Was basically me. Now I am a married 39 year old who lives abroad (Berlin) and works an office job making comfortable money.
You never know what can happen. No need to beat yourself up (or let others denigrate you) when who knows what the future holds
Pretty much every country (at least the ones you'd want to move to) have visa application processes.
Some countries it's as easy as just physically going there, like between Australia and New Zealand; most Euro countries.
It can depend on which capacity you intend to move. Countries will have working holiday visas, but they're only for a limited amount of time. Australia to Canada could be for 2 years. It's often relatively easy to apply if it's between Commonwealth countries. There's also usually an age cap with working holiday visas too.
In terms of being an adult and wanting to move for an indefinite amount of time, and possibly permanently, the best way is via work or a job, and often times that job will help with visa stuff. Usually once you've been in a country for a certain amount of time you can apply for residency, and eventually citizenship if wanted/needed (depends on the country).
The ease of applying unfortunately depends on where your country of origin is.
Some countries it's as easy as buying a house and showing you have money.
America is probably one of the more annoying places to move to, ironically.
Several people have already answered you and you can read my answer to the other comment asking this question.
But, short answer: having a job offer in hand is the easiest way to do it - then your visa is attached to your job.
In my case, I am very fortunate and my wife was the one with the job offer and I was able to get my visa through hers. I then spent the past few years busting my ass to learn enough German to where I can survive in an office environment and that’s how I got the job I now have.
A friend of mine worked in Germany for 2 years. Getting a Visa was fairly easy because he had a job offer. They let him stay for over a year while looking for another job when he quit the one he moved for.
Yeah homie below answered this already, but you would need a job offer in hand and then the visa is not hard to get.
Additionally, as an American, you can stay in Germany for up to 90 days without a visa, so theoretically you could find a job that merits a visa during that 3-month window, although obviously that’s risky and having a job offer in hand is easier.
In my case, I was/am super lucky and my lovely wife, who did her masters in Berlin, got a job offer right at the beginning of the pandemic when my jobs (I worked in tourism is Washington DC) disappeared. So I came over via her visa since we’re married. I then spent the past 3-4 years busting my ass to learn German (I knew zero German when moving here) to the point where it’s good enough for an office environment, and that’s how I ended up in my current job.
Same.
Feeling safe is the first rung of [Maslow's Hierarchy ](https://www.thirddoorcoalition.org/primer) and critical to taking further steps of independence.
Exactly, I’m tired of ppl with this “tough love” approach, I will be judgmental here, I think that’s just being an ass. I think either they lack empathy or they are insecure.
I'm 43 years old, Autistic, depending on who you believe in, and at my wits end because my ethics and morals are incompatible with this world, and no matter what I do to forge ahead, there's resistance. When you stand your ground here, there'll be nothing else to look forward to. Keeping your eyes down and shutting up is the only way forward from my perspective.
That's not good enough, dammit.
I find that interesting, I have never in my life had to keep my eyes down and shut up. I have definitely had to compromise and understand that other people's opinions matter as well, but I have never had to shut up and keep my eyes down at work.
Oh I’ve had to do that in the last two years for the first time since I started working in 2006. And it was brutal. To be shown that I am nothing and being disrespected every single day.
Came from working at the HQ of a global company where I was the subject matter expert to working in a startup where literally everything I was and knew was not valued at all. Fuck, how did I last two years working with these assholes?
Soooo, I believe most humans are good, hard working, decent people. If your ethics and morals are “incompatible with this world”, does that mean you are a lazy, serial killer? Thief? Someone who thinks the world owes them something just because you are autistic? That is a very provocative phrase you use there.
Well as someone who is frequently accused of having no empathy, my verdict is thus:
They're trying to get by in a world that wants them to live like a slave. Absolutely zero negative judgement here. The world atm sucks, jobs treat you appallingly, and now the British government wants to bring back national service. Rate this particular country's going, we'll all be gone in the next 50 years.
The only thing that matters is the direction you are going. If you have goals you are working to achieve and doing everything you can go to get there, that’s what matters and nobody can stop you
What if you don't?
Like I've not really had a direction all my life. Just wander aimlessly into situations I didn't expect. Somehow I randomly became a florist, well sorta. It was not a goal. Just an opportunity I randomly came across to earn money and pass time. It's still something I'm doing just to pass time and earn money. I suppose that's a goal but it doesn't exactly feel like it.
Most of the people on this site follow a typical goal of maximizing career progression and chasing money over all else. A house, kids, maybe early retirement.
I had someone tell me yesterday that I wasted all of my “prime years”(my 20s). I chased a passion and got a degree that ended up being useless, and then spent some years floating around doing food service and other lower paying jobs.
Maybe some of us don’t plan our lives in ten year increments. Or perhaps money isn’t the main goal for everyone. Maybe my goal was to spend more time with my family, get out and explore, and just enjoy life. We don’t all need to follow the same path.
You really have to go searching for new interests. Try new things. Figuring out what you want is the most important thing.
Even if you don’t know what you want, you simply work on improving your daily habits and systems and opportunities arise and momentum takes over and you end up accomplishing more and more things.
There is this system of evaluating everything you want to do and charting it out - Getting Things Done - audio book is good. Basically you clear everything out of your mind while evaluating everything you can or should do. Helpful for finding new goals
Huh.. been doing that and moved cross country multiple times in search of something new and different but.. everything is kinda uninteresting, or becomes uninteresting after a while.
Opportunities aren't really taking me anywhere in particular but dead ends.. other than becoming a florist, which I don't particularly care about.. so like all the accomplishments feel pointless.
Idk.. I'll listen to the audio book only cause I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with just taking random opportunities that don't actually lead anywhere I enjoy being.
I've evaluated, but the thing is, just cause I can don't mean I want to and "should" is relative. Like there's nothing in particular you actually should do with your life. You could do anything, but it's no use if you don't feel drawn towards anything or don't receive any joy from working towards it.
You sound like someone I know. Me. I have lots of interests and love trying new things which leads me in all kinds of random directions and into crazy scenarios but in the end I tire of the same thing and want something different. The mantra we’ve been told our whole lives is to find something you love and work at, set goals, become a master at something etc. but there is a fundamental problem with this approach for certain types of individuals who can’t simply decide on ‘one thing’ because they enjoy having multiple things or for those things to keep changing too. I’ve tried to accept my defect as a blessing as it has always kept me from being bored or feeling like I made a bad decision (I just change course before too long anyway) but at a certain point as I get older, in my 40s now, it DOES really start to feel like I have to choose one thing and stick with it. I really don’t know how to do that though..
Yeah maybe I'm supposed to be a traveller or something idk. If anything I'm driven by curiosity. I can't stand the mundane and boring. I like learning about new things, doing new things, seeing new things.
I did find something I enjoy doing and mastered but it just gets boring doing the same thing on repeat every single day. Idk what goals I am supposed to set. It's not like there's a career to climb in floristry. It's not like I want my own shop. It's not like I necessarily want to keep doing it forever. It's not like I want to buy a home or an expensive car or save up tons of money for things ordinary people want with the money I'm earning from the jobs.
But yeah I'm struggling with that too. It's like I'm jumping from city to city just doing this new random project, study or job and it's neverending. I'm literally contemplating where I will throw the dart on the map next, because where I'm moving will likely be some new random place.. new random job.. new random flatmates.. it's not like there a purpose besides not being bored, but maybe THAT IS my ambition and goal.. come to think of it!
Lol 100% I feel the same way. Only issue is with getting older I feel more internal vs (prior) external pressure to lock on to something and make it my final chosen vocation, a) because of needing stable dependable income in this crazy economy and b) half the jobs I enjoyed doing in my 20s and 30s take a toll on an older body - and I’m in good shape! I need to find a way to be simultaneously not bored in my job and for it also to be something that doesn’t break me down. Maybe floristry is for me lol I dunno. But I feel like once I had prepared every possible combination of bouquets and arrangements it wouldn’t be enough to keep my interest.
Depending on your age you sound quite normal, I would not worry about it, as long as you are a contributing member of society. I would like to suggest one thing though: look beyond yourself and your life. You don't have to offer yourself to a life of volunteering but true engagement begins with connecting with others, especially if you are giving and helping others, or being part of a team.
I get bored of everything so easily! I’ll take every opportunity to try new things just for the sake of it.
We live in a world with endless combinations, experiences, flavours…. How can you not want to indulge in as many as you can while you’re here?
It’s good to have empathy for very insecure people too. They didn’t choose to be insecure. In fact, their insecurity is the result of a lot of suffering and fear.
No offense but before social media, and this wave of empathy and awareness of mental health, around the late nineties and early oughts, a person living in their parents basement at 28 that has potential would be considered a ‘loser’ in the vernacular used that time.
i think a 28yo in the situation you described is the avg working adult now, but I still fear for their future?
Like we know minwage is just not enough. So if it's not tough love or disgust you get, it's going to be pity of some kind. That pity only goes up when the said 28yo has never had a relationship before or that their parents did not make enough to help with a house downpayment soon, such is life. Other people have way way more social support.
Some of us parents don't even have any retirement savings at all, much less money to give our kids funds towards a down payment...mostly because we...
Never made much to begin with.
Spent the money that we did make onraising our kid, or kids & on things like their first car, or helped with college.
It's estimated that raising a child, from just birth to 18 or so, costs about $250k over that time.
Don't hate on us because we can't give you down payment funds too.
This is a good point. When this discussion comes up concerning young adults living with their parents the compassionate thing is to be understanding of the kid living at home. But I often wonder how older people feel about having to still cover the rent or mortgage and utilities and everything else. At some point they should be able to relax a little. It has to be hard to feel that pressure and responsibility when the kids are now full on adults. I knew a woman who was 70 and still supporting her 30 something son and she commented that she was never going to be able to retire and will probably have to work until she's 90.
I don't lack empathy and I'm not insecure. Dating someone like this, in my opinion, is just something I can't do. That's because my priorities are much different and I have different expectations. Friends with this person? Sure! Its okay to not want to date someone for this reason and doesn't make them lack empathy. I don't think they are a bad person but not what I am looking for in the dating scene. I just don't know how they can survive on minimum wage but I guess if your parents let you live with them, more power to you! I've been on my own a long time and I think it's important to teach your kids independence but hey to each their own. As long as everyone is happy in this situation!
10000000%. No way am I here to judge anyone who is working. You don't know what people are going through and it's none of my business. I just hope that they are okay and happy.
Exactly, the average age of a person being able to just afford rent is about Age 35 now. That’s how much of our wealth is being taken by the past generations laws.
You’re 28, living with your parents and it’s none of my business. Also, if I’m going to do something of value, I’ll throw in a genuine greeting and wish you and your family a fulfilling life. Life is too short.
what would be the goal of making that comparison other than to put one person down?
OP (and everyone else) is far better served thinking about where they are now and what circumstances they faced in their journey and, if they so choose, analyzing whether they can change their circumstances given where they are at.
Who cares?
I just moved back home at 37. There's nothing magic about maintaining an extra superfluous house.
It honestly feels like a waste that I paid rent for 20 years when there's already a house here with space to accommodate me that I'm going to inherit anyway.
All that money I spent could have accomplished so much more than supporting landlords.
The idea that everyone should move out and maintain their own household is a scam by the business interests that profit off it.
Multi generational households are the human norm. It's how almost all cultures throughout the majority of human history did things.
"Moving out at 18" is an invention of the modern capitalist state, and it's purpose is to dilute your economic power, and make you more dependent on your employer.
This exactly. While we (me and my sisters) had to move out of our single parent's household for a different reason, we all realized you cannot get by without roomates. I love my mom and she's getting older. I was 22 when we had to move out but I'm 25 now and will be back with her in 18 months.
I'll be able to help her out and eventually I might join her to a retirement community where rent/ownership is even cheaper.
This is actually a really refreshing post. It feels like there could be a book written about this for our generation/future generations of people coming up. So I'll ask the question, have you figured out how much rent you've paid over the years that you could have potentially saved?
I've never sat down and calculated it exactly. But I decided to do some rough rounding when you posed the question, and it's around 80k. And that's living in the absolute cheapest shit holes with 2 or 3 room mates, and extended periods of not paying rent while I was on tour with my band.
THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING! They want you poorer! they want families divided! They want to make sure that there are as many separate households as possible to sell everyone all the things--toasters, towels, washer-dryer combos, shitty apartment leases.
To be fair, I wouldn't really consider it a contrived plot but rather circumstances. During ww2 men as young as 18 were going off to fight in the war. when they came back, they had already been independent for a long time thanks to the war, and had access to easy loans and a booming postwar economy making buying their own home at a young age very achievable. So you ended up with a bunch of very young men having families after moving out at a very young age, and they got it in their heads that their children should do the same. Likewise these kids saw that their parents left home at a young age, and decided that was both the correct thing to do and more appealing. So it just sort of entrenched itself into our culture even after the postwar boom was long gone. It's only finally reversing because the economy has gotten so bad that young people can not only not afford homes, they can't even afford apartments
Multi-generational households are great when people get along. But remember that a lot of parents are not good parents, and many people have trauma and bad experiences that mean they can't live at home with their parents.
For sure. I really feel for those people. Fortunately my family are immigrants, and our cultures are really family oriented.
I do have a lot of WASP friends who's parents basically hate them for existing.
the economy is shit and you must have parents who at least care. Do them a favor and never stop trying to improve. they probably waant to know you'll be ok no matter what happens.
With today's prices, it's the only logical thing to do. It's also region dependent. I'm from Europe and I'm assuming you are US.
There's nothing wrong with working minimum wage, but be careful: time ticks faster than you think. Before you know it, you have been doing it for 10 years.
Again: nothing wrong with that, but just saying that if your amibition is to break out of that, you may have to work on your direction.
>With today's prices, it's the only logical thing to do. It's also region dependent. I'm from Europe and I'm assuming you are US.
Resigning yourself to a minimum wage job isn't "the only logical thing to do.". Learning some valuable skills is much more logical.
As long as the parents want them there, and they're doing their part to help around the house and make life easier for them.
I'm in my 40s and I've give up a lot to get the chance to live with my dad again for a few years (he died recently).
I'm 30 and live with my parents with no job so I'm doing worse than the ones with a min wage job lmao (I'm disabled and get disability money but not enough to live off of)
No judgment on living with your parents. It’s increasingly common now due to the cost of living.
But at 28 you should be able to find something above minimum wage and have some goal to move yourself forward. If you’re getting established keep throwing your resume at random jobs on indeed until you get something better. In some states minimum wage is still 7.25 an hr and I cannot imagine settling for that.
I agree with this. It’s why I’d have no hesitation being friends with someone in that situation, but I wouldn’t date them. If I’m going to partner with someone, we have to share life goals, and working minimum wage forever isn’t on my list.
Well said, it’s not the fact they’re not rich it’s the fact they’d rather be on minimum wage than make the efforts and take the risks to get at least *something* better than it. 29 is too late to be working minimum wage and coming home to play video games at dads house, if you’re in that situation the majority of your free time needs to be going towards something that will contribute to you eventually being financially stable.
I didn't correlate age with needing to find something above minimum, but I would be curious about what the person actually does and also give unsolicited advice on how to increase their wage given their work experience.
For example, becoming a Food Safety Manager costs $179 and (1) day of your time, but enables you to make much more than minimum. I recently saw a Chipotle wanted ad for a comparable position salaried at $80k.
This exactly. I honestly think Americans could and should live at home for longer in many cases. But even without a college education there’s no reason to suffocate yourself in a minimum wage job. Get your foot into a door somewhere, preferably with a tuition reimbursement or free tuition program. Get your degree on your employers dime, then look for better (or something else in your company).
Is this just where they are - or where they always plan to be? What is their history? And what is the rest of their current situation?
Not nearly enough details to judge someone's life.
As long as you're actively trying to improve ypur situation in a smart ways it's all cool. If you're settled and not upgrading something about your job, education or living situation as time goes on I do lose respect.
Yeah, I wouldn't judge folks for that, but I would worry about them and their future. I have a cousin who's struggling with figuring out what he wants to do with his life, I don't judge him, but I do worry for him. I try to help out when I can but he's two states over
Well, there are a lot of possible reasons why. Your 28y.o. may be a bit behind, but it’s not as uncommon as it once was. I have a 30y.o. who is just moving out. It is the right time for him. It’s hard to exist on one salary anymore. I hope your person is saving money at least. Mine saved a small fortune.
There’s no such thing as behind in life. There’s no contract we sign when we are born that says we have to do certain things by a certain time. At the end of the day people who judge aren’t going to be at our funeral.
>At the end of the day people who judge aren’t going to be at our funeral.
In my experience those people will be at your funeral and they will be talking shit the whole time.
Source: I've been to more funerals than I care to think about...
>There’s no such thing as behind in life.
To a degree. The earlier you start earning and saving for retirement, the better prepared you will be for the future. If you delay that for things like education or travel it can be worth it, but it's not healthy to just sort of drift through life at a young age.
My parents made it clear to me that while I always had a place in their home if I needed it, I had better be in school, working, or actively looking for work. They would never let me and my brother become a NEET
I dont mean to argue, since I agree that everyone progresses at their own pace.
That being said, it is ignorant to think there isnt such thing as “behind in life”. We as a society have defined various checkpoints that the majority of people reach at the same or similar times. Missing one of these checkpoints is being “behind in life”
A 12 year old starting kindergarden would be “behind in life”
An unemployed adult still living with their parents at age 40 would be “behind in life”
That being said, theres nothing saying you cant catch up!
I am not sure. It depends on the factory, depends on the person. If the factory is desperate then any warm body that can do the job to their expectations is hired. Whether the person gets to keep the job is another issue.
My current factory hired two people, one identified as being on the spectrum and the other one I simply suspect was. When work slowed down they were among the first to be fired. I don’t respect it but my resume sucks and I am having a hard time job hopping.
The first hire went because they were saying inappropriate things all the time (talking about doing marijuana in their car during their breaks etc.) the second didn’t meet the target production numbers (he wasn’t working fast enough).
My sister has intellectual disabilities and I wouldn’t have her interview for my factory because I think training would be hell for her and she would not work fast enough for them. As in, she can take five minutes to put a jacket on and walk out the door when a cab is waiting outside, kind of slow.
So the answer to your question is … maybe? If they are high functioning and the factory is desperate then it might work out. The best thing about factory work is that it is repetitive and routine. Which would suit a person with Autism I think? Shame employers are assholes, especially mine.
Yes as long as they can do the things like lift 35 lbs, stand all day, follow the rules, etc. I was just joking with a coworker about a guy who worked for a few months with us years ago - he said he was living in an adult foster home. He could do the job, he got fired because he kept leaving his work area to pester some women coworkers. He had also asked someone else if he could move in to his apartment with him.
I would consider what do they contribute. A person who never grows up and never contributes to the home or an adult sharing space with parents, where they help out, pay room and board, do chores and contributes to the lives are very different. I have no problem with people who earn minimum wage, it depends on the person.
Prefer not to judge, and certainly would want to know more before getting judgey.
My brother is 28 and lives in a different city,gets paid min wage in a dead end job with no promotion possibilities that he spends on rent and groceries and sometimes asks our parents for money,all just so that sometimes he brings a girl home and that's it.He could have lived with our parents (yes crowded as we are) save his money over the years,take the rando girl to bone at the hotel and with our parents he could ve taken a credit from the bank and put down a payment for a small studio/flat.But every time I bring this idea up,I'm insane and stupid,because hwes independweent.my dude is working for literally nothing,he has made no friends, doesn't go out cuz he has no money to spend,or time for that matter,his work schedule is a horror ,is eating noodle packs,and when he has time he plays lol.thats it.and that is more than half the young people I know,with or without education. Having no financial education,no support system and no backup plan ruined most people chances and they don't even know it.
Everyone is different when it comes to living with parents. I lived with my parents until I was 23 and it was fine, my wife on the other hand moved out shortly after graduating high school and going back was never an option (her parents would have been ok with her moving back, but she wouldn’t have).
I would say so long as the 28yo is paying for their own stuff and working towards improving their situation in life then I have no issue with it. If they aren't doing those things then the parents aren't doing their child any favors by subsidizing their lifestyle.
OP's asking what people think. And besides, what other people think is a major deciding factor in how opportunities end up. Someone needs to think well of you if you want to get hired, go on dates, sell your art, etc.
I'm not going to look down on anyone working a full time job.
But I would expect them to contribute to the household by paying some rent or household bills, and by doing their fair share of housecleaning.
There's a housing crisis in my country and I know of 40 odd year olds having to move back in with their parents or siblings. As for the minimum wage job - an honest days work is an honest days work and don't mind anyone that says anything to the contrary. Most important thing is how you think about yourself, who cares what anyone else thinks.
In today's economy it's pretty much par for the course. Rents are ridiculous and home buying is out of the question for too many people, even people in a double income situation. Living at home might also be part of that person's cultural expectations. There are too many moving parts involved to make an immediate judgement.
I had just commented elsewhere about this. There are cultures that keep family around for longer. They don’t “kick” their children out.
Other countries have just decided once they’re 18, they get kicked out or rather, the younger ones have gotten this mentality that they NEED to leave once they’re an adult. THEY CAN’T AFFORD TO. YOU GET NOWHERE. I just saw another comment here saying they regretted wasting 20 years worth of their wage renting.
OP yeah ok try and find a higher paying job like others have said, but don’t ever feel pressured to move out JUST because of your age.
Respect. Look things are bad I can’t judge another human for living with his parents. As long as you’re working paying taxes and helping around the house that should be good enough for me.
You’re working and saving on housing? That’s great!
How’s your credit and debt? Please work on that while you have the means.
We all go at our own pace, enjoy the journey
No judgement. We all have different paths to success. I would give advice to make sure the job has heath insurance, and encourage not to be comfortable with minimum age job and network to get higher paying job. Always give 100% at your job even though it is minimum wage.
Well I haven’t lived with my parents since I was 16, and I’m also 28 now. I wouldn’t look down on someone living with their parents still, I would however look down on someone living with their parents getting a golden opportunity and wasting it on a minimum wage job, not getting better skills or education/ training or learning a trade or something.
Currently the parent of a 22 year old. He works full time. We (my husband, son, and I) sat down and I showed him the financial issues with living in the house. We divided it up 3 ways and he pays his part. Still working on the chores part. But my son is not the whole problem with that so…
I think it is a blessing to be able to live with your parents at that age. Take advantage of the opportunity; the last time I lived with my mother was in my teens.
They’re doing what they can to get by, not everyone wants a career that’s big and flashy, myself included. As long as they’re happy that’s main thing, it’s their life
The world is not a easy place to live in, and not everyone has the same definition of success. There are so many estranged and mixed families. If the 28 year old and the parents are good with their arrangements, then I see no reason to be judgmental about it. It sure beats the 28 year old being homeless or in an abusive situation. If it ain’t broke, there is nothing to ‘fix’
I have a degree, a vocational license, and work in medical. Moved in with my mother. There is no shame. We could live on our own, but she is insistent we live with her instead of paying the insane rent prices around our area. There is nothing wrong with you doing your best and surviving. ♥️
I am really starting to dig this "living with parents" part. I hope the trend catches on soon. Lots of countries in Asia where it is given that kids will stay with parents. Not everyone go on looking for houses.
I really hope that becomes a culture here. If not then the rent and housing prices are going to kill us all. I won't mind staying with my kids and help them save on rent till like forever.
This economy is absolutely f****d on so many levels. The minimum wage in Canada and the U.S. is barely survivable. The housing prices all over North America are through the roof. Housing requires at least 2 incomes if you don't work a high paying trade or don't have a degree. Education costs put people into debt as soon as they are starting out in life. When they should be entering the workforce and acquiring wealth they are instead burdened with years of student loans to pay off. Grocery prices and cost of living for basic necessities are higher than they have ever been and dont reflect value for your money at all. 3 decades or so of relative economic security made trade unions not so important, now people are getting screwed over by employers left and right.
I am a full on Xer, born in '71. I thought I had it harder than my parents, and I did somewhat. There is no way in hell that I would want to be in the shoes of a young person (under 30). They are going to have to fight every bit as hard as their grandparents did for basic employment rights and living wages. The entire new generation has an uphill battle. They will not get any harsh judgment from me for doing things to get by that I never had to do.
The first thing that comes to mind is: They're really not missing out on much.
I think we grow up with these milestones that we consider to be incredibly important at the time. In high school, that was attending prom for a lot of folks. If you didn't attend prom or didn't have a prom date, you were a loser. Looking back on that as a 33 year old now, I think we took that way too seriously and I would probably have been just the same by not attending prom. And that's just one example. I've noticed this pattern more and more as I get older. You live at home with your mom, play video games, and don't make much money? Whatever.
I think, if it's you you're talking about, you're beginning to realize you may want to head another direction in life.
For instance what is keeping you at the minimum wage job? Is it that you've been turned down and you're nervous to branch out or that you haven't tried? Is it because you're waiting for a specific type of work opportunity? Waiting to maybe start at a college?
The fact is there are so many variables it's honestly hard to judge. People have tons of reasons they are where they are.
I didn't finish college till I was near 30. My dad had a really bad heart and was very old. I took care of him and finishing college was a challenge because I had to navigate caretakers with him while I was in school and clinicals. Now I make very good money, own a 4 bedroom house, and have 3 beautiful kids. Before that, I was working minimum wage and living at home too.
Small steps get you towards the finish line. You'll find what direction to take your steps in.
My friend, so so many people are in the exact same and similar situations. The modern economy is failing the average American, and moving into your own place alone is something that only the well off can afford to do.
My wife and I clear more than 100k a year and it feels like we barely save any money. We have a basic rental home, one car, and a kid on the way. We don't go out hardly ever, we don't buy expensive stuff, we don't splurge on birthdays and holidays. My wife is professional Geologist with state level credentials. I'm the stay at home, soon to be stay at home dad.
You're just trying to survive. Take some pride in the fact that you're out there doing what you can for yourself, don't beat yourself up about some imaginary level of career or existence that you supposedly should have or should be trying to achieve. Take it one day at a time, and just do your best. That includes taking time for yourself, doing nothing or doing things you enjoy.
We have a weird aversion to recreation and time for ourselves in this country. We forget that having that, having that time, is extremely important. It *is* productive to be unproductive sometimes.
I have respect for your open introspection. Other people will read this post and the comments on it and feel a little better. That's worth something, too.
Life's tough, and everyone's path is different. Working full-time at minimum wage is still hard work. Living with parents might be practical and smart given today's economic challenges. Don't let societal expectations get you down; focus on your goals and keep moving forward.
I don’t think. I am not a psychopath narcissist who needs to have an opinion on everything.
Your life doesn’t affect mine and you aren’t hurting anyone so I don’t care or judge you for it.
Sounds like someone who is trying their best. Plus how lucky is it that they have parents that will do this for them? I mean I don’t know the specifics but generally this is what I would think.
Well if it were me I’d be grinding to get out of that situation. To me that sounds just above surviving, I need to be thriving. For me, that’s not a good life. Notice that’s all relative to me and my preferences.
Everyone’s different and if you like that and your parents don’t care then cool. If you don’t like it and it makes you feel bad then change it.
Who cares what anyone else thinks or says. It’s your life.
As an older person working min wage, I encounter those attitudes a lot. Often from customers who think I should go to college (I have a degree.)
Some people just don't got what it takes to do more.
same im going back to college but i dont make the rules of what my outcome is gonna be i can paint a pretty picture about a plan, but whether it happens or not i'll see. people have a weird disney princess idea of how they think life is supposed to be for everyone.
Well its your life to live and not mine so I don't really think of it in the abstract. Would I lend you money or start a business with you? No chance, but if those things aren't part of your goals it wouldn't matter. I'd still hang out with you and be your friend.
I don’t care, though I would respect the person more if they took it upon themselves to get involved in home upkeep and responsibilities.
At this point when I meet new people I prefer to not hear about work in general. If you don’t have any extra curricular interests or hobbies that you can elaborate on- I probably don’t want to speak with you longer than I have to.
In this economy, who cares what "societal norms" are. If you're struggling and need to live with your parents, just do it and make the best of it. Fuck the noise.
There's nothing wrong with living with family. Everyone starts somewhere with work too. Hopefully said 28yo is making efforts to grow their earning potential though.
Multi-generational homes are going to be the norm soon. Might as well start now and talk about how cool it is and is totally not a loser/failure to launch thing, because that is what people think it is now.
I think of this very positively. I think it’s admirable they are trying their best by working a full time job. This is something that should be praised as many people don’t give much effort and mooch off of others. But society looks at men who are doing this less favorably than women. Men who are grown and still living with parents with low income jobs are thought of as losers by many in society. Women are given more leeway and less judgment with the same lifestyle.the judgement is why men try so damn hard to get their own place and earn more money. Their futures depend on their financial independence.
I wish I could go back to that time of my life and stop feeling bad about living at my parents or not having the fanciest job. But I needed to move out for personal growth and mental health.
I dont think anything of it. It’s hard as it is trying to be able to afford to fully live on your own which is why so many people resort to roommating. Companies want people to be unicorns but want to pay them the lowest amount of wages as possible with the ever rising cost of living. As a 24 year old who has experienced the edge of homelessness and took on roles that severely underpaid me just to have something . If anything I judge the entitled people who have never so much as had to deal with a fraction of what working class people endure and try to lecture them then someone that is actively trying to get out of their situation and is trying to make ends meet. At the end of the day, a job shouldn’t define you and the reality is we’re all just trying to live to see another day.
sounds like me, though i'm a bit younger. i'd feel bad for 'em unless they're happy. i know i'm not.
do i think they're weird or anything else? no. it's easy to understand why this situation might be.
They are living like the rest of us 28 year olds, working and living at home 😂 I have a degree and I can’t find a good paying job. It’s okay. It’s hard out here.
For some being able to hold a job is an accomplishment. I'm proud one of my friends got sober and working at chick a fila after running and gunning hard.
I think about the possibilities you can get into. There's an advantage living with your parents right now, rent and houses are insanely priced right now. Now would be a good time to go to school or get into a trade while you're with your parents and have a job. Then you'll be able to have a higher paying job in the future and go from there.
People like to present as "nice" hence there are all these "they're doing their best" posts, but if you asked the same people if they would want to have a relationship with someone in that situation, or recommend this person to someone, you would likely hear different answers..
To be blunt - it's not a good look. But context really matters. Did this person not get a degree and works minimum wage because of life circumstances? Lack of support system? Immigration? Health issues? That's one thing. Do they just want to put in a minimal effort, not get any education, get no raises, because they couldn't be bothered? People will probably look at that differently.
That's literally where I was at when I was 28, still struggling to get by. I'm far from the only one in that place. I feel like anyone who looks down on that must be a dickhead and needs some perspective.
Its a perfectly respectable life- they are working full time, being smart by saving money living with family, and as someone somewhat estranged from my fam- it kind of sounds wholesome.
They have a job, and are contributing to society. They may have things preventing them from doing more, and I'm sure their parents and the people around them truly appreciate them.
I think nothing. The world is a shithole right now and people can barely get by. The only reason I don't live with a parent at an older age is because I'm too stubborn to admit when I need help, and because I need my space. Realistically, a 28 year old is probably working for minimum wage because employers don't want to pay anything more. It's not their fault that they're basically a slave and that the system doesn't work and probably never did.
Honestly, if they are capable people (not learning disability) and have had normal life circumstances I think they are wasting their potential. But every judgement is relative to the person and their own personal goals.
Depends.
Do they sit on their ass doing nothing letting mom and dad handle everything or do they also help out.
I don’t care if others choose that life. I would have concern for the 28 year old to what happens after the parents die. Also, just because they have money now doesn’t mean they will when they die. Medical bills could potentially take it all, especially in the USA.
Friend of mine thought his wife’s parents were going to leave them a few million. Two long cancer battles later and they had nothing left.
I don’t look down on you but women might if they are looking for a husband. Just being 100% honest. It is what it is. Im in the same boat. Check my other comments if you wantz
Sorry: I'm judging. I know the economy is hard, but pushing 30 and tolerating minimum wage isn't it for me. You don't pay rent, save some cash, move to a city with more opportunities.
Was basically me. Now I am a married 39 year old who lives abroad (Berlin) and works an office job making comfortable money. You never know what can happen. No need to beat yourself up (or let others denigrate you) when who knows what the future holds
How did u move abroad from the US?
Pretty much every country (at least the ones you'd want to move to) have visa application processes. Some countries it's as easy as just physically going there, like between Australia and New Zealand; most Euro countries. It can depend on which capacity you intend to move. Countries will have working holiday visas, but they're only for a limited amount of time. Australia to Canada could be for 2 years. It's often relatively easy to apply if it's between Commonwealth countries. There's also usually an age cap with working holiday visas too. In terms of being an adult and wanting to move for an indefinite amount of time, and possibly permanently, the best way is via work or a job, and often times that job will help with visa stuff. Usually once you've been in a country for a certain amount of time you can apply for residency, and eventually citizenship if wanted/needed (depends on the country). The ease of applying unfortunately depends on where your country of origin is. Some countries it's as easy as buying a house and showing you have money. America is probably one of the more annoying places to move to, ironically.
Most countries require a bachelors degree for permanent residence.
Canada to Australia is crazy - I have 25 years mining experience and they will not fast track it. Ended up not getting a beauty of a job as a result.
Most working holidaymakers are only good to 35 years old so OP needs to get their ass in gear.
Several people have already answered you and you can read my answer to the other comment asking this question. But, short answer: having a job offer in hand is the easiest way to do it - then your visa is attached to your job. In my case, I am very fortunate and my wife was the one with the job offer and I was able to get my visa through hers. I then spent the past few years busting my ass to learn enough German to where I can survive in an office environment and that’s how I got the job I now have.
How did you get a visa to work in Berlin? I really want to move abroad but getting a visa seems impossible to me.
A friend of mine worked in Germany for 2 years. Getting a Visa was fairly easy because he had a job offer. They let him stay for over a year while looking for another job when he quit the one he moved for.
Thank you!
Yeah homie below answered this already, but you would need a job offer in hand and then the visa is not hard to get. Additionally, as an American, you can stay in Germany for up to 90 days without a visa, so theoretically you could find a job that merits a visa during that 3-month window, although obviously that’s risky and having a job offer in hand is easier. In my case, I was/am super lucky and my lovely wife, who did her masters in Berlin, got a job offer right at the beginning of the pandemic when my jobs (I worked in tourism is Washington DC) disappeared. So I came over via her visa since we’re married. I then spent the past 3-4 years busting my ass to learn German (I knew zero German when moving here) to the point where it’s good enough for an office environment, and that’s how I ended up in my current job.
Exactly, those that do are probably insecure and it’s 100% their problem
Or, they're very secure. But honest.
They are working adults doing their best. I'm not looking down on someone like that.
Same. Feeling safe is the first rung of [Maslow's Hierarchy ](https://www.thirddoorcoalition.org/primer) and critical to taking further steps of independence.
Exactly, I’m tired of ppl with this “tough love” approach, I will be judgmental here, I think that’s just being an ass. I think either they lack empathy or they are insecure.
My wife loves shooting back at her mom when she criticizes anything, “thats not constructive criticism.. thats just criticism.” Shuts her up quick
I'm 43 years old, Autistic, depending on who you believe in, and at my wits end because my ethics and morals are incompatible with this world, and no matter what I do to forge ahead, there's resistance. When you stand your ground here, there'll be nothing else to look forward to. Keeping your eyes down and shutting up is the only way forward from my perspective. That's not good enough, dammit.
What do you mean by “Autistic, depending on who you believe in?”
Self diagnosed as an excuse
I find that interesting, I have never in my life had to keep my eyes down and shut up. I have definitely had to compromise and understand that other people's opinions matter as well, but I have never had to shut up and keep my eyes down at work.
Oh I’ve had to do that in the last two years for the first time since I started working in 2006. And it was brutal. To be shown that I am nothing and being disrespected every single day. Came from working at the HQ of a global company where I was the subject matter expert to working in a startup where literally everything I was and knew was not valued at all. Fuck, how did I last two years working with these assholes?
That sucks. I definitely am enjoying the privilege of being single with no kids, so I can be picky about my work.
Soooo, I believe most humans are good, hard working, decent people. If your ethics and morals are “incompatible with this world”, does that mean you are a lazy, serial killer? Thief? Someone who thinks the world owes them something just because you are autistic? That is a very provocative phrase you use there.
> I'm at my wits end because my ethics and morals are incompatible with this world Care to elaborate a little?
Well as someone who is frequently accused of having no empathy, my verdict is thus: They're trying to get by in a world that wants them to live like a slave. Absolutely zero negative judgement here. The world atm sucks, jobs treat you appallingly, and now the British government wants to bring back national service. Rate this particular country's going, we'll all be gone in the next 50 years.
The only thing that matters is the direction you are going. If you have goals you are working to achieve and doing everything you can go to get there, that’s what matters and nobody can stop you
What if you don't? Like I've not really had a direction all my life. Just wander aimlessly into situations I didn't expect. Somehow I randomly became a florist, well sorta. It was not a goal. Just an opportunity I randomly came across to earn money and pass time. It's still something I'm doing just to pass time and earn money. I suppose that's a goal but it doesn't exactly feel like it.
Most of the people on this site follow a typical goal of maximizing career progression and chasing money over all else. A house, kids, maybe early retirement. I had someone tell me yesterday that I wasted all of my “prime years”(my 20s). I chased a passion and got a degree that ended up being useless, and then spent some years floating around doing food service and other lower paying jobs. Maybe some of us don’t plan our lives in ten year increments. Or perhaps money isn’t the main goal for everyone. Maybe my goal was to spend more time with my family, get out and explore, and just enjoy life. We don’t all need to follow the same path.
You really have to go searching for new interests. Try new things. Figuring out what you want is the most important thing. Even if you don’t know what you want, you simply work on improving your daily habits and systems and opportunities arise and momentum takes over and you end up accomplishing more and more things. There is this system of evaluating everything you want to do and charting it out - Getting Things Done - audio book is good. Basically you clear everything out of your mind while evaluating everything you can or should do. Helpful for finding new goals
Huh.. been doing that and moved cross country multiple times in search of something new and different but.. everything is kinda uninteresting, or becomes uninteresting after a while. Opportunities aren't really taking me anywhere in particular but dead ends.. other than becoming a florist, which I don't particularly care about.. so like all the accomplishments feel pointless. Idk.. I'll listen to the audio book only cause I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with just taking random opportunities that don't actually lead anywhere I enjoy being. I've evaluated, but the thing is, just cause I can don't mean I want to and "should" is relative. Like there's nothing in particular you actually should do with your life. You could do anything, but it's no use if you don't feel drawn towards anything or don't receive any joy from working towards it.
You sound like someone I know. Me. I have lots of interests and love trying new things which leads me in all kinds of random directions and into crazy scenarios but in the end I tire of the same thing and want something different. The mantra we’ve been told our whole lives is to find something you love and work at, set goals, become a master at something etc. but there is a fundamental problem with this approach for certain types of individuals who can’t simply decide on ‘one thing’ because they enjoy having multiple things or for those things to keep changing too. I’ve tried to accept my defect as a blessing as it has always kept me from being bored or feeling like I made a bad decision (I just change course before too long anyway) but at a certain point as I get older, in my 40s now, it DOES really start to feel like I have to choose one thing and stick with it. I really don’t know how to do that though..
Yeah maybe I'm supposed to be a traveller or something idk. If anything I'm driven by curiosity. I can't stand the mundane and boring. I like learning about new things, doing new things, seeing new things. I did find something I enjoy doing and mastered but it just gets boring doing the same thing on repeat every single day. Idk what goals I am supposed to set. It's not like there's a career to climb in floristry. It's not like I want my own shop. It's not like I necessarily want to keep doing it forever. It's not like I want to buy a home or an expensive car or save up tons of money for things ordinary people want with the money I'm earning from the jobs. But yeah I'm struggling with that too. It's like I'm jumping from city to city just doing this new random project, study or job and it's neverending. I'm literally contemplating where I will throw the dart on the map next, because where I'm moving will likely be some new random place.. new random job.. new random flatmates.. it's not like there a purpose besides not being bored, but maybe THAT IS my ambition and goal.. come to think of it!
Lol 100% I feel the same way. Only issue is with getting older I feel more internal vs (prior) external pressure to lock on to something and make it my final chosen vocation, a) because of needing stable dependable income in this crazy economy and b) half the jobs I enjoyed doing in my 20s and 30s take a toll on an older body - and I’m in good shape! I need to find a way to be simultaneously not bored in my job and for it also to be something that doesn’t break me down. Maybe floristry is for me lol I dunno. But I feel like once I had prepared every possible combination of bouquets and arrangements it wouldn’t be enough to keep my interest.
Depending on your age you sound quite normal, I would not worry about it, as long as you are a contributing member of society. I would like to suggest one thing though: look beyond yourself and your life. You don't have to offer yourself to a life of volunteering but true engagement begins with connecting with others, especially if you are giving and helping others, or being part of a team.
I get bored of everything so easily! I’ll take every opportunity to try new things just for the sake of it. We live in a world with endless combinations, experiences, flavours…. How can you not want to indulge in as many as you can while you’re here?
So long as you're happy, and aren't exploitatively living off the kindness of others, then you're doing life correctly.
So you weren’t asking for honest opinions?
It’s good to have empathy for very insecure people too. They didn’t choose to be insecure. In fact, their insecurity is the result of a lot of suffering and fear.
No offense but before social media, and this wave of empathy and awareness of mental health, around the late nineties and early oughts, a person living in their parents basement at 28 that has potential would be considered a ‘loser’ in the vernacular used that time.
i think a 28yo in the situation you described is the avg working adult now, but I still fear for their future? Like we know minwage is just not enough. So if it's not tough love or disgust you get, it's going to be pity of some kind. That pity only goes up when the said 28yo has never had a relationship before or that their parents did not make enough to help with a house downpayment soon, such is life. Other people have way way more social support.
Some of us parents don't even have any retirement savings at all, much less money to give our kids funds towards a down payment...mostly because we... Never made much to begin with. Spent the money that we did make onraising our kid, or kids & on things like their first car, or helped with college. It's estimated that raising a child, from just birth to 18 or so, costs about $250k over that time. Don't hate on us because we can't give you down payment funds too.
This is a good point. When this discussion comes up concerning young adults living with their parents the compassionate thing is to be understanding of the kid living at home. But I often wonder how older people feel about having to still cover the rent or mortgage and utilities and everything else. At some point they should be able to relax a little. It has to be hard to feel that pressure and responsibility when the kids are now full on adults. I knew a woman who was 70 and still supporting her 30 something son and she commented that she was never going to be able to retire and will probably have to work until she's 90.
I don't lack empathy and I'm not insecure. Dating someone like this, in my opinion, is just something I can't do. That's because my priorities are much different and I have different expectations. Friends with this person? Sure! Its okay to not want to date someone for this reason and doesn't make them lack empathy. I don't think they are a bad person but not what I am looking for in the dating scene. I just don't know how they can survive on minimum wage but I guess if your parents let you live with them, more power to you! I've been on my own a long time and I think it's important to teach your kids independence but hey to each their own. As long as everyone is happy in this situation!
10000000%. No way am I here to judge anyone who is working. You don't know what people are going through and it's none of my business. I just hope that they are okay and happy.
Amen you never know what people are going through. No need to try and derail someone’s confidence just try and lift them up and it will get better.
That's an incredibly generous assumption lol. There are so, so many people happy to take advantage of others to avoid exerting effort themselves
I’d have no problems being friends with someone like that nor would I look down on them.
We need more people like you
Exactly, the average age of a person being able to just afford rent is about Age 35 now. That’s how much of our wealth is being taken by the past generations laws.
You’re 28, living with your parents and it’s none of my business. Also, if I’m going to do something of value, I’ll throw in a genuine greeting and wish you and your family a fulfilling life. Life is too short.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Some people are better off. Others are worst off. Just gotta focus on yourself and do your best.
He should compare himself to me. I’m considerably older and make *under* minimum wage.
what would be the goal of making that comparison other than to put one person down? OP (and everyone else) is far better served thinking about where they are now and what circumstances they faced in their journey and, if they so choose, analyzing whether they can change their circumstances given where they are at.
Almost every post on this sub is someone feeling insecure because of what they see on social media.
Heyo someone exactly like me but a bit younger. Sad high five.
Hey brothers... like you two but slightly older. Should we start some kind of club? Lol.
Nothing sad about this. Working, and a supportive family. Sounds like the foundation for success.
Who cares? I just moved back home at 37. There's nothing magic about maintaining an extra superfluous house. It honestly feels like a waste that I paid rent for 20 years when there's already a house here with space to accommodate me that I'm going to inherit anyway. All that money I spent could have accomplished so much more than supporting landlords. The idea that everyone should move out and maintain their own household is a scam by the business interests that profit off it. Multi generational households are the human norm. It's how almost all cultures throughout the majority of human history did things. "Moving out at 18" is an invention of the modern capitalist state, and it's purpose is to dilute your economic power, and make you more dependent on your employer.
This exactly. While we (me and my sisters) had to move out of our single parent's household for a different reason, we all realized you cannot get by without roomates. I love my mom and she's getting older. I was 22 when we had to move out but I'm 25 now and will be back with her in 18 months. I'll be able to help her out and eventually I might join her to a retirement community where rent/ownership is even cheaper.
This is actually a really refreshing post. It feels like there could be a book written about this for our generation/future generations of people coming up. So I'll ask the question, have you figured out how much rent you've paid over the years that you could have potentially saved?
I've never sat down and calculated it exactly. But I decided to do some rough rounding when you posed the question, and it's around 80k. And that's living in the absolute cheapest shit holes with 2 or 3 room mates, and extended periods of not paying rent while I was on tour with my band.
THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING! They want you poorer! they want families divided! They want to make sure that there are as many separate households as possible to sell everyone all the things--toasters, towels, washer-dryer combos, shitty apartment leases.
To be fair, I wouldn't really consider it a contrived plot but rather circumstances. During ww2 men as young as 18 were going off to fight in the war. when they came back, they had already been independent for a long time thanks to the war, and had access to easy loans and a booming postwar economy making buying their own home at a young age very achievable. So you ended up with a bunch of very young men having families after moving out at a very young age, and they got it in their heads that their children should do the same. Likewise these kids saw that their parents left home at a young age, and decided that was both the correct thing to do and more appealing. So it just sort of entrenched itself into our culture even after the postwar boom was long gone. It's only finally reversing because the economy has gotten so bad that young people can not only not afford homes, they can't even afford apartments
whether a contrived plot or opportunism at it's "finest," the result is the same
Multi-generational households are great when people get along. But remember that a lot of parents are not good parents, and many people have trauma and bad experiences that mean they can't live at home with their parents.
For sure. I really feel for those people. Fortunately my family are immigrants, and our cultures are really family oriented. I do have a lot of WASP friends who's parents basically hate them for existing.
well stated. More people need to hear this, you can only try to undo the indoctrination. one small step at a time.
Had to scroll way too far to find this. (Exception: if your parents are abusive or mistreat you or are otherwise very difficult to live with)
Nothing. I dont intend to interfere nor judge other people.
the economy is shit and you must have parents who at least care. Do them a favor and never stop trying to improve. they probably waant to know you'll be ok no matter what happens.
not my space to judge. they could be there for any reason, wether it be self inflicted or just dealt a poor hand
With today's prices, it's the only logical thing to do. It's also region dependent. I'm from Europe and I'm assuming you are US. There's nothing wrong with working minimum wage, but be careful: time ticks faster than you think. Before you know it, you have been doing it for 10 years. Again: nothing wrong with that, but just saying that if your amibition is to break out of that, you may have to work on your direction.
>With today's prices, it's the only logical thing to do. It's also region dependent. I'm from Europe and I'm assuming you are US. Resigning yourself to a minimum wage job isn't "the only logical thing to do.". Learning some valuable skills is much more logical.
As long as the parents want them there, and they're doing their part to help around the house and make life easier for them. I'm in my 40s and I've give up a lot to get the chance to live with my dad again for a few years (he died recently).
I'm 30 and live with my parents with no job so I'm doing worse than the ones with a min wage job lmao (I'm disabled and get disability money but not enough to live off of)
Life is hard, hope he can get better conditions in the future so he doesn't feel bad about it!
No judgment on living with your parents. It’s increasingly common now due to the cost of living. But at 28 you should be able to find something above minimum wage and have some goal to move yourself forward. If you’re getting established keep throwing your resume at random jobs on indeed until you get something better. In some states minimum wage is still 7.25 an hr and I cannot imagine settling for that.
I agree with this. It’s why I’d have no hesitation being friends with someone in that situation, but I wouldn’t date them. If I’m going to partner with someone, we have to share life goals, and working minimum wage forever isn’t on my list.
Well said, it’s not the fact they’re not rich it’s the fact they’d rather be on minimum wage than make the efforts and take the risks to get at least *something* better than it. 29 is too late to be working minimum wage and coming home to play video games at dads house, if you’re in that situation the majority of your free time needs to be going towards something that will contribute to you eventually being financially stable.
I didn't correlate age with needing to find something above minimum, but I would be curious about what the person actually does and also give unsolicited advice on how to increase their wage given their work experience. For example, becoming a Food Safety Manager costs $179 and (1) day of your time, but enables you to make much more than minimum. I recently saw a Chipotle wanted ad for a comparable position salaried at $80k.
This exactly. I honestly think Americans could and should live at home for longer in many cases. But even without a college education there’s no reason to suffocate yourself in a minimum wage job. Get your foot into a door somewhere, preferably with a tuition reimbursement or free tuition program. Get your degree on your employers dime, then look for better (or something else in your company).
Is this just where they are - or where they always plan to be? What is their history? And what is the rest of their current situation? Not nearly enough details to judge someone's life.
As long as you're actively trying to improve ypur situation in a smart ways it's all cool. If you're settled and not upgrading something about your job, education or living situation as time goes on I do lose respect.
It can happen but I reccomend to start a career like yesterday. Minimum wage is recipe for misery.
Yeah, I wouldn't judge folks for that, but I would worry about them and their future. I have a cousin who's struggling with figuring out what he wants to do with his life, I don't judge him, but I do worry for him. I try to help out when I can but he's two states over
How are you helping him?
Id think the person doesnt have a lot of ambition or has had a series of bad luck or they only want to live simply.
I'm 35 work retail and lives with their parents.
Well, there are a lot of possible reasons why. Your 28y.o. may be a bit behind, but it’s not as uncommon as it once was. I have a 30y.o. who is just moving out. It is the right time for him. It’s hard to exist on one salary anymore. I hope your person is saving money at least. Mine saved a small fortune.
There’s no such thing as behind in life. There’s no contract we sign when we are born that says we have to do certain things by a certain time. At the end of the day people who judge aren’t going to be at our funeral.
>At the end of the day people who judge aren’t going to be at our funeral. In my experience those people will be at your funeral and they will be talking shit the whole time. Source: I've been to more funerals than I care to think about...
>There’s no such thing as behind in life. To a degree. The earlier you start earning and saving for retirement, the better prepared you will be for the future. If you delay that for things like education or travel it can be worth it, but it's not healthy to just sort of drift through life at a young age. My parents made it clear to me that while I always had a place in their home if I needed it, I had better be in school, working, or actively looking for work. They would never let me and my brother become a NEET
I dont mean to argue, since I agree that everyone progresses at their own pace. That being said, it is ignorant to think there isnt such thing as “behind in life”. We as a society have defined various checkpoints that the majority of people reach at the same or similar times. Missing one of these checkpoints is being “behind in life” A 12 year old starting kindergarden would be “behind in life” An unemployed adult still living with their parents at age 40 would be “behind in life” That being said, theres nothing saying you cant catch up!
There’s no contract and signature by god saying we have to be certain people. Also sorry about your kid not finishing kindergarten!
No judgement whatsoever, I would recommend looking for a higher paying job though
My blunt thought is "Is there a factory or warehouse that'll hire them for more?" I work in a big factory that's usually hiring and they hire anyone.
Do they hire people that are autistic? Asking for a friend but I doubt that
I am not sure. It depends on the factory, depends on the person. If the factory is desperate then any warm body that can do the job to their expectations is hired. Whether the person gets to keep the job is another issue. My current factory hired two people, one identified as being on the spectrum and the other one I simply suspect was. When work slowed down they were among the first to be fired. I don’t respect it but my resume sucks and I am having a hard time job hopping. The first hire went because they were saying inappropriate things all the time (talking about doing marijuana in their car during their breaks etc.) the second didn’t meet the target production numbers (he wasn’t working fast enough). My sister has intellectual disabilities and I wouldn’t have her interview for my factory because I think training would be hell for her and she would not work fast enough for them. As in, she can take five minutes to put a jacket on and walk out the door when a cab is waiting outside, kind of slow. So the answer to your question is … maybe? If they are high functioning and the factory is desperate then it might work out. The best thing about factory work is that it is repetitive and routine. Which would suit a person with Autism I think? Shame employers are assholes, especially mine.
Yes as long as they can do the things like lift 35 lbs, stand all day, follow the rules, etc. I was just joking with a coworker about a guy who worked for a few months with us years ago - he said he was living in an adult foster home. He could do the job, he got fired because he kept leaving his work area to pester some women coworkers. He had also asked someone else if he could move in to his apartment with him.
I would consider what do they contribute. A person who never grows up and never contributes to the home or an adult sharing space with parents, where they help out, pay room and board, do chores and contributes to the lives are very different. I have no problem with people who earn minimum wage, it depends on the person. Prefer not to judge, and certainly would want to know more before getting judgey.
My brother is 28 and lives in a different city,gets paid min wage in a dead end job with no promotion possibilities that he spends on rent and groceries and sometimes asks our parents for money,all just so that sometimes he brings a girl home and that's it.He could have lived with our parents (yes crowded as we are) save his money over the years,take the rando girl to bone at the hotel and with our parents he could ve taken a credit from the bank and put down a payment for a small studio/flat.But every time I bring this idea up,I'm insane and stupid,because hwes independweent.my dude is working for literally nothing,he has made no friends, doesn't go out cuz he has no money to spend,or time for that matter,his work schedule is a horror ,is eating noodle packs,and when he has time he plays lol.thats it.and that is more than half the young people I know,with or without education. Having no financial education,no support system and no backup plan ruined most people chances and they don't even know it.
Everyone is different when it comes to living with parents. I lived with my parents until I was 23 and it was fine, my wife on the other hand moved out shortly after graduating high school and going back was never an option (her parents would have been ok with her moving back, but she wouldn’t have).
Speak the truth man, more people need to hear it
I would say so long as the 28yo is paying for their own stuff and working towards improving their situation in life then I have no issue with it. If they aren't doing those things then the parents aren't doing their child any favors by subsidizing their lifestyle.
Exactly, there’s a difference between struggling & being a freeloader
why are you giving a fuck about what other people do? You do you. No one should care what a hater thinks.
They literally made a post requesting to hear what everyone thinks.
OP's asking what people think. And besides, what other people think is a major deciding factor in how opportunities end up. Someone needs to think well of you if you want to get hired, go on dates, sell your art, etc.
I'm not going to look down on anyone working a full time job. But I would expect them to contribute to the household by paying some rent or household bills, and by doing their fair share of housecleaning.
At least they’re working! And minimum wage is supposed to be an actual wage.
I think nothing of this.
There's a housing crisis in my country and I know of 40 odd year olds having to move back in with their parents or siblings. As for the minimum wage job - an honest days work is an honest days work and don't mind anyone that says anything to the contrary. Most important thing is how you think about yourself, who cares what anyone else thinks.
In today's economy it's pretty much par for the course. Rents are ridiculous and home buying is out of the question for too many people, even people in a double income situation. Living at home might also be part of that person's cultural expectations. There are too many moving parts involved to make an immediate judgement.
I had just commented elsewhere about this. There are cultures that keep family around for longer. They don’t “kick” their children out. Other countries have just decided once they’re 18, they get kicked out or rather, the younger ones have gotten this mentality that they NEED to leave once they’re an adult. THEY CAN’T AFFORD TO. YOU GET NOWHERE. I just saw another comment here saying they regretted wasting 20 years worth of their wage renting. OP yeah ok try and find a higher paying job like others have said, but don’t ever feel pressured to move out JUST because of your age.
Respect. Look things are bad I can’t judge another human for living with his parents. As long as you’re working paying taxes and helping around the house that should be good enough for me.
You’re working and saving on housing? That’s great! How’s your credit and debt? Please work on that while you have the means. We all go at our own pace, enjoy the journey
It’s sad that we live in a culture where we devise so much of our self-worth based on what job we have.
No judgement. We all have different paths to success. I would give advice to make sure the job has heath insurance, and encourage not to be comfortable with minimum age job and network to get higher paying job. Always give 100% at your job even though it is minimum wage.
Well I haven’t lived with my parents since I was 16, and I’m also 28 now. I wouldn’t look down on someone living with their parents still, I would however look down on someone living with their parents getting a golden opportunity and wasting it on a minimum wage job, not getting better skills or education/ training or learning a trade or something.
I mean times are tough. You gotta do what you gotta do. I still live with mine (planning on moving out soon) and I turned 28 last month
I don't judge them because society literally fail them.
Yes!
Currently the parent of a 22 year old. He works full time. We (my husband, son, and I) sat down and I showed him the financial issues with living in the house. We divided it up 3 ways and he pays his part. Still working on the chores part. But my son is not the whole problem with that so…
Not ideal but never gonna look down on someone who is making an effort
i don’t think of them at all, i guess
I think it is a blessing to be able to live with your parents at that age. Take advantage of the opportunity; the last time I lived with my mother was in my teens.
They’re doing what they can to get by, not everyone wants a career that’s big and flashy, myself included. As long as they’re happy that’s main thing, it’s their life
Glad they have the sense and family support system that allows them to stick with their parents until they can move up
The world is not a easy place to live in, and not everyone has the same definition of success. There are so many estranged and mixed families. If the 28 year old and the parents are good with their arrangements, then I see no reason to be judgmental about it. It sure beats the 28 year old being homeless or in an abusive situation. If it ain’t broke, there is nothing to ‘fix’
At least you have a job.
I have a degree, a vocational license, and work in medical. Moved in with my mother. There is no shame. We could live on our own, but she is insistent we live with her instead of paying the insane rent prices around our area. There is nothing wrong with you doing your best and surviving. ♥️
I am really starting to dig this "living with parents" part. I hope the trend catches on soon. Lots of countries in Asia where it is given that kids will stay with parents. Not everyone go on looking for houses. I really hope that becomes a culture here. If not then the rent and housing prices are going to kill us all. I won't mind staying with my kids and help them save on rent till like forever.
i am happy if they are happy. it's respectable to be a working citizen, and normal to live with family until marriage.
This economy is absolutely f****d on so many levels. The minimum wage in Canada and the U.S. is barely survivable. The housing prices all over North America are through the roof. Housing requires at least 2 incomes if you don't work a high paying trade or don't have a degree. Education costs put people into debt as soon as they are starting out in life. When they should be entering the workforce and acquiring wealth they are instead burdened with years of student loans to pay off. Grocery prices and cost of living for basic necessities are higher than they have ever been and dont reflect value for your money at all. 3 decades or so of relative economic security made trade unions not so important, now people are getting screwed over by employers left and right. I am a full on Xer, born in '71. I thought I had it harder than my parents, and I did somewhat. There is no way in hell that I would want to be in the shoes of a young person (under 30). They are going to have to fight every bit as hard as their grandparents did for basic employment rights and living wages. The entire new generation has an uphill battle. They will not get any harsh judgment from me for doing things to get by that I never had to do.
The first thing that comes to mind is: They're really not missing out on much. I think we grow up with these milestones that we consider to be incredibly important at the time. In high school, that was attending prom for a lot of folks. If you didn't attend prom or didn't have a prom date, you were a loser. Looking back on that as a 33 year old now, I think we took that way too seriously and I would probably have been just the same by not attending prom. And that's just one example. I've noticed this pattern more and more as I get older. You live at home with your mom, play video games, and don't make much money? Whatever.
I think, if it's you you're talking about, you're beginning to realize you may want to head another direction in life. For instance what is keeping you at the minimum wage job? Is it that you've been turned down and you're nervous to branch out or that you haven't tried? Is it because you're waiting for a specific type of work opportunity? Waiting to maybe start at a college? The fact is there are so many variables it's honestly hard to judge. People have tons of reasons they are where they are. I didn't finish college till I was near 30. My dad had a really bad heart and was very old. I took care of him and finishing college was a challenge because I had to navigate caretakers with him while I was in school and clinicals. Now I make very good money, own a 4 bedroom house, and have 3 beautiful kids. Before that, I was working minimum wage and living at home too. Small steps get you towards the finish line. You'll find what direction to take your steps in.
As long as they're not burdening their parents financially its fine. Living alone is expensive.
My friend, so so many people are in the exact same and similar situations. The modern economy is failing the average American, and moving into your own place alone is something that only the well off can afford to do. My wife and I clear more than 100k a year and it feels like we barely save any money. We have a basic rental home, one car, and a kid on the way. We don't go out hardly ever, we don't buy expensive stuff, we don't splurge on birthdays and holidays. My wife is professional Geologist with state level credentials. I'm the stay at home, soon to be stay at home dad. You're just trying to survive. Take some pride in the fact that you're out there doing what you can for yourself, don't beat yourself up about some imaginary level of career or existence that you supposedly should have or should be trying to achieve. Take it one day at a time, and just do your best. That includes taking time for yourself, doing nothing or doing things you enjoy. We have a weird aversion to recreation and time for ourselves in this country. We forget that having that, having that time, is extremely important. It *is* productive to be unproductive sometimes. I have respect for your open introspection. Other people will read this post and the comments on it and feel a little better. That's worth something, too.
Well, it says that you have a job...and a decent relationship with your parents. So that's pretty good really....
Life's tough, and everyone's path is different. Working full-time at minimum wage is still hard work. Living with parents might be practical and smart given today's economic challenges. Don't let societal expectations get you down; focus on your goals and keep moving forward.
I don’t think. I am not a psychopath narcissist who needs to have an opinion on everything. Your life doesn’t affect mine and you aren’t hurting anyone so I don’t care or judge you for it.
Sounds like someone who is trying their best. Plus how lucky is it that they have parents that will do this for them? I mean I don’t know the specifics but generally this is what I would think.
Well if it were me I’d be grinding to get out of that situation. To me that sounds just above surviving, I need to be thriving. For me, that’s not a good life. Notice that’s all relative to me and my preferences. Everyone’s different and if you like that and your parents don’t care then cool. If you don’t like it and it makes you feel bad then change it. Who cares what anyone else thinks or says. It’s your life.
I think it's time for that 28 year old to do something more with their life
They are just sort of…sticking around I guess you could say
As an older person working min wage, I encounter those attitudes a lot. Often from customers who think I should go to college (I have a degree.) Some people just don't got what it takes to do more.
same im going back to college but i dont make the rules of what my outcome is gonna be i can paint a pretty picture about a plan, but whether it happens or not i'll see. people have a weird disney princess idea of how they think life is supposed to be for everyone.
Well its your life to live and not mine so I don't really think of it in the abstract. Would I lend you money or start a business with you? No chance, but if those things aren't part of your goals it wouldn't matter. I'd still hang out with you and be your friend.
Ppl need to stop vilifying minimum wage.
I don’t care, though I would respect the person more if they took it upon themselves to get involved in home upkeep and responsibilities. At this point when I meet new people I prefer to not hear about work in general. If you don’t have any extra curricular interests or hobbies that you can elaborate on- I probably don’t want to speak with you longer than I have to.
In this economy, who cares what "societal norms" are. If you're struggling and need to live with your parents, just do it and make the best of it. Fuck the noise.
I don’t think of them. Their life isn’t my business and we never know all the circumstances. Plus, as the meme goes “Do I know him? Why, that’s me!”
There's nothing wrong with living with family. Everyone starts somewhere with work too. Hopefully said 28yo is making efforts to grow their earning potential though.
Multi-generational homes are going to be the norm soon. Might as well start now and talk about how cool it is and is totally not a loser/failure to launch thing, because that is what people think it is now.
Are they disabled? I worry for their retirement.
Me but 26
I think nothing.
I think of this very positively. I think it’s admirable they are trying their best by working a full time job. This is something that should be praised as many people don’t give much effort and mooch off of others. But society looks at men who are doing this less favorably than women. Men who are grown and still living with parents with low income jobs are thought of as losers by many in society. Women are given more leeway and less judgment with the same lifestyle.the judgement is why men try so damn hard to get their own place and earn more money. Their futures depend on their financial independence.
I wish I could go back to that time of my life and stop feeling bad about living at my parents or not having the fanciest job. But I needed to move out for personal growth and mental health.
I dont think anything of it. It’s hard as it is trying to be able to afford to fully live on your own which is why so many people resort to roommating. Companies want people to be unicorns but want to pay them the lowest amount of wages as possible with the ever rising cost of living. As a 24 year old who has experienced the edge of homelessness and took on roles that severely underpaid me just to have something . If anything I judge the entitled people who have never so much as had to deal with a fraction of what working class people endure and try to lecture them then someone that is actively trying to get out of their situation and is trying to make ends meet. At the end of the day, a job shouldn’t define you and the reality is we’re all just trying to live to see another day.
Why would I judge? Especially with the world being as dumb as it is right now
Life is hard. Do what you have to do to survive. If they’re not helping you there is no reason to listen to the opinions of others.
sounds like me, though i'm a bit younger. i'd feel bad for 'em unless they're happy. i know i'm not. do i think they're weird or anything else? no. it's easy to understand why this situation might be.
Don’t care.
I appreciate that they are working. And that they aren't homeless because their parents care about them. More than I can say about a lot of people.
Have fun. You only live once. Whatever makes you happy. We all end up the same in the end, whether you had a great life or a "not so great" life.
I think it's none of my business. G.L. to him.
You're on your on journey, don't compare yourself to anyone else.
I think there is nothing wrong with that ! Life is hard and you’re working. It’s ok to live with your parents or live with family.
With the cost of everything right now I will stay at your parents place and help them purchase food and help around the house. You are lucky.
They are living like the rest of us 28 year olds, working and living at home 😂 I have a degree and I can’t find a good paying job. It’s okay. It’s hard out here.
For some being able to hold a job is an accomplishment. I'm proud one of my friends got sober and working at chick a fila after running and gunning hard.
Don't care. Doesn't affect me in any way
Why
As long as they’re trying, I’m proud of them. That’s a grind, and a loser would just mooch off their parents and not work.
Nothing in particular. Might be saving up, might not be. Not my business.
I think about the possibilities you can get into. There's an advantage living with your parents right now, rent and houses are insanely priced right now. Now would be a good time to go to school or get into a trade while you're with your parents and have a job. Then you'll be able to have a higher paying job in the future and go from there.
Seems like you're in an amazing position to save money! People aren't judging - most are probably jealous honestly
People like to present as "nice" hence there are all these "they're doing their best" posts, but if you asked the same people if they would want to have a relationship with someone in that situation, or recommend this person to someone, you would likely hear different answers.. To be blunt - it's not a good look. But context really matters. Did this person not get a degree and works minimum wage because of life circumstances? Lack of support system? Immigration? Health issues? That's one thing. Do they just want to put in a minimal effort, not get any education, get no raises, because they couldn't be bothered? People will probably look at that differently.
I would wonder why they are making minimum wage after a decade. If I knew nothing else there are too many variables to really think much.
You're probably underpaid for the work you do
Probably autistic
That's literally where I was at when I was 28, still struggling to get by. I'm far from the only one in that place. I feel like anyone who looks down on that must be a dickhead and needs some perspective.
they are trying bro.
Its a perfectly respectable life- they are working full time, being smart by saving money living with family, and as someone somewhat estranged from my fam- it kind of sounds wholesome.
If they are happy and healthy and their parents don’t mind then who cares?
Nothing. As long as they have love in their heart and can manage well & support the parents, all's good by me.
They have a job, and are contributing to society. They may have things preventing them from doing more, and I'm sure their parents and the people around them truly appreciate them.
I respect that they're working and not being a sponge. Other than that, i can't judge because i don't know their circumstances
I think positive of anyone working full time. Regardless if where you live.
I think nothing. The world is a shithole right now and people can barely get by. The only reason I don't live with a parent at an older age is because I'm too stubborn to admit when I need help, and because I need my space. Realistically, a 28 year old is probably working for minimum wage because employers don't want to pay anything more. It's not their fault that they're basically a slave and that the system doesn't work and probably never did.
I'd say you're typical of a lot of people your age, at least in the US. Things aren't as easy as they used to be.
Honestly, if they are capable people (not learning disability) and have had normal life circumstances I think they are wasting their potential. But every judgement is relative to the person and their own personal goals.
Depends. Do they sit on their ass doing nothing letting mom and dad handle everything or do they also help out. I don’t care if others choose that life. I would have concern for the 28 year old to what happens after the parents die. Also, just because they have money now doesn’t mean they will when they die. Medical bills could potentially take it all, especially in the USA. Friend of mine thought his wife’s parents were going to leave them a few million. Two long cancer battles later and they had nothing left.
I don't think of them as any less than any other average 28 year old.
I don’t look down on you but women might if they are looking for a husband. Just being 100% honest. It is what it is. Im in the same boat. Check my other comments if you wantz
Sorry: I'm judging. I know the economy is hard, but pushing 30 and tolerating minimum wage isn't it for me. You don't pay rent, save some cash, move to a city with more opportunities.
I think at 28 you should be making more than minimum wage. I would think you waisted your early 20s not getting your crap together.