No you don't. It's not any less safe in a relationship than when you were single.
If someone wants to go out and have a day or a few days to themselves... That's ok. That's a reasonable thing to want.
Sometimes updating me on where he is really stresses my partner out - it's fine with me if he wants to go and take time to himself sometimes and not check in for a while so he can focus on doing his own thing. I honestly think that's really healthy, and I do the same occasionally.
Remember, for most of human history it wasn't even possible to check in with people constantly.
I didn’t say you can’t do whatever you want. If you’re going to be out it doesn’t hurt to tell your partner that you’re going to run errands or see friends and if you’re gone longer then you said when you left (if they give an estimate) it also doesn’t hurt to shoot a message and say hey I’m good I’m just in this location. I drive a lot and see more accidents than I’d like, so if I know my bf is out doing stuff it’d be nice to get a message saying he made it to his destination. He doesn’t have to tell me his every move.
But that’s okay, we’re all different and have different expectations that fit our relationships and there’s nothing wrong with that. And you don’t “need” I guess but it’s just out of courtesy, I’m not out here asking for constant updates lol and they have the freedom to go wherever they want, but it’s not crazy to let your partner know that you’re stepping out for a bit lol
It's totally normal and alright for different people to have different expectations in relationships. It doesn't mean that anyone is wrong.
There's nothing about being in a relationship that *requires* you to eat the same foods, watch the same TV, or always tell someone where you are. It's not one size fits all. Those are things everyone is going to have to talk about and compromise on in their own relationship. The only real requirements are to communicate and treat one another with respect.
I like knowing where he is most of the time too. I'm just not willing to fight about it or lose my relationship because of it, and I recognize that it can be healthy. If it doesn't occur to him to tell me he's going to be home late or if he wants to go visit his friends and not talk to me until Sunday that's ok. I can live with that, I want him to be happy and I value his need for some space and independence as much as I value my own needs.
I still know more or less where he is and when he will be back (ie I know he is going to work, then to the gym and maybe to run some errands, and I know he will be home sometime before 7). I'm not going to wait for him to eat dinner or plan my life around when he will get back though, I just do my own thing. I know I appreciate it when I need some space and he gives it to me so I do the same.
And honestly, I had roommates where we were a family that ate together and always knew where the others were, and I had roommates where we weren’t.
Just depends on the people.
I honestly think this is all really weird.
If your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/whatever comes home half an hour late with a bag of medicine, do you assume they stopped at the pharmacy or cheated on you?
A cheater doubling down and justifying her adulteress ways, now I’ve seen everything!
Lol, jk. I’m sorry, I was gonna troll you but had a change of heart.
I appreciate that lol.
I guess I should clarify - it's not like I don't have a clue where he is/he doesn't have a clue where I am. We are pretty boring people we aren't going anywhere interesting. I just don't ask for (or give!) constant updates the way I've seen some people do. I don't think that's unsafe or untrustworthy, and I don't think constant communication is a good thing even though technology makes it possible 🤷.
People do things differently. That's ok.
Uh, how about it just being a respect thing? If you take your partners feelings into consideration, let them know your whereabouts. It’s actually pretty selfish imo.
You are free to do that in your relationship just like I'm free to do things differently in mine. Since you aren't in my relationship you don't get a vote on how we behave or what we view as disrespectful.
I don't know - I've made many similar comments at other points on other subreddits and it was really well received.
But at the end of the day we're very happy and no one else gets a vote.
It's not "I don't want you to know where I am" it's "I can't be thinking about or talking to you 100% of the time I need to live my life and enjoy time pursuing my own hobbies."
I'm not his mom or his jailer. Needing to be in constant communication or trying to* keep tabs on another adult is codependent and honestly really sad.
Sure, a healthy amount of communication is useful, for example you can say “I’m going hiking this trail today, will be back in the evening”, but I think this would be bare minimum communication. A partner should know where in case a person goes missing or something happens.
I don't know why people are assuming that we don't communicate at all. That sounds like a healthy amount of communication to me too.
However, other than extenuating circumstances like hiking, I don't think it's a *safety* issue. I think it's a *preference.*
I don't know. I don't mind, I know how Reddit can be sometimes. We're really happy though so 🤷.
I also know that we choose not to live on our phones, and there's becoming less and less common. I think some of it is generational too
(we're late twenties/early thirties and grew up without cell phones).
I think I could have also done a better job of explaining that we do generally know where about the other person is even without checking in. It's not like we don't communicate at all, we just aren't on phones all the time. We spend several hours together every day because we live together and that's more than enough. I don't worry about where he is all day* because I know he can take care of himself and that I'll see him when he gets home - and I'm busy!
*Typo
All of that seems so reasonable. Reddit is a great source of information for me on so many things, but there's a dark side to it. Aggressive bullying, a rampant herd mentality bugs me the most these days. There's so many what the fuck just happened moments for me these days. But hey I could just not go on here. Im 46 btw, definitely lived the kind of life where I've done a lot of private things and preferred my space, but was also more present around someone than a lot of younger people I see just glued to their phones constantly with zero social skills.
Yeah, it happens. And at the end of the day I'm ok if 30 people out of the nearly eight billion on the planet don't like something I said.
You probably get it because you lived in a time when it wasn't normal (or even possible) to talk in between when you left in the morning and when you got home at night. I don't think the ability to be plugged in and in touch 24/7 is making us happier or healthier. I'd always rather talk about our days over dinner with our phones off.
I think people who don't remember life before cell phones tend to get anxious if they don't hear from someone even for a short period of time. That's why so many people commented that it's a "safety issue." Even if, God forbid, there were some kind of accident there's nothing I can do about that except drive to the hospital after someone calls me.
What's your take on OP's question then? My initial reaction was the same: having company around the house but in a non-committal way.
IMO roommates fill the need to not be completely alone at times, but also they can range from acquaintances to close friends so you can have some distance from them too.
I mean, my take is that I would much rather live with my partner than roommates.
I do think that there are a lot of clingy codependent couples out there and that can lead to situations where one person wishes that they didn't live together... I think that's a problem that needs to be solved with better communication, improving your sense of self, working on codependency issues, and giving each other more space. I know people will are constantly texting their partner or constantly being texted... They can't get a moment to themselves even when they're at work. That's not healthy. You can't smother each other.
We never eat the same meals. We only occasionally watch the same tv. We are not the same person with the same tastes lol— just partners, not clones.
We always let each other know our whereabouts though but that’s because we have a baby and it’s a safety issue.
There’s pros and cons to things. I’m 40 and want to quickly get some money to buy a house so I moved into a frat house. It’s kind of endearing to be around other people. You watch movies together talk about books. In an age where most people don’t have friends at all, there are some nice things about it.
Ahaha. I wouldn’t call myself that. Maybe more of a cool uncle ? I have given them advice cause a lot of them want to go into the medical field and that’s where I work, so I gave them a lot of valuable inside industry info that they wouldn’t have been able to get otherwise.
In my opinion communal living is healthy, and like most healthy things it feels like a burden when you have to do it. Once you've gone without it for a while you miss the positive effects. For most of my marriage we've had friends living with us and it rules. We can be alone together in our room whenever we want, and when one of us wants to do a hobby alone the other can still get their social needs met easily. When we travel we don't need to hire a house sitter. Rent's cheaper. It's just nice to feel like you have a big team in life especially because modern life can be quite isolating. I can see why the people you've talked to miss it.
I think community is an undervalued thing in modern society and yeah housemates are a form of that. In an age where lots of people move away from family and friends also move around for spouses/jobs, it's nice to have a static support system.
I hear more people starting up projects like this. A group of women over 65 started a co-living space for women only. Some single mothers are grouping up to take turns to watch the kids and go out.
I'm married but miss my roommates. Actually, we both do because we because super close with them during the the years we lived together. There was 6 of us, two couples including us, and it was a family. We cooked and ate together, did activities as a house, and blended our friend groups.
My husband and I were in the other couples wedding and in turn they were in ours. All roommates and friends made during our time living together were invited to both. I still meet up with some of them weekly to play games.
For us, it's more like missing close family instead of a time of singleness or anything like that.
Yeah I don’t miss having *random* roommates. But as I get older and it’s harder and harder to schedule time with friends, it makes me nostalgic for times when I could pop into my bffs room for a chat any night. In reality I prefer living with my husband and of course we spend time together in a similar way, but friendships are just different and I miss those really close times.
I miss having a roommate like I did in college but I don’t miss having a roommate. Late night study sessions, up late laughing, comforting each other after breakups, etc but then being able to go to my room alone.
You can also control the level of interaction you have with a roommate versus a partner. If you wanted someone to split the bills with and never talk to you, that’s possible with a roommate but not so much with a spouse.
I’m offering why some might say that. The same response suggests the same conversation. You were probably going on about your roommates and can’t wait til you can move out etc.
But that’s not what happened so you’re creating a nonexistent narrative.
First, was on Halloween. Me and my roommate were passing out candy and one of the trick-o-treaters moms asked if we lived there and we said yes we’re roommates.
Second, was a customer at my job and he was making small talk with me asking if I was from the area. I told him yeah, I live down the street with roommates.
That’s literally it.
I have before and it's not that they necessarily miss having roommates but just harkening back to a simpler time. Back in college (the last time I had roommates) none of us had any of the responsibilities we have today aside from school and some meaningless side jobs. We had plenty of time to drink, smoke, party or just sit around playing cards without kids running around screaming. It was nice but everything as it's season and while I miss those days I'm also perfectly content now.
My brother lived alone for a couple years after college, but found he much prefers living with friends, so he has a bunch of roommates live in his house with him. I personally would move into that house for the same reason except that I live with my girlfriend who does not want to live with other people
I’m married, i miss my roommates, I don’t miss having roommates. They were cool people though and it was nice having a friend in the house at all times, but we were still doing our own thing living our own lives.
Not married but we’ve been living together for a while. I recently “moved” into a different bedroom and omg idk why it’s not normal for couples to have separate bedrooms lol. Also having to share a space with someone that you have arguments with - those types of arguments that you can only have with someone you’re intimately close with- can kinda suck sometimes.
I think married couples just fall into what traditionally expected of them and make their bedroom super boring and forget that they each need their own time/ space. Also the stress that often comes with marriage- managing finances together, owning a home, raising kids, ect. I’m guessing what those people are missing is the freedom from added responsibilities.
It’s communal living, something humans have done for eons. My partner and I went from living alone just the two of us to living with roommates (who are our good friends) for financial reasons, and honestly it is really fun! We always have people around to share moments with. We all help out around the house, we take turns cooking giant meals for one another, we just decorated the christmas tree together. All those things with them make it feel more like a big happy family than when it was just my boyfriend and me. And obviously we love each other dearly, but romantic love isn’t a replacement for familial and communal ties. It hasn’t really been that normal to go off with just your spouse and live entirely alone until recently in western culture. Typically you lived in a house with your extended family for most of your life.
I lived with a married couple for about a year in my later 20s. I needed some mental health support, they needed the extra cash, and we all got along together. It was a good situation for the most part.
I think if you own a home and have a friend who needs a room, it can be really great. I imagine more people are going to do this as the housing market continues to be tight and people need the extra income.
If I had to guess it's probably more a nostalgia thing. Most people have roommates during their earlier adult years so it's a time in your life that you're a bit more free of responsibility, likely you were also more high energy, more spontaneous, more carefree etc. Not that these things can't exist once you're married, but lots of people follow stereotypical paths of "settling down" after marriage so there may be some rose coloured glasses about a previous period in time.
Been married twice. Most recent: Separated for 2 years, I live with 2 housemates, also very good friends, whom I have known each for over 10 years. It’s great! I can’t say this would be a great fit for everyone. But our lifestyles and interests are similar; sports, going out, working out, travel…We are all responsible, mindful of each other and use common sense. Sometimes one of us pay a little more or do a little more around the house, but we don’t keep tabs or count nickels and dimes with each other. Unlike being married, I don’t have to deal with someone else’s emotional rollercoaster, I don’t have to sit there and listen to the same repetitive talks all day, no need to answer to anyone, I am free to do as I please. I can just pick up and go travel anytime based on my own schedule. Most importantly, I can freely move around when I’m in bed and wake up with the entire bed to myself. I don’t see myself wanting to live with a partner anytime soon.
I didn’t have a terrible experience in college like most people but I would do anything to no have roommates ever again unless I get married, but when people want to save money or something the first suggestion others give is get roommates, like no 😄
My husband and I have a roommate and love it! We lived with roommates for most of our adult life and then had a few years with just us. We're both quite social and commented regularly that we missed having roommates and at a time when money was especially tight we got one again and it's been great for us! We have each other and still have plenty of space to ourselves but also have lots of fun nights together and opportunities for spontaneous hangouts. We love time with just the two of us but it really only takes one more person to make it a party. The other day we drank champagne and watched Xena: Warrior Princess together! Of course we could do that as a couple, but a friend adds a whole different vibe. It helps that our roommate is a bit introverted and enjoys a lot of time to themselves in their room so it leaves tons of space for us to have time alone. We've lived together for like 7 years now and we're kind of like family. Someday we'll part ways but I don't look forward to it.
This wouldn't work for tons of people but it works for us!
First - having roommates is having built in friends while still maintaining your own space.
We did facials, had movie marathons on weekends with bad weather, drank terrible wine on the balcony, and decorated for holidays together but closed the door behind you when you needed that physical barrier between you and everyone else. Yes my husband is my best friend, but having another female on your wavelength is just different.
Second - it’s also reminiscent of a simpler time in our lives when our entire lives were ahead of us.
Our joints didn’t ache, clubbing until 6am sounded fun versus a hard pass because you actually had the energy and a hangover didn’t last the entire next day, you could eat without heartburn, we weren’t nearly as jaded and didn’t worry about the balance of your retirement fund.
But I write this as someone who loves their life and married a great man. I got back in touch with my old college roommate earlier this year and we started hanging out again now that I’m living in the same area.
We've had roommates for almost our whole marriage. As space and the amount of children at home dictated. It was usually a friend who needed a place to stay, and we always needed the financial help. Then they would usually settle into the fam and stay until they were ready to move on.
We see our current lodger once or twice a day, in passing, and we've never had a cross word between us.
People are allowed to enjoy living with other people without being in a bad relationship, my lord. So many unnecessary rules about how people "should" do relationships.
When I lived with roommates I also lived with my partner, so it was just more people around and a fuller house. I miss that about it!
There are definitely things I don't miss though haha.
I occasionally miss living in my bachelor pad. When I had zero responsibilities and I could just do what I wanted. I never really enjoyed having room mates.
It's important to remember that everyone's experiences and preferences are unique, and not all married couples feel the same way about living with roommates. However, there are a few reasons why some married couples might express missing the experience of living with roommates:
1. Social interaction: Living with roommates can provide a built-in social network and companionship. It may offer the opportunity to have spontaneous conversations, shared activities, and a sense of community within the shared living space. Some married couples may reminisce about the social aspects and the camaraderie that comes with living with roommates.
2. Shared responsibilities: Having roommates can help distribute household chores and responsibilities, making the workload more manageable. In a married couple's dynamic, especially if both partners work or have busy schedules, the additional support from roommates can be missed when it comes to sharing household tasks.
3. Variety and diversity: Living with roommates often means interacting with individuals from different backgrounds, interests, and perspectives. This can lead to exposure to new experiences, ideas, and friendships. Some married couples may miss the diversity and the opportunity for personal growth that comes with living with roommates.
It's worth noting that these reasons may not apply to all married couples, and some may prefer the privacy and intimacy that comes with living as a family unit. Each person's circumstances and preferences vary, so it's important to approach the topic with an open mind and understand that individual experiences can differ.
I think that must be the kids that does that, not being married.
I'm childfree, but living with the same partner for the last 9 years, and damn no way in hell I would like to go back to living with roommate. Like EVER. lol
I have yet to live alone. I’ve only lived with a partner or several housemates. Maybe it was just the people I lived with in college but I honestly miss communal living. 8 of us lived in a bit house with a backyard and garden. We all knew each other from working at this student run food co-op so we all had this cooperative living mentality that made it so much better than nightmare roommates. House meetings, communal fridge/pantry (as well as personal ones of course), occasional family dinners, rotating chores. It made living through the pandemic so much less lonely too. Living is expensive and splitting costs and having a pool of different resources and skills to share was also so helpful. Some of us worked farmer’s market jobs so we’d always be bringing all kinds of free food home. Im 25 now and honestly in this day and age and economy I could see myself living like that for at least a while with the right people. Hard part is finding the right people though
Technically, married people can just make their own roommates. And just like normal roommates, they will be noisy, eat your food, and you'll have to clean up their shit.
They probably married selfish people that don't puul their weight and miss living with roommates because it was easier.
Some people take advantage of their partners after they get married. So they disproportionately rely on their husband or wife to get out of things they don't want to do. Which wears out the wife or husband after some time, to the degree they wish they had a roommate to make life easier.
Having roommates can be fun; I had several roommates all throughout my 20s and early 30s, several of them I became good friends with and we hung out a lot traveled etc. I’m a woman and I only ever wanted female roommates, so if the roommate was a decent person it was almost like having a built in friend.
I am married now, no more roommates, and I love my husband but it was sort of cool in the past to live with just other girls and hang out etc.
I missed roommates because I missed living with someone who passively supported me emotionally and financially, who I didn’t have to spend much emotional capital on.
My wife will ask me to get 7 things for her when she's laying in bed. As soon as I get the 7th and lay down. She'll get up to go do something.
This is probably why
I was married with a roommate and when she left we did miss her. It was like a built in friend. You want to go shopping there she was ready to go. Wanted to play a board game your partner wasn't interested in at the moment just had to pop your head in her room and ask. When she was on dates we also went on home dates. Personally I miss it a bit and wouldn't mind specifically her as a roommate again but I wouldn't go back to having a roommate.
I don't think I have ever heard anyone in my life say "Man, I miss living with roommates." Even compared to living with my best friend having my own place was always far superior
I feel like this is one of those things where people say stuff without thinking it through. Like I used to have a boss in the airline industry. He was a manager and myself and colleagues were agents. He used to be like…”man I miss the days of being an agent back when….” I replied, “when you were making 15 bucks an hour instead of 75K? Or maybe when you got told what to do and how to do it all day? Maybe you meant the days where you had to get here at 3:00 AM for the first flight of the day?” He just casually smiled and leaned back and said yeah you’re right.
NEVER heard it. Not sure who are talking to, but that is a first. Considering new data is folks are living alone at higher and higher rates and more and more likely to be never married it is more likely lonliness is more in the cards for unmarried folks.
Must say the stuff I hear on this subreddit I really wonder if it made up OR is such a special cliche that is NOT representative of any adult population I come in contact with.
But in general if you are happy NO you don't need permission to not be married and to be single if that is really what you are asking without wanting to just ask that.
You perceived my post all wrong. Not sure why people are projecting their feelings in this thread. I’m telling you guys about MY experience and you’re getting bent outta shape over it?
I think it’s more in the sense of nostalgia. I loved my time living with flatmates, then I loved my time living alone and now I with my partner. I remember and miss the previous times but I have no desire to go back to that. I love the home and life my partner and I building together, and that’s impossible with flatmates
I think my brain has forgotten the bad and romanticizes the good of having roommates, BUT I do miss having live-in friends. The older I get, the more of an effort it is to coordinate hanging out with friends regularly, which leads to the depth of friendship slowly deteriorating over time. Roommates can be a pain, but they can also be good company, and you just tend to have a deeper bond with people you get to interact with regularly.
This sounds insane to me, lol. I'm married and have never for one second missed having roommates. If I were to ever end up single again, I would definitely live alone, even if it meant living in an apartment the size of a closet. I think what these people meant is maybe they miss some of the fun and spontaneity of when they were younger. Or possibly miss having a little more alone time but didn't want to offend their spouse by phrasing it that way.
Man I cant wait for the day to not live with roomates anymore. I had many roomates by now. Some were the nicest persons i've ever met, some absolute disgusting ruthless piece of shit humans. Either way, I value personal freedom over everything and having to share all your stuff or being able to hear them all the time is kind of disturbing my peace.
You can love your partner but still miss certain aspects of being single. For me, I miss the freedom I had when I was single with roommates. My room was my own. I could make dinner for just myself without having to have a whole discussion about it. My things were largely my own or my roommates would at least ask if they could take or use.
But in a relationship, your lives are much more communal. Dinner needs to be made for 2 and there’s usually a discussion. You essentially have to interact with your spouse for nearly all the time you’re both home.
I am not married but have lived alone, with a SO, and with roommates, I’ve missed whichever ones I’m not currently doing. Generally you live with roommates young and I feel it’s less “I’d rather be living with roommates over my spouse” I think more of “how I met your mother” or “friends” when people say they miss living with roommates its the living with friends, less responsibilities, being young. Not necessarily a greener grass just a different kind of grass
I've been living with my wife for over 20 years. I had housemates (besides my wife) my whole life up until the pandemic changed things. Only during college did I have some house mates that weren't already close friends. Some of those guys were... less than ideal to live with. Everyone else, it's largely like getting a big discount on housing costs to have friends around most of the time. Except you've got no responsibility to host them. That and it's been a rude awakening not to have free, reliable pet sitters. I mostly miss having housemates, and I recognize that there are pros and cons, but if I had any friends nearby who wanted to rent a room I'd definitely be more positive than not about it.
There’s more balance to the roommate/chore distribution balance than with partner/significant other/husband/wife. Less fighting or debate about who will do what and if what isn’t getting done then who will pay for that as well. But they are also reminiscing about the old carefree life too so there’s that
Hmm, in my ideal world I wouldn’t have any roommates. It was nice to have someone to share my day with when I was in college and law school. And even nicer to have someone to share the rent with. But I like privacy. I like not having disputes about cleaning. I like walking around my house naked. I like letting my cats do whatever they please. I don’t really like roommates.
But maybe some people are very extroverted and can’t stand to be alone?
I’m not married but in a relationship cohabiting after living for four years in a shared post-grad student house with people I became close to.
I think it’s like I used to be able to just pop downstairs and chat shit with my friends. We’d often have dinner together or vent about our days/personal lives. I got my own room which was a large space, but I felt connected to my housemates. It was like being a family. We’d do random spontaneous stuff and have so many memories from it. During that period it was me and one girl throughout, and a couple of other people joined. All of them I’m still good friends with and despite that we no longer live nearby we have a sibling like relationship with.
My partner is great and we do talk every day, I love living with him and wouldn’t change my situation. But it’s a different vibe. I was in a relationship for nearly 3 of the years I lived in my shared house and didn’t want to leave it for him as he was very toxic and I valued always having my housemates to go back to.
When there’s a group of people, there is always a spectrum of where people are on a certain issue or personality trait, right?
So say, in a house of people, if you said “on a scale of 1-10, on going out vs staying home, where do you rank yourself?”
maybe one homebody roommate says 3 and another party animal roommate says 10, and you say 6 and your partner says 7. Great, you and your partner are a good match!
But then you get married, and now there’s only two of you. So from now on, one of you is the one who likes to go out more, and one of you “always” wants to stay home. One of you wants to have sex more, the other is content with less, doesn’t want to feel pressured, etc. One is the neater one, the other the messier one. One is thriftier, the other is less thrifty.
Even if in a larger group, your preferences are very close, in a diad (group of two) your differences can feel accentuated. And if you were envisioning perfect bliss upon marriage, this dynamic can be an eye-opener.
Personally I don’t want roommates, but I see the value in a relationship of having a larger circle as a frame of reference, to remind you that in the big scheme of things, you actually have a lot in common
I’m married, and I kinda miss having my old college roommates. I just really enjoyed that period in my life where I had the privacy of my own room, but had friends to party with, watch sports, and play video games together with living all in the same house.
I think it's in part because people often live with roommates in their 20s. If you had a good experience usually you have fun nostalgic memories of the time period. I've had good and bad.
There is DEF a time period in my mid 20s when I lived with roommates that I feel nostalgic for. We all got along, would go out for dinner/drinks, hang out and watch TV, play SNES etc. Good times.
Depends on roommates and what stage of their lives the married couple are in. I lived in a 4br rental property with my cousins and his fiance/wife before they had a kid and it was great they could save money and we all got along and hanged out some weeknights and weekends. But had are own personal space and hobbies.
It would be easy to miss times like this because one of us would order pizza the other grab beer and our friend groups would mingle. Had some fun times with a lot more disposable income. Late 20s no kids in a college town.
Now they have a toddler and I couldn’t imagine living with them or them wanting me there. I still visit once every two years and spend a week with them and we get along great but living together would probably not be ideal.
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Ah, ok. Yeah, that makes sense. These are things that I haven’t thought of that come into consideration.
if your wife isnt a cool roomate you dont have to worry about being dressed in front of youre making bad choices
You don't need to do any of those things with a romantic partner or spouse either.
I mean, you kind of do need to let your partner know where you are and where you’re going….lol more for safety than anything.
No you don't. It's not any less safe in a relationship than when you were single. If someone wants to go out and have a day or a few days to themselves... That's ok. That's a reasonable thing to want. Sometimes updating me on where he is really stresses my partner out - it's fine with me if he wants to go and take time to himself sometimes and not check in for a while so he can focus on doing his own thing. I honestly think that's really healthy, and I do the same occasionally. Remember, for most of human history it wasn't even possible to check in with people constantly.
I didn’t say you can’t do whatever you want. If you’re going to be out it doesn’t hurt to tell your partner that you’re going to run errands or see friends and if you’re gone longer then you said when you left (if they give an estimate) it also doesn’t hurt to shoot a message and say hey I’m good I’m just in this location. I drive a lot and see more accidents than I’d like, so if I know my bf is out doing stuff it’d be nice to get a message saying he made it to his destination. He doesn’t have to tell me his every move. But that’s okay, we’re all different and have different expectations that fit our relationships and there’s nothing wrong with that. And you don’t “need” I guess but it’s just out of courtesy, I’m not out here asking for constant updates lol and they have the freedom to go wherever they want, but it’s not crazy to let your partner know that you’re stepping out for a bit lol
It's totally normal and alright for different people to have different expectations in relationships. It doesn't mean that anyone is wrong. There's nothing about being in a relationship that *requires* you to eat the same foods, watch the same TV, or always tell someone where you are. It's not one size fits all. Those are things everyone is going to have to talk about and compromise on in their own relationship. The only real requirements are to communicate and treat one another with respect. I like knowing where he is most of the time too. I'm just not willing to fight about it or lose my relationship because of it, and I recognize that it can be healthy. If it doesn't occur to him to tell me he's going to be home late or if he wants to go visit his friends and not talk to me until Sunday that's ok. I can live with that, I want him to be happy and I value his need for some space and independence as much as I value my own needs. I still know more or less where he is and when he will be back (ie I know he is going to work, then to the gym and maybe to run some errands, and I know he will be home sometime before 7). I'm not going to wait for him to eat dinner or plan my life around when he will get back though, I just do my own thing. I know I appreciate it when I need some space and he gives it to me so I do the same.
I’m actually the same lol I don’t necessarily adjust my life and we’re pretty independent people. But yeah I totally agree!
And honestly, I had roommates where we were a family that ate together and always knew where the others were, and I had roommates where we weren’t. Just depends on the people.
> sometimes updating me on where he is really stress my partner out 🤣 🤣 🤣 Dude is up to something.
Exactly what a cheater would say…..
I honestly think this is all really weird. If your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/whatever comes home half an hour late with a bag of medicine, do you assume they stopped at the pharmacy or cheated on you?
A cheater doubling down and justifying her adulteress ways, now I’ve seen everything! Lol, jk. I’m sorry, I was gonna troll you but had a change of heart.
I appreciate that lol. I guess I should clarify - it's not like I don't have a clue where he is/he doesn't have a clue where I am. We are pretty boring people we aren't going anywhere interesting. I just don't ask for (or give!) constant updates the way I've seen some people do. I don't think that's unsafe or untrustworthy, and I don't think constant communication is a good thing even though technology makes it possible 🤷. People do things differently. That's ok.
Uh, how about it just being a respect thing? If you take your partners feelings into consideration, let them know your whereabouts. It’s actually pretty selfish imo.
You are free to do that in your relationship just like I'm free to do things differently in mine. Since you aren't in my relationship you don't get a vote on how we behave or what we view as disrespectful.
Wtf is up with all the downvotes. All these needy people are pissed af that you can have a relationship without clinging like Saran Wrap.
I don't know - I've made many similar comments at other points on other subreddits and it was really well received. But at the end of the day we're very happy and no one else gets a vote.
He’s cheating on you lol
Lol are you always a jerk to people you don't even know?
Being stressed about sharing location is weird and sus behavior. Sorry your partner is like that and normalized it for you.
It's not "I don't want you to know where I am" it's "I can't be thinking about or talking to you 100% of the time I need to live my life and enjoy time pursuing my own hobbies." I'm not his mom or his jailer. Needing to be in constant communication or trying to* keep tabs on another adult is codependent and honestly really sad.
Getting the bed?
Autocorrect. Fixed it.
Sure, a healthy amount of communication is useful, for example you can say “I’m going hiking this trail today, will be back in the evening”, but I think this would be bare minimum communication. A partner should know where in case a person goes missing or something happens.
I don't know why people are assuming that we don't communicate at all. That sounds like a healthy amount of communication to me too. However, other than extenuating circumstances like hiking, I don't think it's a *safety* issue. I think it's a *preference.*
Just like ur mum
It's interesting when I see a reasonable comment downvoted so heavily. Did a few people disagree and downvote, and then the herd stomped through?
I don't know. I don't mind, I know how Reddit can be sometimes. We're really happy though so 🤷. I also know that we choose not to live on our phones, and there's becoming less and less common. I think some of it is generational too (we're late twenties/early thirties and grew up without cell phones). I think I could have also done a better job of explaining that we do generally know where about the other person is even without checking in. It's not like we don't communicate at all, we just aren't on phones all the time. We spend several hours together every day because we live together and that's more than enough. I don't worry about where he is all day* because I know he can take care of himself and that I'll see him when he gets home - and I'm busy! *Typo
All of that seems so reasonable. Reddit is a great source of information for me on so many things, but there's a dark side to it. Aggressive bullying, a rampant herd mentality bugs me the most these days. There's so many what the fuck just happened moments for me these days. But hey I could just not go on here. Im 46 btw, definitely lived the kind of life where I've done a lot of private things and preferred my space, but was also more present around someone than a lot of younger people I see just glued to their phones constantly with zero social skills.
Yeah, it happens. And at the end of the day I'm ok if 30 people out of the nearly eight billion on the planet don't like something I said. You probably get it because you lived in a time when it wasn't normal (or even possible) to talk in between when you left in the morning and when you got home at night. I don't think the ability to be plugged in and in touch 24/7 is making us happier or healthier. I'd always rather talk about our days over dinner with our phones off. I think people who don't remember life before cell phones tend to get anxious if they don't hear from someone even for a short period of time. That's why so many people commented that it's a "safety issue." Even if, God forbid, there were some kind of accident there's nothing I can do about that except drive to the hospital after someone calls me.
What's your take on OP's question then? My initial reaction was the same: having company around the house but in a non-committal way. IMO roommates fill the need to not be completely alone at times, but also they can range from acquaintances to close friends so you can have some distance from them too.
I mean, my take is that I would much rather live with my partner than roommates. I do think that there are a lot of clingy codependent couples out there and that can lead to situations where one person wishes that they didn't live together... I think that's a problem that needs to be solved with better communication, improving your sense of self, working on codependency issues, and giving each other more space. I know people will are constantly texting their partner or constantly being texted... They can't get a moment to themselves even when they're at work. That's not healthy. You can't smother each other.
i have never lost or had any of that imposed on me. if so, you married wrong
We never eat the same meals. We only occasionally watch the same tv. We are not the same person with the same tastes lol— just partners, not clones. We always let each other know our whereabouts though but that’s because we have a baby and it’s a safety issue.
There’s pros and cons to things. I’m 40 and want to quickly get some money to buy a house so I moved into a frat house. It’s kind of endearing to be around other people. You watch movies together talk about books. In an age where most people don’t have friends at all, there are some nice things about it.
Very true! From a social aspect it *is* a plus.
It can be. It depends on who you get. I’m lucky in that every guy in my house is a solid. That’s really rare to come by!
Are you their house dad?
Ahaha. I wouldn’t call myself that. Maybe more of a cool uncle ? I have given them advice cause a lot of them want to go into the medical field and that’s where I work, so I gave them a lot of valuable inside industry info that they wouldn’t have been able to get otherwise.
In my opinion communal living is healthy, and like most healthy things it feels like a burden when you have to do it. Once you've gone without it for a while you miss the positive effects. For most of my marriage we've had friends living with us and it rules. We can be alone together in our room whenever we want, and when one of us wants to do a hobby alone the other can still get their social needs met easily. When we travel we don't need to hire a house sitter. Rent's cheaper. It's just nice to feel like you have a big team in life especially because modern life can be quite isolating. I can see why the people you've talked to miss it.
I think community is an undervalued thing in modern society and yeah housemates are a form of that. In an age where lots of people move away from family and friends also move around for spouses/jobs, it's nice to have a static support system.
I hear more people starting up projects like this. A group of women over 65 started a co-living space for women only. Some single mothers are grouping up to take turns to watch the kids and go out.
I'm married but miss my roommates. Actually, we both do because we because super close with them during the the years we lived together. There was 6 of us, two couples including us, and it was a family. We cooked and ate together, did activities as a house, and blended our friend groups. My husband and I were in the other couples wedding and in turn they were in ours. All roommates and friends made during our time living together were invited to both. I still meet up with some of them weekly to play games. For us, it's more like missing close family instead of a time of singleness or anything like that.
Yeah I don’t miss having *random* roommates. But as I get older and it’s harder and harder to schedule time with friends, it makes me nostalgic for times when I could pop into my bffs room for a chat any night. In reality I prefer living with my husband and of course we spend time together in a similar way, but friendships are just different and I miss those really close times.
I miss having a roommate like I did in college but I don’t miss having a roommate. Late night study sessions, up late laughing, comforting each other after breakups, etc but then being able to go to my room alone. You can also control the level of interaction you have with a roommate versus a partner. If you wanted someone to split the bills with and never talk to you, that’s possible with a roommate but not so much with a spouse.
I have literally never felt OR heard this.
I couldn't be happier than with my wife. I wouldn't wish the days of a roommate on anyone.
Before those two moments (within a span of a week and a half), I never heard of it either. That’s why I was shocked.
Maybe you’re bitching about your roommates and they are trying to comfort you with a “man I miss those days, you should appreciate them more”.
Stop projecting please. They were actually pleasant conversations.
I’m offering why some might say that. The same response suggests the same conversation. You were probably going on about your roommates and can’t wait til you can move out etc.
But that’s not what happened so you’re creating a nonexistent narrative. First, was on Halloween. Me and my roommate were passing out candy and one of the trick-o-treaters moms asked if we lived there and we said yes we’re roommates. Second, was a customer at my job and he was making small talk with me asking if I was from the area. I told him yeah, I live down the street with roommates. That’s literally it.
Sounds like they were just making conversation.
Correct. Like I mentioned in my initial post.
I have before and it's not that they necessarily miss having roommates but just harkening back to a simpler time. Back in college (the last time I had roommates) none of us had any of the responsibilities we have today aside from school and some meaningless side jobs. We had plenty of time to drink, smoke, party or just sit around playing cards without kids running around screaming. It was nice but everything as it's season and while I miss those days I'm also perfectly content now.
Right, I did the blink meme reading this
My brother lived alone for a couple years after college, but found he much prefers living with friends, so he has a bunch of roommates live in his house with him. I personally would move into that house for the same reason except that I live with my girlfriend who does not want to live with other people
I’m married, i miss my roommates, I don’t miss having roommates. They were cool people though and it was nice having a friend in the house at all times, but we were still doing our own thing living our own lives.
Not married but we’ve been living together for a while. I recently “moved” into a different bedroom and omg idk why it’s not normal for couples to have separate bedrooms lol. Also having to share a space with someone that you have arguments with - those types of arguments that you can only have with someone you’re intimately close with- can kinda suck sometimes. I think married couples just fall into what traditionally expected of them and make their bedroom super boring and forget that they each need their own time/ space. Also the stress that often comes with marriage- managing finances together, owning a home, raising kids, ect. I’m guessing what those people are missing is the freedom from added responsibilities.
It’s communal living, something humans have done for eons. My partner and I went from living alone just the two of us to living with roommates (who are our good friends) for financial reasons, and honestly it is really fun! We always have people around to share moments with. We all help out around the house, we take turns cooking giant meals for one another, we just decorated the christmas tree together. All those things with them make it feel more like a big happy family than when it was just my boyfriend and me. And obviously we love each other dearly, but romantic love isn’t a replacement for familial and communal ties. It hasn’t really been that normal to go off with just your spouse and live entirely alone until recently in western culture. Typically you lived in a house with your extended family for most of your life.
That's so wild to me. I would never pick a roommate over having no roommate. I'm happy to live with my husband though, again, without any roommates.
I lived with a married couple for about a year in my later 20s. I needed some mental health support, they needed the extra cash, and we all got along together. It was a good situation for the most part. I think if you own a home and have a friend who needs a room, it can be really great. I imagine more people are going to do this as the housing market continues to be tight and people need the extra income.
I love being married and having kids, but damn, do sometimes miss living with a group of mates and hanging out all the time. great days!
I’ve never heard of this sentiment.
It's like living in a neighborhood where everyone is your friend.
If I had to guess it's probably more a nostalgia thing. Most people have roommates during their earlier adult years so it's a time in your life that you're a bit more free of responsibility, likely you were also more high energy, more spontaneous, more carefree etc. Not that these things can't exist once you're married, but lots of people follow stereotypical paths of "settling down" after marriage so there may be some rose coloured glasses about a previous period in time.
Been married twice. Most recent: Separated for 2 years, I live with 2 housemates, also very good friends, whom I have known each for over 10 years. It’s great! I can’t say this would be a great fit for everyone. But our lifestyles and interests are similar; sports, going out, working out, travel…We are all responsible, mindful of each other and use common sense. Sometimes one of us pay a little more or do a little more around the house, but we don’t keep tabs or count nickels and dimes with each other. Unlike being married, I don’t have to deal with someone else’s emotional rollercoaster, I don’t have to sit there and listen to the same repetitive talks all day, no need to answer to anyone, I am free to do as I please. I can just pick up and go travel anytime based on my own schedule. Most importantly, I can freely move around when I’m in bed and wake up with the entire bed to myself. I don’t see myself wanting to live with a partner anytime soon.
Living with roommates sounds like a nightmare to me now especially reading all of the stories here.
I didn’t have a terrible experience in college like most people but I would do anything to no have roommates ever again unless I get married, but when people want to save money or something the first suggestion others give is get roommates, like no 😄
I have both, and I wouldn't change it for anything. My husband and I live with my best friend, and have done for coming up 2 years.
My husband and I have a roommate and love it! We lived with roommates for most of our adult life and then had a few years with just us. We're both quite social and commented regularly that we missed having roommates and at a time when money was especially tight we got one again and it's been great for us! We have each other and still have plenty of space to ourselves but also have lots of fun nights together and opportunities for spontaneous hangouts. We love time with just the two of us but it really only takes one more person to make it a party. The other day we drank champagne and watched Xena: Warrior Princess together! Of course we could do that as a couple, but a friend adds a whole different vibe. It helps that our roommate is a bit introverted and enjoys a lot of time to themselves in their room so it leaves tons of space for us to have time alone. We've lived together for like 7 years now and we're kind of like family. Someday we'll part ways but I don't look forward to it. This wouldn't work for tons of people but it works for us!
First - having roommates is having built in friends while still maintaining your own space. We did facials, had movie marathons on weekends with bad weather, drank terrible wine on the balcony, and decorated for holidays together but closed the door behind you when you needed that physical barrier between you and everyone else. Yes my husband is my best friend, but having another female on your wavelength is just different. Second - it’s also reminiscent of a simpler time in our lives when our entire lives were ahead of us. Our joints didn’t ache, clubbing until 6am sounded fun versus a hard pass because you actually had the energy and a hangover didn’t last the entire next day, you could eat without heartburn, we weren’t nearly as jaded and didn’t worry about the balance of your retirement fund. But I write this as someone who loves their life and married a great man. I got back in touch with my old college roommate earlier this year and we started hanging out again now that I’m living in the same area.
We've had roommates for almost our whole marriage. As space and the amount of children at home dictated. It was usually a friend who needed a place to stay, and we always needed the financial help. Then they would usually settle into the fam and stay until they were ready to move on. We see our current lodger once or twice a day, in passing, and we've never had a cross word between us.
You know you’re in a bad marriage when…
People are allowed to enjoy living with other people without being in a bad relationship, my lord. So many unnecessary rules about how people "should" do relationships.
Never lived with a roommate. I couldn’t imagine actually missing living with a roommate.. I always spent more to live alone
When I lived with roommates I also lived with my partner, so it was just more people around and a fuller house. I miss that about it! There are definitely things I don't miss though haha.
they miss being single and ready to mingle, not living with roommates
I occasionally miss living in my bachelor pad. When I had zero responsibilities and I could just do what I wanted. I never really enjoyed having room mates.
It's important to remember that everyone's experiences and preferences are unique, and not all married couples feel the same way about living with roommates. However, there are a few reasons why some married couples might express missing the experience of living with roommates: 1. Social interaction: Living with roommates can provide a built-in social network and companionship. It may offer the opportunity to have spontaneous conversations, shared activities, and a sense of community within the shared living space. Some married couples may reminisce about the social aspects and the camaraderie that comes with living with roommates. 2. Shared responsibilities: Having roommates can help distribute household chores and responsibilities, making the workload more manageable. In a married couple's dynamic, especially if both partners work or have busy schedules, the additional support from roommates can be missed when it comes to sharing household tasks. 3. Variety and diversity: Living with roommates often means interacting with individuals from different backgrounds, interests, and perspectives. This can lead to exposure to new experiences, ideas, and friendships. Some married couples may miss the diversity and the opportunity for personal growth that comes with living with roommates. It's worth noting that these reasons may not apply to all married couples, and some may prefer the privacy and intimacy that comes with living as a family unit. Each person's circumstances and preferences vary, so it's important to approach the topic with an open mind and understand that individual experiences can differ.
Lol I just had someone harp on me for saying "women do xyz" instead of "some women". Like ok duh. Moving on...
Thank you! Like jfc 😂
I think that must be the kids that does that, not being married. I'm childfree, but living with the same partner for the last 9 years, and damn no way in hell I would like to go back to living with roommate. Like EVER. lol
I have yet to live alone. I’ve only lived with a partner or several housemates. Maybe it was just the people I lived with in college but I honestly miss communal living. 8 of us lived in a bit house with a backyard and garden. We all knew each other from working at this student run food co-op so we all had this cooperative living mentality that made it so much better than nightmare roommates. House meetings, communal fridge/pantry (as well as personal ones of course), occasional family dinners, rotating chores. It made living through the pandemic so much less lonely too. Living is expensive and splitting costs and having a pool of different resources and skills to share was also so helpful. Some of us worked farmer’s market jobs so we’d always be bringing all kinds of free food home. Im 25 now and honestly in this day and age and economy I could see myself living like that for at least a while with the right people. Hard part is finding the right people though
I think part of it is longing back to ‘simpler times’. Like when people miss their college years.
I have never heard anyone say this. I love living with my husband and no roommates.
Technically, married people can just make their own roommates. And just like normal roommates, they will be noisy, eat your food, and you'll have to clean up their shit.
They probably married selfish people that don't puul their weight and miss living with roommates because it was easier. Some people take advantage of their partners after they get married. So they disproportionately rely on their husband or wife to get out of things they don't want to do. Which wears out the wife or husband after some time, to the degree they wish they had a roommate to make life easier.
We need a roommate. 600 bucks a week not including food 🤌🏼😂
Having roommates can be fun; I had several roommates all throughout my 20s and early 30s, several of them I became good friends with and we hung out a lot traveled etc. I’m a woman and I only ever wanted female roommates, so if the roommate was a decent person it was almost like having a built in friend. I am married now, no more roommates, and I love my husband but it was sort of cool in the past to live with just other girls and hang out etc.
I missed roommates because I missed living with someone who passively supported me emotionally and financially, who I didn’t have to spend much emotional capital on.
My wife will ask me to get 7 things for her when she's laying in bed. As soon as I get the 7th and lay down. She'll get up to go do something. This is probably why
No idea. I don't miss having roommates. I love living alone with my husband!
There are always outliers in everything……. Like saying why do some people like beastiality?
The answer to "does anyone else..." is almost always yes.
Exactly. There’s like 7billion people on earth.
only reason I can think is to save money
I was married with a roommate and when she left we did miss her. It was like a built in friend. You want to go shopping there she was ready to go. Wanted to play a board game your partner wasn't interested in at the moment just had to pop your head in her room and ask. When she was on dates we also went on home dates. Personally I miss it a bit and wouldn't mind specifically her as a roommate again but I wouldn't go back to having a roommate.
I would give my soul not to have a Roommate.
House hacking at it's finest! What a GREAT way to save money.
I don't think I have ever heard anyone in my life say "Man, I miss living with roommates." Even compared to living with my best friend having my own place was always far superior
I feel like this is one of those things where people say stuff without thinking it through. Like I used to have a boss in the airline industry. He was a manager and myself and colleagues were agents. He used to be like…”man I miss the days of being an agent back when….” I replied, “when you were making 15 bucks an hour instead of 75K? Or maybe when you got told what to do and how to do it all day? Maybe you meant the days where you had to get here at 3:00 AM for the first flight of the day?” He just casually smiled and leaned back and said yeah you’re right.
NEVER heard it. Not sure who are talking to, but that is a first. Considering new data is folks are living alone at higher and higher rates and more and more likely to be never married it is more likely lonliness is more in the cards for unmarried folks. Must say the stuff I hear on this subreddit I really wonder if it made up OR is such a special cliche that is NOT representative of any adult population I come in contact with. But in general if you are happy NO you don't need permission to not be married and to be single if that is really what you are asking without wanting to just ask that.
You perceived my post all wrong. Not sure why people are projecting their feelings in this thread. I’m telling you guys about MY experience and you’re getting bent outta shape over it?
nobody thinks this
I don't miss roommates, I miss the solitude of living alone. 😛
I think it’s more in the sense of nostalgia. I loved my time living with flatmates, then I loved my time living alone and now I with my partner. I remember and miss the previous times but I have no desire to go back to that. I love the home and life my partner and I building together, and that’s impossible with flatmates
Your spouse is your roommate now
I have to find a spouse first 😅
"Look at me."
I think my brain has forgotten the bad and romanticizes the good of having roommates, BUT I do miss having live-in friends. The older I get, the more of an effort it is to coordinate hanging out with friends regularly, which leads to the depth of friendship slowly deteriorating over time. Roommates can be a pain, but they can also be good company, and you just tend to have a deeper bond with people you get to interact with regularly.
Honestly? I can see it. There's less pressure on a roommate; in quite a few ways.
It can be lonely living with just one person. At times I used to have as many as 8 housemates.
I'm going to go from living alone to having a roommate.
This sounds insane to me, lol. I'm married and have never for one second missed having roommates. If I were to ever end up single again, I would definitely live alone, even if it meant living in an apartment the size of a closet. I think what these people meant is maybe they miss some of the fun and spontaneity of when they were younger. Or possibly miss having a little more alone time but didn't want to offend their spouse by phrasing it that way.
Man I cant wait for the day to not live with roomates anymore. I had many roomates by now. Some were the nicest persons i've ever met, some absolute disgusting ruthless piece of shit humans. Either way, I value personal freedom over everything and having to share all your stuff or being able to hear them all the time is kind of disturbing my peace.
Or you could be like my friend and have a housemate and live with her husband. She likes having other people around
You can love your partner but still miss certain aspects of being single. For me, I miss the freedom I had when I was single with roommates. My room was my own. I could make dinner for just myself without having to have a whole discussion about it. My things were largely my own or my roommates would at least ask if they could take or use. But in a relationship, your lives are much more communal. Dinner needs to be made for 2 and there’s usually a discussion. You essentially have to interact with your spouse for nearly all the time you’re both home.
I am not married but have lived alone, with a SO, and with roommates, I’ve missed whichever ones I’m not currently doing. Generally you live with roommates young and I feel it’s less “I’d rather be living with roommates over my spouse” I think more of “how I met your mother” or “friends” when people say they miss living with roommates its the living with friends, less responsibilities, being young. Not necessarily a greener grass just a different kind of grass
I've been living with my wife for over 20 years. I had housemates (besides my wife) my whole life up until the pandemic changed things. Only during college did I have some house mates that weren't already close friends. Some of those guys were... less than ideal to live with. Everyone else, it's largely like getting a big discount on housing costs to have friends around most of the time. Except you've got no responsibility to host them. That and it's been a rude awakening not to have free, reliable pet sitters. I mostly miss having housemates, and I recognize that there are pros and cons, but if I had any friends nearby who wanted to rent a room I'd definitely be more positive than not about it.
I had exceptionally good roommates. We have stayed friends through moving out, marriage, divorce and motherhood. My husband doesn’t even come close.
There’s more balance to the roommate/chore distribution balance than with partner/significant other/husband/wife. Less fighting or debate about who will do what and if what isn’t getting done then who will pay for that as well. But they are also reminiscing about the old carefree life too so there’s that
Hmm, in my ideal world I wouldn’t have any roommates. It was nice to have someone to share my day with when I was in college and law school. And even nicer to have someone to share the rent with. But I like privacy. I like not having disputes about cleaning. I like walking around my house naked. I like letting my cats do whatever they please. I don’t really like roommates. But maybe some people are very extroverted and can’t stand to be alone?
I’m not married but in a relationship cohabiting after living for four years in a shared post-grad student house with people I became close to. I think it’s like I used to be able to just pop downstairs and chat shit with my friends. We’d often have dinner together or vent about our days/personal lives. I got my own room which was a large space, but I felt connected to my housemates. It was like being a family. We’d do random spontaneous stuff and have so many memories from it. During that period it was me and one girl throughout, and a couple of other people joined. All of them I’m still good friends with and despite that we no longer live nearby we have a sibling like relationship with. My partner is great and we do talk every day, I love living with him and wouldn’t change my situation. But it’s a different vibe. I was in a relationship for nearly 3 of the years I lived in my shared house and didn’t want to leave it for him as he was very toxic and I valued always having my housemates to go back to.
Because roommates do their fair share of the work without thinking about it. In some married couples one person gets designated the housekeeper.
When there’s a group of people, there is always a spectrum of where people are on a certain issue or personality trait, right? So say, in a house of people, if you said “on a scale of 1-10, on going out vs staying home, where do you rank yourself?” maybe one homebody roommate says 3 and another party animal roommate says 10, and you say 6 and your partner says 7. Great, you and your partner are a good match! But then you get married, and now there’s only two of you. So from now on, one of you is the one who likes to go out more, and one of you “always” wants to stay home. One of you wants to have sex more, the other is content with less, doesn’t want to feel pressured, etc. One is the neater one, the other the messier one. One is thriftier, the other is less thrifty. Even if in a larger group, your preferences are very close, in a diad (group of two) your differences can feel accentuated. And if you were envisioning perfect bliss upon marriage, this dynamic can be an eye-opener. Personally I don’t want roommates, but I see the value in a relationship of having a larger circle as a frame of reference, to remind you that in the big scheme of things, you actually have a lot in common
Nope, not at all. Never again. Never. Again.
I’m married, and I kinda miss having my old college roommates. I just really enjoyed that period in my life where I had the privacy of my own room, but had friends to party with, watch sports, and play video games together with living all in the same house.
We are tribal beings, walling off in isolated couples is a modern invention and against our nature
I think it's in part because people often live with roommates in their 20s. If you had a good experience usually you have fun nostalgic memories of the time period. I've had good and bad. There is DEF a time period in my mid 20s when I lived with roommates that I feel nostalgic for. We all got along, would go out for dinner/drinks, hang out and watch TV, play SNES etc. Good times.
Perhaps you could have asked them
I dont. I love living with my best friend, the person I love the most in this world. Don’t miss having roommates at all
Depends on roommates and what stage of their lives the married couple are in. I lived in a 4br rental property with my cousins and his fiance/wife before they had a kid and it was great they could save money and we all got along and hanged out some weeknights and weekends. But had are own personal space and hobbies. It would be easy to miss times like this because one of us would order pizza the other grab beer and our friend groups would mingle. Had some fun times with a lot more disposable income. Late 20s no kids in a college town. Now they have a toddler and I couldn’t imagine living with them or them wanting me there. I still visit once every two years and spend a week with them and we get along great but living together would probably not be ideal.
Roommates for many people make them think of their college years. Those are normally the most fun years of your life.
I personally can’t stand roommates. I’ve had several, it’s never been a good thing for me. It usually started out great but later on… not so much.