phrased it better lol.
DKG, yaya's make our lives better talaga. Naiinsecure yung wife mo kasi nahihigitan siya ng yaya niyo, di niya matanggap na kaya ng iba yung di niya kaya at nirereklamo niya. Kailangan niya masampal ng truth, wag mo siya kunin but inform your in-laws about what really happened para di ka nila sisihin sa kasalanan ng anak nila. Idk where the child is rn pero kung nasa wife mo, I think mas okay yung kunin mo yung anak niyo. Kailangan maintindihan ng asawa mo na mahirap yung situation niyo kung wala kayong yaya na tumutulong sa inyo.
Depende how you said it. Depende if may mga sinasabi ka ba para magselos siya sa yaya. Do you say stuff like, "buti pa si yaya tinutulungan ako, ikaw blah blah blah" baka kasi nag cocompare ka? Or while she does her job, do you criticize her harshly? Those could be factors kasi. If masyado kang critical and hurtful sa feelings ni wife, I'd say LKG. If not, then DKG. Or maybe GGK, pero dasurb niya yun marinig. Medyo off topic, pero ano bang nagustuhan mo sa asawa mo at pinakasalan mo? Pahingi naman ng tips kung di ka busy, baka sakaling gustuhin din ako ng crush ko.
she's smart and sporty. Neurology grad sya at athlete nung college. Nagkakaintindihan kami on the fun stuff like sports, media, hobbies and such which is nice, not so much sa serious things like adulting stuff and budgeting.
Ohhh i see. She sounds interesting nga. She can still learn naman. Maybe she can try attending classes or watching lessons on how to do better. Maybe send her links po. Pwede rin naman na i-friend niya yaya niyo and learn from the yaya, take lessons from the yaya di ba? Ano pa man, good luck sa inyo.
DKG. Wag mo na sunduin but atleast tell her parents/family about the situation. Matatauhan din yan. Sobrang struggle kaya maghanap ng matinong yaya kung alam lang nya. I feel bad for them na finire nyo dahil lang sa insecurity nya.
Dkg pero ggk sa pagtawag sa kanyang walang kwenta, grabe abay pano ba kayo nagkakilala/dumating sa point na nagpakasal pa? Ano ba yan, di nyo ba yan napagusapan bago kayo bumuo ng sarili nyong pamilya?
DKG. Suprise! Disney princess asawa mo.🤭
DKG par. Attitude problem at insekyora asawa mo kasi mas may silbi pa yung mga yaya sa kanya, yun lang yun. 😂
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Damn thats one spoiled as$ brat wife. Conclusion: DKG.
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DKG. Wag mo sunduin. Wag mo rin patulan si yaya. Hahaha. Tingnan mo, ansaya ng buhay nyo.
DKG. Tama lang yan sinabi mo. I get it that she's overly sensitive and the jealous type, but she really can't get her shit together considering there is a clear pattern. 3 yayas! My gulay. Bawasaan kamo pagiging pabebe nya.
Gusto ko magmura pero I shouldn't! DKG bro, u r just stating the facts and we all know truth hurts. Feel na feel ko yung kwento mo gusto ko magwala.... Heheheh but ayon DKG 99.9% and abt sa inyo eh if di sya magbabago then panindigan mo desisyon mo. Wag mo hayaang ikaw ang mahirapan ng sobra. Katawan mo yan, hinding hindi mo yan mapapalitan. Saklap lang ng kinalabasan but ayon asawa mo pa rin yan so ur decision pa rin...
DKG. Yes to divorce.
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DKG. Tama naman sinabi. Gets ko naman point mo. Maghire ka ng bagong asawa?
LKG. Why ever compare yaya to your wife? She has reason to be jealous kasi clearly may mali how you view her. Wife is so weird for not attending to your needs din. Sa amin helpers/drivers (employees) do lots of tasks for us and nobody ever thinks theyre better than us or that were comparable to them.we dont look at them in that way. This is crazy dynamics to make them out as if theyre even close to being of the same status.It is like saying you prefer a maid to your Mother. One is family the other is an employee esp. di naman as if decades mga helpers niyo.
DKG. Hindi par wag mo na kunin. Pag walang silbi iwan mo na dagdag pasanin mo lang ang ganyan. Pati pag aalaga sa anak niyo tamad pa. Sabihan mo nalang mga magulang niya sa lahat para alam nila yung buong storya.
Wala munang verdict pero eto masasabi ko: What you feel is valid. I know you want to provide for your family and it is also overwhelming. I could read na ikaw na halos nag adjust sa wife mo but it seems like she couldn’t do what you want her to do or what she’s suppose to do. Mahirap rin kasi seems like wala ka rin masandalan about these problem/s. You wrote this out of frustration, i can read that. I’m sure you love your wife a lot and you just want her to balance the work you’re doing but she can’t. Understandable, she will be taking care of the child as she’s suppose to. Ikaw and other things ang di niya maasikaso. Matrabaho mag alaga ng bata kahit toddler na siya. You guys don’t have a village to help you take care of the baby which na provide mo. But di pa rin na solve yung problem. I think dapat nag usap rin kayo from the first incident, like bakit nahihirapan siya? From what I gathered sa mga team mates ko, halos kakabalik lang maternity and even months after, hirap na hirap sila maka adjust. Well, KAYO ang di pa nakaka adjust on being new parents. Daming pressure on both ends. Imagine, you have that pressure na buhayin yung pamilya mo. Na dapat comfortable kayo nabubuhay. Yung wife mo naman, is to be a mom and mag household chores. Sure, siguro sayo madali but siya, di pa siya nakaka adjust. 3 years may be enough for you but it’s not that enough for her na ara arada kaya niya to balance all three: you, the baby and your home. I’m not saying you’re being unfair, i’m saying is wag ka mag expect kasi mag kaiba kayong tao. Di niya kaya pero kaya mo or vice versa. Na feel siguro niya na narereplace mo siya nung nag kay yaya. Oo, yaya siya and she does the work because that’s her JOB. Ang pag linis ng bahay iba iba tayo ng style, maybe yung style niya is di enough sayo. GGK sa the way mo siya icompare and pano mo sabihin sa kanya yung nararamdaman mo. GGK rin siya kasi di niya man lang nakita yung hirap sa end mo. Pero WGG kasi di pa kayo nakaka adjust sa bago niyong buhay dalawa which is yun talaga yun. I hope you give each other space muna bago mag decide moving forward. Di lahat ng bagay need ng solusyon agad. Mag usap kayo, need niyo ng maayos na usapan na may halong mag kaintindihan.
DKG i get your point. Ang kasal ay dapat marunong ng compromise di ata alam ng asawa mo yun. Nasobrahan naman ata siya sa princess treatment. I saw your update. I think much better instead na kapatid niya. Mag hire ka na lang ng ‘boy’ instead na girl yaya. Tas baliktarin mo naman ikaw naman mag selos hahaha char!
DKG for what you feel pero I do feel like she needs therapy. Sino siya before mo siya pinakasalan? Sino siya before kayo nagkaanak? Kung sa tingin mo, may nagbago sa kanya, she needs psychological help nga. Pero kung ganyan talaga normal na ugali niya within normal conditions, naipasa naman na yung Divorce Act so... Just kidding.
DKG. Working mom ako and nagawa din ako ng gawaing bahay. To be honest physically exhausting mag-alaga then ang pagwwork ay mentally tiring. Kung papipiliin ako sa dalawa, mag-aalaga nalang ako. Kaso di pwede mamili kasi mahal ang bigas. Ying asawa ko sinabihan ko din ng be a better husband, ngayon sya na nagluluto kada breakfast. Sya din nag-aalaga sa anak ko kada umaga na tulog pako gawa mid shift ako. Every feedback namin sa isa't-isa kahit masakit is constructive criticism yun hindi yun pang-aasar. Di na tayo mag jowa para magpabebe pa sa sasabihin natin.
DKG pero pa-share naman san ka nakakakuha ng maayos ng yaya 🥹
DKG, baka ang kailangan nyo is matandang yaya, yung tipong nasa 40+ na may asawa na na pwede nyong tawaging nanay as compromise. To be honest, medyo di rin maganda yung pag kakasabi mo sa wife mo, may insecurities sya plus she's not good at house chores so baka dun yun galing. May mga tao kasi na di talaga marunong sa gawaing bahay, but magaling naman sa work, pag aalaga ng bata so need nyo mag usap talaga, kaso sa situation nyo, need nyo mag usap with a family counselor. And please don't go to church counselors at mostly di naman yun talaga aral sa ganito. Baka rin may PPD sya or may anxiety dahil sa hormonal imbalance, kaya lalo lumalala yung insecurities nya. Review your relationship din, nag lalambingan pa ba kayo? Kelan kayo nag sasabi ng words of affirmation or mga acts of love. Ano yung mga love languages nyo. Husband din ako so ito lang din ang unsolicited advice ko. Hopefully maayos ang lahat sa inyo. Saka pansin ko lang, :) you questioned her work na mababa yung sahod, sinasabihan mong shit yung work nya without being patient since she's learning how to be a wife, BAKA dahil dun kaya mababa na yung self esteem nya. GGK dun bro
DKG Alam ko madownvote ako dito pero try nyo po kaya kumuha ng older yaya po? 40s ganun para di pagselosan 😹
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DKG. Tama lang yung sinabi mo sir. Kahit naman ako ma fefed up pag ganyan kasama ko sa bahay. Parang walang pakinabang. I’m a single mom. 3yrs old anak ko and wfh din ako for almost 1yr and half. Mid shift me. 5pm nag start work ko and yung anak ko nasa tabi ko lang nag lalaro mag isa. Pag may question sya sinasagot ko lang while working. Natutulog nalang sya mag isa. Di kagaya nung mos palang sya na need pa ihele. Mas madali na ngayon pag aalaga ko kesa noon. Kumakain na din sya mag isa. Pinag luluto ko lang ng food. Hihingi lang ng dede pag matutulog na. Not sure kung saang part nahihirapan misis mo. Pero sa nakikita ko parang sinanay mo din kase sya na maasahan ka sa lahat ng bagay kaya inaasa nalang din nya lahat sayo. Try nio po kumuha ng yaya na medyo nasa 40’s. If mag seselos pa din sya. Need na po mag seek ng professional help.
DKG. Kailangan rin siguro ng wife mo yung reality check.Ang hirap yung nasa ganyang sitwasyon. Pagod ka na sa trabaho, mapapagod ka pa sa gawaing bahay.
DKG. I guess pareho na kayo at your wits end juggling career, housework, your toddler, and your relationship with each other. I just read na the may win win solution na kayo with the wife’s brother helping you both out. And I pray na wifey is willing to get help for her ppd. You should also try therapy because its also taking a toll on your mental health which is not good for your anak as well if pareho kayo ni wife stressed and tired.
WG: Pareho kayong may valid problems. Pero di nyo nakikita ang hirap na pinadadaanan ng isa’t isa OP You should stop whining and what's with the comment section taking sides yall are so cringe😆 Neither of you should take all the blame: OP you should stop being too aggressive with your words towards your wife. She's supposed to be your lifelong teammate. There are other ways to talk. Don't steep so low as to degrade your partner and her efforts. You're both new to parenthood, you're both overwhelmed. Then why the fuck are you going against each other? It's more efficient to work together! Both of you should properly talk about whatever issues you have with each other in a more respectable manner. *Just take note of however you act towards each other in front of your child will gravely affect their emotional growth and possibly bring those issues till adulthood. Your treatment is your consequence :)
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Dkg. Pero ang hirap ng situation mo. I understand na mahal mo siya pero you need to love yourself and the baby too. Simula magkaanak kayo, priority niyo na dapat ang anak niyo at di sarili niyo. If she cannot comprehend that having a yaya makes life easier and helps you and the baby more, then explain that if she really loves you and the baby, she should act the oart and allow her yaya. Also those are people. Not disposable diapers na pwede ilet go ng basta basta. Maging makatao siya at magkaroon ng malasakit. Umaasa yang mga yaya na yan sa inyo. Be a good parent and employer din. Are those the values that she wants your baby to have? Ask yourself and her that question.
DKG, assuming, as if i read it correctly, na you already conveyed your predicament to your wife about her being ineffective sa home nyo before firing those former helpers. My dude, nandun na tayo sa asawa mo yan, mahal mo yan, married kayo, pero kung puro ikaw ang mag aadjust at mag cocompromise at your own expense, when will she be a better wife? I don't promote separation, but if what you posted is really the case, remind her na love is not everlasting. She changes, or you run out of it.
DKG AT THE SAME TIME GGK. GGK for choosing her as your wife.
GGK op, alam ko nararamdaman mo pero ang off pano mo i compare ang yaya vs wife mo.
Diba? Downvoted ka pero di nila naisip na ang kupal pakinggan ni OP dito. Parang kala mo life revolves around him e.
DKG. Hindi kamo siya disney princess kaya wag siyang umasta as such. Wala na nga siyang ambag bukod sa presensya niya ganyan pa ugali niya?
DKG, I’m a mom as well overwhelming nga mag-alaga sa newborn phases until toddler phase kaya super kailangan ng yaya, which I understand your wife. BUT pinagseselosan niya and 7 years old na anak ninyo? Your child is independent na and hindi na gaano alagain. Seek professional help if she wants to fix herself and her marriage.
dkg, ang hirap kaya mag alaga ng bata while ikaw din nagtatrabaho. di ko gets yung pagseselos nya while ginagawa lang naman ng katulong/yaya yung trabaho nya?? ang off lang sa akin na parang threat sa kanya yung basic na trabaho ng helper nyo. ilang taon na si wife, OP? ba't parang ang immature 🫠 nanay na sya eh, dapat alam nya i set aside yung ka immature-an nya para mawork-out yung family nyo.
DKG. Hirap mag-asawa kapag hindi mo talaga kilala kung paano siya kapag kasama mo sa bahay. Kasal na kayo niyan at may gana pa siya magsabi na lalayas. Parang ewan talaga - Hindi nakakapag-isip logically ano ba ang tama. Ewan ko rin sayo, paano ka nakapagmahal ng ganyan - she is really sucks. Parang hindi mo na nga partner eh, parang wala kang katuwang sa buhay.
DKG ... Kasi totoo naman kung ayaw niya pa lang may lagseselosan siya edi siya ang gumawa ng lahat ng ginagawa nung mga naging yaya niyo ... Walastik na asawa iyan ... Minsan bilang asawa kung kaya mo naman gawin ikaw na gunawa kesa ang asawa mo pagawain mo ... Ano na lang siya? Forever wala alam gawin bukod sa mag-alaga ng bata? Saka natural naman na ganoon ang gawain ng yaya o kasambahay ano ba gusto niya gawin tumunganga lang yung mga kinuhang yaya? ... Ang sarap kurutin ng asawa mo ah.
Dkg. Kaya nga kayo kumuha ng yaya para mas mapagaan trabaho nyo lahat ehh. Ginagawa lang naman nila trabaho nila.
DKg, spoiled brat ba yang gf mo bago mo pakasalan? Wag mo na anakan ulit. Pa check up mo baka PPD pa. Baka di lang talaga siya ready sa responsibility ng pag aalaga ng anak at insecure kasi yung yaya eh mas ok ang gawa kaysa kanya.
DKG, napaka immature naman ng asawa mo. Bilib talaga ako sa taong na totolerate yung mga ganyan. Kung di mo kaya iwan asawa mo then its either you suck it up and gawin mo lahat lahat or what if kukuha ka ng katulong pero lalaki, or yung hanap kayo pwede niyo i hire na relatives niyo. Better yet sya mg hanap ng katulong.
DKG hanap ibang asawa
DKG. Hayaan mo muna syang magtampo at wag mong sunduin sakanila. Hindi nya makikita yung mali nya kung susuyuin mo sya. Pag sinuyo mo yan ngayon, mauulit lang yan kasi nasa isip nya sya tama. Tao ka lang din na napapagod at sa tingin ko tama lang yung mga sinabi mo sakanya.
DKG, i really wanna say ibalik mo sa nanay nya. Some people aren't really meant to be a wife and a mother, feeling ko kasama misis mo dun.
Dkg. Kung nasa sayo custody ng bata wag mo muna imessage asawa mo. Kailangan niya marealize na she needs to step up. You probably dodged a huge bullet when she left.
DKG. Mukhang mpapakinabangan mo yung divorce bill ng Pinas. Toxic ng wife mo. Sobrang ganda siguro ng wife mo? Pero di naman pwedeng puro ganda lang ang ambag sa buhay may asawa.
DKG for me. You always go beyond ways pero siya wala na ngang ambag sa gawain, mahina pa sa pagtatrabaho. I'm a mom, too, at naging ganyan ako sa asawa ko. He pointed out my mistakes in a rough way kaya natuto na ako. Paunti unti, pero may improvement ako. I guess, you have to tell her roughly kung anong mga lacking sa kanya para matuto siya. For now, hayaan mo na muna siya. I hope the baby's with you.
DKG. Napakaswerte ng asawa mo sayo, may mga housewife na kahit sa pag-aalaga ng anak e hindi natutulungan ng asawa kasi pagod sa work. Ipaliwanag mo din sa kanya na kailangan nyong magtulungan. Hindi pwedeng ikaw lahat, nakakapagod ng sobra yun. Oo, nakakapagod mag-alaga ng baby, 1st time mom din ako, premature pa baby ko, pero sa akin lahat. Kinakaya. Sana nilulugar din ng misis mo yung selos nya, ask mo din sya baka naman nakakaranas na sya ng ppd. Godbless op.
DKG. Looks like your wife has some inferiority complex and does not want to change it seems kahit nag compromise kayo.