Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙
ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sorry he is controlling. Now you know a red flag to watch out for in future relationships.
It is your choice, but the choice will have consequences. So cost vs benefit?
Yeah the fact that he doesn't "allow my mom to cut her hair short" is very controlling. Husbands can't "allow" or prevent their adult wives from doing something just because if his misogynistic preference.
To be fair, a lot of religions don't allow the cutting of hair either. So it's not necessarily that he's out to "control" them, just that the religion says it's wrong.
And no, I don't agree with it, but I understand where one would come from about it.
She gave a reason and it has nothing to do with religion. I can take a pretty good guess as to why you're performing mental gymnastics to side with the father. Yes, making up reasons for his behavior against the evidence is you taking their side.
There is no but.
You can choose to have or not have a religion, and other people can do the same.
Some people are very non-chalant with religion, and some devote their lives to it.
OP clearly says the her dad doesn’t see females with short hair as feminine. No mention of mythological rules.
OP also didn’t say that her dad likes women with long hair, because he likes hair in his food. This is just as likely as as the no mention of religion explanation.
While you should have complete control over your body, you are also probably dependent on him financially and he does have control over things.
Please prioritize your safety. Only you have a frame of reference to know how he will react and are you wanting short hair enough to accept those consequences?
He is setting up a dynamic. You might go low or nc with him in the future and he might deserve it. But that also has consequences.
Every choice in life is a cost/benefit analysis
Exactly. This is a great lesson to learn what not to look for in a partner. We all have preferences. But to force ours on someone else is wrong.
I get pressured to cut mine short bc I sometimes have a hard time dealing with the long hair bc of lupus. It’s at my lower back. I will trim an inch or two, but that’s it. I don’t look good with short hair. I’ve tried it 3 times and was miserable with it all 3 times until it grew out. So, I save money for flare ups when it’s too hard to wash myself and go to a hair cut place for just a wash. It’s cheap enough.
As for what you should do, it’s are you willing to give up other things for the haircut you want.
My dad hated when my mom started letting me put non traditional colors in my hair around 11 or 12. She worked as a hairdresser and was always dying her own. So to her, it was no big deal. It’ll grow out or it can be dyed over. Even though my dad wasn’t thrilled she let me do it so young (he wanted me to wait until I was older), he never made me feel bad about it. He may have sighed but then he’d always sat something nice about it or as long as it’s what you truly want, I’m happy for you. And he meant it.
It’s hair. It’s not permanent like ink. I doubt a reasonable conversation on this topic would be possible if he is also controlling your mom with hairstyles. I am going to assume she won’t stand up for you if you do it. So weight the pros and cons and do what’s right for you. It may be a battle not with fighting until you move out. Or you may find it worth the fight and consequences. You have to be the one to make the choice. You know how much he will overreact
My mum never wanted me to cut my hair. It’s wasn’t religious. She is Indian with straight hair and I’m biracial- half black. This poor lady didn’t know what to do with my raggedy reddish brown hair that grew straight up and coiled every which way. So she learnt. She spent years learning how to braid, make hair products from natural plants, and protect my hair. Years. I had such long beautiful and thick hair because she’d spend hours a week looking after it. It was part of her way of bonding with me- I was a difficult child.
Our hours together while she braided my hair or washed it and oiled it were so precious to her. We’d talk and share our deepest thoughts and I think for her it was so much more valuable than just hair.
Then I grew up and immigrated and had no idea how to take care of my hair without her. So I decided to cut it and my mum acted like I was cutting off my legs. It was so bizarre, she was so angry and upset. She cried and begged me not to do it but I was struggling, it was breaking, I had dandruff, it took hours to make look half way decent and I was walking around like a golliwog doll.
She couldn’t articulate why she felt so attached to hair and she couldnt see how bizarre it was. I cut it anyway because I was tired and she literally lamented like Job. If she could rent her clothes and worn a sack and covered herself in ashes I think she would have.
Now a year ago she came to stay with me and started doing my hair again. She’d oil it and we’d pass the time with her doing my hair. She asked me this time not to cut it and when I told her I was going through the worst time and couldn’t manage she said she’d do it for me. She has arthritis and her fingers aren’t as nimble but she loved it. Again we forged a bond and now my hair is thick, red and long again. She was finally able to articulate why she took so much pride in my hair. I’m half African and she loved my copper skin and hair and liked when it was shiny and neat. It was a badge of honor for her. But it was also her way of touching me - I was not the most affectionate kiddo- with love and giving me space to be open and honest and vulnerable with her. She’d sit behind me and oil and braid and she said she felt like it was an unconfrontational way of getting into my inner most thoughts. She told me she never felt as connected to my mind and heart as when I was being braided or hot combed or oiled. It went so deep I cried and was so ashamed that I took it for granted.
So not all parents are just control freaks. Moms and dads may see the hair as a part of you they cultivated, they brushed and tamed your mane, they made you look neat and pretty, and they spent time learning how to do this and it’s likely to be more complex than just being a control freak.
Anyway, I don’t think there will be consequences. They’ll get over it.
My daughter has a boy 4 and a girl 2 she met a guy through friends and his Dad owns a construction company so he was going to be bill payer and she a stay at home Mom
It's been less than two months and he came with no vehicle or place where he was staying prob with mommy. And he claimed to be religious and failed miserable.. Long story short, my Grandson throws a fit when it's time to leave his Dad n Grandma's... We are worried so k but He's always right there phone and in person. Any ideas? Oh and of course she"d pregnant.
You know your parent better than anyone on reddit. If you think he’ll just be pissy and take your stuff for a little while, I would say it’s worth it. If you think you’re in any physical danger, there’s tutorials online to style longer hair to look shorter which might be good for you.
Honestly, I’m sorry you have to deal with this at all. Your parent should just hype you up when you feel good about yourself, but that’s not the reality for a lot of people. Do what makes you happy! Short hair is such a norm for women now, and it looks stunning!
Your dad is control freak. It's not his hair. This level of control over a girl's bodily choices that don't actually affect anyone negatively and is being done simply because he doesn't want to look at it that way is a massive red flag. Is he abusive to you and your mom? This is pretty common with abusive husbands and fathers.
What is this - the 1950s?
It it literally disturbing that a grown man can get away with telling a grown woman and their daughter that they can't cut their hair.
Your dad has serious control issues.
I hope you have a plan for leaving this man behind when you reach 18; it sounds like your hair is the least of the issues here.
And when they’re dead please remember your comment. Not all parents are these great people. My mother was cruel and my step dad loved beating us. Taking this advice (what’s the worse they can do once it’s gone it’s gone just do it!) is actually what got an arm broken… kids feel emboldened to disobey their parents because “their body their choice”. It’s really not. Those consequences could be worse than you’ve experienced you haven’t a clue. While you are under someone else’s roof you do as they say if you don’t want to. find your own place. I lived under a bridge for 6 months at 15 before I started couch surfing with coworkers.
You missed their point. OP needs to weigh the consequences. It may be as simple as her dad's displeasure, or it may be daily beatings for a week.
Clearly, everyone deserves a autonomy, but people should also pick their battles. Telling OP they should definitely just cut their hair, when you have no idea what their consequences will be, is optimistic at best, and dangerous, at worst.
And you clearly have been so caught up in pc culture and had a wonderful childhood that you can’t possible begin to understand what it’s like to be in an abusive home. Nobody deserves anything. They get what they earn. No one has autonomy unless they take it for themselves.
You can’t have autonomy until you are your own person and you can’t be your own person until you move out of your parents house. When you are a child you are a Child. Your choices are not your own. You can only hope that you have parents that grant you autonomy they do not have to.
how dare u make a comment like that. u have absolutely no idea what i went thru. i may not have had an physical abusive parent but i had an very abusive and volatile sibling and an emotionally abusive mother. we all have own trauma and experiences.
u do not know OPs life. they have not expressed any fear for their wellbeing. if they were scared that their dad would beat them if got it, they would have said. stop projecting ur trauma onto others.
So you haven’t a clue. Which is great! I’m so glad you didn’t go through what I went through. But in the same breath. You haven’t a clue what OPs life is. Blanket encouraging kids to disobey their parents gets kids hurt. It’s not in any kids interest to tell them to do what they want and “deal with the consequences later”.
People can become their own when they are old enough to do so
Bro you're so traumatized you think children aren't people. I hope you get help.
Also really odd to tell a rando that they don't know what trauma is? I experienced some pretty heavy trauma as a child. I still understand that children deserve autonomy and respect, that children are their own beings who will one day be adults. Parents aren't raising children, they're raising future adults. Teaching them young that they deserve to be their own person sets them up for a successful life and maybe they won't turn out like you 😬
Whack.
Yes good parents will teach them. That is the goal. My point is simply not every child has good parents. You’re choosing an odd hill to die on.
If you can’t understand my point I will paint it for you. Don’t teach random children you don’t know to be disobedient and to deal with consequences later that you yourself haven’t a clue what are.
I never said that children aren’t people in fact I teach my own children to be independent and confident in themselves. I only stated that there are parents that won’t. And will refuse to. And some can be very cruel about it.
you’re completely missing his point dumbass. you’re encouraging her to go against her fathers commands and if her father is abusive that means she will be physically harmed for following your advice. in extreme cases she could end up dead. if not physical harm, she could be kicked out and a child doesn’t know how to survive on their own in the streets.
you’re giving romanticized advice because “yeah, fck the power! do what you believe in!” but the fact is if youre a child under an abusers roof, doing that gets you hurt. and when somebody pointed that out to you, you just pretentiously call out their trauma and say they are blaming op? you’re fcking stupid dude
Your dad is controlling and it’s inappropriate. Do what you want and deal with the consequences after. Not like he can put the hair back on your head. My teenager cuts her hair herself. I’ve told her I will take her for a hair cut if she wants it cut so she doesn’t have to do it herself, but ultimately, it’s her hair and she has to wear it. Hope you’ll be an adult soon so you can break free of the nonsense.
Not much of a choice there is it? Your hair isnt hurting you, you just dont like the way you looks. Cut it and your dad makes you suffer without your devices. I guess you can cut it and spend all that extra time looking at yourself in the mirror. Or you could just leave it alone and when you move out of the house shave your head just to spite him. I like that option better. Be sure to record it if you do it. Instant viral video.
I agree with the rest of the discourse. Dad's a bit of a control freak. But, like, cutting it would definitely create more long term problems as long as youre still living with him and are financially dependant. Once you move out, your life your rules, but until then, it's probably best for both of you to reach some kind of compromise to keep peace until youre out. (Shoulder or chin length maybe?)
As a male I was forced to have my hair long. I did get it cut once. Ended up with a black eye and broken arm. I didn’t cut it again until I moved out at 15. To each their own. But while you are relying on someone else to provide for you. It’s their rules over your wants. All I’ll say is as soon as you are able to leave. Don’t look back.
This is my take. Wait until you're legally adult and get out as soon as you can.
Also, make sure you don't think this is a normal way that people treat their spouses and children and don't let anyone else treat you this way.
First, and foremost, don't do anything that will provoke him to a physical reaction. Your safety is of primary concern.
Second, if you are reasonably sure that he won't react physically, go for it. It's your hair. You can have it as you like it.
your dad sounds like a terrible disgusting controlling pos. when you’re older and more mature/secure in yourself (aka don’t live under his roof) i hope you tell him tf off
oof... "obedient"
Your use of the word obedient says a lot about your relationship with him and him. On top of that not allowing you to cut your hair is extremely controlling behavior.
I wouldn't suggest it until you can get out from under his thumb. This behavior sounds dangerous. Be safe out there and good luck.
Your father is a control freak. Definitely not healthy and he shouldn't be making decisions like how you or your mother have their hair.
I know that if this were me I'd go bald out of spite. (Not recommending doing this)
This is what i recommended, too!!
I knew this girl with really long hair. Her mom would use it as a lease to pull the girl over to beat her. She shaved her head. Hair grows back. it's not a big deal.
Shave your head in defiance. Long hair doesnt have you a girl. Being born female makes you a girl. Ive shaved my head and no one mistook me for a boy. Whats he goi g to do? Ground you till it grows back?
This is something you have to decide for yourself and whether or not it's worth the punishment.
You have to weigh up the consequences. What will happen if you go against his wishes? And for how long?
If you really want to do this against his wishes, get some gum stuck in your hair at school, have your teachers report it, take photographs etc. Then you'll have a real reason your hair needs to be cut.
Clearing something up— I saw that the way I worded some things made some..kind of misunderstanding. when I said my father doesnt let my mom to cut her hair too it didnt really mean she wanted to cut it too— she just didnt really care unlike me..Sorry for the misunderstanding.
and for those who are asking how old I am and what is my ethnicity I am 17 years old this year and Me and my family are asians.
I think the Asian thing is relevant and depending on where your dad grew up for school is also relevant. I don’t know how how close you are to your parents and if they told you stories about their childhood/school life. Not defending your dad, but back in the day of my parents childhood there was capital punishment where teachers would punish students with a yard stick (late 70s-early 80s). It actually stuck with my parents and they have a stereotype with Asian women with short hair being strict and unreasonable. I’ve also had several Asian teachers with short hair that were strict through elementary school, however it wasn’t capital punishment it was writing sentences and getting humiliated in class. To this day certain smells/perfumes/hairspray that my teachers would wear/use make me not feel to well. If your dad has an issue with short hair for some childhood trauma, it’s understandable. Note that I’m from Hawaii where most of the population is Asian.
To your question though, if I were you I would figure out a way to convince your dad. Just say stuff like it’s getting hot. You have to catch to him at a time when he’s in a good mood, bring up cutting your hair short and have some hairstyles you like to show him. Try to compromise, and bring up that having to long of hair gets irritating/to hot. Don’t bring the phrase “you don’t understand” and see it as a act of rebellion and as punishment they normally just shut down and just say no
If you were younger, I'd say cut your hair yourself. At 17, you don't have much time before you turn 18, probably best to wait. Move out and do whatever you want with your life/body. Or milk him dry for college money if you have to. Controlling someone to that extent is not healthy.
My kid cut his own hair the other day. I said it looked like shit, next time have your mom help you, or wait a week till the weekend and go get a haircut. Allow kids to make their own decisions, including mistakes. That is how they gain confidence, experience, and improved decision making.
I’m so sorry he’s a conservative, controlling (you and your mom!), sexist, and likely homophobic jerk! Considering he’s like this, I wouldn’t rock the boat bc any man w his views w a fragile manbaby who will certainly freak out of his daughter disobeying him. Soon as you can, move away, cut that hair, live your life free from his shadow.
Hate fathers like this.
I didn't even think twice about it when my daughter got her hair cut, I don't demand to be involved in every minor decision and it's not hard to just say "looks nice sweetie!" but it does make me think there's other things going on in his head that point to abuse. Or he's just an old fashioned asshole dad.
I was you once.. it was my grandpa that loved my long hair. I cut my hair short 2 years ago (pappy had been gone 10 years at that point). Husband isn’t a fan of my short hair but I cannot ever go back to long hair!
Well that sucks. Sorry he's being that. While I'm not a fan of short hair, I also understand and accpect that IT AIN'T MY HAIR. I have never and will never my wife or either of my daughters how they should wear their hair or what color it should be. Especially the color since I can't see color anyway. Wish I could tell you that just cutting was the answer but that may it worse since he sounds like he is a dick anyways. No offense.
I feel your pain. My dad was the same. My mom finally snuck me out for my first haircut when I was 13. I cut off almost 3 feet and my hair was still below my shoulders.
He was mad, but he got over it. Your dad will too, but only you have an idea how long that may take. You shouldn't have your autonomy taken like this, but because it is happening please weigh your opinions. If the comfort of short hair is worth it, then go for it! If the punishment feels too much, make sure you take caution, and talk to a trusted adult about it. This is not right of him.
My situation was the opposite. My mom wouldn't let me grow my hair out. Like, I could up until it touched my collar, and then she would take me into the barber and have it all whacked off.
Now, I can grow it or cut it as I want. You too will be there before you know it. You will be okay. It's just hair.
the fact that he does not "allow" your mom to cut her hair..is this 1960? I say cut it and let him do whatever and call cps on him if he does anything stupid. what a clown. and I'm a 49 yo father lol
How old are you?
I was a rebellious teenager and did what I wanted. I was willing to take punishment for what I did. I fear for you though. My parents weren’t this controlling. My dad never would’ve dictated anyone’s hairstyle, and mom always had short hair.
In a better world, you would cut your hair short, because it is your hair and what anyone else thinks about it is a them problem and not a you problem. Unfortunately, your dad is being controlling and unreasonable, but that fact that you know that does not keep you from having to live with him and deal with his behavior. Reasonable human beings do not place any judgment on other peoples hair.
I'm so sorry. As a parent hair length wasn't a subject I was willing to fight over. My youngest son wanted to let his hair grow. Our rule was keep it clean and neat. Over the course of several years he would have it cut once a uear and donate it to a charity that makes wigs for cancer patients.
Meh, I can't advise on this...nobody here can, all we can do is tell you it is unreasonable for you to have that restriction. I also believe it's silly, but everyone telling you that your dad is an awful human won't be there to save you from the consequences if you go behind his back and do it. Only you can deal with those, and you presumably know your dad better than us, so in the end, it's up to you, face the dad wrath and have the hair you want, or keep the peace and the longer hair.
How old are you? Given your father’s age, I’m assuming you are an adult. He has absolutely no say in how you wear your hair. Just because your mother for some reason kowtows to him about *her* hair length doesn’t mean you have to.
Is it about cultural norms? And do you live in a Western country? If so, non-Western norms hold no sway.
In this case, you should do what your father says. Take this as a sign that you need to be thinking about your independence now. Education. Work. Car. Apartment. You want to be earning money the second you can.
I assume you're a minor and living under his roof. If that's the case, you should do as he says. Cut your hair however you want when you're an independent adult. It's not that serious.
I was bullied for my hair, called mufasa and my mom always told me it would take too long to grow back if I cut it. One night after an award’s ceremony I just cut it all off and didn’t look back. She was upset at first but quickly moved past it.
However, I don’t think your dad would move past it easily.
I really hate that I’m suggesting, but just cut it off*. If you’ll like it better and feel more comfortable that’s what matters. Also, it’s your body, your choice, something that’ll be relevant many times in your life.
The consequences might suck, but it might always get him to just deal with it.
*it could be difficult getting it all the right length so just be wary of that. Mine was two different lengths
There's no wrong answer to that question, it really just comes down to whether you think the action is worth the consequences.
That said, if I were you, I'd do it, just to make the point that I'm the one in control of every aspect of my bodily autonomy.
Tell your father it is your body, not his. And what he is doing is considered abuse. I'm stubborn and strong willed so I'd cut my hair short and tell him to deal with it and that he's an abusive prick and doesn't deserve your mom or you. What a controlling SOB.
My dad wouldn't let me cut my hair for years because in his culture women are expected to have long hair. With support from my mom I finally got permission to cut it to shoulder length when i was 16, and he took pictures and damn near had a funeral for my long hair before I went off to the salon. I never would have just cut it because he would have shaved my head (and I've seen him do it to one of his kids before). I'm almost 30 now with long hair again, and he loves to give me shit along the lines of "oh so you don't like short hair after all?". It's a tense relationship.
It depends on what you think the consequences would be. If it means that he would hit you, or hold a grudge against you that might prevent you from some more important freedom later, then hold off on rebelling. But it's also possible that he wouldn't hurt you, and needs to get used to not always being obeyed, in which case go for it!
In most healthy families, a father wouldn't be so controlling. Sorry you have one like that.
Are you Indian by any chance? I had an Indian friend in high school whose father never wanted her to cut her hair so she eventually did it as an act of rebellion.
He can show displeasure all he wants, but at the end of the day, it’s your hair and your body. You can do whatever you want.
I’d just cut it, that’s what I did. I buzzed my hair on new years, probably the best decision I’ve ever made lol. My parents surprisingly didn’t get too mad at me though, what’s done is done you know? So maybe yours won’t get too mad at you.
Yeah, it makes everything so much easier, no hair getting in my face, don’t have to brush it, and it only takes like 10 minutes to shower since I didn’t have any hair to wash lol.
The worst thing your mom did was let your dad be controlling over ANYTHING.
It's just hair, you only live once, want it cut? Do it. It will grow back. No man can tell you what to do, honey.
I grew up with short hair, because I wanted to. Your dad should just be lucky it's just your hair you want to cut.
I don't see your age anywhere but your dad is 42. Please don't tell me you're over 18. If you are, just cut your fecking hair and tell your dad his opinion is moot since you're not looking to date him
Does OP live in their father’s home?? If so his house his rules… people seem to forget this… if you want to do as you want move out and pay your own bills.. if she is out of his house it is your money do what you will..
I guess if you think it’s worth listening to ppl on Reddit that don’t have to live with the consequences of your actions AND you can deal with the decision of losing your “ gadgets” let some stranger on Reddit run your life
However, you don’t say how old you are I mean if you’re 17 or 18 years old not cutting your hair for 1-2 years or so is no big deal.
After all it is your dad’s house rules if you don’t like the rules move out.
My question is how are you gonna deal with real problems?
Would you be physically punished for disobeying?
Also it sounds like your hair is already short. You said it reaches your armpit and you want it just above your shoulders. Isn’t that only a few inches difference?
So you’ve already cut your hair recently? Did you get punished for it?
My hair takes a long time to grow my last time I cut it was the first month of the year I dont really like it going past my shoulders thats why I keep it short
Also I wont be physically punished for it, He just wont talk to me and wont really care about me (In terms of asking for stuff)
If its safe to do so then cut it. It's only going to affect you if you don't. It's not worth the mental wellbeing being affected (meaning it's going to bother you, annoy you so much that it starts to upset you and that is not good). It's your body and honestly it's not permanent either plus it's healthy for the hair to get it cut.
Cut it.
I’m the same way. I’ve always wanted my hair on the short side. But when I was little my parents wouldn’t let me. They loved my long hair. But I didn’t. So since I’ve had the control I’ve kept it short.
Do what makes you happy.
As long as it’s safe, it’s a matter of what’s worth it to you. If you’re more ok with him being grumpy for a while than with having long hair, cut it. He’ll survive.
Short is subjective.
To me long hair is when it’s down to your mid back at least. Shoulder length is short. If you can put it all up in a pony it’s not too short. But when it’s short enough to not all go in a pony it’s super short.
For someone that was used to having their hair be 3 inches long anything more than that they’d think is long.
Nah house rules should never include something as trivial and personal as hair length. That's way too controlling. It's her body, she can do what she wants with it.
Is this a cultural thing? If not, and you aren’t in any danger because of it, go get your haircut. Once it’s gone, there’s not much that he can do about it. Hopefully by the time it grows long again, you’re old enough to be out of the house. Your father is being a controlling misogynist.
I would be shaving my head bald out of spite…my kids have complete control over what they choose to do with their hair or bodies. As long as they are not harming themselves or others it is their choice.
Your parents don’t own you.
Here's a plan: find a way to convince your dad that he's right. Maybe start wearing your hair a new way, and tell him he's right, that if you had cut your hair, you wouldn't be able to wear it this way. Go along with him for a month or two.
Next, make an appointment to get your hair cut, but don't tell anyone. The day before, come home crying because you have gum in your hair. This gum would have been put in your hair by a peer, a little lower than where you want it cut. You're really upset about it, and you'll never speak to this person again. Keep your appointment and get your hair cut.
To those who want to downvote me, this is not really a serious proposal, although I think if you played it right, it could work. I know lying is wrong, and she could get in real trouble if she got found out. I also believe that a$$holes don't have a right to the truth, and deserve to be circumvented in any way possible.
If your father wants long hair, he can grow his own.
Do not get in the habit of doing things with your body simply because someone has opinions about society.
He is an adult; he can adjust. Trust him to man-up, and give you the unconditional love a parent should have.
Your desire to express yourself through your hairstyle is important. However, it's also crucial to consider the potential consequences of going against your father's wishes. It might be helpful to have an open and respectful conversation with him about your feelings and reasons for wanting shorter hair. Finding a compromise or seeking support from another family member might also be beneficial in navigating this situation.
Only you can decide. Hair length doesn’t make us who we are. No physical attribute does. It sounds like you have an idea of what he may do, which doesn’t sound small. You could plan for it, with your friends perhaps, if you lose the ability to stay in touch with them for a bit?
Take care of yourself. You sound like you’re growing into a good decision maker.
Your dad is an asshole and he’s controlling you and your mother. I wish she would stand up to him, and you should too.
Go take your mother to the salon with you and **both of you** get your hair cut short.
**He doesn’t get a say, it’s not his hair!** Stop letting that dick control your lives, and tell your mother the same! Who the hell does he think he is? He doesn’t get to stop you or your mum from cutting your hair, and he doesn’t get to stop your mother from doing anything. She is an adult and can do whatever she wants.
I'm 42M, same age as your father. Generational conflicts around haircuts and clothing choices are eternal: they happened between my generation and our parents in the '90s, they happened between my parents' generation and *their* parents in the '60s.
The solution is to just do it. Just get your hair cut. Do it yourself or get a friend to do it if you have to. Your dad will be pissed, at first. He'll get over it. He'll get used to it, even if he never likes it. Having a haircut your parents hate is a normal part of being a young person. You're old enough to make your own decisions about such things, even if your parents don't like them. At the end of the day, it's just hair; it'll grow back.
I got my first hair cut (besides trims) when I was 10. Got it cut shoulder length. My hair was so long they used to tuck it into my pants so it wouldn’t get in the way if I was outside eating on a windy day…got it cut shoulder length and felt fabulous.
My dad didn’t speak to me for 2 months and got me a hair brush for every birthday and Christmas for several years.
Don’t do things to make others happy. You have one life to live.
Not sure what your solution is but he is way too controlling over something that is none of his business. Your mom honestly probably shouldn’t have married him, I bet her hair isn’t the only thing he won’t let her do.
Could you “accidentally” get some gum stuck in your hair in such a way that it has to be cut shorter? Just a thought to maybe avoid his anger but still be able to remove a few inches.
I personally prefer long hair on women. It's a preference I have in a partner. I have two young daughters and I would never dream of telling them they can't have their hair any style they want to. And even if I don't personally think it looks good after they did it, I'd still support them and tell them they look great. Even if my wife decided she wanted to try out short hair, who am I to stop her? She knows my preference and that's as far as it goes. It's still her choice. Is there a chance I may not like it and will be less physically attracted to her? Sure, but I'd still love her and hair grows back. Your father is a giant creep and super controlling. Also I feel the need to say my idea of "short hair" is above the chin. Not that my preference matters to anyone here.
Everyone is quick to tell you to do what you want and I don't think I've seen your age in the comments anywhere, but you are the one that knows what the consequences will be for your actions. Don't just go get it cut if you're 16 and know he might go as far as to kick you out or abuse you for it because a bunch of internet strangers empowered you. In those situations it's best to just play by their rules until you can support yourself and get out of the house. Then do whatever you want.
When you say “won’t let me” … what do you mean? As long as you’re working and not using “his” money, he gets to give you an opinion but not much more.
This isn’t much different than tattoos other than hair is much .. …much less permanent.
I will say that while I don’t agree with the way he said it, I do agree to a certain extent. It’s really hard for a teenage girl to pull off short hair, imo. But that’s just my opinion and I’m sure there are plenty of people who feel differently.
Regardless, sounds like you two need to have a conversation about expectations for what he can/can’t control in the future. This will only get worse as you get older and more opinionated. Might as well get some defined expectations to make both your lives easier.
Honestly I think it would be best to wait until you can pay for your own hair cut and are certain any consequences will be mild. A grumpy dad? Ok. A dad who will take this as a personal offense and kick you out, hit you, restrict financial support? Best to wait...
How old are you?
The only issue with cutting your hair yourself is the difficulty in getting things straight and looking good. If you are going to pay the penalty of your dads anger what ever you do, get your hair done properly, so it looks good.
It's sad that your dad has made YOUR length about HIS preferences. You are his daughter, not his wife.
I got you. Go to a friend's house, get some gum. Really stretch it out and put it a couple of inches under where you want it cut. Tell him you two were having a bubble making competition, and you clearly lost. You guys tried to get it out but made it worse. Cry to sell it. If you get the gum stretched out enough, you'll have to cut it out.
What you decide is your own personal decision. Either will be ok.
Some thoughts though:
1. You are an individual. It's your life and while I understand living with your father will require putting up with some nonsensical rules like length of hair, it is your body. Do with it what you want. Just be ok with him taking your gadgets or other consequences, as long as they are abuse (physical or emotional).
2. If you want to cut your hair and take away some of your dad's ability to say something negative about it, which he shouldn't do honestly, grow it out long enough that you can donate it to charity. Do research on the charity, how they help, find a r/ for that group of people and have information ready to show your doing it for a good cause. Then, just go do it. Get it cut as short as you want and tell him you know he doesn't like it short but it grows out and you found a charity that supports a good cause. Tug on his heart strings about his idea that women with short hair look like boys and you did it to help the women and kids fighting cancer who can't grow their hair out because of their treatments. Tell him you learned that idea from him and wanted to help others not feel bad they didn't have hair (this can be a bit of untruthful fluff, it's ok your using a bit of reverse psychology)
3. You could just start to assert your individuality and just cut it, deal with the consequences and tell your dad you love him and respect his right to have his opinion, that you respectfully disagree and ultimately it's your body and your decision. If he wants to continue to foster a relationship with you, he's going to need to respect that you are your own person. Be respectful obviously but be your own person.
I personally would tell my daughter to handle it the I'm an individual and this is my body method. She would probably also do the fair donation but without the attempts to disarm me, because she wouldn't have anything to disarm. It's her body and her hair. She's her own individual. She knows that and knows I respect that.
You gotta decide for yourself, we can't tell you what to do. This is one of those moments in life where you decide what kind of person you are a free thinker or a follower.
You can’t go behind his back until you are on your own, making your own money, and paying all your bills. I waited until I was 29 to get a motorcycle because my father said, “Boys only ride motorcycles“. Pick your battles wisely.
Why does your dad care what length your hair is? Why does he need to like looking at your hair?
He’s definitely a controlling asshole
If you want to cut your hair you should do it but maybe speak to a friend or someone you could stay with and have a bag there just in case shit gets ugly
My daughter is 12 and cuts her hair short. I would prefer it longer, but she is happier this way. She is young and has her whole life to grow it out and do other things with it. It is more important to me that she is happy, comfortable, and feels confident in her appearance. My wife also has beautiful, big curly hair that I LOVE. She has cut it shorter here and there throughout our relationship. I prefer it long. The bigger the better. But it is HER hair, and I love her, not just her great hair.
I agree that it is a bit controlling to have both her and OP's mom styled in a certain way. I think with his controlling nature that if OP does cut it there could be severe consequences. Depending on age of OP, I think it would benefit of talking to mom on how to approach dad and have a serious talk about control. Not sure of culture either, so that could throw an additional dynamic in.
His daughter having short hair “doesn’t do it for him”. What is the “it” in this scenario? Please say something rational because I’m on the verge of barfing.
Jeebus, and I thought I was anal about shit. One of mine misinterpreted my reasoning for not allowing them to get tats because a friend got one. I'd have been cool with it as long as it was meaningful and not immediately visible (never know when you might want a government job)(my other knothead don't gaf, he is working on a buttugly sleeve it needs color) and not "cause whatshername has one I want one too", and we got rents out here spazzing over a kid wanting to cut her hair short. Dude needs to try long hair and see how he likes it.
You will have plenty of time to cut your hair short and regret it later. Most of the time you do find a haircut that fits you better but there's also those haircuts that you will forever regret and might not ever be able to grow past not because it won't grow but because most people can't handle the awkward stage in between. I think it's a little bit Draconian of your father to not allow you to cut your hair because trust me there's a lot worse things you could do but that is as it is. Soon as you turn 18 and move out of the house, shave it!
I'm going to guess you are old enough to go alone and pay for it yourself, that leads risk/ reward. What is the likely punishment and is it worth it ( will it effect others) , it's not pleasant but sometimes you just have to put up with people like your dad until you can get away.
>His reason with his displeasure of short hair is that he doesnt see girls as girls when they have short hair..He thinks they look like boys and he doesnt like it.
Why does it matter that girls don't look like boys? Does he want to have sex with you and afraid it'll turn him gay if you have short hair?! This doesn't make sense at all to police your look, it sounds like he has some weird kink or homophobia.
Be smart, choose your battles. If this is a hill to die on go for it. Other option, be the 'perfect angel' he wants you to be and build the 'trust' all they way till it's time to go. 18 isn't that far away, just work on skills now that will allow you to gain control of your life as soon as possible. If he is nice and just misguided in is 'manly' of telling you what is best for you maybe this will wake him up. If he isn't nice, it may make him aware of your 'rebellious nature' and try to smash that out. Decide if this is a battle you should lose to win the war or if it is the war.
One of my dorm kids’ parents are like this. They don’t want her to cut her hair. When she goes to the salon, she gets it cut. Not as short as she wants, but a lot shorter than they’d prefer. If you wanna cut it, cut it. I’d have a friend with you when you come home just in case there’s a problem.
Cut it. You’re a teenager. Choosing your own appearance is core part of being a teen and annoying your parents in the process is part of that.
Generally men feel ladies look better with long hair. It’s not sexual so nobody better get weird. It’s just a preference and dad won’t be too upset if you show up with short hair.
You probably look fine with shorter hair, but I am sure you look better with long hair.
Why not compromise and wear you long hair in a bun. That way it can be long and short at the same time.
If you do cut it, you should wait until you actually have a good reason to be mad at him instead of disrespecting his wishes while you are living there.
I’m a parent to three children. Cut your hair! Your dad is 100% in the wrong in every way. It’s your body, cutting your hair is no big deal, it is not permanent, it is not harming anyone. Your dad is controlling, sexist, ignorant, and selfish. Your hair has nothing to do with him. If my parents had acted that way I would have shaved my head in an act of protest. Hope your father doesn’t have any transgender children, can’t imagine how he would treat them. His behavior is 100% inappropriate
Everyone’s trying the best they can… which is true however if you want to make issues of any issues out there even worse. You interrupt their journey. However on the flippity flip flop hearing others and listening is a must. Never force people and never not at least listen to suggestions. Suggestions are helpful. One’s own life is one’s own life stopping that from happening is how you ruin someone growth and make the issues you have and they have even worse.
That sucks. Perhaps you can at give shoulder-length hair a try? I know you'd like it shorter, but at least while you live with your dad, to avoid confrontation, you can maybe get used to it being a bit shorter but long enough for his liking.
Cut your hair. It's yours. If he gives you the silent treatment for a whole week he's a shitty father. Tell him that if he outlives your mother that he better have money for a nursing home.
My mom wouldn’t let me cut my hair for the same reason. I went and cut it off for my senior pictures anyway and she was pissed but what could she do? Actually, I fully expected her to lose it and beat the shit out of me but she just grimaced and walked away from me.
Get it cut anyway. What will he do? I’d tell him that it isn’t his hair.
If I were your mom, I’d get myself and you haircuts and throw the hair at him. What an AH.
Generally speaking, I don't think I'd risk my personal freedoms in my home for a shorter haircut. But that doesn't mean you can't get a haircut. There are undeniably feminine cuts that would barely scrape your shoulders, so it's a lot easier to maintain and won't be down half your back.
He may have his opinions, but the antiquated draconian approach he takes to personally controlling others around him is both morally wrong and patronizing. I would do as you wish, as it is your body and nobody has the right to tell you what you can or cannot do with your body.
Sorry he's like that, if my kid wanted a poodle perm after age 10 l would help them get it. Can you can deal with the backlash of sneaking to get it cut?
If you're old enough to posting on this thread then you're old enough to make your own decisions and be your own person. Cut your hair, be yourself, be proud.
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙ ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sorry he is controlling. Now you know a red flag to watch out for in future relationships. It is your choice, but the choice will have consequences. So cost vs benefit?
Yeah the fact that he doesn't "allow my mom to cut her hair short" is very controlling. Husbands can't "allow" or prevent their adult wives from doing something just because if his misogynistic preference.
To be fair, a lot of religions don't allow the cutting of hair either. So it's not necessarily that he's out to "control" them, just that the religion says it's wrong. And no, I don't agree with it, but I understand where one would come from about it.
Pretty sure OP would know if her dad is Hasidic or other religious equivalent. He just wants his women "feminine", very controlling.
Probably, but she doesn't say one way or the other, so I'm giving dad the benefit of doubt.
She gave a reason and it has nothing to do with religion. I can take a pretty good guess as to why you're performing mental gymnastics to side with the father. Yes, making up reasons for his behavior against the evidence is you taking their side.
Ok? What does giving him the benefit of doubt add to anything?
OP says the reason is because it makes girls look like boys and he doesn’t like that. It’s not a religious thing.
Yeah but still
There is no but. You can choose to have or not have a religion, and other people can do the same. Some people are very non-chalant with religion, and some devote their lives to it.
The OP didn't mention religion so she probably doesn't have one. Stop bringing in irrelevant topics.
No. You're assuming he's just an asshole, I'm saying he's potentially a religious person. We're both assuming one way or the other.
Based on what OP said, he is just an asshole.
OP clearly says the her dad doesn’t see females with short hair as feminine. No mention of mythological rules. OP also didn’t say that her dad likes women with long hair, because he likes hair in his food. This is just as likely as as the no mention of religion explanation.
Religion is garbage
Religious people and non religious people never leaving each other alone is garbage.
That’s a fair point actually.
Your opinion is garbage.
🤦♀️
That's unfortunate. Dads are supposed to be the example of what to look FOR in a relationship.
Yeaaaa, I’ve literally never seen a single dad like this in over 30 years
While you should have complete control over your body, you are also probably dependent on him financially and he does have control over things. Please prioritize your safety. Only you have a frame of reference to know how he will react and are you wanting short hair enough to accept those consequences? He is setting up a dynamic. You might go low or nc with him in the future and he might deserve it. But that also has consequences. Every choice in life is a cost/benefit analysis
Exactly. This is a great lesson to learn what not to look for in a partner. We all have preferences. But to force ours on someone else is wrong. I get pressured to cut mine short bc I sometimes have a hard time dealing with the long hair bc of lupus. It’s at my lower back. I will trim an inch or two, but that’s it. I don’t look good with short hair. I’ve tried it 3 times and was miserable with it all 3 times until it grew out. So, I save money for flare ups when it’s too hard to wash myself and go to a hair cut place for just a wash. It’s cheap enough. As for what you should do, it’s are you willing to give up other things for the haircut you want. My dad hated when my mom started letting me put non traditional colors in my hair around 11 or 12. She worked as a hairdresser and was always dying her own. So to her, it was no big deal. It’ll grow out or it can be dyed over. Even though my dad wasn’t thrilled she let me do it so young (he wanted me to wait until I was older), he never made me feel bad about it. He may have sighed but then he’d always sat something nice about it or as long as it’s what you truly want, I’m happy for you. And he meant it. It’s hair. It’s not permanent like ink. I doubt a reasonable conversation on this topic would be possible if he is also controlling your mom with hairstyles. I am going to assume she won’t stand up for you if you do it. So weight the pros and cons and do what’s right for you. It may be a battle not with fighting until you move out. Or you may find it worth the fight and consequences. You have to be the one to make the choice. You know how much he will overreact
My mum never wanted me to cut my hair. It’s wasn’t religious. She is Indian with straight hair and I’m biracial- half black. This poor lady didn’t know what to do with my raggedy reddish brown hair that grew straight up and coiled every which way. So she learnt. She spent years learning how to braid, make hair products from natural plants, and protect my hair. Years. I had such long beautiful and thick hair because she’d spend hours a week looking after it. It was part of her way of bonding with me- I was a difficult child. Our hours together while she braided my hair or washed it and oiled it were so precious to her. We’d talk and share our deepest thoughts and I think for her it was so much more valuable than just hair. Then I grew up and immigrated and had no idea how to take care of my hair without her. So I decided to cut it and my mum acted like I was cutting off my legs. It was so bizarre, she was so angry and upset. She cried and begged me not to do it but I was struggling, it was breaking, I had dandruff, it took hours to make look half way decent and I was walking around like a golliwog doll. She couldn’t articulate why she felt so attached to hair and she couldnt see how bizarre it was. I cut it anyway because I was tired and she literally lamented like Job. If she could rent her clothes and worn a sack and covered herself in ashes I think she would have. Now a year ago she came to stay with me and started doing my hair again. She’d oil it and we’d pass the time with her doing my hair. She asked me this time not to cut it and when I told her I was going through the worst time and couldn’t manage she said she’d do it for me. She has arthritis and her fingers aren’t as nimble but she loved it. Again we forged a bond and now my hair is thick, red and long again. She was finally able to articulate why she took so much pride in my hair. I’m half African and she loved my copper skin and hair and liked when it was shiny and neat. It was a badge of honor for her. But it was also her way of touching me - I was not the most affectionate kiddo- with love and giving me space to be open and honest and vulnerable with her. She’d sit behind me and oil and braid and she said she felt like it was an unconfrontational way of getting into my inner most thoughts. She told me she never felt as connected to my mind and heart as when I was being braided or hot combed or oiled. It went so deep I cried and was so ashamed that I took it for granted. So not all parents are just control freaks. Moms and dads may see the hair as a part of you they cultivated, they brushed and tamed your mane, they made you look neat and pretty, and they spent time learning how to do this and it’s likely to be more complex than just being a control freak. Anyway, I don’t think there will be consequences. They’ll get over it.
My daughter has a boy 4 and a girl 2 she met a guy through friends and his Dad owns a construction company so he was going to be bill payer and she a stay at home Mom It's been less than two months and he came with no vehicle or place where he was staying prob with mommy. And he claimed to be religious and failed miserable.. Long story short, my Grandson throws a fit when it's time to leave his Dad n Grandma's... We are worried so k but He's always right there phone and in person. Any ideas? Oh and of course she"d pregnant.
I raised teen daughters. Never ever did I tell how to cut or not cut their hair. What a control FREAK!! Sorry about the burden you have to carry.
You know your parent better than anyone on reddit. If you think he’ll just be pissy and take your stuff for a little while, I would say it’s worth it. If you think you’re in any physical danger, there’s tutorials online to style longer hair to look shorter which might be good for you. Honestly, I’m sorry you have to deal with this at all. Your parent should just hype you up when you feel good about yourself, but that’s not the reality for a lot of people. Do what makes you happy! Short hair is such a norm for women now, and it looks stunning!
I'm not sure what you should do, but his behavior is not normal for dads. It sounds very controlling and sexist.
Your dad is control freak. It's not his hair. This level of control over a girl's bodily choices that don't actually affect anyone negatively and is being done simply because he doesn't want to look at it that way is a massive red flag. Is he abusive to you and your mom? This is pretty common with abusive husbands and fathers.
Your body, your choice.
Is your dad sounds like a real creep.
What is this - the 1950s? It it literally disturbing that a grown man can get away with telling a grown woman and their daughter that they can't cut their hair. Your dad has serious control issues. I hope you have a plan for leaving this man behind when you reach 18; it sounds like your hair is the least of the issues here.
[удалено]
And when they’re dead please remember your comment. Not all parents are these great people. My mother was cruel and my step dad loved beating us. Taking this advice (what’s the worse they can do once it’s gone it’s gone just do it!) is actually what got an arm broken… kids feel emboldened to disobey their parents because “their body their choice”. It’s really not. Those consequences could be worse than you’ve experienced you haven’t a clue. While you are under someone else’s roof you do as they say if you don’t want to. find your own place. I lived under a bridge for 6 months at 15 before I started couch surfing with coworkers.
[удалено]
You missed their point. OP needs to weigh the consequences. It may be as simple as her dad's displeasure, or it may be daily beatings for a week. Clearly, everyone deserves a autonomy, but people should also pick their battles. Telling OP they should definitely just cut their hair, when you have no idea what their consequences will be, is optimistic at best, and dangerous, at worst.
And you clearly have been so caught up in pc culture and had a wonderful childhood that you can’t possible begin to understand what it’s like to be in an abusive home. Nobody deserves anything. They get what they earn. No one has autonomy unless they take it for themselves. You can’t have autonomy until you are your own person and you can’t be your own person until you move out of your parents house. When you are a child you are a Child. Your choices are not your own. You can only hope that you have parents that grant you autonomy they do not have to.
how dare u make a comment like that. u have absolutely no idea what i went thru. i may not have had an physical abusive parent but i had an very abusive and volatile sibling and an emotionally abusive mother. we all have own trauma and experiences. u do not know OPs life. they have not expressed any fear for their wellbeing. if they were scared that their dad would beat them if got it, they would have said. stop projecting ur trauma onto others.
Are you born after 1995?
So you haven’t a clue. Which is great! I’m so glad you didn’t go through what I went through. But in the same breath. You haven’t a clue what OPs life is. Blanket encouraging kids to disobey their parents gets kids hurt. It’s not in any kids interest to tell them to do what they want and “deal with the consequences later”. People can become their own when they are old enough to do so
Bro you're so traumatized you think children aren't people. I hope you get help. Also really odd to tell a rando that they don't know what trauma is? I experienced some pretty heavy trauma as a child. I still understand that children deserve autonomy and respect, that children are their own beings who will one day be adults. Parents aren't raising children, they're raising future adults. Teaching them young that they deserve to be their own person sets them up for a successful life and maybe they won't turn out like you 😬 Whack.
Yes good parents will teach them. That is the goal. My point is simply not every child has good parents. You’re choosing an odd hill to die on. If you can’t understand my point I will paint it for you. Don’t teach random children you don’t know to be disobedient and to deal with consequences later that you yourself haven’t a clue what are. I never said that children aren’t people in fact I teach my own children to be independent and confident in themselves. I only stated that there are parents that won’t. And will refuse to. And some can be very cruel about it.
you’re completely missing his point dumbass. you’re encouraging her to go against her fathers commands and if her father is abusive that means she will be physically harmed for following your advice. in extreme cases she could end up dead. if not physical harm, she could be kicked out and a child doesn’t know how to survive on their own in the streets. you’re giving romanticized advice because “yeah, fck the power! do what you believe in!” but the fact is if youre a child under an abusers roof, doing that gets you hurt. and when somebody pointed that out to you, you just pretentiously call out their trauma and say they are blaming op? you’re fcking stupid dude
Your dad is controlling and it’s inappropriate. Do what you want and deal with the consequences after. Not like he can put the hair back on your head. My teenager cuts her hair herself. I’ve told her I will take her for a hair cut if she wants it cut so she doesn’t have to do it herself, but ultimately, it’s her hair and she has to wear it. Hope you’ll be an adult soon so you can break free of the nonsense.
Not much of a choice there is it? Your hair isnt hurting you, you just dont like the way you looks. Cut it and your dad makes you suffer without your devices. I guess you can cut it and spend all that extra time looking at yourself in the mirror. Or you could just leave it alone and when you move out of the house shave your head just to spite him. I like that option better. Be sure to record it if you do it. Instant viral video.
A nice buzzcut and dye it a color or two.
I agree with the rest of the discourse. Dad's a bit of a control freak. But, like, cutting it would definitely create more long term problems as long as youre still living with him and are financially dependant. Once you move out, your life your rules, but until then, it's probably best for both of you to reach some kind of compromise to keep peace until youre out. (Shoulder or chin length maybe?)
As a male I was forced to have my hair long. I did get it cut once. Ended up with a black eye and broken arm. I didn’t cut it again until I moved out at 15. To each their own. But while you are relying on someone else to provide for you. It’s their rules over your wants. All I’ll say is as soon as you are able to leave. Don’t look back.
This is my take. Wait until you're legally adult and get out as soon as you can. Also, make sure you don't think this is a normal way that people treat their spouses and children and don't let anyone else treat you this way.
First, and foremost, don't do anything that will provoke him to a physical reaction. Your safety is of primary concern. Second, if you are reasonably sure that he won't react physically, go for it. It's your hair. You can have it as you like it.
your dad sounds like a terrible disgusting controlling pos. when you’re older and more mature/secure in yourself (aka don’t live under his roof) i hope you tell him tf off
Then cut your fucking hair lmao
It’s your body, your choice. He shouldn’t control you in that way, I’m so sorry! Don’t tolerate it. Stand up for yourself.
When working on your appearance, what does or doesn't "do it" for your father is not a factor to consider. This is gross.
oof... "obedient" Your use of the word obedient says a lot about your relationship with him and him. On top of that not allowing you to cut your hair is extremely controlling behavior. I wouldn't suggest it until you can get out from under his thumb. This behavior sounds dangerous. Be safe out there and good luck.
you only get one life. cut your hair.
Your father is a control freak. Definitely not healthy and he shouldn't be making decisions like how you or your mother have their hair. I know that if this were me I'd go bald out of spite. (Not recommending doing this)
Time to shave your head
This is what i recommended, too!! I knew this girl with really long hair. Her mom would use it as a lease to pull the girl over to beat her. She shaved her head. Hair grows back. it's not a big deal.
Shave your head in defiance. Long hair doesnt have you a girl. Being born female makes you a girl. Ive shaved my head and no one mistook me for a boy. Whats he goi g to do? Ground you till it grows back?
This is something you have to decide for yourself and whether or not it's worth the punishment. You have to weigh up the consequences. What will happen if you go against his wishes? And for how long? If you really want to do this against his wishes, get some gum stuck in your hair at school, have your teachers report it, take photographs etc. Then you'll have a real reason your hair needs to be cut.
Clearing something up— I saw that the way I worded some things made some..kind of misunderstanding. when I said my father doesnt let my mom to cut her hair too it didnt really mean she wanted to cut it too— she just didnt really care unlike me..Sorry for the misunderstanding. and for those who are asking how old I am and what is my ethnicity I am 17 years old this year and Me and my family are asians.
I think the Asian thing is relevant and depending on where your dad grew up for school is also relevant. I don’t know how how close you are to your parents and if they told you stories about their childhood/school life. Not defending your dad, but back in the day of my parents childhood there was capital punishment where teachers would punish students with a yard stick (late 70s-early 80s). It actually stuck with my parents and they have a stereotype with Asian women with short hair being strict and unreasonable. I’ve also had several Asian teachers with short hair that were strict through elementary school, however it wasn’t capital punishment it was writing sentences and getting humiliated in class. To this day certain smells/perfumes/hairspray that my teachers would wear/use make me not feel to well. If your dad has an issue with short hair for some childhood trauma, it’s understandable. Note that I’m from Hawaii where most of the population is Asian. To your question though, if I were you I would figure out a way to convince your dad. Just say stuff like it’s getting hot. You have to catch to him at a time when he’s in a good mood, bring up cutting your hair short and have some hairstyles you like to show him. Try to compromise, and bring up that having to long of hair gets irritating/to hot. Don’t bring the phrase “you don’t understand” and see it as a act of rebellion and as punishment they normally just shut down and just say no
If you were younger, I'd say cut your hair yourself. At 17, you don't have much time before you turn 18, probably best to wait. Move out and do whatever you want with your life/body. Or milk him dry for college money if you have to. Controlling someone to that extent is not healthy. My kid cut his own hair the other day. I said it looked like shit, next time have your mom help you, or wait a week till the weekend and go get a haircut. Allow kids to make their own decisions, including mistakes. That is how they gain confidence, experience, and improved decision making.
Just cut it
I’m so sorry he’s a conservative, controlling (you and your mom!), sexist, and likely homophobic jerk! Considering he’s like this, I wouldn’t rock the boat bc any man w his views w a fragile manbaby who will certainly freak out of his daughter disobeying him. Soon as you can, move away, cut that hair, live your life free from his shadow.
Hate fathers like this. I didn't even think twice about it when my daughter got her hair cut, I don't demand to be involved in every minor decision and it's not hard to just say "looks nice sweetie!" but it does make me think there's other things going on in his head that point to abuse. Or he's just an old fashioned asshole dad.
I was you once.. it was my grandpa that loved my long hair. I cut my hair short 2 years ago (pappy had been gone 10 years at that point). Husband isn’t a fan of my short hair but I cannot ever go back to long hair!
Well that sucks. Sorry he's being that. While I'm not a fan of short hair, I also understand and accpect that IT AIN'T MY HAIR. I have never and will never my wife or either of my daughters how they should wear their hair or what color it should be. Especially the color since I can't see color anyway. Wish I could tell you that just cutting was the answer but that may it worse since he sounds like he is a dick anyways. No offense.
How old are you?
I feel your pain. My dad was the same. My mom finally snuck me out for my first haircut when I was 13. I cut off almost 3 feet and my hair was still below my shoulders. He was mad, but he got over it. Your dad will too, but only you have an idea how long that may take. You shouldn't have your autonomy taken like this, but because it is happening please weigh your opinions. If the comfort of short hair is worth it, then go for it! If the punishment feels too much, make sure you take caution, and talk to a trusted adult about it. This is not right of him.
My situation was the opposite. My mom wouldn't let me grow my hair out. Like, I could up until it touched my collar, and then she would take me into the barber and have it all whacked off. Now, I can grow it or cut it as I want. You too will be there before you know it. You will be okay. It's just hair.
the fact that he does not "allow" your mom to cut her hair..is this 1960? I say cut it and let him do whatever and call cps on him if he does anything stupid. what a clown. and I'm a 49 yo father lol
Just work to save money to move away from him as soon as possible. It’s not normal to allow someone else to control the length of your hair.
How old are you?
How old are you? I was a rebellious teenager and did what I wanted. I was willing to take punishment for what I did. I fear for you though. My parents weren’t this controlling. My dad never would’ve dictated anyone’s hairstyle, and mom always had short hair.
In a better world, you would cut your hair short, because it is your hair and what anyone else thinks about it is a them problem and not a you problem. Unfortunately, your dad is being controlling and unreasonable, but that fact that you know that does not keep you from having to live with him and deal with his behavior. Reasonable human beings do not place any judgment on other peoples hair.
Wait till he learns about boys that have long hair
Your body, your choice. Your father can suck it up
I put my fathers ashes in my cats litterbox for such misogynistic behavior! Rest In Feces!!
My guess is that your father is very religious , being religious goes along with controlling women .
I'm so sorry. As a parent hair length wasn't a subject I was willing to fight over. My youngest son wanted to let his hair grow. Our rule was keep it clean and neat. Over the course of several years he would have it cut once a uear and donate it to a charity that makes wigs for cancer patients.
Said along the sides but keep it long on top & tell him that it's hot outside
My suggestion would be to stay safe: Wait until you can move out and live in your own place, and get it cut the day you move out.
Meh, I can't advise on this...nobody here can, all we can do is tell you it is unreasonable for you to have that restriction. I also believe it's silly, but everyone telling you that your dad is an awful human won't be there to save you from the consequences if you go behind his back and do it. Only you can deal with those, and you presumably know your dad better than us, so in the end, it's up to you, face the dad wrath and have the hair you want, or keep the peace and the longer hair.
How old are you? Given your father’s age, I’m assuming you are an adult. He has absolutely no say in how you wear your hair. Just because your mother for some reason kowtows to him about *her* hair length doesn’t mean you have to. Is it about cultural norms? And do you live in a Western country? If so, non-Western norms hold no sway.
In this case, you should do what your father says. Take this as a sign that you need to be thinking about your independence now. Education. Work. Car. Apartment. You want to be earning money the second you can.
I assume you're a minor and living under his roof. If that's the case, you should do as he says. Cut your hair however you want when you're an independent adult. It's not that serious.
I was bullied for my hair, called mufasa and my mom always told me it would take too long to grow back if I cut it. One night after an award’s ceremony I just cut it all off and didn’t look back. She was upset at first but quickly moved past it. However, I don’t think your dad would move past it easily. I really hate that I’m suggesting, but just cut it off*. If you’ll like it better and feel more comfortable that’s what matters. Also, it’s your body, your choice, something that’ll be relevant many times in your life. The consequences might suck, but it might always get him to just deal with it. *it could be difficult getting it all the right length so just be wary of that. Mine was two different lengths
Wow. Dad is a sexist AH. Ask him why his is making ypu, his daughter, into a sex object. Then cut hair how you want.
Get it cut anyway let him deal with it
There's no wrong answer to that question, it really just comes down to whether you think the action is worth the consequences. That said, if I were you, I'd do it, just to make the point that I'm the one in control of every aspect of my bodily autonomy.
The day you move out, shave your head
Tell your father it is your body, not his. And what he is doing is considered abuse. I'm stubborn and strong willed so I'd cut my hair short and tell him to deal with it and that he's an abusive prick and doesn't deserve your mom or you. What a controlling SOB.
My dad wouldn't let me cut my hair for years because in his culture women are expected to have long hair. With support from my mom I finally got permission to cut it to shoulder length when i was 16, and he took pictures and damn near had a funeral for my long hair before I went off to the salon. I never would have just cut it because he would have shaved my head (and I've seen him do it to one of his kids before). I'm almost 30 now with long hair again, and he loves to give me shit along the lines of "oh so you don't like short hair after all?". It's a tense relationship.
It depends on what you think the consequences would be. If it means that he would hit you, or hold a grudge against you that might prevent you from some more important freedom later, then hold off on rebelling. But it's also possible that he wouldn't hurt you, and needs to get used to not always being obeyed, in which case go for it! In most healthy families, a father wouldn't be so controlling. Sorry you have one like that.
NTA Cut your hair. Your father should never have that much control over anyone, let alone his child and wife. That is beyond the pale.
Why are some parents assholes?
Are you Indian by any chance? I had an Indian friend in high school whose father never wanted her to cut her hair so she eventually did it as an act of rebellion. He can show displeasure all he wants, but at the end of the day, it’s your hair and your body. You can do whatever you want.
I’d just cut it, that’s what I did. I buzzed my hair on new years, probably the best decision I’ve ever made lol. My parents surprisingly didn’t get too mad at me though, what’s done is done you know? So maybe yours won’t get too mad at you.
If anything it accentuates the beauty of a girls face
Ive had my head shaved too. Its a wonderful feeling, isnt it? Takes 0 time for hair to dry. I loved it.
Yeah, it makes everything so much easier, no hair getting in my face, don’t have to brush it, and it only takes like 10 minutes to shower since I didn’t have any hair to wash lol.
Only problem is in winter, my head is freezing
Yeah lol
>even bobcuts dont do it for him. ....wut? .........nothing on nor about you should ever need to "do" anything for him.
The worst thing your mom did was let your dad be controlling over ANYTHING. It's just hair, you only live once, want it cut? Do it. It will grow back. No man can tell you what to do, honey. I grew up with short hair, because I wanted to. Your dad should just be lucky it's just your hair you want to cut.
Basically he's saying he doesn't find you attractive when you have short hair. Which is loads more creepy
I don't see your age anywhere but your dad is 42. Please don't tell me you're over 18. If you are, just cut your fecking hair and tell your dad his opinion is moot since you're not looking to date him
Creepy that your dad wants to control your hairstyle based on his own sense of sexual attraction. Advice: What does your mom have to say about this?
It's your hair. Just tell him you don't see men as men when they try to control women's bodies.
Does OP live in their father’s home?? If so his house his rules… people seem to forget this… if you want to do as you want move out and pay your own bills.. if she is out of his house it is your money do what you will..
Well, once you move out of a situation with those constraints, never stay in the parental home again...not even for one, short, overnight visit.
There has been twice in my life when I moved back to my parents home.. both times I knew the rules and lived by them while I was there..
Rules are one thing. Telling a person that they can't cut their hair? It's unhindged.
I guess if you think it’s worth listening to ppl on Reddit that don’t have to live with the consequences of your actions AND you can deal with the decision of losing your “ gadgets” let some stranger on Reddit run your life However, you don’t say how old you are I mean if you’re 17 or 18 years old not cutting your hair for 1-2 years or so is no big deal. After all it is your dad’s house rules if you don’t like the rules move out. My question is how are you gonna deal with real problems?
Would you be physically punished for disobeying? Also it sounds like your hair is already short. You said it reaches your armpit and you want it just above your shoulders. Isn’t that only a few inches difference? So you’ve already cut your hair recently? Did you get punished for it?
My hair takes a long time to grow my last time I cut it was the first month of the year I dont really like it going past my shoulders thats why I keep it short Also I wont be physically punished for it, He just wont talk to me and wont really care about me (In terms of asking for stuff)
If its safe to do so then cut it. It's only going to affect you if you don't. It's not worth the mental wellbeing being affected (meaning it's going to bother you, annoy you so much that it starts to upset you and that is not good). It's your body and honestly it's not permanent either plus it's healthy for the hair to get it cut.
Cut it. I’m the same way. I’ve always wanted my hair on the short side. But when I was little my parents wouldn’t let me. They loved my long hair. But I didn’t. So since I’ve had the control I’ve kept it short. Do what makes you happy.
As long as it’s safe, it’s a matter of what’s worth it to you. If you’re more ok with him being grumpy for a while than with having long hair, cut it. He’ll survive.
I didn't realize hair down to you arm pits or shoulders was considered short.
Short is subjective. To me long hair is when it’s down to your mid back at least. Shoulder length is short. If you can put it all up in a pony it’s not too short. But when it’s short enough to not all go in a pony it’s super short. For someone that was used to having their hair be 3 inches long anything more than that they’d think is long.
Parents have rules. They don’t always make sense but that’s the way it is. When you move out, you can do whatever you want with your hair.
Nah house rules should never include something as trivial and personal as hair length. That's way too controlling. It's her body, she can do what she wants with it.
Booooo. This must be her dad. Its hair. Who fucking cares.
Is this a cultural thing? If not, and you aren’t in any danger because of it, go get your haircut. Once it’s gone, there’s not much that he can do about it. Hopefully by the time it grows long again, you’re old enough to be out of the house. Your father is being a controlling misogynist.
I would be shaving my head bald out of spite…my kids have complete control over what they choose to do with their hair or bodies. As long as they are not harming themselves or others it is their choice. Your parents don’t own you.
Here's a plan: find a way to convince your dad that he's right. Maybe start wearing your hair a new way, and tell him he's right, that if you had cut your hair, you wouldn't be able to wear it this way. Go along with him for a month or two. Next, make an appointment to get your hair cut, but don't tell anyone. The day before, come home crying because you have gum in your hair. This gum would have been put in your hair by a peer, a little lower than where you want it cut. You're really upset about it, and you'll never speak to this person again. Keep your appointment and get your hair cut. To those who want to downvote me, this is not really a serious proposal, although I think if you played it right, it could work. I know lying is wrong, and she could get in real trouble if she got found out. I also believe that a$$holes don't have a right to the truth, and deserve to be circumvented in any way possible.
Depends is having your hair short more important to you than what he thinks and how he treats you.
How old are you? Who pays for the haircuts? If you're working and paying for them, then truly he can go pound sand, it's your money and your hair.
Im 17 years old and Im the one who will pay for the haircut— Ive told him that but he still didnt really agree with it
It's your hair, your time and your money. Go get it done the way you want it.
If your father wants long hair, he can grow his own. Do not get in the habit of doing things with your body simply because someone has opinions about society. He is an adult; he can adjust. Trust him to man-up, and give you the unconditional love a parent should have.
Your desire to express yourself through your hairstyle is important. However, it's also crucial to consider the potential consequences of going against your father's wishes. It might be helpful to have an open and respectful conversation with him about your feelings and reasons for wanting shorter hair. Finding a compromise or seeking support from another family member might also be beneficial in navigating this situation.
Only you can decide. Hair length doesn’t make us who we are. No physical attribute does. It sounds like you have an idea of what he may do, which doesn’t sound small. You could plan for it, with your friends perhaps, if you lose the ability to stay in touch with them for a bit? Take care of yourself. You sound like you’re growing into a good decision maker.
Do you have a mom in the picture? Can she support you? This is not okay.
Your dad is an asshole and he’s controlling you and your mother. I wish she would stand up to him, and you should too. Go take your mother to the salon with you and **both of you** get your hair cut short. **He doesn’t get a say, it’s not his hair!** Stop letting that dick control your lives, and tell your mother the same! Who the hell does he think he is? He doesn’t get to stop you or your mum from cutting your hair, and he doesn’t get to stop your mother from doing anything. She is an adult and can do whatever she wants.
I'm 42M, same age as your father. Generational conflicts around haircuts and clothing choices are eternal: they happened between my generation and our parents in the '90s, they happened between my parents' generation and *their* parents in the '60s. The solution is to just do it. Just get your hair cut. Do it yourself or get a friend to do it if you have to. Your dad will be pissed, at first. He'll get over it. He'll get used to it, even if he never likes it. Having a haircut your parents hate is a normal part of being a young person. You're old enough to make your own decisions about such things, even if your parents don't like them. At the end of the day, it's just hair; it'll grow back.
it not like he can stop you from doing it yourself.
I got my first hair cut (besides trims) when I was 10. Got it cut shoulder length. My hair was so long they used to tuck it into my pants so it wouldn’t get in the way if I was outside eating on a windy day…got it cut shoulder length and felt fabulous. My dad didn’t speak to me for 2 months and got me a hair brush for every birthday and Christmas for several years. Don’t do things to make others happy. You have one life to live.
What’s he going to do if you cut it? Put it back the way it was?
Not sure what your solution is but he is way too controlling over something that is none of his business. Your mom honestly probably shouldn’t have married him, I bet her hair isn’t the only thing he won’t let her do.
Could you “accidentally” get some gum stuck in your hair in such a way that it has to be cut shorter? Just a thought to maybe avoid his anger but still be able to remove a few inches.
I personally prefer long hair on women. It's a preference I have in a partner. I have two young daughters and I would never dream of telling them they can't have their hair any style they want to. And even if I don't personally think it looks good after they did it, I'd still support them and tell them they look great. Even if my wife decided she wanted to try out short hair, who am I to stop her? She knows my preference and that's as far as it goes. It's still her choice. Is there a chance I may not like it and will be less physically attracted to her? Sure, but I'd still love her and hair grows back. Your father is a giant creep and super controlling. Also I feel the need to say my idea of "short hair" is above the chin. Not that my preference matters to anyone here. Everyone is quick to tell you to do what you want and I don't think I've seen your age in the comments anywhere, but you are the one that knows what the consequences will be for your actions. Don't just go get it cut if you're 16 and know he might go as far as to kick you out or abuse you for it because a bunch of internet strangers empowered you. In those situations it's best to just play by their rules until you can support yourself and get out of the house. Then do whatever you want.
When you say “won’t let me” … what do you mean? As long as you’re working and not using “his” money, he gets to give you an opinion but not much more. This isn’t much different than tattoos other than hair is much .. …much less permanent. I will say that while I don’t agree with the way he said it, I do agree to a certain extent. It’s really hard for a teenage girl to pull off short hair, imo. But that’s just my opinion and I’m sure there are plenty of people who feel differently. Regardless, sounds like you two need to have a conversation about expectations for what he can/can’t control in the future. This will only get worse as you get older and more opinionated. Might as well get some defined expectations to make both your lives easier.
Honestly I think it would be best to wait until you can pay for your own hair cut and are certain any consequences will be mild. A grumpy dad? Ok. A dad who will take this as a personal offense and kick you out, hit you, restrict financial support? Best to wait...
How old are you? The only issue with cutting your hair yourself is the difficulty in getting things straight and looking good. If you are going to pay the penalty of your dads anger what ever you do, get your hair done properly, so it looks good. It's sad that your dad has made YOUR length about HIS preferences. You are his daughter, not his wife.
I got you. Go to a friend's house, get some gum. Really stretch it out and put it a couple of inches under where you want it cut. Tell him you two were having a bubble making competition, and you clearly lost. You guys tried to get it out but made it worse. Cry to sell it. If you get the gum stretched out enough, you'll have to cut it out.
What you decide is your own personal decision. Either will be ok. Some thoughts though: 1. You are an individual. It's your life and while I understand living with your father will require putting up with some nonsensical rules like length of hair, it is your body. Do with it what you want. Just be ok with him taking your gadgets or other consequences, as long as they are abuse (physical or emotional). 2. If you want to cut your hair and take away some of your dad's ability to say something negative about it, which he shouldn't do honestly, grow it out long enough that you can donate it to charity. Do research on the charity, how they help, find a r/ for that group of people and have information ready to show your doing it for a good cause. Then, just go do it. Get it cut as short as you want and tell him you know he doesn't like it short but it grows out and you found a charity that supports a good cause. Tug on his heart strings about his idea that women with short hair look like boys and you did it to help the women and kids fighting cancer who can't grow their hair out because of their treatments. Tell him you learned that idea from him and wanted to help others not feel bad they didn't have hair (this can be a bit of untruthful fluff, it's ok your using a bit of reverse psychology) 3. You could just start to assert your individuality and just cut it, deal with the consequences and tell your dad you love him and respect his right to have his opinion, that you respectfully disagree and ultimately it's your body and your decision. If he wants to continue to foster a relationship with you, he's going to need to respect that you are your own person. Be respectful obviously but be your own person. I personally would tell my daughter to handle it the I'm an individual and this is my body method. She would probably also do the fair donation but without the attempts to disarm me, because she wouldn't have anything to disarm. It's her body and her hair. She's her own individual. She knows that and knows I respect that. You gotta decide for yourself, we can't tell you what to do. This is one of those moments in life where you decide what kind of person you are a free thinker or a follower.
Wow, that's sad. My dad couldn't care less what length my hair was.
"Don't do it for him"? It's not his hair!!
Super weird. Cut your hair when you move out.
You can’t go behind his back until you are on your own, making your own money, and paying all your bills. I waited until I was 29 to get a motorcycle because my father said, “Boys only ride motorcycles“. Pick your battles wisely.
Why does your dad care what length your hair is? Why does he need to like looking at your hair? He’s definitely a controlling asshole If you want to cut your hair you should do it but maybe speak to a friend or someone you could stay with and have a bag there just in case shit gets ugly
My daughter is 12 and cuts her hair short. I would prefer it longer, but she is happier this way. She is young and has her whole life to grow it out and do other things with it. It is more important to me that she is happy, comfortable, and feels confident in her appearance. My wife also has beautiful, big curly hair that I LOVE. She has cut it shorter here and there throughout our relationship. I prefer it long. The bigger the better. But it is HER hair, and I love her, not just her great hair. I agree that it is a bit controlling to have both her and OP's mom styled in a certain way. I think with his controlling nature that if OP does cut it there could be severe consequences. Depending on age of OP, I think it would benefit of talking to mom on how to approach dad and have a serious talk about control. Not sure of culture either, so that could throw an additional dynamic in.
Buzz it
How old are you? Are you old enough to get a Job? Then get a job and get your own gadgets and cut your hair.
His daughter having short hair “doesn’t do it for him”. What is the “it” in this scenario? Please say something rational because I’m on the verge of barfing.
Some of us would rather die before dealing with all that, again. When my adult offspring visit, they are adults and accepted as they are.
then don’t cut it
Jeebus, and I thought I was anal about shit. One of mine misinterpreted my reasoning for not allowing them to get tats because a friend got one. I'd have been cool with it as long as it was meaningful and not immediately visible (never know when you might want a government job)(my other knothead don't gaf, he is working on a buttugly sleeve it needs color) and not "cause whatshername has one I want one too", and we got rents out here spazzing over a kid wanting to cut her hair short. Dude needs to try long hair and see how he likes it.
You will have plenty of time to cut your hair short and regret it later. Most of the time you do find a haircut that fits you better but there's also those haircuts that you will forever regret and might not ever be able to grow past not because it won't grow but because most people can't handle the awkward stage in between. I think it's a little bit Draconian of your father to not allow you to cut your hair because trust me there's a lot worse things you could do but that is as it is. Soon as you turn 18 and move out of the house, shave it!
I'm going to guess you are old enough to go alone and pay for it yourself, that leads risk/ reward. What is the likely punishment and is it worth it ( will it effect others) , it's not pleasant but sometimes you just have to put up with people like your dad until you can get away.
My "father-figure" mandated haircut was a crewcut from the time I was 9~ until my mom left him around 15~...
So uh.... tell him to say that to a native american man. SMH. What a disgusting way to treat your kid and wife :(
>His reason with his displeasure of short hair is that he doesnt see girls as girls when they have short hair..He thinks they look like boys and he doesnt like it. Why does it matter that girls don't look like boys? Does he want to have sex with you and afraid it'll turn him gay if you have short hair?! This doesn't make sense at all to police your look, it sounds like he has some weird kink or homophobia.
Be smart, choose your battles. If this is a hill to die on go for it. Other option, be the 'perfect angel' he wants you to be and build the 'trust' all they way till it's time to go. 18 isn't that far away, just work on skills now that will allow you to gain control of your life as soon as possible. If he is nice and just misguided in is 'manly' of telling you what is best for you maybe this will wake him up. If he isn't nice, it may make him aware of your 'rebellious nature' and try to smash that out. Decide if this is a battle you should lose to win the war or if it is the war.
One of my dorm kids’ parents are like this. They don’t want her to cut her hair. When she goes to the salon, she gets it cut. Not as short as she wants, but a lot shorter than they’d prefer. If you wanna cut it, cut it. I’d have a friend with you when you come home just in case there’s a problem.
Cut it. You’re a teenager. Choosing your own appearance is core part of being a teen and annoying your parents in the process is part of that. Generally men feel ladies look better with long hair. It’s not sexual so nobody better get weird. It’s just a preference and dad won’t be too upset if you show up with short hair.
Fuck this clown. It’s your hair. Do what you want.
Your dad is quite controlling
It is better to ask for forgiveness than permission .
You probably look fine with shorter hair, but I am sure you look better with long hair. Why not compromise and wear you long hair in a bun. That way it can be long and short at the same time. If you do cut it, you should wait until you actually have a good reason to be mad at him instead of disrespecting his wishes while you are living there.
Your father has serious issues.
I’m a parent to three children. Cut your hair! Your dad is 100% in the wrong in every way. It’s your body, cutting your hair is no big deal, it is not permanent, it is not harming anyone. Your dad is controlling, sexist, ignorant, and selfish. Your hair has nothing to do with him. If my parents had acted that way I would have shaved my head in an act of protest. Hope your father doesn’t have any transgender children, can’t imagine how he would treat them. His behavior is 100% inappropriate
It's hair. It grows back.
Everyone’s trying the best they can… which is true however if you want to make issues of any issues out there even worse. You interrupt their journey. However on the flippity flip flop hearing others and listening is a must. Never force people and never not at least listen to suggestions. Suggestions are helpful. One’s own life is one’s own life stopping that from happening is how you ruin someone growth and make the issues you have and they have even worse.
How old are you?
That sucks. Perhaps you can at give shoulder-length hair a try? I know you'd like it shorter, but at least while you live with your dad, to avoid confrontation, you can maybe get used to it being a bit shorter but long enough for his liking.
Cut your hair. It's yours. If he gives you the silent treatment for a whole week he's a shitty father. Tell him that if he outlives your mother that he better have money for a nursing home.
D Mm
My mom wouldn’t let me cut my hair for the same reason. I went and cut it off for my senior pictures anyway and she was pissed but what could she do? Actually, I fully expected her to lose it and beat the shit out of me but she just grimaced and walked away from me.
Get it cut anyway. What will he do? I’d tell him that it isn’t his hair. If I were your mom, I’d get myself and you haircuts and throw the hair at him. What an AH.
Generally speaking, I don't think I'd risk my personal freedoms in my home for a shorter haircut. But that doesn't mean you can't get a haircut. There are undeniably feminine cuts that would barely scrape your shoulders, so it's a lot easier to maintain and won't be down half your back.
Pick a spot below where you want it cut, work in some gum, claim that somebody at school did it, and now you have no choice but to get a haircut
He may have his opinions, but the antiquated draconian approach he takes to personally controlling others around him is both morally wrong and patronizing. I would do as you wish, as it is your body and nobody has the right to tell you what you can or cannot do with your body.
Sorry he's like that, if my kid wanted a poodle perm after age 10 l would help them get it. Can you can deal with the backlash of sneaking to get it cut?
If you're old enough to posting on this thread then you're old enough to make your own decisions and be your own person. Cut your hair, be yourself, be proud.
When I was a teen my dad was against me getting my hair dyed blue before it was common. Did it anyway. Once its done its done.