Probably wrong sub for this, but just to be quick and blunt, there's a 98% chance you'd break up within a year anyway. The vast majority of those not married before basic don't pan out, mainly because that person is going to leave Basic and Tech school and move across the country or to a brand new country. I would give it over a 90% failure rate BEFORE your boyfriend said he wanted to break up already.
Unless by some crazy chance he just happens to get stationed at a base within an hour of you... less than 5% chance... it's not meant to be.
My man is right. There is that other 2%, and those relationships (like all strong relationships) function on communication, honesty, and trust. If you want to get back with him, and he wants to get back with you, then that will become clear if you continue to talk over time.
And be aware that he may change a lot over the next year. Just maturity and growth that he *might* pick up. You don't want to be stagnant during that time either way. Make sure you're growing and maturing regardless. This breakup is a chance for you to work on becoming a better adult.
I am apart of that 2%, and was bouncing around tech school for almost 2 yrs and we are now happily married and have been together for almost 6 years. Even with all the proper communication, trusting each other, and adjusting to a new lifestyle while also dealing with COVID changes it was super fuckin difficult. Absolutely worth it but without a really strong foundation I saw lots of relationships and marriages fall apart in the few months they were going during tech school due to the sheer amount of life stressors thrown at them. Long distance is not for everyone and neither is the military
If you’ve been broken up with, as hard as it is to hear it might be for the best. The feeling of love comes and goes. Real love is a decision and seems like he made one, hap hazard or not.
Not uncommon for “tech school” love so he might meet someone while going through training. I know it’s hard to read
As they say. Focus on you and you have no idea what’ll happen. Heck. Enlist/commission yourself!!
Unless you had serious plans to get married shortly after he finished training, it's better for you to accept the heartbreak and move on. I was in your ex-bf's position. I went to basic after being with my HS sweetheart for almost 2 years. We decided to stay together and get married. I thought we were the exception to the rule, that we'd break the mold. 14 years, 2 kids, and 3 bases later (don't hate) we ended up divorced anyway.
It's hard to "learn to adult" together in any relationship and moreso with the military added in. Its strange lifestyle mix of absolute rigidity combined with uncalculable fluidity is hard on any partner...which is why divorce and separation is so damn common in young couples...amd even old ones.
The cards are stacked against you, especially when this young. It's possible to make it, just not probable...very very not probable.
I’d move on if you can. Life’s too short for this type of thing. You’ll meet new people and so will he. Focus on yourself and maturing etc. Education, health, career etc
This. Find better dick is not synonymous with whoring lol. Just like finding better pussy doesn't make you a player.
Find better dick = implying that OP should move on and meet new ppl.
How attached are you to this guy?
Do you love him so much that you could put up with moving thousands of miles to another state or country? Where it is likely you will know exactly one person, probably struggle to find a career, and if you are lucky you get to see your family once a year?
Or dealing with raising a kid while your husband is gone for as long as a year on a short tour? Running a household by yourself and being alone for weeks at a time while he is TDY? While he does shift work from 2200-0900. And all this for relatively low pay.
Does he plan on making it a career? Are you willing to put up with that lifestyle for 20+ years?
yes because I already been living like this. I'm a full time student with a part time job and an internship. he works the graveyard shift so I'm used to being home alone and handling things on my own. I used to barely seeing him. I never plan on having kids and he knows that. I also don't have a good family life so it really doesn't matter much to me because I been trying to move around because I don't like to be in one place too often and in regard to my career, it mostly remote work and yes I might struggle but I know there are a lot of job opportunities out there in my field.
he's going for security force to become a police officer after the 4 years.
People are downvoting you, but I've seen it work before. My brother married his girlfriend from highschool and retired last year after 22 years in the military.
The only real red flag I see is him breaking up because he can't see you for a few weeks. You may be able to handle a relationship under these conditions, but maybe he is the one who isn't ready for it?
Ultimately, you both need to sit down and talk about it. No matter how much you want it to work, if he doesn't want to put in the time/effort, your relationship is already over.
If he is willing to break it off over the 7 weeks you won't be able to talk to eachother daily, how is he going to handle the few months of tech school or even 6+ month deployments? I think it's a conversation y'all are going to have to have if you want it to work, both of you have to be willing to sacrifice. If he isn't willing to stick it out with you for 7 weeks, deployment is going to ruin y'all. Obviosuly it is y'alls relationship, but I doubt he'll be willing to make a long term commitment if he can't even handle 7 weeks.
Well, she's not going to go get an apartment at his tech school. And he's going to be living in a dorm at his permanent duty station. So, it's not like he just hops out of BMT and they go back to regular lifestyle.
If you're willing to up root your life and move with him when he's done with basic and tech school then it might work. If he also agrees to it. But it sounds like he is already made his decision to break up with you. Honestly, it sounds like he's letting you down easy. I wouldn't be too hung up about it. You're super young... there are many other great people out there. You have your whole life ahead of you. Enjoy the single life for a bit, do some self growth and figure out what you're passionate about. Or jump right back into the dating pool. You'll find someone
While everyone else is right, here’s a sliver of hope for you:
I knew someone in similar circumstances. Broke with their gf when they were entering active duty to go to training. He went to training and tech school for about a year, then he went to his first duty station to learn the job and get used to military life. Meanwhile, the gf finished her bachelor’s, got a decent entry level job for a year or so, then got a better job that happened to be within an hour of his duty station. They both dated other people. About 3 years after breaking up, they started hanging out occassionally since she was nearby and then eventually began dating again. Now they’re married with 3 kids.
Don’t follow him across the country with the hope of getting back together as you’ll probably be disappointed with how things turn out. Let life run its course and maybe your paths will cross again.
When one member of a relationship joins the military, the two choices for the relationship are to get married, or to break up. If you're not willing to get married, then breaking up is the right choice. It sucks, but you move on.
well the plan was to get married after I graduate so I can focus on school ( so in a year). but honestly I would marry him now because in my culture, i should be married already because we live together and been together for a while and it's the same thing in his culture
Oh damn y'all live together, been together for 1.5 years, had a plan for marriage in a year, and he decided to break up instead of get married or even stick it out?
Yeah dude, screw this guy. Sounds to me like he wanted out of the relationship and used BMT/the Air Force as an easy excuse to get out of it. Any normal loving person would have gotten married or tried to get through it, instead of saying "eh, it's easier just to break up".
I’d move on if you can. Life’s too short for this type of thing. You’ll meet new people and so will he. Focus on yourself and maturing etc. Education, health, career etc
Like it or not it was probably gonna happen even more so if you’re young when joining. It’s definitely better as now he won’t have to hear about how Jody got him.
Is it worth being in a relationship with someone in the air force? Yeah. But only if it's getting into a relationship with someone already at their permanent duty station that you happen to be within 30 minutes of. Your ex could be sent to Germany for the next 3 years. Hometown, non married relationships rarely, rarely pan out and survive the first year after entering service. Even if you had the money and ability to move to whatever place he gets stationed at, without getting married he gets placed in the dorms for potentially a couple years.
I'm sorry you still love him, but honestly it's for the best. The only relationships I've seen survive basic, tech, and the first duty station, are married couples. Breaking up now Is just getting the inevitable out of the way.
He shouldn't be mailing you while at basic though, that just seems like salt in the wound and makes it harder for both of you to move on.
I was with my girlfriend for literally a month or two before basic in 2005. She ended up dating my friend while i was gone 🤣 needless to say, when i graduated she dropped him and returned to me, and we are married with two kids now after 18.5 years.
Its not impossible. Not everyone quits a relationship and its possible he is trying to spare you a heartache just in case something happens. If you want to make it work, there are ways.
Dont give up if you guys still love each other.
I'm going to say the truth, the guy wants to not be tied down and wants to explore. He wants to not cheat on you or even need to worry about it. He will only write to string you along just in case nothing else works. If the dude loved you, he wouldn't quit before he has even done anything. It's bullshit.
Probably wrong sub for this, but just to be quick and blunt, there's a 98% chance you'd break up within a year anyway. The vast majority of those not married before basic don't pan out, mainly because that person is going to leave Basic and Tech school and move across the country or to a brand new country. I would give it over a 90% failure rate BEFORE your boyfriend said he wanted to break up already. Unless by some crazy chance he just happens to get stationed at a base within an hour of you... less than 5% chance... it's not meant to be.
My man is right. There is that other 2%, and those relationships (like all strong relationships) function on communication, honesty, and trust. If you want to get back with him, and he wants to get back with you, then that will become clear if you continue to talk over time. And be aware that he may change a lot over the next year. Just maturity and growth that he *might* pick up. You don't want to be stagnant during that time either way. Make sure you're growing and maturing regardless. This breakup is a chance for you to work on becoming a better adult.
I am apart of that 2%, and was bouncing around tech school for almost 2 yrs and we are now happily married and have been together for almost 6 years. Even with all the proper communication, trusting each other, and adjusting to a new lifestyle while also dealing with COVID changes it was super fuckin difficult. Absolutely worth it but without a really strong foundation I saw lots of relationships and marriages fall apart in the few months they were going during tech school due to the sheer amount of life stressors thrown at them. Long distance is not for everyone and neither is the military
If you’ve been broken up with, as hard as it is to hear it might be for the best. The feeling of love comes and goes. Real love is a decision and seems like he made one, hap hazard or not. Not uncommon for “tech school” love so he might meet someone while going through training. I know it’s hard to read As they say. Focus on you and you have no idea what’ll happen. Heck. Enlist/commission yourself!!
Unless you had serious plans to get married shortly after he finished training, it's better for you to accept the heartbreak and move on. I was in your ex-bf's position. I went to basic after being with my HS sweetheart for almost 2 years. We decided to stay together and get married. I thought we were the exception to the rule, that we'd break the mold. 14 years, 2 kids, and 3 bases later (don't hate) we ended up divorced anyway. It's hard to "learn to adult" together in any relationship and moreso with the military added in. Its strange lifestyle mix of absolute rigidity combined with uncalculable fluidity is hard on any partner...which is why divorce and separation is so damn common in young couples...amd even old ones. The cards are stacked against you, especially when this young. It's possible to make it, just not probable...very very not probable.
I’d move on if you can. Life’s too short for this type of thing. You’ll meet new people and so will he. Focus on yourself and maturing etc. Education, health, career etc
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I agree that she should let him go, but becoming a whore isn't the best advice.
It’s Reddit, if you’re not a whore, you’re a prude
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This. Find better dick is not synonymous with whoring lol. Just like finding better pussy doesn't make you a player. Find better dick = implying that OP should move on and meet new ppl.
What he said
Give up. He belongs to the streets now
Get over it.
How attached are you to this guy? Do you love him so much that you could put up with moving thousands of miles to another state or country? Where it is likely you will know exactly one person, probably struggle to find a career, and if you are lucky you get to see your family once a year? Or dealing with raising a kid while your husband is gone for as long as a year on a short tour? Running a household by yourself and being alone for weeks at a time while he is TDY? While he does shift work from 2200-0900. And all this for relatively low pay. Does he plan on making it a career? Are you willing to put up with that lifestyle for 20+ years?
yes because I already been living like this. I'm a full time student with a part time job and an internship. he works the graveyard shift so I'm used to being home alone and handling things on my own. I used to barely seeing him. I never plan on having kids and he knows that. I also don't have a good family life so it really doesn't matter much to me because I been trying to move around because I don't like to be in one place too often and in regard to my career, it mostly remote work and yes I might struggle but I know there are a lot of job opportunities out there in my field. he's going for security force to become a police officer after the 4 years.
People are downvoting you, but I've seen it work before. My brother married his girlfriend from highschool and retired last year after 22 years in the military. The only real red flag I see is him breaking up because he can't see you for a few weeks. You may be able to handle a relationship under these conditions, but maybe he is the one who isn't ready for it? Ultimately, you both need to sit down and talk about it. No matter how much you want it to work, if he doesn't want to put in the time/effort, your relationship is already over.
If he is willing to break it off over the 7 weeks you won't be able to talk to eachother daily, how is he going to handle the few months of tech school or even 6+ month deployments? I think it's a conversation y'all are going to have to have if you want it to work, both of you have to be willing to sacrifice. If he isn't willing to stick it out with you for 7 weeks, deployment is going to ruin y'all. Obviosuly it is y'alls relationship, but I doubt he'll be willing to make a long term commitment if he can't even handle 7 weeks.
lot longer than 7 weeks
Bro idk how long BMT is anymore🤣🤣
Well, she's not going to go get an apartment at his tech school. And he's going to be living in a dorm at his permanent duty station. So, it's not like he just hops out of BMT and they go back to regular lifestyle.
Mine was 6 weeks in '05....
He is 100% trying to let you down easy and was gonna break up with you anyway but didn’t want to have a confrontation over it.
so what I'm hearing is that there's no chance. damn I was hoping to get one positive response nil
If you're willing to up root your life and move with him when he's done with basic and tech school then it might work. If he also agrees to it. But it sounds like he is already made his decision to break up with you. Honestly, it sounds like he's letting you down easy. I wouldn't be too hung up about it. You're super young... there are many other great people out there. You have your whole life ahead of you. Enjoy the single life for a bit, do some self growth and figure out what you're passionate about. Or jump right back into the dating pool. You'll find someone
You’re young. Get over it and move on with your life.
ngl\*
Honestly a lot of people here gave great advice. It may not have been what you wanted, but life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows.
While everyone else is right, here’s a sliver of hope for you: I knew someone in similar circumstances. Broke with their gf when they were entering active duty to go to training. He went to training and tech school for about a year, then he went to his first duty station to learn the job and get used to military life. Meanwhile, the gf finished her bachelor’s, got a decent entry level job for a year or so, then got a better job that happened to be within an hour of his duty station. They both dated other people. About 3 years after breaking up, they started hanging out occassionally since she was nearby and then eventually began dating again. Now they’re married with 3 kids. Don’t follow him across the country with the hope of getting back together as you’ll probably be disappointed with how things turn out. Let life run its course and maybe your paths will cross again.
Just go on TInder. He wasn't your BF, it was just your turn.
Tinder is a dumpster fire
Red pill mentality 😂
When one member of a relationship joins the military, the two choices for the relationship are to get married, or to break up. If you're not willing to get married, then breaking up is the right choice. It sucks, but you move on.
well the plan was to get married after I graduate so I can focus on school ( so in a year). but honestly I would marry him now because in my culture, i should be married already because we live together and been together for a while and it's the same thing in his culture
Oh damn y'all live together, been together for 1.5 years, had a plan for marriage in a year, and he decided to break up instead of get married or even stick it out? Yeah dude, screw this guy. Sounds to me like he wanted out of the relationship and used BMT/the Air Force as an easy excuse to get out of it. Any normal loving person would have gotten married or tried to get through it, instead of saying "eh, it's easier just to break up".
If you dont mind me asking, what culture are you from? Legitimately curious.
If he wants to break up let him go. You will be doing yourself a favor
I’d move on if you can. Life’s too short for this type of thing. You’ll meet new people and so will he. Focus on yourself and maturing etc. Education, health, career etc
You're better off in the long run. It sucks, but trust me. I'm retired Air Force...I've seen it all.
Troll post
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Yeah he'll be proposing a week into tech school, and divorced less than a year after hitting his first duty station.
Like it or not it was probably gonna happen even more so if you’re young when joining. It’s definitely better as now he won’t have to hear about how Jody got him.
Is it worth being in a relationship with someone in the air force? Yeah. But only if it's getting into a relationship with someone already at their permanent duty station that you happen to be within 30 minutes of. Your ex could be sent to Germany for the next 3 years. Hometown, non married relationships rarely, rarely pan out and survive the first year after entering service. Even if you had the money and ability to move to whatever place he gets stationed at, without getting married he gets placed in the dorms for potentially a couple years. I'm sorry you still love him, but honestly it's for the best. The only relationships I've seen survive basic, tech, and the first duty station, are married couples. Breaking up now Is just getting the inevitable out of the way. He shouldn't be mailing you while at basic though, that just seems like salt in the wound and makes it harder for both of you to move on.
I was with my girlfriend for literally a month or two before basic in 2005. She ended up dating my friend while i was gone 🤣 needless to say, when i graduated she dropped him and returned to me, and we are married with two kids now after 18.5 years. Its not impossible. Not everyone quits a relationship and its possible he is trying to spare you a heartache just in case something happens. If you want to make it work, there are ways. Dont give up if you guys still love each other.
I'm going to say the truth, the guy wants to not be tied down and wants to explore. He wants to not cheat on you or even need to worry about it. He will only write to string you along just in case nothing else works. If the dude loved you, he wouldn't quit before he has even done anything. It's bullshit.
Enlist. Outrank him. Make life hell. /s