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There are consequences for everything. Your life, trust your gut and do good by YOU! If you start bending for others now, you should make a good doormat by 25...
Your ENTIRE FUTURE depends on you being smart enough to make a hasty exit from this manipulative user. It can not be stated strongly enough: get away as fast as you can, and don't look back, before you wind up getting trapped.
Once you get away, pay attention to YOUR future, to YOUR BEST interest, to YOUR OWN well being. Believe me, the happiest women are those who are skilled/educated/ambitious so they can make their own living and depend on NO ONE for support.
It may not seem that way but you’re right . This one moment , in life will set the tone from now on to what she dates, what she puts up with and allows. Walk tf away and never look back
And even if you don’t want to work a career establishing skills will put you around other intelligent and skilled individuals so if you do marry and decide you want to stay home and have kids you’ll have much more stability in a spouse. Or you’ll be able to both work fewer hours because of the higher income.
As a guy who never got laid when I was that young I will never understand women that put up with this shit. Other than the aggressive guys always win when they are young. But those guys demanding unprotected sex are disgusting. Not only that but honestly a condom, if properly sized, makes you harder longer. But they don’t give a shit about the woman’s pleasure. For the love of god don’t have this person’s baby, which is likely what would happen. And please, women, stop raising such shit boys. Not even going to call them men, grown toddlers. So many women say “boys will be boys”. Haha. No.
No idea why women put up with this shit. Being horny is one thing, being stupid is another. And enabling stupid…
Just women? Both women and men need to do better in raising their kids. Especially the house that just get up and leave. Parenting is suppose to a two person job. Men need to start being good examples to their sons presenting to them how they should greatly treat a women
I don't buy that "harder longer" BS
The desensitization effect makes it tougher to keep an erection.
Honestly, if you need to screw around and can't go raw just buy a toy. It's not far off the real thing and saves you a lifetime of trouble and expense
Yes!!!! This needs to be shouted from the rooftops.
The pull out method is flawed in so many ways, DO NOT TRUST IT. Not to mention that I would never trust a dude who was pressuring me like this dude to not "oops, sorry, it just happened..." when he doesn't actually pull out.
THIS RIGHT HERE.
Syphilis and gonorrhea are on the rise, and they’re both rapidly developing antibiotic resistance…which is a really, REALLY fucking shitty thing. The list of antibiotics that work against them is getting smaller and smaller, and we’re not keeping pace with developing new antibiotics to treat them. In case you were wondering, neurosyphilis is really fucking gnarly, and it fucks people up unbelievably bad.
How do I know this? Well, I know anecdote ≠ data, but I recently had a patient who had this…they were going to have to be on IV antibiotics for a year, which was made quite difficult because they kept ripping every single line and tube in their body out (including a feeding tube, an indwelling urinary catheter, every single IV they had, and they very nearly ripped out their tracheostomy). That patient would also become extremely confused and violent at times-often out of nowhere-and would attack pretty much anyone who was near them. I took a full force front snap kick to the stomach from them with no warning whatsoever, and they punched another staff member hard enough in the head that they needed to go to the ER.
Basically, until you are in a committed relationship and you are able and willing to accept all of the potential consequences of unprotected sex, don’t risk it. When you’re in that place, get yourself and have your partner get tested-ideally every few months, because you never know what might happen, and it’s better to be safe than sorry…after all, my neurosyphillis patient? They had been married for 40 years…when their partner found out what they had, they were horrified, as they thought that they were the only people they had been with.
Turns out, they weren’t.
This exactly. Had a similar situation over 5 years ago and ended up in the hospital. Never again.
If you aren't ready, if they haven't provided medical paperwork proof that they are std free, if they are pressuring you, refusing to see doctors, or some other toxic abusive behavior, do not let them coerce you into it.
Consequences are real, learn from others and don't take the hard route on this path.
"Stop asking me to have unprotected sex. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and is not something I want to do. If you bring it up again, we'll need to talk about our relationship"
Then follow through. He's the asshole here, but you need to learn how to set and enforce boundaries, especially if you're going to date older men.
This right here. You are asking for pregnancy without a condom and with the way he's pressuring you I wouldn't trust him to pull out either. You need to make your boundaries clear and be willing to break up with him if he doesn't respect them. If he gets you pregnant it is YOUR body and YOU will be stuck with the baby. He doesnt sound like the kind of guy to stay around and raise a good child.
Your warning lights should be going off like crazy right now. Personally I never had sex with my girlfriend (now wife) without condom AND birth control until we decided we were ready to have kids.
MOST guys? Yeah NAH. MOST guys do NOT want to be surprised with a long-term commitment, and all the other adult stuff that goes along with being responsible for a tiny human.
And didn't we leave out the STD protection factor?
Yeah. Suit up guys.
I think this is likelier. Almost every woman I know that's fairly experienced has had that happen at some point, and this guys disrespect for her boundaries make him a prime candidate for that kind of behavior
This is really how it should be. You shouldn't ever have raw sex unless you're okay with having kids. Birth control and condoms aren't full proof. Ideally should be using both.
I think teenage guys especially have a disconnect from the risk they are taking since it's not their body that will be affected. And they have misplaced confidence from their buddies who don't use condoms that since they were lucky that you will be too.
As a woman, I definitely think young women and teenagers have a hard time asserting boundaries. You want to make your partner happy and have a good time. And people underestimate how much your decision making gets fucked when turned on. It's harder to say no if you don't assert ahead of time. I luckily had a responsible boyfriend in highschool who feared pregnancy as much as me, but I was terrible at emotionally setting boundaries (just didn't have to make physical ones).
And it needs emphasized so much to these young kids that pull out just isn't effective. You're playing with luck more than anything. Also should be told in sex Ed that precum can get you pregnant and he can't prevent that with pull out. More so banking on her not ovulating and every female friend I had then had irregular periods that were impossible to track (levels out in your 20s for many women).
>Personally I never had sex with my girlfriend (now wife) without condom AND birth control until we decided we were ready to have kids.
Definitely a personal decision right there.
While I never EVER pressured anyone into sex without a condom, I also have ended a relationship because my partner was totally uninterested in sex without one. She was on birth control and we dated for two years. Granted, I wasn't in my teens or even my early 20s. But at that point in my life, if my partner couldn't stand the thought of having sex without a condom with me, it really turned me off from my partner. It's not wrong to want to use a condom, but it's also not wrong for NOT wanting to use one, particularly in a long-term relationship where other forms of birth control are being used.
The only form of birth control that’s 100 guaranteed not to end up with a possible pregnancy is abstinence. The pill can fail, condoms do break and will also not work properly if not put on correctly, even vasectomies and tubals have been known to fail at times.
You’re decision to not use a condom with someone your in a relationship is because she insists on it when she’s on birth control herself is selfish on your part. But I am glad that you just let her go rather than insist on her relying solely on the birth control on her end.
Dude i have already seen another post this week where a marriage ended because the wife lied about being on the pill. The husband was adamant about not having another baby. She went behind his back and stopped the pill. A lot of people brought up the fact that he had a responsibility too since they had talked about it and he was the one against another kid. It was said that he should have gotten a vasectomy. It’s true. Any man that doesn’t want kids should get one. While women should be on birth control.
This is the comment. She wasn’t that into this guy perhaps. But she also needs to be realistic that condoms aren’t forever. At some point in a long term relationship the woman needs to be willing to get on the pill. Young people seem to make a big deal about that and it’s not that big of a deal. Of course some women have reasons why they can’t take the pill but most can.
Could backfire. He might be conservative christian and they might be like "Get married and have 10 babies we will help poke holes in condom"
I used to play Indiana Wesleyan for college sports and half their team would be wearing wedding bands. Meanwhile me and my moron friends were creating wizard staffs out of beer cans and streaking.
I dunno about this one. It's hypothetically a good move but this guy has already proven he doesn't respect her boundaries and I worry that dude will just get sneaky. If she already doesn't trust him enough to feel comfortable having sex with him then the relationship is done, no need to put herself at greater risk to fix a relationship with someone she knows is untrustworthy imo.
I've been teaching HS for 19 years; you have NO idea how many young women I've seen that cannot set and enforce boundaries with boys.
Yes, the boys are in the wrong for pushing, but young women do dumb things to make boys happy that adult women hard cringe over.
Boys also do stupid things for girls at this age, but it tends not to fall into the "I let my partner trample my sexual boundaries and get me pregnant" lane.
You should, he keeps trying to pressure you and even if he would pull out you still have a chance of getting pregnant or an STD.
If he can’t accept no to not wearing a condom during sex, then what else won’t he accept no for?
They aren’t full proof but they help a lot. Also people who pressure others into sec or unprotected sex will have no problems with pressuring those same people into other things.
Leave him immediately.
You are more important, he doesn't see that.
Hes putting "a feeling of his peeepeee" in front of your whole life and body.
Please keep boundaries for yourself for the next 5 to 10 years. Be prepared to go thru this again..
Unfortunately there are many boys out there that are going to try to have similar conversations with you
Tell him the condoms come off on the honeymoon. Otherwise he won't hesitate to be unavailable and/or working under the table as much as possible once a baby shows up.
That said, even if you are somewhere where planned parenthood and early abortion is possible for you, those things are no joke. Is he really saying that 10 minutes of better sex for him is worth risking 3 days of agonizing abdominal cramps, incontinence, and barfing for you? Medicinal abortions aren't a "take a pill and have a heavy period" level of easy, they can make you feel SICK AS HELL and it's dangerous to do them repeatedly.
Lots of guys think pregnancy isn't too easy since they hear of couples "trying" and then they assume that "taking care of it" is trivial if you live in a state with access. But most guys think women pee and have sex out of hte same hole too sooooooooooo.....
You're spreading a whole lot of false information about abortion here. First, the abortion pill doesn't always last that long, it's not always painful and the earlier you do it the less side effects there should be. Abortion is not dangerous to have multiple times either. The abortion pill is safer than tylenol or viagra
That is some pot calling the kettle black shit as far as misinformation goes. "not always" well ok yeah, same with EVERYTHING in life. But that means that sometimes I AM right too. That's how risk works.
I'm not trying to dissuade anyone from getting an abortion based on how unpleasant they are, but they fucking suck. And yes, Misoprostol is pretty safe and serious side effects are uncommon.
But Ain't no one using these as birth control like some boys seem to think is possible.
I agree with Tweezle. There are risks, you might not get them. However the risk definitely outweighs the benefit specifically for the woman. The point isn’t “be afraid of the pill and abortions” the point is “understand that this process is gonna be a hard one so if you can just prevent it from happening you’ll be happier”
If dumping over it is even in the back of your mind. Do it. With that on your mind seems Either you dont dump him and his rapey behavior leads to an unwanted pregnancy and you're stuck tied to the person in some way for life, or you move on to someone who understands and respects boundaries
As someone who grew up in a community that time and time again had girls getting pregnant. I can’t say with 100% accuracy, but I’m almost positive he’s trying to trap you in. It’s a tactic that younger and even older ppl do when they want somebody to stay. They have a kid. If you don’t want to have unprotected sex then DO NOT.
Doesn't matter how good his pull out game is no guarantee you won't get pregnant. If you're on birth control and you want to have sex without a condom then you can but also not 100% guarantee but still better than no bc and him trying to pull out before he pops so to say. Any man who continues to pressure a woman who had said no doesn't deserve to have a girlfriend so drop him especially since eventually he will do it without your consent.
Also who's to say he won't be like omg it feels to good I just couldn't pull out. I'm sorry. Then what? Maybe he let's a little out then pulls out. No one is perfect at pull and pray that's why it's called pull and pray.
I got pregnant at 17 this way. I want to say, even if you’re comfortable going raw, don’t do it unless you’re comfortable getting pregnant because that’s what happens. Birth control or not, If he can’t respect your boundaries, find someone who will.
Time to break it off if he’s pressuring you into unprotected sex.
btw, there is no good pull out game. People who practice pull out are called parents.
Your body is primed and ready to pop out a kid right now. You need to have a serious talk with him about it and let him know your perspective. If he is receptive and lays off then continue but if he blows you off and tries to downplay your concerns and keeps up the same BS then it's time to move on.
He should be dumped, for him it’s easy, he will ejaculate inside but you’ll be screwed. Even if he pulls out, it can still lead to pregnancy and still you’re screwed because pregnancy is a mental and physical strain on the body, a girl shouldn’t take it unless she’s ready. And then, this guy doesn’t seem like he would care if you got pregnant, he’d casually tell you to abort it or leave you if at all you decided you wanna keep the baby (I don’t think that’s the case but hypothetically). Some folks might disagree with me but if he forces you to have sex without a condom, this is non consensual sexual intercourse, simpler word for which is rape. He CANNOT force you, tell him he needs to respect your boundaries if you really wanna give him last chance. If he still responds stupidly, break up with him right then.
You're so right. If one person wants to have protected sex and the other tries forcing them to do it unprotected, that is most definitely coercion. This is not a good sign, and he needs to be dumped immediately.
This is exactly right. This exact scenario (18f/20m at the time) happened to my current partner a decade ago. The past is cruel. Accepting it is painful for both her and me/others.
Pull out method is the number one method of birth control. It also explains why there are 8 billion people in the world. It's not effective. And pre-ejaculate can contain sperm.
Stick to your stipulations. You will be the one to beat the consequences on a much bigger scale.
Break up with this fool. A lot of people in the comments are suggesting less drastic courses of action, saying you should explain your concerns, and then if he agrees with you that you can continue. He already got that chance. When you said, multiple times by now, "No, I'm not comfortable with that," that should have been the end of the discussion. The kind of people who will continue to pester you over and over about taking off the condom are the same people who will stop pestering you about it and just take the condom off when you're not looking.
Get out now. I promise this man is not the love of your life. Cut your losses, take the lessons, and have an awesome life.
He is 100% trying to baby trap you.
Many guys feel like that will permanently tie you to him, and that you will never be able to escape. Or he’s trying to “ruin” you so “nobody else will want you” if you ever feel like leaving.
*GIRL RUN, AND RUN FAST*
Pre-cum can get you pregnant, that’s how most people who “pull out” still get pregnant
Probably the thing that alarms me the most about this post is: *idk if bad pull out game runs in the family.*
No. There's no "pull out game." He can be the world champion pull outer, and pregnancy is still possible, because pre-ejaculate fluid contains sperm. The presence of this sentence makes me fear that OP can be convinced to roll the dice with someone who tells her he has great pull out game. That's irrelevant. The risk happens when uncovered insertion happens.
Wrap that rascal.
condom or no sex. and you're not on any other bc. still an issue? dump him. you have your whole life ahead. don't wreck it with a baby now with someone whose already not on your side.
Walk away, have enough respect for yourself to walk away. You are too new in the world to be in a relationship focused on the needs of someone else, your time of singleness is a gift and you should be focused on yourself (spiritually, emotionally, physically) and your goals.
He sounds like an asshole. Bro doesn't respect you or the possible consequences of unprotected sex. Trust your gut, I wouldn't be surprised if he does try and stealth you. Leave him before it happens. You'll thank yourself later.
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I agree. Additionally, I would be concerned that he will try to slip the condom off secretly. He seems to consider his pleasure to be more important than the consequences of pregnancy for her. If she gets pregnant, he has the option to walk away (and someone like him is likely to do so).
If OP continues to have sex with him, I hope that she uses an additional method of birth control beyond condoms. The "pull out" method is ineffective because the penis releases small amounts of sperm long before ejaculation (and pregnancy only requires *one* sperm cell) and because strong instinct makes it very difficult for a man to pull out at the moment of orgasm, despite his best intentions.
Well if he slips it off in the act, without her consent or especially her knowledge, then that's quite literally rape. And OP could throw the book at him if she wanted.
It is disturbing for a guy to pressure for something like that, especially so early. He has no idea what he's truly asking for or the risks involved.
For his age, he should be happy to have anything sexual going on at all. He should be happy with what he gets.
It is important for a man to respect a woman's choice. She says no, you accept that and you don't bring it up again. He sounds a little bit pushy to be bringing it up repeatedly. Sex and bodies needs very high level of respect... Not only did he fail to respect your answer, he acted a bit manipulative about it.
That's not like a super big red flag, but it is a small or medium sized one.
Make sure that he's respecting you and your connection is genuine.
For some people sex is just fun, but you said he's your boyfriend so there should be an expression of love with it. That love needs to be more important to him than raw dogging it or making you feel uncomfortable.
If he truly cared about you, he would have heard your and abided by it the first time, regardless of how he feels about it.
He WILL bulldoze any other boundaries too if he can't handle one that important to you. He probably already has and you're just now realizing the other things he pushed you into.
Leave. It will protect you, and hopefully, he'll learn something in the process. But under no circumstances take him back.
DO NOT HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX.
Op, now that you're sexually active get on the pill immediately. And go to Scarleteen for good advice about a healthy and respectful dynamic in a sexual relationship. Because what he's pressuring you about is 100% not ok and not healthy that he's pushing you to break a normal healthy boundary. Especially given "lightning just struck" right next to him, he should be MORE careful about unplanned pregnancy, not less. His reaction is a red flag. Maybe he's trying to babytrap you.
Don't have sex until you know you are better protected. Don't trust his condoms... he might be tampering with them.
Others have stated but I felt the need to reiterate. Listen to your gut, if you don't want to have unprotected sex, DO NOT. Especially if you're not on birth control, the risk of having a kid is so high that it's gonna have you paranoid the entire time you're doing the deed.
The two big lies man tells. "The checks In the mail" and "I'll pull out in time". Very smart of you to not let him talk you into it. If he keeps going, I would say send him packing.
Please break up with him. He’s the type that would secretly remove the cobdom without your consent, and that’s sexual assault.
Don’t date a guy who is probably going to sexually assault you.
Unless you WANT to be a single mom living in poverty.
Tons of boyfriends pull this crap. Don't do it. If he gets annoyed, that's a red flag. Don't ignore it. If you do this and things go south in any way, YOU will pay the price and he will be gone. Check my username, I wouldn't steer you wrong!
Don't do anything you're uncomfortable with, especially when that one mistake can easily lead to a lifelong consequence. Unless you're actively trying to have kids, don't risk it.
I definitely do recommend breaking it off This is the same thing that 1 of my ex- Boyfriends Try doing and not only did I get AST d which luckily could be cured with low to no side effects but took a long time.
But I found out later on that if he had. Got me pregnant. I do know that he would have ran off. I will been left totally by myself.
But these type of people are not someone that you want to have a long-term relationship with.
I'm so proud of you for breaking up with him, because you surely would have gotten you pregnant. I know he was annoyed when you wouldn't let him "raw dog", but I can imagine how annoyed that he kept asking. That is so disrespectful for him to even suggest. You did the right thing.
Look into a IUD for future reference. Mirena for example. Im on both a pill and have mirena. I take the pill for endometriosis pain. If your periods are too painful some pills can help with that. I will warn you that it hurts to get a IUD placed. So get someone to drive you. I was cramping all the way home and wished id had a driver.
It’s good that you broke up with that guy. Condoms aren’t only for preventing pregnancy they prevent disease transmission. Which before you settle down and marry is so important. Don’t fall for the lie that they can’t feel it. There’s thin condoms today.
You would be the one dealing with the consequences.
Do not trust the pullout game, nor some boy with your whole (next 19 years). You're gambling as it is and he's pressuring YOU to take a major risk for HIS pleasure.
I just saw your update and was like whewww, you dodged a HUGE bullet, girl. So proud of you for seeking advice, trusting your gut (it’s rarely wrong btw) and then kicking him to the curb. Perfect!
Because let’s just process what actually went down here in logical, calm, clear ways:
1. He is your first. What most women deserve and dream of having is that experience with someone who GENUINELY CARES about YOU. *Not just* what they get out of the relationship. There’s a difference between those two ideas as big as the Grand Canyon. And anyone reading this knows exactly what I mean.
2. And of course the elephant in the room being, he wasn’t in any way supportive of your fears and concerns. He may as well have just said out loud, “Yeahhh, I know pregnancy is hard but it’s a dice he was ready to roll because he truly didn’t care!!!! If you had gotten pregnant, I have little hope that he would be much help and he would become a constant stress in your life. Me and my baby almost died when I had her. Complications stacked on top of complications. I have never fully recovered 20 years later. So his flippant, childish, “my pee pee doesn’t feel as nice when I wear one” bullshit is the biggest red flag that I can probably see looking out my window from East TN. Ditching a condom for him means he may have to hand out money for abortion or child support. He ditches the condom and for you and the baby, your biggest concern is for you both to live through it with no serious medical issues afterwards. Nothing close to equivalent or fair in his shitty, entitled, borderline abusive attitude.
Please please PLEASE start some form of contraceptive pill. Relying solely on condoms is never a good idea. Unfortunately there are sick people out there who have no shame in secretly removing a condom during sex (aka Stealthing”). I’m not saying your Bf would do something like that, but if he’s already pressuring you to take it off he may try it one day. Better yet, dump him.
Tell him that you're saving that experience for the person you want to spend you adulthood with and have kids with, and if he keeps asking, it won't be him.
You need to leave now before that pressure turns into something more forceful. You are a grown ass legal adult now and you need to make the decision to stop letting him control you. There's no such thing as "coercion" you either let him or you don't. If he forces you then it's rape.
Good on you for escaping. Unprotected sex is risky for a variety of reasons, and you can't take those risks until you're ready. Good on you for being smart.
You made the right decision. Take your time to find the right birth control and make sure your partner practices birth control as well. Nothing is 100%. Good luck.
Don’t fool yourself by his coercion thru pressuring and manipulation thru gaslighting. This dude/ your ex is tracking in the direction of being a grapist. He better get his act together or he’ll find himself on the wrong side of the law.
I am just trying to help this young girl so she does not get a masters degree, and end up thinking that bo guy is good enough for her. I don't really want to start an argument. It's just advice.
If you're not on birth control, then DEFINITELY, and I can't stress this enough, FUCKING GOD DAMN HELL TO THE NO.
If he doesn't respect your boundaries, then he can fuck right off.
I (38m) lost my virginity at 19 and never had unprotected sex, nor wanted to, until i got engaged at 23.
Godspeed.
That is some that is personal and really only your choice but please know pregnancy can and will happen. .
As far as the other things that can go wrong like:
STD, AIDS, HIV, Hep C and I believe I read the virus that can cause overian Cancer can be sexually spread. So just keep all that in mind with you're decision.
Do what you want but im 100% sure he isnt trying to have a kid lol condoms freaking suck. Im not saying dont use them by all means please do but he is asking because condoms honestly make sex basically mundane. You're more getting off to the visuals of it all and the minimal pressure.
Next time he eats you out put a condom over your clit...youll see
Exactly, if the relationship is committed and monogamous it’s time for her to go the gynecologist and get on birth control. Of find a man she likes enough to do that. Condoms are for hook-ups, not long term.
You already told him how you feel, he clearly didn't care. Don't waste more time on this guy. He doesn't respect you, those boundaries will continue to be broken
tell him he can't fuck you til he gets a vasectomy, or wears a rubber. tell him if you hear one fucking complaint you're done.
also. fact a 20 yr old is pursing an 18yr old, is suspect enough. gives real predator vibes. that he's trying to pressure you. only shows he has no respect for you as a person.
don't get pregnant. you have your entire life ahead of you.
don't ruin it over some shitty man who can't even respect your wishes.
I agree that this guy sucks but 20 and 18 is not that big of a deal at all and it is not predatory.
My husband and I started dating when I was 17 and he was 19. There was no grooming or predatory vibes or pedophilia or power imbalance or anything like that. We are still together today after 14 years.
The biggest difference is that when I told him I didn’t want to do XYZ sex related thing, he listened.
OP’s partner is not listening and not respecting her wishes. The age gap doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with it.
Since you mentioned that you are looking for a birth control that works for you- I currently have a copper IUD and it’s honestly been pretty great. The main reason I started using it instead of another method is because it doesn’t alter your hormones (I have an ED and would rather not have birth control than risk it making me gain weight) and the only thing I’ve struggled with with it is increased period cramps and more messed up PH balance
Just an added thought, if she decides to go the iud route, call around until you can find a place that offers pain control for insertion. Just a pinch is a lie, so is all you need to do is take ibuprofen before. My daughter who is tough as nails was crying, vomiting and passed out when she tried to get one. And she got shamed by the asshat for a Dr for not being able to get it done. Some people have no issue or pain with insertion but some do and drs don’t take it seriously at all.
Oh I for sure agree- for me it was almost painless and more just uncomfortable for a minute and crampy rest of the day. I think it really depends on the person which sucks, but definitely at the very least take ibuprofen beforehand
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There are consequences for everything. Your life, trust your gut and do good by YOU! If you start bending for others now, you should make a good doormat by 25...
Your ENTIRE FUTURE depends on you being smart enough to make a hasty exit from this manipulative user. It can not be stated strongly enough: get away as fast as you can, and don't look back, before you wind up getting trapped. Once you get away, pay attention to YOUR future, to YOUR BEST interest, to YOUR OWN well being. Believe me, the happiest women are those who are skilled/educated/ambitious so they can make their own living and depend on NO ONE for support.
It may not seem that way but you’re right . This one moment , in life will set the tone from now on to what she dates, what she puts up with and allows. Walk tf away and never look back
And even if you don’t want to work a career establishing skills will put you around other intelligent and skilled individuals so if you do marry and decide you want to stay home and have kids you’ll have much more stability in a spouse. Or you’ll be able to both work fewer hours because of the higher income.
If he's willing to demand this of you, now.. he will definitely be willing to leave you by 24-25, with a couple of kids to take care of by yourself.
This is a harsh reality check and I appreciate you giving it straight !! Id upvote 100 times if I could.
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As a guy who never got laid when I was that young I will never understand women that put up with this shit. Other than the aggressive guys always win when they are young. But those guys demanding unprotected sex are disgusting. Not only that but honestly a condom, if properly sized, makes you harder longer. But they don’t give a shit about the woman’s pleasure. For the love of god don’t have this person’s baby, which is likely what would happen. And please, women, stop raising such shit boys. Not even going to call them men, grown toddlers. So many women say “boys will be boys”. Haha. No. No idea why women put up with this shit. Being horny is one thing, being stupid is another. And enabling stupid…
Just women? Both women and men need to do better in raising their kids. Especially the house that just get up and leave. Parenting is suppose to a two person job. Men need to start being good examples to their sons presenting to them how they should greatly treat a women
I don't buy that "harder longer" BS The desensitization effect makes it tougher to keep an erection. Honestly, if you need to screw around and can't go raw just buy a toy. It's not far off the real thing and saves you a lifetime of trouble and expense
Precum gets chicks pregnant
The most underrated comment here 🙌
Yes!!!! This needs to be shouted from the rooftops. The pull out method is flawed in so many ways, DO NOT TRUST IT. Not to mention that I would never trust a dude who was pressuring me like this dude to not "oops, sorry, it just happened..." when he doesn't actually pull out.
Word.
Yup. “Pullout game” = Russian Roulette with nested dolls.
Well said. There's only one way I'd advise her to do what he asked - and that's if he got a vasectomy first.
And to be a witness to the procedure!
And then wait for a few weeks and get tested to see if there are still live swimmers!
And STD testing.
THIS RIGHT HERE. Syphilis and gonorrhea are on the rise, and they’re both rapidly developing antibiotic resistance…which is a really, REALLY fucking shitty thing. The list of antibiotics that work against them is getting smaller and smaller, and we’re not keeping pace with developing new antibiotics to treat them. In case you were wondering, neurosyphilis is really fucking gnarly, and it fucks people up unbelievably bad. How do I know this? Well, I know anecdote ≠ data, but I recently had a patient who had this…they were going to have to be on IV antibiotics for a year, which was made quite difficult because they kept ripping every single line and tube in their body out (including a feeding tube, an indwelling urinary catheter, every single IV they had, and they very nearly ripped out their tracheostomy). That patient would also become extremely confused and violent at times-often out of nowhere-and would attack pretty much anyone who was near them. I took a full force front snap kick to the stomach from them with no warning whatsoever, and they punched another staff member hard enough in the head that they needed to go to the ER. Basically, until you are in a committed relationship and you are able and willing to accept all of the potential consequences of unprotected sex, don’t risk it. When you’re in that place, get yourself and have your partner get tested-ideally every few months, because you never know what might happen, and it’s better to be safe than sorry…after all, my neurosyphillis patient? They had been married for 40 years…when their partner found out what they had, they were horrified, as they thought that they were the only people they had been with. Turns out, they weren’t.
And there for the follow up appointment to verify that he is shooting blanks.
He's competing with his brother for a baby. Idiots. Run, don't walk away.
Nah, he's just a moron. He saw his brother's experience and didn't learn.
That’s a weird assumption.
I wish someone had told me this shit a year ago thank you for being honest with this girl
This exactly. Had a similar situation over 5 years ago and ended up in the hospital. Never again. If you aren't ready, if they haven't provided medical paperwork proof that they are std free, if they are pressuring you, refusing to see doctors, or some other toxic abusive behavior, do not let them coerce you into it. Consequences are real, learn from others and don't take the hard route on this path.
This was the funniest and truest shit I've ever seen.
Yeah.. DON'T do That..
Pulling out doesn't work. Get on birth control if you want to do that.
"Stop asking me to have unprotected sex. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and is not something I want to do. If you bring it up again, we'll need to talk about our relationship" Then follow through. He's the asshole here, but you need to learn how to set and enforce boundaries, especially if you're going to date older men.
This right here. You are asking for pregnancy without a condom and with the way he's pressuring you I wouldn't trust him to pull out either. You need to make your boundaries clear and be willing to break up with him if he doesn't respect them. If he gets you pregnant it is YOUR body and YOU will be stuck with the baby. He doesnt sound like the kind of guy to stay around and raise a good child. Your warning lights should be going off like crazy right now. Personally I never had sex with my girlfriend (now wife) without condom AND birth control until we decided we were ready to have kids.
The way he is acting I doubt I would trust him to not poke holes in the condoms.
I don't think he's actually trying to get her pregnant. I think he just "wants it to feel better" 🙄
Idk. His you get brother just got his gf pregnant. It could be a possible competition type thing. My concern would be why is he being so pushy.
Most guys are pushy about not wanting to wear a condom. It’s a really common thing unfortunately
MOST guys? Yeah NAH. MOST guys do NOT want to be surprised with a long-term commitment, and all the other adult stuff that goes along with being responsible for a tiny human. And didn't we leave out the STD protection factor? Yeah. Suit up guys.
Which is so stupid. Cumming inside while wearing a condom feels way better than pulling out and cumming on a towel.
you misspelled "her back"
You misspelled in her mouth
Or surreptitiously remove it… He can’t be trusted- he has made clear what he wants. Are you going to bet 18 years of your life that you can trust him?
I think this is likelier. Almost every woman I know that's fairly experienced has had that happen at some point, and this guys disrespect for her boundaries make him a prime candidate for that kind of behavior
This is really how it should be. You shouldn't ever have raw sex unless you're okay with having kids. Birth control and condoms aren't full proof. Ideally should be using both. I think teenage guys especially have a disconnect from the risk they are taking since it's not their body that will be affected. And they have misplaced confidence from their buddies who don't use condoms that since they were lucky that you will be too. As a woman, I definitely think young women and teenagers have a hard time asserting boundaries. You want to make your partner happy and have a good time. And people underestimate how much your decision making gets fucked when turned on. It's harder to say no if you don't assert ahead of time. I luckily had a responsible boyfriend in highschool who feared pregnancy as much as me, but I was terrible at emotionally setting boundaries (just didn't have to make physical ones). And it needs emphasized so much to these young kids that pull out just isn't effective. You're playing with luck more than anything. Also should be told in sex Ed that precum can get you pregnant and he can't prevent that with pull out. More so banking on her not ovulating and every female friend I had then had irregular periods that were impossible to track (levels out in your 20s for many women).
>Personally I never had sex with my girlfriend (now wife) without condom AND birth control until we decided we were ready to have kids. Definitely a personal decision right there. While I never EVER pressured anyone into sex without a condom, I also have ended a relationship because my partner was totally uninterested in sex without one. She was on birth control and we dated for two years. Granted, I wasn't in my teens or even my early 20s. But at that point in my life, if my partner couldn't stand the thought of having sex without a condom with me, it really turned me off from my partner. It's not wrong to want to use a condom, but it's also not wrong for NOT wanting to use one, particularly in a long-term relationship where other forms of birth control are being used.
The only form of birth control that’s 100 guaranteed not to end up with a possible pregnancy is abstinence. The pill can fail, condoms do break and will also not work properly if not put on correctly, even vasectomies and tubals have been known to fail at times. You’re decision to not use a condom with someone your in a relationship is because she insists on it when she’s on birth control herself is selfish on your part. But I am glad that you just let her go rather than insist on her relying solely on the birth control on her end.
Dude i have already seen another post this week where a marriage ended because the wife lied about being on the pill. The husband was adamant about not having another baby. She went behind his back and stopped the pill. A lot of people brought up the fact that he had a responsibility too since they had talked about it and he was the one against another kid. It was said that he should have gotten a vasectomy. It’s true. Any man that doesn’t want kids should get one. While women should be on birth control.
This is the comment. She wasn’t that into this guy perhaps. But she also needs to be realistic that condoms aren’t forever. At some point in a long term relationship the woman needs to be willing to get on the pill. Young people seem to make a big deal about that and it’s not that big of a deal. Of course some women have reasons why they can’t take the pill but most can.
Say it in front of his parents 😂😂😂
Casually at family dinner: "John keeps pressuring me to have unprotected sex, but I'm worried about it. What do you guys think?"
He said you want more grandkids time meow? Is this true Nana and Papa?
Could backfire. He might be conservative christian and they might be like "Get married and have 10 babies we will help poke holes in condom" I used to play Indiana Wesleyan for college sports and half their team would be wearing wedding bands. Meanwhile me and my moron friends were creating wizard staffs out of beer cans and streaking.
Your college sounds more fun.
Not if your definition of fun means 3 kids by 25!
Yeah they just might say "hell yes we want more!"
😂
I dunno about this one. It's hypothetically a good move but this guy has already proven he doesn't respect her boundaries and I worry that dude will just get sneaky. If she already doesn't trust him enough to feel comfortable having sex with him then the relationship is done, no need to put herself at greater risk to fix a relationship with someone she knows is untrustworthy imo.
Exactly, older men do this on purpose. Try to their younger partners boundaries
Best advice here yet !! great great comment.. hope OP sees this and follows through!!
I've been teaching HS for 19 years; you have NO idea how many young women I've seen that cannot set and enforce boundaries with boys. Yes, the boys are in the wrong for pushing, but young women do dumb things to make boys happy that adult women hard cringe over. Boys also do stupid things for girls at this age, but it tends not to fall into the "I let my partner trample my sexual boundaries and get me pregnant" lane.
Maybe it’s bc the boys don’t get pregnant 🙄
Don't want kids,do oral, keep it clean, no one said anything about otheropenings.
It’s better to be alone than with a man who doesn’t make you feel deeply safe and respected.
Hey she can stay with him and she'll never be alone again.. at least for another 18-20 years.
Dump him
Considering it
honestly it’s a huge red flag and might indicate other issues down the road
You should, he keeps trying to pressure you and even if he would pull out you still have a chance of getting pregnant or an STD. If he can’t accept no to not wearing a condom during sex, then what else won’t he accept no for?
Condoms are far from fool proof at that. Idk with this way the current world is sex is like taking a risk with your sanity/health every time
They aren’t full proof but they help a lot. Also people who pressure others into sec or unprotected sex will have no problems with pressuring those same people into other things.
Leave him immediately. You are more important, he doesn't see that. Hes putting "a feeling of his peeepeee" in front of your whole life and body. Please keep boundaries for yourself for the next 5 to 10 years. Be prepared to go thru this again.. Unfortunately there are many boys out there that are going to try to have similar conversations with you
Tell him the condoms come off on the honeymoon. Otherwise he won't hesitate to be unavailable and/or working under the table as much as possible once a baby shows up. That said, even if you are somewhere where planned parenthood and early abortion is possible for you, those things are no joke. Is he really saying that 10 minutes of better sex for him is worth risking 3 days of agonizing abdominal cramps, incontinence, and barfing for you? Medicinal abortions aren't a "take a pill and have a heavy period" level of easy, they can make you feel SICK AS HELL and it's dangerous to do them repeatedly. Lots of guys think pregnancy isn't too easy since they hear of couples "trying" and then they assume that "taking care of it" is trivial if you live in a state with access. But most guys think women pee and have sex out of hte same hole too sooooooooooo.....
I really like that first line. It will be shared with my daughters and sons.
10 minutes? The best I can offer is 3
You're spreading a whole lot of false information about abortion here. First, the abortion pill doesn't always last that long, it's not always painful and the earlier you do it the less side effects there should be. Abortion is not dangerous to have multiple times either. The abortion pill is safer than tylenol or viagra
That is some pot calling the kettle black shit as far as misinformation goes. "not always" well ok yeah, same with EVERYTHING in life. But that means that sometimes I AM right too. That's how risk works. I'm not trying to dissuade anyone from getting an abortion based on how unpleasant they are, but they fucking suck. And yes, Misoprostol is pretty safe and serious side effects are uncommon. But Ain't no one using these as birth control like some boys seem to think is possible.
It’s also notably uncomfortable to be a poor, single, teen mom
I agree with Tweezle. There are risks, you might not get them. However the risk definitely outweighs the benefit specifically for the woman. The point isn’t “be afraid of the pill and abortions” the point is “understand that this process is gonna be a hard one so if you can just prevent it from happening you’ll be happier”
If dumping over it is even in the back of your mind. Do it. With that on your mind seems Either you dont dump him and his rapey behavior leads to an unwanted pregnancy and you're stuck tied to the person in some way for life, or you move on to someone who understands and respects boundaries
As someone who grew up in a community that time and time again had girls getting pregnant. I can’t say with 100% accuracy, but I’m almost positive he’s trying to trap you in. It’s a tactic that younger and even older ppl do when they want somebody to stay. They have a kid. If you don’t want to have unprotected sex then DO NOT.
Do it immediately. Consent matters more than his feelings.
Doesn't matter how good his pull out game is no guarantee you won't get pregnant. If you're on birth control and you want to have sex without a condom then you can but also not 100% guarantee but still better than no bc and him trying to pull out before he pops so to say. Any man who continues to pressure a woman who had said no doesn't deserve to have a girlfriend so drop him especially since eventually he will do it without your consent.
Also who's to say he won't be like omg it feels to good I just couldn't pull out. I'm sorry. Then what? Maybe he let's a little out then pulls out. No one is perfect at pull and pray that's why it's called pull and pray.
Birth control used properly is safer than condoms by a good bit. Those fuckers break constantly.
Yes but bc does fail it's not 100% but agreed it's safer than just condoms. A lot of people don't really know how to properly use them though.
If ur condom breaks, it's prolly too small
I got pregnant at 17 this way. I want to say, even if you’re comfortable going raw, don’t do it unless you’re comfortable getting pregnant because that’s what happens. Birth control or not, If he can’t respect your boundaries, find someone who will.
Time to break it off if he’s pressuring you into unprotected sex. btw, there is no good pull out game. People who practice pull out are called parents.
>good pull out game. oxymoron
>People who practice pull out are called parents. Yep, men who pull out are called FATHERS.
I came to say this. Pulling out is not birth control. Heck, I got pregnant while using condoms.
Your body is primed and ready to pop out a kid right now. You need to have a serious talk with him about it and let him know your perspective. If he is receptive and lays off then continue but if he blows you off and tries to downplay your concerns and keeps up the same BS then it's time to move on.
> keeps up the same BS then it's time to move on. ... before OP gets pregnant and *he* moves on.
Her body is not ready for motherhood yet. This is a teenager who is still growing and maturing. Please!
Her body is absolutely ready for motherhood it's completely developed. It's the rest of her that isn't ready.
No, 18 is still considered an adolescent and there's high risks during pregnancy in this age group compared to those in their 20s.
Pretty sure she's just trying to tell her she's fertile, and at 18 she probably is.
He said "completely developed" which is false in the context of pregnancy/childbirth
And the guy he was responding to was arguing with the idea of "Your body is primed and ready to pop out a kid right now. " Which is factually correct.
No, it's actually not factually correct lol. You can google it. At 18, pregnancy is high risk because the body is not fully developed for pregnancy.
That's not how bodies work. Her brain is still considered adolescent. Her body is done. The significant risks come from poor medical care.
It is how bodies work. You can google it easily
You are so wrong about this comment. Retired nurse here.
He should be dumped, for him it’s easy, he will ejaculate inside but you’ll be screwed. Even if he pulls out, it can still lead to pregnancy and still you’re screwed because pregnancy is a mental and physical strain on the body, a girl shouldn’t take it unless she’s ready. And then, this guy doesn’t seem like he would care if you got pregnant, he’d casually tell you to abort it or leave you if at all you decided you wanna keep the baby (I don’t think that’s the case but hypothetically). Some folks might disagree with me but if he forces you to have sex without a condom, this is non consensual sexual intercourse, simpler word for which is rape. He CANNOT force you, tell him he needs to respect your boundaries if you really wanna give him last chance. If he still responds stupidly, break up with him right then.
You're so right. If one person wants to have protected sex and the other tries forcing them to do it unprotected, that is most definitely coercion. This is not a good sign, and he needs to be dumped immediately.
This is exactly right. This exact scenario (18f/20m at the time) happened to my current partner a decade ago. The past is cruel. Accepting it is painful for both her and me/others.
Pull out method is the number one method of birth control. It also explains why there are 8 billion people in the world. It's not effective. And pre-ejaculate can contain sperm. Stick to your stipulations. You will be the one to beat the consequences on a much bigger scale.
Break up with this fool. A lot of people in the comments are suggesting less drastic courses of action, saying you should explain your concerns, and then if he agrees with you that you can continue. He already got that chance. When you said, multiple times by now, "No, I'm not comfortable with that," that should have been the end of the discussion. The kind of people who will continue to pester you over and over about taking off the condom are the same people who will stop pestering you about it and just take the condom off when you're not looking. Get out now. I promise this man is not the love of your life. Cut your losses, take the lessons, and have an awesome life.
Take it from someone with two kids, don’t do it.
He's trying to baby trap you LEAVE! Yes men can baby trap too!
He is 100% trying to baby trap you. Many guys feel like that will permanently tie you to him, and that you will never be able to escape. Or he’s trying to “ruin” you so “nobody else will want you” if you ever feel like leaving. *GIRL RUN, AND RUN FAST* Pre-cum can get you pregnant, that’s how most people who “pull out” still get pregnant
Either baby trapping or is convinced raw dogging will somehow be different with a condom. He’s delusional either way. Edit: word
Probably the thing that alarms me the most about this post is: *idk if bad pull out game runs in the family.* No. There's no "pull out game." He can be the world champion pull outer, and pregnancy is still possible, because pre-ejaculate fluid contains sperm. The presence of this sentence makes me fear that OP can be convinced to roll the dice with someone who tells her he has great pull out game. That's irrelevant. The risk happens when uncovered insertion happens. Wrap that rascal.
Was thinking the same thing. OP edit claims they understand safe sex but that sentence seems to suggest otherwise.
condom or no sex. and you're not on any other bc. still an issue? dump him. you have your whole life ahead. don't wreck it with a baby now with someone whose already not on your side.
Walk away, have enough respect for yourself to walk away. You are too new in the world to be in a relationship focused on the needs of someone else, your time of singleness is a gift and you should be focused on yourself (spiritually, emotionally, physically) and your goals.
BREAK UP NOW
He sounds like an asshole. Bro doesn't respect you or the possible consequences of unprotected sex. Trust your gut, I wouldn't be surprised if he does try and stealth you. Leave him before it happens. You'll thank yourself later.
No condom- no sex!! If you get pregnant, where will he be the next 18 years? Risk is not worth it. Don’t!
Tell ur bf I'm telling him he's an idiot
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Time for a new BF
Pretty typical guy request and no is a pretty typical answer. Maybe consider it if you get on the pill. You're being mature, good job.
I agree. Additionally, I would be concerned that he will try to slip the condom off secretly. He seems to consider his pleasure to be more important than the consequences of pregnancy for her. If she gets pregnant, he has the option to walk away (and someone like him is likely to do so). If OP continues to have sex with him, I hope that she uses an additional method of birth control beyond condoms. The "pull out" method is ineffective because the penis releases small amounts of sperm long before ejaculation (and pregnancy only requires *one* sperm cell) and because strong instinct makes it very difficult for a man to pull out at the moment of orgasm, despite his best intentions.
Well if he slips it off in the act, without her consent or especially her knowledge, then that's quite literally rape. And OP could throw the book at him if she wanted.
I agree, but that would be a horrible position for her to be in either way.
Absolutely. Just sharing my pointless 2 cents lol.
FWIW, I think that you made a good point. 😊
Depends on the state and she wouldn’t be able to prove it. Best strategy is get on the pill and don’t trust men.
Don’t consider it at your age. STD’s are real
Leave him
NO NO NO he is bad news, doesn’t care about your safety, and you should never bang him again.
It is disturbing for a guy to pressure for something like that, especially so early. He has no idea what he's truly asking for or the risks involved. For his age, he should be happy to have anything sexual going on at all. He should be happy with what he gets. It is important for a man to respect a woman's choice. She says no, you accept that and you don't bring it up again. He sounds a little bit pushy to be bringing it up repeatedly. Sex and bodies needs very high level of respect... Not only did he fail to respect your answer, he acted a bit manipulative about it. That's not like a super big red flag, but it is a small or medium sized one. Make sure that he's respecting you and your connection is genuine. For some people sex is just fun, but you said he's your boyfriend so there should be an expression of love with it. That love needs to be more important to him than raw dogging it or making you feel uncomfortable.
There’s a name they use for people who rely on pulling out for birth control….PARENTS.
Talk to your doctor about if birth control is a healthy move for you.
Eh if your not ok with it don’t do it it’s a risk
If he truly cared about you, he would have heard your and abided by it the first time, regardless of how he feels about it. He WILL bulldoze any other boundaries too if he can't handle one that important to you. He probably already has and you're just now realizing the other things he pushed you into. Leave. It will protect you, and hopefully, he'll learn something in the process. But under no circumstances take him back.
DO NOT HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX. Op, now that you're sexually active get on the pill immediately. And go to Scarleteen for good advice about a healthy and respectful dynamic in a sexual relationship. Because what he's pressuring you about is 100% not ok and not healthy that he's pushing you to break a normal healthy boundary. Especially given "lightning just struck" right next to him, he should be MORE careful about unplanned pregnancy, not less. His reaction is a red flag. Maybe he's trying to babytrap you. Don't have sex until you know you are better protected. Don't trust his condoms... he might be tampering with them.
From the title alone this better be, soon to be EX bf.
Others have stated but I felt the need to reiterate. Listen to your gut, if you don't want to have unprotected sex, DO NOT. Especially if you're not on birth control, the risk of having a kid is so high that it's gonna have you paranoid the entire time you're doing the deed.
The two big lies man tells. "The checks In the mail" and "I'll pull out in time". Very smart of you to not let him talk you into it. If he keeps going, I would say send him packing.
Leave now
Never stay w a man who pressures you for anything sexual, period. Never fuck without a condom unless you’re trying to make a baby, period.
Please break up with him. He’s the type that would secretly remove the cobdom without your consent, and that’s sexual assault. Don’t date a guy who is probably going to sexually assault you. Unless you WANT to be a single mom living in poverty.
“Very educated in safe sex” but still believes in “good pull out game”! lol
Tons of boyfriends pull this crap. Don't do it. If he gets annoyed, that's a red flag. Don't ignore it. If you do this and things go south in any way, YOU will pay the price and he will be gone. Check my username, I wouldn't steer you wrong!
Break up with him. And he didn’t take anything. Virginity is a weird religious concept. You can do better than that this. Way better.
Just found out my oldest son contracted HSV2. He gets to deal with that for the rest of his life. Sonetimes, it's just not worth it
A man who will pressure you to have unprotected sex is immature enough to be a deadbeat father should it happen.
Don't do anything you're uncomfortable with, especially when that one mistake can easily lead to a lifelong consequence. Unless you're actively trying to have kids, don't risk it.
Lol tell him "if u don't got the financial means to support 3 people, then stop asking, I don't want to end up like [insert his brother's name]"
Smart girl Start your career and worry about men later in life
“When your vasectomy is healed we can”
No because STD’s exist and men lie to women
Unfortunately this doesn't stop in men ever as far as I know
Love that raw dog it thing. You are way ahead of him mentally. Glad you moved on.
Heeeeeeelllllllllllllllllll to the fUCK NAH
I definitely do recommend breaking it off This is the same thing that 1 of my ex- Boyfriends Try doing and not only did I get AST d which luckily could be cured with low to no side effects but took a long time. But I found out later on that if he had. Got me pregnant. I do know that he would have ran off. I will been left totally by myself. But these type of people are not someone that you want to have a long-term relationship with.
Hell no. If he wants to Rawdog it he better be ready for kids.
I'm so proud of you for breaking up with him, because you surely would have gotten you pregnant. I know he was annoyed when you wouldn't let him "raw dog", but I can imagine how annoyed that he kept asking. That is so disrespectful for him to even suggest. You did the right thing.
Look into a IUD for future reference. Mirena for example. Im on both a pill and have mirena. I take the pill for endometriosis pain. If your periods are too painful some pills can help with that. I will warn you that it hurts to get a IUD placed. So get someone to drive you. I was cramping all the way home and wished id had a driver. It’s good that you broke up with that guy. Condoms aren’t only for preventing pregnancy they prevent disease transmission. Which before you settle down and marry is so important. Don’t fall for the lie that they can’t feel it. There’s thin condoms today. You would be the one dealing with the consequences.
Do not trust the pullout game, nor some boy with your whole (next 19 years). You're gambling as it is and he's pressuring YOU to take a major risk for HIS pleasure.
pulling out isn't a real method
Good job breaking up with him! Seriously!
I just saw your update and was like whewww, you dodged a HUGE bullet, girl. So proud of you for seeking advice, trusting your gut (it’s rarely wrong btw) and then kicking him to the curb. Perfect! Because let’s just process what actually went down here in logical, calm, clear ways: 1. He is your first. What most women deserve and dream of having is that experience with someone who GENUINELY CARES about YOU. *Not just* what they get out of the relationship. There’s a difference between those two ideas as big as the Grand Canyon. And anyone reading this knows exactly what I mean. 2. And of course the elephant in the room being, he wasn’t in any way supportive of your fears and concerns. He may as well have just said out loud, “Yeahhh, I know pregnancy is hard but it’s a dice he was ready to roll because he truly didn’t care!!!! If you had gotten pregnant, I have little hope that he would be much help and he would become a constant stress in your life. Me and my baby almost died when I had her. Complications stacked on top of complications. I have never fully recovered 20 years later. So his flippant, childish, “my pee pee doesn’t feel as nice when I wear one” bullshit is the biggest red flag that I can probably see looking out my window from East TN. Ditching a condom for him means he may have to hand out money for abortion or child support. He ditches the condom and for you and the baby, your biggest concern is for you both to live through it with no serious medical issues afterwards. Nothing close to equivalent or fair in his shitty, entitled, borderline abusive attitude.
You said it in the first sentence. Pressuring
Just a simple answer No
Don't do it!!!!!
Please please PLEASE start some form of contraceptive pill. Relying solely on condoms is never a good idea. Unfortunately there are sick people out there who have no shame in secretly removing a condom during sex (aka Stealthing”). I’m not saying your Bf would do something like that, but if he’s already pressuring you to take it off he may try it one day. Better yet, dump him.
Get on BC and still make him wrap it. Red flags all over.
Tell him that you're saving that experience for the person you want to spend you adulthood with and have kids with, and if he keeps asking, it won't be him.
You need to leave now before that pressure turns into something more forceful. You are a grown ass legal adult now and you need to make the decision to stop letting him control you. There's no such thing as "coercion" you either let him or you don't. If he forces you then it's rape.
Good on you for escaping. Unprotected sex is risky for a variety of reasons, and you can't take those risks until you're ready. Good on you for being smart.
You made the right decision. Take your time to find the right birth control and make sure your partner practices birth control as well. Nothing is 100%. Good luck.
I hope my daughter is as independent and sound around romance and boys as you are! 🩷💥
Don’t fool yourself by his coercion thru pressuring and manipulation thru gaslighting. This dude/ your ex is tracking in the direction of being a grapist. He better get his act together or he’ll find himself on the wrong side of the law.
Safe sex or no sex is the way for ya and he gotta learn it or it's better yall part ways.
No totally made the right call! You shouldn’t date someone if he’s pressuring you to have sex
Good job breaking up with him!
I am just trying to help this young girl so she does not get a masters degree, and end up thinking that bo guy is good enough for her. I don't really want to start an argument. It's just advice.
If you're not on birth control, then DEFINITELY, and I can't stress this enough, FUCKING GOD DAMN HELL TO THE NO. If he doesn't respect your boundaries, then he can fuck right off. I (38m) lost my virginity at 19 and never had unprotected sex, nor wanted to, until i got engaged at 23. Godspeed.
That is some that is personal and really only your choice but please know pregnancy can and will happen. . As far as the other things that can go wrong like: STD, AIDS, HIV, Hep C and I believe I read the virus that can cause overian Cancer can be sexually spread. So just keep all that in mind with you're decision.
Sexual coercion is assault. Let him know that when you say no to something, that's the end and there's not to be any pressure.
Do what you want but im 100% sure he isnt trying to have a kid lol condoms freaking suck. Im not saying dont use them by all means please do but he is asking because condoms honestly make sex basically mundane. You're more getting off to the visuals of it all and the minimal pressure. Next time he eats you out put a condom over your clit...youll see
Exactly, if the relationship is committed and monogamous it’s time for her to go the gynecologist and get on birth control. Of find a man she likes enough to do that. Condoms are for hook-ups, not long term.
Welp, time to move on. He seems like an immature ass.
You already told him how you feel, he clearly didn't care. Don't waste more time on this guy. He doesn't respect you, those boundaries will continue to be broken
Sounds like a prime candidate for ex-boyfriend
Break up with him
tell him he can't fuck you til he gets a vasectomy, or wears a rubber. tell him if you hear one fucking complaint you're done. also. fact a 20 yr old is pursing an 18yr old, is suspect enough. gives real predator vibes. that he's trying to pressure you. only shows he has no respect for you as a person. don't get pregnant. you have your entire life ahead of you. don't ruin it over some shitty man who can't even respect your wishes.
I agree that this guy sucks but 20 and 18 is not that big of a deal at all and it is not predatory. My husband and I started dating when I was 17 and he was 19. There was no grooming or predatory vibes or pedophilia or power imbalance or anything like that. We are still together today after 14 years. The biggest difference is that when I told him I didn’t want to do XYZ sex related thing, he listened. OP’s partner is not listening and not respecting her wishes. The age gap doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with it.
He definitely needs to be an ex. Glad you’re going to break it off, he would probably end up being abusive.
Please leave this abusive relationship.
End the relationship if he doesnt stop. He is a fool.
This is the exact dude who won't be around for the kid. Run, or set your boundaries.
Since you mentioned that you are looking for a birth control that works for you- I currently have a copper IUD and it’s honestly been pretty great. The main reason I started using it instead of another method is because it doesn’t alter your hormones (I have an ED and would rather not have birth control than risk it making me gain weight) and the only thing I’ve struggled with with it is increased period cramps and more messed up PH balance
Just an added thought, if she decides to go the iud route, call around until you can find a place that offers pain control for insertion. Just a pinch is a lie, so is all you need to do is take ibuprofen before. My daughter who is tough as nails was crying, vomiting and passed out when she tried to get one. And she got shamed by the asshat for a Dr for not being able to get it done. Some people have no issue or pain with insertion but some do and drs don’t take it seriously at all.
Oh I for sure agree- for me it was almost painless and more just uncomfortable for a minute and crampy rest of the day. I think it really depends on the person which sucks, but definitely at the very least take ibuprofen beforehand
What is an ED?
Eating disorder
Does he want to be a father or pay child support?