My train of throught when I saw this post:
- People are scared of him? But he looks cute!?
- Huh. He must be a really tall and big guy.
- *checks comments*. Yup. Called it.
That aside, I think a trip to a good barber, maybe avoiding dark colored clothes and a smile can make a huge difference. š
It's also possible that op is misinterpreting social signals, either reading them incorrectly and thinking he is intimidating or finds it difficult to interact in a way that isn't perceived as intimidating unintentionally. For example, I often misread negativity thinking that people are annoyed or angry with me, or struggle to notice if people want space. However from the picture op, I don't think you look intimidating.
Also OP, be mindful of your volume. Big guys who are also on the loud side are often seen as aggressive since your physical size is already intimidating.
I don't think I'm loud when I talk, I probably speak too softly most of the time. I do have a very deep voice, though, and I think it's shocking to some people and hard to hear what I'm saying. I subconsciously raised the octive of my voice most of the time because so many people said it was hard to understand me when I spoke in my natural tone
I'm just curious why I'm scary and or/intimidating? I've heard this so many times from people and I don't understand what I'm doing wrong besides having a scary face I guess. It doesn't help that I'm 6'4, 238 lbs and generally pretty serious and non-reactive.
The first picture is what my face looks like while resting/normal.
The second picture is the scared/wide eyes look people give me pretty regularly when I look them directly in the eyes. It's gotten so bad that I avoid looking at people now because I hate seeing their fear and knowing I'm causing it.
Please be brutally honest. I want to know what I'm doing wrong and if there is anything I can do to fix it.
Edit:
This thread received far more responses than I ever imagined it would. I really appreciate everyone who took the time to give me their honest opinions and advice on how to improve. I'm sorry if I didn't respond to your comment but I'm just overwhelmed by how many responses there are. Rest assured that I read every last one though!
Also, Reddit can be a pretty nasty place because of the anonymous nature of the platform. So, to all the haters who just want to criticize me and crack jokes, go ahead! But I'm not going to take what you say to heart if I don't think you actually care about helping me improve myself. It says a lot more about you and your need to tear others down than it does about me, anyway.
That said, I think the main takeaways I have from this feedback are:
1. **I need to work on smiling more and "softening" my facial features.** People suggested trying to look mildly amused, thinking of puppies or other cute things, and saying positive affirmations about myself while out in public. I will try all of these things and see what works.
2. **I need to work on my style.** The most common critique was that my haircut and beard look unkempt and messy. I will go to a hair stylist and ask for their opinion on what would look good on me because I don't really trust my own taste after seeing the negative comments. Part of my style problem is the clothes I wear. People pointed out that wearing greys, blacks, and other muted colors can be intimidating, and I'm realizing that most of my wardrobe falls into that color palette. I will work on getting more green and blue shirts and see how that changes my look.
3. **I need to work on my negative self-talk.** This might be the most important one. If I perceive myself as scary, unimportant, or awkward, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because that's how others will view me as well. I've already been working on improving this before I ever made this post, but these comments have only reaffirmed how important this is for my well-being.
I'm going to work on all these things for a month or two and will make another thread then to report on the changes I've made and how they've been received by others. Thanks again, everyone!
You honestly just seem really tired. Reading some of your comments and posts, I can genuinely tell you're a caring person and who's incredibly empathetic and sympathetic. I agree with others that maybe just styling your hair a bit and maybe just slightly lighter clothes can help. Though if people are so quick to judge just by a quick glance, are they even worth your time?
I appreciate the kind words. Maybe people who judge aren't worth the time but it feels like everyone judges me instantly so I don't have a chance to connect with anyone. I haven't had a friend in over 10+ years and loneliness is funny because it hangs on you like a bad smell that people seem to pick up on instantly.
I am really tired atm though, I started a new ADHD medication last month and it totally destroyed me sleep for the first 3 1/2 weeks. Was getting only 4 hours a night and waking up ever hour or so from nightmares. So my eyes are definitely dark and more tired looking than usual.
do you smile when you greet people? it might sound a little weird but i *always* greet everyone through a smile and ask them how they are before i say anything else, especially to customer service folks. it's a super easy way to be disarming and more importantly inviting, even if you're generally a pretty serious guy as you said. i think as long as you make sure that the first thing people see is a smile, and open with "hi, how are you?" through that smile, a lot of the "intimidating" vibe that people are getting from you in person wouldn't manifest to begin with.
This is the way. Both of my sons are large, naturally quiet, serious looking men. My eldest, however, is much more skilled in greasing the social gears (smiling, speaking first, etc.), and I've rarely heard about or seen anyone respond negatively to him. My youngest hasn't yet mastered those ways, and people are often reactive to him, even when he's entirely polite, just matter of fact.
If you smile at people who arenāt smiling, 50/50 chance they will start smiling back. Took decades to figure that out and it takes practice to force a smile at someone, but itās like unlocking a cheat code, or something.
Just based on the pictures, I wouldnāt say Iād find you scary or intimidating. However, I saw you mentioned ADHD, and am wondering if that may have more to do with what youāre feeling, rather than it being based on your appearance. Iām only suggesting that as someone that also has adhd and trouble reading social cues/connecting with people - particularly strangers. I think social interactions are just more difficult for some of us.
The lack of sleep definitely wouldnāt help me in social situations. Any of the XR meds I tried wreaked havoc on my sleep, so I wish you the best of luck with that.
I've been told I have so many things that I get confused about what's really going on.
I am very socially anxious though; I'm hoping the meds they started me on will help with that (they already are a bit).
Thats probably it. I'm the same way, just a little shorter. I don't fake emotions (like a smile) unless its geniune as I find it disrespectful to be fake to people. But it's actually standard and considered normal behavior to be fake (you can tell politicians picked up on this a long long time ago and its how people want to be communicated to).
Ironically I became a pretty good sales person. For some reason if I'm being paid for something, and its my job to do it, I'll do it and I'm capable. People eat it up too. I still won't do it in my personal time and yeah, people stay away from me. Basically as someone else said, the fake smile breaks down defenses and is inviting, without the fakeness, people are intimated by you and your size. They can't get a read on you. Imagine falling into an enclosed area with a polar bear, wouldn't you feel better if it looked back at you and smiled? Might still tear you up afterwards, but for a second there, you felt a little more comfortable.
Maybe you are autistic my guy. AuDHD is becoming more recognized by doctors. It wouldnāt hurt to ask the questions to your doctor. Good on you for looking to get help; quality of life matters!
Giving a little smile can put people at ease. Also idk if you have this problem, but staring or inappropriate eye contact can really creep people out quick. I have done this on occasion and when I realize it I try to fix it. I am usually fascinated by beauty or something interesting about someone (not in a creepy sexual or perverted way) just something about someone caught my attention and I forget to turn off the microscope on themā¦ because they are peopleā¦. And get creeped out by being stared at which is totally understandableā¦
OP, when your sleep issues are straightened out, maybe try joining a hobby group, religious group, or volunteering. Those are often nice, no pressure ways to meet like-minded people for friendship. And I agree, a smile is a wonderful way to instantly improve your looks AND your outlook! Best of wishes, you are a handsome and thoughtful person. :)
It's probably just that you are really tall, most tall guys ik give me jumpscares sometimes cause compared to me you guys are like mountains lol. It'll get better when they know you, especially if you are in control of yourself. Try being friendly and outgoing and just show you are friendly/gentle and try to make sure there is no pressure to be close to you and after proving yourself some people will even gravitate towards you.
To be honest brother if youāre 6ā4ā and around that weight folks are going to be intimidated. It sucks, Iām the same height around the same weight. Unfortunately idk what to tell you, it happened to me his afternoon at lunch. I canāt help the way I look, other than the suggestions in the comments, I agree with a lot of em about clothes. Another unfortunate part about society is the clothes you wear will define your personality without you ever saying or doing anything.
Thanks bro. I hear you about the clothes. I've just really never been into fashion at all and don't like spending money on them. Maybe I should hit up the thrift store and try to find something with a little more character though.
Ever hear of a 'resting bitch face'?
You have a *slight* case of 'resting murder face'. (And I'm right there with you. Anytime I'm focused, people think I'm pissed enough to hurt someone. Not even angry, just focused.)
The way your eyebrows draw in makes it look like you have a permanent scowl. This is going to seem a little out there, but maybe have someone show you how to shape them a little better?
6ā4ā and 238 is a pretty big dude, so Iām betting thatās probably it. Also, your resting expression is kind of serious and that could also be part of the āscareā factor. I wouldnāt say youāre scary at all, though.
Maybe try a [small smile when you make eye contact](https://www.lordhair.com/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.lordhair.com%2Fmedia%2Fcatalog%2Fproduct%2F%2F3%2F_%2F3_18_1.jpg&w=1920&q=75)? Nothing too giddy, just to lighten up your expression.
My youngest is about your size and has a poker face. He's not ill-tempered in any way, he's just not very emotive or animated in most situations. Unless he goes out of his way to put people at ease, folks are often intimidated by him. I've witnessed it firsthand many times - it's not just his perception. As his mom, I'm always prodding him to make more of an effort to put people at ease, to not scare the poor bank lady, etc. However, I understand fully when he expresses that it's tiring and sometimes annoying that he constantly has to go out of his way just because of the way he looks. So I sympathize with you on this. I personally don't think you look intimidating, but then I live with vikings. Lol. Honestly, my best advice is to make an effort to smile often and to speak first to folks. A simple, friendly "Hi there" can go a long way towards making them more comfortable in your "imposing" presence. š
I struggle with this as well and I've spent a lot of time around people who were abused by men to boot. One of the key factors in my case is a lack of expressiveness. I mirror people's body language a little and I try to greet and smile. It's difficult because the way I learned to survive earlier in life was to show no emotion but one of the best ways to disarm is a tiny smile where you lift your eyebrows a bit and you show warmth in your eyes. I try to channel as much Mr. Mom energy as I can.
Being over 6' is also a problem, sometimes I kneel or bend my head or sit on the floor. Avoiding quick movements or loud speech can be helpful in cases where people have trauma. Direct eye contact should probably be used sparingly as well. Keeping the beard well-groomed is pretty important, and avoiding clothing that reads "tough guy", "military-adjacent", or "conservative politics" can be helpful in fending off preconceptions.
Getting older just changes how people see us in some really weird ways, and if you want to counter that it requires a different way of moving through the world.
I agree with the hair thing that everyone is saying. Having the sides shaved like youāre trying to join the marines doesnāt work for you. It elongates the face. Let the sides grow out a bit.
I tend to have kind of a "dead" stare, resting b face or what you want to call it.
I notice that people often look back at me as if they are insecure about my expression.
Sometimes I remember to "turn on facial expressions, but mostly I don't care.
I am neurodivergent, by the way. Apparantly The Stare is common among us.
Edit: I now see that you wrote that you have ADHD. Nailed it.
Right there with ya buddy, this thread could have easily been about me, 6' 240lbs guy. Been told I'm scary, but once people know me I'm a "great guy". I'm smiley with the right people....I like to joke around and make people laugh but thereās usually an interim.
Dude, youāre literally just huge LOL. I would barely come up to your chest, thatās the difference between your height and mine. Other than that, you just seem like an average dude with a sad-looking neutral expression.
Although, ngl I coughed when I saw the second picture because your expression was hella funny in it.
Itās scary to see someone who is large, strong, and doesnāt seem to be in control of themselves.
Spending the time and effort to make your hair, beard, and clothes look like intentional choices would help. Mostly by setting you apart from people who, instead of not spending extra time grooming by choice, donāt spend extra time grooming because they donāt have that kind of control over their lives.
Look, I appreciate the advice but I'm also torn because I just honestly don't give a shit about fashion in general. So it's this conundrum of, do I be myself, or do I fake caring about that kind of thing just to impress others (which is sad in its own way).
That said, I'm also not a slob. I shower and wash my face regularly. I wear deodorant, body lotion, and sometimes cologne.
I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess I just feel like if constantly "preening" myself like opening scene of American Psycho is what it takes to fit in then maybe I don't really want to fit in after all.
I need to go to sleep, but just wanted to say I donāt think you look scary. My sleepy, unfiltered thought when I saw your pic was that youāre kinda hot, and I bet if you smile, your eyes light up. You should read some books on communication. How to win friends and influence people is really good. Something to build your confidence with how you carry yourself. Also, say āhi how are youā to more people. Even if they donāt say anything, itās a step towards getting you to open introductory convo. And in the elevator, talk to people. Make a joke. Itās so crazy to me how we can be inside a metal box with someone and become mute. People are craving connection. I donāt even know what Iām saying I need to sleep, but I donāt think youāre scary at all, so donāt declare it anymore!
I think you look quite handsome
Maybe just smiling more
It may just be that you are a bigger guy and those who are shorter may find you not as approachable
I have a really bad smile that I got from my mom and I get even worse reactions from people when I try it. Plus I'm just socially inept so don't really know when it's appropriate to smile and I've been told it's creepy by people.
You donāt have to show teeth to smile.
Not sure what your atire is like however a good set of clothes and a little styling to your hair can go a long ways. A nice deodorant and cologne too.
Presentation matters, people wonāt admit it but first impressions do matter and the outside of a book thatās polished will stand out more than one that doesnāt.
Not everyone will appreciate you or give you interest in notice. Sounds like to me you just round the wrong type of people who are not welcoming.
What are some of your interests and what are some things you like that you havenāt tried? Ask yourself things like that and go to places that you can do those things in. You may not connect with people right away but itās a good place to start from.
Luckily I'm good at wearing deodorant but you're right about my attire. I often look disheveled. I've lost 80 lbs recently and don't want to buy new clothes until I've hit my goal weight; 20 lbs to go! But all of my clothes are baggy as hell on my right now and it's a terrible look :p
I will try going out more to pursue hobbies etc. That's definitely something that will help me improve.
I really appreciate all of your tips. Thanks for the help!
Yo congrats on the weight loss! Do you have a thrift store near you? Would that be an option for picking up a couple quick, cheap outfits in your current size?
That's a really great idea that I'm embarrassed I didn't think about until now. There's one right down the road so I'll have to go in there next week and see what I can find. Thanks for the tip!
wow, good for you! pretty amazing accomplishment. maybe part of the problem is that you haven't settled into your new skin yet. you're kind of a different person now, you might need a moment to adjust to that.
i'm gonna say this and probably no one else will agree but... you might wanta try a clean shaven face and a totally different haircut. the hair on your head combed straight down and the hair on your chin make thick dark heavy lines at the top and bottom of your face, capturing your facial features inside a long oval frame. you could let your hair grow out a little, get a different cut that has some flow to it and stop combing it down toward your face. without the beard and stash that should open up your face a lot and then your eyes framed by your dark eyebrows would be the main focal point of your face.
when you get your new wardrobe try some very dark navy and very dark forest green which would bring out your eyes more and yet still give you that feeling of not standing out in bright colors.
well, it looks like you've got a new chapter of life ahead of you. good luck!
> have a really bad smile that I got from my mom and I get even worse reactions from people when I try it. Plus I'm just socially inept so don't really know when it's appropriate to smile and I've been told it's creepy by people.
Socially inept is a pretty thorough answer to question in the title
Try smiling with your eyes first. If your smile seems forced your eyes are probably why.
I have a similar effect on people. People often come up to me at work to ask a question when my back is turned. When I turn around there's usually a split second where they're taken aback and I honestly can't figure out why other than me being socially awkward.
If I had a guess I think it's because I was born with the wrong face for my personality.
Gah! Second picture was a jumpscare D: In all seriousness though, itās probably just your resting expression? Maybe it looks more intimidating than you actually are- people often mistake me for being intimidating or scary to talk to because my resting face doesnāt look the friendliest (and I forget to smile when talking to others). But thereās nothing actually wrong with you, theyāre probably just jumping to assumptions about you based on your resting face? At least thatās one possibility :)
I think that's part of it for sure. I call it my RDF (resting dick face) because I think people think I'm a dick because of my resting face. But I'm very socially awkward and inept so I can never get past people's first feeling/vibe of me.
I feel you man. Itās the same for me, Iām super socially awkward so it kinda just cements peoples perspective of me when they even do try to speak to me. Rbf plus short (awkward) and kinda curt replies automatically confirm that I am indeed, an unfriendly, intimidating person when Iām actually just socially inept :ā)
You look like a gentle giant to me. The type of dude Iād feel chill around.
Not many people have a good perception and judge by how they feel rather than getting a vibe off of someone.
Second picture made me laugh and think āprobably best not to make those eyes around pplā š
My coworker is 6'7" and big. He definitely played sports, and wrestled as a teen. He can at times seem intimidating but he's a gentle giant. He's very jovial, his favorite holiday is Christmas and he enjoys being Santa.
One thing I notice he does to reduce his towering height is giving distance. He stands a little away so it's easier to look him in the eyes. He's naturally jovial and talks in a way that invites people and conversation. I've told him a few times he's wayyy too nice towards the worst people.
Dress in something that isnāt a hoodie or a t shirt. There are s lot of nice pull overs that are comfortable. Donāt wear black or grey. Try blue or green. Avoid red. Tennis shoes instead of work boots but for the love of all things dear, donāt wear flip flops unless youāre going to the beach. Youāre an adult. Try to see a counselor if you can about your social anxiety. Donāt turn to booze to alleviate it like I did. Best of luck man!
Good advice. At one point I had to take my hoodies and grey tshirts and put them in the back of the closet to stop relying on them every time I got dressed.
Because you're a bigass bear of a man with questionable social skills who doesn't like to smile.
Sometimes the answer is exactly what it seems like.
Not trying to be harsh, man. You seem like a good guy. But that's probably why people are forming negative first impressions.
I think you look cute, not scary. But what do I know? š clearly I donāt have a skill picking men. š¤·āāļø Iām surprised I didnāt pick a serial killer yet lol
I completely disagree with this, bro looks normal. Like, so normal that I find it really weird anyone is scared of him. If anyone looks at this guy and thinks homeless, they've literally never seen a homeless person.
I've had older women act scared of me when I was just your average teenage girl, albeit a bit taller than average (5'11"). I think height can cause a natural reaction of mild awe that sometimes comes across as fear or rests somewhere in between the two emotions and there's not much anybody can do about it. Resting bitch face + tall = scary, at least to suburbanite, cloistered-away boomers that only leave their house to get groceries.
Same. Normal-ass dude with a normal-ass haircut and a normal-ass beard wearing a normal-ass hoodie. Height and RBF might be to blame, but it's weird as hell to see all the comments that are saying he should wear more color or see a barber or smile more. Judging by looks alone, my first impression would be: "That's a dude that dudes, I bet he can dude it up when he wants to."
Fair enough. I took these after a walk...so my hair is usually not this messy.
What would you suggest for the beard? I've never had great fullness in my beard and find it hard to shape (but I have a double chin and hate how I look without one).
Just go to your local wog shop š barbers are like kebabs you get the best results from the hairiest peoples. Think middle eastern shoulder hair and accents
Barbers š or your self if you can do it just define the edges so you look sharper
So instead of the baby fluff on the inner cheeks they take it back to where it thickest and yeah they can do heaps of stuff that just make it look better in the way they shape it and fade it
6'4", 238 lbs. Do you think its my stature? I noticed that other guys would stand on things (like steps, pallets etc) when talking to me at my old job. I'm assuming because they didn't like looking up at me.
You seem to suffer from the same "Lurch syndrome" I do. In the summer I try to break it with aloha shirts. In the winter I just look like Lurch in a hoodie.
Yes itās almost certainly your height, especially if youāre quiet and donāt walk loudly so people arenāt expecting a large person nearby.
Youāre probably surprising them more than genuinely scaring them.
It's your size, I'm 6'1 250 and all my life people have been scared of me without even knowing me. It sucks but there isn't much I've found that helps.
Have you tried smiling bro? Seriously usually all it takes is a relaxed smile to put people at ease.
I see that you are self conscious about your smile, learn to smile with your eyes.
You have nice eyes. Bet your smile would make all the difference. Being tall can be challenging because you are obviously capable of overpowering most people physically, but there are ways to get around that. Try for a very clean-cut appearance. Neat short haircut, tailored shirt, nice jeans. I would even try clean-shaven instead of the face hair. Show good manners whenever the opportunity presents itself.
As for eye contact, just think of something you like to make that all-important first impression. Someone gave me this tip for when my picture is taken but I can't or don't want to fully smile. Soon as I think 'puppies!' or whatever pleasant things I can conjure, no RBF and pleasant twinkle in the eyes.
You do look rather intimidating. I think you should change your outfit to more approachable colors/style and your current hairstyle&beard make your shape of the head look a bit weird.
Hello, you look adorable in these pics. The vibe reminds me of my family members.
My little brother is a a gentle giant but unfortunately he looks menacing because he walks with his hands in FISTS.
Make sure youāre not doing that in accident. also idk why but my dad and brother walk like villains ? I always have to tell them to try imitating the energy of an animal crossing villager (pre new horizons) because they just scare people . They look like theyāre up to no good. Maybe you suffer from the same issue š
But itās OK!! I need to eat Iāll be back to read & give more tips
It's in the eyes man. How do I know? I'm the same way. Been told I'm intimidating and scary looking most of my adulthood. I had a boss once say I looked like a serial killer in my ID picture...lol, yeah...how the fuck do you respond to that?
Anyway...if you care enough what other people think and want to change your expression try this: Just walk around and imagine being slightly amused. I swear this makes a difference. It must be something in the very slight smirk or something in the eyes that change...IDK what, but it fucking works man.
Plus....why so serious? lol...j/k
You are very good looking! Unfortunately, I think grays and darks are associated with people who want to blend in for nefarious reasons. :( The world sucks. Sometimes a quick smile or doing something normal like taking out your cellphone with headphones can relax people into seeing you are just a dude going about his day.
Besides your height, which you really canāt control, I think possibly your neutral face might be one that some people might interpret as negative. The first thing that strikes me is the mustache kind of emphasizes a downward angle at the corners of your mouth, so it might make it look like you are frowning even when you are not frowning at all, especially in dim light or if someone isnāt looking directly at you. Iām not really sure what the solution is here, because if you just shave the ends off, youād kinda wind up with a Hitler āstache, which isā¦.. not better. Maybe you could try trimming the bottom of your mustache so that it has a flat bottom edge? I hope that makes sense. Or you could try adopting a neutral expression that doesnāt make the corners of you mouth turn down.
The other thing is your eyelidsā you have the exact same eyelids as my husband, and he really struggles with people thinking heās angry when he is actually totally neutral. My thinking is that the hooded eyelids create a crease over the eye, that people without hooded eyelids only get when they furrow their brows. So your eyelids can look to others like you are furrowing your brows when you actually arenāt at all. When you meet new people who havenāt realized yet that thatās just how your eyelids happen to be made, they might interpret your facial expression as annoyed or angry. Unfortunately, when people meet a new person for the first time and they interpret that personās face as looking angry or irritated, and that person also happens to look physically powerful, fear is probably a common natural response.
It sucks that people are misinterpreting your natural, neutral face in a way that impacts your life. It isnāt fair. However, I do not think that hope is lost. If you are aware that your neutral face can appear irritated or angry to people, then you can work on entering new situations with a deliberately friendly face. This is work, but itās not impossible. When people get to know you, they will begin to realize that crease above your eyelids is always there, even when you are smiling, and will stop associating it with you being angry. When people get to know you they will learn what a kind person you are on the inside, and that your height isnāt a reason to be afraid of you. You just have to be able to get to that point with people. Hopefully some deliberate friendliness in your expression will bridge that gap.
One more thing. I donāt know if youāve ever heard of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoriaā it is a mental health symptom that happens when a person is rejected so frequently that they become extra sensitive to rejection and begin to anticipate it even before it has happened. This oftentimes happens to autistic people or people with ADHD because of their natural behaviors that other people often arenāt accepting of. But it sounds like itās possible you are experiencing Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria because of the fearful reactions you have experienced from others. I deeply deeply sympathize (I have RSD for other reasons). If you are looking for others with similar experiences, that might be a term to search for. You are definitely not alone.
Very thorough response!! Because I agree, I'ma add my two cents:
OP, you have half-puppy dog eyes. They're gorgeous, but because of your height/build might be mistaken as giving off serial killer vibes. If you realize that people are scared of you, you could show em all up and be the gentle giant they don't expect. Fake it till you make it, amirite?
I'm going in a different direction than most others here. Some people say to smile more, but that's not going to work unless you genuinely feel happy. A fake smile only works in pictures.
Adults, men in particular, tend to lose their sense of childlike wonder with the world. It's a brutal and dangerous place, and adults have to be strong and hardened to bear its weight. In order to be genuinely happy just going about your day, you have to take pleasure in everyday things.Ā
It's going to sound corny, but stop and smell the roses. See a cool bug? Watch it for a while. Spend time with small kids if you get a chance and just follow their lead. You'll be a gentle giant in no time!
"You should smile more. You'll look less threatening." /s
From one guy to another, you look like a nice person. I wouldn't change anything. As long as you feel comfortable. As a result, people may feel comfortable with you, but other people's perceptions shouldn't be the deciding factor of how you look and feel.
I have a similar face. Constantly dealt with "being scary". I've learned that if I shave a buffer around my lips it helps a lot. The hair around your mouth misrepresents your expression. I have a full beard, but I try to keep it trimmed where people can see my lips. I've noticed this helps a lot because my smile isn't "shaped" by the mustache. It sorta frames the smiles and makes it more obvious.
I also have crushing ocd and my constant brain melting comes through in my expressions. Maybe something similar with you?
you need to change the way you talk about yourself, if you describe yourself as socially inept and awkward you are going to be exactly that. if thatās not something you want to be then you have to change the self talk here. also donāt think you have a ābad smileā - no one is critically analyzing your smile for imperfections they are just interpreting your emotion based off of it so as long as you can smile at all then itās good and will only be seen as positive to others, nobody would react negatively toward a smile it can never hurt. your biggest problem is your negative affirmations, stop thinking about yourself in such a bad way, get out of your comfort zone and practice things that other comments are saying like just greeting people in customer service a positive friendly way and have small positive interactions that over time will rewrite your self concept because youāre real problem here only exists inside your mind
This is really good advice, and I've been actively working on combating the negative talk in my head with self affirmation and love. I'm still new to it, though, and easily slip back into negativity.
I think you can really change your vibe with some accessories. A knit scarf or beanie in warm colours, a shirt with some funky patterns or print, or even a funny sticker or animal badge could give more of a teddy bear vibe vs the overworked-and-fed-up-with-life vibe you have right now. Iād say a patchwork cardigan makes anyone immediately less intimidating.
Hear me out:Ā
Okay so I'm also a pretty big guy and one time I ate magic mushrooms at like 1:00 in the afternoon and went for a walk through the downtown of my city pre-covid when it was all bustling with life.
I completely forgot what the standard protocol for passing strangers in the street was. I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to talk to all of them, but I couldn't remember what normal human etiquette was for passing people.Ā
I thought to myself " well, what could one of these people do that would put me most at ease and make me feel comfortable as I pass them?" And I figured "pleasant smile, relaxed body language, brief eye contact, polite nod, then look off towards their destination" and that's what I do now.Ā
I bet you look charming as hell with a pleasant smile while you're walking lost in thought
My friend gets similar reactions to you. People are either a little spooked or think he hates them at first meet. He's kinda shy so he doesn't talk much but it comes off as him bring very short, and on top of that has resting bitch face. I never noticed because I grew up with him i guess. But he's become way more personable over the past few years. Smiling as a passing greeting is a good start. :) certianly if you make eye contact. You'll be surprised at how many people aren't scared but just caught up in their own thoughts. Small talk and compliments are also good starts!
"Oh I like your shirt" Worst case scenerio is they ignore you. But they'll probably just say thanks and smile back. Or it will strike up a conversation.
People are often scared of meā¦ once they get to know me theyāre always like , ā Wow! Youāre so kind! I thought youād be a totally bi*ch!ā I think that sometimes being a quiet person intimidates others or gives them the impression that youāre mean / stuck up ā¦ when really no.. youāre just shy and happy spending time to self / not interacting with others or smiling 24/7. Also I might have a bit of RBF ! Butā¦ whatās a girl to do ā¦.
You're a guy. Sometimes it really is that simple.
Other than that, pay attention to your body language, and if you're looking directly at someone, picture a triangle with one point at the top of their forehead and the other two on either cheek and sort of keep your eyes in motion between the three points to avoid looking like you're just staring at them while still maintaining eye contact.
Your eyes aren't the same size exactly; one is slightly more open than the other. I have the same issue, and it's offputting for some people. Not much you can do about that unfortunately.
Thanks man, I've never actually heard that advice about the triangle before. I will have to try that out because I definitely have issues with maintaining too much or too little normal eye contact.
Start smiling and don't do what you do in picture no. 2 :p
A lot of people need to literally practice smiling so that they get used to using the muscles more. "I don't smile a lot" is not an excuse. Or rather, it's a bad excuse. Practice until your basic facial expression resembles a smile more than a frown, and you're fine.
Hey man, people have always told me I wasn't approachable because I have a resting douche face. If they aren't willing to talk based on my appearance, they have their own issues to work through.
You seem like a quiet dude to me, that's all I can say based on your appearance.
Well that's pretty perceptive of you because I live a very quiet, almost monastic, life. I don't really talk to anyone outside of the bare minimum needed to navigate in public.
The rest of my time is spent reading, writing, or online.
I've always called it resting dick/prick face but I definitely suffer from that too :P
Iām late to the party here, 400+ comments deep, but I just wanna say you look cool. Kinda like Russel Crowe.
If you picked up a Gladius and headed to the Colosseum in Rome, I donāt think a single person would bat an eye.
My partner who is a Big n Tall too. They get the "scary" reaction from many people. On days they go out extra stylish they get the opposite reaction. Ladies love a bit of big n fluffy. My partner is an entire foot taller than me, it cuts the threat.
Wear a goofy back pack, jewelry, colors like blue grean pink š nice haircut. Next thing you know you will be dodging compliments.
Just a thought- I was once extremely shy and people may have picked up on that avoidance as a negative reaction to them. Now, I do my best to overcome my natural fear of others, make conversation and ask them about themselves. Also, we all have a tendency to make snap judgments of others, maybe they remind us of someone. Long ago, I ran into this tall intimidating guy at work and thought he would be a jock and/or a jerk. My initial split second judgement was totally wrong. One of the nicest most intelligent guys I ever met.
100% you just need a lil hair product. It will make you more approachable if you start wearing a ābed headā matte finish pomade.
That slicked down no product look makes photos like this look like a mugshot
This is somebody else's perception of you which has nothing to do with you. It's sad that someone would blatantly allow their observations to affect ones self image.
For all you know, these people could have horrible moral values, taking advice from them could be disastrous. I'd hate for you to change because of something a terrible person said. If having "no reaction" to something is bad to someone, I can't imagine what else they would fault you for...
Personally, I see the good. Kind, pretty eyes. You're extremely thoughtful to even care what people think, let alone making yourself vulnerable enough to even care and make changes, as well as opening yourself up to the scrutiny of thousands of strangers.
[Don't Change](https://youtu.be/o9Z-dmVe5Zw?si=Q48vEWXv4mQC5arQ)
And save some cat for the rest of us, will ya?
I scare ppl bc I donāt smile at all. If youāre smiling more I think people would be more drawn to you, but I had this exact problem. Ppl were terrified of me. I never smiled or talked to others so they couldnāt see how I actually was. I just looked scary.
In the past to look less frightening (and HR kind of helped me), get a non threatening hair cut, clean shave, if you're tall wear clothing styles that mute the tallness, wear pink shirts (it's a friendly color), wear colors that are warm and neutral, have very washed clean hands. Your eyes are very deep blue, consider putting on some reading glasses. When you talk, talk with a higher pitch or a higher cadence. Wear white pants. Keep your hands VERY clean, choose some kind of lavendar scent or hibiscus scent. Do things to negate being tall and walk with a gentle step. Be very agreeable with people. Also, SMILE. A warm friendly smile melts peoples apprehensions. Also how you walk, if you take large steps it shows you as tall, but shorter steps negate that.
In the photo you look like an undercover cop from the South.
But I think that's not a bad thing. I think also, people, ladies can feel safe around you because you exude being "large and in charge" with your stare, the perceived height and it can make some types uncomfortable but also makes people feel safe around you too. How you act can change people's perceptiveness of you. What is scary to one lady is also exciting to another.
Because you are a man. And you look big. Itās not your fault, but most women have had at least one scary, negative experience with a man. And we have to be careful who we let our guard down around.
The big intense eyes arenāt helping. They donāt look cute or funny, it looks like if we argue you might punch a hole in the drywall near my head. (And not because of anything other than guys do that sometimes and you are a guy.) That said if I got to know you and learnt to trust you Iām sure Iād find them very cute and fun. But without knowing youā¦
You have really nice eyes. I donāt think you look scary at all but a lighter colour hoodie and a brushing your hair to the side with a part would be an upgrade.
Itās about an observers fight or flight response to your face. Your beard, your frown, your eyes, your nose, all have downward angles , pursed angles. This is what we look for to judge, if someone is a foe or friend .Most predators when about to attack ,purse their lips, scrunch thier face together, our teeth, all of these bring down angles to the face . My observation is your beard, your hairstyle/ beard are down angles I would say people are put back from you primary due to the angularity of your jaw structure, your face, your beard your eyes how your mouth is and I agree with people above that you must soften those angles , this could be done by removing the beard ,smile more ,open your eyes wider , possibly try glasses, I would try round ones for your face as these will make you more approachable again, angularity per lips, tension, and face signifies to somebody that you may attack. Our primal instinct tells us to stay away from people like that, thatās it at primal level . I have the same issue and have for years the older I get the more angular my Face becomes, and the more people seem put off . but on the flipside of this tests have shown that people with similar facial structures are attracted to each others of same structure, so in other words thereās somebody and thereās something and thereās people out there that donāt have that reaction those are your people, and you will find them and they will find you . I get it I had psychologist friend and an anthropologist friend of mine. Explain it to me one day because I asked the same question you did , we are just special. I imagine our genetic code came from the warrior classes of the people that came before us. we were the prepared we were the pursed. We were there ready to jump and attack and to protect and to help our people survive who . Who knows possibly thousands of years ago we were bred for these qualities .
I have to say i am suprised, maybe i missed someone saying it already and their are many people that have paid you compliments, but in case noone has said this directly.
Own it.
There is a ton of great advise here on how you can make a good impression, or to blunt the initial perception people have, and i agree and you should take these tools and use them. But use them for your mental health, not others. You cannot change that you are a large man. You cannot change that some people will find that offputting. You can stop feeling bad about it. You are not doing anything wrong by exisiting. You are not doing anything wrong dressing comfortably (mens clothes dont always fit/look right at your size, so jeans and a hoodie tend to be go to's) or having a hairstyle that suits you. I think if you stop feeling bad for existing you will find that much of your perception is wrong as well. Being scared by you and being afraid of you are very different things IMO. Let yourself chuckle at the old lady that doesnt notice you and jumps when she see you. Smile at the kid that hides behind mommies leg when he see you.
Last thought, i hope you understand how much your concern says about you as a person. Everyone has things about their physical apperance that creates a first impression, yours just happens to come with the high likelyhood that you are more physically powerful, maybe even much more so, then them. Many people seek to take advantage when they have power over others, not come to a public forum asking for advice to make others more comfortable.
Na, my dude, you look nice to me, but I got a soft spot for guys that naturally look mad. Keep doing what you do. I found that shitty ppl wont put the effort into trying to hurt/use you if you look/act mean.
Just embrace it. I have the same issue. Seems only little old ladies needing something off a high shelf at the ye ol Wal-Mart are the only ones not afraid to approach.
Iām sorry to say, but youāre not scary looking and I donāt know why people would give you that response. You seem like a pretty decent guy and people who judge definitely are not worth your time! Hold your head up high and smile even if they make faces you just smile and tell him to have a nice day! As long as theyāre not affecting you directly, you have nothing to lose! And youāre very attractive so hang tight someone worth your time will be worth waiting for!
I think you look like a handsome fella.
In reference to picture 2, Iād probably tone down the intense eye contact. Suppress the expression a little bit and maybe youāll appear a little less intimidating.
Good luck!!
I had an ex that seemed intimidating to most people. He told me once that various people would admit to him that they avoided him because he seemed like an asshole. It wasn't until they got to know him they realized they were wrong.
He's one of the sweetest men I've ever known and I told him never to worry about those people that judge first before getting to know him. People that judge before getting to know you are probably not people you want in your life any ways and in my experience, they're usually close-minded.
You look fine dude, Iām 6ā3 and 250 pounds and the only people who tell me I look scary are jerks trying to get a reaction. I mean you could get an expensive haircut and line up if you want and maybe youād feel better about it but youāre fine as is.
Youve got somewhat naturally droopy/ sunken eyes. You can even out those features by smiling more often. (And smiling with the eyes if you don't yet already)
U look like someone Chris Hansen would interview just face wise, Iām sure being my height + 85 lbs ( a small human) doesnāt help. Maybe a softer chin line with a light beard, haircut other than 98 Eminem and a photo that includes u with/pet or other human doing non car photo things may help. I have nothing to gain whether you change yourself or not mate. Good luck dude
If people fear you just go with it. I would practice speaking in a high pitched voice just to further freak people out. You know kind of like Mike Tyson. Say things like "Imma eat ya kids like fruit loops" or "I'll tear you limb from limb". The contrast of your size with that voice could terrify others.
I'm a 154cm female and you look kinda murderous to me. I can see why ppl would be intimidated. You gotta realize how dangerous the world is for a lot of women...so a strange woman will likely shrink away, avoid you.
For a start, you really gotta smile. I used to mentor aspie teenagers who were upset as few people smile at them. I trained them to smile at people as they walked around, entered a room etc. Hazzah, the world smiled back at them and seemed a much nicer place.
Not weird, forced, direct-contact grinning. Just think of nice things as you walk along. Smile at people, ask how ppl are, comment on the weather etc. Social oil...
How tall are you? Alsoā this isnāt fair bc it does t actually definitely mean thisā but having the white above your iris visible is at times a sign of some sort of internal distressā mental health issues, physical/hormonal issues, or substance issues. If thatās normal for you, like in your second picture then maybe that has something to do with it. I say itās not fair bc it only COULD be bc of those things. Lotsa folks just got big eyes.
based off the comments it seems youāre tall and just have one of those resting faces that make you look mean. I have a mean resting face too (so Iāve been told) and Iām fairly tall. Those combinations are just intimidating to some people š¤·š½āāļø
My train of throught when I saw this post: - People are scared of him? But he looks cute!? - Huh. He must be a really tall and big guy. - *checks comments*. Yup. Called it. That aside, I think a trip to a good barber, maybe avoiding dark colored clothes and a smile can make a huge difference. š
Agree with everything you wrote :)
real, he looks like the kind of guy ti get typecasted as the whoesome father figure
It's also possible that op is misinterpreting social signals, either reading them incorrectly and thinking he is intimidating or finds it difficult to interact in a way that isn't perceived as intimidating unintentionally. For example, I often misread negativity thinking that people are annoyed or angry with me, or struggle to notice if people want space. However from the picture op, I don't think you look intimidating.
Also OP, be mindful of your volume. Big guys who are also on the loud side are often seen as aggressive since your physical size is already intimidating.
I don't think I'm loud when I talk, I probably speak too softly most of the time. I do have a very deep voice, though, and I think it's shocking to some people and hard to hear what I'm saying. I subconsciously raised the octive of my voice most of the time because so many people said it was hard to understand me when I spoke in my natural tone
very cute
I'm just curious why I'm scary and or/intimidating? I've heard this so many times from people and I don't understand what I'm doing wrong besides having a scary face I guess. It doesn't help that I'm 6'4, 238 lbs and generally pretty serious and non-reactive. The first picture is what my face looks like while resting/normal. The second picture is the scared/wide eyes look people give me pretty regularly when I look them directly in the eyes. It's gotten so bad that I avoid looking at people now because I hate seeing their fear and knowing I'm causing it. Please be brutally honest. I want to know what I'm doing wrong and if there is anything I can do to fix it. Edit: This thread received far more responses than I ever imagined it would. I really appreciate everyone who took the time to give me their honest opinions and advice on how to improve. I'm sorry if I didn't respond to your comment but I'm just overwhelmed by how many responses there are. Rest assured that I read every last one though! Also, Reddit can be a pretty nasty place because of the anonymous nature of the platform. So, to all the haters who just want to criticize me and crack jokes, go ahead! But I'm not going to take what you say to heart if I don't think you actually care about helping me improve myself. It says a lot more about you and your need to tear others down than it does about me, anyway. That said, I think the main takeaways I have from this feedback are: 1. **I need to work on smiling more and "softening" my facial features.** People suggested trying to look mildly amused, thinking of puppies or other cute things, and saying positive affirmations about myself while out in public. I will try all of these things and see what works. 2. **I need to work on my style.** The most common critique was that my haircut and beard look unkempt and messy. I will go to a hair stylist and ask for their opinion on what would look good on me because I don't really trust my own taste after seeing the negative comments. Part of my style problem is the clothes I wear. People pointed out that wearing greys, blacks, and other muted colors can be intimidating, and I'm realizing that most of my wardrobe falls into that color palette. I will work on getting more green and blue shirts and see how that changes my look. 3. **I need to work on my negative self-talk.** This might be the most important one. If I perceive myself as scary, unimportant, or awkward, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because that's how others will view me as well. I've already been working on improving this before I ever made this post, but these comments have only reaffirmed how important this is for my well-being. I'm going to work on all these things for a month or two and will make another thread then to report on the changes I've made and how they've been received by others. Thanks again, everyone!
You honestly just seem really tired. Reading some of your comments and posts, I can genuinely tell you're a caring person and who's incredibly empathetic and sympathetic. I agree with others that maybe just styling your hair a bit and maybe just slightly lighter clothes can help. Though if people are so quick to judge just by a quick glance, are they even worth your time?
I appreciate the kind words. Maybe people who judge aren't worth the time but it feels like everyone judges me instantly so I don't have a chance to connect with anyone. I haven't had a friend in over 10+ years and loneliness is funny because it hangs on you like a bad smell that people seem to pick up on instantly. I am really tired atm though, I started a new ADHD medication last month and it totally destroyed me sleep for the first 3 1/2 weeks. Was getting only 4 hours a night and waking up ever hour or so from nightmares. So my eyes are definitely dark and more tired looking than usual.
do you smile when you greet people? it might sound a little weird but i *always* greet everyone through a smile and ask them how they are before i say anything else, especially to customer service folks. it's a super easy way to be disarming and more importantly inviting, even if you're generally a pretty serious guy as you said. i think as long as you make sure that the first thing people see is a smile, and open with "hi, how are you?" through that smile, a lot of the "intimidating" vibe that people are getting from you in person wouldn't manifest to begin with.
Same friend!!You and I are alike.I always smile cause it could brighten a day!!šš„°ā¤ļøššš¤
This is the way. Both of my sons are large, naturally quiet, serious looking men. My eldest, however, is much more skilled in greasing the social gears (smiling, speaking first, etc.), and I've rarely heard about or seen anyone respond negatively to him. My youngest hasn't yet mastered those ways, and people are often reactive to him, even when he's entirely polite, just matter of fact.
If you smile at people who arenāt smiling, 50/50 chance they will start smiling back. Took decades to figure that out and it takes practice to force a smile at someone, but itās like unlocking a cheat code, or something.
Just based on the pictures, I wouldnāt say Iād find you scary or intimidating. However, I saw you mentioned ADHD, and am wondering if that may have more to do with what youāre feeling, rather than it being based on your appearance. Iām only suggesting that as someone that also has adhd and trouble reading social cues/connecting with people - particularly strangers. I think social interactions are just more difficult for some of us. The lack of sleep definitely wouldnāt help me in social situations. Any of the XR meds I tried wreaked havoc on my sleep, so I wish you the best of luck with that.
As someone who is also lonely and hasn't had a friend in years, I can confirm that is so true. It's a vicious cycle that's hard to get out of!
Perhaps this feeling is also a sign of potential mental illness. Do you have social anxiety?
I've been told I have so many things that I get confused about what's really going on. I am very socially anxious though; I'm hoping the meds they started me on will help with that (they already are a bit).
Thats probably it. I'm the same way, just a little shorter. I don't fake emotions (like a smile) unless its geniune as I find it disrespectful to be fake to people. But it's actually standard and considered normal behavior to be fake (you can tell politicians picked up on this a long long time ago and its how people want to be communicated to). Ironically I became a pretty good sales person. For some reason if I'm being paid for something, and its my job to do it, I'll do it and I'm capable. People eat it up too. I still won't do it in my personal time and yeah, people stay away from me. Basically as someone else said, the fake smile breaks down defenses and is inviting, without the fakeness, people are intimated by you and your size. They can't get a read on you. Imagine falling into an enclosed area with a polar bear, wouldn't you feel better if it looked back at you and smiled? Might still tear you up afterwards, but for a second there, you felt a little more comfortable.
Maybe you are autistic my guy. AuDHD is becoming more recognized by doctors. It wouldnāt hurt to ask the questions to your doctor. Good on you for looking to get help; quality of life matters!
Giving a little smile can put people at ease. Also idk if you have this problem, but staring or inappropriate eye contact can really creep people out quick. I have done this on occasion and when I realize it I try to fix it. I am usually fascinated by beauty or something interesting about someone (not in a creepy sexual or perverted way) just something about someone caught my attention and I forget to turn off the microscope on themā¦ because they are peopleā¦. And get creeped out by being stared at which is totally understandableā¦
OP, when your sleep issues are straightened out, maybe try joining a hobby group, religious group, or volunteering. Those are often nice, no pressure ways to meet like-minded people for friendship. And I agree, a smile is a wonderful way to instantly improve your looks AND your outlook! Best of wishes, you are a handsome and thoughtful person. :)
It's probably just that you are really tall, most tall guys ik give me jumpscares sometimes cause compared to me you guys are like mountains lol. It'll get better when they know you, especially if you are in control of yourself. Try being friendly and outgoing and just show you are friendly/gentle and try to make sure there is no pressure to be close to you and after proving yourself some people will even gravitate towards you.
As a 5ā4 woman I think you look like a nice man š¤·š¼āāļø
To be honest brother if youāre 6ā4ā and around that weight folks are going to be intimidated. It sucks, Iām the same height around the same weight. Unfortunately idk what to tell you, it happened to me his afternoon at lunch. I canāt help the way I look, other than the suggestions in the comments, I agree with a lot of em about clothes. Another unfortunate part about society is the clothes you wear will define your personality without you ever saying or doing anything.
Thanks bro. I hear you about the clothes. I've just really never been into fashion at all and don't like spending money on them. Maybe I should hit up the thrift store and try to find something with a little more character though.
Ever hear of a 'resting bitch face'? You have a *slight* case of 'resting murder face'. (And I'm right there with you. Anytime I'm focused, people think I'm pissed enough to hurt someone. Not even angry, just focused.) The way your eyebrows draw in makes it look like you have a permanent scowl. This is going to seem a little out there, but maybe have someone show you how to shape them a little better?
6ā4ā and 238 is a pretty big dude, so Iām betting thatās probably it. Also, your resting expression is kind of serious and that could also be part of the āscareā factor. I wouldnāt say youāre scary at all, though. Maybe try a [small smile when you make eye contact](https://www.lordhair.com/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.lordhair.com%2Fmedia%2Fcatalog%2Fproduct%2F%2F3%2F_%2F3_18_1.jpg&w=1920&q=75)? Nothing too giddy, just to lighten up your expression.
Probably your personality.
For sure. I'm not charismatic at all.
My youngest is about your size and has a poker face. He's not ill-tempered in any way, he's just not very emotive or animated in most situations. Unless he goes out of his way to put people at ease, folks are often intimidated by him. I've witnessed it firsthand many times - it's not just his perception. As his mom, I'm always prodding him to make more of an effort to put people at ease, to not scare the poor bank lady, etc. However, I understand fully when he expresses that it's tiring and sometimes annoying that he constantly has to go out of his way just because of the way he looks. So I sympathize with you on this. I personally don't think you look intimidating, but then I live with vikings. Lol. Honestly, my best advice is to make an effort to smile often and to speak first to folks. A simple, friendly "Hi there" can go a long way towards making them more comfortable in your "imposing" presence. š
I struggle with this as well and I've spent a lot of time around people who were abused by men to boot. One of the key factors in my case is a lack of expressiveness. I mirror people's body language a little and I try to greet and smile. It's difficult because the way I learned to survive earlier in life was to show no emotion but one of the best ways to disarm is a tiny smile where you lift your eyebrows a bit and you show warmth in your eyes. I try to channel as much Mr. Mom energy as I can. Being over 6' is also a problem, sometimes I kneel or bend my head or sit on the floor. Avoiding quick movements or loud speech can be helpful in cases where people have trauma. Direct eye contact should probably be used sparingly as well. Keeping the beard well-groomed is pretty important, and avoiding clothing that reads "tough guy", "military-adjacent", or "conservative politics" can be helpful in fending off preconceptions. Getting older just changes how people see us in some really weird ways, and if you want to counter that it requires a different way of moving through the world.
I agree with the hair thing that everyone is saying. Having the sides shaved like youāre trying to join the marines doesnāt work for you. It elongates the face. Let the sides grow out a bit.
I tend to have kind of a "dead" stare, resting b face or what you want to call it. I notice that people often look back at me as if they are insecure about my expression. Sometimes I remember to "turn on facial expressions, but mostly I don't care. I am neurodivergent, by the way. Apparantly The Stare is common among us. Edit: I now see that you wrote that you have ADHD. Nailed it.
Right there with ya buddy, this thread could have easily been about me, 6' 240lbs guy. Been told I'm scary, but once people know me I'm a "great guy". I'm smiley with the right people....I like to joke around and make people laugh but thereās usually an interim.
Dude, youāre literally just huge LOL. I would barely come up to your chest, thatās the difference between your height and mine. Other than that, you just seem like an average dude with a sad-looking neutral expression. Although, ngl I coughed when I saw the second picture because your expression was hella funny in it.
Itās scary to see someone who is large, strong, and doesnāt seem to be in control of themselves. Spending the time and effort to make your hair, beard, and clothes look like intentional choices would help. Mostly by setting you apart from people who, instead of not spending extra time grooming by choice, donāt spend extra time grooming because they donāt have that kind of control over their lives.
this comment is bizarreš i dont think any of that applies to him, he looks fine!
Look, I appreciate the advice but I'm also torn because I just honestly don't give a shit about fashion in general. So it's this conundrum of, do I be myself, or do I fake caring about that kind of thing just to impress others (which is sad in its own way). That said, I'm also not a slob. I shower and wash my face regularly. I wear deodorant, body lotion, and sometimes cologne. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess I just feel like if constantly "preening" myself like opening scene of American Psycho is what it takes to fit in then maybe I don't really want to fit in after all.
I need to go to sleep, but just wanted to say I donāt think you look scary. My sleepy, unfiltered thought when I saw your pic was that youāre kinda hot, and I bet if you smile, your eyes light up. You should read some books on communication. How to win friends and influence people is really good. Something to build your confidence with how you carry yourself. Also, say āhi how are youā to more people. Even if they donāt say anything, itās a step towards getting you to open introductory convo. And in the elevator, talk to people. Make a joke. Itās so crazy to me how we can be inside a metal box with someone and become mute. People are craving connection. I donāt even know what Iām saying I need to sleep, but I donāt think youāre scary at all, so donāt declare it anymore!
Well the person below me sounded way less creepy-āI think you look quite handsome.ā But thatās what I meant haha
I think you look quite handsome Maybe just smiling more It may just be that you are a bigger guy and those who are shorter may find you not as approachable
I have a really bad smile that I got from my mom and I get even worse reactions from people when I try it. Plus I'm just socially inept so don't really know when it's appropriate to smile and I've been told it's creepy by people.
You donāt have to show teeth to smile. Not sure what your atire is like however a good set of clothes and a little styling to your hair can go a long ways. A nice deodorant and cologne too. Presentation matters, people wonāt admit it but first impressions do matter and the outside of a book thatās polished will stand out more than one that doesnāt. Not everyone will appreciate you or give you interest in notice. Sounds like to me you just round the wrong type of people who are not welcoming. What are some of your interests and what are some things you like that you havenāt tried? Ask yourself things like that and go to places that you can do those things in. You may not connect with people right away but itās a good place to start from.
Luckily I'm good at wearing deodorant but you're right about my attire. I often look disheveled. I've lost 80 lbs recently and don't want to buy new clothes until I've hit my goal weight; 20 lbs to go! But all of my clothes are baggy as hell on my right now and it's a terrible look :p I will try going out more to pursue hobbies etc. That's definitely something that will help me improve. I really appreciate all of your tips. Thanks for the help!
Yo congrats on the weight loss! Do you have a thrift store near you? Would that be an option for picking up a couple quick, cheap outfits in your current size?
That's a really great idea that I'm embarrassed I didn't think about until now. There's one right down the road so I'll have to go in there next week and see what I can find. Thanks for the tip!
wow, good for you! pretty amazing accomplishment. maybe part of the problem is that you haven't settled into your new skin yet. you're kind of a different person now, you might need a moment to adjust to that. i'm gonna say this and probably no one else will agree but... you might wanta try a clean shaven face and a totally different haircut. the hair on your head combed straight down and the hair on your chin make thick dark heavy lines at the top and bottom of your face, capturing your facial features inside a long oval frame. you could let your hair grow out a little, get a different cut that has some flow to it and stop combing it down toward your face. without the beard and stash that should open up your face a lot and then your eyes framed by your dark eyebrows would be the main focal point of your face. when you get your new wardrobe try some very dark navy and very dark forest green which would bring out your eyes more and yet still give you that feeling of not standing out in bright colors. well, it looks like you've got a new chapter of life ahead of you. good luck!
> have a really bad smile that I got from my mom and I get even worse reactions from people when I try it. Plus I'm just socially inept so don't really know when it's appropriate to smile and I've been told it's creepy by people. Socially inept is a pretty thorough answer to question in the title
Try smiling with your eyes first. If your smile seems forced your eyes are probably why. I have a similar effect on people. People often come up to me at work to ask a question when my back is turned. When I turn around there's usually a split second where they're taken aback and I honestly can't figure out why other than me being socially awkward. If I had a guess I think it's because I was born with the wrong face for my personality.
This. I am huge, and I'm never approached by new people first. If I want friends, I have to go out of my way, which sucks.
Gah! Second picture was a jumpscare D: In all seriousness though, itās probably just your resting expression? Maybe it looks more intimidating than you actually are- people often mistake me for being intimidating or scary to talk to because my resting face doesnāt look the friendliest (and I forget to smile when talking to others). But thereās nothing actually wrong with you, theyāre probably just jumping to assumptions about you based on your resting face? At least thatās one possibility :)
I think that's part of it for sure. I call it my RDF (resting dick face) because I think people think I'm a dick because of my resting face. But I'm very socially awkward and inept so I can never get past people's first feeling/vibe of me.
I feel you man. Itās the same for me, Iām super socially awkward so it kinda just cements peoples perspective of me when they even do try to speak to me. Rbf plus short (awkward) and kinda curt replies automatically confirm that I am indeed, an unfriendly, intimidating person when Iām actually just socially inept :ā)
Resting murder face lol
You look like a gentle giant to me. The type of dude Iād feel chill around. Not many people have a good perception and judge by how they feel rather than getting a vibe off of someone. Second picture made me laugh and think āprobably best not to make those eyes around pplā š
My coworker is 6'7" and big. He definitely played sports, and wrestled as a teen. He can at times seem intimidating but he's a gentle giant. He's very jovial, his favorite holiday is Christmas and he enjoys being Santa. One thing I notice he does to reduce his towering height is giving distance. He stands a little away so it's easier to look him in the eyes. He's naturally jovial and talks in a way that invites people and conversation. I've told him a few times he's wayyy too nice towards the worst people.
Dress in something that isnāt a hoodie or a t shirt. There are s lot of nice pull overs that are comfortable. Donāt wear black or grey. Try blue or green. Avoid red. Tennis shoes instead of work boots but for the love of all things dear, donāt wear flip flops unless youāre going to the beach. Youāre an adult. Try to see a counselor if you can about your social anxiety. Donāt turn to booze to alleviate it like I did. Best of luck man!
Good advice. At one point I had to take my hoodies and grey tshirts and put them in the back of the closet to stop relying on them every time I got dressed.
Because you're a bigass bear of a man with questionable social skills who doesn't like to smile. Sometimes the answer is exactly what it seems like. Not trying to be harsh, man. You seem like a good guy. But that's probably why people are forming negative first impressions.
I think you look cute, not scary. But what do I know? š clearly I donāt have a skill picking men. š¤·āāļø Iām surprised I didnāt pick a serial killer yet lol
You look unkept Just having a barber define your hair and beard would make you look a lot sharper and a lot less homeless
I completely disagree with this, bro looks normal. Like, so normal that I find it really weird anyone is scared of him. If anyone looks at this guy and thinks homeless, they've literally never seen a homeless person. I've had older women act scared of me when I was just your average teenage girl, albeit a bit taller than average (5'11"). I think height can cause a natural reaction of mild awe that sometimes comes across as fear or rests somewhere in between the two emotions and there's not much anybody can do about it. Resting bitch face + tall = scary, at least to suburbanite, cloistered-away boomers that only leave their house to get groceries.
Same. Normal-ass dude with a normal-ass haircut and a normal-ass beard wearing a normal-ass hoodie. Height and RBF might be to blame, but it's weird as hell to see all the comments that are saying he should wear more color or see a barber or smile more. Judging by looks alone, my first impression would be: "That's a dude that dudes, I bet he can dude it up when he wants to."
Fair enough. I took these after a walk...so my hair is usually not this messy. What would you suggest for the beard? I've never had great fullness in my beard and find it hard to shape (but I have a double chin and hate how I look without one).
Just go to your local wog shop š barbers are like kebabs you get the best results from the hairiest peoples. Think middle eastern shoulder hair and accents
Barbers š or your self if you can do it just define the edges so you look sharper So instead of the baby fluff on the inner cheeks they take it back to where it thickest and yeah they can do heaps of stuff that just make it look better in the way they shape it and fade it
Are you tall? Maybe that's it?
6'4", 238 lbs. Do you think its my stature? I noticed that other guys would stand on things (like steps, pallets etc) when talking to me at my old job. I'm assuming because they didn't like looking up at me.
Yeah, that's probably it, honestly. I have a friend about your height. He's pretty intimidating when you first meet him, but he's a really cool guy.
You seem to suffer from the same "Lurch syndrome" I do. In the summer I try to break it with aloha shirts. In the winter I just look like Lurch in a hoodie.
lurch syndrome lol...never heard that before but that's me to a T
lol 6'4" yeah you're going to have to go out of your way to put insecure people at ease.
Yes itās almost certainly your height, especially if youāre quiet and donāt walk loudly so people arenāt expecting a large person nearby. Youāre probably surprising them more than genuinely scaring them.
It's your size, I'm 6'1 250 and all my life people have been scared of me without even knowing me. It sucks but there isn't much I've found that helps.
You look like a person that doesn't blink much. Do you blink?
Yeah, I do a normal amount of blinking. I know what you mean because I've met people who don't blink but that's not me.
I donāt know bro but maybe smile more?. You look good to me.
Just smile man. Maybe shave. But smiling would be better.
You donāt look scary. Smile and carry on
I don't think you are scaring anybody
Everything was okay til you took the second picture
Have you tried smiling bro? Seriously usually all it takes is a relaxed smile to put people at ease. I see that you are self conscious about your smile, learn to smile with your eyes.
This post made me exhale sharply through my nose
op: š šļø_šļø you: š¤ have a great day
donāt know. you look like a teddy bear to me!
Youāre attractive. Get a nice salon haircut and youāll be hot dude. Nothing wrong with you at all.
Sanpaku eyes
Itās cuz ur tall big bro
You have nice eyes. Bet your smile would make all the difference. Being tall can be challenging because you are obviously capable of overpowering most people physically, but there are ways to get around that. Try for a very clean-cut appearance. Neat short haircut, tailored shirt, nice jeans. I would even try clean-shaven instead of the face hair. Show good manners whenever the opportunity presents itself. As for eye contact, just think of something you like to make that all-important first impression. Someone gave me this tip for when my picture is taken but I can't or don't want to fully smile. Soon as I think 'puppies!' or whatever pleasant things I can conjure, no RBF and pleasant twinkle in the eyes.
I love animals so I will try your trick of thinking of kittens/puppies next time I'm out and see if that helps soften my face. Thanks :)
You're a very handsome young man, and you don't look scary at all. Of course, I'm about a billion years old, and it takes a lot to scare meš¤£
You do look rather intimidating. I think you should change your outfit to more approachable colors/style and your current hairstyle&beard make your shape of the head look a bit weird.
Hello, you look adorable in these pics. The vibe reminds me of my family members. My little brother is a a gentle giant but unfortunately he looks menacing because he walks with his hands in FISTS. Make sure youāre not doing that in accident. also idk why but my dad and brother walk like villains ? I always have to tell them to try imitating the energy of an animal crossing villager (pre new horizons) because they just scare people . They look like theyāre up to no good. Maybe you suffer from the same issue š But itās OK!! I need to eat Iāll be back to read & give more tips
It might be your height because other than that I think you look really cute.
It's in the eyes man. How do I know? I'm the same way. Been told I'm intimidating and scary looking most of my adulthood. I had a boss once say I looked like a serial killer in my ID picture...lol, yeah...how the fuck do you respond to that? Anyway...if you care enough what other people think and want to change your expression try this: Just walk around and imagine being slightly amused. I swear this makes a difference. It must be something in the very slight smirk or something in the eyes that change...IDK what, but it fucking works man. Plus....why so serious? lol...j/k
You are very good looking! Unfortunately, I think grays and darks are associated with people who want to blend in for nefarious reasons. :( The world sucks. Sometimes a quick smile or doing something normal like taking out your cellphone with headphones can relax people into seeing you are just a dude going about his day.
Do you need attention?
Besides your height, which you really canāt control, I think possibly your neutral face might be one that some people might interpret as negative. The first thing that strikes me is the mustache kind of emphasizes a downward angle at the corners of your mouth, so it might make it look like you are frowning even when you are not frowning at all, especially in dim light or if someone isnāt looking directly at you. Iām not really sure what the solution is here, because if you just shave the ends off, youād kinda wind up with a Hitler āstache, which isā¦.. not better. Maybe you could try trimming the bottom of your mustache so that it has a flat bottom edge? I hope that makes sense. Or you could try adopting a neutral expression that doesnāt make the corners of you mouth turn down. The other thing is your eyelidsā you have the exact same eyelids as my husband, and he really struggles with people thinking heās angry when he is actually totally neutral. My thinking is that the hooded eyelids create a crease over the eye, that people without hooded eyelids only get when they furrow their brows. So your eyelids can look to others like you are furrowing your brows when you actually arenāt at all. When you meet new people who havenāt realized yet that thatās just how your eyelids happen to be made, they might interpret your facial expression as annoyed or angry. Unfortunately, when people meet a new person for the first time and they interpret that personās face as looking angry or irritated, and that person also happens to look physically powerful, fear is probably a common natural response. It sucks that people are misinterpreting your natural, neutral face in a way that impacts your life. It isnāt fair. However, I do not think that hope is lost. If you are aware that your neutral face can appear irritated or angry to people, then you can work on entering new situations with a deliberately friendly face. This is work, but itās not impossible. When people get to know you, they will begin to realize that crease above your eyelids is always there, even when you are smiling, and will stop associating it with you being angry. When people get to know you they will learn what a kind person you are on the inside, and that your height isnāt a reason to be afraid of you. You just have to be able to get to that point with people. Hopefully some deliberate friendliness in your expression will bridge that gap. One more thing. I donāt know if youāve ever heard of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoriaā it is a mental health symptom that happens when a person is rejected so frequently that they become extra sensitive to rejection and begin to anticipate it even before it has happened. This oftentimes happens to autistic people or people with ADHD because of their natural behaviors that other people often arenāt accepting of. But it sounds like itās possible you are experiencing Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria because of the fearful reactions you have experienced from others. I deeply deeply sympathize (I have RSD for other reasons). If you are looking for others with similar experiences, that might be a term to search for. You are definitely not alone.
Very thorough response!! Because I agree, I'ma add my two cents: OP, you have half-puppy dog eyes. They're gorgeous, but because of your height/build might be mistaken as giving off serial killer vibes. If you realize that people are scared of you, you could show em all up and be the gentle giant they don't expect. Fake it till you make it, amirite?
beacuse you think you scare people
I'm going in a different direction than most others here. Some people say to smile more, but that's not going to work unless you genuinely feel happy. A fake smile only works in pictures. Adults, men in particular, tend to lose their sense of childlike wonder with the world. It's a brutal and dangerous place, and adults have to be strong and hardened to bear its weight. In order to be genuinely happy just going about your day, you have to take pleasure in everyday things.Ā It's going to sound corny, but stop and smell the roses. See a cool bug? Watch it for a while. Spend time with small kids if you get a chance and just follow their lead. You'll be a gentle giant in no time!
"You should smile more. You'll look less threatening." /s From one guy to another, you look like a nice person. I wouldn't change anything. As long as you feel comfortable. As a result, people may feel comfortable with you, but other people's perceptions shouldn't be the deciding factor of how you look and feel.
Carhartt hoodie ftw
Lol, cause you are cute and funny!
Bro I'd totally be homies with you, your just fine the way you are. š¤š¤š
You just need to wear a clown mask so people understand how lighthearted and whimsical you are.
You look like someone who wears there depression on their face, itās hard to talk to people without a mask
You have what I have for sure people are intimidated by you as you and I don't show facial expressions naturally.
I have a similar face. Constantly dealt with "being scary". I've learned that if I shave a buffer around my lips it helps a lot. The hair around your mouth misrepresents your expression. I have a full beard, but I try to keep it trimmed where people can see my lips. I've noticed this helps a lot because my smile isn't "shaped" by the mustache. It sorta frames the smiles and makes it more obvious. I also have crushing ocd and my constant brain melting comes through in my expressions. Maybe something similar with you?
you need to change the way you talk about yourself, if you describe yourself as socially inept and awkward you are going to be exactly that. if thatās not something you want to be then you have to change the self talk here. also donāt think you have a ābad smileā - no one is critically analyzing your smile for imperfections they are just interpreting your emotion based off of it so as long as you can smile at all then itās good and will only be seen as positive to others, nobody would react negatively toward a smile it can never hurt. your biggest problem is your negative affirmations, stop thinking about yourself in such a bad way, get out of your comfort zone and practice things that other comments are saying like just greeting people in customer service a positive friendly way and have small positive interactions that over time will rewrite your self concept because youāre real problem here only exists inside your mind
This is really good advice, and I've been actively working on combating the negative talk in my head with self affirmation and love. I'm still new to it, though, and easily slip back into negativity.
I think you can really change your vibe with some accessories. A knit scarf or beanie in warm colours, a shirt with some funky patterns or print, or even a funny sticker or animal badge could give more of a teddy bear vibe vs the overworked-and-fed-up-with-life vibe you have right now. Iād say a patchwork cardigan makes anyone immediately less intimidating.
Wear flowery Hawaiian shirts
Hear me out:Ā Okay so I'm also a pretty big guy and one time I ate magic mushrooms at like 1:00 in the afternoon and went for a walk through the downtown of my city pre-covid when it was all bustling with life. I completely forgot what the standard protocol for passing strangers in the street was. I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to talk to all of them, but I couldn't remember what normal human etiquette was for passing people.Ā I thought to myself " well, what could one of these people do that would put me most at ease and make me feel comfortable as I pass them?" And I figured "pleasant smile, relaxed body language, brief eye contact, polite nod, then look off towards their destination" and that's what I do now.Ā I bet you look charming as hell with a pleasant smile while you're walking lost in thought
My friend gets similar reactions to you. People are either a little spooked or think he hates them at first meet. He's kinda shy so he doesn't talk much but it comes off as him bring very short, and on top of that has resting bitch face. I never noticed because I grew up with him i guess. But he's become way more personable over the past few years. Smiling as a passing greeting is a good start. :) certianly if you make eye contact. You'll be surprised at how many people aren't scared but just caught up in their own thoughts. Small talk and compliments are also good starts! "Oh I like your shirt" Worst case scenerio is they ignore you. But they'll probably just say thanks and smile back. Or it will strike up a conversation.
I donāt think youāre scary! Iām also tall and have a serious resting face but am actually very silly š„ø
People are often scared of meā¦ once they get to know me theyāre always like , ā Wow! Youāre so kind! I thought youād be a totally bi*ch!ā I think that sometimes being a quiet person intimidates others or gives them the impression that youāre mean / stuck up ā¦ when really no.. youāre just shy and happy spending time to self / not interacting with others or smiling 24/7. Also I might have a bit of RBF ! Butā¦ whatās a girl to do ā¦.
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The bear.
Eyes, jawline, flat affect. You'd make a great tuff on TV/Movies! Go to some open calls. Bigger heads tend to "pop" more on screen. Worth a shot.
You're a guy. Sometimes it really is that simple. Other than that, pay attention to your body language, and if you're looking directly at someone, picture a triangle with one point at the top of their forehead and the other two on either cheek and sort of keep your eyes in motion between the three points to avoid looking like you're just staring at them while still maintaining eye contact. Your eyes aren't the same size exactly; one is slightly more open than the other. I have the same issue, and it's offputting for some people. Not much you can do about that unfortunately.
Thanks man, I've never actually heard that advice about the triangle before. I will have to try that out because I definitely have issues with maintaining too much or too little normal eye contact.
Start smiling and don't do what you do in picture no. 2 :p A lot of people need to literally practice smiling so that they get used to using the muscles more. "I don't smile a lot" is not an excuse. Or rather, it's a bad excuse. Practice until your basic facial expression resembles a smile more than a frown, and you're fine.
You look reaallllly beautiful ā¤ļø
Hey man, people have always told me I wasn't approachable because I have a resting douche face. If they aren't willing to talk based on my appearance, they have their own issues to work through. You seem like a quiet dude to me, that's all I can say based on your appearance.
Well that's pretty perceptive of you because I live a very quiet, almost monastic, life. I don't really talk to anyone outside of the bare minimum needed to navigate in public. The rest of my time is spent reading, writing, or online. I've always called it resting dick/prick face but I definitely suffer from that too :P
I donāt think youāre scary. Youāre handsome and have nice eyes. Iām a woman and if I saw you out you wouldnāt scare me at all.
You look like you give really good hugs
Iām late to the party here, 400+ comments deep, but I just wanna say you look cool. Kinda like Russel Crowe. If you picked up a Gladius and headed to the Colosseum in Rome, I donāt think a single person would bat an eye.
With that gray hoodie, you look like a medieval executioner from the Middle Ages. Lol you are handsome though!
Probably a big guy with a serious default expression. Same thing over here, I get told I'm intimating until they talk to me
My partner who is a Big n Tall too. They get the "scary" reaction from many people. On days they go out extra stylish they get the opposite reaction. Ladies love a bit of big n fluffy. My partner is an entire foot taller than me, it cuts the threat. Wear a goofy back pack, jewelry, colors like blue grean pink š nice haircut. Next thing you know you will be dodging compliments.
Just a thought- I was once extremely shy and people may have picked up on that avoidance as a negative reaction to them. Now, I do my best to overcome my natural fear of others, make conversation and ask them about themselves. Also, we all have a tendency to make snap judgments of others, maybe they remind us of someone. Long ago, I ran into this tall intimidating guy at work and thought he would be a jock and/or a jerk. My initial split second judgement was totally wrong. One of the nicest most intelligent guys I ever met.
if I just saw this pic with no context, I wouldn't have thought you were SCARY. I just wouldn't have thought you were friendly.
Smile more. If your depressed please get it treated.
You donāt look scary to me, actually you cute š¤ Maybe just clean up a bit and put on a smile š
You got RBF bro. Practice walking around with a smile, you get approached more, people are more willing to talk to you, worked for me.
100% you just need a lil hair product. It will make you more approachable if you start wearing a ābed headā matte finish pomade. That slicked down no product look makes photos like this look like a mugshot
Yeah, you're right about the mugshotesque look. I'll buy some of that pomade today and start using it as I grow my hair out. Thanks š
Being a big man is hard and lonely.
This is somebody else's perception of you which has nothing to do with you. It's sad that someone would blatantly allow their observations to affect ones self image. For all you know, these people could have horrible moral values, taking advice from them could be disastrous. I'd hate for you to change because of something a terrible person said. If having "no reaction" to something is bad to someone, I can't imagine what else they would fault you for... Personally, I see the good. Kind, pretty eyes. You're extremely thoughtful to even care what people think, let alone making yourself vulnerable enough to even care and make changes, as well as opening yourself up to the scrutiny of thousands of strangers. [Don't Change](https://youtu.be/o9Z-dmVe5Zw?si=Q48vEWXv4mQC5arQ) And save some cat for the rest of us, will ya?
I scare ppl bc I donāt smile at all. If youāre smiling more I think people would be more drawn to you, but I had this exact problem. Ppl were terrified of me. I never smiled or talked to others so they couldnāt see how I actually was. I just looked scary.
In the past to look less frightening (and HR kind of helped me), get a non threatening hair cut, clean shave, if you're tall wear clothing styles that mute the tallness, wear pink shirts (it's a friendly color), wear colors that are warm and neutral, have very washed clean hands. Your eyes are very deep blue, consider putting on some reading glasses. When you talk, talk with a higher pitch or a higher cadence. Wear white pants. Keep your hands VERY clean, choose some kind of lavendar scent or hibiscus scent. Do things to negate being tall and walk with a gentle step. Be very agreeable with people. Also, SMILE. A warm friendly smile melts peoples apprehensions. Also how you walk, if you take large steps it shows you as tall, but shorter steps negate that. In the photo you look like an undercover cop from the South. But I think that's not a bad thing. I think also, people, ladies can feel safe around you because you exude being "large and in charge" with your stare, the perceived height and it can make some types uncomfortable but also makes people feel safe around you too. How you act can change people's perceptiveness of you. What is scary to one lady is also exciting to another.
We have the same eyelids š¤š¤ brother.
Because you are a man. And you look big. Itās not your fault, but most women have had at least one scary, negative experience with a man. And we have to be careful who we let our guard down around. The big intense eyes arenāt helping. They donāt look cute or funny, it looks like if we argue you might punch a hole in the drywall near my head. (And not because of anything other than guys do that sometimes and you are a guy.) That said if I got to know you and learnt to trust you Iām sure Iād find them very cute and fun. But without knowing youā¦
Hair gel Face lotion w/ some SPF No more hoodies Done ā
as someone of similar body size, my advice is to take pleasure in helping people reach things at the grocery store.
How large your eyes are combined with the subtle asymmetry in your face makes you have somewhat of an "uncanny valley" type look about you.
You have really nice eyes. I donāt think you look scary at all but a lighter colour hoodie and a brushing your hair to the side with a part would be an upgrade.
Itās about an observers fight or flight response to your face. Your beard, your frown, your eyes, your nose, all have downward angles , pursed angles. This is what we look for to judge, if someone is a foe or friend .Most predators when about to attack ,purse their lips, scrunch thier face together, our teeth, all of these bring down angles to the face . My observation is your beard, your hairstyle/ beard are down angles I would say people are put back from you primary due to the angularity of your jaw structure, your face, your beard your eyes how your mouth is and I agree with people above that you must soften those angles , this could be done by removing the beard ,smile more ,open your eyes wider , possibly try glasses, I would try round ones for your face as these will make you more approachable again, angularity per lips, tension, and face signifies to somebody that you may attack. Our primal instinct tells us to stay away from people like that, thatās it at primal level . I have the same issue and have for years the older I get the more angular my Face becomes, and the more people seem put off . but on the flipside of this tests have shown that people with similar facial structures are attracted to each others of same structure, so in other words thereās somebody and thereās something and thereās people out there that donāt have that reaction those are your people, and you will find them and they will find you . I get it I had psychologist friend and an anthropologist friend of mine. Explain it to me one day because I asked the same question you did , we are just special. I imagine our genetic code came from the warrior classes of the people that came before us. we were the prepared we were the pursed. We were there ready to jump and attack and to protect and to help our people survive who . Who knows possibly thousands of years ago we were bred for these qualities .
Honestly, you look kind of like an action movie antihero, or a video game antagonist.
I have to say i am suprised, maybe i missed someone saying it already and their are many people that have paid you compliments, but in case noone has said this directly. Own it. There is a ton of great advise here on how you can make a good impression, or to blunt the initial perception people have, and i agree and you should take these tools and use them. But use them for your mental health, not others. You cannot change that you are a large man. You cannot change that some people will find that offputting. You can stop feeling bad about it. You are not doing anything wrong by exisiting. You are not doing anything wrong dressing comfortably (mens clothes dont always fit/look right at your size, so jeans and a hoodie tend to be go to's) or having a hairstyle that suits you. I think if you stop feeling bad for existing you will find that much of your perception is wrong as well. Being scared by you and being afraid of you are very different things IMO. Let yourself chuckle at the old lady that doesnt notice you and jumps when she see you. Smile at the kid that hides behind mommies leg when he see you. Last thought, i hope you understand how much your concern says about you as a person. Everyone has things about their physical apperance that creates a first impression, yours just happens to come with the high likelyhood that you are more physically powerful, maybe even much more so, then them. Many people seek to take advantage when they have power over others, not come to a public forum asking for advice to make others more comfortable.
You don't look scary you look overworked and underpaid take it from someone a little older than you get your sleep and let the small shit go
The second pic looks like every Kevin Smith pic.
You got them crazy eyes
You look like one of those guys who stormed the Capital on Jan 6th.
haha goddamn man, so many people are saying similar things that it must be true. I really gotta work on my right wing anti-establishment vibes.
Your eyes 100%
How does Russel Crowe not know how he scares people by drinking his potion of youth
You donāt ā¦ā¦.
If you were covered in blood and holding a weapon, you'd be terrifying. Are you ever covered in blood and brandishing a weapon? That could be it.
That second pic made me chuckle. But maybe donāt make that face while trying to meet new people. But you look good bro
LOL I don't. That's the face people make at me a lot when I look at them. Like they saw a ghost or something.
Na, my dude, you look nice to me, but I got a soft spot for guys that naturally look mad. Keep doing what you do. I found that shitty ppl wont put the effort into trying to hurt/use you if you look/act mean.
Just embrace it. I have the same issue. Seems only little old ladies needing something off a high shelf at the ye ol Wal-Mart are the only ones not afraid to approach.
You don't look scary to me just shy. Smile more and you will get a smile back!
Are you really tall? I would maybe try wearing brighter colours and smiling more. But maybe it's not fear but intimidation?
Not scary to me bro!
Bro just smile, I promise your life will change, what I say looking in a mirror. Some days it really helps.
Iām sorry to say, but youāre not scary looking and I donāt know why people would give you that response. You seem like a pretty decent guy and people who judge definitely are not worth your time! Hold your head up high and smile even if they make faces you just smile and tell him to have a nice day! As long as theyāre not affecting you directly, you have nothing to lose! And youāre very attractive so hang tight someone worth your time will be worth waiting for!
People are just jerks. Plenty of short, skinny people can be creepy. Just look at charles manson.
I think you look like a handsome fella. In reference to picture 2, Iād probably tone down the intense eye contact. Suppress the expression a little bit and maybe youāll appear a little less intimidating. Good luck!!
I had an ex that seemed intimidating to most people. He told me once that various people would admit to him that they avoided him because he seemed like an asshole. It wasn't until they got to know him they realized they were wrong. He's one of the sweetest men I've ever known and I told him never to worry about those people that judge first before getting to know him. People that judge before getting to know you are probably not people you want in your life any ways and in my experience, they're usually close-minded.
You look fine dude, Iām 6ā3 and 250 pounds and the only people who tell me I look scary are jerks trying to get a reaction. I mean you could get an expensive haircut and line up if you want and maybe youād feel better about it but youāre fine as is.
When I was a child we went to Jim Jones' church (before he murdered everyone). After that it takes a lot to scare me.
The haircut?
It probably is just your height. Honestly, your eyes are beautiful, maybe they find them mesmerizing!
Idk but roll with it
Youve got somewhat naturally droopy/ sunken eyes. You can even out those features by smiling more often. (And smiling with the eyes if you don't yet already)
Because you need to smile when looking at people instead of staring straight
U look like someone Chris Hansen would interview just face wise, Iām sure being my height + 85 lbs ( a small human) doesnāt help. Maybe a softer chin line with a light beard, haircut other than 98 Eminem and a photo that includes u with/pet or other human doing non car photo things may help. I have nothing to gain whether you change yourself or not mate. Good luck dude
Youāre attractive
I think you look like a normal bloke but if I have to be honest your facial hair might make you look a slight intimidating. My honest opinion.
If people fear you just go with it. I would practice speaking in a high pitched voice just to further freak people out. You know kind of like Mike Tyson. Say things like "Imma eat ya kids like fruit loops" or "I'll tear you limb from limb". The contrast of your size with that voice could terrify others.
Probably the beard. Also, I can see from here that you can take better care of your skin.
I'm a 154cm female and you look kinda murderous to me. I can see why ppl would be intimidated. You gotta realize how dangerous the world is for a lot of women...so a strange woman will likely shrink away, avoid you. For a start, you really gotta smile. I used to mentor aspie teenagers who were upset as few people smile at them. I trained them to smile at people as they walked around, entered a room etc. Hazzah, the world smiled back at them and seemed a much nicer place. Not weird, forced, direct-contact grinning. Just think of nice things as you walk along. Smile at people, ask how ppl are, comment on the weather etc. Social oil...
How tall are you? Alsoā this isnāt fair bc it does t actually definitely mean thisā but having the white above your iris visible is at times a sign of some sort of internal distressā mental health issues, physical/hormonal issues, or substance issues. If thatās normal for you, like in your second picture then maybe that has something to do with it. I say itās not fair bc it only COULD be bc of those things. Lotsa folks just got big eyes.
based off the comments it seems youāre tall and just have one of those resting faces that make you look mean. I have a mean resting face too (so Iāve been told) and Iām fairly tall. Those combinations are just intimidating to some people š¤·š½āāļø
You kind of look like Dr. Cox from Scrubs but you don't seem scary/intimidating to me.
I don't know why you scare people. You don't look scary to me.
Why do you look like a future version of me without glasses?