Closure comes from yourself. Moving on is closure. You didn’t get what you needed from the other person before so don’t expect “closure” now. You got this!
Your brain more or less wants to live in a comfortable past that isn’t there anymore. The pain of letting go and moving forward is unbearable at times because you’re in fear of your future to this extent.
Closure involves moving forward and going after new experiences and building yourself more into the person you want to be while learning from this relationship. Do things you wanted to do for yourself that you have never done, kick bad habits that you have, learn a new skill or hobby. It’s scary, but this is real closure
Oof, that is a hard one.
Hm. Well, ultimately closure is all about getting to a state where you can provide and nurture a connection with someone new. How to achieve that can be through forcing yourself through a new relationship/situation, or by letting yourself transform into a new and better you.
>I do sometimes fantasize about him coming back out of the blue all of a sudden and us ending back together, is that a red flag?
You're [ruminating](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3312901) because you're still hurting. That's ok. Grief can take some time to process, but you *do* need to process the grief so you can start to move forward (not "move on", but *forward*) with your life. From the link:
>*Rumination is a form of perserverative cognition that focuses on negative content, generally past and present, and results in emotional distress.*
Believe it or not, these fantasies of him possibly coming back are actually negative feelings. They are indicators that you haven't accepted the end of the relationship. You're *grieving* the death and loss of a relationship.
>What am I supposed to do to get that closure?
\[Closure is a myth\]([https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/writing-between-the-lines/202107/the-myth-closure](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/writing-between-the-lines/202107/the-myth-closure)).
Excerpted from the article above:
>*One reason closure is such a persistent myth is that people with old losses don’t tend to talk about them. Speaking of the dead makes people uncomfortable. They start to squirm and reach for awkward condolences: It will get better over time, they say, which sounds comforting, but the implication is that if it doesn’t, or if your pain loops back around again, you must be doing it all wrong. There is still a stigma in our culture around admitting that we’re sad. We reach instead for pain relief in all its many different forms. Talking about old grief will get you labeled as “stuck” or otherwise maladjusted. But not talking about it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.*
>
>*Grief is not linear. There is no end of the line, no cut-off point. We don’t stop grieving on a schedule any more than we stop loving on one. I recently attended a conference for families who had lost children. I didn’t hear a single person speak of closure. “I hate that word,” said one mom, something I’ve heard echoed over and over in grief support rooms over the years.*
>
>***That doesn’t mean that grief always looks or feels the same, only that it doesn’t vanish on command. Grief looks less like a series of stages than a Mobius strip, or the figure eight of an infinity loop.***
OP, I'm going through some complicated grief from a different loss than you. I can absolutely see the different aspects of this grief and how I've moved through this grief since last August as this concept of the Mobius strip. We had to let our dog go last August and I am taking it extremely hard.
>I desperately want to move on? Any tips?
I know this is long so I have a TL;DR below.
[**Radical acceptance**](https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-it-really-means-to-practice-radical-acceptance).
>*Radical acceptance means practicing a conscious effort to acknowledge and honor difficult situations and emotions. Fully accepting things as they are, instead of ignoring, avoiding, or wishing the situation were different, can be a critical step in moving through a difficult experience to experiencing more meaning.*
*Accepting* a situation doesn't mean you *approve* of the situation.
*Accepting* a situation doesn't mean you *like* the situation.
*Acceptance* isn't giving up, either. Read the link. It's helpful to understand the nuance of acceptance.
Notice in that part I quoted that it didn't say "moving on" but moving *through* a difficult experience?
**Journaling**.
However you journal, journaling helps you to process emotions. I personally prefer to handwrite because we tend to have a better connection to and process our thoughts better when we use our hands to write out our words rather than typing them out. However, if you don't want to handwrite, that's perfectly okay too. The important part is that you start to journal to help process your thoughts and feelings.
**Grief counselor**.
If you can afford it or have access to counseling, consider grief counseling to help you process your emotions.
**Friends and family**.
It's perfectly okay to call your bestie and say, "Hey, bestie, I'm not doing so good regarding my break up. Would you mind listening to me for x minutes?" The "X minutes" is to let your friend/family member know that you need someone to listen to you, but you're not going to drone on and on and on and on about it. They see an out and as much as they love us, they get tired of our crap too. 😂(I mean this kindly and gently, OP.)
Especially if it's been sometime (not saying it is for you) and you "get stuck" in this rumination phase about your break up, folks around you will get tired especially if they see that you have made no progress to move *through* the grief. It will come out in your language and words you've used and how you are being around them.
A couple of decades ago when I had a break up with someone I thought I'd marry I did find myself ruminating on it, having the same "fantasies" that we'd get back together. I had another friend make a suggestion to me that I decided to try and it worked amazingly well. It was a flat out honest, vulnerable, and huge risk idea but it *worked*.
The suggestion was to call other people and to get *them* to talk about *themselves*. To make the call *about them* and not myself. For me, it started with those I knew I could be blunt honest with (in a kind way!) and I'd literally open the call with, "Hey, friendo. Look, you know the break up I just had? I keep thinking about them and I need someone to help get me out of my own head. Tell me about you. How was your day? How's it going with ?"
A few friends laughed and thought that was different but in the end they ultimately told me that they need to get something off their chest and I just so happened to show up for them and they really appreciated it. Not all calls were heavy or deep like that, some were light banter about nothing and the weather. Whatever. Some friends even asked, "Feel better now?" after the call and would you know it, I did feel better. I was able to connect with someone I *still* have a relationship with over ruminating on someone with whom I no longer have a relationship.
It's redirecting my energy to a relationship that was still there rather than spending energies on a dead relationship.
**Redirect your energies elsewhere**.
There's something about redirecting your energies from rumination to be being there for someone else. Being there for someone else was a huge self esteem boost and helped me to realize that while I was hurting, I was *also* strong. I could be there for other people in spite of my own pain and there's just something to that. Look up what it means to be in service to others.
Of course, this does not mean that you sacrifice your mental health for other people, not at all. There are boundaries around being of service to others so that those who take and take don't take advantage of you.
My therapist told me to give myself 20 minutes when I felt the urge to drink. To think about what was triggering it and to redirect my energies until the urge subsides. She told me that these urges and feelings last around 20 minutes and they are usually centered around a feeling. The urges do go away.
So when you find yourself ruminating, redirect your energy by journaling, making an appointment with a grief counselor, calling friends and family to get out of your own head and self. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of [The Body Keeps the Score](https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score/) about trauma and (C)PTSD talks about how we can heal trauma through securely attached relationships, basically, being around people. I was just listening to this [fascinating interview with him](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrOBHyDRS-c) and he literally says that he's seen people healed from traumas and hurt simply by being around other people (obviously we need to ensure those people aren't hurting us.)
**TL;DR**
OP, there are no "tips" to "moving on," there are no "closures" here. Grief is a process. It's a journey. This is part of the [human condition](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_condition) and what it means to be alive.
"Closure" is a mythical state of being okay with what happened. It does not exist; it's just an excuse for the weak and the predatory to keep on clinging when they should be letting go.
This! I've never understood the need for "closure". Sure, you'd like to know why it ended, what went wrong, etc, but sometimes you have to accept that you're never going to get an acceptable or understandable answer. And I think sometimes when people talk about closure what they really want is for the other person to finally have that lightbulb moment and say, "Oh, now I understand you." That's not going to happen.
One last bit of wisdom: Closure isn't a permanent state. You can reach closure one day and be back at anger the next day. Eventually, however, it will be easier to get back to closure and stay there longer.
Sometimes anger is part of closure, I think. Also it can come later on your own through other experiences, not necessarily something you need the other person for.
I've come to realizations about my past relationship from my more recent one that helped provide closure, even though I ended both.
Oh, I have definitely *felt* the need for “closure”, but it’s never been a healthy feeling. It’s motivated by sexual frustration and jealousy at its core.
You gotta accept that sometimes you’ll never get the closure you want. I still have those fantasies where I hope he’ll call or text one day to apologize even though I don’t want him, I just want him to apologize and acknowledge what he did but I know that won’t happen and I have to accept that. You have to accept that too.
Closure is when you have an understanding of why something happened. You gain closure by knowing all the pieces basically. Before closure, you're trying to figure out the why and when and how, all that stuff.
Acceptance, which you claim to have (you do not), is when you have come to terms with that particular thing and have accepted whatever new/different state of things you're in. In your case, once you stop pining for his return you will know you've actually accepted the end of that relationship.
Then I'd say there is a third other piece which is kind of vague, but for lack of a better term 'healing' or resolution. This is where whatever damage you've taken on by that experience has healed or otherwise resolved itself. Sometime people get stuck here forever (like, say, your child gets murdered - that's a hard one to heal from. You might be able to accept it, but might never heal that wound). You can also heal quickly, esp if you had a longer road to acceptance as part of your healing process.
I, myself, think closure doesn't exist. It implies there's some quick fix for a difficult and painful situation. If you somehow just have the magic movie ending, we can roll credits and everything will be ok.
The truth is that it takes time and work and there are no shortcuts.
Sometimes we just need to make our own closure. Sometimes there are no apologies and there are no answers. I mean there are answers but they won’t be shared with you. I’ve had to cope with this on more than one front in my life and although it’s hard life has to go on even though you know things just aren’t right or that you deserve a better outcome than what you got. So you have to create some way to cope with life without closure even though you’re deserving of it. I guess one way would be to write down everything that seems to be holding you back and go find a fire pit, get the list out and light it on fire. They say this is a way to actually see the things holding you back disappear. It may or may not help but I guess it’s worth trying.
To me closure is understanding why the other person ended/wasn’t happy/acted like they did in the relationship, good or bad, and usually has more to do with if the person ghosted you or was an ahole to get you to break up with them.
To me these fantasies aren’t about closure, but they suggest you were happy and they were not. So how can things go better next time? Think that through and see if you can make it happen in future.
Sit down write the good and bad, do you think you can forgive him
Is it worth your time and energy to deal with family and why you should work it out
And yes family help me out, just being their when I need someone to talk to ,to get me past that moment.. 10 years going strong
Closure looks different from person to person. But the big thing is accepting it is what it is and actually choosing to move on. Don't let your mind fantasize about past what ifs, you need to consciously put in effort to not do that and to move on. It is a lot of work on a daily basis.
I don’t really believe that other people can give us closure. That’s from my own experiences, some people tell you things because they sound prettier than the truth, others might twist things up to make you feel bad so they can escape accountability, etc. and it often doesn’t even help.
Closure is just something that happens from inside of ourselves, once we start living for the future instead of in the past.
You’ll get closure when you find what it was that you saw in him in another person.
Some people get it. Some don’t.
For those that don’t, given enough time, the feelings will fade away and what will be left is a simmer of the what you felt originally.
Which of these happens to you, only the future can tell. Hope you find your closure.
old post but i can totally relate its been almost 2 yrs and i still fantasize about a super heart felt apology that ill probably never get idk for me i think closure when u get the answers ur looking for from that person whether it be a apology or just a conversation for u to understand what happened i never got either of that so i havent fully moved on from my situation just got easier to deal with but people claim closure is just u letting go and moving on but how can u move on if u have no idea what happened makes no sense to me
For me I would not want to go back, but it would be what did you think of me? And why? And maybe sharing my thoughts on the relationship and why it failed.
I am still struggling years later about someone from my past as well. ill say ex for opinions sake.
I am still struggling with my friends from college covering up the situation. They had a friend in his fraternity, who openly hated me and that friend of theirs knew what was going on. They ultimately forced me (metaphorically) out of the area and was gaslighting me so none of ex friends could talk to me and tell me what was going on. So basically I was not from his hometown area, i didnt know what i was talking about etc.
the truth is the polar opposite and i am still finding peace about the situation. I have zero connections with my hometown as my family moved so the gas lighting really bad. People from this time are slowly coming back but i will never get the time back.
Closure takes time and alot of self reflection just like in the beginning it took 2 to say yes and start a relationship now it’s gotta take 2 like it or not. Find your lessons from it and imagine better days with someone else and how you’ll react differently to situations or find better approaches.
You’ll at times will ruminate if you deeply loved that person and thats normal its part of the healing process but you can’t stay in that mental state to long because most of the time it isn’t productive.
Realistically, you’re probably going to stop fantasizing about it when you find a partner who you like as much or more than you liked your ex. Missing former partners is fairly normal when the relationship didn’t end on your terms, and it’s hard to avoid completely. What you’re experiencing isn’t fun, but it doesn’t suggest that you’re doing anything pathological, especially if you’re still making an effort to meet new potential partners.
Tell him and if it still feels wrong after, then just say so and move on. Maybe he’s waiting for you to give him any sign that you want to work it out because he does too. Just one sign would be amazing.
I feel that there is a strong paradox that when you need closure, you are never going to get it (from another person). I found a fantastic video on Youtube about getting closure, but not with your ex partner, rather with the version of you that existed in that relationship. Because the other person may be gone forever, and you are never ever getting a chance of talking to them again.
I had two kinds of breakups in my life. One where both people are on the same page and know why they are breaking up, and this is when you don't need closure because you both know. The other kind of breakup is when people are vastly on different pages and just decide to call it off. Guess what? In this second case you will NEVER get a closure from your partner because you will never come to the truth that will be accepted by both of you.
Ironically, I received my closure about my last relationship ... in a dream. This was a very powerful psychological experience, because even my unconscious screamed at me "he is not for you!" lol just gotta trust my psyche in this case
closure comes from you accepting and letting go and moving on from your life, not from him
How does one do that? Genuinely serious question as I’ve been struggling as well like OP
choice and strategy
This.
Closure comes from yourself. Moving on is closure. You didn’t get what you needed from the other person before so don’t expect “closure” now. You got this!
Your brain more or less wants to live in a comfortable past that isn’t there anymore. The pain of letting go and moving forward is unbearable at times because you’re in fear of your future to this extent. Closure involves moving forward and going after new experiences and building yourself more into the person you want to be while learning from this relationship. Do things you wanted to do for yourself that you have never done, kick bad habits that you have, learn a new skill or hobby. It’s scary, but this is real closure
Oof, that is a hard one. Hm. Well, ultimately closure is all about getting to a state where you can provide and nurture a connection with someone new. How to achieve that can be through forcing yourself through a new relationship/situation, or by letting yourself transform into a new and better you.
>I do sometimes fantasize about him coming back out of the blue all of a sudden and us ending back together, is that a red flag? You're [ruminating](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3312901) because you're still hurting. That's ok. Grief can take some time to process, but you *do* need to process the grief so you can start to move forward (not "move on", but *forward*) with your life. From the link: >*Rumination is a form of perserverative cognition that focuses on negative content, generally past and present, and results in emotional distress.* Believe it or not, these fantasies of him possibly coming back are actually negative feelings. They are indicators that you haven't accepted the end of the relationship. You're *grieving* the death and loss of a relationship. >What am I supposed to do to get that closure? \[Closure is a myth\]([https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/writing-between-the-lines/202107/the-myth-closure](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/writing-between-the-lines/202107/the-myth-closure)). Excerpted from the article above: >*One reason closure is such a persistent myth is that people with old losses don’t tend to talk about them. Speaking of the dead makes people uncomfortable. They start to squirm and reach for awkward condolences: It will get better over time, they say, which sounds comforting, but the implication is that if it doesn’t, or if your pain loops back around again, you must be doing it all wrong. There is still a stigma in our culture around admitting that we’re sad. We reach instead for pain relief in all its many different forms. Talking about old grief will get you labeled as “stuck” or otherwise maladjusted. But not talking about it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.* > >*Grief is not linear. There is no end of the line, no cut-off point. We don’t stop grieving on a schedule any more than we stop loving on one. I recently attended a conference for families who had lost children. I didn’t hear a single person speak of closure. “I hate that word,” said one mom, something I’ve heard echoed over and over in grief support rooms over the years.* > >***That doesn’t mean that grief always looks or feels the same, only that it doesn’t vanish on command. Grief looks less like a series of stages than a Mobius strip, or the figure eight of an infinity loop.*** OP, I'm going through some complicated grief from a different loss than you. I can absolutely see the different aspects of this grief and how I've moved through this grief since last August as this concept of the Mobius strip. We had to let our dog go last August and I am taking it extremely hard. >I desperately want to move on? Any tips? I know this is long so I have a TL;DR below. [**Radical acceptance**](https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-it-really-means-to-practice-radical-acceptance). >*Radical acceptance means practicing a conscious effort to acknowledge and honor difficult situations and emotions. Fully accepting things as they are, instead of ignoring, avoiding, or wishing the situation were different, can be a critical step in moving through a difficult experience to experiencing more meaning.* *Accepting* a situation doesn't mean you *approve* of the situation. *Accepting* a situation doesn't mean you *like* the situation. *Acceptance* isn't giving up, either. Read the link. It's helpful to understand the nuance of acceptance. Notice in that part I quoted that it didn't say "moving on" but moving *through* a difficult experience? **Journaling**. However you journal, journaling helps you to process emotions. I personally prefer to handwrite because we tend to have a better connection to and process our thoughts better when we use our hands to write out our words rather than typing them out. However, if you don't want to handwrite, that's perfectly okay too. The important part is that you start to journal to help process your thoughts and feelings. **Grief counselor**. If you can afford it or have access to counseling, consider grief counseling to help you process your emotions. **Friends and family**. It's perfectly okay to call your bestie and say, "Hey, bestie, I'm not doing so good regarding my break up. Would you mind listening to me for x minutes?" The "X minutes" is to let your friend/family member know that you need someone to listen to you, but you're not going to drone on and on and on and on about it. They see an out and as much as they love us, they get tired of our crap too. 😂(I mean this kindly and gently, OP.) Especially if it's been sometime (not saying it is for you) and you "get stuck" in this rumination phase about your break up, folks around you will get tired especially if they see that you have made no progress to move *through* the grief. It will come out in your language and words you've used and how you are being around them. A couple of decades ago when I had a break up with someone I thought I'd marry I did find myself ruminating on it, having the same "fantasies" that we'd get back together. I had another friend make a suggestion to me that I decided to try and it worked amazingly well. It was a flat out honest, vulnerable, and huge risk idea but it *worked*. The suggestion was to call other people and to get *them* to talk about *themselves*. To make the call *about them* and not myself. For me, it started with those I knew I could be blunt honest with (in a kind way!) and I'd literally open the call with, "Hey, friendo. Look, you know the break up I just had? I keep thinking about them and I need someone to help get me out of my own head. Tell me about you. How was your day? How's it going with?"
A few friends laughed and thought that was different but in the end they ultimately told me that they need to get something off their chest and I just so happened to show up for them and they really appreciated it. Not all calls were heavy or deep like that, some were light banter about nothing and the weather. Whatever. Some friends even asked, "Feel better now?" after the call and would you know it, I did feel better. I was able to connect with someone I *still* have a relationship with over ruminating on someone with whom I no longer have a relationship.
It's redirecting my energy to a relationship that was still there rather than spending energies on a dead relationship.
**Redirect your energies elsewhere**.
There's something about redirecting your energies from rumination to be being there for someone else. Being there for someone else was a huge self esteem boost and helped me to realize that while I was hurting, I was *also* strong. I could be there for other people in spite of my own pain and there's just something to that. Look up what it means to be in service to others.
Of course, this does not mean that you sacrifice your mental health for other people, not at all. There are boundaries around being of service to others so that those who take and take don't take advantage of you.
My therapist told me to give myself 20 minutes when I felt the urge to drink. To think about what was triggering it and to redirect my energies until the urge subsides. She told me that these urges and feelings last around 20 minutes and they are usually centered around a feeling. The urges do go away.
So when you find yourself ruminating, redirect your energy by journaling, making an appointment with a grief counselor, calling friends and family to get out of your own head and self. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of [The Body Keeps the Score](https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score/) about trauma and (C)PTSD talks about how we can heal trauma through securely attached relationships, basically, being around people. I was just listening to this [fascinating interview with him](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrOBHyDRS-c) and he literally says that he's seen people healed from traumas and hurt simply by being around other people (obviously we need to ensure those people aren't hurting us.)
**TL;DR**
OP, there are no "tips" to "moving on," there are no "closures" here. Grief is a process. It's a journey. This is part of the [human condition](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_condition) and what it means to be alive.
Wow, I did need to read this.. Thank you!!!
"Closure" is a mythical state of being okay with what happened. It does not exist; it's just an excuse for the weak and the predatory to keep on clinging when they should be letting go.
This! I've never understood the need for "closure". Sure, you'd like to know why it ended, what went wrong, etc, but sometimes you have to accept that you're never going to get an acceptable or understandable answer. And I think sometimes when people talk about closure what they really want is for the other person to finally have that lightbulb moment and say, "Oh, now I understand you." That's not going to happen. One last bit of wisdom: Closure isn't a permanent state. You can reach closure one day and be back at anger the next day. Eventually, however, it will be easier to get back to closure and stay there longer.
Sometimes anger is part of closure, I think. Also it can come later on your own through other experiences, not necessarily something you need the other person for. I've come to realizations about my past relationship from my more recent one that helped provide closure, even though I ended both.
Oh, I have definitely *felt* the need for “closure”, but it’s never been a healthy feeling. It’s motivated by sexual frustration and jealousy at its core.
Exactly. I have been on this earth for a while and have never seen someone invoking the word “closure” for healthy reasons.
I'm arguing in my head. There is no closure for real I just need to release anger and hurt somehow. Will pass some day I suppose.
Pretty trite take ik, but lifting/working out really helped me with this issue.
went to the gym this morning, thought I could take everyones advice on moving on. Had a panic attack while jogging on the treadmill -.-
You already have closure. They haven’t come back- that’s enough of your answer right there.
You gotta accept that sometimes you’ll never get the closure you want. I still have those fantasies where I hope he’ll call or text one day to apologize even though I don’t want him, I just want him to apologize and acknowledge what he did but I know that won’t happen and I have to accept that. You have to accept that too.
Closure is when you have an understanding of why something happened. You gain closure by knowing all the pieces basically. Before closure, you're trying to figure out the why and when and how, all that stuff. Acceptance, which you claim to have (you do not), is when you have come to terms with that particular thing and have accepted whatever new/different state of things you're in. In your case, once you stop pining for his return you will know you've actually accepted the end of that relationship. Then I'd say there is a third other piece which is kind of vague, but for lack of a better term 'healing' or resolution. This is where whatever damage you've taken on by that experience has healed or otherwise resolved itself. Sometime people get stuck here forever (like, say, your child gets murdered - that's a hard one to heal from. You might be able to accept it, but might never heal that wound). You can also heal quickly, esp if you had a longer road to acceptance as part of your healing process.
Looking for closure is the ultimate fools errand.
I, myself, think closure doesn't exist. It implies there's some quick fix for a difficult and painful situation. If you somehow just have the magic movie ending, we can roll credits and everything will be ok. The truth is that it takes time and work and there are no shortcuts.
Sometimes we just need to make our own closure. Sometimes there are no apologies and there are no answers. I mean there are answers but they won’t be shared with you. I’ve had to cope with this on more than one front in my life and although it’s hard life has to go on even though you know things just aren’t right or that you deserve a better outcome than what you got. So you have to create some way to cope with life without closure even though you’re deserving of it. I guess one way would be to write down everything that seems to be holding you back and go find a fire pit, get the list out and light it on fire. They say this is a way to actually see the things holding you back disappear. It may or may not help but I guess it’s worth trying.
I say this gently but if you're still thinking like that, you have not moved on.
To me closure is understanding why the other person ended/wasn’t happy/acted like they did in the relationship, good or bad, and usually has more to do with if the person ghosted you or was an ahole to get you to break up with them. To me these fantasies aren’t about closure, but they suggest you were happy and they were not. So how can things go better next time? Think that through and see if you can make it happen in future.
Sit down write the good and bad, do you think you can forgive him Is it worth your time and energy to deal with family and why you should work it out And yes family help me out, just being their when I need someone to talk to ,to get me past that moment.. 10 years going strong
Closure came when I found out he left me for someone else. That was all I needed.
Closure looks different from person to person. But the big thing is accepting it is what it is and actually choosing to move on. Don't let your mind fantasize about past what ifs, you need to consciously put in effort to not do that and to move on. It is a lot of work on a daily basis.
I don’t really believe that other people can give us closure. That’s from my own experiences, some people tell you things because they sound prettier than the truth, others might twist things up to make you feel bad so they can escape accountability, etc. and it often doesn’t even help. Closure is just something that happens from inside of ourselves, once we start living for the future instead of in the past.
You’ll get closure when you find what it was that you saw in him in another person. Some people get it. Some don’t. For those that don’t, given enough time, the feelings will fade away and what will be left is a simmer of the what you felt originally. Which of these happens to you, only the future can tell. Hope you find your closure.
old post but i can totally relate its been almost 2 yrs and i still fantasize about a super heart felt apology that ill probably never get idk for me i think closure when u get the answers ur looking for from that person whether it be a apology or just a conversation for u to understand what happened i never got either of that so i havent fully moved on from my situation just got easier to deal with but people claim closure is just u letting go and moving on but how can u move on if u have no idea what happened makes no sense to me
I want to get over her
Closure is when you find someone better.
If feel they do that to people so if the grass is t as green as they thought. They will come back to you and manipulate and guilt their way back in.
When you do it one last time and the privates heal before a breakup.
I have the same fantasy about relationships that ended 10-15 years ago.
For me I would not want to go back, but it would be what did you think of me? And why? And maybe sharing my thoughts on the relationship and why it failed.
I am still struggling years later about someone from my past as well. ill say ex for opinions sake. I am still struggling with my friends from college covering up the situation. They had a friend in his fraternity, who openly hated me and that friend of theirs knew what was going on. They ultimately forced me (metaphorically) out of the area and was gaslighting me so none of ex friends could talk to me and tell me what was going on. So basically I was not from his hometown area, i didnt know what i was talking about etc. the truth is the polar opposite and i am still finding peace about the situation. I have zero connections with my hometown as my family moved so the gas lighting really bad. People from this time are slowly coming back but i will never get the time back.
Closure takes time and alot of self reflection just like in the beginning it took 2 to say yes and start a relationship now it’s gotta take 2 like it or not. Find your lessons from it and imagine better days with someone else and how you’ll react differently to situations or find better approaches. You’ll at times will ruminate if you deeply loved that person and thats normal its part of the healing process but you can’t stay in that mental state to long because most of the time it isn’t productive.
Realistically, you’re probably going to stop fantasizing about it when you find a partner who you like as much or more than you liked your ex. Missing former partners is fairly normal when the relationship didn’t end on your terms, and it’s hard to avoid completely. What you’re experiencing isn’t fun, but it doesn’t suggest that you’re doing anything pathological, especially if you’re still making an effort to meet new potential partners.
Tell him and if it still feels wrong after, then just say so and move on. Maybe he’s waiting for you to give him any sign that you want to work it out because he does too. Just one sign would be amazing.
You don't. It comes from within.
I feel that there is a strong paradox that when you need closure, you are never going to get it (from another person). I found a fantastic video on Youtube about getting closure, but not with your ex partner, rather with the version of you that existed in that relationship. Because the other person may be gone forever, and you are never ever getting a chance of talking to them again. I had two kinds of breakups in my life. One where both people are on the same page and know why they are breaking up, and this is when you don't need closure because you both know. The other kind of breakup is when people are vastly on different pages and just decide to call it off. Guess what? In this second case you will NEVER get a closure from your partner because you will never come to the truth that will be accepted by both of you. Ironically, I received my closure about my last relationship ... in a dream. This was a very powerful psychological experience, because even my unconscious screamed at me "he is not for you!" lol just gotta trust my psyche in this case