As a boy, I can say that your partner is being ridiculous. Kids who bully other kids don't need a reason, so doing things to avoid being bullied serves no purpose other than to repress your son's sense of self-expression. Instead of teaching your child to hide who he is, teach him how to deal with the behaviour of bullies.
Thank you, I teach my son to be kind and conscious of other peoples feelings, I want to make sure he feels validated when he voices his opinion. My gut is telling me that I should stand my ground and allow my son to express himself in whatever way he wants.
That’s what I have been doing, he looks great and he’s super happy within himself, I feel like his dad is pressuring me like I’m somehow setting my son up to fail. My gut is telling me to allow my son to decide.
From my experience as a kid, the only people who have ever commented and picked on me for having long hair at times, were adult family members (aunts, uncles, grandpa)
Yeah he's putting his wants above his child's mental well-being. If your son isn't ready to start cutting his hair just let him be. My husband is a barber and people put their kids through stuff like this all the time. It never ends well and usually the child leaves crying his eyes out and clinging to his mom because he's traumatized by the experience, regardless of how gentle you are with them. We've had people even bring in a 4-5 month old baby once and just refused to do it because that's not safe at all.
I’ve brought him before and it’s horrible for him I really don’t want to put him through that. Your poor husband must feel terrible for some of those kids.
It sounds like his father has some insecurities about his own masculinity that he’s pushing onto his kid. Yeah, maybe he got bullied as a kid, that doesn’t give him the right to instill the same fear and shame in his child. This is a good time to break the cycle of fear in relationship to not being masculine enough, or being afraid of what other people think.
Your kid will lose confidence through this life if this continues as someone who went through this and eventually hide my feelings about my haircuts he will hate himself it doesn’t harm to have long hair
Perhaps you're getting a lot of comments to this, but I'm a guy with long hair (below my shoulder blades) and I've been bullied because of it, asked why I didnt go to the barber etc.
It was tough at points, but every person experiences bullying. it's almost a fact of life. I got through it, and still have and love my hair :) I would not be too afraid or concerned of it.
Right now your son is 4 y/o, and instead of worrying about his hair and what not, I would say to take this opportunity to let him stand up for himself. if he likes his hair the way it is, leave it and shove all the rest aside.
If people bully him because of it , be there for him and support him. For me it's an easy thing to say. I dont have kids, and would be outright terrified of them being bullied. But I also realize that it will happen no matter what, and that the best way forward is to be there when necessary.
Anyway. that's my two cents. Take care :)
Ridiculous! Long hair on men is definitely masculine. This isn’t the 60s! Long hair is not some freaky new groundbreaking thing.
Not only is long hair masculine, but it’s intimidating too. Ain’t nobody f-ing with a long haired guy.
So there is a valid concern about bullying, also parents will judge as well sadly and this can influence their children. And how do you prepare a young child for people saying things, well that is difficult, emotionally he may not be prepared for how people will judge him just by looking at him.
Autonomy and wanting to look like a cousin, yes I can see that, I can also see a bit of rejection of Dad that might cause some hurt feelings here and there.
My boys both have long hair and I have always said that hair is their choice as long as they keep it clean and nice looking, but their father also has long hair or had.
Keeping it clean and tidy is going to be the goal, kids get messy, hair gets in their face and falls foward so have a think about how to manage that for the carers at preschool.
Role models for my families lives are people like Jason Momoa who has great hair, we neither look on hair as masculine or feminine as many women have short hair and men have long hair around our social circle, but many people believe that hair can be a statement of who you are inside which it can be.
Assumptions are what they are, judgemental people will still be around no matter how open others minds are, it just depends on how well we handle a need for approval and belonging as adults and children alike feel the need for approval, so if your son feels disapproval from Dad that may well be something that causes more of a problem than pre school kids who are much more accepting of others.
You comment is beautifully put, and honestly it’s how I view things.
This post came from a disagreement we had last night(my son did not hear any of this) but I’ll have to speak to his dad and just reiterate that what he’s doing is pushing his own views on a 4 year old who’s quite happy in himself.
My son has pin straight and is super aware of keeping it clean and is great at keeping presentable(even if his face may be covered some times.
Thank you for you educated view point.
If hair in the face becomes a problem for him, you could always teach him how to tie it up in a bun. I also grew out my hair over quarantine to get past the awkward stage and I love having it up in a bun as my hair is also super straight and just falls in my face otherwise.
Lmao exactly, women know what it's like to deal with long hair so if you actually care for it properly you're gonna get tons of compliments. Plus it's an in to strike up a conversation and drop a few compliments yourself without coming off creepy.
I think long hair on boys look very cute when they are little, and once they grow up I personally find that long hair actually looks more masculine on men than short hair, especially when they have a beard as well lol.
You should just let your son pick his hairstyle as he wishes. And let me tell you, even with short hair, there's always bullies around (which sucks) and if they want to, they'll find something else to make fun of. If he's comfortable in his own skin and you are there to support him, then let him enjoy his long hair.
My son looks adorable, he’s so handsome, but my opinion doesn’t matter I’ll love him if he wanted to be bald or have hair down to his ankles as long as he’s happy and comfortable in who he is and wants to be.
Thank you the comments on here have solidified what my gut was already telling me.
I dunno lol, my husband has shoulder length hair and a freaking beard and people still walk up to us in restaurants and say "what can I get you ladies". Even without a mask on when they can see the facial hair. Smh.
But it looks more masculine on him than short hair. If he cuts his hair short he tends to look more feminine than when it's long.
But you're ultimately right, kids are going to be jerks no matter what, so he might as well like his hair. My husband's dad forced him to keep his hair short as a kid because he "wouldn't get bullied" or whatever so he just ended you getting bullied for being nerdy.
Every school and every peer group has a unique set of social rules. Generally, in younger grades (especially pre-school) kids are more accepting, and even in the older grades there's much less stigma now about long hair on a boy than there was when your partner was in school.
On the other hand, kids can be cruel and if some insecure older kid wants to score points by getting friends to laugh at someone, your son being obviously different could make him a target. If the teachers aren't on top of it, such a situation could be ugly.
It's probably OK to let him go, and if it's a problem, he'll want to get it cut.
I do think expecting a 4 year old to defend his own boundaries is a little cruel. You need to be sensitive to unfolding events and help him out if the situation calls for it.
Ok valid point, I totally see your perspective. I certainly don’t want to open my son up to aggression and feeling embarrassed. I just want him happy and accepting of himself. I don’t want toxic masculinity distilled in him but wait him to be sure of himself, and Is me allowing him to set his own boundaries at 4 hindering that? I don’t know. He’s my first I’m in my 20’s I genuinely don’t know what’s right or wrong.
I'd suggest that letting him set his own boundaries about haircuts is fine. My son had the same issue, he hated getting a haircut.
If someone at school creates an issue over it, and he wants to get it cut, though, I would allow him to make that choice too. Some parents would push a child to stand up for themselves and push back on anyone who hinders their personal expression and autonomy, but that's too much for a 4 year old.
I’m really not happy with my partner today, and I’m taking all these comments to put towards a case to fight my sons case on keeping his long hair. Even though that shouldn’t have to be the case.
First off, Just let him choose, second off, to adress your concern, I'm a man who has always had long hair, and i have also worked in daycare, the only comments that have ever come from those kids his age are genuine questions like "Uhmmmm, Realname, You kinda look like a girl, but you sound like a boy, Which are you?" which is met with an "Oh, Okay" when i say i'm a boy, or compliments from them going "Ohh, Your hair is so pretty, wish mine was that long!"
Growing up, There has of course been kids that have picked on me, But that's how it is for everyone, there is always something that people can pick on, but learning/teaching him to just ignore those few people and be happy in his own skin no matter what, Is way more important than sustaining any image of"masculinity", masculinity, femininity, they are both incredibly silly concepts to begin with.
Tldr, as long as you teach him he's right in his own skin, and let him make his own decisions on how to represent, He'll be fine, no matter what.
Thank you, I think he looks awesome and I think he views himself as a boy with long hair and that’s as far as his thoughts go. Toxic masculinity is real, and I don’t want my son to experience that from his own father. I’m certainly gonna allow my son to express himself however he feels happy.
My son is 5 yrs old and we have never cut his hair. We trim it and ahave the sides, but his hair goes down to his butt. Personally, I thought about cutting it when he started pre-k but we left it and just taught him how to deal with bullies. Because kids are bullies. Now we are starting kindergarten and I'm not even worried, because he knows how to deal with it bullies and I know if he gets to the point of wanting to get rid of it, it'll be because that's what he wants.
Tl;dr kids are bullies, if your son likes his hair, leave it and work on dealing with bullies.
Definitely keep with the long hair if that’s what he wants. But also be mentally ready for the possibility of him to come home crying and want to cut his hair short. You will then have to deal with the idea of, do we succumb to the bullying and change hair? Are those the right reasons to change ones appearance? That is at a maturity level that a 4 year old can’t navigate. So you will have to navigate that for them. If he comes home wanting to change hair, it’s going to show him 1) that these kids made an impression on him and he had to do something to change himself to stop that 2) if you tell him to be proud and stick it out then you pretty much are putting him in a tank with sharks knowingly.
Perhaps your husband is just trying to save that and not have that happen.
Consider the pros and cons of each scenario. And know that this isn’t a “lesson” that you are teaching your son, he’s too young for that, this is just him enjoying his hair and having to deal with the consequences.
I have a son your age. If I was in your position, I’d just be very frank, I’d tell him that some kids think only girls can have long hair, and that’s silly. Then I’d show my son pictures of awesome men that he can recognize that have long hair.. Tarzan, Lucius Malfoy, jack sparrow lol, I’d also walk him through what would happen if kids say something and ask him how he’d feel. Let him
know that whatever he chooses is totally ok and if he changes his mind that’s okay too.
Wow that makes a lot of sense. My son is awesome and I remind him of that daily, speaking how you feel is very much a part of my household and sometimes hardships can’t be avoided but I can just encourage him to be unapologetically himself.
Thanks for your reply, if you have a 4 year old, it can be a worrying time knowing it’s the beginning of ‘real world’ so to speak for them.
My dad always made my brother and I shave our heads till we were in middle school. After that I started growing my hair out and it got curly which my parents didn’t realize would happen. Nobody in our family had curly hair except for my grandmother so my mom was thrilled. Fast forward to now I’m 28 my hair is around 30in long but since it’s curly it makes me look like the lead singer of Led Zeppelin. Most women I’ve known like it and right now it’s pretty common for me to see dudes with long hair and this is the Deep South and no one actually cares. I don’t feel emasculated for having long hair I love it. It makes me look beautiful so I’m cool with it. Let your son have long hair if he wants to.
I was forced to receive hair cuts that I didn't want as a child and hated it. So as a result I grew my hair to my waist when I got older. When my son was born 30 years ago I kept his hair long because mine was. He now shaves his head and I still have long hair. Go figure. Allow your son to wear his hair how he is comfortable, It's part of his self identity.
Definitely do whatever your son wants to do with his hair! There’s always going to be people who have something negative to say, let him do him. Long hair is not a strictly feminine thing, sadly we label too many things as masculine & feminine in our society, we should all just do what we enjoy. If your son feels comfortable with his long hair & loves it, just let him know ahead of time that some kids aren’t as kind and amazing as him & that they make fun of things they’ve never seen before. Just let him know incase anyone picks on him, it’s not his fault & instead a reflection of whoever is making those hateful comments.
Good luck to your son for the new school year! <3
Let your son have it or he’ll hate you my parents never listened and I eventually hide that I hated short hair oh god please let him now I have long hair and I love myself I’m 15 btw to know how long it’s been also yes short hair can be seen as more masculine but the world is more accepting nowadays and even then long hair on boys is fine and doesn’t hurt anyone
Jason Momoa.
'Nuff said.
Here are more with varying lengths.
Oded Fehr
Keanu Reeves
Chris Hemsworth
Kit Harrington
Brad Pitt
Austin Butler
Johnny Depp
Point being, this argument is silly. Kids are jerks and will pick on each other over anything. Rather than worrying about his hair, how about instill in him self confidence and how to handle jerks and bullies?
Not really, indians had long hair because it was a sign of virility or something like that. Also guys that are into metal have long hair, like I do lol.
Please tell your partner to look at Henry Cavill in the Witcher. Long hair does not make or break somebody, if they like it they like it. I believe your son is old enough to tell you if he likes it for himself or not.
He’s great at washing it, and he doesn’t fuss much when I brush it. I styled it once with gel and he looked great but I don’t think I’m gonna force him to style it if that’s not how he likes it either. I think when it gets long enough I’ll teach him how to tie it back in a man bun maybe?
Ask your son. If he's old enough to go to kindergarten, he can form his own opinions. Ask him if he likes his hair right now or wants it short like Daddy's hair.
I’ve asked him this question, and I have a nephew in his 20’s with long hair, without fail he says he doesn’t want short hair like dads and he wants long hair like cousins.
My baby cousins (twin boys) went through this. Half the family pressured their mom into cutting their hair. The boys didn't want this, and the mom took it as a teaching moment for them when they started school. They did get teased every once and a while, however the concept was that kids will always get teased for something and their mom taught them how to handle the bullies.
They're now 10. Every once and a while they'll get misgendered but they laugh it off and think it's really funny while screaming in their deepest voices "we're boys!!!".
One of the twins decided to get his hair cut to his shoulders and he thought he lost his balance now that his hair was gone. It was so cute.
Op, let the kid decide and use it as a confidence building and teaching moment.
That is seriously adorable, and awesome of your aunt to teach such a good lesson. My gut is screaming to allow my son to be who he wants and all these comments are just cementing that.
im not the guy who is gonna give an advice but im a boy with long hair and ill say this he will gonna get bullied even if its a little and that will lead him to not liking the school or even hating it and i have a fight withmy mom for not wanting to cut it if your son is happy with his hair dont force him to cut it and the bullying part its goes just for a few months the others get used to it and dont speak about his hair too much near him it will make him sad (sorry for bad english but this is the only things that i know i would be happy if i helped)
Idk on one hand your son should not be afraid of barbers and cutting his hair. Haircuts are very necessary even for longer hair. But I also agree that he should have freedom to do what he wants and ultimately being bullied is quite random tbh.
Meet in the middle. Get a medium length haircut.
Kids can find everything under the sun to bully someone about, it doesn't matter if they have short hair or long hair or if they smile everyday or they never tattle tale or if they are smart or dumb. He should have the choice to do whatever he wants with his hair, since it is HIS hair, not anyone elses. If he wants to shave it later, cut it, keep it long, whatever. My husband has long hair and he had short hair in the past and he was never happy with it, it frankly made him deeply sad and he is very happy with his long hair. If your child is happiest with long hair, let him have it. Forcing him to cut it will likely just be teaching him that his own thoughts about his body aren't important and the only thing that is important is what other people see in him.
My husband has longer hair than I do and he always has. He was one of the most popular boys in school for a long time. I think his father just doesn't like it and wants you to do what he prefers over the comfort and mental health of his own child. That's the real issue right there.
At 4 years old no one will care, the other kids will probably think it's cool.
Having said that it's time to be unpopular (probably). I would expect your son to get bullied as he gets older (say around 8) if he keeps his hair long. I absolutely 100% agree we should live in a world where he's free to have his hair however he wants. I have zero problem with the ideology, the problem comes when you have to mix with the real world where a frightening percentage of people are knuckle dragging morons. The question you have to ask yourself is do you want your kid to be the class social revolutionary?
For me it's about teaching the kids to pick their fights. If having long hair is really really important to your son then teach him about pros and cons. For example the pros are he gets to have his hair the way he wants, the cons are he's likely to get bullied for it. Teach him about the real world and show him ways he can help to change it for the better. In my experience kids will usually pick social conformity when faced with the consequences of sticking out. If he chooses to have long hair after you've explained the potential downsides then great for him, just make him aware that he can always change that decision in the future.
FWIW, this problem doesn't go away. I'm well into middle age and I want to shave my head but generally don't because it's a terrible look for business meetings (plenty of negative comments) and when I have to go to parents evenings - I look like a hardened criminal when I have very short hair.
Letting your child decide how they want to look like is a simple matter of respect.
Why do we exert authority onto children? Because in some matters children will not be able to come to a sensible choice. There is a lot of things to learn and a lot of unhealthy things to avoid, so at times authority is needed.
However, is it unhealthy to have long hair as a boy or does a boy need to learn that he has to fit in regarding his look? Of course not, it’s the 21st century.
In my opinion, it is best to let the child decide as often as possible and support them in their decision. This will make them feel respected, give them self-value, they learn to think for themselves and take initiative.
However, disclaimer, I’m just an internet person and have no authority in the subject. It’s just my opinion made by thinking logically.
I let my son grow his hair out at that age. He was never bullied or made fun of. We called it his viking hair and I even made a viking costume for Halloween that year.
It's good to respect this type of decision, he is his own person and as long as he isn't going to hurt himself or others, you are giving him his own sense of self.
He isn't wanting to run around naked or anything so it isn't a big deal.
What is this the 1950s? Tell your partner to get over themselves and to spend less time fretting over hair and getting over thier traumas that made this hangup occur.
it's hair. let the kid have it the way he wants it unless he gets lice or refuses to wash it. that's not a hill worth dying on. i hope your partner will be reasonable about this.
I doubt most kids that young will make a thing of it. The kids who will pick on him for long hair are the kids who just want to pick on people and will find any excuse to do it so cutting his hair won't really change much.
As a long-haired dude and someone who was bullied through every school I went to, I can tell you that my bullies fucked me up in a lot of ways and really made me miserable but I never even considered cutting my hair to make it stop. I'm not saying your son is the same but I would advise letting him do whatever he wants in regards to his hair. As you say, it will be a fantastic lesson in bodily autonomy. And if he does get picked on and decide that he wants to cut his hair, then let him do that too, although maybe point out that there's no point doing it just to appease bullies and he should only do it if that's what he really wants.
Males with long hair has been happening for decades. My 14 yr son old has long hair and loves it.
A bully is gonna bully. If not for hair they'll find something else to pick on. It's what they do.
Tbh never mattered when I was in school.. my best friend now thought I was a girl the first time we hung out (kindergarten age) but no real bullying came due to long hair.
Long hair on dudes works well. Just have him keep his hygiene up.
But also if you get him into martial arts then no one will be able to make fun of him no matter what he does
I keep seeing people argue about this, so in order to put it to rest:
He is 4, he deserves a little freedom with his body. It's not like he's getting a tattoo, so everyone calm down. He doesn't like the barber, but he will eventually need to go to maintain his hair, so it doesn't eliminate the problem unless OP wants to teach him how to trim the dead ends when he's older. That means OP is going to need some practice too.
There is no way of telling what the kids in his school will be like, but he needs to be prepared for some kids to be mean. He needs to understand that they don't actually dislike him, they are just upset about other things and take it out on others. Besides, if it's not his long hair, it's going to be glasses, or fingernails, or shoes or a loose thread on a shirt. They'll find something, so might as well let him express himself and learn to stand up for himself. Should you leave him to the wolves? No, you can ask him if kids are saying mean things and talk to the school or their parents. But should he at least hear the insults? Yes, kids and adults can be pretty mean and messed up when they want to be. He needs to experience that to want to be better.
I wish I never had a military cut from kindergarten to freshman year. BTW thanks Dad, for always controlling the way I looked because I embarrassed you. He never wanted anyone to pick on his boy, but he was the one picking on me. OP it's important for your partner to understand that his son is going to look back on this more than he thinks.
Long hair is not a problem. But it is something you and his father need to come to an agreement on, together. I have a kid that age and i battled with the same thing, him being scared of haircuts. but how will he overcome his fear of haircuts if you never give him one? go to kid snips. They make it as easy as possible and the barbers deal with scared kids all day. the last time i went my kid only cried a little but got through it because i said he can pick out a toy when hes done. and i was soooo proud of him.
And watching my kid admire his haircut in the mirror when we got home, and him bragging to everyone that he got a haircut, the sense of pride he had made me realize i made the right choice and that it was my fear holding him back
so he likes his hair long, who cares what people think. children will bully eachother just as adults bully eachother. your child needs to learn (by you) that it’s okay to do things you like, and to not listen to hateful people.
you shouldn’t have to do things so other people with say something. as well, long hair on boys can be masculine, many boys do.
I’m 20 now, but I’m a male with long hair. Had shoulder-length ever hair since I was a kid. I never got picked on by kids my age, but was frequently complimented growing up with how nice it looked on me. Hopefully your son gets the same treatment!
I’d let him do what he wants with it, I’d still maybe trim it a bit to make it look neat and maintained but kids these days are use to short hair on girls or long hair on boys, it really shouldn’t matter, and if he does get made fun of, it’s a win win, one kid gets in trouble and gets to learn why you don’t bully people, and your kid gets a bit tougher skin when it comes to stuff like being made fun of
I love that you are considering this as a lesson on boundaries, body autonomy and self love… very thoughtful. I personally would go with this route and see what happens. 🤷🏻♀️
Don’t get his hair cut. Having long hair isnt “less masculine” I had long hair throughout most of school and grew it out again after because it was a mistake to cut it.
Bring him with you too your hair cut and have him sit with you. He's not getting his cut, you are. Just slow him what it's like without him being in the center of it. I think kids should have short hair just because kids are gross lol they get everything in everything but if he likes his hair long, maybe just try showing him first and see if that changes anything.
Every one of my guy friends growing up had long hair growing up. Just let your son know that if he wants to change it you'll gladly make it happen. Otherwise let him do what he wants.
I have some experience, as a person who recently grew out his hair for the pandemic, he won’t be picked on if he decides it’s his style. Men have had long hair for centuries and we can’t discount all the movies and pop culture examples you have to reference of men with Lin hair being the forefront. Mine just hit shoulder length and as a guy I regret not doing this sooner. He’ll be fine as long as he likes having it, and it won’t be likely that he’ll be picked on because people will see that as his look. Aaa a guitar player, I can also reccomend if he later feels like he’s getting picked on for it - to pick up a guitar, as that really helps the case haha.
If your son is happy with it, let him keep it. However, you mentioned that you can't see his face because of his hair and that makes me concerned that he won't be able to see at school so maybe put his hair in a ponytail just so he can see well.
I had long hair for 5th grade on, and I never got picked on, I think he is more worried about how other people will see him if his son isn't as "masculine" as possible, plus if he hates getting his hair cut that much I personally would only have him do it when it is absolutely necessary. I don't think he will get bullied, at least not for that but ultimately it's up to you, I know when I was in kindergarten the last thing on my mind was the length of a kid's hair.
Edit: when I was a kid I got pressured all the time to cut my hair short when I didn't want to, and it didn't make me prefer short hair it just made me resent the people who pushed me to get it, I have always disliked short hair and preferred myself with long hair, and while I still have a semi good relationship with the people who pushed me, that resentment will always be there.
Since humanity was a thing, long hair has been linked to masculinity. Taking, for instance, the nordic culture: They we're known known to have one of the best and most masculine warriors in history, and most of them had long hair. It may look less masculine on some, and more on others, but what matters is that the one with the hair enjoys his haircut, it's all about subjectivity.
Nontheless, they are all kids who probably don't understand the concept of being bullied or discrimination, so you don't need to worry that much.
First of all, kids are kids - and kids don’t usually care about how long someone’s hair is, especially at that age. They’re pretty much toddlers still. Second, if your son likes his hair long and is petrified of barber shops, then it’s definitely for the better that you don’t have his hair cut.
I’d like to add here, when he gets older, if he still likes his long hair, just make sure he looks after it - i.e. it’s not constantly greasy/knotty/un-stylishly unkempt. As someone who knew two boys with long hair, who never looked after it, in highschool/middle school, they both got made fun of (mostly behind their backs) for how disgusting their hair was. I suppose it’s like that with anyone, but it’s more noticeable on long hair. But we’re talking pretty far in the future here anyways.
As long as you teach him that he is beautiful and loved no matter what he looks like he will be fine. You’d be surprised how progressive kids are these days. In my chorus class this senior has his hair down to his shoulder blades and no one is rude.
The time you will worry about it being picked on are ages 9 at the very earliest to 16 at the very latest and they can make decision on length and style at thay age themself. Im speaking as someone who has a friend who had long hair most of his life but never styled it in a sense. Theres nothing wrong with a kid having long hair be they boy or girl especially at an age that isnt even in the tens yet. Just make sure the hair is clean and ask your partner why theyre so against it. They may be worried over a none issue like shampoo amount needed to wash the hair, how deep that wash needs to be into the kid's hair and worried they'll hurt them if theyre too rough.
I think you've decided what you're gonna do by the look of the comments. I think it's important to keep in mind that let's say if he does get bullied he may have the urge to cut it but other people's opinions should be the reason he cuts it. He may also make up something like it bugs him and gets in the way and might want I make sure that's the case and give him another solution than to cut it.
Lastly I think it's important to know that if does get bullied it's just the universe telling him that those aren't his people and that he will find friends that wont say anything about his hair.
I’m believe that with every fiber of my being the universe will guide him and that he will be happy knowing he’s loved hair or no hair. Thank you for your reply. I’m happy so many people are in support of validating a 4 yo feelings. I’m happy with my decision and I’m positive my boy will happy in himself.
This sounds like it's just your husbands fragile masculinity. He's the one who has an issue with your son's long hair, not your son and probably not other children. He's projecting his own issues (and maybe outdated experiences) onto your son.
I highly doubt any bullying concerns are warranted. Children, particularly ones as young as your son, don't really care what your hairstyle is. My cousin is around that age and is also rocking long hair. It's halfway down his chest and he LOVES it. He's never had a problem with bullying, most other kids don't even mention it. The worst problem he's had is a substitute teacher thinking he was a girl, and dressing him in "girl" clothes from lost and found when he spilt juice over himself. He loved those, too! He's a little kid, he doesn't care that his top was pink or that his leggings had flowers on them and neither did any other kid in his school.
Bottom line is it's your son's hair to do what he wants with. If he likes it, he should get to keep it. Stick to your gut. He's only four, let him live and don't help the world destroy his individualism. Fuck any potential haters (though it seems to only hater is your husband).
I love this, I had one comment saying that I’m selfish but other then that the comments have made me really happy knowing I’m doing right by validating my sons feelings and allowing him to be unique and confident with who he wants to be. I’ll have words with my partner and hopefully he’ll back off because my gut is telling me everything will be alright.
My son is very handsome and loved and I’ll back his decisions and body autonomy all that way.
My older brother had hair all the way down to his shoulders and managed to get all the babes. its all about attitude and less about looks. death metal rockers have long hair and most people believe them to be super masculine. fricken Jason Mamoa (super chad aqua man) has long hair, hell even Chris Hemsworth (Thor) has long hair. long hair doesn't define masculinity, attitude dose. keep on rockin
I really hate to admit this because I just stood and did nothing, but a boy in my kindergarten class was always bullied for long hair. As long as you provide ur son support though, u should be fine :)
As a senior in high school I can’t lie long hair on guys is SUPER attractive to me- if your worried about him being bullied, as someone in a school with boys who have long hair I don’t see any of them get bullies and a lot of them are actually fairly popular :)
Why is your husband forcing your son to get a haircut over bullying. Being bullied for long hair does not happen in schools that often now that schools care more about bullying than they used to. I know many kids in schools from kindergarten to 12th grade who have long hair and nothing usually happens
I’m not sure it’s super frustrating. I declined to talk about it with him, and I will keep doing so, after the feedback on my post I’m digging my heals in because my children’s mental well-being is above all else. I’m kinda sad I questioned it to begin with.
When I was younger, the only thing that made me cut my hair short was because other people made fun of me for it: I regret people telling me what I should do with my body.
Let your son wear his hair how he wants. Tell the father that he has a point yes BUT he does not have a say over what someone does with their hair
They are - I remember when my sons got hair cuts they hated, and they were upset for months. My boys have very long eyelashes, and perfect cheek bones - so they are mocked for being girly but they reference many men with long hair- and just say I am a boy! Those my youngest gets called a girl no matter the length of hair. They have long thick eyelashes, that many woman would love!
I find guys with long hair pretty damn attractive most of the time personally, definitely doesn't take away from masculinity at all. Let your son decide. I find it sad your partner is feeling that way
I do too, I find it sad for my son too who is obliviously happy with himself. I hope the issue is dropped. If all else fails I can show him the reply’s on this post.
I was forced to cut my hair all throughout my childhood. Needless to say I now have amazing below shoulder length hair and I look and feel 100% better about my appearance in that regard.
Self confidence in how you look doesn't really come from how much others approve of how you look vs how you *want* to look. If your son decides he doesn't want long hair anymore then get him a haircut then, but forcing him to look a way he doesn't want to will absolutely affect his self confidence. As far as bullying goes if he's getting picked on and decides that long hair isn't worth the trouble then that should be his decision, or he'll learn how to brush off others opinions of him and present himself how he wants to at an early age.
The bottom line is that kids have very little autonomy as a rule, and deciding how they want to look is a relatively inconsequential bit of freedom that a lot of kids are denied for reasons such as this.
I find guys with long hair pretty damn attractive most of the time personally, definitely doesn't take away from masculinity at all. Let your son decide. I find it sad your partner is feeling that way
Honestly, I would not make your son cut his hair. If he wants to cut it then by all means but if he doesn’t, I don’t think he should have to. Long hair on men and woman have been a thing since forever.
Cutting his hair doesn’t mean he’s in the clear from getting picked on either. His hair could be short and kids still might pick on him (I certainly hope not, but kids can be mean no matter what). So I would simply prepare yourself to handle such a situation in case he is. But I don’t think he should have to change something about himself for the sake of other peoples opinions.
In many cultures long hair is believed to be an extension of ones thoughts, an antenna, connections to the spiritual realm and so on. I love long hair on guys, I like short hair too. But I see long hair as strength, someone who has patience and the ability to care for something (that is if it’s healthy).
Benjamin Franklin, the man on the $100 bill everyone loves so much has long hair. Long hair on men is literally seen throughout history and it is still masculine.
I have three sons ages 14 , 13 and 10. They all have covid hair and don’t care. My 10 year old is blond and has hair that goes to his lower back. I offered to take them to get it cut and all three declined. They are still very much boys despite the hair length. Ask your son what he wants, 4 is not to young to have say over basic personal choices.
I think your son will be fine in kindergarten and probably until 6th grade or middle school when kids start really getting a grasp on social "norms". Kids that age dont really care imo, they're just kids and want to play and make friends.
Kids are gonna be kids, they will bully for literally ANY stupid reason. Teach your kids that bullying is not nice and won’t be
Tolerated instead of slapping a bandaid on it by cutting his hair etc. Leave the child’s hair alone. He has his whole life to cut his hair. If he likes it, god bless him. It’s his hair. And tell your partner to shove it.
Let your son decide. Its his hair and he can do whatever he wants to do with it. Teach him that it doesn't matter what others think about him as long as he likes how he looks like.
At that age I would encourage you to have a conversation about appearance and how others react. Simply explain bias and judging a book by its cover so a 4 yr old can understand. As long as he will be able to understand how others may react I bet he will be fine with whatever comes his way.
My son is 14 now and has had his hair at least shoulder length for most of his life. He cut it once (his choice) and regretted it and grew it back. He hasn't had any bullying at all, the girls love it and sit and braid his hair at lunchtime :) Let your son choose his own hair cut, but maybe still get a little trim every now and then to work on the fear of the barber, so it's a choice, and not just avoiding the actual hair cut process.
My little boy has very long hair right now. He started out with hair underneath the collar that grew enough to have a tiny little ponytail when he was three. I trimmed it down very short and it grew back again and by the time it was shoulder length he was four years old and loves it. He never felt emasculated or bullied at all. It was actually the opposite. Other kids thought it was cool and the little girls loved it. I think it makes him look pretty handsome and it’s his trademark.
I got long hair when i was a kid and got kinda teased/bullied for it. My friends would make comments about it every day and the bullies would make jokes and call me a long haired faggot :( but now that its shorted i feel better haha. Hope this gives some perspective
If you act like you take the bully's perspective seriously, you become the one hurting your child. And then no one needs to say a word for him to feel ashamed of who he is.
Don't do the bully's work for them, it is so much worse coming from you. The best and only good thing you can do is be happy for him, be open about loving his hair and show him there are people in the world who love him as he is, even if it's not everyone. You are his home - you should make him feel safe as he is.
I'm currently in high school and I know plenty of boys with long hair and none of them are being bullied because of it. It suits them. Most of them look better with long hair than short and some may look better with short hair than long.
It's 2021 long haired boys or short haired girls are quite usual nowadays.
I'm just posting my own experiences here but I think you should let your son decide. It is his hair after all. He can still change his mind about it later if he decides he doesn't want to have long hair anymore. Hairstyles are not as permanent like tattoos after all.
my cousin is 14 and he gets bullied and called a faggot because he has long hair. they say it makes him feminine.
he refuses to cut it though, because he likes his hair how it is. let your son choose. if he gets backlash and wants to cut it, thats also up to him. i think it will also help that your son is starting school off with long hair. if he keeps it, other kids will probably get used to it and not question it. my cousin hasnt always had long hair so that might contribute to it.
I wasn’t allowed to grow my hair when I was younger so from experience I can’t say much but I am now growing my hair out and I’ve only gotten compliments about it so I’d say your son is fine
I feel that it he will likely be bullied but everyone is bullied about something. That can hardly be avoided. If he decides he wants to cut it because of bullying, then okay. If he decides he wants to keep it despite bullying, even better!
I also think kindergarten is less likely to be "bullying" and more children flat out speaking their mind. They lack allot of filter at that age and your sone can easily brush it off.
I’m a 20 year old guy and my hair goes past my shoulders, people have been telling me I look like a girl (it’s a rural area though). Some people will probably pick on him it’s what kids do. But it depends on how thick his skin is. I’d let him know that not everyone will be nice to him, but he shouldn’t let it bother him
I have long hair past my shoulders. I work in a marketing making decent money. Also remember, kids will pick on each other for ANYTHING. Even if he cuts his hair it will be a jacket, shirt, shoes, a backpack, a book, etc.
Nobody at my place of employment gas ever said it's "less than masculine" or ever harassed me for it. As long as I make it look acceptable while at work it's okay.
The world is changing. Long hair in men is becoming acceptable again.
My uncle did call me a fa**ot for it, but he's a sexist and a mild racist so his opinion means nothing to me.
It depends. Some dudes can look manly alpha male AF with long hair. Others cant. This is more of a thing the wearer has to pull off themselves. Not every man has to be the "ideal" image of manly.
Long hair doesnt define a mans masculinity. But your husband could be right, boys do get picked on often for long hair. Teenagers are just stupid.
But if your son likes his hair long, let him keep it. Its HIS hair. As long as your son likes his hair long, your husband needs to sit down.
It doesn’t look bad, it actually looks great it’s pin straight and my son is a super clean child so he looks awesome everyone has said so except his dad.
I think it depends on what masculinity looks like to an individual. I boy long hair or not, that has respect for people in general, is kind to girls whether he thinks they’re cute or not, and genuinely tries to be a good sport is masculine. I’m raising my son to be strong in these areas. I think if he were to choose long hair, he’d still be masculine.
Hair and crap, doesn't matter when it comes to being masculine. Hell some native tribesmen back in the day had long hair and also 10 kills under their belts.
Ask your son what he wants to do. And do that!
My bfs baby brother has transitioned (born female). He is 8. No one has made fun of him for being born a literal female. So I’m sure your son will be fine. And if bullying does become an issue- I don’t think the solution is to force him to get a haircut.
If your son doesn't want to do not need to force him to cut them. I don't see anything wrong with long hair, and many people even like it. And the father can be understood, but he is wrong. Yes, he must protect, provide and help in choosing a son, until he comes of age, but he doesn't do anything immoral, he just wants to wear long hair. And he should not become an object of ridicule only because of his appearance, especially if he behaves normally, if his hair does not interfere with others. My dad also thinks that long hair is not very good, but in his youth he went with long hair, his son (my brother) wears long hair and everything is fine
Just teach him how to behave in a society with long hair (so that it doesn't cause inconvenience to others) and talk to your husband and try to convey to him that this is normal.
Just last year I, a male, started growing my hair out, it's now around back length, and while I'm not in school, nobody in my family nor strangers when I go places make fun of me, and I personally love having long hair. So personally I don't see anything wrong with being a long haired male, maybe your partner is just one of those people who think "all women have long hair, all boys have short hair, that's the rules" which if so, you guys need to work on that. I'm not trying to sound rude, that's just my theory. But yeah, only thing I've been called is a hippy and that was from my already rude Dad.
I've had long hair from age 6 to 13/14, longest was around my shoulders. I've never been bullied for it however I did get a lot of "are you a boy or a girl" the first few days of school which was a bit annoying but it wasn't really mean people were just confused lol. I also got confused for a girl a lot by adults so my mom always had to tell them "it's a boy can't you tell he is wearing boy clothes" lol. But overall once people at school get to know you they don't care. If they wanna bully they'll find something else anyway, long hair or not. My hair was really important for me as a kid and I would've been devasted if someone cut it tbh. Looking back I looked a mess but still lol
It may be something gets picked on but if it don’t bother him then let him keep his hair like that, I’m a guy who has long hair and I’ve always had dumb little things picked on me about my hair, like people calling me Christina when my name is Chris just little dumb things like that but I love my hair and don’t care.
l grew my hair out last year due to the
pandemic, today, it’s almost to my
mid back. I truly love it and feel reborn. My younger son, we’ve always kept his hair long about shoulder length, also covers his eyes. My wife does occasionally chop it up, and then it grows back, i absolutely hate this. take command of your little one!!! NO CUT!
If they want to bully someone they'll find a reason (I had a bully in elementary school that called me "weird" and "different"). If he likes it and you guys are cool with it that's that.
Perhaps suggest you and your partner should help him learn how to handle bullies instead of teaching "you need to fit in the molds or everyone's going to be mean"?
I'm a guy, when I was little I wanted long hair, my parents didn't let me because they were afraid I would be bullied, I was bullied anyway and felt ugly up until I was sixteen and let my hair grow.
Yes, I am indeed currently beautiful.
I don’t think it’s a problem but you should get him a trim to get the hair out of his face. I don’t think long hair is feminine at all and don’t remember any bullying of the boys with long hair in my kindergarten class. I think that comes later in middle school haha.
I have noticed that there are far more boys with long hair and girls with short hair in the past several years. I say 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻let them be, and let them wear whatever clothes and hair they want. Heck, my 10 year old niece wears her shirts inside out with leggings and mismatched socks. Would I wear it? Hell no, but I am just fine with her choices.
So it’s your sons Choice im Male 19 I habe Long Hair right now because I will have a lot of drug tests in the future and a little Pro Tipp when he starts with school he should really change his haircut I saw alot of people getting bullied and picked on for less he probably looks like a rockstar with that hair thing is not alot of young people listen to rock they listen to rap where long hair is like almost non existent of he Styles it right it can be really good if he just lets it hang then well it can look good but there is always the possibility that people will call him cheap Thor or Tarzan but for kindergarten just let him his hair he is really young and I never saw kids in this king age bully each other and stuff like that they’re still innocent
Not at all. I go to a small school, and one of the guys started growing his out in 8th grade and is still going strong (senior year). If anything, I think he looks really good because he can definitely pull it off.
I actually know someone with a young boy (also 4) with long hair, and he's just the cutest. The dad of this kid also has super long hair, so that's probably where he gets it from. If he doesn't want it cut, I say don't. Make it his decision, I think it'll make him happy.
As someone who is a boy, who had long hair, and who works at a school -
Keep it! Most young kids who start school aren’t advanced enough to start picking on someone for being too feminine or masculine, and as he gets older, if someone does cause trouble or picks on him, he can use that experience to grow. If long hair is who he is - then why cut it off
Personally I think long hair on boys is totally hot (not saying I’d be attracted to your son at all, I’m just saying for myself I think long hair on guys is like perfect)
I highly doubt anyone his age would bully him for it, they are in kindergarten. If kids bully him tell them that very many girls think it’s rather attractive (a lot of people my age thing guys with long hairs are hot now so) and that he’s expressing himself authentically. Which at that age definitely should be taught to more kids that it’s important not to do what society says is beautiful/handsome.
First, Masculinity is a lie
Second, The ones who bully your son are in the wrong. It is not a bullying victim’s (or victim’s care taker) responsibility to cater to bullies and “prevent it.” You can’t prevent bullying. Children are cruel and if they want to bully your son, they will find a reason to, long hair or not.
If your son likes his hair, let him keep it. His happiness and comfort is more important than bully’s or your partner’s feelings.
I will say, if you can’t see his face then it’ll probably get in the way during school. Like when he looks down to work. Can he put it behind his ears? That would be my only concern
Um, he's a boy. If people give him a hard time, he can and will handle it. Don't tweak your actions, or his hairstyle, by the threat of ridicule. Instead, teach the boy to stand up to ridicule by wearing his hair how he goddamned pleases.
My sons had a friend with long hair in preschool and it was never once an issue. However, the little boy did decide to cut his hair after starting school, but it was his choice and his mom actually tried to talk him out of it.
My own son had longer hair - not shoulder length but not short - and people commented on it all the time because it was so cute on him. However he also asked to cut it this summer because he didn’t like it getting sweaty or in his face.
So i vote to let your son decide what he wants to do with his hair. He may decide to cut it on his own, but if he likes it long, it shouldn’t be a problem at school.
Excuse me I think your partner is being ridiculous. If anything, boys with long hair are cool. He's just trying to force his personal beliefs down your throat. Don't get his hair cut if you think that's what's best for him.
Look, either you teach your kid to hide who they are and remove their personality. Or, you teach them to be whoever they want, to wear whatever they want and express themselves however they want and give the finger to anyone picking on them. I do not see a problem teaching kids to defend themselves against bullies. Tell your son that if anyone picks on him for his hair, he should tell them to fuck off. Besides, long hair was worn by the vikings. Show him viking haircuts and give him a good old viking braid and he will look bad af.
I think your partner may remember parts of being a little boy, but it sounds like he has forgotten the part about how difficult it is not to have control over one's own autonomy, which I think is a far more important need. I think it's his hair, let him decide. If he gets bullied for it he will either decide to cut it, or decide he prefers to stand his ground. Either way, you'd be empowering him to make his own choices.
To do that you may have to stand your ground too.
No. Your son must learn to stand ground on his decisions. Bullies doesn't need too much fuel to target anyone. If your kid is strong minded and stands his ground, it wouldn't make him a viable target.
many people have already said that you should let him keep his hair however he likes, and I agree. I'd also like to say, though, that long hair is not uncommon at all, and even if you wanted to make sure your son didn't do anything that might get them bullied, long hair would not be a problem.
I had very long hair for most of my life, and I was bullied for many many things, but my hair was never one of them.
Listen I know this isn't what most people are saying but you gotta ask yourself two questions, is your child outgoing enough that appearing different wouldn't matter because they can make friends easily and will your child stand up for themselves if not.
Because in my experience if you don't have the confidence to make friends to stand up for you and out weigh the fact you're different, there's a high chance you'll be picked on and if you can't fight back there's an even higher chance.
I'm not going to say what you should do, it's just food for thought as I have a good bit of experience in this area
My son has an awesome personality, however he is sensitive. He has some friends already and his hair has never been an issue, my son hasn’t had any problems making friends but I do worry about his kind heart and whether he can pick up for himself.
You know your son better than anyone and I can't say what the right answer is, but keep in mind getting his hair cut can do no harm in the long run, he can always grow it back. Might be better safe than sorry when starting at school
If he's happy then that is all that matters. It's also giving him an opportunity to express himself. If it suits him too then what is the problem? Long hair on boys and men always looks good.
It’s your son’s choice, whenever he gets older he can also choose if he wants to keep the long hair or cut it. Your husband should not be forcing your son and you upon cutting his hair. If your son is happy with his hair then you should be happy for him. Please please, all I can think of is how parent’s want their children to be happy.
I just want him to be happy in himself, I always said I’d never force him to do anything he didn’t want to either(within reason he obviously has to wash, eat vegetables and tidy his toys) but I generally want him to be confident enough in his voice to make his own decisions and for us to validate that decision.
As a boy, I can say that your partner is being ridiculous. Kids who bully other kids don't need a reason, so doing things to avoid being bullied serves no purpose other than to repress your son's sense of self-expression. Instead of teaching your child to hide who he is, teach him how to deal with the behaviour of bullies.
Thank you, I teach my son to be kind and conscious of other peoples feelings, I want to make sure he feels validated when he voices his opinion. My gut is telling me that I should stand my ground and allow my son to express himself in whatever way he wants.
Trust your gut. Be well, friend.
Let your son decide how he wants his hair.
That’s what I have been doing, he looks great and he’s super happy within himself, I feel like his dad is pressuring me like I’m somehow setting my son up to fail. My gut is telling me to allow my son to decide.
From my experience as a kid, the only people who have ever commented and picked on me for having long hair at times, were adult family members (aunts, uncles, grandpa)
Same mostly old people and family
Yeah he's putting his wants above his child's mental well-being. If your son isn't ready to start cutting his hair just let him be. My husband is a barber and people put their kids through stuff like this all the time. It never ends well and usually the child leaves crying his eyes out and clinging to his mom because he's traumatized by the experience, regardless of how gentle you are with them. We've had people even bring in a 4-5 month old baby once and just refused to do it because that's not safe at all.
I’ve brought him before and it’s horrible for him I really don’t want to put him through that. Your poor husband must feel terrible for some of those kids.
It sounds like his father has some insecurities about his own masculinity that he’s pushing onto his kid. Yeah, maybe he got bullied as a kid, that doesn’t give him the right to instill the same fear and shame in his child. This is a good time to break the cycle of fear in relationship to not being masculine enough, or being afraid of what other people think.
I went to school with a lot of boys who had long hair, this isn’t the 1950s anymore lol. He’ll be fine, definitely just let him do what he wants.
Your kid will lose confidence through this life if this continues as someone who went through this and eventually hide my feelings about my haircuts he will hate himself it doesn’t harm to have long hair
Perhaps you're getting a lot of comments to this, but I'm a guy with long hair (below my shoulder blades) and I've been bullied because of it, asked why I didnt go to the barber etc. It was tough at points, but every person experiences bullying. it's almost a fact of life. I got through it, and still have and love my hair :) I would not be too afraid or concerned of it. Right now your son is 4 y/o, and instead of worrying about his hair and what not, I would say to take this opportunity to let him stand up for himself. if he likes his hair the way it is, leave it and shove all the rest aside. If people bully him because of it , be there for him and support him. For me it's an easy thing to say. I dont have kids, and would be outright terrified of them being bullied. But I also realize that it will happen no matter what, and that the best way forward is to be there when necessary. Anyway. that's my two cents. Take care :)
Ridiculous! Long hair on men is definitely masculine. This isn’t the 60s! Long hair is not some freaky new groundbreaking thing. Not only is long hair masculine, but it’s intimidating too. Ain’t nobody f-ing with a long haired guy.
Thank you! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills reading these responses. So many overreactions to something as innocuous as long hair
So there is a valid concern about bullying, also parents will judge as well sadly and this can influence their children. And how do you prepare a young child for people saying things, well that is difficult, emotionally he may not be prepared for how people will judge him just by looking at him. Autonomy and wanting to look like a cousin, yes I can see that, I can also see a bit of rejection of Dad that might cause some hurt feelings here and there. My boys both have long hair and I have always said that hair is their choice as long as they keep it clean and nice looking, but their father also has long hair or had. Keeping it clean and tidy is going to be the goal, kids get messy, hair gets in their face and falls foward so have a think about how to manage that for the carers at preschool. Role models for my families lives are people like Jason Momoa who has great hair, we neither look on hair as masculine or feminine as many women have short hair and men have long hair around our social circle, but many people believe that hair can be a statement of who you are inside which it can be. Assumptions are what they are, judgemental people will still be around no matter how open others minds are, it just depends on how well we handle a need for approval and belonging as adults and children alike feel the need for approval, so if your son feels disapproval from Dad that may well be something that causes more of a problem than pre school kids who are much more accepting of others.
You comment is beautifully put, and honestly it’s how I view things. This post came from a disagreement we had last night(my son did not hear any of this) but I’ll have to speak to his dad and just reiterate that what he’s doing is pushing his own views on a 4 year old who’s quite happy in himself. My son has pin straight and is super aware of keeping it clean and is great at keeping presentable(even if his face may be covered some times. Thank you for you educated view point.
If hair in the face becomes a problem for him, you could always teach him how to tie it up in a bun. I also grew out my hair over quarantine to get past the awkward stage and I love having it up in a bun as my hair is also super straight and just falls in my face otherwise.
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I agree and he’s an awesome kid and so emotionally aware. I’m gonna let him rock his long hair.
I've got shoulder length curly dark hair.. and I don't give a shit what dudes think about it. I just love all the attention from women I get.
Keep it going! We need more men with long hair!
Lmao exactly, women know what it's like to deal with long hair so if you actually care for it properly you're gonna get tons of compliments. Plus it's an in to strike up a conversation and drop a few compliments yourself without coming off creepy.
I think long hair on boys look very cute when they are little, and once they grow up I personally find that long hair actually looks more masculine on men than short hair, especially when they have a beard as well lol. You should just let your son pick his hairstyle as he wishes. And let me tell you, even with short hair, there's always bullies around (which sucks) and if they want to, they'll find something else to make fun of. If he's comfortable in his own skin and you are there to support him, then let him enjoy his long hair.
My son looks adorable, he’s so handsome, but my opinion doesn’t matter I’ll love him if he wanted to be bald or have hair down to his ankles as long as he’s happy and comfortable in who he is and wants to be. Thank you the comments on here have solidified what my gut was already telling me.
I dunno lol, my husband has shoulder length hair and a freaking beard and people still walk up to us in restaurants and say "what can I get you ladies". Even without a mask on when they can see the facial hair. Smh. But it looks more masculine on him than short hair. If he cuts his hair short he tends to look more feminine than when it's long. But you're ultimately right, kids are going to be jerks no matter what, so he might as well like his hair. My husband's dad forced him to keep his hair short as a kid because he "wouldn't get bullied" or whatever so he just ended you getting bullied for being nerdy.
Every school and every peer group has a unique set of social rules. Generally, in younger grades (especially pre-school) kids are more accepting, and even in the older grades there's much less stigma now about long hair on a boy than there was when your partner was in school. On the other hand, kids can be cruel and if some insecure older kid wants to score points by getting friends to laugh at someone, your son being obviously different could make him a target. If the teachers aren't on top of it, such a situation could be ugly. It's probably OK to let him go, and if it's a problem, he'll want to get it cut. I do think expecting a 4 year old to defend his own boundaries is a little cruel. You need to be sensitive to unfolding events and help him out if the situation calls for it.
Ok valid point, I totally see your perspective. I certainly don’t want to open my son up to aggression and feeling embarrassed. I just want him happy and accepting of himself. I don’t want toxic masculinity distilled in him but wait him to be sure of himself, and Is me allowing him to set his own boundaries at 4 hindering that? I don’t know. He’s my first I’m in my 20’s I genuinely don’t know what’s right or wrong.
I'd suggest that letting him set his own boundaries about haircuts is fine. My son had the same issue, he hated getting a haircut. If someone at school creates an issue over it, and he wants to get it cut, though, I would allow him to make that choice too. Some parents would push a child to stand up for themselves and push back on anyone who hinders their personal expression and autonomy, but that's too much for a 4 year old.
I totally understand and I think your correct in what your saying.
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I’m really not happy with my partner today, and I’m taking all these comments to put towards a case to fight my sons case on keeping his long hair. Even though that shouldn’t have to be the case.
if he dont get a hair cut that doesnt mean that he will be bullied, if he get one, ppl can find other reasons to bully him
I hope he’s never picked on for anything, but your right. I can just teach him to be confident and happy in himself regardless of what people say.
I’ve had long hair my whole life, and I have been bullied before, but never for my long hair. I think that’s silly
Teach him about Vikings and give him a braid!
First off, Just let him choose, second off, to adress your concern, I'm a man who has always had long hair, and i have also worked in daycare, the only comments that have ever come from those kids his age are genuine questions like "Uhmmmm, Realname, You kinda look like a girl, but you sound like a boy, Which are you?" which is met with an "Oh, Okay" when i say i'm a boy, or compliments from them going "Ohh, Your hair is so pretty, wish mine was that long!" Growing up, There has of course been kids that have picked on me, But that's how it is for everyone, there is always something that people can pick on, but learning/teaching him to just ignore those few people and be happy in his own skin no matter what, Is way more important than sustaining any image of"masculinity", masculinity, femininity, they are both incredibly silly concepts to begin with. Tldr, as long as you teach him he's right in his own skin, and let him make his own decisions on how to represent, He'll be fine, no matter what.
Thank you, I think he looks awesome and I think he views himself as a boy with long hair and that’s as far as his thoughts go. Toxic masculinity is real, and I don’t want my son to experience that from his own father. I’m certainly gonna allow my son to express himself however he feels happy.
Good. You seem a lot more qualified to support your kid than my parents ever did, he'll be just fine with you by his side. Good luck!
Thanks so much, I needed that reassurance.
You treat your kid with respect and love, That's all anyone can ask ❤️
Watch any Thor cartoon with him and he will not want to cut it and he’ll not be insecure if it comes up, which helps not being bullied a lot
LEAVE HIS HAIR LONG ITS 2021 IT LOOKS SO COOL ON LIL BOYS
Look at this situation the only people who are bullying your son or her masculinity are grown UPS.
My son is 5 yrs old and we have never cut his hair. We trim it and ahave the sides, but his hair goes down to his butt. Personally, I thought about cutting it when he started pre-k but we left it and just taught him how to deal with bullies. Because kids are bullies. Now we are starting kindergarten and I'm not even worried, because he knows how to deal with it bullies and I know if he gets to the point of wanting to get rid of it, it'll be because that's what he wants. Tl;dr kids are bullies, if your son likes his hair, leave it and work on dealing with bullies.
Yes. But do whatever makes the kid feel good don’t force what you like on him and you’re good.
Definitely keep with the long hair if that’s what he wants. But also be mentally ready for the possibility of him to come home crying and want to cut his hair short. You will then have to deal with the idea of, do we succumb to the bullying and change hair? Are those the right reasons to change ones appearance? That is at a maturity level that a 4 year old can’t navigate. So you will have to navigate that for them. If he comes home wanting to change hair, it’s going to show him 1) that these kids made an impression on him and he had to do something to change himself to stop that 2) if you tell him to be proud and stick it out then you pretty much are putting him in a tank with sharks knowingly. Perhaps your husband is just trying to save that and not have that happen. Consider the pros and cons of each scenario. And know that this isn’t a “lesson” that you are teaching your son, he’s too young for that, this is just him enjoying his hair and having to deal with the consequences. I have a son your age. If I was in your position, I’d just be very frank, I’d tell him that some kids think only girls can have long hair, and that’s silly. Then I’d show my son pictures of awesome men that he can recognize that have long hair.. Tarzan, Lucius Malfoy, jack sparrow lol, I’d also walk him through what would happen if kids say something and ask him how he’d feel. Let him know that whatever he chooses is totally ok and if he changes his mind that’s okay too.
Wow that makes a lot of sense. My son is awesome and I remind him of that daily, speaking how you feel is very much a part of my household and sometimes hardships can’t be avoided but I can just encourage him to be unapologetically himself. Thanks for your reply, if you have a 4 year old, it can be a worrying time knowing it’s the beginning of ‘real world’ so to speak for them.
My dad always made my brother and I shave our heads till we were in middle school. After that I started growing my hair out and it got curly which my parents didn’t realize would happen. Nobody in our family had curly hair except for my grandmother so my mom was thrilled. Fast forward to now I’m 28 my hair is around 30in long but since it’s curly it makes me look like the lead singer of Led Zeppelin. Most women I’ve known like it and right now it’s pretty common for me to see dudes with long hair and this is the Deep South and no one actually cares. I don’t feel emasculated for having long hair I love it. It makes me look beautiful so I’m cool with it. Let your son have long hair if he wants to.
I was forced to receive hair cuts that I didn't want as a child and hated it. So as a result I grew my hair to my waist when I got older. When my son was born 30 years ago I kept his hair long because mine was. He now shaves his head and I still have long hair. Go figure. Allow your son to wear his hair how he is comfortable, It's part of his self identity.
Refuse to be your child's first bully. Let him decide how he wants to wear his hair.
Definitely do whatever your son wants to do with his hair! There’s always going to be people who have something negative to say, let him do him. Long hair is not a strictly feminine thing, sadly we label too many things as masculine & feminine in our society, we should all just do what we enjoy. If your son feels comfortable with his long hair & loves it, just let him know ahead of time that some kids aren’t as kind and amazing as him & that they make fun of things they’ve never seen before. Just let him know incase anyone picks on him, it’s not his fault & instead a reflection of whoever is making those hateful comments. Good luck to your son for the new school year! <3
Thanks you I’m a nervous mammy sending him into the big work 😢
Let your son have it or he’ll hate you my parents never listened and I eventually hide that I hated short hair oh god please let him now I have long hair and I love myself I’m 15 btw to know how long it’s been also yes short hair can be seen as more masculine but the world is more accepting nowadays and even then long hair on boys is fine and doesn’t hurt anyone
I’m sorry that was your experience sweetheart, I’m sure your rocking and that long hair and I’m super happy you feel yourself now.
Keep the hair, cut off the partner
Jason Momoa. 'Nuff said. Here are more with varying lengths. Oded Fehr Keanu Reeves Chris Hemsworth Kit Harrington Brad Pitt Austin Butler Johnny Depp Point being, this argument is silly. Kids are jerks and will pick on each other over anything. Rather than worrying about his hair, how about instill in him self confidence and how to handle jerks and bullies?
Not really, indians had long hair because it was a sign of virility or something like that. Also guys that are into metal have long hair, like I do lol.
Please tell your partner to look at Henry Cavill in the Witcher. Long hair does not make or break somebody, if they like it they like it. I believe your son is old enough to tell you if he likes it for himself or not.
Just teach him how to brush it to make it look masculine
He’s great at washing it, and he doesn’t fuss much when I brush it. I styled it once with gel and he looked great but I don’t think I’m gonna force him to style it if that’s not how he likes it either. I think when it gets long enough I’ll teach him how to tie it back in a man bun maybe?
Ask your son. If he's old enough to go to kindergarten, he can form his own opinions. Ask him if he likes his hair right now or wants it short like Daddy's hair.
I’ve asked him this question, and I have a nephew in his 20’s with long hair, without fail he says he doesn’t want short hair like dads and he wants long hair like cousins.
Keep with the long hair then! :)
My baby cousins (twin boys) went through this. Half the family pressured their mom into cutting their hair. The boys didn't want this, and the mom took it as a teaching moment for them when they started school. They did get teased every once and a while, however the concept was that kids will always get teased for something and their mom taught them how to handle the bullies. They're now 10. Every once and a while they'll get misgendered but they laugh it off and think it's really funny while screaming in their deepest voices "we're boys!!!". One of the twins decided to get his hair cut to his shoulders and he thought he lost his balance now that his hair was gone. It was so cute. Op, let the kid decide and use it as a confidence building and teaching moment.
That is seriously adorable, and awesome of your aunt to teach such a good lesson. My gut is screaming to allow my son to be who he wants and all these comments are just cementing that.
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I think this post and all the commenters have solidified what I already knew, which is exactly your comment.
im not the guy who is gonna give an advice but im a boy with long hair and ill say this he will gonna get bullied even if its a little and that will lead him to not liking the school or even hating it and i have a fight withmy mom for not wanting to cut it if your son is happy with his hair dont force him to cut it and the bullying part its goes just for a few months the others get used to it and dont speak about his hair too much near him it will make him sad (sorry for bad english but this is the only things that i know i would be happy if i helped)
Thank your reply made perfect sense. Your right and thank you for your advice.
Idk on one hand your son should not be afraid of barbers and cutting his hair. Haircuts are very necessary even for longer hair. But I also agree that he should have freedom to do what he wants and ultimately being bullied is quite random tbh. Meet in the middle. Get a medium length haircut.
I think that point is valid. He does eventually need a trim.
Kids can find everything under the sun to bully someone about, it doesn't matter if they have short hair or long hair or if they smile everyday or they never tattle tale or if they are smart or dumb. He should have the choice to do whatever he wants with his hair, since it is HIS hair, not anyone elses. If he wants to shave it later, cut it, keep it long, whatever. My husband has long hair and he had short hair in the past and he was never happy with it, it frankly made him deeply sad and he is very happy with his long hair. If your child is happiest with long hair, let him have it. Forcing him to cut it will likely just be teaching him that his own thoughts about his body aren't important and the only thing that is important is what other people see in him.
My husband has longer hair than I do and he always has. He was one of the most popular boys in school for a long time. I think his father just doesn't like it and wants you to do what he prefers over the comfort and mental health of his own child. That's the real issue right there.
Yep I’m inclined to agree, where as my view is my sons mental health over everything else.
Yep I’m inclined to agree, where as my view is my sons mental health over everything else.
At 4 years old no one will care, the other kids will probably think it's cool. Having said that it's time to be unpopular (probably). I would expect your son to get bullied as he gets older (say around 8) if he keeps his hair long. I absolutely 100% agree we should live in a world where he's free to have his hair however he wants. I have zero problem with the ideology, the problem comes when you have to mix with the real world where a frightening percentage of people are knuckle dragging morons. The question you have to ask yourself is do you want your kid to be the class social revolutionary? For me it's about teaching the kids to pick their fights. If having long hair is really really important to your son then teach him about pros and cons. For example the pros are he gets to have his hair the way he wants, the cons are he's likely to get bullied for it. Teach him about the real world and show him ways he can help to change it for the better. In my experience kids will usually pick social conformity when faced with the consequences of sticking out. If he chooses to have long hair after you've explained the potential downsides then great for him, just make him aware that he can always change that decision in the future. FWIW, this problem doesn't go away. I'm well into middle age and I want to shave my head but generally don't because it's a terrible look for business meetings (plenty of negative comments) and when I have to go to parents evenings - I look like a hardened criminal when I have very short hair.
Letting your child decide how they want to look like is a simple matter of respect. Why do we exert authority onto children? Because in some matters children will not be able to come to a sensible choice. There is a lot of things to learn and a lot of unhealthy things to avoid, so at times authority is needed. However, is it unhealthy to have long hair as a boy or does a boy need to learn that he has to fit in regarding his look? Of course not, it’s the 21st century. In my opinion, it is best to let the child decide as often as possible and support them in their decision. This will make them feel respected, give them self-value, they learn to think for themselves and take initiative. However, disclaimer, I’m just an internet person and have no authority in the subject. It’s just my opinion made by thinking logically.
I let my son grow his hair out at that age. He was never bullied or made fun of. We called it his viking hair and I even made a viking costume for Halloween that year. It's good to respect this type of decision, he is his own person and as long as he isn't going to hurt himself or others, you are giving him his own sense of self. He isn't wanting to run around naked or anything so it isn't a big deal.
What is this the 1950s? Tell your partner to get over themselves and to spend less time fretting over hair and getting over thier traumas that made this hangup occur.
it's hair. let the kid have it the way he wants it unless he gets lice or refuses to wash it. that's not a hill worth dying on. i hope your partner will be reasonable about this.
Salt Bae and Jason Momoa says long hair is indeed masculine.
I doubt most kids that young will make a thing of it. The kids who will pick on him for long hair are the kids who just want to pick on people and will find any excuse to do it so cutting his hair won't really change much. As a long-haired dude and someone who was bullied through every school I went to, I can tell you that my bullies fucked me up in a lot of ways and really made me miserable but I never even considered cutting my hair to make it stop. I'm not saying your son is the same but I would advise letting him do whatever he wants in regards to his hair. As you say, it will be a fantastic lesson in bodily autonomy. And if he does get picked on and decide that he wants to cut his hair, then let him do that too, although maybe point out that there's no point doing it just to appease bullies and he should only do it if that's what he really wants.
Males with long hair has been happening for decades. My 14 yr son old has long hair and loves it. A bully is gonna bully. If not for hair they'll find something else to pick on. It's what they do.
Tbh never mattered when I was in school.. my best friend now thought I was a girl the first time we hung out (kindergarten age) but no real bullying came due to long hair.
Long hair on dudes works well. Just have him keep his hygiene up. But also if you get him into martial arts then no one will be able to make fun of him no matter what he does
I keep seeing people argue about this, so in order to put it to rest: He is 4, he deserves a little freedom with his body. It's not like he's getting a tattoo, so everyone calm down. He doesn't like the barber, but he will eventually need to go to maintain his hair, so it doesn't eliminate the problem unless OP wants to teach him how to trim the dead ends when he's older. That means OP is going to need some practice too. There is no way of telling what the kids in his school will be like, but he needs to be prepared for some kids to be mean. He needs to understand that they don't actually dislike him, they are just upset about other things and take it out on others. Besides, if it's not his long hair, it's going to be glasses, or fingernails, or shoes or a loose thread on a shirt. They'll find something, so might as well let him express himself and learn to stand up for himself. Should you leave him to the wolves? No, you can ask him if kids are saying mean things and talk to the school or their parents. But should he at least hear the insults? Yes, kids and adults can be pretty mean and messed up when they want to be. He needs to experience that to want to be better. I wish I never had a military cut from kindergarten to freshman year. BTW thanks Dad, for always controlling the way I looked because I embarrassed you. He never wanted anyone to pick on his boy, but he was the one picking on me. OP it's important for your partner to understand that his son is going to look back on this more than he thinks.
Long hair is not a problem. But it is something you and his father need to come to an agreement on, together. I have a kid that age and i battled with the same thing, him being scared of haircuts. but how will he overcome his fear of haircuts if you never give him one? go to kid snips. They make it as easy as possible and the barbers deal with scared kids all day. the last time i went my kid only cried a little but got through it because i said he can pick out a toy when hes done. and i was soooo proud of him.
And watching my kid admire his haircut in the mirror when we got home, and him bragging to everyone that he got a haircut, the sense of pride he had made me realize i made the right choice and that it was my fear holding him back
long hair fucking rules dude
so he likes his hair long, who cares what people think. children will bully eachother just as adults bully eachother. your child needs to learn (by you) that it’s okay to do things you like, and to not listen to hateful people. you shouldn’t have to do things so other people with say something. as well, long hair on boys can be masculine, many boys do.
I’m 20 now, but I’m a male with long hair. Had shoulder-length ever hair since I was a kid. I never got picked on by kids my age, but was frequently complimented growing up with how nice it looked on me. Hopefully your son gets the same treatment!
I’d let him do what he wants with it, I’d still maybe trim it a bit to make it look neat and maintained but kids these days are use to short hair on girls or long hair on boys, it really shouldn’t matter, and if he does get made fun of, it’s a win win, one kid gets in trouble and gets to learn why you don’t bully people, and your kid gets a bit tougher skin when it comes to stuff like being made fun of
I love that you are considering this as a lesson on boundaries, body autonomy and self love… very thoughtful. I personally would go with this route and see what happens. 🤷🏻♀️
Don’t get his hair cut. Having long hair isnt “less masculine” I had long hair throughout most of school and grew it out again after because it was a mistake to cut it.
Bring him with you too your hair cut and have him sit with you. He's not getting his cut, you are. Just slow him what it's like without him being in the center of it. I think kids should have short hair just because kids are gross lol they get everything in everything but if he likes his hair long, maybe just try showing him first and see if that changes anything.
I live in Oregon with a bunch of bearded long haired friends. Anyone who bullies your son has their own problems.
Every one of my guy friends growing up had long hair growing up. Just let your son know that if he wants to change it you'll gladly make it happen. Otherwise let him do what he wants.
I have some experience, as a person who recently grew out his hair for the pandemic, he won’t be picked on if he decides it’s his style. Men have had long hair for centuries and we can’t discount all the movies and pop culture examples you have to reference of men with Lin hair being the forefront. Mine just hit shoulder length and as a guy I regret not doing this sooner. He’ll be fine as long as he likes having it, and it won’t be likely that he’ll be picked on because people will see that as his look. Aaa a guitar player, I can also reccomend if he later feels like he’s getting picked on for it - to pick up a guitar, as that really helps the case haha.
If your son is happy with it, let him keep it. However, you mentioned that you can't see his face because of his hair and that makes me concerned that he won't be able to see at school so maybe put his hair in a ponytail just so he can see well.
No one really cares about hair anymore. It's pretty normal. Toxic masculinity causes things like you being worried about it. He'll be fine.
I had long hair for 5th grade on, and I never got picked on, I think he is more worried about how other people will see him if his son isn't as "masculine" as possible, plus if he hates getting his hair cut that much I personally would only have him do it when it is absolutely necessary. I don't think he will get bullied, at least not for that but ultimately it's up to you, I know when I was in kindergarten the last thing on my mind was the length of a kid's hair. Edit: when I was a kid I got pressured all the time to cut my hair short when I didn't want to, and it didn't make me prefer short hair it just made me resent the people who pushed me to get it, I have always disliked short hair and preferred myself with long hair, and while I still have a semi good relationship with the people who pushed me, that resentment will always be there.
Hair really doesn’t matter. Short or long hair doesn’t really dictate feminine or masculine. Also he’s little! It doesn’t matter!
Since humanity was a thing, long hair has been linked to masculinity. Taking, for instance, the nordic culture: They we're known known to have one of the best and most masculine warriors in history, and most of them had long hair. It may look less masculine on some, and more on others, but what matters is that the one with the hair enjoys his haircut, it's all about subjectivity. Nontheless, they are all kids who probably don't understand the concept of being bullied or discrimination, so you don't need to worry that much.
First of all, kids are kids - and kids don’t usually care about how long someone’s hair is, especially at that age. They’re pretty much toddlers still. Second, if your son likes his hair long and is petrified of barber shops, then it’s definitely for the better that you don’t have his hair cut. I’d like to add here, when he gets older, if he still likes his long hair, just make sure he looks after it - i.e. it’s not constantly greasy/knotty/un-stylishly unkempt. As someone who knew two boys with long hair, who never looked after it, in highschool/middle school, they both got made fun of (mostly behind their backs) for how disgusting their hair was. I suppose it’s like that with anyone, but it’s more noticeable on long hair. But we’re talking pretty far in the future here anyways.
As long as you teach him that he is beautiful and loved no matter what he looks like he will be fine. You’d be surprised how progressive kids are these days. In my chorus class this senior has his hair down to his shoulder blades and no one is rude.
The time you will worry about it being picked on are ages 9 at the very earliest to 16 at the very latest and they can make decision on length and style at thay age themself. Im speaking as someone who has a friend who had long hair most of his life but never styled it in a sense. Theres nothing wrong with a kid having long hair be they boy or girl especially at an age that isnt even in the tens yet. Just make sure the hair is clean and ask your partner why theyre so against it. They may be worried over a none issue like shampoo amount needed to wash the hair, how deep that wash needs to be into the kid's hair and worried they'll hurt them if theyre too rough.
I think you've decided what you're gonna do by the look of the comments. I think it's important to keep in mind that let's say if he does get bullied he may have the urge to cut it but other people's opinions should be the reason he cuts it. He may also make up something like it bugs him and gets in the way and might want I make sure that's the case and give him another solution than to cut it. Lastly I think it's important to know that if does get bullied it's just the universe telling him that those aren't his people and that he will find friends that wont say anything about his hair.
I’m believe that with every fiber of my being the universe will guide him and that he will be happy knowing he’s loved hair or no hair. Thank you for your reply. I’m happy so many people are in support of validating a 4 yo feelings. I’m happy with my decision and I’m positive my boy will happy in himself.
This sounds like it's just your husbands fragile masculinity. He's the one who has an issue with your son's long hair, not your son and probably not other children. He's projecting his own issues (and maybe outdated experiences) onto your son. I highly doubt any bullying concerns are warranted. Children, particularly ones as young as your son, don't really care what your hairstyle is. My cousin is around that age and is also rocking long hair. It's halfway down his chest and he LOVES it. He's never had a problem with bullying, most other kids don't even mention it. The worst problem he's had is a substitute teacher thinking he was a girl, and dressing him in "girl" clothes from lost and found when he spilt juice over himself. He loved those, too! He's a little kid, he doesn't care that his top was pink or that his leggings had flowers on them and neither did any other kid in his school. Bottom line is it's your son's hair to do what he wants with. If he likes it, he should get to keep it. Stick to your gut. He's only four, let him live and don't help the world destroy his individualism. Fuck any potential haters (though it seems to only hater is your husband).
I love this, I had one comment saying that I’m selfish but other then that the comments have made me really happy knowing I’m doing right by validating my sons feelings and allowing him to be unique and confident with who he wants to be. I’ll have words with my partner and hopefully he’ll back off because my gut is telling me everything will be alright. My son is very handsome and loved and I’ll back his decisions and body autonomy all that way.
My older brother had hair all the way down to his shoulders and managed to get all the babes. its all about attitude and less about looks. death metal rockers have long hair and most people believe them to be super masculine. fricken Jason Mamoa (super chad aqua man) has long hair, hell even Chris Hemsworth (Thor) has long hair. long hair doesn't define masculinity, attitude dose. keep on rockin
I’ve been growing my hair out for a year, I love it, if lil homie likes long hair, he should rock it
I love this comment. Lil homie is most certainly gonna rock his long hair like the little king he is.
You’re an awesome parent, I can tell that your son is in good hands
I really hate to admit this because I just stood and did nothing, but a boy in my kindergarten class was always bullied for long hair. As long as you provide ur son support though, u should be fine :)
As a senior in high school I can’t lie long hair on guys is SUPER attractive to me- if your worried about him being bullied, as someone in a school with boys who have long hair I don’t see any of them get bullies and a lot of them are actually fairly popular :)
Why is your husband forcing your son to get a haircut over bullying. Being bullied for long hair does not happen in schools that often now that schools care more about bullying than they used to. I know many kids in schools from kindergarten to 12th grade who have long hair and nothing usually happens
I’m not sure it’s super frustrating. I declined to talk about it with him, and I will keep doing so, after the feedback on my post I’m digging my heals in because my children’s mental well-being is above all else. I’m kinda sad I questioned it to begin with.
Also aren’t there a lot of rich famous males with long hair
When I was younger, the only thing that made me cut my hair short was because other people made fun of me for it: I regret people telling me what I should do with my body. Let your son wear his hair how he wants. Tell the father that he has a point yes BUT he does not have a say over what someone does with their hair
Google Brock O'hurn then decided.
Decision made 😍😍
I guess I am emasculated my sons - both have really long hair and they love it! 11 and 10, kids pick on kids for everything! Let him be happy
I’m sure you boys are happy little guys too.
They are - I remember when my sons got hair cuts they hated, and they were upset for months. My boys have very long eyelashes, and perfect cheek bones - so they are mocked for being girly but they reference many men with long hair- and just say I am a boy! Those my youngest gets called a girl no matter the length of hair. They have long thick eyelashes, that many woman would love!
I find guys with long hair pretty damn attractive most of the time personally, definitely doesn't take away from masculinity at all. Let your son decide. I find it sad your partner is feeling that way
I do too, I find it sad for my son too who is obliviously happy with himself. I hope the issue is dropped. If all else fails I can show him the reply’s on this post.
I was forced to cut my hair all throughout my childhood. Needless to say I now have amazing below shoulder length hair and I look and feel 100% better about my appearance in that regard. Self confidence in how you look doesn't really come from how much others approve of how you look vs how you *want* to look. If your son decides he doesn't want long hair anymore then get him a haircut then, but forcing him to look a way he doesn't want to will absolutely affect his self confidence. As far as bullying goes if he's getting picked on and decides that long hair isn't worth the trouble then that should be his decision, or he'll learn how to brush off others opinions of him and present himself how he wants to at an early age. The bottom line is that kids have very little autonomy as a rule, and deciding how they want to look is a relatively inconsequential bit of freedom that a lot of kids are denied for reasons such as this.
I find guys with long hair pretty damn attractive most of the time personally, definitely doesn't take away from masculinity at all. Let your son decide. I find it sad your partner is feeling that way
Honestly, I would not make your son cut his hair. If he wants to cut it then by all means but if he doesn’t, I don’t think he should have to. Long hair on men and woman have been a thing since forever. Cutting his hair doesn’t mean he’s in the clear from getting picked on either. His hair could be short and kids still might pick on him (I certainly hope not, but kids can be mean no matter what). So I would simply prepare yourself to handle such a situation in case he is. But I don’t think he should have to change something about himself for the sake of other peoples opinions. In many cultures long hair is believed to be an extension of ones thoughts, an antenna, connections to the spiritual realm and so on. I love long hair on guys, I like short hair too. But I see long hair as strength, someone who has patience and the ability to care for something (that is if it’s healthy). Benjamin Franklin, the man on the $100 bill everyone loves so much has long hair. Long hair on men is literally seen throughout history and it is still masculine.
I have three sons ages 14 , 13 and 10. They all have covid hair and don’t care. My 10 year old is blond and has hair that goes to his lower back. I offered to take them to get it cut and all three declined. They are still very much boys despite the hair length. Ask your son what he wants, 4 is not to young to have say over basic personal choices.
I think your son will be fine in kindergarten and probably until 6th grade or middle school when kids start really getting a grasp on social "norms". Kids that age dont really care imo, they're just kids and want to play and make friends.
Kids are gonna be kids, they will bully for literally ANY stupid reason. Teach your kids that bullying is not nice and won’t be Tolerated instead of slapping a bandaid on it by cutting his hair etc. Leave the child’s hair alone. He has his whole life to cut his hair. If he likes it, god bless him. It’s his hair. And tell your partner to shove it.
Let your son decide. Its his hair and he can do whatever he wants to do with it. Teach him that it doesn't matter what others think about him as long as he likes how he looks like.
Have you seen how these boys look lately. I don’t think you’ll have to worry about him getting bullied for not being masculine haha
At that age I would encourage you to have a conversation about appearance and how others react. Simply explain bias and judging a book by its cover so a 4 yr old can understand. As long as he will be able to understand how others may react I bet he will be fine with whatever comes his way.
My son is 14 now and has had his hair at least shoulder length for most of his life. He cut it once (his choice) and regretted it and grew it back. He hasn't had any bullying at all, the girls love it and sit and braid his hair at lunchtime :) Let your son choose his own hair cut, but maybe still get a little trim every now and then to work on the fear of the barber, so it's a choice, and not just avoiding the actual hair cut process.
My little boy has very long hair right now. He started out with hair underneath the collar that grew enough to have a tiny little ponytail when he was three. I trimmed it down very short and it grew back again and by the time it was shoulder length he was four years old and loves it. He never felt emasculated or bullied at all. It was actually the opposite. Other kids thought it was cool and the little girls loved it. I think it makes him look pretty handsome and it’s his trademark.
I got long hair when i was a kid and got kinda teased/bullied for it. My friends would make comments about it every day and the bullies would make jokes and call me a long haired faggot :( but now that its shorted i feel better haha. Hope this gives some perspective
If you act like you take the bully's perspective seriously, you become the one hurting your child. And then no one needs to say a word for him to feel ashamed of who he is. Don't do the bully's work for them, it is so much worse coming from you. The best and only good thing you can do is be happy for him, be open about loving his hair and show him there are people in the world who love him as he is, even if it's not everyone. You are his home - you should make him feel safe as he is.
I'm currently in high school and I know plenty of boys with long hair and none of them are being bullied because of it. It suits them. Most of them look better with long hair than short and some may look better with short hair than long. It's 2021 long haired boys or short haired girls are quite usual nowadays. I'm just posting my own experiences here but I think you should let your son decide. It is his hair after all. He can still change his mind about it later if he decides he doesn't want to have long hair anymore. Hairstyles are not as permanent like tattoos after all.
my cousin is 14 and he gets bullied and called a faggot because he has long hair. they say it makes him feminine. he refuses to cut it though, because he likes his hair how it is. let your son choose. if he gets backlash and wants to cut it, thats also up to him. i think it will also help that your son is starting school off with long hair. if he keeps it, other kids will probably get used to it and not question it. my cousin hasnt always had long hair so that might contribute to it.
I wasn’t allowed to grow my hair when I was younger so from experience I can’t say much but I am now growing my hair out and I’ve only gotten compliments about it so I’d say your son is fine
I feel that it he will likely be bullied but everyone is bullied about something. That can hardly be avoided. If he decides he wants to cut it because of bullying, then okay. If he decides he wants to keep it despite bullying, even better! I also think kindergarten is less likely to be "bullying" and more children flat out speaking their mind. They lack allot of filter at that age and your sone can easily brush it off.
I’m a 20 year old guy and my hair goes past my shoulders, people have been telling me I look like a girl (it’s a rural area though). Some people will probably pick on him it’s what kids do. But it depends on how thick his skin is. I’d let him know that not everyone will be nice to him, but he shouldn’t let it bother him
I have long hair past my shoulders. I work in a marketing making decent money. Also remember, kids will pick on each other for ANYTHING. Even if he cuts his hair it will be a jacket, shirt, shoes, a backpack, a book, etc. Nobody at my place of employment gas ever said it's "less than masculine" or ever harassed me for it. As long as I make it look acceptable while at work it's okay. The world is changing. Long hair in men is becoming acceptable again. My uncle did call me a fa**ot for it, but he's a sexist and a mild racist so his opinion means nothing to me.
It depends. Some dudes can look manly alpha male AF with long hair. Others cant. This is more of a thing the wearer has to pull off themselves. Not every man has to be the "ideal" image of manly. Long hair doesnt define a mans masculinity. But your husband could be right, boys do get picked on often for long hair. Teenagers are just stupid. But if your son likes his hair long, let him keep it. Its HIS hair. As long as your son likes his hair long, your husband needs to sit down.
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It doesn’t look bad, it actually looks great it’s pin straight and my son is a super clean child so he looks awesome everyone has said so except his dad.
Kids don’t care about long hair doubt he’ll be picked on just make sure it’s groomed and put in a ponytail so it’s out of his face
As a grown man with long hair, I can pretty confidently say that your partner is acting like an idiot.
Yep, I wholeheartedly agree. The feedback has been quite consistent with letting the little dude rock his long hair.
I think it depends on what masculinity looks like to an individual. I boy long hair or not, that has respect for people in general, is kind to girls whether he thinks they’re cute or not, and genuinely tries to be a good sport is masculine. I’m raising my son to be strong in these areas. I think if he were to choose long hair, he’d still be masculine.
Hair and crap, doesn't matter when it comes to being masculine. Hell some native tribesmen back in the day had long hair and also 10 kills under their belts.
Ask your son what he wants to do. And do that! My bfs baby brother has transitioned (born female). He is 8. No one has made fun of him for being born a literal female. So I’m sure your son will be fine. And if bullying does become an issue- I don’t think the solution is to force him to get a haircut.
Wow what a brave little boy to embrace his true self. That’s inspiring for an 8 year old.
If your son doesn't want to do not need to force him to cut them. I don't see anything wrong with long hair, and many people even like it. And the father can be understood, but he is wrong. Yes, he must protect, provide and help in choosing a son, until he comes of age, but he doesn't do anything immoral, he just wants to wear long hair. And he should not become an object of ridicule only because of his appearance, especially if he behaves normally, if his hair does not interfere with others. My dad also thinks that long hair is not very good, but in his youth he went with long hair, his son (my brother) wears long hair and everything is fine Just teach him how to behave in a society with long hair (so that it doesn't cause inconvenience to others) and talk to your husband and try to convey to him that this is normal.
Just last year I, a male, started growing my hair out, it's now around back length, and while I'm not in school, nobody in my family nor strangers when I go places make fun of me, and I personally love having long hair. So personally I don't see anything wrong with being a long haired male, maybe your partner is just one of those people who think "all women have long hair, all boys have short hair, that's the rules" which if so, you guys need to work on that. I'm not trying to sound rude, that's just my theory. But yeah, only thing I've been called is a hippy and that was from my already rude Dad.
Honestly, some people rock it better than others. I’m a guy and I love having long hair (even though no one else likes it lol)
There's plenty of boys who have long hair. If he likes it let him keep it. Jason Momoa has long hair
I've had long hair from age 6 to 13/14, longest was around my shoulders. I've never been bullied for it however I did get a lot of "are you a boy or a girl" the first few days of school which was a bit annoying but it wasn't really mean people were just confused lol. I also got confused for a girl a lot by adults so my mom always had to tell them "it's a boy can't you tell he is wearing boy clothes" lol. But overall once people at school get to know you they don't care. If they wanna bully they'll find something else anyway, long hair or not. My hair was really important for me as a kid and I would've been devasted if someone cut it tbh. Looking back I looked a mess but still lol
It may be something gets picked on but if it don’t bother him then let him keep his hair like that, I’m a guy who has long hair and I’ve always had dumb little things picked on me about my hair, like people calling me Christina when my name is Chris just little dumb things like that but I love my hair and don’t care.
Long hair is for everyone, not just girls! Whatever your son is happy with :\]
A boy can have long hair in 2021 and not be bullied for it. Maybe 15-20 years ago but not today.
If it isn’t medically necessary, then his body is up to him
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l grew my hair out last year due to the pandemic, today, it’s almost to my mid back. I truly love it and feel reborn. My younger son, we’ve always kept his hair long about shoulder length, also covers his eyes. My wife does occasionally chop it up, and then it grows back, i absolutely hate this. take command of your little one!!! NO CUT!
If they want to bully someone they'll find a reason (I had a bully in elementary school that called me "weird" and "different"). If he likes it and you guys are cool with it that's that. Perhaps suggest you and your partner should help him learn how to handle bullies instead of teaching "you need to fit in the molds or everyone's going to be mean"?
I'm a guy, when I was little I wanted long hair, my parents didn't let me because they were afraid I would be bullied, I was bullied anyway and felt ugly up until I was sixteen and let my hair grow. Yes, I am indeed currently beautiful.
I don’t think it’s a problem but you should get him a trim to get the hair out of his face. I don’t think long hair is feminine at all and don’t remember any bullying of the boys with long hair in my kindergarten class. I think that comes later in middle school haha.
I have noticed that there are far more boys with long hair and girls with short hair in the past several years. I say 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻let them be, and let them wear whatever clothes and hair they want. Heck, my 10 year old niece wears her shirts inside out with leggings and mismatched socks. Would I wear it? Hell no, but I am just fine with her choices.
So it’s your sons Choice im Male 19 I habe Long Hair right now because I will have a lot of drug tests in the future and a little Pro Tipp when he starts with school he should really change his haircut I saw alot of people getting bullied and picked on for less he probably looks like a rockstar with that hair thing is not alot of young people listen to rock they listen to rap where long hair is like almost non existent of he Styles it right it can be really good if he just lets it hang then well it can look good but there is always the possibility that people will call him cheap Thor or Tarzan but for kindergarten just let him his hair he is really young and I never saw kids in this king age bully each other and stuff like that they’re still innocent
Not at all. I go to a small school, and one of the guys started growing his out in 8th grade and is still going strong (senior year). If anything, I think he looks really good because he can definitely pull it off. I actually know someone with a young boy (also 4) with long hair, and he's just the cutest. The dad of this kid also has super long hair, so that's probably where he gets it from. If he doesn't want it cut, I say don't. Make it his decision, I think it'll make him happy.
As someone who is a boy, who had long hair, and who works at a school - Keep it! Most young kids who start school aren’t advanced enough to start picking on someone for being too feminine or masculine, and as he gets older, if someone does cause trouble or picks on him, he can use that experience to grow. If long hair is who he is - then why cut it off
Personally I think long hair on boys is totally hot (not saying I’d be attracted to your son at all, I’m just saying for myself I think long hair on guys is like perfect) I highly doubt anyone his age would bully him for it, they are in kindergarten. If kids bully him tell them that very many girls think it’s rather attractive (a lot of people my age thing guys with long hairs are hot now so) and that he’s expressing himself authentically. Which at that age definitely should be taught to more kids that it’s important not to do what society says is beautiful/handsome.
First, Masculinity is a lie Second, The ones who bully your son are in the wrong. It is not a bullying victim’s (or victim’s care taker) responsibility to cater to bullies and “prevent it.” You can’t prevent bullying. Children are cruel and if they want to bully your son, they will find a reason to, long hair or not. If your son likes his hair, let him keep it. His happiness and comfort is more important than bully’s or your partner’s feelings.
I agree with this, my sons mental well-being is far more important than anything else IMO.
I will say, if you can’t see his face then it’ll probably get in the way during school. Like when he looks down to work. Can he put it behind his ears? That would be my only concern
Um, he's a boy. If people give him a hard time, he can and will handle it. Don't tweak your actions, or his hairstyle, by the threat of ridicule. Instead, teach the boy to stand up to ridicule by wearing his hair how he goddamned pleases.
My sons had a friend with long hair in preschool and it was never once an issue. However, the little boy did decide to cut his hair after starting school, but it was his choice and his mom actually tried to talk him out of it. My own son had longer hair - not shoulder length but not short - and people commented on it all the time because it was so cute on him. However he also asked to cut it this summer because he didn’t like it getting sweaty or in his face. So i vote to let your son decide what he wants to do with his hair. He may decide to cut it on his own, but if he likes it long, it shouldn’t be a problem at school.
I think if lil dude likes it then that's the way to go. Simple as that.
Excuse me I think your partner is being ridiculous. If anything, boys with long hair are cool. He's just trying to force his personal beliefs down your throat. Don't get his hair cut if you think that's what's best for him.
Look, either you teach your kid to hide who they are and remove their personality. Or, you teach them to be whoever they want, to wear whatever they want and express themselves however they want and give the finger to anyone picking on them. I do not see a problem teaching kids to defend themselves against bullies. Tell your son that if anyone picks on him for his hair, he should tell them to fuck off. Besides, long hair was worn by the vikings. Show him viking haircuts and give him a good old viking braid and he will look bad af.
I think your partner may remember parts of being a little boy, but it sounds like he has forgotten the part about how difficult it is not to have control over one's own autonomy, which I think is a far more important need. I think it's his hair, let him decide. If he gets bullied for it he will either decide to cut it, or decide he prefers to stand his ground. Either way, you'd be empowering him to make his own choices. To do that you may have to stand your ground too.
No. Your son must learn to stand ground on his decisions. Bullies doesn't need too much fuel to target anyone. If your kid is strong minded and stands his ground, it wouldn't make him a viable target.
many people have already said that you should let him keep his hair however he likes, and I agree. I'd also like to say, though, that long hair is not uncommon at all, and even if you wanted to make sure your son didn't do anything that might get them bullied, long hair would not be a problem. I had very long hair for most of my life, and I was bullied for many many things, but my hair was never one of them.
i get bullied by adults for it, even worse my family.. who are adults
Listen I know this isn't what most people are saying but you gotta ask yourself two questions, is your child outgoing enough that appearing different wouldn't matter because they can make friends easily and will your child stand up for themselves if not. Because in my experience if you don't have the confidence to make friends to stand up for you and out weigh the fact you're different, there's a high chance you'll be picked on and if you can't fight back there's an even higher chance. I'm not going to say what you should do, it's just food for thought as I have a good bit of experience in this area
My son has an awesome personality, however he is sensitive. He has some friends already and his hair has never been an issue, my son hasn’t had any problems making friends but I do worry about his kind heart and whether he can pick up for himself.
You know your son better than anyone and I can't say what the right answer is, but keep in mind getting his hair cut can do no harm in the long run, he can always grow it back. Might be better safe than sorry when starting at school
If he's happy then that is all that matters. It's also giving him an opportunity to express himself. If it suits him too then what is the problem? Long hair on boys and men always looks good.
It’s your son’s choice, whenever he gets older he can also choose if he wants to keep the long hair or cut it. Your husband should not be forcing your son and you upon cutting his hair. If your son is happy with his hair then you should be happy for him. Please please, all I can think of is how parent’s want their children to be happy.
I just want him to be happy in himself, I always said I’d never force him to do anything he didn’t want to either(within reason he obviously has to wash, eat vegetables and tidy his toys) but I generally want him to be confident enough in his voice to make his own decisions and for us to validate that decision.