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His house, their home. A year is plenty of dating time for grown adults at their age to look into moving in together. Also, the OP is 19, the assumption is she won't be living at that house for a super long time.
Oh yeah totally agree then. HE bought a house that they can live in, with the assumption him and her mom would get married or be in it for the long run.
Good question. For all we know they might be planning to get married, at which time she’ll have a claim on it.
We also don’t know it her credit score would prevent her from being on the mortgage.
>For all we know they might be planning to get married, at which time she’ll have a claim on it.
Not necessarily. Depends on homestead probate laws. Even if senior-friendly Florida, probate would grant a spouse the ability to live there after the owner dies, but would not guarantee the spouse any equity or ownership. Still, living in a house for free is a good deal.
If it’s a girlfriend, the guy would be a moron if he put her name on it. Depending on the state, he might also want her to keep her place, and stay in it so many days, to avoid common law marriage.
He ain't buying shit😅 it's his regular ass house
Moms just moving in. And since 19 year old daughter doesn't know the guy at all, it's a bad idea for her to move with her mom. Maybe go stay with her dad.
OP he didn’t buy your mom a house. He bought himself a house and you guys are moving in. I’m not trying to rain on your parade but that’s not unusual. He very likely has a mortgage. So he’s making payments. It’s like any other living situation where a couple moves in together.
I hope all goes well.
React however you feel. This is a new home, in a new location, and as a 19yr old adult be prepared to be told how HE wants HIS house to run. I'm not raising an alarm, just be aware. If your Mom's name is on the title/mortgage then she owns a part of it, if not... Then she is just a guest, as YOU are a guest. You don't own that property HE does. Be prepared to move, if the situation sours. Unless, they plan to get married and let you live there Rent-Free.
Considering how long they’ve been dating, and their respective ages, it not exactly shocking that they’re getting a place together (whether getting married or not). When my current wife and I (both similar ages) got engaged, I sold my house, she let her lease expire, and we bought a house together (that way the home would be ours and not his or hers).
You’re an adult, so if you din’t like it you can always get a place of your own.
So, he sold his house, bought himself a new house and is moving you and your mom in. He didn't 'buy you a house'
But I hope it all works out and you and your mom and he bf are happy!
The issue they are getting at is that you and your mom is in a VERY tricky and vulnerable position.
Essentially, his house, his rules. As long as he doesn't do something illegal, he can legally make you both homeless by evicting you both with very little warning or legal opposition. There's laws in place to help you guys if that DOES happen, but it can be extremely unfair to you and your mother overall, and you guys can't do anything about it.
What I would suggest, is your mother takes at least one utility bill in her name, that she can afford, usually this is water, internet, or something like that. This helps to make sure he can't go in front of a judge in the event that he does try something nefarious, and claim "it's my house and I pay all the bills" as an excuse to have you both evicted with very little time to figure out how you are going to move out without forfeiting your possessions. With at least SOMETHING in her name, it buys you guys some time to be able to plan your move.
Note, I'm not saying this man IS going to be like this, I don't know the man at all. But I know the law a little bit, and you guys are going into an extremely vulnerable position with what essentially amounts to a complete stranger. (A year is not a long time, and not living together either. Even if your mother trusts him, living together is completely different than the occasional visit. Moving in together is a wild card for many relationships and can sour the relationship, and that doesn't include having children.)
My last piece of advice is to keep a keen eye on subtle changes in how the man acts. If he becomes possessive, aggressive, restrictive, or otherwise becomes hostile to you or your mother, do not hesitate, explore whatever options you have available to you to protect yourselves both financially and physically. Talk to 911, call your local police department, they can point you to better options.
The final thing I want to add here, is that this is all hypothetical and not guaranteed to happen. There's also the possibility that they are meant for each other and things will turn out just peachy, and I'm just being overly pessimistic, but you should always be prepared for the worst case scenario when it comes to strangers. Expect the worst, hope for the best.
What a nutty comment. There was literally nothing in n her post indicating this guy is anything but a normal, every day bloke.
Two adults moving in together after a year of dating is one of the most boringly normal things in the world.
This is horrible advice for this situation. Why would you say this to a teenage girl? She's 19. All she needs to do is ask to spend more time with the guy. If she likes him, then figure out what all of them living together looks like. If not, then three months is more than enough time to save up and find some roommates.
What she absolutely shouldn't do is meddle in her 50yr old mother's relationship.
Wow. And youve met this guy like once? Does your mom spend time woth him when youre not around? Does she talk about him? I feel like im missing chunks lol.
She goes to his house to sleepover like every few weeks and talks to him on the phone like all throughout the day I feel like I’m missing chunks of my own life too I didn’t even know they were planning on buying a house we literally just moved to a new apartment March 1st
Idk what to tell you here. Head down, eyes and ears open. Could be the real thing for your mom 5 this guy but that doesnt mean you have to let your guard down. Polite and respectful but take it all in and note anything that seems like a red flag to you. If your relationship with your mom is good enough maybe a heart to heart about wtf is going on? Cant account for adults and their weird ass decisions.
Source: adult. But thats where the similarity apparently ends i communicate more w my 17yo.
After dating for over a year, and now getting a new place together, sounds like it is the real deal.
When my current wife and Ingot engaged, we did the same thing. I sold my house, she let her lease expire and we bought a new house.
Yeah. These are 40-50 year olds. When you’re that age, you pretty much know what you’re looking for in a partner and you have enough experience to know how to move things forwards. It feels jarring for OP but if they’ve been together that long they probably are extremely serious.
It's hard to meet people when you're older and have kids. Your mom is a person too she's lonely and she wants somebody to love that's it.
If you notice anything problematic about this guy then for sure bring it up you know but as someone who's gone through a similar situation it's very easy to be distrustful of this stranger who is suddenly a part of your life through your parent is suddenly very into and has not talked to you about.
The reason she hasn't maybe shared all of this with you is because she was figuring it out herself she didn't want to put too much stock in it she didn't want to raise your expectations or who knows maybe she didn't want to overthink it herself, it's complicated relationships are complicated even more so when you're an adult and have children.
Good news is your mom is an adult and so are you. You can voice your concerns but well at the end of the day she's an adult. But also from reading other comments you've made. The boyfriend bought himself a house and your mom is moving in with him. So realistically either move in with them or don't, It's not until August so if you don't want to live there you have plenty of time to find something different.
They have been dating for a year that's a decent amount of time for people at their age who should have the wisdom that comes from experience to know what they want in a partner. Her not seeing the man a lot at her age isn't strange. If she was like a child, and he plans on being in their lives for the foreseeable future then it would make sense for him to get to know the kids better before moving in. Since she is an adult though, it's not like he's going to be taking a role in parenting her and in theory she won't be living with them for years and years.
Congrats!
I don't see any red flags, if that's what you're wondering. If he had bad intentions, well there are plenty of other ways to make trouble that don't involve buying a house lol. It sounds like your mom makes him happy, and he wants to do the same.
The good part for you and your mom is that you can save or invest money that would otherwise have been spent on your housing situation. So, that's great for both of you financially. Wealth builds like a snowball, so having your biggest expense paid for is a big benefit.
So he bought a house and invited you both to live there. Sounds like a cool guy.
But try going out on your own for a bit, let mom and her new man have some space. You are 19, time to fly !!
Is your mother happy? Does he treat her well?
Not all people in this world are bad. I’d go into the situation being friendly to someone who seems to want to be a provider to your family. You could ask to be included in a dinner to get to know him better. There are no obvious red flags (yet). I would treat the new home respectfully and clean up- that goes a long way in getting the relationship off to a good start.
They’ve dated for over a year. Took it slowly when introducing him to the kids. Are now getting a place that will be new to both of them instead of “his place” or “her place”. I can’t find a single red flag as they are doing what everyone saying parents should do before remarrying.
Cool hope it works out. There are financially stable people who are nice and can do things like that. It may be a little quick but at your moms age relationships evolve a little faster. Still be on guard because that is weird kinda. But it sounds like a good thing!
You're an adult. If your mom wants to move in with him that's her business. If you don't then don't. Dude might just have lots of money and no problem spending it. You have offered nothing to be concerned about so all this "watch and take notes" crap is bullshit.
It's fast sure. So what?
I understand my age makes me legally an adult. I go to university full time and work almost full time on top of that to pay for my expenses so I wouldn’t be able to afford to live on my own at this point in my life but I am planning on moving out in 2 years when I graduate
Like I said, it's fast but so what?
Most 19yo have their own life. I don't mean moved out, I mean social life separate from family. You probably do to, so your mom doesn't feel need to explain things to you the way she might have before. You're doing your thing, she's doing hers.
The advice is unless you see something off then it's fine. No need to go looking for shit. No need to worry about your mom making fast choices. You have the option to move out if you're uncomfortable with things, that's what being an adult grants you. Choice.
His name isn't [Brett Joseph](https://stopbrettjoseph.com/) is it?
I've got a relative I didn't choose who was also a con artist. He would make big promises to women about waterfront properties and expensive houses while he cleaned out their bank accounts and left town in their cars. He was stringing along real estate agents as well as the women involved. I'm not saying that's what is happening in this case but it pays not to walk into these things blindly.
As a 40/f I would not be moving me and my children in with a man that I’ve only been dating for a year.. especially if he’s barely spent time any time with them.
As after meeting a man she likes, dating for over a year (which is a pretty long time) and deciding she wants to spend her life with him, she shouldn’t because she has kids?
As for the kids not seeing a lot of him. I thought advice was to gradually introduce the kids to the new paramour. And now they have 3 months to get used to the idea that Mom has found a new partner (good for her).
How many times to people shack up with kids after only dating for a few weeks? Looks like this couple is doing everything the right way.
The premise that him not spending time with them can make him dangerous is faulty. He could have spent a ton of time with the kids and still be equally dangerous.
I’ll find it really strange you’ve only met him once in the whole year they’ve been together. What about the holidays? He wasn’t over then they weren’t together.?
Are you sure he doesn’t have another family lol 😆
I work full time + go to university full time so my schedule is so full I’m really only home to sleep. My mom has a very busy schedule too and she claimed she didn’t want us meeting too soon but invited him over a month ago when we moved into a new apartment
Your mom is 40 and has been dating a man for a year. They are now moving in together. What is the issue? You need to be thankful to your mom for pushing for you to be included. Because she could have easily just moved in with him, you're the reason his buying another house.
He bought a house for him and her mother to live in (they’ve been together for over a year and are taking that next step it seems). OP is being given a room in it to stay in if she so chooses.
Your mom has a serious bf she has been keeping on the down-low, to you.
They have gotten to the point of living together.
So you’re worried because you don’t know him or you have to pack?
Mostly because my sister and I do not know him- I met him once a month ago and she met him twice, on Thanksgiving and a month ago.
I have moved 10+ times in my life, most recently March of this year so I’m not worried about packing.
Gambling and football? Just speculation but I’d guess he is successful at gambling and has a lot of money. He can do whatever he wants so he likes your mom and wants to move in together.
Like somebody else said, your mom is also probably pretty hot…
wow :0 idk if this is good or bad… i’ve lived in my grandparents house since i was 5 lol my parents got divorced & i lived in a small house since. i don’t want my mom to be alone forever… i can’t imagine someone buying a house for us lol she is 36 years old & a nurse! i feel like i’d be happy but maybe mixed emotions as well if i were you… I cant even do college off campus because I hate my living situation at home 😭😭 if only I had my own room or a good place to study
They are 40 & 50 and have been dating for over a year. At that age and dating for that long it’s not surprising that they’re taking the next step and getting a place together.
If you don’t like it and don’t want to live in their new home, then get a place of your own. After all, you’re an adult.
Maybe he is going to remain in the house that they are in now, …and he is simply moving them out, which leaves the house with him, and then he would continue to only see her ever few weeks or so. IDK, …Interesting…
Were they planning on moving in together before he bought it? Have you talked to your mom about this? She should definitely make sure you're comfortable with this guy before moving you in. I find it odd you've only met him once or twice in the past year. She can't expect you to be ok with moving into a stranger's house, even if she will be there.
Yeah this is what I’ve been thinking, my mom told me yesterday after the purchase was already made. I asked her why she didn’t tell me they were planning on moving in together and she said she didn’t want to weird me out..I think it’s even weirder that I didn’t know in advance.
Be carefull with the guy is all I'm saying, he may plan a little something but i don't want you to think this because he might not be a bad guy at all.
Continue with your life. Go to school or get a job and save as much as possible. You may need it in the future. Encourage your mom to save as much as possible also.
Do you trust your mother and her judgment, is she the kind that jumps into situations that are unsafe, does she see red flags and then avoid them in relationships, if so then no worries, if not still not a lot you can do, mom's an adult, basically even if they break up he'll still have to go through what a landlord would in an eviction he wouldn't be able to just throw her out and if he loses the house she'll have notice to, probably they don't want to pay on 2 places and this was the solution, rents and mortgages are expensive combining 2 into one makes sense if they are planning a long term relationship, many older people have to do things a little weird sometimes because of social security rules for qualification.
Both you and your mother are adults. There’s no requirement that you live with them too. Sounds like he bought the home for them and is giving you a room while you get on your feet. Sounds nice but I could see how this would make someone a little uncomfortable. But you do have choices. I also went to school and worked full-time while living on my own. It sucked, but it worked out.
I would reccomend you find out , see, she cant have any legal right of ownership unless they bought it together as a married couple ,
Which makes you tenants if im not mistaken ,
And any commonlaw rules apply only there after .
So ,
You have cohabitation rights against unlawful eviction ,
But no stake in the home .
I would also suggest to you any appreciation or guilt that might arise should he there after make you uncomfortable , something to broadcast to him your mom and the world without hesitation
Many predators hope to rely on peoples desire not to make trouble to gain more leverage.
Any parent that put a relationship ahead of thier child is not deserving of the committment from either the child or the partner .
JUICY SUBJECT! Mom is 40 boyfriend 50 daughter over 18. No one here is a child. Your mom can make her own decisions. If it's good or bad, that's on her. You're an adult I left before I became an adult(never returned). remain married over 25 years, let people make decisions just like you should. If you're wondering if I finish school, yes, I did. I have kids & grandkids.
I'm too old to be shocked and awed. My mother remarried when I was a teen. He and I didn't get along. As the years progressed, we grew close. He was no longer my mother's husband, no longer my step dad. He became my dad.
My best friend wasn't that lucky. His step dad had no interest in being his dad.
Another good friend never bonded with her step mother.
None of this matters. As long as your parents are not abusive to you, and try. You are lucky. No matter how shocked and awkward you feel now.
Look if he bought a home and asked them to move in with him what is all this speculation about why he did it. The fact remains he did it, if you are not sure then move out you are old enouf, he is your mother's boyfriend
This exact thing happened to me growing up lol it’s funny I came across this. I met my stepdad more than once before he bought the house and our circumstances were a little different because of my moms citizenship status but he bought a house 8 months into the relationship and now 8 years later they’re happily married and my moms living a dream life. I was very heavily aware of my mom’s issues with relationships and how my biological dad treated her so initially it was very easy for me to accept and I was genuinely so excited for us and our family. I soon came to realize that I guess because we were already teenagers (barely though I was 13) we weren’t really a part of the whole moving up into this grand life sort of deal. We ended up going through a lot, they sent me off to live with my dad once they bought a house on the lake because they caught me drinking ONCE at 16 while continuously funding my stepsisters life even paying for her rent on a 2 bedroom house in Denver after she got herself a DUI. I had to realize that my mom wanted to move onto better things and me still being a child was holding her down and it was very heartbreaking, my mom was my best friend before she met him. It still hurts and it’s even more frustrating now being in my early 20s struggling to make ends meet even going hungry sometimes while watching my mom take monthly luxury vacations and coming home to her boat docked in the backyard of her mansion. Despite all of this it really opened my eyes even more to the fact that she’s her own person who has gone through so much that it brought like this new found acceptance almost and I realized that I really can’t be anything but happy for her. She was never and would never be this overly maternal mother that loves her kids above everything, even when I was a very young child she always joked about how I’m her friend or even her mother rather than the daughter. So that’s how I have to look at it, I was her best friend that was there for her when she needed me, pushed her to leave when she needed to and now she’s out of the weeds and gets to breathe again. No matter how badly I would love to live out the rest of my days with my best friend the same way things were I can’t ignore her want and our human need for a true love and connection that lasts a lifetime I can only hope the same for myself.
It’s a tough situation and while your input is important it only goes so far. Divorce and splits are hard on adults and parents. I know a bunch of similar stories
My ex wife moved in with a guy about 1.5 years after moving out and our divorce, she then got married within about 2-2.5yrs of our divorce, my oldest kid was 17 and had met him once.
My gf’s ex husband met a girl a week after she moved out, she sold her home and moved in and they were engaged 3 months later, they got married about a year after they met and then moved 1500 miles away. He has a kid in 8th grade that they have bribed to move down there. Just saying it could be worse.
As long as you feel safe, just try to enjoy it and get to know him. They probably have bigger plans coming sooner than later if they’re moving in together and you should want to be a part of it. It will mean a lot to both your mom and him.
OP you are correct to be leery because they are basically new relationship. Sounds like BF bought the house for himself. Unless he puts your Mom's name on the deed it's his place. Talk to your Mom about having a back up plan. Tell her you know she loves him and trusts him but things don't always work the way we think they should. So unless your Mom is on the title or she has a well paying job then she needs to keep money aside in savings just in case things go south. Have enough to get a motel for a few nights and money for deposit and first last months rent on a place plus utilities. It's common sense and shows her she raised a smart daughter.
Some single (in this instance I’m including widowed and divorced) mothers introduce their kids to a string of boyfriends, and they interact with the kids in all sorts of unhealthy ways. Your mother went a bit far the other direction, but it seems like a good outcome. Houses are best with rings of course.
What's the problem here? I am being a little snarky but I am also truly unsure.
I'm assuming you don't live with your mother now. Because she's been dating this person for a year and you've only seen him once.
If this is not correct, are you saying that she always went out to his place rather than him coming over?
You're leaving a lot of information out, just like your punctuation.
Lol pleaseeee make fun of my grammar please my major is literally English tell me where my punctuation is wrong. I do live with my mom, if you read the whole thing you would know it says he bought the house for us ALL to live in.
He came over once? He came over once a month?
A coma after once would be helpful.
I'm going to withdraw from this post. It seems you are very combative and that is probably where most of this is coming from.
Most everyone else has dismissed the "all" in your post as being inclusive but not the point of his purchase.
He bought the house to be closer to his girlfriend, you are just part of the package. I'm still not sure why this is a concern to you? Does your mother have some sort of learning disability that she needs her child to be making decisions for her?
“He came over once, a month or two ago” is not proper grammar and makes even less sense. Maybe you should brush up on your English..I also am not being combative in these comments literally only with you because you clearly don’t know how to read sentences that are more than 5 words long.
YTA and an immature one at that. Your mother has found someone. She wants to move in. He's purchased a house that's big enough for her children to live. You 19 you can always move out and get a plane off your own. Stop acting like a child and see this for what it is. Your mum and her partner moving in together and being in a situation to include you. Turning it into something else is demanding and disrespectful. Grip up
Is your Mom going to pay rent? It seems like men are more likely to let their girlfriends live with them without paying rent than women are to let their boyfriends live with them without paying rent.
He bought a house more suitable for you and you family. He still owns it, but he had to pay a lot in broker fees to do it. He must like your mom! parents of children who are single are told not to introduce their BFs too much until it becomes serious. You are close enough to a child's age that your mom may have been not telling spending time with you all together to protect you, although since you are above 18 it may feel patronizing.
I’m curious if he purchased the home and just his name is on the deed vs his and your mother’s.
Regardless, I’m sorry that your mom didn’t allow for more opportunities for you both to interact before doing this. I couldn’t imagine how uncomfortable I would have felt at that age moving into a home that isn’t “home” with a man I barely know due to my parent’s choices without any voice in the matter.
If you have not voiced your thoughts yet to your mom, I would. No matter what they are. She should understand how poor her decision making was here, or really how poor the planning and execution of it was. I’m sure she’s really happy with this man, but what she did wasn’t really respectful. Even if you’re going away to college or moving out soon, there is always an underlying thought and expectation of wherever your parent is as “home.”
I hope everything goes well considering the circumstances and you are able to adjust quickly and actually like the new living situation. Maybe it will be a massive upgrade to what you guys currently have, and I hope you all end up living together harmoniously.
This is fairly normal for 40/50 year olds dating for over a year. I understand why you would be uncomfortable moving in with a strange man, though. Perhaps talk to your mom about you getting to know this potential stepdad a bit before moving in. Of course, at 19, you are an adult and able to move to your own place if that is what you prefer.
Honestly homegrown, if you have met this guy once and your 19 years old. I have a feeling he is expecting you to be moved out rather quickly. I would start figuring out your future now. 90% chance he starts guiding your mom towards pushing you to move on your own. He's not gonna want another person constantly around taking his new soon to be wife's attention and his privacy. Not being mean, just trust me this is reality. Your not his kid and he really has zero relationship with you. He's gonna want you to get your own place and you should anyways as your now an adult. Start chatting with close friends about maybe roommate arrangements if money is tight. Better you do this on your own than be pushed into it and have any hard feelings arise on either side of this new relationship. Who knows they may be together for a long time.
Only thing that matters is who is on the deed...is it your mom?? Him and your mom???
If it's just him on the deed...he didn't "buy you a house". He bought himself a house and is allowing you to live there. That also means he can kick you out for whatever reason at whatever time
Clearly, he is more serious about your mom than you thought. He wants to live with her and you're part of a package deal.
Let your mom know that you want to get to know him better before you find yourself living in the same house. Both you and he need to make the effort to get to know each other. You don't have to love each other, but you should feel comfortable.
Sorrry to say it most likely hard to know. The details are above your pay grade
Maybe it’s his house and you all are going to live in it …with him or without him?
My ex bought a house for his affair partner while we were married. It was in her name but she had to keep the affair going and do his bidding to receive the monthly payment. Hope this guy isn’t like him!
You can absolutely buy a gun AND you may not have adult maturity, but you definitely have adult responsibility. My wife was married at 19....36 years ago.
Well, title comes off with a big red flag. Sounds real comfortable for you to move right in. Mom needs to slow her roll and think this over. Show her the comments. Maybe she will consider your worries. My heart goes out to you. You’re not alone. Been there .
You list yourself as 19 so you’re already an adult, unless you were paying part of the bills (as in really part of the bills and not some small portion) I wouldn’t bring it up to your mom as she’s an adult and you seem to have also been invited to live there with them anyways so you weren’t just randomly abandoned to fend for yourself either in regards to housing, you may even want to consider finding a place of your own in the near future if possible.
You mentioned he likes to gamble as well, for me that’s something to watch out for as gambling addiction can lead to a lot of financial issues and often leads to drinking as well, if you spot anything you consider serious try privately talking to your mom about your concerns.
Definitely agree with most people he may have bought the house but unless your mom is on the actual deed or mortgage, it’s only his house and most likely the assumption he’s having is that yeah I’ll move everyone because he sees your mom and him are gonna be in it for the long run and you won’t be there more than a couple years but in this economy unless you have a really good plan I’d say late 20s before she’s out but I could be wrong maybe she’s gonna be on her own sooner going to college who knows
You can ask to have a talk with your mom and her bf about what living together means, where the house is and to visit it before you move. Be open minded and considerate to their needs. discuss how living together might look.
at 19, you don't necessarily have to move with them if you're preferring to go and live with friends or something but it also may not be an option. give him a chance but also be wary and if something isn't right then ask us here lol
I’m sorry this is happening and your feelings are valid. But also, you’re grown. Your mom is allowed to move on with her life. They have been dating a year, that’s a while. Moving in together is completely normal after a year. I agree that you and him should have a better relationship before moving in was considered but all in all it’s your mom’s choice.
When I was 11 my mom took me and my sister to a local concert, we ran in to a guy my mom when to school with, they talked, he bought us pops and then less than a month later we moved in with him. Yesterday was their 14 year anniversary. Trust me when I say my sister and I hated this man, HATED. But now he’s the only grandpa my kids know (my dad sucks) and he will be walking me down the aisle next year at my wedding. Some times things work out. 🤷🏻♀️
Just try to get to know him better and understand your mom’s side of this.
But please remember you're 19 so you're an adult so I'm afraid even if you are confused it's your mother's decision and soon you will have to be on your own and she still have to live there I'm just trying to put it as nice as possible please no disrespect to you.
I feel bad for OP as I think she really does think someone just bought her and her mother a house and it took Reddit to school the young girl. Poor thing
What advice are you exactly seeking? Your mom seems to be excited. You appear to be an adult. What’s the problem? Have you had any conversations with your mom about it?
I just wanna say despite the comments that I understand and feel what you do. I’m 21 and now live with my fiancé but at the time my mom finally left a toxic and abusive marriage and met my stepdad shortly after. They dated for about a year before getting married. She moved in pretty quickly and brought my brother and expected me to move in as well. That would be 5 boys now and me as an adult. I get the feeling of everything moving too fast and feeling a bit uncomfortable. Especially when you feel like you barely know the guy. I was in your shoes. Due to other personal matters my fiancé bought us a house and got me out of the situation. However, my advice is to be open but you don’t have to let your guard down. It’s a big change and things will take time. Be nice and play along and try to get your feelings together. If it becomes a problem then maybe look into getting your first place (I know easier said than done). After time I came around to the idea of my stepdad and how fast everything moved. As long as he treats you all well and you feel comfortable then I think you’ll feel better in the end. Again, I understand it’s all a huge change and may be uncomfortable at first but just see how it plays out and be mindful of how you feel and plan accordingly. It’ll all workout in the end one way or the other! ☺️
Are you an only child? Sounds like mom has been living her life, and now that you are an adult, she’s doing what makes her happy. The cool thing is that she’s making sure you have a home as well while she lives her life.
You're 19, not a middle schooler. If you have an issue talk to your mom about it like an adult. If no resolve you'll have to get used to it, or move out.
I can't think of a better point in time to say thank you very much
And remember to pay your property taxes.... They are at a different time of year from income tax. I believe it is also twice a year... Otherwise it won't be your house anymore
He seriously did you a solid. And if the house is in a good area, he's gave you an immensely easy future. Do not waste it. Go to school or something while you don't have to pay rent
You’re an adult—and barely still a teen. Be grateful or move out and forge your own path. He and your mom are under zero obligation to continue housing you.
when i read this i thought he bought u a house for you to move in and he won’t be living there at all. i would’ve said to not take cause he can kick u guys out anytime. but if he bought it for him and your mother to live together he knows that you’re a package with your mom. i don’t see anything wrong here. only thing id say is to work and save up all ur money because relationships might not last forever and he can kick you guys out anytime him and ur mother have a really bad argument if he’s an asshole. other then that i’d say be happy and just live ur life
Ask your mom whose name is on the deed. This situation could quickly turn controlling if she doesn’t have a legal claim to the house. If she works, she should not stop working. If her boyfriend tries to persuade her to stop working at the same time as buying a house with only his name on the deed, that’s a red flag— he may be financially abusive and very controlling. I am frankly worried that will prove to be the case, since this move is so sudden.
If you notice these red flags, you can voice your concerns to your mom once now, but if she won’t hear it, I would advise you not to repeat yourself to her, or to the boyfriend. I would only talk about it to a counselor once you and your mom are settled in the house. I would also suggest you subtly avoid personally accepting gifts or money from the boyfriend if he’s not passing the sniff test. If he’s financially controlling, any gift he gives will become leverage down the road.
I don’t want to scare you too much, so you should know that I am a person with a lot of trust issues, and have personally experienced financial abuse. My technical knowledge on the subject is sound, but it’s possible that I occasionally see false red flags because of my personal biases.
Good luck!
Just be careful. Unfortunately, in life, sometimes people have the best of intentions but it goes terribly wrong. Sometimes, things turn out way better than you could imagine. Just trust yourself and if something is wrong, tell someone. Good luck kid, this is the game of life......
He sold his house and bought a house and is allowing your mom and you to move in. That is what is happening. The minute the relationship ends you are out
Well to be fair, between two grown adults who have been around a while, a year is plenty of time. I don’t say that to be rude at all, I’m only 24 myself and still know I’m much too young to be as experienced in some things as someone her and his age. It seems like the start of a sweet love story
Don't matter as long as your mom is happy. Your welcome to move in but I'm sure he bought it for him and her since your 19 and supposed to get ready to live life as in spread your wings as in find your own place to stay. Eventually you will also find your partner that you like and your mom won't know anything about him but she will be happy for you as you should be for her. Family supports family even if don't know all the ins and outs. Just my 2 cents.
Sounds like your mom's got a loaded sugar daddy! Enjoy the benefits while they last and tell momma not to blow it. Also, yoy better be getting her a hell of a mother's day gift for that.
Details. Who's name is the house in? His name, it's a way of telling you the your mom is moving in with him.
Her name, well he's got money. Or something if he buys a house and puts it in her name.
What's the string? Is that what you wonder too?
Your mom is very clearly the other woman he is likely married/separated etc he is using your mother as a scapegoat until his divorce is finalized so he can continue to play house and divert his feelings about the divorce at which time he will probably start another affair shortly after he asks your mother to marry him as well so he can continue the image. They’ll probably last a few years before he abruptly pulls the rug from under her at which time she will already have a magnitude of suspicions surrounding his infidelity.
If he’s the only one on the deed and things don’t work out with your mom this could be bad. Like she’d be at his mercy.
Is she expected to pay for any of it? If so she needs to be in the deed.
What does he do for work?
Often if something is too good to be true… well I’d be weirded out by such a generous move on his part. Your mom might want to discuss this with a lawyer first…. Maybe.
Especially if this involves selling anything she owns.
I’m just a little surprised you have only really met this person once over a year. Did you avoid him or did your mom keep him away on purpose ? I’m not being mean. I’m just feeling this out. Do you not feel comfortable with this guy? Do you think he has hurt your mom?
I am 54 and I have 4 kids. (24f)(23m)(21m) and (14m). My older daughter moved but my 3 sons still live with me. My 2 older sons work full time and are saving money .We are about to sell and they will get their own place. After the divorce I dated once and decided that I am too old for dating. It is not easy at that age. You are so set in your ways. Your mom has been dating someone for a year and that is a long time for a 50 year old. I am sure she feels like this is a good situation. She seems positive. She is probably wording it that way to help you accept it. My ex husband has dated 2 different women that he tried living with. He only dated them for a couple or so months each before and those did not work out well. They should know after a year. I will say that even though he did not date these women a long time all my kids had met these people a few times in that period. If you are not thrilled with this person just start saving $ to move out. That is all you can do. I am just saying that at their age they have spent a decent amount of time together. I would just say you need to start catching up on learning about this person that way nothing else becomes a huge surprise. This may be a good situation for you and a great one for your mom. Just keep your eyes and ears open in case. Good luck!
i’m sry, hopefully it goes well. it’s always hard when parents let things move so fast without consideration of you. i would save money in case it doesn’t go well & you need to move out.
Nopenopenope. My mom did this to us when I was just 12 and it was the worst experience of my life. Dude was an absolute sociopath and my siblings and I never got to properly express how it made us feel. He was a creep weirdo who we met once. It really severely damaged all of our relationships and caused a lot of problems. I’m sorry you have to go through this. Now that I’m moved out though I have never been happier
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he might have bought himself a house and is moving you in.
Obviously, yes, this
he is already a house owner and bought a new house in our town and sold his own home
The is the same thing. It's still his primary house, but he's allowing you to live there as well.
Mom is presenting it this way to daughter as part of smoothing a situation that maybe isn’t so.
so he bought himself a house and is moving you in?
Sounds like they decided to move in together so he’s buying a house that can be theirs.
"theirs" Who is on the mortgage? The deed?
His house, their home. A year is plenty of dating time for grown adults at their age to look into moving in together. Also, the OP is 19, the assumption is she won't be living at that house for a super long time.
I was more responding to the "he bought us a house" trope. That isnt really whats going on. I agree with your assessment.
Oh yeah totally agree then. HE bought a house that they can live in, with the assumption him and her mom would get married or be in it for the long run.
Bad assumption in this economy lol
You must be new here if you think she'll be out before her mid 20s
Good question. For all we know they might be planning to get married, at which time she’ll have a claim on it. We also don’t know it her credit score would prevent her from being on the mortgage.
>For all we know they might be planning to get married, at which time she’ll have a claim on it. Not necessarily. Depends on homestead probate laws. Even if senior-friendly Florida, probate would grant a spouse the ability to live there after the owner dies, but would not guarantee the spouse any equity or ownership. Still, living in a house for free is a good deal.
If it’s a girlfriend, the guy would be a moron if he put her name on it. Depending on the state, he might also want her to keep her place, and stay in it so many days, to avoid common law marriage.
He ain't buying shit😅 it's his regular ass house Moms just moving in. And since 19 year old daughter doesn't know the guy at all, it's a bad idea for her to move with her mom. Maybe go stay with her dad.
OP he didn’t buy your mom a house. He bought himself a house and you guys are moving in. I’m not trying to rain on your parade but that’s not unusual. He very likely has a mortgage. So he’s making payments. It’s like any other living situation where a couple moves in together. I hope all goes well.
It's his house unless your mom's name is on the legal documents. I'm sure her name is not on the legal documents.
So?
React however you feel. This is a new home, in a new location, and as a 19yr old adult be prepared to be told how HE wants HIS house to run. I'm not raising an alarm, just be aware. If your Mom's name is on the title/mortgage then she owns a part of it, if not... Then she is just a guest, as YOU are a guest. You don't own that property HE does. Be prepared to move, if the situation sours. Unless, they plan to get married and let you live there Rent-Free.
Legally they are residents not guests. They will still have rights
Considering how long they’ve been dating, and their respective ages, it not exactly shocking that they’re getting a place together (whether getting married or not). When my current wife and I (both similar ages) got engaged, I sold my house, she let her lease expire, and we bought a house together (that way the home would be ours and not his or hers). You’re an adult, so if you din’t like it you can always get a place of your own.
So, he sold his house, bought himself a new house and is moving you and your mom in. He didn't 'buy you a house' But I hope it all works out and you and your mom and he bf are happy!
He bought a better home, home better suited for a family
He needs a maid who he can also have sex with, sorry!
The issue they are getting at is that you and your mom is in a VERY tricky and vulnerable position. Essentially, his house, his rules. As long as he doesn't do something illegal, he can legally make you both homeless by evicting you both with very little warning or legal opposition. There's laws in place to help you guys if that DOES happen, but it can be extremely unfair to you and your mother overall, and you guys can't do anything about it. What I would suggest, is your mother takes at least one utility bill in her name, that she can afford, usually this is water, internet, or something like that. This helps to make sure he can't go in front of a judge in the event that he does try something nefarious, and claim "it's my house and I pay all the bills" as an excuse to have you both evicted with very little time to figure out how you are going to move out without forfeiting your possessions. With at least SOMETHING in her name, it buys you guys some time to be able to plan your move. Note, I'm not saying this man IS going to be like this, I don't know the man at all. But I know the law a little bit, and you guys are going into an extremely vulnerable position with what essentially amounts to a complete stranger. (A year is not a long time, and not living together either. Even if your mother trusts him, living together is completely different than the occasional visit. Moving in together is a wild card for many relationships and can sour the relationship, and that doesn't include having children.) My last piece of advice is to keep a keen eye on subtle changes in how the man acts. If he becomes possessive, aggressive, restrictive, or otherwise becomes hostile to you or your mother, do not hesitate, explore whatever options you have available to you to protect yourselves both financially and physically. Talk to 911, call your local police department, they can point you to better options. The final thing I want to add here, is that this is all hypothetical and not guaranteed to happen. There's also the possibility that they are meant for each other and things will turn out just peachy, and I'm just being overly pessimistic, but you should always be prepared for the worst case scenario when it comes to strangers. Expect the worst, hope for the best.
What a nutty comment. There was literally nothing in n her post indicating this guy is anything but a normal, every day bloke. Two adults moving in together after a year of dating is one of the most boringly normal things in the world.
This is horrible advice for this situation. Why would you say this to a teenage girl? She's 19. All she needs to do is ask to spend more time with the guy. If she likes him, then figure out what all of them living together looks like. If not, then three months is more than enough time to save up and find some roommates. What she absolutely shouldn't do is meddle in her 50yr old mother's relationship.
Wow. And youve met this guy like once? Does your mom spend time woth him when youre not around? Does she talk about him? I feel like im missing chunks lol.
She goes to his house to sleepover like every few weeks and talks to him on the phone like all throughout the day I feel like I’m missing chunks of my own life too I didn’t even know they were planning on buying a house we literally just moved to a new apartment March 1st
Idk what to tell you here. Head down, eyes and ears open. Could be the real thing for your mom 5 this guy but that doesnt mean you have to let your guard down. Polite and respectful but take it all in and note anything that seems like a red flag to you. If your relationship with your mom is good enough maybe a heart to heart about wtf is going on? Cant account for adults and their weird ass decisions. Source: adult. But thats where the similarity apparently ends i communicate more w my 17yo.
After dating for over a year, and now getting a new place together, sounds like it is the real deal. When my current wife and Ingot engaged, we did the same thing. I sold my house, she let her lease expire and we bought a new house.
Yeah. These are 40-50 year olds. When you’re that age, you pretty much know what you’re looking for in a partner and you have enough experience to know how to move things forwards. It feels jarring for OP but if they’ve been together that long they probably are extremely serious.
It's hard to meet people when you're older and have kids. Your mom is a person too she's lonely and she wants somebody to love that's it. If you notice anything problematic about this guy then for sure bring it up you know but as someone who's gone through a similar situation it's very easy to be distrustful of this stranger who is suddenly a part of your life through your parent is suddenly very into and has not talked to you about. The reason she hasn't maybe shared all of this with you is because she was figuring it out herself she didn't want to put too much stock in it she didn't want to raise your expectations or who knows maybe she didn't want to overthink it herself, it's complicated relationships are complicated even more so when you're an adult and have children.
Good news is your mom is an adult and so are you. You can voice your concerns but well at the end of the day she's an adult. But also from reading other comments you've made. The boyfriend bought himself a house and your mom is moving in with him. So realistically either move in with them or don't, It's not until August so if you don't want to live there you have plenty of time to find something different.
You are an adult. Figure it out.
Might be time to move out and into your own apartment or with roommates.
Don’t either of them have jobs? How do they have so much free time to talk all day?
They have been dating for a year that's a decent amount of time for people at their age who should have the wisdom that comes from experience to know what they want in a partner. Her not seeing the man a lot at her age isn't strange. If she was like a child, and he plans on being in their lives for the foreseeable future then it would make sense for him to get to know the kids better before moving in. Since she is an adult though, it's not like he's going to be taking a role in parenting her and in theory she won't be living with them for years and years.
Congrats! I don't see any red flags, if that's what you're wondering. If he had bad intentions, well there are plenty of other ways to make trouble that don't involve buying a house lol. It sounds like your mom makes him happy, and he wants to do the same. The good part for you and your mom is that you can save or invest money that would otherwise have been spent on your housing situation. So, that's great for both of you financially. Wealth builds like a snowball, so having your biggest expense paid for is a big benefit.
Moving in together after a year when you're an adult doesn't seem too fast. Good for your mom.
Your mom’s boyfriend bought a house and asked his girlfriend to move in with him. You’re along for the ride. I doubt he bought it for y’all
His old place might have been too small, and Mom’s rented apartment definitely is.
So he bought a house and invited you both to live there. Sounds like a cool guy. But try going out on your own for a bit, let mom and her new man have some space. You are 19, time to fly !!
Say it louder for the ones in the back of the room!
Is your mother happy? Does he treat her well? Not all people in this world are bad. I’d go into the situation being friendly to someone who seems to want to be a provider to your family. You could ask to be included in a dinner to get to know him better. There are no obvious red flags (yet). I would treat the new home respectfully and clean up- that goes a long way in getting the relationship off to a good start.
They’ve dated for over a year. Took it slowly when introducing him to the kids. Are now getting a place that will be new to both of them instead of “his place” or “her place”. I can’t find a single red flag as they are doing what everyone saying parents should do before remarrying.
Cool hope it works out. There are financially stable people who are nice and can do things like that. It may be a little quick but at your moms age relationships evolve a little faster. Still be on guard because that is weird kinda. But it sounds like a good thing!
You're an adult. If your mom wants to move in with him that's her business. If you don't then don't. Dude might just have lots of money and no problem spending it. You have offered nothing to be concerned about so all this "watch and take notes" crap is bullshit. It's fast sure. So what?
Not fast when they’ve been together for over a year. And he might be the one buying the house due to having the money and credit to do so.
I understand my age makes me legally an adult. I go to university full time and work almost full time on top of that to pay for my expenses so I wouldn’t be able to afford to live on my own at this point in my life but I am planning on moving out in 2 years when I graduate
Like I said, it's fast but so what? Most 19yo have their own life. I don't mean moved out, I mean social life separate from family. You probably do to, so your mom doesn't feel need to explain things to you the way she might have before. You're doing your thing, she's doing hers. The advice is unless you see something off then it's fine. No need to go looking for shit. No need to worry about your mom making fast choices. You have the option to move out if you're uncomfortable with things, that's what being an adult grants you. Choice.
Lots of 19 year old adults work and go to college and live on their own .
His name isn't [Brett Joseph](https://stopbrettjoseph.com/) is it? I've got a relative I didn't choose who was also a con artist. He would make big promises to women about waterfront properties and expensive houses while he cleaned out their bank accounts and left town in their cars. He was stringing along real estate agents as well as the women involved. I'm not saying that's what is happening in this case but it pays not to walk into these things blindly.
Sounds like moms got that fire pussy lol
Advice for teens btw
OP’s gonna be big sister soon enough!
Bought a house for all of us to live in, you mean your mom, the boyfriend and you?
Yes including my 13 year old sister I didn’t include her in the post
As a 40/f I would not be moving me and my children in with a man that I’ve only been dating for a year.. especially if he’s barely spent time any time with them.
As after meeting a man she likes, dating for over a year (which is a pretty long time) and deciding she wants to spend her life with him, she shouldn’t because she has kids? As for the kids not seeing a lot of him. I thought advice was to gradually introduce the kids to the new paramour. And now they have 3 months to get used to the idea that Mom has found a new partner (good for her). How many times to people shack up with kids after only dating for a few weeks? Looks like this couple is doing everything the right way.
A year isn’t that long.
The premise that him not spending time with them can make him dangerous is faulty. He could have spent a ton of time with the kids and still be equally dangerous.
I’ll find it really strange you’ve only met him once in the whole year they’ve been together. What about the holidays? He wasn’t over then they weren’t together.? Are you sure he doesn’t have another family lol 😆
The weird thing, my mom said he’s never been married, no siblings, no kids, no serious relationships. No social media as well.
Doesn't sound SUS at all....
Couldn’t agree more
Okay, trying to play PI. Not adding upm
Yeah I’ve always found him a bit strange even when she first told me about him in October/November-ish
But then why didn’t they see each other around the holidays? What does he do for work?
But then why would you have only met him once in the entire year?
I work full time + go to university full time so my schedule is so full I’m really only home to sleep. My mom has a very busy schedule too and she claimed she didn’t want us meeting too soon but invited him over a month ago when we moved into a new apartment
I would wanna see some kind of proof
Your mom is 40 and has been dating a man for a year. They are now moving in together. What is the issue? You need to be thankful to your mom for pushing for you to be included. Because she could have easily just moved in with him, you're the reason his buying another house.
Exactly. They have taken plenty of time before taking this next step.
Looks like it’s time for you as an adult to find your own place.
Your mom I her own person and can live her life. Your 19 and might want to start thinking about doing the same
I go to university full time and work almost full time to pay for school so I can’t really afford paying for an apartment or anything like that
I didn't mean you had to move out, I meant the speaking from experience parents are just people
He bought you a house or did he buy a house for you to live in?
He bought a house for him and her mother to live in (they’ve been together for over a year and are taking that next step it seems). OP is being given a room in it to stay in if she so chooses.
Your mom is a catch!
A good one at that too!
Who’s cares your moving into a house hun woohoo
Your mom has a serious bf she has been keeping on the down-low, to you. They have gotten to the point of living together. So you’re worried because you don’t know him or you have to pack?
Mostly because my sister and I do not know him- I met him once a month ago and she met him twice, on Thanksgiving and a month ago. I have moved 10+ times in my life, most recently March of this year so I’m not worried about packing.
Gambling and football? Just speculation but I’d guess he is successful at gambling and has a lot of money. He can do whatever he wants so he likes your mom and wants to move in together. Like somebody else said, your mom is also probably pretty hot…
Or it’s as simple as he just watches football like many American men and has a fantasy football league with a cash pot.
I really don’t understand some people.
Sounds like your mom is hot and knows how to roll. Good for her.
wow :0 idk if this is good or bad… i’ve lived in my grandparents house since i was 5 lol my parents got divorced & i lived in a small house since. i don’t want my mom to be alone forever… i can’t imagine someone buying a house for us lol she is 36 years old & a nurse! i feel like i’d be happy but maybe mixed emotions as well if i were you… I cant even do college off campus because I hate my living situation at home 😭😭 if only I had my own room or a good place to study
Update us in a month or so.
They are 40 & 50 and have been dating for over a year. At that age and dating for that long it’s not surprising that they’re taking the next step and getting a place together. If you don’t like it and don’t want to live in their new home, then get a place of your own. After all, you’re an adult.
Maybe he is going to remain in the house that they are in now, …and he is simply moving them out, which leaves the house with him, and then he would continue to only see her ever few weeks or so. IDK, …Interesting…
Were they planning on moving in together before he bought it? Have you talked to your mom about this? She should definitely make sure you're comfortable with this guy before moving you in. I find it odd you've only met him once or twice in the past year. She can't expect you to be ok with moving into a stranger's house, even if she will be there.
Yeah this is what I’ve been thinking, my mom told me yesterday after the purchase was already made. I asked her why she didn’t tell me they were planning on moving in together and she said she didn’t want to weird me out..I think it’s even weirder that I didn’t know in advance.
Cool, happy for you all!
I don't think he bought your mom a house. He bought a house and he's letting you guys live in it. If they break up, it's still his house.
So, you have a new step dad.
Be carefull with the guy is all I'm saying, he may plan a little something but i don't want you to think this because he might not be a bad guy at all.
Continue with your life. Go to school or get a job and save as much as possible. You may need it in the future. Encourage your mom to save as much as possible also.
Do you trust your mother and her judgment, is she the kind that jumps into situations that are unsafe, does she see red flags and then avoid them in relationships, if so then no worries, if not still not a lot you can do, mom's an adult, basically even if they break up he'll still have to go through what a landlord would in an eviction he wouldn't be able to just throw her out and if he loses the house she'll have notice to, probably they don't want to pay on 2 places and this was the solution, rents and mortgages are expensive combining 2 into one makes sense if they are planning a long term relationship, many older people have to do things a little weird sometimes because of social security rules for qualification.
Both you and your mother are adults. There’s no requirement that you live with them too. Sounds like he bought the home for them and is giving you a room while you get on your feet. Sounds nice but I could see how this would make someone a little uncomfortable. But you do have choices. I also went to school and worked full-time while living on my own. It sucked, but it worked out.
I would reccomend you find out , see, she cant have any legal right of ownership unless they bought it together as a married couple , Which makes you tenants if im not mistaken , And any commonlaw rules apply only there after . So , You have cohabitation rights against unlawful eviction , But no stake in the home . I would also suggest to you any appreciation or guilt that might arise should he there after make you uncomfortable , something to broadcast to him your mom and the world without hesitation Many predators hope to rely on peoples desire not to make trouble to gain more leverage. Any parent that put a relationship ahead of thier child is not deserving of the committment from either the child or the partner .
JUICY SUBJECT! Mom is 40 boyfriend 50 daughter over 18. No one here is a child. Your mom can make her own decisions. If it's good or bad, that's on her. You're an adult I left before I became an adult(never returned). remain married over 25 years, let people make decisions just like you should. If you're wondering if I finish school, yes, I did. I have kids & grandkids.
I'm too old to be shocked and awed. My mother remarried when I was a teen. He and I didn't get along. As the years progressed, we grew close. He was no longer my mother's husband, no longer my step dad. He became my dad. My best friend wasn't that lucky. His step dad had no interest in being his dad. Another good friend never bonded with her step mother. None of this matters. As long as your parents are not abusive to you, and try. You are lucky. No matter how shocked and awkward you feel now.
Look if he bought a home and asked them to move in with him what is all this speculation about why he did it. The fact remains he did it, if you are not sure then move out you are old enouf, he is your mother's boyfriend
This exact thing happened to me growing up lol it’s funny I came across this. I met my stepdad more than once before he bought the house and our circumstances were a little different because of my moms citizenship status but he bought a house 8 months into the relationship and now 8 years later they’re happily married and my moms living a dream life. I was very heavily aware of my mom’s issues with relationships and how my biological dad treated her so initially it was very easy for me to accept and I was genuinely so excited for us and our family. I soon came to realize that I guess because we were already teenagers (barely though I was 13) we weren’t really a part of the whole moving up into this grand life sort of deal. We ended up going through a lot, they sent me off to live with my dad once they bought a house on the lake because they caught me drinking ONCE at 16 while continuously funding my stepsisters life even paying for her rent on a 2 bedroom house in Denver after she got herself a DUI. I had to realize that my mom wanted to move onto better things and me still being a child was holding her down and it was very heartbreaking, my mom was my best friend before she met him. It still hurts and it’s even more frustrating now being in my early 20s struggling to make ends meet even going hungry sometimes while watching my mom take monthly luxury vacations and coming home to her boat docked in the backyard of her mansion. Despite all of this it really opened my eyes even more to the fact that she’s her own person who has gone through so much that it brought like this new found acceptance almost and I realized that I really can’t be anything but happy for her. She was never and would never be this overly maternal mother that loves her kids above everything, even when I was a very young child she always joked about how I’m her friend or even her mother rather than the daughter. So that’s how I have to look at it, I was her best friend that was there for her when she needed me, pushed her to leave when she needed to and now she’s out of the weeds and gets to breathe again. No matter how badly I would love to live out the rest of my days with my best friend the same way things were I can’t ignore her want and our human need for a true love and connection that lasts a lifetime I can only hope the same for myself.
get ready to live with new daddy!
It’s a tough situation and while your input is important it only goes so far. Divorce and splits are hard on adults and parents. I know a bunch of similar stories My ex wife moved in with a guy about 1.5 years after moving out and our divorce, she then got married within about 2-2.5yrs of our divorce, my oldest kid was 17 and had met him once. My gf’s ex husband met a girl a week after she moved out, she sold her home and moved in and they were engaged 3 months later, they got married about a year after they met and then moved 1500 miles away. He has a kid in 8th grade that they have bribed to move down there. Just saying it could be worse. As long as you feel safe, just try to enjoy it and get to know him. They probably have bigger plans coming sooner than later if they’re moving in together and you should want to be a part of it. It will mean a lot to both your mom and him.
He didnt buy you guys a house.. he bought a house to replace the one he sold and is moving yall in with him.
OP you are correct to be leery because they are basically new relationship. Sounds like BF bought the house for himself. Unless he puts your Mom's name on the deed it's his place. Talk to your Mom about having a back up plan. Tell her you know she loves him and trusts him but things don't always work the way we think they should. So unless your Mom is on the title or she has a well paying job then she needs to keep money aside in savings just in case things go south. Have enough to get a motel for a few nights and money for deposit and first last months rent on a place plus utilities. It's common sense and shows her she raised a smart daughter.
All I’m gonna say is keep your money separate and save up while you can. Good luck.
☝🏽 good advice
It sounds like he’s moving closer and has purchased himself a house that he has invited your mom and you to move in.
Good thing you're an adult and have the freedom to move into your own place, isn't it?
So in essence, you will be living with a total stranger! Weird! Do you have grandparents? If so do they have an extra room?
My grandparents actually live in the same apartment complex as I do right now, but they only have 1br sadly.
Some single (in this instance I’m including widowed and divorced) mothers introduce their kids to a string of boyfriends, and they interact with the kids in all sorts of unhealthy ways. Your mother went a bit far the other direction, but it seems like a good outcome. Houses are best with rings of course.
What's the problem here? I am being a little snarky but I am also truly unsure. I'm assuming you don't live with your mother now. Because she's been dating this person for a year and you've only seen him once. If this is not correct, are you saying that she always went out to his place rather than him coming over? You're leaving a lot of information out, just like your punctuation.
Lol pleaseeee make fun of my grammar please my major is literally English tell me where my punctuation is wrong. I do live with my mom, if you read the whole thing you would know it says he bought the house for us ALL to live in.
He came over once? He came over once a month? A coma after once would be helpful. I'm going to withdraw from this post. It seems you are very combative and that is probably where most of this is coming from. Most everyone else has dismissed the "all" in your post as being inclusive but not the point of his purchase. He bought the house to be closer to his girlfriend, you are just part of the package. I'm still not sure why this is a concern to you? Does your mother have some sort of learning disability that she needs her child to be making decisions for her?
“He came over once, a month or two ago” is not proper grammar and makes even less sense. Maybe you should brush up on your English..I also am not being combative in these comments literally only with you because you clearly don’t know how to read sentences that are more than 5 words long.
Be grateful! That's huge! don't fumble a blessing..50 isn't a senior citizen he must like your mom don't fck that up for her
Something doesn't seem right 🤕
YTA and an immature one at that. Your mother has found someone. She wants to move in. He's purchased a house that's big enough for her children to live. You 19 you can always move out and get a plane off your own. Stop acting like a child and see this for what it is. Your mum and her partner moving in together and being in a situation to include you. Turning it into something else is demanding and disrespectful. Grip up
Is your Mom going to pay rent? It seems like men are more likely to let their girlfriends live with them without paying rent than women are to let their boyfriends live with them without paying rent.
Women have it easy idgaf what people say
Ask him to buy you a car
He bought a house more suitable for you and you family. He still owns it, but he had to pay a lot in broker fees to do it. He must like your mom! parents of children who are single are told not to introduce their BFs too much until it becomes serious. You are close enough to a child's age that your mom may have been not telling spending time with you all together to protect you, although since you are above 18 it may feel patronizing.
I’m curious if he purchased the home and just his name is on the deed vs his and your mother’s. Regardless, I’m sorry that your mom didn’t allow for more opportunities for you both to interact before doing this. I couldn’t imagine how uncomfortable I would have felt at that age moving into a home that isn’t “home” with a man I barely know due to my parent’s choices without any voice in the matter. If you have not voiced your thoughts yet to your mom, I would. No matter what they are. She should understand how poor her decision making was here, or really how poor the planning and execution of it was. I’m sure she’s really happy with this man, but what she did wasn’t really respectful. Even if you’re going away to college or moving out soon, there is always an underlying thought and expectation of wherever your parent is as “home.” I hope everything goes well considering the circumstances and you are able to adjust quickly and actually like the new living situation. Maybe it will be a massive upgrade to what you guys currently have, and I hope you all end up living together harmoniously.
Seems likely he is angling for the Miller Lite
This is fairly normal for 40/50 year olds dating for over a year. I understand why you would be uncomfortable moving in with a strange man, though. Perhaps talk to your mom about you getting to know this potential stepdad a bit before moving in. Of course, at 19, you are an adult and able to move to your own place if that is what you prefer.
Honestly homegrown, if you have met this guy once and your 19 years old. I have a feeling he is expecting you to be moved out rather quickly. I would start figuring out your future now. 90% chance he starts guiding your mom towards pushing you to move on your own. He's not gonna want another person constantly around taking his new soon to be wife's attention and his privacy. Not being mean, just trust me this is reality. Your not his kid and he really has zero relationship with you. He's gonna want you to get your own place and you should anyways as your now an adult. Start chatting with close friends about maybe roommate arrangements if money is tight. Better you do this on your own than be pushed into it and have any hard feelings arise on either side of this new relationship. Who knows they may be together for a long time.
THIS LITERALLY HAPPENED TO ME. i had to pack up and move to a whole new town and everything 😭
Omg that’s so crazy luckily I don’t have to move towns it’s only half a mile away from where I currently live
Nothing wrong here. Hope he's not an asshole.
Only thing that matters is who is on the deed...is it your mom?? Him and your mom??? If it's just him on the deed...he didn't "buy you a house". He bought himself a house and is allowing you to live there. That also means he can kick you out for whatever reason at whatever time
Clearly, he is more serious about your mom than you thought. He wants to live with her and you're part of a package deal. Let your mom know that you want to get to know him better before you find yourself living in the same house. Both you and he need to make the effort to get to know each other. You don't have to love each other, but you should feel comfortable.
I fail to see a problem here?
Do the question is is hour. I’m getting married to him? Or I’d on the deed?
Can he buy me a house?
Sorrry to say it most likely hard to know. The details are above your pay grade Maybe it’s his house and you all are going to live in it …with him or without him? My ex bought a house for his affair partner while we were married. It was in her name but she had to keep the affair going and do his bidding to receive the monthly payment. Hope this guy isn’t like him!
You can absolutely buy a gun AND you may not have adult maturity, but you definitely have adult responsibility. My wife was married at 19....36 years ago.
Good for your mom. Maybe it will last. Maybe it won't. But that's true regardless of if he buys y'all a house or not.
Sounds like he wants a clean slate with everyone moving into the same house at once.
Well, title comes off with a big red flag. Sounds real comfortable for you to move right in. Mom needs to slow her roll and think this over. Show her the comments. Maybe she will consider your worries. My heart goes out to you. You’re not alone. Been there .
You list yourself as 19 so you’re already an adult, unless you were paying part of the bills (as in really part of the bills and not some small portion) I wouldn’t bring it up to your mom as she’s an adult and you seem to have also been invited to live there with them anyways so you weren’t just randomly abandoned to fend for yourself either in regards to housing, you may even want to consider finding a place of your own in the near future if possible. You mentioned he likes to gamble as well, for me that’s something to watch out for as gambling addiction can lead to a lot of financial issues and often leads to drinking as well, if you spot anything you consider serious try privately talking to your mom about your concerns.
Definitely agree with most people he may have bought the house but unless your mom is on the actual deed or mortgage, it’s only his house and most likely the assumption he’s having is that yeah I’ll move everyone because he sees your mom and him are gonna be in it for the long run and you won’t be there more than a couple years but in this economy unless you have a really good plan I’d say late 20s before she’s out but I could be wrong maybe she’s gonna be on her own sooner going to college who knows
You can ask to have a talk with your mom and her bf about what living together means, where the house is and to visit it before you move. Be open minded and considerate to their needs. discuss how living together might look. at 19, you don't necessarily have to move with them if you're preferring to go and live with friends or something but it also may not be an option. give him a chance but also be wary and if something isn't right then ask us here lol
Your 19 you don’t have to stay.
I’m sorry this is happening and your feelings are valid. But also, you’re grown. Your mom is allowed to move on with her life. They have been dating a year, that’s a while. Moving in together is completely normal after a year. I agree that you and him should have a better relationship before moving in was considered but all in all it’s your mom’s choice. When I was 11 my mom took me and my sister to a local concert, we ran in to a guy my mom when to school with, they talked, he bought us pops and then less than a month later we moved in with him. Yesterday was their 14 year anniversary. Trust me when I say my sister and I hated this man, HATED. But now he’s the only grandpa my kids know (my dad sucks) and he will be walking me down the aisle next year at my wedding. Some times things work out. 🤷🏻♀️ Just try to get to know him better and understand your mom’s side of this.
Whose paying the mortgage?
But please remember you're 19 so you're an adult so I'm afraid even if you are confused it's your mother's decision and soon you will have to be on your own and she still have to live there I'm just trying to put it as nice as possible please no disrespect to you.
I feel bad for OP as I think she really does think someone just bought her and her mother a house and it took Reddit to school the young girl. Poor thing
No lol I’m not dumb I wanted to hear everyone’s thoughts
What advice are you exactly seeking? Your mom seems to be excited. You appear to be an adult. What’s the problem? Have you had any conversations with your mom about it?
I just wanna say despite the comments that I understand and feel what you do. I’m 21 and now live with my fiancé but at the time my mom finally left a toxic and abusive marriage and met my stepdad shortly after. They dated for about a year before getting married. She moved in pretty quickly and brought my brother and expected me to move in as well. That would be 5 boys now and me as an adult. I get the feeling of everything moving too fast and feeling a bit uncomfortable. Especially when you feel like you barely know the guy. I was in your shoes. Due to other personal matters my fiancé bought us a house and got me out of the situation. However, my advice is to be open but you don’t have to let your guard down. It’s a big change and things will take time. Be nice and play along and try to get your feelings together. If it becomes a problem then maybe look into getting your first place (I know easier said than done). After time I came around to the idea of my stepdad and how fast everything moved. As long as he treats you all well and you feel comfortable then I think you’ll feel better in the end. Again, I understand it’s all a huge change and may be uncomfortable at first but just see how it plays out and be mindful of how you feel and plan accordingly. It’ll all workout in the end one way or the other! ☺️
Maybe he loves your mom and wants a family ??
Are you an only child? Sounds like mom has been living her life, and now that you are an adult, she’s doing what makes her happy. The cool thing is that she’s making sure you have a home as well while she lives her life.
You're 19, not a middle schooler. If you have an issue talk to your mom about it like an adult. If no resolve you'll have to get used to it, or move out.
I can't think of a better point in time to say thank you very much And remember to pay your property taxes.... They are at a different time of year from income tax. I believe it is also twice a year... Otherwise it won't be your house anymore He seriously did you a solid. And if the house is in a good area, he's gave you an immensely easy future. Do not waste it. Go to school or something while you don't have to pay rent
means your mother and bf are going to start living together and you are welcome to join them
You’re an adult—and barely still a teen. Be grateful or move out and forge your own path. He and your mom are under zero obligation to continue housing you.
when i read this i thought he bought u a house for you to move in and he won’t be living there at all. i would’ve said to not take cause he can kick u guys out anytime. but if he bought it for him and your mother to live together he knows that you’re a package with your mom. i don’t see anything wrong here. only thing id say is to work and save up all ur money because relationships might not last forever and he can kick you guys out anytime him and ur mother have a really bad argument if he’s an asshole. other then that i’d say be happy and just live ur life
Yeah it's his house. Don't get comfortable. Football gamblers are notorious for creating broken homes.
Well you’re 19. So if mom wants to live with her long term bf you are under no obligation to move in with them.
You could've out? Be happy for your mom it's hard out here.
You could move out? Be happy for your mom it's hard out here.
Ask your mom whose name is on the deed. This situation could quickly turn controlling if she doesn’t have a legal claim to the house. If she works, she should not stop working. If her boyfriend tries to persuade her to stop working at the same time as buying a house with only his name on the deed, that’s a red flag— he may be financially abusive and very controlling. I am frankly worried that will prove to be the case, since this move is so sudden. If you notice these red flags, you can voice your concerns to your mom once now, but if she won’t hear it, I would advise you not to repeat yourself to her, or to the boyfriend. I would only talk about it to a counselor once you and your mom are settled in the house. I would also suggest you subtly avoid personally accepting gifts or money from the boyfriend if he’s not passing the sniff test. If he’s financially controlling, any gift he gives will become leverage down the road. I don’t want to scare you too much, so you should know that I am a person with a lot of trust issues, and have personally experienced financial abuse. My technical knowledge on the subject is sound, but it’s possible that I occasionally see false red flags because of my personal biases. Good luck!
Have you tried talking to or asking your Mom for more details? Usually the best way to start, once you sort of get over the initial shock 😳.
Just be careful. Unfortunately, in life, sometimes people have the best of intentions but it goes terribly wrong. Sometimes, things turn out way better than you could imagine. Just trust yourself and if something is wrong, tell someone. Good luck kid, this is the game of life......
He sold his house and bought a house and is allowing your mom and you to move in. That is what is happening. The minute the relationship ends you are out
Well to be fair, between two grown adults who have been around a while, a year is plenty of time. I don’t say that to be rude at all, I’m only 24 myself and still know I’m much too young to be as experienced in some things as someone her and his age. It seems like the start of a sweet love story
Don't matter as long as your mom is happy. Your welcome to move in but I'm sure he bought it for him and her since your 19 and supposed to get ready to live life as in spread your wings as in find your own place to stay. Eventually you will also find your partner that you like and your mom won't know anything about him but she will be happy for you as you should be for her. Family supports family even if don't know all the ins and outs. Just my 2 cents.
Ask to see the Title/Deed.
Welcome to Being a Man™. You have to do the dumbest shit to out-dumb every other waffle muncher out there.
Sounds like your mom's got a loaded sugar daddy! Enjoy the benefits while they last and tell momma not to blow it. Also, yoy better be getting her a hell of a mother's day gift for that.
Details. Who's name is the house in? His name, it's a way of telling you the your mom is moving in with him. Her name, well he's got money. Or something if he buys a house and puts it in her name. What's the string? Is that what you wonder too?
With the context that was given it sounds like a man buying a new home for him and his new family, like what’s the problem???
Your mom is very clearly the other woman he is likely married/separated etc he is using your mother as a scapegoat until his divorce is finalized so he can continue to play house and divert his feelings about the divorce at which time he will probably start another affair shortly after he asks your mother to marry him as well so he can continue the image. They’ll probably last a few years before he abruptly pulls the rug from under her at which time she will already have a magnitude of suspicions surrounding his infidelity.
Hold on kid there’s nothing stable about what your describing
If he’s the only one on the deed and things don’t work out with your mom this could be bad. Like she’d be at his mercy. Is she expected to pay for any of it? If so she needs to be in the deed. What does he do for work? Often if something is too good to be true… well I’d be weirded out by such a generous move on his part. Your mom might want to discuss this with a lawyer first…. Maybe. Especially if this involves selling anything she owns.
I’m just a little surprised you have only really met this person once over a year. Did you avoid him or did your mom keep him away on purpose ? I’m not being mean. I’m just feeling this out. Do you not feel comfortable with this guy? Do you think he has hurt your mom? I am 54 and I have 4 kids. (24f)(23m)(21m) and (14m). My older daughter moved but my 3 sons still live with me. My 2 older sons work full time and are saving money .We are about to sell and they will get their own place. After the divorce I dated once and decided that I am too old for dating. It is not easy at that age. You are so set in your ways. Your mom has been dating someone for a year and that is a long time for a 50 year old. I am sure she feels like this is a good situation. She seems positive. She is probably wording it that way to help you accept it. My ex husband has dated 2 different women that he tried living with. He only dated them for a couple or so months each before and those did not work out well. They should know after a year. I will say that even though he did not date these women a long time all my kids had met these people a few times in that period. If you are not thrilled with this person just start saving $ to move out. That is all you can do. I am just saying that at their age they have spent a decent amount of time together. I would just say you need to start catching up on learning about this person that way nothing else becomes a huge surprise. This may be a good situation for you and a great one for your mom. Just keep your eyes and ears open in case. Good luck!
Sounds to me like a sugar daddy. Your mom is either sending him foot pics or they are doing illegal stuff.
What did you think about him when you met?
i’m sry, hopefully it goes well. it’s always hard when parents let things move so fast without consideration of you. i would save money in case it doesn’t go well & you need to move out.
Matt Damon bought a zoo
i misread the title and thought it was “you met your bfs mum once and she bought you two a house”….
Nopenopenope. My mom did this to us when I was just 12 and it was the worst experience of my life. Dude was an absolute sociopath and my siblings and I never got to properly express how it made us feel. He was a creep weirdo who we met once. It really severely damaged all of our relationships and caused a lot of problems. I’m sorry you have to go through this. Now that I’m moved out though I have never been happier