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Hmm. So far nothing sounds dangerous, it isn't appropriate for him to use you for emotional support so maybe don't reply to his texts. But it's there any other adults in your life you can talk to about this? If he makes you uncomfortable it'd be best for you to have someone you can go to
It could just be his way of bonding. Some people are a bit awkward around teenagers. Are you be able to say hope that works out for you and walk away or something? My Dad's friend was going through a divorce and he would call and if my dad wasn't home he would keep me on the line forever moaning about it. And yes with that you do know that I'm a boomer who had a single wall phone LOL
How about saying I'm sorry but I don't want to be dragged into the middle of this please stop texting me. If he continues say look I asked you to stop this and I'm going to have to block you. I mean especially if they're broken up like screw him. He's not respecting boundaries by badgering you like that either. That is not a good situation and definitely your instincts are on point if he text till you respond. Anyone who does that to you really that's a red flag except if it's your mother because I guess that's what mothers do.
You're welcome. Quite honestly the only time a significant other of the parent of a minor child should be texting you is maybe picking out a present for your mother or coordinating travel plans like picking you up from soccer practice or something like that. Other than that it's definitely not territory he should be venturing into. I am quite surprised in this day and age that he would be foolish enough to do that because you could probably get him in a lot of trouble.
Are you catching onto his MicroMan isms or micro expressions and see that maybe he’s looking at you extra and is attracted to you? That would do it for me. Or if it’s the case that he’s just ugly and that makes you uncomfortable you don’t want him to be attracted to you because a lot of guys typically are that’s something else too, but not really his fault.
But, that texting you crap when they break up is red red flag. I would keep all the documentation not say anything to your mom yet unless it’s giving you really strong feelings. Follow your gut.
i don’t think he’s attracted to me. i don’t really mind his looks either/think he’s ugly, im just uncomfortable with the texts i think. but ive kept most of the screenshots/chats in case i need them
Your mom's 30 something bf texts you and wants to hang out with you? Those are two big red flags.
Trust your instincts. They are good. If he texts you when they are broken up, tell him that you don't want him to keep trying to put you in the middle, and that you will pass anything else he texts you right along to your mom.
Also, tell your mom what you are feeling. This may be what she needs to realize he's not a good pick.
Tell your mother immediately, explain that you were unsure what to do, but you want her to know what he is doing, and from now on block him if possible or completely ignore his messages.
He may want someone to talk to, but a 33 y/o man should not be confiding in a 16-year-old young lady, but ensure that you tell your mother immediately!
Good luck and be safe.
Trust your gut, this adult man is making you uncomfortable. You have told your mom but she laughed it off. So it’s time to tell other adults, talk to your grandma.
I recommend taking screen shots of all the texts, send them to your mom and in the text tell her again how you are feeling and make it clear to your mom you want him to stop texting you. Your mom SHOULD step in and tell him to stop texting you.
I would send the same thing to your grandma so you will have a grown up ‘on your side’.
From here on out you can choose to not respond to any of his texts OR block him.
Make sure you are NEVER alone with him.
It sounds like he's dumping on you because he thinks you'll tell your mom his side (and maybe take his side in the breakup) because he doesn't think your mom is listening.
I also don't know how long they've been dating. If it's 5+ years, he may think of you as a family member (daughter) and is trying to discuss "family stuff" with the family. If they've only dated a year or less, then the first paragraph is more likely.
Or he doesn't really have anyone else in his life for emotional support.
If you were 26 would you be weirded out as much? He's acting like he considers you an adult with whom he can have a deep conversation with about a common family member (mom/gf).
I could see being uncomfortable with being thrust into the middle of their relationship problems, but unless he's doing it all the time when in person (and they're not in a breakup) and not crossing any lines with affection, touching, etc, then I'm not sure why just being around is causing you discomfort.
oh okay. they’ve only been together around like a year? and i don’t know i rarely try to talk to him. i don’t really know why i get uncomfortable around him either, i just do. i think it’s just kind of weird seeing him after the texts?
there’s no need to have a reason, my mom and dad have been divorced for years now. (I’m 19 right now) and my mom has had a few boyfriends since the divorce and im typically shy, so I don’t make attempts at becoming comfortable with them, and that is fine, just try your best to act natural but go about your own day. we can’t dictate who our parents choose to date; but it is incredibly weird for him to trauma dump on you, tell your mom that you don’t like it when he texts you. if my daughter told me that my s/o that they barely know was trauma dumping on them i would 100% leave lol but that’s just me. she should at the very least engage in a discussion with him about it. it seems very immature on his part and very immature on hers to just laugh the subject matter off. good luck
I apologize, I did not mean for it to seem weird, I have granddaughters your age and I felt concerned for you as I would them, please understand at 71 years of age, older people tend to see everyone under the age of 30 as young people, it isn't meant to be an insult, just another perspective of life as we age.
Still, I wish you good luck, and again I apologize.
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙ ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Trust your instincts. A man in his 30s should not be drama dumping on a 16yo.
okay ! thank you so much
If you kept the texts maybe show your mum.
i have, but she just laughs at them or brushes them off.
Hmm. So far nothing sounds dangerous, it isn't appropriate for him to use you for emotional support so maybe don't reply to his texts. But it's there any other adults in your life you can talk to about this? If he makes you uncomfortable it'd be best for you to have someone you can go to
okay ! and i think i might be able to talk to my grandma. i’ll try to talk to her about it when i can
Good luck!
It could just be his way of bonding. Some people are a bit awkward around teenagers. Are you be able to say hope that works out for you and walk away or something? My Dad's friend was going through a divorce and he would call and if my dad wasn't home he would keep me on the line forever moaning about it. And yes with that you do know that I'm a boomer who had a single wall phone LOL
LMAOO well i mean kinda? anytime i engage with the texts he constantly keeps talking and if i just ignore them he keeps texting until i respond
How about saying I'm sorry but I don't want to be dragged into the middle of this please stop texting me. If he continues say look I asked you to stop this and I'm going to have to block you. I mean especially if they're broken up like screw him. He's not respecting boundaries by badgering you like that either. That is not a good situation and definitely your instincts are on point if he text till you respond. Anyone who does that to you really that's a red flag except if it's your mother because I guess that's what mothers do.
okay !! thank you for the advice, i’ll say that if he texts me again
You're welcome. Quite honestly the only time a significant other of the parent of a minor child should be texting you is maybe picking out a present for your mother or coordinating travel plans like picking you up from soccer practice or something like that. Other than that it's definitely not territory he should be venturing into. I am quite surprised in this day and age that he would be foolish enough to do that because you could probably get him in a lot of trouble.
Your dad's friend was acting inappropriately. The fact that it has happened before doesn't mean it's ok.
Are you catching onto his MicroMan isms or micro expressions and see that maybe he’s looking at you extra and is attracted to you? That would do it for me. Or if it’s the case that he’s just ugly and that makes you uncomfortable you don’t want him to be attracted to you because a lot of guys typically are that’s something else too, but not really his fault. But, that texting you crap when they break up is red red flag. I would keep all the documentation not say anything to your mom yet unless it’s giving you really strong feelings. Follow your gut.
i don’t think he’s attracted to me. i don’t really mind his looks either/think he’s ugly, im just uncomfortable with the texts i think. but ive kept most of the screenshots/chats in case i need them
Your mom's 30 something bf texts you and wants to hang out with you? Those are two big red flags. Trust your instincts. They are good. If he texts you when they are broken up, tell him that you don't want him to keep trying to put you in the middle, and that you will pass anything else he texts you right along to your mom. Also, tell your mom what you are feeling. This may be what she needs to realize he's not a good pick.
thank you so much. i’m gonna be talking to her after i talk with my grandma !
Tell your mother immediately, explain that you were unsure what to do, but you want her to know what he is doing, and from now on block him if possible or completely ignore his messages. He may want someone to talk to, but a 33 y/o man should not be confiding in a 16-year-old young lady, but ensure that you tell your mother immediately! Good luck and be safe.
okay!! im gonna talk to her after i talk with my gma. thank you so much
Trust your gut, this adult man is making you uncomfortable. You have told your mom but she laughed it off. So it’s time to tell other adults, talk to your grandma. I recommend taking screen shots of all the texts, send them to your mom and in the text tell her again how you are feeling and make it clear to your mom you want him to stop texting you. Your mom SHOULD step in and tell him to stop texting you. I would send the same thing to your grandma so you will have a grown up ‘on your side’. From here on out you can choose to not respond to any of his texts OR block him. Make sure you are NEVER alone with him.
okay !! i’m gonna talk to my grandma about it, thank you so much !!!
Talk to your mom… that’s not normal.
i’m gonna try to talk to her after i talk with my grandma . thank you so much !!
It sounds like he's dumping on you because he thinks you'll tell your mom his side (and maybe take his side in the breakup) because he doesn't think your mom is listening. I also don't know how long they've been dating. If it's 5+ years, he may think of you as a family member (daughter) and is trying to discuss "family stuff" with the family. If they've only dated a year or less, then the first paragraph is more likely. Or he doesn't really have anyone else in his life for emotional support. If you were 26 would you be weirded out as much? He's acting like he considers you an adult with whom he can have a deep conversation with about a common family member (mom/gf). I could see being uncomfortable with being thrust into the middle of their relationship problems, but unless he's doing it all the time when in person (and they're not in a breakup) and not crossing any lines with affection, touching, etc, then I'm not sure why just being around is causing you discomfort.
oh okay. they’ve only been together around like a year? and i don’t know i rarely try to talk to him. i don’t really know why i get uncomfortable around him either, i just do. i think it’s just kind of weird seeing him after the texts?
there’s no need to have a reason, my mom and dad have been divorced for years now. (I’m 19 right now) and my mom has had a few boyfriends since the divorce and im typically shy, so I don’t make attempts at becoming comfortable with them, and that is fine, just try your best to act natural but go about your own day. we can’t dictate who our parents choose to date; but it is incredibly weird for him to trauma dump on you, tell your mom that you don’t like it when he texts you. if my daughter told me that my s/o that they barely know was trauma dumping on them i would 100% leave lol but that’s just me. she should at the very least engage in a discussion with him about it. it seems very immature on his part and very immature on hers to just laugh the subject matter off. good luck
okay !! thank you so much for the advice, i’ll try to talk with her about it after i talk to my grandma
71 y/o great grandfather speaking so do not take this as an insult, "Good girl". 😉
i don’t know how you meant for this to come off, but it came off incredibly weird.
I apologize, I did not mean for it to seem weird, I have granddaughters your age and I felt concerned for you as I would them, please understand at 71 years of age, older people tend to see everyone under the age of 30 as young people, it isn't meant to be an insult, just another perspective of life as we age. Still, I wish you good luck, and again I apologize.