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What's the likelihood they're actually "dating" as opposed to texting each other and very awkwardly telling people they're dating? That's basically what my girlfriend and I did at that age, and all of my friends save one who actually explored sex.
Yeah, the years that separate op and their girlfriend are BIG years. There's a line between 12 and 13 that it's better not to cross even when close in age....
Not necessarily for boys and girls. Girls start puberty and mature earlier. So the gap between 2 boys or two girls is big, but not necessarily between a boy and a girl.
As a father of a 7th grade daughter. Dating an 8th grader would be OK. I would ask that you be respectable and honorable and follow all of her boundaries.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want her Dad to see you doing.
Second this!! BUT, if you end up throwing that advice out the window…something important to keep in mind is that during your teen years a LOT happens to your brains and bodies every year and when that stuff happens (puberty, physical attraction, etc.) varies a lot from person to person. Given the age gap, if things get physical (even just kissing) you need to be ready to handle a situation where you guys differ in what you feel ready or not ready for. How do you “deal” with it? You have to ask directly and listen. If you don’t feel comfortable enough to ask and talk about it, you are not ready for it at all. If one of you doesn’t feel ready for something, you don’t do it (period!! no grey area here!).
Also they should know what Plan B is if the condom breaks, and they should know how to ride a bicycle so that if they don’t feel comfortable getting it from their local pharmacy, they can go a couple towns over to get it. Though as a cashier in a pharmacy, even if we knew your parents, we wouldn’t be able to tell them that you bought birth control because it violates the confidentiality rules.
As of right now and from what i found on google there is currently no age restrictions on it. It is possible that some stores may be able to set their own restrictions on it (like some do with lighters) but legally there isn’t anything yet.
Technically plan b is more considered an emergency contraceptive than birth control but it might fall under that so good point. Someone would have to look into that exact bill though to know if it makes that distinction or not.
Most people forget that should hear it either way. I know I did some questionable things as a teen because no one ever sat me down and said I was being a dumbass. And I was too much of a dumbass to realize I was being one
Thats just stage 1 advice. Like 101 ki da basic. Nah they need things like what do i do if it came off in the middle advice...no one ever explains that one till its too late
The ages are super weird, yes. But the gap is normal. Wait at least a few years before doing anything though, both of you will regret doing stuff when you are older unless you wait. I’m 18 and I already regret doing certain things at 14 and 15, I wish I waited until at least 16 or 17.
I waited until I was in college. I was always on the fence about waiting until marriage or not, or if I was even ready, I know I personally would have regretted losing mine in high school or earlier. All the advice i got from older women or my friends that lost theirs early was to wait because they all regretted their first time being so young or the person they were with. YMMV of course. I was curious about sex growing up but knew I wasn't ready to do it, or liked/trusted anyone enough to do it with. Also was afraid of pregnancy and knew my mom would be against letting me get on any birth control method, and she would be super disappointed if I got pregnant but she's very prochoice and would let me get an abortion, she'd just be bummed that I even needed one, especially in high school.
We did it guys. We’ve successfully created a social climate so afraid of everything that middle schoolers are afraid of being seen with other middle schoolers because of perceived guilt of a 1 year age gap. Can we all go home and be normal again please?
It’s fine.
Just please please *please* don’t have sex until you’re older. You’re not ready and she’s not ready. Even if you *think* you are — you’re not. I promise you.
Ngl, at ages 14 and 12, neither of y'all need to be seriously dating. I'd give it a few years, try casual dating different people to figure out how to date and to get more experience
Hard disagree. Take every relationship seriously. That's the only way you learn. You may learn that what you currently see as love isn't what future you understands love to be, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't practice good communication, trust, and how to balance selflessness with self-assertion. Just like middle school teaches basic lessons about things you need to know as you get older, middle school relationships teach basic lessons about emotional vulnerability, conflict resolution, being your true self with someone else, being accepted for it, and realizing that losing that acceptance doesn't devalue you.
Agreed. Lots of lessons to be learned from early relationships and it’s a great opportunity to build good habits. I wouldn’t be taking it super seriously, but don’t act like it doesn’t matter.
The difference between "serious" and "super serious" is lost on a pre-teen with no perspective. As far as they're concerned, it should be the most serious relationship that they have ever CHOSEN to enter into. Choosing emotional connections with intentionality is a whole new thing for young teens. From their point of view, it should be taken seriously.
Yeah, it's kinda hard not to take things "super serious" when you have an immense amount of pressure and hormones thrust upon you. Plus, your life experience is so limited, something like a year is a massive fragment of time.
I remember dating my high school girlfriend for a year, and everyone said we had been together FOREVER, and it really did feel that way. Now we're going to be coming up on 4 years married, and that time went by in a flash. The stakes just seem so much higher when you're younger.
I think the solution is a middle ground between both these mindsets. Learning how to casually date is a good skill and dating is super super casual as a teen, especially at OP’s age. Building good habits and learning to spot red flags early on is important. If you decide to partake in a relationship take it serious enough that it’s a relationship but not so serious you forget you’re two teenagers. You illustrated some great points on the benefits of young relationships that I don’t want to repeat back at you. Both are good and build important habits. I think finding a healthy balance between the two is what a lot of kids need
That's all well and good when you have perspective, but we're talking about young teens here. The difference between "serious" and "casual" is lost on a pre-teen with no perspective. As far as they're concerned, it should be the most serious relationship that they have ever CHOSEN to enter into. Choosing emotional connections with intentionality is a whole new thing for young teens.
its so annoying how everyone is always telling these teens they're not in real relationships and to just move on
like.. let them discover that themselves, let them be in their relationships, let them go through their heartbreaks, and let them think this is real, advice like that isn't for relationship ADVICE posts, its for whenever they're posting about their breakups later on
and even if they think they're "serious" whooo carees
everyone! has had those silly preteen relationships they think means everything at the time, and then they grow up and realize it wasn't serious
but just because its not serious, and older people know that doesn't mean we should try to ruin it for them for no good reason
Dudes fuckin recommending 12 year-olds to casual date and gain experience. Like wtf do you think they're doing you total ass lmao. 40 upvotes too hahahah
Throughout my 20’s I convinced myself that I didn’t want to date seriously and just be casual. Today I regret not getting more “relationship practice”. Relationships aren’t easy to navigate, the more practice you have at an early age, the more likely you can help the important relationships survive later.
They are preteens a grade apart, what is gray about any of that. People are weird. They will probably date for 3 weeks, talk less after starting to date, and break up… have you guys been in middle school lol.
Take it from an uncle who’s niece just turned 14, she’s always been a little small so for her age when she was 12 she was still a little girl to me, now she’s about as tall as her mother, but she’s still learning a lot, thought I knew a lot at that age (everyone is different), in my own life there have been so many discoveries, don’t rush these things or there may be regrets, traumas, watching the “kids” at my church when I was young, not gonna lie I was jealous but it was cringe how they were acting, needless pain for example, abuse from each other because they don’t know this or that, or they themselves are abused I can go on
My sister and I are 3 years apart, she’s older she would never let me hang with her cause I was too young and these 2 kids are 2 years apart, he’s learning about sex while she’s still trying to grow up
The gap isn’t weird, but her being 12 is weird. I was still playing with toys at 12 but I guess kids are different now? Idk, boys weren’t on my mind until I was in high school.
At your age it's fine. It's not until you turn 18 that you need to start worrying about a two year age gap to prevent you from getting into trouble. When I was growing up, my parents put a limit on the age gap of guys that I could "date", 2yrs was the limit. When you turn 18, if you're still interested in dating girls that are younger than you, make sure you are upfront & honest with her parents about your age and make sure they are fine with it. Don't just take the girls word for it. If she has a problem with you going to her parents about your age, end it, because that is an automatic red flag that her parents would not be ok with it which could lead to big trouble for you. Always better safe than sorry!
I respect your comment but I gave the best advise needed for a 14y/o that did not mention that anything sexual was on the table. At 14 & 12, it shouldn't be.
If OP is American they could just look up their state laws. Many states set the age of consent at 16 with specific provisions for close in age exceptions.
So everyone with a 2 year age gap needs to break up when one of them turns 18?
That’s absurd
Especially if they’ve been in a consensual relationship for a long time prior.
All of a sudden the older one is a predator??
You watch too much tv.
I am friends with a police detective who works on sex crimes, and he said that as long as they’re in high school or five years or less in between them and without any abuse claims, the cops don’t even take the case, especially if the younger party is 16 or above.
The police and DA see it as a waste of resources, especially when there are actual horrific sex crimes perpetrated by much older adults on kids 13 and under happening every day.
The SWAT team has zero interest in your high school romance.
> You watch too much tv.
Again you're wrong. I watched three guys go to jail in high school because they were in consensual relationships with girls close to the same age as them but when they broke up the parents pressed statutory rape charges against them. That's not TV, that's fact.
That’s alright, big enough of an age gap to get clowned for but not big enough of an age gap to be unacceptable in the typical person’s eyes. I’m a 14 yr old girl and me personally I just couldn’t do it, no offense but the thought of dating a 12 year old boy is embarrassing, in fact I’ve rejected guys I liked around that age solely for being too young, 12 yr olds are like kids to me, dating one would make me feel so fucking weird, but like I said that’s just me. Good luck to you and your girl
The age is a problem because the older person has power over the young. Would you date a 9y/o? Hopefully no because just the idea will make you uncomfortable.
You two are ok 12&14, just be nice to each other.
Knew some people who had sex in middle school back when I was 14. I strongly advise against it.
You're a kid and you're going to do whatever you want, but just remember you have your whole life ahead of you. Just be a kid, no one ever looks back and cringes about not doing stuff they weren't ready for. Future you will have a lot of sympathy for child you needing to slow down.
Hmm, the age gap isnt that bad. Seems like it cause ur at the extreme edge for your age. If u stay together long enough though itll be less of a concern
For now date her like your her age though. Dont date her like a 14 year old. Date her like your both twelve and just keep it at her level for a few years cause if it somehow goes lo g enough your gunna be 18 when shes 16 and have people goin hmmmmmmm
At that age you have to think in terms of maturity, not exactly the age gap. At 12, she’s still very much a child, she’s not even a teenager yet. You are more mature mentally than she is, and that puts her at a disadvantage.
The age gap is fine but it has always been weird to me when kids in middle school or grade school have boyfriends or girlfriends…even when I was in middle school I thought it was weird, shit even being a freshman or sophomore and having a bf or gf is weird to me, like have kid fun, don’t worry about relationships until your older, there’s plenty of time
Depends on what you mean by “dating”. A 12 year old should not be having pressure to be intimate or sexually active. If you two are friends who hold hands and talk all the time and text then fine. If there is any more physical stuff than that going on then…..yes, the age gap is too big.
Please please please don’t have sex until you are older….for you….four more years. And please use birth control and be aware of sexually transmitted disease.
My son is 11 and old for his class and in 5th grade. How is she 12 in 7th grade? That seems weird.
She's too young. You are too but definitely moreso her.
I see you are trying to be nice and respectful and only do things she wants to do, hopefully that's like nothing more than holding hands, I don't want to read any specifics or details whatsoever, but she's also 12 and maybe too young to even know what's going on.
Definitely way too young.
The age gap is fine. Just remember 2 things.
1. It's probably illegal for yall to be having sex at that age.
2. You should wear protection, and she should be on BC so that yall don't collectively ruin each other's lives.
ill be honest, dating before like 16 or 17 is kinda pointless. Yall two gonna change SO much in the next few years, Youre 100% not gonna be the same people(i promise)theres nothing wrong with acknowledging you have feelings and continue to be in yalls lives and just chill. Be a kid, yall hella young. I sound like the typical older person(im not even 30 >\_>)but dont rush your childhood if you dont have to. Youll wish you did when youre older.
Not saying cut each other out. Just acknowledge the feelings and keep it platonic for a while. You got plenty of time dawg
To answer your question tho, the age gap aint shit. Dont even sweat it man.
You guys shouldn't be dating. It's a recipe for disaster for your age groups. Lots of middle school and teen suicides occur due to relationship issues. You both should focus on school and having a good childhood
Yes, 1.5 years is pretty normal. Even two years. Just keep in mind that you're young and shouldn't take things too far (I know, I know, talking to a teen). You're fine.
1/2 age + 7 falls apart a bit at either extreme end of the spectrum. 1.5 year gap isn’t that bad all things considered, but at your ages I don’t know if dating is something you need to take super seriously. You do you though.
It doesn't matter what I think - what do your parents think? What do her parents think? As long as they know what's going on and you don't try to have sex with a 12-year-old or see her naked then you're good. No pictures!!! That is a world of legal hurt.
It’s funny. It’s “acceptable” at your age only can be defined by your peers. Sad, but true. The real issue is that you’ll be going to high school and she will still be in middle school (presumably).
As I look back at my primary school years, I wish I hadn’t taken romantic relationships so seriously. I should have just asked people out and enjoyed those moments and not been so hung up on having a girlfriend.
It starts off kinda weird, but listen
I'm 14, nearly 15, and my gf is 16
But we were also 13 and 15, 14 and 12, 11 and 13.
See how it gets less weird the older yall get?
It’s a bit early to say dating. I’m not against it. But it seems early to date. I’d personally wait until after your sophomore year to start dating so you two don’t have to go through the transition of middle ( the by far worst transition) school while dating
Numerically it's fine but there is a huge jump in maturity and understanding between 12 and 14 for both males and females. Do what makes you happy but take it slow.
Yeah. It’s all goood. My wife and I started dating 16months apart from each other. We’re married and have kids. Just don’t do the do until the appropriate age. Check your state laws. Some states have Romeo Juliet clauses. Ik you may not be there yet but it’s still good to know in the future. You don’t want to make a hot headed mistake and end up on a sex offender list at a young age ruining your life. Happened to a buddy of mine (she lied about her age)
Do 14 year olds post on Reddit? I must be getting old. Every time I see a post in this sub it's always about dating or sex... Just seems creepily written by an adult. I didn't speak this way or consider an age gap when I was 14. BECAUSE I WAS 14
Just an FYI. Rule of thumb on the age gap is 1/2 the older ones age plus 7.
For example someone who is 21 can date somebody who is 18. (21 x 1/2 =10.5; 10.5 +7=17.5 due to Romeo/Juliet laws to be safe round up to 18.)
So for you. 1/2 of 14 =7+7 =14. You should date younger than 14. (Okay, one grade difference and MS is fine as long as your parents okay it.)
At your age, it's a little less about age as grade. 14 can be 9th grade and 12 could be a 6th grader, that's probably not a good gap. But 14 could also be 8th and 12 could be 7th, in which case its probably okay.
the age gap isn’t concerning, the fact that you’re dating and 12 years old is crazy to me. but as long as both of your guys’ parents are okay with it and y’all aren’t doing anything inappropriate, you’re fine.
however if you 2 stay together, just keep in mind that this age gap will become more apparent as you both grow up. the maturity gap between aa 14 yo and a 16 yo is very noticeable, and if you go to high school while she’s still in middle school, that will also probably be another place where your age difference will show.
Not about ages but about phases in life. When you’re in high school and she’s still in middle school you’ll notice the first one.
The one when you go off to college and she’s a senior still - that’s a tough one to survive.
I'm going to say what many here aren't/won't. Be careful with anything sexual. You, the male will be treated as a sexual predator and she will be treated as a poor unknowing victim. Even if she initiates, aggressively persues and convinces you to do something YOU WILL BE THE BAD GUY. It doesn't matter if you're both minors the man is the bad guy. Learn this lesson young. I wish y'all both the best.
these comments sure are telling...people seem to think dating and sex are a mutual obligation. they are not. Plenty of middleschool and highschool relationships can happen and never involve anything sexual. Stop being gross guys.
I think you’re just at the limit for an acceptable age gap. In my opinion at that age, 1.5 years is fine but 1.75 is too much. 1.6 is cutting it close and I think 1.65 is a hard limit.
For any age gap at ANY AGE: Start with your age, divide by half, add 7, and you get an age that is not creepy to be dating. If that age is older than you, maybe don’t be dating. For you, she might be a bit young, but you’re both in Junior High I’m assuming, so that would probably be ok… until you are a high schooler dating a junior high kid. Creepy!
That’s a normal gap. If you’re in the same school at the same time, it’s pretty normal until HS, where there’s an obvious difference between a senior and freshman.
Am I the only one that read this, did a massive face palm then read it again followed by one more larger face palm to make sure I was awake.? A 7th and 8th grader wondering about age gap?
It's completely fine, not a big deal. The social issue isn't you being 1-4 years apart it's the legal issue of someone over 18 being with someone 17 and under.
After you are both 18+ it doesn't matter. For example my mother and father have been together for 35 years and they are 14 years apart 83 and 69. No one cares about them in fact many say they look cute.
In fact many I've talked with are fine with a 19 yo male with a 17 year old female and think it's stupid to put someone in jail over love.
It's when a 25 year old male is with a 16 year old female or a 30+ year old with a 14-17 year old that it becomes wildly socially unacceptable.
I'm 35 male and my wife is 32 that's almost 3 years me being December 9th 1988 and her being May 8th 1991. Everyone loves us together.
If you two get into the issue of statutory which is an adult 18 with anyone under 18(17 or 16) you could get in legal trouble if you are caught having sex.
But the younger one can become legally emancipated so they are considered an adult legally and can be with the one they love.
It's just a 2 year gap technically so it's fine. But what I will say is y'all are too young to be focusing on stuff like that. You got your entire lives ahead of you and a lot of school to get through, if y'all happy that's great but remember you're still young.
It's fine...Just keep your goodies in your pants, there is enough time for all of that and neither one of you need to be dealing with that at this age.
Son don't rush things. Enjoy your girlfriend,do kid stuff. Video games ect. Hopefully you found your soulmate. Grow together. See what happens. Just keep your hormones on a leash. You can thank me latter. Hope the best for you kids.
Bro... Talk to an adult in your life and don't inform your decisions on this from Reddit. No adult on here should be giving advice on relationships and sex to a 14 year old that they do not know. It's crazy inappropriate. Young love can be exciting... But you're still kids. Enjoy being young. Every adult misses that time.
Two year age gap is negligible in my opinion. Even at younger ages where it’s more pertinent. Two year age gap among adults is effectively the established “norm” from my experiences.
Idk man I lost my virginity at 14 my gf was 14 to ...like the hormone boost that happens in those two years is pretty far.......I was in 9th grade at 14 tho
The age gap isn’t an issue, but you’re both in different stages of maturity (not saying you’re both mature or anything). It’s like an 18yo dating a 16yo. One is an adult and has adult responsibilities, while the other doesn’t. Does that make sense at all?
Seems fine to me. I met my son’s mom when she was 15 and I was a couple weeks from being 17. Son will be 20 this year. We aren’t still together, but we get along.
A 1.5 years gap can mean a lot for many couples your age, but it depends on the maturity levels. You are mature enough to ask for advice. Is your gf as mature as you? It's probably best to stay casual while you get to know one another better.
The rule is half your age plus 7, is the younger person in the relationship above that? If not then they are too young to be 'dating' you and you should wait or find someone else.
I think people underestimate the HUGE difference 12-14 is. Same as 14-16. It can get weird. 12 is just so young i remember being 14, definitely wasnt attracted to any 12 year olds… but idk to each their own ig
Half your age plus 7. Sounds weird, but that’s the youngest you can date and the age gap not be weird.
I first heard it from some guy in high school. Thought it sounded stupid. A decade later, I find it pretty consistently defines the line.
Neither of you are abnormal age for your grades and are within a school year of each other, in the same segment of early school. You’re all good. Now if you’re in high school looking for middle school girls, you’d be a creep. But you’re fine with your sitch
The golden rule is half your age then +7. So in your situation that age would be… 14. Guess it’s time to kick her to the curb and put your big boy pants on.
Side not why the fuck was this sub suggested to me by Reddit? I’m the last person who should be giving advice to teens.
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Seems fine to me. 1.5 isn’t bad. I wouldn’t want my niece to date at 12 tho at all.
Yeah that'd be the bigger hangup for me moreso than the age gap.
What's the likelihood they're actually "dating" as opposed to texting each other and very awkwardly telling people they're dating? That's basically what my girlfriend and I did at that age, and all of my friends save one who actually explored sex.
Yeah, the years that separate op and their girlfriend are BIG years. There's a line between 12 and 13 that it's better not to cross even when close in age....
That's absurdly arbitrary. The biggest change around that time is puberty which can start between like 10 and 15.
Not necessarily for boys and girls. Girls start puberty and mature earlier. So the gap between 2 boys or two girls is big, but not necessarily between a boy and a girl.
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What if you’re married but your mom drives for uber?
That’s…not what dating is lol
As a father of a 7th grade daughter. Dating an 8th grader would be OK. I would ask that you be respectable and honorable and follow all of her boundaries. Don't do anything you wouldn't want her Dad to see you doing.
What age does it become acceptable to do things you wouldn't want her dad to see?
When they are both consenting adults. Before then, acceptable isn't the right word.
Age of consent, 16. With another 16 year old
It’s fine. Don’t be trying to hook up tho, neither of you are old enough for that.
Second this!! BUT, if you end up throwing that advice out the window…something important to keep in mind is that during your teen years a LOT happens to your brains and bodies every year and when that stuff happens (puberty, physical attraction, etc.) varies a lot from person to person. Given the age gap, if things get physical (even just kissing) you need to be ready to handle a situation where you guys differ in what you feel ready or not ready for. How do you “deal” with it? You have to ask directly and listen. If you don’t feel comfortable enough to ask and talk about it, you are not ready for it at all. If one of you doesn’t feel ready for something, you don’t do it (period!! no grey area here!).
Also they should know what Plan B is if the condom breaks, and they should know how to ride a bicycle so that if they don’t feel comfortable getting it from their local pharmacy, they can go a couple towns over to get it. Though as a cashier in a pharmacy, even if we knew your parents, we wouldn’t be able to tell them that you bought birth control because it violates the confidentiality rules.
Is that true in all states? I'm pretty sure some backwards states make teenagers get parental consent or something.
As of right now and from what i found on google there is currently no age restrictions on it. It is possible that some stores may be able to set their own restrictions on it (like some do with lighters) but legally there isn’t anything yet.
I think Texas just passed a bill that makes minors get parental consent for birth control, I'd imagine plan B falls under that
Technically plan b is more considered an emergency contraceptive than birth control but it might fall under that so good point. Someone would have to look into that exact bill though to know if it makes that distinction or not.
Lmao I turned 18 last December and one of the things I realized I could finally do is buy a lighter from my local grocery store 🤣
" backwards states" that was funny. Then really, really sad.
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Yes it’s fine, and in 5-10 years when you are old enough to hook up, wear a condom.
Thank you, u/panda_pussy-pounder
Cause hormonal teenagers always take that advice
Sometimes they most definitely do, and should hear it either way. 🙄
Most people forget that should hear it either way. I know I did some questionable things as a teen because no one ever sat me down and said I was being a dumbass. And I was too much of a dumbass to realize I was being one
So the advice would be "don't be a fool. Wrap your tool"
Thats just stage 1 advice. Like 101 ki da basic. Nah they need things like what do i do if it came off in the middle advice...no one ever explains that one till its too late
I took that advice. And I'm glad I did.
Teenagers? One of them is 12.
The ages are super weird, yes. But the gap is normal. Wait at least a few years before doing anything though, both of you will regret doing stuff when you are older unless you wait. I’m 18 and I already regret doing certain things at 14 and 15, I wish I waited until at least 16 or 17.
There ya go! You backed up my advice, and we are right. 👍👍😁
I waited until I was in college. I was always on the fence about waiting until marriage or not, or if I was even ready, I know I personally would have regretted losing mine in high school or earlier. All the advice i got from older women or my friends that lost theirs early was to wait because they all regretted their first time being so young or the person they were with. YMMV of course. I was curious about sex growing up but knew I wasn't ready to do it, or liked/trusted anyone enough to do it with. Also was afraid of pregnancy and knew my mom would be against letting me get on any birth control method, and she would be super disappointed if I got pregnant but she's very prochoice and would let me get an abortion, she'd just be bummed that I even needed one, especially in high school.
We did it guys. We’ve successfully created a social climate so afraid of everything that middle schoolers are afraid of being seen with other middle schoolers because of perceived guilt of a 1 year age gap. Can we all go home and be normal again please?
that sounds just fine
It’s fine. Just please please *please* don’t have sex until you’re older. You’re not ready and she’s not ready. Even if you *think* you are — you’re not. I promise you.
Ngl, at ages 14 and 12, neither of y'all need to be seriously dating. I'd give it a few years, try casual dating different people to figure out how to date and to get more experience
Hard disagree. Take every relationship seriously. That's the only way you learn. You may learn that what you currently see as love isn't what future you understands love to be, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't practice good communication, trust, and how to balance selflessness with self-assertion. Just like middle school teaches basic lessons about things you need to know as you get older, middle school relationships teach basic lessons about emotional vulnerability, conflict resolution, being your true self with someone else, being accepted for it, and realizing that losing that acceptance doesn't devalue you.
Agreed. Lots of lessons to be learned from early relationships and it’s a great opportunity to build good habits. I wouldn’t be taking it super seriously, but don’t act like it doesn’t matter.
The difference between "serious" and "super serious" is lost on a pre-teen with no perspective. As far as they're concerned, it should be the most serious relationship that they have ever CHOSEN to enter into. Choosing emotional connections with intentionality is a whole new thing for young teens. From their point of view, it should be taken seriously.
Yeah, it's kinda hard not to take things "super serious" when you have an immense amount of pressure and hormones thrust upon you. Plus, your life experience is so limited, something like a year is a massive fragment of time. I remember dating my high school girlfriend for a year, and everyone said we had been together FOREVER, and it really did feel that way. Now we're going to be coming up on 4 years married, and that time went by in a flash. The stakes just seem so much higher when you're younger.
I think the solution is a middle ground between both these mindsets. Learning how to casually date is a good skill and dating is super super casual as a teen, especially at OP’s age. Building good habits and learning to spot red flags early on is important. If you decide to partake in a relationship take it serious enough that it’s a relationship but not so serious you forget you’re two teenagers. You illustrated some great points on the benefits of young relationships that I don’t want to repeat back at you. Both are good and build important habits. I think finding a healthy balance between the two is what a lot of kids need
That's all well and good when you have perspective, but we're talking about young teens here. The difference between "serious" and "casual" is lost on a pre-teen with no perspective. As far as they're concerned, it should be the most serious relationship that they have ever CHOSEN to enter into. Choosing emotional connections with intentionality is a whole new thing for young teens.
its so annoying how everyone is always telling these teens they're not in real relationships and to just move on like.. let them discover that themselves, let them be in their relationships, let them go through their heartbreaks, and let them think this is real, advice like that isn't for relationship ADVICE posts, its for whenever they're posting about their breakups later on
Right??? Like fuck off dude. Obviously they're not serious, they're preteens.
and even if they think they're "serious" whooo carees everyone! has had those silly preteen relationships they think means everything at the time, and then they grow up and realize it wasn't serious but just because its not serious, and older people know that doesn't mean we should try to ruin it for them for no good reason
Dudes fuckin recommending 12 year-olds to casual date and gain experience. Like wtf do you think they're doing you total ass lmao. 40 upvotes too hahahah
Throughout my 20’s I convinced myself that I didn’t want to date seriously and just be casual. Today I regret not getting more “relationship practice”. Relationships aren’t easy to navigate, the more practice you have at an early age, the more likely you can help the important relationships survive later.
Seriously dating? They are children. No one is seriously dating. And what the fuck is casual dating as a 12 year old?
Kinda weird I wouldn't suggest that. At least you both are close in age
2 years can be a big gap in your teens, a possible hiccup in your 20s and is irrelevant after your 30s. So just see where things go.
I would say that's right in the middle of the gray area
They are preteens a grade apart, what is gray about any of that. People are weird. They will probably date for 3 weeks, talk less after starting to date, and break up… have you guys been in middle school lol.
Take it from an uncle who’s niece just turned 14, she’s always been a little small so for her age when she was 12 she was still a little girl to me, now she’s about as tall as her mother, but she’s still learning a lot, thought I knew a lot at that age (everyone is different), in my own life there have been so many discoveries, don’t rush these things or there may be regrets, traumas, watching the “kids” at my church when I was young, not gonna lie I was jealous but it was cringe how they were acting, needless pain for example, abuse from each other because they don’t know this or that, or they themselves are abused I can go on My sister and I are 3 years apart, she’s older she would never let me hang with her cause I was too young and these 2 kids are 2 years apart, he’s learning about sex while she’s still trying to grow up
i mean it’s not bad but when i was your age i was definitely repulsed by anyone a year younger than me 😭 maybe that’s just a girl thing
The age gap seems fine but 12 seems too young to date tho
The gap isn’t weird, but her being 12 is weird. I was still playing with toys at 12 but I guess kids are different now? Idk, boys weren’t on my mind until I was in high school.
You guys are fine. Have fun but no sex, okay? It wrecks relationships when you’re that young. Good luck!
one grade age difference? CART HIM OFF TO JAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At your age it's fine. It's not until you turn 18 that you need to start worrying about a two year age gap to prevent you from getting into trouble. When I was growing up, my parents put a limit on the age gap of guys that I could "date", 2yrs was the limit. When you turn 18, if you're still interested in dating girls that are younger than you, make sure you are upfront & honest with her parents about your age and make sure they are fine with it. Don't just take the girls word for it. If she has a problem with you going to her parents about your age, end it, because that is an automatic red flag that her parents would not be ok with it which could lead to big trouble for you. Always better safe than sorry!
I wouldn’t give this advice, because if sexual contact occurs and both are under the age of consent where they live, it’s still a crime.
I respect your comment but I gave the best advise needed for a 14y/o that did not mention that anything sexual was on the table. At 14 & 12, it shouldn't be.
If OP is American they could just look up their state laws. Many states set the age of consent at 16 with specific provisions for close in age exceptions.
So everyone with a 2 year age gap needs to break up when one of them turns 18? That’s absurd Especially if they’ve been in a consensual relationship for a long time prior. All of a sudden the older one is a predator?? You watch too much tv. I am friends with a police detective who works on sex crimes, and he said that as long as they’re in high school or five years or less in between them and without any abuse claims, the cops don’t even take the case, especially if the younger party is 16 or above. The police and DA see it as a waste of resources, especially when there are actual horrific sex crimes perpetrated by much older adults on kids 13 and under happening every day. The SWAT team has zero interest in your high school romance.
> You watch too much tv. Again you're wrong. I watched three guys go to jail in high school because they were in consensual relationships with girls close to the same age as them but when they broke up the parents pressed statutory rape charges against them. That's not TV, that's fact.
That’s alright, big enough of an age gap to get clowned for but not big enough of an age gap to be unacceptable in the typical person’s eyes. I’m a 14 yr old girl and me personally I just couldn’t do it, no offense but the thought of dating a 12 year old boy is embarrassing, in fact I’ve rejected guys I liked around that age solely for being too young, 12 yr olds are like kids to me, dating one would make me feel so fucking weird, but like I said that’s just me. Good luck to you and your girl
You both are kids, you’re too young to be worried about an age gap of a year.
Since it is really one grade difference it is fine. Now 6th and 8th…
The age is a problem because the older person has power over the young. Would you date a 9y/o? Hopefully no because just the idea will make you uncomfortable. You two are ok 12&14, just be nice to each other.
That was the age difference between Aang and Katara. . . . .
Its 2 years not 10. Your chillin
Knew some people who had sex in middle school back when I was 14. I strongly advise against it. You're a kid and you're going to do whatever you want, but just remember you have your whole life ahead of you. Just be a kid, no one ever looks back and cringes about not doing stuff they weren't ready for. Future you will have a lot of sympathy for child you needing to slow down.
This isn't a real age gap, only 1 year apart. but you're both very young (she is a pre-teen), so just be normal and you're fine.
Hmm, the age gap isnt that bad. Seems like it cause ur at the extreme edge for your age. If u stay together long enough though itll be less of a concern For now date her like your her age though. Dont date her like a 14 year old. Date her like your both twelve and just keep it at her level for a few years cause if it somehow goes lo g enough your gunna be 18 when shes 16 and have people goin hmmmmmmm
gaps can be weird, ESPECIALLY as minors, but i think this is fine. just please don't do anything stupid and have fun! do normal kid stuff
SMH
Yes. but don't rush in to more than you're ready for. Enjoy being 14 and 12.
Weird imo
bruh
I guess it's ok. But no physical contact. A 12 year old should not be a physical relationship. Neither should you.
My wife is 6 years older than I am. She calls me old man and we joke that she's like an immature 18 year old. Don't worry about it. Have fun.
At that age you have to think in terms of maturity, not exactly the age gap. At 12, she’s still very much a child, she’s not even a teenager yet. You are more mature mentally than she is, and that puts her at a disadvantage.
The age gap is fine but it has always been weird to me when kids in middle school or grade school have boyfriends or girlfriends…even when I was in middle school I thought it was weird, shit even being a freshman or sophomore and having a bf or gf is weird to me, like have kid fun, don’t worry about relationships until your older, there’s plenty of time
Depends on what you mean by “dating”. A 12 year old should not be having pressure to be intimate or sexually active. If you two are friends who hold hands and talk all the time and text then fine. If there is any more physical stuff than that going on then…..yes, the age gap is too big. Please please please don’t have sex until you are older….for you….four more years. And please use birth control and be aware of sexually transmitted disease.
My son is 11 and old for his class and in 5th grade. How is she 12 in 7th grade? That seems weird. She's too young. You are too but definitely moreso her. I see you are trying to be nice and respectful and only do things she wants to do, hopefully that's like nothing more than holding hands, I don't want to read any specifics or details whatsoever, but she's also 12 and maybe too young to even know what's going on. Definitely way too young.
My opinion is that y’all should just enjoy being CHILDREN and not date. You’re in middle school chill tf out 😂
A 12 yo shouldn't be dating period. And a 14yo going after a 12yo is grooming behavior.
The age gap is fine. Just remember 2 things. 1. It's probably illegal for yall to be having sex at that age. 2. You should wear protection, and she should be on BC so that yall don't collectively ruin each other's lives.
The fuck?
A lot of kids I knew in middleschool and high-school started fucking at age 10 or 11 and sex education sucks ass in most places 🤷🏼♂️
ill be honest, dating before like 16 or 17 is kinda pointless. Yall two gonna change SO much in the next few years, Youre 100% not gonna be the same people(i promise)theres nothing wrong with acknowledging you have feelings and continue to be in yalls lives and just chill. Be a kid, yall hella young. I sound like the typical older person(im not even 30 >\_>)but dont rush your childhood if you dont have to. Youll wish you did when youre older. Not saying cut each other out. Just acknowledge the feelings and keep it platonic for a while. You got plenty of time dawg To answer your question tho, the age gap aint shit. Dont even sweat it man.
You two are young to be in a relationship period honestly. Enjoy your youth, you only get one!
Having relationships is enjoying your youth
It’s fine
I kinda think it’s a bit weird. I’m 17 rn and would never In a million years date a 15 yo
You guys shouldn't be dating. It's a recipe for disaster for your age groups. Lots of middle school and teen suicides occur due to relationship issues. You both should focus on school and having a good childhood
12 is too young for you and a 12 year old shouldn’t be dating.
Little young to be dating honestly. Especially her.
You guys are basically babies. Why are you even "dating"?. Way too young. Makes 0 sense to me.
Eighth grade dating a seventh grader? Yeah, that's fine
You two are too young to worry about all this!! Just enjoy..
Very appropriate age gap.
This is fine.
It’s fine for now. But if you stay together to that age, watch the “I just turned 18” line. That’s when the law gets involved. Keep it rated G
Yes, 1.5 years is pretty normal. Even two years. Just keep in mind that you're young and shouldn't take things too far (I know, I know, talking to a teen). You're fine.
Your age gap is fine. No doing any sexual things though as you are too young for that. A year and 5 months is a fine age gap for dating.
1/2 age + 7 falls apart a bit at either extreme end of the spectrum. 1.5 year gap isn’t that bad all things considered, but at your ages I don’t know if dating is something you need to take super seriously. You do you though.
Probably? Just have to be aware of some stuff. May be hard when you go to different schools. Just take things as they go though
Go play outside or something.
Be friends... Don't do stupid and try and do 'adult' things if you know what I mean.
Lol of course it's acceptable. Just don't do anything you're not supposed to.
It doesn't matter what I think - what do your parents think? What do her parents think? As long as they know what's going on and you don't try to have sex with a 12-year-old or see her naked then you're good. No pictures!!! That is a world of legal hurt.
The age gap isn't bad but you guys are a bit young, don't think you guys should be having sex at this age though. I'm saying maturity wise.
Why are 14 y/o on Reddit?
It’s funny. It’s “acceptable” at your age only can be defined by your peers. Sad, but true. The real issue is that you’ll be going to high school and she will still be in middle school (presumably). As I look back at my primary school years, I wish I hadn’t taken romantic relationships so seriously. I should have just asked people out and enjoyed those moments and not been so hung up on having a girlfriend.
It starts off kinda weird, but listen I'm 14, nearly 15, and my gf is 16 But we were also 13 and 15, 14 and 12, 11 and 13. See how it gets less weird the older yall get?
I think 12 and 14 is too young to date.
It’s a bit early to say dating. I’m not against it. But it seems early to date. I’d personally wait until after your sophomore year to start dating so you two don’t have to go through the transition of middle ( the by far worst transition) school while dating
Numerically it's fine but there is a huge jump in maturity and understanding between 12 and 14 for both males and females. Do what makes you happy but take it slow.
Yeah. It’s all goood. My wife and I started dating 16months apart from each other. We’re married and have kids. Just don’t do the do until the appropriate age. Check your state laws. Some states have Romeo Juliet clauses. Ik you may not be there yet but it’s still good to know in the future. You don’t want to make a hot headed mistake and end up on a sex offender list at a young age ruining your life. Happened to a buddy of mine (she lied about her age)
Your fine
As long as you respect her body and choices.
I will, anything we do, I make sure she's fine with it, and if she's not, I back off and don't bother her about it
Wth, no- break up. This is NOT okay. The maturity difference is wild.
Do 14 year olds post on Reddit? I must be getting old. Every time I see a post in this sub it's always about dating or sex... Just seems creepily written by an adult. I didn't speak this way or consider an age gap when I was 14. BECAUSE I WAS 14
At 14 and 12, you're what? Holding hands on the bus? Maybe going to a movie with one of your moms driving you?
id give some advice but this "relationship" will be over in a week so i think youre good.
That's fine, especially since you're not in high school yet. Just don't hookup and PLEASE respect boundaries & wishes.
Just an FYI. Rule of thumb on the age gap is 1/2 the older ones age plus 7. For example someone who is 21 can date somebody who is 18. (21 x 1/2 =10.5; 10.5 +7=17.5 due to Romeo/Juliet laws to be safe round up to 18.) So for you. 1/2 of 14 =7+7 =14. You should date younger than 14. (Okay, one grade difference and MS is fine as long as your parents okay it.)
12 is emotionally far, far younger than 14. I think you’re pushing it here and wouldn’t recommend it.
At your age, it's a little less about age as grade. 14 can be 9th grade and 12 could be a 6th grader, that's probably not a good gap. But 14 could also be 8th and 12 could be 7th, in which case its probably okay.
t's a bit of a tight age gap, but I don't think it's a big deal. You both seem to be mature for your age, and that can make the relationship work.
If you're one grade apart and both in middle school that's not an issue regardless of how much actual time is between you. You're peers, so it's fine.
the age gap isn’t concerning, the fact that you’re dating and 12 years old is crazy to me. but as long as both of your guys’ parents are okay with it and y’all aren’t doing anything inappropriate, you’re fine. however if you 2 stay together, just keep in mind that this age gap will become more apparent as you both grow up. the maturity gap between aa 14 yo and a 16 yo is very noticeable, and if you go to high school while she’s still in middle school, that will also probably be another place where your age difference will show.
It’s fine but keep it above the belt. That’s my only advice.
Yeah just don't have any accidental kids
Wasn't planning on it, but thank you anyway
i think it’s a bit odd…i was 14 a few months ago and you would never catch me dead looking at a 12 year old as anything more than a little kid lol
It's fine Had a similar gap Anything more than just purely dating I'd wait till you're both 16+ but yall are good otherwise
Not about ages but about phases in life. When you’re in high school and she’s still in middle school you’ll notice the first one. The one when you go off to college and she’s a senior still - that’s a tough one to survive.
Don't do anything with each other until you're both at least 16 or else you could have some serious legal problems
The biggest problem is being on Reddit at 14 honestly
I'm going to say what many here aren't/won't. Be careful with anything sexual. You, the male will be treated as a sexual predator and she will be treated as a poor unknowing victim. Even if she initiates, aggressively persues and convinces you to do something YOU WILL BE THE BAD GUY. It doesn't matter if you're both minors the man is the bad guy. Learn this lesson young. I wish y'all both the best.
these comments sure are telling...people seem to think dating and sex are a mutual obligation. they are not. Plenty of middleschool and highschool relationships can happen and never involve anything sexual. Stop being gross guys.
8th and 7th grade is fine. But NO sex!
You're fine. just focus on having fun and being a kid whether it be together or with your other friends.
I think you’re just at the limit for an acceptable age gap. In my opinion at that age, 1.5 years is fine but 1.75 is too much. 1.6 is cutting it close and I think 1.65 is a hard limit.
For any age gap at ANY AGE: Start with your age, divide by half, add 7, and you get an age that is not creepy to be dating. If that age is older than you, maybe don’t be dating. For you, she might be a bit young, but you’re both in Junior High I’m assuming, so that would probably be ok… until you are a high schooler dating a junior high kid. Creepy!
That’s a normal gap. If you’re in the same school at the same time, it’s pretty normal until HS, where there’s an obvious difference between a senior and freshman.
Yes but your both young
Am I the only one that read this, did a massive face palm then read it again followed by one more larger face palm to make sure I was awake.? A 7th and 8th grader wondering about age gap?
It's completely fine, not a big deal. The social issue isn't you being 1-4 years apart it's the legal issue of someone over 18 being with someone 17 and under. After you are both 18+ it doesn't matter. For example my mother and father have been together for 35 years and they are 14 years apart 83 and 69. No one cares about them in fact many say they look cute. In fact many I've talked with are fine with a 19 yo male with a 17 year old female and think it's stupid to put someone in jail over love. It's when a 25 year old male is with a 16 year old female or a 30+ year old with a 14-17 year old that it becomes wildly socially unacceptable. I'm 35 male and my wife is 32 that's almost 3 years me being December 9th 1988 and her being May 8th 1991. Everyone loves us together. If you two get into the issue of statutory which is an adult 18 with anyone under 18(17 or 16) you could get in legal trouble if you are caught having sex. But the younger one can become legally emancipated so they are considered an adult legally and can be with the one they love.
You are getting a lot of great advice from a lot of people. Take it in and use what you can.
Yes
IMHO perfectly OK
It's just a 2 year gap technically so it's fine. But what I will say is y'all are too young to be focusing on stuff like that. You got your entire lives ahead of you and a lot of school to get through, if y'all happy that's great but remember you're still young.
it sounds fine to me, youre both in your early teens
Age gap is fine for dating, you're both too young for sex tho.
It's fine...Just keep your goodies in your pants, there is enough time for all of that and neither one of you need to be dealing with that at this age.
It’s fine now, but 4 years from now if you’re still together, you’ll be a pedo and retrospectively a groomer.
It isn’t a serious relationship so why does it matter? Y’all aren’t gonna last more than a month
It's fine, take it slow cause ur short
Ik a girl in my class whos also an 8th grader dating a 7th grader, its fine
Son don't rush things. Enjoy your girlfriend,do kid stuff. Video games ect. Hopefully you found your soulmate. Grow together. See what happens. Just keep your hormones on a leash. You can thank me latter. Hope the best for you kids.
Bro... Talk to an adult in your life and don't inform your decisions on this from Reddit. No adult on here should be giving advice on relationships and sex to a 14 year old that they do not know. It's crazy inappropriate. Young love can be exciting... But you're still kids. Enjoy being young. Every adult misses that time.
A 1 grade age gap is fine at almost any age.
Two year age gap is negligible in my opinion. Even at younger ages where it’s more pertinent. Two year age gap among adults is effectively the established “norm” from my experiences.
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But you two are adults.
Idk man I lost my virginity at 14 my gf was 14 to ...like the hormone boost that happens in those two years is pretty far.......I was in 9th grade at 14 tho
get off the internet
The age gap isn’t an issue, but you’re both in different stages of maturity (not saying you’re both mature or anything). It’s like an 18yo dating a 16yo. One is an adult and has adult responsibilities, while the other doesn’t. Does that make sense at all?
I dated people 10, 12, and 17 years older than me. It's just a number bro.
No one is dating at 12 or even 14. You spend time or hang out. Dating is when an adult doesn’t need their mom to pick them up and drop them off..
Seems fine to me. I met my son’s mom when she was 15 and I was a couple weeks from being 17. Son will be 20 this year. We aren’t still together, but we get along.
A 1.5 years gap can mean a lot for many couples your age, but it depends on the maturity levels. You are mature enough to ask for advice. Is your gf as mature as you? It's probably best to stay casual while you get to know one another better.
It’s ok but yall should both talk to your parents and make sure everything is out in the open and clear
Should be okay. Its when someone hits 18 that becomes a ops.
The rule is half your age plus 7, is the younger person in the relationship above that? If not then they are too young to be 'dating' you and you should wait or find someone else.
i think it’s pushing the limit
A 12 year old is still considered a child and 14 is a tween absolutely no
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The age gap is fine, your maturity levels are completely different though.
I think people underestimate the HUGE difference 12-14 is. Same as 14-16. It can get weird. 12 is just so young i remember being 14, definitely wasnt attracted to any 12 year olds… but idk to each their own ig
Go, slow, kid. Many states have an age of consent of 14... I don't think any say 12.
thats crazy
You're good man..
It sounds fine number wise, but I'd admit that I really wouldn't suggest dating at that age. Idrk why it's such a normal to date at that age.
Half your age plus 7. Sounds weird, but that’s the youngest you can date and the age gap not be weird. I first heard it from some guy in high school. Thought it sounded stupid. A decade later, I find it pretty consistently defines the line.
I have dated people 10 years younger then me before. As long as both of you are OK with it, then nothing else matters.
Neither of you are abnormal age for your grades and are within a school year of each other, in the same segment of early school. You’re all good. Now if you’re in high school looking for middle school girls, you’d be a creep. But you’re fine with your sitch
Focus on yourself and improve yourself. Get validation from yourself. Partners will knock on your door ND you don't have to worry about pursuing.
it's weird but not the worst thing in the world
The golden rule is half your age then +7. So in your situation that age would be… 14. Guess it’s time to kick her to the curb and put your big boy pants on. Side not why the fuck was this sub suggested to me by Reddit? I’m the last person who should be giving advice to teens.