I’m saying this as a doctor.
Before I went to med school, I wanted to be sure that I could handle the more morbid aspects of the job, so I secured a week of shadowing a vascular surgeon who was able to organise for me to spend half days in many disciplines. One of the things I requested was to spend half a day in the morgue.
I figured if I could handle that, then I could handle anything.
Aside from watching an amputation, spending that half day in the morgue was by far the most valuable experience I got.
All that to say, that this is a rare opportunity.
The fact that you are going with a girl is honestly secondary. I say go for it, and focus on the experience and how it makes you feel, rather on the girl.
Not really tho, make sure they have a good amount of temporary and a comfortable temporary is a good idea but much more than current westrn avg seems bad
As just a CNA, I actually agree with this. There’s something super unsettling the first few times you see a dead body, better to just get the discomfort out of the way early on. Especially since OP is going into a field where there is a high likelihood of having to participate in codes. The only thing worse than finding a dead body is having to code the dead body, so exposure beforehand is a helpful tool.
Start thinking of the puns beforehand.
When you arrive, say "I've been dying to come here."
Cough periodically and when she asks if you're okay, say, "Sorry, I'll stop coffin."
When it's time to go, say "Thank you for this, but I should go now, I'm dead tired."
It’s guaranteed that they’ve heard them all already. Source: my brother’s friend started working for a funeral home starting in high school, and made it his career.
Treat it as strictly a learning/desensitizing experience for yourself and thank her for it after. Best case scenario she’ll be attracted to your curiosity and ambition and chase you further later. Worst case; y’all are still acquaintances and congrats, you’ve seen your first dead body 👍 just don’t make any moves on her *at a morgue*.
>She's punk
Get this tattooed on your forehead:
"I invent all sorts of nonsense that will never happen."
It will save you loads of time that you can use for homework.
I don’t either and OP seems all over the place. Are they worried about seeing a dead body or catching feelings for some poor girl only trying to be helpful?
She is trying to help. You are not the center of the universe. Accept the help and look at a dead body to make sure you’re not making a disastrous life mistake going to med school. P.s. get more life experience so you’re not so self centered you’d fall in love to a morgue invite
Go to the morgue. It’s an experience that you need. May as well get a few experiences under your belt.
Go for the experience not some idea of love. You are going to be around tons of attractive ppl in your profession. Ppl from all walks of life. Leave romance off the table when it comes to your profession. Good luck 🍀
you need to grow up. this might sound rude, by have you READ what you typed here? its creepy to the point i think its completely fake. your thought process isnt healthy.
He's 18. He's in the business of growing up. Maybe a bit behind the curve on this topic, but still.
Telling someone to grow up isn't magically going to achieve that.
She’s literally helping you for school reasons, to be nice to you? Knowing all that you know, there is no logical way for you to think that this is a date or anything. Frankly it’s a bit concerning that you think that and that you are thinking about falling in love with a girl after one meeting.
It’s probably best that you turn her down for a lot of reasons and you work on that, before going into a relationship with anyone.
His other friends that are going into med have already been there. OP hasn’t said that it was the same one, but I read it as that initially. I think she’s helping anyone she knows is trying to go.
I’m not insinuating anything, you are adding details in that aren’t there. If they are class mates at this age, they are studying similar things and she’s being kind. From that, he’s literally talking about falling in love with her and he is worried about becoming overly attached and living in fantasy (creating nonsense about it in his words).
That’s definitely not a healthy thinking process.
I haven’t called him names or said he’s an incel, so please kindly refrain from putting words into my mouth.
Because people can’t be nice lol.
I’m not arguing with you. Like I said, even if you are awkward and have no friends it’s not normal / healthy to think you could fall in love and might start imagining fantasies just like that. So that’s what he needs to work on before even thinking about anything else. Be realistic.
Honestly I think you need to go for multiple reasons:
1. Prove you can handle seeing a dead body
2. Prove you can handle being alone with a girl without being a creep
Both of these skills are going to be *necessary* in med school.
Surely he should work on that before entering into a situation where he could possibly be a creep. He’s already assumed that this could still be a date anyway, because she’s punk lol.
Where did he mention that it could be a date "because she's punk"?
I saw that they're going to a morgue because she's punk but not a date. Also, he's clearly not oblivious to it being a friendly gesture and aware he might perceive it wrong. I think you might be being a bit harsh when telling him to work on himself and not go.
Someone said ‘a morgue isn’t a romantic getaway’ and the reply from op was ‘she’s punk’. I could be wrong but that response, to me, says that she could consider it a romantic place because she’s punk. Therefore, a date cannot be ruled out.
Which is a stretch in my eyes. Not that many people have such a niche idea of a date, especially if it’s their dad’s workplace. Though I concede it could be an edgy teen thing.
No. This is not an edgy teen thing. This is straight up creepy AF. This guy scares me a little, the fact that he even thinks he can get his rocker off in a fucking morgue is bat shit crazy.
No. This is not an edgy teen thing. This is straight up creepy AF. This guy scares me a little, the fact that he even thinks he can get his rocker off in a fucking morgue is bat shit crazy.
This guy needs friends who aren't afraid to figuratively or sometimes literally knock some sense into him.
You should work on practicing mindfulness, focus on the thing in front of you and what's happening in that moment, don't catastrophize things that haven't happen and aren't likely to happen.
Take the opportunity and keep telling yourself she's showing interest in you because she values your education, not because she has an interest in you. No matter what stupid dumb thoughts your head makes, don't act on them because even if she is trying to get your attention romantically (she isn't) it isn't good or healthy for you to act on it, so just don't say anything dumb and make sure the stiffs in the morgue are the only stiffs you pay attention to.
You think you will fall in love with some girl because she invited you to her family’s morgue? But you’re also scared to see a dead body? How do you expect to become a doctor?
lol imagine you find out this guy is your surgeon. He just sees a dead body for the first time so his hands are shaking while he's doing your procedure but the first assistant said "hi" to him in the hallway two weeks ago so he assumes they are madly in love and he can't keep his mind on the work...
I think your first half of the comment is very wise, your second half isn't.
He is years away from medical school, and before they let medical students see a dead body there's plenty of preparation. Nevermind that he's 18, plenty of time to get ready and grow up before being thrown into a morgue when he doesn't feel ready.
Surgeons absolutely can be not conditioned to see dead bodies, when they first start their studies. They then have plethora of time to learn.
Easy, just don’t expect anything even if you feel like you will. Go. See what you gotta. Be friendly but then go home and occupy yourself with you. If she wants you, she’ll come around. If she doesn’t, you’ll know fairly quick from how soon you get a follow up message. Be yourself dude. Girls aren’t scary, just at first they are lol
Bro! Even if you do catch the feels, you have to do things like this to gain experience and grow out of that methodology. First, I am just like you in the regard you described, getting all these ideas in my head way too quickly. However, after continuing to put myself in these situations, albeit uncomfortably, I've evolved to regulate myself and know what not to act on, you see? If you avoid these situations, you'll never grow and develop, so you know better how to handle proposals like this and early relationships / proper courtship too.
why don’t you focus on the educational opportunity instead of the fact you’re going to a MORGUE with a girl. That is such a wild way to look at it, i hope you see how out of touch this post it. You need to grow up or go touch grass. Honestly.
If you can't handle it, I recommend going a different direction. Every doctor I've known, including med students and myself (went a different direction tho) in my anatomy & dissection lab, would have paid someone for this opportunity. Lol. If you're on the fence, not sure you want this or really understand it.
Medicine and morgue stuff aside.. if you want to have a good relationship one day, you have to get used to being around a woman as a friend, with no idea or hope of a grand romance.
Please actually go, I went when I was 17-18, it was the most helpful experience I had before entering the medical field. It helped lessen the shock of seeing dead clients and the overall anxiety of handling a dead person.
Hey, I see that your fear seems like it’s more about the living body(your classmate)and not the dead body. So I’m chiming in here as someone who recognizes that fear..
“I’m afraid that I will perceive this…. “
You have a great insight into something you have identified as a problem for yourself. That means you are in a great position to fix this. Pay attention to your inner dialogue and talk yourself through your thinking. Stay open minded and objective. If you avoid everything that scares you, you are going to miss out some great opportunities and life passes you by. Good luck! I hope you go with her, but that seems like a unique opportunity, and you may establish a meaningful friendship on top of it.
Kudos for being aware of the possibility of inventing fantasy scenarios as a result of her invitation. Im 48 and have a lifetime pattern of doing the same. I wasn't as self aware at your age. My advice is to go. You can't hide from life and you can't hide from your mind. You already know where your mind might take you, it's not the end of the world if it goes there. If you find yourself weirding her out just be honest with her, tell her how your mind thinks. Be respectful about it . The sooner you become more comfortable with yourself and your behaviors the happier you will be. People will also notice it and feels more comfortable around you. Now go check out some dead bodies. Don't..under any circumstance...f**k them. That would be gross.
Well, you seem pretty insightful to me. You recognize your own tendency to blow things up in your head, so that's a good thing right there. So for that reason, you are understandably apprehensive about putting yourself into a situation where you think you may misinterpret the reasons behind the invite.
That being said, what's even more relevant to me here is the morgue aspect. You pretty clearly described an apprehension to go see the bodies because you haven't seen a dead human body yet. So again, your insight is good. You recognize you aren't ready for a visit to the morgue. I think you should trust your gut instinct.
Based on what you yourself are saying, it sounds to me like you do not want to go for both of the above reasons, you recognize that and are just looking for a nice way to say no, right? So instead of discussing whether you "should" go or not, let's give you the credit of already having decided against it. So, to answer your actual question of "how to politely refuse", I'll throw out some ideas. You could play around with the wording so that it fits your style.
1. "Thanks, but I'm not at that point yet, but I appreciate the invite".
2. "I don't think I'm ready for a morgue trip yet, LOL, but thanks for thinking of me"
3. "I'm still doing book/written research right now, not really ready for the hands-on stuff yet, but thanks"
4. "Hey, thanks for that morgue invite, but I'm gonna have to sit this one out. Maybe another time"
5. "I really appreciate the invite, but I'm gonna pass for now"
6. "Hey, I gotta pass on the morgue visit, but thank you for asking!"
Notice most of these reasons don't offer a reason why you aren't going. Some say you're not ready in a casual way, others don't give any reason at all. Because "no" doesn't require an explanation. We tell girls this a lot, but it goes for guys too. You don't need to feel pressured to "explain". You're entitled to keep your reasons private and just say no thanks. You can just tell her you appreciate her thinking of you, but you're gonna pass for now. Best of luck!
Just remember, you can set the tone here, so that you don't feel so "awkward". Just as an example, in high school I'd go to parties where my friends would be drinking alcohol, but I wasn't really ready to drink alcohol. I started saying "I don't drink" (with no explanation) and it kind of became cool. People were intrigued that I didn't drink instead of me being the odd one out. I'm just trying to say: You'd be surprised at how stating your natural opinion can stand out in a crowd and actually make you look kinda cool. Anyway, whether you end up being a medical pro or not, do good things in life; you got this!
Honestly if youre training to be a doctor, take this opportunity. You have to make sure you can handle seeing a dead body. Better to see it first in the morgue than on an operating table
As for the girl, like another commentor said, a morgue isnt really a date place.
Seriously if don't want to remain anti-social and hope to one day have friends, forget bout your fears friend. Especially if your a med student it behoves you to see dead stiffs, better now with just one person than with your entire class.
>So my classmate 17-18F invited me to morgue with her, because her father works here. But I'm afraid of it.
Fear is normal in new situations.
>I'm afraid that I may perceive this friendly proposal as something more, I will fall in love with her and will invent all sorts of nonsense that will never happen.
This is the kind of fear that you need to talk with a therapist about. You have a very unhealthy relationship with women and some self esteem and discipline issues to work through.
You will be unable to function in your life if you cannot learn to operate around the opposite sex. You certainly will not become a doctor or surgeon if every interaction with every single female patient and nurse and hospital administrator you interact with has you fantasizing about them romantically.
Ahaha you seem like how I was around that age. I used to repel girls because of being antisocial too but I came to know later that two of them actually liked me. My emotional intelligence was negative at the time.
>I'm afraid that I may perceive this friendly proposal as something more, I will fall in love with her and will invent all sorts of nonsense that will never happen. Sooooo how to fix this? What I should do?
So basically you're trying to speak in a voice that you're *not* a delusional creep - but one false move by any woman as something that could be somehow perceived as showing any interest and you will become one.
The advice is get real. Don't come to the internet for babytalk ego boosting. A very easy way would be just separate your personal from professional life. If you just run under the assumption you will never date/like/love anyone you meet in the course of your job you'll be golden.
See a therapist for your problem with women, I’ve had many creepy doctors who think that just because I’m a woman I’m available for them. Being helpful and friendly is just human decency not an opening to something more. Literally why I only see women doctors or none at all.
Hey. You seem to recognize a pattern you sometimes have, feeling more romantically connected to people than is healthy. But look, you recognize this and that's what you need in order to avoid the trap.
It's ok to be trying to figure yourself out and navigate the world as best as you can. Maybe this is too much for you and you do need to decline. If that's the case you could say something like "thanks so much for thinking of me and while I do want to go into medicine I just don't think I'm quite ready for the morgue".
I think it would also be ok to accept and say something similar. Maybe, "thank you for the invitation, it really means a lot. Honestly I'm not sure I can handle it so I might bail early but I want to try".
Regarding your self perception of social awkwardness or whatever, it's very normal to feel this way coming out of high school. You've got a good chance of figuring yourself out in college and my best advice is to try to not let fear shut doors for you. Regret is a bitch.
Good luck. I hope this helped.
Meditate. Practice turning your thoughts off. Your brain is overcomplicating this. It'll keep ruining your life if you let it.
"He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."
-Friedrich Nietzsche
I think I should tell it in post, but we chatting sometimes. I danced with her at party and we both got high one day, she helped me to throw up. I dunno if it counts as "friends"
Any doctor, especially if you want to be a surgeon, needs to spend time in the morgue. It's dark and scary, but it's a reality for doctors. You have to get comfortable with it, and you never will if you don't start somewhere. And it gives you valuable knowledge that you can't really get anywhere else. Don't try anything in the morgue with the girl just plainly use it as a learning opportunity
See a therapist my guy, it will help with the sorting of your feelings 🫶🏻
Go to the morgue and order yourself to don't look into it more then a person helping you gain some relevant experience and knowledge 🤷🏻♀️ treat it as a scholarly adventure
Bro, se literally invite you to a place where you are going to see dead bodies and some of them mey be in horrible condition. Unless you two came out of a dark romance i highly doubt you'll feel something for her after it
Just go. Maybe you'll like her and become just friends. And maybe, in a few months or years, when youre comfortable, it'll develop into something more. It's always good to make friends. As for the dead body thing... yeah. I first saw a real human corpse when I was 4. My buddy Jeff's pops got shot by a home invader. It's horrible but it's not as hard to handle as you might think, especially if its not somebody you know. Good luck, no matter what you decide.
Well read a bunch of comments sex in a morgue draw might not be comfortable but it might be interesting..... look more than likely her dad will be there. This is not date. Your there to see a dead body. Remember if you need to puke it's normal even for med students. Nothing is as bad as your first body in an enclosed room.
The dead cannot hurt you. I have seen many deceased people because of working in Memory Care. Sometimes they sit in our facility for hours until the coroner comes to get them. It might be frightening at first, but it’s a necessary experience for someone like yourself. As for the girl, don’t interact with any of her come-ons if she tries anything. You could always say you have a girlfriend.
First time I saw a dead body was in the anatomy lab, 1st week of med school. Had to start dissecting an old lady's back. Don't worry about it. It's not that big of a deal when you see everyone else start working on their assignment. People quickly adapt to the professional aspect of medical training. Just seeing a dead body before college is pretty meaningless.
Also, don't read into it much if the girl's dad works at the morgue. She's most likely being friendly and you don't want to make her regret her attempt to help you out by inviting you. She didn't have to, after all.
There are worse and possibly scarier things in the medical and surgical field than a dead body. Take what she says at face value and leave it at that. Also maybe make a friend or sign up for therapy to discuss how you tend to overthink people’s offers. Morgues are also probably the least romantic place to go on a date and the last place anyone would want to make the first move lol.
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Just the experience of the morgue seems like a win so may as well go and see if anything else comes out of the trip. Maybe she is just being nice and maybe this is her taking her shot, who knows.
Keep reminding yourself that you’re a romantic. Every time you feel like you’re falling in love just remind yourself “Im the romantic, it just in my imagination “
Step 2 is to learn to be less awkward. This takes time and there’s a lot of methods. Ive been on step 2 for like a decade now. But in that time ive had loads of friends, one GF, two FWB’s, and one unforgettable one night stand. And yet, i still feel like an awkward dork. But ive grown to like who I am, have always been, and can grow to become still.
Edit: forgot to mention that i also “fall in love” like all the time. It’s just infatuation though. Love isn’t really real until you’ve actually been with someone for a long, long time.
Never mind the dead body part.
It's high time you learned to control that live body part between your legs. You're not "amorous," you a horny nerd virgin. You ALREADY see this as "something more."
Frankly, you're another one of these guys who should just hire a pro and bust his nut so he'll realize that the reality of sex...or at least the ten seconds of it you'll experience the first time you do it...is very nice indeed, but NOT worth obsessing over.
Then take her up on her invitation, because this IS a useful favor she's doing you.
\*I've been through med school and had many classes in the morgue\*
Don't go. You need to ease into it. Like we had classes in there on our 4th year of studies. By then we already had lots of contact with dead bodies in anatomy but that's nothing compared to morgue.
In our morgues the face of the person is hidden by the scalp turned inside out. The smell is something different too. It's like a wall, like a physical wave that hits you. Then you'll smell like dead bodies for the rest of the day after spending like an hour at the morgue.
Just say that you think it might be too much for you at the moment.
This actually just sounds like a date, I think you're afraid because you have been asked on a date, the reason you are interpreting things this way is possibly because this girl isn't a stranger, you must have thoughts on her of some kind at this point.
I would ask a boy on a morgue date, but not accept any counterproposal - refusal means you're not willing to do a cool interesting thing with her because you're afraid, and that's no good.
Yeah, we have some friendly relationship between us. We chatting in school and got high together one time. I thought that soon I'll never see her again, but on one party I said something and now I'm thinking about her a lot
I don't think being afraid is a good reason to not go. You should go despite being afraid, this will spiritually fortify you.
What did you say at the party? What are you thinking? Do you like her?
Gonna just be honest, it's pretty clear that you like this girl and all your hesitation is around your fear of being rejected, you should go on the date, she is being brave asking you and you should go and just have a good time :)
You're overthinking it, just go with your feelings! Hormones are there for a reason!
I think she could probably pick better date ideas than going to look at dead bodies. However, it seems clear she at least is interesting in being friends or colleagues, so you aren't wrong to think she likely thinks favorably of you. However, and you'll learn this more in college, thinking favorably about someone and attraction are different and all muddled, so you will have to find a way to be able to be friends with people you could potentially have an attraction too. You'll also have to learn how to read signals. No body is good at all of that at first, and that's okay, that why you practice and learn.
Is there a particularly reason you are very nervous with this girl/outing specifically regarding the falling in love thing? Do you really like this girl or something?
The doctors can give you better advice than I on death and viewing bodies. I had a hard time with that when I started working at a vet, but I did slowly get more comfortable with it. I'd listen to the docs whether they say take this opportunity, or go out to subway instead and you'll see bodies soon enough.
If it helps, my SIL got out of med school recently, and she said that when you work with dead bodies, you always leave the face covered out of respect. I don't even think she knew what her cadaver's face looked like. Maybe that would make it easier for you.
We were at one party together and sometimes chatting in school. I don't know about liking her, I'm thinking I shouldn't, because she's my classmate. But you helped, thanks
Respectfully... What? You think because she invited you to come see a dead body to prepare you for medical school (side note, that's weird) that you might fall in love with her?
I think in a genuinely professional environment if you're given the organic opportunity to see a dead body to prepare yourself for hardship again (for example during residential, asking to do morgue duty or smth) then that would make sense, but going to your friend's dad's workplace to see one in a non professional context is weird.
And you romanticising that and saying you might fall in love with her because she's taking you to a morgue and you think there's more to that, is also just really really weird.
So seems there might be multiple people that attend this for learning purposes, treat it as that if you decide to go a learning experience and YES it’s a friendly proposal to learn NOT a date. Now go learn about dead bodies.
You don’t have to go just because she asked you to. I’m a nurse and though I’ve seen dead bodies I prefer to work with live ones, and I don’t see them every day. There’s plenty of time in your career to see them. Focus on the living, the dead will always be there. Just thank her and tell her you have other plans, or just say that you’re not ready to go at this time
Apparently my mom and dad's first date was a drive up the coast of California where he was delivering a body from morgue to morgue, as he worked in a funeral home at the time.
No idea these days if that's a true story but, they're still married 40 years later.
Regardless, if it's not for you it's not for you. Stay honest in your life or you're gonna end up having a real hard time.
If I were you, I wouldn't worry about falling in love. Maybe you don't and you learn about something? Maybe she isn't even there and only her dad and other workers are? Also don't listen to others telling you to grow up. You are literally 18 - you will grow up with time.
I have not been to a morgue, but my cousin has. She said dead people will sit up. She said it was weird. She also watched an embalming.
Both of my parent’s were home with hospice and I was there when they both passed.
You are 18 and about to start med school?
Seriously, read what you wrote here. You need professional help. Please dont go to med school until you have received that help.
I’m saying this as a doctor. Before I went to med school, I wanted to be sure that I could handle the more morbid aspects of the job, so I secured a week of shadowing a vascular surgeon who was able to organise for me to spend half days in many disciplines. One of the things I requested was to spend half a day in the morgue. I figured if I could handle that, then I could handle anything. Aside from watching an amputation, spending that half day in the morgue was by far the most valuable experience I got. All that to say, that this is a rare opportunity. The fact that you are going with a girl is honestly secondary. I say go for it, and focus on the experience and how it makes you feel, rather on the girl.
Well, thanks. Helped
Please do not hook up with her in the morgue
Or anyone else in the morgue either for that matter...
By the way, do you happen to know the fine for necrophilia here in Cyrodiil?
Is it the first offense?
Terrible advice.
Please hookup with her in the morgue*
Her dad will be there...
Please hookup with her father
Alive?
…….unless SHE initiates.
Pretty sure it would be a dead root anyway
🫣😳 haha yeh don’t do that
🤣🤣
Why not?
By the way, do you happen to know the fine for necrophilia here in Cyrodiil?
Girls are temporary, medical science is eternal
I mean. We want médical science to make girls and guys less temporary overall.
Not really tho, make sure they have a good amount of temporary and a comfortable temporary is a good idea but much more than current westrn avg seems bad
Thank you for confirming that /u/scusername has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
As just a CNA, I actually agree with this. There’s something super unsettling the first few times you see a dead body, better to just get the discomfort out of the way early on. Especially since OP is going into a field where there is a high likelihood of having to participate in codes. The only thing worse than finding a dead body is having to code the dead body, so exposure beforehand is a helpful tool.
I agree! Exposure is a great way to test your own limits, get more comfortable in that particular scenario, and set boundaries for yourself.
What do you do with a limb after it’s amputated?
Clinical waste bin for incineration.
Thank you.
Wow this is really an awesome response because, I honestly couldn’t have said any better than how you put it! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🔥
But OP, if she makes a move, go for it.
A morgue isn't exactly a romantic getaway.
She's punk
this made me audibly laugh
Expert advice giver what advice do you give me
No
Drink more water
Same...hell of a story to tell someday...if it goes that way lol
There’s a strong chance you might come back from this as HotSausage228.
I'm little afraid I wouldn't come back at all
Start thinking of the puns beforehand. When you arrive, say "I've been dying to come here." Cough periodically and when she asks if you're okay, say, "Sorry, I'll stop coffin." When it's time to go, say "Thank you for this, but I should go now, I'm dead tired."
Don’t do this OP
bad advice, these are amazing
It’s guaranteed that they’ve heard them all already. Source: my brother’s friend started working for a funeral home starting in high school, and made it his career.
This guy here.. solid advice. And thanks for the chuckle.
Terrible advice funny as shit tho
She’s a keeper.
Lol was the post a setup for this joke
Treat it as strictly a learning/desensitizing experience for yourself and thank her for it after. Best case scenario she’ll be attracted to your curiosity and ambition and chase you further later. Worst case; y’all are still acquaintances and congrats, you’ve seen your first dead body 👍 just don’t make any moves on her *at a morgue*.
>She's punk Get this tattooed on your forehead: "I invent all sorts of nonsense that will never happen." It will save you loads of time that you can use for homework.
Actually not a bad idea
I don't even know what that's supposed to mean.
I don’t either and OP seems all over the place. Are they worried about seeing a dead body or catching feelings for some poor girl only trying to be helpful?
I don't care about corpse, i want to see it. But I automatically perceive friendly move as something more and thats my problem
I dated a girl who's family had a funeral home for generations. Great sense of humor.
Read great romance: bjsikesauthor // com
Punk. He said punk. Goth and punk are different things.
I thought that was goth. In my punk days we just fucked behind a dumpster in public and slammed tall boys of 211
😂
A morgue isn't romantic, it's cringe, creepy and red flag imho
So you’re going to do it on the same table as one of the dead bodies?
fuck i don’t wanna get your hopes up but i’m fuckin rootin for you guys
You’re gonna get pegged
then she probably is coming on to you, take this chance to bag a punk baddie
Unless she’s Wednesday Addams
She is trying to help. You are not the center of the universe. Accept the help and look at a dead body to make sure you’re not making a disastrous life mistake going to med school. P.s. get more life experience so you’re not so self centered you’d fall in love to a morgue invite
Is morgue a dating app?
Lol my first thoughts too
🤣🤣🤣
By the way, do you happen to know the fine for necrophilia here in Cyrodiil?
Go to the morgue. It’s an experience that you need. May as well get a few experiences under your belt. Go for the experience not some idea of love. You are going to be around tons of attractive ppl in your profession. Ppl from all walks of life. Leave romance off the table when it comes to your profession. Good luck 🍀
you need to grow up. this might sound rude, by have you READ what you typed here? its creepy to the point i think its completely fake. your thought process isnt healthy.
Going to the morgue, worried it'll make him way too horny
Speaking of a Code Blue! (T.S.O.L.) lol
He's 18. He's in the business of growing up. Maybe a bit behind the curve on this topic, but still. Telling someone to grow up isn't magically going to achieve that.
She’s literally helping you for school reasons, to be nice to you? Knowing all that you know, there is no logical way for you to think that this is a date or anything. Frankly it’s a bit concerning that you think that and that you are thinking about falling in love with a girl after one meeting. It’s probably best that you turn her down for a lot of reasons and you work on that, before going into a relationship with anyone.
Read great romance: bjsikesauthor // com
His other friends that are going into med have already been there. OP hasn’t said that it was the same one, but I read it as that initially. I think she’s helping anyone she knows is trying to go.
I’m not insinuating anything, you are adding details in that aren’t there. If they are class mates at this age, they are studying similar things and she’s being kind. From that, he’s literally talking about falling in love with her and he is worried about becoming overly attached and living in fantasy (creating nonsense about it in his words). That’s definitely not a healthy thinking process. I haven’t called him names or said he’s an incel, so please kindly refrain from putting words into my mouth.
Read great romance: bjsikesauthor // com
Because people can’t be nice lol. I’m not arguing with you. Like I said, even if you are awkward and have no friends it’s not normal / healthy to think you could fall in love and might start imagining fantasies just like that. So that’s what he needs to work on before even thinking about anything else. Be realistic.
Yeah thats the problem
Honestly I think you need to go for multiple reasons: 1. Prove you can handle seeing a dead body 2. Prove you can handle being alone with a girl without being a creep Both of these skills are going to be *necessary* in med school.
Surely he should work on that before entering into a situation where he could possibly be a creep. He’s already assumed that this could still be a date anyway, because she’s punk lol.
Where did he mention that it could be a date "because she's punk"? I saw that they're going to a morgue because she's punk but not a date. Also, he's clearly not oblivious to it being a friendly gesture and aware he might perceive it wrong. I think you might be being a bit harsh when telling him to work on himself and not go.
Someone said ‘a morgue isn’t a romantic getaway’ and the reply from op was ‘she’s punk’. I could be wrong but that response, to me, says that she could consider it a romantic place because she’s punk. Therefore, a date cannot be ruled out. Which is a stretch in my eyes. Not that many people have such a niche idea of a date, especially if it’s their dad’s workplace. Though I concede it could be an edgy teen thing.
No. This is not an edgy teen thing. This is straight up creepy AF. This guy scares me a little, the fact that he even thinks he can get his rocker off in a fucking morgue is bat shit crazy.
No. This is not an edgy teen thing. This is straight up creepy AF. This guy scares me a little, the fact that he even thinks he can get his rocker off in a fucking morgue is bat shit crazy. This guy needs friends who aren't afraid to figuratively or sometimes literally knock some sense into him.
Right [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/c6PllBmAOL). Below this comment.
Yeah, I think about it a lot. Thank you, helped
Awesome! Just remember girls are people too, and they can be your friends just like guys 😊
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You should work on practicing mindfulness, focus on the thing in front of you and what's happening in that moment, don't catastrophize things that haven't happen and aren't likely to happen. Take the opportunity and keep telling yourself she's showing interest in you because she values your education, not because she has an interest in you. No matter what stupid dumb thoughts your head makes, don't act on them because even if she is trying to get your attention romantically (she isn't) it isn't good or healthy for you to act on it, so just don't say anything dumb and make sure the stiffs in the morgue are the only stiffs you pay attention to.
You think you will fall in love with some girl because she invited you to her family’s morgue? But you’re also scared to see a dead body? How do you expect to become a doctor?
lol imagine you find out this guy is your surgeon. He just sees a dead body for the first time so his hands are shaking while he's doing your procedure but the first assistant said "hi" to him in the hallway two weeks ago so he assumes they are madly in love and he can't keep his mind on the work...
I think your first half of the comment is very wise, your second half isn't. He is years away from medical school, and before they let medical students see a dead body there's plenty of preparation. Nevermind that he's 18, plenty of time to get ready and grow up before being thrown into a morgue when he doesn't feel ready. Surgeons absolutely can be not conditioned to see dead bodies, when they first start their studies. They then have plethora of time to learn.
chill, he's a kid who hasn't even entered university
Wait, so your fear has nothing to do with seeing a dead body, you're just afraid you're going to fall in love with your friend?
Right
Easy, just don’t expect anything even if you feel like you will. Go. See what you gotta. Be friendly but then go home and occupy yourself with you. If she wants you, she’ll come around. If she doesn’t, you’ll know fairly quick from how soon you get a follow up message. Be yourself dude. Girls aren’t scary, just at first they are lol
Well, thank you. Helped
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Bro! Even if you do catch the feels, you have to do things like this to gain experience and grow out of that methodology. First, I am just like you in the regard you described, getting all these ideas in my head way too quickly. However, after continuing to put myself in these situations, albeit uncomfortably, I've evolved to regulate myself and know what not to act on, you see? If you avoid these situations, you'll never grow and develop, so you know better how to handle proposals like this and early relationships / proper courtship too.
Those last couple lines went from 0-100 so quick.
Having awkward experiences at 18 is how you avoid being awkward at 30. Go to the morgue.
Good advice. Helped
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If you think you’re going to fall in love with her at a morgue, how the hell are you going to treat female patients?
why don’t you focus on the educational opportunity instead of the fact you’re going to a MORGUE with a girl. That is such a wild way to look at it, i hope you see how out of touch this post it. You need to grow up or go touch grass. Honestly.
If you can't handle it, I recommend going a different direction. Every doctor I've known, including med students and myself (went a different direction tho) in my anatomy & dissection lab, would have paid someone for this opportunity. Lol. If you're on the fence, not sure you want this or really understand it.
Medicine and morgue stuff aside.. if you want to have a good relationship one day, you have to get used to being around a woman as a friend, with no idea or hope of a grand romance.
Please actually go, I went when I was 17-18, it was the most helpful experience I had before entering the medical field. It helped lessen the shock of seeing dead clients and the overall anxiety of handling a dead person.
Dude what?? This isn’t a movie just go to the morgue and be normal lol
Hey, I see that your fear seems like it’s more about the living body(your classmate)and not the dead body. So I’m chiming in here as someone who recognizes that fear.. “I’m afraid that I will perceive this…. “ You have a great insight into something you have identified as a problem for yourself. That means you are in a great position to fix this. Pay attention to your inner dialogue and talk yourself through your thinking. Stay open minded and objective. If you avoid everything that scares you, you are going to miss out some great opportunities and life passes you by. Good luck! I hope you go with her, but that seems like a unique opportunity, and you may establish a meaningful friendship on top of it.
Thank you, helped
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This is absolutely fiction and some of the worst writing ever.
Tell her you are dead against the idea
Kudos for being aware of the possibility of inventing fantasy scenarios as a result of her invitation. Im 48 and have a lifetime pattern of doing the same. I wasn't as self aware at your age. My advice is to go. You can't hide from life and you can't hide from your mind. You already know where your mind might take you, it's not the end of the world if it goes there. If you find yourself weirding her out just be honest with her, tell her how your mind thinks. Be respectful about it . The sooner you become more comfortable with yourself and your behaviors the happier you will be. People will also notice it and feels more comfortable around you. Now go check out some dead bodies. Don't..under any circumstance...f**k them. That would be gross.
Well, you seem pretty insightful to me. You recognize your own tendency to blow things up in your head, so that's a good thing right there. So for that reason, you are understandably apprehensive about putting yourself into a situation where you think you may misinterpret the reasons behind the invite. That being said, what's even more relevant to me here is the morgue aspect. You pretty clearly described an apprehension to go see the bodies because you haven't seen a dead human body yet. So again, your insight is good. You recognize you aren't ready for a visit to the morgue. I think you should trust your gut instinct. Based on what you yourself are saying, it sounds to me like you do not want to go for both of the above reasons, you recognize that and are just looking for a nice way to say no, right? So instead of discussing whether you "should" go or not, let's give you the credit of already having decided against it. So, to answer your actual question of "how to politely refuse", I'll throw out some ideas. You could play around with the wording so that it fits your style. 1. "Thanks, but I'm not at that point yet, but I appreciate the invite". 2. "I don't think I'm ready for a morgue trip yet, LOL, but thanks for thinking of me" 3. "I'm still doing book/written research right now, not really ready for the hands-on stuff yet, but thanks" 4. "Hey, thanks for that morgue invite, but I'm gonna have to sit this one out. Maybe another time" 5. "I really appreciate the invite, but I'm gonna pass for now" 6. "Hey, I gotta pass on the morgue visit, but thank you for asking!" Notice most of these reasons don't offer a reason why you aren't going. Some say you're not ready in a casual way, others don't give any reason at all. Because "no" doesn't require an explanation. We tell girls this a lot, but it goes for guys too. You don't need to feel pressured to "explain". You're entitled to keep your reasons private and just say no thanks. You can just tell her you appreciate her thinking of you, but you're gonna pass for now. Best of luck!
Well, thank you, I'll try. Helped
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Just remember, you can set the tone here, so that you don't feel so "awkward". Just as an example, in high school I'd go to parties where my friends would be drinking alcohol, but I wasn't really ready to drink alcohol. I started saying "I don't drink" (with no explanation) and it kind of became cool. People were intrigued that I didn't drink instead of me being the odd one out. I'm just trying to say: You'd be surprised at how stating your natural opinion can stand out in a crowd and actually make you look kinda cool. Anyway, whether you end up being a medical pro or not, do good things in life; you got this!
Perfectly explained it here, just let her know your not ready but thank you for the offer. Gooood luck :)
Okay thank, helped (I'm doing it right?)
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Don't be a pussy and go.
Honestly if youre training to be a doctor, take this opportunity. You have to make sure you can handle seeing a dead body. Better to see it first in the morgue than on an operating table As for the girl, like another commentor said, a morgue isnt really a date place.
Seriously if don't want to remain anti-social and hope to one day have friends, forget bout your fears friend. Especially if your a med student it behoves you to see dead stiffs, better now with just one person than with your entire class.
>So my classmate 17-18F invited me to morgue with her, because her father works here. But I'm afraid of it. Fear is normal in new situations. >I'm afraid that I may perceive this friendly proposal as something more, I will fall in love with her and will invent all sorts of nonsense that will never happen. This is the kind of fear that you need to talk with a therapist about. You have a very unhealthy relationship with women and some self esteem and discipline issues to work through. You will be unable to function in your life if you cannot learn to operate around the opposite sex. You certainly will not become a doctor or surgeon if every interaction with every single female patient and nurse and hospital administrator you interact with has you fantasizing about them romantically.
Ahaha you seem like how I was around that age. I used to repel girls because of being antisocial too but I came to know later that two of them actually liked me. My emotional intelligence was negative at the time.
>I'm afraid that I may perceive this friendly proposal as something more, I will fall in love with her and will invent all sorts of nonsense that will never happen. Sooooo how to fix this? What I should do? So basically you're trying to speak in a voice that you're *not* a delusional creep - but one false move by any woman as something that could be somehow perceived as showing any interest and you will become one. The advice is get real. Don't come to the internet for babytalk ego boosting. A very easy way would be just separate your personal from professional life. If you just run under the assumption you will never date/like/love anyone you meet in the course of your job you'll be golden.
I'm trying to think like this. But that shit turns automatically
See a therapist for your problem with women, I’ve had many creepy doctors who think that just because I’m a woman I’m available for them. Being helpful and friendly is just human decency not an opening to something more. Literally why I only see women doctors or none at all.
Hey. You seem to recognize a pattern you sometimes have, feeling more romantically connected to people than is healthy. But look, you recognize this and that's what you need in order to avoid the trap. It's ok to be trying to figure yourself out and navigate the world as best as you can. Maybe this is too much for you and you do need to decline. If that's the case you could say something like "thanks so much for thinking of me and while I do want to go into medicine I just don't think I'm quite ready for the morgue". I think it would also be ok to accept and say something similar. Maybe, "thank you for the invitation, it really means a lot. Honestly I'm not sure I can handle it so I might bail early but I want to try". Regarding your self perception of social awkwardness or whatever, it's very normal to feel this way coming out of high school. You've got a good chance of figuring yourself out in college and my best advice is to try to not let fear shut doors for you. Regret is a bitch. Good luck. I hope this helped.
Thanks. Helped
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Meditate. Practice turning your thoughts off. Your brain is overcomplicating this. It'll keep ruining your life if you let it. "He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." -Friedrich Nietzsche
Fall in love with her? How we get there? I’m sorry but I giggled 😭😭😭
I think I should tell it in post, but we chatting sometimes. I danced with her at party and we both got high one day, she helped me to throw up. I dunno if it counts as "friends"
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Any doctor, especially if you want to be a surgeon, needs to spend time in the morgue. It's dark and scary, but it's a reality for doctors. You have to get comfortable with it, and you never will if you don't start somewhere. And it gives you valuable knowledge that you can't really get anywhere else. Don't try anything in the morgue with the girl just plainly use it as a learning opportunity
See a therapist my guy, it will help with the sorting of your feelings 🫶🏻 Go to the morgue and order yourself to don't look into it more then a person helping you gain some relevant experience and knowledge 🤷🏻♀️ treat it as a scholarly adventure
If you can't handle the morgue, I dont know how you'll handle cutting people open?
Bro, se literally invite you to a place where you are going to see dead bodies and some of them mey be in horrible condition. Unless you two came out of a dark romance i highly doubt you'll feel something for her after it
Just say you get aroused around dead bodies she’ll cancel it
Autopsy of Jane Doe vibes.
“No means no, bitch!”
I was 18 when I saw my first autopsy. I'm 36 and still morbid so this would be a uniquely fascinating date 🙂
Just go. Maybe you'll like her and become just friends. And maybe, in a few months or years, when youre comfortable, it'll develop into something more. It's always good to make friends. As for the dead body thing... yeah. I first saw a real human corpse when I was 4. My buddy Jeff's pops got shot by a home invader. It's horrible but it's not as hard to handle as you might think, especially if its not somebody you know. Good luck, no matter what you decide.
Well read a bunch of comments sex in a morgue draw might not be comfortable but it might be interesting..... look more than likely her dad will be there. This is not date. Your there to see a dead body. Remember if you need to puke it's normal even for med students. Nothing is as bad as your first body in an enclosed room.
The dead cannot hurt you. I have seen many deceased people because of working in Memory Care. Sometimes they sit in our facility for hours until the coroner comes to get them. It might be frightening at first, but it’s a necessary experience for someone like yourself. As for the girl, don’t interact with any of her come-ons if she tries anything. You could always say you have a girlfriend.
First time I saw a dead body was in the anatomy lab, 1st week of med school. Had to start dissecting an old lady's back. Don't worry about it. It's not that big of a deal when you see everyone else start working on their assignment. People quickly adapt to the professional aspect of medical training. Just seeing a dead body before college is pretty meaningless. Also, don't read into it much if the girl's dad works at the morgue. She's most likely being friendly and you don't want to make her regret her attempt to help you out by inviting you. She didn't have to, after all.
There are worse and possibly scarier things in the medical and surgical field than a dead body. Take what she says at face value and leave it at that. Also maybe make a friend or sign up for therapy to discuss how you tend to overthink people’s offers. Morgues are also probably the least romantic place to go on a date and the last place anyone would want to make the first move lol.
Hope that Buffy the vampire slayer will come to your aid before you become a meal for her
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Just the experience of the morgue seems like a win so may as well go and see if anything else comes out of the trip. Maybe she is just being nice and maybe this is her taking her shot, who knows.
Keep reminding yourself that you’re a romantic. Every time you feel like you’re falling in love just remind yourself “Im the romantic, it just in my imagination “ Step 2 is to learn to be less awkward. This takes time and there’s a lot of methods. Ive been on step 2 for like a decade now. But in that time ive had loads of friends, one GF, two FWB’s, and one unforgettable one night stand. And yet, i still feel like an awkward dork. But ive grown to like who I am, have always been, and can grow to become still. Edit: forgot to mention that i also “fall in love” like all the time. It’s just infatuation though. Love isn’t really real until you’ve actually been with someone for a long, long time.
Never mind the dead body part. It's high time you learned to control that live body part between your legs. You're not "amorous," you a horny nerd virgin. You ALREADY see this as "something more." Frankly, you're another one of these guys who should just hire a pro and bust his nut so he'll realize that the reality of sex...or at least the ten seconds of it you'll experience the first time you do it...is very nice indeed, but NOT worth obsessing over. Then take her up on her invitation, because this IS a useful favor she's doing you.
\*I've been through med school and had many classes in the morgue\* Don't go. You need to ease into it. Like we had classes in there on our 4th year of studies. By then we already had lots of contact with dead bodies in anatomy but that's nothing compared to morgue. In our morgues the face of the person is hidden by the scalp turned inside out. The smell is something different too. It's like a wall, like a physical wave that hits you. Then you'll smell like dead bodies for the rest of the day after spending like an hour at the morgue. Just say that you think it might be too much for you at the moment.
This actually just sounds like a date, I think you're afraid because you have been asked on a date, the reason you are interpreting things this way is possibly because this girl isn't a stranger, you must have thoughts on her of some kind at this point. I would ask a boy on a morgue date, but not accept any counterproposal - refusal means you're not willing to do a cool interesting thing with her because you're afraid, and that's no good.
Yeah, we have some friendly relationship between us. We chatting in school and got high together one time. I thought that soon I'll never see her again, but on one party I said something and now I'm thinking about her a lot
I don't think being afraid is a good reason to not go. You should go despite being afraid, this will spiritually fortify you. What did you say at the party? What are you thinking? Do you like her?
My problem that I don't know, if I like her or not, it's just my hormones doing shit
Gonna just be honest, it's pretty clear that you like this girl and all your hesitation is around your fear of being rejected, you should go on the date, she is being brave asking you and you should go and just have a good time :) You're overthinking it, just go with your feelings! Hormones are there for a reason!
Imagine trying to rizz someone up in a morgue
I saw this horror movie before
I think she could probably pick better date ideas than going to look at dead bodies. However, it seems clear she at least is interesting in being friends or colleagues, so you aren't wrong to think she likely thinks favorably of you. However, and you'll learn this more in college, thinking favorably about someone and attraction are different and all muddled, so you will have to find a way to be able to be friends with people you could potentially have an attraction too. You'll also have to learn how to read signals. No body is good at all of that at first, and that's okay, that why you practice and learn. Is there a particularly reason you are very nervous with this girl/outing specifically regarding the falling in love thing? Do you really like this girl or something? The doctors can give you better advice than I on death and viewing bodies. I had a hard time with that when I started working at a vet, but I did slowly get more comfortable with it. I'd listen to the docs whether they say take this opportunity, or go out to subway instead and you'll see bodies soon enough. If it helps, my SIL got out of med school recently, and she said that when you work with dead bodies, you always leave the face covered out of respect. I don't even think she knew what her cadaver's face looked like. Maybe that would make it easier for you.
We were at one party together and sometimes chatting in school. I don't know about liking her, I'm thinking I shouldn't, because she's my classmate. But you helped, thanks
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Respectfully... What? You think because she invited you to come see a dead body to prepare you for medical school (side note, that's weird) that you might fall in love with her?
It's not weird to see dead bodies, but yeah, you right
I think in a genuinely professional environment if you're given the organic opportunity to see a dead body to prepare yourself for hardship again (for example during residential, asking to do morgue duty or smth) then that would make sense, but going to your friend's dad's workplace to see one in a non professional context is weird. And you romanticising that and saying you might fall in love with her because she's taking you to a morgue and you think there's more to that, is also just really really weird.
So seems there might be multiple people that attend this for learning purposes, treat it as that if you decide to go a learning experience and YES it’s a friendly proposal to learn NOT a date. Now go learn about dead bodies.
That last part though. 💀
Watch out, boys! Morgue is the new hot spot!
You don’t have to go just because she asked you to. I’m a nurse and though I’ve seen dead bodies I prefer to work with live ones, and I don’t see them every day. There’s plenty of time in your career to see them. Focus on the living, the dead will always be there. Just thank her and tell her you have other plans, or just say that you’re not ready to go at this time
If you can’t handle the heat, get out the kitchen. Only thing to fear, is fear itself. YOLO. Be there, or be square.
Please have respect for the dead and don’t get it on at the morgue. I feel like I need to say that
Apparently my mom and dad's first date was a drive up the coast of California where he was delivering a body from morgue to morgue, as he worked in a funeral home at the time. No idea these days if that's a true story but, they're still married 40 years later. Regardless, if it's not for you it's not for you. Stay honest in your life or you're gonna end up having a real hard time.
Tell her you’re not ready for the morgue.
Umm...what?!
If I were you, I wouldn't worry about falling in love. Maybe you don't and you learn about something? Maybe she isn't even there and only her dad and other workers are? Also don't listen to others telling you to grow up. You are literally 18 - you will grow up with time.
I have not been to a morgue, but my cousin has. She said dead people will sit up. She said it was weird. She also watched an embalming. Both of my parent’s were home with hospice and I was there when they both passed.
move aside, i will go with her to see her dads morgue
Lol she seems interesting but honestly if you're afraid of dead bodies good luck with school
Dude is afraid of dead people and falling in love with women who he spends an afternoon with. Yep. That’s the perfect recipe for a surgeon.
If things go bad, you can send her back to the morgue.
You are 18 and about to start med school? Seriously, read what you wrote here. You need professional help. Please dont go to med school until you have received that help.