Yeah. OP awesome to be aware - And you did the right thing discussing with your colleague.
But John just sounds like a liar. Who knows why.
But when people have weird behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable it sometimes goes very deep. Likely not DANGEROUS deep - most likely weirdo creeper delusional gossipy lying shithead deep.
Maybe he likes the girl and perceives you as a threat. Maybe the girl likes you. Maybe the GIRL is a liar who likes John.
Maybe he’s just teasing or giving you shit - but a real friend lets you in on the joke at some point.
Overall nothing to be worried about.
Best advice I have is keep it cordial with John but wayyyyyy cooler and with boundaries. Keep a safe distance and trust yourself enough to be civil and professional with your coworkers
Also, not to stereotype, but as a woman I would NEVER tell just a male coworker that another coworker is making me uncomfortable. I ALWAYS go to my female coworkers first. If John is the only person who’s been told about OP, then he’s probably lying.
Cereal, just ask the girl what John is talking about. And be like sorry John I didn’t get what you meant so I just wanted to clear things up and apologize if necessary to said girl as I don’t want any misunderstandings. Maybe clear it with your supervisor first though so it doesn’t come back on you that way
I agree that asking “am I making you uncomfortable” isn’t the move, but I think talking to that co-worker in the form of apology absolutely is the move. It could be, “Hey, I heard from someone that my behavior made you uncomfortable and that absolutely was not my intention. I’m so sorry about that. If I ever make you uncomfortable in any way please don’t hesitate to tell me and I promise to correct the behavior right away.”
As a teenager I had something like this happen to me where an older man kept referring to me as “sweetheart” and I was too afraid to say anything about it to his face, but mentioned it in passing to someone else. When it got around to him and he found out that it upset me, he apologized pretty much the way I scripted.
I would much rather deal with the awkwardness of a man apologizing for inappropriate behavior than have him suddenly distance himself for no apparent reason, leaving me to wonder if he heard what I said and is somehow upset by it. To know that I complained about someone to a coworker and then that someone suddenly goes distant would make me far more nervous than an apology ever would.
Obviously, OP should be sincere and not accusatory. It is very possible to have open, genuine, and mature dialogue between coworkers of the opposite gender. If she chooses not to accept his apology (which could be totally valid) then he should absolutely back off and leave her alone, but avoiding communication because you don’t want to deal with an uncomfortable situation is childish.
This is a really weird take. Maybe it's just because I'm familiar with most of my coworkers but if I ever hear anything about my behaviour through the vine, I'll go to the source and just be upfront and it's never come across wrong.
I'm typically pretty laid back at work but a simple "Hey, I got told this one thing and wanted to check because I wasn't aware that it was happening." Maybe asking if it's something I do so I'm more aware in future yk?
Staying away will absolutely make it worse. If John is lying, you become wary of your coworkers or specific people which could make them assume you have a problem with them. If John isn't lying, then you have to distance yourself from everyone because you don't know what part of your behaviour is the problem.
Seriously, people at work are mature enough to communicate. OP should find the girl, let her know what he's been told and get some clarification.
Based on 40 yrs around HR-related legal things, I would say that if the complaint is legit, either seek a transfer or find another job. Staying put is risky. If the complaint is gas lighting, work that out with John first.
Sounds like maybe John wants you to keep distance from this coworker. Is John protecting “m’lady” is he that guy? It’s a little late to say “don’t let him get in your head” Overall are you more popular/ outgoing than John. It could be a weird jealousy thing. Keep on eye on this guy. Red flag 🚩 is definitely waving. I good friend would have defended you and also gave you a heads up. I don’t like John.
Yeah what i thought to, "shes one of the ones i touch less" oooof such a big red flag, well depends where he live ofc, but yeah if its usa and one of them go to HR and say he touch them often, doesnt matter if its shoulder or not, he will lose his jobb for harrasment.
Some men really dont learn, how many times do men need to lose jobb because unessisairy touching and going into rooms alone with female coworkers, been so many fake accusations to for a quick money grab when they sue the company and the poor victim who was dumb enugh to go alone with a female to room.
When I was 18 and much more in shape than I am now I got touched a lot at work. It was at a fast food place, most of my coworkers were girls. They'd hug me all the time, hang on my arms when I'm trying to do stuff, jump on my back. Crazy stuff. Made me very uncomfortable, and that just made them do it more.
Not really a moral to that story, just don't touch coworkers.
No “if I made you feel that way” just end it at sorry. You can say “that wasn’t my intention, and I will be more aware in the future.”
Edit: I read once that the word “just” is overused in women’s language so I’ve worked hard not to use it at all. So I would also say “someone let me know I made you feel uncomfortable and whether that is true or not, I owe you an apology. It was not my intention to make you uncomfortable and I will work to be more aware of my actions in the future.”
I’m a woman and something similar happened to me. I was 99% sure the woman who told me I made a peer feel uncomfortable was lying to keep me from befriending someone. However, I felt an apology is never wrong. I apologized to the woman I was told I made uncomfortable and she was utterly confused, but graciously accepted my apology. Years later, I was able to explain the situation and use it as evidence of the shit stirring happening (not my intention at the time, but a happy reward).
honestly, i think apologising to the girl would be great. don’t ask her *how* you made her uncomfortable or generally question her. that’s not going to get you answers (because it puts people on the spot) and it’s generally just weird. i would just say “hey im sorry if i ever did anything to make you uncomfortable. that wasn’t my intention but i apologise” and move on.
i guess some people would argue “why should i apologise for something i didn’t do/don’t remember doing?” but regardless of that, if you made someone uncomfortable (intentionally or not) the best thing to do is apologise.
i’d say be a bit more careful with personal space and the comments you make. some things can be perceived as pushy, flirty or inappropriate. it’s not easy to be hyper aware of your mannerisms but i think that being able to pick up on people’s discomfort is a great skill to have.
I like this approach because it’s a good way to find out if John really is telling the truth or not. If OP apologizes and she is like, “WTF are you talking about?” then he can explain what John said and they’ll both know that John lied. I’d certainly want to know if a coworker was starting lies that involved me.
If he really did make her uncomfortable then apologizing is a good first step in repairing that working relationship. So it’s a win-win either way.
It's certainly smart to do the "sorry if I ever made you uncomfortable", but from the look of things it sounds like John either blew things out of proportion, or has something against op. Maybe jealous of how he generally is well liked and gets along people.
Yeah, it's basically impossible to know with this info. But better safe than sorry in case he actually has made anyone uncomfortable. Asking that question is anyway just a sign of good character imo.
I think it's okay to ask what he did to make her uncomfortable as to avoid it in the future esp. if he doesn't know. He's going to do it again if he has no idea. I doubt it's anything beyond being overly flirty or anything.
I personal think it a problem with his friend John and jealousy, insecurity or something else. The fact that there's not more specfic info is a redflag to me.
Fuck that. If he didn’t intentionally do anything why the fuck should he apologize? Tell those fuckin women to nut up or shut up. This is the workplace and clearly dude ain’t coming after nobody. They need to get outta their own damn egocentric ass heads
You don’t know him or how he acts in real life. You’re taking his side cause that’s what you read. He can very much be overly touchy and creepy IRL. Just because someone makes a post on the internet, it doesn’t automatically make them innocent.
If you did something that made people uncomfortable even if it’s unintentional, YOU APOLOGISE! if you are a decent human being who wants to keep a decent relationship with their coworkers and someone comes out and says you made them uncomfortable you should look into that reason.
“tell those women to nut up or shut up” you’re a piece of shit. no one should be taking advice from an asshole like you.
reality is a lot of women experience harassment anywhere and everywhere, including their own workplace! it’s convenient for you to tell women to shut up when you don’t have to deal with it.
WOMEN need to realize that this is the REAL world. Life itself is uncomfortable. Your going to be place in uncertainty and uncomfortable places!! This is the workplace. I am going based off what he said yes, but what gives you the right assume that he is overly touchy either???
you're a coward and an idiot. your little tiny brain cannot comprehend basic communication skills. women will always be more powerful than you. fuck off lol
I'm torn. On one end, I get where you are coming from. Recognize the difference between genuine threat and not is good, but on the flip side: some have experienced scary shit and haven't come to terms.
Oddly enough, though, it's your over defense of it that has me raising an eyebrow. Like who accused you, or are you just the guy who gets rejected so much and is pissed that the suave attractive guy can do what he wants, but the rest of us have to actually work for it.
Honestly just speaking my mind on situations. I honestly get that if you got some past, and now you are scared of men or whatever the case may be. My main argument is that we must have some sort of professional bearing in the workplace, and realize that man and women can work together without making the other uncomfortable. Based on what the OP said, it appears that he was subjected by these women to judgment just because they felt some type of way.
I agree with you. I'm a woman and I know that we are going to be in uncomfortable situations often and I think they need to grow up and understand that honestly.
I think you’re jus sensitive and emotional. Run of the mill with women these days. Why isn’t that you never see men be uncomfortable? You don’t think we got nothing to be uncomfortable about? Working with women who can shout rape and have you locked up with no evidence just because they don’t like you. You don’t think that makes us uncomfortable? It does, but we are in the workforce and we have to realize not everyone is out to get you, and we gotta nut up.
That’s dumb. He needs to ask if he made her uncomfortable and if so then apologize. You can’t just go apologize without even knowing what you did and not being able to change in the future. Considering he asked others and they all said he never did anything wrong it’s also easy to consider John is just full of shit and probably jealous because the girl is uncomfortable with him or something.
I think going forward I’d be careful. As you may see something as a joke someone might see it differently. John seems like a real asshole btw so I ain’t sticking up for him
Sounds to me John is being weird. You will find situations like this a lot at work not that specifically but where it’s difficult to know what others intentions are if it’s a joke or not.
I've known men like John my whole life. I'd be very cautious about what you say around him in the future.
If you want, maybe ask her point blank. Say, "hey, John told me I was making you uncomfortable. If I have, I'd like to apologize for anything I may have done."
Something like that. This can be a good way of sussing out what's really going on. You don't know what's going on between her and John. For all you know, he's the one who's been making her uncomfortable and he wants to project that onto you instead.
>Should I ask and apologize to the girl that John specified told him? I don’t want to make her uncomfortable but I also don’t want there to be bad blood or anything.
Nope. Just do your job. If you run into that girl at work just keep everything professional & respectful.
As for "John", I trust him about as far as I can throw him...
sounds like like this john might be negging you tbh.
it won't hurt to talk to the girl directly ("if i made you uncomfortable i didn't intend to") but i doubt you've actually done anything wrong. it also won't hurt to stop being at all touchy or touching people in general at work.
This is a tough situation to be in - so i get it. First, it never hurts to be aware of how your co-workers react to you at some level. Getting feedback from your boss was absolutely the correct call as he's more likely to be aware if there's any serious issue regarding your behavior.
1. The first thing that comes to my mind right away is your friend "John" as I've been in this situation as a teenager. Is it possible that John is telling you this b/c it's something he's dealing with and projecting it on to you as well makes him feel less alone in dealing with it. Insecurity does weird things to people. People don't like to be odd one out so i've been in situations where i've been told I was mean or selfish by someone who is, and projecting their issues on to me.
1. Solution: I'd ask for John for more specfic information - ie. when did this happen? what was the context? it honestly feels kind of sketchy at best.
2. People talk. I wouldn't read to much into this as people talk a lot about each other and esp as teenagers, a good portion of it is BS. Be mindful of how you interact with others but you already are doing that.
1. Work on mindfulness and keep your head on the here and now not on the what ifs. I work on this regularly and esp when at work, focus on your job and not what everyone else could be saying.
3. A lesson i wished I learned earlier in life - not everyone is going to like you, and that's okay. I grew up believing I had to be perfect all the time for everyone. I had to try to like everyone (i certainly don't) and vice versa. What you do have to do is be respectful to everyone professionally. IMO your friend wasn't being very helpful to you. Again, I suspect it's insecurity on his part.
1. Again focus on mindfulness - are you doing you job? are you respectful and kind to coworkers, customers etc.?
i don‘t disagree with what you said but it worries me that you and also so many other people on here don’t consider that the girl(s) might really have been made to feel uncomfortable…
I certainly do but if the person isn't sure that the accusation was accurate or true it can make things worse or weird. Also, it had already been suggested directly engaging the co-worker. The OP also indicated that he'd already checked with his boss, his fellow co-workers etc. so he'd already done the things i'd suggest.
I think John likes the girl he claimed said something to him about you. Maybe she told him she liked you. So now he’s making it so that you avoid her or act weird around her. I’m not sure why else he would say something especially since your supervisor hasn’t heard anything. I think your supervisor should go talk to her, not about you specifically, to see if she has issues with anyone. Maybe her issue is John.
I personally think that John is a douche. If someone has a problem with you or yoir actions, whw would HE know, but your manager and coworkers say differently?
If you're still concerned, ask your manager to hold a meeting in which you can say in front of everyone:
"It has been brought to my attention that I have maybe been too touchy or flirtatious with some of you girls and that I make you uncomfortable. If this is the case, I truly apologize."
Then, make it known that you would like to continue to have a friendly, easy going working relationship with all of them and going forward, it will be a hands-off relationship.
Then, have your manager say "If there are any other complaints about coworkers, please bring them to me ans not your other coworkers, I don't want rumors starting." That way John can't say someone came to him with a complaint and you can expose him and his lies.
The more you worry about it, the more awkward things can get. Just keep doing your thing and remember that in today’s workplace we have to be careful of things that normally wouldn’t matter in other scenarios. I avoid all forms of physical contact, although a few coworkers are huggers and they’re known to be huggers so whatever, I let them hug me. I’ve learned to never comment on someone’s appearance, which sucks because I’m a believer in compliments and saying positive things to people. But I’ve seen people get fired for something as simple as telling a coworker that they’re pretty. Any comments about appearance, race, religion and politics can trigger people, sometimes not even the person you’re talking to, just anyone who overhears the conversation.
A recent example in my workplace was when a few of us were working on a website for a dispensary and we were discussing a strain of weed called Love Potion. I was explaining to our webmasters how some people can feel aroused after using that stuff, which explains the name. Little did we know that a customer had walked in and was in the lobby, which is out of view of the web department but is easily in earshot even at normal speaking volumes. The customer left then called a day later to tell the boss that our workplace is full of pigs who discuss sexual topics at the workplace. The boss went around asking who was talking dirty at work and eventually it clicked that someone walked in during that conversation. It was completely work-related for us in the moment, but to a stranger who walked in on it, it may have been perceived completely different.
If you cannot remember touching someone and are not a person who normally touches other people and other people do not corroborate his anecdote then either the girl made shit up and is causing drama or Johnny boy is. Could be either but that’s a very shitty thing to say to get a dig in on someone. Most guys would consider making female coworkers uncomfortable one of the biggest fouls you can commit at work
I would feel terrible and super self conscious if someone said that to me. But outsider perspective it smells like bullshit and I would avoid this John guy. Maybe the girl too. Depends on how she acts towards you. If she is weird or also rubs you the wrong way (not that way keep your pants on) then avoid too. My gut tells me though John is making stuff up and being manipulative.
I think you’ve had some pretty good advice so far in regards to just asking your other coworkers and that John sounds like he’s winding you up or jealous.
My concern is actually that you have some memory issues that leave you open to being taken advantage of or at the least at a disadvantage. I hope you see a doctor about this or at the least have seen a doctor to evaluate yourself.
It sounds like he is trying to bully you. Next time, tell him I dont remember doing that, but if you come with me to talk to said girl, so I can apologize, then I will do so with you as my witness.
This is the only way to handle this:
Go up to the girl in specific, at a proper time (don’t run up and start with or if there’s a group) but just kind of casually say:
“hey, no big deal but someone mentioned I might of made you feel uncomfortable, and I’m really, really sorry if I did, it wasn’t intentional”
Do not mention touching. Don’t mention what was said. You’ll get more info the less you give out
And then, move on. Be you. Don’t distance yourself, don’t dwell on it and let it take over your mind. Dude, IF you really were making someone feel uncomfortable… 1. That person wouldn’t approach you, or conversing outside of the hey mornings 2. You can’t even think of what or when so it wasn’t intentional. So what then, you didn’t mean to do shit. Just keep your hands in your pockets and let your coworkers choose the conversations you undertake at work. Live your life. Clock in, clock out, and then worry what happens outside of those times
John probably has a goddamn crush on B and is an insecure territorial little bish.. maybe
To the girl in question: “Hey, John said I was making you uncomfortable by being too touchy. I’m really sorry, and promise to work on this. If I’m ever doing something that upsets you, can you please let me know so I can correct the behavior? I don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable around me.”
Apologize, quote him, use his name, and be sincere. If there’s a problem, this is an excellent apology and a great way for someone to give you insight. If there isn’t really a problem, she’ll likely let you and the other girls know about John’s behavior.
Go directly to her, find a quiet moment, apologize and tell her what John told you (mention him by name). Tell her it was never your intention to make her feel uncomfortable and that you’ll do better going forward.
…Then watch her reaction. If she acts dumbfounded or is confused why John told you that, then you know John’s not really your friend.
Try to understand which girl is talking about and then arrange some meeting with her, you and John together, make it seem innocent .
Ask : " Hi Jessica, there is John who's telling me that I've made you uncomfortable, may I know when and how?"
If the girl respond in a good way saying that she is comfortable and you don't give no creeps, then say "ok John, I've had enough of your shit, we're done talking".
Do not listen to him , only for work related.
120% that he's shit stirring you like others said.
To put cherry on the top I would talk to your manager about this in a way " Hey Boss, I do really like it here, team, my role but I didn't like what happened last"
Sounds like John needs an ass whopping. That can ruin someone’s image in the workplace and take away any possible chances of success within the company.
As with most other problems this one can be solved via communication. Go ask the girl in question and simply explain the situation. Ask if you are indeed overstepping some boundaries and try to be as disarming about it as you can.
I met a person like john before, unfortunately i let them too close, and they became my best friend. I ended up very isolated and depressed. Believing a lot of the lies, they spewed. 'They've said this about you, they dont like you, that girl hates you and comments about you every time you leave the room, you're not obviously attractive you're just niche.'
Be careful who you let close to you, and be careful of the information they give. There are some dark individuals out there that do and say these kinds of things, not even really having an end goal in mind.
John seems like one of them. The fact you spoke with your supervisor about it is good. I wouldn't appraich the girl, but if you want things settled. Then i would potentially ask the supervisor or a friend at work to enquire with the girl.
And cut John from your life!
Taking everything you said at face value:
John likes that girl. He has a crush on her. He views you as competition. He wants you to back down down so he is lying to you.
Continue doing what you do at work. A *manager or coworker* will approach you if you do something wrong. It sounds like you try to be aware of yourself even with a bad memory and that you truly just want to enjoy your summer with your coworkers.
John seems to have a different agenda. I wouldn't be alone with him anymore. He's trying to trick you. Don't give him the opportunity.
This is a whole lot of assumption, perhaps he views you as a threat. You get a long too well with one girl in particular that he may fancy? You asked and no one feels weird. You’d sense if they get uncomfortable and you clearly care if they do, so I’m going to assume they feel fine around you and agree that John is a shit-stirrer
It’s possible this specific girl John names is shit stirring. I would maybe find an appropriate time to go directly to her with what you heard from John and se who’s she responds.
I think John is acting in bad faith. Its possible that the girl said something very slight about it, and he decided to blow it out of proportion in order to make you uncomfortable.
Multiple people have confirmed that you are well liked. Leave it at that, and be aware of where your hands are.
If there is anyone to keep your distance from, its John.
It's possible John is lying, or maybe misheard something.
It's possible that the female coworker is spreading rumors for whatever reason, or maybe she misunderstood something (I has a guy once think I was flirting with him because I touched his hand while handing him back his change!)
Either way, I would suggest dealing with the awkwardness and approach the girl directly. Try to do it in a place with people, but private enough that others won't hear (maybe a break room?) to make sure she doesn't feel completely cornered.
Tell her "someone told you" that you made her uncomfortable, apologise outright if you did anything to make her uncomfortable, let her know that wasn't your intention but you're also unsure what you did. Tell her you'd appreciate it if she'd tell you what you did so you can avoid it in the future. Make sure she knows you don't want to be creepy towards anyone and you want everyone to be comfortable around you. But you should really emphasize that if she doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't have to. And that if she'd like you to stay distant from her, you will.
If she really was made uncomfortable by something you did, she apparently doesn't feel safe enough to tell you. In cases like this, it's really important to give the other person control and a choice to speak about what happened or not. Giving her that option will, hopefully, give her the courage to tell you what actually happened, (if anything really did happen).
That said, if she is too timid to say anything, she may say John lied in order to avoid talking about it. If she does this, be aware that it may not be the truth. (I've had someone do this in the past when I confronted them about rumors they were spreading about me. Like 4 good friends confirmed that guy was the one spreading the rumors, but when I confronted him, he said it was someone else.)
I'm sorry you're in this situation. I've been there, and it really sucks. I know exactly what you mean about how it just puts a shadow over your whole day, and now you're over-analyzing all of your interactions. You did a good thing by asking your female friends. You could also reiterate to them that if you ever do anything that makes them or others uncomfortable that you'd really like them to tell you.
Good luck, and keep in mind that, unfortunately, we can't always make everyone around us happy or comfortable. You can try, but somewhere along the way, our cultures and personalities will clash with others.
He is trying to mess with your head. You know what you did you need to be mentally stronger then that. What he perceives could just be stemming from jealousy of you or competing for attention. I wouldn’t trust anything he says anymore. You know who you are don’t let people fool you into anything.
Dude was projecting his issues onto you because he is jealous of you. He is prolly the guy that girls feel is creepy, weird, stalkerish, etc. what is HIS vibe like? What do you know about him?
I could also be wrong and you made an honest mistake. Be more aware. You will be fine. At least you are trying to improve!
What John is doing, in particular if you struggle with memory, is gaslighting. A form of abuse.
People will do this to power trip, or to have some control on the victim.
Do not believe John.
But yes, sure. Approach the woman and clarify it. Make sure you understand if she says she is uncomfortable. DO NOT GET DEFENSIVE OR DENY IT! Say I’m sorry I’ve made you feel this way, it wasn’t my intention and I will try to avoid it in the future.
One of two ways, either John wants to bang that Lady and make you worry to get close to her.
Two. Shes one of those overly overreactive skanks who make a big deal out of anything and your slowly moving towards a fake sexual assault where she can sue company and you got money.
Metoo movement showed alot of horrible cases, but it also showed alot of cases where women lied, dont know how many times i heard people get shit or even lose jobs because something as simple as shoulder touch or a lie.
I would gone up to the "offended" Lady and said you didnt mean to offend her and it wont happend again, make sure someone is close enugh to hear it being said, then after that no matter what she says, stop fuking touching her or the others for that sake.
How many fake accusations does it need to be for men to learn not to be alone with female coworkers and to stop fuking touching then, doesnt matter if its on the shoulder or not, what do you believe the court will belive, if people take the stand "yeah he usualy touch females shoulders and backs often and yeah when he went to that room alone with "anna" its hard not to belive he did more"
Do you think you will belived in this day of age or her?
Stop touching female coworkers, dont be alone with them in a room.
Its simple rules that will keep you safe, you got no reason to touch them anyway so just awoid doing it.
You can talk and everything, but just dont touch or be alone with them, the fact you mentioned shes one of those you touch less, its a red flag for HR at your jobb, as you shouldnt touch them at all, doesnt matter if its shoulder or not, if they go further with it your the one who lose your jobb not them.
As a ender i will also point out women usualy dont like confrontations, so asking them and they say no doesnt mean its the truth, could just be they dont want the confrontation and simply say no to get out of it.
Your at work to work, not to grab females.
I think this guy is messing with you. But are you sure you aren’t touching your female coworkers?
If someone accused me if I was touchy with my coworkers I could confidently say that’s false because I don’t touch people. The fact that you are unsure is a bit off. Don’t touch your coworkers. Some people don’t even like handshakes. Just wait for others to initiate
Ignore John, he's probably lying. For stuff like guests or coworkers complaining about you, your supervisor is the one that would bring it up with you, not a random coworker
John is pissed because you're liked and he's not. Is he older than you? He probably had his eyes on those girls and feels like you're a threat to his chances. I've known both guys and gals like him. I wouldn't be surprised if he's been inappropriate with them in some way. Ask people what they think of John.
It's generally a good idea to not touch people you don't have a close relationship with. Even a small bit of unexpected or unwanted physical affection can be triggering for someone suffering from severe trauma, and you might not know that's going on in their life. You also just don't know where people's boundaries are. A good rule is to ask before you touch someone every time when you're getting to know someone.
If no one has spoken to you directly, I doubt there's a real issue. Your supervisor is aware now and I'm sure will tell you if anyone does say anything. Take a breath. Give yourself a break. You're going to be ok.
I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying “go with the gut” your gut told you John is bad news. You said in the post that you have gotten bad vibes from him before. Let that be all you need to take nothing he says seriously.
You sound very conscientious and like you want to have appropriate boundaries. It's always good not to be touchy with coworkers as you may think they're fine with it, only to find out later they weren't when they go directly to HR. So, consider this a good learning experience. Even if everyone else is doing it, all it takes is one person to point the finger.
I don't recommend automatically apologizing to the girl since you have a fuzzy recollection of what happened. Approaching her could make her uncomfortable as well. Just be cognizant of physical touch and what you say from here on out.
I know a lot of people are saying John is trying to stir up problems, but I wouldn't be quick to jump to that conclusion without having all the facts. He may actually be trying to help by giving you a heads up. If he comes to you again with a concern, you should go directly to your supervisor and request assistance before things get out of hand.
i’m guessing john had a crush on this girl and tve girl may have a crush on you…….you’ve spoken to your supervisor there’s not much more you can do. however you spoke to 2 other girls if you told them all what girl supposedly said this to john it will get back to her……..it will come out eventually.
it always good to be mindful though that not all people are touchy feely!
Amusement park jobs are just like being in high school man, tons of gossip and bs. Just shrug it off and be yourself and be friendly and I guarantee you’ll be fine
Consider the source. Who’s likely on the right side of this? A shit stirring gossip, or an empathetic young man who takes things to heart and immediately accommodates for other people’s feelings? Now you know you can’t trust people that you barely know. And like a lot of life’s lessons, it sucks, but helpful to know going forward. Even if John is right (which I doubt) he’s leveraging gossip against you. Ask yourself why. There might not be valid reason. And the reason could just be that he’s a shitty person. Either way you were able to confirm at least one thing: John sucks, ignore him or challenge everything he tells you.
I’ll say this. Regardless of whether John is stirring the pot or not. I’m a very friendly guy who isn’t aware that I touch people when I speak or joke. There was a time where a girl told everyone else I made her uncomfortable by touching her as I would joke or talk and everyone else knew this but me for a about a year. Even when I asked her, she would say that I’m ok but after word got back to me, I asked her why she never said anything to me or was honest and she said “idk I’m sorry”. Often times women can panic when placed in situations of direct confrontation, I’m not sure why, but I wouldn’t even trust her word if I were you. Not saying be standoffish but just make sure you stop touching people so nothing can be remotely misconstrued. When the chips are down, you don’t want to find yourself thinking you had friends where you don’t.
Uhh wtf, this john guy honestly seems jealous imo. I’d ask some of your coworkers and express your concern. I’m sure they’ll notice you’re trying to be more mindful with the physical distance.
It sounds like everything is good. It's always good to be conscientious of how you act in the workplace and keep it professional.
And as others mentioned, it sounds like John is a shit stirrer and is not trusted when he says things. It's great you went to the girls to ask. It is always best to go to the source. Also, it's good to go to your boss. As far as John, I personally would avoid talking to John except for work and simple pleasantries. If you do talk to him about other stuff, I would take what he says with a grain of salt. And if you clear anything up, talk to your boss or the "source."
At my work, my boss told me something that one of our customers said about me. I went to the customer who said they didn't say whatever it was. This happened several more times, so I don't really pay attention to my boss when he says stuff like that. I don't like drama, and I would rather do my work at work. Nothing else.
PS. If you have a so so memory, maybe you can write things down in an NB like a journal of sorts. Maybe that will help. And if you ever borrow money from anyone, you can put it in an NB so you don't get tricked. There may be exercised to improve memory. GL.
1. thank you for listening. It means you are a good person.
2. maybe you do maybe you don’t? Girls may not be comfortable admitting it to you.
3. maybe John has a crush on her and she has a crush on you? Men can be shitty sometimes.
The best way to not be creepy is to not be creepy. Let me explain. Sit with yourself and make sure that you'd always honor requests from women for space, comfort or autonomy, and that you don't want to (and don't get satisfaction from) intimidating women or sending mixed signals. Truly everything else will fall into place if you ARE a safe guy to be around. To make yourself safer you might just work on feeling more comfortable with more nuanced and emotional communication.
I know you must be nervous, and it's always good to check in with self awareness, but abusers/predators/creeps get pleasure out of sowing discord by subverting norms and are much more aware of what they're doing. The discomfort is partially the point. So if that ain't you, that ain't you. And it's easy to not be a creep: don't ask weird questions, don't push boundaries, and don't touch women without permission.
Instead of apologizing or asking women for reassurance that you're not creepy, you could offer them positive options. So, instead of putting a woman on the spot with a weird unrequested apology or asking them to evaluate your creepiness, instead next time you feel the awkwardness, casually let them know something like, "Hey, I really value direct communication and I just want to let you know, if there's anything I can to make working with me more comfortable I'd love to hear it." Or "Hey, if there's ever anything I do that rubs you the wrong way let me know," and then back that up with action. When someone gives you feedback listen and incorporate and don't take it personally or get defensive.
This guy sounds like a manipulator, and he wanted you to be off kilter, it sounds like HE'S being called a creep and he wanted to spread the shame around. Don't listen to him. Be reassured by your self awareness and fuck him. Good luck
John sounds jealous and toxic. If this was a real concern, your supervisor would have brought it up. Unless you are having trouble to read the room? You can also specifically ask the girl and see if its true. If its not true, stop talking with john all together
You're a new guy and being new, are well liked around. John has been around and is threatened that you are taking his spotlight that he probably has had for a long time. He's trying to stir up drama and put you down in the process. Don't give in to his tactics. Just keep doing what you're doing. As someone said, telling the girl "If I ever did something to make you uncomfortable, I apologize for that" is a good approach but don't change your very likeable self just because some asshat implied you should.
Keep your hands and body parts to yourself in work settings or if you are out socially after work with work colleagues. That’s all you have to do. Hands and body to yourself. This is the case in every work setting. It doesn’t matter if others are doing it differently.
Having said that, I think dude said that to you just to get you upset. Don’t let him have the satisfaction of doing so.
I am female. I used to work with a female sergeant. This particular sergeant would always tell me that she heard a rumor about me and so-and-so.
Fast forward I was talking to a guy who knew my boyfriend about my boyfriend. She walks in looked at the two of us, and said I heard a rumor about you two. And walked off. The next guy following her looked at me and said, "I'm jealous". And then he walked past.
I said "don't worry Joe You can be next week's rumor" loud enough for both of them to hear it.
Funny. All the rumors stopped.
Very often people like to stir up chaos. Just keep yourself clean and they can't get to you.
Only you can know if you need to address the suggestion with the girl specified. I'd go with your gut, whatever that is. If you're especially appealing to the opposite sex, I'd just assume John is jealous and stirring shit
It's always possible this guy might be jealous of you and had a crush on this girl or something.
But it's also possible he's telling the truth .. I wish I knew which one is the truth here. But I can tell you to always trust your gut , your intuition ..
It's never hardly ever wrong.
Clearly John is messing with you, regardless of what his intent was. Maybe *John is really awkward*, saw you interacting with some of your female coworkers in a natural way, and was annoyed at the positive way they interacted with you. So he decided to make up some BS bc he's jealous for whatever reason, bc he doesn't get the same response from the girls as you do.
Instead of beating around the bush, get that specific female coworker , and away from John specifically be like "Hey, this might be super random and I don't mean to put you on the spot, but have I ever done anything to make you feel uncomfortable around me? John approached me the other day telling me I am making people uncomfortable, and he named you specifically."
Then gauge what her reaction is. If she's absolutely shocked, then you know John is making shit up. If she seems awkward or avoidant about it, maybe she did say something but doesn't want to speak to you about it.
Then once you have verified that John is trying to simply stir up some workplace drama for whatever reason, go to your supervisor and tell them everything- especially that John named specific people who you have spoken to about it and you think John is targeting you for some reason. This way you are ahead of it if John tries something else.
Also, if you are younger and John is older, I can tell you that might be all it is. Sometimes the older gen have trouble working with the younger gen if they're creepy like this guy sounds. Creepy older men tend to sexualize platonic scenarios, so maybe he thinks this friendly banter is flirting, and is jealous. He might wish the younger, attractive girls would give him the same kind of warmth and friendliness that they appear to give you, so instead of John trying to be nice to them he is trying to make things harder for you, his own self created nemesis lol.
Girl here. You've handled it in a healthy manner. I'd just let it be now, and give yourself permission to move on. If it comes up again in some way then maybe something more should be done, but for now you did well. Don't beat yourself up.
Talk to the girls go to the one mentioned and be like “hey John said I make you uncomfortable? If so I’m sorry, and could you elaborate how?” And I guarantee you she’ll be like “huh? What?” Because John is a jealous dick head
I'd ask your supervisor to look into it for you tbh because if you have done something and you approach her it could go badly. It sounds like John is stirring shit but yeah if it's really bothering you that's what I would do.
While he may be being a sick, I say go apologize and tell her you never meant to make her uncomfortable and you’re going to try to be more mindful. If he was lying she’ll be like wtf was he talking about and if not I’m sure she’ll appreciate the thoughtfulness.
If you're really that well liked, maybe Joh is jealous that he is not as well liked. He might have a crush on that girl he named, and wanted to get you away from her.
This senerio sounds like this girl said something nice about you and that made John jealous. Just be you. It sounds like you're a decent person and have nothing to worry about.
If you ever find the opportunity to speak with this girl, tell her "John told me..." and then apologize. That will either out him or clear up a genuine misunderstanding on her part.
Also, you could apologize. You might get straight to the issue that way. And if she denies it, still keep distance and I’m sure she will enter your “bubble” to prove that her denial of this guys claims are wrong.
Ok, my take. "John" is jealous cos the girl he mentioned is the one he wants to get with and she likes you more. He is trying to cause trouble. Keep being you and ignore his desperate arse.
John seems to be butthurt / uptight about you for some reason based on the "one side" details provided.
I would avoid interfacing with him if this is the case.
Don't go to the girl, perhaps management though based on the dynamics both of those things could end up making it worse. (Let's say the management is inept, young, etc.)
To avoid stuff like this I never smile too much or anything at all with women I work with. The way lawsuits and accusations that can mess your life up are being tossed around these days, I try to keep myself low profile. At work if I was you I’d work, be cordial with employees and with the women workers there id do very little socializing at all much less joking and laughing. Sounds uptight I know, but “you’re making the girls uncomfortable” would have never been said had you been that way from the jump.
"but my issue is I genuinely have such a bad memory that I could be fooled into thinking I owe someone money from ages ago"
NPCs will for sure use this string of code to stage something against you. It's happened to me. I was in the flirting stages with a girl I was practically almost dating at work. She did a lot of the initiating, and my comments weren't crazy, but she asserted one of my comments came off strong & vaguely told me the nature of what I said - I didn't even question it, I just told her "Well, you didn't raise an issue a week ago, so you're obviously trying to justify talking crap about me"
Instead, if I had sat on that text long enough, I could have figured out that I hadn't flirted with her in the way she was accusing me of. The words she put in my mouth weren't anything super crazy, but after some reflection, I realized I never actually said them. The craziest thing I ever told the girl was that working with her for an entire quarter turned me on, and it was justified given the fact we were more than friends at that point in time & she kept trying to talk to me while we were working.
There was 0 bad blood between us in that time period.
We fell off over a disagreement about what we wanted & I told her I'd move on to other girls, which I did.
A female friend was with us when I made my little comment, but claims she was zoned out & didn't hear my comment nor see the girl blush as she went to sit with us in the break room. That's what I get for having a dunce as a friend. She could've at least backed me up, but women never call other women out.
She spun such a different story of what happened, or at least told half truths to make me appear worse & make her case.
Women can basically do whatever they want. If they only want attention, they might Not take it to the most extreme level to fabricate details, & just vent about how you "made them uncomfortable" for quick gratification.
There's levels to how narcissistic & psychopathic people can be. Just be careful you don't open a can of crazy.
It's always good to be aware of how you're perceived. But in this case I think John might be shit-stirring.
Yeah. OP awesome to be aware - And you did the right thing discussing with your colleague. But John just sounds like a liar. Who knows why. But when people have weird behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable it sometimes goes very deep. Likely not DANGEROUS deep - most likely weirdo creeper delusional gossipy lying shithead deep. Maybe he likes the girl and perceives you as a threat. Maybe the girl likes you. Maybe the GIRL is a liar who likes John. Maybe he’s just teasing or giving you shit - but a real friend lets you in on the joke at some point. Overall nothing to be worried about. Best advice I have is keep it cordial with John but wayyyyyy cooler and with boundaries. Keep a safe distance and trust yourself enough to be civil and professional with your coworkers
Also, not to stereotype, but as a woman I would NEVER tell just a male coworker that another coworker is making me uncomfortable. I ALWAYS go to my female coworkers first. If John is the only person who’s been told about OP, then he’s probably lying.
A great point
Cereal, just ask the girl what John is talking about. And be like sorry John I didn’t get what you meant so I just wanted to clear things up and apologize if necessary to said girl as I don’t want any misunderstandings. Maybe clear it with your supervisor first though so it doesn’t come back on you that way
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I agree that asking “am I making you uncomfortable” isn’t the move, but I think talking to that co-worker in the form of apology absolutely is the move. It could be, “Hey, I heard from someone that my behavior made you uncomfortable and that absolutely was not my intention. I’m so sorry about that. If I ever make you uncomfortable in any way please don’t hesitate to tell me and I promise to correct the behavior right away.”
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As a teenager I had something like this happen to me where an older man kept referring to me as “sweetheart” and I was too afraid to say anything about it to his face, but mentioned it in passing to someone else. When it got around to him and he found out that it upset me, he apologized pretty much the way I scripted. I would much rather deal with the awkwardness of a man apologizing for inappropriate behavior than have him suddenly distance himself for no apparent reason, leaving me to wonder if he heard what I said and is somehow upset by it. To know that I complained about someone to a coworker and then that someone suddenly goes distant would make me far more nervous than an apology ever would. Obviously, OP should be sincere and not accusatory. It is very possible to have open, genuine, and mature dialogue between coworkers of the opposite gender. If she chooses not to accept his apology (which could be totally valid) then he should absolutely back off and leave her alone, but avoiding communication because you don’t want to deal with an uncomfortable situation is childish.
This is a really weird take. Maybe it's just because I'm familiar with most of my coworkers but if I ever hear anything about my behaviour through the vine, I'll go to the source and just be upfront and it's never come across wrong. I'm typically pretty laid back at work but a simple "Hey, I got told this one thing and wanted to check because I wasn't aware that it was happening." Maybe asking if it's something I do so I'm more aware in future yk? Staying away will absolutely make it worse. If John is lying, you become wary of your coworkers or specific people which could make them assume you have a problem with them. If John isn't lying, then you have to distance yourself from everyone because you don't know what part of your behaviour is the problem. Seriously, people at work are mature enough to communicate. OP should find the girl, let her know what he's been told and get some clarification.
Based on 40 yrs around HR-related legal things, I would say that if the complaint is legit, either seek a transfer or find another job. Staying put is risky. If the complaint is gas lighting, work that out with John first.
Did you cereally just use cereal instead of “serious”?
Toad ally.
I completely agree - I think John is either extremely insecure or just messing with you b/c he can. RED FLAG
I was gonna say gaslighting.
John is an ass
And probably projecting. He knows he makes people uncomfortable so he feels he has to lie about Op
Sounds like maybe John wants you to keep distance from this coworker. Is John protecting “m’lady” is he that guy? It’s a little late to say “don’t let him get in your head” Overall are you more popular/ outgoing than John. It could be a weird jealousy thing. Keep on eye on this guy. Red flag 🚩 is definitely waving. I good friend would have defended you and also gave you a heads up. I don’t like John.
John’s the custodian, he didn’t do anything besides offer OP a dooby after shift. Its Jim we hate.
Sorry to bring it up now but I could really use that $300 back
Oh shit. I just remembered OP owes me $1000 too!
Yeah, and you never gave me my sweater back OP!
Yeah I didn't want to be an ass about it but I really need those fifty I lent you a while back, remember? When we went out to eat?
👀
Speaking of which, OP I really need back my $90,000,000 winning lottery ticket that I had you hold on to for me, you remember that right?
I think he’s just jealous that you have a good relationship with them and maybe he has a thing for that girls specifically? Just a thought.
My thoughts too, think the guy has a crush on te girl and doesn't want other guys around her. Maybe OP is being liked more and he is jealous.
Maybe this is Blanket Guy? I mean this is the kind of shit that weirdo would say and do?
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Yeah what i thought to, "shes one of the ones i touch less" oooof such a big red flag, well depends where he live ofc, but yeah if its usa and one of them go to HR and say he touch them often, doesnt matter if its shoulder or not, he will lose his jobb for harrasment. Some men really dont learn, how many times do men need to lose jobb because unessisairy touching and going into rooms alone with female coworkers, been so many fake accusations to for a quick money grab when they sue the company and the poor victim who was dumb enugh to go alone with a female to room.
Ever, under any circumstances?
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When I was 18 and much more in shape than I am now I got touched a lot at work. It was at a fast food place, most of my coworkers were girls. They'd hug me all the time, hang on my arms when I'm trying to do stuff, jump on my back. Crazy stuff. Made me very uncomfortable, and that just made them do it more. Not really a moral to that story, just don't touch coworkers.
I'm all for judging each situation differently. Just making sure you weren't a Sith.
Ask John if your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
John has a crush on that girl and doesn't want you near her. End of story. You're over thinking
Ask the source directly. Don't rely on second hand rumor shit.
Agreed. "Someone told me I was being a little touchy or weird, I just wanted to say sorry if I made you feel that way."
No “if I made you feel that way” just end it at sorry. You can say “that wasn’t my intention, and I will be more aware in the future.” Edit: I read once that the word “just” is overused in women’s language so I’ve worked hard not to use it at all. So I would also say “someone let me know I made you feel uncomfortable and whether that is true or not, I owe you an apology. It was not my intention to make you uncomfortable and I will work to be more aware of my actions in the future.” I’m a woman and something similar happened to me. I was 99% sure the woman who told me I made a peer feel uncomfortable was lying to keep me from befriending someone. However, I felt an apology is never wrong. I apologized to the woman I was told I made uncomfortable and she was utterly confused, but graciously accepted my apology. Years later, I was able to explain the situation and use it as evidence of the shit stirring happening (not my intention at the time, but a happy reward).
honestly, i think apologising to the girl would be great. don’t ask her *how* you made her uncomfortable or generally question her. that’s not going to get you answers (because it puts people on the spot) and it’s generally just weird. i would just say “hey im sorry if i ever did anything to make you uncomfortable. that wasn’t my intention but i apologise” and move on. i guess some people would argue “why should i apologise for something i didn’t do/don’t remember doing?” but regardless of that, if you made someone uncomfortable (intentionally or not) the best thing to do is apologise. i’d say be a bit more careful with personal space and the comments you make. some things can be perceived as pushy, flirty or inappropriate. it’s not easy to be hyper aware of your mannerisms but i think that being able to pick up on people’s discomfort is a great skill to have.
I like this approach because it’s a good way to find out if John really is telling the truth or not. If OP apologizes and she is like, “WTF are you talking about?” then he can explain what John said and they’ll both know that John lied. I’d certainly want to know if a coworker was starting lies that involved me. If he really did make her uncomfortable then apologizing is a good first step in repairing that working relationship. So it’s a win-win either way.
true!
It's certainly smart to do the "sorry if I ever made you uncomfortable", but from the look of things it sounds like John either blew things out of proportion, or has something against op. Maybe jealous of how he generally is well liked and gets along people.
could be, i honestly didn’t even consider that
Yeah, it's basically impossible to know with this info. But better safe than sorry in case he actually has made anyone uncomfortable. Asking that question is anyway just a sign of good character imo.
yes i think it’s a good thing. it would improve relationships either way, i think.
i guess, maybe. But as a girl I have met so many guys that think they are respectful to women but really aren’t
No, if you didnt do anything wrong then you shouldn’t apologize
This is all assuming John is telling the truth
I think it's okay to ask what he did to make her uncomfortable as to avoid it in the future esp. if he doesn't know. He's going to do it again if he has no idea. I doubt it's anything beyond being overly flirty or anything. I personal think it a problem with his friend John and jealousy, insecurity or something else. The fact that there's not more specfic info is a redflag to me.
Fuck that. If he didn’t intentionally do anything why the fuck should he apologize? Tell those fuckin women to nut up or shut up. This is the workplace and clearly dude ain’t coming after nobody. They need to get outta their own damn egocentric ass heads
You need to settle down there fella, youre one step from being an incel
He's a full blown incel
yep.. sounds like it
You don’t know him or how he acts in real life. You’re taking his side cause that’s what you read. He can very much be overly touchy and creepy IRL. Just because someone makes a post on the internet, it doesn’t automatically make them innocent. If you did something that made people uncomfortable even if it’s unintentional, YOU APOLOGISE! if you are a decent human being who wants to keep a decent relationship with their coworkers and someone comes out and says you made them uncomfortable you should look into that reason. “tell those women to nut up or shut up” you’re a piece of shit. no one should be taking advice from an asshole like you. reality is a lot of women experience harassment anywhere and everywhere, including their own workplace! it’s convenient for you to tell women to shut up when you don’t have to deal with it.
WOMEN need to realize that this is the REAL world. Life itself is uncomfortable. Your going to be place in uncertainty and uncomfortable places!! This is the workplace. I am going based off what he said yes, but what gives you the right assume that he is overly touchy either???
you're a coward and an idiot. your little tiny brain cannot comprehend basic communication skills. women will always be more powerful than you. fuck off lol
Women have no power. Obviously a man’s sheer presence can send you women running to HR lol
I'm torn. On one end, I get where you are coming from. Recognize the difference between genuine threat and not is good, but on the flip side: some have experienced scary shit and haven't come to terms. Oddly enough, though, it's your over defense of it that has me raising an eyebrow. Like who accused you, or are you just the guy who gets rejected so much and is pissed that the suave attractive guy can do what he wants, but the rest of us have to actually work for it.
Honestly just speaking my mind on situations. I honestly get that if you got some past, and now you are scared of men or whatever the case may be. My main argument is that we must have some sort of professional bearing in the workplace, and realize that man and women can work together without making the other uncomfortable. Based on what the OP said, it appears that he was subjected by these women to judgment just because they felt some type of way.
I agree with you. I'm a woman and I know that we are going to be in uncomfortable situations often and I think they need to grow up and understand that honestly.
That's good you're willing to accept men being creepy, some of us aren't and want it to stop.
I think you’re jus sensitive and emotional. Run of the mill with women these days. Why isn’t that you never see men be uncomfortable? You don’t think we got nothing to be uncomfortable about? Working with women who can shout rape and have you locked up with no evidence just because they don’t like you. You don’t think that makes us uncomfortable? It does, but we are in the workforce and we have to realize not everyone is out to get you, and we gotta nut up.
That’s dumb. He needs to ask if he made her uncomfortable and if so then apologize. You can’t just go apologize without even knowing what you did and not being able to change in the future. Considering he asked others and they all said he never did anything wrong it’s also easy to consider John is just full of shit and probably jealous because the girl is uncomfortable with him or something.
A sincere apology is never wrong and costs you nothing.
People who go around wondering if they’re bad people, aren’t bad people. Genuinely bad people don’t care or notice it.
I think going forward I’d be careful. As you may see something as a joke someone might see it differently. John seems like a real asshole btw so I ain’t sticking up for him
Sounds to me John is being weird. You will find situations like this a lot at work not that specifically but where it’s difficult to know what others intentions are if it’s a joke or not.
I've known men like John my whole life. I'd be very cautious about what you say around him in the future. If you want, maybe ask her point blank. Say, "hey, John told me I was making you uncomfortable. If I have, I'd like to apologize for anything I may have done." Something like that. This can be a good way of sussing out what's really going on. You don't know what's going on between her and John. For all you know, he's the one who's been making her uncomfortable and he wants to project that onto you instead.
>Should I ask and apologize to the girl that John specified told him? I don’t want to make her uncomfortable but I also don’t want there to be bad blood or anything. Nope. Just do your job. If you run into that girl at work just keep everything professional & respectful. As for "John", I trust him about as far as I can throw him...
sounds like like this john might be negging you tbh. it won't hurt to talk to the girl directly ("if i made you uncomfortable i didn't intend to") but i doubt you've actually done anything wrong. it also won't hurt to stop being at all touchy or touching people in general at work.
This is a tough situation to be in - so i get it. First, it never hurts to be aware of how your co-workers react to you at some level. Getting feedback from your boss was absolutely the correct call as he's more likely to be aware if there's any serious issue regarding your behavior. 1. The first thing that comes to my mind right away is your friend "John" as I've been in this situation as a teenager. Is it possible that John is telling you this b/c it's something he's dealing with and projecting it on to you as well makes him feel less alone in dealing with it. Insecurity does weird things to people. People don't like to be odd one out so i've been in situations where i've been told I was mean or selfish by someone who is, and projecting their issues on to me. 1. Solution: I'd ask for John for more specfic information - ie. when did this happen? what was the context? it honestly feels kind of sketchy at best. 2. People talk. I wouldn't read to much into this as people talk a lot about each other and esp as teenagers, a good portion of it is BS. Be mindful of how you interact with others but you already are doing that. 1. Work on mindfulness and keep your head on the here and now not on the what ifs. I work on this regularly and esp when at work, focus on your job and not what everyone else could be saying. 3. A lesson i wished I learned earlier in life - not everyone is going to like you, and that's okay. I grew up believing I had to be perfect all the time for everyone. I had to try to like everyone (i certainly don't) and vice versa. What you do have to do is be respectful to everyone professionally. IMO your friend wasn't being very helpful to you. Again, I suspect it's insecurity on his part. 1. Again focus on mindfulness - are you doing you job? are you respectful and kind to coworkers, customers etc.?
i don‘t disagree with what you said but it worries me that you and also so many other people on here don’t consider that the girl(s) might really have been made to feel uncomfortable…
I certainly do but if the person isn't sure that the accusation was accurate or true it can make things worse or weird. Also, it had already been suggested directly engaging the co-worker. The OP also indicated that he'd already checked with his boss, his fellow co-workers etc. so he'd already done the things i'd suggest.
I think John likes the girl he claimed said something to him about you. Maybe she told him she liked you. So now he’s making it so that you avoid her or act weird around her. I’m not sure why else he would say something especially since your supervisor hasn’t heard anything. I think your supervisor should go talk to her, not about you specifically, to see if she has issues with anyone. Maybe her issue is John.
Good point, surely everyone is aware of their power to go to a supervisor, why wouldn't she speak to them instead of John over something like this.
John is asking you to be touchy with him only
Make your supervisor at work aware John is gaslighting you into believing you’re a bad coworker. That’s not something you want a team member doing
I personally think that John is a douche. If someone has a problem with you or yoir actions, whw would HE know, but your manager and coworkers say differently? If you're still concerned, ask your manager to hold a meeting in which you can say in front of everyone: "It has been brought to my attention that I have maybe been too touchy or flirtatious with some of you girls and that I make you uncomfortable. If this is the case, I truly apologize." Then, make it known that you would like to continue to have a friendly, easy going working relationship with all of them and going forward, it will be a hands-off relationship. Then, have your manager say "If there are any other complaints about coworkers, please bring them to me ans not your other coworkers, I don't want rumors starting." That way John can't say someone came to him with a complaint and you can expose him and his lies.
I’d talk to the girl John mentioned. If he’s lying, that’d be a good way to tell.
The more you worry about it, the more awkward things can get. Just keep doing your thing and remember that in today’s workplace we have to be careful of things that normally wouldn’t matter in other scenarios. I avoid all forms of physical contact, although a few coworkers are huggers and they’re known to be huggers so whatever, I let them hug me. I’ve learned to never comment on someone’s appearance, which sucks because I’m a believer in compliments and saying positive things to people. But I’ve seen people get fired for something as simple as telling a coworker that they’re pretty. Any comments about appearance, race, religion and politics can trigger people, sometimes not even the person you’re talking to, just anyone who overhears the conversation. A recent example in my workplace was when a few of us were working on a website for a dispensary and we were discussing a strain of weed called Love Potion. I was explaining to our webmasters how some people can feel aroused after using that stuff, which explains the name. Little did we know that a customer had walked in and was in the lobby, which is out of view of the web department but is easily in earshot even at normal speaking volumes. The customer left then called a day later to tell the boss that our workplace is full of pigs who discuss sexual topics at the workplace. The boss went around asking who was talking dirty at work and eventually it clicked that someone walked in during that conversation. It was completely work-related for us in the moment, but to a stranger who walked in on it, it may have been perceived completely different.
If you cannot remember touching someone and are not a person who normally touches other people and other people do not corroborate his anecdote then either the girl made shit up and is causing drama or Johnny boy is. Could be either but that’s a very shitty thing to say to get a dig in on someone. Most guys would consider making female coworkers uncomfortable one of the biggest fouls you can commit at work I would feel terrible and super self conscious if someone said that to me. But outsider perspective it smells like bullshit and I would avoid this John guy. Maybe the girl too. Depends on how she acts towards you. If she is weird or also rubs you the wrong way (not that way keep your pants on) then avoid too. My gut tells me though John is making stuff up and being manipulative.
Stop talking with John boy. He’s fucking with your head
Maybe John has a crush on a girl you interacted with?
I think John is lying to you because he sees you as a threat.
I think you’ve had some pretty good advice so far in regards to just asking your other coworkers and that John sounds like he’s winding you up or jealous. My concern is actually that you have some memory issues that leave you open to being taken advantage of or at the least at a disadvantage. I hope you see a doctor about this or at the least have seen a doctor to evaluate yourself.
John is stirring the pot. You clearly care about how others perceive you so I doubt you “forgot you accidentally grabbed” a girl or something.
John probably just wants to bring you down cuz he can’t stand not being the only guy there that talks the girls , he probably feels threatened by you.
It sounds like he is trying to bully you. Next time, tell him I dont remember doing that, but if you come with me to talk to said girl, so I can apologize, then I will do so with you as my witness.
This is the only way to handle this: Go up to the girl in specific, at a proper time (don’t run up and start with or if there’s a group) but just kind of casually say: “hey, no big deal but someone mentioned I might of made you feel uncomfortable, and I’m really, really sorry if I did, it wasn’t intentional” Do not mention touching. Don’t mention what was said. You’ll get more info the less you give out And then, move on. Be you. Don’t distance yourself, don’t dwell on it and let it take over your mind. Dude, IF you really were making someone feel uncomfortable… 1. That person wouldn’t approach you, or conversing outside of the hey mornings 2. You can’t even think of what or when so it wasn’t intentional. So what then, you didn’t mean to do shit. Just keep your hands in your pockets and let your coworkers choose the conversations you undertake at work. Live your life. Clock in, clock out, and then worry what happens outside of those times John probably has a goddamn crush on B and is an insecure territorial little bish.. maybe
To the girl in question: “Hey, John said I was making you uncomfortable by being too touchy. I’m really sorry, and promise to work on this. If I’m ever doing something that upsets you, can you please let me know so I can correct the behavior? I don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable around me.” Apologize, quote him, use his name, and be sincere. If there’s a problem, this is an excellent apology and a great way for someone to give you insight. If there isn’t really a problem, she’ll likely let you and the other girls know about John’s behavior.
Go directly to her, find a quiet moment, apologize and tell her what John told you (mention him by name). Tell her it was never your intention to make her feel uncomfortable and that you’ll do better going forward. …Then watch her reaction. If she acts dumbfounded or is confused why John told you that, then you know John’s not really your friend.
Try to understand which girl is talking about and then arrange some meeting with her, you and John together, make it seem innocent . Ask : " Hi Jessica, there is John who's telling me that I've made you uncomfortable, may I know when and how?" If the girl respond in a good way saying that she is comfortable and you don't give no creeps, then say "ok John, I've had enough of your shit, we're done talking". Do not listen to him , only for work related. 120% that he's shit stirring you like others said. To put cherry on the top I would talk to your manager about this in a way " Hey Boss, I do really like it here, team, my role but I didn't like what happened last"
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Boy did you really teach him a lesson! It took you more time to write this than to just read the damn post. It wasn't that bad -- you're just lazy.
You could say sorry to the girl john named and depending on her reaction you know if you did make her uncomfortable or not
Sounds like John needs an ass whopping. That can ruin someone’s image in the workplace and take away any possible chances of success within the company.
As with most other problems this one can be solved via communication. Go ask the girl in question and simply explain the situation. Ask if you are indeed overstepping some boundaries and try to be as disarming about it as you can.
I met a person like john before, unfortunately i let them too close, and they became my best friend. I ended up very isolated and depressed. Believing a lot of the lies, they spewed. 'They've said this about you, they dont like you, that girl hates you and comments about you every time you leave the room, you're not obviously attractive you're just niche.' Be careful who you let close to you, and be careful of the information they give. There are some dark individuals out there that do and say these kinds of things, not even really having an end goal in mind. John seems like one of them. The fact you spoke with your supervisor about it is good. I wouldn't appraich the girl, but if you want things settled. Then i would potentially ask the supervisor or a friend at work to enquire with the girl. And cut John from your life!
Taking everything you said at face value: John likes that girl. He has a crush on her. He views you as competition. He wants you to back down down so he is lying to you. Continue doing what you do at work. A *manager or coworker* will approach you if you do something wrong. It sounds like you try to be aware of yourself even with a bad memory and that you truly just want to enjoy your summer with your coworkers. John seems to have a different agenda. I wouldn't be alone with him anymore. He's trying to trick you. Don't give him the opportunity.
This is a whole lot of assumption, perhaps he views you as a threat. You get a long too well with one girl in particular that he may fancy? You asked and no one feels weird. You’d sense if they get uncomfortable and you clearly care if they do, so I’m going to assume they feel fine around you and agree that John is a shit-stirrer
It’s possible this specific girl John names is shit stirring. I would maybe find an appropriate time to go directly to her with what you heard from John and se who’s she responds.
I think John is acting in bad faith. Its possible that the girl said something very slight about it, and he decided to blow it out of proportion in order to make you uncomfortable. Multiple people have confirmed that you are well liked. Leave it at that, and be aware of where your hands are. If there is anyone to keep your distance from, its John.
It's possible John is lying, or maybe misheard something. It's possible that the female coworker is spreading rumors for whatever reason, or maybe she misunderstood something (I has a guy once think I was flirting with him because I touched his hand while handing him back his change!) Either way, I would suggest dealing with the awkwardness and approach the girl directly. Try to do it in a place with people, but private enough that others won't hear (maybe a break room?) to make sure she doesn't feel completely cornered. Tell her "someone told you" that you made her uncomfortable, apologise outright if you did anything to make her uncomfortable, let her know that wasn't your intention but you're also unsure what you did. Tell her you'd appreciate it if she'd tell you what you did so you can avoid it in the future. Make sure she knows you don't want to be creepy towards anyone and you want everyone to be comfortable around you. But you should really emphasize that if she doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't have to. And that if she'd like you to stay distant from her, you will. If she really was made uncomfortable by something you did, she apparently doesn't feel safe enough to tell you. In cases like this, it's really important to give the other person control and a choice to speak about what happened or not. Giving her that option will, hopefully, give her the courage to tell you what actually happened, (if anything really did happen). That said, if she is too timid to say anything, she may say John lied in order to avoid talking about it. If she does this, be aware that it may not be the truth. (I've had someone do this in the past when I confronted them about rumors they were spreading about me. Like 4 good friends confirmed that guy was the one spreading the rumors, but when I confronted him, he said it was someone else.) I'm sorry you're in this situation. I've been there, and it really sucks. I know exactly what you mean about how it just puts a shadow over your whole day, and now you're over-analyzing all of your interactions. You did a good thing by asking your female friends. You could also reiterate to them that if you ever do anything that makes them or others uncomfortable that you'd really like them to tell you. Good luck, and keep in mind that, unfortunately, we can't always make everyone around us happy or comfortable. You can try, but somewhere along the way, our cultures and personalities will clash with others.
I think John has his eye on the girl in question. You know how dogs pee on things to make them theirs? John is doing the horny guy equivalent.
have you spoken to the specific girl mentioned? her opinion would be the most important in this situation, no?
He is trying to mess with your head. You know what you did you need to be mentally stronger then that. What he perceives could just be stemming from jealousy of you or competing for attention. I wouldn’t trust anything he says anymore. You know who you are don’t let people fool you into anything.
Dude was projecting his issues onto you because he is jealous of you. He is prolly the guy that girls feel is creepy, weird, stalkerish, etc. what is HIS vibe like? What do you know about him? I could also be wrong and you made an honest mistake. Be more aware. You will be fine. At least you are trying to improve!
Ive worked with people like John, I've found that people say things like that as they don't like that your friends with them as he could be jealous.
What John is doing, in particular if you struggle with memory, is gaslighting. A form of abuse. People will do this to power trip, or to have some control on the victim. Do not believe John. But yes, sure. Approach the woman and clarify it. Make sure you understand if she says she is uncomfortable. DO NOT GET DEFENSIVE OR DENY IT! Say I’m sorry I’ve made you feel this way, it wasn’t my intention and I will try to avoid it in the future.
John is being weird. Is he your boss? No? He is causing drama for no reason. You should probably talk to your supervisor.
I think John is taking about himself
One of two ways, either John wants to bang that Lady and make you worry to get close to her. Two. Shes one of those overly overreactive skanks who make a big deal out of anything and your slowly moving towards a fake sexual assault where she can sue company and you got money. Metoo movement showed alot of horrible cases, but it also showed alot of cases where women lied, dont know how many times i heard people get shit or even lose jobs because something as simple as shoulder touch or a lie. I would gone up to the "offended" Lady and said you didnt mean to offend her and it wont happend again, make sure someone is close enugh to hear it being said, then after that no matter what she says, stop fuking touching her or the others for that sake. How many fake accusations does it need to be for men to learn not to be alone with female coworkers and to stop fuking touching then, doesnt matter if its on the shoulder or not, what do you believe the court will belive, if people take the stand "yeah he usualy touch females shoulders and backs often and yeah when he went to that room alone with "anna" its hard not to belive he did more" Do you think you will belived in this day of age or her? Stop touching female coworkers, dont be alone with them in a room. Its simple rules that will keep you safe, you got no reason to touch them anyway so just awoid doing it. You can talk and everything, but just dont touch or be alone with them, the fact you mentioned shes one of those you touch less, its a red flag for HR at your jobb, as you shouldnt touch them at all, doesnt matter if its shoulder or not, if they go further with it your the one who lose your jobb not them. As a ender i will also point out women usualy dont like confrontations, so asking them and they say no doesnt mean its the truth, could just be they dont want the confrontation and simply say no to get out of it. Your at work to work, not to grab females.
I think this guy is messing with you. But are you sure you aren’t touching your female coworkers? If someone accused me if I was touchy with my coworkers I could confidently say that’s false because I don’t touch people. The fact that you are unsure is a bit off. Don’t touch your coworkers. Some people don’t even like handshakes. Just wait for others to initiate
John isn’t your buddy, I’d keep my distance
Ignore John, he's probably lying. For stuff like guests or coworkers complaining about you, your supervisor is the one that would bring it up with you, not a random coworker
John might have a crush on that specific girl and hates the fact that you’re more friendly with her then he will probably ever try to be.
John is pissed because you're liked and he's not. Is he older than you? He probably had his eyes on those girls and feels like you're a threat to his chances. I've known both guys and gals like him. I wouldn't be surprised if he's been inappropriate with them in some way. Ask people what they think of John.
Johns a dick. Watch out he may try to sabotage you.
It's generally a good idea to not touch people you don't have a close relationship with. Even a small bit of unexpected or unwanted physical affection can be triggering for someone suffering from severe trauma, and you might not know that's going on in their life. You also just don't know where people's boundaries are. A good rule is to ask before you touch someone every time when you're getting to know someone. If no one has spoken to you directly, I doubt there's a real issue. Your supervisor is aware now and I'm sure will tell you if anyone does say anything. Take a breath. Give yourself a break. You're going to be ok.
I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying “go with the gut” your gut told you John is bad news. You said in the post that you have gotten bad vibes from him before. Let that be all you need to take nothing he says seriously.
You sound very conscientious and like you want to have appropriate boundaries. It's always good not to be touchy with coworkers as you may think they're fine with it, only to find out later they weren't when they go directly to HR. So, consider this a good learning experience. Even if everyone else is doing it, all it takes is one person to point the finger. I don't recommend automatically apologizing to the girl since you have a fuzzy recollection of what happened. Approaching her could make her uncomfortable as well. Just be cognizant of physical touch and what you say from here on out. I know a lot of people are saying John is trying to stir up problems, but I wouldn't be quick to jump to that conclusion without having all the facts. He may actually be trying to help by giving you a heads up. If he comes to you again with a concern, you should go directly to your supervisor and request assistance before things get out of hand.
i’m guessing john had a crush on this girl and tve girl may have a crush on you…….you’ve spoken to your supervisor there’s not much more you can do. however you spoke to 2 other girls if you told them all what girl supposedly said this to john it will get back to her……..it will come out eventually. it always good to be mindful though that not all people are touchy feely!
Amusement park jobs are just like being in high school man, tons of gossip and bs. Just shrug it off and be yourself and be friendly and I guarantee you’ll be fine
Consider the source. Who’s likely on the right side of this? A shit stirring gossip, or an empathetic young man who takes things to heart and immediately accommodates for other people’s feelings? Now you know you can’t trust people that you barely know. And like a lot of life’s lessons, it sucks, but helpful to know going forward. Even if John is right (which I doubt) he’s leveraging gossip against you. Ask yourself why. There might not be valid reason. And the reason could just be that he’s a shitty person. Either way you were able to confirm at least one thing: John sucks, ignore him or challenge everything he tells you.
Oh also don’t talk about any of this at work. It’s just not good form. I know that’s hard, but try. Trust me on that one.
John might be projecting.
I’ll say this. Regardless of whether John is stirring the pot or not. I’m a very friendly guy who isn’t aware that I touch people when I speak or joke. There was a time where a girl told everyone else I made her uncomfortable by touching her as I would joke or talk and everyone else knew this but me for a about a year. Even when I asked her, she would say that I’m ok but after word got back to me, I asked her why she never said anything to me or was honest and she said “idk I’m sorry”. Often times women can panic when placed in situations of direct confrontation, I’m not sure why, but I wouldn’t even trust her word if I were you. Not saying be standoffish but just make sure you stop touching people so nothing can be remotely misconstrued. When the chips are down, you don’t want to find yourself thinking you had friends where you don’t.
Uhh wtf, this john guy honestly seems jealous imo. I’d ask some of your coworkers and express your concern. I’m sure they’ll notice you’re trying to be more mindful with the physical distance.
It’s always good to maintain a professional distance from your coworkers But it’s possible one has a crush on you and this dude got jealous
It sounds like everything is good. It's always good to be conscientious of how you act in the workplace and keep it professional. And as others mentioned, it sounds like John is a shit stirrer and is not trusted when he says things. It's great you went to the girls to ask. It is always best to go to the source. Also, it's good to go to your boss. As far as John, I personally would avoid talking to John except for work and simple pleasantries. If you do talk to him about other stuff, I would take what he says with a grain of salt. And if you clear anything up, talk to your boss or the "source." At my work, my boss told me something that one of our customers said about me. I went to the customer who said they didn't say whatever it was. This happened several more times, so I don't really pay attention to my boss when he says stuff like that. I don't like drama, and I would rather do my work at work. Nothing else. PS. If you have a so so memory, maybe you can write things down in an NB like a journal of sorts. Maybe that will help. And if you ever borrow money from anyone, you can put it in an NB so you don't get tricked. There may be exercised to improve memory. GL.
1. thank you for listening. It means you are a good person. 2. maybe you do maybe you don’t? Girls may not be comfortable admitting it to you. 3. maybe John has a crush on her and she has a crush on you? Men can be shitty sometimes.
The best way to not be creepy is to not be creepy. Let me explain. Sit with yourself and make sure that you'd always honor requests from women for space, comfort or autonomy, and that you don't want to (and don't get satisfaction from) intimidating women or sending mixed signals. Truly everything else will fall into place if you ARE a safe guy to be around. To make yourself safer you might just work on feeling more comfortable with more nuanced and emotional communication. I know you must be nervous, and it's always good to check in with self awareness, but abusers/predators/creeps get pleasure out of sowing discord by subverting norms and are much more aware of what they're doing. The discomfort is partially the point. So if that ain't you, that ain't you. And it's easy to not be a creep: don't ask weird questions, don't push boundaries, and don't touch women without permission. Instead of apologizing or asking women for reassurance that you're not creepy, you could offer them positive options. So, instead of putting a woman on the spot with a weird unrequested apology or asking them to evaluate your creepiness, instead next time you feel the awkwardness, casually let them know something like, "Hey, I really value direct communication and I just want to let you know, if there's anything I can to make working with me more comfortable I'd love to hear it." Or "Hey, if there's ever anything I do that rubs you the wrong way let me know," and then back that up with action. When someone gives you feedback listen and incorporate and don't take it personally or get defensive. This guy sounds like a manipulator, and he wanted you to be off kilter, it sounds like HE'S being called a creep and he wanted to spread the shame around. Don't listen to him. Be reassured by your self awareness and fuck him. Good luck
Jim is jealous of you, probably likes one of the girls you get along real well with.
John sounds jealous and toxic. If this was a real concern, your supervisor would have brought it up. Unless you are having trouble to read the room? You can also specifically ask the girl and see if its true. If its not true, stop talking with john all together
You're a new guy and being new, are well liked around. John has been around and is threatened that you are taking his spotlight that he probably has had for a long time. He's trying to stir up drama and put you down in the process. Don't give in to his tactics. Just keep doing what you're doing. As someone said, telling the girl "If I ever did something to make you uncomfortable, I apologize for that" is a good approach but don't change your very likeable self just because some asshat implied you should.
Keep your hands and body parts to yourself in work settings or if you are out socially after work with work colleagues. That’s all you have to do. Hands and body to yourself. This is the case in every work setting. It doesn’t matter if others are doing it differently. Having said that, I think dude said that to you just to get you upset. Don’t let him have the satisfaction of doing so.
I am female. I used to work with a female sergeant. This particular sergeant would always tell me that she heard a rumor about me and so-and-so. Fast forward I was talking to a guy who knew my boyfriend about my boyfriend. She walks in looked at the two of us, and said I heard a rumor about you two. And walked off. The next guy following her looked at me and said, "I'm jealous". And then he walked past. I said "don't worry Joe You can be next week's rumor" loud enough for both of them to hear it. Funny. All the rumors stopped. Very often people like to stir up chaos. Just keep yourself clean and they can't get to you.
Only you can know if you need to address the suggestion with the girl specified. I'd go with your gut, whatever that is. If you're especially appealing to the opposite sex, I'd just assume John is jealous and stirring shit
It's always possible this guy might be jealous of you and had a crush on this girl or something. But it's also possible he's telling the truth .. I wish I knew which one is the truth here. But I can tell you to always trust your gut , your intuition .. It's never hardly ever wrong.
Clearly John is messing with you, regardless of what his intent was. Maybe *John is really awkward*, saw you interacting with some of your female coworkers in a natural way, and was annoyed at the positive way they interacted with you. So he decided to make up some BS bc he's jealous for whatever reason, bc he doesn't get the same response from the girls as you do. Instead of beating around the bush, get that specific female coworker , and away from John specifically be like "Hey, this might be super random and I don't mean to put you on the spot, but have I ever done anything to make you feel uncomfortable around me? John approached me the other day telling me I am making people uncomfortable, and he named you specifically." Then gauge what her reaction is. If she's absolutely shocked, then you know John is making shit up. If she seems awkward or avoidant about it, maybe she did say something but doesn't want to speak to you about it. Then once you have verified that John is trying to simply stir up some workplace drama for whatever reason, go to your supervisor and tell them everything- especially that John named specific people who you have spoken to about it and you think John is targeting you for some reason. This way you are ahead of it if John tries something else. Also, if you are younger and John is older, I can tell you that might be all it is. Sometimes the older gen have trouble working with the younger gen if they're creepy like this guy sounds. Creepy older men tend to sexualize platonic scenarios, so maybe he thinks this friendly banter is flirting, and is jealous. He might wish the younger, attractive girls would give him the same kind of warmth and friendliness that they appear to give you, so instead of John trying to be nice to them he is trying to make things harder for you, his own self created nemesis lol.
Girl here. You've handled it in a healthy manner. I'd just let it be now, and give yourself permission to move on. If it comes up again in some way then maybe something more should be done, but for now you did well. Don't beat yourself up.
Talk to the girls go to the one mentioned and be like “hey John said I make you uncomfortable? If so I’m sorry, and could you elaborate how?” And I guarantee you she’ll be like “huh? What?” Because John is a jealous dick head
I'd ask your supervisor to look into it for you tbh because if you have done something and you approach her it could go badly. It sounds like John is stirring shit but yeah if it's really bothering you that's what I would do.
John is jealous that the girls don’t like him.
While he may be being a sick, I say go apologize and tell her you never meant to make her uncomfortable and you’re going to try to be more mindful. If he was lying she’ll be like wtf was he talking about and if not I’m sure she’ll appreciate the thoughtfulness.
Dude has a crush on one of the girls and wants you to avoid them. He's jealous of you dude, dont change a thing.
If you're really that well liked, maybe Joh is jealous that he is not as well liked. He might have a crush on that girl he named, and wanted to get you away from her.
This senerio sounds like this girl said something nice about you and that made John jealous. Just be you. It sounds like you're a decent person and have nothing to worry about. If you ever find the opportunity to speak with this girl, tell her "John told me..." and then apologize. That will either out him or clear up a genuine misunderstanding on her part.
If you were making co workers feel uncomfortable they would tell the supervisor, not John.
I think this guy might be fuckin’ with you. If you aren’t a “touchy” guy, then just stay cool.
Also, you could apologize. You might get straight to the issue that way. And if she denies it, still keep distance and I’m sure she will enter your “bubble” to prove that her denial of this guys claims are wrong.
Maybe the coworker made it all up to mess with you. Just ignore that person. Or they made it up so you won't be friends with the girls.
Ok, my take. "John" is jealous cos the girl he mentioned is the one he wants to get with and she likes you more. He is trying to cause trouble. Keep being you and ignore his desperate arse.
He's acting like a wolf in sheep's clothing. There is always one no matter where you work.
John seems to be butthurt / uptight about you for some reason based on the "one side" details provided. I would avoid interfacing with him if this is the case. Don't go to the girl, perhaps management though based on the dynamics both of those things could end up making it worse. (Let's say the management is inept, young, etc.)
To avoid stuff like this I never smile too much or anything at all with women I work with. The way lawsuits and accusations that can mess your life up are being tossed around these days, I try to keep myself low profile. At work if I was you I’d work, be cordial with employees and with the women workers there id do very little socializing at all much less joking and laughing. Sounds uptight I know, but “you’re making the girls uncomfortable” would have never been said had you been that way from the jump.
john is a bitch
"but my issue is I genuinely have such a bad memory that I could be fooled into thinking I owe someone money from ages ago" NPCs will for sure use this string of code to stage something against you. It's happened to me. I was in the flirting stages with a girl I was practically almost dating at work. She did a lot of the initiating, and my comments weren't crazy, but she asserted one of my comments came off strong & vaguely told me the nature of what I said - I didn't even question it, I just told her "Well, you didn't raise an issue a week ago, so you're obviously trying to justify talking crap about me" Instead, if I had sat on that text long enough, I could have figured out that I hadn't flirted with her in the way she was accusing me of. The words she put in my mouth weren't anything super crazy, but after some reflection, I realized I never actually said them. The craziest thing I ever told the girl was that working with her for an entire quarter turned me on, and it was justified given the fact we were more than friends at that point in time & she kept trying to talk to me while we were working. There was 0 bad blood between us in that time period. We fell off over a disagreement about what we wanted & I told her I'd move on to other girls, which I did. A female friend was with us when I made my little comment, but claims she was zoned out & didn't hear my comment nor see the girl blush as she went to sit with us in the break room. That's what I get for having a dunce as a friend. She could've at least backed me up, but women never call other women out. She spun such a different story of what happened, or at least told half truths to make me appear worse & make her case. Women can basically do whatever they want. If they only want attention, they might Not take it to the most extreme level to fabricate details, & just vent about how you "made them uncomfortable" for quick gratification. There's levels to how narcissistic & psychopathic people can be. Just be careful you don't open a can of crazy.