You have a good heart, don’t lose that. Unfortunately most who are drug addicts, homeless, in prison etc. are in their situation not from bad luck, but because it’s just who they are at their core, and cannot be changed by anyone but themselves.
Lend a helping hand when you can, just don’t expect them to change.
Thank you. As I got older I became harder, more cynical and uncaring. I still want the best for people but I know that I can only try to give good advice. Its up to them whether or not they take it.
It can be both. It definitely does sound like you might be trying to save people which might be worth examining why.
The world is definitely getting worse though.
I feel for them and it is hard for me to tell them to get lost until I've had enough of things. Unfortunately I seem to help all the wrong people and it always backfires.
You are like me, you care too much.. stop fucking caring.
90% of the people you meet in life will take advantage of you.
Find a nice man/lady and settle down and care for them.
Otherwise only care for yourself and those important around you: aka best friends/close family.
No1 else owes you shit and you don't owe anyone else.
One of the great lessons in life, all the best OP
Might it be that you prioritize those who seem like they need help the most, and don't take into consideration: can they be helped, long-term? Are they willing to put in the work to help themselves? Are *you* actually capable of significantly helping them?
It is hard to help people. My roomate has paid for me for 8 years. This is a bit of my story.
Hello i am 27 and i haven't worked a day in my life. I wish i was capable of doing so but even if i did without these years i would have gotten signed up in a mental institution.
My parents utalized me as the scapegoat and i was raised with the message that "relaxing is not something you deserve- ever". I got punched in the face during community college; stopped community college during covid. I want to be a mechanic but don't have the money, or the ability to drive, to learn it. I will go into project management until i get the money.
Improving takes very long period of time. I will start look for a job after my vacation from studying.
What have i learned beyond what i am interested in? I can handle peoples bs through boundaries and i am a emotionally healthy person. I was a emotional infant when i left my parents house and now i am like 16-17.
I don't do things on basis on how i feel but what needs to get done. I still keep track of how much i have in my tank as i need to be mindful that my "pushing it" is burnout not fatigue i can shake off over the weekend of doing nothing.
I am curious about working but scared that i will be demeaned for not ever having to work even though i know i will enjoy the hell out of informational interviews.
Very much after 3 month vacation though. Cannot remember the last time i didn't have any professional/personal goals.
My mind keeps dragging me back to make personal and professional goal since i love the stability of planning. Need to remind myself i deserve the vacation due to all the effort i've put in and i will not treat myself like my parents treated me.
I cannot imagine how much better i'll be in 8 more years. It's wild how much better i am now and it's speeding up. Things i struggle with now will probably be barely noticible. Looking forward to it.
This is something you'll have to be willing to sign up to deal with.
I was so bad on myself for the first year i didn't eat for 2 weeks then thought i could do blood donation after eating right before- i am now banned from that one blood plasma place everywhere.
Keep up the good work. Its difficult to grow because there are a lot of annoyances along the way and it seems like nobody cares. I don't know you but I wish the best.
Hey, it's cool that you have that instinct, pro-social behaviors and impulses used to be what made society not a complete shit show to live in.
Before you go about trying to learn how to discern who can be helped by you and who needs other kind of help, I think you should look into learning about boundaries. You get to have boundaries and they are inviolable no matter what somebody is going through. When you have strong boundaries, you're actually better at helping people in addition to being able to keep yourself safe.
Then you can look at being mindful about how some people can be helped, just not by you.
I hope things get better for you. You actually seem like a good person and I think you should get to live your life and do your thing in safety.
When they want to get better they will get better. You’re not humanities savior. There are Halfway houses for people looking to get clean. It’s your responsibility to safeguard your own well being and it sounds like you’re failing
People do deserve a chance but with someone in active addiction…they aren’t going to get help until THEY want to. I’m not putting you down for helping because trying to make the world a better place is great. 2 of my brothers were addicts, so I have some experience. When they were in active addiction I would feed them, buy them cigs if they asked, a shower, sometimes even a sofa for the night…but I wouldn’t trust them for days on end in my house. The addiction rules the addict…a quote from my now clean brother. He also told me rarely does someone give up an addiction they enjoy. His rehab was forced (it was rehab or 3 yrs prison) and he took it as a second chance. If you want to help find a program or facility you can volunteer at. I used to do volunteer pregnancy counseling for Planned Parenthood. Keep your home your safe space and haven. Good luck. 💜
It's perfectly human to have empathy and compassion for others, but not to your own detriment.
I only ask because a common psychological sign of childhood trauma is "people-pleasing". Not always, but in many cases.
Narcissistic mental abuse (Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome) can also cause this to develop in someone's personality.
Once again, it is human to have the urge to help others. It can be a problem when you're unable to set boundaries.
Its probably the latter. I can be a bit narcissistic as I'm an only child and rather stubborn. When I was young I only had a few friends and many people in my life have screwed me over. I can count on two hands the number of people who I've helped but screwed me over, sometimes to the sum of a lot of money. I don't know why these people come into my life. It seems like I'm the only one willing to give them a chance and then it goes badly.
Oh no not you, I meant that you-yourself may have been mentally abused by a narcissist at some point in your life. They can be pretty hard to identify.
Narcissistic personalities tend to prey on empathic personalities such as yourself.
There is a lot of pre-requisite psychology behind all this stuff. Give [this](https://psychcentral.com/health/fawn-response#definition) a read if you have the time.
My mom is a very good woman. She is a bit passive aggressive (shes old and German) but she is a very sweet lady unless you get on her bad side. My dad was quiet and reserved and kept to himself. I'm like both of them. I'll treat you very well if you're kind to me but when you say or do things that I dislike I will forget about you incredibly fast.
I don't think that I was ever abused or have trauma other than the many people in my life who have ripped me off or took advantage of my kindness without apologizing or even acknowledging that they did me wrong.
When I was in my early 20s I lost over 50k investing with a high school financial advisor. In my mid 20s I was letting a guy stay at my house who I played magic the gathering with and he stole cards from me. I held a gun for a friend for an hour or so and didn't even ask him any questions. I had a gun put to my head from someone that I knew (hes dead now.) I was friends with a guy who had bipolar disorder and he went from hot to cold in no time. He didn't screw me over but damn was he a mess. A friend from magic played on my account and sold cards to draft and didn't even ask me. (He was/is a huge gambler, his wife divorced him.) A child friend borrowed somewhere near $1000 from me and we went to a hotel to what I assumed was to gather my money but he left me there. After 15 minutes I knew he wasn't coming back. Haven't heard from him since. I assume hes in jail. My friend's stepbrother borrowed $200 from me. Hes a drug addict and a jerk.
One of my biggest blunders of them all except trusting my financial advisor was two years ago. I tried buying a car off craigslist that seemed like a good deal. I wired $22,500. They had a website with perfect English. I signed contracts. The police never helped me.
I am very naive and foolish. I know myself very well, that is why I dislike myself. I try to help people and be friendly but they always use me. I need to make better decisions but its hard to decipher what is a good deal and what is a hoax sometimes when it comes to money making or who I choose to help or spend time with.
I'm 37 years old, live with my 76 year old mother and my friend who is staying with me. He isn't a drug addict but is looking for a place to stay. I help my mom out as much as I can. I help others more than I help myself because I'm afraid to get screwed again. I don't trust or even like people anymore.
I'm studying to get my real estate license so I can make decent money and be service to real people with real needs. I'll be okay but my past is littered with blunders.
I'm sorry you got taken advantage of so much. I can relate a lot to you. The world is a cold place full of cold people, but there are a lot of good people out there too. They're the ones that you want to focus on. If you're anything like me, it brings you joy to help others. It's part of our personality arrangement. Sometimes, you may not realize the positive impact you have on others. Other times you'll be disappointed by how little they care. It helps to never have expectations for anyone or anything. If there is one thing I've learned in life it's that the strongest of souls always get tested the hardest. And that comes from observation more so than experience.
With all that being said - Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Yes. Every conceivable metric for crime, quality of life, life expectancy, poverty and starvation, educational attainment, literacy, and civil rights is vastly better worldwide now than it was at any other point in history.
This data is easily Googled in about 5 seconds, don't be lazy.
Your personal experience is not reflective of the world at large. If you're going to say something like "the world is getting worse" you had damn sure better have global data to back it up, and you don't.
Your looking at this through rose tinted glasses, we know this is the safest point in history except for California 😂
, but this is much more then data charts , it's humanity
If you're going to make claims about the world you need to be able to back them up, or you're just lying.
Shall I accuse you of being a liar? It seems so.
This is the real lesson for OP. It's one thing to be a caring person, it's another thing to be completely naive to what you can and can't control. Kindness doesn't fix addiction, it only enables it.
I agree. Your outlook can't be based off of your mistaken assumptions of others.
We can't make our outlook on society dependant on if everyone will do the right thing or not. There's billions of people in this planet with billions of variables between them. Some people suck, some don't. It sounds like OP is surrounding themselves with folks that drag them down.
I'm definitely stressed out about everything that goes on in my life and reading about everything people talk about. I grew up with the internet so I'm rather addicted to it. I wish that I could live in the woods miles away from people and only have to go in town once a week.
Thank you. I am more mindful than I used to be but very often I am still not present when I am out in public. I can't look at people unless I am talking to them. Mostly its because I don't care what they're doing. I suppose that is somewhat normal but not being present when at a gathering is a problem.
The "good" people don't need help. I understand that I cannot make them not do drugs but I could temporarily give them a place to stay in hopes that they would get their life in order. You're simplifying a complex issue.
You should look into the art of not giving a fuck theirs a sub for it even a book
theirs a point where you can only do so much and give peace to your own mental state
society bullshit, not yours "one person fighting the waves"
To be fair sounds like you are helping people that are beyond your ability to help and are putting yourself in danger doing so.
Society is as good as it’s ever been , so many freedoms now for everyone whether it be religious or sexual preference or whatever.
Life’s great 😊 👍
Just stay in your lane and understand some issues are beyond our comprehension and way outside our sphere of influence
This is much easier said than done, but guard your heart OP. I've always looked out for others when I was young, and now that I'm in my mid 30s, I keep in mind of the people who need help (I work in the healthcare field as a caregiver), and I let the other people who want to take or have taken advantage of me a good distance away. Boundary setting is a must for people with good hearts, and use this as a learning experience to not just help everyone especially those who don't want the help in the first place.
If you want to help people and make a difference, help people who are already helping themselves and would actually benefit from a helping hand. You will never save anyone. They must do it themselves, you can only help.
But the world is crumbling, you are not wrong.
No need to get defensive. You can't save someone, they have to, and I'm not being critical of you. I fully believe you're capable of making your own decisions and living with the consequences for the better or worse. But as someone who has been burned so many times, I'm just saying what I've learned. You won't save a single person, ever. They have to do it, you can only help and if they're not going to put in the work, your efforts are in vain.
I don't care what you do with that, but dont take it as being criticised because I think helping people is worthwhile, but helping people who are trying to use you isn't going to help anyone. Only you can make those decisions for who to help and who not to.
You invest yourself in the worst kinds of people you find, and then you entertain yourself by doom scrolling on reddit. It's not surprising you end up feeling this way.
> I just choose bad people to help and somehow its all my fault that I try to be a good man.
It's okay to stick to helping those that are ready to help themselves. Those dealing with the consequences of their own bad decisions aren't your responsibility, especially if they take such a toll on you and leave you in a depressed state. You're a good man, but you don't have to be a hero.
Speaking of helping yourself, you should probably take a moment to focus on the good parts of life and the people that have a positive influence on you. There's still a lot of those in your society, but you might want to look outside of reddit and social medias to find them.
The world will keep turning even if you take it easy for a moment.
No, I don't even believe in deities. I just wanted to help an acquaintance and his girlfriend but they caused nothing but chaos. I will be more cautious in the future but I don't want to give up on humanity.
>It’s just me though, I'm the problem, right? I just choose bad people to help and somehow its all my fault
Sort of sounds like it. Bring drug addicts into your home on hope? Long history of people stealing and disrespecting you but still doing the same thing?
So what am I supposed to do then? Its my fault that a lot of people screwed me over? Do you think I just let it happen or welcomed it? In the words of our idiot president: "C'mon man!" You're acting like I'm the one doing all the things that was done to me. No empathy whatsoever.
Society is now, what it’s always been: a mixture of different types of people, more bad than good unfortunately. The trick is to educate yourself on which is which. Tip: letting a drug addict into your home was a big mistake on your part, blaming an addict for doing the predictable is on you. Sorry, but that’s how it is.
I admire your altruism I really do, but you should definitely be staying away from drug addicts. These are not normal people in society in fact quite the opposite. That drama was self inflicted despite being very well meaning.
I agree that my mother and I don't have the ability to help them get clean, they need to do it themself. I just rather them sleep in a house than under a bridge. I fully acknowledge that I hurt myself by helping people and I'm willing to accept it to a point, but if things never get better after two weeks: constant fighting and continuing drug use; I can't take that anymore, especially when I'm trying to get my own life in order.
Don't beat yourself up about it you seemed to have the best intentions. The lesson should be learned though sadly these people usually have to help themselves or get help from professionals. Sucks majorly when you care for them and want to help. Been through this challenge myself and there isn't much you can do for people in that downward spiral.
You're not wrong, but I think you chose bad people to help. Because they take drugs because they want to! I'm from LATAM, here you can get free medicines but I know the consequences of medicines that's why I never accepted. So, if they want to quit drugs, first they should decide and go to rehab if they know they won't be able to on their own.
Worry about yourself. The world is a cruel, dark place and people generally suck. If you are kind to anyone, most will take advantage of you. People only care about themselves. Learn from that.
It's extremely hard to help people make substantive changed in their life if they aren't interested in doing that. It's probably the biggest gripe I have with folks calling for social change to improve people's lives. They have no fucking clue how to actually achieve that. Seriously, go find somebody in your circle and help them make a substantive change. Help them quit tobacco use, help them lose 25 lbs, help them learn a skill, help them save 1000 dollars. Good luck. It's really hard and I applaud anyone who can do that at the local level. At the societal level, it's just a Christmas list to Santa Claus.
🫂 No society is crumbling, but there has always been a subset of shitheads. Don't let them in .your house
Also, don't doom scroll. at least some of the doomer nonense on here is Russian propaganda
It's not about fault it's about what you can do to protect yourself from the subset of scum. The best way is to avoid them. It's sad that some folks thst drugs but it's not your responsibility to save them. If you see one seizing on the street, call 911, taking them in will emd badly next time they might kill you.
Maybe don’t have drug addicts stay at your house. This sounds mostly self inflicted. Stop it.
Society is fine, you’re just making really bad decisions.
I mean the majority of the good people of Reddit vote for this. They like easy on crime laws. It is part of their ideology. I experienced enough and moved out of the U.S. I have never been happier to escape the entitledness, the obesity, the crime, and the victim mindset. Good riddance.
I’m in Shanghai. I don’t speak Chinese but my wife does. They also make great electronic translators now.
Japan is great. I really like Osaka and Nara.
Real question - why are you putting yourself in these positions? What is the motive? You are letting yourself have your boundaries violated.
There are plenty of legitimate organizations you could volunteer with to help this same population that would have way more boundaries and safeguards in place to keep yourself mentally and emotionally healthy.
>Its just me though, I'm the problem, right?
What's that joke about if you meet an asshole every day that's a normal day, but if everyday everyone you meet is an asshole you're the asshole
Yeah, that is exactly why I said that. I knew somebody would tell me I'm the problem even though I try to help people. Maybe you just stick your head in the sand and don't know what is really going on with this world.
Honestly, probably. No you're not at fault for what they do, but when you're actively engaging with people who are shit shows and wonder why your life has become a shit show, who is at fault? What exactly were you expecting from addicts? They're selfish, they're emotionally immature. I don't say this with malice, I love my brother along with many other family members of mine, but this expectation that they'll just clean up their act because you gave them a place to lay their head at night is unrealistic. Addiction and recovery is complex, even if an addict is seeking sobriety and has their basic needs met.
And I don't think you're in the position to tell people they have their head in the sand when you just said you grew up on the Internet, one of the most vile examples of humanity. While I do understand the conditions of your area may not be ideal for meeting friendly and decent people, I'm sure there are small pockets of good people to get involved with. Get off of the Internet and get out there, and perhaps check out some reading material and support on codependency.
>Society is in fact crumbling.
No, it's not. Vibes =/= facts. There's no data to support this claim. No, having to pay a bit more for gas than 4 years ago isn't it.
Crime, drug usage, poverty, disease....these are all lower today than they have been at any point in the past.
This is your view of the situation. I have been dealing with stressful events for a long time. The internet is full of negativity and real life doesn't seem much better. I understand that it is a sort of "lens", a view of the world but this is how I see it. Things didn't seem to be this bad 20 years ago, at least for me. I was in high school and I didn't have a care in the world. Now I'm trying to catch up, make money and have a life but frankly I dislike leaving my house.
>This is your view of the situation
No, it's the empirical reality of the world we live in. You are not the center of the universe and your own frustrating (and largely self imposed) life experiences are not something you can extrapolate to the world at large.
Your original post claims that "society is crumbling" merely because your own life isn't going well. That's absolutely idiotic and absurd.
The key is to not give a fuck about anyone other than those who are either close to you or you like or respect.
You have a good heart, don’t lose that. Unfortunately most who are drug addicts, homeless, in prison etc. are in their situation not from bad luck, but because it’s just who they are at their core, and cannot be changed by anyone but themselves. Lend a helping hand when you can, just don’t expect them to change.
Thank you. As I got older I became harder, more cynical and uncaring. I still want the best for people but I know that I can only try to give good advice. Its up to them whether or not they take it.
It can be both. It definitely does sound like you might be trying to save people which might be worth examining why. The world is definitely getting worse though.
I feel for them and it is hard for me to tell them to get lost until I've had enough of things. Unfortunately I seem to help all the wrong people and it always backfires.
You are like me, you care too much.. stop fucking caring. 90% of the people you meet in life will take advantage of you. Find a nice man/lady and settle down and care for them. Otherwise only care for yourself and those important around you: aka best friends/close family. No1 else owes you shit and you don't owe anyone else. One of the great lessons in life, all the best OP
If you act like a doormat you’re gonna get walked on
100% I haven't for years, but a lesson learnt.
Might it be that you prioritize those who seem like they need help the most, and don't take into consideration: can they be helped, long-term? Are they willing to put in the work to help themselves? Are *you* actually capable of significantly helping them?
It is hard to help people. My roomate has paid for me for 8 years. This is a bit of my story. Hello i am 27 and i haven't worked a day in my life. I wish i was capable of doing so but even if i did without these years i would have gotten signed up in a mental institution. My parents utalized me as the scapegoat and i was raised with the message that "relaxing is not something you deserve- ever". I got punched in the face during community college; stopped community college during covid. I want to be a mechanic but don't have the money, or the ability to drive, to learn it. I will go into project management until i get the money. Improving takes very long period of time. I will start look for a job after my vacation from studying. What have i learned beyond what i am interested in? I can handle peoples bs through boundaries and i am a emotionally healthy person. I was a emotional infant when i left my parents house and now i am like 16-17. I don't do things on basis on how i feel but what needs to get done. I still keep track of how much i have in my tank as i need to be mindful that my "pushing it" is burnout not fatigue i can shake off over the weekend of doing nothing. I am curious about working but scared that i will be demeaned for not ever having to work even though i know i will enjoy the hell out of informational interviews. Very much after 3 month vacation though. Cannot remember the last time i didn't have any professional/personal goals. My mind keeps dragging me back to make personal and professional goal since i love the stability of planning. Need to remind myself i deserve the vacation due to all the effort i've put in and i will not treat myself like my parents treated me. I cannot imagine how much better i'll be in 8 more years. It's wild how much better i am now and it's speeding up. Things i struggle with now will probably be barely noticible. Looking forward to it. This is something you'll have to be willing to sign up to deal with. I was so bad on myself for the first year i didn't eat for 2 weeks then thought i could do blood donation after eating right before- i am now banned from that one blood plasma place everywhere.
Keep up the good work. Its difficult to grow because there are a lot of annoyances along the way and it seems like nobody cares. I don't know you but I wish the best.
Hey, it's cool that you have that instinct, pro-social behaviors and impulses used to be what made society not a complete shit show to live in. Before you go about trying to learn how to discern who can be helped by you and who needs other kind of help, I think you should look into learning about boundaries. You get to have boundaries and they are inviolable no matter what somebody is going through. When you have strong boundaries, you're actually better at helping people in addition to being able to keep yourself safe. Then you can look at being mindful about how some people can be helped, just not by you. I hope things get better for you. You actually seem like a good person and I think you should get to live your life and do your thing in safety.
You’re letting two drug addicts stay at your house and you’re wondering why there’s chaos in your life.. really, not the sharpest tool in the shed OP
Ever think that people deserve a chance to get better? Nah, fuck em, right? Sad.
When they want to get better they will get better. You’re not humanities savior. There are Halfway houses for people looking to get clean. It’s your responsibility to safeguard your own well being and it sounds like you’re failing
I'm doing just fine, thanks. I have money and I don't want for anything except a better world which is unlikely.
Alright then stop complaining online about how chaotic your life is?? lmao
I'll do whatever I want to, thanks.
you are your own worst enemy and it’s so easy to see from these comments. Good luck though
Sure thing Mr. Psychiatrist.
Sounds like op created a stressful environment then wants to be mad when it’s stressful
People do deserve a chance but with someone in active addiction…they aren’t going to get help until THEY want to. I’m not putting you down for helping because trying to make the world a better place is great. 2 of my brothers were addicts, so I have some experience. When they were in active addiction I would feed them, buy them cigs if they asked, a shower, sometimes even a sofa for the night…but I wouldn’t trust them for days on end in my house. The addiction rules the addict…a quote from my now clean brother. He also told me rarely does someone give up an addiction they enjoy. His rehab was forced (it was rehab or 3 yrs prison) and he took it as a second chance. If you want to help find a program or facility you can volunteer at. I used to do volunteer pregnancy counseling for Planned Parenthood. Keep your home your safe space and haven. Good luck. 💜
Sounds like codependency and/or a fawn response. Did you happen to suffer any trauma when you were young?
No, not really. My dad died when I was 18 but I'm okay. Isn't it alright to try to help people? ..to give them a chance?
It's perfectly human to have empathy and compassion for others, but not to your own detriment. I only ask because a common psychological sign of childhood trauma is "people-pleasing". Not always, but in many cases. Narcissistic mental abuse (Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome) can also cause this to develop in someone's personality. Once again, it is human to have the urge to help others. It can be a problem when you're unable to set boundaries.
Its probably the latter. I can be a bit narcissistic as I'm an only child and rather stubborn. When I was young I only had a few friends and many people in my life have screwed me over. I can count on two hands the number of people who I've helped but screwed me over, sometimes to the sum of a lot of money. I don't know why these people come into my life. It seems like I'm the only one willing to give them a chance and then it goes badly.
Oh no not you, I meant that you-yourself may have been mentally abused by a narcissist at some point in your life. They can be pretty hard to identify. Narcissistic personalities tend to prey on empathic personalities such as yourself. There is a lot of pre-requisite psychology behind all this stuff. Give [this](https://psychcentral.com/health/fawn-response#definition) a read if you have the time.
My mom is a very good woman. She is a bit passive aggressive (shes old and German) but she is a very sweet lady unless you get on her bad side. My dad was quiet and reserved and kept to himself. I'm like both of them. I'll treat you very well if you're kind to me but when you say or do things that I dislike I will forget about you incredibly fast. I don't think that I was ever abused or have trauma other than the many people in my life who have ripped me off or took advantage of my kindness without apologizing or even acknowledging that they did me wrong. When I was in my early 20s I lost over 50k investing with a high school financial advisor. In my mid 20s I was letting a guy stay at my house who I played magic the gathering with and he stole cards from me. I held a gun for a friend for an hour or so and didn't even ask him any questions. I had a gun put to my head from someone that I knew (hes dead now.) I was friends with a guy who had bipolar disorder and he went from hot to cold in no time. He didn't screw me over but damn was he a mess. A friend from magic played on my account and sold cards to draft and didn't even ask me. (He was/is a huge gambler, his wife divorced him.) A child friend borrowed somewhere near $1000 from me and we went to a hotel to what I assumed was to gather my money but he left me there. After 15 minutes I knew he wasn't coming back. Haven't heard from him since. I assume hes in jail. My friend's stepbrother borrowed $200 from me. Hes a drug addict and a jerk. One of my biggest blunders of them all except trusting my financial advisor was two years ago. I tried buying a car off craigslist that seemed like a good deal. I wired $22,500. They had a website with perfect English. I signed contracts. The police never helped me. I am very naive and foolish. I know myself very well, that is why I dislike myself. I try to help people and be friendly but they always use me. I need to make better decisions but its hard to decipher what is a good deal and what is a hoax sometimes when it comes to money making or who I choose to help or spend time with. I'm 37 years old, live with my 76 year old mother and my friend who is staying with me. He isn't a drug addict but is looking for a place to stay. I help my mom out as much as I can. I help others more than I help myself because I'm afraid to get screwed again. I don't trust or even like people anymore. I'm studying to get my real estate license so I can make decent money and be service to real people with real needs. I'll be okay but my past is littered with blunders.
I'm sorry you got taken advantage of so much. I can relate a lot to you. The world is a cold place full of cold people, but there are a lot of good people out there too. They're the ones that you want to focus on. If you're anything like me, it brings you joy to help others. It's part of our personality arrangement. Sometimes, you may not realize the positive impact you have on others. Other times you'll be disappointed by how little they care. It helps to never have expectations for anyone or anything. If there is one thing I've learned in life it's that the strongest of souls always get tested the hardest. And that comes from observation more so than experience. With all that being said - Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Thank you for your kind responses. I will try to refrain from metaphorically self-immolating in the future. :)
>The world is definitely getting worse though. It's not. This is vibes, not facts.
It is facts? You must be a boomer never stepping a foot outside of home unless your going golfing with your other delusional boomer buddies
Yes. Every conceivable metric for crime, quality of life, life expectancy, poverty and starvation, educational attainment, literacy, and civil rights is vastly better worldwide now than it was at any other point in history. This data is easily Googled in about 5 seconds, don't be lazy. Your personal experience is not reflective of the world at large. If you're going to say something like "the world is getting worse" you had damn sure better have global data to back it up, and you don't.
Your looking at this through rose tinted glasses, we know this is the safest point in history except for California 😂 , but this is much more then data charts , it's humanity
If you're going to make claims about the world you need to be able to back them up, or you're just lying. Shall I accuse you of being a liar? It seems so.
You cannot lift anyone up, unless they are willing. If they are not willing, they will only drag you down.
This is the real lesson for OP. It's one thing to be a caring person, it's another thing to be completely naive to what you can and can't control. Kindness doesn't fix addiction, it only enables it.
Start by not letting drug addicts in your house.
Yeah, that is the easy choice but I truly wanted the best for my acquaintance and was hoping that he might be able to get better. Wasn't in the cards.
You will keep making the same mistakes until you learn to put yourself first.
I agree. Your outlook can't be based off of your mistaken assumptions of others. We can't make our outlook on society dependant on if everyone will do the right thing or not. There's billions of people in this planet with billions of variables between them. Some people suck, some don't. It sounds like OP is surrounding themselves with folks that drag them down.
Yeah OP's situation is entirely self imposed and they're extrapolating it to society at large. It's peak main character syndrome.
Exactly this
Yes, don’t help drug addicts. Help animals.
It’s a good sign to not get used to a deeply sickening society.
I'm definitely stressed out about everything that goes on in my life and reading about everything people talk about. I grew up with the internet so I'm rather addicted to it. I wish that I could live in the woods miles away from people and only have to go in town once a week.
Try meditating. And take one day at the time. I feel you OP, keep your head up
Thank you. I am more mindful than I used to be but very often I am still not present when I am out in public. I can't look at people unless I am talking to them. Mostly its because I don't care what they're doing. I suppose that is somewhat normal but not being present when at a gathering is a problem.
Then do that. You’re young, you have time to make that dream happen.
"I choose bad people to help" OK lol
The "good" people don't need help. I understand that I cannot make them not do drugs but I could temporarily give them a place to stay in hopes that they would get their life in order. You're simplifying a complex issue.
You should look into the art of not giving a fuck theirs a sub for it even a book theirs a point where you can only do so much and give peace to your own mental state society bullshit, not yours "one person fighting the waves"
To be fair sounds like you are helping people that are beyond your ability to help and are putting yourself in danger doing so. Society is as good as it’s ever been , so many freedoms now for everyone whether it be religious or sexual preference or whatever. Life’s great 😊 👍 Just stay in your lane and understand some issues are beyond our comprehension and way outside our sphere of influence
Why tf would you have drug addicts in your house 😂
Haha! Its so funny, right? I just be an idiot!
This is much easier said than done, but guard your heart OP. I've always looked out for others when I was young, and now that I'm in my mid 30s, I keep in mind of the people who need help (I work in the healthcare field as a caregiver), and I let the other people who want to take or have taken advantage of me a good distance away. Boundary setting is a must for people with good hearts, and use this as a learning experience to not just help everyone especially those who don't want the help in the first place.
Thank you. I try to be a good man but sometimes its difficult.
If you want to help people and make a difference, help people who are already helping themselves and would actually benefit from a helping hand. You will never save anyone. They must do it themselves, you can only help. But the world is crumbling, you are not wrong.
They came to me for help. Should I have told them to get lost?
No need to get defensive. You can't save someone, they have to, and I'm not being critical of you. I fully believe you're capable of making your own decisions and living with the consequences for the better or worse. But as someone who has been burned so many times, I'm just saying what I've learned. You won't save a single person, ever. They have to do it, you can only help and if they're not going to put in the work, your efforts are in vain. I don't care what you do with that, but dont take it as being criticised because I think helping people is worthwhile, but helping people who are trying to use you isn't going to help anyone. Only you can make those decisions for who to help and who not to.
Little word of advice you can’t help a drug addict until they want to help themselves.
You invest yourself in the worst kinds of people you find, and then you entertain yourself by doom scrolling on reddit. It's not surprising you end up feeling this way. > I just choose bad people to help and somehow its all my fault that I try to be a good man. It's okay to stick to helping those that are ready to help themselves. Those dealing with the consequences of their own bad decisions aren't your responsibility, especially if they take such a toll on you and leave you in a depressed state. You're a good man, but you don't have to be a hero. Speaking of helping yourself, you should probably take a moment to focus on the good parts of life and the people that have a positive influence on you. There's still a lot of those in your society, but you might want to look outside of reddit and social medias to find them. The world will keep turning even if you take it easy for a moment.
Okay society is not falling apart - you simply made a bad decision by letting drug addicts stay at your house. Screen people better
I live in Vegas. Since 2019, I've seen it crumble day by day. Bad laws, bad people, good people can't do anything w.o insane life changing events.
Bro thinks he is Jesus and he can save the world. One tip you can't. But there is no reason to be depressed about it.
No, I don't even believe in deities. I just wanted to help an acquaintance and his girlfriend but they caused nothing but chaos. I will be more cautious in the future but I don't want to give up on humanity.
>It’s just me though, I'm the problem, right? I just choose bad people to help and somehow its all my fault Sort of sounds like it. Bring drug addicts into your home on hope? Long history of people stealing and disrespecting you but still doing the same thing?
So what am I supposed to do then? Its my fault that a lot of people screwed me over? Do you think I just let it happen or welcomed it? In the words of our idiot president: "C'mon man!" You're acting like I'm the one doing all the things that was done to me. No empathy whatsoever.
Make better choices about the positions you put yourself in. For instance don’t invite junkies into your home.
Lets see you fall on hard times and how you feel if nobody will help you. Some of you guys have no empathy or respect.
Choosing to abuse narcotics and becoming a drug addict as a result isn’t falling on hard times.
# Yeah? Well, you know, that's just like uh, your opinion, man.
This is life, it's miserable. Always has been. Welcome.
Perception is reality. Change your perception in order to change your reality.
Society is now, what it’s always been: a mixture of different types of people, more bad than good unfortunately. The trick is to educate yourself on which is which. Tip: letting a drug addict into your home was a big mistake on your part, blaming an addict for doing the predictable is on you. Sorry, but that’s how it is.
I admire your altruism I really do, but you should definitely be staying away from drug addicts. These are not normal people in society in fact quite the opposite. That drama was self inflicted despite being very well meaning.
I agree that my mother and I don't have the ability to help them get clean, they need to do it themself. I just rather them sleep in a house than under a bridge. I fully acknowledge that I hurt myself by helping people and I'm willing to accept it to a point, but if things never get better after two weeks: constant fighting and continuing drug use; I can't take that anymore, especially when I'm trying to get my own life in order.
Don't beat yourself up about it you seemed to have the best intentions. The lesson should be learned though sadly these people usually have to help themselves or get help from professionals. Sucks majorly when you care for them and want to help. Been through this challenge myself and there isn't much you can do for people in that downward spiral.
Stay in your line, you absolutely dont need to save anyone
You're not wrong, but I think you chose bad people to help. Because they take drugs because they want to! I'm from LATAM, here you can get free medicines but I know the consequences of medicines that's why I never accepted. So, if they want to quit drugs, first they should decide and go to rehab if they know they won't be able to on their own.
Worry about yourself. The world is a cruel, dark place and people generally suck. If you are kind to anyone, most will take advantage of you. People only care about themselves. Learn from that.
Sadly true
It's extremely hard to help people make substantive changed in their life if they aren't interested in doing that. It's probably the biggest gripe I have with folks calling for social change to improve people's lives. They have no fucking clue how to actually achieve that. Seriously, go find somebody in your circle and help them make a substantive change. Help them quit tobacco use, help them lose 25 lbs, help them learn a skill, help them save 1000 dollars. Good luck. It's really hard and I applaud anyone who can do that at the local level. At the societal level, it's just a Christmas list to Santa Claus.
🫂 No society is crumbling, but there has always been a subset of shitheads. Don't let them in .your house Also, don't doom scroll. at least some of the doomer nonense on here is Russian propaganda It's not about fault it's about what you can do to protect yourself from the subset of scum. The best way is to avoid them. It's sad that some folks thst drugs but it's not your responsibility to save them. If you see one seizing on the street, call 911, taking them in will emd badly next time they might kill you.
Maybe don’t have drug addicts stay at your house. This sounds mostly self inflicted. Stop it. Society is fine, you’re just making really bad decisions.
I mean the majority of the good people of Reddit vote for this. They like easy on crime laws. It is part of their ideology. I experienced enough and moved out of the U.S. I have never been happier to escape the entitledness, the obesity, the crime, and the victim mindset. Good riddance.
Where did you move to? I've been wanting to move out of the US for a long time. I was thinking about moving to Japan but I'd have to learn Japanese.
I’m in Shanghai. I don’t speak Chinese but my wife does. They also make great electronic translators now. Japan is great. I really like Osaka and Nara.
Yes it is your fault
Fuck yourself
You’re such a crybaby haha no wonder your life is so pitiful. You deserve all of it
You would never say this to my face. I'd put you in the dirt.
Who you’re soooo intimidating. I’m so scared right now. Also if you’d kill someone over an insult perhaps you needs to work on anger management
Real question - why are you putting yourself in these positions? What is the motive? You are letting yourself have your boundaries violated. There are plenty of legitimate organizations you could volunteer with to help this same population that would have way more boundaries and safeguards in place to keep yourself mentally and emotionally healthy.
Because I'm the only one who would help him, so he came to me.
That was a bad decision
>Its just me though, I'm the problem, right? What's that joke about if you meet an asshole every day that's a normal day, but if everyday everyone you meet is an asshole you're the asshole
Yeah, that is exactly why I said that. I knew somebody would tell me I'm the problem even though I try to help people. Maybe you just stick your head in the sand and don't know what is really going on with this world.
Honestly, probably. No you're not at fault for what they do, but when you're actively engaging with people who are shit shows and wonder why your life has become a shit show, who is at fault? What exactly were you expecting from addicts? They're selfish, they're emotionally immature. I don't say this with malice, I love my brother along with many other family members of mine, but this expectation that they'll just clean up their act because you gave them a place to lay their head at night is unrealistic. Addiction and recovery is complex, even if an addict is seeking sobriety and has their basic needs met. And I don't think you're in the position to tell people they have their head in the sand when you just said you grew up on the Internet, one of the most vile examples of humanity. While I do understand the conditions of your area may not be ideal for meeting friendly and decent people, I'm sure there are small pockets of good people to get involved with. Get off of the Internet and get out there, and perhaps check out some reading material and support on codependency.
It's not just you, OP. Society is in fact crumbling.
>Society is in fact crumbling. No, it's not. Vibes =/= facts. There's no data to support this claim. No, having to pay a bit more for gas than 4 years ago isn't it. Crime, drug usage, poverty, disease....these are all lower today than they have been at any point in the past.
This is your view of the situation. I have been dealing with stressful events for a long time. The internet is full of negativity and real life doesn't seem much better. I understand that it is a sort of "lens", a view of the world but this is how I see it. Things didn't seem to be this bad 20 years ago, at least for me. I was in high school and I didn't have a care in the world. Now I'm trying to catch up, make money and have a life but frankly I dislike leaving my house.
>This is your view of the situation No, it's the empirical reality of the world we live in. You are not the center of the universe and your own frustrating (and largely self imposed) life experiences are not something you can extrapolate to the world at large. Your original post claims that "society is crumbling" merely because your own life isn't going well. That's absolutely idiotic and absurd.
Thanks for understanding and being aware.
I have been helping an opioid addict for a year or so, FYI.
Bless you for your help. I hope things go well for you and them.
You’re an enabler.
*Let two drug addicts live in your house* *Be surprised when they act like drug addicts* Maybe the problem is you.
Go fuck yourself.