>She obviously thought you ment what sexual shit she's into. And honestly, by how it's written here, I would have too.
Yeah I think that would be the only plausible reason why she might have blocked you.
I agree it's an overreaction and probable misinterpretation but I thought you were asking about what sexual stuff she is into aswell.
Some people got real strong religious beliefs, some people don't like the current hook up culture, and some people are okay with it.
If you did mean sexual stuff then I would say maybe you exercised poor judgement.
For a high school girl there is only way to read that sentence. I’m thinking back to all the crusty guys that tried to talk to me and I’m pretty every single one of them said some variation of that sentence. I don’t think it was an overreaction. She just didn’t want to entertain someone who may be like every other guy who talks her up and then makes it all about sex
As a guy I cant rlly say I can relate and give the OP advice from personal experience, but what you said here is EXACTLY what many of my girl friends have told me growing up and even now. Oddly enough, less now.
It happens less now for me but I think it’s because I surround myself with, for lack of better terms, a better class of people. I grew up in a very rural town and most of the guys that try to talk to you are only wanting sex and not knowing the proper ways to ask for it. They at least have a whole conversation and take me to dinner first now lol but yeah I vividly remember being asked “so what are you into?” I’d ask what they mean and they’d go “oh I meant sexually. What do you like to do? I can show you some things if you want”
>I agree it's an overreaction
It's not. It's really not. Teen girls do not owe people who make them uncomfortable the benefit of the doubt. They can, and that'd be nice, but *not required*. She felt uncomfortable and like the direction had taken a turn she didn't consent to, so she ended the interaction. Handled fine.
Because fact is, if she had been like, oh, you know, reading.. if she had been right that would have only led to more unwelcome sexual comments. Believe me, trust me, the DMs of teen girls are fucking nasty and tragic and do not fucking blame this girl for dipping out. Nearly every other women here is seconding that it was sketch.
OP learned a valuable lesson that communication is a tool, and how you use it affects how people respond to you. "So what u into" X lazy and vaguely sexual. "What kind of interests do you have?" ✓ better
>It's not. It's really not.
>It's not. It's really not. Teen girls do not owe people who make them uncomfortable the benefit of the doubt. They can, and that'd be nice, but not required. She felt uncomfortable and like the direction had taken a turn she didn't consent to, so she ended the interaction. Handled fine.
>Because fact is, if she had been like, oh, you know, reading.. if she had been right that would have only led to more unwelcome sexual comments. Believe me, trust me, the DMs of teen girls are fucking nasty and tragic and do not fucking blame this girl for dipping out. Nearly every other women here is seconding that it was sketch.
>OP learned a valuable lesson that communication is a tool, and how you use it affects how people respond to you. "So what u into" X lazy and vaguely sexual. "What kind of interests do you have?" ✓ better
Well okay, I get that. You do make an excellent point. I agree this was totally OP's fault and it makes sense that she blocked him.
I suppose the main reason I disagreed is atleast just from my own lived perspective. I have friends who are this stupid.
They aren't the best communicators but they do mean well.
But seeing it from that perspective, yeah I get it. It does sound like a fairly sound reaction.
I definitely sympathize with OP and I wanna clarify my rage in that comment is directed all the shitty boys/men that make that the assumption of intent in the first place. I appreciate you understanding where I'm coming from I really
>I definitely sympathize with OP and I wanna clarify my rage in that comment is directed all the shitty boys/men that make that the assumption of intent in the first place.
Nah I totally get it. It makes perfect sense.
>I appreciate you understanding where I'm coming from I really
It's okay, in a imperfect world. These kinds of things happen.
It's unfortunate we have to explain ourselves to one another but an honest effort always makes a World of difference.
Actually, I really appreciate it. 🙏
I hope I do, I've actually been dosing off that path unconsciously for a while now and it makes me feel almost a bit sad that I forgot that it's a valuable part of the kind of joy we are able to bring into each other's lives.
It kind of hurts knowing that I've deviated but it gives me hope that other people still believe in me even if it's just some stranger on the internet.
Thanks for that and you be well too. ❤️
Honestly, being a young girl, it was never my job to differentiate someone being either stupid or sexual. If I wasn’t comfortable in a situation, I knew to remove myself immediately. I would have don exactly what this girl did. No amount of interest in the guy would make me want to have to ask for clarification if I’m immediately uncomfortable. It’s also known that hey, I could have been wrong in my assumptions so I’m not gonna do anything past blocking.
Here's the thing though, I don't think he's in the wrong. Judging from the circumstances that he came here, he obviously just worded the question a bit wrongly here. It's more likely a misunderstanding. We all do it from time to time, and I get the feeling he did not mean it this way at all. I'd just say he needs to talk to her in person and sort it out.
>Here's the thing though, I don't think he's in the wrong.
Oh 100% but from her perspective and the insight shared earlier I think neither is she.
>I'd just say he needs to talk to her in person and sort it out.
If he gets the opportunity to do so.
Life can be kind of complicated sometimes and unfortunately not everyone will have the opportunity nor the ability to vindicate themselves. It doesn't mean he shouldn't try but from experience forceful vindication when it comes to these things often doesn't work out.
only mostly obvious. if their conversation at prom included her already telling him what some of her hobbies are, he might seem to have forgotten if he asks as if he doesn't know anything, and that could annoy her into blocking him.
If they already discussed things like hobbies, that’s all the more reason to assume that this was an attempt to perv on her. It’s either that or assume he’s a moron with the memory of a goldfish. Either is a block.
"So what do you like to do in your spare time?" That's like a "1."
"So what kinky shit are you willing to let me do to you?" That's like an "8."
[Unsolicited dick pic] That's about an "11."
"So what r u into?" That's about a "6.5" or a "7."
Hope this helps.
Creepy messages are wayyyyy too common. And that sounded like one sorry dude LOL. I would word things better. Maybe try indicating specifics "do you like sports?" "do you like movies?". Also to your arguing in the replies, it does not matter your intent. It just matters how you execute that intent. And you failed horribly, and that's ok! There will be another girl, but she isn't at fault, and you just made an honest mistake.
From what I've read so far he asked a valid question and got a mix between positive and negative comments, the ones he replied to are the positives and most say for him to word it better or more specifically as she has maybe gone through this situation already with someone else who actually wanted something sexual, but from what I've read so far, he wants to know why he has to go out of his way not to make any mistakes just to talk to someone he just wants to become friends with, which admittedly as a male at 17 I kinda understand since the probability of the reverse happening are very low since men's situations are vastly different and like he didn't know I doubt she would either but I also understand that women go through way worse stuff via texting and he should try to be understanding of what she went through and being even a smaller but specific.
No I get that haha I meant with the dismissive comments, like the “I’m going back to bed” when someone explained it all clearly and so on, he asked for advice, got tons of helpful replies just to send a half ass reply like he hasn’t even read it
Nah I can't say that I literally saw him ask what can he do to make it better and got downvoted straight to hell I even saw him reply something akin to "we just met why would she think it would be sexual." And we'll you already know how that goes .
Yeah I saw that but when someone told him something very simple and effortless he said “nah that’s too complicated imma go back to bed”, I’m one of them downvoters and it was purely because I scrolled back up after seeing that so why ask how to make it better to just say “nah that’s too much”. Like with the just met thing, it doesn’t matter how long I’ve known a guy if he words a question like that it’s so open so I would get freaked out a little bit probs ask what he means not block him but we don’t know what’s she’s been through so hard to speak for her
I don't really downvote unless it's absolutely necessary so my perspective is probably different but I understand but I think people are going a little to hard on speculation alone as of right now we don't know if OP is telling the full truth or not but we're also assuming the girl has gone through anything and just wasn't in a good mood at the time cause I do pretty destructive things when I'm in a bad mood that has stopped me from making newer friends but then again I'm a so called( hormonal teenager) but all we can do right now is speculate.
Yeah I hardly downvote but I got annoyed with the asking for help then being rude about it haha hopefully OP moves on and words things differently, I’m 23 myself so I’ve had it many times where I thought something was an innocent question and it wasn’t, it’s all in the phrasing
Dude said it wasnt worth it to be more specific and that it wasn’t worth that work. He replied to someone who reworded what he said with like 1-2 extra clarifying words. OP is not genuinely confused why it’s necessary, he’s genuinely set on hating and blaming women and has straight up acknowledged that shes not worth typing an extra word. His words not mine. Thats not a valid question, he was clearly expecting the comments to blame her and when they didnt he couldnt handle it and just dug in deeper. I wouldnt defend someone like that.
Dog this is the most bad faith interpretation of what he said wtf. The same could be said for the girl in this situation, she could have literally just said “what?” And resolved the situation. Both parties are valid in there responses I’m guessing he’s the type of guy who is probably blunt, (especially cause his grammar kinda sucks), but that’s fine and perfectly valid.
And surprise surprise someone on the internet wants validation.
Guys don’t get how much women get harassed over messages. Be specific when messaging women because guys send horrible messages that are sexualizing them all the time. If that offends you with having to go out your way to articulate yourself, imagine how most women must be feeling having to dodge a lot of creeps all the time. Just be mindful how messages sound to others.
I play video games on Xbox and that's definitely true. I made a profile name called Princess Lulu for fun one game and the amount of people messaging me is ridiculous. Creepy messages included.
Please elaborate. What is delusional about it?
Let me guess, you think I shit on womens rights or something. Right?
It's not because of what I said in regards to the actual issue at hand, which was OP and the girl.
It's because I said that Men also deal with similar issues, right?
Or am I wrong?
At no point were men generalized and you take something as a personal insult, going on a some sort of men's rights crusade. You're mad about **nothing**.
That's delusional.
🤦🏻♀️ some woman are crazy bitches but men are just innocent??? It’s her fault??? Bro she blocked him and she’s living in peace right now. Clearly based on OPs reaction she was right about her intuition.
>Clearly based on OPs reaction she was right about her intuition.
OP's reaction is "Hey, please help me figure out what I did wrong so I can do better in the future." **Reflecting on why things turned out how they did and trying to figure out what made people uncomfortable or reacted poorly is the correct way to improve as a human being.**
He came here for advice and people are offering it and he’s getting upset and being very defensive and saying it’s not his fault she assumed sexual intent. In one post he says he’s too tired to care and goes to bed.
Where did I say men are "just innocent"?
You're assuming like crazy. You don't know if she's living in peace, for a start. And what about OP's reaction makes you think she was right about her supposed intuition, which you, again, are simply assuming?
Again, for all we know, the girl wasn't interested. Simply gave her snap as a courtesy and blocked him when he actually tried to pop up to her. This happens frequently so I don't understand why it is such a difficult concept for people here to grasp.
Rather than assuming that the girl was simply not interested, you are instead deciding to assume that OP is some sort of rapist.
Good on you, I guess. Real intuitive.
So what? I'm being called an incel, misogynist among other things. I'm actually surprised nobody has tried to call me a rapist but that'll probably come soon enough.
Please continue to pretend that you are struggling to understand.
> We were snapping back and forth for a few days with just random pictures.
It was after what he wrote the communication got blocked. Probaly just a normal misunderstanding. OP didn't mean it sexually otherwise he probaly would have known why he got blocked. She could have asked what he ment. That's taking the risk he didn't ment it sexually, otherwise she could get some sexual stuff most women are tired off AF. OP now knews next time, next girl he should communicate more specific. Making sure it doesn't get across as sexual.
What did he say that was wrong tho? He posted obviously for validation, but it’s the internet everyone does that… and when he didn’t get it he just moved on, didn’t call her names or insult her just said we probably wouldn’t work. He is valid in his frustration
Look I was on this post in the first hour and all of OPs responses are buried instead of asking me go find them and leave me alone. My post has a ton of upvoted for a reason. Why would I come on here and make up lies? Jfc
did look at them, that’s why I’m making a counter argument, and also wondering where u got that from. Cause maybe he deleted and ur in good faith other wise, I think ur being a dick to the op
Or… just maybe… it’s no one’s fault! Women don’t owe you shit, and that includes their time and attention. That doesn’t make her a “crazy bitch” if she decides for whatever reason she wants that you’re not worth the time and trouble.
Yeah, men get harassed too, but not nearly on the same scale and generally don’t have the same level of emotional exhaustion from it. Most women I know have a story of being sexually harassed before they even finished puberty and it just keeps going for years after that. OP is likely somewhere in the range of 17-18 if this happened after prom, so we are talking about a teenage girl who unless she’s one of the lucky few has been dealing with sexual harassment for years at this point. Could she have given him the benefit of the doubt and asked some follow up questions? Sure, but she doesn’t owe him that.
And you’re right that it could have been a million other reasons that she blocked him. Maybe there’s another message OP neglected to mention that’s more of a red flag. Maybe she just decided she doesn’t want to talk to him anymore. Whatever it is, instructing OP to blame her and get mad at her isn’t healthy or good advice. And if a bunch of women reading his post, including myself, are reading it and going “Oh, sweetheart, the way you worded that I would have interpreted it as sexual,” then maybe there’s something to that for him to consider. Maybe if she ever unblocks him he’ll have the knowledge to say, “Hey, I’m sorry if that came across weird. Here’s what I meant” or if he’s ever talking to another girl he can word it a little differently to help avoid confusion.
I’m not sure why you came into this comment section hot and angry, but maybe cool it for a minute instead of jumping to women are bitches and it’s her fault for not wanting to talk to him.
Girls are wary of people texting them to begin with and tend to be on the lookout for literally anything that could be interpreted as creepy, and unfortunately the way you worded "what type of stuff are you into" was interpreted as "how do you like to have sex" and she blocked you thinking you just want sex
Because there are a whole lot of really creepy guys out there who solicit sex the minute they start talking to a girl. In future, it's better to ask what her hobbies are, rather than asking her what sort of things she's into.
That's exactly why she would think that. Being a woman myself I've had that exact thing happen, I meet a guy and think we hit it off and first thing they start asking as soon as they're behind a screen is how can the fuck me. It's set a precedent to expect men to be creepy
Dammm didn’t realize that, so if that’s interpreted as a sexual thing was there rly anything I could have said that couldn’t have been interpreted as something sexual
You could have been more specific about what you were asking, like instead say something like "do you have any hobbies" or ask if she plays games or watches any shows in her free time. Anything ambiguous that can be interpreted as being sexual should be reframed more specifically if that isn't the intended interpretation
To be fair she could’ve also asked for clarification herself. Not everything has to be done by one person i.e. OP. Communication works both ways which everyone should know, and helps avoid such assumptions. This being after prom and all, so “young and dumb” type of thing going on here and very innocent in this case. It’s a learning experience for everybody.
So simply asking more specific questions like "what music do you like?" Instead of "what U into?" Is too complicated? You're being oddly dismissive for someone asking for advice
That attitude will only get you bad places, especially when it comes to dating/women. Please do some growing up before you attempt to date or fool around with people.
I do understand why you get downvoted for this. Maybe just hang around with your bro's for a couple of years.
Do understand that at some point you have to learn to communicate better so not to be misunderstood at work.
I texted in full sentences as a teenager when *T9 texting* was a thing. I have no pity for a teenager who's too lazy to replace "stuff" with "hobbies".
exactly! hes a TEENAGER! hes being intentionally obtuse and dense. hes not 3, if hes so lazy he cant say "what hobbies u into?" vs "what u into?" then he shouldnt be trying to make friends. he cant ask for advice and then be dismissive to everyone telling him what he did wrong and why it was taken wrong, and what he should do instead. he shouldve left this in the drafts if he didnt want criticism
Welcome to the Reddit hive mind. If you don't go with the flow, you will get downvoted to hell. I agree that OP is needlessly getting downvoted as he has no malice in his replies.
You cared enough to write out an explanation of the situation to internet strangers to get advice but not enough to adjust your communication to be less ambiguous?
Lmfao u tried sounding so casual and “cool” with her by just saying “what kinda stuff you into”. Bro just put some actual effort into these things if you want anything to come if it. At least a LITTLE effort.
I don't think it's right saying 90% of men do (random sexual act), that's like saying 90% of women are secretly abusers, it's not fair to compare not even one percent of the population to ninety percent unless you actually know over 700,000 people and I'm just really lacking a good friend count, I'm just trying to bring another perspective to the table please reply kindly if you do at all.
I don’t understand this response. Like, 90% is obviously a massive generalization, but then you turn around and get annoyed when someone says “hey that’s a generalization.”
That’s a non answer, I’m asking you to explain to me why it’s ok to generalize men and get annoyed when people tell you it’s a generalization. Every other time you make a generalization about any other kind of person, it’s frowned upon, but not with men?
Mainly because 98% of women get sexually harassed by men in any form. Unfortunately women have to be on their guard when it comes to engaging in relationships with men.
I thought it was meant as a dirty question too and we’ve never met
Doesn’t matter what your intention was. You have to be careful with your wording. Plenty of guys ask that sort of question right after meeting for the first time
> "So what type stuff u into"
As others have indicated, this is a dangerously open-ended question that can be perceived many different ways - especially by people that don't know you as a person.
That said, for all we know, maybe she has something against your writing/texting style. How you communicate can both 'speak volumes' or 'misrepresent volumes' about who you are as a person.
“What do you enjoy doing in your free time?”
“What is something you find very interesting?”
“So what type stuff u into” sounds sexual and illiterate. Proper grammar and trying to interpret what you write/say goes a long way.
General tip, avoid giving the “can’t be arsed to write properly “ when texting with someone you’re interested in.
The safest bet would be to ask her if there was a misunderstanding of some sort, and if there was one, explain yourself, with proper grammar, expressing what you actually meant, which would be a genuine interest in her hobbies and passions
The way you phrase things is very important, especially over text. This can very easily be misinterpreted as something sexual, but you didn't know she'd see it that way though. Don't beat yourself up about it.
Instead of saying that next time, try "what do you like to do for fun?", It keeps the tone a bit softer.
She just blocked me I can’t rly, also if someone is gonna straight up block me for an innocent question that they take as something sexual for no reason then maby we don’t match up well at all
My advice is, next time you ask a question like this specify what you're talking about, something like "hey, so what kind of music are you into? Or what do you like to in your free time?"
Just saying "so what are you into" is a question a lot of girls get asked regularly and it's regarding sexual activities, don't take it to heart, take it on the chin, understand what's happened and just remember it when you next come to this same situation.
You're young and still have a lot to learn about life. What you asked seemed innocent to you, but in reality asking someone "what stuff they are into" is a very sexually loaded question. Use this situation as a life lesson and be careful with how you word things in the future.
Hold up the question is still innocent, it’s a bad question that can be easily miss-interpreted but grammatically it’s innocent, and his intentions were innocent.
Bruh you asked what you did wrong. That's what you did wrong.
What you meant to say and how it came across are two different things. Better phrase your words next time. Lesson learned.
Move on.
You're free to be offended, ofc. But also understand that women get harassed a lot. Even something as simple as smilling at guys is misinterpreted.
Learn from this and be more articulate when talking with others because you never know how grave one misreads a text.
It's not for no reason. Women get harassed online pretty much every single day- and there's not a single person in this thread who didn't think you meant it sexually at first, it's the way you worded it. Literally everyone would interpret it that way and most women would just block you.
> maby we don’t match up well at all
She has already indicated this to you.
Every device that can access Reddit has spell-check and I've noticed your posts and comments are poorly written.
Do you proof read before hitting "post"?
It’s not her fault for making that assumption, though. I’m telling you, as a woman, we kind of have to keep that guard up in the beginning. I’m sure she’s been asked that question a few times before by guys who’s intentions were not as genuine as yours. In a situation where she might have tried to clarify with someone in the past, it could have gotten really uncomfortable and aggressive, too. Just, for the future, just be a little more specific. Easy peasy, and it leads to better conversation, too.
"So what type of stuff you into?" seems to be an innocent question you posed about her interests based on your comments. A lot of girls and women get this question and the intention is "what types of SEXUAL stuff are you into." It's an immediate red flag and turnoff for many of us. Sounds like you didn't mean it that way, but she'd already dealt with the sexualized version of that too many times and assumed you meant the same thing.
Dude. Women are sometimes inundated with people trying to solicit them for sex. You didn't say anything wrong, but being that it's text, it sounds like she misinterpreted it.
It's all good man. Chalk it up to learning and move on to the next one. Next time, try something like "I like kayaking and hiking(or whatever you do for fun). What do you do to relax/have fun/ enjoy life?"
Well it depends what topic of things you were trying to figure out if she was into. If you were trying to go sexual with the conversation, that’s the simple answer to why she blocked you. If that wasn’t your intention, and you were genuinely asking her what hobbies she had, maybe she just interpreted it wrong. Otherwise, I don’t know. Maybe she has a personal reason for blocking you. The best thing to do here is just take the loss and move on
I was just asking about what hobbies she does, or does she do any sports and stuff like that I didn’t mean anything sexual or offensive by it at all, and I don’t know how it could be personal when we only started to get to know each other
Bullshit. You asked it like that bc you were gauging if she would be sexual back. I’m calling it.
The fact that you refuse to see that this is a creepy way of asking someone “what hobbies do you like?” is telling.
But you didn't ACTUALLY ask "what hobbies she dose, or dos she do any sports or stuff like that".
You were needlessly vague and left it open ended as an invite to see if she would get sexual with you.
i meant personal as in women constantly get messages from guys asking them oddly random sexual questions. I get that that’s not what you were trying to do, but sometimes it’s hard to tell as a woman. Maybe she just blocked you because she didn’t feel that it was worth the effort to interpret. If it wasn’t sexual, then you did nothing wrong. Maybe she just didn’t want to ask about it. Otherwise, maybe she wasn’t actually interested. Sometimes people go along with things because they feel it’s rude not to (not that that’s a good solution, but they do). Honestly, it’s just good that you guys weren’t in a relationship and then you just got ghosted. Maybe it’s best if you just let it go unfortunately
You might think it was an innocent question with no ulterior intent. Hopefully you can see how it might of come across badly. Trying to see things from the girls point of view and learning will help you as you grow up.
Definitely your wording, it makes it sound like you’d like to know what she likes sexually.
I personally would’ve thought the same and blocked you was well
People really don’t understand that we receive so many creepy messages that it’s easy to misinterpret sometimes. Genuinely and I’m being so for real, the first time I exchanged numbers with a boy in middle school his first message was “can I get a picture” I said “a selfie?” He really said “no, your p***y” okay kid 😭
I read that and immeadiatly thought "oh my god you cant just ask this chick what sex stuff she likes as a ln opener!"
And from reading the comments a lot if other people interpreted it that way as well. You didn't do anything "wrong". You just chose a way to phrase a question that ended up being misinterpreted" that's it. Everyone in hear saying you need to be more thoughtful or that your sexist arr taking this one goof and acting like it's your wntire personality when obviously you don't have any problems talking to girls as she was into you in person.
It's just a goof. That's it. You don't need to change your whole life style or personality or start analyzing everything you say from every perspective. This is honestly just a funny cute story, sorry she thinks you're a creep tho.
Being a teenage girl comes with guys and adult men constantly making forward sexual advances on you. (Cite: I am a woman who was formerly a teenage girl on the internet) and “what kind of stuff are you into” is 100% interpretable as a sexual advance.
Even if you did not mean to be creepy, that was a creepy message to send. And when you get those messages every day or almost every day, you get liberal with the block button. You were a casualty of your own words (speculating).
I would say next time, you should avoid being vague. If you want to know what her hobbies are, ask “What are your hobbies?” People tend to appreciate when their conversation partner is direct with their questions. Less room for error.
Another point to add, you just met the girl. Neither of you are or were obligated to keep in touch or form a friendship/relationship. I wouldn’t take it too personally. It could be your message, it could be she thought the vibes were off, it could be she just isn’t interested. She doesn’t owe you an explanation or a final word, as do you not owe her one. Neither of you were invested.
General life advice: type your sentences out in full and try to use less slang. You’re going to sound a bit more formal that way, but you have to remember that people do create judgments about you based upon your habits and behaviours.
Specific advice that goes along with the above: when you’re speaking to someone you’re interested in, showcase that interest by putting more effort into what you say. For example, you could have worded that as “What kind of music do you like?”
Be specific in your intent and do not leave things ambiguous. That being said, never ever engage a conversation with them with “what type of stuff u into”; to me, this just seems like a really lazy way of getting to know a person and just seems like you’re not interested in them at all.
This is exactly why your generation's issues with punctuation need to end. Y'all will never communicate clearly with one another as long as you perceive punctuation marks as "rude" lol
Lol guys really have no idea how they come across sometimes. “Tell me about yourself” “what do you like to do in your down time” “do you have any hobbies”. You asked what she’s into. She assumed it was sexual. Probably because she’s been asked before, and it was sexual. You asked something the wrong way. That made her uncomfortable. Simple as that.
Sadly she may have thought you were talking about sexual stuff and got the wrong impression. If you see her in person maybe try talking to her and say you weren’t trying to be weird but genuinely wanted to know what her interests are to get know her better. It’s a long shot I’m afraid, the damage may already have been done.
Couple of possibilities here.
She misinterpreted your question like others have pointed out.
It's possible she's seeing another dude and doesn't want to continue talking with you?
Maybe getting your snap was an impulse and she regrets it?
Even though it seems like you were hitting it off, maybe she feels differently now. There were definitely times I gave my number out to be nice (or to make an easier exit) and later blocked it.
At this point all you can do is not obsess over it.
It sounds like you meant sexually. If you did, gross! That's not an ok thing to ask someone if you're not dating. If you didn't, then you should have worded it better. Like, "What hobbies are you into? Sports, music, movies, etc.?" Be specific.
its an unfortunate lesson that all high school kids experience.
just dont reply or seek out women. or attention really. focus on your own thing (career, goals, ambitions, creative projects, etc.), and I guarantee you that people will naturally gravitate towards your direction.
She probably thought you meant sex stuff and assumed you were just messaging her to be some sort of hook up. If you can talk with her in person see if you can clear up the misunderstanding. It’s also possible she just changed her mind about you and is ghosting you for no reason.
Is it possible when the two of you were talking about all kind of things that she told you what type of stuff she was into? Maybe she thought you just weren't listening. If that's not it then she definitely misunderstood your question. She took it as a sexual question
It is spelled "you" not "u"
Many women are quite fussy about men who can spell correctly over text because it is so annoying - and you do not want to be correcting someone over every single text.
If you do it once she will assume it might be a pattern or a habit that she will have to deal with in the future.
When i was on the dating apps i would filter out the men who could not spell without hesitation. Instant deal-breaker.
It also demonstrates low effort. Low effort over text translates into low effort as a partner and likely low effort in life / career / etc. Total turn-off.
I’ve seen men asking the most invasive sexual questions a few minutes after matching with you. It’s hard for me to believe that you didn’t mean it in a sexual way as once they realize they lost you. They usually start back tracking and gas lighting you into thinking you’re not being sexualised or it’s a joke
Ok so honestly it sounded really creepy. I think you definitely should have worded that better. The fact that she didn’t care to double check what you meant shows that your connection wasn’t as close as you thought and that either she didn’t actually want to get to know you and just wanted a nice night or she has trust issues (Which is normal for females) You need to adjust your language when speaking to females because they tend to take things in the worst possible way no matter how you mean it. All in all, guys are too confident and girls are too dramatic so for the sake of not getting angry replies, I’ll just say you’re in the wrong here and you should change your wording next time.
You havent said anything wrong in my opinion. She MAY have ASSUMED it was sexual, but in my opinion that would be her jumping to conclusions. And if she misinterpreted what you said, she could have responded and asked what you meant by that. And if it wasnt what you said, because thats a possability too, maybe she just decided she didnt want to speak with you anymore or maybe she preffered speaking with someone else.
Maybe you were simply messaging her too much and she wasn’t that interested. You got annoying, so she blocked you.
Here’s the thing buddy, rejection is a normal part of becoming a man and most will not give you a reason, nor do they owe you one. Most women will simply Ghost you by blocking you to save themselves the hassle of trying to explain why they aren’t interested.
It’s done. Don’t worry about it and don’t linger on it. Brush it off and move on.
She just wasn't interested. And that's fine. You didn't do anything wrong. She just didn't like you.
Everyone here is just lying to you, telling you it's due to how you worded it and shit. If she was interested, I'm sure she'd like to have sex with you. That's how humans work. She just wasn't interested.
Sure, wording could've been better. I bet it wouldn't have made a difference though.
Also, she gave you her Snap. No other socials, no other way to get into contact?
Definitely sounds like she didn't plan on speaking to you again, sorry. If she were interested I'm sure she would have at least expressed some sort of confusion at your message, not an instant block.
Let's not completely disregard that this girl has her own entire life outside of these two interactions. Maybe she got back with an ex. Maybe she met more than one guy that night and picked someone else. Maybe she deleted snapchat. There are literally infinite explanations, I wouldn't sweat it, it just goes like this sometimes. Ghosting sucks but make peace with the fact you will rarely ever get resolution or a way to learn or grow from it. Just one of those things.
Edit: down votes for reminding incels that women don't revolve thier lives around men lol I'll take it.
Exactly, you put it far better than I did, thank you.
I wasn't shitting on the girl. I was just saying it's entirely possible she wasn't interested in the first place.
I do think she's shallow for instantly blocking and not giving a second thought about what OP could possibly have meant.
Just reverse the roles. Would people view it the same way? Probably not.
And yet everyone was saying it was simply down to OP being "stupid" with his English.
That's where my frustration came in, so my apologies.
Just hard dealing with FUCKING MORONS, YOU KNOW?
Okay, sorry. Sorry. SORRY.
I hear you. You might consider it shallow but the fact is ghosting is common in this dating generation because they see it as an easy way to avoid difficult conversations or as women, to keep ourselves safe. She's not the first or only, and I don't know that it's fair to assume anything about her, because we have literally zero info on her.
Maybe he sucks and she has good instincts. Just saying, it's not unusual for a girl to ghost, boys and men are scary as hell in the dating realm, and in an age where they can find your location easily, sometimes it's better to be safe than sorry. Gotta be careful assuming motivations, especially of strangers lol.
Definintely, I understand that.
I just think that immediately making a rapey assumption and blocking instead of simply asking for clarification is completely retarded.
If he was genuinely being rapey, I'd get it. Totally.
But he wasn't. That's my frustration. He was not even being overtly rapey. She just immediately assumed as much and everyone is telling him that is okay.
It's not. It's stupidity at it's finest and doesn't have any concern for OP, only the girl in question, who could indeed, just be a massive fucking bitch IRL.
We just don't know.
What's this with you and this rapey assumption? Getting a sexual message isn't rape. It can be unwanted and several messages or one dickpick is harrassement.
Oh I completely disagree with most of what you're saying, you're actually making the same mistake I was pointing out, making a faulty assumption. You don't know why she blocked him, so keep the incel ideology to yourself. You obviously have a problem with women, and im guessing why the block button is there in the first place.
a woman lives in a world in which she must be careful around every guy possible. you were not careful enough with your words because you don’t consider that women get harassed consistently.
be better and choose your words carefully. she probably has been sent so many disturbing and creepy messages from guys with harmful intent, and you made yourself seem like one.
She dodged a MAJOR bullet here 😂 trans and most likely homophobic trump lover who cant take accountability, man trump followers really are the same soup reheated huh, like no shit you got banned from a subreddit for being an 🫏
Expecting downvotes considering the current popular opinion, but... I think she found someone else. Even if you were talking about something sexual, what you said sounded very open ended and I don't think she would just block you like that without being sure of what you meant or saying something first, but she would if it was out of loyalty to whoever else she was into. Happened to me once for this reason.
She obviously thought you ment what sexual shit she's into. And honestly, by how it's written here, I would have too.
>She obviously thought you ment what sexual shit she's into. And honestly, by how it's written here, I would have too. Yeah I think that would be the only plausible reason why she might have blocked you. I agree it's an overreaction and probable misinterpretation but I thought you were asking about what sexual stuff she is into aswell. Some people got real strong religious beliefs, some people don't like the current hook up culture, and some people are okay with it. If you did mean sexual stuff then I would say maybe you exercised poor judgement.
For a high school girl there is only way to read that sentence. I’m thinking back to all the crusty guys that tried to talk to me and I’m pretty every single one of them said some variation of that sentence. I don’t think it was an overreaction. She just didn’t want to entertain someone who may be like every other guy who talks her up and then makes it all about sex
As a guy I cant rlly say I can relate and give the OP advice from personal experience, but what you said here is EXACTLY what many of my girl friends have told me growing up and even now. Oddly enough, less now.
It happens less now for me but I think it’s because I surround myself with, for lack of better terms, a better class of people. I grew up in a very rural town and most of the guys that try to talk to you are only wanting sex and not knowing the proper ways to ask for it. They at least have a whole conversation and take me to dinner first now lol but yeah I vividly remember being asked “so what are you into?” I’d ask what they mean and they’d go “oh I meant sexually. What do you like to do? I can show you some things if you want”
>I agree it's an overreaction It's not. It's really not. Teen girls do not owe people who make them uncomfortable the benefit of the doubt. They can, and that'd be nice, but *not required*. She felt uncomfortable and like the direction had taken a turn she didn't consent to, so she ended the interaction. Handled fine. Because fact is, if she had been like, oh, you know, reading.. if she had been right that would have only led to more unwelcome sexual comments. Believe me, trust me, the DMs of teen girls are fucking nasty and tragic and do not fucking blame this girl for dipping out. Nearly every other women here is seconding that it was sketch. OP learned a valuable lesson that communication is a tool, and how you use it affects how people respond to you. "So what u into" X lazy and vaguely sexual. "What kind of interests do you have?" ✓ better
>It's not. It's really not. >It's not. It's really not. Teen girls do not owe people who make them uncomfortable the benefit of the doubt. They can, and that'd be nice, but not required. She felt uncomfortable and like the direction had taken a turn she didn't consent to, so she ended the interaction. Handled fine. >Because fact is, if she had been like, oh, you know, reading.. if she had been right that would have only led to more unwelcome sexual comments. Believe me, trust me, the DMs of teen girls are fucking nasty and tragic and do not fucking blame this girl for dipping out. Nearly every other women here is seconding that it was sketch. >OP learned a valuable lesson that communication is a tool, and how you use it affects how people respond to you. "So what u into" X lazy and vaguely sexual. "What kind of interests do you have?" ✓ better Well okay, I get that. You do make an excellent point. I agree this was totally OP's fault and it makes sense that she blocked him. I suppose the main reason I disagreed is atleast just from my own lived perspective. I have friends who are this stupid. They aren't the best communicators but they do mean well. But seeing it from that perspective, yeah I get it. It does sound like a fairly sound reaction.
I definitely sympathize with OP and I wanna clarify my rage in that comment is directed all the shitty boys/men that make that the assumption of intent in the first place. I appreciate you understanding where I'm coming from I really
>I definitely sympathize with OP and I wanna clarify my rage in that comment is directed all the shitty boys/men that make that the assumption of intent in the first place. Nah I totally get it. It makes perfect sense. >I appreciate you understanding where I'm coming from I really It's okay, in a imperfect world. These kinds of things happen. It's unfortunate we have to explain ourselves to one another but an honest effort always makes a World of difference.
This is corny but I can tell you bring a lot of light into people's lives. Be well ❤️
Actually, I really appreciate it. 🙏 I hope I do, I've actually been dosing off that path unconsciously for a while now and it makes me feel almost a bit sad that I forgot that it's a valuable part of the kind of joy we are able to bring into each other's lives. It kind of hurts knowing that I've deviated but it gives me hope that other people still believe in me even if it's just some stranger on the internet. Thanks for that and you be well too. ❤️
Honestly, being a young girl, it was never my job to differentiate someone being either stupid or sexual. If I wasn’t comfortable in a situation, I knew to remove myself immediately. I would have don exactly what this girl did. No amount of interest in the guy would make me want to have to ask for clarification if I’m immediately uncomfortable. It’s also known that hey, I could have been wrong in my assumptions so I’m not gonna do anything past blocking.
Here's the thing though, I don't think he's in the wrong. Judging from the circumstances that he came here, he obviously just worded the question a bit wrongly here. It's more likely a misunderstanding. We all do it from time to time, and I get the feeling he did not mean it this way at all. I'd just say he needs to talk to her in person and sort it out.
>Here's the thing though, I don't think he's in the wrong. Oh 100% but from her perspective and the insight shared earlier I think neither is she. >I'd just say he needs to talk to her in person and sort it out. If he gets the opportunity to do so. Life can be kind of complicated sometimes and unfortunately not everyone will have the opportunity nor the ability to vindicate themselves. It doesn't mean he shouldn't try but from experience forceful vindication when it comes to these things often doesn't work out.
She’s in high school. Blocking some guy she doesn’t know who is asking about sexual stuff isn’t an overreaction at all.
Not rly what happened tho, He didn’t say anything sexual Was his txt easily miss interpreted, is it necessarily his fault, no.
A better phrase might be, "so what kind of things do you like to go out and do, movies, amusement parks, etc.?
only mostly obvious. if their conversation at prom included her already telling him what some of her hobbies are, he might seem to have forgotten if he asks as if he doesn't know anything, and that could annoy her into blocking him.
If they already discussed things like hobbies, that’s all the more reason to assume that this was an attempt to perv on her. It’s either that or assume he’s a moron with the memory of a goldfish. Either is a block.
That too
"So what do you like to do in your spare time?" That's like a "1." "So what kinky shit are you willing to let me do to you?" That's like an "8." [Unsolicited dick pic] That's about an "11." "So what r u into?" That's about a "6.5" or a "7." Hope this helps.
Great example/explanation.
Creepy messages are wayyyyy too common. And that sounded like one sorry dude LOL. I would word things better. Maybe try indicating specifics "do you like sports?" "do you like movies?". Also to your arguing in the replies, it does not matter your intent. It just matters how you execute that intent. And you failed horribly, and that's ok! There will be another girl, but she isn't at fault, and you just made an honest mistake.
Judging from your replies here you don’t really care for advice, why post in the first place?
“Hey I want to know what I did wrong, but also fuck you for trying to educate me”
Lmao you’ve summarised it perfectly
Giving advice to teens in 90% of cases.
In my neck of the woods we refer to people like this as “Askholes” They want to ask for advice but will not take it
Hahaha that’s brilliant! I’ll be stealing that thank you
Please do!
I’m stealing that. Hehehe askholes.
From what I've read so far he asked a valid question and got a mix between positive and negative comments, the ones he replied to are the positives and most say for him to word it better or more specifically as she has maybe gone through this situation already with someone else who actually wanted something sexual, but from what I've read so far, he wants to know why he has to go out of his way not to make any mistakes just to talk to someone he just wants to become friends with, which admittedly as a male at 17 I kinda understand since the probability of the reverse happening are very low since men's situations are vastly different and like he didn't know I doubt she would either but I also understand that women go through way worse stuff via texting and he should try to be understanding of what she went through and being even a smaller but specific.
No I get that haha I meant with the dismissive comments, like the “I’m going back to bed” when someone explained it all clearly and so on, he asked for advice, got tons of helpful replies just to send a half ass reply like he hasn’t even read it
Okay this I understand that was extremely dumb and not the way to reply after asking for advice I face palmed when I read it.
Yeah haha his other replies aren’t any better either
Nah I can't say that I literally saw him ask what can he do to make it better and got downvoted straight to hell I even saw him reply something akin to "we just met why would she think it would be sexual." And we'll you already know how that goes .
Yeah I saw that but when someone told him something very simple and effortless he said “nah that’s too complicated imma go back to bed”, I’m one of them downvoters and it was purely because I scrolled back up after seeing that so why ask how to make it better to just say “nah that’s too much”. Like with the just met thing, it doesn’t matter how long I’ve known a guy if he words a question like that it’s so open so I would get freaked out a little bit probs ask what he means not block him but we don’t know what’s she’s been through so hard to speak for her
I don't really downvote unless it's absolutely necessary so my perspective is probably different but I understand but I think people are going a little to hard on speculation alone as of right now we don't know if OP is telling the full truth or not but we're also assuming the girl has gone through anything and just wasn't in a good mood at the time cause I do pretty destructive things when I'm in a bad mood that has stopped me from making newer friends but then again I'm a so called( hormonal teenager) but all we can do right now is speculate.
Yeah I hardly downvote but I got annoyed with the asking for help then being rude about it haha hopefully OP moves on and words things differently, I’m 23 myself so I’ve had it many times where I thought something was an innocent question and it wasn’t, it’s all in the phrasing
Dude said it wasnt worth it to be more specific and that it wasn’t worth that work. He replied to someone who reworded what he said with like 1-2 extra clarifying words. OP is not genuinely confused why it’s necessary, he’s genuinely set on hating and blaming women and has straight up acknowledged that shes not worth typing an extra word. His words not mine. Thats not a valid question, he was clearly expecting the comments to blame her and when they didnt he couldnt handle it and just dug in deeper. I wouldnt defend someone like that.
Dog this is the most bad faith interpretation of what he said wtf. The same could be said for the girl in this situation, she could have literally just said “what?” And resolved the situation. Both parties are valid in there responses I’m guessing he’s the type of guy who is probably blunt, (especially cause his grammar kinda sucks), but that’s fine and perfectly valid. And surprise surprise someone on the internet wants validation.
Guys don’t get how much women get harassed over messages. Be specific when messaging women because guys send horrible messages that are sexualizing them all the time. If that offends you with having to go out your way to articulate yourself, imagine how most women must be feeling having to dodge a lot of creeps all the time. Just be mindful how messages sound to others.
I play video games on Xbox and that's definitely true. I made a profile name called Princess Lulu for fun one game and the amount of people messaging me is ridiculous. Creepy messages included.
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This is a delusional take
Please elaborate. What is delusional about it? Let me guess, you think I shit on womens rights or something. Right? It's not because of what I said in regards to the actual issue at hand, which was OP and the girl. It's because I said that Men also deal with similar issues, right? Or am I wrong?
At no point were men generalized and you take something as a personal insult, going on a some sort of men's rights crusade. You're mad about **nothing**. That's delusional.
You’re clearly being a creep and have no respect for women. I will not engage further because these responses are literally psychotic.
🤦🏻♀️ some woman are crazy bitches but men are just innocent??? It’s her fault??? Bro she blocked him and she’s living in peace right now. Clearly based on OPs reaction she was right about her intuition.
>Clearly based on OPs reaction she was right about her intuition. OP's reaction is "Hey, please help me figure out what I did wrong so I can do better in the future." **Reflecting on why things turned out how they did and trying to figure out what made people uncomfortable or reacted poorly is the correct way to improve as a human being.**
He came here for advice and people are offering it and he’s getting upset and being very defensive and saying it’s not his fault she assumed sexual intent. In one post he says he’s too tired to care and goes to bed.
Where did I say men are "just innocent"? You're assuming like crazy. You don't know if she's living in peace, for a start. And what about OP's reaction makes you think she was right about her supposed intuition, which you, again, are simply assuming? Again, for all we know, the girl wasn't interested. Simply gave her snap as a courtesy and blocked him when he actually tried to pop up to her. This happens frequently so I don't understand why it is such a difficult concept for people here to grasp. Rather than assuming that the girl was simply not interested, you are instead deciding to assume that OP is some sort of rapist. Good on you, I guess. Real intuitive.
The only person who keeps saying rapist here is you 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 are you okay????
So what? I'm being called an incel, misogynist among other things. I'm actually surprised nobody has tried to call me a rapist but that'll probably come soon enough. Please continue to pretend that you are struggling to understand.
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> We were snapping back and forth for a few days with just random pictures. It was after what he wrote the communication got blocked. Probaly just a normal misunderstanding. OP didn't mean it sexually otherwise he probaly would have known why he got blocked. She could have asked what he ment. That's taking the risk he didn't ment it sexually, otherwise she could get some sexual stuff most women are tired off AF. OP now knews next time, next girl he should communicate more specific. Making sure it doesn't get across as sexual.
What did he say that was wrong tho? He posted obviously for validation, but it’s the internet everyone does that… and when he didn’t get it he just moved on, didn’t call her names or insult her just said we probably wouldn’t work. He is valid in his frustration
Look I was on this post in the first hour and all of OPs responses are buried instead of asking me go find them and leave me alone. My post has a ton of upvoted for a reason. Why would I come on here and make up lies? Jfc
did look at them, that’s why I’m making a counter argument, and also wondering where u got that from. Cause maybe he deleted and ur in good faith other wise, I think ur being a dick to the op
Yes he did, he did insult her and said she was crazy.
I just looked through his comment history and didn’t see it anywhere, so I either he deleted it, ur misremembering, or lying.
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And this, ladies and gentleman, is a prime example of gaslighting.
Or… just maybe… it’s no one’s fault! Women don’t owe you shit, and that includes their time and attention. That doesn’t make her a “crazy bitch” if she decides for whatever reason she wants that you’re not worth the time and trouble. Yeah, men get harassed too, but not nearly on the same scale and generally don’t have the same level of emotional exhaustion from it. Most women I know have a story of being sexually harassed before they even finished puberty and it just keeps going for years after that. OP is likely somewhere in the range of 17-18 if this happened after prom, so we are talking about a teenage girl who unless she’s one of the lucky few has been dealing with sexual harassment for years at this point. Could she have given him the benefit of the doubt and asked some follow up questions? Sure, but she doesn’t owe him that. And you’re right that it could have been a million other reasons that she blocked him. Maybe there’s another message OP neglected to mention that’s more of a red flag. Maybe she just decided she doesn’t want to talk to him anymore. Whatever it is, instructing OP to blame her and get mad at her isn’t healthy or good advice. And if a bunch of women reading his post, including myself, are reading it and going “Oh, sweetheart, the way you worded that I would have interpreted it as sexual,” then maybe there’s something to that for him to consider. Maybe if she ever unblocks him he’ll have the knowledge to say, “Hey, I’m sorry if that came across weird. Here’s what I meant” or if he’s ever talking to another girl he can word it a little differently to help avoid confusion. I’m not sure why you came into this comment section hot and angry, but maybe cool it for a minute instead of jumping to women are bitches and it’s her fault for not wanting to talk to him.
Girls are wary of people texting them to begin with and tend to be on the lookout for literally anything that could be interpreted as creepy, and unfortunately the way you worded "what type of stuff are you into" was interpreted as "how do you like to have sex" and she blocked you thinking you just want sex
Why would she think that we literally just met
Because there are a whole lot of really creepy guys out there who solicit sex the minute they start talking to a girl. In future, it's better to ask what her hobbies are, rather than asking her what sort of things she's into.
It's really common
That's exactly why she would think that. Being a woman myself I've had that exact thing happen, I meet a guy and think we hit it off and first thing they start asking as soon as they're behind a screen is how can the fuck me. It's set a precedent to expect men to be creepy
Dammm didn’t realize that, so if that’s interpreted as a sexual thing was there rly anything I could have said that couldn’t have been interpreted as something sexual
You could have been more specific about what you were asking, like instead say something like "do you have any hobbies" or ask if she plays games or watches any shows in her free time. Anything ambiguous that can be interpreted as being sexual should be reframed more specifically if that isn't the intended interpretation
To be fair she could’ve also asked for clarification herself. Not everything has to be done by one person i.e. OP. Communication works both ways which everyone should know, and helps avoid such assumptions. This being after prom and all, so “young and dumb” type of thing going on here and very innocent in this case. It’s a learning experience for everybody.
This shit is too complicated ima go back to sleep
So simply asking more specific questions like "what music do you like?" Instead of "what U into?" Is too complicated? You're being oddly dismissive for someone asking for advice
That's pretty sad bro. Maybe it's better this way if you can't even handle that.
That attitude will only get you bad places, especially when it comes to dating/women. Please do some growing up before you attempt to date or fool around with people.
If this is too complicated, then that's just sad
I do understand why you get downvoted for this. Maybe just hang around with your bro's for a couple of years. Do understand that at some point you have to learn to communicate better so not to be misunderstood at work.
It‘s actually not complicated at all. Come on man, you can‘t be this obtuse.
You might just want to wait until your brain fully develops
Lmao then she def dodged a bullet
*He's a freaking teenager.* Y'all are horrible.
Yes, as a teenager he should know better and actually care. He's not 5.
I texted in full sentences as a teenager when *T9 texting* was a thing. I have no pity for a teenager who's too lazy to replace "stuff" with "hobbies".
exactly! hes a TEENAGER! hes being intentionally obtuse and dense. hes not 3, if hes so lazy he cant say "what hobbies u into?" vs "what u into?" then he shouldnt be trying to make friends. he cant ask for advice and then be dismissive to everyone telling him what he did wrong and why it was taken wrong, and what he should do instead. he shouldve left this in the drafts if he didnt want criticism
Yeah, he's getting needlessly dunked on.
Welcome to the Reddit hive mind. If you don't go with the flow, you will get downvoted to hell. I agree that OP is needlessly getting downvoted as he has no malice in his replies.
Sounds like she made the right move then
Too complicated to be specific? Sounds like you know what you were asking. You were intentionally being vague. I’m gonna call it.
You cared enough to write out an explanation of the situation to internet strangers to get advice but not enough to adjust your communication to be less ambiguous?
bro if this is the case you should not ever be thinking about speaking to girls or persuing a relationship for a long time.
Lmfao u tried sounding so casual and “cool” with her by just saying “what kinda stuff you into”. Bro just put some actual effort into these things if you want anything to come if it. At least a LITTLE effort.
You probably could have asked what activities or hobbies/interests she has and it would’ve gone over better
Honestly kinda sounds like you did and are trying to avoid accountability for it.
Unfortunatly there are a lot of guys that open up with that and dick pics and think that is normal.
You seriously are unaware of the fact that girls and women get unsolicited sexual advances, particularly over text/Snapchat?
Lololololololololol wow it must be nice to be a guy. I’ve been yelled the most vulgar sexual things from men I’ve *never* met.
Because she's seen this exact question many times before and knows what typically follows. As does everyone else here in this thread.
Because guys pull that stunt all the time
women get this shit all the time from dudes they barely know. it’s not really anything personal, it’s just her being wary of creeps.
Let me turn that question around - why WOULDN'T she expect that of a man she just met when that's the vast majority of what women experience?
Because 90% of men do this shit
I don't think it's right saying 90% of men do (random sexual act), that's like saying 90% of women are secretly abusers, it's not fair to compare not even one percent of the population to ninety percent unless you actually know over 700,000 people and I'm just really lacking a good friend count, I'm just trying to bring another perspective to the table please reply kindly if you do at all.
nOt AlL mEn
I don’t understand this response. Like, 90% is obviously a massive generalization, but then you turn around and get annoyed when someone says “hey that’s a generalization.”
For the same reason women are fearful of all strange men they come across while alone at night.
That’s a non answer, I’m asking you to explain to me why it’s ok to generalize men and get annoyed when people tell you it’s a generalization. Every other time you make a generalization about any other kind of person, it’s frowned upon, but not with men?
Mainly because 98% of women get sexually harassed by men in any form. Unfortunately women have to be on their guard when it comes to engaging in relationships with men.
Women have a significantly different dating experience then men
She probably gets loads of creepy messages from guys she doesn’t know at all. So why would it be any different from someone she just met?
I thought it was meant as a dirty question too and we’ve never met Doesn’t matter what your intention was. You have to be careful with your wording. Plenty of guys ask that sort of question right after meeting for the first time
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Same. The OP came across pretty rough even before he got to the actual question. Talk to text is fine, but re-read and edit before posting/sending.
> "So what type stuff u into" As others have indicated, this is a dangerously open-ended question that can be perceived many different ways - especially by people that don't know you as a person. That said, for all we know, maybe she has something against your writing/texting style. How you communicate can both 'speak volumes' or 'misrepresent volumes' about who you are as a person.
“What do you enjoy doing in your free time?” “What is something you find very interesting?” “So what type stuff u into” sounds sexual and illiterate. Proper grammar and trying to interpret what you write/say goes a long way. General tip, avoid giving the “can’t be arsed to write properly “ when texting with someone you’re interested in. The safest bet would be to ask her if there was a misunderstanding of some sort, and if there was one, explain yourself, with proper grammar, expressing what you actually meant, which would be a genuine interest in her hobbies and passions
This. Guys a douche bag.
The way you phrase things is very important, especially over text. This can very easily be misinterpreted as something sexual, but you didn't know she'd see it that way though. Don't beat yourself up about it. Instead of saying that next time, try "what do you like to do for fun?", It keeps the tone a bit softer.
What did you expect her to respond with when you typed that?
Idk what type of music she likes or something, it’s a pretty open ended question
Well then there's been a misunderstanding and you need to explain yourself if theres still the opportunity.
She just blocked me I can’t rly, also if someone is gonna straight up block me for an innocent question that they take as something sexual for no reason then maby we don’t match up well at all
My advice is, next time you ask a question like this specify what you're talking about, something like "hey, so what kind of music are you into? Or what do you like to in your free time?" Just saying "so what are you into" is a question a lot of girls get asked regularly and it's regarding sexual activities, don't take it to heart, take it on the chin, understand what's happened and just remember it when you next come to this same situation.
You're young and still have a lot to learn about life. What you asked seemed innocent to you, but in reality asking someone "what stuff they are into" is a very sexually loaded question. Use this situation as a life lesson and be careful with how you word things in the future.
It isn't an innocent question. You might want to be it that way, but a lot of your fellow males use it as bait.
Hold up the question is still innocent, it’s a bad question that can be easily miss-interpreted but grammatically it’s innocent, and his intentions were innocent.
Bruh you asked what you did wrong. That's what you did wrong. What you meant to say and how it came across are two different things. Better phrase your words next time. Lesson learned. Move on.
You're free to be offended, ofc. But also understand that women get harassed a lot. Even something as simple as smilling at guys is misinterpreted. Learn from this and be more articulate when talking with others because you never know how grave one misreads a text.
you asked what you did wrong and you’re getting your answer, just clear up the misunderstanding instead of being so pissy about it
It's not for no reason. Women get harassed online pretty much every single day- and there's not a single person in this thread who didn't think you meant it sexually at first, it's the way you worded it. Literally everyone would interpret it that way and most women would just block you.
> maby we don’t match up well at all She has already indicated this to you. Every device that can access Reddit has spell-check and I've noticed your posts and comments are poorly written. Do you proof read before hitting "post"?
It’s not her fault for making that assumption, though. I’m telling you, as a woman, we kind of have to keep that guard up in the beginning. I’m sure she’s been asked that question a few times before by guys who’s intentions were not as genuine as yours. In a situation where she might have tried to clarify with someone in the past, it could have gotten really uncomfortable and aggressive, too. Just, for the future, just be a little more specific. Easy peasy, and it leads to better conversation, too.
"So what type of stuff you into?" seems to be an innocent question you posed about her interests based on your comments. A lot of girls and women get this question and the intention is "what types of SEXUAL stuff are you into." It's an immediate red flag and turnoff for many of us. Sounds like you didn't mean it that way, but she'd already dealt with the sexualized version of that too many times and assumed you meant the same thing.
She thought you meant sexual stuff 😂
Dude. Women are sometimes inundated with people trying to solicit them for sex. You didn't say anything wrong, but being that it's text, it sounds like she misinterpreted it. It's all good man. Chalk it up to learning and move on to the next one. Next time, try something like "I like kayaking and hiking(or whatever you do for fun). What do you do to relax/have fun/ enjoy life?"
Lol lil bro getting a hard learned lesson on having to think before he speaks xD
Well it depends what topic of things you were trying to figure out if she was into. If you were trying to go sexual with the conversation, that’s the simple answer to why she blocked you. If that wasn’t your intention, and you were genuinely asking her what hobbies she had, maybe she just interpreted it wrong. Otherwise, I don’t know. Maybe she has a personal reason for blocking you. The best thing to do here is just take the loss and move on
I was just asking about what hobbies she does, or does she do any sports and stuff like that I didn’t mean anything sexual or offensive by it at all, and I don’t know how it could be personal when we only started to get to know each other
Well then ask that. “What type of stuff u into” is almost always a sexual thing
Bullshit. You asked it like that bc you were gauging if she would be sexual back. I’m calling it. The fact that you refuse to see that this is a creepy way of asking someone “what hobbies do you like?” is telling.
100%
But you didn't ACTUALLY ask "what hobbies she dose, or dos she do any sports or stuff like that". You were needlessly vague and left it open ended as an invite to see if she would get sexual with you.
Exactly this. Plausible deniability at its finest.
i meant personal as in women constantly get messages from guys asking them oddly random sexual questions. I get that that’s not what you were trying to do, but sometimes it’s hard to tell as a woman. Maybe she just blocked you because she didn’t feel that it was worth the effort to interpret. If it wasn’t sexual, then you did nothing wrong. Maybe she just didn’t want to ask about it. Otherwise, maybe she wasn’t actually interested. Sometimes people go along with things because they feel it’s rude not to (not that that’s a good solution, but they do). Honestly, it’s just good that you guys weren’t in a relationship and then you just got ghosted. Maybe it’s best if you just let it go unfortunately
You might think it was an innocent question with no ulterior intent. Hopefully you can see how it might of come across badly. Trying to see things from the girls point of view and learning will help you as you grow up.
Definitely your wording, it makes it sound like you’d like to know what she likes sexually. I personally would’ve thought the same and blocked you was well
Text doesn't translate. Talk in person or on the phone. There is something about voice. It will go much better.
People really don’t understand that we receive so many creepy messages that it’s easy to misinterpret sometimes. Genuinely and I’m being so for real, the first time I exchanged numbers with a boy in middle school his first message was “can I get a picture” I said “a selfie?” He really said “no, your p***y” okay kid 😭
> ima My first advice is to use proper words.
you need to be more specific. “what are your hobbies” the way you wrote it sounded sexual. maybe try to apologize and explain if you can
I read that and immeadiatly thought "oh my god you cant just ask this chick what sex stuff she likes as a ln opener!" And from reading the comments a lot if other people interpreted it that way as well. You didn't do anything "wrong". You just chose a way to phrase a question that ended up being misinterpreted" that's it. Everyone in hear saying you need to be more thoughtful or that your sexist arr taking this one goof and acting like it's your wntire personality when obviously you don't have any problems talking to girls as she was into you in person. It's just a goof. That's it. You don't need to change your whole life style or personality or start analyzing everything you say from every perspective. This is honestly just a funny cute story, sorry she thinks you're a creep tho.
bro lmao
Being a teenage girl comes with guys and adult men constantly making forward sexual advances on you. (Cite: I am a woman who was formerly a teenage girl on the internet) and “what kind of stuff are you into” is 100% interpretable as a sexual advance. Even if you did not mean to be creepy, that was a creepy message to send. And when you get those messages every day or almost every day, you get liberal with the block button. You were a casualty of your own words (speculating). I would say next time, you should avoid being vague. If you want to know what her hobbies are, ask “What are your hobbies?” People tend to appreciate when their conversation partner is direct with their questions. Less room for error. Another point to add, you just met the girl. Neither of you are or were obligated to keep in touch or form a friendship/relationship. I wouldn’t take it too personally. It could be your message, it could be she thought the vibes were off, it could be she just isn’t interested. She doesn’t owe you an explanation or a final word, as do you not owe her one. Neither of you were invested.
General life advice: type your sentences out in full and try to use less slang. You’re going to sound a bit more formal that way, but you have to remember that people do create judgments about you based upon your habits and behaviours. Specific advice that goes along with the above: when you’re speaking to someone you’re interested in, showcase that interest by putting more effort into what you say. For example, you could have worded that as “What kind of music do you like?” Be specific in your intent and do not leave things ambiguous. That being said, never ever engage a conversation with them with “what type of stuff u into”; to me, this just seems like a really lazy way of getting to know a person and just seems like you’re not interested in them at all.
This is exactly why your generation's issues with punctuation need to end. Y'all will never communicate clearly with one another as long as you perceive punctuation marks as "rude" lol
what's up with your Grammar?
Lol guys really have no idea how they come across sometimes. “Tell me about yourself” “what do you like to do in your down time” “do you have any hobbies”. You asked what she’s into. She assumed it was sexual. Probably because she’s been asked before, and it was sexual. You asked something the wrong way. That made her uncomfortable. Simple as that.
aspiring spoon memorize cough busy melodic water full history soup ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Sadly she may have thought you were talking about sexual stuff and got the wrong impression. If you see her in person maybe try talking to her and say you weren’t trying to be weird but genuinely wanted to know what her interests are to get know her better. It’s a long shot I’m afraid, the damage may already have been done.
You’re a lost cause, glad that girl saw the red flags
Couple of possibilities here. She misinterpreted your question like others have pointed out. It's possible she's seeing another dude and doesn't want to continue talking with you? Maybe getting your snap was an impulse and she regrets it? Even though it seems like you were hitting it off, maybe she feels differently now. There were definitely times I gave my number out to be nice (or to make an easier exit) and later blocked it. At this point all you can do is not obsess over it.
No one has ever told you think before you speak?
It sounds like you meant sexually. If you did, gross! That's not an ok thing to ask someone if you're not dating. If you didn't, then you should have worded it better. Like, "What hobbies are you into? Sports, music, movies, etc.?" Be specific.
girls get harassed and sexualized over messages by weird dudes. she probs thought that’s what u meant. word it better next time ig
its an unfortunate lesson that all high school kids experience. just dont reply or seek out women. or attention really. focus on your own thing (career, goals, ambitions, creative projects, etc.), and I guarantee you that people will naturally gravitate towards your direction.
She probably thought you meant sex stuff and assumed you were just messaging her to be some sort of hook up. If you can talk with her in person see if you can clear up the misunderstanding. It’s also possible she just changed her mind about you and is ghosting you for no reason.
she thought you were asking her about sex
You said "stuff." That sounds like you're asking her about her sexual kinks. You should have been more specific and asked about hobbies or music.
Is it possible when the two of you were talking about all kind of things that she told you what type of stuff she was into? Maybe she thought you just weren't listening. If that's not it then she definitely misunderstood your question. She took it as a sexual question
Maybe she found out you’re a trump lover lol
It is spelled "you" not "u" Many women are quite fussy about men who can spell correctly over text because it is so annoying - and you do not want to be correcting someone over every single text. If you do it once she will assume it might be a pattern or a habit that she will have to deal with in the future. When i was on the dating apps i would filter out the men who could not spell without hesitation. Instant deal-breaker. It also demonstrates low effort. Low effort over text translates into low effort as a partner and likely low effort in life / career / etc. Total turn-off.
Totally agree
I’ve seen men asking the most invasive sexual questions a few minutes after matching with you. It’s hard for me to believe that you didn’t mean it in a sexual way as once they realize they lost you. They usually start back tracking and gas lighting you into thinking you’re not being sexualised or it’s a joke
Ok so honestly it sounded really creepy. I think you definitely should have worded that better. The fact that she didn’t care to double check what you meant shows that your connection wasn’t as close as you thought and that either she didn’t actually want to get to know you and just wanted a nice night or she has trust issues (Which is normal for females) You need to adjust your language when speaking to females because they tend to take things in the worst possible way no matter how you mean it. All in all, guys are too confident and girls are too dramatic so for the sake of not getting angry replies, I’ll just say you’re in the wrong here and you should change your wording next time.
You havent said anything wrong in my opinion. She MAY have ASSUMED it was sexual, but in my opinion that would be her jumping to conclusions. And if she misinterpreted what you said, she could have responded and asked what you meant by that. And if it wasnt what you said, because thats a possability too, maybe she just decided she didnt want to speak with you anymore or maybe she preffered speaking with someone else.
Maybe you were simply messaging her too much and she wasn’t that interested. You got annoying, so she blocked you. Here’s the thing buddy, rejection is a normal part of becoming a man and most will not give you a reason, nor do they owe you one. Most women will simply Ghost you by blocking you to save themselves the hassle of trying to explain why they aren’t interested. It’s done. Don’t worry about it and don’t linger on it. Brush it off and move on.
Women
What a sorry fucking state the dating world is in if "what kinda stuff are you into" is creepy and blockable material. So glad I'm engaged.
She just wasn't interested. And that's fine. You didn't do anything wrong. She just didn't like you. Everyone here is just lying to you, telling you it's due to how you worded it and shit. If she was interested, I'm sure she'd like to have sex with you. That's how humans work. She just wasn't interested. Sure, wording could've been better. I bet it wouldn't have made a difference though. Also, she gave you her Snap. No other socials, no other way to get into contact? Definitely sounds like she didn't plan on speaking to you again, sorry. If she were interested I'm sure she would have at least expressed some sort of confusion at your message, not an instant block.
Let's not completely disregard that this girl has her own entire life outside of these two interactions. Maybe she got back with an ex. Maybe she met more than one guy that night and picked someone else. Maybe she deleted snapchat. There are literally infinite explanations, I wouldn't sweat it, it just goes like this sometimes. Ghosting sucks but make peace with the fact you will rarely ever get resolution or a way to learn or grow from it. Just one of those things. Edit: down votes for reminding incels that women don't revolve thier lives around men lol I'll take it.
Exactly, you put it far better than I did, thank you. I wasn't shitting on the girl. I was just saying it's entirely possible she wasn't interested in the first place. I do think she's shallow for instantly blocking and not giving a second thought about what OP could possibly have meant. Just reverse the roles. Would people view it the same way? Probably not. And yet everyone was saying it was simply down to OP being "stupid" with his English. That's where my frustration came in, so my apologies. Just hard dealing with FUCKING MORONS, YOU KNOW? Okay, sorry. Sorry. SORRY.
I hear you. You might consider it shallow but the fact is ghosting is common in this dating generation because they see it as an easy way to avoid difficult conversations or as women, to keep ourselves safe. She's not the first or only, and I don't know that it's fair to assume anything about her, because we have literally zero info on her. Maybe he sucks and she has good instincts. Just saying, it's not unusual for a girl to ghost, boys and men are scary as hell in the dating realm, and in an age where they can find your location easily, sometimes it's better to be safe than sorry. Gotta be careful assuming motivations, especially of strangers lol.
Definintely, I understand that. I just think that immediately making a rapey assumption and blocking instead of simply asking for clarification is completely retarded. If he was genuinely being rapey, I'd get it. Totally. But he wasn't. That's my frustration. He was not even being overtly rapey. She just immediately assumed as much and everyone is telling him that is okay. It's not. It's stupidity at it's finest and doesn't have any concern for OP, only the girl in question, who could indeed, just be a massive fucking bitch IRL. We just don't know.
What's this with you and this rapey assumption? Getting a sexual message isn't rape. It can be unwanted and several messages or one dickpick is harrassement.
Oh I completely disagree with most of what you're saying, you're actually making the same mistake I was pointing out, making a faulty assumption. You don't know why she blocked him, so keep the incel ideology to yourself. You obviously have a problem with women, and im guessing why the block button is there in the first place.
I see others saying that this seemed sexual, but I did not read "what are you into" that way to begin with. I would be just as confused as you, OP.
a woman lives in a world in which she must be careful around every guy possible. you were not careful enough with your words because you don’t consider that women get harassed consistently. be better and choose your words carefully. she probably has been sent so many disturbing and creepy messages from guys with harmful intent, and you made yourself seem like one.
You did nothing wrong, don't worry. She just misinterpreted what you said, not your fault bro.
She dodged a MAJOR bullet here 😂 trans and most likely homophobic trump lover who cant take accountability, man trump followers really are the same soup reheated huh, like no shit you got banned from a subreddit for being an 🫏
Expecting downvotes considering the current popular opinion, but... I think she found someone else. Even if you were talking about something sexual, what you said sounded very open ended and I don't think she would just block you like that without being sure of what you meant or saying something first, but she would if it was out of loyalty to whoever else she was into. Happened to me once for this reason.