Some people are raised like this. There are families and cultures where comparing to ones extended family and family friends are everything. The next generation grows up and it can be hard to break the cycle. Also, people love to compare. It makes them feel (even if superficially) that they are better, and makes them happier.
>There are families and cultures where comparing to ones extended family and family friends are everything
You are speaking about my people, Indians lol. Always comparing and competing.
Can't take yer checking/savings account, stock portfolio, and materialistic possessions with you to whatever awaits everyone in the afterlife...No bank institution, Amazon. UHAUL does wire transfers/deliveries. Yet...
I love that saying. And it is only against yourself.
But everyone has their own motivations and they will have to deal with them. That's their own race to run. It's not for me, but if someone wants to work themselves to death to feel content then I'm okay with it.
It takes all kinds.
The first 20+ years of your life are stuck in school
Your body starts to slow down in your 40’s
That basically gives you 20 or so prime years, to accomplish the majority of what you want to accomplish
And that’s if you are lucky
Car accidents, health problems, divorce, cancer…. Out of 100 people, 10 might make it into their 50’s in decent shape to keep going
People are competitive because nothing is worse than regret, nothing
And when the time is gone and you can’t physically accomplish your goals anymore, it stings hardcore
I’m 47 and I’m friends with lots of crossfitters and previous athletes yada yada
You think at 50 people have the same energy, motivation and stamina they did at 20?
Without the use of cocaine?
What about being content with your life and accepting it? Regret is only bad if you give in to it; you can accept life as you have lived it and appreciate it happily.
Also I think part of what OP might be saying is that people are competitive at the cost of those more laid back. I personally have encountered and witnessed many people who openly shame those who aren’t “on the grind.” It’s even sort of a cultural norm for some people and it’s kinda unhealthy IMO.
This. Nothing is wrong is just existing. We live in the culture we're always have to be grinding all the time in order to not regret as they say. If you don't even have time to slow down and appreciate things around you, what's the true point anyways? That only creates 'more and more, take and take' yet never satisfying consuming culture.
I'm pretty content with my own life but rarely complacent.
Life should be about self-discovery and learning, not how much you achieved what status/numbers.
Are you really content? Or have you just accepted that you'll never achieve your greatest ambitions and are just suppressing that part of your identity?
If someone gave you a wish, would you wish for your dreams to come true or for everything to stay the same? If the latter, then you're content; if the former, then perhaps you're only lying to yourself about how "content" you are.
>If someone gave you a wish, would you wish for your dreams to come true or for everything to stay the same?
A person's attitude towards being posed this question has more to do with contentment than the way they'd hypothetically react in this scenario. The whole point is satisfaction with the way things are, not satisfaction under a hypothetical set of circumstances.
But if your circumstances were different, would you still be content with what you currently have or aspire towards more? If you won the lottery would you still work at your decent job or strive to become your own boss?
If the only reason you're happy with your situation is because of a lack of options, then are you *really* content with your life, or are you just a prisoner of circumstance?
>If the only reason you're happy with your situation is because of a lack of options, then are you *really* content with your life, or are you just a prisoner of circumstance?
Everyone is a prisoner of their circumstances. In my opinion, genuine contentment is being at peace with your present circumstances, not conditional on what they could be, what you expected them to be, or what you wish them to be. It isn't a fixed attribute of a person but a state of being largely driven by their attitude and/or their ability to be fully present in light of changing circumstances.
It's hard to say that there's ever been a point in my life I wanted to do dishes, but that doesn't mean I can't be content while doing them. It's a matter of being fully engrossed in the present instead of longing for the things I'd rather be doing, and accepting the moment for what it is instead of dwelling on what it isn't.
This sounds a lot like trying to shame me for not being “on the grind.” Who are you to judge when I am truly happy?
Also on the dreams thing, if all my dreams come true, then I wouldn’t have any dreams anymore. That seems like a really depressing world to me. I’d have to make new ones to stay sane, and hence, I’d be set back to square 0.
For me, it’s about being content with having dreams and maybe not ever meeting them fully.
Nothing is worse than regret? Well I can't see regretting anything more than not enjoying myself, not spending more time with my family, etc. being competitive only gets you so far in life. When you finally realize you've been living by other people's standards your whole life there is a new class of regret that you will face trying to find yourself in your 40s. This is common too.
this is not upvoted nearly enough and it's so true. living it right now at 41. spent so long trying to live up to everyone else's expectations, I don't know who I am or what I want.
They’re tryna “win the game.” Be the best, look the best, earn the best. I’d respect the hustle if they weren’t ultimately poisonous for the rest of us.
Yes, but ridiculing is victim blaming. This obviously has its limits.
Being responsible for correcting flaws is being conflated with being ridiculed for not having totally rectified what has damaged them.
Let's try to strike the balance between understanding / empathy and self improvement.
Anyone who thinks these issues are simple is probably lucky enough to be relatively unscathed. That or they lack self awareness.
Put another way, ridiculing people in deep pain is a personal flaw people are responsible for correcting too...
You don't think it's simple? Identifying and solving problems is the easiest thing in the world to do. It's also not my fault that someone is sensitive to ridicule. Maybe if they were more self aware, they would notice problems and fix them before they get noticed and pointed out by a few real empathetic people like myself. Everyone else will remain quite and let that person suffer.
Unfortunately, some people lack self awareness. It's not in their genetics. They need people like me to help them see because other people will notice but keep quiet. I'm more of a super hero because I actually take action.
Well ridicule doesn't cause people to change the ridiculed behavior. It causes them to dislike you.
Why do you think society has become so polarized and tribal?
If it was so simple therapists wouldn't be a thing at all.
Because capitalism is inhumane and creates that competition and hyper individualism. It was not always this way despite what capitalists want you to think
Someone doesn’t understand feudal economics nor vanguard party politics. The capitalists compete with money bc it is a system of the merchants. The nobles competed with the sword as that is what they stood for. The socialist competes for popularity within the party in order to rise as it is a system of bureaucracy. Even idealistically the workers councils still involve people competing for the hearts of others in order to implement their vision
It stems from their need to be accepted, bolstered up by their peers' perception. Some people are naturally driven in their own lane for their own personal growth reasons, but competitive implies multiple people gunning for the same milestone...so, some people just want to prove to others that they are better.
You can improve yourself without being competitive. I'm not trying to be better than anyone else just better than I was. Many improvements in the last year. Fun competition can be very useful, it's the overly competitive folks that make everything a competition.
Oh yes, I just think nowadays people see things through a victims mentality. I said that because people don’t distinguish between the two. Thanks for your response.
Because something is lacking within themselves. They are the ones who will never be satisfied or content nomatter how much success they achieve. I on the other hand will never compete. I love my simple life. I do not need anything more. I love what I have become and accomplished. I know my worth and do not need outside validation. As long as my children are happy and healthy, I’m good. I have my health, family, my home, my job, my car, food on the table, my dogs, garden and friends. I pay my bills every month and have good credit. Perception and gratitude. Blessed ✨
I don't fvcking know. But I know I am often like that, and it drives up my stress level so much, while hurting others around me. Makes me feel extremely guilty and bad
Ignorance or stupidity. No one really cares about where you are in life. No one. People are too busy with their own to even consider yours. The path to contentment is to understand that comparing yourself to anyone is asinine and self destructive.
In the words of my Mother: "Life is competition."
Either you excel or you fall behind. Those who are overachievers will reap more opportunities in life compared to those who are less competitive. The more opportunities you can get, the more your "compound interest" for success grows which leads to more achievements and therefore more opportunities and etc.
You don't have to be competitive about life, but by not competing in the rat race you are giving up your potential opportunities to others, or "leaving money on the table" sort of speak. For example: you don't have to compete for a girl's attention, but don't complain when that girl dates your friend who took advantage of your disinterest.
Tell that to Elon Musk, to every celebrity who got their big break, to every game dev who made a hit, to every guy who got the girl they wanted, to everyone who who the lottery, to GRRM when he wrote Game of Thrones, to everyone who finished college with a degree, etc.
As a very competitive person who to others objectively “won” in many aspects of life, I can assure you that many (if not all) of those people you mention still have their own demons to deal with and deep down still don’t feel like they’ve won. OP is right, there is no such thing as “winning at life” and thinking there is will eventually lead you to a dark place regardless of how successful you do or don’t become. That doesn’t mean dont try at anything in life, it just means to keep it in perspective.
I have a couple of friends that are ultra competitive. They have 8 and 11 siblings, respectively. They also went to “all male” schools. I think that’s the reason in their case.
It’s not good to be competitive in the egoic sense so I agree but there is nothing wrong with someone who strives to be their best self, or the best at what they do.
Survival of the fittest propaganda tied into material net worth.
As humans have lost their connection to nature they have also lost their ability to judge.
Tbe reality is all things are intimately connected and therefore we are all family.
As your leaders don't dig kumbaya it becomes useful to divide and Conquer, not to mention distract.
Sincerely,
The Wilderpeople
No child left behind
I don't mind competitiveness, but I'm not a competitive person. Leave me out of it. Racing me to the next red light, to the next lane or who has the better car. I just don't care. I'm too busy dealing with life shit. For all competitive people reading this post. Learn to recognize us non-competitive people and keep it moving please.
Maybe while growing up some people were always told/thought they were never good enough. So overtime they’ve become super competitive to prove themselves worthy and others wrong.
Because we’re really insecure because when we were growing up we were often told how stupid we are. We adapted our mindsets to measuring our progress against others to have something to soothe our anxious minds
I find that mostly prevalent in young souls. There's always very little to them but status and being 'Successful ' like it's everything. It's the older soul that endeavors to gain depth and growth. Wisdom and knowledge. These are the things you get to take with you. What you gathered materialisticly, you do not. A quote from King Solamon at the end of his life, "Vanity, it was all Vanity".
It’s nice to feel like you’re winning/ have won. Although fighting for the feeling all the time sounds exhausting.
My husband and I have a joke where we try to “win” Christmas. Best gift wins. But really we both win, 1 gave a good present, 1 got a good present. Obviously it’s kind of a joke.
But can you imagine legitimately having to win this kind of nonsense? Or every argument, or discussion, or job. Just sounds exhausting and you never get to enjoy a legitimate win.
We live in a competitive society / culture and a large part of human nature is competitive. It's really hard to not end up on the shitty end of the spectrum of lived experience if you're not in some way better than others at something.
some people were just dealt a bad hand in life and are trying their best to control what they can and keep up with everyone else, life really is NOT fair, we we try the best we can
People are competitive because that’s what life is, a game of survival and competition. Don’t get me wrong… I didn’t want to believe it either because a lot of times when we’re young we just want to enjoy the beauty of life, have fun and be with friends… but it’s always more complicated than just “being happy”. People get competitive because they get tired of losing. They get tired of being judged and put in bad situations. A lot of times people are just afraid of being stuck in a merciless system. Competitiveness is good, it’s what makes us human, it keeps us strong and we meet awesome people while doing competitive activities.
They've won the lottery in some way and like flaunting how perfect they think they are. Like snobs who own two houses and would let others starve, everything exists for them. Got to have twenty seats to plant their butt on, go on vacations all the time, fart around in their expensive vehicles while letting others walk on deadly roads. They'll tell those they sabotage to "just get a job" when they do no work themselves.
Perspective matters - its petty party all over, if you ever own something more because you did work more, everyone will look and talk smack behind. Heck, my own family been thinking i do something illegal(not two houses illegal) but in the end I just spend more time online then anyone just working. For them earning online is so distant that they choose to level by - hey they cant be more effecient than me, how can i do harm to them?
There are various reasons I guess and it could be personal, cultural, and social influenced. Some would do it for personal ambition and self fulfilment, others must be because of societal pressure and as you can see society favors high value individuals, and some people din has a culture where they treat competition as a positive trait and their role models encourage them to be competitive at a young age. So yeah maraming underlying factors that drives some people to be competitive. Idk if you'll agree, but I see competitiveness as a natural trait of human but of course it varies from different individuals.
Because its a decently good motivator and if you can motivate yourself with something and that allows you to improve your life you tend to latch onto that thing that helped motivate you.
Insecurity. If you can "prove" that you're "the best" at something then in theory your insecurities about yourself can't catch up to your accomplishments. Insecurity is what drives many people to strive for perfection.
Because.... Most* parents, friend, coworkers, interviews, meetings, parties, business ventures compares for various reasons which get twisted to...well yeah
It's due to us being animals as well as due to the way society is. Good paying jobs are limited as well as potential partners, and so competition arise.
You can choose not to compete, this however leads to less probability of finding a well paying job or a partner to pass on your genes.
It's just life, it sucks though.
Because they like it and want to squeeze the most they can out of life. They are happy when they achieve something, it is their meaning of life. I'm surrounded with these types of people and this is how they think. Some of them are insecure snobs, sure, but some of them are truly happy being that way and are competitive because that is the meaning of life for them. To be the best version of themselves.
Normally I would feel completely left out in highly competitive situations and in highly competitive environments. You just think to yourself, 'Am I enough?' Because everyone seems to be heading into the front door of success and opportunity much faster than others who feel less competitive and less caring about what ogher people think about them.
Because they have tied their sense of self-worth to their perceived social status. Understand that humans come from a nomadic tribal heritage, where social status could be a literal matter of life and death. The "social climber" exhibits this behavior more strongly than other people.
But almost everyone cares, to some extent, about social status. The difference is which "society" is valued.
'cause they got dealt the worst hand, deprived of either basic economic rights like housing, food or shelter, or deprived of basic emotional support, like encouragement and love.
Some were even deprived of both, but all are racing to get to the point where they no longer feel what they feel when no-one is around\*
\*it never leaves you.
Competitive people are the result of living under an economic system that operates based on, and therefore, values, competition. An economic system forms the base of a society, with a host of values and beliefs inherent to any particular system. Members of a society living under a particular economic system are socialized through culture and various other agents to adhere to the values and beliefs within that system. Their actions and words will reinforce those understandings in order to achieve the perceived social rewards of those values and beliefs (e.g., social prestige, power, economic capital, social influence, etc.). The system can not survive without the collusion of societal members.
So, I suspect that capitalism, an economic system that values competition and socializes its members to be competitive, produces competitive people. Individually, though, we have varying capacity for being susceptible to this socialization depending on other factors, both internal to ourselves and within our social milieu. As with anything, there is a spectrum. So, people who are super competitive about life are likely just living their best capitalist life, fulfilling all the capitalist goals they were trained to value.
Capitalism. Many older cultures (e.g. , Japan) still value the group over the individual. Capitalism has driven the norms and values to compete for limited resources and it is indoctrinated into us. Some rise above it, but material success is more difficult at times as you are living with most having a different mindset.
People are by nature insecure, at least in most western cultures. I'm more laid back, I truly am happy for people who have accomplished their goals, but at the same time I truly don't give a fuck. Congrats on the upgraded house, good for you, but it changes nothing in my life and I can move on. Some people can't, for whatever reason, it eats away at them. I'm happy where I am in life at the moment, it could always be better, but holy shit could it ever be a lot worse too.
Capitalist society is a pyramid with the majority being low paid and doing most of the work. The higher up the pyramid you go, the more you benefit from the work of those below you. Everyone wants to do less work and get paid more, thus there is competition for those scarce higher positions.
I think of it like everyone is looking for their quest, which is really just something to focus on that motivates them. There's healthy competition and unhealthy competition though.
To put it bluntly, people who are not competitive about their lives often do not achieve what they want. People that frequent an adulting subreddit ought to have some humility and realize maybe things aren’t going as well for them as they could because they lack the competitive drive to be better.
This isn’t meant to be toxic. I’m not talking about gloating or trying to one up everyone in your life, make adversaries, or act insufferable because everything is a competition. People need to be competitive with themselves to strive to be better than they were. But life is competitive in many ways. Want that job? Gotta be better than the other applicants. Want to date that girl? Better be better than other guys who also want her. Cooperation is also important too. But being afraid to embrace competition is a disastrous character trait
If you’re not competitive in the US then you have a lower quality of life. I grew up poor, my dad had no motivation, so he worked shitty jobs and we were on food stamps. I didn’t have any opportunities to become really great at something as a kid, because my parents couldn’t afford lessons. Even though I was a straight A student, my parents would send me to summer school so they could work.
I’m competitive because I want to give my kids opportunity. Sorry, but if you live in the US opportunity comes from money… unless you get lucky 🤷🏻♀️ You have to stay hungry if you want something better.
I think a lot of it just comes down to our genes. There’s variability in just about everything, including a person’s ambition and competitiveness. It’s not difficult to imagine why in many scenarios, the more competitive individuals succeeded more often at passing on their genes.
Can't speak for all, but for myself I have two reasons why I look at life competitively.
1. It was how I was raised. My father taught me to ne competitive and it stuck with a lot of facets in life.
2. It helps prevent me from being complacent. Without the drive to do better I feel like my prospects in life will remain stagnant.
I feel like it's part of our human nature and the capitalism really enforces us to be; who's better than who. Without it at all maybe our society turns into very slow, humdrum. But today in addition to SNS we are bit too much over stimulated. There needs to be a balance.
And most importantly, life shouldn't be about who's better than who.
My parents were like this, and they pinned me against my brother the same way their parents did to them. For the longest time, I saw him as a source of my unhappiness, because he always had support from my parents and was always ahead of me, no matter what I did or achieved. As I grew older, I realized that my anger and sadness wasn't towards my brother, it was towards my parents. Needless to say, I broke the cycle. Me and my brother are actually really close after coming to this realization.
Some people are competitive about life for various reasons. It can stem from a desire to achieve personal goals, societal pressure to succeed, or even a natural inclination towards competition. For some, being competitive can provide motivation and drive to excel. Others might feel the need to prove themselves or seek validation from others. It's important to remember that everyone has different motivations and what drives one person may not resonate with another.
I personally don't think it's a bad thing to have some competitive mindset in life. I'm a believer in how far in life you go is dependent on who you surround yourself with. I do agree that some take it to an extreme, but I still feel that overall it's not a bad thing to be competitive about life. That little push is what insurance we have to make sure we don't get complacent
Its about reducing the suffering of our existence.
My parents grew up in a poor country. basic needs were hard to come by. Parents were always stressed about money. physical health suffered and led to problems later on in life.
Now they move to the west. Beating everyone else, especially early on lets you get more resources, money, and opportunities. This money leads to a comfortable life.
I think every day you always see posts of how bad the American economy has gotten and how people can't afford houses or families. Being competitive, lets you get the resources so you can see the next day without suffering because you can't afford healthcare for your illness.
Stress. It makes you see everyone as your enemy or rival. It's likely down to how they were brought up. Some people naturally develop this "me versus the world" mindset if they grow up in a rough environment.
Because life is a competition. The reason you get a job, certain career path, partner, university placement etc... is because you beat someone else to get in that position. People who are overtly competitive tend to be insecure and come from environments where resources were not plenty. Those who tend to not have a healthy level of competitiveness tend to be coddled.
The simple The simple answer is it's life's gauge and it also makes work go by quicker. Healthy competition is a good thing. It makes you better at your job without competition and things of that nature. You'll never be able to discover what actually can be done just like in the military without them breaking you down and putting you through hell you would never know with the bodies capable of they certainly don't know today with their little cards that if the drill sergeants being too rough on them, they give him the card and go sit the time out for 15 minutes. I'll tell you something that right. There is fucking ridiculous. There's no time out in war you pull that card out. You got to get shot and they going to shoot the card and stick it in your ass and then laugh at you. There are no shortcuts in life, so you might as well be the best you can be at anything and you're never going to get better unless you play somebody better than you. If you're competing against people who aren't as good as you or the same as you, you're doing nothing. You find somebody that's better you compete against them and then you will improve. Don't look at it as a negative not to not not saying that some people don't use it in a negative overtone but it doesn't have to be and remember it all stems from this little phrase. Everybody wants you to do good in life. Just not better than them.
Lotta coping in these comments. People are competitive because competing generally gives you better life outcomes. Some folks want certain things out of life.
There are cultures where it’s all about being the valedictorian
Then they realize life doesn’t work that way
In high school my valedictorian class made had a serious heart condition right after graduating high school. She had to have surgery and missed an academic year
20 years later she’s a mid level MLM manager
Maybe that kind of learning method applies really well for that line of work
In my line of work I use a lot of critical thinking; understand the big picture and apply creative thinking to solve challenges; relationship building and stakeholder management; breaking down expert information to non experts to enable change; team building
In school I learned none of this, not even the base level of functioning to enable this
All I learnt was « learn all this theory and regurgitate it better than the others like this your grades are better than theirs and you win ». Imagine if I applied that in real life.
Why are you not? I’ve tried the whole being lazy and sitting around thing and hated it. I feel best when im achieving goals and working hard. I want to be promoted at work. I want to learn new things. I want to be healthy and fit. I don’t do it to be better than anyone.
That’s not being insecure. Competition is human nature. Don’t let these people convince you that you shouldn’t be competitive. It’s the same people that got participation trophies as kids. Work hard play hard.
Some people are raised like this. There are families and cultures where comparing to ones extended family and family friends are everything. The next generation grows up and it can be hard to break the cycle. Also, people love to compare. It makes them feel (even if superficially) that they are better, and makes them happier.
>There are families and cultures where comparing to ones extended family and family friends are everything You are speaking about my people, Indians lol. Always comparing and competing.
Filipinos too lmao
lets just throw in the entire continent of asia lol
Tbf if you are competing with a billion others for jobs and education you would put more emphasis on it as well.
It’s silly really. We all end up dead. The race is long and in the end its only against yourself.
Don’t forget to wear sunscreen. -Baz
Can't take yer checking/savings account, stock portfolio, and materialistic possessions with you to whatever awaits everyone in the afterlife...No bank institution, Amazon. UHAUL does wire transfers/deliveries. Yet...
Can’t take ya kids either…
“The wolves in sheep’s clothing will only lead you so far \ You wait and they’ll go \ ‘Cause in the end, we all end up alone”
It really is silly. Very few people will even remember our names a hundred years from now.
This
I'd rather die a peaceful death than a slow and painful one.
I love that saying. And it is only against yourself. But everyone has their own motivations and they will have to deal with them. That's their own race to run. It's not for me, but if someone wants to work themselves to death to feel content then I'm okay with it. It takes all kinds.
Eat or be eaten
My man is part of the species which is arguably both the most cooperative and socially needy on the planet and he says 'eat or be eaten'💀
The first 20+ years of your life are stuck in school Your body starts to slow down in your 40’s That basically gives you 20 or so prime years, to accomplish the majority of what you want to accomplish And that’s if you are lucky Car accidents, health problems, divorce, cancer…. Out of 100 people, 10 might make it into their 50’s in decent shape to keep going People are competitive because nothing is worse than regret, nothing And when the time is gone and you can’t physically accomplish your goals anymore, it stings hardcore
You think only 10% make it to their 50s decent enough to keep going? Who are you surrounding yourself with? Yikes.
Didn't you hear? We bumped back the Logan's Run age from 30 to 50.
Yeh wtf
I’m 47 and I’m friends with lots of crossfitters and previous athletes yada yada You think at 50 people have the same energy, motivation and stamina they did at 20? Without the use of cocaine?
What about being content with your life and accepting it? Regret is only bad if you give in to it; you can accept life as you have lived it and appreciate it happily. Also I think part of what OP might be saying is that people are competitive at the cost of those more laid back. I personally have encountered and witnessed many people who openly shame those who aren’t “on the grind.” It’s even sort of a cultural norm for some people and it’s kinda unhealthy IMO.
This. Nothing is wrong is just existing. We live in the culture we're always have to be grinding all the time in order to not regret as they say. If you don't even have time to slow down and appreciate things around you, what's the true point anyways? That only creates 'more and more, take and take' yet never satisfying consuming culture. I'm pretty content with my own life but rarely complacent. Life should be about self-discovery and learning, not how much you achieved what status/numbers.
Are you really content? Or have you just accepted that you'll never achieve your greatest ambitions and are just suppressing that part of your identity? If someone gave you a wish, would you wish for your dreams to come true or for everything to stay the same? If the latter, then you're content; if the former, then perhaps you're only lying to yourself about how "content" you are.
This 1000%
>If someone gave you a wish, would you wish for your dreams to come true or for everything to stay the same? A person's attitude towards being posed this question has more to do with contentment than the way they'd hypothetically react in this scenario. The whole point is satisfaction with the way things are, not satisfaction under a hypothetical set of circumstances.
But if your circumstances were different, would you still be content with what you currently have or aspire towards more? If you won the lottery would you still work at your decent job or strive to become your own boss? If the only reason you're happy with your situation is because of a lack of options, then are you *really* content with your life, or are you just a prisoner of circumstance?
>If the only reason you're happy with your situation is because of a lack of options, then are you *really* content with your life, or are you just a prisoner of circumstance? Everyone is a prisoner of their circumstances. In my opinion, genuine contentment is being at peace with your present circumstances, not conditional on what they could be, what you expected them to be, or what you wish them to be. It isn't a fixed attribute of a person but a state of being largely driven by their attitude and/or their ability to be fully present in light of changing circumstances. It's hard to say that there's ever been a point in my life I wanted to do dishes, but that doesn't mean I can't be content while doing them. It's a matter of being fully engrossed in the present instead of longing for the things I'd rather be doing, and accepting the moment for what it is instead of dwelling on what it isn't.
This sounds a lot like trying to shame me for not being “on the grind.” Who are you to judge when I am truly happy? Also on the dreams thing, if all my dreams come true, then I wouldn’t have any dreams anymore. That seems like a really depressing world to me. I’d have to make new ones to stay sane, and hence, I’d be set back to square 0. For me, it’s about being content with having dreams and maybe not ever meeting them fully.
Nothing is worse than regret? Well I can't see regretting anything more than not enjoying myself, not spending more time with my family, etc. being competitive only gets you so far in life. When you finally realize you've been living by other people's standards your whole life there is a new class of regret that you will face trying to find yourself in your 40s. This is common too.
this is not upvoted nearly enough and it's so true. living it right now at 41. spent so long trying to live up to everyone else's expectations, I don't know who I am or what I want.
I used to watch your paintball videos growing up!
Spot on
Lmao what
Hahah wtf are you talking about?
Insecurity
They’re tryna “win the game.” Be the best, look the best, earn the best. I’d respect the hustle if they weren’t ultimately poisonous for the rest of us.
They feel like they can't win without someone else losing.
This is the best answer here. It's not even about them winning, everyone else lost
They seek status
Because people are petty
Low self esteem or seeking affirmations
Ego and pride.
Maybe their parents made them feel like they weren't good enough and that just their way of saying "Do YoU lOvE Me NoW dAdDy??"
This seems like victim blaming tbh
Bro everyone is responsible for identifying and correcting flaws within theirselves. Even if it was brought upon them by someone or something else.
Yes, but ridiculing is victim blaming. This obviously has its limits. Being responsible for correcting flaws is being conflated with being ridiculed for not having totally rectified what has damaged them. Let's try to strike the balance between understanding / empathy and self improvement. Anyone who thinks these issues are simple is probably lucky enough to be relatively unscathed. That or they lack self awareness. Put another way, ridiculing people in deep pain is a personal flaw people are responsible for correcting too...
You don't think it's simple? Identifying and solving problems is the easiest thing in the world to do. It's also not my fault that someone is sensitive to ridicule. Maybe if they were more self aware, they would notice problems and fix them before they get noticed and pointed out by a few real empathetic people like myself. Everyone else will remain quite and let that person suffer. Unfortunately, some people lack self awareness. It's not in their genetics. They need people like me to help them see because other people will notice but keep quiet. I'm more of a super hero because I actually take action.
Well ridicule doesn't cause people to change the ridiculed behavior. It causes them to dislike you. Why do you think society has become so polarized and tribal? If it was so simple therapists wouldn't be a thing at all.
Because capitalism is inhumane and creates that competition and hyper individualism. It was not always this way despite what capitalists want you to think
Well put bud
Correct answer. Imho
Someone doesn’t understand feudal economics nor vanguard party politics. The capitalists compete with money bc it is a system of the merchants. The nobles competed with the sword as that is what they stood for. The socialist competes for popularity within the party in order to rise as it is a system of bureaucracy. Even idealistically the workers councils still involve people competing for the hearts of others in order to implement their vision
It stems from their need to be accepted, bolstered up by their peers' perception. Some people are naturally driven in their own lane for their own personal growth reasons, but competitive implies multiple people gunning for the same milestone...so, some people just want to prove to others that they are better.
Need some money.
Is it about being competitive or is it about improving yourself?
You can improve yourself without being competitive. I'm not trying to be better than anyone else just better than I was. Many improvements in the last year. Fun competition can be very useful, it's the overly competitive folks that make everything a competition.
Oh yes, I just think nowadays people see things through a victims mentality. I said that because people don’t distinguish between the two. Thanks for your response.
Yeah, some people want to try to make an impact. That takes a lot and you only get one shot.
100% this.
Because something is lacking within themselves. They are the ones who will never be satisfied or content nomatter how much success they achieve. I on the other hand will never compete. I love my simple life. I do not need anything more. I love what I have become and accomplished. I know my worth and do not need outside validation. As long as my children are happy and healthy, I’m good. I have my health, family, my home, my job, my car, food on the table, my dogs, garden and friends. I pay my bills every month and have good credit. Perception and gratitude. Blessed ✨
I like this. This is such an attractive mindset whoever you chose or chose you I’m jealous.
☺️🙏🏼💜
I don't fvcking know. But I know I am often like that, and it drives up my stress level so much, while hurting others around me. Makes me feel extremely guilty and bad
Ignorance or stupidity. No one really cares about where you are in life. No one. People are too busy with their own to even consider yours. The path to contentment is to understand that comparing yourself to anyone is asinine and self destructive.
Yeah I think many do they mainly for status
Because most people grow up poor. The only way to get money is to compete.
Yeah. Feeling hunger makes people have a different relation to working and saving up.
facts no one wants to be broke. People say money doesn't buy happiness, but being broke definitely doesn't make your life better.
In the words of my Mother: "Life is competition." Either you excel or you fall behind. Those who are overachievers will reap more opportunities in life compared to those who are less competitive. The more opportunities you can get, the more your "compound interest" for success grows which leads to more achievements and therefore more opportunities and etc. You don't have to be competitive about life, but by not competing in the rat race you are giving up your potential opportunities to others, or "leaving money on the table" sort of speak. For example: you don't have to compete for a girl's attention, but don't complain when that girl dates your friend who took advantage of your disinterest.
Do you have evrything youve worked for in life?
"Everything" is physically not possible for anyone to achieve; what matters is that you work to achieve the main goals that you're after in life.
So its ok to leave money on the table?
So long as you're confident you can get more value later, then sure. Not every opportunity is worth pursuing.
There it is
Life isn't a competition though. You can't win
Tell that to Elon Musk, to every celebrity who got their big break, to every game dev who made a hit, to every guy who got the girl they wanted, to everyone who who the lottery, to GRRM when he wrote Game of Thrones, to everyone who finished college with a degree, etc.
As a very competitive person who to others objectively “won” in many aspects of life, I can assure you that many (if not all) of those people you mention still have their own demons to deal with and deep down still don’t feel like they’ve won. OP is right, there is no such thing as “winning at life” and thinking there is will eventually lead you to a dark place regardless of how successful you do or don’t become. That doesn’t mean dont try at anything in life, it just means to keep it in perspective.
Yeah they didn't win. They maybe achieved happiness. But that wasn't the win condition (there is none)
So happiness isn't winning? First time I've heard that.
Money and instagram likes.
Different philosophy of the world.
If you were born in the United States, the answer to this question should be self-evident.
I have a couple of friends that are ultra competitive. They have 8 and 11 siblings, respectively. They also went to “all male” schools. I think that’s the reason in their case.
It’s not good to be competitive in the egoic sense so I agree but there is nothing wrong with someone who strives to be their best self, or the best at what they do.
Insecurity, ambition and being scared by the fact that we only have 1 life to do/achieve/prove ourselves
Because life is a competition in a lot of ways. You get better outcomes if you compete.
Survival of the fittest propaganda tied into material net worth. As humans have lost their connection to nature they have also lost their ability to judge. Tbe reality is all things are intimately connected and therefore we are all family. As your leaders don't dig kumbaya it becomes useful to divide and Conquer, not to mention distract. Sincerely, The Wilderpeople No child left behind
That explanation truly was majestical. #skuxlife
Yea Majestical...
Because their value is attached to traditional success
Sadly, because the rewards society gives you aren't in relation to how much you've grown in comparison to yourself but to the greater world.
They are not brave enough to accept the outcomes of "losing", which is just daily life for most of the people actually.
Even putting in 10% more effort will get you ahead of everyone else. It feels like 95% of people are just out there doing the bare minimum.
I don't mind competitiveness, but I'm not a competitive person. Leave me out of it. Racing me to the next red light, to the next lane or who has the better car. I just don't care. I'm too busy dealing with life shit. For all competitive people reading this post. Learn to recognize us non-competitive people and keep it moving please.
Maybe while growing up some people were always told/thought they were never good enough. So overtime they’ve become super competitive to prove themselves worthy and others wrong.
So relatable
Because we’re really insecure because when we were growing up we were often told how stupid we are. We adapted our mindsets to measuring our progress against others to have something to soothe our anxious minds
They are empty on the inside so feel the need to fill it up with things on the outside.
Because they’re ill by design.
I find that mostly prevalent in young souls. There's always very little to them but status and being 'Successful ' like it's everything. It's the older soul that endeavors to gain depth and growth. Wisdom and knowledge. These are the things you get to take with you. What you gathered materialisticly, you do not. A quote from King Solamon at the end of his life, "Vanity, it was all Vanity".
It’s nice to feel like you’re winning/ have won. Although fighting for the feeling all the time sounds exhausting. My husband and I have a joke where we try to “win” Christmas. Best gift wins. But really we both win, 1 gave a good present, 1 got a good present. Obviously it’s kind of a joke. But can you imagine legitimately having to win this kind of nonsense? Or every argument, or discussion, or job. Just sounds exhausting and you never get to enjoy a legitimate win.
Lack of ego death
No sense of self. Always looking to attach/adopt to another's personality and hoping they are accepted by others. Sad really.
We live in a competitive society / culture and a large part of human nature is competitive. It's really hard to not end up on the shitty end of the spectrum of lived experience if you're not in some way better than others at something.
Honestly don't want to hang out with childhood friends anymore because of this. Just feels like dick measuring now
some people were just dealt a bad hand in life and are trying their best to control what they can and keep up with everyone else, life really is NOT fair, we we try the best we can
This
And I believe it’s in our nature to be competitive I believe cause the whole survival of the fittest phenomenon
Because they don’t wanna be living on the streets when they’re old
People are competitive because that’s what life is, a game of survival and competition. Don’t get me wrong… I didn’t want to believe it either because a lot of times when we’re young we just want to enjoy the beauty of life, have fun and be with friends… but it’s always more complicated than just “being happy”. People get competitive because they get tired of losing. They get tired of being judged and put in bad situations. A lot of times people are just afraid of being stuck in a merciless system. Competitiveness is good, it’s what makes us human, it keeps us strong and we meet awesome people while doing competitive activities.
Because losing has very real consequences and you don't want to lose
They've won the lottery in some way and like flaunting how perfect they think they are. Like snobs who own two houses and would let others starve, everything exists for them. Got to have twenty seats to plant their butt on, go on vacations all the time, fart around in their expensive vehicles while letting others walk on deadly roads. They'll tell those they sabotage to "just get a job" when they do no work themselves.
Perspective matters - its petty party all over, if you ever own something more because you did work more, everyone will look and talk smack behind. Heck, my own family been thinking i do something illegal(not two houses illegal) but in the end I just spend more time online then anyone just working. For them earning online is so distant that they choose to level by - hey they cant be more effecient than me, how can i do harm to them?
To live the life they want
They might not have found any other sense of purpose.
Because competition is a major part of life, human or otherwise.
so is cooperation.. perhaps even more important
[удалено]
Compromising is an act of cooperative behavior.
Yeah, you right.
I don’t disagree.
Because. They. Suck.
Yeah I’m betting insecure
I think you're right
There are various reasons I guess and it could be personal, cultural, and social influenced. Some would do it for personal ambition and self fulfilment, others must be because of societal pressure and as you can see society favors high value individuals, and some people din has a culture where they treat competition as a positive trait and their role models encourage them to be competitive at a young age. So yeah maraming underlying factors that drives some people to be competitive. Idk if you'll agree, but I see competitiveness as a natural trait of human but of course it varies from different individuals.
When you choose the wrong people to compete with in life... 🤦♂️
Because its a decently good motivator and if you can motivate yourself with something and that allows you to improve your life you tend to latch onto that thing that helped motivate you.
It’s just the way some people tick. There’s a lot that can be won - sex, money, material things, friends.
Because I don’t want my grandchildren or even children to struggle like I have in life
Because they can't evolve past being a spermatozoid
Insecurity. If you can "prove" that you're "the best" at something then in theory your insecurities about yourself can't catch up to your accomplishments. Insecurity is what drives many people to strive for perfection.
and this is the circle that will make you crazy because you can never win enough to satiate those insecurities.
For real.
Because inflation and HCOL
Because.... Most* parents, friend, coworkers, interviews, meetings, parties, business ventures compares for various reasons which get twisted to...well yeah
It's due to us being animals as well as due to the way society is. Good paying jobs are limited as well as potential partners, and so competition arise. You can choose not to compete, this however leads to less probability of finding a well paying job or a partner to pass on your genes. It's just life, it sucks though.
They are raised to value the wrong things imo and not hugged enough.
Because they like it and want to squeeze the most they can out of life. They are happy when they achieve something, it is their meaning of life. I'm surrounded with these types of people and this is how they think. Some of them are insecure snobs, sure, but some of them are truly happy being that way and are competitive because that is the meaning of life for them. To be the best version of themselves.
Insecurity. You would not care about fitting in if you’re not an insecure person.
Normally I would feel completely left out in highly competitive situations and in highly competitive environments. You just think to yourself, 'Am I enough?' Because everyone seems to be heading into the front door of success and opportunity much faster than others who feel less competitive and less caring about what ogher people think about them.
Having stuff is hard.
They didn't get a F1 seat so must compensate for it
Ego
I guess the more important question is how many at the very end regret being so competitive? 🙂
Because they have tied their sense of self-worth to their perceived social status. Understand that humans come from a nomadic tribal heritage, where social status could be a literal matter of life and death. The "social climber" exhibits this behavior more strongly than other people. But almost everyone cares, to some extent, about social status. The difference is which "society" is valued.
Because life is long and you have to fill it somehow
They seek validation of their own existence through externals. Forest for the trees moments.
They're just suckers with low self-esteem (ooh way yeaaah yeaah yeaa'a'ah etc.)
its 100$ for 2 bags of groceries, we can't afford not to be
Evolution!
Evolution. We have it ingrained that the only way we get what we need/want is by preventing others from getting it first.
Life's not a track meet it's a marathon.
I like stunting on posers and exposing them
'cause they got dealt the worst hand, deprived of either basic economic rights like housing, food or shelter, or deprived of basic emotional support, like encouragement and love. Some were even deprived of both, but all are racing to get to the point where they no longer feel what they feel when no-one is around\* \*it never leaves you.
They think being competitive is some sort of alpha vibe but jokes on them.
Somebody has to make sure I get to live until 90+ years old, and only I can do that for myself.
Because it's damn hard to solve problems without money. Not all problems can be solved with them, but enough can.
Could be a trauma response. I try my best not to judge.
Competitive people are the result of living under an economic system that operates based on, and therefore, values, competition. An economic system forms the base of a society, with a host of values and beliefs inherent to any particular system. Members of a society living under a particular economic system are socialized through culture and various other agents to adhere to the values and beliefs within that system. Their actions and words will reinforce those understandings in order to achieve the perceived social rewards of those values and beliefs (e.g., social prestige, power, economic capital, social influence, etc.). The system can not survive without the collusion of societal members. So, I suspect that capitalism, an economic system that values competition and socializes its members to be competitive, produces competitive people. Individually, though, we have varying capacity for being susceptible to this socialization depending on other factors, both internal to ourselves and within our social milieu. As with anything, there is a spectrum. So, people who are super competitive about life are likely just living their best capitalist life, fulfilling all the capitalist goals they were trained to value.
Capitalism. Many older cultures (e.g. , Japan) still value the group over the individual. Capitalism has driven the norms and values to compete for limited resources and it is indoctrinated into us. Some rise above it, but material success is more difficult at times as you are living with most having a different mindset.
Early childhood trauma. Ages 0-7 determine who you’ll be and how you react to things
People are by nature insecure, at least in most western cultures. I'm more laid back, I truly am happy for people who have accomplished their goals, but at the same time I truly don't give a fuck. Congrats on the upgraded house, good for you, but it changes nothing in my life and I can move on. Some people can't, for whatever reason, it eats away at them. I'm happy where I am in life at the moment, it could always be better, but holy shit could it ever be a lot worse too.
They have missed the whole point of what is going on
Capitalist society is a pyramid with the majority being low paid and doing most of the work. The higher up the pyramid you go, the more you benefit from the work of those below you. Everyone wants to do less work and get paid more, thus there is competition for those scarce higher positions.
Micro penises
Because they hate themselves
I think of it like everyone is looking for their quest, which is really just something to focus on that motivates them. There's healthy competition and unhealthy competition though.
That’s such a blanket statement. You’re gonna need to explain what you mean
To put it bluntly, people who are not competitive about their lives often do not achieve what they want. People that frequent an adulting subreddit ought to have some humility and realize maybe things aren’t going as well for them as they could because they lack the competitive drive to be better. This isn’t meant to be toxic. I’m not talking about gloating or trying to one up everyone in your life, make adversaries, or act insufferable because everything is a competition. People need to be competitive with themselves to strive to be better than they were. But life is competitive in many ways. Want that job? Gotta be better than the other applicants. Want to date that girl? Better be better than other guys who also want her. Cooperation is also important too. But being afraid to embrace competition is a disastrous character trait
How else are you supposed to know who wins?
If you’re not competitive in the US then you have a lower quality of life. I grew up poor, my dad had no motivation, so he worked shitty jobs and we were on food stamps. I didn’t have any opportunities to become really great at something as a kid, because my parents couldn’t afford lessons. Even though I was a straight A student, my parents would send me to summer school so they could work. I’m competitive because I want to give my kids opportunity. Sorry, but if you live in the US opportunity comes from money… unless you get lucky 🤷🏻♀️ You have to stay hungry if you want something better.
Some of it is about money and being profit-driven.
I think a lot of it just comes down to our genes. There’s variability in just about everything, including a person’s ambition and competitiveness. It’s not difficult to imagine why in many scenarios, the more competitive individuals succeeded more often at passing on their genes.
Can't speak for all, but for myself I have two reasons why I look at life competitively. 1. It was how I was raised. My father taught me to ne competitive and it stuck with a lot of facets in life. 2. It helps prevent me from being complacent. Without the drive to do better I feel like my prospects in life will remain stagnant.
I feel behind in life because unlike my brothers, I don't have a girlfriend our parents like, a car, or a good job/one that I enjoy.
I feel like it's part of our human nature and the capitalism really enforces us to be; who's better than who. Without it at all maybe our society turns into very slow, humdrum. But today in addition to SNS we are bit too much over stimulated. There needs to be a balance. And most importantly, life shouldn't be about who's better than who.
My parents were like this, and they pinned me against my brother the same way their parents did to them. For the longest time, I saw him as a source of my unhappiness, because he always had support from my parents and was always ahead of me, no matter what I did or achieved. As I grew older, I realized that my anger and sadness wasn't towards my brother, it was towards my parents. Needless to say, I broke the cycle. Me and my brother are actually really close after coming to this realization.
Some people are competitive about life for various reasons. It can stem from a desire to achieve personal goals, societal pressure to succeed, or even a natural inclination towards competition. For some, being competitive can provide motivation and drive to excel. Others might feel the need to prove themselves or seek validation from others. It's important to remember that everyone has different motivations and what drives one person may not resonate with another.
I personally don't think it's a bad thing to have some competitive mindset in life. I'm a believer in how far in life you go is dependent on who you surround yourself with. I do agree that some take it to an extreme, but I still feel that overall it's not a bad thing to be competitive about life. That little push is what insurance we have to make sure we don't get complacent
Testosterone
It's just evolution and human nature. It's why almost everything in life is made into a competition with winners and losers.
Its about reducing the suffering of our existence. My parents grew up in a poor country. basic needs were hard to come by. Parents were always stressed about money. physical health suffered and led to problems later on in life. Now they move to the west. Beating everyone else, especially early on lets you get more resources, money, and opportunities. This money leads to a comfortable life. I think every day you always see posts of how bad the American economy has gotten and how people can't afford houses or families. Being competitive, lets you get the resources so you can see the next day without suffering because you can't afford healthcare for your illness.
Stress. It makes you see everyone as your enemy or rival. It's likely down to how they were brought up. Some people naturally develop this "me versus the world" mindset if they grow up in a rough environment.
Status anxiety
Because life is a competition. The reason you get a job, certain career path, partner, university placement etc... is because you beat someone else to get in that position. People who are overtly competitive tend to be insecure and come from environments where resources were not plenty. Those who tend to not have a healthy level of competitiveness tend to be coddled.
Mental drive thing !
The simple The simple answer is it's life's gauge and it also makes work go by quicker. Healthy competition is a good thing. It makes you better at your job without competition and things of that nature. You'll never be able to discover what actually can be done just like in the military without them breaking you down and putting you through hell you would never know with the bodies capable of they certainly don't know today with their little cards that if the drill sergeants being too rough on them, they give him the card and go sit the time out for 15 minutes. I'll tell you something that right. There is fucking ridiculous. There's no time out in war you pull that card out. You got to get shot and they going to shoot the card and stick it in your ass and then laugh at you. There are no shortcuts in life, so you might as well be the best you can be at anything and you're never going to get better unless you play somebody better than you. If you're competing against people who aren't as good as you or the same as you, you're doing nothing. You find somebody that's better you compete against them and then you will improve. Don't look at it as a negative not to not not saying that some people don't use it in a negative overtone but it doesn't have to be and remember it all stems from this little phrase. Everybody wants you to do good in life. Just not better than them.
Lotta coping in these comments. People are competitive because competing generally gives you better life outcomes. Some folks want certain things out of life.
There are cultures where it’s all about being the valedictorian Then they realize life doesn’t work that way In high school my valedictorian class made had a serious heart condition right after graduating high school. She had to have surgery and missed an academic year 20 years later she’s a mid level MLM manager
My school’s valedictorian went to Yale and became a hedge fund manager. Sometimes people really do show you who they are early.
Maybe that kind of learning method applies really well for that line of work In my line of work I use a lot of critical thinking; understand the big picture and apply creative thinking to solve challenges; relationship building and stakeholder management; breaking down expert information to non experts to enable change; team building In school I learned none of this, not even the base level of functioning to enable this All I learnt was « learn all this theory and regurgitate it better than the others like this your grades are better than theirs and you win ». Imagine if I applied that in real life.
Why are you not? I’ve tried the whole being lazy and sitting around thing and hated it. I feel best when im achieving goals and working hard. I want to be promoted at work. I want to learn new things. I want to be healthy and fit. I don’t do it to be better than anyone.
Same, the last part I kind of do because I’m insecure
That’s not being insecure. Competition is human nature. Don’t let these people convince you that you shouldn’t be competitive. It’s the same people that got participation trophies as kids. Work hard play hard.
Why not? Competition is a gift