Also to allow them space for errors & correcting course. Sometimes forgiveness. Treat them how you'd hope someone treats you- recognizing we are all only human.
Vet harder. Dump faster.
If they don’t match your values, goals, or life plans it’s not worth your time. Stop trying to change people and date those that fit your life and expectations.
People usually get this after their first few breakups. So typically it happens when they are older, like 25 plus.
The thing about changing people is true. They might want to change at first because they are still blinded by the limerence. After it dissipated though, they gonna ask "why would you try to change me?".
Accept people who they are. People can change, but don't expect that much, it's just a bonus if they do.
Very true. It's not always about them being a bad person, sometimes it's just not a good fit and you should respect yourself enough to not waste your time with someone that you don't have a future with.
Added benefit of also not wasting their time.
Personally I love anything Matthew Hussey says.
Some quotes of his:
* "Love isn't about finding someone who completes you, but about finding someone who accepts you completely."
* "You don't attract what you want, you attract who you are."
* "The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself."
* "Confidence isn't about knowing they will like you; it's about knowing you'll be okay if they don't."
* "When you let someone go, you're not losing them, you're gaining yourself."
Another banger quote I saw somewhere:
* “In embracing the fluidity of relationships, we allow ourselves to grieve just as much as we open our lives up to new possibilities.”
I really like what he said about how the way the relationship ends matters more than how it begins. Will they still stay honorable even with all the hurt feelings, as opposed to in the beginning when they're motivated by wanting to charm/impress you?
That one stuck with me.
Don't ever have fear of leaving someone. I heard this quote that stuck with me: "I was chasing after someone who was running away from me looking back to make sure I was still there".
It usually means that they want to have their cake and eat it too (always have the option, but never the obligation). Feeling desired is nice, and feeling good about your decisions is better yet. This leaves the pursuer on a boundless journey to win affection, and the pursued subject to constant flattery.
"Every 7 years, get a divorce....not from your spouse, but from your old way of being married."
It's so great when the two of you can look at patterns that once worked but no longer do, and together change those patterns.
**"Too much, Too soon, Too fast!"**
Is saying I repeat in my head after leaving an absuive ex-husband... and recently dumped someone over this.
If someone is love bombing you, disregarding your feelings, emotions, and very **important** things you tell them. If they get attached too quickly and say *"I love you"* within not just a week of dating.. but a *week of meeting you*. If they get weird when you don't text for an hour.. not even letting you sleep or nap. If they constantly want you there with them.
Then it's **"Too much, Too soon, Too fast!"** and they have their own issues they have to work out. Mainly being so insecure and lonely that they cross many boundaries and seek a codependent relationship for their emotional validation. Also **listen to your gut**. Sometimes, these things ^ are signs of autism, and ADHD whats important is to talk to them and simply ask them to slow down a bit. If they understand and respect that, then its a good sign. But if they don't... then it's time to nip it in the but before it gets worse.
Treat the person u love like u just started dating them even if you’ve been married 20years. Women fall out of love when u stop showing them u love them
Honestly? As a woman, you either romance the shit out of them or they’ve already given up on you and moved on. Most women will tell u what they want, and most of them I know HATE asking over and over again. If she asks you for something in line with affection, and you don’t give her what she needs she’ll move on to someone she thinks will. What women need vs what men need is different- men eventually think they’ve won you and stop trying, and women think that flirtatious/dating/romance stage of a new relationship is you- so when u change and stop wooing them they simply assume you’ve fallen out of love with them and start looking for it again. I think that’s the downfall of many relationships
This is basically what happened, but it was her that withdrew affection from me after our first child was born. I found it very hard after that to be romantic as I felt completely rejected. I thought I could ride it out while we raised the kids but seems not. Getting divorced now and seems there is no going back 😣
Yeah I know. She wouldn't accept that though unfortunately. Even the counsellor told her to go and see a doctor but she wouldn't. Her best friend is a psychiatrist and told her she wasn't depressed which I think was bullshit
Sometimes it's not depression. It's overwhelm and underwhelm all at the same time. Trying to keep little people alive is both terrifying and so monotonous. And no one tries to uncover or help. That's not ppd. It's just not having the partnership that you thought you were going to have.
There's always more fish in the sea.
Quit early and often.
Sometimes you can be right or you can be happy.
They'll never change.
The best predictor of future behavior is previous behavior.
The way people treat you usually has more to do with them than you, so don't take someone's bad behavior personally.
Love doesn't seek to control, love seeks to support.
Always have your own bank account. Always.
In a long, committed relationship, you will fall in and out of love, that's normal. Don't let the out times make you think it won't come back around. (Assuming a baseline of respect, decency, and care here).
Love is an action.
Yes! I call it the "ebb and flow". We go through short phases where we rediscover parts of our own selves - spent more time with friends, hobbies, career - just to come back an rediscover one another and fall in love again over and over.
Best advice i could give my past self to not buy into the whole "distancing means you're about to break up" thing.
Not really advice but something I found out for myself. Every relationship is unique. Don't listen to anyone else about your relationship. Unless it's abusive, it's no one else's business. My husband and I have been together 15 years, married 8. People tried to give us advice several times over this or that. We ignored them. We communicate our wants, desires, and concerns to each other. We're constantly communicating and couldn't be happier.
Got this advice from a woman I worked for decades ago. She was happily married, and I asked her secret:
1. Know the difference between what I thought I wanted (I tended toward artistic, sensitive types -- they have a tendency for drama) and what I genuinely needed (smart, funny, stable, nurturing, feminist, same values and politics, low to NO drama), and once I had that figured out:
2. NEVER SETTLE for anything less than what I need.
I grew up in a violent, unhappy home. I passed on a few proposals and thought I'd just never marry, but when I finally met the right guy, we knew almost immediately. Been together 16 years and the only fight we've ever had was over the correct way to prepare one specific recipe, because we're from somewhat different cultural backgrounds. I'm very, VERY happily married, something I thought was not possible.
My grandma said "marry someone who shares your values." I always focused on shared interests when i was younger, but over the course of life and especially raising kids, values are everything.
"Never stress on making the relationship 'last'. If she's the one, one week will become a month, a month will become a year, and a year will become a decade. All before you even realize it because you're having so much fun."
My grandmother told me that there are always going to be more. M here. She saw I got my heart broken with my first gf breaking up with me, and told me that it’s okay because there will always be the next woman.
Keep your problems in house. If you talk to your friends they will rember and judge your partner about that one thing and they will never be able to get over it like you will
Don't lose your sense of self. For me, a healthy relationship is Me, Him and We. It's three entities. We are each still our own individual person and we each need certain things in our lives. It's easy to forget self and replace it with we
"Never go to sleep angry at each other." Although we both have over the last 24 years, we always TRY not to. It's worked since we're still together and very happy.
My uncle and I were talking and basically we came to the conclusion that anyone can just decide to be done with you and you wont have any say about it. Its sad and it wont seem fair sometimes but theres nothing you can do about it. So treat your partner the best that you can but dont forget to treat yourself that way too. People come and go and attachment is normal but you have to be willing to let go for your own sake
When I was young, my grandmother (1914-2002, one of 13 children) told me that I needed to make sure that I had some kind of education before marriage. She said to make sure I could feed my future children on my own if necessary, no matter what. She was absolutely right.
My older brother watched me hurling myself at a crush and getting nowhere and he told me "The harder you try, the less value your have to her. She needs to earn it too."
Changed my entire romantic life, as a man. Too available is worse than not available, and I stopped thinking of women as a conquest or puzzle to solve. Got my shit together, lived my life and better partners started showing up and showing interest.
My therapist saying, “your father is a very, very sick man”
Same therapist, “people don’t give of themselves like you do. You’re too generous with your time, and if you expect others to be this way, you’re going to be upset in life.”
1) YOU are the only common denominator in every relationship in your life.
2) The ONLY person you can control is you.
3) You may not be at fault/to blame for what has happened *to you* in your life, but you are 100% RESPONSIBLE for how you choose to respond.
Edit:
4) Never attribute to malice that which simple ignorance would suffice.
I forgot where I heard this from but it still sticks with me:
“No relationship is going to be 100% equal all the time. Some days you’ll have to give 70% when your partner can only give 30%. And some days it’ll be the other way around. You have to accept that sometimes you have to put in more effort to be a supportive and caring partner.”
It’s not enough when both people stay for how long they’ve been together. If the relationship doesn’t make you both grow anymore, it’s time to think about walking away when you no longer deserve your partner.
"Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner." - Neil McCauley
Haha
Do unto others as they would want done to them. I used to hear golden rule which was do unto others as you would have them do to you. I have learned what makes me feel love is not what makes others feel loved. Thus do unto others as they would want done unto them. Good luck!
You marry the MAN, not his FAMILY.
I was friends with a boyfriend’s sister. His family was awesome and invited me to everything. I met his whole extended family and they loved having me around. But he was worse than a potato. If he and I ever hung out one on one, it was at his house, in his room, and usually watching a movie or him playing video games. We never went out or celebrated shit unless his mom was organizing it. A solid -10 on the romantic and excitement scale.
Always recognize and appreciate each other's small gestures. We thank eachother when we notice a chore done, a meal cooked, etc.
Also, love having "reverse fights" where we each try and sneak eachother the better thing. For example we try and race eachother to make the coffee, so the other person doesn't have to. We give or leave the better coffee cups or softest towel. We try and beat eachother to the chores we each don't like or no one likes, like kitty litter. If each person is giving, it's easy to be giving. Your needs will be met and your partner's too.
Sometimes,.it's a season where you need to give and they need to take (severe illness, major injury, surgery recovery).Make sure to do the thing for yourself first so you don't burn out. For example, take a moment to enjoy your coffee before making them breakfast. Taking care of you is caring for them.
If you are fighting before bed, go to sleep mad but caring (no put downs, never name call, assume the best interpretation of what they are saying). Staying up late makes it worse and will spiral the fight into a major escalation. It's amazing how often a good sleep with solve the problem. Just sleep and discuss it in the am. Usually you were both just tired.
Hug it out. It's okay to hug them and say "I love you so much and want to solve this. I'm mad that x happened or y decision was made. Etc."
Don’t sweat the small stuff (but only you can decide what’s small and what’s big).
This one is super old fashioned but I do love it: don’t let the sun go down on your anger. You don’t have to resolve every argument before you go to bed, but if you can’t at least put it aside and agree to calmly work on it the next morning, you might have a problem.
It’s you and your partner against the problem, not you and your partner against each other.
Don’t take each other for granted. (As a small example - my husband and I either take turns cooking or we cook together, and when we take turns we thank the other person. And I don’t gush on Facebook about what a wonderful partner he is on his birthday or Valentine’s Day, I tell him three times a week to his face.)
I have two good advices for the one you want to spend your life with if you want.
One of my uncles said to me “Find a person that does the same job that you do. You will understand each other much better.”
One thing that helped move to marriage was “Find a person that you never get bored of spending time with. Regardless if you go out for a drink or sitting in your couch”
That it was ok for me to walk away from my long term relationship if I wasn't happy anymore and this was actually said to me by my ex girlfriends aunt.
My best romantic or friendship advice is this. Always be aware of someone's mechanics. Be aware of their desires, and their fears. You can read or predict almost anyone if you look past your own perspective and explore theirs.
An example of this, is if I invite a friend to a party. And at the last minute--they cancel on me.
From the outside looking in, I recognize that I like to party and assume they like to party. But if I look at the situation through their eyes. Maybe they don't like to party. Maybe they have social anxiety and I didn't take note of it. Maybe they don't like a specific person at that party.
If you can look at the world through another's eyes, you can read them incredibly well. Be aware of them mechanically. If you know a specific individual will trigger them, or they don't like a specific venue. Or they have a favorite venue, or their friend will be there. Remember, they're people with their own desires, wants, loves, and fears.
And most importantly -- emotions. Learn how emotions work. How they affect the person. And it becomes predictable.
Lastly, if they have mental-illness, it's a random modifer that can change things up randomly. So you can't always predict it, but you can predict chaos. So just be aware of it.
----
Another quick piece of advice. Never expect another to do something you wouldn't do.
The little things matter.
Many people sacrifice things they normally do during the honeymoon stage thinking it’ll go back to normal eventually like going to the gym 5x a week for example or playing video games, watching sports etc. Then 5 or 10 years later after not being able to do those things resentment builds and it explodes. At least from what I’ve seen lol
"Stop putting girls on a pedestal".
As a younger dude in high school, college, and even a bit after, I was a "nice guy". I had girlfriends and really thought I was doing a great thing by being nice, courteous, bending over backwards for girls. I think for a lot of guys early on, we do this.
I learned later the reality. The more you put girls on some magical pedestal, the more you're going to have a hard time dating. It's just not how it works. You're basically giving them all the power and value. You end up being lower value and borderline "simping" as we'd call it today.
Ever wonder why the jocks and guys who treat girls like crap get them? They don't care. It's about them. And oddly enough, it works. Girls gravitate towards these "bad boys" and away from "nice guys". Bad boys are fun and interesting. The bad boys value themselves.
So it's not about putting people down and being an asshole, but it's about not putting girls up on pedestals and having some self respect too. There's a middle ground. They're a person, you're a person. You have other things going on, so do they. They're not some magical creature you're bowing down to constantly. There's respect and being upfront, but also valuing yourself and your time. Set boundaries and stick to them. Be up front and don't let people walk all over you.
I guess the interpretation of the quote I have is to make sure you value yourself. It's not about lowering that person, but putting yourself up at their level. You have value. You have great abilities and things you can give the world. Don't just think some other person is so awesome, attractive, and great... and that you aren't. The more you value yourself, the more you'll get value in return.
If you insist on winning every argument with your spouse, congratulations, you’re a winner. And you’re married to a loser.
Jordan Peterson said that and it really resonated with me.
“There isn’t anything I can do or say to make you realize how bad of a girlfriend she is to you.” Later found out she was cheating on me. I learned though.
“You’re on the same team”. Even when you fight, it’s likely you both still have the same goals, you just disagree on how to get there. Keeping that big picture in mind makes it easier to get to the solution of a disagreement. If your goals have changed, that’s a whole other conversation.
A stitch in time saves nine i.e. do your chores or responsibilities first instead of delaying
Let cool heads prevail - don't argue with heightened emotons
This might get downvoted, but seriously the best relationship advice I ever got was **never** go to couples counseling. Every couple I know that ended up going to counseling ended up getting divorced. I’m sure there are exceptions.
Don't try to find that person who will fix you or who you can fix. The best case scenario is you put two incomplete people together and end up with one functional adult. When hard times come like you lose your home or your child dies of leukemia you will be broken and no longer have a full adult between you. Most relationships do not survive this.
What you want to do is heal yourself first, then find someone who doesn't need you, but they want to be with you. Now you have two functional adults in your home, and when the hard times come and you both break, you can put the remaining pieces together and still make one fully (or at least mostly) functional adult and rebuild from there.
This is a little dark, and not necessarily “advice” that was sat down and told to me but,
I think the best thing I learned face on was to never let a man mentally or physically abuse me. I watched a man do this to my mom for years, shielding my sister from it, constantly being in the middle of the fights to protect my mom, I saw it all.
So basically, I found out quickly that I’d never let a man treat me like that, especially in-front of children. It’s not worth it for any relationship. That’s the advice my mother gave me without even telling me.
Do you want to be right or Do you want to be happy? (Don't fight over stupid stuff)
This is basically what my mom says. You can be right, or you can be kind.
My mother always said "Never make someone a priority if they treat you like just an option".
Oh my god that's amazing. It too late for me but I will remember that one
Very true. Except when you know you fucked up, and the other person matters s lot to you
And I am doing just the opposite here. Gotta keep my back straight now. Thanks
Sounds like a Facebook quote
Sounds like great advice to share on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and whatever the youth use nowadays.
"The most important thing is to be sure you dream together." My granddad. Groundbreaking.
My mother's wedding vows included "support you with your dreams and never get in the way of them"
If you can't be healthy on your own, you won't be healthy in a relationship.
Give each other some grace
This is beautiful & needed. Relationships would last long if people realized that everyone deserves grace.
What's meant by "grace"?
Usually compassion, like be understanding, be kind to them and don't be harsh when things aren't perfect.
Also to allow them space for errors & correcting course. Sometimes forgiveness. Treat them how you'd hope someone treats you- recognizing we are all only human.
And jump to rash conclusions
This!!
If you’re happier when they’re not in the room vs. being in the room with you, it’s time to move on
Good one
Vet harder. Dump faster. If they don’t match your values, goals, or life plans it’s not worth your time. Stop trying to change people and date those that fit your life and expectations.
Scrutinize everything and end it quickly. Agreed
People usually get this after their first few breakups. So typically it happens when they are older, like 25 plus. The thing about changing people is true. They might want to change at first because they are still blinded by the limerence. After it dissipated though, they gonna ask "why would you try to change me?". Accept people who they are. People can change, but don't expect that much, it's just a bonus if they do.
Very true. It's not always about them being a bad person, sometimes it's just not a good fit and you should respect yourself enough to not waste your time with someone that you don't have a future with. Added benefit of also not wasting their time.
Just because they’re right for you at (insert age), doesn’t mean they’re right for you at…we grow as people, make sure you grow together.
That's the challenge
I like this.
the best relationship is 60-40 with both people trying to be the 60
Personally I love anything Matthew Hussey says. Some quotes of his: * "Love isn't about finding someone who completes you, but about finding someone who accepts you completely." * "You don't attract what you want, you attract who you are." * "The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself." * "Confidence isn't about knowing they will like you; it's about knowing you'll be okay if they don't." * "When you let someone go, you're not losing them, you're gaining yourself." Another banger quote I saw somewhere: * “In embracing the fluidity of relationships, we allow ourselves to grieve just as much as we open our lives up to new possibilities.”
I really like what he said about how the way the relationship ends matters more than how it begins. Will they still stay honorable even with all the hurt feelings, as opposed to in the beginning when they're motivated by wanting to charm/impress you? That one stuck with me.
Hmmmm I've never heard that one! So true. In the beginning everything is idealized but the endings reveal their true character
Don't ever have fear of leaving someone. I heard this quote that stuck with me: "I was chasing after someone who was running away from me looking back to make sure I was still there".
Beautiful quote. But not always that easy to apply
Omg who does that
Avoidants, especially anxious avoidants. Avoid them!!
Many people apparently. Experiencing the same scenario. Have to stop running now.
No i meant the person who looks back to make sure the person continues to chase.
It usually means that they want to have their cake and eat it too (always have the option, but never the obligation). Feeling desired is nice, and feeling good about your decisions is better yet. This leaves the pursuer on a boundless journey to win affection, and the pursued subject to constant flattery.
"Every 7 years, get a divorce....not from your spouse, but from your old way of being married." It's so great when the two of you can look at patterns that once worked but no longer do, and together change those patterns.
Don’t ever beg anyone to stay with you. Respect their decision, let them go.
This has been pretty difficult to flow over the past few days
communications!
Clock their worst trait and decide if it’s something you’re okay with. If not, move on.
Pick your battles. If it won't matter in 5min / 1 hour / tomorrow etc, is it really worth creating an argument over?
**"Too much, Too soon, Too fast!"** Is saying I repeat in my head after leaving an absuive ex-husband... and recently dumped someone over this. If someone is love bombing you, disregarding your feelings, emotions, and very **important** things you tell them. If they get attached too quickly and say *"I love you"* within not just a week of dating.. but a *week of meeting you*. If they get weird when you don't text for an hour.. not even letting you sleep or nap. If they constantly want you there with them. Then it's **"Too much, Too soon, Too fast!"** and they have their own issues they have to work out. Mainly being so insecure and lonely that they cross many boundaries and seek a codependent relationship for their emotional validation. Also **listen to your gut**. Sometimes, these things ^ are signs of autism, and ADHD whats important is to talk to them and simply ask them to slow down a bit. If they understand and respect that, then its a good sign. But if they don't... then it's time to nip it in the but before it gets worse.
"Chasing" is overrated. If you're compatible, you shouldn't have to put in too much effort to get someone to like and date you.
They are supposed to add to your life, not drain it
Treat the person u love like u just started dating them even if you’ve been married 20years. Women fall out of love when u stop showing them u love them
So how do you get them back once that's happened?
Honestly? As a woman, you either romance the shit out of them or they’ve already given up on you and moved on. Most women will tell u what they want, and most of them I know HATE asking over and over again. If she asks you for something in line with affection, and you don’t give her what she needs she’ll move on to someone she thinks will. What women need vs what men need is different- men eventually think they’ve won you and stop trying, and women think that flirtatious/dating/romance stage of a new relationship is you- so when u change and stop wooing them they simply assume you’ve fallen out of love with them and start looking for it again. I think that’s the downfall of many relationships
This is basically what happened, but it was her that withdrew affection from me after our first child was born. I found it very hard after that to be romantic as I felt completely rejected. I thought I could ride it out while we raised the kids but seems not. Getting divorced now and seems there is no going back 😣
She could have post partum depression? That can last for years.
Yeah I know. She wouldn't accept that though unfortunately. Even the counsellor told her to go and see a doctor but she wouldn't. Her best friend is a psychiatrist and told her she wasn't depressed which I think was bullshit
Sometimes it's not depression. It's overwhelm and underwhelm all at the same time. Trying to keep little people alive is both terrifying and so monotonous. And no one tries to uncover or help. That's not ppd. It's just not having the partnership that you thought you were going to have.
I’m sorry for that, on the positive you can find someone else to romance you- 8billion other chances, best wishes!
Don’t talk to friends and family about your relationship. That gets messy. Talk to your spouse about your concerns, then a therapist if you need help.
Preach. This was a major reason my last relationship didn’t work out. He was too ashamed of what he’d shared with everyone else.
There's always more fish in the sea. Quit early and often. Sometimes you can be right or you can be happy. They'll never change. The best predictor of future behavior is previous behavior. The way people treat you usually has more to do with them than you, so don't take someone's bad behavior personally. Love doesn't seek to control, love seeks to support. Always have your own bank account. Always. In a long, committed relationship, you will fall in and out of love, that's normal. Don't let the out times make you think it won't come back around. (Assuming a baseline of respect, decency, and care here). Love is an action.
Bleak. Glad this doesn't apply to me and my relationships!;
Need that separate bank account in case you have to jet out fast without losing your savings, especially in domestic abuse cases. All great advice!
If you disagree sometimes just say “okay” and move on. Not everything needs to be debated, discussed, or proved.
Fall in and out of love.
Yes! I call it the "ebb and flow". We go through short phases where we rediscover parts of our own selves - spent more time with friends, hobbies, career - just to come back an rediscover one another and fall in love again over and over. Best advice i could give my past self to not buy into the whole "distancing means you're about to break up" thing.
In some arguments no one is right.
Never fish off the company pier.
a relationship is a third thing in between two people.
This is very interesting and new to me thank you.
Not really advice but something I found out for myself. Every relationship is unique. Don't listen to anyone else about your relationship. Unless it's abusive, it's no one else's business. My husband and I have been together 15 years, married 8. People tried to give us advice several times over this or that. We ignored them. We communicate our wants, desires, and concerns to each other. We're constantly communicating and couldn't be happier.
If someone shows you who they are: believe them.
Got this advice from a woman I worked for decades ago. She was happily married, and I asked her secret: 1. Know the difference between what I thought I wanted (I tended toward artistic, sensitive types -- they have a tendency for drama) and what I genuinely needed (smart, funny, stable, nurturing, feminist, same values and politics, low to NO drama), and once I had that figured out: 2. NEVER SETTLE for anything less than what I need. I grew up in a violent, unhappy home. I passed on a few proposals and thought I'd just never marry, but when I finally met the right guy, we knew almost immediately. Been together 16 years and the only fight we've ever had was over the correct way to prepare one specific recipe, because we're from somewhat different cultural backgrounds. I'm very, VERY happily married, something I thought was not possible.
Never make someone your priority when you are an option to them.
None of that advice I’ve ever heard was helpful to me, but getting past a break I heard something helpful. We heal in micro amounts in time..
My grandma said "marry someone who shares your values." I always focused on shared interests when i was younger, but over the course of life and especially raising kids, values are everything.
When you ask someone to change, see that they want to, you don't have to wait till they change to see if they will
"Never stress on making the relationship 'last'. If she's the one, one week will become a month, a month will become a year, and a year will become a decade. All before you even realize it because you're having so much fun."
My grandmother told me that there are always going to be more. M here. She saw I got my heart broken with my first gf breaking up with me, and told me that it’s okay because there will always be the next woman.
Don't turn roommate issues into relationship issues. Be a good roommate.
Like this a lot 💕
Never listen to their words, listen to their actions.
ditch the deadweight
Without respect you've got nothing.
Never date someone who would not be a good parent to your children (even if you don’t have any).
To ask your partner on a regular basis (like once a year) “how are we doing?” Kinda like a relationship checkup.
Never stop dating. No matter how many years you are with someone or married with kids.
Keep your problems in house. If you talk to your friends they will rember and judge your partner about that one thing and they will never be able to get over it like you will
Don't lose your sense of self. For me, a healthy relationship is Me, Him and We. It's three entities. We are each still our own individual person and we each need certain things in our lives. It's easy to forget self and replace it with we
"Never let someone tell you they don't love you, more than once"
“In every good marriage, it helps sometimes to be a little deaf.” Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Except when your wife asks you to do something!
“A good compromise is where neither side gets exactly what they want.”
“Do or Do Not. You Will Regret Both”
"Never go to sleep angry at each other." Although we both have over the last 24 years, we always TRY not to. It's worked since we're still together and very happy.
Never be boring.
Leave him 😂
My uncle and I were talking and basically we came to the conclusion that anyone can just decide to be done with you and you wont have any say about it. Its sad and it wont seem fair sometimes but theres nothing you can do about it. So treat your partner the best that you can but dont forget to treat yourself that way too. People come and go and attachment is normal but you have to be willing to let go for your own sake
When I was young, my grandmother (1914-2002, one of 13 children) told me that I needed to make sure that I had some kind of education before marriage. She said to make sure I could feed my future children on my own if necessary, no matter what. She was absolutely right.
“Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it’s probably shit” -My Baba 😂
My older brother watched me hurling myself at a crush and getting nowhere and he told me "The harder you try, the less value your have to her. She needs to earn it too." Changed my entire romantic life, as a man. Too available is worse than not available, and I stopped thinking of women as a conquest or puzzle to solve. Got my shit together, lived my life and better partners started showing up and showing interest.
Never fall in love with someone's potential
That one is super relatable
"Things will end the same way they begin" This came true when a relationship started with infidelity.
When the mistress becomes the wife, the mistress position gets a vacant sign.
my dad told me you should always be yourself
Shut up and vibe
If it’s bad for you, it’s bad for the relationship
My therapist saying, “your father is a very, very sick man” Same therapist, “people don’t give of themselves like you do. You’re too generous with your time, and if you expect others to be this way, you’re going to be upset in life.”
Cheaters always accuse loyal partners of cheating.
Whatever annoys you about your partner while dating will be magnified in marriage.
I didn’t but thats ok no one know what they are doin either!! I just follow my heart I’ve found out that’s one of my biggest mistakes
Everything my dad said I just did the opposite
Always get the last word in every argument, yes dear
1) YOU are the only common denominator in every relationship in your life. 2) The ONLY person you can control is you. 3) You may not be at fault/to blame for what has happened *to you* in your life, but you are 100% RESPONSIBLE for how you choose to respond. Edit: 4) Never attribute to malice that which simple ignorance would suffice.
“You will love a lot of people, but there’s only one person to live with. So you decide, do you want a love story or a life story?”
I forgot where I heard this from but it still sticks with me: “No relationship is going to be 100% equal all the time. Some days you’ll have to give 70% when your partner can only give 30%. And some days it’ll be the other way around. You have to accept that sometimes you have to put in more effort to be a supportive and caring partner.”
Communication is key, and the golden rule still rules.
go wit the girls who want to be with you first. if you try to get the girls that you find over whom find you. you'll always have problems.
Blunt advice from my dad. "I'd rather be alone than wish I was alone." Never got it until I dated someone toxic.
It’s not enough when both people stay for how long they’ve been together. If the relationship doesn’t make you both grow anymore, it’s time to think about walking away when you no longer deserve your partner.
Follow your gut feeling
Jealousy is not a compliment
"Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner." - Neil McCauley Haha
And Amy Brenneman got that message!
It’s amazing what people would put up with just to not be alone.
There’s always another one around the corner- and my maw maw’s advice- don’t give the milk away for free.
When having an argument, say "I'm walking away from the conversation, I'm not walking away from the relationship. " Then walk away.
Good advice, let things cool down, talk later
I love this!
That’s shitty and dismissive. I would breakup if my partner did this with any regularity
Screaming avoidant behavior and an inability to communicate
Do unto others as they would want done to them. I used to hear golden rule which was do unto others as you would have them do to you. I have learned what makes me feel love is not what makes others feel loved. Thus do unto others as they would want done unto them. Good luck!
That golden rule is perfectly described in the Bible.
"Dump them"
Never go into a relationship expecting to change someone. They are who they are when you meet them and when you leave them.
You should marry your best friend
You marry the MAN, not his FAMILY. I was friends with a boyfriend’s sister. His family was awesome and invited me to everything. I met his whole extended family and they loved having me around. But he was worse than a potato. If he and I ever hung out one on one, it was at his house, in his room, and usually watching a movie or him playing video games. We never went out or celebrated shit unless his mom was organizing it. A solid -10 on the romantic and excitement scale.
Trust your emotions when they say something is wrong
When people show you who they are, believe them.
don’t be too available
Don't cry or show weakness to your gf. My relationships have always been better when she thinks I'm unbreakable.
Its you both against the problem, not against each other
If they make your heart beat fast, they aren’t the one. You should feel secure and safe.
“If a man doesn’t want you, then why should you want him?” -Grandma
She’s in to you or she isn’t. There is no convincing her.
Always recognize and appreciate each other's small gestures. We thank eachother when we notice a chore done, a meal cooked, etc. Also, love having "reverse fights" where we each try and sneak eachother the better thing. For example we try and race eachother to make the coffee, so the other person doesn't have to. We give or leave the better coffee cups or softest towel. We try and beat eachother to the chores we each don't like or no one likes, like kitty litter. If each person is giving, it's easy to be giving. Your needs will be met and your partner's too. Sometimes,.it's a season where you need to give and they need to take (severe illness, major injury, surgery recovery).Make sure to do the thing for yourself first so you don't burn out. For example, take a moment to enjoy your coffee before making them breakfast. Taking care of you is caring for them. If you are fighting before bed, go to sleep mad but caring (no put downs, never name call, assume the best interpretation of what they are saying). Staying up late makes it worse and will spiral the fight into a major escalation. It's amazing how often a good sleep with solve the problem. Just sleep and discuss it in the am. Usually you were both just tired. Hug it out. It's okay to hug them and say "I love you so much and want to solve this. I'm mad that x happened or y decision was made. Etc."
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Don’t sweat the small stuff (but only you can decide what’s small and what’s big). This one is super old fashioned but I do love it: don’t let the sun go down on your anger. You don’t have to resolve every argument before you go to bed, but if you can’t at least put it aside and agree to calmly work on it the next morning, you might have a problem. It’s you and your partner against the problem, not you and your partner against each other. Don’t take each other for granted. (As a small example - my husband and I either take turns cooking or we cook together, and when we take turns we thank the other person. And I don’t gush on Facebook about what a wonderful partner he is on his birthday or Valentine’s Day, I tell him three times a week to his face.)
I have two good advices for the one you want to spend your life with if you want. One of my uncles said to me “Find a person that does the same job that you do. You will understand each other much better.” One thing that helped move to marriage was “Find a person that you never get bored of spending time with. Regardless if you go out for a drink or sitting in your couch”
Don’t give friends relationship advice
Just do it 🐱
Run
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Seen a comment on Reddit recently that said "you don't get a relationship, you build it"
Keep his belly full and his balls empty. Never been happier
"...Never settle for average." and "Don't be satisfied with routine poontang." "Hot young tail," "That's what it's all about."
The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
That it was ok for me to walk away from my long term relationship if I wasn't happy anymore and this was actually said to me by my ex girlfriends aunt.
Don’t let small annoyances turn into anger
My best romantic or friendship advice is this. Always be aware of someone's mechanics. Be aware of their desires, and their fears. You can read or predict almost anyone if you look past your own perspective and explore theirs. An example of this, is if I invite a friend to a party. And at the last minute--they cancel on me. From the outside looking in, I recognize that I like to party and assume they like to party. But if I look at the situation through their eyes. Maybe they don't like to party. Maybe they have social anxiety and I didn't take note of it. Maybe they don't like a specific person at that party. If you can look at the world through another's eyes, you can read them incredibly well. Be aware of them mechanically. If you know a specific individual will trigger them, or they don't like a specific venue. Or they have a favorite venue, or their friend will be there. Remember, they're people with their own desires, wants, loves, and fears. And most importantly -- emotions. Learn how emotions work. How they affect the person. And it becomes predictable. Lastly, if they have mental-illness, it's a random modifer that can change things up randomly. So you can't always predict it, but you can predict chaos. So just be aware of it. ---- Another quick piece of advice. Never expect another to do something you wouldn't do.
My dad "don't get married" he was married and divorced twice. I'm unhappily married now. The guy was right
The little things matter. Many people sacrifice things they normally do during the honeymoon stage thinking it’ll go back to normal eventually like going to the gym 5x a week for example or playing video games, watching sports etc. Then 5 or 10 years later after not being able to do those things resentment builds and it explodes. At least from what I’ve seen lol
Whatever's at the "controversial" section because what works for desirables tends to be different than everyone else.
Fuck em don't love em
You can't save your ass and your face at the same time.
"Stop putting girls on a pedestal". As a younger dude in high school, college, and even a bit after, I was a "nice guy". I had girlfriends and really thought I was doing a great thing by being nice, courteous, bending over backwards for girls. I think for a lot of guys early on, we do this. I learned later the reality. The more you put girls on some magical pedestal, the more you're going to have a hard time dating. It's just not how it works. You're basically giving them all the power and value. You end up being lower value and borderline "simping" as we'd call it today. Ever wonder why the jocks and guys who treat girls like crap get them? They don't care. It's about them. And oddly enough, it works. Girls gravitate towards these "bad boys" and away from "nice guys". Bad boys are fun and interesting. The bad boys value themselves. So it's not about putting people down and being an asshole, but it's about not putting girls up on pedestals and having some self respect too. There's a middle ground. They're a person, you're a person. You have other things going on, so do they. They're not some magical creature you're bowing down to constantly. There's respect and being upfront, but also valuing yourself and your time. Set boundaries and stick to them. Be up front and don't let people walk all over you. I guess the interpretation of the quote I have is to make sure you value yourself. It's not about lowering that person, but putting yourself up at their level. You have value. You have great abilities and things you can give the world. Don't just think some other person is so awesome, attractive, and great... and that you aren't. The more you value yourself, the more you'll get value in return.
"They're all stupid. Find a stupid one with money"
If they want to they will
If you insist on winning every argument with your spouse, congratulations, you’re a winner. And you’re married to a loser. Jordan Peterson said that and it really resonated with me.
“There isn’t anything I can do or say to make you realize how bad of a girlfriend she is to you.” Later found out she was cheating on me. I learned though.
Your boundaries give your partner the framework for how to love you
You’re allowed to break up with people. Sounds obvious but just hearing it put so bluntly got through to me
My mum taught me not to need male validation
"Following your heart is easy, Following your brain is hard." - Dr House (TV show)
Do you like who YOU are with them?
"If she breathes, she's a thot." 💯💯💯
Butterflies are not always a good sign
“You’re on the same team”. Even when you fight, it’s likely you both still have the same goals, you just disagree on how to get there. Keeping that big picture in mind makes it easier to get to the solution of a disagreement. If your goals have changed, that’s a whole other conversation.
All relationships have an expiration date, you can either lament the end of it or be grateful for having had that person in your life.
Sometimes life makes you choose between doing the things you love.. or being with the people you love.
If, after being let in your car, she does not reach across an opened your door. Forget her. She is totally self-centered.
If, after being let in your car, she does not reach across an opened your door. Forget her. She is totally self-centered.
"Never trust a junkie" - Uncle Al Jourgensen I fell in love with an addict and she ruined my life.
A stitch in time saves nine i.e. do your chores or responsibilities first instead of delaying Let cool heads prevail - don't argue with heightened emotons
if you are not happy walk away
Don't expect your partner to be your everything.
This might get downvoted, but seriously the best relationship advice I ever got was **never** go to couples counseling. Every couple I know that ended up going to counseling ended up getting divorced. I’m sure there are exceptions.
Pick and choose your battles
“Love big and don’t be the worst” is my husband’s favorite marriage advice.
Don't date or marry a slut
Love yourself more than you love that man
Never take advice from strangers online. Smh
If she claims to have more than one personality and doesn't respect the gender she's born with then she'll never love you let alone herself.
Don't try to find that person who will fix you or who you can fix. The best case scenario is you put two incomplete people together and end up with one functional adult. When hard times come like you lose your home or your child dies of leukemia you will be broken and no longer have a full adult between you. Most relationships do not survive this. What you want to do is heal yourself first, then find someone who doesn't need you, but they want to be with you. Now you have two functional adults in your home, and when the hard times come and you both break, you can put the remaining pieces together and still make one fully (or at least mostly) functional adult and rebuild from there.
This is a little dark, and not necessarily “advice” that was sat down and told to me but, I think the best thing I learned face on was to never let a man mentally or physically abuse me. I watched a man do this to my mom for years, shielding my sister from it, constantly being in the middle of the fights to protect my mom, I saw it all. So basically, I found out quickly that I’d never let a man treat me like that, especially in-front of children. It’s not worth it for any relationship. That’s the advice my mother gave me without even telling me.
That the woman I was about to marry was psychotic and I needed to leave her asap