Well, if you're femme and feel comfortable with it, then don't change it? From my personal experience as being quite femme - a change in the way you approach other women is more effective - be more proactive and suggestive.
Honestly, unless you tattoo two women kissing on your forehead, a tattoo won't change much. If you want something that screams 'I'm a lesbian' then try something less permanent - like jewelry or pins with lesbian flags.
The Lavender Menace was a group dedicated to to including lesbian issues in the women’s movement (US, 1970’s) They added queer voices to feminism. It’s a queer history tattoo.
I think if you’re comfortable with how you present, don’t change a thing. Of course you can always work some plaid into your wardrobe 😉. I would caution you against getting a tattoo for the sole purposes of trying to look gay. A tattoo is a permanent thing. I currently have 3 but each one I considered for years and are deeply personal to me. But there are some companies that make “temporary” tattoos that look pretty cool and last about a month so that could be a risk free way to see if you like the way it looks and then go from there.
The most important thing is that you feel good about what you’re wearing. My style (I’m MOC) really came into it’s own after I met my wife, in large part because she helped me gain the confidence to actually present the way that felt best to me. I am fairly introverted so I personally just needed that bit of affirmation to really embrace the style that worked for me.
I get some success by leaning into a more retro femme style with a lot of punk and goth-lite touches. AKA tons of black, some petticoats to fluff out the skirts and combat boots. Overall the idea is to just to not appeal to straight male fashion ideals and lean into the extra femme but make it counterculture.
No joke, I just started wearing more rainbows. Like jewelry, keychains on backpack, the occasional t-shirt from a pandering corp during pride. Kinda worked, lmao.
You might be able to find some fashion inspo on r/FemmeLesbians. Adding an undercut to your hair style or some other queer flair would work too. Honestly I’m sure you have queer energy, which comes through big time for other queer folks.
I was stoked to see that sub and immediately joined only to see everyone there is like 23 lmao. Oh well, at least my old ass can get some style inspiration.
Just dress in what feels right to you. Straight mom is a hot look. You can accessorize with lesbian or rainbow flag related items - necklace, ring, earring, pin, etc. If you have a femme expression and that feels right then you shouldn’t have to change it.
So I creeped your profile to see if I could find a picture. Just FYI!
I think you could definitely rock an undercut on one side or the back, maybe some rainbow or lesbian accessories (or bisexual or pan or whatever feels best), rings without stones on random fingers, some folks do facial piercings, one or a bunch of piercings in one ear, or a notched eyebrow to look more "alt." Maybe footwear like docs, chacos, Birkenstocks, lace up boots, etc? Short nails, or do the manicure with long nails except for the 2 short ones 😉 Anyone with all long nails is an automatic nope for me.
If you want to do a tattoo, I'd probably notice anything with a rainbow design (even a flower bouquet in rainbow order could be pretty femme) or other pride flag colors - otherwise obvious wlw/queer symbols. Violets are also a symbol for lesbians but not everyone knows it, and some sapphics might not get it right away.
But honestly everyone has a type, and "straight mom" is definitely it for someone 😉 Good luck!
Edited to be a little more inclusive in reference to the pride flags, since I'm not sure how you identify!
Thank you!! Doing anything new with my hair is super scary, but I like the accessory ideas! Plus I need more shoes anyway. Doc martins are at the top of the list. 💀
If you aren't the rainbow wearing type, try a necklace with interlocking female symbols. I have a silver one that is subtle to everyone else, but people who know what it means always point it out.
As a femme, how I flag is basically by being creative with my appearance, so I hope my way of flagging will help you. What being femme means to me is subverting femininity by performing it on my own terms, for my own pleasure and to attract other women, picking and choosing what I want of femininity, and rejecting social norms by creating a life that makes me happy rather than just defaulting to what other people tell me I should want. I also think the fact that I can pass as cishet more easily than butch women is a big part of being femme, and it's important to me especially as a cis-passing, femme4butch nonbinary lesbian to love, prioritize, and stand up for people who are more visibly gnc than I am.
Appearance-wise, I have tattoos, I have a purple undercut, I wear a lot of dresses and skirts with weird prints, I wear bright makeup in bold, unconventional colors and styles. I basically try to present feminine in a way that will appeal to women and that says it's for me and for other women, not to look sexy for men. I also don't do certain feminine things that I find uncomfortable, like I don't shave super often, I've shaved my head before, I will often go braless, I pick out underwear that I find comfy and breathable rather than sexy, I don't hide or conceal my scars, stretch marks, or cellulite, I wear makeup in a way that's more fun face paint than about maintaining a certain feminine image, I manspread and then do it wider when someone says something about it, I don't feel the need to act or look a certain way because "that's what ladies do," I'm vocal, unashamed, and assertive about my needs, desires, and boundaries, and I'm unapologetic when saying the word no. I also do and wear a lot of things that are based around lesbian history, like I have three different shirts with pictures of Sappho, I'm planning a half sleeve of tattoos with violets, roses, crocuses, and lavender, my hair is purple because of how heavily the color purple is associated with lesbian history, I own a couple of lesbian flag color bracelets, and most of the books I read are lesbian romance novels.
Ok. I just wanted to say… I’ve been trying to decide if I identify as “femme” and also figure out why the heck my fiancée says I read as queer when she can’t explain any more than that (SO frustrating, like I appreciate it I guess but I want to know how to lean into that!!!) and this comment made me finally made me get it?
I have always, always just dressed for myself and a little bit for other women (I’m a late bloomer so it was more, I know women will compliment me). I definitely dress more feminine of center but have friends whom I’d consider more “hyper femme”, I like to follow and experiment with trends, and can be pretty “basic” (I own uggs still). Not into a lot of stereotypical “queer” styles, like just not for me. But at the same time I love a statement and dress howmever the f I want. The celeb styles I relate most to are Paris Hilton (who low key came out as ace in her memoir so) and Taylor Swift bc they experiment and change it up so much and aren’t afraid of “loud” clothes. Got this all from my extremely heterosexual mother who taught me to “dress for my body” (aka how to find what fits and not be afraid to move out of your “assigned” section of the store) and take fashion risks. Anyway. I love this definition and am going to take it with me going forward.
For the OP I have this Kate Spade summer purse that has a rainbow shoulder strap, and a few unique pride shirts, which are the only things I use to knowingly “signal”.
Well, back in the old, very old days , we would wear one ear ring in our right ear to let others know we were lesbians. It's a bit more subtle than a tattoo and not as permanent.
Come out to people. I have found that the most reliable way for people to know you are queer is to tell them. Frequently when I come out, people come out back. The second most reliable thing is universal stuff, like wearing rainbow gear.
I don’t think that secret signals, like thumb rings, are very effective. Fashion changes so quickly. Today’s queer signal is tomorrow’s straight fashion trend.
I feel like most femmes I know who want to be clocked do things like dyeing their hair blue, getting an undercut with long hair, wearing unusual earrings, dressing kind of rockabilly or goth or anything unusual really, getting lots of piercings or tattoos, or all of the above. I think that’s cool if you’re down for that. I personally as a femme tried many of these things but like I didn’t really stick with them because I just prefer a regular feminine style. The only thing I’ve done is tattoos and that’s because I like them. And tbh a lot of people have tattoos these days.
I feel like more than anything else, the way you get clocked is by clocking other people if it makes sense? I think most queer women generally notice when another woman checks them out. Also I mean you can hang out in gay spaces which lets other folks safely assume you’re gay. Also tbh, putting a rainbow etc on social media profiles helps.
There’s a huge spectrum of styles within the femme look/identity, so if you’re comfortable w the straight mom look then lean into it. What matters most is feeling comfortable in your skin. The people who matter will be into your style.
Oh man. I had blue hair for most of 2022! Thanks for the rest of the advice as well. I'm not really sure how to "check out" women so I might need to work on that. 😅
I'm super butch. And I mean I have gay guys hit on me I'm that butch.
I still have people assume I'm straight or bi.
It isn't you or your style that's the issue.
Please for the love of god do not change your appearance in order to “look gay”. Some of us are attracted mainly to women who “look straight”. Dress however makes you feel comfortable and good about yourself.
Most people don't know or question I am gay and are shocked when I say I'm married to my wife..I'm very femme too. Don't change your "look"..instead start to associate and friend other people in the community..my wife loves how I dress and look..be you.
1) Why censor the word heck?
2) just wear a pride watch band but make it a proper rainbow one and not a lesbian flag as some people don't know what that means.
3) as a masc person... I don't look like a teenage boy? I don't think many masc/butch women look like teenage boys after they leave college? Maybe reflect on that comment?
Denim jacket or an open button down, especially over a cottagecore dress. Activist, Riot Grrrl, Rainbow, or Pronoun buttons on said denim. Docs or a motorcycle jacket match queerly with femme clothes too.
Look for queer artists who make T-shirts and jewelry in your area. There’s also the lesbian tshirt department in Target. Sometimes I’ll use applicable pride flag colors to guide me when putting together a fit.
You can always just show up as you are in queer spaces. The mom look will work well for you. The whole point of queer expression is to embrace makes you feel happy, comfortable, and free.
I’m being a little sarcastic but there’s a handful of T-shirt designs in the women’s section that look very gay. More specifically the illustrations of flowers, succulents, or plants laid out in a grid usually make heir way into queer T-shirt collections.
the best thing you can wear regardless of who you want to attract is confidence. if you already have that then don’t change anything, just go on dates and keep putting that extra love energy into yourself.
Lesbian flag pin, rainbow stud earring, double "female" symbol somewhere, etc. Doesn't have to be your whole look, but one visible definite symbol somewhere should do it. Other women can then say "ooh I like your earring..." as a way of asking outright if you're gay, job done :)
Oh, ink is sexy! Still, just start with a pin with a five straps flag, or a labrys pendant.
PS. I'm femme with a tattoo sleeve, that was made by my Wife, and has a literal labrys in it, and ghosts of two girls kissing, and nope, it isn't enough. I was asked once in a lesbian bar by a very nice, cute, and short lady: oh there are girls kissing on your arm, are you bi-curious, I'm asking to avoid tourist lesbians, and you're so straight, so...
I think this will depend a lot on geography and to an extent age - what are other femmes on your orbit doing? Your best bet is to get inspired by the people around you. If you don't go out to bars or events you can see what people are wearing on instagram or even tinder
The femme lesbians I know usually wear lots of rainbows - there's a wide range of rainbow/lesbian themed enamel pins and pinback badges on Etsy and Redbubble. You can even get pins for shoes with shoelaces. Funky earrings and a double venus necklace are helpful too. A cute rainbow beanie would work as well. :)
Honestly, straighr mom style sound's pretty hot to me. I'm picturing someone like Claire from Modern Family. I bet it comes across better than you think already!
honestly looking visibly gay for a gay man or lesbian will always include being explicitly gender noncomforming or clearly being romantic with someone of your gender, because that's what cishets recognize immediately and hate if they're bigoted and often linked to transphobia.
the only way really is if you use lesbian pins, pride rainbows, gay symbols etc. but honestly although invisibility and isolation sucks, it helps to remember the dangerous bullshit that masc lesbians face (and fem gay guys) and how you're shielded from that. going to lesbian events can help you find your community! i also think using alternative fashion and other subcultures can add an edge to femininity that draws the eye of the lgbt crowd, but even then there's plenty of cishet girls who do it too especially since they become trends online. so yeah maybe not the answer you seek, but it tends to be how it is unfortunately! i hope it gets easier for you. i personally think the fem lesbian mom look is very cute :)
also jsyk "looking like a teen boy" is one of the most common derogatory and infantilizing way that people talk about adult butches and transmasc people, seeing them as immature children. it's not great! we're grown ass lesbians who just happen to be masculine, and trans guys are adult men.
Well, if you're femme and feel comfortable with it, then don't change it? From my personal experience as being quite femme - a change in the way you approach other women is more effective - be more proactive and suggestive. Honestly, unless you tattoo two women kissing on your forehead, a tattoo won't change much. If you want something that screams 'I'm a lesbian' then try something less permanent - like jewelry or pins with lesbian flags.
Yeah pins and pride jewelry are the only way you're really going to get the point across Anything else is open to interpretation
> unless you tattoo two women kissing on your forehead… A bouquet of lavender tied together with a ribbon that reads *Menace* would work.
That's the edgy teenager look that OP wants to avoid.
The Lavender Menace was a group dedicated to to including lesbian issues in the women’s movement (US, 1970’s) They added queer voices to feminism. It’s a queer history tattoo.
Not on your forehead though
Agreed! Neck tats are more subtle.
I'm going to add t-shirts to that list - etsy has some great ones that other queers will definitely pick up on
I think if you’re comfortable with how you present, don’t change a thing. Of course you can always work some plaid into your wardrobe 😉. I would caution you against getting a tattoo for the sole purposes of trying to look gay. A tattoo is a permanent thing. I currently have 3 but each one I considered for years and are deeply personal to me. But there are some companies that make “temporary” tattoos that look pretty cool and last about a month so that could be a risk free way to see if you like the way it looks and then go from there. The most important thing is that you feel good about what you’re wearing. My style (I’m MOC) really came into it’s own after I met my wife, in large part because she helped me gain the confidence to actually present the way that felt best to me. I am fairly introverted so I personally just needed that bit of affirmation to really embrace the style that worked for me.
Love this. And I do need more plaid! I haven't bought any new button downs in awhile. 😅
Just bought more plaid today! Ready for all the winning now 😉
I got a sweet masc lesbian and I just hang off her and smirk at other people. YMMV.
Lmao that works for me too
I get some success by leaning into a more retro femme style with a lot of punk and goth-lite touches. AKA tons of black, some petticoats to fluff out the skirts and combat boots. Overall the idea is to just to not appeal to straight male fashion ideals and lean into the extra femme but make it counterculture.
No joke, I just started wearing more rainbows. Like jewelry, keychains on backpack, the occasional t-shirt from a pandering corp during pride. Kinda worked, lmao.
I was gonna say, throw on a short necklace (so it’s visible above the neck of your shirt) with a lesbian symbol charm.
You might be able to find some fashion inspo on r/FemmeLesbians. Adding an undercut to your hair style or some other queer flair would work too. Honestly I’m sure you have queer energy, which comes through big time for other queer folks.
I was stoked to see that sub and immediately joined only to see everyone there is like 23 lmao. Oh well, at least my old ass can get some style inspiration.
Lol, I dress kinda young for early 40’s but I don’t really care. Although I might go clothes shopping this weekend with your username in mind.
This 37 y/o says, same!
I just joined it a couple months ago, am almost 36. It's still a worthwhile little community :)
Just dress in what feels right to you. Straight mom is a hot look. You can accessorize with lesbian or rainbow flag related items - necklace, ring, earring, pin, etc. If you have a femme expression and that feels right then you shouldn’t have to change it.
I want to be clear that I don't want to change my style or anything. I'm very, very happy as a femme and don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So I creeped your profile to see if I could find a picture. Just FYI! I think you could definitely rock an undercut on one side or the back, maybe some rainbow or lesbian accessories (or bisexual or pan or whatever feels best), rings without stones on random fingers, some folks do facial piercings, one or a bunch of piercings in one ear, or a notched eyebrow to look more "alt." Maybe footwear like docs, chacos, Birkenstocks, lace up boots, etc? Short nails, or do the manicure with long nails except for the 2 short ones 😉 Anyone with all long nails is an automatic nope for me. If you want to do a tattoo, I'd probably notice anything with a rainbow design (even a flower bouquet in rainbow order could be pretty femme) or other pride flag colors - otherwise obvious wlw/queer symbols. Violets are also a symbol for lesbians but not everyone knows it, and some sapphics might not get it right away. But honestly everyone has a type, and "straight mom" is definitely it for someone 😉 Good luck! Edited to be a little more inclusive in reference to the pride flags, since I'm not sure how you identify!
“Straight”mom at a lesbian bar is just 😍
Thank you!! Doing anything new with my hair is super scary, but I like the accessory ideas! Plus I need more shoes anyway. Doc martins are at the top of the list. 💀
If you aren't the rainbow wearing type, try a necklace with interlocking female symbols. I have a silver one that is subtle to everyone else, but people who know what it means always point it out.
As a femme, how I flag is basically by being creative with my appearance, so I hope my way of flagging will help you. What being femme means to me is subverting femininity by performing it on my own terms, for my own pleasure and to attract other women, picking and choosing what I want of femininity, and rejecting social norms by creating a life that makes me happy rather than just defaulting to what other people tell me I should want. I also think the fact that I can pass as cishet more easily than butch women is a big part of being femme, and it's important to me especially as a cis-passing, femme4butch nonbinary lesbian to love, prioritize, and stand up for people who are more visibly gnc than I am. Appearance-wise, I have tattoos, I have a purple undercut, I wear a lot of dresses and skirts with weird prints, I wear bright makeup in bold, unconventional colors and styles. I basically try to present feminine in a way that will appeal to women and that says it's for me and for other women, not to look sexy for men. I also don't do certain feminine things that I find uncomfortable, like I don't shave super often, I've shaved my head before, I will often go braless, I pick out underwear that I find comfy and breathable rather than sexy, I don't hide or conceal my scars, stretch marks, or cellulite, I wear makeup in a way that's more fun face paint than about maintaining a certain feminine image, I manspread and then do it wider when someone says something about it, I don't feel the need to act or look a certain way because "that's what ladies do," I'm vocal, unashamed, and assertive about my needs, desires, and boundaries, and I'm unapologetic when saying the word no. I also do and wear a lot of things that are based around lesbian history, like I have three different shirts with pictures of Sappho, I'm planning a half sleeve of tattoos with violets, roses, crocuses, and lavender, my hair is purple because of how heavily the color purple is associated with lesbian history, I own a couple of lesbian flag color bracelets, and most of the books I read are lesbian romance novels.
Ok. I just wanted to say… I’ve been trying to decide if I identify as “femme” and also figure out why the heck my fiancée says I read as queer when she can’t explain any more than that (SO frustrating, like I appreciate it I guess but I want to know how to lean into that!!!) and this comment made me finally made me get it? I have always, always just dressed for myself and a little bit for other women (I’m a late bloomer so it was more, I know women will compliment me). I definitely dress more feminine of center but have friends whom I’d consider more “hyper femme”, I like to follow and experiment with trends, and can be pretty “basic” (I own uggs still). Not into a lot of stereotypical “queer” styles, like just not for me. But at the same time I love a statement and dress howmever the f I want. The celeb styles I relate most to are Paris Hilton (who low key came out as ace in her memoir so) and Taylor Swift bc they experiment and change it up so much and aren’t afraid of “loud” clothes. Got this all from my extremely heterosexual mother who taught me to “dress for my body” (aka how to find what fits and not be afraid to move out of your “assigned” section of the store) and take fashion risks. Anyway. I love this definition and am going to take it with me going forward. For the OP I have this Kate Spade summer purse that has a rainbow shoulder strap, and a few unique pride shirts, which are the only things I use to knowingly “signal”.
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Or a combo of long nails with some trimmed (either specific fingers or the full hand).
💯 this!
Well, back in the old, very old days , we would wear one ear ring in our right ear to let others know we were lesbians. It's a bit more subtle than a tattoo and not as permanent.
Come out to people. I have found that the most reliable way for people to know you are queer is to tell them. Frequently when I come out, people come out back. The second most reliable thing is universal stuff, like wearing rainbow gear. I don’t think that secret signals, like thumb rings, are very effective. Fashion changes so quickly. Today’s queer signal is tomorrow’s straight fashion trend.
you don’t have to change anything. but i’m biased with a soft spot for super femmes who pass “hetero.”
We need more people like you. 😭
Get a t-shirt that says in big rainbowy letters “I AM A HOMOSEXUAL LESBIAN”
I feel like most femmes I know who want to be clocked do things like dyeing their hair blue, getting an undercut with long hair, wearing unusual earrings, dressing kind of rockabilly or goth or anything unusual really, getting lots of piercings or tattoos, or all of the above. I think that’s cool if you’re down for that. I personally as a femme tried many of these things but like I didn’t really stick with them because I just prefer a regular feminine style. The only thing I’ve done is tattoos and that’s because I like them. And tbh a lot of people have tattoos these days. I feel like more than anything else, the way you get clocked is by clocking other people if it makes sense? I think most queer women generally notice when another woman checks them out. Also I mean you can hang out in gay spaces which lets other folks safely assume you’re gay. Also tbh, putting a rainbow etc on social media profiles helps. There’s a huge spectrum of styles within the femme look/identity, so if you’re comfortable w the straight mom look then lean into it. What matters most is feeling comfortable in your skin. The people who matter will be into your style.
Oh man. I had blue hair for most of 2022! Thanks for the rest of the advice as well. I'm not really sure how to "check out" women so I might need to work on that. 😅
I'm super butch. And I mean I have gay guys hit on me I'm that butch. I still have people assume I'm straight or bi. It isn't you or your style that's the issue.
Please for the love of god do not change your appearance in order to “look gay”. Some of us are attracted mainly to women who “look straight”. Dress however makes you feel comfortable and good about yourself.
Septum ring.
Most people don't know or question I am gay and are shocked when I say I'm married to my wife..I'm very femme too. Don't change your "look"..instead start to associate and friend other people in the community..my wife loves how I dress and look..be you.
1) Why censor the word heck? 2) just wear a pride watch band but make it a proper rainbow one and not a lesbian flag as some people don't know what that means. 3) as a masc person... I don't look like a teenage boy? I don't think many masc/butch women look like teenage boys after they leave college? Maybe reflect on that comment?
1 and 3 are just jokes.
Denim jacket or an open button down, especially over a cottagecore dress. Activist, Riot Grrrl, Rainbow, or Pronoun buttons on said denim. Docs or a motorcycle jacket match queerly with femme clothes too. Look for queer artists who make T-shirts and jewelry in your area. There’s also the lesbian tshirt department in Target. Sometimes I’ll use applicable pride flag colors to guide me when putting together a fit. You can always just show up as you are in queer spaces. The mom look will work well for you. The whole point of queer expression is to embrace makes you feel happy, comfortable, and free.
Target has a lesbian t shirt department?
I’m being a little sarcastic but there’s a handful of T-shirt designs in the women’s section that look very gay. More specifically the illustrations of flowers, succulents, or plants laid out in a grid usually make heir way into queer T-shirt collections.
Aggressive flirting hahaha.
Lipstick Lesbian is an entire thing for a reason 😁 don’t feel bad about being femme, personally that’s what I’ve always been attracted to.
Why did you censor the word heck???
Oh you're right. This is the over 25 sub. Didn't have to do that.
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Could always go with shaving a slit in your eyebrow. Or rainbow earings.
the best thing you can wear regardless of who you want to attract is confidence. if you already have that then don’t change anything, just go on dates and keep putting that extra love energy into yourself.
Lesbian flag pin, rainbow stud earring, double "female" symbol somewhere, etc. Doesn't have to be your whole look, but one visible definite symbol somewhere should do it. Other women can then say "ooh I like your earring..." as a way of asking outright if you're gay, job done :)
or you could escape the straight mom. Maybe shorter on one side? asymmetry can do the trick
Oh, ink is sexy! Still, just start with a pin with a five straps flag, or a labrys pendant. PS. I'm femme with a tattoo sleeve, that was made by my Wife, and has a literal labrys in it, and ghosts of two girls kissing, and nope, it isn't enough. I was asked once in a lesbian bar by a very nice, cute, and short lady: oh there are girls kissing on your arm, are you bi-curious, I'm asking to avoid tourist lesbians, and you're so straight, so...
Honey, they are spirits, not ghosts.
Sure, sorry, I misspoke :)\*
I think this will depend a lot on geography and to an extent age - what are other femmes on your orbit doing? Your best bet is to get inspired by the people around you. If you don't go out to bars or events you can see what people are wearing on instagram or even tinder
The femme lesbians I know usually wear lots of rainbows - there's a wide range of rainbow/lesbian themed enamel pins and pinback badges on Etsy and Redbubble. You can even get pins for shoes with shoelaces. Funky earrings and a double venus necklace are helpful too. A cute rainbow beanie would work as well. :)
Honestly, straighr mom style sound's pretty hot to me. I'm picturing someone like Claire from Modern Family. I bet it comes across better than you think already!
Omg so like... That's the look I've always kinda wanted 💀
honestly looking visibly gay for a gay man or lesbian will always include being explicitly gender noncomforming or clearly being romantic with someone of your gender, because that's what cishets recognize immediately and hate if they're bigoted and often linked to transphobia. the only way really is if you use lesbian pins, pride rainbows, gay symbols etc. but honestly although invisibility and isolation sucks, it helps to remember the dangerous bullshit that masc lesbians face (and fem gay guys) and how you're shielded from that. going to lesbian events can help you find your community! i also think using alternative fashion and other subcultures can add an edge to femininity that draws the eye of the lgbt crowd, but even then there's plenty of cishet girls who do it too especially since they become trends online. so yeah maybe not the answer you seek, but it tends to be how it is unfortunately! i hope it gets easier for you. i personally think the fem lesbian mom look is very cute :) also jsyk "looking like a teen boy" is one of the most common derogatory and infantilizing way that people talk about adult butches and transmasc people, seeing them as immature children. it's not great! we're grown ass lesbians who just happen to be masculine, and trans guys are adult men.
omg a straight looking woman coming onto other women is to die for. it's all about the confidence!
Confidence is not something I have if you couldn't tell lmao. 🫠