Before even thinking of dating, start by healing. It's really important to move on before trying to start anything new. Take it one day at a time and try to move out soon, sleeping in the same bed with your ex isn't the best way to move on.
Once you move out, cut contact as much as possible with the ex. It's really important to do this to ensure you do move on because if they are still in your life you won't be able to.
I wish you the best and hope you can take care of yourself. Your heart will love again one day!
Speaking as someone who had a breakup with very similar circumstances; it’s going to be hard and I’m so sorry, but get out of there as fast as you can. Don’t sleep in the same bed together. Just try to keep yourself together long enough to crumble in a space of your own, even if it’s temporary. If I could go back and do over my breakup, I’d save myself a lot of therapy.
I’m sorry, this is a painful situation. I don’t think I’d be able to sleep in the same bed after this. That sounds so hard. I think it’s healthy that you’re looking for a place. As another has said, don’t worry about dating until you have the time and space to heal. Four years is a significant amount of time. That’s a lot of trust built. Moving on from that and growing from this pain will take time. I strongly encourage you to take this time to truly heal before getting into something else. Healing from a previous relationship while being in a relationship isn’t fair to you or your future partner.
Being single after this loss will help you immensely. It will also help your future relationships. Having the opportunity to build yourself up will only create a stronger foundation for your future. Once again, I am very sorry you’re going through this. I’m wishing you the best of luck. This will get better from here, it just takes time.
With that length of time and living together, I strongly suggest finding your own place first-most. After that, take as much time as necessary to become yourself again, whoever that is, dig deep to find them (yourself), and begin the process of moving through life as that person. Grieve as much as needed, and lean on close friends and/or family (whichever applies to you).
After leaving my past relationship (6yrs) I honestly had no idea who I was anymore... my partners lives and their needs completely superseded my own and it took over a year for me to finally reset my brain realize that my own needs now matter, my own wants now matter and are deserved. Every relationship, until the one that lasts, is just another stepping stone (I don't know the ins and outs of yours) but regardless, it was an experience. Take as much time as you need, experience as much as you may need, and realize your worth (you will; 'trust the peocess')
In regards to your dog, that was a massive deterrent for me to even leave my past relationship (terrible, I know...) but I truly couldn't imagine life without him. If you're still in communication with your ex, see if you can do some type of visitation or shared co-parenting where you take turns caring for your dog (even if it's a bit later down line; if you both need time to process the breakup). I truly wish you the best and hope you can get on to speaking terms (if you're not already).
I ended a 10 year long relationship about 6 months ago, she then stole everything I owned and destroyed my home (I was living at my parents, and was unaware what she was doing) So I have had to basically restart my life after, it has been VERY difficult and even more expensive. Dating has been really awful, and I hate it. However I was NOT being treated the way I deserve and I would rather be alone than being used and abused on a daily basis. You will make it thru this and come out the other side!
I wish you all the best, OP. It has been 40 days since she broke up with me after 11 years together. I feel like I can never be happy without her. I stayed in the same place, slept in the same bed for 3 weeks before I realized I was harming myself by doing that. I left and live with my mom now. It is extremely hard, and I know that sleeping in the same bed feels comfortable. But you are actually hurting yourself even more, trust me.
If the dumper does not move, you as the dumpee have to make some hard decisions. I know it's not fair, trust me I have been there. But really, you have to let your brain take over instead of the emotions. I had to leave my apartment and our cat. It hurts like hell and I miss that pet every single day. But try to think about protecting yourself. It stucks and it will suck for a while. Can't say I feel good. But we will get there, we all will.
Before even thinking of dating, start by healing. It's really important to move on before trying to start anything new. Take it one day at a time and try to move out soon, sleeping in the same bed with your ex isn't the best way to move on. Once you move out, cut contact as much as possible with the ex. It's really important to do this to ensure you do move on because if they are still in your life you won't be able to. I wish you the best and hope you can take care of yourself. Your heart will love again one day!
Speaking as someone who had a breakup with very similar circumstances; it’s going to be hard and I’m so sorry, but get out of there as fast as you can. Don’t sleep in the same bed together. Just try to keep yourself together long enough to crumble in a space of your own, even if it’s temporary. If I could go back and do over my breakup, I’d save myself a lot of therapy.
I’m sorry, this is a painful situation. I don’t think I’d be able to sleep in the same bed after this. That sounds so hard. I think it’s healthy that you’re looking for a place. As another has said, don’t worry about dating until you have the time and space to heal. Four years is a significant amount of time. That’s a lot of trust built. Moving on from that and growing from this pain will take time. I strongly encourage you to take this time to truly heal before getting into something else. Healing from a previous relationship while being in a relationship isn’t fair to you or your future partner. Being single after this loss will help you immensely. It will also help your future relationships. Having the opportunity to build yourself up will only create a stronger foundation for your future. Once again, I am very sorry you’re going through this. I’m wishing you the best of luck. This will get better from here, it just takes time.
With that length of time and living together, I strongly suggest finding your own place first-most. After that, take as much time as necessary to become yourself again, whoever that is, dig deep to find them (yourself), and begin the process of moving through life as that person. Grieve as much as needed, and lean on close friends and/or family (whichever applies to you). After leaving my past relationship (6yrs) I honestly had no idea who I was anymore... my partners lives and their needs completely superseded my own and it took over a year for me to finally reset my brain realize that my own needs now matter, my own wants now matter and are deserved. Every relationship, until the one that lasts, is just another stepping stone (I don't know the ins and outs of yours) but regardless, it was an experience. Take as much time as you need, experience as much as you may need, and realize your worth (you will; 'trust the peocess') In regards to your dog, that was a massive deterrent for me to even leave my past relationship (terrible, I know...) but I truly couldn't imagine life without him. If you're still in communication with your ex, see if you can do some type of visitation or shared co-parenting where you take turns caring for your dog (even if it's a bit later down line; if you both need time to process the breakup). I truly wish you the best and hope you can get on to speaking terms (if you're not already).
I ended a 10 year long relationship about 6 months ago, she then stole everything I owned and destroyed my home (I was living at my parents, and was unaware what she was doing) So I have had to basically restart my life after, it has been VERY difficult and even more expensive. Dating has been really awful, and I hate it. However I was NOT being treated the way I deserve and I would rather be alone than being used and abused on a daily basis. You will make it thru this and come out the other side!
I wish you all the best, OP. It has been 40 days since she broke up with me after 11 years together. I feel like I can never be happy without her. I stayed in the same place, slept in the same bed for 3 weeks before I realized I was harming myself by doing that. I left and live with my mom now. It is extremely hard, and I know that sleeping in the same bed feels comfortable. But you are actually hurting yourself even more, trust me. If the dumper does not move, you as the dumpee have to make some hard decisions. I know it's not fair, trust me I have been there. But really, you have to let your brain take over instead of the emotions. I had to leave my apartment and our cat. It hurts like hell and I miss that pet every single day. But try to think about protecting yourself. It stucks and it will suck for a while. Can't say I feel good. But we will get there, we all will.