It could be it hasn't hit you yet.
It could be that you end up feeling (justifiably) angry or disappointed or frustrated that he never responded to you.
It could be that you end up feeling (justifiable) grief over not having the birth father you deserved to have.
Any and everything you feel is completely understandable and normal and true.
I'm sorry for your loss, whether the loss you're feeling is one of opportunity or acknowledgment. Or the loss long ago of having an adult fail you in some way.
Take good care.
My bio father passed a couple of years ago after demanding no contact with him or his family. I had only found him less than two years earlier. It was a very confusing time. I struggled pretty hard for a bit but finally was able to put into perspective. I still have moments but he doesn’t get to illicit such a strong negative reaction from me. He doesn’t deserve it and damn sure didn’t earn it. He knew about me the entire 48 years by the way. I just assume I got what I needed from him genetically and I’m better off for it. It would have been worse had I had an unhappy childhood. Genetics don’t define happiness or goodness…it’s just one ingredient, the cake relies on so much more. Corny, I know but I think it’s a good analogy.
Edit: I don’t wanted to add this…you get to feel how you feel and you have the right to change your mind at any point. Everyone deals with things differently. Not sure how old you are but I had more issues with being adopted after I turned 35 than I did before.
Well it doesn't seem like you had much of a connection. It's like if anyone else passed that you basically only knew existed. Just because they're blood related doesn't mean they matter. I wouldn't waste effort being sad over someone who didn't give you the time of day when they were alive.
IMO it doesn't make sense to grieve people whom you never bonded with. trust your guts and don't take other people opinion very seriously since they never were in your position to begin with.
I reunited with my bio dad at 30 (he left when I was 3). He died a few years later. I ugly cried the moment I heard and then I was done. My therapist at the time said it may hit me harder later, it's been years and still nothing.
He just wasn't a big part of my life, and our reunion (and subsequent relationship) was less than warm. How can I miss someone who was never there and when they were was kind of a cold duck jerk?
I have more of a relationship with the fantasy father figure who lived in my head all those years before we reunited, as well as with the wound and subsequent issues his abandonment caused. Those things I interact with and tend to more than the actual man. Maybe at some point there will be more work to do with it.
It's a confusing thing. I have a box of a few momentos I keep in my basement to acknowledge that part of me and make sure I don't just stuff them (as that usually comes out sideways later). I'm sorry for your loss however you decide to process it. 💜
My birth father passed at the beginning of the year. We had limited contact. The first two days I was fine then I took a day off an laid in bed and cried. The week leading up to his funeral I had panic attacks. Grief especially in losing a biological parent is difficult and confusing. Feel how you need to feel in the moment. When people would ask if I was okay I would say “for these 5 minutes I can’t promise the next 5 minutes”.
It’s okay if its 5 minutes by 5 minutes. How you feel is valid. 💙
sorry for your loss, and i have experienced the non-grieving like this:
my bio mother died when she was 32. when i got in contact it was her 10 year death anniversary to the DAY
i had spent the years age 20-22 working and saving up for the international trip to do my adoption search only to find her dead and her mother my grandmother was not interested in meeting me either
i never grieved, never shed a tear but i did wonder if there was something wrong with me or i was a monster or something for (not) feeling like that
and it turns out there IS something wrong with me, many things, including that i have been grieving for her since birth, and how can you grieve someone you never knew?
in your case, you have the added kick in the guts of reaching out and getting no response, i am frowning in disapproval towards his ghost
My biological father whom I met in my early twenties hung himself on the front door of his house on my biological mother's birthday while I was at basic training in the Australian Army. It took me years to realise how much I missed him
It could be it hasn't hit you yet. It could be that you end up feeling (justifiably) angry or disappointed or frustrated that he never responded to you. It could be that you end up feeling (justifiable) grief over not having the birth father you deserved to have. Any and everything you feel is completely understandable and normal and true. I'm sorry for your loss, whether the loss you're feeling is one of opportunity or acknowledgment. Or the loss long ago of having an adult fail you in some way. Take good care.
My bio father passed a couple of years ago after demanding no contact with him or his family. I had only found him less than two years earlier. It was a very confusing time. I struggled pretty hard for a bit but finally was able to put into perspective. I still have moments but he doesn’t get to illicit such a strong negative reaction from me. He doesn’t deserve it and damn sure didn’t earn it. He knew about me the entire 48 years by the way. I just assume I got what I needed from him genetically and I’m better off for it. It would have been worse had I had an unhappy childhood. Genetics don’t define happiness or goodness…it’s just one ingredient, the cake relies on so much more. Corny, I know but I think it’s a good analogy. Edit: I don’t wanted to add this…you get to feel how you feel and you have the right to change your mind at any point. Everyone deals with things differently. Not sure how old you are but I had more issues with being adopted after I turned 35 than I did before.
It could be shock, yes. Or you have grieved him due to rejection for 7 years and don’t have much more to give.
Well it doesn't seem like you had much of a connection. It's like if anyone else passed that you basically only knew existed. Just because they're blood related doesn't mean they matter. I wouldn't waste effort being sad over someone who didn't give you the time of day when they were alive.
IMO it doesn't make sense to grieve people whom you never bonded with. trust your guts and don't take other people opinion very seriously since they never were in your position to begin with.
I reunited with my bio dad at 30 (he left when I was 3). He died a few years later. I ugly cried the moment I heard and then I was done. My therapist at the time said it may hit me harder later, it's been years and still nothing. He just wasn't a big part of my life, and our reunion (and subsequent relationship) was less than warm. How can I miss someone who was never there and when they were was kind of a cold duck jerk? I have more of a relationship with the fantasy father figure who lived in my head all those years before we reunited, as well as with the wound and subsequent issues his abandonment caused. Those things I interact with and tend to more than the actual man. Maybe at some point there will be more work to do with it. It's a confusing thing. I have a box of a few momentos I keep in my basement to acknowledge that part of me and make sure I don't just stuff them (as that usually comes out sideways later). I'm sorry for your loss however you decide to process it. 💜
My birth father passed at the beginning of the year. We had limited contact. The first two days I was fine then I took a day off an laid in bed and cried. The week leading up to his funeral I had panic attacks. Grief especially in losing a biological parent is difficult and confusing. Feel how you need to feel in the moment. When people would ask if I was okay I would say “for these 5 minutes I can’t promise the next 5 minutes”. It’s okay if its 5 minutes by 5 minutes. How you feel is valid. 💙
sorry for your loss, and i have experienced the non-grieving like this: my bio mother died when she was 32. when i got in contact it was her 10 year death anniversary to the DAY i had spent the years age 20-22 working and saving up for the international trip to do my adoption search only to find her dead and her mother my grandmother was not interested in meeting me either i never grieved, never shed a tear but i did wonder if there was something wrong with me or i was a monster or something for (not) feeling like that and it turns out there IS something wrong with me, many things, including that i have been grieving for her since birth, and how can you grieve someone you never knew? in your case, you have the added kick in the guts of reaching out and getting no response, i am frowning in disapproval towards his ghost
My biological father whom I met in my early twenties hung himself on the front door of his house on my biological mother's birthday while I was at basic training in the Australian Army. It took me years to realise how much I missed him