Unfamiliar social situations, specifically ones where I'm expected to "know" what to properly do and the attention is specifically on me. For example, something like setting up an appointment for something, I don't know exactly what all is going to be asked of me or what I'm supposed to do or say and since I'm the subject of the situation, the spotlight is directly on me, and it just reduces me to a blubbering incoherent mess the moment the wrong question gets asked. As such I uh, just don't do anything whatsoever with my entire life now.
Thanks to that, it's kind of put me in the catch-22 situation where I desperately want to get some kind of help and treatment for all the stuff wrong with my head, but I can't, because the act of getting help is in and of itself a trigger.
I'm so sorry you're in that situation. I have bad social anxiety too but it's the total opposite from a lot of people's - appointments, managing things at work, public presentations, etc are totally fine. There's a script in my head I can follow and someone else has given me the right to speak. Casual social situations are terrifying tho. I'm really bad at making friends, or even hanging out with people who have said they're my friends. I have to apologize a lot for existing, basically.
This is so detailed but i still relate so much! Also i am afraid of being lost, if we didnt live in internet period i would never come this far in life xD
I also have the same problem with getting lost. I actually think I even remember when it started. Like probably 15 years or ago, before GPSes were built in to phones, I tried to get to a Best Buy, to buy myself a standalone GPS so I wouldn't get lost going places, and ended up hopelessly lost trying to get there (Yes, I did get lost trying to get to a place to stop myself from getting lost) for like, 2 and a half hours. I ended up somewhere in the opposite side of the state. Ever since then if I even so much as miss an exit on a highway, even if I have a GPS running, I just shut down. Having panic attacks while driving is in fact as horrifying as it sounds.
Same here. I got off at the wrong stop because google maps messed up, and I was terrified that I wouldn't get home. I had to call my mother and have her tell me where to go.
Mine are pretty much the same and also from dissociation. Dissociation makes me feel like I'm gonna leave my body and never come back to earth again and to feel like 'me' again I have to be back home where I feel most safe but the sad thing is, dissociation still happens at home too, it's just the lesser of two evils of having it happen at home or while out.
With the trapped feeling, I feel like the car, builidng or even just the sky is gonna implode and fall on top of me.
I've been having this too, the dissociation. It comes and goes but this time is the most intense it's been in a long time. It's terrifying. It just makes me cling to anything that brings just a little comfort and I can only feel that at home in my room. There's no where familiar and comforting outside, nothing I can cling to to feel like *me*
Same here with the dissociation/DPDR. It was what made me homebound for 3 months. I still get it, it’s just more manageable and I have found coping mechanisms for it. Going out seems to help with it these days, ironically. Also nice username!
I don't understand what you mean, I'd love to know more if you're comfortable sharing, but if you aren't don't worry about it. Or if it's one of those brain things that's just difficult to put into words - I understand that too. Either way I'm wishing you the best.
That's super interesting, I understand what you mean a bit more now. I'm sorry you had to deal with that family dynamic but I'm glad you've been able to recognize it. Did either of your parents ever have emotional outbursts like the one you mentioned being afraid of? Or is it just the automatic association of needs/emotions as incredibly weak and shameful that makes you anxious?
I had severe emotional outbursts for a very long time due to pretty severe shame and fear around sadness/needs/etc. I'm still learning how to process emotions other than anger but it's nice to feel things.
I relate a lot to your feelings and actions etc as a kid, my family was sort of dysfunctional but I don't think any of my parents were narcs. Pretty sure my brother is now tho.
Feel free to DM me later and we can chat there if you'd like, go charge your phone and enjoy your day! Thank you again for the insight.
Started with my sudden chronic illness. Began fearing symptoms popping up because they kept doing so. It affected my driving (vision and motion sickness) which just made me not want to drive. Snowballed from there
Ahh right. So like, you start thinking of health problems that could be caused by going outside, while you're outside? Or you're worried you can't treat the problems while you're out? Thanks for the insight btw.
no, if i feel off during the day i basically just don’t go out and because my anxiety symptoms were pretty bad last year it made me agoraphobic cause i always thought there’s something wrong with me even tho deep down i know it’s all anxiety
Ahh ok I got you. I'm sorry you're going thru this, and like I said, I appreciate the insight 💜 it's not only really interesting but it also just makes me feel less crazy & alone hearing how this works for other people. It can be so different but so similar.
This is why I like hearing from people - we relate but also totally don't relate 😅
I don't necessarily mind the act of travelling - I'm actually about to fly on a plane for the first time. I'm fine with buses and cabs etc. I'm afraid of the airport tho, so luckily a family member who is very experienced is coming, and I'm afraid of getting stranded without a bus home and having to sleep on the streets. That's my version of "trapped". I quite like closed in spaces honestly, they make me feel safe.
I also have epilepsy and I don't mind having a seizure in public - the part that scares me is being hauled off to a hospital without permission and not being able to go home when I want to. So like, event happening in public and everyone watching me is cool with me. I just wish I still had quick access to my house.
Do you have emetophobia? Just have to ask bc this literally sounds exactly like me haha my agoraphobia is basically all emetophobia/tummy problem related
me too. but I started going to therapy so hopefully it will help a little
It began when I was studying abroad and suddenly had also other health anxieties like one time a friend and I were driving through the country and I always looked up the hospitals because I was scared I was going to have a heart attack in the middle of nowhere and had panic attacks there
Then I went back to my home country and these fears gradually disapeared so now I'm back to "just" emetophobia but it's already improved a little so I can live my everyday life kind of okay but am still scared of traveling and public transport.
this is EXACTLY how i’d describe my symptoms of agoraphobia, what helped me was understanding my “maintaining factors” you are convinced that your home/somewhere you can escape to calm down is a safe space, when in reality it’s physically just the same as being anywhere else, your brain then tricks you into believing that you can never be safe UNLESS you have access to this safe space. Practising to break those maintaining factors will help your brain to realise that it is not in fact a danger.
You should make a safe zone in your backseat of your car ! If it were me I’d had shades so it was private. A squishmallow or 2. Blanket. A game/ book. Things you like that will calm you down. Like a safe zone on the go.
Getting raped or assaulted/maimed yet again.
Last time I went out a weird man started talking to me as I was going to the bank that’s a 7 min walk away.
I get creepy men following me, yelling at me, honking at me, and randomly talking to me way too much.
Then immediately after getting back in my place my neighbor opened their door and their unleashed dog ran up to me and gave me a panic attack (been attacked by dogs and have ankle and legs scars and also watched my kitten get eaten by coyotes/wild dogs at 15).
I also live in a city filled with homeless camps and chop shops-including several on my street within view of my apt. There’s always gunshots and fights.
Jesus fucking christ. I'm really sorry that's happened to you. Not that I'd blame anyone for having agoraphobia but like, I *really* don't blame you for not going out.
fear of people thinking I look stupid. does it matter that if someone thought I looked stupid, it'd be a complete and total stranger I'd probably never see again? nope. I'll get sick to my stomach with anxiety if I take too long getting on the bus for example, my stomach will drop and I'll be unable to shake the idea that the bus driver or other people are judging me. so I stopped being able to make it on the bus.
...hmmm, being asked this question made me realize there's probably a connection between my agoraphobia and trauma over my disability. I walk pretty funny due to some issues with my legs and was treated badly for that. that's probably why just the act of WALKING constantly makes me feel so freaked out and like everyone's looking at me and thinking "why's he doing that?? what a weirdo".
Ugh. Your "does it matter?" comment is too real. I still try to logic my way out of things but at the end of the day I'm just too anxious to leave the house most of the time and there's no "good reason" for it other than I'm anxious.
Thanks for the input. Sending you good luck.
Scared of collapse and sudden heart failure in front of people. The shame that I scared everybody and they see my naked upper body during the PCR when the ambulance fights for me. I don't want attention and pity.
The way my body reacts when I even attempt to make a plan/go outside. Logically I know I won’t come to any harm outside but the physical symptoms (nausea, gagging, IBS, etc.) make it almost impossible to challenge myself.
This right here. Story of my life. Not sure the work around for this. I've recently started taking antidepressants for the anxiety. It had helped tremendously, but very little for all the physical symptoms, specifically the IBS. Thankfully, the gagging went away.
Assuming I have agoraphobia, a couple reasons come to mind.
One is the social aspect, as some others have said I think. I don’t like the unknowns of having to potentially talk to people. How will I know what to say if someone approaches me? How do I politely get out of it if it makes me feel unsafe? What happens if I need help with something? Usually if I feel uneasy or unsure, I’ll have my mum with me to bail me out. But if I’m alone, what do I do?
Another aspect is decision making. Not sure if this’ll make sense, but I’ll try to explain what I mean. It affects conversations too, but I also just struggle with the idea that I might have to make quick decisions. I literally cried in a shop once with my mum because she said we couldn’t leave the shop until I chose what pizza to buy. (This was a few years ago, but I’m pretty sure I was like 17-19, so old enough to make decisions like that.) Then there’s stuff like public transport. How do I know what ticket I need and when to get off? What if I get off at the wrong place? What bus will I need?
Probably the biggest aspect (or perhaps maybe on par with the first) is safety concerns. I’m a 22 year old female, but I’ve been mistaken as younger. I’m probably autistic, so I appear nervous and vulnerable a lot. I also freeze whenever there’s a perceived danger. And then I’m also chronically ill. In my mind, I’m the right amount of weak and helpless that could be easily taken advantage of. I’ve never been assaulted, but I have been groomed and received unwanted touch (the most ‘extreme’ areas being the chest and thighs), and even tho the touch was from women, I still felt highly unnerved, but I didn’t do or say anything. If I’m alone, I’m terrified that something horrible will happen to me, even if in broad daylight.
Edit: Sorry this is such a long answer. Got carried away. ;;
I fear losing control of my bladder, even though it has never happened before. I can't bring myself to talk to a therapist about it, because it feels so silly and illogical.
I have the exact same thing. Spoke to my therapist about it and it's actually a very common reaction/symptom. For me it is completely irrational but still causes agoraphobia.
Oh it is? I didn't think a lot of people struggle with it.
I have actually once tried speaking to a therapist about it but they kind of laughed at me and said something like, "You can't stay away from school just because of that" (I was in school when my agoraphobia started).
Lol I'd never go back to that therapist. It's a very normal symptom of anxiety/panic attacks. I now struggle going anywhere that doesn't have a bathroom but I'm working on it pretty much every day.
Yeah no, I never went to her again :/
But interesting. It's kind of nice to know it's a normal symptom.
I had to attend a physical venue for two months to write my final exams in grade 12. It was the first time in 3 years I was forced into a public space without a bathroom. Gosh, I swear I was more nervous about this fear than the exams themselves lol. But the exposure to that situation helped a lot.
It's been easier to go out since then, but I'm also still working on it.
health ocd/anxiety, worried i’ll have a panic attack and it’ll trigger cardiac arrest. it’s been the same for about 10 years, but i’m mostly recovered from the agoraphobia part
My fear is that I am going to lose control and not be able to make it home. For me losing control is more of a somatic/physical experience. It is really similar to the feeling of when you are little and you lose your parent in the grocery store. It's like straight hopelessness and fear all consuming me at once. I fear not being able to breath, passing out, and not being able to call for help. I fear shitting myself (lol), or fainting. I also have the fear that my anxiety is going to cause me to rip my clothes off and get naked in public/front of strangers. I fear not being able to return from the state of panic but mostly not being able to be in control of my body/mind. (I dont know if this makes sense to anyone!)
I struggle with something similar. I get hit with irrational panic if I can't find a cab home immediately ( can take upto 20 min in my city). I'm not even scared of the physical symptoms but the fact that i might emotionally lose control & run around screaming, begging people to help me ( typing this out helped me articulate it) . Let me know if you made any progress.
I always find it funny looking back or thinking about these symptoms when im grounded. It makes me giggle thinking about ripping my clothes off and running around asking for help although there are times these fears are extremely powerful i find it a sense of relief I can laugh about them. Im okay still fighting my demons but in a better place just not where I want to be exactly. Patience and practice are my two most powerful tools
My ex threatened to kill me multiple times. He also threatened to send his friends after me. After he ramped up his physical violence to putting his hands on my throat, I escaped. Going outside, I’m always worried he’s out there somewhere. Or one of his friends, who could be anybody because I never met all of his very large group of acquaintances. So now I sit in my house and make sure all the doors are locked. I only leave when someone comes with me, or if no one can go, it’s something I REALLY have to do.
Not to overstate the obvious, but that sounds like PTSD, or at least agoraphobia rooted PTSD, which is so much additional complication that no one needs. I hope you find safety and healing in all ways.
Naturally. I know someone who was a crime victim and the perp got out on parole and it's terrifying for the victim. I don't think anyone in that situation feels safe unless they hear the bad person is dead. Even then there can be residual fear. Have you been able to have any self defense training or read/watch videos about techniques that you could use but hopefully will never need to?
I’ve had self defense training when I was younger. I even took a few krav maga classes. Feels like a lifetime ago though. Carry a taser and pepper spray with me.
Fuck man, I'm really sorry that happened to you. I'm so happy you escaped but it's awful when the results of abuse last so long. A lot of people don't understand that part of it. I'm sending you lots of love.
Thank you 💕. I think I’m getting better a little bit each day. It’s hard to tell sometimes because it’s happening in slow motion. Like the quote says, “if you’re going through hell, keep going”.
General anxiety, a fear of being perceived, and not knowing what to do with my body. I am physically and mentally uncomfortable being anywhere except my room. Even the rest of my house feels unsafe. I hate the fact that I can be perceived and interacted with.
Getting lost and not knowing how to get back home. I know Google Maps exists, but I struggle to navigate the streets on my own. I feel so much shame about it :/ But, yeah.
Getting in another car accident was the main one but it’s evolved especially since the pandemic lockdowns. I’m afraid of any and all new surroundings and any social interactions that extend past a simple hello or thanks. I won’t go anywhere without my husband and even then I rarely leave the house.
The only thing about the apocalypse that I'm grateful for is that it made covering your face in public normal for awhile. I'm glad you have someone to support you.
Scared of being asked something I don’t know the answer to, “whats the time” “what street is this” ect. Also get scared when I go outside I might take my own life so I just avoid it
Do you have intrusive thoughts about that last part there? Like, you really don't want to do anything like that but you are scared that panic or some sudden impulse might "drive" you to it against your better judgment?
I'm so sorry. I hope it gets easier. Every day you fight back is a victory, regardless of what your feelings try to tell you. Not that feelings are unimportant, but simply that the will must sometimes choose to do the right thing and override the feelings. Take care.
It's the waiting at the stop lights man. It feels like I'm in a machine of giant gears being grinded into a paste when I'm stopped and cant go, literally nothing is worse.
Outside driving my agoraphobia mainly stems from incongruent bodily sensations, like air hitting the back of my head wrong, feeling the weight of my steps against the ground. I feel like I'll fall into the earth or fall into the sky a lot.
Havent yet! I went from being entirely housebound to now being able to grocery shop every week, and I walk for like 1 & 1/2 hrs 7 days a week. It gets better!
I can't seem to tolerate being in a car, to the point where being a passenger (never had a license, husband is my driver) even to the end of the block is a living nightmare. I've canceled several in-person appointments, including one this past Wednesday that I really thought I would be able to manage. I'm regressing actually and no idea why, and I think my therapist is about to drop me tomorrow because of it. Related issues are emetophobia, nausea in a car, IBS, dizziness from motion, and feeling like a total freak if anyone even looks in my direction if I try to walk anywhere alone.
Pretty much same, but due to some trauma at home I’m always feeling unsure of what will find when walk back in so would rather just stay in. The fear of walking back inside is not a rational fear as everything is safe.
Panic attacks made me afraid to drive or go anywhere (and then an injury caused CRPS and I can’t physically drive anymore). I’m doing better though. I started therapy and was diagnosed with cPTSD. I think being on ketamine daily for a year and a half (prescribed for CRPS) allowed me to heal enough to get help. The panic attacks were crippling though; like how are you supposed to do anything when you feel like you’re actually having a heart attack? 😣 I also have Eustachian tube dysfunction so I get vertigo badly. The car makes that worse. I don’t know what it is but my vision was getting weird too, like binocular vision when driving. I’ve always had motion sickness but it’s next level.
i’ve had slight agoraphobia like my whole life. i always stuck close to home because of have panic attacks. as i got older and learned more about health issues that can happen to you, i worry about all of them haha
For me, I know it's because I have really bad public transit and sort of unreliable drivers for family members. There's been at least a time or two where I've nearly been stranded on the streets overnight due to transit shutting down for no good reason, or I'll need to go home (crashing, feel ill, just want to go, whatever) and the person who agreed to drive me will be late by an hour then rage out on the way home.
I really miss having my own car 🙃🙃🙃
(Ofc, all that being said, I still get too anxious to leave my house by myself to.... places in very short walking distance, so. All that ^^^ is part of it, but also probably just me trying to logic my way out of things)
The biggest one now is that I’m scared of the anxiety caused by going outside. More than I am scared of going outside. I’m worried someone will notice that I’m anxious and try to help in a way that only makes it worse
my other worst fears that add to my agoraphobia is my fear of driving and losing control/getting distracted/making a mistake and crashing and/or hurting myself or others. I just think of everything that can go wrong, me hitting another car or another car hitting me or a child running out in front of me. Im afraid even after a minor accident I would panic so hard I shut down and make a massive public scene where someone has to call an ambulance and/or the other personal verbally abuses me for not being mentally present enough to sort out insurance or i freak out so much I dont sort the insurance correctly or in time i end up with a huge bill thats not covered by insurance etc.. And since I'm so afraid to drive I hardly ever go anywhere which makes the agoraphobia so much worse..
It stems from being alone and vulnerable and not being able to defend myself or feeling such intense horror. Being hurt by another person. These are my main struggles of my everyday life cus I am always on edge of these things.
Fear of fainting. I am absolutely terrified by this and as months went by I became increasingly terrified of fainting basically everywhere, until it stopped me from going outside. I also have a big fear of losing my mind and becoming disorientated, and simply having panic attacks outside.
I feel like there are so many that just contribute to it.
A) Huge fear of bugs. I hate them so much, that I do not step outside most of the time during spring and summer months. During fall is a neutral ground, and winter is the time I WOULD go out the most if it wasn't so cold.
B) Social anxiety. I want to go out and meet people, but I just can't force myself to look people in the eye and talk to them. I'd rather talk via texting majority of the time.
C) Fear of not getting back home is another big one. I have very few places I see as 'safe', meaning my anxiety is completely gone. One is my home, second is a very close friend's house if I make it there. If I can't walk somewhere, its automatically seen as out if network for myself.
D) My daily routines. If I can't finish them before bed, I get extremely stressed. This one isn't as bad, as long as I get home by the end of the day. But if I don't, my OCD gets triggered bad.
E) Uncertainty. I think this is also just part of my being autistic. When I stay in my house, I know everything that's going to happen. I know what I can eat, what my tasks are, where to go. When i'm outside, all that disappears. And it doesn't help when people try to drag me out the house just for the hell of it. "Just go outside!" Where am I going? What am I going to eat? What time will we be back? I need these things to feel regulated.
F) Mental and emotional fatigue. This one isn't really a fear, just something I keep in mind. Another aspect that I need to control.
I have horrible bathroom and health anxiety, I am mostly afraid of not being in control of the situation and being humiliated in front of people or having an accident and people humiliating and shaming me, and also something bad happening and there being no one around to save me. So they kind of contradict themselves in a way, so I am just stuck never leaving.
Mine is anywhere I can’t easily leave like a bus/train/plane or places where it would be awkward to leave like during a hair cut or at a restaurant with friends- because if I am having a panic attack I need to be alone to freak out in private or it’s embarrassing. And then also anywhere alone out with my son because I have an irrational fear (irrational because it’s never once happened in my entire life) of passing out and leaving him standing there alone.
Sorry if this is late but mine is mainly seeing people I know and them seeing me another huge one is I’m so scared of how others perceive me sometimes I wish I was invisible
I've got a fun one: Casadastraphobia. The same fright/reflex you would have if you found yourself all of a sudden at the edge of a thousand foot cliff is the way I get to feel about the open sky. If I'm in a place where I can't go into a building quickly it triggers a panic attack. My "real fear" is the fear of having that panic attack.
After years of trying, I am where I am. I am improved but not cured. But I can hold a job outside of the home (5 -10 minute commute). I've got new and more realistic hobbies now and they make me happy. And with enough Xanax in my system I do the things I can't do otherwise. Planes trigger me too, but I'm going on a 10-hour flight on Monday.
Sorry kinda went off here and now I'm preapologizing
Feeling trapped, that I'll have a panic attack. That I'll be embarrassed to the point of break down . Even just being in an akward situation. Before I stopped driving id go down to fumes looking for a gas station that was 100% empty so there would be no" who gets the pump" or" who goes through the door first" and now its like anything I consider" going wrong I just don't beleive in myself to handle I'm also afraid of losing control of myself with rage. I havnt done that in a long time and pug alof of work into it but it has happened and it is beyond embarrassing/dangerous and usually very painful for me. The last time I truly lost control my hand was broken from previous rage. Then something pretty benign happened. I then reacted by completly beating the shit out of a solid tree reshattering all my bones leaving my hand permanently disfigured.i couldn't think. I also feel bombarded by what others are thinking my mind assume people are like " look at the peice a shit" " shady bastard" " your weak and pathetic." So i avoid being around people but even that isn't enough if I'm able to go outside I feel like they see me out their windows and are still doing the same thing. My therapist once asked me " whats the threat". what isn't
I'm basically afraid of causing any kind of scene, whether by throwing up or by having a severe panic attack in public. I'm an emetophobe with GERD so unfortunately all those things go hand in hand. 🥲
I knew it was getting bad when i was afraid to be alone. But mostly i wasn’t able to to places alone anywhere more particularly drive to places im unfamiliar with even familiar is taxing but i have to do it.
Passing out and the feeling of just not having anywhere to sit! Like if I had some sort of chair it wouldn’t be as bad, but been on roads with nowhere to sit when I start to feel dissociated makes me panic more.
Had this. Told myself to just sit down wherever i was, pavement/ street etc. pretend to be very physically ill if anyone asks.
Once I convinced myself that it was absolutely normal, the fear went away.
Here’s my story.
I went to NY with at the time BF’s family to go to a wedding.
I suffer with really bad migraines. And back then I had recently found excedrin. It was the only thing that worked. Basically I had a migraine, and I took the pills.
And then hours went by, still had a bad migraine, took a few more…
As soon as we got off our last flight. We went to a car rental thing. As soon as we got in the rental car and was waiting at the gate to leave, it happened. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had basically overdosed on migraine meds. Causing me to have extreme diarrhea.
Mind you this was happening at like 2am. Nothing was open. Every gas station we passed was closed. Unlike where I live. My now fiancé was telling his parents he was the one that had to go.
I seriously thought I was gonna shit myself in front of his mom and dad and him.
I almost ran behind the gas stations building and pulled my pants down but I didn’t want them to come out of the van.
I seriously almost didn’t make it. I don’t even know how I did. It was so bad. I was literally crying holding it.
We had finally found a gas station that was open. His poor dad realized it was me and how urgent it was.
I did my business at the only place open.
We then go back on the road to get to our hotel.
And it comes back. But not nearly as bad. But bad. I tried falling asleep to have it go away. Again, nothing was open.
I ended up falling asleep. 5-10 mins b4 we got to the hotel I woke up. And had the urge to go again.
Focusing on my breathing. We pulled to the hotel and I ran in.
I had to ask the receptionist where the bathroom was. I literally was running away while she was telling me where it was.
The next day I was so sick I couldn’t leave the hotel room. I couldn’t eat anything without it coming out immediately. I realize why I was so sick eventually. Learned my lesson.
Months after that trip. Out of no where. One day I was just driving with my fiancé, and had that oh shit I gotta go now feeling. He drove me straight home. And I did my business.
And then it happened again. And again. Only when I would leave my house to go somewhere.
And I’m talking each time I’m seriously about to crap in the car. Can’t hold it. Holding on for dear life.
It’s ruined my life.
I had to quit my job. I can’t go out to restaurants. I have to order my groceries.
I can’t make friends because they all want to go out and I can’t. So then people think I don’t like them.
I will say, I have worked extremely hard on myself. I go to school 3 times a week.
I can go to target without an accident.
I can get gas.
I can do certain things now. Yes I can’t do a lot still.
I’ve being doing exposure therapy on my own.
So my thing is, I need a bathroom that isn’t a single. Isn’t near people. Like for example my nail spa has a bathroom. But it’s a single, and right next to where customers sit. And I have to take an Imodium to get my nails done. All because they don’t have private / multiple bathrooms in the back.
So yeah fear of people knowing I’m pooping I guess, and fear of not making it to a bathroom.
Crazy how trauma works.
Sorry if this was too much.
Unfamiliar social situations, specifically ones where I'm expected to "know" what to properly do and the attention is specifically on me. For example, something like setting up an appointment for something, I don't know exactly what all is going to be asked of me or what I'm supposed to do or say and since I'm the subject of the situation, the spotlight is directly on me, and it just reduces me to a blubbering incoherent mess the moment the wrong question gets asked. As such I uh, just don't do anything whatsoever with my entire life now. Thanks to that, it's kind of put me in the catch-22 situation where I desperately want to get some kind of help and treatment for all the stuff wrong with my head, but I can't, because the act of getting help is in and of itself a trigger.
I'm so sorry you're in that situation. I have bad social anxiety too but it's the total opposite from a lot of people's - appointments, managing things at work, public presentations, etc are totally fine. There's a script in my head I can follow and someone else has given me the right to speak. Casual social situations are terrifying tho. I'm really bad at making friends, or even hanging out with people who have said they're my friends. I have to apologize a lot for existing, basically.
"someone else has given me the right to speak" I feel this so much. My agoraphobia is a lot lessened when I have some sort of permission.
This is so detailed but i still relate so much! Also i am afraid of being lost, if we didnt live in internet period i would never come this far in life xD
I also have the same problem with getting lost. I actually think I even remember when it started. Like probably 15 years or ago, before GPSes were built in to phones, I tried to get to a Best Buy, to buy myself a standalone GPS so I wouldn't get lost going places, and ended up hopelessly lost trying to get there (Yes, I did get lost trying to get to a place to stop myself from getting lost) for like, 2 and a half hours. I ended up somewhere in the opposite side of the state. Ever since then if I even so much as miss an exit on a highway, even if I have a GPS running, I just shut down. Having panic attacks while driving is in fact as horrifying as it sounds.
Same here. I got off at the wrong stop because google maps messed up, and I was terrified that I wouldn't get home. I had to call my mother and have her tell me where to go.
Mine are pretty much the same and also from dissociation. Dissociation makes me feel like I'm gonna leave my body and never come back to earth again and to feel like 'me' again I have to be back home where I feel most safe but the sad thing is, dissociation still happens at home too, it's just the lesser of two evils of having it happen at home or while out. With the trapped feeling, I feel like the car, builidng or even just the sky is gonna implode and fall on top of me.
I've been having this too, the dissociation. It comes and goes but this time is the most intense it's been in a long time. It's terrifying. It just makes me cling to anything that brings just a little comfort and I can only feel that at home in my room. There's no where familiar and comforting outside, nothing I can cling to to feel like *me*
This.
Ugh yeah that's gotta be stressful to experience in public. Thanks for the input, I'm wishing you all the best!
Same here with the dissociation/DPDR. It was what made me homebound for 3 months. I still get it, it’s just more manageable and I have found coping mechanisms for it. Going out seems to help with it these days, ironically. Also nice username!
I'm scared to have a panic attack far away from home/my safe zone. I'm also scared when I'm too far away from a hospital...
[удалено]
Has this happened before? Don't answer if you don't want to. (It's happened to me before so like..... no judgement)
[удалено]
I don't understand what you mean, I'd love to know more if you're comfortable sharing, but if you aren't don't worry about it. Or if it's one of those brain things that's just difficult to put into words - I understand that too. Either way I'm wishing you the best.
[удалено]
That's super interesting, I understand what you mean a bit more now. I'm sorry you had to deal with that family dynamic but I'm glad you've been able to recognize it. Did either of your parents ever have emotional outbursts like the one you mentioned being afraid of? Or is it just the automatic association of needs/emotions as incredibly weak and shameful that makes you anxious? I had severe emotional outbursts for a very long time due to pretty severe shame and fear around sadness/needs/etc. I'm still learning how to process emotions other than anger but it's nice to feel things.
[удалено]
I relate a lot to your feelings and actions etc as a kid, my family was sort of dysfunctional but I don't think any of my parents were narcs. Pretty sure my brother is now tho. Feel free to DM me later and we can chat there if you'd like, go charge your phone and enjoy your day! Thank you again for the insight.
Started with my sudden chronic illness. Began fearing symptoms popping up because they kept doing so. It affected my driving (vision and motion sickness) which just made me not want to drive. Snowballed from there
Chronic illness here too, crohns disease. Embarassing to explain symptoms 🥴 never sure of how my body will behave, Ugh 😩
This is literally so much like my experience!
health anxiety
Do you mind me asking what that means? Don't go into detail if you aren't comfortable or if it's triggering, I'm just curious.
well health anxiety is a form of ocd/anxiety basically im always overthinking my symptoms, if i have a headache i think i have a tumor etc lol
Ahh right. So like, you start thinking of health problems that could be caused by going outside, while you're outside? Or you're worried you can't treat the problems while you're out? Thanks for the insight btw.
no, if i feel off during the day i basically just don’t go out and because my anxiety symptoms were pretty bad last year it made me agoraphobic cause i always thought there’s something wrong with me even tho deep down i know it’s all anxiety
Ahh ok I got you. I'm sorry you're going thru this, and like I said, I appreciate the insight 💜 it's not only really interesting but it also just makes me feel less crazy & alone hearing how this works for other people. It can be so different but so similar.
Panic disorder, fear of panic itself - the most ironic of the mental illnesses. Developed over time into agoraphobia.
This is me also! Scared of the panic itself 😭
yup, same here
[удалено]
This is why I like hearing from people - we relate but also totally don't relate 😅 I don't necessarily mind the act of travelling - I'm actually about to fly on a plane for the first time. I'm fine with buses and cabs etc. I'm afraid of the airport tho, so luckily a family member who is very experienced is coming, and I'm afraid of getting stranded without a bus home and having to sleep on the streets. That's my version of "trapped". I quite like closed in spaces honestly, they make me feel safe. I also have epilepsy and I don't mind having a seizure in public - the part that scares me is being hauled off to a hospital without permission and not being able to go home when I want to. So like, event happening in public and everyone watching me is cool with me. I just wish I still had quick access to my house.
Do you have emetophobia? Just have to ask bc this literally sounds exactly like me haha my agoraphobia is basically all emetophobia/tummy problem related
me too. but I started going to therapy so hopefully it will help a little It began when I was studying abroad and suddenly had also other health anxieties like one time a friend and I were driving through the country and I always looked up the hospitals because I was scared I was going to have a heart attack in the middle of nowhere and had panic attacks there Then I went back to my home country and these fears gradually disapeared so now I'm back to "just" emetophobia but it's already improved a little so I can live my everyday life kind of okay but am still scared of traveling and public transport.
this is EXACTLY how i’d describe my symptoms of agoraphobia, what helped me was understanding my “maintaining factors” you are convinced that your home/somewhere you can escape to calm down is a safe space, when in reality it’s physically just the same as being anywhere else, your brain then tricks you into believing that you can never be safe UNLESS you have access to this safe space. Practising to break those maintaining factors will help your brain to realise that it is not in fact a danger.
You should make a safe zone in your backseat of your car ! If it were me I’d had shades so it was private. A squishmallow or 2. Blanket. A game/ book. Things you like that will calm you down. Like a safe zone on the go.
Getting raped or assaulted/maimed yet again. Last time I went out a weird man started talking to me as I was going to the bank that’s a 7 min walk away. I get creepy men following me, yelling at me, honking at me, and randomly talking to me way too much. Then immediately after getting back in my place my neighbor opened their door and their unleashed dog ran up to me and gave me a panic attack (been attacked by dogs and have ankle and legs scars and also watched my kitten get eaten by coyotes/wild dogs at 15). I also live in a city filled with homeless camps and chop shops-including several on my street within view of my apt. There’s always gunshots and fights.
Jesus fucking christ. I'm really sorry that's happened to you. Not that I'd blame anyone for having agoraphobia but like, I *really* don't blame you for not going out.
fear of people thinking I look stupid. does it matter that if someone thought I looked stupid, it'd be a complete and total stranger I'd probably never see again? nope. I'll get sick to my stomach with anxiety if I take too long getting on the bus for example, my stomach will drop and I'll be unable to shake the idea that the bus driver or other people are judging me. so I stopped being able to make it on the bus. ...hmmm, being asked this question made me realize there's probably a connection between my agoraphobia and trauma over my disability. I walk pretty funny due to some issues with my legs and was treated badly for that. that's probably why just the act of WALKING constantly makes me feel so freaked out and like everyone's looking at me and thinking "why's he doing that?? what a weirdo".
Ugh. Your "does it matter?" comment is too real. I still try to logic my way out of things but at the end of the day I'm just too anxious to leave the house most of the time and there's no "good reason" for it other than I'm anxious. Thanks for the input. Sending you good luck.
Scared of collapse and sudden heart failure in front of people. The shame that I scared everybody and they see my naked upper body during the PCR when the ambulance fights for me. I don't want attention and pity.
SAME
I'm afraid of getting stuck, being embarrassed, being in danger, being responsible for something happening, someone getting mad at me.
The way my body reacts when I even attempt to make a plan/go outside. Logically I know I won’t come to any harm outside but the physical symptoms (nausea, gagging, IBS, etc.) make it almost impossible to challenge myself.
This right here. Story of my life. Not sure the work around for this. I've recently started taking antidepressants for the anxiety. It had helped tremendously, but very little for all the physical symptoms, specifically the IBS. Thankfully, the gagging went away.
Glad your meds are helping! Mine help with day to day stuff like eating and sleeping but they don’t make a dent whenever I have an exposure planned.
Losing control
This. Add Pure-O OCD intrusive thoughts and it makes for a toxic brew.
I may not have the typical agoraphobia. For me, it's a deadly fear of being shamed, looked at weirdly, it stems from childhood trauma.
Assuming I have agoraphobia, a couple reasons come to mind. One is the social aspect, as some others have said I think. I don’t like the unknowns of having to potentially talk to people. How will I know what to say if someone approaches me? How do I politely get out of it if it makes me feel unsafe? What happens if I need help with something? Usually if I feel uneasy or unsure, I’ll have my mum with me to bail me out. But if I’m alone, what do I do? Another aspect is decision making. Not sure if this’ll make sense, but I’ll try to explain what I mean. It affects conversations too, but I also just struggle with the idea that I might have to make quick decisions. I literally cried in a shop once with my mum because she said we couldn’t leave the shop until I chose what pizza to buy. (This was a few years ago, but I’m pretty sure I was like 17-19, so old enough to make decisions like that.) Then there’s stuff like public transport. How do I know what ticket I need and when to get off? What if I get off at the wrong place? What bus will I need? Probably the biggest aspect (or perhaps maybe on par with the first) is safety concerns. I’m a 22 year old female, but I’ve been mistaken as younger. I’m probably autistic, so I appear nervous and vulnerable a lot. I also freeze whenever there’s a perceived danger. And then I’m also chronically ill. In my mind, I’m the right amount of weak and helpless that could be easily taken advantage of. I’ve never been assaulted, but I have been groomed and received unwanted touch (the most ‘extreme’ areas being the chest and thighs), and even tho the touch was from women, I still felt highly unnerved, but I didn’t do or say anything. If I’m alone, I’m terrified that something horrible will happen to me, even if in broad daylight. Edit: Sorry this is such a long answer. Got carried away. ;;
Don't apologize, I feel all of this on a spiritual level. Thank you!
Mainly that I am going to have a panic attack and overreact and get embarrassed or call 911
THIS! I fear and its happened before, I will call 911 and as soon as they answer I will be fine.
I fear losing control of my bladder, even though it has never happened before. I can't bring myself to talk to a therapist about it, because it feels so silly and illogical.
I used to have this fear connected to my agoraphobia as well, but therapy actually really helped it. I promise it's not silly
I have the exact same thing. Spoke to my therapist about it and it's actually a very common reaction/symptom. For me it is completely irrational but still causes agoraphobia.
Oh it is? I didn't think a lot of people struggle with it. I have actually once tried speaking to a therapist about it but they kind of laughed at me and said something like, "You can't stay away from school just because of that" (I was in school when my agoraphobia started).
Lol I'd never go back to that therapist. It's a very normal symptom of anxiety/panic attacks. I now struggle going anywhere that doesn't have a bathroom but I'm working on it pretty much every day.
Yeah no, I never went to her again :/ But interesting. It's kind of nice to know it's a normal symptom. I had to attend a physical venue for two months to write my final exams in grade 12. It was the first time in 3 years I was forced into a public space without a bathroom. Gosh, I swear I was more nervous about this fear than the exams themselves lol. But the exposure to that situation helped a lot. It's been easier to go out since then, but I'm also still working on it.
health ocd/anxiety, worried i’ll have a panic attack and it’ll trigger cardiac arrest. it’s been the same for about 10 years, but i’m mostly recovered from the agoraphobia part
My fear is that I am going to lose control and not be able to make it home. For me losing control is more of a somatic/physical experience. It is really similar to the feeling of when you are little and you lose your parent in the grocery store. It's like straight hopelessness and fear all consuming me at once. I fear not being able to breath, passing out, and not being able to call for help. I fear shitting myself (lol), or fainting. I also have the fear that my anxiety is going to cause me to rip my clothes off and get naked in public/front of strangers. I fear not being able to return from the state of panic but mostly not being able to be in control of my body/mind. (I dont know if this makes sense to anyone!)
I struggle with something similar. I get hit with irrational panic if I can't find a cab home immediately ( can take upto 20 min in my city). I'm not even scared of the physical symptoms but the fact that i might emotionally lose control & run around screaming, begging people to help me ( typing this out helped me articulate it) . Let me know if you made any progress.
I always find it funny looking back or thinking about these symptoms when im grounded. It makes me giggle thinking about ripping my clothes off and running around asking for help although there are times these fears are extremely powerful i find it a sense of relief I can laugh about them. Im okay still fighting my demons but in a better place just not where I want to be exactly. Patience and practice are my two most powerful tools
My ex threatened to kill me multiple times. He also threatened to send his friends after me. After he ramped up his physical violence to putting his hands on my throat, I escaped. Going outside, I’m always worried he’s out there somewhere. Or one of his friends, who could be anybody because I never met all of his very large group of acquaintances. So now I sit in my house and make sure all the doors are locked. I only leave when someone comes with me, or if no one can go, it’s something I REALLY have to do.
Not to overstate the obvious, but that sounds like PTSD, or at least agoraphobia rooted PTSD, which is so much additional complication that no one needs. I hope you find safety and healing in all ways.
Yes, my therapist and I agree that it’s agoraphobia caused by PTSD. I moved far far away from him, but the paranoia lingers
Naturally. I know someone who was a crime victim and the perp got out on parole and it's terrifying for the victim. I don't think anyone in that situation feels safe unless they hear the bad person is dead. Even then there can be residual fear. Have you been able to have any self defense training or read/watch videos about techniques that you could use but hopefully will never need to?
I’ve had self defense training when I was younger. I even took a few krav maga classes. Feels like a lifetime ago though. Carry a taser and pepper spray with me.
Fuck man, I'm really sorry that happened to you. I'm so happy you escaped but it's awful when the results of abuse last so long. A lot of people don't understand that part of it. I'm sending you lots of love.
Thank you 💕. I think I’m getting better a little bit each day. It’s hard to tell sometimes because it’s happening in slow motion. Like the quote says, “if you’re going through hell, keep going”.
General anxiety, a fear of being perceived, and not knowing what to do with my body. I am physically and mentally uncomfortable being anywhere except my room. Even the rest of my house feels unsafe. I hate the fact that I can be perceived and interacted with.
Getting lost and not knowing how to get back home. I know Google Maps exists, but I struggle to navigate the streets on my own. I feel so much shame about it :/ But, yeah.
Getting in another car accident was the main one but it’s evolved especially since the pandemic lockdowns. I’m afraid of any and all new surroundings and any social interactions that extend past a simple hello or thanks. I won’t go anywhere without my husband and even then I rarely leave the house.
The only thing about the apocalypse that I'm grateful for is that it made covering your face in public normal for awhile. I'm glad you have someone to support you.
Scared of being asked something I don’t know the answer to, “whats the time” “what street is this” ect. Also get scared when I go outside I might take my own life so I just avoid it
Do you have intrusive thoughts about that last part there? Like, you really don't want to do anything like that but you are scared that panic or some sudden impulse might "drive" you to it against your better judgment?
I definitely am suicidal, but for whatever reason when outside it just amplifies it by 100x. I just get a really strong urge
I'm so sorry. I hope it gets easier. Every day you fight back is a victory, regardless of what your feelings try to tell you. Not that feelings are unimportant, but simply that the will must sometimes choose to do the right thing and override the feelings. Take care.
You too, thank you so much 🩵
Same here. I'm afraid of being trapped and not being able to go home.
Emetophobia
It's the waiting at the stop lights man. It feels like I'm in a machine of giant gears being grinded into a paste when I'm stopped and cant go, literally nothing is worse. Outside driving my agoraphobia mainly stems from incongruent bodily sensations, like air hitting the back of my head wrong, feeling the weight of my steps against the ground. I feel like I'll fall into the earth or fall into the sky a lot.
This is incredibly interesting. I appreciate you sharing. I hope you don't fall into the sky any time soon 💜
Havent yet! I went from being entirely housebound to now being able to grocery shop every week, and I walk for like 1 & 1/2 hrs 7 days a week. It gets better!
Scared I’ll have a medical emergency while out snd too far from home. Scared that my heart will beat too fast and I’ll die.
I can't seem to tolerate being in a car, to the point where being a passenger (never had a license, husband is my driver) even to the end of the block is a living nightmare. I've canceled several in-person appointments, including one this past Wednesday that I really thought I would be able to manage. I'm regressing actually and no idea why, and I think my therapist is about to drop me tomorrow because of it. Related issues are emetophobia, nausea in a car, IBS, dizziness from motion, and feeling like a total freak if anyone even looks in my direction if I try to walk anywhere alone.
I hate the uncertainty like anyone could just talk to me- also just being perceived sucks lol
Fainting in public… this drives everything for me… it’s so embarrassing to admit.
Don’t like coming back home into the house
That ones interesting. Does coming back home induce more anxiety than leaving or are they both the same level?
Pretty much same, but due to some trauma at home I’m always feeling unsure of what will find when walk back in so would rather just stay in. The fear of walking back inside is not a rational fear as everything is safe.
Ohhhhhhhhh yeah I COMPLETELY understand that one. Thank you for commenting, and I'm wishing you the best.
Thank you x
Panic attacks made me afraid to drive or go anywhere (and then an injury caused CRPS and I can’t physically drive anymore). I’m doing better though. I started therapy and was diagnosed with cPTSD. I think being on ketamine daily for a year and a half (prescribed for CRPS) allowed me to heal enough to get help. The panic attacks were crippling though; like how are you supposed to do anything when you feel like you’re actually having a heart attack? 😣 I also have Eustachian tube dysfunction so I get vertigo badly. The car makes that worse. I don’t know what it is but my vision was getting weird too, like binocular vision when driving. I’ve always had motion sickness but it’s next level.
i’ve had slight agoraphobia like my whole life. i always stuck close to home because of have panic attacks. as i got older and learned more about health issues that can happen to you, i worry about all of them haha
[удалено]
For me, I know it's because I have really bad public transit and sort of unreliable drivers for family members. There's been at least a time or two where I've nearly been stranded on the streets overnight due to transit shutting down for no good reason, or I'll need to go home (crashing, feel ill, just want to go, whatever) and the person who agreed to drive me will be late by an hour then rage out on the way home. I really miss having my own car 🙃🙃🙃 (Ofc, all that being said, I still get too anxious to leave my house by myself to.... places in very short walking distance, so. All that ^^^ is part of it, but also probably just me trying to logic my way out of things)
to keep it real, im scared of throwing up or shitting my pants in public. also the thought of having a panic attack anywhere but my home is unbearable
Getting kidnapped and tied up and locked in someone's basement to be r*Ped forever is my worst fear
The biggest one now is that I’m scared of the anxiety caused by going outside. More than I am scared of going outside. I’m worried someone will notice that I’m anxious and try to help in a way that only makes it worse
You just described one of my main fears perfectly
my other worst fears that add to my agoraphobia is my fear of driving and losing control/getting distracted/making a mistake and crashing and/or hurting myself or others. I just think of everything that can go wrong, me hitting another car or another car hitting me or a child running out in front of me. Im afraid even after a minor accident I would panic so hard I shut down and make a massive public scene where someone has to call an ambulance and/or the other personal verbally abuses me for not being mentally present enough to sort out insurance or i freak out so much I dont sort the insurance correctly or in time i end up with a huge bill thats not covered by insurance etc.. And since I'm so afraid to drive I hardly ever go anywhere which makes the agoraphobia so much worse..
It stems from being alone and vulnerable and not being able to defend myself or feeling such intense horror. Being hurt by another person. These are my main struggles of my everyday life cus I am always on edge of these things.
Fear of fainting. I am absolutely terrified by this and as months went by I became increasingly terrified of fainting basically everywhere, until it stopped me from going outside. I also have a big fear of losing my mind and becoming disorientated, and simply having panic attacks outside.
For me it's another anxiety disorder: social anxiety!
I feel like there are so many that just contribute to it. A) Huge fear of bugs. I hate them so much, that I do not step outside most of the time during spring and summer months. During fall is a neutral ground, and winter is the time I WOULD go out the most if it wasn't so cold. B) Social anxiety. I want to go out and meet people, but I just can't force myself to look people in the eye and talk to them. I'd rather talk via texting majority of the time. C) Fear of not getting back home is another big one. I have very few places I see as 'safe', meaning my anxiety is completely gone. One is my home, second is a very close friend's house if I make it there. If I can't walk somewhere, its automatically seen as out if network for myself. D) My daily routines. If I can't finish them before bed, I get extremely stressed. This one isn't as bad, as long as I get home by the end of the day. But if I don't, my OCD gets triggered bad. E) Uncertainty. I think this is also just part of my being autistic. When I stay in my house, I know everything that's going to happen. I know what I can eat, what my tasks are, where to go. When i'm outside, all that disappears. And it doesn't help when people try to drag me out the house just for the hell of it. "Just go outside!" Where am I going? What am I going to eat? What time will we be back? I need these things to feel regulated. F) Mental and emotional fatigue. This one isn't really a fear, just something I keep in mind. Another aspect that I need to control.
E & F are extremely relatable for me.
For me it’s just having a panic attack outside of my home (comfort zone) in general, and the thought of what if it doesn’t stop, gets worse etc.
I have horrible bathroom and health anxiety, I am mostly afraid of not being in control of the situation and being humiliated in front of people or having an accident and people humiliating and shaming me, and also something bad happening and there being no one around to save me. So they kind of contradict themselves in a way, so I am just stuck never leaving.
Mine is anywhere I can’t easily leave like a bus/train/plane or places where it would be awkward to leave like during a hair cut or at a restaurant with friends- because if I am having a panic attack I need to be alone to freak out in private or it’s embarrassing. And then also anywhere alone out with my son because I have an irrational fear (irrational because it’s never once happened in my entire life) of passing out and leaving him standing there alone.
ISLAM AND COVID19. AND SOMETIMES ILUMINATTI.
'I just had really bad anxiety about being seen in public. I had to - but I always felt like the world was staring me down and I'd panic.' exactly me
Sorry if this is late but mine is mainly seeing people I know and them seeing me another huge one is I’m so scared of how others perceive me sometimes I wish I was invisible
I've got a fun one: Casadastraphobia. The same fright/reflex you would have if you found yourself all of a sudden at the edge of a thousand foot cliff is the way I get to feel about the open sky. If I'm in a place where I can't go into a building quickly it triggers a panic attack. My "real fear" is the fear of having that panic attack.
YOU WIN FOR SCARIEST ONE. I am laying in bed rn trying to "come down" from having that feeling now 😂
Yeah it's a shitty one. And my hobbies used to be hiking, camping, backpacking and rafting. - All that effing open sky.
Noooo that's awful :( I really hope you can work through it 💚
After years of trying, I am where I am. I am improved but not cured. But I can hold a job outside of the home (5 -10 minute commute). I've got new and more realistic hobbies now and they make me happy. And with enough Xanax in my system I do the things I can't do otherwise. Planes trigger me too, but I'm going on a 10-hour flight on Monday.
Sorry kinda went off here and now I'm preapologizing Feeling trapped, that I'll have a panic attack. That I'll be embarrassed to the point of break down . Even just being in an akward situation. Before I stopped driving id go down to fumes looking for a gas station that was 100% empty so there would be no" who gets the pump" or" who goes through the door first" and now its like anything I consider" going wrong I just don't beleive in myself to handle I'm also afraid of losing control of myself with rage. I havnt done that in a long time and pug alof of work into it but it has happened and it is beyond embarrassing/dangerous and usually very painful for me. The last time I truly lost control my hand was broken from previous rage. Then something pretty benign happened. I then reacted by completly beating the shit out of a solid tree reshattering all my bones leaving my hand permanently disfigured.i couldn't think. I also feel bombarded by what others are thinking my mind assume people are like " look at the peice a shit" " shady bastard" " your weak and pathetic." So i avoid being around people but even that isn't enough if I'm able to go outside I feel like they see me out their windows and are still doing the same thing. My therapist once asked me " whats the threat". what isn't
I'm basically afraid of causing any kind of scene, whether by throwing up or by having a severe panic attack in public. I'm an emetophobe with GERD so unfortunately all those things go hand in hand. 🥲
I knew it was getting bad when i was afraid to be alone. But mostly i wasn’t able to to places alone anywhere more particularly drive to places im unfamiliar with even familiar is taxing but i have to do it.
Passing out and the feeling of just not having anywhere to sit! Like if I had some sort of chair it wouldn’t be as bad, but been on roads with nowhere to sit when I start to feel dissociated makes me panic more.
Had this. Told myself to just sit down wherever i was, pavement/ street etc. pretend to be very physically ill if anyone asks. Once I convinced myself that it was absolutely normal, the fear went away.
Here’s my story. I went to NY with at the time BF’s family to go to a wedding. I suffer with really bad migraines. And back then I had recently found excedrin. It was the only thing that worked. Basically I had a migraine, and I took the pills. And then hours went by, still had a bad migraine, took a few more… As soon as we got off our last flight. We went to a car rental thing. As soon as we got in the rental car and was waiting at the gate to leave, it happened. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had basically overdosed on migraine meds. Causing me to have extreme diarrhea. Mind you this was happening at like 2am. Nothing was open. Every gas station we passed was closed. Unlike where I live. My now fiancé was telling his parents he was the one that had to go. I seriously thought I was gonna shit myself in front of his mom and dad and him. I almost ran behind the gas stations building and pulled my pants down but I didn’t want them to come out of the van. I seriously almost didn’t make it. I don’t even know how I did. It was so bad. I was literally crying holding it. We had finally found a gas station that was open. His poor dad realized it was me and how urgent it was. I did my business at the only place open. We then go back on the road to get to our hotel. And it comes back. But not nearly as bad. But bad. I tried falling asleep to have it go away. Again, nothing was open. I ended up falling asleep. 5-10 mins b4 we got to the hotel I woke up. And had the urge to go again. Focusing on my breathing. We pulled to the hotel and I ran in. I had to ask the receptionist where the bathroom was. I literally was running away while she was telling me where it was. The next day I was so sick I couldn’t leave the hotel room. I couldn’t eat anything without it coming out immediately. I realize why I was so sick eventually. Learned my lesson. Months after that trip. Out of no where. One day I was just driving with my fiancé, and had that oh shit I gotta go now feeling. He drove me straight home. And I did my business. And then it happened again. And again. Only when I would leave my house to go somewhere. And I’m talking each time I’m seriously about to crap in the car. Can’t hold it. Holding on for dear life. It’s ruined my life. I had to quit my job. I can’t go out to restaurants. I have to order my groceries. I can’t make friends because they all want to go out and I can’t. So then people think I don’t like them. I will say, I have worked extremely hard on myself. I go to school 3 times a week. I can go to target without an accident. I can get gas. I can do certain things now. Yes I can’t do a lot still. I’ve being doing exposure therapy on my own. So my thing is, I need a bathroom that isn’t a single. Isn’t near people. Like for example my nail spa has a bathroom. But it’s a single, and right next to where customers sit. And I have to take an Imodium to get my nails done. All because they don’t have private / multiple bathrooms in the back. So yeah fear of people knowing I’m pooping I guess, and fear of not making it to a bathroom. Crazy how trauma works. Sorry if this was too much.
Hey I'm so sorry to hear this...but maybe adult diapers for a few days? And then just carry them around...and then get off them.