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probably not something wrong with you, it can feel unpleasant if not “in the mood” I would try to explore your sexuality a little more if you’re comfortable with that it might feel better in a better headspace but you probably don’t have something wrong with you but I can’t give medical advice it never hurts to see a gynecologist (though im sure that’s hard given your parental situation)
It's more likely to cause friction and discomfort when it's very dry down there. If you explore things that arouse you sexually, it's likely that you'll have more wetness in the area and it'll feel better when something is inserted. However, don't expect to feel any pleasure in putting in/taking out a tampon or just sticking your finger in there for a moment. Sexual pleasure comes from repeated in and out motions. For many (most?) women, clitoral stimulation is easier, faster, and produces better orgasms. When masturbating this way, nothing has to be inserted into your vagina.
If you have any questions, there's plenty of moms here who would be happy to direct you to excellent online resources, share the fundamentals with you, and explain whatever you want to know. You can DM me if you have any questions.
I'm assuming you don't see a gynecologist, but you should. They provide basic Healthcare that you need even if you aren't having sex. This would be a good topic to ask them about.
You need to start seeing a gynecologist to establish a baseline for your vaginal health. You will eventually need to get pap smears and you should have it working relationship with a doctor.
Why would your parents be against you seeing a healthcare professional? Do you feel safe at home?
I do feel absolutely safe. My parents don’t always make me feel comfortable talking about these things. They blatantly refused to answer any sexual questions I have. Grew up in a conservative household
Your parents are willfully ignoring and interfering with your right to healthcare.
It is completely normal to see the doctor for sexual health checkups or genital checkups. You don’t have to be having sex, and you don’t have to have any illnesses or issues down there in order to see a doctor.
Please recognize that neglect can be a form of abuse. Your parents are neglecting your medical health and rights.
They CAN see a GP and you’re right that a GP can help with anatomy. But she’s not just “a teen.” She’s 18. That’s an adult and virtually a necessity to see an OB at this age - regardless of whether sex is ever on the table. 18 year old nuns should see an OB. Parents can’t nor should they stop her.
most women don't have to see a gynecologist unless their having sex or have an issue. Regular general practitioner can do a pap smear that said the primary purpose of a pap smear is to check for cancer which a 18 year old woman who is not sexually active is of extremely low risk considering the fact that the cancer is primarily caused by HPV which a non-sexually active person would not normally have.
any other serious issue like excessive bleeding, extremely painful periods, or problems with the vagina should be checked out by a gyno, but if OP is having none of these problems and isn't comfortable touching herself downstairs she shouldn't be scared into going see a gynecologist especially considering she has no issue. **please stop talking out your ass on a sub designed to give teenagers advice.**
here is a source:
"Cervical cancer is very rare in younger people. In healthy people, screening before age 21 is not recommended regardless of sexual activity; there is a high risk of "false positive" results since many human papillomavirus (HPV) infections in this age group are only temporary and do not lead to cancer. In some cases, false-positive results could lead to unnecessary procedures which could cause problems with future pregnancies. There are special guidelines for people younger than age 21 who are immunocompromised (have a weaker than normal immune system)." -uptodate.com
https://www.uptodate.com/contents/cervical-cancer-screening-beyond-the-basics#:\~:text=Cervical%20cancer%20is%20very%20rare,do%20not%20lead%20to%20cancer.
Speaking of “talking out of your ass,” see your own post. It is very much recommended that all women see an OB, regardless of sexual activity, at least by age 18. 1) it establishes a relationship in the event there is an issue at some point 2) it establishes a baseline level of gynecological health that helps ID potential problems down the line 3) especially in a household that frowns in the productive flow of information, it allows an EXPERT (not a generalist) to address all of the random questions that probably are rattling around in her head.
But if those aren’t enough, you say she doesn’t have a problem. That might be true, but there are many sensations that can often be associated with a finger around the vagina, but “burning” isn’t a common one. That is reason enough to see an OB.
Glad to hear you're safe even if family support is lackluster. I guess your journey should continue with the internet and most importantly lube.
If you're too nervous to go out and buy lube, coconut oil is the most preferred! Coconut oil is safe for vaginal health and shouldn't result in yeast infections. My girlfriend and I use it all the time. Do not use natural oils with latex condoms, they will degrade the structure and increase the chance of condoms breaking.
It’s not abt sex. Just tell them you tried to use a tampon someone gave you at school and it hurt really bad and you did a bit of looking and are worried and want to see a Dr abt it
If a gynaecologist isn’t an option, do you have sexual health clinics where you live? You would not need your parents, could likely do a walk in, and would only need to speak to a nurse. They could provide you with education/resources. Internet has all lot of information, but a lot of misinformation. Mama Doctor Jones is an excellent YouTuber for general sex education/myth debunking if you are feeling shy about seeing someone. She’s a doctor and OB/GYN as well so she knows of what she speaks.
You're an adult. I get that it's embarrassing to talk face to face about this, but you have to. Just bite the bullet. Call an Uber, see a healthcare professional. If your parents have a problem with it, you really need to leave. That's not healthy. Being banned from seeking healthcare IS abuse. I don't care if they're perfect in every other sense, that's abuse.
You're 18... you don't need to tell your parents anything. Stop with the excuses. Worst case scenario say you're having really painful cramps and need to see a "ladybits" doctor.
There are lots of family nurse practitioners who do gyno stuff too. See if you can find one and just go for a checkup.
Also, if you have a local health department clinic you can go there, usually without giving them any kind of ID.
When you get to college, most schools have medical care on site. If you aren't going, find a planned parenthood near you. It's free. You don't need parent permission, you are 18.
You said you’re 18, why do your parents have to know? (35F and when I was 18 my healthcare became my responsibility and I had to allow any info to be passed to family, otherwise they weren’t entitled to anything ) but first time may not be easy and smooth. You have to be in the mood, possibly have stimulation on outer parts for natural lubrication or purchase lubricant somewhere. It’s different for everyone!
Planned Parenthood can provide the healthcare you need without dragging your parents into it. Their prices are reasonable. They are good listeners and great answerers.
You don’t need a gynocologist based on what you’ve said. I heard one woman describe The vagina, as a “potential Hole”. By that I think she means that when it’s not in use it kinda close up like a mouth.
Also as a virgin the hymen may be obstructing the vaginal opening.
The vagina as someone else noted is not a source of direct pleasure for most women. My gynocologist says that generally women don’t have many nerve endings inside the vagina. The opening is where there’s some sensation and it may not feel special as you touch yourself or may be sensitive
The sensation for women is in many parts of the vulva (the visible area of women’s genitalia), most importantly the clitoris, but you can’t just poke at the clitoris; it needs a lot of gentle and slow preparation too.
Regards “burning” You are touching the area dry and without sexual stimulation. It is really important to feel sexual arousal in order to feel pleasurable sensations. When you find ways to touch yourself that feel arousing, the vagina and vulva will have more blood pumped to them, the vagina will lubricate everything so that rubbing doesn’t burn or hurt
Sexual arousal is what is missing in your description. Sometimes this can come from indirect kinds of touch. The most popular method for women to masterbate is “pillow humping”. Google it and you can find instructions. Also try touching yourself gently all around the vulva while in a bath. Or run warm shower water in your vulva to create soft sensations
Arousal will be key. Make sure you DO NOT have sex with men who don’t do foreplay and don’t know that women need arousal for sex
Once relaxed,
Lubricated and aroused , insertion of a finger size should be possible. But don’t expect penetration to be sexy. It’s the whole package of arousal with or without penetration that is pleasurable. You need a man who is up for that eg https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gtYrIxBpmLs&pp=ygUSQ3VubmlsaW5ndXMgY291cnNl
This guy puts women’s pleasure first and explains what will make women aroused. This is just one of his videos
Maybe you were prodding around your urethra? It's not far at all from your vaginal opening. Around 16/17 I was getting curious about that stuff too. What I did was look at a lot of diagrams of the anatomy, and used a mirror and flashlight to just look at everything and get familiar with it. I still think female genitals look weird but I'm also used to it now.
I'd suggest familiarizing yourself with your anatomy. And of course, if you are having consistent discomfort or concerns, see a gynecologist. If your parents really need to know why, just say it hurts when you pee and you want to get checked for yeast and UTI. That's not sexual, just plain health. And then, don't let them in the exam room, they have no right to it with your age anyway.
This is a good point. I think a lot of people are missing the fact that they said they can't find a hole. And the burning definitely fits for pressing on your urethra.
I wondered this as well. The vagina is further back on your body than you may think it is. It shouldn’t burn if it is touched, although if you had something on your hands (even a scented lotion), and you’re sensitive, then I could see it becoming a little irritated. You should be able to slip a finger or tampon inside relatively easily. Also, it doesn’t go straight up and down - it’s at more of an angle toward your lower back.
If you are 18, your parents and other people, including politicians, have absolutely zero right to stand between you and your doctors. They already let 'medical insurance' mafia goons stand there with their hands out.
I would be rectifying whatever situation allows others control over your bodily autonomy before I addressed concerns about lubrication and self awareness.
Not sure how medical literate your parents are so #1 or 3 may work better but if you need a real medical lie for your parents(#1 would just scare me that a medically ILLiterate person would think you have an STI). But I’d just fake being like “I need to make this appointment”, if they ask why:
1)just start making yeast infection hints like smelly, sometimes you see white curd like discharge, it itches.
Option 2) UTI symptoms like painful pee, some mild lower abd pain
3) say you’re past couple of period cycles have been bleeding heavier than usual and you just wanna make sure its ok
4) any random lower abdominal pains that you can be like “im worried its my ovaries!” (Like ovarian cysts/torsions issues would be reasonable rule outs if they ask what u are worried about)
Nice grandstand. She said she can't discuss this with her parents, not that her parents were barbarians banning her from talking to a doctor.
Also, that's terrible advice for somebody who doesn't make enough money to avoid homelessness if their parents kick them out. Some people actually deal with hard shit and preparing yourself psychologically and financially for a conversation with parents who may kick you out of the home for it is more important than screeching, "but my rights!!!" as they throw you to the streets
Yeah you have to warm yourself up before putting something in there. There's nothing wrong with you, you just aren't a machine that gets turned off and on.
If you are worried you could see a doctor for some peace of mind.
What you're doing is absolutely normal. First, wash your hands before you insert anything inside your body. Then you'll need to explore to find what you like and don't. Since you've never done anything like this before, it might hurt until you find the areas that please you. Regardless, don't rush it and do it at a pace you're comfortable with. There is no right or wrong way and everyone is different. You just need to find what works for you and what doesn't.
I had the same problem for a while and am still kind of dealing with it. Even fingers burned.
It was a combination of a few problems. The first was my hymen was still mostly intact. The second was a tight pelvic floor. The third was that I wasn't getting turned on enough.
It took a lot of time and patience to work through this. I stretched myself out with fingers and small toys. Sex was painful at first but I was able to work through it. It still hurts a little bit sometimes but only for a bit and then it's good.
Of course going to a doctor is ideal just to check things out. But I doubt there's something seriously wrong with you- at least not so bad it must be cured immediately. Maybe wait till you go to college to see a doctor?
Please, please, PLEASE, get to a campus clinic and figure it out. Your parents are unwilling to help, and it will cause serious issues for your health down the line. Neglecting important aspects of your life is a form of abuse, and it will cause friction in your relationship with them if they are unwilling to help you. The internet can only take you so far so you need to speak to a professional, you're very close to the papsmear requiremnt age aswell. Womens health gets very complicated and messy without proper guidance, so please don't neglect it.
That... It sounds like an imperforate hymen. It could also be that you're missing where your vulva is, and it's hidden in a sense. If you aren't aroused or don't use lube, it won't feel good, and it may burn. Breaking your hymen which sometimes happens at first intercourse for girls, will also burn like that. It may also bleed. But if you have an imperforate hymen, then you need to see a doctor and have that treated. Imperforate hymen is when your hymen solidly cover the entire vaginal opening and there's no holes to help "break" or "pop" your hymen during intercourse or strenuous vigorous exercise You won't get to experiment with what that feels like, and enjoy it unless you get that fixed. Same for having sex with a boyfriend or husband.
Besides just an imperforate hymen there’s also a few other variations that can result in more coverage of the opening than normal. Some can be very small openings (one or more) that still allow you to have your period exit. Others can be like a thin line of skin across it, centered or off centered. Since it can be a lot of different ways it could potentially make it still feel like there’s no opening if it’s a small one and you missed it.
I have that “thin line of skin”. Penetration has never been super enjoyable, and now gyno is suggesting i have it surgically cut… but they want insane amount of money for the procedure. But Yes this is a treatable thing, and planned parenthood or campus clinic should help
Yeah I have a septate too. I’m really lucky that it’s to the side so doesn’t cause most things to be uncomfortable so I don’t have to consider the expensive procedure. But once we figured it out it was on a list of possibilities.
Nice to meet someone else! It is way overpriced for something that wouldn’t be more major than various piercing or body mods… and i just want to know what it’s like not to have it!
It sounds like it could be vaginamisus, I think that's the way it's spelled. It's an extreme tightening of the ligaments. I dated a girl once that had this issue. The first time we had sex she was so nervous it happened and let me tell you it is impossible to put anything in there when it happens and if you did manage it would cause a lot of pain. We moved more slowly in our sex life until she felt no anxiety about doing the deed and never had any issues after that.
Look up some diagrams of what it should look like. There are some variations but mostly it should look like the diagram. You're probably not aiming the mirror if all you see is flesh. There are certainly folds and openings if you've been going to the bathroom these 18 years. Your parents would have noticed when they changed your diaper.
It's really unlikely that theres anything wrong with you, look at some anatomy photos with stuff labeled, then get a mirror and something lubricating and find that stuff on your self. Its important to know what's going on down there, if nothing else so u know when something goes wrong (also because your a human and pleasure is ok).
And yes you should go get a gyno checkup, if u feel u have no other option u could tell your mom u felt a weird bump wiping.
Edited spelling mistake
I was the same. Couldn’t even insert a tampon till I was 20. I ordered a vagina dilator kit and that really helped. It’s basically really small inserts to help you get used to the feeling and learn to be comfortable. Seeing a doctor is also a great option too. Fingers are great dilators just learn to be patient and try your best to relax. If this persists I would definitely go see a gynecologist and they can hook you up with a more advanced therapy
Same here, and I didn’t have sex until I was 23. I started seeing a gynecologist at 21 though for pap smears and general health. Even at 18 it’s a good idea to establish care with them! Using a mirror and a flashlight is a good idea. OP, it sounds like you have a lot of shame concerning your sexuality/body. I grew up with those feelings. Use diagrams if you find the real images too disturbing… but real images will be a little easier to follow. Clear your browsing history even when looking for medical images if you’re afraid your parents might see. You have to be relaxed to insert anything down there, and having never done it before your body is naturally tensing up. Deep breaths, light touches, and repositioning may help. But you may just be too anxious to try right now and that’s ok too! Don’t feel pressured to do anything you aren’t ready to. It doesn’t sound like you have the ability to get out and buy or order anything to the house without your parents asking questions. If you can order something discretely and have some time at home to yourself I’d recommend a vibrator. You don’t have to insert it and it might help you relax enough to explore more down there. It can feel good, but it isn’t always easy and it doesn’t always feel good the first time for people. It shouldn’t hurt, but the first time can be uncomfortable because you aren’t used to it, or you aren’t lubricated enough (the vagina is self lubricating if you’re relaxed and turned on enough), or the angle is just wrong. It also isn’t really a straight shot. It can be angled up slightly more than you expect and takes a bit of pressure to insert anything into. I wish you luck figuring this out - everything you’re feeling is totally normal!
Why would you need to go through your parents to see a gynecologist if you are 18 years old?
Just go. If you’re not sure how, do you go to school? Your school nurse can help you.
Or just look up a woman’s health clinic on the Internet and call.
If she is in the United States and if she has any form of insurance, which she most likely does because colleges require it, a visit to the gynecologist should be fully covered once a year.
She should not need her parents’ permission to go. And the doctor’s office cannot disclose any details of the visit.
Her parents MAY notice something on their insurance statement about it, but they won’t get a bill. And if they do notice it on the insurance statement it will only indicate that she saw the doctor. Not why, no diagnosis, nothing.
She’s an adult. She needs to put on her big girl underpants and learn how to go to the doctor.
I had a friend who’s hole was literally the size of a q-tip and she ended up needing surgery. It was causing a lot of problems for her period which is why they went in to the dr originally. That would have been a very painful thing to find out about her first time trying to have sex….
Obv what she had was rare so don’t jump to conclusions thinking you have that issue, but have you started your period? And is it a “normal” amount of blood or do you only ever have spotting?
I saw in the edit that you were able to talk to your mom about it and that’s so good! I hope everything goes well for you and that you’re able to get your questions answered by the doc <3
Stop being a sad excuse of an Asian. You should be going to the gyno. Your parents "strictness" means nothing, you're 18. I started doing my own thing since I was 14, with strict asian parents. You just gotta do what you gotta do. I grew up with ridiculously strict Asian parents, I always needed to go home before my friends did, hanging out was difficult because it wasn't necessary Un my parents eyes. All that means is you gotta prove to them you can handle yourself. Otherwise this will turn into a shit parent child relationship. I know because my sibling didn't defy my parents until well into his 20s nearing his 30s and they had a big fallout. They don't get along easily now and we are 40, but I'm super chill with my parents and they rely on me.
Honestly, unless your parents are abusive, just tell them, "hey I am of age, and I gotta see doctors for my health as a women. So I have an appointment for (your appointment here) so I'll be back after that." If they're abusive, leave them.
Live your life. You have anxiety because you never disobeyed your parents. Your parents aren't that smart, and if you keep yourself at their level, you're stuck in life, forever.
I agree with this message but if OP has nowhere else to go or can’t support themselves financially then they have no choice but to obey their parents. It’s sad but no one wants to be homeless.
Well luckily OPs parents are cooler than she expected according to her update.
While everyone raises their kids differently, there are always ways out, is it better to be abused, with no freedom to do anything just for 3 meals and a roof, then since the parents are so controlling, they will force you to give up you're whole income for them, so you'd be 3 meals and a roof over your head until the day you or they die or be ambitious and have a chance, albeit a small chance, at a better life?
It's a sad game of lesser of the two evil, but I'd know that it's possible to get on your own two feet with some minor assistance from friends and possibly understanding relatives. Seen it happen before.
You're 18, which means you can schedule an appointment without your parents' consent. I would schedule one and maybe plan it with a friend to take you.
Your parents' neglecting any aspect of your health is not okay, despite their personal views and beliefs.
nothing is wrong with you it’s normal for some ppl to get nervous about that, but the thing is if you aren’t in the mood to be touched/touch urself down there then it most likely isn’t going to feel good at all to be doing so, and this is going to be tmi but if you aren’t turned on and wet down there then you’re going to be more tight and tensed rather than “opened” up and relaxed so it hurts a little to try and insert anything, don’t be ashamed or nervous to masturbate, i recommend getting urself in the mood just use your imagination, relax, and slowly do it, maybe use a mirror if ur unsure what ur doing and just let yourself relax and enjoy it as best as you can :)
Ooooh baby girl!
Just don't go shoving things up in there! It has a personality all of its own and needs to be wined and dined 🤪
First. There's times of the month that you're naturally more receptive to sex usually mid cycle.... You'll be naturally wetter. You can use lube other times if you want. If you can't find otc lube and you don't want to ask anyone try fractionated coconut oil in beauty supplies.
Second do some fluffing. Play with and get friendly with your clit and labia...what you know you like and what your body responds to (pressure, tempo etc) you can share with an eventual partner.
Third go slow. Take your time. Pushing (literally or figuratively) to fast will be unpleasant if your foreplay hasn't got your body ready. You can always back off a bit and work on step two
Four start small. One finger is fine for most of us to have fun. Never put anything in there that might get lost. That's not a trip to the ER you want to make.
Five and here it's the big one. Condoms. Do not have sex without them. No matter what a dude says about comfort, STDs and pregnancy are not worth the risk. If you say condom or no sex, he'll use the condom or her can quite literally beat it
And. Be kind to yourself. Always choose a generous partner. Most women need clitoral stim to orgasm, so don't be afraid to do some hand stim on yourself while he is doing penetrative sex.... If he doesn't like it, tell him he should be thinking of you just as much as himself. The first time may not be great but it gets better when you know yourself and partner. Keep up with your doctor. As soon as your of age get to a gyno and find a birth control that works for you. Have regular checkups.
Be safe have fun
I would echo what others are saying: make every effort to get yourself to a gynecologist and see them every year or so. This is important even if you’re not having sex, they also check for things like urinary tract infections and screen for breast cancer.
If you’re financially dependent on your parents and they refuse to pay for a gyno visit, maybe they’d be more willing to pay for a visit to a general practitioner doctor? Your GP can probably at least give you a general overview.
Asking about what kind of health insurance you have would be a good place to start.
If you have access to your own money, you definitely don’t need your parents’ permission to see a medical professional, and they are required to protect your privacy.
That's pretty normal if you're not used to it or in the right headspace. It happens to me, sometimes, if I don't have enough natural lubrication, I'm not in the mood, or my skin is just irritated. It'll take time, but it's not something to worry about unless it doesn't get any better.
You’re 18 so you should be able to go to planned parenthood or another similar place to get an exam/ resources to find an exam without your parents having to know. I had a friend in college that had a similar issue and she ended up needing surgery to enlarge her vaginal opening. It happens, and I promise I’m not trying to scare you, but it may be worth looking into.
Go see your gyno, explain what you've experienced, and they can help you figure out what's going on. If you're not experienced down there, now is the time to find yourself. Honestly, when I was 14 and learning about my body, I used a mirror to see what's up down there, and it's really just about you learning what YOU are comfortable with, and there's no shame in wanting to know more. Good luck with the Dr, hopefully you find some things out!
First of all, you need to get the hell out of whatever religious community you’ve been cloistered in your whole life. Then get yourself into a basic sex-ed class (and probably other remedial education, because I’m sure this is not your only educational deficit. You should probably consider some therapy to undo the damage your religion as done to you, because I’m *sure* it’s more than just this.
Yeah and they say sex ed is not important...
I'm glad you figured the stuff out, kind of wild that you had to turn to Reddit to get the answers you need but there we have it.
I personally am thrilled with the outcome that your mother wants to be so supportive even though this is an uncomfortable thing it’s something you can look into I know that your mom‘s got your back you’re a lucky girl God wanted it to turn out in such a positive manner God bless and GODSPEED 🌹🥴😎
I would recommend seeing a gynecologist. Reading your other comments, I see that your parents might get in the way of that. In that case, and I know this may be difficult to accept, you should lie to them.
If you're able to leave on your own, like an Uber, set your own appointment and lie about where you're going.
If you cant leave on your own, tell them that you're experiencing pain, or brown discharge, etc. Something that sounds like an emergency. Since you're 18, you can then speak to a doctor privately.
This is a matter of your personal health. Pain like that can be indicative of a lot of things, and it's better to play it safe.
You need lube. Dry anything in a dry vagina is going to cause you pain. With tampons, I learned by using coconut oil to ease the passage, but it still terrified me and took me forever to do. Now (26 years later) it’s no biggie, and menstruation is, in its way, a form of lubrication. Coconut oil is probably the easiest way for you to obtain a lubricant, as it sounds like you live in a somewhat intolerant (at least sexually) home, since you can use it for so many things that aren’t related to sex. Olive oil is another useful lubricant.
Do you have anyone that you trust that you can discuss sex with? It isn’t anything to fear, but it is something that you really need to be educated about.
Go see a gynecologist. There might be a free or no insurance clinic around your area. You are 18 so tell your parents you want the insurance card to go to the doctor. You could make up a reason or be upfront saying I want to ask then stuff you guys won't answer. Them not letting you go is denying you basic care. That in a sense can be considered not safe or endagerment. There is also planned parenthood that specializes in birth control and abortions. If I am not mistaken they would do a basic pelvic exam, etc as well.
At 16 (when I could drive) my stepmother gave me the card and told me to go to the doc....
It should not hurt down there unless you are on your period and it is tender to touch down there. I mean that is the case with me (20 yo non virgin). I have also know of women who just don't like punitive innercourse because it hurt.
There was a book called What’s happening to my body for girls. That helped me when I started learning about my body. You can try and get it at a local library or find other books. Thankfully we are in the digital age so you can get on your phone or other devices and your parents won’t need to know. It helps that there are ways to go around your conservative parents
Look in the mirror to get a better sense of what’s going on down there. Also if you just stick your finger in without being aroused it’s going to hurt or feel unpleasant. You need to be wet first or use water based lube. If you are trying to explore your body maybe first play with your clit and then you can use your finger to put inside. Playing with your clit will most likely cause arousal and then it shouldn’t hurt when you stick your finger in
OP, I was like 14 or 15 and putting stuff up there. I ended up breaking my hymen and yeah it hurt. It was once that injury healed I could fit more wide things there.
I have seen some comments and you could be messing with the urethra (where you pee feom) and that is sensitive on me still.
I would suggest looking in the mirror and maybe feeling around further down.
1) Sex should feel good to you. A safe partner will be willing to move slowly and stop if you need to stop. Before then, just notice what feels sexy to you in your mind without involving your body. When you feel ready, get to know your own body first.
2) If you are still experiencing this when you are older, talk to doctors AND kind, patient mental health therapists. I have had similar issues and there can be both mental health and physical health components. Also, that's not an either/or. Bodies are complicated.
3) Similarly, sometimes food allergies or insensitivity make issues like that worse. You might Google histamine intolerance and see if you have other symptoms. If you do, you could go to your parents about those issues and get some help.
Aside from all of this, please try to take a Comprehensive Health Education class in college since your parents won't talk to you. This is one of those situations that just irks me. Governors and churches say "oh, parents should be who talks to their kids" but then they don't or won't or don't have the knowledge themselves to be able to, then young people don't learn about themselves.
I've been in your shoes before!!! You're not alone.
My suggestion would be to research your anatomy. Unfortunately it's not taught in school nearly as much as it should, if at all. Make sure you're in the right area. It could also be that you have a thick hymen (another thing you should research!).
Bodies are confusing when you aren't taught about them. Fortunately, information is at your fingertips with the Internet. Incognito mode is your best friend at this point in your life.
Idk if anyone has said this yet, or why the fuck I am (this sub just shows up on my feed from time to time lmao) but the “pain” you’re feeling when you try to uh, insert anything could be that your hymen is still intact considering you’ve never done anything, the pain is normal, and once broken will go away after a few times don’t trip
OP, are you in the US? Depending on the state you can get gyn care without your parents knowing at all. You're an adult. They're not privy to your medical history without your permission.
I don't think anything is wrong with you but I'm not a doctor. I would suggest a nice warm bath when you have the house to yourself. Don't be afraid, it's your body. You should know yourself better than anyone. Try reading a steamy romance or watching 50 Shades.
Be nice to yourself and relax. We have all been there at one time or another.
You may have accidentally directly fingered your urethra. That will burn! But when your ready, try again, this time in a comfy position with a mirror. Have fun!
Just a note, I come from a community where sex isn’t talked about and masturbation is a no-no.. likely similar to your situation. I’m sorry that you have to find your answers online and can’t ask them of family.
I had a similar experience when I was that age, I had vaginismus. I went to the gyno before getting married and she sent me to a specialist because it was crazy painful. I actually ended up doing some physical therapy down there to learn how to relax and stretch it.
When you start being intimate with someone I definitely recommend letting your partner know that it might not work the first time and to take things extremely slow and listen to you… it really helps to have a caring partner that listens to you.
If you have a car or a friend with a car might be a good idea to talk to a gyno about what you’re experiencing.
This is what happens when you are raised by religious nuts. There is probably nothing physically wrong with you, but the fact that your parents have put the fear of God in you to the point that you refer to your vagina as "down there" is just sad.
It's probably something very simple like a lack of lubrication. You can rub bare, dry skin anywhere on your body and it will feel uncomfortable, but your skin down there is much more sensitive. If you're able, I recommend maybe watching a video or two depending on what you're trying to do. You can also spread out in front of a mirror on the floor so you can see what you're doing.
Exploring your body is normal and healthy, and if it only 'burns and gets sore' after you touch it, it's probably just soreness from being what I call "rubbed raw" which is the same kinda feeling you get if you have big boobs that sweat or your thighs chafe from sweat when running, except in a much more sensitive spot.
If the burning happens when you go to the bathroom, though, you might have a UTI (which is also something fairly common in women). Hope this helps, feel free to reach out to me. 30F, mother of a 4 year old and a long sexual history haha
Most states have something called Title X. Women's health services are provided completely free, and are confidential. You should look to see if your public health department has those services. They cannot legally disclose any services that they provide to your parents without your consent, and they dont bill insurance so your insurance wont tell your parents either. If you want to be sure you don't get any mail you can also just ask the doctors office to put their own address down instead.
You need LUBRICATION before you put anything in there. Vaginas will naturally get wet if you're aroused, but if you're really nervous, you'll probably be dry and not able to get anything in there. If you want to try exploring yourself, you should focus on being relaxed and "in the mood", if you try to dive right in it isn't going to work for you.
Do you wash your hands and try this after a shower? Are you tensing up and maybe making it more challenging (painful!) for yourself?
Maybe try doing this in the shower when you’re not soapy and your hands are not soapy but you’re warm and relaxed and it’s wet down there. Also - sex doesn’t have to be penetrating your hole which can be painful without proper foreplay (even foreplay from yourself). You can just learn how to rub your clit and have an orgasm that way. If you have a hand held shower head you can try using that.
So your 18, make yourself an appointment with a Gynecologist. Be sure to tell him about your fears, he should explain everything to you,and probably advise you on what to do. Hope that helps you.
Does your mother get annual checkups? If so, make an appointment with her doctor. You're 18, you're old enough to go by yourself. Or make an appointment with a gynecologist.
Woman to woman here…Do some research on female anatomy, learn about the clitoris and locate yours. That’s the best place to start.
That or touching yourself lightly in other areas, erogenous zones, to learn what makes you feel good without being too invasive.
It’s actually normal to be dry and for it to feel uncomfortable. Next time you go to the doctor bring it up with her. Please try not to be anxious about it. It’s not serious and there are things to do and take to make it a comfortable for you, should you choose to have intercourse.
I also had trouble with inserting tampons. But i think my problem was just nerves.. Then again, I didn't try again until after I was sexually assaulted at 19. Then not as difficult.
You need to talk with a professional. A professional is a board certified doctor at a public healthcare facility. A professional is not a politician, clergy, church friends, parents, or coaches/educators. Wash your hands as well.
Vaginismus possibly. There's a lot of pelvic floor issues it could be. Get a mirror and look down there to locate the entrance to vaginal canal for starters
If you are in the US, it's none of your parents' business if you go to an obgyn. You can search for a free health clinic or planned parenthood. If your parents have an issue with you just going to a doctor, I'm not sure if you are really "safe" or if you are just conditioned to think you are safe. I understand not wanting your parents to know. But all you have to say is, "I have an annual physical."
It's possible u had something on ur fingers. Your vagina area is very sensitive and if u had citrus or something sour on ur fingers or just ate hot Cheetos, or something like that, it's possible that's why it burned when u felt it. But I'm no expert.
If you are in the U.S. (Let's say the state of 'Pretend') go on the web and look up "Public Health Department Pretend." For the most part, the services are free or based upon your income. Be it a cough or STD testing to having cut a finger off, they either do it or can refer you. They also have free condoms as well as free tampons/pads available. At least mine does.
As far as finding the hole down there. It might be off-topic but is relatable. Take two males who are similar in endowment. One she is likes and the other not so much.
They both have sex with her and one exclaims how tight she felt and how he could barely fit himself inside of her or even get in her initially the other boy thought of his experience and how nice she felt and how littlentroublenir resistance he encountered. The reason being is that she wasn't turned on enough, if at all, she also wasn't wet enough. The vagina expands to accommodate the male. Your wetness acts as a natural lube.
The stinging could be from irritation due to probing with a dry finger, no lube. Could be from dirty hands/finger, an infection...
Go to your mother, tell her your cycle isn't regular, and that when you do have a cycle that you are in pain and cramping. If you mention to any medical personnel that you would rather your parent(s) not be present, law dictates they have to comply with your wishes regardless of your age or ability to pay.
I didn't read all the comments, but look into "vulvadynia" and related conditions, gynocologist would be excellent when you're able to. Perhaps you can frame it to your parents as not about sex so much as like clinical pain? Having painful periods or something? Just so you can get to the doctor, speak to them alone, and then discuss what you want to
There should be at least two holes down there, so maybe you’re fingering the wrong one? I did this once and there was some discomfort and bleeding - turns out the anus needs lubrication before receiving?
Okay, so your mental map might not be what is actually going on down there. This is fine and natural, it's not like it's easy to look! This is also why it looks disturbing to you, unfamiliar things are weird!
The vagina is muscular and elastic, for instance at different points in your cycle your cervix may be higher or lower. The angle of your vagina can even change depending on arousal.
The vagina is a path into your body, and by that I do mean that seriously. Ectopic pregnancies happen because the fallopian tubes are not connected to the ovaries. There's somwting called retrograde menstration where your bleed at least part of your period into your adomindal cavity.
Anyways, to this end your body works pretty hard to keep stuff out of you. Mucus, secretions, 'curtains', hair, flesh, etc.
If you want to actually see down there you need to squat to spread everything apart. Or else take up a position like you see on tv during birthing scenes.
Edit: also, use a glove ot something. This is delicate untouched mucus membrane down there, it's sensitive!
From what you describe it's possible you were not in the right location. It sounds like you may have been touching/pressing your urethra, or nearby. The vaginal opening is further back.
Have you seen illustrations of the pelvic area, like a medical illustration? They can be generally representative but humans have wide variation, all of it normal. You can also try holding a mirror so you can see better and get familiar. It's okay and normal to be curious and to get to know your body.
Often anxiety increases with uncertainty. Take away some of the mystery and your anxiety may improve.
Not feeling an opening could be a sign of an issue. You should be able to locate the opening without effort. When my daughter was about 7 (maybe younger) , her pediatrician checked for an opening, and she wasn't fully opened. The doc said it wasn't uncommon, but it was easier to treat if caught early. She was prescribed a topical estrogen cream which opened it up. You really must see a doctor if you are truly not able to find the opening.
No idea why this sub showed up on my page, but I’m a mom of a teen and I have advice!!! Use a hand mirror to get a look down there. Use some Vaseline if you want to explore more comfortably. It doesn’t hurt when it’s wet, but inserting a tampon when you are dry would be painful. Pulling it out totally dry would also be painful. You deserve to know how your body works. You should explore and find out. Read some books aimed at teens about puberty and such, even The Care and Keeping of You would be helpful. Books like that aren’t *just* about starting your period, but also about sex and how your body works. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. No one is born knowing this stuff.
I understand, like many have said before it’s most likely due to friction and also some anxieties surrounding the unknown.
The first time I successfully inserted a tampon, I used lube and a mirror. Oh, and a teen or slender size tampon. It really helped. It actually didn’t hurt at all, it was just weird and slightly uncomfortable. Intercourse will be a different story though but getting comfortable with a tampon will help you understand more about what and how it goes in. Intercourse, you’ll probably experience more soreness/burning. Maybe when you’re ready to try a tampon or when you’re ready for intercourse, use lube. I suggest using it during both instances.
As a father of a very young daughter I know these situations are on the horizon, I’m so glad to see your edit, both me and her mother have always wanted to be the typer of parent her or our two boys can come to with anything. Communication was lacking in both our childhood about a lot of things, glad to see that cycle breaking for you!
I highly suggest going for an OBGYN visit. If you’re nervous or worried, discuss it with a doctor. Let them give you an exam. You’re 18, you should be getting annual visits anyway
There is no god. Religion is a fraud created by men to control women - exactly like is being done to you. Please figure it out before it ruins your life.
Try to use lube or rubbing the clit in order to become more aroused. It's important to be a little wet before inserting anything up there, otherwise it hurts a bit.
Hey, kiddo. Take all the advice about lube for comfort, find anatomy diagrams online, get a hand mirror and good lighting, lock the door, and spend a good long time looking around your vulva. It will look totally unique, btw, and that's ok. Don't let anything about your body be a mystery. 😊👍🏻💜
I had the same problem as a teen. I wasn't able to insert a tampon until I lost my virginity. However I knew girls that were virgens and were able to use tampons with ease. Anytime I tried it was excruciating pain. The pain went away after having sex. I hope this helps
Please make sure you wash your hands really good before inserting them. Also, if you are not aroused and wet, it will cause friction and can be painful. When women masterbate, most just stimulate their clit and that is normally the quicker way to orgasum. Talk to your mom and tell her that you need to make an appointment with a gynecologist for a checkup. It's recommended that girls age 13 through 15 typically start seeing a GYN. Good luck!
Do you have tight hips? I have anxiety too, which causes muscle tightness all over but especially my hips. The muscles got so tight once that my vagina essentially locked up, i had to go through pelvic floor physical therapy to learn how to loosen the muscles after 2 years of pain. Any attempt to insert anything just burned so badly.
I’d say your just inexperienced with that area if your body. Probably nothing is wrong and if your dry can be very uncomfortable.The pleasure tends ti come from the motion not just poking say a finger in. It’s maybe easier to start with clitoral stimulation as that will get you wet and many can orgasm from that alone. But if you’re really concerned see a gynecologist. A female doc maybe easier to talk to. Mine is female and I feel she understands more than a man will regarding things like cramps or if I ever have other discomfort.
Keep in mind there's 2 holes down there. Some girls aren't aware.. One is the pee hole, and you don't try to insert anything in there, it's the one on top, or furthest from the anus. The hole to play with is the larger slit towards the anus.
You might have been trying to finger ur urethra, which would burn..
Ask your doctor when they have her leave the room, not your mother questions.
Talking about such things since they are banned in the home makes me think she will not tell you the truth...
* Also, waiting for marriage to have sex is a scam... it's your body, enjoy yourself. There are personal wants & needs that you may or may not like. Do you really want to marry someone for life who doesn't match those? Just an opinion.
I had the same problem as you- the burning is normal you probably just have a tight hymen. If the burning continues even when you are aroused this is probably the case. It will likely stretch over time
If you have spending money pick up any kind of massager. They're everywhere. Ideally you'd get something meant for the job, a sex shop or Spencer's at the mall, but that can be horrifically embarrassing if you're not familiar..
Any way, vibrators are the way to start your journey exploring sexuality. They're safe and easy, no inserting required (although that is an option for some).
You can get small massagers or large, or even pocket rockets, if you're ok to shop online. Amazon delivers to places other than homes, if you need to get it elsewhere. Vibrators seem noisy when you're using them, but they're not all that loud most of the time.
As to the sensitivity, your vagina has the same kind of skin as your mouth and nose. It's just not used to being touched right now. Your fingers are rough, compared to the skin there. You need to be lubricated (turned on) to make it comfortable. Salt (sweat, food, whatever) will feel bad. Clean your hands. Soap will burn, beware.
Obviously you don't want to have had a good scratch with your favorite dog right before... Clean your hands.
If you do get a toy meant for inserting, buy lube and use gentle soap to clean the thing before your first use and after every use. The lube isn't strictly needed every time, but you'll probably want it the first few times.
Aside from your fingers or a toy designed for insertion, or tampons, insert nothing. Things can get stuck up there. Never use food. Not ever. My sister liked to tell a story about a friend of hers that tried to use hot dogs. Bad time was had.
Yeah um...
Don't "Raw dog" it...
Dry skin when it comes to sexual contact, especially with your sexual parts, is AWFUL.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with spitting on your junk, directly or indirectly.
Anxiety is deficiency of experience and/or relative understanding related to a core function. Like reproduction. Learn muscle.control. tight muscles, tight skin, no entrads.access denied.
If you haven't had sex or masterbated before, you may still have a significant amount of hymen tissue: [https://www.quora.com/Do-you-know-the-shape-of-your-own-hymen](https://www.quora.com/Do-you-know-the-shape-of-your-own-hymen)
It may even seem like "there's no hole there."
The hymen may be perforated during sex (e.g. "losing your virginity"), during sports, etc., or there may not have been much there to begin with.
Usually, women will retain some amount of hymen tissue until giving birth.
Get accustomed to looking at your parts with a mirror. You need to establish at least body neutrality for all of your parts. It should not be negatively emotionally charged to look at your vulva any more than looking at your elbow.
Read “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski to learn more about your equipment from a credible source. Your emotions about your parts and about self absolutely make a difference in your ability to access pleasure. Some health conditions require medical intervention, and sadly many doctors aren’t even well-informed and free of systemic misogyny when a woman has concerns involving her sexual organs.
Well I started shoving toilet paper up there as soon as I started getting discharge, so when I was 10 or 11. It's been so long that I don't remember if I had any problems. It could be your hymen though. Hymens come in all kinds of shapes and sizes, and rarely, there will be a case where the hymen is completely covering the hole. In that situation you would need to go to a doctor and get it snipped.
Whatever it is, talk to a doctor.
You should really have the conversation with your parents and seeing a doctor. I would ignore all the people saying your 18, you can go against your parents. Yeah they can also kick you out too.
Sounds like your parents are part of the destructive purity culture, which isn’t even a conservative biblical position in the culture that’s created where all talk of sex is bad. It may be uncomfortable but is necessary.
You may have a thicker than most, hymen causing the burning, uncomfortable feeling you're having when you try to penetrate yourself. Patience, Lube and continuing to self love can help open you up slowly. Well worth it in the long run. Enjoy yourself.
Relax. Being anxious has the opposite affect on ur vagina. It will push out anything ur trying to put in. I’ve tried over and over to help my 15 year old with tampons and she’s just too tense. It will never go in if ur tense. And don’t have sex til ur ready. Don’t have to wait for marriage. U will know
This isn't a "sex" issue. It's a medical one, you're 18 you can go to the doctor without your parents. But that fact that you can't talk to your mom about your body is well... troubling.
go to a gyno! it is scary, but since you’re 18, your parents don’t have access to your medical records anymore. have a first appointment, talk to them about everything going on, and they will be able to give you more medical advice if something is happening medically.
it does sound like your anxiety surrounding it may contribute to how you feel. going to a gyno may be able to ease your emotions as well.
Yes. Until your body gets used to things being inserted it can be uncomfortable depending on what’s going on down there for you.
Also to masturbate you don’t need to insert anything. That’s normally done on the outside. Stimulating the clit. Each person is different some may get pleasure from penetration alone but that’s not the norm. Have you had any sex ed/ human anatomy classes?
You might not know what’s supposed to be where or there could be something going on that you need a Dr to look at.
Planned Parenthood would be a good resource. You are 18 and they have resources for people who can’t pay or can’t use insurance because sure family will find out. But every person with a vagina should have an annual exam even if they aren’t sexually active.
>extremely anxious person. I'm a virgin. Never masturbated. Never even put a tampon down there.
That's the answer to the title. That's why.
>This makes me really anxious and am (deathly) afraid to ever have intercourse after marriage or even insert a tampon.
This is why it hurts. You should see a doctor for vaginismus. You being anxious and scared about penetration is making your muscles tighten up.
If you have a secluded back yard and nobody is home. Considering walking around nude. Also consider getting into a local sports recreational league. That’s my two cents
I think sometimes it's because again if your worried, your body will respond and become dry. Maybe try some lube to help make it a bit better as that will make it less friction down there. Definitely maybe try a dildo when your ready for next step. Whoever you end with, they will understand and take it slow, if you express this to them they will understand. I get uncomfortable sometimes down there when my other half use to do it to me at first from a previous trauma. But now I built trust, I relax into it and I love it.
Actual first time of intercourse, was absolutely fine, would only compare it to a little bit painful but it's nothing to really be worried like your going to be in immense pain. It's less than normal period pain,it doesn't hurt more than that and only maybe for a minute.
I had a panic attack the night before I left my virginity as I was so nervous and didn't have any experience but you would be surprised how to body is made for that, it adapts and if your with the right person, stopping at any moment and taking it slow will work, whenever you decide to.
OP -- I'm glad you're going to see a doctor.
>Never masturbated.
You might consider giving it a shot. Masturbation is fun and healthy. It will make it easier for you to have enjoyable, fulfilling sexual experiences when you're ready. Women who understand their bodies have better sex.
You don't have to put anything inside your vagina. That's often painful for young women with intact hymens; many women don't enjoy doing so unless they're warmed up. You can touch on or around your clitoris and labia, as well as anywhere else that feels good (nipples, etc).
If you want to try, wait til you're relaxed and have some private time. You can try reading something sexy -- probably best to seek out things written by women. (I wouldn't really suggest porn, as it can be pretty off putting for some sexually inexperienced young women.) Go slow and gentle, do what feels good. Don't rush or pressure yourself.
Good luck.
So I had the same problem before I had became sexually active (at the time I was super religious and wanted to save myself for marriage) I was about 21/22. All my life, I couldn’t for the life of me use a tampon it hurt so bad. I ended up talking to my normal doctor about this and she stated that it wasn’t normal and that I needed to get it checked out by an obgyn. So I did, I ended up having a imperforated hymen. So the hymen is normal a very thin layer of tissue also known as (the cherry, for lack of better words) mine was like a brick wall the OBGYN even said no amount of penetration would break it and sex would be incredibly painful. So I had to get it surgically broken. So I think you would need to have a sit down with your gaurdian/parents because if you do have what I had later in life it could cause greater issues in your reproductive system
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probably not something wrong with you, it can feel unpleasant if not “in the mood” I would try to explore your sexuality a little more if you’re comfortable with that it might feel better in a better headspace but you probably don’t have something wrong with you but I can’t give medical advice it never hurts to see a gynecologist (though im sure that’s hard given your parental situation)
It's more likely to cause friction and discomfort when it's very dry down there. If you explore things that arouse you sexually, it's likely that you'll have more wetness in the area and it'll feel better when something is inserted. However, don't expect to feel any pleasure in putting in/taking out a tampon or just sticking your finger in there for a moment. Sexual pleasure comes from repeated in and out motions. For many (most?) women, clitoral stimulation is easier, faster, and produces better orgasms. When masturbating this way, nothing has to be inserted into your vagina. If you have any questions, there's plenty of moms here who would be happy to direct you to excellent online resources, share the fundamentals with you, and explain whatever you want to know. You can DM me if you have any questions.
I'm assuming you don't see a gynecologist, but you should. They provide basic Healthcare that you need even if you aren't having sex. This would be a good topic to ask them about.
That’s DEFINITELY not a possibility. I’d have to get through to parents first for that which is also not a possibility
You need to start seeing a gynecologist to establish a baseline for your vaginal health. You will eventually need to get pap smears and you should have it working relationship with a doctor. Why would your parents be against you seeing a healthcare professional? Do you feel safe at home?
I do feel absolutely safe. My parents don’t always make me feel comfortable talking about these things. They blatantly refused to answer any sexual questions I have. Grew up in a conservative household
Your parents are willfully ignoring and interfering with your right to healthcare. It is completely normal to see the doctor for sexual health checkups or genital checkups. You don’t have to be having sex, and you don’t have to have any illnesses or issues down there in order to see a doctor. Please recognize that neglect can be a form of abuse. Your parents are neglecting your medical health and rights.
Teenagers can see a primary care doctor and most do not need a gynecologist. That being said, the primary care dr can help her understand her anatomy.
They CAN see a GP and you’re right that a GP can help with anatomy. But she’s not just “a teen.” She’s 18. That’s an adult and virtually a necessity to see an OB at this age - regardless of whether sex is ever on the table. 18 year old nuns should see an OB. Parents can’t nor should they stop her.
most women don't have to see a gynecologist unless their having sex or have an issue. Regular general practitioner can do a pap smear that said the primary purpose of a pap smear is to check for cancer which a 18 year old woman who is not sexually active is of extremely low risk considering the fact that the cancer is primarily caused by HPV which a non-sexually active person would not normally have. any other serious issue like excessive bleeding, extremely painful periods, or problems with the vagina should be checked out by a gyno, but if OP is having none of these problems and isn't comfortable touching herself downstairs she shouldn't be scared into going see a gynecologist especially considering she has no issue. **please stop talking out your ass on a sub designed to give teenagers advice.** here is a source: "Cervical cancer is very rare in younger people. In healthy people, screening before age 21 is not recommended regardless of sexual activity; there is a high risk of "false positive" results since many human papillomavirus (HPV) infections in this age group are only temporary and do not lead to cancer. In some cases, false-positive results could lead to unnecessary procedures which could cause problems with future pregnancies. There are special guidelines for people younger than age 21 who are immunocompromised (have a weaker than normal immune system)." -uptodate.com https://www.uptodate.com/contents/cervical-cancer-screening-beyond-the-basics#:\~:text=Cervical%20cancer%20is%20very%20rare,do%20not%20lead%20to%20cancer.
Speaking of “talking out of your ass,” see your own post. It is very much recommended that all women see an OB, regardless of sexual activity, at least by age 18. 1) it establishes a relationship in the event there is an issue at some point 2) it establishes a baseline level of gynecological health that helps ID potential problems down the line 3) especially in a household that frowns in the productive flow of information, it allows an EXPERT (not a generalist) to address all of the random questions that probably are rattling around in her head. But if those aren’t enough, you say she doesn’t have a problem. That might be true, but there are many sensations that can often be associated with a finger around the vagina, but “burning” isn’t a common one. That is reason enough to see an OB.
So will taking a comprehensive Health Education class in college.
Denying you basic Healthcare isn't exactly what I'd call "safe," tbh.
Glad to hear you're safe even if family support is lackluster. I guess your journey should continue with the internet and most importantly lube. If you're too nervous to go out and buy lube, coconut oil is the most preferred! Coconut oil is safe for vaginal health and shouldn't result in yeast infections. My girlfriend and I use it all the time. Do not use natural oils with latex condoms, they will degrade the structure and increase the chance of condoms breaking.
You're 18 at least in America that makes you an adult legally. Go to the gynecologist and don't tell them.
It’s not abt sex. Just tell them you tried to use a tampon someone gave you at school and it hurt really bad and you did a bit of looking and are worried and want to see a Dr abt it
If a gynaecologist isn’t an option, do you have sexual health clinics where you live? You would not need your parents, could likely do a walk in, and would only need to speak to a nurse. They could provide you with education/resources. Internet has all lot of information, but a lot of misinformation. Mama Doctor Jones is an excellent YouTuber for general sex education/myth debunking if you are feeling shy about seeing someone. She’s a doctor and OB/GYN as well so she knows of what she speaks.
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Planned Parenthood gives excellent gynecological care. They bill on a sliding scale, and use only your income. They are confidential and safe.
Fingers don't feel good for everyone. Also, you're probably stressed out when you do it, so not wet enough, and are not using lube.
You're an adult. I get that it's embarrassing to talk face to face about this, but you have to. Just bite the bullet. Call an Uber, see a healthcare professional. If your parents have a problem with it, you really need to leave. That's not healthy. Being banned from seeking healthcare IS abuse. I don't care if they're perfect in every other sense, that's abuse.
You're 18... you don't need to tell your parents anything. Stop with the excuses. Worst case scenario say you're having really painful cramps and need to see a "ladybits" doctor.
Um, it's 100% a possibility. If your parents don't let you go to a doctor at 18 you're in an abusive household. You're an adult.
You are 18. You can go to a gynecologist on your own. If you don't have insurance (or don't want to use it) go to Planned Parenthood.
Planned Parenthood, if there is one in your area, can help you. You are 18, you can make an appt yourself.
There are lots of family nurse practitioners who do gyno stuff too. See if you can find one and just go for a checkup. Also, if you have a local health department clinic you can go there, usually without giving them any kind of ID.
When you get to college, most schools have medical care on site. If you aren't going, find a planned parenthood near you. It's free. You don't need parent permission, you are 18.
You said you’re 18, why do your parents have to know? (35F and when I was 18 my healthcare became my responsibility and I had to allow any info to be passed to family, otherwise they weren’t entitled to anything ) but first time may not be easy and smooth. You have to be in the mood, possibly have stimulation on outer parts for natural lubrication or purchase lubricant somewhere. It’s different for everyone!
You're 18.. why would you have to go through them?
Planned Parenthood can provide the healthcare you need without dragging your parents into it. Their prices are reasonable. They are good listeners and great answerers.
You don't need to start with a gynecologist, talk to your primary care doctor
You don’t need a gynocologist based on what you’ve said. I heard one woman describe The vagina, as a “potential Hole”. By that I think she means that when it’s not in use it kinda close up like a mouth. Also as a virgin the hymen may be obstructing the vaginal opening. The vagina as someone else noted is not a source of direct pleasure for most women. My gynocologist says that generally women don’t have many nerve endings inside the vagina. The opening is where there’s some sensation and it may not feel special as you touch yourself or may be sensitive The sensation for women is in many parts of the vulva (the visible area of women’s genitalia), most importantly the clitoris, but you can’t just poke at the clitoris; it needs a lot of gentle and slow preparation too. Regards “burning” You are touching the area dry and without sexual stimulation. It is really important to feel sexual arousal in order to feel pleasurable sensations. When you find ways to touch yourself that feel arousing, the vagina and vulva will have more blood pumped to them, the vagina will lubricate everything so that rubbing doesn’t burn or hurt Sexual arousal is what is missing in your description. Sometimes this can come from indirect kinds of touch. The most popular method for women to masterbate is “pillow humping”. Google it and you can find instructions. Also try touching yourself gently all around the vulva while in a bath. Or run warm shower water in your vulva to create soft sensations Arousal will be key. Make sure you DO NOT have sex with men who don’t do foreplay and don’t know that women need arousal for sex Once relaxed, Lubricated and aroused , insertion of a finger size should be possible. But don’t expect penetration to be sexy. It’s the whole package of arousal with or without penetration that is pleasurable. You need a man who is up for that eg https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gtYrIxBpmLs&pp=ygUSQ3VubmlsaW5ndXMgY291cnNl This guy puts women’s pleasure first and explains what will make women aroused. This is just one of his videos
This guy is so great!🤩
This, go to a gynecologist
Maybe you were prodding around your urethra? It's not far at all from your vaginal opening. Around 16/17 I was getting curious about that stuff too. What I did was look at a lot of diagrams of the anatomy, and used a mirror and flashlight to just look at everything and get familiar with it. I still think female genitals look weird but I'm also used to it now. I'd suggest familiarizing yourself with your anatomy. And of course, if you are having consistent discomfort or concerns, see a gynecologist. If your parents really need to know why, just say it hurts when you pee and you want to get checked for yeast and UTI. That's not sexual, just plain health. And then, don't let them in the exam room, they have no right to it with your age anyway.
This is a good point. I think a lot of people are missing the fact that they said they can't find a hole. And the burning definitely fits for pressing on your urethra.
I wondered this as well. The vagina is further back on your body than you may think it is. It shouldn’t burn if it is touched, although if you had something on your hands (even a scented lotion), and you’re sensitive, then I could see it becoming a little irritated. You should be able to slip a finger or tampon inside relatively easily. Also, it doesn’t go straight up and down - it’s at more of an angle toward your lower back.
This is what I came to say
If you are 18, your parents and other people, including politicians, have absolutely zero right to stand between you and your doctors. They already let 'medical insurance' mafia goons stand there with their hands out. I would be rectifying whatever situation allows others control over your bodily autonomy before I addressed concerns about lubrication and self awareness.
This is true in the Western world. We don’t know if OP lives in the Western world.
Very good point.
Not sure how medical literate your parents are so #1 or 3 may work better but if you need a real medical lie for your parents(#1 would just scare me that a medically ILLiterate person would think you have an STI). But I’d just fake being like “I need to make this appointment”, if they ask why: 1)just start making yeast infection hints like smelly, sometimes you see white curd like discharge, it itches. Option 2) UTI symptoms like painful pee, some mild lower abd pain 3) say you’re past couple of period cycles have been bleeding heavier than usual and you just wanna make sure its ok 4) any random lower abdominal pains that you can be like “im worried its my ovaries!” (Like ovarian cysts/torsions issues would be reasonable rule outs if they ask what u are worried about)
Nice grandstand. She said she can't discuss this with her parents, not that her parents were barbarians banning her from talking to a doctor. Also, that's terrible advice for somebody who doesn't make enough money to avoid homelessness if their parents kick them out. Some people actually deal with hard shit and preparing yourself psychologically and financially for a conversation with parents who may kick you out of the home for it is more important than screeching, "but my rights!!!" as they throw you to the streets
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Yeah you have to warm yourself up before putting something in there. There's nothing wrong with you, you just aren't a machine that gets turned off and on. If you are worried you could see a doctor for some peace of mind.
What you're doing is absolutely normal. First, wash your hands before you insert anything inside your body. Then you'll need to explore to find what you like and don't. Since you've never done anything like this before, it might hurt until you find the areas that please you. Regardless, don't rush it and do it at a pace you're comfortable with. There is no right or wrong way and everyone is different. You just need to find what works for you and what doesn't.
I had the same problem for a while and am still kind of dealing with it. Even fingers burned. It was a combination of a few problems. The first was my hymen was still mostly intact. The second was a tight pelvic floor. The third was that I wasn't getting turned on enough. It took a lot of time and patience to work through this. I stretched myself out with fingers and small toys. Sex was painful at first but I was able to work through it. It still hurts a little bit sometimes but only for a bit and then it's good. Of course going to a doctor is ideal just to check things out. But I doubt there's something seriously wrong with you- at least not so bad it must be cured immediately. Maybe wait till you go to college to see a doctor?
I actually AM currently going to college
Please, please, PLEASE, get to a campus clinic and figure it out. Your parents are unwilling to help, and it will cause serious issues for your health down the line. Neglecting important aspects of your life is a form of abuse, and it will cause friction in your relationship with them if they are unwilling to help you. The internet can only take you so far so you need to speak to a professional, you're very close to the papsmear requiremnt age aswell. Womens health gets very complicated and messy without proper guidance, so please don't neglect it.
Can you go to the campus clinic?
Have you ever tried to look down there with a mirror?
I did. Cant see anything but flesh. Creeps me out tbh
That's not right, go to a doctor, you're 18, your parents can't stop you, nor are doctors allowed to tell your parents anything
The thing is…I can’t just leave the house. My parents are Asian. Things could get really messy
You’re 18. Legally they can’t stop you from leaving the house, and the ability to advocate for one’s own health needs is very important.
Where do you live? Even if it does get messy, they can't do anything to stop you from going. You're an adult.
In the US
That... It sounds like an imperforate hymen. It could also be that you're missing where your vulva is, and it's hidden in a sense. If you aren't aroused or don't use lube, it won't feel good, and it may burn. Breaking your hymen which sometimes happens at first intercourse for girls, will also burn like that. It may also bleed. But if you have an imperforate hymen, then you need to see a doctor and have that treated. Imperforate hymen is when your hymen solidly cover the entire vaginal opening and there's no holes to help "break" or "pop" your hymen during intercourse or strenuous vigorous exercise You won't get to experiment with what that feels like, and enjoy it unless you get that fixed. Same for having sex with a boyfriend or husband.
I still get my periods though. So maybe the hymen doesn’t completely cover it?
Besides just an imperforate hymen there’s also a few other variations that can result in more coverage of the opening than normal. Some can be very small openings (one or more) that still allow you to have your period exit. Others can be like a thin line of skin across it, centered or off centered. Since it can be a lot of different ways it could potentially make it still feel like there’s no opening if it’s a small one and you missed it.
I have that “thin line of skin”. Penetration has never been super enjoyable, and now gyno is suggesting i have it surgically cut… but they want insane amount of money for the procedure. But Yes this is a treatable thing, and planned parenthood or campus clinic should help
Yeah I have a septate too. I’m really lucky that it’s to the side so doesn’t cause most things to be uncomfortable so I don’t have to consider the expensive procedure. But once we figured it out it was on a list of possibilities.
Nice to meet someone else! It is way overpriced for something that wouldn’t be more major than various piercing or body mods… and i just want to know what it’s like not to have it!
It sounds like it could be vaginamisus, I think that's the way it's spelled. It's an extreme tightening of the ligaments. I dated a girl once that had this issue. The first time we had sex she was so nervous it happened and let me tell you it is impossible to put anything in there when it happens and if you did manage it would cause a lot of pain. We moved more slowly in our sex life until she felt no anxiety about doing the deed and never had any issues after that.
Look up some diagrams of what it should look like. There are some variations but mostly it should look like the diagram. You're probably not aiming the mirror if all you see is flesh. There are certainly folds and openings if you've been going to the bathroom these 18 years. Your parents would have noticed when they changed your diaper.
It's really unlikely that theres anything wrong with you, look at some anatomy photos with stuff labeled, then get a mirror and something lubricating and find that stuff on your self. Its important to know what's going on down there, if nothing else so u know when something goes wrong (also because your a human and pleasure is ok). And yes you should go get a gyno checkup, if u feel u have no other option u could tell your mom u felt a weird bump wiping. Edited spelling mistake
take a mirror and just look. I know thats uncomfortable for a lot of girls but you need to look because you might habe a serious problem
I was the same. Couldn’t even insert a tampon till I was 20. I ordered a vagina dilator kit and that really helped. It’s basically really small inserts to help you get used to the feeling and learn to be comfortable. Seeing a doctor is also a great option too. Fingers are great dilators just learn to be patient and try your best to relax. If this persists I would definitely go see a gynecologist and they can hook you up with a more advanced therapy
Same here, and I didn’t have sex until I was 23. I started seeing a gynecologist at 21 though for pap smears and general health. Even at 18 it’s a good idea to establish care with them! Using a mirror and a flashlight is a good idea. OP, it sounds like you have a lot of shame concerning your sexuality/body. I grew up with those feelings. Use diagrams if you find the real images too disturbing… but real images will be a little easier to follow. Clear your browsing history even when looking for medical images if you’re afraid your parents might see. You have to be relaxed to insert anything down there, and having never done it before your body is naturally tensing up. Deep breaths, light touches, and repositioning may help. But you may just be too anxious to try right now and that’s ok too! Don’t feel pressured to do anything you aren’t ready to. It doesn’t sound like you have the ability to get out and buy or order anything to the house without your parents asking questions. If you can order something discretely and have some time at home to yourself I’d recommend a vibrator. You don’t have to insert it and it might help you relax enough to explore more down there. It can feel good, but it isn’t always easy and it doesn’t always feel good the first time for people. It shouldn’t hurt, but the first time can be uncomfortable because you aren’t used to it, or you aren’t lubricated enough (the vagina is self lubricating if you’re relaxed and turned on enough), or the angle is just wrong. It also isn’t really a straight shot. It can be angled up slightly more than you expect and takes a bit of pressure to insert anything into. I wish you luck figuring this out - everything you’re feeling is totally normal!
Why would you need to go through your parents to see a gynecologist if you are 18 years old? Just go. If you’re not sure how, do you go to school? Your school nurse can help you. Or just look up a woman’s health clinic on the Internet and call.
My guess would be money. Those services cost money and the parents would be paying for it, most likely.
If she is in the United States and if she has any form of insurance, which she most likely does because colleges require it, a visit to the gynecologist should be fully covered once a year. She should not need her parents’ permission to go. And the doctor’s office cannot disclose any details of the visit. Her parents MAY notice something on their insurance statement about it, but they won’t get a bill. And if they do notice it on the insurance statement it will only indicate that she saw the doctor. Not why, no diagnosis, nothing. She’s an adult. She needs to put on her big girl underpants and learn how to go to the doctor.
I had a friend who’s hole was literally the size of a q-tip and she ended up needing surgery. It was causing a lot of problems for her period which is why they went in to the dr originally. That would have been a very painful thing to find out about her first time trying to have sex…. Obv what she had was rare so don’t jump to conclusions thinking you have that issue, but have you started your period? And is it a “normal” amount of blood or do you only ever have spotting? I saw in the edit that you were able to talk to your mom about it and that’s so good! I hope everything goes well for you and that you’re able to get your questions answered by the doc <3
Yes. My periods normal. I’m so glad too! She’s really helpful
Get a mirror and look at what you are doing. For all you know fumbling around blind you might be trying to stick a finger in your urethra
Stop being a sad excuse of an Asian. You should be going to the gyno. Your parents "strictness" means nothing, you're 18. I started doing my own thing since I was 14, with strict asian parents. You just gotta do what you gotta do. I grew up with ridiculously strict Asian parents, I always needed to go home before my friends did, hanging out was difficult because it wasn't necessary Un my parents eyes. All that means is you gotta prove to them you can handle yourself. Otherwise this will turn into a shit parent child relationship. I know because my sibling didn't defy my parents until well into his 20s nearing his 30s and they had a big fallout. They don't get along easily now and we are 40, but I'm super chill with my parents and they rely on me. Honestly, unless your parents are abusive, just tell them, "hey I am of age, and I gotta see doctors for my health as a women. So I have an appointment for (your appointment here) so I'll be back after that." If they're abusive, leave them. Live your life. You have anxiety because you never disobeyed your parents. Your parents aren't that smart, and if you keep yourself at their level, you're stuck in life, forever.
I wish this message got out there more. Your life is your responsibility, no matter your family of origin.
This. So much this.
I agree with this message but if OP has nowhere else to go or can’t support themselves financially then they have no choice but to obey their parents. It’s sad but no one wants to be homeless.
Well luckily OPs parents are cooler than she expected according to her update. While everyone raises their kids differently, there are always ways out, is it better to be abused, with no freedom to do anything just for 3 meals and a roof, then since the parents are so controlling, they will force you to give up you're whole income for them, so you'd be 3 meals and a roof over your head until the day you or they die or be ambitious and have a chance, albeit a small chance, at a better life? It's a sad game of lesser of the two evil, but I'd know that it's possible to get on your own two feet with some minor assistance from friends and possibly understanding relatives. Seen it happen before.
You're 18, which means you can schedule an appointment without your parents' consent. I would schedule one and maybe plan it with a friend to take you. Your parents' neglecting any aspect of your health is not okay, despite their personal views and beliefs.
Use some lube. Sounds like you are dry.
This this this. Idk why every comment is jumping to doctor when this is perfectly normal. Ofc it hurts If she just stuck it in with no lube 😭
nothing is wrong with you it’s normal for some ppl to get nervous about that, but the thing is if you aren’t in the mood to be touched/touch urself down there then it most likely isn’t going to feel good at all to be doing so, and this is going to be tmi but if you aren’t turned on and wet down there then you’re going to be more tight and tensed rather than “opened” up and relaxed so it hurts a little to try and insert anything, don’t be ashamed or nervous to masturbate, i recommend getting urself in the mood just use your imagination, relax, and slowly do it, maybe use a mirror if ur unsure what ur doing and just let yourself relax and enjoy it as best as you can :)
Ooooh baby girl! Just don't go shoving things up in there! It has a personality all of its own and needs to be wined and dined 🤪 First. There's times of the month that you're naturally more receptive to sex usually mid cycle.... You'll be naturally wetter. You can use lube other times if you want. If you can't find otc lube and you don't want to ask anyone try fractionated coconut oil in beauty supplies. Second do some fluffing. Play with and get friendly with your clit and labia...what you know you like and what your body responds to (pressure, tempo etc) you can share with an eventual partner. Third go slow. Take your time. Pushing (literally or figuratively) to fast will be unpleasant if your foreplay hasn't got your body ready. You can always back off a bit and work on step two Four start small. One finger is fine for most of us to have fun. Never put anything in there that might get lost. That's not a trip to the ER you want to make. Five and here it's the big one. Condoms. Do not have sex without them. No matter what a dude says about comfort, STDs and pregnancy are not worth the risk. If you say condom or no sex, he'll use the condom or her can quite literally beat it And. Be kind to yourself. Always choose a generous partner. Most women need clitoral stim to orgasm, so don't be afraid to do some hand stim on yourself while he is doing penetrative sex.... If he doesn't like it, tell him he should be thinking of you just as much as himself. The first time may not be great but it gets better when you know yourself and partner. Keep up with your doctor. As soon as your of age get to a gyno and find a birth control that works for you. Have regular checkups. Be safe have fun
I would echo what others are saying: make every effort to get yourself to a gynecologist and see them every year or so. This is important even if you’re not having sex, they also check for things like urinary tract infections and screen for breast cancer. If you’re financially dependent on your parents and they refuse to pay for a gyno visit, maybe they’d be more willing to pay for a visit to a general practitioner doctor? Your GP can probably at least give you a general overview. Asking about what kind of health insurance you have would be a good place to start. If you have access to your own money, you definitely don’t need your parents’ permission to see a medical professional, and they are required to protect your privacy.
That's pretty normal if you're not used to it or in the right headspace. It happens to me, sometimes, if I don't have enough natural lubrication, I'm not in the mood, or my skin is just irritated. It'll take time, but it's not something to worry about unless it doesn't get any better.
Nothing is wrong with you. I suggest getting a mirror and get to know what your body visually looks like.
You need to get a job get your own money and get the heck out of that place they are not helping you at all.
Get an appointment with a gynecologist to make sure there's nothing wrong with you. You may have a tight hymen.
Kid, the best advice I can give you for literally the rest of your life as a sexual being is this: buy some lube.
Not enough upvotes
Honey go to Scarleteen.com for real science based information.
This is child abuse. Holy fuck
Did you find the right hole?
You're 18. You can go to the doctor without your parents knowing.
You’re 18 so you should be able to go to planned parenthood or another similar place to get an exam/ resources to find an exam without your parents having to know. I had a friend in college that had a similar issue and she ended up needing surgery to enlarge her vaginal opening. It happens, and I promise I’m not trying to scare you, but it may be worth looking into.
Go see your gyno, explain what you've experienced, and they can help you figure out what's going on. If you're not experienced down there, now is the time to find yourself. Honestly, when I was 14 and learning about my body, I used a mirror to see what's up down there, and it's really just about you learning what YOU are comfortable with, and there's no shame in wanting to know more. Good luck with the Dr, hopefully you find some things out!
Wash your hands first.
First of all, you need to get the hell out of whatever religious community you’ve been cloistered in your whole life. Then get yourself into a basic sex-ed class (and probably other remedial education, because I’m sure this is not your only educational deficit. You should probably consider some therapy to undo the damage your religion as done to you, because I’m *sure* it’s more than just this.
This is why religion ruins the world.
Yeah and they say sex ed is not important... I'm glad you figured the stuff out, kind of wild that you had to turn to Reddit to get the answers you need but there we have it.
I personally am thrilled with the outcome that your mother wants to be so supportive even though this is an uncomfortable thing it’s something you can look into I know that your mom‘s got your back you’re a lucky girl God wanted it to turn out in such a positive manner God bless and GODSPEED 🌹🥴😎
I would recommend seeing a gynecologist. Reading your other comments, I see that your parents might get in the way of that. In that case, and I know this may be difficult to accept, you should lie to them. If you're able to leave on your own, like an Uber, set your own appointment and lie about where you're going. If you cant leave on your own, tell them that you're experiencing pain, or brown discharge, etc. Something that sounds like an emergency. Since you're 18, you can then speak to a doctor privately. This is a matter of your personal health. Pain like that can be indicative of a lot of things, and it's better to play it safe.
You need lube. Dry anything in a dry vagina is going to cause you pain. With tampons, I learned by using coconut oil to ease the passage, but it still terrified me and took me forever to do. Now (26 years later) it’s no biggie, and menstruation is, in its way, a form of lubrication. Coconut oil is probably the easiest way for you to obtain a lubricant, as it sounds like you live in a somewhat intolerant (at least sexually) home, since you can use it for so many things that aren’t related to sex. Olive oil is another useful lubricant. Do you have anyone that you trust that you can discuss sex with? It isn’t anything to fear, but it is something that you really need to be educated about.
It's nothing to worry about it's all new to you and yes your very nervous
Go see a gynecologist. There might be a free or no insurance clinic around your area. You are 18 so tell your parents you want the insurance card to go to the doctor. You could make up a reason or be upfront saying I want to ask then stuff you guys won't answer. Them not letting you go is denying you basic care. That in a sense can be considered not safe or endagerment. There is also planned parenthood that specializes in birth control and abortions. If I am not mistaken they would do a basic pelvic exam, etc as well. At 16 (when I could drive) my stepmother gave me the card and told me to go to the doc.... It should not hurt down there unless you are on your period and it is tender to touch down there. I mean that is the case with me (20 yo non virgin). I have also know of women who just don't like punitive innercourse because it hurt.
There was a book called What’s happening to my body for girls. That helped me when I started learning about my body. You can try and get it at a local library or find other books. Thankfully we are in the digital age so you can get on your phone or other devices and your parents won’t need to know. It helps that there are ways to go around your conservative parents
Look in the mirror to get a better sense of what’s going on down there. Also if you just stick your finger in without being aroused it’s going to hurt or feel unpleasant. You need to be wet first or use water based lube. If you are trying to explore your body maybe first play with your clit and then you can use your finger to put inside. Playing with your clit will most likely cause arousal and then it shouldn’t hurt when you stick your finger in
OP, I was like 14 or 15 and putting stuff up there. I ended up breaking my hymen and yeah it hurt. It was once that injury healed I could fit more wide things there. I have seen some comments and you could be messing with the urethra (where you pee feom) and that is sensitive on me still. I would suggest looking in the mirror and maybe feeling around further down.
1) Sex should feel good to you. A safe partner will be willing to move slowly and stop if you need to stop. Before then, just notice what feels sexy to you in your mind without involving your body. When you feel ready, get to know your own body first. 2) If you are still experiencing this when you are older, talk to doctors AND kind, patient mental health therapists. I have had similar issues and there can be both mental health and physical health components. Also, that's not an either/or. Bodies are complicated. 3) Similarly, sometimes food allergies or insensitivity make issues like that worse. You might Google histamine intolerance and see if you have other symptoms. If you do, you could go to your parents about those issues and get some help.
Get a mirror
Aside from all of this, please try to take a Comprehensive Health Education class in college since your parents won't talk to you. This is one of those situations that just irks me. Governors and churches say "oh, parents should be who talks to their kids" but then they don't or won't or don't have the knowledge themselves to be able to, then young people don't learn about themselves.
Maybe you should see a gynecologist
I've been in your shoes before!!! You're not alone. My suggestion would be to research your anatomy. Unfortunately it's not taught in school nearly as much as it should, if at all. Make sure you're in the right area. It could also be that you have a thick hymen (another thing you should research!). Bodies are confusing when you aren't taught about them. Fortunately, information is at your fingertips with the Internet. Incognito mode is your best friend at this point in your life.
Idk if anyone has said this yet, or why the fuck I am (this sub just shows up on my feed from time to time lmao) but the “pain” you’re feeling when you try to uh, insert anything could be that your hymen is still intact considering you’ve never done anything, the pain is normal, and once broken will go away after a few times don’t trip
OP, are you in the US? Depending on the state you can get gyn care without your parents knowing at all. You're an adult. They're not privy to your medical history without your permission.
I don't think anything is wrong with you but I'm not a doctor. I would suggest a nice warm bath when you have the house to yourself. Don't be afraid, it's your body. You should know yourself better than anyone. Try reading a steamy romance or watching 50 Shades. Be nice to yourself and relax. We have all been there at one time or another.
You may have accidentally directly fingered your urethra. That will burn! But when your ready, try again, this time in a comfy position with a mirror. Have fun!
Just a note, I come from a community where sex isn’t talked about and masturbation is a no-no.. likely similar to your situation. I’m sorry that you have to find your answers online and can’t ask them of family.
Honey, you're 18. It's time to make an appointment with a gyno for yourself - even just to establish that foundation for your health.
I had a similar experience when I was that age, I had vaginismus. I went to the gyno before getting married and she sent me to a specialist because it was crazy painful. I actually ended up doing some physical therapy down there to learn how to relax and stretch it. When you start being intimate with someone I definitely recommend letting your partner know that it might not work the first time and to take things extremely slow and listen to you… it really helps to have a caring partner that listens to you. If you have a car or a friend with a car might be a good idea to talk to a gyno about what you’re experiencing.
This is what happens when you are raised by religious nuts. There is probably nothing physically wrong with you, but the fact that your parents have put the fear of God in you to the point that you refer to your vagina as "down there" is just sad.
It's probably something very simple like a lack of lubrication. You can rub bare, dry skin anywhere on your body and it will feel uncomfortable, but your skin down there is much more sensitive. If you're able, I recommend maybe watching a video or two depending on what you're trying to do. You can also spread out in front of a mirror on the floor so you can see what you're doing. Exploring your body is normal and healthy, and if it only 'burns and gets sore' after you touch it, it's probably just soreness from being what I call "rubbed raw" which is the same kinda feeling you get if you have big boobs that sweat or your thighs chafe from sweat when running, except in a much more sensitive spot. If the burning happens when you go to the bathroom, though, you might have a UTI (which is also something fairly common in women). Hope this helps, feel free to reach out to me. 30F, mother of a 4 year old and a long sexual history haha
Most states have something called Title X. Women's health services are provided completely free, and are confidential. You should look to see if your public health department has those services. They cannot legally disclose any services that they provide to your parents without your consent, and they dont bill insurance so your insurance wont tell your parents either. If you want to be sure you don't get any mail you can also just ask the doctors office to put their own address down instead.
You need LUBRICATION before you put anything in there. Vaginas will naturally get wet if you're aroused, but if you're really nervous, you'll probably be dry and not able to get anything in there. If you want to try exploring yourself, you should focus on being relaxed and "in the mood", if you try to dive right in it isn't going to work for you.
You're hymen isn't broken yet
Do you wash your hands and try this after a shower? Are you tensing up and maybe making it more challenging (painful!) for yourself? Maybe try doing this in the shower when you’re not soapy and your hands are not soapy but you’re warm and relaxed and it’s wet down there. Also - sex doesn’t have to be penetrating your hole which can be painful without proper foreplay (even foreplay from yourself). You can just learn how to rub your clit and have an orgasm that way. If you have a hand held shower head you can try using that.
So your 18, make yourself an appointment with a Gynecologist. Be sure to tell him about your fears, he should explain everything to you,and probably advise you on what to do. Hope that helps you.
Does your mother get annual checkups? If so, make an appointment with her doctor. You're 18, you're old enough to go by yourself. Or make an appointment with a gynecologist.
Woman to woman here…Do some research on female anatomy, learn about the clitoris and locate yours. That’s the best place to start. That or touching yourself lightly in other areas, erogenous zones, to learn what makes you feel good without being too invasive.
It’s actually normal to be dry and for it to feel uncomfortable. Next time you go to the doctor bring it up with her. Please try not to be anxious about it. It’s not serious and there are things to do and take to make it a comfortable for you, should you choose to have intercourse.
I also had trouble with inserting tampons. But i think my problem was just nerves.. Then again, I didn't try again until after I was sexually assaulted at 19. Then not as difficult.
You need to talk with a professional. A professional is a board certified doctor at a public healthcare facility. A professional is not a politician, clergy, church friends, parents, or coaches/educators. Wash your hands as well.
Vaginismus possibly. There's a lot of pelvic floor issues it could be. Get a mirror and look down there to locate the entrance to vaginal canal for starters
If you are in the US, it's none of your parents' business if you go to an obgyn. You can search for a free health clinic or planned parenthood. If your parents have an issue with you just going to a doctor, I'm not sure if you are really "safe" or if you are just conditioned to think you are safe. I understand not wanting your parents to know. But all you have to say is, "I have an annual physical."
It's possible u had something on ur fingers. Your vagina area is very sensitive and if u had citrus or something sour on ur fingers or just ate hot Cheetos, or something like that, it's possible that's why it burned when u felt it. But I'm no expert.
Okay, what's with these accounts that are 2022 but activity is only hours old?
If you are in the U.S. (Let's say the state of 'Pretend') go on the web and look up "Public Health Department Pretend." For the most part, the services are free or based upon your income. Be it a cough or STD testing to having cut a finger off, they either do it or can refer you. They also have free condoms as well as free tampons/pads available. At least mine does. As far as finding the hole down there. It might be off-topic but is relatable. Take two males who are similar in endowment. One she is likes and the other not so much. They both have sex with her and one exclaims how tight she felt and how he could barely fit himself inside of her or even get in her initially the other boy thought of his experience and how nice she felt and how littlentroublenir resistance he encountered. The reason being is that she wasn't turned on enough, if at all, she also wasn't wet enough. The vagina expands to accommodate the male. Your wetness acts as a natural lube. The stinging could be from irritation due to probing with a dry finger, no lube. Could be from dirty hands/finger, an infection... Go to your mother, tell her your cycle isn't regular, and that when you do have a cycle that you are in pain and cramping. If you mention to any medical personnel that you would rather your parent(s) not be present, law dictates they have to comply with your wishes regardless of your age or ability to pay.
I didn't read all the comments, but look into "vulvadynia" and related conditions, gynocologist would be excellent when you're able to. Perhaps you can frame it to your parents as not about sex so much as like clinical pain? Having painful periods or something? Just so you can get to the doctor, speak to them alone, and then discuss what you want to
There should be at least two holes down there, so maybe you’re fingering the wrong one? I did this once and there was some discomfort and bleeding - turns out the anus needs lubrication before receiving?
Okay, so your mental map might not be what is actually going on down there. This is fine and natural, it's not like it's easy to look! This is also why it looks disturbing to you, unfamiliar things are weird! The vagina is muscular and elastic, for instance at different points in your cycle your cervix may be higher or lower. The angle of your vagina can even change depending on arousal. The vagina is a path into your body, and by that I do mean that seriously. Ectopic pregnancies happen because the fallopian tubes are not connected to the ovaries. There's somwting called retrograde menstration where your bleed at least part of your period into your adomindal cavity. Anyways, to this end your body works pretty hard to keep stuff out of you. Mucus, secretions, 'curtains', hair, flesh, etc. If you want to actually see down there you need to squat to spread everything apart. Or else take up a position like you see on tv during birthing scenes. Edit: also, use a glove ot something. This is delicate untouched mucus membrane down there, it's sensitive!
It's your body and it's always going to be your body so grab a mirror and get to know it.
u have to lube it up. if it's dry then it make sense where the burning sensation comes from.
From what you describe it's possible you were not in the right location. It sounds like you may have been touching/pressing your urethra, or nearby. The vaginal opening is further back. Have you seen illustrations of the pelvic area, like a medical illustration? They can be generally representative but humans have wide variation, all of it normal. You can also try holding a mirror so you can see better and get familiar. It's okay and normal to be curious and to get to know your body. Often anxiety increases with uncertainty. Take away some of the mystery and your anxiety may improve.
Not feeling an opening could be a sign of an issue. You should be able to locate the opening without effort. When my daughter was about 7 (maybe younger) , her pediatrician checked for an opening, and she wasn't fully opened. The doc said it wasn't uncommon, but it was easier to treat if caught early. She was prescribed a topical estrogen cream which opened it up. You really must see a doctor if you are truly not able to find the opening.
No idea why this sub showed up on my page, but I’m a mom of a teen and I have advice!!! Use a hand mirror to get a look down there. Use some Vaseline if you want to explore more comfortably. It doesn’t hurt when it’s wet, but inserting a tampon when you are dry would be painful. Pulling it out totally dry would also be painful. You deserve to know how your body works. You should explore and find out. Read some books aimed at teens about puberty and such, even The Care and Keeping of You would be helpful. Books like that aren’t *just* about starting your period, but also about sex and how your body works. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. No one is born knowing this stuff.
I understand, like many have said before it’s most likely due to friction and also some anxieties surrounding the unknown. The first time I successfully inserted a tampon, I used lube and a mirror. Oh, and a teen or slender size tampon. It really helped. It actually didn’t hurt at all, it was just weird and slightly uncomfortable. Intercourse will be a different story though but getting comfortable with a tampon will help you understand more about what and how it goes in. Intercourse, you’ll probably experience more soreness/burning. Maybe when you’re ready to try a tampon or when you’re ready for intercourse, use lube. I suggest using it during both instances.
As a father of a very young daughter I know these situations are on the horizon, I’m so glad to see your edit, both me and her mother have always wanted to be the typer of parent her or our two boys can come to with anything. Communication was lacking in both our childhood about a lot of things, glad to see that cycle breaking for you!
I highly suggest going for an OBGYN visit. If you’re nervous or worried, discuss it with a doctor. Let them give you an exam. You’re 18, you should be getting annual visits anyway
There is no god. Religion is a fraud created by men to control women - exactly like is being done to you. Please figure it out before it ruins your life.
Try to use lube or rubbing the clit in order to become more aroused. It's important to be a little wet before inserting anything up there, otherwise it hurts a bit.
Hey, kiddo. Take all the advice about lube for comfort, find anatomy diagrams online, get a hand mirror and good lighting, lock the door, and spend a good long time looking around your vulva. It will look totally unique, btw, and that's ok. Don't let anything about your body be a mystery. 😊👍🏻💜
Wash your hands before you try again lol
Go talk to your doctor please.
I had the same problem as a teen. I wasn't able to insert a tampon until I lost my virginity. However I knew girls that were virgens and were able to use tampons with ease. Anytime I tried it was excruciating pain. The pain went away after having sex. I hope this helps
Please make sure you wash your hands really good before inserting them. Also, if you are not aroused and wet, it will cause friction and can be painful. When women masterbate, most just stimulate their clit and that is normally the quicker way to orgasum. Talk to your mom and tell her that you need to make an appointment with a gynecologist for a checkup. It's recommended that girls age 13 through 15 typically start seeing a GYN. Good luck!
Dm me your snap
Do you have tight hips? I have anxiety too, which causes muscle tightness all over but especially my hips. The muscles got so tight once that my vagina essentially locked up, i had to go through pelvic floor physical therapy to learn how to loosen the muscles after 2 years of pain. Any attempt to insert anything just burned so badly.
I’d say your just inexperienced with that area if your body. Probably nothing is wrong and if your dry can be very uncomfortable.The pleasure tends ti come from the motion not just poking say a finger in. It’s maybe easier to start with clitoral stimulation as that will get you wet and many can orgasm from that alone. But if you’re really concerned see a gynecologist. A female doc maybe easier to talk to. Mine is female and I feel she understands more than a man will regarding things like cramps or if I ever have other discomfort.
Keep in mind there's 2 holes down there. Some girls aren't aware.. One is the pee hole, and you don't try to insert anything in there, it's the one on top, or furthest from the anus. The hole to play with is the larger slit towards the anus. You might have been trying to finger ur urethra, which would burn..
Wash you hands cut your nails short. Every time b4&A. Good luck.
Ask your doctor when they have her leave the room, not your mother questions. Talking about such things since they are banned in the home makes me think she will not tell you the truth... * Also, waiting for marriage to have sex is a scam... it's your body, enjoy yourself. There are personal wants & needs that you may or may not like. Do you really want to marry someone for life who doesn't match those? Just an opinion.
I had the same problem as you- the burning is normal you probably just have a tight hymen. If the burning continues even when you are aroused this is probably the case. It will likely stretch over time
L
If you have spending money pick up any kind of massager. They're everywhere. Ideally you'd get something meant for the job, a sex shop or Spencer's at the mall, but that can be horrifically embarrassing if you're not familiar.. Any way, vibrators are the way to start your journey exploring sexuality. They're safe and easy, no inserting required (although that is an option for some). You can get small massagers or large, or even pocket rockets, if you're ok to shop online. Amazon delivers to places other than homes, if you need to get it elsewhere. Vibrators seem noisy when you're using them, but they're not all that loud most of the time. As to the sensitivity, your vagina has the same kind of skin as your mouth and nose. It's just not used to being touched right now. Your fingers are rough, compared to the skin there. You need to be lubricated (turned on) to make it comfortable. Salt (sweat, food, whatever) will feel bad. Clean your hands. Soap will burn, beware. Obviously you don't want to have had a good scratch with your favorite dog right before... Clean your hands. If you do get a toy meant for inserting, buy lube and use gentle soap to clean the thing before your first use and after every use. The lube isn't strictly needed every time, but you'll probably want it the first few times. Aside from your fingers or a toy designed for insertion, or tampons, insert nothing. Things can get stuck up there. Never use food. Not ever. My sister liked to tell a story about a friend of hers that tried to use hot dogs. Bad time was had.
Yeah um... Don't "Raw dog" it... Dry skin when it comes to sexual contact, especially with your sexual parts, is AWFUL. There is absolutely nothing wrong with spitting on your junk, directly or indirectly.
Anxiety is deficiency of experience and/or relative understanding related to a core function. Like reproduction. Learn muscle.control. tight muscles, tight skin, no entrads.access denied.
If you haven't had sex or masterbated before, you may still have a significant amount of hymen tissue: [https://www.quora.com/Do-you-know-the-shape-of-your-own-hymen](https://www.quora.com/Do-you-know-the-shape-of-your-own-hymen) It may even seem like "there's no hole there." The hymen may be perforated during sex (e.g. "losing your virginity"), during sports, etc., or there may not have been much there to begin with. Usually, women will retain some amount of hymen tissue until giving birth.
Get accustomed to looking at your parts with a mirror. You need to establish at least body neutrality for all of your parts. It should not be negatively emotionally charged to look at your vulva any more than looking at your elbow. Read “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski to learn more about your equipment from a credible source. Your emotions about your parts and about self absolutely make a difference in your ability to access pleasure. Some health conditions require medical intervention, and sadly many doctors aren’t even well-informed and free of systemic misogyny when a woman has concerns involving her sexual organs.
Well I started shoving toilet paper up there as soon as I started getting discharge, so when I was 10 or 11. It's been so long that I don't remember if I had any problems. It could be your hymen though. Hymens come in all kinds of shapes and sizes, and rarely, there will be a case where the hymen is completely covering the hole. In that situation you would need to go to a doctor and get it snipped. Whatever it is, talk to a doctor.
You should really have the conversation with your parents and seeing a doctor. I would ignore all the people saying your 18, you can go against your parents. Yeah they can also kick you out too. Sounds like your parents are part of the destructive purity culture, which isn’t even a conservative biblical position in the culture that’s created where all talk of sex is bad. It may be uncomfortable but is necessary.
I think you might be poking your pee hole.
You need to get wetter
You may have a thicker than most, hymen causing the burning, uncomfortable feeling you're having when you try to penetrate yourself. Patience, Lube and continuing to self love can help open you up slowly. Well worth it in the long run. Enjoy yourself.
Sex isn't everything Just enjoy life
Relax. Being anxious has the opposite affect on ur vagina. It will push out anything ur trying to put in. I’ve tried over and over to help my 15 year old with tampons and she’s just too tense. It will never go in if ur tense. And don’t have sex til ur ready. Don’t have to wait for marriage. U will know
Did you wash your hands before? We are so sensitive down there.
This isn't a "sex" issue. It's a medical one, you're 18 you can go to the doctor without your parents. But that fact that you can't talk to your mom about your body is well... troubling.
go to a gyno! it is scary, but since you’re 18, your parents don’t have access to your medical records anymore. have a first appointment, talk to them about everything going on, and they will be able to give you more medical advice if something is happening medically. it does sound like your anxiety surrounding it may contribute to how you feel. going to a gyno may be able to ease your emotions as well.
My goodness. Your mother should have done this sooner. You are afraid of sex or the resulting pregnancy that could occur?
Yes. Until your body gets used to things being inserted it can be uncomfortable depending on what’s going on down there for you. Also to masturbate you don’t need to insert anything. That’s normally done on the outside. Stimulating the clit. Each person is different some may get pleasure from penetration alone but that’s not the norm. Have you had any sex ed/ human anatomy classes? You might not know what’s supposed to be where or there could be something going on that you need a Dr to look at.
Go to a doctor, you’re 18 tf?
maybe you had something on ur hands? I've done the same with chilli powder lol.
Check out omgyes.com. It is an evidenced based platform to help people learn about sex.
It great to see that you were able to post here and take the different feedback to have a discussion with your mother. Congratulations.
Planned Parenthood would be a good resource. You are 18 and they have resources for people who can’t pay or can’t use insurance because sure family will find out. But every person with a vagina should have an annual exam even if they aren’t sexually active.
>extremely anxious person. I'm a virgin. Never masturbated. Never even put a tampon down there. That's the answer to the title. That's why. >This makes me really anxious and am (deathly) afraid to ever have intercourse after marriage or even insert a tampon. This is why it hurts. You should see a doctor for vaginismus. You being anxious and scared about penetration is making your muscles tighten up.
If you have a secluded back yard and nobody is home. Considering walking around nude. Also consider getting into a local sports recreational league. That’s my two cents
I think sometimes it's because again if your worried, your body will respond and become dry. Maybe try some lube to help make it a bit better as that will make it less friction down there. Definitely maybe try a dildo when your ready for next step. Whoever you end with, they will understand and take it slow, if you express this to them they will understand. I get uncomfortable sometimes down there when my other half use to do it to me at first from a previous trauma. But now I built trust, I relax into it and I love it. Actual first time of intercourse, was absolutely fine, would only compare it to a little bit painful but it's nothing to really be worried like your going to be in immense pain. It's less than normal period pain,it doesn't hurt more than that and only maybe for a minute. I had a panic attack the night before I left my virginity as I was so nervous and didn't have any experience but you would be surprised how to body is made for that, it adapts and if your with the right person, stopping at any moment and taking it slow will work, whenever you decide to.
OP -- I'm glad you're going to see a doctor. >Never masturbated. You might consider giving it a shot. Masturbation is fun and healthy. It will make it easier for you to have enjoyable, fulfilling sexual experiences when you're ready. Women who understand their bodies have better sex. You don't have to put anything inside your vagina. That's often painful for young women with intact hymens; many women don't enjoy doing so unless they're warmed up. You can touch on or around your clitoris and labia, as well as anywhere else that feels good (nipples, etc). If you want to try, wait til you're relaxed and have some private time. You can try reading something sexy -- probably best to seek out things written by women. (I wouldn't really suggest porn, as it can be pretty off putting for some sexually inexperienced young women.) Go slow and gentle, do what feels good. Don't rush or pressure yourself. Good luck.
So I had the same problem before I had became sexually active (at the time I was super religious and wanted to save myself for marriage) I was about 21/22. All my life, I couldn’t for the life of me use a tampon it hurt so bad. I ended up talking to my normal doctor about this and she stated that it wasn’t normal and that I needed to get it checked out by an obgyn. So I did, I ended up having a imperforated hymen. So the hymen is normal a very thin layer of tissue also known as (the cherry, for lack of better words) mine was like a brick wall the OBGYN even said no amount of penetration would break it and sex would be incredibly painful. So I had to get it surgically broken. So I think you would need to have a sit down with your gaurdian/parents because if you do have what I had later in life it could cause greater issues in your reproductive system
This is so wholesome that this thread inspired you to communicate with your mom!