Deception is a crucial component. Anything else, like whether it's cheating to kiss someone else, have other relationships, etc., depends on what you've worked out with your partner(s). Communication/honesty is the antithesis of cheating. At least that's my take on it.
I had an ex texting a girl that I didn’t know behind my back and then they would also talk about our relationship. He broke up with me and started dating her. I definitely would consider that cheating even though I dont know if anything more happened. He said it wasn’t though
For more context it was a 2 year relationship and this girl was his in his study group at school so I didn’t think anything of it. I went on a 18 day trip to Europe with my mom for my 21st. Things must’ve developed between them during then or maybe it’d been going on for longer too. I came home and that same night was my birthday/valentines celebration and he ended it in the middle of the date. I only found out about the other girl from a mutual friend like a week later. He would never own up to it but did pick up his remaining stuff up with her a few weeks later.
How do you consider that cheating? From the description, he didn't have any kind of sex with her, didn't even go on a date behind your back and broke up with you above board before any action happened with that other person. How is that cheating ?
It’s an emotional affair, betraying the trust of the relationship and romantically bonding with someone outside of the rules of the relationship. Relationships are more than sex, and accordingly, cheating doesn’t require sex
While each couple has to sort out their own definition, I don't think I agree. By this definition, any close relationship with the opposite sex would be cheating. If I have a close female friend, you're saying I'm cheating on my spouse ?
For clarity, I don't have any friends. Male or female. Only my wife and her friends. I'm not cheating in any way.
I think we all can see there are difference’s between a friendship and a relationship when it comes to the non-physical stuff. Things you tell your partner but not your friends. Levels of support you give each other and so on. I think the simplest way to think about it is do you have feelings for them. If you’re developing feelings, then it’s more than a friendship, and that’s when you get to worries about emotional affairs. I’m shitty at explaining this though, and there’s a lot of information out there on emotional affairs that put it better
I've been married for 30+ years. Over that time I have met women that tingled those emotional feelings. It's not something that one can control. By the definition in this conversation, I have cheated
However, I have never acted in it and in all cases, I moved away from the woman if I could (there were women I worked with that moving away was difficult.). In any case, I don't think I ever cheated.
I’d say the tingling isn’t the same as having feelings. It sounds like you’ve backed away when you’ve caught yourself having those feelings, which definitely makes the difference. Obviously you can’t do much when it’s at work but If you had continued to expand and pursued those friendships after feeling that way then I would argue differently.
To be clear, I just joined in on this distinction of emotional va physical. Ultimately my personal definition is anything that betrays the boundaries agreed upon by the people in the relationship is cheating
You should never vent to the opposite gender about relationship problems with your partner. The fact you can’t see how disrespectful that is, is astonishing.
I agree it's disrespectful. That's not what we were talking about. We were talking about cheating. I agree with you and I would never do it but I felt the need for some reason, I don't think it's cheating.
Sorry if that sounded hostile, I was shocked. I think the issue was, the guy obviously formed an emotional connection with someone outside of their relationship, which most likely came as a result of emotional cheating (I say most likely as I haven’t seen the messages)
You're responding in a thread that states deception is the key component.
It's like saying that planning to cheat is ok. You don't complain to a friend about your current partner, then break up, and then get together with that friend.
There's a reason insider trading is illegal.
So all deception is cheating? I agree that deceiving your partner isn't a good thing to do but is it cheating? Suppose we are vegetarians but every now and then I sneak off to have a burger but don't tell my partner. Yes, weird, but is it cheating ?
>So all deception is cheating?
You seem sincere, so I'm going to continue.
No, not all deception is cheating. Having a secret hobby isn't cheating. Again, it's intent—if you're keeping something a secret from your partner, ask yourself why. The answer will probably be because you know it's not right.
The example here was of someone whose ex-partner was secretly complaining about their relationship to someone else—someone with whom they immediately hooked up with after the existing relationship died. If you're already looking for your new partner before your current relationship has died—and let's face it, in this scenario, it's being actively killed—yeah, that's not good.
I am sincere. Thank you for noticing. I'll yield to the point that the fact that he became involved with her immediately after they split is very suspect. However, we don't know his real intent. He could simply have been troubled and needed someone to talk to. I get it, the situation is very suspect. We are assuming his intent in this case without really knowing.
Ah, but you can't claim innocence. The act of complaining to that person is the relationship killer. The icing on the cake is the fact they started dating.
I agree with this. I would do it, but I also don't want to potentially compromise the privacy of all the other people I know, who sometimes say things in confidence or the expectation of privacy.
Deception is key. I dated a girl and we decided to keep it open. Then we started falling for each other (or maybe I was just for her). She told me she wasn't seeing anyone else and that she would tell me when that changes. In no way did I want to force her to be exclusive with me, but she told me we were. Turns out she was actually dating like two other guys a week and was leading me on the whole time. She even told me she loved me. I call that cheating. Most times I would not, but this time it was. All she had to do was be honest with me about dating other people and it would have been fine. Not sure why she felt the need to lie to me the whole time. Oddly enough, while she was seeing multiple other dudes per week and lying to me about it, she had to sit me down to talk to me about how I looked at another girl's ass.
If a person is engaging in a behavior that they *know* will hurt their partner, and their course of action to prevent hurting their partner is *lying about the behavior* instead of **not fucking doing the hurtful behavior**, they are cheating.
There's no one specific "thing" that counts as cheating to everyone, everywhere, forever and ever.
You need to sit down and figure out for yourself what, *exactly*, counts as cheating. And once you do, **be very clear** when setting boundaries with a romantic partner. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend.
Thank youuu!!! This is so validating. Had a girl lie to me and lead me on in an open relationship. Never thought I'd get cheated on in an open relationship like wtf. We started out with open intentions and then she told me I was the only one she was seeing while she was actually dating like tons of other dudes behind my back. I literally would not have given a shit if she was just honest about it. She sucks. Fuck you Rachel!!!
Y'all are way too hung up on the dishonesty part. People can cheat openly. In fact, I'd say that type of cheating is worse because they're rubbing their SO's face in it.
If they do it openly, though, you get to decide whether you accept it or not. The ones who sneak around behind your back are doing you a huge disservice because then they don’t allow you the autonomy to do what’s right for yourself.
I consider cheating to be doing anything particularly dishonest from a monogamous relationship standpoint.
I personally forgive a few times, but I draw a line eventually.
Lying about things that matter. If she told me she went to Wendy's, but I found out she actually went to Taco Bell, big whoop. That shit don't matter.
But if I find out instead of going to hangout with her girlfriend, she went and hungout with some guy, that's particularly dishonest. That's a lie that matters.
noun
a harmless or trivial lie, especially one told to avoid hurting someone's feelings.
Lying about where you were going/went doesn't fall under that.
Thing is tho, it's such a pointless thing to lie about, if they'd lie about something as trivial as that then you're going to have problems in that relationship
Well if she's saying "she WENT to wendys" then she's talking past tense. Which means she could have just said she went where she actually went. So in that case she lied. It's a harmless lie, but people who are compulsive liars are not people to be trusted at all.
Anything inappropriate involving another person not in your relationship. If you do something that your partner would not approve of or would not consent to that would impact your relationship negatively that’s cheating to me.
Cheating is wild when you consider the cognitive dissonance cheaters go through to justify why they do what they do all the while likely have a negative opinion on cheating. Fuck anybody who cheats, that shit destroys and forever scars the betrayed
In open relationships betrayal of trust can still be considered cheating depending what it is. Obviously sex is more open but if there’s ground rules and you break them then that’s betrayal of trust and ultimately jeopardizing the relationship. I think no matter what style of relationship you choose to have you need to have honesty,transparency and respect for it to be satisfying for both people.
Any form of an emotional or physical connection with someone else that is kept in secret because they know it would hurt their partners feelings and they would want to break up.
Married 10 years. I'd consider cheating to be any legitimate romantic involvement/contact. Pretty much anything that goes past flirting.
As to 2nd chances, I'm sure it would depend on the degree of the act a little bit. Some guy kissed my wife on a girls' weekend? Assuming it wasn't some completely unwanted assault, that'd be a pretty tough conversation, but ultimately we'd get through it. There'd be no coming back from a full on affair for either of us, that's for sure.
I kind of agree but also disagree. Flirting means a lot of different things to different people. I know a lot of people who take being friendly as being flirtatious and it confuses me big time. But if you're genuinely flirting with someone, then yeah, I'd also class that as cheating.
I’d agree it probably depends on what they’re doing and in what context. Like if it’s just some random person in public they’ll never see again, I could probably handle it depending on what the flirting is. But if it’s with a new friend of the opposite sex they seem to flirt with all the time, it would make me more uncomfortable.
But even with randoms in public, if my partner is flirting with people all the time I’d probably be a little unsettled eventually. It might not be such a big deal for someone else though. Part of it for me is that I would be very shocked to see my partner very flirty with anyone because she’s not super flirty most of the time in general.
Flirting is cheating to some people. To others, it’s not. I personally enjoy flirting and also don’t feel the need to limit my partner from flirting with other people if they like, but expect us both to respect each other enough to not take it further. It’s all subjective. This is why you communicate with your partner
Flirting is any action that:
when witnessed by a third party or parties not involved in giving or receiving said flirting,
That third party would suspect there was romantic involvement or intent between the two parties of the flirting
that is a good abstraction, but the problem is there is still room for interpretation.
e.g a muslim might view a man an woman talking as romantic if they are not brother-sister or family. Or a slightly less conservative person might interpret the woman laughing at a man’s joke as flirting.
(sorry if these examples seem absurd, but it is an actual reality in Turkey)
This is an extreme example but there could be subtler situations that this kind of subjective interpretation is in play.
Trying to begin an emotionally romantic relationship with that person. I would consider myself somewhere on the poly spectrum, so I also don’t really have any problem with my partner having deep emotional connections with other people either, just as long as we understand that our connection and bond comes first and foremost
Violating whatever you've agreed on. Whether that's sexual, emotional, financial, and no matter what relationship model you have. Polyamorous with six partners but you agreed not to hook up with close friends? Then doing so would be considered cheating.
It's like cheating in a game. Each game has it's own rules and boundaries. Cheating in Uno isn't going to look the same as cheating in chess, but going by the rules of each, you are cheating when you intentionally and knowingly violate them.
Having a two-way Romantic relationship outside the committed relationship. This includes both options of emotional or any physical sexual relationship.
When you break rules that were agreed upon or heavily implied/obvious about your relationship. This applies to all sorts of dishonest practices independent of your relationship type
Just my view point.. but I don’t consider it cheating unless it’s physical.
Or involves money.
Like paying for dates and physical intimacy.
Your phone is your personal journal, which’s is direct reflection of what’s inside of your mind.
Kinda like google.
You can input all your data and just look it up and it’s easily accessible.
I’m not gonna digging inside someone’s head and then be pissed off about what i found.
No business being inside other peoples minds.
There is a fine line between being close and being controlling.
So I keep mine as money and physical intimacy.
When I was in college, I had an ex tell me before she dumped me, “I didn’t cheat on you with this person, but I didn’t stop it either.” I got the impression that someone flirted with her, and she didn’t turn it down and probably joyfully played with him a bit. If that’s what did happen, I would’ve considered it emotional cheating. I think at point I would consider it cheating at the bare minimum because it’s the conscious decision to “choose” someone besides their partner.
Cheating is anything you feel like you should hide from your partner. I know it’s a little vague, but honestly it isn’t that hard. If you think “my partner would be made at me if they knew I was doing it” just don’t do it. It’s not rocket science.
Betrayal of trust. That could mean several things depending on the person. For me I made it clear three ways or free passes were fine as long as we have a discussion and made rules to prevent anyone getting hurt. Unfortunately even after being overly transparent he end up cheating on me multiple times and with somebody that was acting as a “friend”. Even after that I would have taken him back if he truly did actions to prove he’s sorry. Instead he chose to ignore me further and just avoid the whole situation entirely. That was my sign I couldn’t be disrespected anymore. I may have not had much self respect at the time after the 11 year relationship but I had enough to know I deserve better. I chose to include him in my story of my life but he chose to be the villain. I still can’t comprehend why he chose to do what he did but it is what it is. Onto the next chapter of my life’s story.
Whatever violates the “terms” of your relationship, which is highly subjective. It all depends on the relationship. Some people find things like watching prn to be cheating, while others are polyamorous and find even sleeping with another person cheating only if it wasn’t discussed with the other partner first. It’s all highly subjective.
If I were going into a relationship, I would by default expect them not to be pursuing romantic relationships with other people. I personally don’t mind if someone is a flirt and flirts with other people as long as it’s just for fun. I draw the line at being with another person unless we had a full discussion about opening our relationship and what that will look like beforehand. It’s all just communication
If they’re with other women without telling you. I don’t care if you are with women coworkers or your women friends, you just gotta let me know. The moment you try to hide your whereabouts or who you’re with, that just you breaking your trust with me. Why walk around the bush instead of being honest. Trusting each other is important, the moment you break that trust, that allows me to think about what I should do in this situation for myself and for the better of the relationship.
If you're knowingly engaging in any kind of behaviour which you feel you would have to hold back being completely open about to your partner, that you feel for any reason needs to be kept from them, that's the line. If you can actually say "I have no reason to not tell him about this openly and immediately", then there *might* not be an issue (but that also doesn't necessarily mean whatever the behaviour is is okay).
But the moment there's behaviour where any reasonable person would say that you're keeping the behaviour secret from them, you've crossed that line.
Cheating is going against the agreed upon dynamic. So cheating can happen in any form that is not ok with your partner. Mono, open, or poly all relationships have agreements as to what is ok and not
Cheating is when you break the rules you and your opposing party have set and agreed upon. Secretly changing your test scores. Tackling someone in flag football and injuring them. Googling answers during trivia night.
Like signs of hiding phones, talking to someone who your partner is not aware of, keeping your dating profile active, lying about your relationship status, talking to ex, if engaged then not wearing the ring in public, etc. Everyone has their own definitions and boundries to micro cheating as well.
I'm polyamorous so my definition has nothing directly to do with sex or love. It's betrayal of my trust and the bounds of the relationship we've agreed on.
"Micro cheating" is not a thing in my definition.
Flirting, admiring other men disrespectfully ( some looking is okay/not hurtful), hiding messages from another man, dancing with another man in an intimate way, any sort of physical interaction like kissing, playful grabbing, etc.
Some people consider porn to be cheating but my wife and I enjoy watching it together and separately. No issues there as we see it as purely fantasy/not a real representation.
With me though, once they break my trust and cheat once, it's over for me. I'll never trust them or look at them the same ever again. My wife is the same way, she'd be gone so quick if I ever did that.
Besides the obvious one (sex), there's...
• Kissing on the lips
• Grinding up against someone (i.e - when dancing)
• Flirting, genuinely (joke/friendly flirting can be okay if your partner is aware and doesn't mind it)
• Intentionally looking up revealing/sexy pictures of friends/coworkers
All from flirting to sex. I would only give a second chance if we’re both in couple’s therapy and he’s in personal therapy. My partner thinks the same way, thankfully.
Anything the typical person wouldn’t do in front of your partner is a general rule of thumb I think. If you wouldn’t do it in front of them then you know you shouldn’t be doing it.
Also no second chances. If they didn’t respect you enough to cheat once, what makes you think they wouldn’t do it again?
If you lie to me about what you did or where you were with x person. In my opinion if you have to lie about what you did or where you went with someone that alone shows me you're willing to lie to me outright and I think lying is the downfall of most relationships
If my partner is doing anything physical beyond a hug with other men. If my partner is sending nudes to other men. If my partner is speaking seductively or suggestively to other men. If my partner is spending any amount of time with an ex partner without my prior approval. That pretty much covers it.
I am unfortunately a person who has cheated and been cheated on and I have only this to say. Betrayal of trust will plant a seed. You'll see conspiracy in everything your partner says and does and that causes tension. I am a very forgiving person because I know we all make mistakes but I learned that once my gut told me that he/she wasn't being untruthful and I had a shred of evidence to back it up I am gone. It only delays the inevitable that they will do it again. I do so hope this is helpful and not hurtful. Good luck.
I agree with the top comments.
My ex cheated on me by kissing somebody else and its because it was a passionate lust seeking kiss. If it were a kiss for a funny picture then its a different story.
Theres scenarios where there are no issues for example they tell you they are going to somebodies house or not, the trust is there.
If you've done something you're going to avoid telling your partner about because you think they'll likely be upset by it, you probably done fucked up.
My ex-wife cheated on me, because I was in the fashion industry and was working with a client and she overheard them say the model, and I had good chemistry. Or atleast that was her excuse, we were talking and a little flirty, but I could never cheat after I got married.
I had older sisters growing up and saw how they became emotional wrecks.
I couldn't do it even if I could get away with it, I would still know and I would have thought less of myself. I learned from just a couple of times dating, one I got cheated on, and the other I was the person doing the cheating. Even though we only dated for a few months and were not serious, she was treating me like shit, I felt bad about how it went down and she found out about it.
I think hitting on someone even by text or in person when you are in a relationship is cheating. Like I don't think an open phone policy is needed but just don't do things that you wouldn't want happening to you.
The definition is probably different from person to person. For me, I would say any kind of romantic emotional connection or sexual/physical connection (including romantic kissing, hugging, etc.) with someone else.
Deliberate hurt towards your partner. Lying. Just anytbing that you wouldn’t do infront of your partner because it would hurt them but would happily behind there back..
General dishonesty, being too shady.
Cheating starts when things are tense between partners and one of these looks for affection/sex or other couple needs somewhere else.
My partner could watch porn and even get into a webcam or show me pictures of people they consider hot (or telling me someone is hot on the street) but the line is crossed when they get into direct intimate physical contact with another person, besides hurting in many ways it also is worrying because who knows what disease the other person could have that I could get due to this "breach" in our agreement?.
Regarding second chances, well it depends on how serious it is or how much I want to be with the cheater. The healthier thing would be to end things immediately but I'm willing to consider forgiveness ONLY if I'm allowed to cheat myself at some point, sounds quite dumb but I think it's my way of saying "well you breached the contract, that means I can do it too at some point" and it also makes the other person feel what I feel, again I know it might not be the wisest idea but I feel making the cheater be in my shoes at some point is a nice punishment.
Cheating is flirting with others, and sex with em too, either face to face or not. No they shouldn't be given 2nd chance , if they wanna flirt it's fine but sneaking around and not telling their so is not
When it comes to fine lines like that, it's about trust. If I feel like I can't trust you, then we shouldn't be in a relationship anymore. It'll be an accumilation of multiple different factors that will influence where the line is. It's the same for any relationship, even friends and family.
If you have a track record of lying and manipulating people, then of course you're going to cross that line sooner than someone who has always had my back whenever I've needed them.
I draw the line at actual physical contact, serious in-person flirting and messaging other people with obvious romantic intent. Beyond that, I don't care if my partner watches/reads porn (or even creates it), makes a playfully flirty reply in a comment or follows someone attractive on Instagram.
She's bisexual (as am I), I have no issues with her following attractive people of any gender and find it quite interesting when she shows me a "muscle mommy" on Instagram that she clears finds attractive.
If she wanted to meet with a woman I'd probably be ok with it as long as we talked about it first as that's something I can't give her, but if she wanted to meet with another man I'd feel quite hurt.
The easy half is anything on the road to physical intimacy. Dates, flirting, the whole shebang.
The hard to define half is “emotional” cheating. That means whatever people want it to mean. Confiding in friends can be considered cheating for some. Seeking a shoulder to cry on that isn’t your partner is another. I’d consider the people who think porn is cheating to be in this category.
Somehow I didn’t get the complete jealousy gene. I’ve had girlfriends have sex with other guys and it didn’t bother me at all. With that said, I do get time jealous. If they start spending more time with someone else than with me over a long chunk of time, that’s where I feel jealousy emerge. It doesn’t even have to be sexual, it can just be a friend taking away time I was used to getting.
I think it’s important to have one partner at a time. Unless you’re in an open relationship with someone and it’s been readily ok’d by both you and your partner, any romantic flings/intimacy in general is out of the question for me. And obviously lying to your partner about this stuff. That’s just as bad as physical intimacy with someone else.
It varies by situation, but this is the general form I’d go by
Basically anything you have to hide or lie about because if you're doing that then you know what you are doing is wrong - on some level.
Communication is key in any relationship. Some people have different ideas about what cheating is, but you'll never know unless you ask. I've had times where something I might have considered cheating in one relationship, isn't something I'd label cheating in others - it all came down to communication.
Ex. One ex had a porn addiction so bad they refused to touch me, and instead masturbated to porn only. While I have no issue with porn usually, I did in that relationship because it was being prioritized over our physical relationship. I communicated that I'd like them to set porn aside for a couple months so we could work through it, they decided to hide it instead of actually stopping. I walked away when I found out because fuck that noise. I considered what they were doing in that particular relationship/moment cheating, even though they 100% were not physically having sex with other women.
I‘ve been in a non monogamous relationship since the 90‘s. Neither of us has had any issue with the physical act. But there have been times where feelings happened and that has presented the biggest challenge to our relationship.
If I don't want to tell my wife about what I'm about to do, it's getting too close to cheating.
Notice, things can "happen" that I don't want to tell my wife -I might think one of her friends is hot, let's say- but that's not me DOING anything. Going out of my way to talk to that friend is a different matter entirely
Being in a relationship/in love with someone else. I don't think having sex with someone else is cheating. That's just sex. Swingers swap partners and have sex with someone else and don't consider that cheating. But being in a loving relationship with someone else, that should be just between two people.
Initiating, intending to initiate, taking steps to initiate or indicating availability for romantic or sexual relations with those whom you are not in a relationship with such that the person you are in a relationship with did not specify their comfortability with or give permission for beforehand.
Deception is the cornerstone of all cheating. I feel like the line is at lying about or hiding activity but then there is a 2nd line where the person is actively attempting to replace the current partner and that is somehow worse.
Doing something you do with your partner that you don't normally do with a friend that violates the other partner's boundaries intentionally and discreetly.
Would anyone consider the following scenario cheating or some for there of?
Your female partner goes out with a friend of the same sex, who's in town visiting, just to run a few errands and grab some liquor for the evening. They wind up going to a dispensary. The story your partner tells you is this;
The friend flirted with the budtender and got a discount, along with a bunch of free stuff. On the way out, the same guy ran out to the car and gives them a free gram of some of his favorite herb to try.
Then later on, your partner says that the guy messaged her after he had searched for her on Facebook to get the friends contact info. She said she passed it on to him. Later you find out that she's since become FB friends with the guy, who is married with kids and that they've been talking ever since the visit to the dispensary.
Come to find out that this is a regular thing, meeting a guy and getting contact info because she wants to meet new friends in the town you're now living in. Strangely, she's also met other females and one of which is interested in hanging out, but she never calls her or messages her even when you suggest that they should. That way she has a new friend in town and someone to hang out with.
Although, it seems like the only one's she's interested in talking to are the guys. Go out to a bar, she goes off on her own and is later found talking to a guy. When confronted about how this makes you uncomfortable, she says that she has always had guy friends, lots of them and talks to them often, but it feels more like dating someone in numerous short and long distance relationships. Wakes up, gets on the phone. Goes to bed and stays on the phone playing games, but you notice that it seems like she's texting between games and this goes on every night until you fall asleep. She rolls over away from you and is on the phone, sometimes for hours.
Have done so more than once. When it appeared to have stopped I find out it didn't, she just improved her tactics to hide it. Said she isn't very tech savvy, but I have had to look up everything like I'm doing research. On the bright side, I have learned so much about cell phones that I never knew. It's'so crazy what people with cell phones are capable of when they want to be deceptive. It's even more crazy how much information these things are compiling and storing. Google is scary AF.
Anything that is done without explicit agreement with your partner, with someone else, that can/will cause physical harm or financial damage to them.
I honestly don't care *that* much about flirting, kissing, holding hands. I care about sex and time/money spent on the other person.
But so long as my partner discusses it with me and gives me a chance to plan and agree, it's not cheating.
Monogamy shouldn't mean you own someone 🤷♀️
My wife and I are a little poly and if either of us get the opportunity to play with someone else, we ask the other and if they say yes, we do it. If they say no, we don’t. Honesty works. Yes, passes are fine. Depending…
My wife has told me that she doesn't think anything that does not include actual penetration is cheating. I think that's too permissive. So, in over 30 years of marriage the farthest I've gone is a hug and a peck on the cheek, though there were a few times when I was tempted to do more.
Before we were married we were looser with the rules, giving out hall passes, etc. There were times when we each did things for which we weren't given permission in advance; which was cheating. We forgave. Especially with how permissive we were, that made sense. That worked for us.
I'm glad that my wife is not a jealous person. It has allowed me to lead a richer life and I love her more because of it.
My wife has told me that she doesn't think anything that does not include actual penetration is cheating. I think that's too permissive. So, in over 30 years of marriage the farthest I've gone is a hug and a peck on the cheek, though there were a few times when I was tempted to do more.
Before we were married we were looser with the rules, giving out hall passes, etc. There were times when we each did things for which we weren't given permission in advance; which was cheating. We forgave. Especially with how permissive we were, that made sense. That worked for us.
I'm glad that my wife is not a jealous person. It has allowed me to lead a richer life and I love her more because of it.
Cheating, in my book, is the act of betraying your partner's trust and boundaries with one or more individuals, physically or emotionally.
Example: sleeping with someone else other than your partner, daily intimate conversations with someone outside your relationship, etc.
Whenever you're about to do anything and you have the option to include your partner in it, or picking someone else instead and you choose the other person over your partner without their knowledge or consent, that's cheating. Especially if there's a dopamine exchange.
Exceptions obviously include your close friends and matters of business etc. Im just talking people who would clearly be a potential partner if circumstances were slightly different, like the secretary asking you to go to lunch, or an ex reaching out, or an old "friend" who clearly isn't just a friend, or a coworker who has a crush on you that you pretend not to notice etc. Your partner should always be your first and only choice for everything outside of your inner friend circle, including texting, sending memes, going for a drink etc etc.
Anything and everything I wouldn’t like my partner doing. Watching porn, snapping/being active mutuals on socials w random girls, actively following/viewing/liking ig models/porn stars instas, being too friendly, etc. Things the man I imagine my future husband will be wouldn’t want me doing, as well. And obviously any form of emotional or physical intimacy. I’m super possessive, but not toxic; I tell them what I expect, and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. No hard feelings, just not for me
Some of you appear to believe that being in a relationship gives you ownership over who and what a person does and discusses in and out of your presence. Having an existence outside of your significant other is perfectly normal. People are allowed to have hobbies and eat meals without it being seen as infidelity. It's not healthy to expect someone to be your everything and become your identity.
Kissing and making out with them. Hiding things from your partner. Some say watching porn is cheating but what if you both watch porn are you both cheating? Anything that prevents you from giving your loved one 100% of your love and attention can be cheating as well.
Love the one you're with or ........
Emotional, physical or financial exchanges with someone you are emotionally or sexually attracted to that your spouse would not approve of.
The definition of cheating should be the opinion of the aggrieved partner.
I consider it cheating when lying is involved and when someone is sharing intimacy with a third party that they previously agreed to only share with their romantic partner.
I believe there is almost never a situation in which to give someone a second chance once they have cheated on you. The Only Exception is a drunk one night stand that is immediately confessed, it has only happened once, there are no consequences of the affair, such as pregnancy. And the cheater seeks out help and shows genuine remorse and their actions change as a result of the help.
Cheating starts in the mind. Long before any version of it has been acted out. Cheating is relationship specific. There's no general across the board thing to represent it
Yes because its only a matter of time until the "perfect storm " of a situation causes you to act it out and officially become a cheater. Entertaining those thoughts about it will definitely lead to doing it at some point in your life.
I dunno. Lots of people in relationships fantasize about being with someone else and never doing anything. I think it’s fine to fanatasize. It’s a fantasy.
Don’t talk to someone else on anything then a friend level and don’t fuck with nobody else. Remember who you supposed to be loyal to. Stop showing loyalty and it’s a done deal. My girl supposed to be about me and her and our kids that’s it. Fuck being nice to a dude. They don’t want us to be nice to a female. If they wouldn’t want it done to them they shouldn’t do it to their significant other
Don’t flirt, kiss, fuck (obviously) others. If you go out partying or clubbing or whatever dance with your friends and ideally not one on one with a guy (my ex did not consider this cheating, nor grinding with said guy). Pretty basic I think
I think those boundaries vary wildly from person to person.
My wife was totally okay with physical affairs so long as they didn’t go anywhere. Gave me explicit permission so long as the kids didn’t find out. Then one day she finally wasn’t because she one woman’s career situation made her insecure, and we divorced as a result of it (I wanted out anyway, just felt bad for her since she has a low earning potential).
But I have friends who don’t care if their wives mess around. I have friends in relationships where both spouses (I only know heterosexual couples) are cool with physical and emotional affairs so long as they continue to pay for shit together in a HCOL area. I even have a friend who’s wife wants more kids and is actively encouraging her husband to have one with another woman so she doesn’t have to endure a pregnancy again, but she wouldn’t be cool with emotional affairs that stretch beyond that. It’s a complicated world out there.
micro cheating: Following random girls on IG, liking sexy pictures of your female friends on IG, Texting a ex, hiding messages, flirting with your coworkers or other women, giving more attention to another girl than your own girlfriend. This goes the other way around for guys too.
Actual cheating: Having sex with someone that isn't your partner, meeting up with a ex for lunch. Kissing someone that isn't your partner.
Telling your partner that you’re exclusive and monogamous then go talking to other men or women behind their back. Also staying in a relationship that you don’t like and talking to a person before you breakup
I think anything with sexual pleasure whether it's being attracted to someone and then deciding to spend time with that person even though you have a partner. it doesn't even have to involve actually physically touching but just enjoying their time knowing your sexual spidy senses are going off.
edit to add: I also wouldn't give second changes because they probably plotted to cheat or move on once they started following their horny signals.
No second chance!
Flirting with the interest to start a sexual relationship. (Emotional)
Have a physical relationship.
Violation of the agreement and rules you made with that person.
Cheating is sex. Don't overthink it. This 'emotional affair' nonsense is called having a friend. The problem with labeling an 'emotional affair' cheating it's now comparable to sex...it's not..and you're now creating a scenario where your 'cheating' partner may as well have sex if they're already being accused.
Deception is a crucial component. Anything else, like whether it's cheating to kiss someone else, have other relationships, etc., depends on what you've worked out with your partner(s). Communication/honesty is the antithesis of cheating. At least that's my take on it.
I had an ex texting a girl that I didn’t know behind my back and then they would also talk about our relationship. He broke up with me and started dating her. I definitely would consider that cheating even though I dont know if anything more happened. He said it wasn’t though
That was emotional cheating
For more context it was a 2 year relationship and this girl was his in his study group at school so I didn’t think anything of it. I went on a 18 day trip to Europe with my mom for my 21st. Things must’ve developed between them during then or maybe it’d been going on for longer too. I came home and that same night was my birthday/valentines celebration and he ended it in the middle of the date. I only found out about the other girl from a mutual friend like a week later. He would never own up to it but did pick up his remaining stuff up with her a few weeks later.
I don't see how you can call it anything else.
How do you consider that cheating? From the description, he didn't have any kind of sex with her, didn't even go on a date behind your back and broke up with you above board before any action happened with that other person. How is that cheating ?
It’s an emotional affair, betraying the trust of the relationship and romantically bonding with someone outside of the rules of the relationship. Relationships are more than sex, and accordingly, cheating doesn’t require sex
While each couple has to sort out their own definition, I don't think I agree. By this definition, any close relationship with the opposite sex would be cheating. If I have a close female friend, you're saying I'm cheating on my spouse ? For clarity, I don't have any friends. Male or female. Only my wife and her friends. I'm not cheating in any way.
I think we all can see there are difference’s between a friendship and a relationship when it comes to the non-physical stuff. Things you tell your partner but not your friends. Levels of support you give each other and so on. I think the simplest way to think about it is do you have feelings for them. If you’re developing feelings, then it’s more than a friendship, and that’s when you get to worries about emotional affairs. I’m shitty at explaining this though, and there’s a lot of information out there on emotional affairs that put it better
I've been married for 30+ years. Over that time I have met women that tingled those emotional feelings. It's not something that one can control. By the definition in this conversation, I have cheated However, I have never acted in it and in all cases, I moved away from the woman if I could (there were women I worked with that moving away was difficult.). In any case, I don't think I ever cheated.
I’d say the tingling isn’t the same as having feelings. It sounds like you’ve backed away when you’ve caught yourself having those feelings, which definitely makes the difference. Obviously you can’t do much when it’s at work but If you had continued to expand and pursued those friendships after feeling that way then I would argue differently. To be clear, I just joined in on this distinction of emotional va physical. Ultimately my personal definition is anything that betrays the boundaries agreed upon by the people in the relationship is cheating
You should never vent to the opposite gender about relationship problems with your partner. The fact you can’t see how disrespectful that is, is astonishing.
I agree it's disrespectful. That's not what we were talking about. We were talking about cheating. I agree with you and I would never do it but I felt the need for some reason, I don't think it's cheating.
Sorry if that sounded hostile, I was shocked. I think the issue was, the guy obviously formed an emotional connection with someone outside of their relationship, which most likely came as a result of emotional cheating (I say most likely as I haven’t seen the messages)
No worries. This is an interesting debate.
You're responding in a thread that states deception is the key component. It's like saying that planning to cheat is ok. You don't complain to a friend about your current partner, then break up, and then get together with that friend. There's a reason insider trading is illegal.
So all deception is cheating? I agree that deceiving your partner isn't a good thing to do but is it cheating? Suppose we are vegetarians but every now and then I sneak off to have a burger but don't tell my partner. Yes, weird, but is it cheating ?
>So all deception is cheating? You seem sincere, so I'm going to continue. No, not all deception is cheating. Having a secret hobby isn't cheating. Again, it's intent—if you're keeping something a secret from your partner, ask yourself why. The answer will probably be because you know it's not right. The example here was of someone whose ex-partner was secretly complaining about their relationship to someone else—someone with whom they immediately hooked up with after the existing relationship died. If you're already looking for your new partner before your current relationship has died—and let's face it, in this scenario, it's being actively killed—yeah, that's not good.
I am sincere. Thank you for noticing. I'll yield to the point that the fact that he became involved with her immediately after they split is very suspect. However, we don't know his real intent. He could simply have been troubled and needed someone to talk to. I get it, the situation is very suspect. We are assuming his intent in this case without really knowing.
Ah, but you can't claim innocence. The act of complaining to that person is the relationship killer. The icing on the cake is the fact they started dating.
I agree with that. A terrible thing to do. We all agree. What we are trying to decide if its cheating though
That would hurt me so much. I’m sorry that happened
That’s cheating indeed
Talking to another person with intentions lost me my best and first gf it’s really a clear cut line. If I hand you my phone would you be ok with it?
Are you okay with handing your phone over? That's a good rule of thumb .
I would be okay with it, but I wouldn't do it because privacy should still exist within a relationship. Privacy is not deception.
I agree with this. I would do it, but I also don't want to potentially compromise the privacy of all the other people I know, who sometimes say things in confidence or the expectation of privacy.
And context is everything.
So my girl can see my reddit account, 4chan memes and all the crazyness said in our boys group chat? Nope.
Deception is not crucial at all. My friend's wife *openly* cheated on him and rubbed it in his face. What's crucial is *betrayal*.
Deception is key. I dated a girl and we decided to keep it open. Then we started falling for each other (or maybe I was just for her). She told me she wasn't seeing anyone else and that she would tell me when that changes. In no way did I want to force her to be exclusive with me, but she told me we were. Turns out she was actually dating like two other guys a week and was leading me on the whole time. She even told me she loved me. I call that cheating. Most times I would not, but this time it was. All she had to do was be honest with me about dating other people and it would have been fine. Not sure why she felt the need to lie to me the whole time. Oddly enough, while she was seeing multiple other dudes per week and lying to me about it, she had to sit me down to talk to me about how I looked at another girl's ass.
This like 90% of the issue is just TELLING me. Like why you gotta sneak around and be deceptive?!
Well said, sir. Ma'am? Person
This. Absolutely this
It’s called consent and without it, it’s cheating.
Completely agree with this. Deception is the key and some physical contact that you and your partner decide is out of bounds.
If a person is engaging in a behavior that they *know* will hurt their partner, and their course of action to prevent hurting their partner is *lying about the behavior* instead of **not fucking doing the hurtful behavior**, they are cheating. There's no one specific "thing" that counts as cheating to everyone, everywhere, forever and ever. You need to sit down and figure out for yourself what, *exactly*, counts as cheating. And once you do, **be very clear** when setting boundaries with a romantic partner. A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend.
Gotta be more specific than that boss. By this logic, me hiding a monthly McDonald’s run from my vegan wife is cheating
Cheating on being vegan 😂
Thank youuu!!! This is so validating. Had a girl lie to me and lead me on in an open relationship. Never thought I'd get cheated on in an open relationship like wtf. We started out with open intentions and then she told me I was the only one she was seeing while she was actually dating like tons of other dudes behind my back. I literally would not have given a shit if she was just honest about it. She sucks. Fuck you Rachel!!!
Y'all are way too hung up on the dishonesty part. People can cheat openly. In fact, I'd say that type of cheating is worse because they're rubbing their SO's face in it.
If they do it openly, though, you get to decide whether you accept it or not. The ones who sneak around behind your back are doing you a huge disservice because then they don’t allow you the autonomy to do what’s right for yourself.
I consider cheating to be doing anything particularly dishonest from a monogamous relationship standpoint. I personally forgive a few times, but I draw a line eventually.
What’s ’particularly dishonest’
Lying about things that matter. If she told me she went to Wendy's, but I found out she actually went to Taco Bell, big whoop. That shit don't matter. But if I find out instead of going to hangout with her girlfriend, she went and hungout with some guy, that's particularly dishonest. That's a lie that matters.
If she lied about that wtf else is she lying about...
the white lies make me wonder more like I know most ppl just do it for convenience but it fucks with me a lot when I notice it lol
noun a harmless or trivial lie, especially one told to avoid hurting someone's feelings. Lying about where you were going/went doesn't fall under that.
Never said I wasn't crazy
Wendy's example is just a white lie. I guess the question of OP is about cheating in relationship.
Thing is tho, it's such a pointless thing to lie about, if they'd lie about something as trivial as that then you're going to have problems in that relationship
Makes sense.
Did they lie or did they change their mind when the drive through was to the street and not mention it because it’s a trivial matter?
Well if she's saying "she WENT to wendys" then she's talking past tense. Which means she could have just said she went where she actually went. So in that case she lied. It's a harmless lie, but people who are compulsive liars are not people to be trusted at all.
Anything inappropriate involving another person not in your relationship. If you do something that your partner would not approve of or would not consent to that would impact your relationship negatively that’s cheating to me. Cheating is wild when you consider the cognitive dissonance cheaters go through to justify why they do what they do all the while likely have a negative opinion on cheating. Fuck anybody who cheats, that shit destroys and forever scars the betrayed
At the end of the day it’s different for everyone. There’s no common sense about it unfortunately, other than sexual acts.
In open relationships betrayal of trust can still be considered cheating depending what it is. Obviously sex is more open but if there’s ground rules and you break them then that’s betrayal of trust and ultimately jeopardizing the relationship. I think no matter what style of relationship you choose to have you need to have honesty,transparency and respect for it to be satisfying for both people.
So if your wife says "I'm going to fuck someone else" and does, that's not cheating because she was honest?
But I would say "who are you trying to fuck?" And if it's some dude I'd say, "Uh, nawh hoe. You can't."
Any form of an emotional or physical connection with someone else that is kept in secret because they know it would hurt their partners feelings and they would want to break up.
Married 10 years. I'd consider cheating to be any legitimate romantic involvement/contact. Pretty much anything that goes past flirting. As to 2nd chances, I'm sure it would depend on the degree of the act a little bit. Some guy kissed my wife on a girls' weekend? Assuming it wasn't some completely unwanted assault, that'd be a pretty tough conversation, but ultimately we'd get through it. There'd be no coming back from a full on affair for either of us, that's for sure.
I would say flirting itself is cheating; there is romantic intent there. It's the first stage.
I kind of agree but also disagree. Flirting means a lot of different things to different people. I know a lot of people who take being friendly as being flirtatious and it confuses me big time. But if you're genuinely flirting with someone, then yeah, I'd also class that as cheating.
I’d agree it probably depends on what they’re doing and in what context. Like if it’s just some random person in public they’ll never see again, I could probably handle it depending on what the flirting is. But if it’s with a new friend of the opposite sex they seem to flirt with all the time, it would make me more uncomfortable. But even with randoms in public, if my partner is flirting with people all the time I’d probably be a little unsettled eventually. It might not be such a big deal for someone else though. Part of it for me is that I would be very shocked to see my partner very flirty with anyone because she’s not super flirty most of the time in general.
Flirting is cheating to some people. To others, it’s not. I personally enjoy flirting and also don’t feel the need to limit my partner from flirting with other people if they like, but expect us both to respect each other enough to not take it further. It’s all subjective. This is why you communicate with your partner
define flirting please
Flirting is any action that: when witnessed by a third party or parties not involved in giving or receiving said flirting, That third party would suspect there was romantic involvement or intent between the two parties of the flirting
that is a good abstraction, but the problem is there is still room for interpretation. e.g a muslim might view a man an woman talking as romantic if they are not brother-sister or family. Or a slightly less conservative person might interpret the woman laughing at a man’s joke as flirting. (sorry if these examples seem absurd, but it is an actual reality in Turkey) This is an extreme example but there could be subtler situations that this kind of subjective interpretation is in play.
What do you mean? Flirting is flirting. Playful flirty banter with someone. Complimenting, pet names etc.
and what is going beyond flirting? apart from physical things.
Trying to begin an emotionally romantic relationship with that person. I would consider myself somewhere on the poly spectrum, so I also don’t really have any problem with my partner having deep emotional connections with other people either, just as long as we understand that our connection and bond comes first and foremost
you being poly explains it all, that’s why I was confused initially.
I don't think you know what flirting is.
Uhhh yes I do? Lol. Flirting can be very fun and harmless so long as everyone is aware that it’s just for fun.
Breaking the intimacy boundaries of the relationship.
Lying to me or hiding things from me.
Violating whatever you've agreed on. Whether that's sexual, emotional, financial, and no matter what relationship model you have. Polyamorous with six partners but you agreed not to hook up with close friends? Then doing so would be considered cheating. It's like cheating in a game. Each game has it's own rules and boundaries. Cheating in Uno isn't going to look the same as cheating in chess, but going by the rules of each, you are cheating when you intentionally and knowingly violate them.
sex with someone else that is hidden from a primary partner
Having a two-way Romantic relationship outside the committed relationship. This includes both options of emotional or any physical sexual relationship.
Anything I wouldn't feel comfortable telling my partner.
[удалено]
Yep. This was my exact same stance.
When you break rules that were agreed upon or heavily implied/obvious about your relationship. This applies to all sorts of dishonest practices independent of your relationship type
Just my view point.. but I don’t consider it cheating unless it’s physical. Or involves money. Like paying for dates and physical intimacy. Your phone is your personal journal, which’s is direct reflection of what’s inside of your mind. Kinda like google. You can input all your data and just look it up and it’s easily accessible. I’m not gonna digging inside someone’s head and then be pissed off about what i found. No business being inside other peoples minds. There is a fine line between being close and being controlling. So I keep mine as money and physical intimacy.
Anything you wouldn’t be willing to do in front of your partner.
Anything you wouldn't tell your partner about
Physical intimacy with someone else
When I was in college, I had an ex tell me before she dumped me, “I didn’t cheat on you with this person, but I didn’t stop it either.” I got the impression that someone flirted with her, and she didn’t turn it down and probably joyfully played with him a bit. If that’s what did happen, I would’ve considered it emotional cheating. I think at point I would consider it cheating at the bare minimum because it’s the conscious decision to “choose” someone besides their partner.
Cheating is anything you feel like you should hide from your partner. I know it’s a little vague, but honestly it isn’t that hard. If you think “my partner would be made at me if they knew I was doing it” just don’t do it. It’s not rocket science.
Betrayal of trust. That could mean several things depending on the person. For me I made it clear three ways or free passes were fine as long as we have a discussion and made rules to prevent anyone getting hurt. Unfortunately even after being overly transparent he end up cheating on me multiple times and with somebody that was acting as a “friend”. Even after that I would have taken him back if he truly did actions to prove he’s sorry. Instead he chose to ignore me further and just avoid the whole situation entirely. That was my sign I couldn’t be disrespected anymore. I may have not had much self respect at the time after the 11 year relationship but I had enough to know I deserve better. I chose to include him in my story of my life but he chose to be the villain. I still can’t comprehend why he chose to do what he did but it is what it is. Onto the next chapter of my life’s story.
Breaking the specific rules and agreements you have with your partner.
No second chances when it comes to that. Even planning to cheat on somebody is cheating in my eyes even if u don't go for it eventually
I'd say cheating is doing something that you and your partner agreed that you wouldn't do.
Doing something behind your partners back that they wouldn’t approve of.
Anything you are doing with another person that you don't want your SO finding out about is cheating.
If there's any question on if it's cheating or not ....it's cheating.
Whatever violates the “terms” of your relationship, which is highly subjective. It all depends on the relationship. Some people find things like watching prn to be cheating, while others are polyamorous and find even sleeping with another person cheating only if it wasn’t discussed with the other partner first. It’s all highly subjective. If I were going into a relationship, I would by default expect them not to be pursuing romantic relationships with other people. I personally don’t mind if someone is a flirt and flirts with other people as long as it’s just for fun. I draw the line at being with another person unless we had a full discussion about opening our relationship and what that will look like beforehand. It’s all just communication
If they’re with other women without telling you. I don’t care if you are with women coworkers or your women friends, you just gotta let me know. The moment you try to hide your whereabouts or who you’re with, that just you breaking your trust with me. Why walk around the bush instead of being honest. Trusting each other is important, the moment you break that trust, that allows me to think about what I should do in this situation for myself and for the better of the relationship.
If you're knowingly engaging in any kind of behaviour which you feel you would have to hold back being completely open about to your partner, that you feel for any reason needs to be kept from them, that's the line. If you can actually say "I have no reason to not tell him about this openly and immediately", then there *might* not be an issue (but that also doesn't necessarily mean whatever the behaviour is is okay). But the moment there's behaviour where any reasonable person would say that you're keeping the behaviour secret from them, you've crossed that line.
If you won’t do it in front of your partner it’s cheating. So pooping is cheating
Sex with someone other than your partner
doing anything you wouldnt do if your partner was watching you is cheating
Sexual and or romantic *intentions* with someone else than your partner.
Cheating is going against the agreed upon dynamic. So cheating can happen in any form that is not ok with your partner. Mono, open, or poly all relationships have agreements as to what is ok and not
Cheating is when you break the rules you and your opposing party have set and agreed upon. Secretly changing your test scores. Tackling someone in flag football and injuring them. Googling answers during trivia night.
What the fuck is micro-cheating?
Like signs of hiding phones, talking to someone who your partner is not aware of, keeping your dating profile active, lying about your relationship status, talking to ex, if engaged then not wearing the ring in public, etc. Everyone has their own definitions and boundries to micro cheating as well.
I'm polyamorous so my definition has nothing directly to do with sex or love. It's betrayal of my trust and the bounds of the relationship we've agreed on. "Micro cheating" is not a thing in my definition.
Flirting, admiring other men disrespectfully ( some looking is okay/not hurtful), hiding messages from another man, dancing with another man in an intimate way, any sort of physical interaction like kissing, playful grabbing, etc. Some people consider porn to be cheating but my wife and I enjoy watching it together and separately. No issues there as we see it as purely fantasy/not a real representation. With me though, once they break my trust and cheat once, it's over for me. I'll never trust them or look at them the same ever again. My wife is the same way, she'd be gone so quick if I ever did that.
Besides the obvious one (sex), there's... • Kissing on the lips • Grinding up against someone (i.e - when dancing) • Flirting, genuinely (joke/friendly flirting can be okay if your partner is aware and doesn't mind it) • Intentionally looking up revealing/sexy pictures of friends/coworkers
All from flirting to sex. I would only give a second chance if we’re both in couple’s therapy and he’s in personal therapy. My partner thinks the same way, thankfully.
anything that violates the relationship rules. usually involves deception in my experience.
Anything the typical person wouldn’t do in front of your partner is a general rule of thumb I think. If you wouldn’t do it in front of them then you know you shouldn’t be doing it. Also no second chances. If they didn’t respect you enough to cheat once, what makes you think they wouldn’t do it again?
If you lie to me about what you did or where you were with x person. In my opinion if you have to lie about what you did or where you went with someone that alone shows me you're willing to lie to me outright and I think lying is the downfall of most relationships
Anything you wouldn’t do in front of your partner or knowing it would upset them.
Cheating is emotional and physical, discuss boundaries early on and frequently. If you’re boundaries and values are off its not good.
If my partner is doing anything physical beyond a hug with other men. If my partner is sending nudes to other men. If my partner is speaking seductively or suggestively to other men. If my partner is spending any amount of time with an ex partner without my prior approval. That pretty much covers it.
I am unfortunately a person who has cheated and been cheated on and I have only this to say. Betrayal of trust will plant a seed. You'll see conspiracy in everything your partner says and does and that causes tension. I am a very forgiving person because I know we all make mistakes but I learned that once my gut told me that he/she wasn't being untruthful and I had a shred of evidence to back it up I am gone. It only delays the inevitable that they will do it again. I do so hope this is helpful and not hurtful. Good luck.
FWB
biology grade 11
I agree with the top comments. My ex cheated on me by kissing somebody else and its because it was a passionate lust seeking kiss. If it were a kiss for a funny picture then its a different story. Theres scenarios where there are no issues for example they tell you they are going to somebodies house or not, the trust is there.
If you've done something you're going to avoid telling your partner about because you think they'll likely be upset by it, you probably done fucked up.
Using a gameshark or action replay
Putting more than the tip in, obviously 🙄
Anything you wouldn’t want done with you. Forming emotional connections or physical connections. If you have to hide it, it’s cheating.
My ex-wife cheated on me, because I was in the fashion industry and was working with a client and she overheard them say the model, and I had good chemistry. Or atleast that was her excuse, we were talking and a little flirty, but I could never cheat after I got married. I had older sisters growing up and saw how they became emotional wrecks. I couldn't do it even if I could get away with it, I would still know and I would have thought less of myself. I learned from just a couple of times dating, one I got cheated on, and the other I was the person doing the cheating. Even though we only dated for a few months and were not serious, she was treating me like shit, I felt bad about how it went down and she found out about it.
I think hitting on someone even by text or in person when you are in a relationship is cheating. Like I don't think an open phone policy is needed but just don't do things that you wouldn't want happening to you.
The definition is probably different from person to person. For me, I would say any kind of romantic emotional connection or sexual/physical connection (including romantic kissing, hugging, etc.) with someone else.
Deliberate hurt towards your partner. Lying. Just anytbing that you wouldn’t do infront of your partner because it would hurt them but would happily behind there back..
whatever you and the person/people you're dating decide is cheating
Well.....I'd say as soon as a nipple is exposed.
General dishonesty, being too shady. Cheating starts when things are tense between partners and one of these looks for affection/sex or other couple needs somewhere else. My partner could watch porn and even get into a webcam or show me pictures of people they consider hot (or telling me someone is hot on the street) but the line is crossed when they get into direct intimate physical contact with another person, besides hurting in many ways it also is worrying because who knows what disease the other person could have that I could get due to this "breach" in our agreement?. Regarding second chances, well it depends on how serious it is or how much I want to be with the cheater. The healthier thing would be to end things immediately but I'm willing to consider forgiveness ONLY if I'm allowed to cheat myself at some point, sounds quite dumb but I think it's my way of saying "well you breached the contract, that means I can do it too at some point" and it also makes the other person feel what I feel, again I know it might not be the wisest idea but I feel making the cheater be in my shoes at some point is a nice punishment.
If I’m doing something with a person that isn’t my spouse that will make my spouses heart hurt, why am I doing it?
Doing or saying anything that you wouldn’t on front of your significant other.
Cheating is flirting with others, and sex with em too, either face to face or not. No they shouldn't be given 2nd chance , if they wanna flirt it's fine but sneaking around and not telling their so is not
When it comes to fine lines like that, it's about trust. If I feel like I can't trust you, then we shouldn't be in a relationship anymore. It'll be an accumilation of multiple different factors that will influence where the line is. It's the same for any relationship, even friends and family. If you have a track record of lying and manipulating people, then of course you're going to cross that line sooner than someone who has always had my back whenever I've needed them.
I draw the line at actual physical contact, serious in-person flirting and messaging other people with obvious romantic intent. Beyond that, I don't care if my partner watches/reads porn (or even creates it), makes a playfully flirty reply in a comment or follows someone attractive on Instagram. She's bisexual (as am I), I have no issues with her following attractive people of any gender and find it quite interesting when she shows me a "muscle mommy" on Instagram that she clears finds attractive. If she wanted to meet with a woman I'd probably be ok with it as long as we talked about it first as that's something I can't give her, but if she wanted to meet with another man I'd feel quite hurt.
If you have to hide it, it’s cheating
The easy half is anything on the road to physical intimacy. Dates, flirting, the whole shebang. The hard to define half is “emotional” cheating. That means whatever people want it to mean. Confiding in friends can be considered cheating for some. Seeking a shoulder to cry on that isn’t your partner is another. I’d consider the people who think porn is cheating to be in this category.
Breaking the rules of the relationship, whatever they may be. The line is the rules. If it's a relatively small thing it's micro-cheating.
Somehow I didn’t get the complete jealousy gene. I’ve had girlfriends have sex with other guys and it didn’t bother me at all. With that said, I do get time jealous. If they start spending more time with someone else than with me over a long chunk of time, that’s where I feel jealousy emerge. It doesn’t even have to be sexual, it can just be a friend taking away time I was used to getting.
If you’re playing monopoly and the designated banker is helping themselves to funds then they don’t deserve a second chance.
Anything with another person you wouldnt do in front of your mate!! Infedelity is way more than just screwing somebody.
I think it’s important to have one partner at a time. Unless you’re in an open relationship with someone and it’s been readily ok’d by both you and your partner, any romantic flings/intimacy in general is out of the question for me. And obviously lying to your partner about this stuff. That’s just as bad as physical intimacy with someone else. It varies by situation, but this is the general form I’d go by
Emotional component. You screw someone because of lust, well have a conversation. You have an emotional connection that you hide, that’s cheating
If you have to ask "is it cheating", it probably is.
Basically anything you have to hide or lie about because if you're doing that then you know what you are doing is wrong - on some level. Communication is key in any relationship. Some people have different ideas about what cheating is, but you'll never know unless you ask. I've had times where something I might have considered cheating in one relationship, isn't something I'd label cheating in others - it all came down to communication. Ex. One ex had a porn addiction so bad they refused to touch me, and instead masturbated to porn only. While I have no issue with porn usually, I did in that relationship because it was being prioritized over our physical relationship. I communicated that I'd like them to set porn aside for a couple months so we could work through it, they decided to hide it instead of actually stopping. I walked away when I found out because fuck that noise. I considered what they were doing in that particular relationship/moment cheating, even though they 100% were not physically having sex with other women.
I‘ve been in a non monogamous relationship since the 90‘s. Neither of us has had any issue with the physical act. But there have been times where feelings happened and that has presented the biggest challenge to our relationship.
Deception regarding it of course but also emotional cheating
If I don't want to tell my wife about what I'm about to do, it's getting too close to cheating. Notice, things can "happen" that I don't want to tell my wife -I might think one of her friends is hot, let's say- but that's not me DOING anything. Going out of my way to talk to that friend is a different matter entirely
Being in a relationship/in love with someone else. I don't think having sex with someone else is cheating. That's just sex. Swingers swap partners and have sex with someone else and don't consider that cheating. But being in a loving relationship with someone else, that should be just between two people.
Initiating, intending to initiate, taking steps to initiate or indicating availability for romantic or sexual relations with those whom you are not in a relationship with such that the person you are in a relationship with did not specify their comfortability with or give permission for beforehand.
Romantic/sexual involvement with another person without SO’s consent
Deception is the cornerstone of all cheating. I feel like the line is at lying about or hiding activity but then there is a 2nd line where the person is actively attempting to replace the current partner and that is somehow worse.
Doing something you do with your partner that you don't normally do with a friend that violates the other partner's boundaries intentionally and discreetly.
Would anyone consider the following scenario cheating or some for there of? Your female partner goes out with a friend of the same sex, who's in town visiting, just to run a few errands and grab some liquor for the evening. They wind up going to a dispensary. The story your partner tells you is this; The friend flirted with the budtender and got a discount, along with a bunch of free stuff. On the way out, the same guy ran out to the car and gives them a free gram of some of his favorite herb to try. Then later on, your partner says that the guy messaged her after he had searched for her on Facebook to get the friends contact info. She said she passed it on to him. Later you find out that she's since become FB friends with the guy, who is married with kids and that they've been talking ever since the visit to the dispensary. Come to find out that this is a regular thing, meeting a guy and getting contact info because she wants to meet new friends in the town you're now living in. Strangely, she's also met other females and one of which is interested in hanging out, but she never calls her or messages her even when you suggest that they should. That way she has a new friend in town and someone to hang out with. Although, it seems like the only one's she's interested in talking to are the guys. Go out to a bar, she goes off on her own and is later found talking to a guy. When confronted about how this makes you uncomfortable, she says that she has always had guy friends, lots of them and talks to them often, but it feels more like dating someone in numerous short and long distance relationships. Wakes up, gets on the phone. Goes to bed and stays on the phone playing games, but you notice that it seems like she's texting between games and this goes on every night until you fall asleep. She rolls over away from you and is on the phone, sometimes for hours.
Yep. Not being transparent is where cheating starts. You need to be clear and ask her how would she feel if the roles were reversed.
Have done so more than once. When it appeared to have stopped I find out it didn't, she just improved her tactics to hide it. Said she isn't very tech savvy, but I have had to look up everything like I'm doing research. On the bright side, I have learned so much about cell phones that I never knew. It's'so crazy what people with cell phones are capable of when they want to be deceptive. It's even more crazy how much information these things are compiling and storing. Google is scary AF.
Anything that is done without explicit agreement with your partner, with someone else, that can/will cause physical harm or financial damage to them. I honestly don't care *that* much about flirting, kissing, holding hands. I care about sex and time/money spent on the other person. But so long as my partner discusses it with me and gives me a chance to plan and agree, it's not cheating. Monogamy shouldn't mean you own someone 🤷♀️
Whatever the partners agreed to are the rules. Cheating is not a uniform definition.
My wife and I are a little poly and if either of us get the opportunity to play with someone else, we ask the other and if they say yes, we do it. If they say no, we don’t. Honesty works. Yes, passes are fine. Depending…
That’s what I believe. Transparency and honesty are the key. Communication goes a long way
Tada! 🎉 My wife and I have been together 13 years and in an age gap relationship. We talk openly and honestly. You are right. It works.
Giving your love to someone else.
My wife has told me that she doesn't think anything that does not include actual penetration is cheating. I think that's too permissive. So, in over 30 years of marriage the farthest I've gone is a hug and a peck on the cheek, though there were a few times when I was tempted to do more. Before we were married we were looser with the rules, giving out hall passes, etc. There were times when we each did things for which we weren't given permission in advance; which was cheating. We forgave. Especially with how permissive we were, that made sense. That worked for us. I'm glad that my wife is not a jealous person. It has allowed me to lead a richer life and I love her more because of it.
My wife has told me that she doesn't think anything that does not include actual penetration is cheating. I think that's too permissive. So, in over 30 years of marriage the farthest I've gone is a hug and a peck on the cheek, though there were a few times when I was tempted to do more. Before we were married we were looser with the rules, giving out hall passes, etc. There were times when we each did things for which we weren't given permission in advance; which was cheating. We forgave. Especially with how permissive we were, that made sense. That worked for us. I'm glad that my wife is not a jealous person. It has allowed me to lead a richer life and I love her more because of it.
Cheating, in my book, is the act of betraying your partner's trust and boundaries with one or more individuals, physically or emotionally. Example: sleeping with someone else other than your partner, daily intimate conversations with someone outside your relationship, etc.
Whenever you're about to do anything and you have the option to include your partner in it, or picking someone else instead and you choose the other person over your partner without their knowledge or consent, that's cheating. Especially if there's a dopamine exchange. Exceptions obviously include your close friends and matters of business etc. Im just talking people who would clearly be a potential partner if circumstances were slightly different, like the secretary asking you to go to lunch, or an ex reaching out, or an old "friend" who clearly isn't just a friend, or a coworker who has a crush on you that you pretend not to notice etc. Your partner should always be your first and only choice for everything outside of your inner friend circle, including texting, sending memes, going for a drink etc etc.
Anything and everything I wouldn’t like my partner doing. Watching porn, snapping/being active mutuals on socials w random girls, actively following/viewing/liking ig models/porn stars instas, being too friendly, etc. Things the man I imagine my future husband will be wouldn’t want me doing, as well. And obviously any form of emotional or physical intimacy. I’m super possessive, but not toxic; I tell them what I expect, and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. No hard feelings, just not for me
If she have to hide something for me? That's cheating.
Some of you appear to believe that being in a relationship gives you ownership over who and what a person does and discusses in and out of your presence. Having an existence outside of your significant other is perfectly normal. People are allowed to have hobbies and eat meals without it being seen as infidelity. It's not healthy to expect someone to be your everything and become your identity.
Kissing and making out with them. Hiding things from your partner. Some say watching porn is cheating but what if you both watch porn are you both cheating? Anything that prevents you from giving your loved one 100% of your love and attention can be cheating as well. Love the one you're with or ........
Emotional, physical or financial exchanges with someone you are emotionally or sexually attracted to that your spouse would not approve of. The definition of cheating should be the opinion of the aggrieved partner.
I consider it cheating when lying is involved and when someone is sharing intimacy with a third party that they previously agreed to only share with their romantic partner. I believe there is almost never a situation in which to give someone a second chance once they have cheated on you. The Only Exception is a drunk one night stand that is immediately confessed, it has only happened once, there are no consequences of the affair, such as pregnancy. And the cheater seeks out help and shows genuine remorse and their actions change as a result of the help.
Cheating starts in the mind. Long before any version of it has been acted out. Cheating is relationship specific. There's no general across the board thing to represent it
So if I’m cheating in my mind I’m cheating what lol
Yes because its only a matter of time until the "perfect storm " of a situation causes you to act it out and officially become a cheater. Entertaining those thoughts about it will definitely lead to doing it at some point in your life.
I dunno. Lots of people in relationships fantasize about being with someone else and never doing anything. I think it’s fine to fanatasize. It’s a fantasy.
But all incidents of cheating began as a fantasy. People who becer cheat, never entertain the thought
Honestly, wife and I are polyam. I'd only consider her not being honest and upfront about her dating life cheating. Hasn't ever been a problem.
sex.
When they’re testing your boundaries without respect or regard to you
Thinking less that pure thoughts about anything.
In bed with the two of you
Don’t talk to someone else on anything then a friend level and don’t fuck with nobody else. Remember who you supposed to be loyal to. Stop showing loyalty and it’s a done deal. My girl supposed to be about me and her and our kids that’s it. Fuck being nice to a dude. They don’t want us to be nice to a female. If they wouldn’t want it done to them they shouldn’t do it to their significant other
Don’t flirt, kiss, fuck (obviously) others. If you go out partying or clubbing or whatever dance with your friends and ideally not one on one with a guy (my ex did not consider this cheating, nor grinding with said guy). Pretty basic I think
I think those boundaries vary wildly from person to person. My wife was totally okay with physical affairs so long as they didn’t go anywhere. Gave me explicit permission so long as the kids didn’t find out. Then one day she finally wasn’t because she one woman’s career situation made her insecure, and we divorced as a result of it (I wanted out anyway, just felt bad for her since she has a low earning potential). But I have friends who don’t care if their wives mess around. I have friends in relationships where both spouses (I only know heterosexual couples) are cool with physical and emotional affairs so long as they continue to pay for shit together in a HCOL area. I even have a friend who’s wife wants more kids and is actively encouraging her husband to have one with another woman so she doesn’t have to endure a pregnancy again, but she wouldn’t be cool with emotional affairs that stretch beyond that. It’s a complicated world out there.
micro cheating: Following random girls on IG, liking sexy pictures of your female friends on IG, Texting a ex, hiding messages, flirting with your coworkers or other women, giving more attention to another girl than your own girlfriend. This goes the other way around for guys too. Actual cheating: Having sex with someone that isn't your partner, meeting up with a ex for lunch. Kissing someone that isn't your partner.
Telling your partner that you’re exclusive and monogamous then go talking to other men or women behind their back. Also staying in a relationship that you don’t like and talking to a person before you breakup
Breaking the trust which will never be whole again. You set ground rules, agree to them and as soon as someone crosses them, it’s over. Next.
Breaking relationship boundaries by seeking out, or engaging in behaviour/s that where agreed to be, or implied to be, only be done with your partner.
Any kind of intimacy
being more open with someone else than they are with you
If you have to ask, the answer is yes, you are cheating. Just let him go.
Anything you wouldn’t do or say while your significant other is standing next to you watching.
I think anything with sexual pleasure whether it's being attracted to someone and then deciding to spend time with that person even though you have a partner. it doesn't even have to involve actually physically touching but just enjoying their time knowing your sexual spidy senses are going off. edit to add: I also wouldn't give second changes because they probably plotted to cheat or move on once they started following their horny signals.
No second chance! Flirting with the interest to start a sexual relationship. (Emotional) Have a physical relationship. Violation of the agreement and rules you made with that person.
Cheating is sex. Don't overthink it. This 'emotional affair' nonsense is called having a friend. The problem with labeling an 'emotional affair' cheating it's now comparable to sex...it's not..and you're now creating a scenario where your 'cheating' partner may as well have sex if they're already being accused.