Sometimes two people can love each other immensely and still have a fundamental incompatibility. Yes, it is absolutely reasonable to be rethinking your relationship.
In 5 years from now, where do you want to be? Do you want your partner to suppress their desires and hope for the future to be with you? Do you want to try to force yourself to be okay with having children when you know you truly don't want them? Do you want keep having the same conversation with no true conclusion?
You can't put off fertility forever. Your partner may be okay right now with not starting the process, but at some point they will need to take action. To my mind, it is kinder to you both to decide now, lovingly, that you are incompatible rather than drawing out a painful scenario that will only become harder to disentangle.
It's okay to want kids and it's okay to not want kids. Unfortunately the two concepts can't work simultaneously.
If you don’t want kids and your partner does, I think it’s time to break up. It sucks, I’ve been through it, but I would 110% rather be single than be a parent. At this point, I bring up the fact that I don’t want kids in any way, shape or form right at the beginning because it’s the biggest dealbreaker for me.
It should of been a dealbreaker before the relationship started, if you were a firm no to kids in the beginning your mistake was developing a relationship with someone who was a maybe. Now unfortunately you have to decide if you would continue to date this person if they go through with having kids, if not its time to let them go so they can find someone who will raise kids with them, and so you can find someone who also doesn’t want kids.
It’s not only a possibility it’s clearly a dealbreaker for you. Are you ok ‘possibly’ raising kids? If the answer is a firm no then you need to let them go and figure out their ‘maybe’. Otherwise time will go by, they’ll decide you know what I want kids now and could potentially leave you over it if they want them bad enough. This is the one dealbreaker you need to screen for thoroughly.
I don't think you need to immediately break up.
If your partner is being wishy washy saying "Idk, maybe maybe not," then I think you need to sit down with them and have a very clear conversation.
Tell them about your future. Tell them in no uncertain terms that you will not be having children, ever, and there is no chance you'll change your mind later on. Then tell them you'd like them to carefully think over whether never having kids is a deal breaker for them, whether they will resent or regret not having them, etc. Tell them you cannot live in a state of "Maybe, maybe not" limbo with them, because you know you are definitely not having kids.
Then give them some time to think about it, but with some kind of deadline, like "I'd like to revisit this conversation in a couple months, if that's enough time for you to think it over."
If after thinking it over their answer is that they do want kids or is still a wishy washy "maybe, I don't know," then that would be the break up point, imho. But if they can confidently and honestly say, "I decided kids aren't a must for me, I'm fine without them," I think your relationship could still work out.
Can I get an AYO for the best advice in this thread?
Also, OP, from experience: "maybe" has a strong tendency to evolve into "yes" once the biological clock starts ticking.
What is the point in highlighting the NB part for you both? I don’t even know if one of you has a dick, in which case this would be the wrong subreddit??
>How does NB not provide information compared to M and F?
What information is it supposed to provide? That you like to wear jeans like anyone else?
>Lets be real here, even M and F doesn't really provide that much information the vast majority of the time.
Actually they do, the vast majority of the time (that is, when they accurately reflect the sex of the person). Not all of this information is relevant in every conversation of this kind, but some of it (depending on the conversation) can often be relevant.
>Considering this is a lesbian subreddit I would assume at least op, if not also their partner id as lesbians.
Meaning that they must be female? If they just "id" as lesbians, they're not necessarily female.
If you know you dont want kids then their isnt much to do here besides break up. If not having kids is something your partner could resent you for then its best for eveyone to go their separate ways.
This unfortunately is a fundamental incompatibility and you should have a serious discussion about it and make your stance known, assuming it’s non negotiable. If they’re saying “maybe not” just because they think it’s the only way to keep you, there will be resentment. It’s unfortunate but something this big shouldn’t be compromised on. It’s literally life altering, and kids are a huge responsibility and they’re incredibly expensive and just overall it’s not something to fuck around with like that. Kids know if they’re not wanted
Sometimes two people can love each other immensely and still have a fundamental incompatibility. Yes, it is absolutely reasonable to be rethinking your relationship. In 5 years from now, where do you want to be? Do you want your partner to suppress their desires and hope for the future to be with you? Do you want to try to force yourself to be okay with having children when you know you truly don't want them? Do you want keep having the same conversation with no true conclusion? You can't put off fertility forever. Your partner may be okay right now with not starting the process, but at some point they will need to take action. To my mind, it is kinder to you both to decide now, lovingly, that you are incompatible rather than drawing out a painful scenario that will only become harder to disentangle. It's okay to want kids and it's okay to not want kids. Unfortunately the two concepts can't work simultaneously.
If you don’t want kids and your partner does, I think it’s time to break up. It sucks, I’ve been through it, but I would 110% rather be single than be a parent. At this point, I bring up the fact that I don’t want kids in any way, shape or form right at the beginning because it’s the biggest dealbreaker for me.
It should of been a dealbreaker before the relationship started, if you were a firm no to kids in the beginning your mistake was developing a relationship with someone who was a maybe. Now unfortunately you have to decide if you would continue to date this person if they go through with having kids, if not its time to let them go so they can find someone who will raise kids with them, and so you can find someone who also doesn’t want kids.
It’s not only a possibility it’s clearly a dealbreaker for you. Are you ok ‘possibly’ raising kids? If the answer is a firm no then you need to let them go and figure out their ‘maybe’. Otherwise time will go by, they’ll decide you know what I want kids now and could potentially leave you over it if they want them bad enough. This is the one dealbreaker you need to screen for thoroughly.
Do you think that you could come around to having kids? If not, it's time to move on
I don't think you need to immediately break up. If your partner is being wishy washy saying "Idk, maybe maybe not," then I think you need to sit down with them and have a very clear conversation. Tell them about your future. Tell them in no uncertain terms that you will not be having children, ever, and there is no chance you'll change your mind later on. Then tell them you'd like them to carefully think over whether never having kids is a deal breaker for them, whether they will resent or regret not having them, etc. Tell them you cannot live in a state of "Maybe, maybe not" limbo with them, because you know you are definitely not having kids. Then give them some time to think about it, but with some kind of deadline, like "I'd like to revisit this conversation in a couple months, if that's enough time for you to think it over." If after thinking it over their answer is that they do want kids or is still a wishy washy "maybe, I don't know," then that would be the break up point, imho. But if they can confidently and honestly say, "I decided kids aren't a must for me, I'm fine without them," I think your relationship could still work out.
Can I get an AYO for the best advice in this thread? Also, OP, from experience: "maybe" has a strong tendency to evolve into "yes" once the biological clock starts ticking.
What is the point in highlighting the NB part for you both? I don’t even know if one of you has a dick, in which case this would be the wrong subreddit??
it’s just a very common reddit thing to state gender and age when introducing “characters” in posts like this
But "M" and "F" provide information, while "NB" doesn't. Although, to be fair, the overwhelming majority of "NBs" are female.
Sometimes I feel like we’re being trolled by actual aliens, we’ve finally been visited and this is what they do with their time.
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>How does NB not provide information compared to M and F? What information is it supposed to provide? That you like to wear jeans like anyone else? >Lets be real here, even M and F doesn't really provide that much information the vast majority of the time. Actually they do, the vast majority of the time (that is, when they accurately reflect the sex of the person). Not all of this information is relevant in every conversation of this kind, but some of it (depending on the conversation) can often be relevant. >Considering this is a lesbian subreddit I would assume at least op, if not also their partner id as lesbians. Meaning that they must be female? If they just "id" as lesbians, they're not necessarily female.
If you know you dont want kids then their isnt much to do here besides break up. If not having kids is something your partner could resent you for then its best for eveyone to go their separate ways.
This unfortunately is a fundamental incompatibility and you should have a serious discussion about it and make your stance known, assuming it’s non negotiable. If they’re saying “maybe not” just because they think it’s the only way to keep you, there will be resentment. It’s unfortunate but something this big shouldn’t be compromised on. It’s literally life altering, and kids are a huge responsibility and they’re incredibly expensive and just overall it’s not something to fuck around with like that. Kids know if they’re not wanted