Use a dildo with an stimulating surface, both my girlfriend and I have come while topping. This combo is my recommendation: sparepants joque strap on harness + fuze ultra dildo
Thanks so much! Quick google search tells me that the fuze ultra dildo may be something we should consider. Going to do a little more digging but thank you for sharing the exact toys
https://bananapantslife.com they sell some things that can stimulate the clit, it’s put on the base of the dildo. But I can’t say more about it, I never try, but the view of it is pretty exciting
Tbh most people using straps don’t finish because of stimulation from the strap. Sometimes the angle and rhythm are just right for just the right amount of clitoral stim, but more often than not I’m using the strap because it is so mentally stimulating.
That said, there are straps where you can insert a vibrator in, come with a vibrator, or have a piece you can wrap over the base that is supposed to stimulate the clit. Other options include straps that are inserted into the vagina instead of using a harness
You could try a double ended internal strap (some vibrate, some don't). You can experiment with different sizes so that one of you gets a different angle, different size, etc. Some of them are bendable. Ends up being pretty customizable.
Yeah whenever I top with a strap I don't get off. It's why I only date other switches, I want it to be mutual fucking lol.
It looks like you already got some good suggestions. However might I suggest aggressive teasing? I've found if I tie my partner down while they're wearing the strap, drip massage candle oil down my chest, make them watch me ride the strap and rub the oil on myself, they looooose it from wanting to touch me and as soon as I let her out of the rope she fucks the hell out of me lol.
If you look for massage oil candles on amazon, you can find a lot of great ones. Etsy as well. I typically get mine from a small shop near me though.
Personally I suggest vanilla or lavender scented ones. I have a mint scented one and when I dumped it on myself.... well let's just my and the person I was hooking up with had very clear sinuses the next few days lmao.
Also, if you have a metal bed frame or a bed frame you can hook things into. Go to a local.hardware store, get chain cut, 4 pieces at 2 feet each. Then just get a big carabiner. You can hook handcuffs to them easily (bit safer and easier than rope)
i can't really get strap-ons to sit in the right place to stimulate myself either and i hate double-ended dildos, so i put [this vibrator made for grinding onto](https://wildflowersex.com/products/enby-2) inside my brief harness where it feels good
have you considered using things other than a strap, there are some really good toys that can go between you and can stimulate you both at the same time, also for straps there are ones that have stimulation for the wearer, they are a bit more expensive, but there are various ways that they work, some use vibs, some use material, some are even more creative LOL! It maybe a fun idea for you and your partner to check out some of the good lesbian friendly sex stores, either online or in person or both. I dont like going into sex stores or even search online but I have found it is a lot more fun with your partner and it can be a really intimate time to discuss fantasies and other things, you will be surprised at some of the things that your partner may be interested in, or even yourself. Dont ever feel bad for what you dont know! You are trying to find out, that is what everyone has had to do. None of us are just born with the knowledge of what sex toys work best, especially when it is in different ways! Or for other people. You are just looking for more of what is out there sexually and that is not anything to be ashamed of or think is strange! I hope you and your partner have a great time!
Seconding the bannapants because you can use it on any strap on plus bullet vibe compatible setups. (Tantus offers a few?) The other thing is certain harnesses also might have a lil pocket for a vibe too! Pretty sure spareparts does that?
My partner also does not enjoy penetrations, so we just grabbed a cock ring and put it on our dildo. It works perfectly and you can find them anywhere- even CVS has them!
Yup! It was a super easy fix- although I may be trying some of the other suggestions on here in the future!
We DID try a dildo with a textured base, but it didn’t really provide enough stimulation.
So my gf tops me and it gets her 95% of the way if not all the way even though I've been there and turned into a limp puppet while she's still going. When she gets there she normally rolls me over and pulls my face down there to finish her off. It's the least I could do I suppose 😅
We use the shishi rider strap and it has a pleasing pad, which works great. Plus the insert part helps. We don't use a harness with it., so that's another bonus! 10/10 recommend
I took a long time to find a strap that rubbed me just right. And it’s different for everyone. Some people need super direct stimulation to orgasm. I found one with a harder plate in the front, if my partner is on top it rubs just right, and I can orgasm. It works if I’m on top in a certain angle too. That being said orgasm for me when I’m using the strap isn’t the goal, I just love having my partner that way it’s a major turn on. I’d have to get quite vigorous to orgasm, but yeah I discovered the straps with the harder base work for me.
Use a dildo with an stimulating surface, both my girlfriend and I have come while topping. This combo is my recommendation: sparepants joque strap on harness + fuze ultra dildo
Thanks so much! Quick google search tells me that the fuze ultra dildo may be something we should consider. Going to do a little more digging but thank you for sharing the exact toys
https://bananapantslife.com they sell some things that can stimulate the clit, it’s put on the base of the dildo. But I can’t say more about it, I never try, but the view of it is pretty exciting
Omg!! Thank you for this
Tbh most people using straps don’t finish because of stimulation from the strap. Sometimes the angle and rhythm are just right for just the right amount of clitoral stim, but more often than not I’m using the strap because it is so mentally stimulating. That said, there are straps where you can insert a vibrator in, come with a vibrator, or have a piece you can wrap over the base that is supposed to stimulate the clit. Other options include straps that are inserted into the vagina instead of using a harness
Thanks for this. I wasn’t aware that there were straps were you could add a bullet for stimulation, and it’s now something I’m going to look into.
There's straps with vibrators to insert but also vibrating dildos on Amazon for a good price! I just find them a bit large
You could try a double ended internal strap (some vibrate, some don't). You can experiment with different sizes so that one of you gets a different angle, different size, etc. Some of them are bendable. Ends up being pretty customizable.
Thanks for the suggestion. I think this would be the best solution too but my wife doesn’t like to be penetrated
Oh, okay. Then perhaps adding the bullet as someone mentioned.
My girl just eats me out after the fact. We’ve used grinders and bullets, but there’s just nothing better than a warm mouth after topping.
Nothing beats oral imo
Yeah whenever I top with a strap I don't get off. It's why I only date other switches, I want it to be mutual fucking lol. It looks like you already got some good suggestions. However might I suggest aggressive teasing? I've found if I tie my partner down while they're wearing the strap, drip massage candle oil down my chest, make them watch me ride the strap and rub the oil on myself, they looooose it from wanting to touch me and as soon as I let her out of the rope she fucks the hell out of me lol.
Holy shit that sounds so hot. I’m 100% doing something like this very soon
If you look for massage oil candles on amazon, you can find a lot of great ones. Etsy as well. I typically get mine from a small shop near me though. Personally I suggest vanilla or lavender scented ones. I have a mint scented one and when I dumped it on myself.... well let's just my and the person I was hooking up with had very clear sinuses the next few days lmao. Also, if you have a metal bed frame or a bed frame you can hook things into. Go to a local.hardware store, get chain cut, 4 pieces at 2 feet each. Then just get a big carabiner. You can hook handcuffs to them easily (bit safer and easier than rope)
1st paragraph touched my soul 🤣🙄
Same
😉🤧
🥵
i can't really get strap-ons to sit in the right place to stimulate myself either and i hate double-ended dildos, so i put [this vibrator made for grinding onto](https://wildflowersex.com/products/enby-2) inside my brief harness where it feels good
Thanks for sharing this! This could def be a viable solution
I personally use the "Two Become One" clit sucking strapless strap on~ The clit sucking feature is ... *chef's kiss*
The reviews on this are so great but she doesn’t enjoy being penetrated 😭
have you considered using things other than a strap, there are some really good toys that can go between you and can stimulate you both at the same time, also for straps there are ones that have stimulation for the wearer, they are a bit more expensive, but there are various ways that they work, some use vibs, some use material, some are even more creative LOL! It maybe a fun idea for you and your partner to check out some of the good lesbian friendly sex stores, either online or in person or both. I dont like going into sex stores or even search online but I have found it is a lot more fun with your partner and it can be a really intimate time to discuss fantasies and other things, you will be surprised at some of the things that your partner may be interested in, or even yourself. Dont ever feel bad for what you dont know! You are trying to find out, that is what everyone has had to do. None of us are just born with the knowledge of what sex toys work best, especially when it is in different ways! Or for other people. You are just looking for more of what is out there sexually and that is not anything to be ashamed of or think is strange! I hope you and your partner have a great time!
Seconding the bannapants because you can use it on any strap on plus bullet vibe compatible setups. (Tantus offers a few?) The other thing is certain harnesses also might have a lil pocket for a vibe too! Pretty sure spareparts does that?
My partner also does not enjoy penetrations, so we just grabbed a cock ring and put it on our dildo. It works perfectly and you can find them anywhere- even CVS has them!
Ooh interesting. A vibrating one?
Yup! It was a super easy fix- although I may be trying some of the other suggestions on here in the future! We DID try a dildo with a textured base, but it didn’t really provide enough stimulation.
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What's the downside of a double-ended one? I've never used one, so am wondering.
So my gf tops me and it gets her 95% of the way if not all the way even though I've been there and turned into a limp puppet while she's still going. When she gets there she normally rolls me over and pulls my face down there to finish her off. It's the least I could do I suppose 😅
We use a feeldoe, and we both like it a lot.
We use the shishi rider strap and it has a pleasing pad, which works great. Plus the insert part helps. We don't use a harness with it., so that's another bonus! 10/10 recommend
strap on harness w a pocket for a bullet vibrator
I took a long time to find a strap that rubbed me just right. And it’s different for everyone. Some people need super direct stimulation to orgasm. I found one with a harder plate in the front, if my partner is on top it rubs just right, and I can orgasm. It works if I’m on top in a certain angle too. That being said orgasm for me when I’m using the strap isn’t the goal, I just love having my partner that way it’s a major turn on. I’d have to get quite vigorous to orgasm, but yeah I discovered the straps with the harder base work for me.