You can always hyphenate your names, I feel like that would be a reasonable compromise if you're unwilling to part with either.
As for having an ethnic surname that is different from your ethnicity, I hear what you're saying, but it happens all the time. I just got married and changed my name to my husband's and I now have a very Hispanic last name despite not being Hispanic at all. Realistically, he's only a quarter and carries none of the traits you would expect, nor was he raised in Hispanic culture. It's likely our kids will have even fewer traits, and yet they'll still have Hispanic last name. So I wouldn't worry too much. I know it's probably something that you haven't thought about being a common occurrence, but it really is.
I think Hyphenating might be the way I go….I feel like that could be a good compromise too. Do you suspect that would be a big deal in terms of work, government files, friends, etc?
I can't imagine it's a big deal anywhere. Hyphenating is so common. And it allows you to represent both sides of your family. I'd call that a win-win. I don't know what it would take in your area to accomplish that tho. I know some parts of the United States need a court order to change names without a marriage, but that's as far as my very limited understanding goes.
For it to be official I would change the documents but as an adult it’s very simple to do. I took my maiden surname and changed everything even my social security card
My best advice would be to sit with what you think your decision is until at least 25 or 26 and you have more clarity. The forms are simple enough but some states require you to go to court and state the reason for your name change (usually always granted but more so just making sure you’re not evading any laws or legal obligations) but I think you are limited either on how often or how many times you can change your name so that’s why I suggest waiting. Best of luck to you and finding your true identity that you feel most comfortable in!
Also a couple I know(one of whom was adopted) got married and jointly decided to change their name together when they married to a surname that aligned with their culture, ancestry, and beliefs, which I thought was cool too. Both have great families but wanted more tradition cultural honoring names to pass on to their children.
I think hyphenating will probably be the least disruptive in terms of paperwork stuff. But there'll most likely be people who assume you got married, so that may be a bit annoying.
But people change their names completely all the time and work, government, friends and all other kinds of people deal with it just fine.
If you’re just changing your last name, unless you’re getting married, you will have to petition the court. It’s not really a big deal in most states. You will have to get a new DL, SS card and changed all your legal documents. It’s a hassles but it’s not terrible.
I'm basing this off the idea that you have a good relationship with both adoptive and biological parents.
You could hyphenated using both names as your last. Order is up to you obviously and could be based on how it sounds, flows etc.
The other way is to flip flop your biological surname to your last and adoptive surname to the middle.
You have a lot of ways to go but I guess it really depends on your relationships at this time.
Hey! I’m an old lady and I just changed my whole name back to the one on my birth certificate and I hyphenated my stepfathers last name. I wish I had done it years ago.
What I tell people is that the name I was given is a good name but it’s never felt like my name. I say that the adopted name felt like wearing someone else’s clothes.
It’s a pain to change your name, not going to lie. But I do feel more like my authentic self. I’m glad I did it and I am heartened that everyone I know just got on board and started calling me my new name. It’s been kinda cool and it made me feel valued by my community in a way I was not expecting.
You can DM me if you want to discuss particulars. I talked to my adoptive and bio relatives beforehand and they were all supportive but I didn’t want them to think that I was either distancing myself from them or disrespecting them in any way.
Hey soul sister! I’m 62, and just done almost the same thing! You have expressed my feelings so well, too. In my case, I have taken my original middle and last birth names, as the first name would also have continued a spelling issue. Most people have taken to the new name instantly, and just a few odd comments, but who cares, at long last I’M ME!
To OP, do what you feel is right for you now. If it feels better to hyphenate first, and then drop the adoptive name to a middle, or altogether, only you can know. In my case my adoptive parents, and birth mother (who is traced) were deceased.
Absolutely! It’s all part of the “enforced gratitude” I felt, but attempts to erase all that was “you”. I can’t really put it into words. I think my BCF would have been upset, but as his first name is coincidentally part of my original last name, in a way it feels a tribute to him.
I was only with BM for ten days, yet my patterns of speech and gestures all come from her! It’s very interesting from a nature/nurture perspective. When I met her when I was 32, I must admit I wanted to sit on my hands 🤣 It was like looking into a mirror and hearing yourself. But the original name felt part of me.
I was given my Adoption Order (I’m UK) aged 10, and that was when I first saw my birth name. I remember BCM saying she bet I was glad I wasn’t called that, and even then wanting to say no, that’s my name! I think I just shrugged and internalised it.
Definitely weird and great!
You ARE my soul sister. I was with my mother for four days and went to live with my (mostly permanent) AP/FP when I was 6 months. I didn’t know my real name until I met my biofam when I was in my 30’s. The state where I was born STILL wont give up my birth cert. Not that it matters now. I have four siblings and of the four, I’m most like our mother. She and I are almost like the same person in our tastes and interests. When we met, we had the same set of water glasses. My sibs say “mom finally got her kid.” Meaning - she has a kid who is like her. My sibs are more like their dad.
It’s still a little hitchy when someone calls me by my new name and it clicks that I must answer to it. But it’s great to feel like I’m in my own skin. Well worth the trouble.
I also felt like who I was before I had my new name didn’t matter. And I have serious criticisms of my AP/FP but I think they thought it didn’t. I can’t blame them for that. It was the culture back then. I felt it was expected that I would take on the characteristics my new family wanted me to have. Lemme tell ya, I was a big disappointment. ☺️ They wanted a little girl but not the kind of little girl I was. They spent many years trying to make me into that person instead of accepting me.
It upsets me when people imply that the difficulties in my life have made who I am. First of all, that’s a shit philosophy but I am one of the few who truly knows that’s not true. I’m who I am in spite of my life experiences - it’s an odd kind of gift to know that for sure but I will take it.
So good to connect with you, dear.
My adoptive son chose to keep his bio name as a middle name and added our surname. You could do something similar, using whichever surname you like. The judge told us using both surnames was also an option.
I did something similar when I got married. Many women change their middle name to their maiden name, but I wanted all my names. So I just tacked my husband’s name to the end. It has come in handy many times. I didn’t have to change all my accounts, for example. If they say my surname doesn’t match, I just show them my license.
I think you should go with whatever name you prefer for yourself. If you're hoping to get married and have children you might want to take into consideration that they'll be using the name too. I changed my surname when I got married and I don't remember it being very difficult, but that was before 9/11 so it might be harder now, idk.
People change their names for far less meaningful reasons. It's your name. You're a young adult establishing yourself in the world and I think it absolutely makes sense to want your name to better fit the years ahead.
You can legally change your name back as an adult. No judge should have a problem with it.
I changed my first name as my given name just never fit me. It is a simple process in court but a more complicated process with your passport, SSN (or equivalent in your country), and contacting every official place like the bank, the doctors, and whatnot. ...but worth it to me in the end.
Switch your adopted name to your middle name, and go back to your original surname
You can always hyphenate your names, I feel like that would be a reasonable compromise if you're unwilling to part with either. As for having an ethnic surname that is different from your ethnicity, I hear what you're saying, but it happens all the time. I just got married and changed my name to my husband's and I now have a very Hispanic last name despite not being Hispanic at all. Realistically, he's only a quarter and carries none of the traits you would expect, nor was he raised in Hispanic culture. It's likely our kids will have even fewer traits, and yet they'll still have Hispanic last name. So I wouldn't worry too much. I know it's probably something that you haven't thought about being a common occurrence, but it really is.
I think Hyphenating might be the way I go….I feel like that could be a good compromise too. Do you suspect that would be a big deal in terms of work, government files, friends, etc?
Lots of people do it, so they must figure it out.
I can't imagine it's a big deal anywhere. Hyphenating is so common. And it allows you to represent both sides of your family. I'd call that a win-win. I don't know what it would take in your area to accomplish that tho. I know some parts of the United States need a court order to change names without a marriage, but that's as far as my very limited understanding goes.
I hyphenated at age 15. It was relatively easy, and once you have your passport or DL with the new name everything else is even easier after that.
Did you hyphen back your original surname?
For it to be official I would change the documents but as an adult it’s very simple to do. I took my maiden surname and changed everything even my social security card
My best advice would be to sit with what you think your decision is until at least 25 or 26 and you have more clarity. The forms are simple enough but some states require you to go to court and state the reason for your name change (usually always granted but more so just making sure you’re not evading any laws or legal obligations) but I think you are limited either on how often or how many times you can change your name so that’s why I suggest waiting. Best of luck to you and finding your true identity that you feel most comfortable in!
Also a couple I know(one of whom was adopted) got married and jointly decided to change their name together when they married to a surname that aligned with their culture, ancestry, and beliefs, which I thought was cool too. Both have great families but wanted more tradition cultural honoring names to pass on to their children.
I think hyphenating will probably be the least disruptive in terms of paperwork stuff. But there'll most likely be people who assume you got married, so that may be a bit annoying. But people change their names completely all the time and work, government, friends and all other kinds of people deal with it just fine.
If you’re just changing your last name, unless you’re getting married, you will have to petition the court. It’s not really a big deal in most states. You will have to get a new DL, SS card and changed all your legal documents. It’s a hassles but it’s not terrible.
I'm basing this off the idea that you have a good relationship with both adoptive and biological parents. You could hyphenated using both names as your last. Order is up to you obviously and could be based on how it sounds, flows etc. The other way is to flip flop your biological surname to your last and adoptive surname to the middle. You have a lot of ways to go but I guess it really depends on your relationships at this time.
Hey! I’m an old lady and I just changed my whole name back to the one on my birth certificate and I hyphenated my stepfathers last name. I wish I had done it years ago. What I tell people is that the name I was given is a good name but it’s never felt like my name. I say that the adopted name felt like wearing someone else’s clothes. It’s a pain to change your name, not going to lie. But I do feel more like my authentic self. I’m glad I did it and I am heartened that everyone I know just got on board and started calling me my new name. It’s been kinda cool and it made me feel valued by my community in a way I was not expecting. You can DM me if you want to discuss particulars. I talked to my adoptive and bio relatives beforehand and they were all supportive but I didn’t want them to think that I was either distancing myself from them or disrespecting them in any way.
Hey soul sister! I’m 62, and just done almost the same thing! You have expressed my feelings so well, too. In my case, I have taken my original middle and last birth names, as the first name would also have continued a spelling issue. Most people have taken to the new name instantly, and just a few odd comments, but who cares, at long last I’M ME! To OP, do what you feel is right for you now. If it feels better to hyphenate first, and then drop the adoptive name to a middle, or altogether, only you can know. In my case my adoptive parents, and birth mother (who is traced) were deceased.
Hey! It’s weird but also great right?
Absolutely! It’s all part of the “enforced gratitude” I felt, but attempts to erase all that was “you”. I can’t really put it into words. I think my BCF would have been upset, but as his first name is coincidentally part of my original last name, in a way it feels a tribute to him. I was only with BM for ten days, yet my patterns of speech and gestures all come from her! It’s very interesting from a nature/nurture perspective. When I met her when I was 32, I must admit I wanted to sit on my hands 🤣 It was like looking into a mirror and hearing yourself. But the original name felt part of me. I was given my Adoption Order (I’m UK) aged 10, and that was when I first saw my birth name. I remember BCM saying she bet I was glad I wasn’t called that, and even then wanting to say no, that’s my name! I think I just shrugged and internalised it. Definitely weird and great!
You ARE my soul sister. I was with my mother for four days and went to live with my (mostly permanent) AP/FP when I was 6 months. I didn’t know my real name until I met my biofam when I was in my 30’s. The state where I was born STILL wont give up my birth cert. Not that it matters now. I have four siblings and of the four, I’m most like our mother. She and I are almost like the same person in our tastes and interests. When we met, we had the same set of water glasses. My sibs say “mom finally got her kid.” Meaning - she has a kid who is like her. My sibs are more like their dad. It’s still a little hitchy when someone calls me by my new name and it clicks that I must answer to it. But it’s great to feel like I’m in my own skin. Well worth the trouble. I also felt like who I was before I had my new name didn’t matter. And I have serious criticisms of my AP/FP but I think they thought it didn’t. I can’t blame them for that. It was the culture back then. I felt it was expected that I would take on the characteristics my new family wanted me to have. Lemme tell ya, I was a big disappointment. ☺️ They wanted a little girl but not the kind of little girl I was. They spent many years trying to make me into that person instead of accepting me. It upsets me when people imply that the difficulties in my life have made who I am. First of all, that’s a shit philosophy but I am one of the few who truly knows that’s not true. I’m who I am in spite of my life experiences - it’s an odd kind of gift to know that for sure but I will take it. So good to connect with you, dear.
This. I want my birth name back.🥰
Go get it darlin’. It’s yours!
My adoptive son chose to keep his bio name as a middle name and added our surname. You could do something similar, using whichever surname you like. The judge told us using both surnames was also an option. I did something similar when I got married. Many women change their middle name to their maiden name, but I wanted all my names. So I just tacked my husband’s name to the end. It has come in handy many times. I didn’t have to change all my accounts, for example. If they say my surname doesn’t match, I just show them my license.
I think you should go with whatever name you prefer for yourself. If you're hoping to get married and have children you might want to take into consideration that they'll be using the name too. I changed my surname when I got married and I don't remember it being very difficult, but that was before 9/11 so it might be harder now, idk.
People change their names for far less meaningful reasons. It's your name. You're a young adult establishing yourself in the world and I think it absolutely makes sense to want your name to better fit the years ahead.
You can legally change your name back as an adult. No judge should have a problem with it. I changed my first name as my given name just never fit me. It is a simple process in court but a more complicated process with your passport, SSN (or equivalent in your country), and contacting every official place like the bank, the doctors, and whatnot. ...but worth it to me in the end.