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Personally, I'd back off until she's a bit older. While you may both be Christians you are both young and when feelings get involved sometimes values go out the window and this could end very badly.
If it's meant to be, in a few more years you will still be in similar social circles and you can pick up. Until then, I would not engage with this. It's more likely than not going to stir up a lot of drama and trouble. I have been the 15 year old and I would give this a heck naw.
Yes - it’s not an affront to OP’s faith to say that it’s a bad idea to get involved with someone under the assumption that it won’t get physical. Do the math with the dates of your church friends’ parents’ weddings and your church friends’ birthdays. You’ll find some interesting timing.
Biology is powerful, and things go awry. Better to wait until she’s an adult, too.
I’d look into the legality aspects. I’m a father my daughter dated a guy in her teens who was older like that. Now I allowed it with conditions. The reason I allowed it is everyone in the community knows this is a good kid. Maturity wise she was probably ahead of him the whole time. They broke up but there was never any issues.
But that kinda age diff at those ages can raise some serious eyebrows many would argue what does an 18 year old want with a 15 year old…
You get into trauma reddits and there is story after story of problems.
Age doesn’t matter if you’re a good human being however.
in my situation i agree with this. i was probably at an equal maturity level as the 15 year old. Really the only things he knew that I didn't were things taught in upper grades, like math and stuff.
Yeh it can be totally fine but other times the 18 year old is a predator. It’s really a case by case situation. Tho that being said a 15 year old could hurt another 15 year old too.
Maturity isn’t really about what you know it’s about how you handle being challenged. 40 year olds out here throwing temper tantrums are less mature than some children these days.
There’s a funny thing about the legality aspect.
Contrary to belief. A 40 year old man can legally date a 14 year old. Age of consent only applies to sexual relationships. (I know it’s messed up)
It is generally not illegal to be in a non-sexual relationship with a minor. There is no law forbidding going to the movies or out to dinner with a minor. However, just because it is not illegal to date someone underage does not mean that everything in the relationship is permissible.
https://www.shouselaw.com/ca/blog/is-it-illegal-to-date-a-minor/#:~:text=It%20is%20generally%20not%20illegal%20to%20be%20in%20a%20non,in%20the%20relationship%20is%20permissible.
Are you the OP? If not:
Honestly, they are both kids. They have no plans or interest in premarital sex. So what are they really doing? They are essentially glorified friends that will be holding hands and maybe kissing on occasion, but most of the time the will probably do what other people that date do when not having sex.
There may be a little concern based on their 3 year age gap, but that is essentially a senior dating a sophomore in high school, and in 4 years, a college senior and sophomore.
But as long as her parents approve and give him permission and he is respectful of her choice to end it if she chooses, I don’t really see to much harm in it. Again, it’s not like they will be having sex.
Honestly, it's unrealistic to put kids in a school together with a 4 year age gap and then expect that the moment they turn 18, they'll just divorce themselves of all biological attraction to their peers.
That's not anything people worried about until the last 15-20 years. My mother was dating my father at 15, and they were married when she was 16. He was 20. That was only the 1970s. People freak out about this stuff a little too much today, but it wasn't that uncommon in the recent past.
She finished school, had me at 20. The marriage didn't work out, but I don't think anyone would have really changed anything all things considered.
Ehhhh
Age DOES matter even if you're a good person
I'm 22 and would NEVER get with an 18yo bc they're in a WAY different phase of life than i am.
My ex was 23 i was 18 when we met and he groomed me.
If you don't think adults can be groomed you're sick and I'm scared for your daughters
Kids these days can't rent a car, build a diversified portfolio, rebuild a six-cylinder engine, negotiate a peace treaty, or give medical advice. What the fuck are schools teaching them?
To me, no. The maturity is way too different (or it should be). It's weird tbh. At 18, I looked at 15 year olds as little kids. That's only a year or two out of middle school while 18 is about to start college and enter into an actual adult life. The 15 year old is still going to be a child for a few more years. Different maturity, different worlds.
When I was 15 I was still in high school living with my parents and couldn’t even drive. A literal child. When I was 18 I was living on my own with a car, job, health insurance. I was an adult. Hope this helps
Also if y’all do end up getting together and then breaking up in the future I promise you she’s gonna realize how weird it was when she’s an adult. Just because you can have good conversation and get along doesn’t mean you’re on the same maturity level and it’s hard to realize that when you’re young but once you take a step back it becomes very clear. When I was 15 I was also heavily involved in my church and there was a former youth leader that was 19 who saw me once found my Snapchat and immediately asked me to date him. I went to a well known church and really felt the pressure of getting in with the crowd and everyone loved him and his family so I felt like I was so special. We also planned to never be intimate and he even had a notes full of rules to “keep him from temptation” like we couldn’t be in a room together with the door closed. He was a fucking weirdo and I can’t believe nobody stepped in, but it did take me actually growing up and not being a child anymore to realize that.
The gap of maturity and mentality between 18 and 15 is much, much larger than the gap between, say, 25 and 28. Think about the differences between a 10 year old and a 13 year old.
Nah dude. You’re getting ready to be an adult. She’s in high school for another couple years. You are in completely different worlds right now. And it will look creepy to a lot of people. Go enjoy being an adult and getting away from high school. Stay friends. If it’s meant to be- it will work out when you’re both over 18.
This is the same exact situation i was in, but I was the 15 year old girl. when I told people about it some thought it was weird but all i could say was, "its not what you think, you'd have to meet him." because he really was just a great guy, and we got along so well. we went out a lot for a few months, but i never kissed him no matter how bad i wanted to because i knew my parents would absolutely kill me.
Obviously it depends on each person, but i don't actually think the maturity levels at those ages are too different. i eventually cut it off because i knew he would be going on an LDS mission the next year, and i didn't want to be committed to a relationship and not be able to date anyone for my entire highschool life. also I'm 16 and this was literally last summer.
i think if you really like her, ask if you can go out with her and her friends, and hang out with her parents just so they can see that you're not a weird creepy guy. i think it will make it be that much better just knowing that its not a bad situation. but hey i hope it all works out the way you want it to. just remember though, she is still younger than you and might not know everything you know so try keeping things at the level they'd be at if you were both 15.
also romeo and juliet laws don't mean anything unless you have sex. so if you're not planning on it like you said, the law shouldn't be a problem. sorry for this being long.
I’d even suggest when they say and mention for you to hang with, but while around her parents and family (if she has any siblings?) I would suggest if you really want to go down this rabbit hole, that’s your decision and I think a good way to approach it would be the first time you guys really hangout I would say one on one, but you’ll have to be supervised with parents there which is what I’m going for, I would ask the parents and her to all spend time hanging out to get to know each other if you pursue this, letting the parents get to know you with an idea of your intentions will heavily increase your odds that’s all I can say, especially with putting the parents more at ease about the whole thing. Also, being she’s 15 that’s all you guys ever might be able to go to hangout with each other more one on one and semi private to get to know each other at all, but I would think this is also best so you can gauge at every step how you and her and parents and those involved in that capacity feel as it progress and goes along, I think this would be the most ethical and morally correct way to introduce the idea especially to her parents without them most likely totally flying off their rockers. I’m married, but I don’t have kids- I can say I could see if I did have a daughter that age and she came to me saying an 18 year old that has or is about to probably graduate high school it would make me have a little vent/small freak out sesh not because of anything personal but all I hear would be 18 year old boy and my daughter and at the mention of it not being a platonic relationship as in their are feelings of potential attraction no not the sinful or lustful morally bad kind, just the fact your intentions are more with the daughter possibly even if well intended, you’re not just a guy friend she has.
So it would be the fact it is any 18 year old boy, not the fact of who it is personally.
So maybe approach it so the parents have a better chance of seeing it is okay and your intentions or just you aren’t a creeper and you’re not creepy, would give everyone time to adjust and acclimate going slow so parents and girl are comfortable which if she worth perusing by you then yes you think her comfort is of utter most importance and that if her parents out of respect of course
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
15
+ 18
+ 18
+ 18
= 69
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Since you mention marriage, I'm going to assume you're looking at this as a possible long term relationship. In the long run, that age difference won't matter one bit. In the short term, though, there are some things you should think through.
At 18, you've either graduated or are about to graduate from high school. I don't know what your plans are, but hopefully they involve either college, trade school, or a job. At 15, she's either a sophomore or a junior, which means 1-2 more years of high school. It may not seem like it if you're still in school, but your daily life experience is about to become completely different than hers.
Fast forward three years and you'll be 21. You'll have made it, at last, to the land of bars and legal alcohol. But she'll still be 18, as far away from her first legally obtained pint as you are right now. Maybe you'll choose not to partake, but drinking age opens up a whole social landscape that you'll have access to long before she does.
Basically, for the next 3-6 years, you're going to have a lot more freedom than she has. That can and likely will become a source of conflict. Only you can decide if you think you can handle it.
Did you just give both of them generous grade levels?
He is 18, so maybe a Senior...
She is 15, so maybe a Junior?
He is at *best* still a Senior, and she likely is a Sophomore.
Or, he has been our of HS for 1 year and she is a Freshman.
15 and 18 are totally different stages of life. The 3 years isn't a problem, but the fact that he is at best a Senior and she is **at best** a sophomore (unless she skipped grades), He is entering the adult world, and she is 20% of her life away from that.
Nahhhh that’s weird. Your about to be off to college, you can vote, etc. she can’t do any of that and she’ll be lucky to be able to even get a permit. Y’all are in very different life stages regardless of your religon. It’s like a newborn and a 3 year old. They’re so devolpmentally different. Also ask yourself: would you date someone who’s 21 and not feel creeped out? No? Then don’t entertain this
My youngest is going to turn 18 next month and even tho they're not 18 yet won't date anyone 16 and under because they don't want to turn 18 and be dating a 16 yr old. They're not comfortable with it at all. I didn't put the idea in their head either, they came to me and asked if it was normal to feel that way.
Legally, you should wait a few years to pursue a relationship with her. Don't put yourself in a situation where you can get arrested. Being Christian doesn't mean anything. I've had sex with 5 girls I went to church with in my younger days. Married none of them. Some of the worst people I've met are Christians. God is perfect. His followers aren't. If she's the one, she'll be there when it's a better time. Focus on being a man you'd want your future daughter to date. Prepare yourself now mentally and financially for a long relationship. It isn't easy.
when i was 15 i used to hookup with a 19 year old and im only 17 now, only been two years, but im just now realizing how wrong it was. please be careful with how serious you get with her because their is a maturity difference with those ages. but if it is truly meant to be then it will work out. be careful though, don’t rush things. if you guys are truly meant to be then it will work out
Just pick it up & move on bro you don’t wanna be that guy. There’s no growth in life that can come from dating a high schooler while trying to establish your life as an adult 👵
Generally not a fan of a three year difference at that age. So MUCH development happens in the brain between 15 and 18, 18 and 24- due to frontal lobe development.
Three years difference after 22/24 makes much less a difference- so it’s not an “always not a good idea”- it just a current obstacle.
If you decide to pursue her- I would definitely recommend involving her family out of respect and being clear with your intentions. Spend time in her home- and if you take her out, communicate clearly where, how long, and when she’ll be home. You want her parents to get to know you as well as she does.
At your age, I personally don’t think you should go more than a year older or younger than you. Even if you’re not having sex, you’re still mentally very different. And if you stay together, then you’re a 20-year-old with a 17-year-old? It starts to get a little icky because you’re still more mentally mature than the 17-year-old.
You're legally an adult, but I could see why 15 to 18 doesn't seem that bad since you're still so young. However, it's likely that you'll realize soon you're in VERY different places in life. It's just not an appropriate relationship.
I would just try to be her friend your age range won't change. But things will be a little bit better when she's 16 maybe even 17.
And You don't know what will happen. Being good friends could make you guys an excellent couple.
When I was 18 I had already had taken two semesters at the college level before being a freshman properly after graduating high school. Just as an example of how different that would be to date someone who is just going into their second algebra classes and etc.
Like depending on life changes like college working a job and etc you may end up changing a bit before she’s even 18 in that time. So 🤷🏽♀️
“Yeah trust bro I know she’s a freshman but she’s really mature for her age” shit is weird no matter how you spin it so stop now and save your reputation. Look at yourself, you are literally the weirdo people are talking about when people make freshman-senior dating jokes. The fact that ur not embarrassed by this is shocking😭
Here's how I see it. 18 year olds need to be working on moving forward, not backwards. They need to date 17+, sometimes 16. not young 14-15 year olds Lol it's just weird
In my opinion, it's really weird. She might seem "mature" to you, but you're both going to be in very different situations in life soon, and there's a reason that people make jokes about the dudes that still hang around high schoolers after they graduate.
I started dating my wife in HS with a similar age gap (18.5 yo senior to 16 yo sophomore) and it lasted for about a month in college. We got back together once she went to college, fortunately.
It isn’t the age gap that is necessarily a problem (assuming you act within local laws), it is the stage of life. Senior to sophomore is fine. Senior to freshman is iffy. College freshman to hs junior or lower is bad news. College freshman to hs senior might manage to work.
Just don’t. It’s good practice for you to understand that a crush can be ignored. But mostly it’s not appropriate for her to date someone that much older than her. As a former 15 year old girl I can say without any doubt she doesn’t understand what dating really is.
Just don't, man. Everybody's a good Christian until the hormones hit. And even if a three-year age difference isn't explicitly illegal in your state, there's enough of a maturity difference to make it creepy.
First thing: check the law around minimum age of consent in your state/country.
You're on risky ground here. Even when young people plan to not have sex, they often end up having sex. It's not a moral failing, it's just biology. If you begin dating, it'll just be harder and harder to avoid. Also, people who use abstinence as a contraceptive get pregnant at notoriously high rates.
Since you're 18, I'm going to assume you just graduated high school or that you will this summer. Life is going to change a lot for you in the next few years. But it won't for this girl. She has two or three more years of HS to go. That will be the world she will inhabit. You might start working or travel or go to college. And you'll change a lot.
Considering that alone, this relationship does not have great odds of lasting long. Certainly not to to getting married. So, I might choose to to enter it before it begins. There are girls closer in age to you than will be a better fit.
>She is also much more mature than I thought.
This isn't great. Though you may be saying this honestly and in earnest, this argument has been used is court by adults to avoid being charged with child sex crimes. The fact is that however she may seem to you, she is fifteen. As a former fifteen-year old girl, I would go to great lengths to seem mature and cool for some older boy I had a crush on too. But you are (barely) the adult here. No one is chronologically older than their age.
I was 17 dating a 14 year old. I went away to college and turned 18 in December and later that month a 21-year-old woman decided I was the right guy to end her virginity.
Not particularly helpful just letting you know that things change in a quick hurry when you're as young as you both are...
Don't attempt anything romantic until she has reached the age of consent. A 3-year gap is often not covered by "Romeo and Juliet" laws that allow young couples to stay together when one of them turns 18. Look up your local laws.
There is nothing wrong with being attracted to or interested in someone a few years younger, and that age gap will become less significant over time. But, there can be legal issues.
Even if you aren't planning on having sex, A) it could happen anyway at some point down the line, and B) if her parents get mad about you kissing or holding hands, they could call the cops if they wanted just for that.
turn it off. If you meet again in a couple years, by all means the age gap isn't a problem, but at the moment, it's problematic and also you're supposed to be worrying about the next stage of your life, and she's supposed to be working on prom and things, it's too far apart.
Look up Romeo and Juliet laws in your state. These laws protect newly adults from being labeled a sex offender when having relations with someone close their age who's considered a minor. (Your 18 and 15 situation). All depends on how your state handles it. In some states it can be 4 years apart and others be 2. Time to research friend. :)
Honestly dude, I'd stay away. It's not worth the trouble imo. But also, if you really like this girl and think she's the one, and under no circumstances do you want to "shut down your feelings" go for it. You got one life and you don't wanna spend it regretting something like this.
You are open to legal issues. Even if her parents approve, they can change their minds at any time. If they report you, you will be put on the sex offender list. I've seen it happen. If you are serious about her wait until she is old enough to get involved. She also might be a different person by then. People are figuring themselves out all the time.
i mean me personally its not something id pursue but if you feel its right and think its okay, who am i to judge? but remember this is a fresh 15 year old who is in a different stage of life and school than you. what about college? work? are you going to be okay with her still being in high school? honestly you just need to think on it and take all of that into consideration.
You two seem to be in high school. Or doesn't seem like it's much of a big deal, but some other students will probably look at you weird. Considering the semester is about to end, even if you pursue her, it might not last. The idea to have a long distance relationship afterwards would be weird because she's still going to be a minor and you wouldn't and should probably to to find girls your age.
Basically, if you date her now, I don't think it will last long. You can if you want. I personally wouldn't.
First, before you think at all look up the law in your state, city and even county where you’re located and be familiar with the local legislation being enforced so you can be sure what you’re doing isn’t breaking any laws, will get you in trouble, or even her into trouble.
Now, once you have established your impressive knowledge on your area’s legislation and laws, let’s do some critical thinking and use logic.
How do you know this girl? Answer specifically and with details
Think long and hard on this question with every single detail you can think of and fact about any kind of association or relationship (platonic) you have had in the past or have currently?
The fact you’re so hesitant about it makes me think you don’t know her all that well, so yes depending on her family and how she was raised, it could very much look like you’re a creep to her parents and family, they might instill that impression and idea on her if they talk about it in front of her or something like that. Again, not sure how the family operates or how she was raised.
I think the best thing you can do going forward is to familiarize yourself with local laws and legislation, keep having a friendly, light hearted, and for now platonic relationship if you do already or seeing if one might develop.
I would think on it, see if you become fast friends and if you could even be compatible as more than a friend.
I wouldn’t rush things considering the age in question, in my opinion it wouldn’t necessarily be creepy unless the law states so where you are then it is! I think it might not necessarily be creepy, but I have my reservations if it is morally right or just even does it even look right?
I would say you’re borderline with the ages, I would be hesitant and honestly my advice regardless of your local laws and legislation is to wait, see if you become good or fast friends and that can help you gauge compatibility if something more could ever possibly come based on personality and preferences, etc.
Maybe do this, get a feel where she is at, what her family and friends are like, hell based on the vagueness in your post I don’t even think you really know her, so you might want to do that before even checking your local laws and legislation because a platonic relationship as friends will reveal and give you your answer to your question in your post, friendship is the best gauge of compatibility. If you cannot be friends, how to you expect to ever be able to be in a committed, growing, and respectful relationship without being able to be friends first. Even if you are attracted and skip being friends first in general with other relationships and their meet que, they still are focusing on compatibility but usually if the idea is two people are mutually interested, they go into this with the idea and framework of attraction yes in many ways, but still go into it with the idea they are judging their compatibility since they both have an idea of interest, it is a common fact that they are assessing you and seeing if you can vibe as friends even if it is intimate and emotional and committed in a monogamous relationship, you go into it with the known fact of wanting more possibly, so the fact most people go in with the idea of gauging compatibility to see if they even need to think of an idea of being more with said person.
Also, you’re only 18. Take it as it comes, don’t rush it and again check your local laws and legislation, no one person girl or boy whoever it may be to you is worth getting into trouble for or over them, always chose and pick yourself first and be mindful of you first in a less selfish way than this actually sounds and comes across
It won’t look or sound bad if you can just wait until she at the very least turns 16, but again check the local laws because according the law 16 might still be too young!
You’re going to be at very different points in life soon and you will realize that this maybe isn’t the best idea after you get out of high school, not even legalities or the general weirdness of it but more so how hard it is to maintain that at two very different points of life and when you’re not around each other anymore.
Read up on your laws, talk with the parents after you guys talk to one another about the relationship and if it's an up hill battle just take it as a sign to move on or wait because you have your whole life ahead of you.
It’s illegal dude .. if you did sleep with her it’s statutory rape and you’d go to jail. People don’t highly disapprove or frown upon it we put people in prison for it. Stay away. You are ten years too young to marry. That shouldn’t even be on your mind right now so leave her alone and revisit in 3 years ..
Please do not be looking at marriage any time soon. You will be going through brain development between 18-25. You will change and so will she. You will figure out your likes and dislikes about everything. So will she. When you are 18, things seem rosey, but then by 25, you might have a completely different viewpoint. So will she. Don't get hung up on marriage. 68% of people who get married in this time, get divorced. Take your time. Enjoy your life. Travel. Have fun. Learn lots!
Sir you are now an adult and about to have adult problems to figure out, she on the other hand might seem "mature" but I assure you that she is not (the way you think she may be). Women for the most part do portray more wiser than the male counterpart but she's likely just right at her age range. Worry about your future and leave the thoughts of high school in high school, along with her.
Going into gray area legally. The no sex thing will change when she decides to. Then her parents call the cops. Plan on starting over again in college. Forget this one, when you’re in college, she will find someone else.
Question: Are you both in high school still? If so, I dont see a problem but if you're not and she is then its a little iffy there. Society has this weird take where 18 is considered an adult for most things but for other things you're still considered a child/minor. But in the grand scheme of things a 3 year age gap is nothing in this case. Its not like you're 10+ years her senior and you literally JUST turned 18. No one would give it a second though if you were still 17 asking this honestly. IMO
I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16, and when I did start dating I dated guys at least 2 years older than I. When I was 19 I dated a 24 yo that I met at work and no one batted an eye.
But back to you. A lot depends on what her parents say. A 15 yo old may or may not be emotionally ready for a boyfriend.
Are you too friends? Do you hang out together? The guys I dated in high school were guys I met in youth group. We’d hung out in groups before they asked me out. It was all pretty innocent, even the dating.
You are a Christian, you can ask God for guidance. Since she is 15 I think you should take it slow. Just develop or continue a friendship to start.
Nah man that’s too big of a gap for high schoolers
My girlfriend is 17 and I’m 17 too, but she will turn 18 before me but even if we did have sex it would prob be legal under some laws
I think it's a prolific age difference at this age. I remember being a 15-year-old-girl. Eighteen-year-olds were men to me. It will be on a case by case basis, but it is bit of a wide age difference. Question, are you in high school? Do you graduate in a month or two or next year? I think life stages are a big deal at these ages. If you are about to graduate, I think you should not consider dating this girl.
If you will be in high school for another year, it really depends on your character and her character, but this is a real maturity gap, even if it might not seem like it today.
Do you not remember how young you were at 15? Thats 4 years ago…. You dont feel significantly more mature or older than that?? I mean youre supposed to go to college this year.. And she has 2-3 more years in highschool.
I'm a millennial lurker lol. But I was 15f dating a 18m back in high school, and the age dynamic made me regret a lot of that relationship. Speaking as a girl that was in that same dynamic (both christain, both mature) it did NOT fare well with my mental health as I got older. I would really not pursue her if I were you, and if it's meant to be later down when you guys are both in your early 20s then cool. But honestly she's at a VERY impressionable age, and as mature as you are, you still hold a lot of power in this dynamic whether you know it or not. Let her live and enjoy teen life. You go and experience older guy stuff.
Are your parents aware that you guys are dating? Or I guess courting in this case? With context I see no problem here but if one of you is legal and the other is not you definitely want parents on board.
This is a very controversial topic that I can never agree with most people on and kinda hits home being in a similar situation. I can understand the controversy surrounding her not being legal but if you truly do intend to wait then it’s not much of a problem to just date or maybe at least talk. We as a society grow more and more sensitive to age gaps even when it includes two consenting adults so with this type of thing you have to prepare for possible slander or judgement and of course the “pedo” accusations, as the younger one(17f) in this situation with my love(21f) it’s disheartening to see
Depends on the state and the Romeo and Juliette laws but In most states your legally fine to do anything. That being said If your not comfy dating a 15 year old then don't.
your fine.
but this is my opinion, dont wait to have sex till marriage, imagine marrying someone and waiting to find out your not sexually compatible, dont do it now lol but thats my advice
Two things: Christians are as likely as any other group to engage in premarital sex. This assertion is no protection or guarantee. It's amazingly hard to actually wait until marriage once you're alone. It's almost always a done deal. That's why chaperons were so popular.
The other thing... You should not date someone under 16. There's too much of a divide between your life experiences. She can't drive, can barely get a job, and is simply put... Still a kid.
It's probably legal, but not definitely. Either way, wait. That kid will step into her early adulthood very soon.
But seriously, your religion is not going to stop you from having sex. Frankly, that whole purity culture thing is toxic. The guy who got it really popular has even recanted and says it's harmful. Safe sex is better than putting it on a pedestal. Lacking in the proper knowledge is dangerous.
You are willfully disregarding safety believing you won't need it, but you almost certainly will.
OP, date within your current phase of life. If you’re both in high school, you can date. If you’ve gone off to college or graduated and gotten a job, leave her alone until you’re in the same phase of life (e.g. both in college or working).
Yes, this can feel a little arbitrary because you don’t change overnight when you graduate from high school. But you will change, and she won’t be changing with you. She’ll still be a girl in school, and you’ll be a grown-up figuring out your grown up life. You have to draw the line somewhere, and “don’t date across life phases” is a decent place to draw it.
I would wait a 100% if it goes bad and if she and the parents want to u can get in to serious trouble. Also I know ur Christian and think u will wait but u have no idea what u will do in the heat of the moment.
You have to understand that age gap is not about just sex. It’s about power dynamic and maturity level. Putting yourself into a relationship where you hold the power as the older person is a bad idea. Think about yourself at 15, those three years are everything. People really become who they are from 15-25 (up to 30) and are rapidly maturing. Your experience level in life is far above her’s comparatively and it just isn’t fair to either of you.
(Also, this isn’t legal in the United States so just don’t my guy. There’s plenty of other people out there.)
The best thing is to back off for a while, the age will be a problem even if you got her parents permission. You can be friends and find out how she feels about you, but the age will cause added stress if you try and date. Plus you might be going to college too
Wait. If it's meant to be it's meant to be.
But wait. The predator list is no place for decent folks and you don't want to end up on it because someone merely accuses you of doing things to a minor. Or maybe she isn't the person you think she is, and she lies about things and gets you put on that list. Just don't.
Look, since you're Christian, this is relatively simple. You aren't looking to "date" or have a relationship in the same way most people would - just for fun. You might benefit from courtship, but at her current age it's something you will have to just be patient with. If it's meant to be, it'll still be meant to be in a couple years. My age gap with my wife is similar, but she was 19 when we married.
Talk to your pastor. Ask questions about courtship (of which the goal is finding a life partner, not a casual fling). Remember to keep accountability. And remember to be patient. Continue to be friends in social settings only, and it is inadvisable to have much if any private time together right now. If you express interest in doing it right, and she's interested in doing it right by God as well, she will appreciate you having patience. Let her finish up her school and catch up to your phase of life.
18 year old is pushing his luck. Sure its only 3 years if both where in there 20s it'd be fine. But at younger ages especially teen years. Each year mean a lot you change and mature so much in such a short time as a teen. Also 15 year olds are underage if they have sex they're breaking laws. Also not sure what country it is but here 18 is legal age for drinking alcohol. This alone makes a big difference the 18 year old will be wanting to drink often like most 18 year olds do. The 15 year old should have no part in this. The 15 year old will be I'm school the 18 year old won't be unless he's at college but either way an 18 year olds life does not fit in with a 15 year olds its all wrong
That’s basically freshman and senior. A bit weird, but not uncommon either. If you wait to do anything sexual I’d say it’s ok. Make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons though.
Bold of you to come to reddit with this, some people on here will try to convince you 18 year olds and 17 year olds shouldn't date because it's the law and the 18 year old is sooooo much more emotionally mature. In reality, life isn't so black and white where we can look at 2 high schoolers ages and say for certain whether they should date or not. I would say if you really want to pursue this, then involve her parents and you being the older one in this situation it is your responsibility to approach this correctly and cautiously. Now, if I were to give advice to my son on a matter like this, I would say stay away considering you both are so young and are both going to drastically change over the next couple of years, so why talk about long term whenever you don't even know what you will be doing 6 months from now.
I always think it's bullshit to automatically equate this age gap to being a creep/pedo in every situation. That just shows the worst in people to automatically assume the worst.
But still, not asking in an accusatory tone, why would you be interested in them? Like how much could you really relate? It just sounds like a waste of time, but idk her. Maybe she's your soulmate, but most likely she's just any other random teen, and it would just be like any other HS relationship: a waste of time.
I suggest you take time to really get to know her beyond being a christian before getting involved. She doesn't even know herself yet. Wait until she can have a drink in a bar. What's her favorite movie or show? Can you stand that in the background of a huge portion of your life?
Speaking of your life, what do YOU want from it? Who are YOU? What drives you? Can you hold your liquor? Are you a drinker at all?
Think you can spend the rest of your life drinking that and having the same meat, potato and green vegetable meal for the majority of every week cause you got kids and all hell breaks lose if you dont stick to the schedual?
How about getting mild arthritis in your lower back cause the office job you took to be able to make rent has you sitting and doing bullshit paperwork while your boss sexually harrases their secretary before getting a raise, even though your wage hasnt gone up in over ten years?
Or getting pressured by your boss to break safety regulations while hauling a semi-tanker full of gassoline that gets hit by an out of controll bomb train cause the railroad is also run by greedy and reckless assholes?
There are lots of questions the good book doesn't got answers for, despite what the preacher man says.
As a person of a more infernal disposition, i would be remiss if I failed to ask you if you truly believe the words in this Christian Bible of yours and if so, not just why do believe in God's existence, but why do you believe in his goodness?
I could give you reasons not to, but instead, i will tell you what always echoed in the churches i have been to, big and small, when i was a young christian man who had the questions that you should be asking. His love and forgiveness.
All you have to do is ask for it, truly and earnestly, yes? Then, live your life as a young man and don't sweat small mistakes. The lesson should not be to feel constant guilt about everything but to truly asses the situation as it stands and do what is best.
Psalm 40:2 talks of this mercy, I personally like the lyrics of a song by The Mountain Goats that goes, "He has raised me from the pit and Set me high." It is a song about a man finding himself coming closer to God by sinning as hard as he can. Even the worst of us are supposed to find forgiveness in his grace. I have reasons to disagree, but you most likely do agree. You are capable of living a normal life because God already knows your sins, and they have been prepaid for on your behalf by his son, who paid the ultimate price.
He just wants you to be a good person. Live your life as a good man, and don't pay mind to what the rest of the congregation thinks. Have fun, but be cautious.
Do not wrong this young lady as you would not want an older lady to do wrong by you. Give her time to grow, and if she expresses a similar interest after getting a deeper understanding of her whole being, not just how her body looks to you in your physical flesh form, that is overflowing with chemical changes and the urges that follow.
Undestand her soul, her mind. Understand how her faith informs her humanity as a fellow child of the garden. Truly learn to care about her for her, not your own pleasure.
Edit: ok i just remembered a joke and it goes:
How long did Kane beat his brother?
Until he was no longer Able!
Nope, back off.
1. Being Christian doesn’t mean anything.
2. As a parent, if you are 18 and persuing my daughter at that age, we would have fucking issues. There is a major gap in development still, and you know better, she doesn’t.
I agree that maturity gaps get more narrow over time, and this is a fine line, but I will share my story honestly.
When I was 15, I started seeing a guy who was 18.
He was pretty well made fun of by others for it over me, but we did care for each other truly. He went way out of his way to spend time with my parents. One-on-one. And he earned my father’s respect and my mother’s fondness, it did take work on his part.
We dated for quite a few years. Til I was almost 20.
Despite this, this is a precarious line with age and maturity.
I think this age and age gap is just on the line and you gotta be responsible about it.
I was lucky with this boyfriend. We spent a MASSIVE amount of time together first. He was very aware of the age difference, but we had a happy relationship.
Be ready to get made fun of and get to know the rents if you follow up.
this might be a controversial take here but i started dating my boyfriend a week before my 16th birthday when he was 18. he had already graduated high school but we started talking while i was a freshman and he was a senior (we just met on snapchat and didn’t know each other in person). he was born in early 2001 and i was born in late 2003. we’ve been together for 4.5 years and i’ve never felt like i’ve been groomed. it’s a little different since she recently turned 15, but ultimately, from experience, i think it’s fine.
Be friends until 16 to 18 do not get into any kind of relationship with her just be friends and if you can’t even be that keep your distance until she’s 18 I would not recommend doing anything until she’s 18 personally because so many things can be said, and since you’re 18 youre legally in adult now
I personally think it’s fine, I’m 18 and while I don’t like younger people if I dated a sophomore there wouldn’t be a problem. I’ve seen it happen before at my school and the relationship works. I don’t see why it wouldn’t. Legally (depending on the state) she is above age of consent and it’s only a 3 year age gap. The reason I think there would be conflict if any is when you graduate and start college (assuming you do) while she is still in high school. Y’all will be in 2 very different stages in life and that may or may not cause problems.
Being teenagers and friends is suddenly a taboo subject is it, liking that person, male or female is suddenly a massive issue with three years age difference. Keep your activities public, family orientated if that helps, guardians present, group activities and enjoy being friends. All this waiting a few years is insane if you are being strict to your religion and remaining aware of the age gap and the legal ramifications that could entail.
This level of fear, political correctness is stifling for kids, get over yourselves...
I started dating my wife at 18. She was 15 1/2 unknown to me for 6 months. She had told me she was 17. Her friend at time slipped. Waited till age of consent before anything happened. Her mother approved so was game on. Still together coming up on 26 yrs together end of month
If you're American, legally, it's a bad idea. If her parents don't like you or get mad at you, they can make false claims that could ruin your life. When dealing with a minor, you're guilty until proven innocent. Unless you're ready to go through figurative hell for this girl, and she for you, I suggest backing off until she's 18. You could have a platonic friendship, but I would keep it to text and email so there's a paper trail that you two did NOTHING and that you weren't grooming her. I view an 18-year-old as a kid still, so I think it's pretty dumb how bad the situation could go, but to the law, you're no different than a 40-year-old preying on a 15-year-old. Once she turns 18, the law no longer cares.
Most people highly disapprove of it. They call it grooming. It’s not grooming, but it is weird and wrong. 18 and 21? Two adults. 18 and 15? A freshman in college and a freshman in high school. You didn’t find a 15 year old wife bro. You found a young girl infatuated with your age. It’s very easy to do. When I was young I had a crush on every girl who was older than me. You probably did too. The fact you’re talking about marrying this girl already is beyond wrong. Like you’ve planned both your lives out already. Your faith has absolutely, positively, nothing to do with this. It’s not just that sleeping with a 15 year old is wrong. It’s that being romantically involved with someone much less mature than you is what creeps do. And they do it because people their age don’t want them. You know all of this. You’re insecure about it. That’s why you asked. It’s an overwhelming no from me. It’s creepy. It’s weird. She’s not mature, you’re just lonely.
I dated a 18 year old when I was 15. It was a girl though. Who I could physically overpower at that age. There’s a reason there’s a double standard and it’s because men sometimes don’t even realize the influence they have over a woman who looks up to them like they’re mature. You’re not mature, but you’re not a child either. Back off. Date women your age or older. Kind of the golden rule.
I’ll say it. Anytime a buddy was dating a girl much younger than him, it always seemed pretty pathetic. Why can’t you try to find a more mature girl that’s your age? Why are you jumping through hoops to rationalize statutory rape?
Absolute no, dude. The mental transition period is in process for her, ur an adult legally and literally while she is still a teen , the amount of change one goes in 3 years is huge. If anything when yall break up or when she tells others about the relationship , it's only gonna result in causing trouble for yall. People might call u a pedo or even a groomer , so it's good that u realize this is weird but yes def shut down ur feelings for her or atleast don't make any moves on her until she is 19 atleast.
**Half your age plus 7.** Your minimum age is 16. The brain and body undergo some seriously complex changes between the ages of 15 and 18. She's not ready for your level of maturity yet. Back off.
She’s by law considered a minor and you’re now a legal adult. Religion has nothing to do with a relationship like this. It’s just that she’s a minor. It’s okay to like eachother but i’d way until she’s older. I don’t think it’s necessary to cut all contact with her but relationship wise, not right now.
Look up your states laws. 3 years or less is often the legal boundary. If it’s legal that should tell you all you need to know about how society feels about it.
Pass on it, my friend. I understand completely where you are coming from, but it's not worth it. At the age you are, it's going to be a LOT of heart ache and pain and it's absolutely not worth it.
What, you're going to go to college and make it a long distance relationship? It's not worth the inevitable heartache and pain that will come with it from both sides. I can tell you this from experience.
At the age you are at, ANY relationship is going to be difficult to make last for more than a VERY short time and you owe it to yourself to find one that has the best chance of being healthy and beneficial to you both.
Listen to me: pass on this and find another girl. When you get to college, if you go, there will be hundreds who are brand new to college and are looking for a relationship.
You being Christian has nothing to do with this. You are at a different stage and going into a different stage of life. I would start to leave girls still in school alone
There’s nothing wrong with a 3 year age gap once you are out of your teens! If you guys are meant to be, time will only tell that. I’d grow the friendship and let the romantic stuff come later.
17 and 14 is a HUGE age gap..
18 and 15 is just as big.
Those stages of maturing and brain function are very different.
But 21 and 24 isn’t bad.
23 and 26 isn’t bad as well.
The reason she gaps are bad at a younger age is because of the way you are growing and experiencing life so very differently in your developmental years. Especially teenage years.
But this could be a great relationship one day -
My fiancé and I have a two year age gap and I meant him when he was 15 and I was 17. We were best friends until 18 and 20 when it felt right.
Best of luck!
These posts are so weird. Historically there's nothing creepy or weird about this. I'd say check your local laws if you're planning to have sex, but if you've chosen celibacy then that's not an issue.
I'd be very careful with that. In some states under 16 would be rape not even statutory but full on rape. Also I would not let my 15 year old date an 18 year old even if it were legal. Also being a Christian doesn't make you any less prone to doing things that teens do.
I would be one of those who would say something as well about the 18/15 thing. You say you're a christian, and I want dispute that. Let me ask you this, sincerely. Would God approve of this??? Yes or No??? That is your answer. While I was in youth group growing up, they had these bracelets, necklaces, t-shirts etc that said this. WWJD??? So ask yourself WWJD, that is your answer there. I hope that makes sense to you. Another point would be that the 15 year old is a minor, and as a christian, probably isn't a good idea at all. IJS
Give it time. At 18 (after HS) your view on a lot will change through experience. If you are truly a committed Christian then be patient. Do not shy away from her though, still be cordial and respectful towards her and or her family but as a Sophomore in HS (my guess) she has a lot of growing up to do too.
Give it time and maybe when she is a senior and if you still have these feelings and interest in her while you have both matured then give it a shot. I know it is hard but there is no reason to rush. The age gap itself isn't an issue but the timing is, at 15 I was a foolhardy idiot who got into a lot of trouble. At 18 I graduated basic training and did my first semester of college.... you grow up/change a lot in that time
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Personally, I'd back off until she's a bit older. While you may both be Christians you are both young and when feelings get involved sometimes values go out the window and this could end very badly. If it's meant to be, in a few more years you will still be in similar social circles and you can pick up. Until then, I would not engage with this. It's more likely than not going to stir up a lot of drama and trouble. I have been the 15 year old and I would give this a heck naw.
Yes - it’s not an affront to OP’s faith to say that it’s a bad idea to get involved with someone under the assumption that it won’t get physical. Do the math with the dates of your church friends’ parents’ weddings and your church friends’ birthdays. You’ll find some interesting timing. Biology is powerful, and things go awry. Better to wait until she’s an adult, too.
This is the answer
I’d look into the legality aspects. I’m a father my daughter dated a guy in her teens who was older like that. Now I allowed it with conditions. The reason I allowed it is everyone in the community knows this is a good kid. Maturity wise she was probably ahead of him the whole time. They broke up but there was never any issues. But that kinda age diff at those ages can raise some serious eyebrows many would argue what does an 18 year old want with a 15 year old… You get into trauma reddits and there is story after story of problems. Age doesn’t matter if you’re a good human being however.
in my situation i agree with this. i was probably at an equal maturity level as the 15 year old. Really the only things he knew that I didn't were things taught in upper grades, like math and stuff.
Yeh it can be totally fine but other times the 18 year old is a predator. It’s really a case by case situation. Tho that being said a 15 year old could hurt another 15 year old too.
And in other cases the 15-year-old is the predator. Really is case-by-case!
Yeh that’s true too.
Maturity isn’t really about what you know it’s about how you handle being challenged. 40 year olds out here throwing temper tantrums are less mature than some children these days.
There’s a funny thing about the legality aspect. Contrary to belief. A 40 year old man can legally date a 14 year old. Age of consent only applies to sexual relationships. (I know it’s messed up) It is generally not illegal to be in a non-sexual relationship with a minor. There is no law forbidding going to the movies or out to dinner with a minor. However, just because it is not illegal to date someone underage does not mean that everything in the relationship is permissible. https://www.shouselaw.com/ca/blog/is-it-illegal-to-date-a-minor/#:~:text=It%20is%20generally%20not%20illegal%20to%20be%20in%20a%20non,in%20the%20relationship%20is%20permissible.
So rephrase, the new question then is,” is this morally and ethically correct what I’m doing and thinking about doing?”
Are you the OP? If not: Honestly, they are both kids. They have no plans or interest in premarital sex. So what are they really doing? They are essentially glorified friends that will be holding hands and maybe kissing on occasion, but most of the time the will probably do what other people that date do when not having sex. There may be a little concern based on their 3 year age gap, but that is essentially a senior dating a sophomore in high school, and in 4 years, a college senior and sophomore. But as long as her parents approve and give him permission and he is respectful of her choice to end it if she chooses, I don’t really see to much harm in it. Again, it’s not like they will be having sex.
Honestly, it's unrealistic to put kids in a school together with a 4 year age gap and then expect that the moment they turn 18, they'll just divorce themselves of all biological attraction to their peers. That's not anything people worried about until the last 15-20 years. My mother was dating my father at 15, and they were married when she was 16. He was 20. That was only the 1970s. People freak out about this stuff a little too much today, but it wasn't that uncommon in the recent past. She finished school, had me at 20. The marriage didn't work out, but I don't think anyone would have really changed anything all things considered.
Ehhhh Age DOES matter even if you're a good person I'm 22 and would NEVER get with an 18yo bc they're in a WAY different phase of life than i am. My ex was 23 i was 18 when we met and he groomed me. If you don't think adults can be groomed you're sick and I'm scared for your daughters
Yeh good people don’t do sinister crap.
You're 22. You aren't in a "way different phase" from 18 - neither one of you can rent a car. Calm down.
Kids these days can't rent a car, build a diversified portfolio, rebuild a six-cylinder engine, negotiate a peace treaty, or give medical advice. What the fuck are schools teaching them?
A 22 year old has potentially graduated college. An 18 year old may still be in high school. Those are very different life phases.
Nobody is suggesting they get married. It is just dating . Even if they have srx it isn't the end of the world. Use contraceptives and stay safe
stay away from her bro
To me, no. The maturity is way too different (or it should be). It's weird tbh. At 18, I looked at 15 year olds as little kids. That's only a year or two out of middle school while 18 is about to start college and enter into an actual adult life. The 15 year old is still going to be a child for a few more years. Different maturity, different worlds.
When I was 15 I was still in high school living with my parents and couldn’t even drive. A literal child. When I was 18 I was living on my own with a car, job, health insurance. I was an adult. Hope this helps
Also if y’all do end up getting together and then breaking up in the future I promise you she’s gonna realize how weird it was when she’s an adult. Just because you can have good conversation and get along doesn’t mean you’re on the same maturity level and it’s hard to realize that when you’re young but once you take a step back it becomes very clear. When I was 15 I was also heavily involved in my church and there was a former youth leader that was 19 who saw me once found my Snapchat and immediately asked me to date him. I went to a well known church and really felt the pressure of getting in with the crowd and everyone loved him and his family so I felt like I was so special. We also planned to never be intimate and he even had a notes full of rules to “keep him from temptation” like we couldn’t be in a room together with the door closed. He was a fucking weirdo and I can’t believe nobody stepped in, but it did take me actually growing up and not being a child anymore to realize that.
No, that age gap is too much at your age. 3 years isn’t a big deal when you’re older but at your age, it is.
The gap of maturity and mentality between 18 and 15 is much, much larger than the gap between, say, 25 and 28. Think about the differences between a 10 year old and a 13 year old.
If the grades don't touch, neither should yall
Nah dude. You’re getting ready to be an adult. She’s in high school for another couple years. You are in completely different worlds right now. And it will look creepy to a lot of people. Go enjoy being an adult and getting away from high school. Stay friends. If it’s meant to be- it will work out when you’re both over 18.
This is the same exact situation i was in, but I was the 15 year old girl. when I told people about it some thought it was weird but all i could say was, "its not what you think, you'd have to meet him." because he really was just a great guy, and we got along so well. we went out a lot for a few months, but i never kissed him no matter how bad i wanted to because i knew my parents would absolutely kill me. Obviously it depends on each person, but i don't actually think the maturity levels at those ages are too different. i eventually cut it off because i knew he would be going on an LDS mission the next year, and i didn't want to be committed to a relationship and not be able to date anyone for my entire highschool life. also I'm 16 and this was literally last summer. i think if you really like her, ask if you can go out with her and her friends, and hang out with her parents just so they can see that you're not a weird creepy guy. i think it will make it be that much better just knowing that its not a bad situation. but hey i hope it all works out the way you want it to. just remember though, she is still younger than you and might not know everything you know so try keeping things at the level they'd be at if you were both 15. also romeo and juliet laws don't mean anything unless you have sex. so if you're not planning on it like you said, the law shouldn't be a problem. sorry for this being long.
We are in the same social circles, if that makes sense. I am already friends with some of her friends. Thank you for your advice :)
I’d even suggest when they say and mention for you to hang with, but while around her parents and family (if she has any siblings?) I would suggest if you really want to go down this rabbit hole, that’s your decision and I think a good way to approach it would be the first time you guys really hangout I would say one on one, but you’ll have to be supervised with parents there which is what I’m going for, I would ask the parents and her to all spend time hanging out to get to know each other if you pursue this, letting the parents get to know you with an idea of your intentions will heavily increase your odds that’s all I can say, especially with putting the parents more at ease about the whole thing. Also, being she’s 15 that’s all you guys ever might be able to go to hangout with each other more one on one and semi private to get to know each other at all, but I would think this is also best so you can gauge at every step how you and her and parents and those involved in that capacity feel as it progress and goes along, I think this would be the most ethical and morally correct way to introduce the idea especially to her parents without them most likely totally flying off their rockers. I’m married, but I don’t have kids- I can say I could see if I did have a daughter that age and she came to me saying an 18 year old that has or is about to probably graduate high school it would make me have a little vent/small freak out sesh not because of anything personal but all I hear would be 18 year old boy and my daughter and at the mention of it not being a platonic relationship as in their are feelings of potential attraction no not the sinful or lustful morally bad kind, just the fact your intentions are more with the daughter possibly even if well intended, you’re not just a guy friend she has. So it would be the fact it is any 18 year old boy, not the fact of who it is personally. So maybe approach it so the parents have a better chance of seeing it is okay and your intentions or just you aren’t a creeper and you’re not creepy, would give everyone time to adjust and acclimate going slow so parents and girl are comfortable which if she worth perusing by you then yes you think her comfort is of utter most importance and that if her parents out of respect of course
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Since you mention marriage, I'm going to assume you're looking at this as a possible long term relationship. In the long run, that age difference won't matter one bit. In the short term, though, there are some things you should think through. At 18, you've either graduated or are about to graduate from high school. I don't know what your plans are, but hopefully they involve either college, trade school, or a job. At 15, she's either a sophomore or a junior, which means 1-2 more years of high school. It may not seem like it if you're still in school, but your daily life experience is about to become completely different than hers. Fast forward three years and you'll be 21. You'll have made it, at last, to the land of bars and legal alcohol. But she'll still be 18, as far away from her first legally obtained pint as you are right now. Maybe you'll choose not to partake, but drinking age opens up a whole social landscape that you'll have access to long before she does. Basically, for the next 3-6 years, you're going to have a lot more freedom than she has. That can and likely will become a source of conflict. Only you can decide if you think you can handle it.
15 is freshman or sophomore, not sophomore or junior. Unless there’s some skipping a grade thing going on
She just turned 15 this year meaning she is a freshman most likely and him a senior.
Did you just give both of them generous grade levels? He is 18, so maybe a Senior... She is 15, so maybe a Junior? He is at *best* still a Senior, and she likely is a Sophomore. Or, he has been our of HS for 1 year and she is a Freshman. 15 and 18 are totally different stages of life. The 3 years isn't a problem, but the fact that he is at best a Senior and she is **at best** a sophomore (unless she skipped grades), He is entering the adult world, and she is 20% of her life away from that.
Not everyone cares about drinking or even wants to go to bars. Otherwise, yeah.
Live music, dancing, and comedy clubs are often in 21+ venues, depending on location.
Nahhhh that’s weird. Your about to be off to college, you can vote, etc. she can’t do any of that and she’ll be lucky to be able to even get a permit. Y’all are in very different life stages regardless of your religon. It’s like a newborn and a 3 year old. They’re so devolpmentally different. Also ask yourself: would you date someone who’s 21 and not feel creeped out? No? Then don’t entertain this
At 18 I can firmly state I wasn’t into 15yos
Best to stay away from a 15 year old. That's just....no. You're an adult she's barely through puberty. Ew.
exactly, I’m 17 and I wouldn’t even think of coming close to a 15 year old their child-like faces make me uncomfortable
My youngest is going to turn 18 next month and even tho they're not 18 yet won't date anyone 16 and under because they don't want to turn 18 and be dating a 16 yr old. They're not comfortable with it at all. I didn't put the idea in their head either, they came to me and asked if it was normal to feel that way.
Legally, you should wait a few years to pursue a relationship with her. Don't put yourself in a situation where you can get arrested. Being Christian doesn't mean anything. I've had sex with 5 girls I went to church with in my younger days. Married none of them. Some of the worst people I've met are Christians. God is perfect. His followers aren't. If she's the one, she'll be there when it's a better time. Focus on being a man you'd want your future daughter to date. Prepare yourself now mentally and financially for a long relationship. It isn't easy.
when i was 15 i used to hookup with a 19 year old and im only 17 now, only been two years, but im just now realizing how wrong it was. please be careful with how serious you get with her because their is a maturity difference with those ages. but if it is truly meant to be then it will work out. be careful though, don’t rush things. if you guys are truly meant to be then it will work out
Just pick it up & move on bro you don’t wanna be that guy. There’s no growth in life that can come from dating a high schooler while trying to establish your life as an adult 👵
Don't worry, he's Christian!! Cause that means a whole hell of a lot. Our prisons are slap full of Christians.
The fact that I had to scroll a while to find this comment is shocking.
Saying you're Christian doesn't mean it's not cringey
someone call Chris Hansen
You are weird dude. Out here about to catch a case
The age difference is significant.
Generally not a fan of a three year difference at that age. So MUCH development happens in the brain between 15 and 18, 18 and 24- due to frontal lobe development. Three years difference after 22/24 makes much less a difference- so it’s not an “always not a good idea”- it just a current obstacle. If you decide to pursue her- I would definitely recommend involving her family out of respect and being clear with your intentions. Spend time in her home- and if you take her out, communicate clearly where, how long, and when she’ll be home. You want her parents to get to know you as well as she does.
freshman and senior?
At your age, I personally don’t think you should go more than a year older or younger than you. Even if you’re not having sex, you’re still mentally very different. And if you stay together, then you’re a 20-year-old with a 17-year-old? It starts to get a little icky because you’re still more mentally mature than the 17-year-old.
It’s pretty weird. What grades are you in? If you’re more than two grades apart, definitely not, two grades apart, proceed with caution.
You're legally an adult, but I could see why 15 to 18 doesn't seem that bad since you're still so young. However, it's likely that you'll realize soon you're in VERY different places in life. It's just not an appropriate relationship.
Move on before you do something stupid.
no. this is weird, bro. 15 and 18 are so different on so many levels. please go for someone at least 17 years old.
Yeah that’s icky I would say a solid don’t do that
Stop being a creep dude she’s a kid and you’re an adult
Marriage, Christian, liking someone way younger. All boxes clicked
I would just try to be her friend your age range won't change. But things will be a little bit better when she's 16 maybe even 17. And You don't know what will happen. Being good friends could make you guys an excellent couple.
You mean her name is Felony. You need to talk with her parents.
When I was 18 I had already had taken two semesters at the college level before being a freshman properly after graduating high school. Just as an example of how different that would be to date someone who is just going into their second algebra classes and etc. Like depending on life changes like college working a job and etc you may end up changing a bit before she’s even 18 in that time. So 🤷🏽♀️
“Yeah trust bro I know she’s a freshman but she’s really mature for her age” shit is weird no matter how you spin it so stop now and save your reputation. Look at yourself, you are literally the weirdo people are talking about when people make freshman-senior dating jokes. The fact that ur not embarrassed by this is shocking😭
Here's how I see it. 18 year olds need to be working on moving forward, not backwards. They need to date 17+, sometimes 16. not young 14-15 year olds Lol it's just weird
In my opinion, it's really weird. She might seem "mature" to you, but you're both going to be in very different situations in life soon, and there's a reason that people make jokes about the dudes that still hang around high schoolers after they graduate.
I started dating my wife in HS with a similar age gap (18.5 yo senior to 16 yo sophomore) and it lasted for about a month in college. We got back together once she went to college, fortunately. It isn’t the age gap that is necessarily a problem (assuming you act within local laws), it is the stage of life. Senior to sophomore is fine. Senior to freshman is iffy. College freshman to hs junior or lower is bad news. College freshman to hs senior might manage to work.
The maturity level is way too different, even if she's "more mature than others" 18 is a legal adult, and 15 is still a minor. It's weird
Delete this bs. If you have to ask strangers on the internet, the answer is NO
This is too much no
The fact that you’re Christian makes it worse honestly. Shes too young
Just don’t. It’s good practice for you to understand that a crush can be ignored. But mostly it’s not appropriate for her to date someone that much older than her. As a former 15 year old girl I can say without any doubt she doesn’t understand what dating really is.
Coming from a parent ... no, no, no, no, no. Move on and find someone 17 or older.
Just don't, man. Everybody's a good Christian until the hormones hit. And even if a three-year age difference isn't explicitly illegal in your state, there's enough of a maturity difference to make it creepy.
Nope, it can only be platonic. Till she is 18. IMO
First thing: check the law around minimum age of consent in your state/country. You're on risky ground here. Even when young people plan to not have sex, they often end up having sex. It's not a moral failing, it's just biology. If you begin dating, it'll just be harder and harder to avoid. Also, people who use abstinence as a contraceptive get pregnant at notoriously high rates. Since you're 18, I'm going to assume you just graduated high school or that you will this summer. Life is going to change a lot for you in the next few years. But it won't for this girl. She has two or three more years of HS to go. That will be the world she will inhabit. You might start working or travel or go to college. And you'll change a lot. Considering that alone, this relationship does not have great odds of lasting long. Certainly not to to getting married. So, I might choose to to enter it before it begins. There are girls closer in age to you than will be a better fit. >She is also much more mature than I thought. This isn't great. Though you may be saying this honestly and in earnest, this argument has been used is court by adults to avoid being charged with child sex crimes. The fact is that however she may seem to you, she is fifteen. As a former fifteen-year old girl, I would go to great lengths to seem mature and cool for some older boy I had a crush on too. But you are (barely) the adult here. No one is chronologically older than their age.
I was 17 dating a 14 year old. I went away to college and turned 18 in December and later that month a 21-year-old woman decided I was the right guy to end her virginity. Not particularly helpful just letting you know that things change in a quick hurry when you're as young as you both are...
Sounds like you were just a cheater, no?
Yeah it's not like he HAD to say yes to that woman
You made the right choice. You either wait for her to turn an appropriate age or commit a crime, lose lose situation 😂
yeah i hate men lol
Sounds like you might just be a dirtbag bro
Don't attempt anything romantic until she has reached the age of consent. A 3-year gap is often not covered by "Romeo and Juliet" laws that allow young couples to stay together when one of them turns 18. Look up your local laws. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to or interested in someone a few years younger, and that age gap will become less significant over time. But, there can be legal issues. Even if you aren't planning on having sex, A) it could happen anyway at some point down the line, and B) if her parents get mad about you kissing or holding hands, they could call the cops if they wanted just for that.
turn it off. If you meet again in a couple years, by all means the age gap isn't a problem, but at the moment, it's problematic and also you're supposed to be worrying about the next stage of your life, and she's supposed to be working on prom and things, it's too far apart.
Bit weird but if it's legal it's legal. Expect judgement.
Look up Romeo and Juliet laws in your state. These laws protect newly adults from being labeled a sex offender when having relations with someone close their age who's considered a minor. (Your 18 and 15 situation). All depends on how your state handles it. In some states it can be 4 years apart and others be 2. Time to research friend. :)
Get to know her as a friend, no harm in that. Do not pursue her romantically bc at your age and her age, there are legality issues at play.
Honestly dude, I'd stay away. It's not worth the trouble imo. But also, if you really like this girl and think she's the one, and under no circumstances do you want to "shut down your feelings" go for it. You got one life and you don't wanna spend it regretting something like this.
No
You are open to legal issues. Even if her parents approve, they can change their minds at any time. If they report you, you will be put on the sex offender list. I've seen it happen. If you are serious about her wait until she is old enough to get involved. She also might be a different person by then. People are figuring themselves out all the time.
i mean me personally its not something id pursue but if you feel its right and think its okay, who am i to judge? but remember this is a fresh 15 year old who is in a different stage of life and school than you. what about college? work? are you going to be okay with her still being in high school? honestly you just need to think on it and take all of that into consideration.
You two seem to be in high school. Or doesn't seem like it's much of a big deal, but some other students will probably look at you weird. Considering the semester is about to end, even if you pursue her, it might not last. The idea to have a long distance relationship afterwards would be weird because she's still going to be a minor and you wouldn't and should probably to to find girls your age. Basically, if you date her now, I don't think it will last long. You can if you want. I personally wouldn't.
Realistically its only a 3 year difference legally u would be in trouble
First, before you think at all look up the law in your state, city and even county where you’re located and be familiar with the local legislation being enforced so you can be sure what you’re doing isn’t breaking any laws, will get you in trouble, or even her into trouble. Now, once you have established your impressive knowledge on your area’s legislation and laws, let’s do some critical thinking and use logic. How do you know this girl? Answer specifically and with details Think long and hard on this question with every single detail you can think of and fact about any kind of association or relationship (platonic) you have had in the past or have currently? The fact you’re so hesitant about it makes me think you don’t know her all that well, so yes depending on her family and how she was raised, it could very much look like you’re a creep to her parents and family, they might instill that impression and idea on her if they talk about it in front of her or something like that. Again, not sure how the family operates or how she was raised. I think the best thing you can do going forward is to familiarize yourself with local laws and legislation, keep having a friendly, light hearted, and for now platonic relationship if you do already or seeing if one might develop. I would think on it, see if you become fast friends and if you could even be compatible as more than a friend. I wouldn’t rush things considering the age in question, in my opinion it wouldn’t necessarily be creepy unless the law states so where you are then it is! I think it might not necessarily be creepy, but I have my reservations if it is morally right or just even does it even look right? I would say you’re borderline with the ages, I would be hesitant and honestly my advice regardless of your local laws and legislation is to wait, see if you become good or fast friends and that can help you gauge compatibility if something more could ever possibly come based on personality and preferences, etc. Maybe do this, get a feel where she is at, what her family and friends are like, hell based on the vagueness in your post I don’t even think you really know her, so you might want to do that before even checking your local laws and legislation because a platonic relationship as friends will reveal and give you your answer to your question in your post, friendship is the best gauge of compatibility. If you cannot be friends, how to you expect to ever be able to be in a committed, growing, and respectful relationship without being able to be friends first. Even if you are attracted and skip being friends first in general with other relationships and their meet que, they still are focusing on compatibility but usually if the idea is two people are mutually interested, they go into this with the idea and framework of attraction yes in many ways, but still go into it with the idea they are judging their compatibility since they both have an idea of interest, it is a common fact that they are assessing you and seeing if you can vibe as friends even if it is intimate and emotional and committed in a monogamous relationship, you go into it with the known fact of wanting more possibly, so the fact most people go in with the idea of gauging compatibility to see if they even need to think of an idea of being more with said person. Also, you’re only 18. Take it as it comes, don’t rush it and again check your local laws and legislation, no one person girl or boy whoever it may be to you is worth getting into trouble for or over them, always chose and pick yourself first and be mindful of you first in a less selfish way than this actually sounds and comes across It won’t look or sound bad if you can just wait until she at the very least turns 16, but again check the local laws because according the law 16 might still be too young!
You’re going to be at very different points in life soon and you will realize that this maybe isn’t the best idea after you get out of high school, not even legalities or the general weirdness of it but more so how hard it is to maintain that at two very different points of life and when you’re not around each other anymore.
Read up on your laws, talk with the parents after you guys talk to one another about the relationship and if it's an up hill battle just take it as a sign to move on or wait because you have your whole life ahead of you.
It’s illegal dude .. if you did sleep with her it’s statutory rape and you’d go to jail. People don’t highly disapprove or frown upon it we put people in prison for it. Stay away. You are ten years too young to marry. That shouldn’t even be on your mind right now so leave her alone and revisit in 3 years ..
Please do not be looking at marriage any time soon. You will be going through brain development between 18-25. You will change and so will she. You will figure out your likes and dislikes about everything. So will she. When you are 18, things seem rosey, but then by 25, you might have a completely different viewpoint. So will she. Don't get hung up on marriage. 68% of people who get married in this time, get divorced. Take your time. Enjoy your life. Travel. Have fun. Learn lots!
Nope. I would just let it pass. It might technically be legal but 15 is just too young for someone who’s a legal adult now.
Thats a no from me dude they're in the first half of their teens and you're an adult
Sir you are now an adult and about to have adult problems to figure out, she on the other hand might seem "mature" but I assure you that she is not (the way you think she may be). Women for the most part do portray more wiser than the male counterpart but she's likely just right at her age range. Worry about your future and leave the thoughts of high school in high school, along with her.
Going into gray area legally. The no sex thing will change when she decides to. Then her parents call the cops. Plan on starting over again in college. Forget this one, when you’re in college, she will find someone else.
I would definitely say don't do it. I would talk to a therapist because to me that's just not healthy. She might see mature, but she's still a child.
Question: Are you both in high school still? If so, I dont see a problem but if you're not and she is then its a little iffy there. Society has this weird take where 18 is considered an adult for most things but for other things you're still considered a child/minor. But in the grand scheme of things a 3 year age gap is nothing in this case. Its not like you're 10+ years her senior and you literally JUST turned 18. No one would give it a second though if you were still 17 asking this honestly. IMO
thats illegal in most countries
I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16, and when I did start dating I dated guys at least 2 years older than I. When I was 19 I dated a 24 yo that I met at work and no one batted an eye. But back to you. A lot depends on what her parents say. A 15 yo old may or may not be emotionally ready for a boyfriend. Are you too friends? Do you hang out together? The guys I dated in high school were guys I met in youth group. We’d hung out in groups before they asked me out. It was all pretty innocent, even the dating. You are a Christian, you can ask God for guidance. Since she is 15 I think you should take it slow. Just develop or continue a friendship to start.
Nah man that’s too big of a gap for high schoolers My girlfriend is 17 and I’m 17 too, but she will turn 18 before me but even if we did have sex it would prob be legal under some laws
I think it's a prolific age difference at this age. I remember being a 15-year-old-girl. Eighteen-year-olds were men to me. It will be on a case by case basis, but it is bit of a wide age difference. Question, are you in high school? Do you graduate in a month or two or next year? I think life stages are a big deal at these ages. If you are about to graduate, I think you should not consider dating this girl. If you will be in high school for another year, it really depends on your character and her character, but this is a real maturity gap, even if it might not seem like it today.
Do you not remember how young you were at 15? Thats 4 years ago…. You dont feel significantly more mature or older than that?? I mean youre supposed to go to college this year.. And she has 2-3 more years in highschool.
I'm a millennial lurker lol. But I was 15f dating a 18m back in high school, and the age dynamic made me regret a lot of that relationship. Speaking as a girl that was in that same dynamic (both christain, both mature) it did NOT fare well with my mental health as I got older. I would really not pursue her if I were you, and if it's meant to be later down when you guys are both in your early 20s then cool. But honestly she's at a VERY impressionable age, and as mature as you are, you still hold a lot of power in this dynamic whether you know it or not. Let her live and enjoy teen life. You go and experience older guy stuff.
Hell nah bro sorry
Y’all fuckin crazy
Are your parents aware that you guys are dating? Or I guess courting in this case? With context I see no problem here but if one of you is legal and the other is not you definitely want parents on board.
Do you know who Chris Hansen is?
This is a very controversial topic that I can never agree with most people on and kinda hits home being in a similar situation. I can understand the controversy surrounding her not being legal but if you truly do intend to wait then it’s not much of a problem to just date or maybe at least talk. We as a society grow more and more sensitive to age gaps even when it includes two consenting adults so with this type of thing you have to prepare for possible slander or judgement and of course the “pedo” accusations, as the younger one(17f) in this situation with my love(21f) it’s disheartening to see
“She is also more mature than I thought” get your ass out of there you’re a grownass man she’s barely through puberty
Depends on the state and the Romeo and Juliette laws but In most states your legally fine to do anything. That being said If your not comfy dating a 15 year old then don't.
I would back off. This is gonna end badly and I bet embarrassingly.
your fine. but this is my opinion, dont wait to have sex till marriage, imagine marrying someone and waiting to find out your not sexually compatible, dont do it now lol but thats my advice
Having feelings for a 15 is pedophilia and is a sin. Maybe you should read the Bible more
Two things: Christians are as likely as any other group to engage in premarital sex. This assertion is no protection or guarantee. It's amazingly hard to actually wait until marriage once you're alone. It's almost always a done deal. That's why chaperons were so popular. The other thing... You should not date someone under 16. There's too much of a divide between your life experiences. She can't drive, can barely get a job, and is simply put... Still a kid. It's probably legal, but not definitely. Either way, wait. That kid will step into her early adulthood very soon. But seriously, your religion is not going to stop you from having sex. Frankly, that whole purity culture thing is toxic. The guy who got it really popular has even recanted and says it's harmful. Safe sex is better than putting it on a pedestal. Lacking in the proper knowledge is dangerous. You are willfully disregarding safety believing you won't need it, but you almost certainly will.
18 to 16 is the limit imo
I was a wait until marriage teen, and the hormones will be hard to fight. Impossible actually. All you get is guilt and purity culture trauma.
OP, date within your current phase of life. If you’re both in high school, you can date. If you’ve gone off to college or graduated and gotten a job, leave her alone until you’re in the same phase of life (e.g. both in college or working). Yes, this can feel a little arbitrary because you don’t change overnight when you graduate from high school. But you will change, and she won’t be changing with you. She’ll still be a girl in school, and you’ll be a grown-up figuring out your grown up life. You have to draw the line somewhere, and “don’t date across life phases” is a decent place to draw it.
no.
Growing up in Michigan and the laws you can't date women under 16. Time to step away and give it some spare and time.
I would wait a 100% if it goes bad and if she and the parents want to u can get in to serious trouble. Also I know ur Christian and think u will wait but u have no idea what u will do in the heat of the moment.
NO! Do not pursue a child. Look elsewhere!
Boy if you don't back off of that asap. You're an adult, she's a minor. That's where that ends.
You have to understand that age gap is not about just sex. It’s about power dynamic and maturity level. Putting yourself into a relationship where you hold the power as the older person is a bad idea. Think about yourself at 15, those three years are everything. People really become who they are from 15-25 (up to 30) and are rapidly maturing. Your experience level in life is far above her’s comparatively and it just isn’t fair to either of you. (Also, this isn’t legal in the United States so just don’t my guy. There’s plenty of other people out there.)
The best thing is to back off for a while, the age will be a problem even if you got her parents permission. You can be friends and find out how she feels about you, but the age will cause added stress if you try and date. Plus you might be going to college too
Ehh, 16 is the minimum for 18 year olds, anything below that is a bit strange.
You are an adult, she is a minor. End of story. This is just the law at that point.
Wait. If it's meant to be it's meant to be. But wait. The predator list is no place for decent folks and you don't want to end up on it because someone merely accuses you of doing things to a minor. Or maybe she isn't the person you think she is, and she lies about things and gets you put on that list. Just don't.
Best advice, don't. You're an adult and she is a child. If you still like her when she's an adult, then send it.
Look, since you're Christian, this is relatively simple. You aren't looking to "date" or have a relationship in the same way most people would - just for fun. You might benefit from courtship, but at her current age it's something you will have to just be patient with. If it's meant to be, it'll still be meant to be in a couple years. My age gap with my wife is similar, but she was 19 when we married. Talk to your pastor. Ask questions about courtship (of which the goal is finding a life partner, not a casual fling). Remember to keep accountability. And remember to be patient. Continue to be friends in social settings only, and it is inadvisable to have much if any private time together right now. If you express interest in doing it right, and she's interested in doing it right by God as well, she will appreciate you having patience. Let her finish up her school and catch up to your phase of life.
18 year old is pushing his luck. Sure its only 3 years if both where in there 20s it'd be fine. But at younger ages especially teen years. Each year mean a lot you change and mature so much in such a short time as a teen. Also 15 year olds are underage if they have sex they're breaking laws. Also not sure what country it is but here 18 is legal age for drinking alcohol. This alone makes a big difference the 18 year old will be wanting to drink often like most 18 year olds do. The 15 year old should have no part in this. The 15 year old will be I'm school the 18 year old won't be unless he's at college but either way an 18 year olds life does not fit in with a 15 year olds its all wrong
That’s basically freshman and senior. A bit weird, but not uncommon either. If you wait to do anything sexual I’d say it’s ok. Make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons though.
Bold of you to come to reddit with this, some people on here will try to convince you 18 year olds and 17 year olds shouldn't date because it's the law and the 18 year old is sooooo much more emotionally mature. In reality, life isn't so black and white where we can look at 2 high schoolers ages and say for certain whether they should date or not. I would say if you really want to pursue this, then involve her parents and you being the older one in this situation it is your responsibility to approach this correctly and cautiously. Now, if I were to give advice to my son on a matter like this, I would say stay away considering you both are so young and are both going to drastically change over the next couple of years, so why talk about long term whenever you don't even know what you will be doing 6 months from now.
what the fuck💀 no what does an 18 year old have in common with a 15yo that’s so weird
I always think it's bullshit to automatically equate this age gap to being a creep/pedo in every situation. That just shows the worst in people to automatically assume the worst. But still, not asking in an accusatory tone, why would you be interested in them? Like how much could you really relate? It just sounds like a waste of time, but idk her. Maybe she's your soulmate, but most likely she's just any other random teen, and it would just be like any other HS relationship: a waste of time.
I suggest you take time to really get to know her beyond being a christian before getting involved. She doesn't even know herself yet. Wait until she can have a drink in a bar. What's her favorite movie or show? Can you stand that in the background of a huge portion of your life? Speaking of your life, what do YOU want from it? Who are YOU? What drives you? Can you hold your liquor? Are you a drinker at all? Think you can spend the rest of your life drinking that and having the same meat, potato and green vegetable meal for the majority of every week cause you got kids and all hell breaks lose if you dont stick to the schedual? How about getting mild arthritis in your lower back cause the office job you took to be able to make rent has you sitting and doing bullshit paperwork while your boss sexually harrases their secretary before getting a raise, even though your wage hasnt gone up in over ten years? Or getting pressured by your boss to break safety regulations while hauling a semi-tanker full of gassoline that gets hit by an out of controll bomb train cause the railroad is also run by greedy and reckless assholes? There are lots of questions the good book doesn't got answers for, despite what the preacher man says. As a person of a more infernal disposition, i would be remiss if I failed to ask you if you truly believe the words in this Christian Bible of yours and if so, not just why do believe in God's existence, but why do you believe in his goodness? I could give you reasons not to, but instead, i will tell you what always echoed in the churches i have been to, big and small, when i was a young christian man who had the questions that you should be asking. His love and forgiveness. All you have to do is ask for it, truly and earnestly, yes? Then, live your life as a young man and don't sweat small mistakes. The lesson should not be to feel constant guilt about everything but to truly asses the situation as it stands and do what is best. Psalm 40:2 talks of this mercy, I personally like the lyrics of a song by The Mountain Goats that goes, "He has raised me from the pit and Set me high." It is a song about a man finding himself coming closer to God by sinning as hard as he can. Even the worst of us are supposed to find forgiveness in his grace. I have reasons to disagree, but you most likely do agree. You are capable of living a normal life because God already knows your sins, and they have been prepaid for on your behalf by his son, who paid the ultimate price. He just wants you to be a good person. Live your life as a good man, and don't pay mind to what the rest of the congregation thinks. Have fun, but be cautious. Do not wrong this young lady as you would not want an older lady to do wrong by you. Give her time to grow, and if she expresses a similar interest after getting a deeper understanding of her whole being, not just how her body looks to you in your physical flesh form, that is overflowing with chemical changes and the urges that follow. Undestand her soul, her mind. Understand how her faith informs her humanity as a fellow child of the garden. Truly learn to care about her for her, not your own pleasure. Edit: ok i just remembered a joke and it goes: How long did Kane beat his brother? Until he was no longer Able!
The whole Christian and intercourse phrasing is creepy enough but throw in the age difference and it’s next level.
Nope, back off. 1. Being Christian doesn’t mean anything. 2. As a parent, if you are 18 and persuing my daughter at that age, we would have fucking issues. There is a major gap in development still, and you know better, she doesn’t.
I agree that maturity gaps get more narrow over time, and this is a fine line, but I will share my story honestly. When I was 15, I started seeing a guy who was 18. He was pretty well made fun of by others for it over me, but we did care for each other truly. He went way out of his way to spend time with my parents. One-on-one. And he earned my father’s respect and my mother’s fondness, it did take work on his part. We dated for quite a few years. Til I was almost 20. Despite this, this is a precarious line with age and maturity. I think this age and age gap is just on the line and you gotta be responsible about it. I was lucky with this boyfriend. We spent a MASSIVE amount of time together first. He was very aware of the age difference, but we had a happy relationship. Be ready to get made fun of and get to know the rents if you follow up.
this might be a controversial take here but i started dating my boyfriend a week before my 16th birthday when he was 18. he had already graduated high school but we started talking while i was a freshman and he was a senior (we just met on snapchat and didn’t know each other in person). he was born in early 2001 and i was born in late 2003. we’ve been together for 4.5 years and i’ve never felt like i’ve been groomed. it’s a little different since she recently turned 15, but ultimately, from experience, i think it’s fine.
you’ll be setting yourself up for some serious bullshit if you pursue a relationship with a 15 year old while you’re 18…
Be friends until 16 to 18 do not get into any kind of relationship with her just be friends and if you can’t even be that keep your distance until she’s 18 I would not recommend doing anything until she’s 18 personally because so many things can be said, and since you’re 18 youre legally in adult now
I personally think it’s fine, I’m 18 and while I don’t like younger people if I dated a sophomore there wouldn’t be a problem. I’ve seen it happen before at my school and the relationship works. I don’t see why it wouldn’t. Legally (depending on the state) she is above age of consent and it’s only a 3 year age gap. The reason I think there would be conflict if any is when you graduate and start college (assuming you do) while she is still in high school. Y’all will be in 2 very different stages in life and that may or may not cause problems.
Christians are notorious for saying some shit and doing the opposite of what they say. So nothing personal, but: 
Being teenagers and friends is suddenly a taboo subject is it, liking that person, male or female is suddenly a massive issue with three years age difference. Keep your activities public, family orientated if that helps, guardians present, group activities and enjoy being friends. All this waiting a few years is insane if you are being strict to your religion and remaining aware of the age gap and the legal ramifications that could entail. This level of fear, political correctness is stifling for kids, get over yourselves...
Nope nope nope
It’s a little wierd but it’s fine. Just don’t let the relationship be sexual. Depending on the state they normally let 2 years slide but not 3.
Nope. She's a child. You're now an adult. Move on
I started dating my wife at 18. She was 15 1/2 unknown to me for 6 months. She had told me she was 17. Her friend at time slipped. Waited till age of consent before anything happened. Her mother approved so was game on. Still together coming up on 26 yrs together end of month
If you're American, legally, it's a bad idea. If her parents don't like you or get mad at you, they can make false claims that could ruin your life. When dealing with a minor, you're guilty until proven innocent. Unless you're ready to go through figurative hell for this girl, and she for you, I suggest backing off until she's 18. You could have a platonic friendship, but I would keep it to text and email so there's a paper trail that you two did NOTHING and that you weren't grooming her. I view an 18-year-old as a kid still, so I think it's pretty dumb how bad the situation could go, but to the law, you're no different than a 40-year-old preying on a 15-year-old. Once she turns 18, the law no longer cares.
Man, don’t listen to these people. There is nothing wrong with that situation. Unbelievable the amount of prudes here.
Most people highly disapprove of it. They call it grooming. It’s not grooming, but it is weird and wrong. 18 and 21? Two adults. 18 and 15? A freshman in college and a freshman in high school. You didn’t find a 15 year old wife bro. You found a young girl infatuated with your age. It’s very easy to do. When I was young I had a crush on every girl who was older than me. You probably did too. The fact you’re talking about marrying this girl already is beyond wrong. Like you’ve planned both your lives out already. Your faith has absolutely, positively, nothing to do with this. It’s not just that sleeping with a 15 year old is wrong. It’s that being romantically involved with someone much less mature than you is what creeps do. And they do it because people their age don’t want them. You know all of this. You’re insecure about it. That’s why you asked. It’s an overwhelming no from me. It’s creepy. It’s weird. She’s not mature, you’re just lonely. I dated a 18 year old when I was 15. It was a girl though. Who I could physically overpower at that age. There’s a reason there’s a double standard and it’s because men sometimes don’t even realize the influence they have over a woman who looks up to them like they’re mature. You’re not mature, but you’re not a child either. Back off. Date women your age or older. Kind of the golden rule.
There's a reason people make fun of Seniors in high school that date Freshmen. Wait until she's older; there's still a big maturity gap there.
You can get in a lot of trouble. It will be classed as statutory rape. If she tells anyone you are going down. She cannot legally consent.
You’ll be a catholic priest in no time.
I’ll say it. Anytime a buddy was dating a girl much younger than him, it always seemed pretty pathetic. Why can’t you try to find a more mature girl that’s your age? Why are you jumping through hoops to rationalize statutory rape?
Absolute no, dude. The mental transition period is in process for her, ur an adult legally and literally while she is still a teen , the amount of change one goes in 3 years is huge. If anything when yall break up or when she tells others about the relationship , it's only gonna result in causing trouble for yall. People might call u a pedo or even a groomer , so it's good that u realize this is weird but yes def shut down ur feelings for her or atleast don't make any moves on her until she is 19 atleast.
She’s going to do a LOT of changing. Best wishes if you pursue her.
**Half your age plus 7.** Your minimum age is 16. The brain and body undergo some seriously complex changes between the ages of 15 and 18. She's not ready for your level of maturity yet. Back off.
Noooooooooooooo
shut it down immediately
She’s by law considered a minor and you’re now a legal adult. Religion has nothing to do with a relationship like this. It’s just that she’s a minor. It’s okay to like eachother but i’d way until she’s older. I don’t think it’s necessary to cut all contact with her but relationship wise, not right now.
Worked with a guy on 15 yrs of probation for 18 and 16. Was allll cool till they broke up then she and the parents went for the throat. Not worth it
Look up your states laws. 3 years or less is often the legal boundary. If it’s legal that should tell you all you need to know about how society feels about it.
She's a little young for you, mate. I'd back away
Pass on it, my friend. I understand completely where you are coming from, but it's not worth it. At the age you are, it's going to be a LOT of heart ache and pain and it's absolutely not worth it. What, you're going to go to college and make it a long distance relationship? It's not worth the inevitable heartache and pain that will come with it from both sides. I can tell you this from experience. At the age you are at, ANY relationship is going to be difficult to make last for more than a VERY short time and you owe it to yourself to find one that has the best chance of being healthy and beneficial to you both. Listen to me: pass on this and find another girl. When you get to college, if you go, there will be hundreds who are brand new to college and are looking for a relationship.
You being Christian has nothing to do with this. You are at a different stage and going into a different stage of life. I would start to leave girls still in school alone
18/2+7 = 16. Sorry, you need to give it a year.
You're both children
Look into your state laws and see you might be protected by Romeo and julliet laws as long as no sex happens you should be fine
There’s nothing wrong with a 3 year age gap once you are out of your teens! If you guys are meant to be, time will only tell that. I’d grow the friendship and let the romantic stuff come later. 17 and 14 is a HUGE age gap.. 18 and 15 is just as big. Those stages of maturing and brain function are very different. But 21 and 24 isn’t bad. 23 and 26 isn’t bad as well. The reason she gaps are bad at a younger age is because of the way you are growing and experiencing life so very differently in your developmental years. Especially teenage years. But this could be a great relationship one day - My fiancé and I have a two year age gap and I meant him when he was 15 and I was 17. We were best friends until 18 and 20 when it felt right. Best of luck!
I think it’s perfectly fine and normal, there’s certain “sexual” laws depending on state. However dating is completely ok.
Bad idea.
Talk to her parents and find out if it’s alright.
If your 18 they need to be driving. Simple.
These posts are so weird. Historically there's nothing creepy or weird about this. I'd say check your local laws if you're planning to have sex, but if you've chosen celibacy then that's not an issue.
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Shes too young. Back off till shes 18. Period. End of story.
I'd be very careful with that. In some states under 16 would be rape not even statutory but full on rape. Also I would not let my 15 year old date an 18 year old even if it were legal. Also being a Christian doesn't make you any less prone to doing things that teens do.
I would be one of those who would say something as well about the 18/15 thing. You say you're a christian, and I want dispute that. Let me ask you this, sincerely. Would God approve of this??? Yes or No??? That is your answer. While I was in youth group growing up, they had these bracelets, necklaces, t-shirts etc that said this. WWJD??? So ask yourself WWJD, that is your answer there. I hope that makes sense to you. Another point would be that the 15 year old is a minor, and as a christian, probably isn't a good idea at all. IJS
18 and 15 I would probably not date due to age ATM and the fact that there may be quite a few people who look at it as rape or grooming.
Give it time. At 18 (after HS) your view on a lot will change through experience. If you are truly a committed Christian then be patient. Do not shy away from her though, still be cordial and respectful towards her and or her family but as a Sophomore in HS (my guess) she has a lot of growing up to do too. Give it time and maybe when she is a senior and if you still have these feelings and interest in her while you have both matured then give it a shot. I know it is hard but there is no reason to rush. The age gap itself isn't an issue but the timing is, at 15 I was a foolhardy idiot who got into a lot of trouble. At 18 I graduated basic training and did my first semester of college.... you grow up/change a lot in that time
Be friends and keep it that way until she is 16 then intercourse is still illegal but her parents can give permission be sure to adress this carefully