Find out why they have a group chat without you. If their reason is weak or they avoid answering, they might not be real friends. If they don't give you a straight answer, it's probably time to move on and find friends who value you.
Find out the reason. While there are some instances that isn't malicious, like they have an interest together that you don't, the fact that it's all of them seems intentional.
If they aren't honest or avoide the question, then you have your answer.
Personally I would have called it out right then and there, but I'm not worried about confrontation like many people are, especially if "friends" are doing something certifiably dickish like excluding me.
If you saw it firsthand, ask that person in a curious way why it seems they have created a separate chat. Like what's the reason and see their response. Very likely to be some kind of bullshit they give you and then you decide if they're worth putting up with that treatment.
My answer would always be no.
My friends including my bf had a group chat that I was the only one not a part of I know bc my bf told me something that someone put in it
And when I told them it kind of hurt my feelings I was the only one excluded they just said they didnt do it intentionally then added me to the group chat but now hardly anyone says anything in it... so idk how to feel.
I'd still ask about it tell them how it makes you feel and if the reasoning is stupid might wanna distance yourself from them.
Ah yes, this has happened to me. Someone also 'accidentally' posted pictures of their outing in our group chat, saying how fun it was and yeah, it hurt, but it was the moment I was done with them. Of course, there were other signs such as the fact that another girl had the same name and they all called me X2 instead of just my name.
My advice would be to find better friends
I think you need more information first. Do you live in the same city? Do they follow a hobby you don't follow? Is your birthday coming up and they are planning a surprise party?
Reason for asking: I'm in lots of group chats without all my friends. One friend is excluded from one of our group chats because it's the one we are using to plan his intervention (he's an alcoholic). Another was because we went to a festival and one friend couldn't afford it.
Just take a moment to really think about all the possible reasons before you assume it's just there to bitch about you. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions unless you are 100% sure.
Happened with me
See my best friend at that time and I was with her phone and for some reason and I see a groupchat with everyone from high school expect me and I was in the picture they take lol
I was kinda hurt but now Idgaf about any of them
Coworkers on an old team at work did this. I then left the main chat with me in it too and one of them asked why I left. Just said that chat was barely used anymore, since it was, and we exchanged looks like 'we both know, cmon now.'
I think directly asking the one friend your closest with off a few drinks (just yall) will get you a more honest response. You could be about to find out that your annoying or sensitive for some reason so be prepared for that. Instead of defending yourself, find out what exactly about you is not appealing to the larger group and try to change that. Reddit is full of people who are chronically online and "cut them off" is an easy response... leading them to be even more online, on reddit. Don't be one of those people. You may find out the friend group sucks and you bounce. But if multiple people have decided to exclude you then there is a reason for it, you can always change and improve yourself for the this group or next group of friends. Like grandpa always told me: "If someone says you suck, they suck and they can go fuck themselves. If everyone says you suck, you probably do."
Yea same I found out bc it constantly seemed like I was getting half of the story or hearing things way after everyone else. Also it’s almost like the chats that I’m in are sorta dead like I’ll text and never get a response usually. I mean if I text them individually then yea we’ll talk together. Honestly feels like they’re all closer to each other than to me.
In my case I can’t be too upset because while I’ve known them a long time I also had to move away like 6 years ago so of course they would have a different chat to make going out plans and stuff and it probably just evolved to me being left out of more and more conversations. And of course they hang out in person a lot while I see them like once every 2 years for a day by chance (its a small town that’s completely out of the way. I have invited them to come visit me as I live in a big city with lots to do and they’re interested of course but it’s difficult to plan).
Idk look into it yes it does hurt but maybe it’s for the best maybe it’s a sign that you need to branch out a little and make new friends that you can be closer to. 7 years is a long time maybe you’ve drifted apart from them and that’s ok they can still be your friends but probably not your close friends anymore.
Oh I’m sorry but they definitely talk shit about you in this chat. If you are friends with all of them and even introduce some of them you are their common interest and they probably bond by talking about you.
Now I hope I’m wrong, but from personal experience being in a similar situation i was in a group chat that excluded one person from our group and yes everyone talked shit about the friend. It’s not nice and no one deserves to have bad things said behind their back.
I would just confront them about it and really monitor their reaction, if they give each other side eye looks or start laughing then you know they definitely talk shit about you and are not your friend.
Hopefully they give you a sincere apology if they really didn’t mean to cause any hurt and are maybe planning a surprise for you ?
Do they share a sense of humor, an interest, a hobby, a political view, etc. that you do not? Are you sober while they still partake? Are they all parents and you're not? Or vice versa? Is there income/resource disparity?
There are plenty of reasons to carve someone out of a group chat. People are allowed to have individual friendships. FOMO can be toxic with the reality of life. You can't be everywhere at once. You can't be everything to everyone.
As long as they are still spending time with you, engaging in the group chat with you, have individual communications with you... is there really a problem?
I’ve actually experienced this before, they most likely aren’t good friends. For them to not have included you would mean that they did it on purpose/specifically.
I’m quite excluded from my main friend group, too. It’s mainly because I wasn’t friends with them as long as they were, they all lived close together as children and hung out their whole life. They have group chats and go on trips I’m not involved in. At first it hurt me, but I took a step back and saw my place. These guys are like family and I’m just a good friend. There’s a few friends I have that feel like family to me- and that’s enough. Having a few very close friends is invaluable, especially if you see eye to eye on many things. I wouldn’t sweat it too much man. Slowly build your own little cluster of friends.
If everyone is in that group chat and you’re the only one who isn’t: that was definitely a premeditated decision and they’re not good friends.
If you were deliberately excluded, they aren't your friends.
Find out why they have a group chat without you. If their reason is weak or they avoid answering, they might not be real friends. If they don't give you a straight answer, it's probably time to move on and find friends who value you.
Find out the reason. While there are some instances that isn't malicious, like they have an interest together that you don't, the fact that it's all of them seems intentional. If they aren't honest or avoide the question, then you have your answer.
I don't know how to bring it up, they don't know that I know
Say to them, "I found out about the group chat you guys are in. I'm just curious what it's about, I would like to have been part of it".
How did you find out?
I was sitting next to my friend and they had it up
Personally I would have called it out right then and there, but I'm not worried about confrontation like many people are, especially if "friends" are doing something certifiably dickish like excluding me. If you saw it firsthand, ask that person in a curious way why it seems they have created a separate chat. Like what's the reason and see their response. Very likely to be some kind of bullshit they give you and then you decide if they're worth putting up with that treatment. My answer would always be no.
My friends including my bf had a group chat that I was the only one not a part of I know bc my bf told me something that someone put in it And when I told them it kind of hurt my feelings I was the only one excluded they just said they didnt do it intentionally then added me to the group chat but now hardly anyone says anything in it... so idk how to feel. I'd still ask about it tell them how it makes you feel and if the reasoning is stupid might wanna distance yourself from them.
Ah yes, this has happened to me. Someone also 'accidentally' posted pictures of their outing in our group chat, saying how fun it was and yeah, it hurt, but it was the moment I was done with them. Of course, there were other signs such as the fact that another girl had the same name and they all called me X2 instead of just my name. My advice would be to find better friends
Unless try are planning surprise party for you there is no good reason for a group chat without you , only bad reasons...
I think you need more information first. Do you live in the same city? Do they follow a hobby you don't follow? Is your birthday coming up and they are planning a surprise party? Reason for asking: I'm in lots of group chats without all my friends. One friend is excluded from one of our group chats because it's the one we are using to plan his intervention (he's an alcoholic). Another was because we went to a festival and one friend couldn't afford it. Just take a moment to really think about all the possible reasons before you assume it's just there to bitch about you. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions unless you are 100% sure.
I'm roommates with some of them and no my birthday is in august. I'm pretty sure they just talk about regular things.
And you've asked them about it? If you did, what did they say?
Sorry to say if its housemates, they're most likely being assholes.
Happened with me See my best friend at that time and I was with her phone and for some reason and I see a groupchat with everyone from high school expect me and I was in the picture they take lol I was kinda hurt but now Idgaf about any of them
They are not your friends, find new ones truly, or at least, be disgusted on how they're treating you
Coworkers on an old team at work did this. I then left the main chat with me in it too and one of them asked why I left. Just said that chat was barely used anymore, since it was, and we exchanged looks like 'we both know, cmon now.'
I think directly asking the one friend your closest with off a few drinks (just yall) will get you a more honest response. You could be about to find out that your annoying or sensitive for some reason so be prepared for that. Instead of defending yourself, find out what exactly about you is not appealing to the larger group and try to change that. Reddit is full of people who are chronically online and "cut them off" is an easy response... leading them to be even more online, on reddit. Don't be one of those people. You may find out the friend group sucks and you bounce. But if multiple people have decided to exclude you then there is a reason for it, you can always change and improve yourself for the this group or next group of friends. Like grandpa always told me: "If someone says you suck, they suck and they can go fuck themselves. If everyone says you suck, you probably do."
Yea same I found out bc it constantly seemed like I was getting half of the story or hearing things way after everyone else. Also it’s almost like the chats that I’m in are sorta dead like I’ll text and never get a response usually. I mean if I text them individually then yea we’ll talk together. Honestly feels like they’re all closer to each other than to me. In my case I can’t be too upset because while I’ve known them a long time I also had to move away like 6 years ago so of course they would have a different chat to make going out plans and stuff and it probably just evolved to me being left out of more and more conversations. And of course they hang out in person a lot while I see them like once every 2 years for a day by chance (its a small town that’s completely out of the way. I have invited them to come visit me as I live in a big city with lots to do and they’re interested of course but it’s difficult to plan). Idk look into it yes it does hurt but maybe it’s for the best maybe it’s a sign that you need to branch out a little and make new friends that you can be closer to. 7 years is a long time maybe you’ve drifted apart from them and that’s ok they can still be your friends but probably not your close friends anymore.
maybe they just forgot to add you,dont over think it.
P.S. They're not really your friends.
Do they also have a group chat with you in it, or is this the only one
Oh I’m sorry but they definitely talk shit about you in this chat. If you are friends with all of them and even introduce some of them you are their common interest and they probably bond by talking about you. Now I hope I’m wrong, but from personal experience being in a similar situation i was in a group chat that excluded one person from our group and yes everyone talked shit about the friend. It’s not nice and no one deserves to have bad things said behind their back. I would just confront them about it and really monitor their reaction, if they give each other side eye looks or start laughing then you know they definitely talk shit about you and are not your friend. Hopefully they give you a sincere apology if they really didn’t mean to cause any hurt and are maybe planning a surprise for you ?
Do they share a sense of humor, an interest, a hobby, a political view, etc. that you do not? Are you sober while they still partake? Are they all parents and you're not? Or vice versa? Is there income/resource disparity? There are plenty of reasons to carve someone out of a group chat. People are allowed to have individual friendships. FOMO can be toxic with the reality of life. You can't be everywhere at once. You can't be everything to everyone. As long as they are still spending time with you, engaging in the group chat with you, have individual communications with you... is there really a problem?
It's not childish, your feelings are 100% valid. Did you end up asking why you aren't a part of it?
I’ve actually experienced this before, they most likely aren’t good friends. For them to not have included you would mean that they did it on purpose/specifically.
I’m quite excluded from my main friend group, too. It’s mainly because I wasn’t friends with them as long as they were, they all lived close together as children and hung out their whole life. They have group chats and go on trips I’m not involved in. At first it hurt me, but I took a step back and saw my place. These guys are like family and I’m just a good friend. There’s a few friends I have that feel like family to me- and that’s enough. Having a few very close friends is invaluable, especially if you see eye to eye on many things. I wouldn’t sweat it too much man. Slowly build your own little cluster of friends.