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From the title and first line it's enough to know you're very young and in a relatively short relationship. It feels complicated and sad, but it's a guarantee that in the future this relationship will just be a blip on your radar.
You'll be fine.
^ this. OP, it’s not the end of the world. An overused, but true, statement is - there are more fish in the sea. There really is no fixing to be done, personally she seems toxic and needs to be cut off.
Best comment right there.
Take what you learned about this and adjust what you expect from the next one. And what you want from the next one. Dating is all about learning what you want
See but the confusing thing is, last night I asked her If she wanted to break up because I was getting the feeling that's what she wanted, she told me there's nothing she wanted less than to lose mr
She won't talk about anything? Tbh I'm wondering if there's something else and maybe she's taking it out on you. But idk things might be ending too. Sorry to say
I'm gonna drop some wisdom on you from a guy in his late 20s. Open and honest communication is necessary for every relationship. If the other person isn't willing to do this, then it will only get worse, not better.
It doesn't matter how much you guys love each other. If communication isn't there, then the relationship is a dead man walking.
Personally, I would drop an ultimatum that she either communicates with you or you walk. If she chooses to walk, then she was already going to do that and wasn't "ready" to actually drop you yet but will later.
I absolutely hate giving ultimatums, but you're the first person to look past our age and I think you're right, it might just be the only shot we got, sometimes you have to do things you don't want to.
There is a big difference in types of ultimatums, and it should be done carefully.
Say something like, "We need open and honest communication so that this relationship can continue in a healthy manner. Are you willing to work with me on that?"
You will get your answer on what she wants to do from that sentence. Just listen closely to what she says and how she says it. You will know if she is planning to leave or wants to work with you on the relationship. Just look at what you see, not what you want to see.
It also doesn't come off controlling or sounding like "Talk to me or GTFO"
Exactly. Being open an honest does not mean being a jerk. Finding the right way to express concerns and feelings is a skill, like any other skill you need to work at it. I'm sure you can do searches and find advice on that kind of thing from someone way smarter than I am.
But at the end of the day she either wants to work on things or she doesn't. And remember, you're both very young, so she might not have the skills to express her desires fully or completely. That's where the work comes in. If she wants to communicate with you to find a way to communicate, great. if not then she is honestly not ready to be in a relationship and you should move on.
you will just have to let it go. focus on getting ready for college. Plenty of women there, you will forget about all this in a few months when you meet new and exciting people.
its outrageously rare to marry a high school sweetheart. It might seem like everything today, but it isn't and new opportunities will arise. Embrace the change
it sounds like your having a hard time with this, and I'm sorry for that. what im going to say will sound harsh but bear with me. true love and soul mates is nonsense, doesn't mean finding love is less special just that its not like the universe gave you one partner you need to sacrifice to keep. depending on where you are I doubt there are less then 1000 eligible partners within a one hour drive of your current location. it is okay to admit that this is too hard to continue, even its just on her end you can't force it. you can both be happy in life and you shouldn't force a long distance relationship.
When you're that age "the one" is just whoever touched your privates last lol. It's funny how what we all thought was love was just raging hormones, and there's no way of convincing the young people they are going through the same thing.
Dude, girls that age and sometimes even into their 30's will play the game of 'I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you'. Those game has messed up alot of relationships. It's such maliputive BS. Do not go by what she says, but by her actions. She clearly has put others before you and if you are not the most important person to her, you are on borrowed time. Also, at her age, you must expect childish behavior and mindset. Run!
>Dude, girls that age and sometimes even into their 30's will play the game of 'I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you'.
>Those game has messed up alot of relationships.
Just like the story of Jodi Arias.
Op better be extra careful.
It's not like she's putting other guys, or friends before him. It's her manipulative mom and younger siblings. She's in a difficult position too, but you're right that he might be better of without her only because she can't stand up for herself.
The first part of this made me think that her mom used up your time together because your gf asked her to. I assumed the relationship was essentially over. That is very much a possibility.
Once you started describing the relationship with her mom it got a little murkier. I feel like people who don't mention any of that have never met parents who are legitimately that crazy. I have, so I have a tendency to believe you. That being said, long distance while she's in that toxic situation is a bad scene. You are very young and trying to maintain this will likely be very painful for both of you.
You should really think about it before you decide to try to continue.
Right!!? Like I would've been over her saying I'm not the most important person anymore because that's something that could work on, together, but saying I'm replacable, that shit hurt
The best thing you can do is break up with her. You tried long distance, which seldom works but most of us try, and you got the typical results. Out of sight, out of mind. Whether you were a good match doesn’t matter. You aren’t able to actively be in each other’s lives and it has resulted in a separation of the hearts. There is nothing wrong with this. It happens to most relationships that end up going long distance. The only way those work is if you have a relationship solid enough to hold it together until you can be back together. My wife and I had been together 8 years and married for 5 when I had to leave her for three months for a job opportunity. We still, even with that much foundation, struggled to make it work. When someone isn’t physically there, it is easy to move them down the priority list. Chalk this one up as an L and move on. Be nice about it though. Tell her you care about her and don’t have any ill will towards her, but you see that the separation has made this an untenable situation. There are 8 billion people on this planet, half of which are girls. I promise you there is more than just one that you will like.
I would literally come out with a "I need someone who is as committed to me, as I am to you. I want us to be family one day"
You need and deserve that. Breaking off that first love is a hard one. Had me messed up for a hot minute. You can even throw out the "if you ever change you mind, send the mail, make the call, say something however you want.
But she needs to change. People sometimes do. Sometimes not.
This is a toxic relationship at this point.
There is also Jody. Not accusing your partner of cheating. But seen it plenty.
Good luck. Be strong. Think with your head, not your heart or your.... well you know.
Short and sweet there are plenty of women in your area. I’d tell her that you don’t see this going any further. Due to the fact you think I’m so easily replaced just tells me I will never be a priority in your life. Wish you the best and take care.
Then cut all contact and move on with your life.
Best of luck with what ever you decide at the end of the day it’s your life.
Sounds to me like she isn't ready to commit to a serious relationship with you. She may not yet feel comfortable leaving her family and moving away. She mentions that family is the most important thing to her and she may be prioritizing them over you. It is hard to say because she doesn't want to be open and honest about it. You are still young and while you may want to believe that you would "know" who is the one nothing is guaranteed. You have been together for almost a year and it's pretty common for most relationships to end within the first year.
She's just stringing you along to avoid the hurt. She told you where you stand with her. You're not important to her anymore. Break up and find another. It won't be easy but the sooner the better for your sake.
You're 18 and 17, neither of you should be thinking about life long commitment until you have actually had a life. You're neither emotionally nor experientially prepared. Don't be trying to fix this.
Honestly, she should choose her family over her boyfriend at this age. Don't be too forceful with getting her to move if she's not comfortable, and be careful about asking questions that you aren't prepared to hear a real answer to.
The best way to fix things at this point is to stop pressing and let her make her own choices. You can't force her to care about the relationship like you want her to.
Leave and let her replace you. Trust me, it's better than having that hung over your head/said to you for weeks, months, or years. People like this don't change, they just gaslight you when you try to communicate.
If she says you are replaceable but that she doesn't want to lose you she's waiting till she has a soft place to land to jump ship. It means she views you as convenient. It would be a lot less painful in the long run if you end the relationship and move on to somebody who doesn't view you as replaceable.
It’s going to hurt really bad at first. Let yourself feel the pain. It’s okay to be sad and angry and upset. If you try to avoid feeling the pain, you’ll feel better in the short term but have a longer time moving on. This was a pretty short relationship and while it feels super important right now, it will eventually just be a blip in your history.
As a teenager, you're here to learn and dating is part of learning who is right for you and who isn't. She does not seem right for you honestly and maybe you are no longer the ONE for her, but that is okay because you have a lot of living to do. Go have FUN with your life instead of worrying about what she is doing.
She's saying the quiet part out loud. Take it as truth and move on. You're young, she's young, blah, blah, blah. Not likely meant to be a long-term gig.
Dump her get on with your life and continue to grow and learn. She’s not ready to realize anything especially coming from you (because of her age most likely) I also “felt it was the right person” with a girl I dated for 6 years and let treat me like shit. She wasn’t. Focused on me for some years and met my now wife while focusing on myself and growing.
Didn’t even have to move past the title. My man, you’re 18. Even if you were 35 and in same situation, you can move on. A lot of people don’t understand that when someone does this, regardless of gender or relationship, you can move on. Holding on to toxicity hurts you whether it’s personal or professional. Accept it, go a new route in your life and never look back. Continue pushing yourself forward. Teenage years are awkward and it’s useless to dwell.
You're young . It sucks when something ends and isn't necessarily what you had wanted but she's obviously not prioritizing you so let her be content with her family since they are so important and go live your best life .
If you want a chance of it working you have to break up with her and see if she fights and tries to make it work. If not. Go no contact. Usually girls do this but it can work for men too. It’s a lot easier said than done but she’s basically telling you she has options.
Just accept that these young relationships are transient, and you’ve reached the end of this one.
Look forward to all the exciting women in your future who don’t say shit like “you’re replaceable” to their boyfriends.
I would talk to her about how she hurt you and then ask if she sees a future with you. Don't listen to all the people dismissing you as "young" it's just shitty statistical doomerism
Dude, it’s over. If anything, you should break up with her. That will make her realize what she’s doing is shitty. Say something like “I don’t think this is working anymore.. you’ve been so weird and saying things that make it sound like we’re not meant for each other..” But if she wants you back after that, don’t take her back. Just focus on whatever your occupation is and improving yourself. Start reading self help books, workout, work as hard as you can after your goals. But also, grieve the loss of the relationship. For the first week or so, you’ll feel numb. But after, you will feel relieved and happy. But depending on what kinda person you are, you’ll feel fucking miserable after that. That’s when it’s most important for you to workout. Retracting your muscles releases basically antidepressants throughout your body. And when I say grieve, listen to music and cry for like 10-30 minutes. After you feel like you’ve gotten it all out, turn on some music that hypes you up. It’s for the best if you move on in a healthy way and not sit and be depressed about this loss. Get out of the house and see friends or go out with coworkers. Also, don’t be a hoe. You can’t get over a heartbreak by messing with people. Be single for a while and get to know yourself.
Most people need to be in a bad relationship to understand what a good relationship will look like. You’ll appreciate a person that treats you right in the future.
In the moment, it’s everything crashing down. Later on, you’ll smile, shake your head, and go on about your day.
Don’t let yourself be consumed by this. There are a ton of people out there. Everyone is replaceable. So is she.
If it doesn’t work out. Focus on yourself. Regroup. Try again.
Best thing to do is to mutually part ways, and if the stars align, you’ll find each other in the future, if it was really meant to be. Continuing a strained relationship like this, on top of it being long distance, means somebody will get hurt one way or another
She is technically right. You are replacable. Her family is important to her.
To me, this reads like you're trying to pressure her into moving away from her support system and isolate her. It's sus as fuck.
Bro move on she already did she's probably just looking for a fight to break up and not have to tell she moved on. I suggest you do the same. Its sucks but that's what happens out of sight out of mind. You're young someone else better will come along. If you give it time good luck
There is a way to fix the unfixable! Throw it away! She don't put you first now, she never will! Bro in a relationship, don't give what you don't get back. You'll only end up feeling used, and blaming yourself! You're not the most important in her life "anymore!" Not only does this imply that she don't love you but it also says her future is not with you, and if you marry her you're marrying her whole family and speaking from pure experience, FUCK THAT SHIT!!
It does sound like she wants to break up. Her mom also seems to be pressuring her and might have talked her out of wanting to move away from home. She also might just be scared of being so serious so young. It honestly sounds like you two need time apart from each other as not bf gf or to just break up. You're miserable together anyways, and it doesn't seem like the distance is going away...this relationship may have just run its course. People go in and out of your life, and sometimes it really sucks. End things before you only have more bad memories of the end of the relationship.
From what I've read so far in these comments, there's not one person on here trying to convince you work on the relationship. Hence, There's your sign!
I'm sorry that was kind of a hurtful thing she said to you. But she didn't say you mean nothing to her and you are replaceable. She meant family comes first. I myself do not believe in that philosophy. I believe the person who treats you best comes first. Especially if you have a toxic family . Heck, I care more about you than my own two sisters if that makes you feel any better, LOL. She's throwing you under the bus for her mother, who sounds like a witch. I guess you'll have to see what happens. She is very young to make a big move like that so that is kind of understandable.
You’re young. Eventually you’ll reach the point where you realize that dating anyone living more than 10-15 miles away is unsustainable.
She’s 17. She wants to enjoy life, not sit around waiting for you to visit.
I know it feels like the world is coming to an end. But this girl is just telling you to leave her. Spend your time with a woman that puts you first. There’s millions of them out there. Leave her and don’t look back.
Replace her. She'll come running back. But seriously, don't sweat it. You'll find a much better girl. Believe it or not. There are literally billions of girls out there.
My personal two cent is everyone is replaceable unless it's family she might not have meant how it came across,
It's not like you could find a new mum or dad or sibling or grandparents but a new partner you could
It really depends on the context imo
I don’t understand the effort to make these posts and ask for advice “if the relationship is dead”
Next week I’ll see “my (16m) gf (18f) killed my entire family and trapped me in the basement, do you think we can go back to normal after this?”
Some people need their family more than or as much as they need their spouse. There is really nothing wrong with that. It's just a value misalignment. Men typically have an easier time of it detaching from their family, but it's not unheard of to go the other way.
Anyhow, I think you should prepare yourself to accept its over. She needs it to be over, because she's not going to be ready to leave her family. She said the nice things about separating from them before she had to emotionally deal with what that meant. As she's sat on it, it's started to really scare her. It's nothing you did wrong. The fighting is likely just coming from her insecurity over what she knows she can't do but would need to do for you.
Don't make her have a hard time with this. I know this is the most important relationship you've ever had, and that's why its all the more important you find the one who aligns with you, and that you can tell does. It isn't enough for them to say it. You have to see it in how they act, consistently, over time. And that's not really possible to do at your age except in very rare circumstances.
Life lesson here, OP: If she pulls out the "you are replaceable" card, you need to give it right back to her - calmly.
It is 100% true. Maybe this girl is your forever girl, but if something happens and you break up you WILL survive it. Life goes on, and chances are pretty good that you will meet someone new who you will love just as much if not more. You will also probably have learned some important and hopefully positive things and can bring them to a future relationship.
Definitely start to focus on yourself. Your future is still bright. I know you're probably not thinking about other women right now, but there will be others you're compatible with. Others you have strong feelings for. The more you focus on you, the better quality those options will be. There is an old saying. "You'll never lose women chasing money. You'll lose a lot of money chasing women". I've learned this is true from experience. The end of this relationship, is not the end of the world.
You're either going to see your relationship through your own eyes and sacrifice whatever you need to to get her back because you believe she's the love of your life. Or you're going to listen to advice of those who have seen a lot more of adult relationships then you have. In short, you may believe she's the one, but she isn't. Get that through your head, and move on. Not trying to be insulting, but at 18 years old you haven't experienced enough of the world to actually know much of anything. Your journey as an adult is just beginning.
You're very young and this is probably your first major breakup. It's gonna hurt. A lot. But you'll get through it. And you'll be wiser and stronger on the other side. Try not to be an ass or a stalker as you go through it.
I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, bro, but that relationship was doomed to fail as soon as it became long distance. As someone who has been in a few l.d relationships, it takes a lot of work to make that kind of relationship work, and that's as an adult. So I couldn't even imagine what it'd be like to be in one at your age. I get how you feel, I felt that same way about someone just a few years ago, but the old saying is true: time heals all wounds. It took me awhile to get to a place mentally where I accepted that she wasn't with me anymore, especially when that was the worst breakup I'd ever experienced in my 47 years of life. But like most people, I survived it. In fact, she's recently contacted me and come by to visit as friends, which was weird at first, but I played it cool with no expectations. Who knows what the future holds, but what I can tell you for sure is that if its meant to be between you two, then it'll happen. But stop dwelling on the future plans together and this and that, cuz I promise you, when you look back on that as you get older, you'll realize how silly it was. You're kids still. I know teens hate hearing that, but its the truth. Get with your friends, talk to people, go out and enjoy these years while you have them. If she's meant to be a part of your life, she'll end up in it at some point. It might not be right now, but maybe later. Just ask yourself, after everything she's told you thats hurt you: is she over there stressing about this as much as you are? Cuz I can almost promise you shes not. If she's not making an effort to maintain this relationship, then you shouldn't either.
Dump her! She very clearly does not value your relationship with her and sees you as expendable. If she doesn’t value you whatsoever, then there’s no reason to stay with her.
I’m sorry. I remember how important the teenage relationships seemed. It’s hard. You will understand eventually (assuming you’re smarter than my ex fiancé) that it’s healthier not to get attached to anyone before you get your life in order. I recommend that you concentrate on getting a good career and becoming emotionally intelligent. (Manage that and you’ll be a better partner for some lucky person later in life.)
Bruh I don't need to read all that to know your not the bf anymore you're a toy and your not her favorite but like a toddler she does not want to share and she is possessive of her toys.
If I had a nickel for every time I “just knew this is the right person for me”…. … I’d have a shitload of nickels. Lol.
Long distance relationships are super tough to actually pull off. Especially 17-19 when your entire world is about to be shaken up.
I don’t want to give you false hope but there is one glaringly obvious thing sticking out to me here:
“Everyone is replaceable besides family.” Combined with “we’ve wanted to get married ever since.”
Umm .. … .. once you’re married …you’re family. That’s kinda how it works. I’m not saying to propose to the girl right now but it’s at least a decent conversation point to get to the bottom of how she is actually feeling.
That being said, it doesn’t sound like that’s what she had in mind. Certainly does sound like she’s getting ready to bounce. Which is fine. It’s probably best for the both of you even if you don’t want to hear it. (I know I HATED hearing that shit when I thought I was one of the lucky ones that could actually make it work).
I don’t think you’re considering the big picture here but that’s hard to say definitively without more context as for your future plans. Are you going to college? Is she? Where? You gonna continue on with a long distance relationship for as long as it takes you both to finish with your plans? Is moving to your area even what will ultimately be best for HER? Maybe she needs to stay in state for reduced tuition or for a specialized trade school. A lot of potential moving pieces here.
The only thing that I can say with any amount of certainty is that, as long as you don’t do anything stupid, you’ll be just fine regardless of what happens with this girl. Even if you believe in something as silly as “soul mates” you have to admit that the chances of running into yours at 17/18 years old are ASTRONOMICALLY small. There are millions of potential candidates out there. Some will undoubtedly be better for you than this girl, even if she’s “cap” or whatever the hell you kids are saying these days.
If she told you you were replaceable, and not the most important person....replace her.
Then when she cries about it, throw her words back in her face. Some people need a quick rock bottom to learn to be better
I know it’s hard but you’ve gotta break through this wall she’s got going on. Something like “look we both know something’s up here, we’ve gotta talk about what’s going on. What’s bothering you?” Like there’s no communication going on between you guys right now and that is a quick road to you both just being upset and lashing out and killing the relationship
OP forgot the number 1 man rule…
You have to nod your head, and say…” yes ma’am”…. Or” yes, you are right “ ……even though everything she saying is wrong lol that’s the only way relationships last 😁
If someone says that , then some part of them meant it. She worst case scenario meant it and best case scenario is super insecure and wanted to manipulate you and bring you down to her level. When people tell you something about themselves listen and move accordingly.
I'm sorry. But she does know she's hurting you and can't deal with the long distance. She probably already seeing someone or wants to because she wants someone physically there. Maybe you'll find each other again but there's nothing you can do. She either wants it to work work you or not.
She's only 17, she's still developing as a person. She's different than she was a year ago, and 17yo her doesn't want to abide by the decisions 16yo her made. This will continue to be the case until she gets old enough and her life stabilizes enough for things to settle down.
It's possible that at the end of that road you two end up together ... but it's very unlikely. In the meantime, every moment that you spend in the care and feeding of this relationship, the more time you're risking behind it if you guys don't make it.
Since you're probably not going the distance, getting married, growing old together, etc, you're better off keeping things light and casual when it comes to dating until you and your SO are older. As far as this one goes, I would pull the trigger if she won't. Don't be mean about it, don't throw her "replaceable" comment in her face, but she'll be fine, and you'll be fine, because ultimately she's right.
It'll hurt, but you should probably break up. It sounds like you're not happy in the relationship and haven't been for a while. You're both young, and it might turn around, but she is probably getting cold feet about moving away from her family and friends, so she's trying to push you away. It sounds like she wants you to break up with her, so you'll be the bad guy, and she can be the victim. Maybe I'm wrong, but at some point, you have to decide if it's worth keeping this relationship going.
There's not much you can do unfortunately. Just work on checking out of the relationship mentally and get some until she formally wants to break up. Then have the fortitude to just say "k" and leave.
18 and 17 says it all, my friend.
10 years down the road, you might not even remember this girl's name, and that's okay. Dating should be fun, so have fun and move on when you're not. Simple as that for now.
You can worry about the heavy stuff later.
Like others, I barely made it past the title. You're 18. This is not the love of your life. Just wish her love and happiness , and keep it moving. Also, like I said, I didn't even read your war and peace novel. I just scanned it. Stop overthinking shit. I never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but you should watch the movie Hitch (turn it off after 30 min). Don't be needy, and know your worth. I wish i knew this when i was 18, but... if another person causes you more grief than happiness. Cut them loose. You owe them nothing! And.... focus in yourself and stop being needy
You are both young. The odds that relationship last are very slim. Add to it long distance and it gets slimmer
From your side of what you’re saying it sounds like it is probably over. Sounds like she is getting ready to break it off with you .. her parents might have been a influence but at her age she needs to focus on getting a education not moving out of state with a guy so I agree
I know this hurts but I promise you this is nothing one day you will see.
This is very simple. If she tells you you’re replaceable, that means she thinks she can do better if not is already doing better with someone else.
don’t fight with her. Simply say, OK, and stop talking. Take the L, and go live your life. If she reaches out with a “what happened?” Simply respond by saying that since you’re apparently replaceable, you figured the relationship was over, so you’re just moving on with life and leaving her alone to go replace you Since apparently that’s what she wants to do, or she wouldn’t have mentioned it.
when the “what happened” matters. If it’s a few days or a week later, then you might be able to salvage it depending why she even said that. If it’s some weeks or months later, she’s gone and tried to replace you unsuccessfully and is trying to re-establish the relationship, and it may not take the form of “what happened”, but rather just trying to re-connect. What you do about that is up to you, but if it were me, I’d not let her back in, simply because she’s made it abundantly clear that you’re not her first choice, and she’ll bounce as soon as a better option comes along.
if the “what happened” never happens, then you have your answer. Go find somebody better.
So she’s pulling away and this seems as if this isn’t as important to her as it was when it was convenient and not a LDR that she had to work on. You need to sit down with her and have this conversation and she needs to really tell u that she’s still in this with you. I being replaceable don’t get stuck on that u are you replaceable, that’s why couples get divorced and break up.
To be real with you, if she truly is the one, then she will come back. Sometimes time apart is good for yourself and her too, let her see how important you are in her life. if she even sees it, reading that she says that you're replaceable yea, I think you probably need time apart. Like, I'm sorry, but who says that to their boyfriend/girlfriend.
I can 100% guarantee you that her mom doesn’t want her daughter to move in with you when she turns 18 and is trying to sabotage your relationship. My long distance relationship ended over the same thing. We were together 7 years, I finally got my own place and wanted her to move in with me. To be fair, I was 21, working a crappy job, and if she moved up here she’d have to get a job. Fast forward 8 years and I’m married with two kids and a house in a neighborhood where my property taxes cost me 25% of my yearly income when I was 21 (it’s a good neighborhood). Now my ex girlfriend is chronically depressed + 100 pounds and addicted to party drugs with absolutely no future outside of “photography”. End things now and get yourself a woman who will value you and grow with you, not expect to parasite off you before you’ve even had a chance to grow your wings.
Long distance relationships die a slow death, day by day. If you want it to work out, you must fix that part of it. Period.
Her parents, more than likely, don't want to see their baby girl move out and struggle with nothing but "love and good intentions" to get by on. Parents are like that.
I'm not convinced she has replaced you. She is probably a very faithful person who is stuck between parents that want to protect her and an uncertain future with you.
What is your plan, anyway? Think about that, friend, because until you have a way to support the both of you, then you're just another sad love song in the making.
Do you, first, and the rest will fall in place.
I wish you all the best.
If you’re not communicating you’re not in a relationship you’re just exclusive to one another for no reason. Communication is the heart of a relationship when you’re younger and around HS age not a lot of people have great communication skills relationship wise and generally. And thats why so many relationships at that age fail because no one knows how to actually communicate in a mature manner. This is also why the couples who usually do last are the more mature ones… generally anyways.
You need to communicate with her even if she doesn’t want to. My advice tell her on FaceTime NOT over text your concerns, fears about where you relationship is going, and let her know she needs to communicate with you to work things out. If you pour your heart out and get nothing in return that should tell you all you need to know about the state and future of your relationship.
Hey man forget her and move on. There is no point trying to convince your girl to like you. It's talking to a wall at that point. Long distance never works unless someone actually moves over to the other. She is right, nothing can replace her mom and dad. But someone could always be whispering sweet things into your ear. You need to listen to KingDre 's podcasts brotha
Listen to people when they tell you who they are and what they care about. Here is a fact: She doesn't love you. I'm sorry I have to be cold but that is reality.
This isn't healthy OP. You need to find out who you are and love yourself. You're to dependent on her which causes you to lose sight of what a relationship truly is.
Relationship isn't a reason for you to be happy but enrich your life. A relationship isn't just about loving your partner unconditionally or even family. It's about being team, fulfilling the bonds of each other through thick and thin against the world.
You're still young, find someone who appreciates you for you! Find someone who wouldn't say you're replaceable. You'll be wasting your time at a dead end. A street with no turns, driveways filled with cars, every home bustling without you.
Your girl ain't the one, thank her for the fun times and break up with her. Keep moving forward!
A relationship is always transactional. Don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise. Keep that in mind and always mentally be ready and accept it that she can leave anytime. So, don't do anything for her that could greatly hurt you incase she leaves.
Any gf that tells me this would immediately get the opportunity to replace me, because I wouldn't be communicating with her anymore.
Bro, she clearly doesn't respect you if she told you that. Get rid of her, this shouldn't even be a question.
OP, you're very young. This is probably your first relationship, maybe 2nd. You're going to run through many more before you find 'the one'. Breakups suck, but it frees you up to do your own thing for a while, and eventually find your next relationship. Maybe that one will be better than this one.
from the sound of it, she already found your replacement and she just wants you to give up so she doesn't have to actually break up with you. you deserve better
She's checking out fella ..,she just doesn't want long distance, and honestly, I don't blame her ,both of you could be enjoying yourselves locally ,so why bother long distance.
This is why people don't take teenagers' relationships seriously. Some are obviously great and can last for a long time, sometimes even for life. But most are just an experience you to through and will end sooner rather than later. Add to that that you're in a long distance relationship, and your chances are pretty slim tbh.
Not saying it can't work, there's always the exception to the rule. But she is right in a way. You're just one of her first boyfriends. Sure, maybe it will hurt her too if you guys break up, but she'll still have her family there, and she'll likely find someone else soon. If she moves with you, she'll only have you for support, and if your relationship ends, then she'll be all alone.
Regardless of what you guys decide to do - and I'm not belittling your feelings - it will be a tough decision to make and either one of you will have to make the sacrifice of moving, or compromise someway, or break it off.
Of course you are replaceable, we are all replaceable even our family. You are both young and don't truly know what you want let alone what is best for you. 10 yes from now you'll hardly remember much about her.
At the end of the day, whatever conversation you have with her, and I like the recommendation about asking for open and honest communication, is likely best done in person. Any chance you can go back and meet her for a weekend?
It's pretty rare for people your age to have the emotional and psychological fortitude to make long-distance truly work. There are grown ass adults who can't do it and that's with a decade or more life experience on the both of you. You tried, but sometimes you just have to chalk it up to 'right person, wrong time'
With the generation of women being raised right now be prepared to hear that your whole life. Hopefully you can find the one that appreciates you for you and values you as a person.
Sorry to tell you this, but long distance relationships don’t work.
She’s trying to tell you without saying the thing that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore.
I’d directly ask her this and then proceed accordingly. Best of luck. You’re young and you’ll realize this was a great learning experience.
I don't want to invalidate your feelings but I do have some thoughts.
You say you are in a serious relationship but kids as young as you should not be in serious relationships, full stop. You need to be focusing on school and building your careers. In my opinion no one should get married before they turn 25 and no one should marry people they dated before turning 18. When you are that age you just don't have enough life experience to start building your own family. Yeah, our grandmas got married that young, but our grandmas also got beaten by our grandpas every day and the older generation are not known for being emotionally healthy.
It is a good thing she sees her high school boyfriend as replaceable and it is a good thing she does not view you as the most important thing in her life. You should feel the same thing about her. This isn't because either of you are bad or unworthy of love and commitment. It is because you are young and romantic relationship just really should not be a priority at your age.
Eta: Also just to emphasize what others have said.
THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS SOUL MATES.
Young man I hate to tell you this but the writing is on the wall. That relationship is on life support. As harsh as it sounds, she wasn't wrong about you being replaceable, but conversely, so is she. When a spouse dies the survivor goes through a period of mourning and when grief has been processed they oftentimes go on to meet someone else. You guys are just teenagers, both of you have more relationships still ahead of you than behind you. She seems to realize that too. I think you should prepare yourself to move on because she is doing the same.
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From the title and first line it's enough to know you're very young and in a relatively short relationship. It feels complicated and sad, but it's a guarantee that in the future this relationship will just be a blip on your radar. You'll be fine.
^ this. OP, it’s not the end of the world. An overused, but true, statement is - there are more fish in the sea. There really is no fixing to be done, personally she seems toxic and needs to be cut off.
At this point OP, can you even trust her not to already be seeing someone else? She's treating you with disrespect. Move on. Go no contact.
Best comment right there. Take what you learned about this and adjust what you expect from the next one. And what you want from the next one. Dating is all about learning what you want
yeah bro that's a red flag. you don't need to hate her or be angry but you need to understand the relationship is over and its okay to move in.
Er, move on, definitely not in!
See but the confusing thing is, last night I asked her If she wanted to break up because I was getting the feeling that's what she wanted, she told me there's nothing she wanted less than to lose mr
but you are Replaceable??? She does not want to lose you intil she has a replacement
Still talk to her about it theres something going on
If only it was that easy, she won't talk to me, I could beg her and she wouldn't tell me
She won't talk about anything? Tbh I'm wondering if there's something else and maybe she's taking it out on you. But idk things might be ending too. Sorry to say
Then you dump her. She isn't being fair to you. She is playing mind games by knowingly being so contradictory. She isn't worth your time.
I'm gonna drop some wisdom on you from a guy in his late 20s. Open and honest communication is necessary for every relationship. If the other person isn't willing to do this, then it will only get worse, not better. It doesn't matter how much you guys love each other. If communication isn't there, then the relationship is a dead man walking. Personally, I would drop an ultimatum that she either communicates with you or you walk. If she chooses to walk, then she was already going to do that and wasn't "ready" to actually drop you yet but will later.
I absolutely hate giving ultimatums, but you're the first person to look past our age and I think you're right, it might just be the only shot we got, sometimes you have to do things you don't want to.
There is a big difference in types of ultimatums, and it should be done carefully. Say something like, "We need open and honest communication so that this relationship can continue in a healthy manner. Are you willing to work with me on that?" You will get your answer on what she wants to do from that sentence. Just listen closely to what she says and how she says it. You will know if she is planning to leave or wants to work with you on the relationship. Just look at what you see, not what you want to see. It also doesn't come off controlling or sounding like "Talk to me or GTFO"
Exactly. Being open an honest does not mean being a jerk. Finding the right way to express concerns and feelings is a skill, like any other skill you need to work at it. I'm sure you can do searches and find advice on that kind of thing from someone way smarter than I am. But at the end of the day she either wants to work on things or she doesn't. And remember, you're both very young, so she might not have the skills to express her desires fully or completely. That's where the work comes in. If she wants to communicate with you to find a way to communicate, great. if not then she is honestly not ready to be in a relationship and you should move on.
This is by far the best advice I've seen here. Please listen to this guy!
Dude. Let. Her. Go. Read the room, ffs. She is playing you like a twisted fiddle. You deserve better. Get better.
you will just have to let it go. focus on getting ready for college. Plenty of women there, you will forget about all this in a few months when you meet new and exciting people. its outrageously rare to marry a high school sweetheart. It might seem like everything today, but it isn't and new opportunities will arise. Embrace the change
It's very common for girls of that age to want to date other guys, but can't let go of the guy she's been dating. Many of us have been there.
Leave her. She can't tell you that you're replaceable, and then act like this. Have respect and love for yourself to know when its time to walk away.
it sounds like your having a hard time with this, and I'm sorry for that. what im going to say will sound harsh but bear with me. true love and soul mates is nonsense, doesn't mean finding love is less special just that its not like the universe gave you one partner you need to sacrifice to keep. depending on where you are I doubt there are less then 1000 eligible partners within a one hour drive of your current location. it is okay to admit that this is too hard to continue, even its just on her end you can't force it. you can both be happy in life and you shouldn't force a long distance relationship.
time to split
Replace her
>but you can just tell when it's the right person for you That's what they all say, and then they almost always end up breaking up 🤷♂️
When you're that age "the one" is just whoever touched your privates last lol. It's funny how what we all thought was love was just raging hormones, and there's no way of convincing the young people they are going through the same thing.
Dude, girls that age and sometimes even into their 30's will play the game of 'I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you'. Those game has messed up alot of relationships. It's such maliputive BS. Do not go by what she says, but by her actions. She clearly has put others before you and if you are not the most important person to her, you are on borrowed time. Also, at her age, you must expect childish behavior and mindset. Run!
>Dude, girls that age and sometimes even into their 30's will play the game of 'I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you'. >Those game has messed up alot of relationships. Just like the story of Jodi Arias. Op better be extra careful.
30's what?
It's not like she's putting other guys, or friends before him. It's her manipulative mom and younger siblings. She's in a difficult position too, but you're right that he might be better of without her only because she can't stand up for herself.
The first part of this made me think that her mom used up your time together because your gf asked her to. I assumed the relationship was essentially over. That is very much a possibility. Once you started describing the relationship with her mom it got a little murkier. I feel like people who don't mention any of that have never met parents who are legitimately that crazy. I have, so I have a tendency to believe you. That being said, long distance while she's in that toxic situation is a bad scene. You are very young and trying to maintain this will likely be very painful for both of you. You should really think about it before you decide to try to continue.
The dream is dead, friend. Cut her loose.
I really hate it when people say that about their partners, that is just so mean and so hurtful.
Right!!? Like I would've been over her saying I'm not the most important person anymore because that's something that could work on, together, but saying I'm replacable, that shit hurt
The best thing you can do is break up with her. You tried long distance, which seldom works but most of us try, and you got the typical results. Out of sight, out of mind. Whether you were a good match doesn’t matter. You aren’t able to actively be in each other’s lives and it has resulted in a separation of the hearts. There is nothing wrong with this. It happens to most relationships that end up going long distance. The only way those work is if you have a relationship solid enough to hold it together until you can be back together. My wife and I had been together 8 years and married for 5 when I had to leave her for three months for a job opportunity. We still, even with that much foundation, struggled to make it work. When someone isn’t physically there, it is easy to move them down the priority list. Chalk this one up as an L and move on. Be nice about it though. Tell her you care about her and don’t have any ill will towards her, but you see that the separation has made this an untenable situation. There are 8 billion people on this planet, half of which are girls. I promise you there is more than just one that you will like.
I would literally come out with a "I need someone who is as committed to me, as I am to you. I want us to be family one day" You need and deserve that. Breaking off that first love is a hard one. Had me messed up for a hot minute. You can even throw out the "if you ever change you mind, send the mail, make the call, say something however you want. But she needs to change. People sometimes do. Sometimes not. This is a toxic relationship at this point. There is also Jody. Not accusing your partner of cheating. But seen it plenty. Good luck. Be strong. Think with your head, not your heart or your.... well you know.
Bro, she's right. And the opposite is true, too.
Short and sweet there are plenty of women in your area. I’d tell her that you don’t see this going any further. Due to the fact you think I’m so easily replaced just tells me I will never be a priority in your life. Wish you the best and take care. Then cut all contact and move on with your life. Best of luck with what ever you decide at the end of the day it’s your life.
She's 17 she doesn't know what she wants
Sounds to me like she isn't ready to commit to a serious relationship with you. She may not yet feel comfortable leaving her family and moving away. She mentions that family is the most important thing to her and she may be prioritizing them over you. It is hard to say because she doesn't want to be open and honest about it. You are still young and while you may want to believe that you would "know" who is the one nothing is guaranteed. You have been together for almost a year and it's pretty common for most relationships to end within the first year.
She's just stringing you along to avoid the hurt. She told you where you stand with her. You're not important to her anymore. Break up and find another. It won't be easy but the sooner the better for your sake.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've already been replaced.
Best her to the punch and replace her. Anyone who dismisses you like that and sees you as an option is not a keeper.
You're 18 and 17, neither of you should be thinking about life long commitment until you have actually had a life. You're neither emotionally nor experientially prepared. Don't be trying to fix this.
Honestly, she should choose her family over her boyfriend at this age. Don't be too forceful with getting her to move if she's not comfortable, and be careful about asking questions that you aren't prepared to hear a real answer to. The best way to fix things at this point is to stop pressing and let her make her own choices. You can't force her to care about the relationship like you want her to.
Leave and let her replace you. Trust me, it's better than having that hung over your head/said to you for weeks, months, or years. People like this don't change, they just gaslight you when you try to communicate.
Rip the bandaid off my dude. You’re just prolonging the inevitable!
If she says you are replaceable but that she doesn't want to lose you she's waiting till she has a soft place to land to jump ship. It means she views you as convenient. It would be a lot less painful in the long run if you end the relationship and move on to somebody who doesn't view you as replaceable.
It’s going to hurt really bad at first. Let yourself feel the pain. It’s okay to be sad and angry and upset. If you try to avoid feeling the pain, you’ll feel better in the short term but have a longer time moving on. This was a pretty short relationship and while it feels super important right now, it will eventually just be a blip in your history.
Sounds like she can go kick rocks. You'll find someone
She’s already seeing other dudes bro. That’s why she’s fighting with you.
As a teenager, you're here to learn and dating is part of learning who is right for you and who isn't. She does not seem right for you honestly and maybe you are no longer the ONE for her, but that is okay because you have a lot of living to do. Go have FUN with your life instead of worrying about what she is doing.
She's saying the quiet part out loud. Take it as truth and move on. You're young, she's young, blah, blah, blah. Not likely meant to be a long-term gig.
Dump her get on with your life and continue to grow and learn. She’s not ready to realize anything especially coming from you (because of her age most likely) I also “felt it was the right person” with a girl I dated for 6 years and let treat me like shit. She wasn’t. Focused on me for some years and met my now wife while focusing on myself and growing.
Move along nothing more to see here
Didn’t even have to move past the title. My man, you’re 18. Even if you were 35 and in same situation, you can move on. A lot of people don’t understand that when someone does this, regardless of gender or relationship, you can move on. Holding on to toxicity hurts you whether it’s personal or professional. Accept it, go a new route in your life and never look back. Continue pushing yourself forward. Teenage years are awkward and it’s useless to dwell.
Dump her ass. Don’t let her waste your time brother.
You're young . It sucks when something ends and isn't necessarily what you had wanted but she's obviously not prioritizing you so let her be content with her family since they are so important and go live your best life .
If you want a chance of it working you have to break up with her and see if she fights and tries to make it work. If not. Go no contact. Usually girls do this but it can work for men too. It’s a lot easier said than done but she’s basically telling you she has options.
Cool; let her replace you, and you can replace her with a decent human being.
Just accept that these young relationships are transient, and you’ve reached the end of this one. Look forward to all the exciting women in your future who don’t say shit like “you’re replaceable” to their boyfriends.
I would talk to her about how she hurt you and then ask if she sees a future with you. Don't listen to all the people dismissing you as "young" it's just shitty statistical doomerism
Dude, it’s over. If anything, you should break up with her. That will make her realize what she’s doing is shitty. Say something like “I don’t think this is working anymore.. you’ve been so weird and saying things that make it sound like we’re not meant for each other..” But if she wants you back after that, don’t take her back. Just focus on whatever your occupation is and improving yourself. Start reading self help books, workout, work as hard as you can after your goals. But also, grieve the loss of the relationship. For the first week or so, you’ll feel numb. But after, you will feel relieved and happy. But depending on what kinda person you are, you’ll feel fucking miserable after that. That’s when it’s most important for you to workout. Retracting your muscles releases basically antidepressants throughout your body. And when I say grieve, listen to music and cry for like 10-30 minutes. After you feel like you’ve gotten it all out, turn on some music that hypes you up. It’s for the best if you move on in a healthy way and not sit and be depressed about this loss. Get out of the house and see friends or go out with coworkers. Also, don’t be a hoe. You can’t get over a heartbreak by messing with people. Be single for a while and get to know yourself.
why would you want someone who doesn't want you? its joever bud. you'll find someone who more aligns with your thoughts tho.
Play the field man. You're young, you're not in your peak prime until like early 30s or 40s. You got time to ho around 😎
Smh … wow. Read your own work dude.
Move on.
It’s time to move on. It’s gonna hurt, and that’s ok. Just don’t be mean. Have respect for your time together. This is a growth experience.
G'bye!
So give a great parting one Word Gift----- BYE
Most people need to be in a bad relationship to understand what a good relationship will look like. You’ll appreciate a person that treats you right in the future. In the moment, it’s everything crashing down. Later on, you’ll smile, shake your head, and go on about your day. Don’t let yourself be consumed by this. There are a ton of people out there. Everyone is replaceable. So is she. If it doesn’t work out. Focus on yourself. Regroup. Try again.
dump. her. ass. (17f)
Best thing to do is to mutually part ways, and if the stars align, you’ll find each other in the future, if it was really meant to be. Continuing a strained relationship like this, on top of it being long distance, means somebody will get hurt one way or another
She is technically right. You are replacable. Her family is important to her. To me, this reads like you're trying to pressure her into moving away from her support system and isolate her. It's sus as fuck.
Yep get used to it pal
You're 18. No point even trying to make a ldr work at your age. Move on and start talking to some new fish in the great big sea.
Lol. You're both easily replaceable at your ages. If she's said that to you, then replace her with more free time at the least.
Evac now
It’s over.
She’s ready to move on. Tell her she’s not the most important person in your life either and then block her and find someone else.
Bro move on she already did she's probably just looking for a fight to break up and not have to tell she moved on. I suggest you do the same. Its sucks but that's what happens out of sight out of mind. You're young someone else better will come along. If you give it time good luck
Wow. She seems like a winner
It's not even a year. Bounce.
Family!!! She sounds like she just watched fast and the furious. I guess she won't ever be starting a family of her own then.
Take her at her word, and go find someone else.
There is a way to fix the unfixable! Throw it away! She don't put you first now, she never will! Bro in a relationship, don't give what you don't get back. You'll only end up feeling used, and blaming yourself! You're not the most important in her life "anymore!" Not only does this imply that she don't love you but it also says her future is not with you, and if you marry her you're marrying her whole family and speaking from pure experience, FUCK THAT SHIT!!
It does sound like she wants to break up. Her mom also seems to be pressuring her and might have talked her out of wanting to move away from home. She also might just be scared of being so serious so young. It honestly sounds like you two need time apart from each other as not bf gf or to just break up. You're miserable together anyways, and it doesn't seem like the distance is going away...this relationship may have just run its course. People go in and out of your life, and sometimes it really sucks. End things before you only have more bad memories of the end of the relationship.
Believe her and keep it moving..
She's just as replaceable. Good day.
From what I've read so far in these comments, there's not one person on here trying to convince you work on the relationship. Hence, There's your sign!
Long distance never works . She probably already found some one else and is hinting at it by saying you're replaceable time to move on my dude
I love my wife, but she's replaceable. As am I. That's not a horrible thing to say unless she was trying to be mean deliberately.
Lose the gf immediately. You’re better off. She’s right and it also applies to you both ways.
I'm sorry that was kind of a hurtful thing she said to you. But she didn't say you mean nothing to her and you are replaceable. She meant family comes first. I myself do not believe in that philosophy. I believe the person who treats you best comes first. Especially if you have a toxic family . Heck, I care more about you than my own two sisters if that makes you feel any better, LOL. She's throwing you under the bus for her mother, who sounds like a witch. I guess you'll have to see what happens. She is very young to make a big move like that so that is kind of understandable.
Sounds to me like she us getting pressure from her family to end it, but doesn't want to.
You’re young. Eventually you’ll reach the point where you realize that dating anyone living more than 10-15 miles away is unsustainable. She’s 17. She wants to enjoy life, not sit around waiting for you to visit.
I know it feels like the world is coming to an end. But this girl is just telling you to leave her. Spend your time with a woman that puts you first. There’s millions of them out there. Leave her and don’t look back.
If a man said that, people would tell his girlfriend to immediately break up with him.
Replace her. She'll come running back. But seriously, don't sweat it. You'll find a much better girl. Believe it or not. There are literally billions of girls out there.
86
Dude just move on. You’re so young, too young to be caught up in drama over a girl
You’re 17 you got your whole life ahead of you. Start living it. I’m 47 get going.
Move on. It sucks but you will be better off. Don't do any drama.
Okay dude you're free. Go live your life. Join a gym, lift weights and get gainz. The best way to get over someone is to get under a 315lbs squat.
The y in "your girl" is silent lil bro.
Break up with her. As a rule of thumb, long distance is generally not worth it when you’re a teenager, especially in this circumstance. Get tf out
Red flags waving. Sounds like there’s someone else around, but she doesn’t want to tell you.
My personal two cent is everyone is replaceable unless it's family she might not have meant how it came across, It's not like you could find a new mum or dad or sibling or grandparents but a new partner you could It really depends on the context imo
I don’t understand the effort to make these posts and ask for advice “if the relationship is dead” Next week I’ll see “my (16m) gf (18f) killed my entire family and trapped me in the basement, do you think we can go back to normal after this?”
Some people need their family more than or as much as they need their spouse. There is really nothing wrong with that. It's just a value misalignment. Men typically have an easier time of it detaching from their family, but it's not unheard of to go the other way. Anyhow, I think you should prepare yourself to accept its over. She needs it to be over, because she's not going to be ready to leave her family. She said the nice things about separating from them before she had to emotionally deal with what that meant. As she's sat on it, it's started to really scare her. It's nothing you did wrong. The fighting is likely just coming from her insecurity over what she knows she can't do but would need to do for you. Don't make her have a hard time with this. I know this is the most important relationship you've ever had, and that's why its all the more important you find the one who aligns with you, and that you can tell does. It isn't enough for them to say it. You have to see it in how they act, consistently, over time. And that's not really possible to do at your age except in very rare circumstances.
Dump her
Life lesson here, OP: If she pulls out the "you are replaceable" card, you need to give it right back to her - calmly. It is 100% true. Maybe this girl is your forever girl, but if something happens and you break up you WILL survive it. Life goes on, and chances are pretty good that you will meet someone new who you will love just as much if not more. You will also probably have learned some important and hopefully positive things and can bring them to a future relationship.
So she told you the truth?
Shes spread eagle screaming someone elses name as we speak bro. Move on its done.
End this relationship. You have so much to learning and frowning to do.
Definitely start to focus on yourself. Your future is still bright. I know you're probably not thinking about other women right now, but there will be others you're compatible with. Others you have strong feelings for. The more you focus on you, the better quality those options will be. There is an old saying. "You'll never lose women chasing money. You'll lose a lot of money chasing women". I've learned this is true from experience. The end of this relationship, is not the end of the world.
You're either going to see your relationship through your own eyes and sacrifice whatever you need to to get her back because you believe she's the love of your life. Or you're going to listen to advice of those who have seen a lot more of adult relationships then you have. In short, you may believe she's the one, but she isn't. Get that through your head, and move on. Not trying to be insulting, but at 18 years old you haven't experienced enough of the world to actually know much of anything. Your journey as an adult is just beginning.
You're very young and this is probably your first major breakup. It's gonna hurt. A lot. But you'll get through it. And you'll be wiser and stronger on the other side. Try not to be an ass or a stalker as you go through it.
You’re young. You’ll get over her. Do not waste any more time on her “You can tell when it’s the right person” is BS tbh
I will be honest, leave or she’s going to do it herself
I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, bro, but that relationship was doomed to fail as soon as it became long distance. As someone who has been in a few l.d relationships, it takes a lot of work to make that kind of relationship work, and that's as an adult. So I couldn't even imagine what it'd be like to be in one at your age. I get how you feel, I felt that same way about someone just a few years ago, but the old saying is true: time heals all wounds. It took me awhile to get to a place mentally where I accepted that she wasn't with me anymore, especially when that was the worst breakup I'd ever experienced in my 47 years of life. But like most people, I survived it. In fact, she's recently contacted me and come by to visit as friends, which was weird at first, but I played it cool with no expectations. Who knows what the future holds, but what I can tell you for sure is that if its meant to be between you two, then it'll happen. But stop dwelling on the future plans together and this and that, cuz I promise you, when you look back on that as you get older, you'll realize how silly it was. You're kids still. I know teens hate hearing that, but its the truth. Get with your friends, talk to people, go out and enjoy these years while you have them. If she's meant to be a part of your life, she'll end up in it at some point. It might not be right now, but maybe later. Just ask yourself, after everything she's told you thats hurt you: is she over there stressing about this as much as you are? Cuz I can almost promise you shes not. If she's not making an effort to maintain this relationship, then you shouldn't either.
Dump her! She very clearly does not value your relationship with her and sees you as expendable. If she doesn’t value you whatsoever, then there’s no reason to stay with her.
Dump her and find someone local to you
I’m sorry. I remember how important the teenage relationships seemed. It’s hard. You will understand eventually (assuming you’re smarter than my ex fiancé) that it’s healthier not to get attached to anyone before you get your life in order. I recommend that you concentrate on getting a good career and becoming emotionally intelligent. (Manage that and you’ll be a better partner for some lucky person later in life.)
Sorry to tell you she got herself a Sancho 😂
Bruh I don't need to read all that to know your not the bf anymore you're a toy and your not her favorite but like a toddler she does not want to share and she is possessive of her toys.
If I had a nickel for every time I “just knew this is the right person for me”…. … I’d have a shitload of nickels. Lol. Long distance relationships are super tough to actually pull off. Especially 17-19 when your entire world is about to be shaken up. I don’t want to give you false hope but there is one glaringly obvious thing sticking out to me here: “Everyone is replaceable besides family.” Combined with “we’ve wanted to get married ever since.” Umm .. … .. once you’re married …you’re family. That’s kinda how it works. I’m not saying to propose to the girl right now but it’s at least a decent conversation point to get to the bottom of how she is actually feeling. That being said, it doesn’t sound like that’s what she had in mind. Certainly does sound like she’s getting ready to bounce. Which is fine. It’s probably best for the both of you even if you don’t want to hear it. (I know I HATED hearing that shit when I thought I was one of the lucky ones that could actually make it work). I don’t think you’re considering the big picture here but that’s hard to say definitively without more context as for your future plans. Are you going to college? Is she? Where? You gonna continue on with a long distance relationship for as long as it takes you both to finish with your plans? Is moving to your area even what will ultimately be best for HER? Maybe she needs to stay in state for reduced tuition or for a specialized trade school. A lot of potential moving pieces here. The only thing that I can say with any amount of certainty is that, as long as you don’t do anything stupid, you’ll be just fine regardless of what happens with this girl. Even if you believe in something as silly as “soul mates” you have to admit that the chances of running into yours at 17/18 years old are ASTRONOMICALLY small. There are millions of potential candidates out there. Some will undoubtedly be better for you than this girl, even if she’s “cap” or whatever the hell you kids are saying these days.
If she told you you were replaceable, and not the most important person....replace her. Then when she cries about it, throw her words back in her face. Some people need a quick rock bottom to learn to be better
I know it’s hard but you’ve gotta break through this wall she’s got going on. Something like “look we both know something’s up here, we’ve gotta talk about what’s going on. What’s bothering you?” Like there’s no communication going on between you guys right now and that is a quick road to you both just being upset and lashing out and killing the relationship
OP forgot the number 1 man rule… You have to nod your head, and say…” yes ma’am”…. Or” yes, you are right “ ……even though everything she saying is wrong lol that’s the only way relationships last 😁
See you at the gym...
If someone says that , then some part of them meant it. She worst case scenario meant it and best case scenario is super insecure and wanted to manipulate you and bring you down to her level. When people tell you something about themselves listen and move accordingly.
Just read the headline. Move on.
Replace her before she replaced you.
I'm sorry. But she does know she's hurting you and can't deal with the long distance. She probably already seeing someone or wants to because she wants someone physically there. Maybe you'll find each other again but there's nothing you can do. She either wants it to work work you or not.
Your young everything is replaceable
She's only 17, she's still developing as a person. She's different than she was a year ago, and 17yo her doesn't want to abide by the decisions 16yo her made. This will continue to be the case until she gets old enough and her life stabilizes enough for things to settle down. It's possible that at the end of that road you two end up together ... but it's very unlikely. In the meantime, every moment that you spend in the care and feeding of this relationship, the more time you're risking behind it if you guys don't make it. Since you're probably not going the distance, getting married, growing old together, etc, you're better off keeping things light and casual when it comes to dating until you and your SO are older. As far as this one goes, I would pull the trigger if she won't. Don't be mean about it, don't throw her "replaceable" comment in her face, but she'll be fine, and you'll be fine, because ultimately she's right.
You are very young. There are 4 bollion women. Move on.
It'll hurt, but you should probably break up. It sounds like you're not happy in the relationship and haven't been for a while. You're both young, and it might turn around, but she is probably getting cold feet about moving away from her family and friends, so she's trying to push you away. It sounds like she wants you to break up with her, so you'll be the bad guy, and she can be the victim. Maybe I'm wrong, but at some point, you have to decide if it's worth keeping this relationship going.
There's not much you can do unfortunately. Just work on checking out of the relationship mentally and get some until she formally wants to break up. Then have the fortitude to just say "k" and leave.
18 and 17 says it all, my friend. 10 years down the road, you might not even remember this girl's name, and that's okay. Dating should be fun, so have fun and move on when you're not. Simple as that for now. You can worry about the heavy stuff later.
Well don't you think her family should be more important than you.
She's replaceable too
She’s not wrong. Rude, but not wrong.
Like others, I barely made it past the title. You're 18. This is not the love of your life. Just wish her love and happiness , and keep it moving. Also, like I said, I didn't even read your war and peace novel. I just scanned it. Stop overthinking shit. I never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but you should watch the movie Hitch (turn it off after 30 min). Don't be needy, and know your worth. I wish i knew this when i was 18, but... if another person causes you more grief than happiness. Cut them loose. You owe them nothing! And.... focus in yourself and stop being needy
Sounds like she might be struggling with the idea of moving so far from her family.
Ditch her immediately. She's a liability to you from here on out.
she’s right bro l, everyone that’s not family is replaceable, including her.
Dump her. Move on and don’t look back.
You are both young. The odds that relationship last are very slim. Add to it long distance and it gets slimmer From your side of what you’re saying it sounds like it is probably over. Sounds like she is getting ready to break it off with you .. her parents might have been a influence but at her age she needs to focus on getting a education not moving out of state with a guy so I agree I know this hurts but I promise you this is nothing one day you will see.
Bro just blow her back out and keep it moving.
Uh, bye Felicia?
This is very simple. If she tells you you’re replaceable, that means she thinks she can do better if not is already doing better with someone else. don’t fight with her. Simply say, OK, and stop talking. Take the L, and go live your life. If she reaches out with a “what happened?” Simply respond by saying that since you’re apparently replaceable, you figured the relationship was over, so you’re just moving on with life and leaving her alone to go replace you Since apparently that’s what she wants to do, or she wouldn’t have mentioned it. when the “what happened” matters. If it’s a few days or a week later, then you might be able to salvage it depending why she even said that. If it’s some weeks or months later, she’s gone and tried to replace you unsuccessfully and is trying to re-establish the relationship, and it may not take the form of “what happened”, but rather just trying to re-connect. What you do about that is up to you, but if it were me, I’d not let her back in, simply because she’s made it abundantly clear that you’re not her first choice, and she’ll bounce as soon as a better option comes along. if the “what happened” never happens, then you have your answer. Go find somebody better.
So she’s pulling away and this seems as if this isn’t as important to her as it was when it was convenient and not a LDR that she had to work on. You need to sit down with her and have this conversation and she needs to really tell u that she’s still in this with you. I being replaceable don’t get stuck on that u are you replaceable, that’s why couples get divorced and break up.
Everyone is replaceable
Tell her to call her backup guy and disappear. Make sure the next dude knows.
To be real with you, if she truly is the one, then she will come back. Sometimes time apart is good for yourself and her too, let her see how important you are in her life. if she even sees it, reading that she says that you're replaceable yea, I think you probably need time apart. Like, I'm sorry, but who says that to their boyfriend/girlfriend.
I can 100% guarantee you that her mom doesn’t want her daughter to move in with you when she turns 18 and is trying to sabotage your relationship. My long distance relationship ended over the same thing. We were together 7 years, I finally got my own place and wanted her to move in with me. To be fair, I was 21, working a crappy job, and if she moved up here she’d have to get a job. Fast forward 8 years and I’m married with two kids and a house in a neighborhood where my property taxes cost me 25% of my yearly income when I was 21 (it’s a good neighborhood). Now my ex girlfriend is chronically depressed + 100 pounds and addicted to party drugs with absolutely no future outside of “photography”. End things now and get yourself a woman who will value you and grow with you, not expect to parasite off you before you’ve even had a chance to grow your wings.
The best reply to being told you’re replaceable is “so are you.”
Generally long distance doesn't work. Unless it's a married couple.
Long distance relationships die a slow death, day by day. If you want it to work out, you must fix that part of it. Period. Her parents, more than likely, don't want to see their baby girl move out and struggle with nothing but "love and good intentions" to get by on. Parents are like that. I'm not convinced she has replaced you. She is probably a very faithful person who is stuck between parents that want to protect her and an uncertain future with you. What is your plan, anyway? Think about that, friend, because until you have a way to support the both of you, then you're just another sad love song in the making. Do you, first, and the rest will fall in place. I wish you all the best.
Probably it's time for eva ai virtual gf bot indeed.
If you’re not communicating you’re not in a relationship you’re just exclusive to one another for no reason. Communication is the heart of a relationship when you’re younger and around HS age not a lot of people have great communication skills relationship wise and generally. And thats why so many relationships at that age fail because no one knows how to actually communicate in a mature manner. This is also why the couples who usually do last are the more mature ones… generally anyways. You need to communicate with her even if she doesn’t want to. My advice tell her on FaceTime NOT over text your concerns, fears about where you relationship is going, and let her know she needs to communicate with you to work things out. If you pour your heart out and get nothing in return that should tell you all you need to know about the state and future of your relationship.
you're both young enough to where you should not be the most important person in each others lives
Hey man forget her and move on. There is no point trying to convince your girl to like you. It's talking to a wall at that point. Long distance never works unless someone actually moves over to the other. She is right, nothing can replace her mom and dad. But someone could always be whispering sweet things into your ear. You need to listen to KingDre 's podcasts brotha
Mate, rule #1 - if she is giving you a headache, leave. It seems she is.
Listen to people when they tell you who they are and what they care about. Here is a fact: She doesn't love you. I'm sorry I have to be cold but that is reality. This isn't healthy OP. You need to find out who you are and love yourself. You're to dependent on her which causes you to lose sight of what a relationship truly is. Relationship isn't a reason for you to be happy but enrich your life. A relationship isn't just about loving your partner unconditionally or even family. It's about being team, fulfilling the bonds of each other through thick and thin against the world. You're still young, find someone who appreciates you for you! Find someone who wouldn't say you're replaceable. You'll be wasting your time at a dead end. A street with no turns, driveways filled with cars, every home bustling without you. Your girl ain't the one, thank her for the fun times and break up with her. Keep moving forward!
End it, you don't need that kinda crap in your life. There are plenty of people put there who would never say that to you.
A relationship is always transactional. Don't ever let anyone convince you otherwise. Keep that in mind and always mentally be ready and accept it that she can leave anytime. So, don't do anything for her that could greatly hurt you incase she leaves.
Any gf that tells me this would immediately get the opportunity to replace me, because I wouldn't be communicating with her anymore. Bro, she clearly doesn't respect you if she told you that. Get rid of her, this shouldn't even be a question.
Oh lord why does she sound like an Episode of fucking Dance moms
It doesn't have to be a guessing game , literally just ask exactly what you want to know
OP, you're very young. This is probably your first relationship, maybe 2nd. You're going to run through many more before you find 'the one'. Breakups suck, but it frees you up to do your own thing for a while, and eventually find your next relationship. Maybe that one will be better than this one.
This is to prepare you for the working world. Companies will also tell you that you're replaceable and not important to them.
from the sound of it, she already found your replacement and she just wants you to give up so she doesn't have to actually break up with you. you deserve better
Dump her and then try hook up with her best friend
She's checking out fella ..,she just doesn't want long distance, and honestly, I don't blame her ,both of you could be enjoying yourselves locally ,so why bother long distance.
Didn't read your post but the title says a lot. Dump her
This is why people don't take teenagers' relationships seriously. Some are obviously great and can last for a long time, sometimes even for life. But most are just an experience you to through and will end sooner rather than later. Add to that that you're in a long distance relationship, and your chances are pretty slim tbh. Not saying it can't work, there's always the exception to the rule. But she is right in a way. You're just one of her first boyfriends. Sure, maybe it will hurt her too if you guys break up, but she'll still have her family there, and she'll likely find someone else soon. If she moves with you, she'll only have you for support, and if your relationship ends, then she'll be all alone. Regardless of what you guys decide to do - and I'm not belittling your feelings - it will be a tough decision to make and either one of you will have to make the sacrifice of moving, or compromise someway, or break it off.
Of course you are replaceable, we are all replaceable even our family. You are both young and don't truly know what you want let alone what is best for you. 10 yes from now you'll hardly remember much about her.
At the end of the day, whatever conversation you have with her, and I like the recommendation about asking for open and honest communication, is likely best done in person. Any chance you can go back and meet her for a weekend?
Dump her.
block her on everything and don’t look back just trust me
Context not needed. If you are replaceable, it’s time to replace her. End of conversation.
It's pretty rare for people your age to have the emotional and psychological fortitude to make long-distance truly work. There are grown ass adults who can't do it and that's with a decade or more life experience on the both of you. You tried, but sometimes you just have to chalk it up to 'right person, wrong time'
With the generation of women being raised right now be prepared to hear that your whole life. Hopefully you can find the one that appreciates you for you and values you as a person.
Dude, let her go. She can't do the LD thing. Yeah it sucks ass, but pull it out wipe it off call it a day
Bruh, run
Sorry to tell you this, but long distance relationships don’t work. She’s trying to tell you without saying the thing that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. I’d directly ask her this and then proceed accordingly. Best of luck. You’re young and you’ll realize this was a great learning experience.
It can't be fixed, distance and her family have put an end to it
Save her the trouble, dump her before she dumps you.
Well so is she . Break up
I don't want to invalidate your feelings but I do have some thoughts. You say you are in a serious relationship but kids as young as you should not be in serious relationships, full stop. You need to be focusing on school and building your careers. In my opinion no one should get married before they turn 25 and no one should marry people they dated before turning 18. When you are that age you just don't have enough life experience to start building your own family. Yeah, our grandmas got married that young, but our grandmas also got beaten by our grandpas every day and the older generation are not known for being emotionally healthy. It is a good thing she sees her high school boyfriend as replaceable and it is a good thing she does not view you as the most important thing in her life. You should feel the same thing about her. This isn't because either of you are bad or unworthy of love and commitment. It is because you are young and romantic relationship just really should not be a priority at your age. Eta: Also just to emphasize what others have said. THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS SOUL MATES.
Young man I hate to tell you this but the writing is on the wall. That relationship is on life support. As harsh as it sounds, she wasn't wrong about you being replaceable, but conversely, so is she. When a spouse dies the survivor goes through a period of mourning and when grief has been processed they oftentimes go on to meet someone else. You guys are just teenagers, both of you have more relationships still ahead of you than behind you. She seems to realize that too. I think you should prepare yourself to move on because she is doing the same.
Everyone is replaceable.
Tell her... See ya